Gross Movie Reviews #398

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Gross Movie Reviews #398

 

Deadly Instincts (DVD) – In the U.S. this 90s flick is known as ‘Breeders’. Almost everywhere else it is known as ‘Deadly Instincts’. Believe me when you see the video box or poster you most likely walked past this flick at some point in time at a video store. A U.F.O. happens to crash land at an all-girls college, hooray for us horndogs! There is a creature inside with an alien woman also scurrying about. The creature is there to stalk beautiful women down to see who can be a suitable host for its offspring. The bodies begin piling up and no one is listening to the teacher who’s banging his favorite student. Eventually the authorities find the secret tunnels under the college and begin to investigate but are no match for the creature! We have bootleg Pumpkinhead, bootleg Julie Strain, it’s from the U.K., I am in every time as I give the 90s flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Lego Batman Movie (Theater) – We all can argue to our deaths that DC universe has fucked up a lot shit. But when it comes to “Lego Batman” they do not fuck around and take a cue from the first ‘Lego Movie’ and run with it. The film is based around Batman being awesome and the ultimate hero of course, but with Commissioner Gordon retiring and Gotham not needing Batman any longer he is lonely. But Batman has always been a loner? With the Joker in the asylum cooking up his next plan Batman comes face to face with why his life is incomplete. In a series of events of sending the Joker to the “Phantom Zone”, Joker is able to hatch his latest ultimate plan in hopes of Batman understanding he needs to hate the Joker. Batman soon understands he needs family to conquer evil. Great story and Batman fans will not be disappointed as filmmakers find a way to incorporate every incarnation of Batman and his movies throughout the film. More than likely this will be one of the best movies you watch in 2017 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Superbeast (DVD) – An early 70s flick about a woman doctor who goes to the jungles of the Philippines to investigate a strange happening. Back in the states she is called in to do an autopsy on a man or thing that terrorized a plane on its way from the Philippines. Instead of discovering something great in evolution she discovers bootleg Dr. Moreau whose mistakes are hunted for sport by a rich dude. Somewhat boring but does have a good ending as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

House 4: Repossession (DVD) – Before you even ask I do not think any of the ‘House’ movies have anything to do with each other including part 4 that happens to star William Katt. For those who might not know Mr. Katt starred in the 80s classic original that also co-starred Richard Moll and George Wendt where his old dead army buddy kidnaps his kid. This sequel does not even come close to being that good. I also believe this movie was under a different title but somebody thought they could cash in on the title ‘House’ when William Katt was in it and they were wrong. This flick has William Katt (Roger) inherit his father’s old house. Apparently his grandfather made a blood oath and the house must stay in Roger’s family. When a tragic accident takes Roger’s life, his wife and daughter movie into the place thinking it’s the right thing to do. Until the half-brother keeps pushing for them to sell the house and strange things keep happening (a pizza that sings then gets stab to explode all over the lead actress). I give the film 1 star and still wondering if it was a true sequel where is Brion James and Lance Henriksen and shouldn’t it be called ‘The Horror Show 2’?

 

The Night Shift (Vimeo/DVD) – One of my favorite and hardest working filmmakers Massimiliano Cerchi (say that five times fast in a Pittsburgh/yinzer accent) is back with his latest film that centers around Frank the security guard. Frank has just scored the ultimate cushy guard duty job of working overnight to watch a mansion for some rich dude. Only catch don’t fall asleep? Frank gets bored quickly but is unsure of how this is an easy deal even with Frank’s boss explaining it’s an easy deal and don’t fall asleep. Frank still unsure of the big mysterious home finds himself dozing off to sleep and being awakened by strange things. The strange things are demons fucking with Frank and clearly the best part of the film. The plot of the film is solid if it was a half hour or so? But its longer running time especially without really introducing the demons sooner may bore some viewers. Now the film only runs 65 minutes but the demons are that fucking awesome they deserved more screen time. The demons are the allure of watching this film and I would give this film a more favorable review if I got more of those bad ass creepy demons. The demons are the stars of this story and felt they needed to be fleshed out more? Hell, if they were in it more maybe this could be marketed as ‘Demons 7’ and found a way for Caroline Munro to make a cameo. I just feel when you have such cool looking and possibly interesting creatures/demons you should build the film around them not the other way around… Anyway I still got mad respect for Mr. Cerchi as a filmmaker because I have no doubt he is working on something better as I give this project 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

The Dead of Night (DVD) – Some high school students party at the cemetery all the time. So when the popular students invite the geeks to their little party site you know nothing good is going to come of it. The prank goes wrong when the two geeks are attacked by a creature that changes them and now they want to take over other students. Not a really exciting 1 star horror movie.

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Never Too Young to Die (YouTube) – Finally this mid-80s gem will find its way onto Blu-ray and all will be right with the world as I spent most of the 90s looking for this flick. The most random action thriller that stars a young John Stamos as Stargrove, a cross-dressing villain named Ragnar played by Gene Simmons, Vanity as a secret agent, and Robert Englund for five minutes as a sadistic mad computer bomber! It played a few times on HBO in the mid-80s and all but disappeared the video stores I frequented and when I explained it (pre-internet) people thought I made it up? Lance Stargrove is a gymnast whose father is a legendary secret government agent who is killed by Ragnar and his fingernail for a program disk that could poison the water supply for a hundred years. When the disk cannot be found Ragnar sits back to allow Lance to find the disk for him. Lance finds out with his father’s death he inherits a farm where Vanity rides horses and random extras from the Mad Max films show up looking to kill for the disk! The movie has at least ten ideas crammed into one film in a good way and may be the best film featuring Gene Simmons. The movie is one big fun random mess that I enjoy still 30 years later as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Stryker (DVD) – I found another post-apocalyptic film from the Philippines that Roger Corman’s production company produced that begins with the phrase “whoever controls the water controls the world.” Everyone is looking for water in the wastelands: midgets, women in shoulder pads, men in S&M gear but a man named Stryker roams the wastelands defending people against evil. When he finds a woman whose colony has an endless supply of water he must help and defend her and her colony from all who will kill for it. I give the flick 1 ½ stars but this is the first of many post-apocalyptic flicks from our buddy who gave us: Equalizer 2000, Future Hunters, Wheels of Fire, and a few others. You can see what he perfected over the series of films go along in the 80s…

 

Ebola Zombies (DVD) – It begins and ends with a bunch of political mumbo jumbo comparing zombies to soulless people of today. An Asian zombie film about a jewelry heist that goes sideways when the thieves find a scientist experimenting with the SARS and Ebola virus. Zombies everywhere and slow motion fight scenes make me wanna puke and have nightmares of the ‘Resident Evil’ sequels. I give it 0 stars.

 

Mom (DVD) – A strange and interesting werewolf film from the early 90s about Nester (Brion James) who happens to infect a news anchor’s mom when renting a room from her. The news anchor scrambles to keep his mother in check as she goes out at night to feed on humans. When her son questions why she does it and answer is, “I’m hungry and it helps my arthritis.” It’s a fun lower budgeted werewolf flick that I wouldn’t be surprised it was made two or three years before its release as it doesn’t fit the time. But the appeal of Brion James and cheesy werewolf effects make this a must watch for us movie nerds as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ice Soldiers (DVD) – Michael Ironside and Dominic Purcell are part of a secret research team looking into the mysterious events in Canadian Artic in 1962 and trying to tap the land for oil. The story goes with everyone paying attention to the Cuban missile crisis in 1962 while three soldiers in Swiss uniforms are found in the artic after a plane crash. They kill all who is there except a woman scientist who is raped. 50 years pass and now a new team is there to possibly find out answers. They get more than they bargain for when the soldiers unfreeze and begin killing again as they have a mission to complete. The film is a really cool B-movie action/thriller surprise you are not expecting if you enjoy these types of films. Plus Michael Ironside… 3 stars, enough said.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Dr. Giggles commentary

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“This town has a doctor and his name is Rendell.

Stay away from his house because he’s the doctor from hell”

 

This week Tim and Kyle have to appease the ghost of Corey Haim because he ate the last podcast.  So… we do a commentary track that has NOTHING to do with Corey Haim.  So enjoy!  And HAIL DRAKE!@!!

