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Gross Movie Reviews #499

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Gross Movie Reviews #499

 

Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.

 

Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.

 

It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!

 

Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!

 

Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY comes to Vimeo VOD on March 20th!

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Quick info:

SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY comes to Vimeo VOD on March 20th! The latest movie from Ohio independent filmmaker Dustin Wayde Mills had its World Premiere at the 2019 Nightmares Film Festival and won Funniest Film and Best Supporting Actress (Haley Jay Madison) at Ontario’s Hexploitation Film Festival 2020. Gruesome, raunchy, and hilarious, SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY is the unholy hybrid of HARD TO DIE, EVIL DEAD II, and PARKS & REC the world never knew it needed.

 

Vimeo VOD link (trailer censored but still NSFW!):

https://vimeo.com/ondemand/shsp

 

Film Synopsis:

What started as the debauched annual slumber party for a tight knit group of gal pals becomes a fight for their lives when supernatural evil threatens to destroy the world–and even worse, ruin the one night of the year the ladies get to have a nude pillow fight. Trapped by magic, surrounded by evil, and very underdressed, will they survive the night? Or will this slumber party become a slaughterhouse? SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY is the unholy hybrid of HARD TO DIE, EVIL DEAD II, and PARKS & REC the world never knew it needed.

 

Cast (alphabetical, with IMDB links):

Kayla Elizabeth (OUIJA: BLOOD RITUAL, DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS 2)

Ariel Jarchow (JUST YOUR AVERAGE HALLOWEEN PARTY)

Roni Jonah (HI-8, VOLUMES OF BLOOD)

  1. Ania Lupa(HORNDOGS BEACH PARTY)

Haley Jay Madison (HUNTERS, HEADLESS, IN MEMORY OF)

Eve Moreau (Feature debut)

Erin R. Ryan (BABYSITTER MASSACRE, APPLECART, DEVIL’S TRAIL)

Alyss Winkler (SPACE BABES FROM OUTER SPACE, THE BAD MAN)

Melissa Sue Zahs (OUIJA: BLOOD RITUAL)

 

Crew (with IMDB links): Writer/Director: Dustin Wayde Mills

Assistant Director – Virginia Leigh

Special FX – Marcus Koch

 

Kickstarter link:

http://www.slaughterhouseslumber.party

 

Instagram:

instagram.com/dustin.w.mills

 

SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY on IMDB:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10771232/reference

 

SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY on Letterboxd:

https://letterboxd.com/film/slaughterhouse-slumber-party/

 

About Dustin Wayde Mills:

Since releasing his debut feature THE PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE in 2010, Dustin Wayde Mills has directed over a dozen feature films ranging from the Troma-esque insanity of EASTER CASKET to bleak extreme horror in the HER NAME WAS TORMENT films and even some more family-friendly genre fare with HALLOWEEN SPOOKIES. He has also worked on visual effects and makeup for films such as SUPER TASK FORCE ONE, HARVEST LAKE, SPACE BABES FROM OUTER SPACE, and HOVER in addition to his own films. SLAUGHTERHOUSE SLUMBER PARTY is by far Mills’s most ambitious single feature project to date, melding a wide array of his influences and interests into one wildly over-the-top comedic thrill ride.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #498

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Gross Movie Reviews #498

 

Rabid (On Demand/remake) – The Soska sisters take a stab at a Cronenberg classic from the 70s and do a magnificent job! Rose Miller a shy young lady works in the fashion world where her best friend is one of the models. Unbeknownst to Rose her friend Chelsea gets the cute photographer to ask Rose to a party. When Rose learns of the set up through a bathroom conversation she runs out and gets horribly mangled in a car accident. Her face looks like someone took a weed wacker to it and the doctor doesn’t have good news for Rose. Rose moves in with her friend Chelsea and has a tough time of recovery if that is what you wanna call it until she comes upon an ad for “Transhumanism”. The Burroughs Clinic does research outside of the medical boundaries in hopes of coming up with something the world could use? If Rose fits the criteria she would not have to pay anything only to give the doctor some info through follow up visits. After Rose has the experimental surgery she is better than perfect and finds herself having strange dreams. She uses these visions or dreams to start designing and her former boss loves it so much she gets the gig of all gigs with her best friend. Bad news is Rose is spreading a super rabies throughout the city without trying. Her visions may actually be something else like her carving for blood. From there the movie only gets weirder with its love letter ending to Cronenberg as I give it 3 ½ stars folks.

 

Pet Graveyard (DVD) – To be honest I was fully expecting a ‘Pet Sematary’ reboot from the UK but it is a bootleg version of ‘Flatliners’. And didn’t Hollywood already remake that or something? A daredevil by YouTube standards is flunking out of college and convinces two other people that they can visit the other side. Sounds familiar, I know I already said it. But the point is he wants the clicks and to see his dead mother because he is all depressed and shit. They reach the other side by doing some kind of stupid thing called, “Brinking”. Or as I like to call it the writer or filmmaker had an “autoerotic asphyxia” fetish? They say certain words and think of their last memory of their loved one and poof they are in the void. But we all seen this coming because of course something is coming back for your ass because you are messing with god or shit humans are not meant to understand… For that shitty bootleg of a bootleg and yes that cat at the end was wrinkled as fuck I give 1 star.

 

