The latest announcements for Grossfest!

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For our fourth guest announcement for Grossfest, I would like to introduce a young and upcoming author who has written two books recently “Soul of Fire” and “The Hatred Within”. A huge horror movie fan and the tattoos to prove it he consumed himself with writing these first two books and creating something readers were afraid to put down without finishing it to the end. His excitement and passion for not just the horror genre but for writing is something horror fans will be drawn too when meeting him. This is why it’s my pleasure to introduce author Terrence Main and expect more to come from this young man.

For our fifth guest announcement for Grossfest, “Is a man usually seen as the half-human/half-sasquatch movie mascot “Sascratch”? Probably he is best known for writing/directing the bodily-fluid-humor-infused Italian horror homage “The Italian Zombie Movie” a few years back. Since then, he’s been a busy indie horror film contributor, producing, composing soundtracks, editing horror features and creating miniature effects – Next up for Sascratch is a new feature “The Giant Rubber Monster Movie 2” – homage to giant monster TV shows like “Johnny Sokko’s Flying Robot”, scheduled for a 2018 release!” You can call this person the “Swiss Army Knife” of independent filmmaking and Michigan proud. His imagination is absolutely endless and his creations are brilliant as I would like to introduce Thomas Berdinski.

For our sixth guest announcement for Grossfest 2018 and his first ever convention appearance as a guest is a filmmaker that has had me excited about his films since I met him as a teenager working on an untitled film at the time. This kid showed me photos of movie shoots he had been doing that I described as something as impressive as Peter Jackson’s early work! No bullshit I told everybody about him and his movie until I had it in my hands… The film was “Welcome to Deer Creek” which in my review I called it “Dead Alive at a corn festival!” It was an absolute beautiful gorefest. He has gone on to make other films such as “Tonight You Die” and “Happy Horror Holocaust”. This filmmaker is proof of why I will watch anything in hopes of finding that next great filmmaker horror fans will know and love. His name is Jim Roberts and this announcement is something I have always dreamed about doing for the mere reason I believe Jim has the talent and passion to give horror fans something very cool every time out.

#grossfest

#grossfest2018

For more details on the event, guests, or hotel go to http://www.grossfest.com

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Gross Movie Reviews #418

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Gross Movie Reviews #418

 

Les Spookie aka Spookies (DVD) – So I had to do my own investigation on this latest copy of the horror film “Spookies”. This French version of the film set the internet ablaze for a few days sending fans in a frenzy talking about this so-called ‘2K transfer’ and ‘ultra-rare’ French version of the film we all know and love! Well folks I was right for calling “bullshit” on this. Not trying to be mean and not exactly happy with how I went about getting a copy of the film but I didn’t want to be down 20 bucks unless I am getting something totally legit and good. But bottom line it is the same version of the film whether you have the US VHS or UK DVD release. The biggest difference which I will give it credit for is its widescreen. Now saying that I have had a few film people aka directors and such explain that you could just take out the bars? Either way I believe this makes the movie a little more cleaned up without the real restoration process. So kudos to the dude in Quebec who figured this out, but sorry man the only extra on the DVD is a two minute reel of behind the scenes pictures from google images is bullshit. Going back to the widescreen of the film… This makes the film bigger. Thus showing more of what was shot so of course we get to see the tombstones a little better and some of the visual and make-up effects better. Cool beans! But it is the same print folks. I compared my bootleg copy, VHS copies, and UK version that pop up on YouTube to this French version: The scratches and slight lighting are all in the same spots. So its bullshit! French-Canadian dude I understand what you tried to do but you are no Synapse Films or a Shout Factory that may have the resources to do the proper restoration of this film. Now saying that Spookies fans if my sources are correct and I believe my podcast partner Kyle Poling and I trust them there is something in the works for a proper special edition release of this title. Don’t want to jinx it so my lips are sealed. Let’s just say Kyle, Parker Bowman, and I will have some possible involvement just because we are some retarded fans of the film Spookies. So I give this version of Spookies “BULLSHIT”! But thank you for trying anyway. And someone please explain 2K to me instead 4K is that some kind of only half trying to restore the film?

 

Scary Clown (YouTube) – A short Halloween film from multi-talented filmmaker Henrique Couto who tells a story of a girl on Halloween waiting for her man to come home. She enjoys the trick or treaters but falls asleep on the couch only to wake with her husband calling her but she believe he is already home? It just so happen to be a clown sitting right next to her. 3 stars for the quick scare!

