Gross Movie Reviews #478

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Gross Movie Reviews #478

 

The Beast of 20,000 Fathoms (DVD) – A classic, a dull classic but considered a classic from the early 50s where those damn humans haven’t learned anything and have scientists testing atomic weapons in the Artic. The latest test awakens a dinosaur that is awaken from its long sleep and begins eating people and making its way to New York. The fans of this film will give you two reasons to watch it: first of course is Ray Harryhausen as this was the film that really got his name out there and second is a small role for Lee Van Cleef who became a favorite actor of many of the next two or so decades. I find it kind of dull but still a must watch every ten years or so as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Running Man (DVD) – It is 2017, and life we know it is no more as society has collapse and now run very differently. The biggest thing in this world is a game show called, “The Running Man”! It is where prisoners get a chance to live if they can make it through this dangerous course full of stalkers who are trying to kill them. A prisoner named Ben Richards played by Arnold Schwarzenegger has just happened to break out of prison with two other fellows. He has caught the eye of game show host Damon Killian. Killian wants him for the show for ratings and once he got him he was right as Ben and friends are not about to die quickly. As they begin fighting back in the course and killing stalkers they also want to find the resistance as they want to steal the uplink code for the satellite and show the people all over the world they are being lied too. An amazing action filled flick with lots of Arnie one liners, over the top violence, and sense they were not too far off predicting the future these days. 4 star flick all the way!

 

Hellboy (On Demand) – The remake, reboot whatever you want to call it that wasn’t needed. By no means is this film bad it is just Ron Perlman is ‘Hellboy’… Like Robert Englund is ‘Freddy’, and Kane Hodder is ‘Jason’. They own the role so it’s very tough to put forth a different version of that character out there to the fans. It is the retelling of the origin story of ‘Hellboy’, think “The Amazing Spider-man” it looks the same but something is missing? And in this film if it isn’t the Del Toro and Perlman tag team magic then it was the really bad CG effects at different times throughout this film. The movie is entertaining but for me at least doesn’t hold a candle to the first two films and by the way they were not that old as I give it 2 stars.

Zoombies 2 (On Demand) – Same director and writer are back with a film that doesn’t have anything to do with the oddly fun film that was released a couple years ago. This time around some poachers come to a jungle island trying to capture animals. But a special toxin that was made to shoot the animals with instead of bullets is used it turns the animals into zombie animals that are attacking any human. Here is the kicker human blood is the antidote for them. So the poachers, animal researchers, and a tough ass ranger must team up to survive this catastrophe! The first was hilarious in a good/bad way and seem to be a lot of fun where the second entry seem to maybe overthink this concept and lost its charm along the way that made horror fans interested the first time around as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Stranger Things Season 3 (Netflix) – Just like everybody else I was interested in where the Duffer Brothers go from here with the group and the alternate world that had been closed for good last season. Now summer of 1985, the group are becoming full blown teenagers and growing a part at times but when a mysterious darkness crops back into Hawkins again it gets the kids and Hopper back together again and there are RUSSIANS! For the love of Joe Pilato they open with a Day of the Dead scene and pay attention to episode six has the music. I love the series as it is fun, entertaining, and doing the 80s nostalgia right. This is four stars all the way and I believe if they are going to stick out at least one more season it would not surprise me if Chernobyl is involved? Just saying since the Duffer Brothers have made it a point of doing things in order in the 80s world… Either way like most I will be waiting the new season whenever that will be.

 

Cannibal Cop (DVD) – Another recent Donald Farmer flick that has a dirty cop in Detective Warbeck roughing up criminals in New Orleans. What the officer doesn’t know is he is being stalked by a young lady who wants to bring to light the police brutality that goes on a nightly basis. She gets footage of a drug dealer killed by Detective Warbeck but the local news station isn’t interested so the young lady still stalks him. But to Warbeck’s surprise the drug dealer has a final wish and that is to become part of the undead for revenge. Once undead he attacks and bites Warbeck making him ‘Cannibal Cop’! The usual no budget gore with lots of filler. I like the cast but what the script was most likely should have never been feature length as I give it 2 stars.

 

Finding Purpose (DVD) – A non-horror film review here which is rare for me as this flick is from John Reign who decided to make a drama on $5,000 or that is at least what IMDB claims. Anyway John wanting to dedicate his film to fallen U.S. troops and what it means to him crafts a story about two brothers and their adventure together. John Kayhill and his two Army vet buddies from their outfit 25 years ago are still trying to find where they actually fit in society as they struggle mightily. John a little more struggle than his two buddies because he has been taking care of mentally handicapped brother. The state comes in and removes Rod from John because they declare him unfit and if he doesn’t get his act together he will also be homeless. Distraught and not knowing what to do he speaks with his two buddies who help craft a plan for John to go get his brother from the group home 20 miles away. After police get wind of the escape they now start investigating the whereabouts of the two. Both John and Rod get into some heated trouble just trying to stay together and doing the right thing by helping others. The story is great and can be even a little tear jerky if you have dealt with something like this? Wasn’t thrilled by the whole stripper angle to the story but it was needed for where the adventure was going. A more perfect running for the film is most likely 85 minutes than the almost 100 it is but I am picking at little aspects of the film. John and cast should be proud of the tale they got on film as it is a wonderful drama done on no budget that is better than 99% of the other dramas that are shoved down people’s throats these days as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Strange New World (YouTube) – Another ‘ABC Movie of the Week’ find starring John Saxon from 1975. In present day the scientific team of three is sent to space for a suspended animation experiment on themselves for a short period. During their sleep meteors destroy Earth as they know it and people back home put into the computer a certain time frame to keep them sleeping. Doing this helps when it is safer to travel back to Earth and find the underground facility that is doing the same experiment. The team of three awakens in 2155, 180 years later and find out what happened. With Earth still there they go back and begin their journey into the unknown where they find almost caveman types surviving in the jungles and people that clone themselves to live maybe forever? It is no “Damnation Alley” but I am always in for a watch when John Saxon is involved as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