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

dr-giggles

Gross Movie Reviews #397

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Gross Movie Reviews #397

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Reel Nightmare (Vimeo/DVD) – Chris is a filmmaker and fresh out of rehab. His filmmaker friends from Miskatonic University wanna help him finish his school film project. His friends are a bit unsure but love to work, love the mysterious location (cannot be found with GPS), and believe it’s the best thing Chris has ever come up with. Once the film students begin sound checks and setting up shots strange little things begin to happen to the crew. Including that they are let in on the fact that house was occupied three women who practiced witchcraft and were outcasts to anyone that lived nearby. Soon as the Necronomicon shows up in the Goodwin witches home the crew becomes separated to die or be killed slowly. A couple cool make-up effects, a slow-burn that pays off makes for a fun movie about witchcraft. Armand Petri’s name was connected to it; I can easily seeing this being a sequel in the Charles Band produced movie series ‘Witchhouse’. I give the low budget flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more about the film can be found at www.facebook.com/togethermagicfilms .

 

Curse of the Wolf (DVD) – Apparently I stumbled upon an independent film that just so happens to star one of my favorite wrestlers “Blue Meanie” and I found it in my basement! Moving on the film is about a female werewolf who left her pack to do experiments on herself to help control the “change”. Of course the pack and Blue Meanie can’t let it go so they track her down, kill her friend, and try to force her to understand the way of the “Pack”. Lots of cool flesh wound effects are most hidden by filming in the dark (apparently no one owned lights on the set) and shitty werewolf masks take away from the independent werewolf film being halfway decent. Come on horror fans werewolf flicks are hard to pull off and it’s a shame the filmmaker didn’t take a little more time making this one better because it had some potential. I give this werewolf film 1 ½ stars.

 

Fist of the Vampire (DVD) – Yes Gross Movie Reviews fans I was surprised also I found another independent horror film starring the Blue Meanie! An Agent Lee goes undercover after he is a huge firefight out on the streets. Lee finds himself trying to become a part of an illegal fighting contest run by vampires. Let’s stop it there because this movie is absolutely dog shit! The effects, the story, the stupid horrible background is all SHIT! I love me some Blue Meanie but this was very hard to sit through as I give it 0 stars.

 

The Vampire Conspiracy (DVD) – Six people wake up in a room with no doors or windows and do not how they got there. Suddenly a vampire that no one believes is shows up and explains the rules of the game to them. Wanna live: make it through the maze and you the vamp’s riches, if not you are dead or become one the undead slaves of the vamp. It is a poor excuse of combining ‘Saw’ with ‘Cube’ and not making it interesting. I give the poor film 1 star.

 

The Dark (DVD) – Trying to keep track but this the fourth or fifth horror film that I have reviewed under this title. The next closest is ‘The Hollow’ I believe and there is yet another one out there I need to see… Oh, the days of being an old horror nerd or bad movie nerd according to some people? With that out of the way this film is kinda ‘Lurking Fear’ interesting as one night a young Stephen McHattie (bootleg Stephen Machet) and Brion James (R.I.P. brother) see a creature in a graveyard. Two years pass and both men are searching for the creature (maybe alien) for different reasons. The ancient creature spends all of its time tunneling under graveyards and feeds off of the fresh corpses. A lost creature film from the early 90s that is proof 90s horror wasn’t all that bad as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dr. Giggles (DVD) – A horror film I always enjoy going back too as it was left abandoned (like Nightbreed) by the company that released it. Larry Drake plays a character that was unique but hilarious in Dr. Giggles. Dr. Giggles was locked up many years ago when his father, a doctor went nuts when his wife died. Dr. Giggles waited for the day to escape and in the fall of 1992 he did to pray upon anyone who entered or came near his family home. But as Dr. Giggles go on his killing spree he shows he has a heart when he finds out the character played by Holly Marie Combs has a heart condition and wants to help her. The film itself is a clear attempt in starting a new slasher film series and an iconic character. But with pressure from the MPAA and many other groups who spoken out about horror films in the late 80s and early 90s ‘Dr. Giggles’ may have been doomed from the start. Many horror fans forget about this flick trying to set a tone for the 90s but it is a shame we never got to see it happen. Even today it is released several times on DVD and Blu-ray but no extras, no special treatment. So if you ae a big slasher film fan go find this movie and enjoy its hilarity and Larry Drake as I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Steel Dawn (DVD) – Patrick Swayze is “Nomad”, a former soldier walking the wastelands and doing ‘Road House’ kicks to the face of mutants in the desert. He is looking for peace but never finds it as violence follows him. It kills his friend and almost destroys the water plantation he works for in a small farm valley among the wastelands. But with his skills and Brion James by his side of course Swayze will save the day in the future. A cheap post-apocalyptic film of sorts that lacks in story but has a couple cool fight scenes with Swayze that keeps you awake long enough to ask: “What made him decide to do this film?” I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Best movies we saw in 2016

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http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

As is tradition for the last 5 years we round out the end of the year by inviting our good friend T-Shirt Joe back on the show to give you a comprehensive list of the top 30 flicks, honorable mentions, and worst movies we saw in the year 2016. so get out your pen and paper and take notes. Or don’t.

 

episode-3

Gross Movie Reviews #396

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Gross Movie Reviews #396

 

Grave Mistake (DVD) – Yep, it was a huge mistake in watching this independent zombie film. I love independent films to a fault but every once in a while I come across garbage. And this flick is worse than the chemical waste dumped on a graveyard (in New Mexico) that creates zombies as they munch on the locals. But luckily Phil Baker wrote a book “Survival Guide of the Undead” to help his friends at the auto shop that they are trapped in when the apocalypse goes down. Disappointed the Phil Baker character gets killed off quickly but this movie should have been also. I give the flick 0 stars.

 

Awaken the Dead (DVD) – Found another independent zombie movie to annoy the shit out of me as a priest and woman try to defend themselves in a home being attacked by flesh eaters! Apparently, if you make it grainy, slow motion, and dramatic it’s supposed to be taken more serious? Nope! That is why yinz folks have me watching and taking my life into my own hands when trying to swim through the crap. You got it, 0 stars.

 

Madhouse (DVD) – A much underrated Vincent Price and Peter Cushing film and that is saying a lot as I call it a role reversal type of horror film for these two actors. Vincent Price is Paul Toombs aka Dr. Death. A popular character that has been a part of several horror films where the character kills the leading lady. Finally, after many years Paul is marrying one of his leading ladies at their New Year’s Party. Instead, someone playing the Dr. Death character decides to decapitate Paul’s fiancée. Thus sending Paul to an asylum for many years, some believing he killed her as Dr. Death. Once released Peter Cushing’s character has written a Dr. Death TV series and wants Toombs back as the lead role. Problem, everyone is dying who has a disagreement with Paul but there is a twist? Its creepy, it’s fun, and nice to see these guys in opposite roles! I give this mid-70s beauty 3 ½ stars.

 

Grim (DVD) – Four people play with an Ouija board to try and bring forth a spirit or something to contact? Instead they awaken a terrible troll that is able to phase through cave walls and eat humans. After some mine subsidence a group of people go into the caves to see what the problem is and found the troll that was conjured up. A mid-90s horror flick that feeds into the 1990s sucked for horror as I give it 1 star.

 

At Midnight I’ll Take Your Corpse (DVD) – Synapse Films is overjoyed to bring Coffin Joe fans his original trilogy that has gained a cult like support over the years in the US. The first film released in 1964 introduces viewers to the man “Coffin Joe”, an undertaker who is not thrilled of religion and scares the shit out of his small town. His main reason for his anger is his wife cannot have children or a male child in this case that will carry on his legacy. The undertaker becomes overwhelmed with the beauty of his best friend’s fiancée and makes advances. When he is denied, he kills his best friend Antonio and defies what the gypsy’s warnings to take advantage of her! But as we all know your past can come back and haunt you as does to Coffin Joe. It is considered Brazil’s first horror film and knocked down some doors internationally as Coffin Joe is considered a horror icon by most. This disc has all kinds of goodies that include: an intro, a short film for fans of Coffin Joe, trailers, Making of, a new scene and of course the amazing work done with the transfer that Synapse does every time. I give the disc 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

This Night I’ll Possess Your Corpse (DVD) – Coffin Joe returns in the direct sequel somehow surviving the horror he went through at the end of the film ‘At Midnight I’ll Take Your Corpse’. The angry ghosts of his past don’t get the job done and Coffin Joe heals up in a hospital bed until he is able to stand again. Once well, he regains his job as undertaker for the small town and with help from his hunchback he begins his search for the perfect woman. A woman that is worthy to carry his offspring and legacy of starting a new race of people. As he kidnaps wives and girlfriends he makes the mistake of killing a pregnant woman during his torturing process. Even with finding the perfect woman he is haunted by his past sins and has a visit to hell! The transfer is excellent as usual and has a few goodies that Coffin Joe fans will be happy with including the film having “the hell” scene placed back in the film and a visit to the Coffin Joe museum. Cool stuff once again from the Synapse crew as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found out at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned (DVD) – Oh it’s just Chuck’s bachelor party and it just so happens the strippers that show up to the weekend party are vampires. Surprise, surprise they are there to fuck and have a bite to eat? The ugly boobs, the poor excuse for acting, and crappy effects are what make you all damned if you watch this flick. But again that is why I exist to find and watch this poo that makes out there in movie world. Thank the lord Rutger Hauer it was less than 75 minutes as I give it 0 stars.