 

Cult of Chucky (DVD/On Demand) – So the adult version of Andy Barclay is still fucked up in the head and trying dating life. After the date goes sour Andy goes back home to open a safe where he has Chucky’s head and begins abusing it as he has done hundred times before. It’s therapeutic for his fucked up life. The film then moves to Nica, the wheel-chaired bound woman who was blamed for killing her family over jealously over her niece. She is in the nuthouse for the past four years being convinced that the “Good Guy Doll” Chucky wasn’t the killer? Nica has made progress so her good doctor has moved her to a medium security nuthouse. Andy has kept watch of this situation since he was sent a Chucky doll and shot it at the end of the last installment in the franchise. And then this where we are reintroduced to the Jennifer Tilly/Tiffany character as she comes to visit Nica saying her niece died and leaves her a “Good Guy Doll” that just happens to be called Chucky. And shit gets real freaky when another doll named Chucky is introduced by the good doctor as we find out he isn’t such a good doctor… Soon multiple Chucky dolls are running around the nuthouse murdering everyone and let you in on why they haven’t killed Nica just yet? And this was all because of some weirdo cheapo voodoo website! Chucky for the new millennium has made its transition well and might be the best out of the 80s slasher icons as they truly have found some good ways to make sequels for the killer doll. And pay attention to the end as I thank yinz for keeping everyone and everything relevant from the series in these latest sequels as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Monster Project (DVD) – A couple YouTube dudes decide to go monster hunting or better yet casting real monsters for their show “The Monster Project”. They rent out an old creepy house on the night of a lunar eclipse to interview three people (a demon, a vampire, and a Skinwalker) they tracked down through Craigslist. Devin Adams truly wants this show to work as he casts his ex-girlfriend as the director and regulates his best friend as the camera guy. Devin isn’t worried too much whether or not they are truly monsters because he believes viewers will just eat it up anyway? But once the inner bullshit drama between friends is over with and the interviews get started that is when the film gets chaotic and fun. The monsters begin to mess with the crew and soon the crew is on the run throughout this locked old house being chased by real monsters. If that isn’t enough we get a strange Goat man shows up in different scenes as the crew is fighting for their lives against these monsters. The movie isn’t perfect by any means but it is a solid horror film mainly directed to horror fans under the age 30. It has this paranormal/found footage feel to it but never commits which I believe is good in some ways and has a really good twist ending. I give this film about monsters 3 stars.

Demon Mind (DVD) – An independent Russian horror flick! I was excited to check this gory mess out. From the minds of Philip Brockhurst and Alex Wesley comes a story about a demon that infects man. It starts with a sculptor and a skull that begins talking to him and trying to make him do things. Years pass and we are introduce to a character named Victor who goes to his local priest because he has evil inside of him and wants an exorcism? The priest wants money and Victor agrees because he wants the evil out of him as it has made him murder several times. But as Victor explains he massacres only people who have done him wrong like that makes it sort of right? But Victor started changing when he buys some old weapons off of a sketchy sword dealer aka Todd Mother Fucking Sheets! Once receiving these demon axes the demon grows inside of him and stabs his wife in the eyes, cuts off a dude’s face, and a murderous disgustingly gory rampage of a family. But with this story the priest cannot help as he has his own sins that need forgiven and Victor is completely fucked! It’s a wild and weird gore affair that has this fun early 90s shot on digital video feel to it as I give the independent feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Popcorn (Blu-ray) – Finally someone has brought an early 90s classic to the format the correct way. Synapse Films goes above and beyond with this Blu-ray and the “Steelbook” edition to give horror fans a horror movie they have been dying to have updated. The film itself is about film students who are going to put on an all-night horror movie monster fest to help fund their film department. They rent an old theater that is gonna be torn down in a few weeks and get all the old school props and gadgets from the heyday of theaters to use for the triple feature. But when cleaning up and getting the props out they find an old film “The Possessor” that was never finished. The story goes that the Charles Manson wannabe didn’t film the ending because he wanted it to be live as he sacrifices someone? Well a fire broke out killed the crazy dude and his followers and the film was believed to be lost… Until now? The students watch it and a student Maggie faints understanding that her dreams or film project she is working on is this movie “The Possessor” and the dude Lanyard Gates. So the movie fest begins and things seem to be going well until Maggie believes she sees Lanyard and tries to track him down. Meanwhile the students are being sliced and diced during the monster fest. Will Maggie find Lanyard or will he find her? It’s one of those movies within a movie said by some or the movie horror fans forgot about when “Scream” came out? Who knows but it is a great horror film that is cherished among the horror fan community and it’s nice to see “Popcorn” get a very pristine restoration job! The Blu-ray also has a 57-minute documentary of “Popcorn” about its problem with the ratings board, changing lead actresses at the last minute, changing directors, and money problems. Plus one fact I never knew about the film was it was shot in Jamaica. I just never noticed even when it was first released to theaters it had this weird feel to it like it wasn’t shot in California or on a stage somewhere but didn’t think twice to look it up? Just one those things for me at least it makes a lot of sense now watching the film and the background as it goes on all cleaned up.  Most of the great cast is in the documentary so a well worth watch along with the cool commentary. A great cast, a good amount of blood, a great story, and a great tagline makes this horror film a great movie to have in your collection and now even better one with the amazing job Synapse Films has done with it… 4 out of 4 stars for this 90s horror classic! For more details go to http://www.synapse-films.com .