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A special thanks to Kevin Kriess for allowing us Tom Gross and Tim Gross, the Gross brothers to set up on Saturday and pimp Grossfest! Also Tom will have zombies to sell,and I will have my books, beer koozies, a few indy movies to sell. We will be discussing Grossfest 2 and if you are nice maybe we will talk a little bit about Grossfest 3? You its gonna happen horror fans. So come meet the Gross brothers this Saturday along with all the other crazy awesome living dead stuff and people! See yinz Saturday!

Gross Movie Reviews #475

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Gross Movie Reviews #475

 

Mind Trap (YouTube) – Another Dan Haggerty classic was unearthed from 1989 but oh I was wrong as Mr. Haggerty was much underused in this feature and has the look of being on set for one day. What else doesn’t help is when you go search everybody involved with the film on the Google machine this was pretty much it. Anyway in this weirdo film where a cat is used as a weapon Dan Haggerty plays an agent for this girl Shana. She just happens to be casted in several B-films that she quite enjoys but might have her big break coming. That is all put on hold when her father is killed by the KGB for his mind control research. Shana’s father built a dream room under their house but has only seen it once but the KGB kills the rest of her family trying to get it. Shana plays a weird game of cat and mouse if that is what you wanna call it with the KGB as she uses her movie skills to take them on. This movie is actually very terrible and found myself laughing several times because how bad it gets. Also the film disappointed me greatly as there are very few scenes of Dan Haggerty… I may have to go rewatch “Night Wars” or “The Channeler” as I give this a ½ star.

 

100 Bloody Acres (Shudder) – An Australian film about The Morgan Brothers who make organic manure. These two brothers recently hit it big with a big name client as they have a special formula of manure that involves dead bodies. If roadkill isn’t available any dead human will do. Brother Reg who just picked up a dead body from the side of the road picks up three music festival goers believing he can just drop them off and get with the hot redhead Sophie. Sophie is everything to Reg as she sings the golden oldies and still has some country girl in her. But things go south quickly as both of her boyfriends find the dead body in back, but too late Reg has gotten them to his older brother. Now the only thing in the way is Reg protecting Sophie from being grinded up in the manure by his big brother. One mishap after another result in 80-year old pussy eating, a cop who is best friends with the brothers being shot, and Sophie admitting she actually likes Reg and not the two guys she is with. It’s weird enough and gory enough the film is a very pleasant surprise of a horror film as I give it 3 stars.

 

Deadly Games (YouTube) – Apparently this 80s or 70s slasher but actually thriller has reappeared again for people to watch for free and how it gets you to watch is it stars a young Steve Railsback and the legendary Dick Butkus. Anyhow Billy Owens who just reopened the local town movie theater and a cop Roger Lane got this weird war buddy relationship going on. If that isn’t enough everybody in this west coast town is married and banging everyone else except their spouses to the point I thought I was watching the wrong movie when the pool scene came on. Because everyone is bumping uglies a masked killer who also happens to be a peeping Tom begins killing off people. There really isn’t an ending and this weird movie formula works on some level so if you got some time to kill give this a try as I give it 2 stars.

 

Shazam! (Theater) – Captain Marvel, ha-ha caught you sleep reading… Anyway DC lets this family film out about a 14 year old kid named Billy Batson who becomes a superhero that is strong as Superman because his heart is pure. He is picked by a wizard to carry on the Shazam tradition and defeat the evil power of the Seven Deadly Sins. Billy being a runaway who doesn’t have a family learns what the most important thing is having a family and that helps him defeat the evil Seven Deadly Sins. But what does this have over Batman and recent Superman flicks: it’s funny, interesting, a great origin story and it isn’t Batman or Superman. The sooner DC universe learns you can dig deep into your comic archives without having the big two involved the sooner we can see more cool flicks like “Shazam!”, “Wonder Woman”, hell even “Aquaman”! This is the most family oriented comic book hero film I have seen to date and its great as I give 3 ½ stars.

 

Monster Island (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Just when I thought SyFy Channel turned into the Harry Potter network they pull this Asylum Entertainment project out of their ass that stars Eric Roberts as a Navy general. A giant volcanic monster named ‘Tango’ or giant star fish has risen from the deep depths of the ocean to cause destruction on Earth. But there is a legend of a monster called ‘The Living Mountain’ when brought to life it will kill the giant magma filled starfish. Yes it is their version of the new Godzilla movie but if you enjoy silly shit involving monsters then grab a beer and enjoy Eric Roberts talking to himself as I give it 2 stars.