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Getting Schooled (DVD/Vimeo) – So it’s Spring 1983, and some high schoolers have been sent to detention. Ron Jeremy the school janitor sticks around long enough to make a few jokes as Mr. Roker is about to do role call for detention. Mr. Roker pulls down the projector screen and flies back up hitting the wheelchair bound teacher in the face. Thus knocking him out and the kids wondering what the hell to do with him if he is dead? When he comes too Mr. Roker has Vietnam flashbacks and threatens to kill everyone in detention as they are the enemy. The “Cat and Mouse” game begins as Mr. Roker escapes into the ceiling after being tied down and teenagers search for him only to be killed off one by one. You get the point it is ‘The Breakfast Club’ if it’s a horror film and has its fun moments but also has some flaws. This independent film will find its niche as a lot of horror movie fans are enjoying the retro horror stuff that is being released. I give this new flick from Midnight Releasing 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at: www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Ghostbusters (DVD/remake) – Good, bad, indifferent, no matter how you feel about this flick it didn’t deserve the flack it got. Now saying that, the original is far superior but we all knew that going in… right? This time around its four women who form the group the ‘Ghostbusters’ as paranormal stuff is off the scale in New York recently. These four women all with different names than the original go to investigate the source of the paranormal surge and quickly find out it’s a human trying to break the vortex between worlds. He hates the world and wants everyone to pay for his misery. Loved Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones characters and laughed quite a few times at the Chris Hemsworth. The film isn’t terrible, but it’s not great, the flick just exists which is saying a hell of a lot more compared to some remakes of the past as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Equalizer 2000 (DVD) – Found another post-apocalyptic film from the same dude that gave us ‘Future Hunters’, Robert Patrick, and ‘Wheels of Fire’. This time around its a hundred years after the nuclear winter set in Alaska where humans are still at war over oil! A man named Slade is considered a deserter by the heavily armed group called “the Ownership”. Slade helps a young woman running from Robert Patrick and his gang of rejects! In return she takes him to her peaceful compound to get fixed up and find the “Mean Gun”. Slade helps fix and perfect this weapon to fire back at The Ownership when they demand more water. But while protecting the compound Slade loses his girl and eventually the gun and it all comes down to one big war for The Ownership to be overthrown so we all can live in a peaceful world. Just another fun and cheesy ‘Road Warrior’ rip-off, that never gets old as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Its coming…

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Convention hours:
Friday 5pm to 10pm
Saturday 10am to 7pm
Sunday 11am to 5pm

http://www.horrorrealmcon.com

horror-realm

Gross Movie Reviews #395

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Gross Movie Reviews #395

 

Daylight’s End (On Demand) – Some time has passed since a plague has just about wiped out humans. Some are survivors and some have become some kind of vampire/zombie mutants that now feed on humans. A man on a lonely mission helps out a young woman who gets jumped by other survivors. She takes him to a safe haven in the city that happens to be a police station where survivors have fought of the mutants and plan on leaving soon. But problems come along with the lone hero as a smarter mutant or “Alpha” is setting up the survivors to be a late night snack if they do not leave soon. The pacing of the flick is good, some gore, it has the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen, and it’s another post-apocalyptic film which I enjoy. But the whole time watching the movie I felt like something was missing, not sure what? It’s kinda weird because the film is solid but not great as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blair Witch (On Demand) – So there is a sequel or is it a remake? It’s a sequel… Honestly who gives a fuck as the movie annoyed the shit out of me just like the original. Heather’s brother now grown up and obsessed with finding answers to his sister’s disappearance decides to travel to the woods to do his own investigating. After a few crappy jump scares and shakier camera work, oh look… the Blair Witch! I will stick with ‘Book of Shadows’ if I wanna keeps abusing myself with these films as I give it 0 stars.

 

Ninja III: The Domination (DVD) – Lucinda Dickey, James Hong, and Sho Kosugi make the ten year old still in me love this product of the 80s all over again. A dying ninja possesses the young and beautiful Lucinda Dickey after she finds him in the desert. Not knowing of this when she sleeps the ninja spirit dresses up, grabs the sword, and begins his or her reign of terror. After a visit with screen legend James Hong, Lucinda and her boyfriend find out only a ninja can truly kill a ninja. Yep, its corny… But not in 1984/1985 where the ten year old me couldn’t get enough of this flick playing on cable TV. I give this classic 3 stars.

 

Comin’ At Ya! (DVD) – Old school western but shot in 3-D with some fun visuals that make this lost gem of a film absolutely a must watch. Before ‘Treasure of Four Crowns’ the same people made this flick about a cowboy named H.H. Hart who is about to get married until two evil brothers try to kill him and steal his bride. Once healed Mr. Hart goes on a revenge tour of tracking down the two brothers to slaughter them! If you are a spaghetti western fan or just a cinema buff and have not seen this yet? Correct this mistake quickly as it is a wonderful and fun movie experience as I give the flick 3 stars.

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Cyborg 3: The Recycler (DVD) – First, we got JCVD in a post-apocalyptic world. Second time around we got a young Angelina Jolie as a cyborg and naked! Third time around it was like the director and casting person got together threw a bunch of genre veteran names into a hat, picked them, and made a movie that no one will care that it was made… except me. Richard Lynch is Lewellyn a man who is willing to track down all cyborgs, steal their eyes, and sell them for spare parts. Lewellyn becomes obsessed when he finds out information about a female cyborg that is pregnant and tracks her to a cyborg safe haven. From there of course its war! It is B-movie fun if you lasted through the first two films this makes a great dessert film buffs as I give it 2 ½ stars.

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Night of Something Strange (On Demand) – Right or wrong, good or bad, this movie proved to be “something strange”. A janitor at a morgue gets the wise idea to have sex with a corpse. The corpse is a Jane Doe that just happens to be dead from radiation or STD’s. The janitor goes home, mutates, and then rapes mom! From there gets run down by two drunken hillbillies and hitches a ride to a convenience store to kill the clerk. And finally makes his way to a motel where a group of teenagers have deiced to stay for a night of sex on their way to a beach for spring break. Great effects, zombies, and hilarious vagina punching may have made Frank Henenlotter proud. I like to call the film “Spring Breakers vs. Sex Starved/Flesh Eating Zombies” and give the movie 3 stars as I laughed quite a few times.

 

Killbillies (DVD) – You learn something new every day as apparently this is the first Slovenia horror film ever released. Zina is a model who is traveling with another model and a photographer to the countryside for their new photo shoot. While setting up, two ‘Wrong Turn’ extras show up touching themselves and kidnap the small crew of four. The two disgusting men don’t wanna cannibalize them but use them to make some strange moonshine or vodka. Knowing death is coming Zina forces her way out to try and escape these men. Great first horror flick out of the gate and hope for many more as I give this flick 3 stars.

 

Detention (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is a former Special Forces vet who must put his skills to work again when he is a teacher that must protect his students. Dolph gets stuck with detention duty on his last day of work. While he is trying to keep it together through this last duty some criminals have plans to use the school as part of their heist of heroin. Once the school is locked down for the weekend with just the students in detention, the criminals make their way in and set up. When they go to kill all that is left Dolph breaks into action as his students to stop them. With the Nu Image logo you knew you were getting that low budget direct to video fun. I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Gross Movie Reviews #394

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Gross Movie Reviews #394

 

Star Trek: Beyond (DVD) – So this is the third flick in the J.J. Abrams reboot of the series. The first two were amazing and fun. This entry was good but I believe made for a different audience than the first two films. With the now established young cast Spock and Kirk on two different paths but things change when they go out to a planet to investigate for the Federation and get massacred. Once on the planet they find many races of beings have been lured to the planet to be slaves to an evil force that plans on destroying the Federation and its peace keeping ways. Like I said the cast is great but this entry seems to be more for the fans of the original series than the fans of the recent films and the entries that were made in the 80s. Still hope for another entry but be prepared for a possible letdown as I give it 3 stars.