 

Circus of the Dead (DVD/Theater) – This isn’t just another typical killer clown movie? This flick falls in my category of depressing, no hope, and just plain fucked up shit that will make you literally pass over the film for a couple years just so you can pass its shock value. A group of clowns who seem cool on the surface but are pretty screwed up things on the inside once we the audience gets to know them. These ordinary circus clowns like to pick out people from the crowd make them part of the show in more ways than one? They pick out this guy who just happens to be struggling with his marriage and his kids. Make him write down his address for some weird prize and the family thinks nothing of it until the lead clown “Papa Corn” played by Bill Oberst Jr. pays a visit. The wife happens to be banging a dude on the side so after pleasuring himself outside of the home Papa Corn and friends break into the home and kill the boy toy, torture the wife, and kidnap the kids. Now the father comes home to his dead wife and the clowns kidnap him to make him part of their show unwillingly of course. They torture him, make him watch Papa Corn facefuck his wife’s head, kill someone, and leave his fingerprints everywhere. These are some screwed up clowns. Once the clowns are done with him they leave him in his car with his two dead children in the back seat. The movie is a little long but also a little unnerving, screwed up, and brutal! Surprised I haven’t heard more about this film as there is a small but rabid crowd that will worship this horror flick as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #417

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Gross Movie Reviews #417

 

Good Morning Carlos (Vimeo) – A short film from Brazilian filmmaker Gurcius Gewdner, that sets up a feature length film. Say that dude’s name a few times. The short film introduces the audience to Carlos, a man who apparently does not eat enough fruit and fiber according to his doctor. Carlos calls the poor doctor 4am crying and screaming then disappears throughout the city holding his stomach and puking disgusting cream corn. It’s weird, a little disgusting, but sets you up for the feature as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Pazucus: Island of Vomit and Despair (Vimeo/DVD) – This is the 110 minute vision of the “Good Morning Carlos” fleshed out. Now it took me a little bit to understand what the hell was going on but I am a dumb American and chose to watch the feature before the short film. If I would have did it in reverse no problem. But anyway Carlos is having bowel issues and his doctor is not too happy with Carlos calling him in the middle of the night. As Carlos bleeds, pukes, and drools all over the local streets, Carlos’ doctor is busy stalking a grocery store and random people thinking they are Carlos. Once he has them he kills them in various ways as he keeps stalking Carlos. Meanwhile Carlos keeps puking his way to an island where folks are making out on the beach and partying. Here is where it gets a little weird not that this film wasn’t already a complete chaotic fun mess but while Carlos is wallowing in a poopy stream but an extra from “Cannibal Holocaust” finds him! This Amazon woman screams hugs, screeches, etc. at Carlos to help him with his shit monsters inside of him. Yes people, ‘Shit Monsters’ and they are the sign of the apocalypse! Once Carlos poops out the shit monsters they begin a killing spree including Carlos’ doctor. This film is amazingly very disgusting and not for the weak minded. It says in the credits it was inspired by Frank Hennelotter and Roger Corman but I would like to throw in a little Troma? My only real complaint with this crazy ass weirdness is I believe it could have found a happy medium between the short film running time and the feature length (110 minutes) running time but outside of that this film will find its audience as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Night Claws (DVD) – David A. Prior of S.O.V. “Sledgehammer” fame apparently made a Bigfoot film a few years back. It was pretty solid! Bigfoot stalks a small town Alabama woods and it’s pissed off and bloodthirsty. Small town sheriff struggling for answers begrudging allows Professor Sarah Evans along for the ride to help out. But as the bodies pile up and the professional hunter stalking Bigfoot it cause issues for the small town sheriff to stop the murderous rampage of the beast. Seriously the movie surprised me of how solid the story was as most lower budgeted Bigfoot movies are usually hot garbage. Not Mr. Prior’s vision, kudos to you sir and thank you as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (DVD) – If there is such a thing as hate watching I did it with every fucking entry into this stupid zombie series. We come to find out of course it all comes back to Raccoon City or now what looks like a rejected set from “The Walking Dead”. And Alice must rush back to ‘The Hive’ to get the airborne cure for the T-virus to save the world. One question: Can this series be remade now by someone that actually knows the video game characters and knows how to make a zombie movie or we gonna suffer a pseudo-reboot in about four years starting all over again with Mila? So again I give this crap as this might be the only thing I hate more than stupid fucking boring ass Mothra!