 

Await Further Instructions (DVD) – This is a post-apocalyptic oddity as it takes place at the holidays. The news keeps reporting strange going-ons with the U.S., China, and Russia like WWIII is about to happen, then blackness. The plot is the son comes home with his Indian girlfriend to meet mum but the family is super racist. Once they figure it is a bad idea it is too late as they wake up early to leave but the house is covered in a black metallic substance and a message on the tele reading “Await Further Instructions”. The family quickly turns on each other as they believe the girlfriend is infected and the father only believes what the tele tells him. What is outside and how to get out is unknown? A super weird flick that has that uneasy “Videodrome” and “The Mist” feeling to it with an ending that will just leave you asking a shitload of questions. I give it 3 stars as your homework assignment is to go watch it report back to me!

Revenge of Billy the Kid (DVD) – If you are looking to fulfill your British film weirdness well this film about the McDonalds on an isolated island will do. These back woods farmers called the McDonalds sell their crops to mainlanders but try to keep to themselves on this island. Well the father McDonald gets all horned up one day walking with his prize goat and yes he makes it his mate! Little time passes as the goat of course gives birth to a mutant. The one young woman Ronnie that lives on the farm gives it the name Billy and tries to take care of it until it runs away. When it is all grown up Billy’s ugly ass comes back for a killing spree of the family! If you need more bestiality in your life this 2 star film is all you.

 

The Perfection (DVD) – A thriller with a couple bizarre well written twists takes place in the music world. A cello artist named Charlotte who was as perfect as god according to her teacher had to leave the famous music training school to take care of her sick mom. A decade passes and a new prodigy has risen named Lizzie. Charlotte tracks her down along with her old teacher to get back in the music world. Lizzie and Char hit it off immediately and head off for a little vacation but Lizzie is not feeling well at all. Lizzie is later found all drugged up on the side of the road by herself and missing something. Without saying too much the film takes a couple turns in the story that you will not expect and quite enjoy the finish. Don’t mind you see some blurred out man meat from Steven Weber it’s all part of the process as I give it 3 stars.

Shed of the Dead (DVD) – Trevor is a man living out his fantasy world in his shed when he isn’t hanging with his buddy Graham playing some Dungeons and Dragons type game. Trevor and the wife don’t get along and he is in between jobs and now the neighbor Kane Hodder wants him evicted for not taking care of his lot. Trevor as Casimir the Destroyer always knows what to do but in the real world Trevor hates life until… the zombie apocalypse hits and Trevor tries to decide should he save his wife and just hang out with his friend Graham who finally was able to leave his house. There is also a couple other fun names in here: Brian Blessed who does voiceover, Michael Berryman which may own the most famous recent death in a movie to become a zombie? (He is dressed as a leather horse with a butt plug, you need to see it just because!), and Bill Mosley as Doc who is excited the zombie apocalypse has happened. It is a clone of “Shaun of the Dead” a bit but don’t let that dissuade you from enjoying this entertaining zombie film that needed more Kane Hodder as the Canadian. For that I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #474

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Gross Movie Reviews #474

 

I Spit on Your Grave: Déjà vu (On Demand) – Meir Zarchi is back with a direct sequel to the original even bringing back Camille Keaton to reprise her role as Jennifer Hills. Well Jennifer Hills had a daughter Christy who has become a super model. The two are having lunch together and Christy is talking about getting out of the business. But unbeknownst to the mother/daughter combo there is two men in the parking lot waiting for them. They have old business to take care of. These redneck relatives want revenge against Jennifer Hills. The film uses flashbacks of the first film along as it moves a little slow. Christy wasn’t supposed to be a part of the kidnapping but now she is and she must fight for survival. As the two get separated by their redneck captors time runs out for Jennifer and eventually Christy is met with the safe fate her mother did all those years ago. Christy being just like her mother is a very vengeful bitch and not leaving until she has her mother’s body. Jamie Bernadette plays a wonderful vengeful bitch, a weird ending to the film, and the film is a little too long for my taste. But I was happy to see the original Jennifer Hills back in movie that takes on the “What if?” scenario. ‘Déjà vu’ was solid, bloody, and an entertaining conclusion the series. I give it 3 stars.

 

Hooker with a Hacksaw (DVD) – A newer Donald Farmer flick that focuses on a young lady named Kristen who makes her cash doing the phone sex numbers in the back of the newspapers. Kristen is usually pretty upfront about not meeting people through there but makes an exception for Mitch in exchange for pills. Kristen regretting doing this soon understands this has opened the door for all the weirdos to call her for all their fetishes. Kristen tries to move on with a new girlfriend but when the weirdos come back and steal her girlfriend Kristen snaps. And its hacksaw time! The movie is a bit choppy but has its moments as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Molly (Blu-ray) – A new post-apocalyptic film out of the Netherlands about a young woman named Molly who roams the Wasteland for food and shelter. She is a loner but there has been a story of her in some of these survival camps including the one that holds their nightly cage fighting. Molly tries to keep to herself because she a past she does not fully remember. Through flashbacks and dreams we learn she was experimented on by the government and escaped to the Wastelands. With these experiments she has somehow harnessed super powers. A crazy dude that runs the cage fights wants Molly for his main attraction so his gang kidnaps the little kid she is watching over. Molly instead of doing the cage fighting thing goes all John Wick on everybody in the last 15 minutes of the movie. This post-apocalyptic tale is weird and fun. I wouldn’t call it “Mad Max” meets “Turbo Kid” like the box said, I believe it carves its own little niche into the post-apocalyptic genre as I give it 3 stars.