Omnibus of Blood (DVD) – Another recent anthology from the “Fuzzy Monkey Films” crew. It is a collection of independent blood, guts, and sleaze from filmmakers Brad Twigg and Juan Sanchez. ‘Payment Up Front’ may have been my favorite as it reminded me a lot of Trent Haaga’s ‘Deadgirl’. Just another way for these filmmakers to get their short films seen by random people like myself and that isn’t such a bad idea as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher (DVD) – Carl Henry Jessup is a simple man who lives out in the woods alone and just hates when people trespass on his property because they just don’t have any respect. Carl loves reminiscing about the good old days but when Carl isn’t doing that he is looking for meat aka human flesh. When people trespass he hopes they are “Grade A” so he can chop them up in the basement and fry them up for dinner to feed to his woman friend Rae Lynn. But things go south real quick when Rae Lynn finds out about the secret meat. The independent film tries its ass off to have that mid to late 70s to it between how it was shot and keeping the characters interesting enough in this slow burn. It is an interesting Indy project worth checking out for 70s cinema lovers as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Evil Intent (DVD) – An older flick from one of my favorite filmmakers Glenn Berggoetz, which I haven’t had the pleasure of checking out yet. The story begins with three friends: Steph, Paul, and Kelly. Kelly is Paul’s ex-girl but claims to not have any issue with the two hooking up and making it work. Kelly has a new work friend in Tricia who is new in town but becomes best friends with the two girls very quickly as they become “blood sisters”. Steph begins to have depression issues again and forgetfulness that is starting to cause friction between Steph and Paul. Steph keeps taking the needs but nothing changes as she loses her job, sleeps all day, and depression gets worse. Paul being a trooper sticks with Steph even though it soon is not a good thing in the eyes of Kelly. The film switches moods about 3/4s the way in as the story is being told by Steph to her doctor. She goes through the details of her spiral into depression and what events happened next. I am trying not to give too much away as the movie isn’t so much a horror film as much as a solid thriller. Glenn proves even in his earlier films he is a filmmaker that should be noticed as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Zombarella’s House of Whorrors (DVD) – How to best explain this is if a bootleg X-rated episode of Elvira from the late 80s/early 90s got lost and has finally appeared on DVD for the first time. The only time it aired and was unedited with all the sleaze, trailer spots, and hilarious 1-900 number ads. Zombarella of course hosts a three entertaining films that are just jam packed with gore and sleaze and for her to poke fun at including the “Mondo Bizarro”. Just keep paying attention you will understand. But the DVD also includes lots of goodies: commentary, the full Mondo Bizarro episode, deleted scenes, and more trailers from www.sovhorror.com and for that I am thankful as I give the entertaining feature 3 out of 4 stars. (Pay attention also to the trailer titles being advertised during Zombarella’s show… Hilarious shit.)

 

Bliss (Shudder) – A young woman named Dezzy who is an artist that finds a grim blessing for her ultimate project as goes into a crazy visual world of sex and drugs. Not totally sure what is real? Dezzy feels the need for more ‘Bliss’ as she breaks out of her lack of artistry no matter the cost. No words can honestly place this film into a genre as I like to explain it as “enjoy the colors” of this wackado art project and for that I give 3 stars.

 

Love Sick (DVD) – A wonderful little independent short film about a young man named Charles who kidnaps another dude named CJ because he is with his ex-girlfriend Dora. But this isn’t your normal kidnapping as Charles conjures a demon to decide which guy is best for Dora because that makes logical sense. Nothing can go wrong here as I give this funny short film 3 out of 4 stars. Check out https://www.instagram.com/markemiliosciubba/

 

Hoodie (DVD) – Zuckerman and Gordon are the neighborhood watch guys looking into the “Hoodie” gang that has recently entered their community. They find a gang member in the park after hours and call the police. But when the police say they are too busy Zuckerman believes it is a good idea to take things into his own hands. I like the premise with the ending but wish the short film would have just went a little longer as it felt like it had more story to tell? Either way, I give this short film project from www.key13film.com 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Seoul Station (Shudder) – An animated feature that just happens to be a prequel to the wonderful international zombie film ‘Train to Busan’. An old man wanders around the train station bleeding from the neck. Mostly everybody ignores because they just figure it is again another annoying homeless person. Another homeless dude down on his luck tries to get the old man medical help? By the time people take it seriously the old man has changed and walked away attacking humans. The virus spreads quickly but this is just subplot as a father is looking for his daughter in the zombie infested city. This twist in the plot is very interesting but not enough to keep this feature looking even close to watchable compared to ‘Train to Busan’ as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #497

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Gross Movie Reviews #497

 

Party Night (DVD) – In a small town where a few girls have gone missing in recent months does not stop a group of six teenagers from ditching their prom. Instead the longtime friends head out to a remote house to party one last time before they all part ways for college. There is some fun to be had at Mount Pleasant Lake and after some high school drama the killing begins. Little known fact in low budget horror films: girls missing, creepy lakefront property, teenagers drinking, and hormones do mean yinz will die. I wasn’t super impressed with the movie but I got to give Troy Escamilla for actually using actors that look the part and using teenage drama to tell the story. Was I mad I watched it, hell no it put me on notice to keep an eye out for future projects from Troy as I give it 2 stars.

 

Timesweep (YouTube) – Dunbar Film Studios is days from being demolished and the studio has been empty for a decade or two. A group of people along with a local news anchor and cameraman arrive at the building to take one last look at film history. As the group enters the building they are transported through time fighting various things and monsters. Not that you would know they were transported through time you get this through some weird side story that is explained about 50 minutes in. When you hear the explanation you totally get why no one cares about this film? But the real story is what the filmmakers used their budget on because this film had a good sum of money and it looks like none of the money showed up on screen. I give this cheap bootleg of ‘My Science Project’ a ½ star just for the mere curiosity of watching it.

A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day (DVD) – I love Steve Rudzinski as he keeps making movies that I would describe to a normal non-movie watching human and they would think I made something up! The third installment in the series picks up in 1993 where Wally’s father arrests a Leprechaun which causes a curse to be placed on Wally in present day. The curse causes Wally and his famous cat Whiskers to switch bodies. This of course means Whiskers gets to eat anything and everything and Wally is left screaming in a cat’s body! Wally’s partner Ellen, now the only functional one of the group must find the prosecutor and the judge from the 1993 case to lift the curse from all three. As usual Steve’s independent film about cats is absolutely hilarious and is a great G-rated introduction into independent film for folks who don’t watch much of it. I give Steve’s cat flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Go check it all out at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

A Meowy Christmas Vacation (DVD) – Steve Rudzinski’s fourth installment picks up from the surprise ending ‘A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day’ where Wally hasn’t been home for months and for good reason. With Wally gone and Ellen still looking for the missing detective Whiskers the cat is paying the bills with funds from its “Instacat” social media posts as apparently millions are following. Meanwhile Wally greeted by an old friend in Rick (Ben Dietels) must adjust to the desolate future of 2050, lizard aliens, and everyone having an eye patch! As Whiskers continues to keep all of Wally’s pets… I mean friends calm until he is back from his long vacation. Wally teams up with the one-eyed warriors to take down Zagel the evil emperor to help prevent this horrible future and get Wally back to 2020. And there is wrestling… Oh and there is Santa Claus. Nope, I am not making this amazing funny shit up. Steve was great again, Ben Dietels was wonderful, and I can’t stop laughing when I think of this movie as I give Steve, his cat, and their friends 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Go check it all out at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

World of Death Volume One (Blu-ray) – A wonderful collection of independent short films from all over the world that even has ‘The Muck’ from Tony Wash. Plus this collection also includes one of the best short films out there that I still laugh at in ‘Invaders’ that involves poor judgment by two would be criminals. The surprise short film from this collection though might be ‘Permanent Press’ about a demon in a Laundromat that has possessed a dryer! Not a bad one in the bunch and there is like 30 in this collection so enjoy as I give the anthology 3 ½ stars. Check out www.wodfilm.com if you dare.