 

Foreword (YouTube) – A very good actor/director Michael McCallum’s latest short film that was entered into the Detroit 48 hour film fest. As usual Michael McCallum gives us a dramatic and smart short film in “Forword”. An author who has written much lately sends a postcard to himself that can change his life? I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

The Dark Side of the Womb (Vimeo/DVD) – The film begins with a woman giving birth and a nurse of course helping her along. Problem or usually isn’t but in this case it is as the woman is having twins. She doesn’t give a flying turd about the second child as the first child is a child of a war hero and should be cherished. The other should be thrown away? 30 years pass and the cool and good looking brother goes out to meet his girlfriend but instead meets death from two murderous clowns. Meanwhile, a bigger woman named Linda gives birth to an adult head but her boyfriend just fell and has caused brain death so head transplant by Dr. Hook’s best friend who does bizarre surgeries. And we get one of the greatest quotes from an independent film: Dr. Hook says, “I know a guy who does bizarre transplants!” So the ugly twin Ed and Linda meet at Doctor Hook’s office one day and it is love at first sight until Linda’s ex now a killer clown comes a knocking… The people that were casted as Ed and Linda were an absolute treat to watch. Sam Salerno’s feature is hilarious, bizarre, and ridiculous and I enjoyed it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Twelve Pole (YouTube/DVD) – Sam Hodge set out to make an independent feature that has a group of innocent house flippers buying a house to fix up and sell. Seems like easy cash so after a quick decision they buy it but need someone to stay at the house and wait not only for them to bring tools back in a few days, but the electric guy, locksmith, etc. Will gets stuck staying there so he convinces his girlfriend to stay with him but after one night of strange noises and someone grabbing her she leaves. The guys get back a few days later and Will looks like shit but gets back in the groove after he buries some witchcraft shit he found. Or he thinks he buried all of it. The group of friends begins to turn on each other and just brutally mangle each other until there is only one of them left? The film is well structured and definitely has that fun creepy feel but it’s almost 105 minute running time needs cut down to 75 minutes in my opinion to keep that cool and creepy feel of the trailer for the flick. Sam Hodge and others made sure there are likable characters and great gore scenes but I believe the film needs condensed some as the conversations/dialogue do get dull. With that in mind it is a rough cut and I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out the Facebook group for details: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1883916838523111   

 

Gross Movie Reviews #416

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Gross Movie Reviews #416

 

Rage and Honor (DVD) – Cynthia Rothrock teams up with Richard Norton to kick drug dealers asses in this early 90s action flick. But Rothrock’s brother played by Brian Thompson is the mastermind behind all the drugs hitting the streets and ruining present day’s youth. It all boils down to a bad ass fight on top of a roof where Brian Thompson kicks both of their asses most of the fight. Fun stuff if you are a Rothrock or Brian Thompson fan, plus there is a sequel as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Terror Birds (DVD) – Greg Evigan of “My Two Dads” fame has a grand plan when he finds some weird rare prehistoric bird on an island. His hope is to have a scientist played by Leslie Easterbrook figure out how the birds can successfully mate and the eggs survive? Six months pass and patients are thin until a man out bird watching gets accidentally eaten by the birds which set off a course of events that leads his daughter and friends to the sanctuary. Now the friends must fight their way off the land before they become the next meal. Hilarious random nonsense that I give 2 stars too.