 

To All a Goodnight (DVD) – A long lost slasher film that isn’t talked about much when horror fans bring up slashers. It also surprises me that the famously creepy but talented David Hess directed this effort. It’s Christmas vacation and a few college kids have some partying to do but little they know a tragedy happened and now they are about to be victims. Victims to Santa Claus! To be honest just like ‘Body Count’ the slasher film doesn’t make a whole lick sense except for someone has decided to dress like Santa Claus to dispatch of some college kids. But if you seen that David Hess film you will wanna check this out also. I personally say it was a “lost film” for a couple reasons: a) when you think Christmas horror films? No one brings this up. (Christmas Evil, Don’t Open Till Christmas, Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night, the usual) b) the film was just released on DVD/Blu-ray in the past year or so, before that I don’t remember seeing a VHS copy anywhere at any point in time. c) When at conventions you very rarely would come across a copy at an out-of-print table, maybe no demand? But if you are a weirdo like me you’ll wanna watch possibly the film that started the trend quietly “killer Santa Claus”. I give the flick that stars the beautiful Jennifer Runyon 2 stars.

 

10 Cloverfield Lane (DVD) – Sequel, unrelated film, and events happening at same time as the original found footage film that is for you to decide? This story follows a young woman who is running away from her life and gets into an accident and ends up in John Goodman’s basement. Or I should say underground bunker where it is explained the air is unbreathable above. Goodman’s character explains a possible war has broken out and he was prepared and he just happens to save the woman’s life? Goodman is just a brilliant creepy “Doomsday Prepper” as you the viewer are unsure the whole film if he is good or bad. They introduce Goodman’s neighbor also just to add tension of whether Goodman is telling the truth? But no matter what all three characters know something weird or wrong is going on up top… The movie builds up a lot of suspense and pays off big time as this isn’t your regular sequel if it truly is that? I give this little surprise of a flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Godzilla vs. Biollante (DVD) – This film basically marked a new era in ‘Godzilla’ films as this entry of the unkillable giant lizard found its way to the US in 1988. This opponent for Godzilla was a genetic engineered plant from Godzilla cells that was a plot of revenge from a scientist that lost his daughter several years ago. Sorry folks I love Godzilla films but for me this is one of the weaker of the new era. He fights a fucking plant! The only thing more boring is Mothra! I didn’t like it when it was first released all those years ago and I still don’t care for it now as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Sabotage (DVD) – Another comeback film for Arnold as he was reestablishing his action stardom a couple years back. This time Arnold plays a leader of a special team of individuals who go get bad guys that cannot be caught or taken down. But the layer to this plot is Arnold’s character is blamed by the government for stealing 10 million bucks. Eventually all the members of the team blame each other and the F.B.I. is just trying to piece together who did actually taken the money? A good action flick that for me felt like a misstep or miscasting of Arnold as he seems like second choice for this film. Go watch a better Arnold flick in ‘The Last Stand’ as I give this one 2 stars.

 

Safe (DVD) – Jason Statham is a beaten cage fighter that has gotten himself into trouble with the Russian mob. When he is about to step off in front of a train he sees a little girl being chased down by some bad looking dudes. He saves her but begins to understand this girl is very valuable to a lot of people besides the Russian mob. Think ‘Mercury Rising’ with a lot more action and fun than seriousness of the Bruce Wills thriller. Also we have some great casting here kids: Chris Sarandon as the crooked mayor, Robert Burke as the crooked police chief, and James Hong as a bad ass Asian mob boss that makes the little girl remember numbers for his business. Cannot go wrong with that as I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Rain (YouTube) – This isn’t a horror film by any means but it is an interesting slow burn 40 minute drama from filmmaker Todd Ernest Braley. Yeah, this isn’t in my wheelhouse like straight horror films but it is independent and it looks amazing. Kierra Hall is Ashley who has a fear of rain when she seen her parents die at a younger age. It affects her so much that when it rains she physically cannot leave her home and has a mental breakdown. The film chronicles the torture of Ashley when a several day storm blows in causes Ashley a psychotic break and eventual death. Dramatic, brilliant, a beautiful slow burn, and Kierra Hall was absolutely perfect this role in ‘Rain’. It may not be in my wheelhouse but Mr. Braley’s film was impressive as I give it 3 ½ out 4 stars. Check out: www.facebook.com/Rain-A-Short-Film-by-Todd-E-Braley-1743711622545087 for more info.

 

Misfit (YouTube) – A teenager named Cybil (I believe?) is bullied constantly by a foursome of mean girls. This foursome tortures Cybil day in and day out. Home life isn’t much better for the young woman as her mother is constantly rides her and one point in the film wishes Cybil to never be born. Well one day after school the evil foursome runs down the troubled teenager onto a porch. As they are about to light her on fire and film it on their cell phones a disfigured gentleman rushes out and chases off the mean girls. After a conversation with Cybil, he goes inside to have a conversation with an unknown figure. Cybil is intrigued and intrudes inside to confront both of them. After more fighting at home Cybil visits the two people again only to learn they have plans for her? Plans for Cybil to seek the revenge against all who ever wronged her. The film runs a little long but will find an audience among fans who love independent revenge flicks. The film is well shot by Mr. Braley but the most impressive part is the teenagers filming everything that goes on: bullying (teenagers can be cruel), teacher yelling, etc. to post it on social media. I enjoyed this realism in the film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the filmmaker go check out: www.facebook.com/toddernestbraley or check out www.facebook.com/infinitymediaproductions .

 

Incarnate (On Demand) – Dr. Ember is a scientist of sorts that has the ability to enter people’s possessed mind and help them escape. Think ‘Dreamscape’ without the wires and involves demons that just want to suck on weak souls of humans. Dr. Ember has been on the search of a demon named “Maggie” ever since this demon crippled him and killed his family in a car accident. But a young boy has become possessed and it’s not your run of the mill demon as Dr. Ember must not fear death in order to save the boy. A non-eventful demon possession film that is a half-step better than most of the PG-13 paranormal crap we are being force fed these days. For that I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Rare Exports (DVD) – An oddity Christmas tale from Finland… I think? The film was released a few years ago and its audience is still growing as it is a tale of the original Santa Claus being buried in a mountain and now is being dug up. The original Santa wasn’t what we are taught, he is a pissed off creature that snatches young kids from their beds by his elves and fed to him! While Santa is being thawed out like the alien in ‘The Thing’ his elves is snatching all the children in the surrounding village to be fed upon when he awakes. But a young kid and his father capture one of the elves in a bear pit and the adventure goes from there as they must find a way to stop Santa from awaking on Christmas. The film is bizarre, hilarious, and the ending is absolutely perfect for what it was going for as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Hardcore Henry (Blu-ray) – Sharlito Copley deserves an Oscar for this flick! The action flick will give you a fucking headache but is absolutely chaotic and awesome! Copley who plays like two dozen characters in the film is an experiment for a supernatural weirdo villain who plans on making an army. And the story is about one of the experiments/cyborg/whatever it is/Jimmy breaks out of an airplane and is contacted by Jimmy. He goes through a series of crazy shootouts, fights, etc., that can only happen in a video game. This may be the closest a movie has come to being a video game. The film reminded me a lot of the “Wolfenstein” game. The film is intense, funny, and one-of-a-kind experience that cannot be explained that can only be watched to understand! Don’t do drugs, don’t drink, or will be sick be the end of this wild 4 star movie.

 

Beyond the Gates (On Demand) – Two brothers meet up at an old video store to begin boxing up everything. Their father disappeared several months ago and the brothers see each other for the first time in a long time to decide what to do with all the stuff. They remember working and running around the store and try to keep their minds on what they are doing until the brothers found a game in their father’s office called, “Beyond the Gates”. An old scary VCR board game that was popular in the late 80s and early 90s. The brothers take it home to play after playing the tape and noticing the gorgeous host of the game (Barbara Crampton). Once the game begins, strange things begin to happen. The brothers try to quit and it won’t allow them and they even track down where it was bought at and told they must finish the game. Finish the game you live, if not their souls along with their father’s is damned forever in the game. The film has a couple fun gore scenes and is mainly for us old folks to have a fun memory of these horror related games. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Bad Asses on the Bayou (DVD) – Danny Trejo and Danny Glover are the old guys kicking ass still as they travel to outside Baton Rouge for their friend Carmen’s wedding. Once there she is kidnapped and they add a third to the team in John Amos so they can kick some bad guy ass. Nothing eventful but will always watch a film with Danny Trejo at least once these days as I give it 2 stars.