 

Frames of Fear (DVD) – Another independent anthology that involves six films introduced by a character named Festering Frank played by acting vet George Stover. All the films had this nostalgic 90s independent DV feel to me and that is a good thing. But the two short films that stood out for me had to be the one where the guys go digging up rare VHS tapes and one zombie comes for them. And of course ‘Wrestlemassacre’ short was just fucking hilarious if you are a 80s wrestling fan. All solid efforts here as I give anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutality (DVD) – An anthology sequel to ‘Frames of Fear’ as it was also titled ‘Frames of Fear 2’. But anyway Festering Frank is back from the dead again to introduce four new tales from Nathan Hine, Brad Twigg, John Ward, Jim Roberts, and Mike O’Mahony with a wraparound story involving Festering Frank. The two stories ‘The Last Days of Livermore’ and ‘What’s Wrong with Mom?’ were ones I have seen in the past but the other two short films are also pretty solid as we get a killer Santa in a storage unit building. And we get some fucked up baby death going down that may have a hidden message to it… or not. Anyway I give this independent anthology sequel 3 stars.

 

VFW (On Demand) – For the love of John Carpenter thank you Joe Begos for making this idea exist! A new drug called “Hype” has hit the streets and screwing up people quicker than ever before. The drug is making zombies or “Hypers” out of people and tearing cities down. Boz is a drug lord who is about to have a huge deal go down and kills the wrong strung out girl as her sister Lizard takes it personally and steals his stash. Nowhere to run Lizard busts into an old VFW where some old vets are just having their daily drink, watch old videos of women exercising, and telling war stories. A couple of drugged out punks follow her in and that was a big mistake as they attack one of the vets. The old vets take care of the trash pretty quickly in a brutal way. This is where the chaos or war begins as the vets must defend the post and themselves from the onslaught of strung out punks because Boz wants his stash no matter what. This film is absolutely FUCKING AWESOME! The casting of Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson, William Sadler, George Wendt, Martin Kove, and David Patrick Kelly as the war vets is perfect. This is my new ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ as I give possibly 2020s best film of the year 4 stars all the way. I will be watching this flick at least once a year.

 

Guns Akimbo (On Demand) – Daniel Radcliffe continues his pick of odd film roles (but we cinema fans love it) where he plays a nerdy character “Miles” who provoked people online who run a game on the dark web called “Skism”. After meeting the man who created it in Miles’ apartment he is knocked out and awakes with guns bolted to his hands. Miles has 24 hours to kill the “Skism” game champion “Nix” played by Samara Weaving. The movie is bonkers in a good off the rails ‘Hardcore Henry’ way as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Lunatic! (DVD) – A short film that runs a little over 38 minutes about two dudes doing a weekend of camping with just the basics. The survival trip includes no cell phones and Scott and Dave are being stalked by an unknown masked maniac. Dave thinks it is a male bonding trip but soon finds out Scott brought him there because Scott has heard about the disappearances in the wooded area and his sister was the latest to disappear. I liked what Erik Vada did with a simple story and how the two characters developed over time. I would have liked it to be a little shorter or get a little more into why this killer exists but hey cannot be too picky as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Low Road (Vimeo) – A Michael McCallum short film that involves a man who is very precise on how to take his revenge for the death of his woman. I give 3 out of 4 stars and don’t forget to check out www.rebelpictures.net .

 

Breaking Wheel (Vimeo) – Another short film from the talented Michael McCallum that involves woman named Nancy who spends months distraught and in disbelief after the disappearance of her boyfriend. Trying to understand the why, what, and how she visits his last destination. As usual great casting, great story, and the shots look perfect as I give this short 3 ½ out of 4 stars and don’t forget to check out www.rebelpictures.net .

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Three new books have just been released!!!

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All now available online at www.lulu.com and I will have copies at Cinema Wasteland and Grossfest… Possibly a couple other small shows later this year! This shit will make your brain melt most likely so ENJOY! And yes Thomas Berdinski I told you I was writing three books.

Grossfest 3 Movie list announcement!

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Grossfest 3

July 25th, 2020 Saturday Movie List

(Vendor areas open at 11am and close 7pm that day)

 

“So why not start your day with a quick Grossfest workout?”

Hexercise – 11:05 – 11:25am

 

“Then the movie room really gets going!”

Suck Fest – 11:30 – 12:25pm

Circus of the Dead – 12:30pm – 2:45pm (1 hour and 45 mins with 30 min Q and A afterward with Billy Pon and Bill Oberest Jr.)

Do Not Disturb – 2:50 – 4:20pm

Grossfest award for short film – 4:30pm – 6:35pm

Grossfest award for feature film

And Grossfest lifetime achievement award

A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day and a special Steve surprise –

6:40 – 8:00pm (Steve Rudzinski intro)

Spirit Animal- 8:05- 9:25pm (Maddie Deering intro)

Blood Freak – 9:30 – 10:45 pm (Daniel Boyd intro)

We close the movie room at 11pm and of course movies are subject to change!

SO FILMMAKERS WE ARE STILL LOOKING FOR BEST FEATURE AND BEST SHORT FILM. SUBMISSIONS WILL BE TAKEN TILL JUNE 1ST SO CONTACT ME. THERE IS NO FEE , I JUST NEED A PHYSICAL COPY TO ENTER!