 

Mortal Engines (On Demand) – It took 60 minutes for the world to destroy itself. Now many years later for humanity to survive they have made the cities mobile. But a man named Valentine is using London to find a weapon that has long been gone but started the war that destroyed everything in 60 minutes, the Quantum Energy Weapon. He believes they can use this to not only break through the wall to the east but rule the world. A young lady named Hester wants to stop him as Valentine killed her mother long ago. The effects were cool and story is okay but this wasn’t a movie that is gonna make you sore you miss it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Prospect (DVD) – A father/daughter combo do one last space drop to a planet for one last dig. Approached by two armed men things go south quickly. Now one of the men is killed and the girl is missing a father because he is also dead. Both stranded they must become unlikely friends in order to survive and find a way off the planet. Interesting story but I wanted me some space monsters as I give it 2 stars.

 

Iron Sky: The Coming Race (On Demand) – Survivors from what was Earth now live on the dark side of the moon in 2047 in the old Nazi stronghold. Planet Earth has become a nuclear wasteland with not much life left. But an old Nazi spaceship arrives at the moon with what’s left of Earth survivors. They explain the ship just automatically had the coordinates but never count out a Nazi as Udo Kier is back and has made his way back to the stronghold with the survivors. He explains to an engineer he is an alien and there is a power source to help them long term at the center of the earth called the ‘grail’. If they go back in the spaceship and steal it he would help. Nowhere near as fun as the first film but has its moments with Tom Green as a priest! I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Hard Target 2 (DVD) – Scott Adkins plays a MMA dude named Wes Baylor who kills his sparring partner by accident in the ring during a big bout. Six months later in Bangkok Wes is a drunk reliving the nightmare that happened in the ring. Wes is approached by a rich dude offering $500,000 for a fight. Wes takes the offer but wants a million clearly in a foreign country he doesn’t understand it wasn’t most likely going to be a fight but a hunt. Wes is the hunted and must make it to the border of Thailand in order to win, if he doesn’t he is dead. Scott Adkins is awesome as usual and it was great having Rhona Mitra in the cast but for me I thought the film was missing a real bad ass villain like a Lance Henriksen or Rutger Hauer. Hell I would have taken Ice-T or Gary Busey just because of “Surviving the Game” but anyway I give it 2 stars.

 

Range 15 (DVD) – A band of misfit soldiers are arrested and wake next morning to a zombie apocalypse. These army vets led by Mat Best must fight their way to their commander to show him they have a cure for the zombie plague. There are a lot of in-jokes along the way (stuff most likely the group of soldiers only know), cameos, and a good amount of gore. Don’t go into this expecting 1985’s “The Return of the Living Dead” and you should be okay with it. There are appearances by Sean Astin, William Shatner, Danny Trejo, Randy Couture, Keith David, and Ron Jeremy as I give the film 2 stars.

Mega Time Squad (On Demand) – A hilarious New Zealand film where a young man John robs an Asian antiques store and a bracelet. He was just supposed to take the money that was dropped off there for his boss but John wants to start his own thing now. John is warned about the bracelet but chooses to ignore it. But through a series of mishaps and hilarious missteps John figures out it is a time traveling device that makes copies of him. So he gets all his copies together and forms the “Mega Time Squad” to perform his dumb ass schemes to get all the money and to get the girl he is falling for. I give this film 3 stars.

 

Mime Massacre (YouTube) – A wonderful short film about a man who enters a mime classroom and a glorious bloodbath begins! Of course he uses invisible weapons to kill off the mimes as they build walls, close doors, etc. to get away from the man. Want to laugh for a few minutes its worth tracking down as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Colony Mutation (DVD) – Even though this independent feature was released in 1995 it looks much older. But this sci-fi film doesn’t disappoint in the bizarre as Jim and Meredith are married and work at the same genetic design firm. When Meredith finds out Jim is boinking his secretary she wants a divorce and throws a formula she was working on for growth onto Jim. The formula is a tissue-regrowth serum that changes Jim slowly as he becomes hungry for human flesh. If that wasn’t enough Jim’s limbs disconnect from his body and search on their own for food! For not much budget and it being bizarre it is a worthy watch for horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Banana Motherfucker (DVD) – A short film released by Troma where filmmakers Fernando Alle and Pedro Florencio give us a project that is worthy to be mentioned in the same sentence as “Fist of Jesus”! A so-called film crew goes to a cursed cemetery deep in the jungle to begin filming some scenes. Soon the individuals are being ripped a part by bananas and one person survives but should have he survived so the world could be safe? I give this hilarious and entertaining short 4 stars. Imagine if Fulci’s “Zombie” was about bananas killing people?

Alone in the Dark (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst constantly working on projects has another short film about a man who sits alone reading. He looks up and believes he sees something? A creepy short that runs a little under 5 minutes that is more for the audience to decide if the man is alone or not? Mr. Brocklehurst is doing some good stuff and this is no different as I give it 3 stars.