 

Tekken: Kazuya’s Revenge (DVD) – Not exactly what was the end game of this flick but some dude with no identity is forced to be an assassin until he begins to remember a few things. I only watched it because I thought it was another video game adaption. It just might be but who cares, I’m old, it was kind of boring so let’s movie on as I give it 1 star.

 

Skinwalker Ranch (DVD) – Jon Gries is a man whose son disappears after some weird lights come by the farm. The film is a found footage film based on a true story of a place that is the new undocumented ‘Area 51’? Gries boy Hoyt disappears and several months later an independent crew of investigators comes knocking to try and figure out the mystery. Strange noises, ghost kid, giant wolf monster, and then aliens cause all the trouble. An interesting found footage film that I believe doesn’t want to totally commit to being a paranormal or alien flick but at least it was worth the watch. I give it 2 stars.

 

The Haunting of Whaley House (DVD) – Lynn Lowry is showing the ropes to a young college girl who has just landed a job as a guide to the most haunted house in America? While hanging out with friends they convince her to allow them to hang out in the house overnight since none of them really believe in ghosts? To prove it they bring a friend’s uncle who knows all about ghosts and spirits and try to communicate with the spirits in the house just to prove none of it is real. Once they do make contact they are locked inside and the Whaleys’ home and they would like their daughter back. But the young woman who has been working there does not want to go even if she does look like her. One by one the friends are destroyed by the ghosts until they have their daughter. Surprisingly this film is from Asylum Entertainment and there wasn’t any Sharknadoes, cheesy dialogue, or a giant snake. Just a pretty entertaining paranormal film which I do not say often as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Scavenger Hunt (DVD) – A fun flick from 1979 that stars everyone except Burt Reynolds. A game maker Milton Parker (Vincent Price) is a millionaire from all the games he has invented for kids and families over the years. He dies in bed with his nurse playing one of his games so all his relatives close and distant come to the estate where they will be a part of a scavenger hunt? One last game that could land someone 200 million dollars! Even Mr. Parker’s help has a shot at it if they collect enough things on the list. This is one of many staples in cinema during the late 70s that got overused but usually seem entertaining when you were a kid. I give this cinema staple 2 stars.

 

It (Remake/Theater) – To be honest I wasn’t sure what to expect from this remake? The original film was a TV movie that sparked several TV projects adapted from King’s books in the early 90s. First half of the original was great and then the second half was total crap so I wasn’t totally sold on a remake. But in case you missed it Pennywise is an evil clown that roams the sewers of the small town Derry. Pennywise has been around since 1908 when some horrible egg hunt went wrong and many kids died. The town of Derry has had a very strange and twisted history as its death rate among children is more than the national average. Every 27 years he comes out to feed and take kids back to the sewers with him. But this time it’s different in 1989 almost a full year after Georgie died and his older brother wants answers. Along the way the kids are haunted by the evil clown as Pennywise wants to feed on them and their souls. The remake didn’t overthink the adaption and kept this horror flick creepy and entertaining as the kids make a pack at the end to come back if Pennywise every comes back to haunt the town of Derry. For me it was nice to see a very good horror flick from Hollywood that I wasn’t bitching about as I came out of the theater. If anything I am actually excited for ‘Chapter Two’ just to see if they can do a much better job than the 1990 version? I also believe this horror film creep out teenagers for years to come which is cool in my book as I give it 3 stars.

Moon Child (DVD) – Oh a lost gem from Todd Sheets in 1994 where he made a no budget, no problem post-apocalyptic flick. In this wasteland of a world people are dying from the plague and fighting the new government! A man named Jacob Stryker has escaped dark government scientists who were experimenting on him night and day. They of course want a new unstoppable soldier. Jacob just wants out in the world to go look for his son. The rebels want Jacob and his son on their side as they could be the answer for the plague. So there is a samurai/Stormtrooper dude with ninjas and bounty hunters trying to track down Jacob before he fully understands his hybrid powers. This movie is absolutely CRAPTASTIC! I love the mere balls Todd had just to try this type of film with not much money and just his passion to make it work. If anything this movie makes me respect Todd Sheets that much more because of the crazy car stunts that involve a Bronco II and a 1985 Plymouth Horizon. Oh and the main character turns into a werewolf also! This may not be his best work but this is the type of independent stuff I would like to strap to the face of some filmmakers to show it can be done with nothing but passion and the gore Todd Sheets is known for. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out the Facebook group for details: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1883916838523111   

Oh this is for real horror fans!