 

Fist of Jesus (You Tube) – A Spanish short film about Jesus trying to help resurrect a woman’s son, only for him to become a zombie. Next thing you know we have Roman zombies, Cowboy zombies, all kinds of zombies. And Jesus must kick zombie ass and save his friend Judas. The film was influenced by Peter Jackson and a well worth of wasting 15 minutes of your time on You Tube. But while watching notice the production, the effects, all impressive in my opinion! Check out www.fistofjesus.com as I give it 4 out of 4 gory stars.

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House of Forbidden Secrets (Vimeo/DVD) – Another horror flick from independent mastermind Todd Sheets that takes place at an office/retail building where Jacob has just become the new night security guard. All is asked of Jacob is don’t fall asleep on the job. But a strange crack in the basement wall and a séance that Jacob takes a part in sets off strange shit happening throughout the place. Supernatural beings begin to spread and corner all involved with the séance one by one including anybody that stayed late in the building. In order to survive the night Jacob and the psychic must figure out the building’s past in order save themselves in the present. Great intro, fun soundtrack, surprising cameos, great gore FX makes this a treat for Eye-talian horror film fans. The movie reminds me of ‘The Beyond’ and ‘Gates of Hell’ and just like those Fulci movies not everything will make sense but you will enjoy it for what it is. Mr. Sheets and company make sure you will take notice of what they can do with a great shooting location and their love for making an old school Eye-talian influenced horror film. I give the movie 3 out of 4 stars. Of course more about the film, Todd Sheets, or his crew check out: www.zombiebloodbath.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Best movies of 2016 from Gross Movie Reviews!

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Best movies of 2016!

I lied, I was going to post this the day after Christmas but fuck it! I will either be too drunk or too hungover… So these are the films I watched this year and feel are the best of 2016. I know a couple will piss off someone off and a couple people will be pissed a couple films were left off. Its a fucking list, get over it!If you wanna hear me discuss my picks you can hear me with T-shirt Joe Garcia and Kyle Poling talking about our picks for 2016 on an upcoming episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

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1) The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

2) CarousHELL (YouTube/DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers, the talented Steve Rudzinski has released another project and it does not disappoint at all. The hilarious horror film is about a carousel horse/unicorn named Duke who is at a small amusement park and part of the Carousel ride. Duke is disgruntled and tired of the amusement park life. Duke is the only talking carousel horse/unicorn with no one to talk too. But what has Duke the most disgruntled is chubby kids putting their unwashed hands all over him. So after Laurie and her younger brother Lunchbox visit the park and Lunchbox rides Duke, Duke has had enough and leaves the ride. His goal is to track down the fat kid and murder him. Meanwhile, Laurie and her younger brother go to a party as Duke begins his murder spree and only Cowboy Cool can help now. But by the time Cowboy Cool reaches the party the damage has been done as Duke has murdered his way to the kid named Lunchbox. And if this amazingly absurd horror movie couldn’t get any better or weirder depending on your point of view the carousel horse/unicorn has crazy animal sex with an incredibly hot tattooed woman who loves unicorns. Thank you Steve for helping me cross off something I thought I would never see in a horror movie. Don’t know if that is good or bad? ‘CarousHELL’ is absurd, absolutely unrealistic, completely ridiculous, and I LOVE IT!!! Steve made the impossible possible movie fans! And let’s not forget the great gore effects (not one but two great face smash effects). This film is easily one of the best features I have watched this year and will be on my “Best of 2016” list. I give this Rudzinski creation 4 out of 4 stars and you can find more or purchase it at: www.CarousHELL.com or www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

3) Final Girls (DVD) – The only bad thing I can say about this film was I wish I seen this sooner as this will be one of my favorite horror films I have watched in 2016. Anyway a college girl, Max, is trying to get over her mother’s death still three years later. Her best friend’s brother works at a theater that is celebrating the cult horror slashers ‘Camp Bloodbath 1 and 2’. Max’s mother was famous for starring in the original and Max is asked to come be a part of the festival. She does an accident happens which starts the theater into a full on raging fire. Max and her friends cut through the movie screen to escape and find themselves in 1986 ‘Camp Bloodbath’ movie world. The non-stop slashing, blood, laughs are non-stop as Max and friends try to figure out how to fend off the movie’s killer Billy long enough to get back to the real world! This horror film is 4 stars all the way. It’s a slasher fan’s wet dream of a horror movie!

 

4) Freaks of Nature (DVD) – It amazes me the crap that makes the theater and then the random unbelievable awesome horror films that just show up on cable, On Demand, etc. This flick is the latter as aliens attack the small town of Dillford. The town has its issues as humans, vampires, and zombies are finding it very hard to coexist these days and the alien invasion gives them a reason to fight each other. Meanwhile, during the alien invasion and the war between Dillford residents, three teenagers (a human, a vampire, and a zombie) all must get over their everyday hang-ups of being teenagers. If they do not the world is surely going to die. The film has a great dialogue, great effects, but it all doesn’t work without these three: Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, and Josh Fadem. Without them this movie is nothing but because of them the film has that allure of a ‘Weird Science’ or ‘The Monster Squad’ or ‘Popcorn’ where movie fans will want to watch it over and over again. An amazing masterpiece in my eyes as I give it 4 stars and surely it will be on my “Best of 2016 list”.

 

5) The Conjuring 2 (Theater) – After the events of the first film the Warrens find themselves investigating the famous home in Amityville in 1976. During a séance Lorraine finds herself defending herself against an evil she has never experienced before but not a part of the famous Amityville house. Once home she makes Ed promise her they take a break because she has seen his death. But this evil spirit takes residence in a single mom of four’s house in London 1977. The Warrens are called in by the church just to observe for three days. When they arrive one child is completely terrorized and the other three kids and mom scared for their lives with no one to turn too. After video proof that it was faked or supposedly fake, the Warrens rush back to the home to help the family from this beyond evil spirit that refuses to go away. Amazing flick again horror fans. I am not much into paranormal movies but the two ‘Conjuring’ flicks I have absolutely loved and glad they exist. I give the sequel 4 stars and forgive them for even thinking ‘Annabelle’ was a good idea. Wait a minute… there may be a sequel to ‘Annabelle’? Don’t fuck with the formula based on true stories Hollywood! Just sayin…

 

6) Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (VHS/DVD-R) – Let me just say this any horror film that begins with Suicidal Tendencies “I Saw Your Mommy and Your Mommy is Dead” gets 4 stars no matter what comes next. But that just isn’t enough for this fun gem of unknown goodness! Karen Black stars as Auntie Lee, Pat Morita as the local small town sheriff, Michael Berryman as the weird dude (Larry) who takes care of the nieces’ cars after deliveries, and the very beautiful Teri Weigel. Teri may have done a lot of porn but always found a way into a stray horror film which I always enjoy finding. Teri is one of the best. But after jamming out to Suicidal Tendencies we are introduced to some lunatic who tries to carjack a young lady and becomes a victim himself for Auntie Lee. Auntie Lee for years has sold her famous meat pies to the local town folk of Penance. And these days now her nieces are all grown up they go out and lure men in for the taking. Usually if there is car trouble or car cleaning needing to be done it’s up to Larry until he is caught one day with a trunk full of bones! Pat Morita decides then with the bootleg David Bowie as a private investigator try to bring down Auntie Lee. But the real question is will the sheriff bring her in or will he become the next meat pie? Everyone is awesome in this light-hearted “Motel Hell” horror film. This movie deserves to be seen all horror movie fans as I give this fun meaty morsel 4 stars.