 

Train to Busan (Blu-ray) – I took my time getting to this Korean zombie film and I am sorry for doing that. A man who works constantly finally takes time out of work to take his daughter to Busan to see her mother for her birthday. They board the train as do a couple of weird folks. One of them keeps babbling about “their all dead” while another is a girl who was bitten on the leg and collapses. She begins having seizures and with the train moving the employees are unsure of what to do until she begins chomping down on people. The fast moving virus devours the train quickly but this isn’t just happening on the train it is happening everywhere for some unknown reason. Now with a train full of zombies and the outside world infested with zombies also the passengers that are left become divided and show how humanity is shitty. They have to decide if the train is the safer than the outside world. A brutal, emotional train ride into hell is how I would describe this wonderful zombie flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Shreck (YouTube/DVD) – A grainy ass independent flick from 1990 that has three young gentlemen messing around with Nazi propaganda. With their fake séance they raise the dead in famous Nazi Max Shreck. Now the three are slowly being tortured by the undead Nazi soldier. The film is hilarious at times unintentionally but also a funny thing about the film is its cinematographer is Arch Stanton aka Jim Wynorski. Apparently Jim is a big fan of “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly” as I am and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Death Race: Beyond Anarchy (DVD) – The newest sequel to the remake that was done in 2008 I believe stars Danny Trejo and Danny Glover. This time around Frankenstein has taken over a whole city that is a prison that is walled off from the rest of civilization. Sounds familiar “Escape from New York” fans? Whenever they do the ‘Death Race’ it still gets broadcast but the Weyland Corp believes Frankenstein has gotten too big and it is time to erase him. So the corporation sends in not one but two people to kill to kill the Death Race leader but as like in third film you can’t just kill Frankenstein or you will have chaos. Just another bag of poo called a movie I got bored and watched because it was now the fourth entry… I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #473

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Gross Movie Reviews #473

 

The Nun (DVD) – “The Conjuring” series continues as they did a prequel or more of an origin story for that scary ass nun that scares the nutsacks out of the Warrens. It is set in 1952 where a sect, group, whatever you wanna call them of nuns hang out in this remote castle called the Abbey outside of a small Romanian town. However these quiet young ladies have been keeping an evil secret hidden away from the Vatican and the world. After a young man who delivers food to the Abbey finds a bloody ass nun hung herself he thought he should get word to the right people. So the Vatican sends a priest with a mysterious past and a nun who has yet to take her vows to the Abbey and investigate the suicide. And see if the rumors are true about something evil living there? Once there they both understand quickly this evil is real and must be dealt with in a hurry as its power is beginning to grow. But no matter what happens we all know from the past films with the Warrens the ‘nun’ is still doing some ghostly shit so in the end what was the point of the film? For that I give a meh and 2 stars.

Empire of Ash (YouTube) – Been a little while since I touched on my second favorite genre “post-apocalyptic films”, so I thought it was time to tackle this Canadian thriller from 1988. If I got the backstory right it was supposedly filmed in 1986 then got rereleased in 1988 as “Empire of Ash II” in case you cannot find one, which is why. For another weird fact it was also retitled in some countries as “Maniac Warriors”, no wonder it took me a while to track this lower budgeted crap down. So the apocalypse happened and there are some survivors. Problem there is a crazy ass priest with his band of post-apocalyptic misfits killing survivors who are not down with the new god in ‘New Idaho’. A woman warrior (Danielle) and a weird bootleg of a bootleg loner warrior team up, bump uglies, and try to save the one’s sister. If that wasn’t enough plot for you on the other side of ‘New Idaho’ there is some generic scientists using some survival weirdos of kidnapping fresh victims, I mean survivors to use for their possible cure. In the end a lot of random filler and a hot young lady warrior 80s style fucking shit up but not enough for me to recommend yinz going down the same path of finding this as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Empire of Ash III (YouTube) – Yes for the love of Rutger Hauer it had a sequel and I watched it. Released in 1989 it still follows the same female warrior (Danielle) who lost her man, her sister, and really doesn’t seem to care… Supposedly its 2050 and William Smith playing the new bad ass nutzoid priest is out fucking people up in ‘New Idaho’. Danielle after getting naked decides to help a young man rescue his teenage love from William Smith before he boinks her for god! There was little recasting from the first movie as you see a lot of the same people in this sequel but most likely someone got fired to pay for William Smith as he wasn’t doing high profile projects any longer. Best thing I can say about this besides Danielle and William Smith is there are cannibals and for that I give 2 stars. And before I forget this movie was also retitled “Last of the Warriors” at one time.

 

Pro-Wrestlers vs. Zombies (Blu-ray) – Okay people I really wanted to like this movie but man this was disappointing folks. The film stars Shane Douglas as himself. Douglas has a feud with another wrestler Billy that gets ugly quick over a woman. Douglas ‘accidentally’ kills this wrestler Billy in the ring. Billy’s Brother Angus in order to get revenge he must sacrifice a nurse to begin his zombie horde, and pay a promoter to set up a private wrestling event at an empty West Virginia prison. A bus takes the wrestlers (Douglas, Roddy Piper, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Matt Hardy, and a few others) along with valets to the prison. Oh before I forget Kurt Angle makes a cameo through the side door that even seems out of place for this film? Now they all must fight through the hordes of zombies because Douglas and this now dead wrestler Billy could get along. Damn that is really playing a wrestling angle… too bad it is pretty boring. It has a little bit of gore and tons of extras but Piper has little to work with to help this feature along as maybe the film idea should have stayed dead as I give it 1 star.