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Hello kiddos, independent filmmakers, horror fans, VHS collectors, t-shirt people, and anybody else out there reading this! Grossfest is for real! It is a reality as we have nailed down a hotel and date.

Grossfest

Saturday, July 28,2018

The George Washington Hotel

60 S. Main St.

Washington, Pa. 15301

www.thegeorgewashington.com

Vendor info will be coming soon as will many other details.

This is a big step in just having a fun horror movie convention or otherwise GROSSFEST!

#grossfest2018

Gross Movie Reviews #415

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Gross Movie Reviews #415

 

Return of the Seven (DVD) – No folks I did not find another Donald Jackson “Rollerblade Seven” movie… But this flick is the sequel that was released two years later starring Yul Brynner as the man in black. He now has a bounty on his head but that does not stop him in this western of gathering another group of seven to fight some mean dudes. This time he takes on a Mexican gang of thieves that won’t leave some farmers alone. Nowhere near as exciting as the first movie but worth wasting the two hours on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sentinel (DVD) – A great late 70s creepy flick that has pretty much every Hollywood somebody showing up for screen time. Allison Parker is a fashion model who wants some space and time to herself aka she wants her own apartment and not to be married just yet. She finds a cheap apartment where the only other resident in the building is supposedly some quiet blind dude in the top unit. Once moved in, cue the supernatural mumbo jumbo and Allison is going nuts. The weird happenings are affecting her personal and professional life as she believes she is going crazy. But in reality there is a reason she was meant to be there and it could be for good or evil as the weirdness ramps up! Still a fun flick to revisit as I give it 3 stars.

 

Living Dead World (DVD/YouTube) – A really low budget flick that has a flying object hit earth, make a big flash, and boom low budget zombies. Now the zombies have a civilian, a prisoner, and a US Marshal trapped in someone’s garage trying to survive the night of flesh eaters. I really wish this independent flick was worth talking about but this film is very dull with not a whole lot going on plot wise. I will actually pass if there is sequel as I give this flick 0 stars.

 

Decay (DVD) – I believe a low budget zombie flick from the UK where college engineering students are working at the Large Hardon Collider. They are doing computer models for their school work when the red alert goes off for radiation levels going up down in the tunnels. Believing they screwed up something they go underground and find the off switch. Yeah you heard me right if all else fails turn it off and back on to reset it just like my zombieputer? Doing this everything goes back to normal but now they are lost in the tunnels and wanna kind of explore anyway. Little they know a crew was affecting by radiation in the tunnels and now roam looking to eat flesh. Like the zombies in “The Video Dead” these zombies also don’t have to be shot in the head to go down. The students fight among each other as they try to figure out how to stop the zombies from getting to the surface and for them to escape. The Indy zombie flick has some good zombie chomping moments and the cool tunnel system set keeps you interested long enough to say you were glad you gave the flick a watch. I give Decay 2 stars.

 

Ninja Assassin (DVD) – A Europol agent is looking into some murders that seem not to have a suspect or real motive. But has a crazy theory about ninjas! And the murders are assassinations done by a group of ninjas? Or clan of ninjas? The deeper she goes the more interested other agencies from around the world become interested in her work. Why? Because the agent tracks down a man who possibly is a ninja but he has turned his back on his clan and killing off ninjas and people involved one by one. Brutal bad ass fight scenes make this action flick most amazing and want to watch it over and over as I give it 4 stars.

Wizards of the Demon Sword (DVD) – I found another Fred Olen Ray project that is Conan on a budget of a value meal at McDowell’s. But that doesn’t stop me from being entertained by this 1991 gem where a woman and her father are ambushed. The father ‘Ulric’ is the keeper of a special knife of ‘Aktar’ that in the wrong hands can make a person the most powerful in the world. Lord Khoura now has the blade but is having trouble unlocking its true power and is having trouble tracking down the daughter who he believes is the key. The young woman travels with a young swordsman in hopes of taking down Lord Khoura and saving her father. Lots of boobs (a staple in Fred Olen Ray films) and an appearance by Michael Berryman might make you wanna watch the Deathstalker series again or like me just enjoy the B-movie incarnations that were released after Arnold’s Conan movie was released. Thank you Mr. Olen Ray as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Nightmare Weekend (DVD) – Not totally sure how I made it through this complete shitfest of a movie but I did for the main reason it was a mid-80s flick that I can cross off my list movies I needed to see. Or in this case I really didn’t need to see. Three young women are invited to a mansion for no apparent reason except to wander and look pretty. Little they know a scientist has been doing experiments with a computer called Apache. And his assistant has some bad intentions for the three young women? But a puppet named George that plays on a Collecovision oversees the virginal daughter of the scientist who seems to get into trouble quite often. Also George tries to override Apache to stop the experiments. Doesn’t make a lick of sense but does a little when you learn the director behind it was famous for making lots of softcore porn flicks so go figure as I give this mess 1 star.