 

7) The Survivors (The Hack Collection Volume One) (Blu-ray) – Well the talented independent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski finally granted my wish of doing a sequel to “Slasher Hunter” and did not disappoint at all. According to Steve, “it’s not just a sequel; it is a sequel to everything he has done.” If you have been following Mr. Rudzinski’s films they all have been leading to something or leave you wanting a little more and it all comes to this… Steve puts everything together in this latest project where ‘The Slashers’ are in complete disarray as Frank is in hell and they lack real leadership. Meanwhile, the group just known as “The Killers” is stronger than ever and keeps two steps ahead of the “Survivor Initiative” until now. “The Slasher Hunters” have some new allies (helps if you have seen some of Steve’s past films to understand some of the characters and why they are there) that includes one my favorite’s ‘Wolfster’. Wolfster is a character Steve came up with early in his filmmaking career I easily could have seen as a movie franchise with a new entry every 12 to 16 months? It all comes down to one final fight between The Slasher Initiative and The Killers leader Norm unless Frank finds a way out of hell? We also find out what was Frank’s worst mistake thanks to hell. This project is beyond hilarious, entertaining, and everything I have expected from such a talented filmmaker. Steve has a way of writing very likable characters good and evil that in my opinion makes him successful for the long haul. Steve this is one of the best independent projects I have seen in 2016 and hope to see a lot more as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars. The copy of “The Survivors” I have is part of “The Hack Collection Volume One” Blu-ray two-disc set that has bloopers, trailers, almost all of Steve’s movies and a lot more. Find out more about the film or purchase it at: www.silverspotlightfilms.moonfruit.com and https://www.facebook.com/SilverSpotlightFilms/?fref=ts&ref=br_tf .

 

8) The Monster (DVD) – A slow burn creature flick that really focuses on the relationship between a troubled mother and her young daughter whose relationship is all but over. The mother hungover had promised to drive her young daughter to her father’s house but begrudgingly starts the long drive. Along the way they hit a wolf and the car stalls and gets a flat tire. The two are forced to speak to each other and call for a tow truck and paramedics. During this flashbacks explain a little more of the trouble between the two but when the tow truck arrives, the dead wolf disappears. Next thing we know Jesse the tow truck driver disappears and his arm flops on top of the car sending the two screaming for their lives in the car knowing they are not alone. The thing that is stalking them is a bad ass looking mutated gorilla/wolf/awesome practical scary ass creature that tears shit up. I really enjoyed the creature but the focus of the film the mother and daughter relationship. Plus, I believe it’s time for the “creature feature” to make a comeback and this flick will most likely make it on my ‘best of 2016 list’ as I give it 4 stars.

 

9) Let Us Prey (DVD) – An Irish film about a new constable starting her job for a station in a small town. While walking the beat she witnesses a drunken kid run down a man. She takes the kid in but cannot find the man. Later the mysterious man is found by other officers and brought in to get a statement but refuses to speak but just stare. The mysterious no name man is put into a cell while they call a doctor and that is when things begin to get weird because anyone that is near the mysterious man knows their deep secrets. But what all inside the station don’t know he is there to collect souls before the stroke of midnight and everyone’s past comes back to haunt them in one way or another. The film starts slow but builds into a chaotic, bloody climax worth checking out. In the end, the movie starting off slow makes a lot of sense after watching it as this is one of those lesser known recent horror movies worth seeking out as I give it 4 stars.

 

10 – tie) The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

10 – tie) Dreaming Purple Neon (DVD) – Holy Fucking Shit! It’s another balls to walls horror film from Todd mother fucking Sheets! Todd Sheets has almost outlasted everyone in the independent horror scene. While Jon McBride and the Polonia Brothers were getting some mad press in the late 80s and early 90s with their shot-on-VHS classics the highly talented Todd Sheets was perfecting his craft until he blindsided the horror community with his project ‘Zombie Bloodbath’! Since then Todd Sheets has become a household name in the horror community for making some of the craziest ass over the top Indy horror films you could ever witness. And saying that with this latest project from Mr. Sheets he may have topped everything he has done? The film begins with some shady business/gangsters planning something and talking about the purple neon. Next thing we know they shoot a man in the office ask the receptionist to clean it up and she gets scared. So she goes to her best friend at a dentist office with these drugs and two guns. Now understand there fine folks this entire movie (95%) supposedly takes place in and down in the basement of a dentist office… On top of that we have a creepy old dude named Mr. Archer hanging out in the basement with naked people (hot women and non-hard penis hanging around like Christmas decorations) talking about a vessel. Which happens to be some teenager upstairs in the dentist chair that doesn’t know the business/gangster dudes have shown up and shut down the dentist office? Confessing but awesome a ritual takes place, a couple people die horrifically, some torture, a female demon is born, the main gangster dude gets castrated, more blood and guts, more naked people, and if the female demon Abby (I will call her) lives the apocalypse happens! And the purple neon drugs will make sense eventually. But wait there is more… Spoiler alert: no fucking lie, bootleg Gene Simmons shows up and kills a zombie while satanic Jesus is enjoying the falling black rain. Yep, my brain hurts just trying to recall the most unpredictable ending I ever watched and oh yeah I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. If there was something that stop me from giving it a perfect and it’s the 111 minute running time but hey I feel like an ass just for nit picking… So horror fans go do yourself a favor and go get this flick from www.zombiebloodbath.com or check out more about it at www.facebook.com/DreamingPurpleNeon .

 

Notable films that should not be ignored…

 

Bloodsucking Bastards (DVD) – A very hilarious vampire flick about a couple office slackers and their best friend who is trying to break into management. They work for a firm/company that sells the boner pills, abs-flex, etc. They phone sales people who call and try to suck you into deals for shit you don’t need. Well higher-ups have decided it’s time for a shake-up and bring in someone new who has a different way of getting the most out of his sales team. He turns them into vampires that apparently make a ton of sales and don’t complain about work conditions. When it’s almost too late the slackers and best friend realize vampires have taken over their company and they must look up on Wikipedia on how to kill them? Underrated gory awesomeness best describes this 3 ½ star horror film.

 

Wer (DVD) – The film begins with a family hiking it out in the middle of rural France only to capture their vicious animal attack that killed the husband and kid and scarred the wife, Claire Porter. Immediately, local authorities bring in a very large hairy man that doesn’t talk much and lived with his mother nearby the attack. This gets the attention of an American Human Rights Lawyer, Kathrine, who has a practice there and wants to represent the very large hairy man, Talan. The local authorities disregard that only an animal could do the damage it did and this man Talan has a rare disease that affects his joints, bones, etc. So it seems like a slam dunk for the lawyer to get Talan off from this brutal murder. But tests keep coming up inconclusive; the police know more than they are saying and Kathrine and friends dig deeper into Talan and his family and find a history like no other. That’s when the movie gets even more interesting when Talan escapes and begins a city wide murder spree! A werewolf flick with a whole different spin on the werewolf legend in this American/French production that was shot in Romania. On top of that I loved the creature and blood effects in this entertaining and refreshing spin on the werewolf genre. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (DVD) – A zombie film that not only snuck under most people’s radars but was an actual good zombie flick is about zombies in 1700s England! Sometime between 1700 and 1800 London goes all ‘Escape From New York’ and builds a wall around the city after a zombie outbreak happens. London builds an army to fight this menace and keep it in check. As it closes in on 1800 the problem is all but gone but still exists as people like to hide they may have been bitten. Great concept so far, then we have Brother Noopsie aka Charles Dance training his daughters to be not fine women but how to defend themselves against the zombie apocalypse. After attending a dance a few zombies show up only to be a sign of something bigger is coming? End of days… This was an absolute treat to get lost in as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Bigfoot vs. Zombies (DVD) – Come on people the title says it all right? And you gotta love Mark Polonia is working non-stop in bringing us great films such as this lovely gem. Also if I have seen correctly there was an Anthony Polonia working on effects with Brett Piper for the film? But anyway something hokey is going on down at the Wyoming County Body Farm. The bodies are supposed to be for forensic school for cadets but a certain scientist has been performing experiments. Not only is he checking out how the corpses decompose he is seeing if he can make them decompose faster to make more money? This soon goes in full effect when a barrel is dumped on the property and the dead begin to rise. Meanwhile our old friend Bigfoot is watching from afar and finds himself in the gated military complex (it has two guards at the most). Now zombies are attacking the complex and the scientists and Bigfoot is pissed and begins smashing zombie skulls to help people escape into the woods. In the end Bigfoot is a zombie stomping bad ass in this wonderful entertaining entry into the Bigfoot genre. Thank you again Mr. Polonia for your work as I give your film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

You Only Die Once (YouTube) – A 29 minute horror/comedy, that is delightful, well-crafted, and an absolutely a bloody good time by filmmaker Amanda B. Goodman. Linda apparently has bad taste in men but that doesn’t stop her and her two best friends from fighting the supernatural. Even if it means being attacked by rabid ferrets! The trio has been through it all but they are having rough times when Linda’s latest ex-boyfriend has become a vampire. To make things worse he has two vamp bitches and wants to break up the trio by adding to his nest. Lots of movie and creature of the night references make this gem go by quickly but the trio overcome their differences and defeats the new vamp or did they? Goodman finds a nice blend of gore and comedy that will have horror fans asking for seconds once they watch ‘You Only Die Once’. I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Find out more at: www.facebook.com/YouOnlyDieOnce2016/ and AmandaBGoodman.com .