Gross Movie Reviews #494

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Gross Movie Reviews #494

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (DVD) – Well it is Halloween 1968, and three kids are out for their last Trick or Treat. This year they have a plan to get back the older kids who have messed with them in past Halloweens and that is to let them bag snatch them only to find out too late they have been ‘shit bombed’. Great prank! On the run the three younger kids find a new friend in Ramone at a drive-in who protects them. They convince him it would be a cool idea to check out the local haunted house that may have been owned by a child murderer? They get trapped in Sarah Bellows bedroom by the high school kids and while trying to find a way out they find Sarah’s “Book of Stories” and Stella reads it. Thus reading it causes new stories to be written and Stella’s friends dying one by one.  It is up to Stella to figure out how to release Sarah Bellows’ ghost or she is next. If you like “Goosebumps” you will enjoy this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (DVD) – So a body is brought into a family morgue that was found at a house of murdered people. No cause could be found but when investigating they find a body of a young woman in the basement dirt floor and police want answers. The morgue is the Tilden Morgue, family owned. And they believe in doing the job right but this young lady had no I.D. or idea of what she truly died from. As they begin the autopsy and begin to find weird shit with the body, weird shit begins to happen around them. As they go deeper into the autopsy the father/son duo soon figure out they are being haunted and there is no real way out of this terror. Interesting, different, and well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Wizard of Gore (DVD) – Holy balls I forgot how weird this H.G. Lewis flick was as it is about Montag the Great who is a magician who is the master of illusions… maybe. A highly rated morning TV show host and sports writer boyfriend take in a show where Montag clearly kills a woman on stage but she is perfectly fine when the illusion is over. But later that night the same woman shows up slaughtered at a restaurant. Is it magic? An illusion? How Montag does this? Over and over the couple go back to try and part the pieces together that attach Montag and the recent so-called murders. It loses steam watching it now but was a perfect Midnight flick or Drive-in flick at the height of those pop cultures. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Close Calls (DVD) – A Richard Stringham low budget flick that doesn’t look low budget at all. It stars a wonderful actress named Jordan Phipps who is Morgan, a rich family teenager who has been grounded by her father for foolin’ around with her boyfriend. She decides with no phone and nowhere to go it is time to get super high. This sets the tone for the over two hour film as she is supposed to be taken care of Grandma in the attic which is just weird in itself. But Morgan begins to receive obscene phone calls and begins to see her dead mother. If that wasn’t enough as she begins to trip balls she gets rape by a so-called friend, tied up dad’s friend, her Grandma doing weird shit, and her Dad’s friend trying to kill her. Now the movie looks beautiful, the music is awesome, the actress is awesomely talented, and the film is weird. Great, but the film is over two hours long which could have done so much better without the father and his girlfriend scenes and Morgan she have been dead within the first 15 minutes of the movie with all the drugs she done. If you enjoy it more power to you, right or wrong for me it just didn’t add up and shouldn’t have been over 85 minutes as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Virgins from Hell (DVD) – An Indonesian film from 1987 that some of yinz may know as “Maidens Revenge”. A crazy ass film that begins with a gang of women who bring down a mob-owned casino because two sisters want revenge against a crime syndicate. Supposedly this crime syndicate killed their parents and now uses their huge house and property for prostitution and drug trafficking. These two sisters come up with this plan to go kick ass only to be captured, tortured, and eventually escape to kill everyone involved. All the music is stolen from other American films and the raid of Mr. Tiger and his torture house at the end is completely over the top hilarity as I give this greatness 3 stars.

Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Rave Party Massacre (DVD) – A 2017 film set in 1992, three days after the presidential election and a huge ‘Dead Thirsty’ rave party is going down. A few party goers pass out from the extreme partying and find themselves locked in the abandoned hospital it took place in. Now they must fight for their lives as it is all for ‘The New World Order’. I get the concept and like the location that yinz got for this movie but the body count was near non-existent. The cast had like seven people and four of them died. If it is going to be a rave and a massacre you need to have more dead people as I give it 1 star.

 

Raiders of the Sun (DVD) – Leave it to me to trip across another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines that have two factions fighting over gunpowder in a future world. Now a rebel must protect a village of unarmed people who have mined a shitload of gunpowder. Not missing much here folks in this 1992 feature as this is a bottom of the barrel bore fest as I give it 1 star.

 

Deadman Apocalypse (DVD) – A small military group is sent into a labyrinth to search for water since the earth is just about dead. They get separated and ten years pass where there is some kind of weird low budget housing going on in this labyrinth. Now let me stop you here because this isn’t so much bashing the film as much as asking a legit question: Where did they get the fucking food to survive down there in those endless tunnels for ten years or am I just crazy? I give it 0 stars until this can be answered legitimately.

 

Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High aka Vol. 2 (Blu-ray) – Like most Troma fans I waited, I asked, I wondered when in the Rutger Hauer this sequel was going to be released? Well the wait is over as we find out the fate of Lauren and Chrissy and the weirdness in the school girls’ shower that left us hanging. Lauren gives birth to a mutant duck and the principal threatens to expose Chrissy and Lauren as ‘out of the closet’ unless Chrissy takes down her blog about Tromoganic Foodstuffs. But the two figure out how to turn the media against the principal which causes chaos: The new Cretins takeover, a mutated mess kills Melvin, and along the way Kevin the Mutated Duck grows into a huge hideous being to help the girls defeat the Cretins. I give kudos to Lloyd Kaufman understanding it took too long for this sequel to come out and understand people like me might find it underwhelming. Was it horrible? No… it wasn’t I think I am just that big of a fan of the original but enjoy Lloyd seeing the humor in it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Northville Cemetery Massacre (DVD-R) – A motorcycle gang rolls into a small town with a hitchhiker to just hang out and have fun. Of course the local authorities are not happy and trying to bring the man down even though they haven’t done anything. The gang continues their harmless antics even after two of their own get married but that is where it stops being fun when they are accused wrongly of rape. A young couple who hung with them gets caught by a dick cop in a farmhouse. Dude gets knocked out; his woman gets raped and she is told not to say anything. Meanwhile the dick cop convinces daddy the only way for justice is to go all “Death Wish” on them with a rifle. This bloody battle all goes down at the Northville Cemetery between Daddy, cop, and a hunter vs. The Spirits in a wonderful shootout climax! Another drive-in classic that needs to be talked about for all to see again as I give it 3 ½ stars.  

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Hey you! Vendors we are looking for you and people spread the word of Grossfest 2020!

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It is that time of the year again kids… Countdown to GROSSFEST! This year we listened to yinz ticket buyers and vendors and we are having TWO FREAKING DAYS this year, July 25-26, 2020. Great guest list… check. Movie room on Saturday with maybe a surprise or two again… check. Grossfest awards again… Of course. Having an awesome independent horror movie convention in a haunted hotel again… check. Tom, Terrence, Jen, Tammy working their ass off while Tim receives free beer and watches… check, it is Grossfest people!

TICKETS: $10 A DAY

VENDORS GET YOUR TABLES NOW!: $80 A SPACE. You can buy multiple tables. Please contact us soon as both Grossfest conventions have sold out of vendor spaces in the past. Contact us at grossfest@gmail.com or go to our webpage: http://www.grossfest.com or just track one of us Gross people or Bootleg Gross people down on Facebook and we will point you in the right direction.