 

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (Theater) – Holy fuck nuts the action does not stop in this wonderful film. If you are looking for story or closure into the John Wick storyline you won’t find it here. But if you are looking for some of the best action sequences ever for a US film and wanna see John Wick kill hundreds, Mark Dacascos be one of my favorite villains and enjoy his work, Halle Berry have dick-chomping dogs, and be introduced to some bad ass action dudes you may have not had the pleasure watching in other films like I have? Check your brain at the door and allow your mind to be action fucked by this great film. The movie has flaws if you sit back and have been studying the storyline of the franchise as my podcast partners John Shatzer, Kyle Poling, and I did on our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. Imagery is top notch but somewhere behind all that the writers may have forgotten what makes this run? Either way people I don’t care as I was entertained as hell as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Cold Steel (VHS/YouTube) – Jonathan Banks who plays Isaac the Iceman in this direct-to-video thriller wants revenge against Johnny Modine no relation to Matthew Modine. Johnny and Isaac were young cops who were close buddies partying until they got into a scuffle they couldn’t handle in an alley way behind the bar. Johnny got knocked out; Isaac got his throat and face slashed, and their buddy died. Besides killing Johnny’s father on Christmas Eve night he uses a young Sharon Stone to lure Johnny’s trust and let his guard down so The Iceman can play with him before his revenge. Maybe not the best of thrillers but you have amazing car stunts, Jonathan Banks who has always played a great bad guy, Adam Ant as a meth dealer, and Sharon Stone naked, I am in to watch this again as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Possession (DVD) – Well this 1981 film was one fucking weird movie folks. Mark and Anna are having marriage troubles. Mark was away for a long time with his government job only to come home and spend some quality family time and find out his wife Anna is not just fucking another dude… But she apparently gave birth to some weird gooey thing in the subway tunnel that she has sex with and you are supposed to decide if its: God, the devil, or just Mark’s clone for some weird unknown reason? When you think the film gets strange and blows past that and just get downright confusing as Anna has an apartment away from Mark and her boyfriend so she can take care of this thing. Which she must kill to feed it by the way but Mark doesn’t understand until the very end when Anna regrets it when they both die. Isabelle Adjani and Sam Neill were fucking amazing in way into the roles but I still don’t quite know what I watched in this gooey mystery as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Gross Movie Reviews #472

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Gross Movie Reviews #472

 

Weenie Roast Massacre (DVD/YouTube) – High School football star Marty has it all until a serious head injury changes everything. His father brings a football scout to a barbeque and makes Marty show off his skills and in the process smacks his head off the grill in the backyard. Now with no football in his life and on special meds Marty wonders if he will ever be the same person as he has become distant with his girlfriend and friends. He believes the strong meds are giving him visions that aren’t there and confusing him. So the friends and Marty pile into a car, head to a cabin, and play a game of Hide-n-Go Drink! And so the bodies begin to pile up quickly… I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

Avengers: Endgame (Theater) – After all the reknobs on their Google machines were done trying to spoil everything for everyone and bitch about anything opening weekend I went the week after it opened. Once again Marvel knows what they are doing. If you have been a fan of the several films that led up to this finale then you will really enjoy this as it gives closure to most of the characters you have gotten to know. Plus the three hour time feels like a breeze because let’s face it Marvel movie fans they a lot of storylines to cover. It is everything you could want from a summer popcorn flick. Infinity edges Endgame out for me but I felt like everyone got their 30 seconds in this flick. I give this film 3 ½ stars as it was only missing two things for me “Spider-man 2099” and “Blade”, but that’s me the weirdo.

 

American Massacre (YouTube) – After a couple of weeks of people dying in a small town of Victorville a group of friends thought this would be a good time for their Labor Day party. Of course an unknown killer begins to slice and dice through the group but don’t let the played out plot fool you. As only one person was supposed to die but escalates quickly. As the film becomes very interesting in the end it out smarts itself instead of sticking to the original plan of only having one twist. The movie was much better than I ever thought it was going to be so for that I give it 2 stars.

 

The Hart-Break Killer (DVD) – Sean Donohue’s latest thriller is more about substance than sleaze but takes you on a very entertaining and trippy ride into the mind of Robert Hart. Mr. Hart is just a lonely, nerdy dude who would like to meet an attractive woman and have a relationship. This simple thing seems to be very hard to obtain as Robert always at odds at what he could do, or what he wants? His constant talks with the man in the dark room seem not to be helping and Robert is thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. Will he help or hurt Robert? Things are unclear as Mr. Hart’s dating woes continue sending him into a deep depression he may not be able to escape. I enjoy Sean’s work and hope he keeps it coming as I give this 3 out of 4 stars. www.gatorbladefilms.com

Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison (DVD) – This 2006 mess of a film might be my sleeper hit of the year. If the actress playing Sarah looks familiar that is because a lot of Full Moon fans would know her as the sultry Batty Boop from the “Killjoy” films. Sarah out in the woods boinking her dude in the woods is disturbed by a creature. This creature happens to be a werewolf that tears up her boyfriend and leaving Sarah wounded. She awakes some time later in a prison for the criminally insane and finds out the boyfriend is dead and she is completely fucked as it’s a foreign country and they want to use her ass! The prison looks to imprison American women for their gain in this rip-off of “American Werewolf in London”. So with her new situation Sarah must learn to survive in her new rapey environment. After a fight and not making friends with most of her bunk buddies she transforms into a werewolf and turns the Canpuna prison into a bloodbath. This film is a large barrel of sleaze and cheese that follows Joe Bob Briggs famous three B’s so well it may make his brain explode as I give this absolutely nutzoid flick 4 stars! The topper is an unbelievable werewolf transformation scene at the end of the film that had no business being that good of a transformation. Don’t think just go watch and understand …

 

Massacre (YouTube/DVD) – A hugely boring ass flick about a couple of country cops taking on two cannibal killing brothers in the mountains. And if wondering… yes there was a good bit of slow motion scenes for no apparent reason. I give the film zero stars as it gives more proof to asking WTF?

 

Amsterdamned (DVD) – A Dutch slasher film I didn’t know much about from 1989 that has the killer using the canals of Amsterdam to his advantage. The film has a very memorable scene of a hooker being killed but then hanged from a bridge where her body just smears along a boat full of children, great stuff. A police lieutenant hesitates to call it a serial killer until the bodies keep stacking up and are killed in similar ways. As the bodies pile up quickly the lieutenant must find out what experienced diver would have this thrill to kill? Of course they get the wrong guy to make it interesting but in the end the police cannot be fooled. A fun watch I give 2 ½ stars too.

The Devil’s Rock (DVD) – A 2011 film from “Night of the Hell Hamsters” filmmaker Paul Campion that sets the film on D-Day eve as soldiers are heading to islands to sabotage Nazi’s large cannons and structures. But the two hear a woman moaning inside the tunnel below and cannot stop themselves from seeing if they can rescue her from the Nazi forces. But what the two soldiers stumbled upon is something they could never expect as they come upon a scene of murder and gore. A German soldier there was on a secret mission to gain an ancient text on the island and test its knowledge. The test was to conjure a demon and control it so Hitler could use it as a weapon and enslave the world. It could change the war. Nothing on the Earth can send it back as the German and New Zealand soldier must work together to send it back to hell or become part of the bloodbath? The demon must eat constantly as I give this wonderful film from Paul Campion 3 stars and glad you are still out there my friend making awesome horror films.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Grossfest is coming…

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Tell your ma, tell your pa, tell everyone in Arkansas Grossfest is coming July 20th! But serious people tell your friends, your work friends, your ex-friends, your exes in general, your mistress, your secret boyfriend, your boyfriend’s boyfriend, tell the dreaded relatives that this cool event is happening again July 20th! And filmmakers that didn’t get a table because they sold out again come anyway and buy a ticket just to check out all the cool independent horror filmmakers, authors, and bad ass vendors! Help us make this grow so we can do this every year… Remember only $10 and you never know what will be there!!!

 

Guests for Grossfest 2: Fred and Shelby Vogel, Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger, Dustin Wayde Mills, Craig Everett Earl, Justin Channell, Glenn Berggoetz, Henrique Couto, Brian Paulin, and Tom Savini. There will also be independent authors, filmmakers, and cool vendors… Plus independent movies will be shown all day. Remember things are subject to change…

Saturday, July 20, 2019 (Vendor room 11-7, Movie room 11-10) $10 admission includes both

DoubleTree Hotel

340 Racetrack Road

Washington, Pa. 15301

724-222-6200

Code to book your discount room: G19

Anything else please visit us at www.grossfest.com or visit our Grossfest Facebook page.

Gross Movie Reviews #471

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Gross Movie Reviews #471

 

South of Hell (DVD) – An independent anthology of sorts as a mysterious young lady telling stories after she leaves a bar that involves humanity. The stories are more about substance than blood and guts but all four are solid entries. The first involves a cute couple (Tawny and Tony) who are all about each other until they move together. Tony cuts Tawny off from the rest of the world for several months as the relationship sours. After an argument Tawny is killed by Tony but doesn’t let her death get in the way of the two being together forever. The second involves two brothers who make drugs for a man who doesn’t like his shipments late and things go south quickly. The third story is about a young woman in college who decides to take a self-defense class because of her mom. But she is kidnapped by an unknown stalker. The fourth is about a man who kills because he enjoys the kill. All entries were well written and entertaining as D. Max Walters changed it up with more story telling than just throwing guts at the screen as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Axeman (DVD) – This 2013 independent slasher has a great cast and I like the set up but fails on many levels in making this slasher film fun. A giant dude with an axe even though he doesn’t use it much kills a group of twenty-somethings looking to party like they did in college. They of course ignore the legend at Cutter’s Creek to get this cabin cheap to party all weekend. When there is 40 minutes between deaths we get a lot of MTV reality show drama as who stole whose boyfriend takes up way too much running time of this feature. Another big mistake is having a huge actor to play the part of the ‘Axeman’ but literally give him no style or character. Hey I know this was a small budget but when you spend more time and cash into casting the film than on special effects and editing you are going to make a bad movie. I wanted to really like this film but I cannot find a way to do that as I give it 1 ½ stars. Stop trying to reinvent the slasher film formula!