 

President Wolfman (DVD) – The title alone is what reeled me into wanting to watch this gem of a horror flick. But when I opened it and started to read the sleeve and began watching the film to my amazement the project was entirely stock footage of public domain titles and major parts are from the 1973 film ‘The Werewolf of Washington’. This 1973 film stars Dean Stockwell who was the go between for Sam and Ziggy from the ‘Quantum Leap’ show. But anyway the film is edited footage with new voiceovers, music, etc. Amazing work from Mike Davis and crew to craft a horror movie about president John Wolfman who tries to spend more time with his son Bobby and is attacked by a diseased coyote on a camping trip! From there mysterious murders are happening in the nation’s capital and that is the least of their problems as the Chinese continue their takeover of America. At one point President Wolfman has surgery that turns him into a hippie but reverses to a werewolf again. John Wolfman is also being pushed by Congress to sell out to the Chinese as they all will own a skyscraper in New York City. A fun horror film and a truly amazing accomplishment in editing by all involved. There were several parts of the film that I could not stop laughing at as I give this fun creation 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find this and many other fine films at www.wildeyereleasing.com .

 

Upsidedown Cross (DVD) – This well-thought out depressing feature is about a young lady named Nadine who is brilliantly played by Erin Russ. Nadine has a modeling career going if that is what you want to call it as her so-called boyfriend Victor shoots her up with drugs so she can have pictures taken of her by dirty old dudes who don’t have cell phones (wait I don’t have a cell phone?). Anyway a gentleman talks her into touching him, sort of? And that’s when Victor and others are being arrested. Nowhere to go Nadine goes back home where mom seems to have lost touch with reality and relies on TV preachers for her medicine to get through the day. Nadine truly wants to kick the drug habit but Nadine and her mom are complete opposites and with great direction Nadine comes off as a dirty cunt rag when arguing with her mom about money, drugs, life. Delaih, Nadine’s mom takes it one step further by calling one of the crazy preacher numbers and they are visited by an older man who claims to be a traveling preacher who travels around the country to stop the devil’s work. The preacher played sadistically by David Yow believes they need to rid Nadine of her demons as she is possessed and this is what makes her a sex and drug addict. Some uncomfortable scenes happen between Nadine and the preacher that leaves Nadine looking more abused than ever but mom only wants to know “Has the demons left you”. The film is a little uncomfortable, depressing, and one of the more interesting films I have watched in recent memory. Erin Russ played the Nadine character perfectly; you hated her and truly feel bad for her in the span of 90 minutes. Loved the fake infomercials they just added to the intensity of the film. Usually I am the guy who watches sequels, zombies, and monster films all day but this film hit a weird nerve in me that made me glad I watched this very dark film. I give the movie 3 out of 4 stars. You can purchase and find out more about the film at www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Reviled: Ep. 2 (Vimeo) – Filmmaker Jim Stramel continues his zombie saga that revolves around zombie pit fighting in the south. The events happen after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone and were a blimp on the social radar screen. Frank and his zombie daughter travel in their dirty van killing or crippling zombies in the illegal sport for money. But the real story is how Frank is still attached to his undead daughter and refuses to let go. This episode continues to introduce some new characters and expand the universe of this unique idea. Its dirty, has a lot of grime, a little gory, and absolutely beautiful zombie universe. My favorite part of this episode might be the kids selling bug spray for 25 cents as it is a little thing that makes it known to me that Jim Stramel takes this project seriously and make me wanting more! I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Wanna check it out or maybe throw a few dollars Stramel and company’s way to help fund future episodes go to: www.reviledzombieseries.com .

 

Best Documentaries of the year!

 

Just Desserts: The Making of Creepshow (Blu-ray) – A Michael Felsher project that took a life of its own as it went from a special feature to a full-length documentary that can only be explained as an orgasmic explosion of amazingness about the legendary film ‘Creepshow’. The documentary covers everything of how it began to Tom Savini thinking it was Halloween for five months straight while being on set to make all sorts of creatures for the anthology. The film is almost timeless and has one of my favorite stories of horror in the segment called ‘The Crate’. The documentary has some great interviews with George Romero, Savini, Ed Harris and so on but also great stories about Stephen King and him being a kid at heart. The Blu-ray also has ‘Scream Greats’ Tom Savini video which was watched by many horror fans who grew up in the 80s but now has a commentary as well with Savini looking back at the video. This Blu-ray is a true nerd out of a disc as it has everything you could ever imagine about ‘Creepshow’ and for that I say thank you to Mr. Felsher as I give the Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars but also it will be one of the best horror discs of 2016! Place your order now at www.synapse-films.com .

 

B-Documentary (DVD) – Nick Charles for his first film chose to do a documentary about “how to make a film”. In doing that Mr. Charles traveled to meet and interview celebrities Lloyd Kaufman, H.G. Lewis, Bill Johnson, Lisa Gaye, D.J. Calvitto, Patrick Madcox, and Nurse Hatchet. With this Nick Charles gets these fine people to tell stories of “how they got started”, “keys to success”, “how to make a movie”, along with several other subjects that includes “digital vs film”. The movie isn’t so much a documentary as much as a perfect instructional guide for movie fans and filmmakers alike to hear what’s it like to make a movie or act in one. They all have sound advice and varying opinions which makes this film not just a must see but a must own for any horror movie or independent movie fan out there. Nick Charles did an amazing job first time out in the filmmaking world and now has my attention in what he does next. I personally wish him good luck. I give this wonderful project 4 out of 4 stars and more about it and where to purchase it can be found at www.officialdungeonfilms.com .

 

Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary (DVD/Vimeo) – These days it seems a lot of documentaries are being made about horror films and such. Some deserve it? ‘Pet Sematary’ deserved it for sure for its impact on the horror genre. Honestly horror movie fans it was one of the better book to film adaptions of King’s. The Stephen King story that was brought to life by director Mary Lambert had a long journey and interesting one. The film came at the end of the “Slasher Era” and no studio wanted it to be made mainly because of the kid death in the story/script/movie. But with a strike looming at the time Mary Lambert and others took advantage of this and the rest was film history. The documentary takes a very in-depth look how it got from book to film but also how it’s one of King’s darkest books that scared him when he first wrote it. The filmmakers tracked down everyone that had anything to do with the film and they share stories of how the production got to Maine instead of California but what it meant to the small town Maine residents especially being a Stephen King movie. Plus the interview with all the cast members involved sharing their stories of on and off set makes this one the best and interesting horror documentaries of recent times. I believe it was crucial having Mako Hughes talk about his experience and what he actually remembers of the project to make this the perfect documentary for ‘Pet Sematary’ fans. The film did win “Best Documentary” at the Rhode Island International Horror Film Festival in 2014 which I know why and give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on the project and its upcoming release check out: Official Store: http://shop.terrorfilms.net/ , Official Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnP7swXKQXo, Official Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/UnearthedandUntold, Terror Films Website: www.terrorfilms.net .

 

Lords of Light! The Story of Thundarr the Barbarian (YouTube) – A fun 20 minute short film and look back at one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons of all time. Interviews with creators Ruby and Spears, opens up some light on how they came up with the concept for the cartoon but how it did not last either? If you are old like me and remember Saturday morning cartoons this is worth the trip down memory lane and they claim “Star Wars” may have help them come up with the cartoon. I give it 4 stars.

 

Adjust Your Tracking (DVD) – So you wanna be a VHS collector? First watch this documentary that takes you through early days of VHS, how Blockbuster Video killed the business, and how collecting changed after someone was selling a VHS copy of ‘Tales From the Quad Dead Zone’ on EBay. The documentary does a wonderful job of tracking down some of the most popular collectors and getting their stories of how and why this format? It is a film that sheds light on why this is no different than collecting baseball cards or albums and why its loved by so many. Plus the film does a wonderful job of pointing out some people who are trying to keep the format alive. Interesting and overall production are exactly what you want in a documentary about collecting VHS tapes as I give it 4 stars.