Filmmakers yes we are taking submissions for short film and feature awards and the convention again but remember there is no guarantee it will play unless Tim Gross himself contacts you. And yes, for the love of Rutger Hauer we need a physical copy for it to be considered. We are weird that way! We are an independent convention with limited time so we do our best movie wise.

So please kids share with everyone on every social media platform even if it is Xhamster! Tell the world about Grossfest as we are an Independent horror movie convention trying to help support independent filmmakers, authors, and artists. Any profit goes back into the show for the next year.

That awesome guest list again:

Billy Pon

Justin Seamen

Zane Hershberger

Mike and Amy Watt

Erin R. Ryan

Steve Rudzinski

Bryan Hogue aka Jack Shadow from Chiller Night

Drew Marvick

Brooklyn Ewing and Jerry Larew

Anthony Colliano

Steelman

Rikki Raxxx

Bill Oberst Jr.

 

Websites and address for the hotel so you can make plans now!

Grossfest 3
July25-26, 2020
George Washington Hotel
60 South Main St
Washington, Pa 15301

www.grossfest.com

www.thegeorgewashington.com

 

Gross Movie Reviews #493

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Gross Movie Reviews #493

 

Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.

 

Ready or Not (DVD) – Grace is a bride about to be married into a super-rich family who for over a century has sold board games and such. As family tradition after the marriage the family gets together at midnight to initiate the new family member with a game that is picked by the luck of the draw. Problem arises when Grace pulls the ‘Hide-n-Seek’ card that has her being hunted down by the family throughout the huge mansion to be caught before dawn. Weird and sometimes funny shit but well worth the watch. I may not be as big of a fan as most of this past year’s flick but there is denying Samara Weaving is a freaking awesome actress as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Zombieland: Double Tap (On Demand) – Best way to describe this film is if you see the first film you have seen this sequel. That isn’t a bad it is still hilarious zombie killings and rules going on but ten years later. Believe me I will take a sequel like this than most zombie shit that is being force fed to horror fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

From Hell to the Wild West (On Demand) – Found another flick with bootleg Chuck Bronson. This time around a researcher finds a diary from a woman that may have solved the mystery behind Jack the Ripper? She reads the diary that tells a story about the old west at the time Jack the Ripper had disappeared from authorities. A masked psycho is putting out ads for whores to come to a small remote town for them to be killed. Bootleg Chuck figures this out but some bounty hunters believe it’s him. With the help of a U.S. Marshal he hopes to clear his name and bring this unholy killer to justice. The film isn’t a bad concept but making bootleg Chuck Bronson only a supporting character instead of the star I believe hurts the film. That and the film just seeming to drag a little in the middle so I came out a little disappointed in the end as I give this western/horror 1 ½ stars.

 

Satanic Panic (DVD) – First let me just say without Hayley Griffith as Sam the main character I do not know if this movie is much fun as it is? Sam is a young pizza delivery girl trying to make some money. So an order comes in from a rich part of town that is out of the pizza place’s area Sam takes it. Running out of gas and no tip Sam takes it upon herself to find a way into the mansion to explain why she should get a tip. Without knowing at first she has stumbled upon Satanists who are having a meeting and then set up for a ritual when they figure out Sam is a virgin! Funny shit ensues, lots of gore, and a crazy ass Satanist orgy at the end of the film and you got ‘Satanic Panic’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Crime Zone (DVD) – An absolute gem starring David Carradine and Sherilyn Fenn in a post-apocalyptic world where ‘the state’ controls everything. Fenn and her new boyfriend are made an offer they cannot refuse in order to escape the hell they are in and that is to become the futuristic Bonnie and Clyde. But a double crossing Carradine believes it is all about business and crime stirs up business with a very depressing ending for the two lovers. A fun Corman low budget gem that reminds you how fucking cool Ms. Fenn is. Not only is she gorgeous but talented and did every little project that came her way during the mid to late 80s and I am thankful for that as this gem gets 3 stars.

 

Conversation with the Devil (YouTube) – A new short film from filmmaker Sam Hodge that deals with a man who is about to commit the ultimate sin but stopped when a stranger walks by to strike up a conversation. An interesting and cool little story that has been told in many forms but Mr. Hodge showing he is learning more and more with each independent project he does as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Cannibal Hillbillies (DVD) – Broaden Torture Productions is back with their latest project that has a small group of friends testing a theory of an urban legend. The urban legend is a family of cannibals living out in the woods where one of their fathers’ had a campsite. They pay with their lives finding this out of course but the biggest problem is watching this 50 minute feature that is filled up with about 10 to 15 minutes of filler. You know empty woods, credits, even the group babbling in the mini-van which seems like forever. I like the people behind this Indy production company but this film just misses on all cylinders badly as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

 

Strange Events (DVD) – I wouldn’t call it an anthology as much as a series of short films that are about the unknown and paranormal with dates and cities stamped on them. There is no wrap around which makes it unique and fun. We also get some cool backstabbing murders and I did enjoy bootleg Beavis and Butthead stumbling upon the exorcism that they thought was an internet sex date. Worth the watch as I give it 3 stars and if you like it there is a sequel also.

Do Not Disturb (DVD) – A 2010 serial killer film that was also known as “New Terminal Hotel”. Supposedly it is known for having one of the last performances from Corey Haim? But anyway the film centers around a character named Don Malek played by Stephen Geoffreys who was the hot Hollywood screenwriter who now is living in a shitty hotel working on his latest project. Problem arises when his agent Ava played by Tiffany Shepis shows up and sees the studio boss lying in the tub as Malek explains away it is ‘performance art’. Meanwhile all Ava wants is a script from her hot talent that is going cold quickly. Ava returns the next day to find no script but the studio head stumbling out of the bathroom of the hotel room after being dissected by Malek. Now any normal person would run and call the cops but Ava being the best agent possible decides to try and help Malek as she slowly takes the jump down the disturbing rabbit hole with Malek as he transforms into a serial killer. Ava must protect her investment but the biggest flaw of the film might be its ending as it felt very dissatisfying. It’s a fun slow burn with not a great payoff but is better than it should be with great performances from Stephen Geoffreys and Tiffany Shepis as I give it 2 stars.