 

Axeman 2: Overkill (DVD) – A few years later the sequel picks up seconds after the first film. Problem the sheriff and the final girl or guy in this case was shown at the end about to be hacked to pieces? Darren and the sheriff are alive and basically it is ignored that they were most likely killed. But for some weird script reason they survive only to find themselves being stalked by a new and improved ‘Axeman’ who looks like a bootleg Balls Mahoney from ECW! This time out at Cutter’s Creek we have Christians and criminals taking refuge in the cabin with a bad history. Thus begins another slaughter as the sheriff rounds up a posse to go kill the Axeman with failure as the only option as this sequel was dead on arrival. The actor who plays Darren in both films is also the director and possibly might want to look into another genre of film to make as this sequel may have been worse than the first film as I give it ½ star.

 

Glass (On Demand) – The follow-up to that wonderful film “Split” has David Dunn searching for a serial killer in the city. What he wasn’t expecting to find is the person with over 20 personalities behind the event. As the two fight for supremacy a doctor and about a hundred police officers show up to arrest both and take them to an asylum to be evaluated. There they come together with Mr. Glass. All three are very unique humans with certain possible superhero abilities. The good doctor played by Sarah Paulson has three days to cure them of their ailments as she believes they are not superheroes. With these three possible super humans together in one place you know it’s only a matter of time before a big battle happens. The film may have not gone the way most people wanted but I quite enjoyed the story as it did not try to do too much and let you feel for all three characters. Plus I enjoyed the ending with the good doctor which you know as soon as she hits the screen she is the real bad guy. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Happy Death Day 2U (On Demand) – I will be up front this film should have been better but also where they went with it I totally understand the direction. The whole gang is back and even though Tree is the central point of the story it gets screwed up in a time loop because of Ryan. And because of his actions now parallel universes have been opened up and Tree has been thrown into a different one. Her mom is still alive, her roommate isn’t trying to kill her, and Carter is banging Danielle which gives the sequel its humor. Instead of hilarious constant moments and lots of blood the film almost becomes more of a drama than horror film. All the characters are very likable and I love the first film so much more but this might be an example of when trying to explaining everything instead of just letting some little things in that universe go? I just hope they allow horror audiences to enjoy the first film for years to come and not make the mistake of making a third film that would somehow be a prequel as I give this sequel 2 stars.

 

Queen Crab (DVD) – If you haven’t had your fill of independent creature features then look no further than this feature brought to us by Brett Piper. Just a simple story of a little girl who had a pet crab. When her parents accidently die in an explosion the little girl’s uncle takes care of her. Twenty years later the little girl now an adult lives alone on her parents property and still has the pet crab. What people don’t know about is the crab is a giant crab that ate fruit from an experimental plant that dealt with growth her father was working on. Now the crab is loose wreaking havoc in the small town trying to protect its only friend. I always enjoy finding Brett Piper is out there still working as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

The Dragon Lives Again (YouTube) – The film stars Bruce Leong and the film is dedicated to the millions of the Bruce Lee fans. This is what you need to know folks… Bruce Lee after death goes to the underworld only to fight Dracula, Clint Eastwood, James Bond, Mummies, and Zombies and gets help from Popeye. Literally it is one of those films you would think somebody made up but it is truly real and entertaining as hell as I give it 3 stars.

 

Triple Threat (On Demand) – A Chinese Heiress inherits an ungodly amount of money from her father. She decides to use it to fight crime syndicates so it is safe for people to play outside again and not be afraid. Of course she is going to face some fallout from this now she is hitting national television to talk about her plan. Cue the awesome “Predator-like” beginning scene of people being obliterated by an elite team of soldiers. The elite team is there for nefarious reasons and unleashes supposedly loose cannon that are hired to take out the Chinese Heiress. When two trackers who help this group were believed to be killed and meet a man who survived the attack and unlikely alliance is sort of made when they are forced to protect the heiress. This bad ass action flick is almost as fun as watching “The Expendables” and “The Raid”. Every action star in the flick gets their two minutes of beating some major ass and this is a must watch as I give it 4 stars. Tony Jaa, Tiger Hu Chen, Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins, and Michael Jai White should be in every action film as far as I am concerned as they made me say “Fuck Yeah” quite a few times during this flick.

The Head Hunter (On Demand) – With not much backstory we are introduced to this Viking-like warrior who lives alone in a house with beast heads spiked to the wall. This big burly man has flashbacks of his daughter who he once watched over and was snatched up by one of these monsters. Every so often he receives a message or signal to go hunt for the new beast. He goes to war with all beasts over and over looking for the particular one that took his daughter. Finally the day as come that the beast he has been looking for has been spotted. He is more excited than usual to track this monster. Like the rest of the defeated beasts he has decapitated it and carries it home to spike it and show it to his daughter’s grave. Without giving too much away that is when things take a surprising, creepy, and interesting fun turn. An amazing fun monster flick that you do not want to pass on as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

BBQ Massacre (YouTube) – A funny short film about four friends who learn the hard way of buying a RV off of a creepy dude as I give it 3 stars.

 

Vacation Campground Massacre (YouTube) – A short film that claims to be a true story about four women camping and being stalked by a man in a pillow case with a smiley face on it. The killer actually made me laugh a couple times as I give the short film 2 stars.

 

Barn Party Massacre (YouTube) – Two friends go to a barn to drink their asses off that looks like someone’s basement and of course owned by a homicidal maniac! Very uneventful short film as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019