 

 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #393

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Gross Movie Reviews #393

 

Juan of the Dead (DVD) – Wasn’t totally sure what it was until I sat down and finally watched this flick. I knew it was a zombie flick and knew I would see it pop up on streaming sites and such. But I never really knew anyone who watched it so of course I took that as I had too and wasn’t disappointed. The film is literally the Cuban equal of ‘Shaun of the Dead’. Juan and his buddy just like to go fishing and hang out on top of their apartment complex drinking. Until a bunch of weird things begin to happen: explosions, people attacking other, car wrecks, and let’s not forget Juan and his buddy shoot a zombie while fishing but nothing is really happening… After most of Cuba heads for Florida, Juan and his buddy get together with some friends and start a zombie exterminating company. Once that dries up and no natives left he decides to help his friends escape while he stays behind. A hilarious zombie film that doesn’t get lost in translation and needs to be a part of your zombie film collection as I give it 3 stars.

 

Nightfeeders (DVD) – A lower budgeted and lesser known film from the 90s that has hillbillies fighting alien creatures. When meteors drop to earth or farm country chaos ensues as the locals scatter in fright and being eaten quite often! The creature is cheesy, the acting is cheesy, if there was horror hosts still around (Elvira, Joe Bob, etc.) I am sure this would become a regular on their show once seen? I give this alien/hillbilly battle 2 stars.

 

Sector 7 (DVD) – If you have seen such films: ‘Ghost Rig’, ‘Deep Star Six’, ‘Deep Rising’ you’ll most likely enjoy this recent Korean sea creature film. Oil drillers are desperate to tap a part of the ocean for oil that has never been tapped or so they thought? A woman with a past that involves the area they are drilling is driven and hell bent on proving all involved. But scientists have let something loose, an experiment with a small creature that was found years ago at the same location. It may be small but is able to be the new fossil fuel that burns forever because of what it is? So of course they experiment on it and years later its bigger, pissed off, and hungry for humans. The movie is enjoyable except for its reliance on a totally computer generated creature that looks mediocre at best as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Adjust Your Tracking (DVD) – So you wanna be a VHS collector? First watch this documentary that takes you through early days of VHS, how Blockbuster Video killed the business, and how collecting changed after someone was selling a VHS copy of ‘Tales From the Quad Dead Zone’ on EBay. The documentary does a wonderful job of tracking down some of the most popular collectors and getting their stories of how and why this format? It is a film that sheds light on why this is no different than collecting baseball cards or albums and why its loved by so many. Plus the film does a wonderful job of pointing out some people who are trying to keep the format alive. Interesting and overall production are exactly what you want in a documentary about collecting VHS tapes as I give it 4 stars.

 

Cropsey (DVD) – A documentary that sheds light on an urban legend in Staten Island that was supposedly made up to scare kids that actually became very real for residents in New York. For years parents would tell stories of kids going missing near abandoned school/hospital of kids going missing but it became real in 1987 when a girl with Down syndrome went missing. It was summer of 1987 and the girl went missing with no suspects and town turning itself upside looking for her. Eventually a discovery of a hand in the dirt near by the abandon school/hospital (which has a horrible past of its own) open up a can of worms the residents of Staten Island were not ready for? All the stories they would tell actually became true as the investigation into the disappearance went on. With more and more information kids with low I.Q. were found missing and it all pointed to one man “Andre Rand”. To this day only one missing kid was found but several other disappearances have been linked to this man and residents of the area were never the same. Great stuff but my biggest issue with the film was it seem to keep going over the same things and not moving forward causing it to be a longer movie than it needed to be. But getting past that it is an amazing documentary of what happened in Staten Island resident’s backyards without them ever knowing the truth. I give it 3 stars.

 

Kolchak: The Night Stalker (DVD) – Finally Kolchak fans have been blessed with the whole TV series collection out on DVD. Only one season (20 episodes in 1974-75) worth but the series never seem to full release on VHS and would only have a few episodes pop out on random TV drama DVDs. Now fans like me get to see it from beginning to end in order. Kolchak is a reporter for a Chicago paper called “INS”. Kolchak seeks out the odd stories that sometimes don’t make a lick of sense for the paper but for him it is totally worth investigating. Like Kolchak says at the end of the episodes, “Who is gonna believe it?” The first few episodes have Kolchak trying to write stories after helping solve the mystery of a vampire or Jack the Ripper or the zombie but the paper won’t print it. This format changes at some point as Kolchak aka Darren McGavin ends up telling the story after it has been solved instead of trying to make his next deadline for INS. But no matter what even 40 years later the series is still amazing, interesting, and Darren McGavin is just down right awesome as Kolchak. Chris Carter has always thanked the series for its influence on his creation of ‘X-files’ as he should. Both are unique and well written and just like ‘Kolchak: The Night Stalker’, ‘X-files’ was almost canceled after one season because of it being misunderstood by network types. Horror fans there are a lot of great horror-themed shows out there now but it all started with Kolchak so do yourself and friends a favor and go check this one of a kind series out! I give it 4 stars folks.

 

Starcrash (DVD) – Two space smugglers are broken out of prison to find a secret planet (The Count’s planet). One of the smugglers just happens to be Caroline Munro who only wears a bikini and must find David Hasselhoff or Joe Spinnell will kill them all. Oh yeah Christopher Plummer makes an appearance in this late 70s ‘Star Wars’ rip-off that is so bad its good flick. I give it 2 ½ stars as there as way too much randomness in this film.

 

Dudes & Dragons (DVD) – A hilarious horrible computer-generated fantasy film about two brothers, an Orc, and a fool who go on a mission to save a princess from an evil wizard. The evil wizard which is a cousin of the princess only wants her to himself and sends out a dragon to do his evil bidding. The whole family bloodlines and marrying an elf storyline are lame but the interaction between the Orc and the brothers is hilarious enough to keep you interested through the end of the movie. I give it 1 ½ stars. SyFy Channel where were you? This had your fingerprints all over it…

 

The Hatching (DVD) – A giant croc is eating the population of a small village in the U.K. but is later found out to be a pet of man or local in this case that happens to be a serial killer! The film is really is mish mash of several horror films but well worth the watch for the main reason that a kid gets eaten by a croc two or so minutes in. The film can be choppy and not make total sense but good gore scenes and a kid being eaten quickly into the movie can make you oversee the little problems as I give it 2 ½ stars.

shelved

Shelved (DVD) – One Spotlight Productions and Michael E. Cullen have a new holiday fright for horror movie fans. A dad is driving home from work one night and gets a flat. He goes into the antique shop for help but instead finds a present for his daughter Alice. It’s a cute elf puppet that he feels his daughter needs for the season. After several warnings from the shop owner, dad still takes it home unbeknownst to him and the wife the cute elf puppet aka Private Gumdrop causes chaos in the household. This of course includes threatening to kill the kid if she talks and pooping in the Christmas treats. Mom disturbed by the acts takes Alice to see a doctor who at first does not believe but does some research and wants to warn Alice and her family that they are in danger. By the way, Private Gumdrop is just as good of a driver as he is slicing unsuspecting victim’s throats. Maybe Michael Myers taught Mr. Gumdrop how to drive, maybe Mr. Cullen was able to make a long lost Full Moon flick? Who knows, but I really enjoyed what Michael E. Cullen did with the idea. Taking the “Elf on the Shelf” to a whole other level of fun. I can always get behind an evil elf puppet for the holidays but the film does have a few imperfections such as lack of blood and pacing of the film as it has some dull moments. Overall, I have a feeling this holiday horror treat will find its way under some trees in the future as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Metamorphis: The Alien Factor (DVD) – Scientists play with some mutant alien samples and magically they have some new species to experiment on. All is well until one of them is bitten and he begins to have his own metamorphism. He turns into a crazy off the wall practical effect creature that kills a security guard whose daughters come looking for him. Not given any answers they make their way into the research center to find their father but only find two man governments clean up/containment crew for the monster. The film almost seems like “Vidmark’s” video answer to Corman’s produced ‘The Terror Within’? Just like the “Vestron” label I always cherish finding “Vidmark” labeled films I haven’t seen as they are always filled cheesy horror goodness! I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

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