 

Big Bad Bugs (DVD) – SyFy Channel in its heyday couldn’t come up with something this terrible as a scientist figures out how to use a wormhole to make giant man-eating insects to conquer the world. The topper is when the villain changes into a huge snake! Wasn’t this supposed to be about bugs? The title says it all remember people… as I give this zero stars.

 

Cyborg X (DVD) – There was no JCVD in sight but a hilarious role for Danny Trejo shooting CGI machines and cyborgs as he collects another paycheck waiting for the next “Machete” movie. Instead of even trying to explain this picture just imagine a bootleg of a bootleg “Terminator: Salvation” without all the convoluted John Connor storyline. I give it 1 star and consider yourself warned.

Megaconda (DVD) – A giant CGI monster movie that has eluded me for the past year or two as I went searching for this turkey. Some jagoff comes into small town Colorado fucking up some beloved community park to build condos or something. Instead the workers disturb a sleeping prehistoric snake that is pissed and hungry. Now it is up to a drunk, an emotionless sheriff, his son and girlfriend, and wait for it… Michelle Bauer who just happens to show up while camping in a cave doing artwork and supplying liquor to minors! You had me watching at terrible giant CGI snake and very random appearance of the absolutely cool Michelle Bauer. Instead of being stupid and horrible like “Big Bad Bugs” Fred Olen Ray’s son knows what to do with nothing and make it entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Retrograde (DVD) – Freakin’ Dolph Lundgren is a time traveler who travels 200 years in the past to stop a plague happening from fallen meteors that start the apocalypse. His good looks and fighting skills in movies make it hard to pass up. But felt like the film missed out an opportunity since it also starred Gary Daniels. For that I only give this 2004 Dolph flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Minion (DVD) – Dolph is a part of the ‘Knights Templar’ who is sent to New York City to retrieve a key that has been unearthed by subway construction. An archaeologist is called in and she is going bonkers on what this can mean for her career. But evil is around and wants to use the key to unlock a secret door that has Satan trapped in a pit. If it is opened evil will reign and lay waste to Earth. A fun ‘End of Days’ made on the cheap with Dolph punching humans in the back of the necks with a glove with spikes to kill off the possessed. If you are a fan of religious ‘End of Days’ shit this will be right up your alley as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2019 list”

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Here it is folks my “Gross Movie Reviews top ten list” of 2019. In reality they all are number one but in case you enjoy debating people until your face turns blue I put numbers in front of the films. What is really important is the worst film I watched this past year… Plus listen to the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast for our discussion on 2019.

  1. Anna and the Apocalypse (On Demand) – This is film is an absolute godsend from Scotland that smartly blends “High School Musical” and zombies in a fun and exciting way. Anna Shepard is going to be graduating soon and unlike her best friend who is going off to college she wants to travel. Of course her father isn’t all too happy and all Anna wants to do is get people out of ‘Thunder Balls’ bowling alley sooner than later. Anna and friends not caring or not paying attention to the rest of the world as a strange virus has struck all the major cities and turning people into zombies. Once a lot of singing about their lives is done in the first 30 minutes of the film the group of friends are faced with the end of the world. The end of the world is bloody and brutal but don’t let this film fool you as certain characters die off when you are not expecting. I absolutely loved the flow of the horror musical and how it is presented. Good chance this will show up my ‘Best of 2019’ as I give it 4 stars.

 

  1. Commando Ninja (YouTube) – This absolute 4 star gem is from the mind Ben Combes. Ben decided to kickstart his love letter of a movie to 80s action movie genre. This film combines at least 20 different action film ideas into one movie. The film begins with a flashback of 1968 Vietnam where a recon team led by John Hunter is ambushed by ninjas with Predator vision. Then the story flashes forward to 1986 where John Hunter is approached by an old Green Beret vet to let him know the evil ninjas are back and John’s daughter gets kidnapped by these evil creatures. From there it flashes back and forth between 1968 and 1986 showing where John got his ninja training and how he tracks down the evil ninjas that took his daughter. But just when you thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous he has to time travel to the future in 1998 to get her back. Before I forget there are also dinosaurs and cyborgs in this film and the Trans-am in 1998 like the one in “Smokey in the Bandit”. This is a must own for any 80s action film lover as it leaves no stone unturned bringing its brilliant story to life. I give this project 4 stars and a front runner for one of the best films I have watched in 2019.

 

  1. Hexercise (Blu-ray/DVD) – So you claim you have seen everything? I bet you haven’t as a very talented Matt Cannon did a perfect job of bringing to life this homage to ‘aerobic horror movies’ from the late 80s. In August of 1969 a blood ritual is performed where the aerobics studio stands but it is stopped before completion. Twenty years pass and now there is a workout studio existing where a cute aerobics instructor named Kelly pricks her finger with her name tag. She bleeds on her boom box and floor and like black magic the ritual is back on! With this act Kelly has unleashed a demonic presence that is trying to kill all who work or attend the aerobics studio, including Kelly’s rapey boss. Everything is right about this film: the outfits, what I believe is a Commodore 64, lava lamp, T.V. and even the music makes this short film feel right. The twist on this homage is there is no dialogue as the actions of the characters tell the story. The film is in the same vein as the mid-2000s short film “The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy” and to me that is freakin awesome! I got to thank Matt Cannon for giving us horror freaks something we didn’t know we needed as I give this wonderful project 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on the film check out: www.facebook.com/Hexerciseordie .

 

  1. Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse (On Demand) – An absolute fun animated film with not your usual storyline. A young teen Miles Morales is bitten by a spider while working on his artwork in the subway with his uncle. Soon his world is flipped upside down when he meets Peter Parker and he is going to show Miles the ropes of being a Spider-man. But while Parker is fighting Kingpin he dies and Miles promises Peter he will destroy Fisk’s super-collider. Fisk wants his family back so bad he is willing to destroy the city of New York and possibly all of reality. But with the open portal to other realities several Spider-people come from parallel universes and they must help Miles face off against Kingpin and shut down the collider. The story of Miles is perfect as he must now be the Spider-man of his dimension. Two things made this film absolutely perfect for me. First, one of the alternate Spider-men is Peter B. Parker who is mid-40s, divorced, and out of shape. Second, spoiler alert people I finally get an appearance of Spider-man 2099 in a movie! This flick gets four stars all the way and I hope to see a possible sequel or just another story to expand this universe.

 

  1. Blood of the Mummy (DVD) – This latest low budget independent flick from the talented filmmaker Christine Parker has her reaching deep into the bag of horror. The film revolves around a beautiful woman named Louise. She has had a hard life ever since she witnessed the death of her parents who were digging up the tomb of Princess Ananka in Egypt. Since then during different times in Louise’s life the Mummy that killed everyone in the tomb when she was a child shows up as a weird ass protector killing those who have wronged Louise. Now in her late 20s Louise is at a mental health home still searching for answers about the Mummy and very upset her doctor does not believe her. For years Louise has thought she was cursed but now during shock therapy she may have found a link to her curse and why? This could have been Ms. Parker’s best film to date. On the slim budget she was able to bring together a great cast, a great story, and add some unexpected gore to the ‘mummy’ genre that doesn’t do much gore. I felt like this movie should be a little grainy because of how clean it looked (it felt old school). Christine and crew didn’t waste shots and really created a story where you cared for both the mummy and the Louise character. Kudos to Ms. Parker for bringing to life a wonderful take on an old school monster as I give the flick 4 out of 4 stars. www.facebook.com/christinepparker

 

  1. Triple Threat (On Demand) – A Chinese Heiress inherits an ungodly amount of money from her father. She decides to use it to fight crime syndicates so it is safe for people to play outside again and not be afraid. Of course she is going to face some fallout from this now she is hitting national television to talk about her plan. Cue the awesome “Predator-like” beginning scene of people being obliterated by an elite team of soldiers. The elite team is there for nefarious reasons and unleashes supposedly loose cannon that are hired to take out the Chinese Heiress. When two trackers who help this group were believed to be killed and meet a man who survived the attack and unlikely alliance is sort of made when they are forced to protect the heiress. This bad ass action flick is almost as fun as watching “The Expendables” and “The Raid”. Every action star in the flick gets their two minutes of beating some major ass and this is a must watch as I give it 4 stars. Tony Jaa, Tiger Hu Chen, Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins, and Michael Jai White should be in every action film as far as I am concerned as they made me say “Fuck Yeah” quite a few times during this flick.

 

  1. One Cut of the Dead (Shudder) – I was checking out this latest zombie project from Japan and wasn’t entirely impressed through the first twenty minutes or so as it seem like a lackluster Indy zombie project. But then the movie is turned on its head as the movie credits roll thirty minutes in and we go back a month before the project started where an average filmmaker is picked for a new TV project. Higurashi is a director who just tries to please everyone so for this new horror channel he is perfect in their minds for this project. They want a one continuous shot zombie project with no cuts and not using much money. So it takes the viewer throughout the inner workings of the project and how they made the finished product work. On top of that we get to see the subplot of Higurashi and his aspiring filmmaker daughter storyline all the through as it is tied up nicely in the end. This film has a great premise, lots of blood, and entertaining characters as this movie takes a very fresh take on the bloated zombie genre as I give it 4 stars.

 

  1. Little Monsters (On Demand) – Another amazing horror film comes from Australia, big surprise there… The film begins innocently enough about a man who has relationship and job trouble. When he and his girlfriend break up after nine years this sends David to live with his older sister and five year old kid. Of course Uncle David tries to be the cool Uncle but is very unsure what it is like to act like in front of kids. After David meets the kid’s teacher Miss Caroline, David immediately falls in love so he volunteers for a field trip a farm with the class. Believing this will help him get closer to Miss Caroline. Meanwhile, a U.S. military top secret facility is host to Project: Regeneration is right next to Pleasant Valley Farm where the kids’ field trip is at. Project: Regeneration has broken containment and unbeknownst to David and the kids, Teddy McGiggles turns into a real asshole when the zombie apocalypse happens! Miss Caroline’s goal is to keep the kids safe at all costs in this hilarious and light-hearted zombie flick. This is an absolutely lovable rewatchable zombie film that will most likely make my top ten list of 2019 as I give it 4 stars.

 

  1. Crawl (DVD) – A Category 5 hurricane is roaring through Florida and Haley is asked by her older sister to go check in on their father. He isn’t picking up the phone and the storm is getting worse. Even after everyone has been evacuated Haley chooses to risk her life to drive to their old house where she finds her father’s truck but he isn’t responding when she enters the house. Haley investigates further and heads into the crawlspace under the house where she finds her father out cold and injured. When Haley’s father comes too he warns her about the gators which Haley figures out quickly. As the water rise with the storm the more the gators become feisty! If the storm doesn’t kill them the gators from the gator farm will as they are feasting on anyone nearby. Wonderful gator effects! This has to be one of the best killer animal flicks since the old school “Alligator” as I give this 4 stars and for sure will be on my ‘Best of 2019’ list.

 

  1. Velocipastor (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer someone has been reading my mind again and I thank them as this movie exists! Young Pastor Doug loses his parents to a rogue car explosion before the opening credits. Being upset with God, Doug wants to find himself because this tragic event has made him question everything so he travels to China or someone’s backyard made to look like it for answers. There Doug is approached by a dying Chinese woman who scratches him with an artifact and calls him “Dragon Warrior”. After this event Pastor Doug finds himself back home at bed unsure of how he got there. Still unsure Pastor Doug takes a walk in the park where he transforms into a raptor that helps a hooker named Carol. Carol being appreciative takes Velocipastor home and tries to convince of what happened and what he can do with his new found powers. But meanwhile ninjas and Doug’s lost brother are all about bringing down our new found superhero! Does Doug become a crime fighting dinosaur or die at the hands of ninjas as give this beautiful movie is amazing and absolutely fucking hilarious as I give it 4 stars!

 

Needs to be mentioned just because:

Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison (DVD) – This 2006 mess of a film might be my sleeper hit of the year. If the actress playing Sarah looks familiar that is because a lot of Full Moon fans would know her as the sultry Batty Boop from the “Killjoy” films. Sarah out in the woods boinking her dude in the woods is disturbed by a creature. This creature happens to be a werewolf that tears up her boyfriend and leaving Sarah wounded. She awakes some time later in a prison for the criminally insane and finds out the boyfriend is dead and she is completely fucked as it’s a foreign country and they want to use her ass! The prison looks to imprison American women for their gain in this rip-off of “American Werewolf in London”. So with her new situation Sarah must learn to survive in her new rapey environment. After a fight and not making friends with most of her bunk buddies she transforms into a werewolf and turns the Canpuna prison into a bloodbath. This film is a large barrel of sleaze and cheese that follows Joe Bob Briggs famous three B’s so well it may make his brain explode as I give this absolutely nutzoid flick 4 stars! The topper is an unbelievable werewolf transformation scene at the end of the film that had no business being that good of a transformation. Don’t think just go watch and understand …

 

 

Worst fucking movie ever

The Car: Road to Revenge (DVD) – Yes folks it is a sequel to the evil classic of the late 70s. But that is where it ends as I may have found the ‘worst movie of 2019’ already! After a district attorney dies on top of his new ‘Lazarus One’ it appears the car comes to life and has his personality. It begins murdering all involved… Boring piece of monkey shit needs to vaporized from any studio catalog or movie fan’s as I give it zero stars. And for the person who thought somewhere this was a good idea do me and all movie lovers a favor and quit your job… NOW!

 

The Best Documentaries and the “Addison Binek” category of 2019!

  1. Dolemite is My Name (On Demand) – A biopic that tells the story of Rudy Ray Moore. Mr. Moore is played by none other than Eddie Murphy who basically decided it was time to let the world know about Rudy Ray Moore and his adventures… But also Eddie Murphy is back! The film takes us into the world of Rudy Ray Moore how like most of us had big dreams when he moved out west. But working at a record shop and working at night clubs as a comedian/MC wasn’t the ideal situation. One day an older man comes into the record shop telling hilarious stories and this is where Rudy sees something that he can become and Dolemite was born. Rudy Ray Moore is proof you can make it happen for yourself if you try. Mr. Moore went from a nobody to part of pop culture of the 70s. The cast for this biopic was amazing and this is most likely one of the best movies you will see in 2019 as I give 4 stars. To be honest only recently I have watched some of Rudy’s movies and thoroughly enjoyed them. I knew about Dolemite but always went on to watching some other Blaxploitation flick so shame on me. So don’t make that mistake and go watch this biopic and go check out the great Dolemite films!

 

  1. King Cohen: The Wild World of Filmmaker Larry Cohen (DVD) – A wild documentary that takes a long look into the career of a filmmaker that spawned many careers and has made many fun inspiring films. We all know about Roger Corman and his impact but Cohen may have been the second generation of being a maverick in filmmaking as he put his own twist on things. Cohen as a writer, producer, and director has had an impact of filmmaking whether people admit it or not. A great watch as many of Cohen’s peers tells some hilarious stories including Fred Williamson which pay attention what is being said between the two as I give this documentary 4 stars.

 

  1. Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror (Shudder) – A wonderful documentary that takes a look at how and why African-American roles in horror movies have changed so much. Lots of interviews from known actors and actresses that include Ken Foree and Tony Todd. They tackle the whole ‘blackface’ genre of the 30s and 40s to underground horror movies from African-American directors, to how African-Americans completely disappeared during the 50s and 60s in horror movies to Jordan Peele’s “Get Out”. Really cool stuff that was unknown to me about the cinema but makes me enjoy my time talking to Tony Todd about his role as ‘Candyman’ but also as Ben in ‘NOTLD90’. All horror fans should make sure they watch this as I give it 4 stars.

 

  1. To Hell and Back: The Kane Hodder Story (On Demand) – Kane Hodder goes through his life from everything to being bullied as a kid to what happened to him being Jason in the “Freddy vs. Jason” film. The biggest thing to take away from this documentary is Kane Hodder is one awesome dude but he finally sets the record straight about his burns. Kane goes into great horrific detail of what actually happen in 1977 and almost destroyed his career and him before it ever got started. Kane gets my respect and you don’t have to be a fan to enjoy this documentary about him as I give it 4 stars.

 

 

  1. Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild Untold Story of Ozploitation (DVD) – A documentary that dives into what started the revolution of filmmaking in Australia that really started in the late 60s and early 70s. Before that they really didn’t have a film industry but slowly filmmakers were starting to pop up and began to put together productions in all genres. George Miller and Brian Trenchard-Smith are two names that Americans know but they have several filmmakers, critics, and actors talk about the crazy times of filmmaking. Just another wonderful and fun documentary for film fans as I give it 4 stars.

 

  1. Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Troma Edition (DVD) – Most likely Troma’s biggest fan Addison Binek known for his riffs on so many movies decided to put together a collection of Troma riffs. Now Addison being a smart dude didn’t just go for any Troma titles he went for the second tier! Maybe the lesser known to some to maybe open some eyes new to the Troma or Addison Binek world. Here is the list he tackles: Rabid Grannies, Hectic Knife, B.C. Butcher, Troma’s War, Getting Lucky, Redneck Zombies, Slaughter Party, and Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods. Now not all titles were from the minds of Lloyd and Mr. Herz but some brilliant pick-ups for the label a fun selection that makes you wonder where Addison gets all that Troma money for the props. And instead of condemning something of this nature Lloyd embraces Addison’s fandom and intelligence to put together a great product for all of us movie lovers to enjoy as once again I give his project 4 stars.

 

  1. Shark Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Vol. 1 (DVD) – Okay if you haven’t heard of Addison Binek it is time you do. This dude does riff trax for flicks, all kinds of flicks and even got Lloyd Kaufmann’s blessing. In the same vein as MST3K but he does it in like 20 minutes or so for each flick. With his YouTube channel under attack by YouTube as many others are Addison has decided to put out DVD collections of some of his best Riffs and damn it they are hilarious. In this collection Addison covers: Sharktopus, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Snow Shark, Sharks in Venice, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Super Shark, Raiders of the Lost Shark, Psycho Shark, The Last Shark, and Creature from the Haunted Sea. He does these films in some of the most prop filled and hatred towards SyFy Channel I have ever seen… And I laughed my ass off! Mr. Binek doesn’t take them too serious but his hatred at times is his love for cinema just coming through and telling the truth that people don’t wanna hear. Addison is absolutely brilliant and hilarious and gave some awesome quotes like “Bloody shark hand stigmata” and “Oh, a found footage movie from the future, GREAT!” If you need a laugh and wanna hear what we all been thinking when watching these flicks then do yourself a favor with this 4 stars entertainment all the way.

 

  1. Shark Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Vol. 2 (DVD) – Addison Binek is back riffing on aquatic animal movies to my liking and less angry and just accepts how bad some of these are. This time around Mr. Binek almost makes me piss myself laughing when he tackles: Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus, Sharkansas Women’s Prison, Piranha 3DD, Shark Exorcist, and Blood Beach. Yeah there is still a little SyFy Channel bashing but we do get a great line like “Are those giant balls?” Instead of anger we get Addison just enjoying what these movies are and that is they are just bad which for me is a good thing as I give this collection 4 stars again all the way!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!