 

Evil in the Time of Heroes (DVD) – A Greek zombie film where zombies are attacking present day Greece and the story follows four people throughout the film who are part of a prophecy. Billy Zane is a mysterious messenger who comes from the past 3000 years ago to help out the new heroes in defeating the evil plague that has hit Greece. The topper of the film is Billy Zane is of course the best thing that happens in the film but once the evil is defeated Greece still gets decimated by the military to stop the spread of evil. I give it 1 star as I needed a little more gore and a little more Billy Zane.

 

Some Guy Who Kills People (DVD) – A very interesting film starring Barry Bostwick as a small town sheriff who is trying to solve a murder or murders as the bodies begin to pile up. Meanwhile, Ken is a mid-30s man working at an ice cream shop and just feels he does not fit in life. Released from insane asylum a few years he keeps to himself especially since he has flashbacks of the high school basketball team torturing him for a comic book he made. As the bodies pile up the one connection to it all is they were on the basketball team that pumbled Ken. Ken is now also trying to juggle a girlfriend and an 11 year old daughter that he never met. Is it Ken killing the people or someone else? The movie is pretty hilarious and has some great gory kills as I give the film 3 stars.

 

The Secret of Crickley Hall (DVD) – A BBC production that flips back and forth from 1943 and present day. A London couple loses their son as mom falls asleep at a park and the kid seems kidnapped. Almost a year after dad has a job opportunity outside of London and they get to move into a house that used to be called Crickley Hall and has a history. The family is just trying to move past their son being gone but strange noises and the kid’s voice is heard in the home. An old man named Percy played by David Werner tries to tell them the haunting tale or warn them about the flash flood that killed all the kids in the orphanage that was once Crickley Hall. A good paranormal buildup for ghost story fans as they connect the events of 1943 to present day Crickley Hall. I give this mini-series 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Gross Movie Reviews #414

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Gross Movie Reviews #414

 

The Video Dead (DVD) – A package is delivered to the door of Mr. Jordan aka ‘Bullshit artist’. Problem is Mr. Jordan didn’t order anything but takes it anyhow. It’s a T.V. and Mr. Jordan is a writer so he just sets it up in the living room and goes about his merry way. The T.V. begins playing by itself a black and white zombie flick. When he goes to check it out the zombies come out of the T.V. The delivery people come back the next day to Mr. Jordan dead as the package was supposed to go to “The Institute of Occult Studies”. A few months pass and a couple young college kids, Jeff and Zoe show up to movie in to help out their parents. Jeff finds the weird T.V. talking to him from the attic one night and plugs it in his bedroom. Weird shit happens including an old dude from Texas who has been looking for the T.V. to destroy it and what’s in it. They must hunt the zombies down: destroy them or get them back into the television. A great low budget zombie flick from 1987 that doesn’t play by the typical “zombie rules” and has that S.O.V. feel to it. The effects are great, the plot is very different than most zombie flicks, and you get David Bowie zombie! I give this must watch gem 4 stars.

The Creep Behind the Camera (Blu-ray) – An amazing reenactment documentary about filmmaker Vic Savage aka A.J. Nelson aka Arthur White aka most likely had a few other names. Otherwise a film that documents the insanity behind the making of a bad movie of 1964’s “The Creeping Terror” before stuff like “Troll 2” and “Cursed” were even thought of. Vic gets the filmmaking bug and moves himself and his first wife out to Hollywood during the 50s to make “the biggest monster movie anyone has seen!” Never mind the bad movie as much as Vic Savage was a complete psycho, womanizer, drug addict, drunk, con man! True stories told by living cast members, his first wife, producer, etc. Vic Savage was such a complete maniac that his monster maker stole his own creation during filming because he wasn’t paid, change actresses, sets, hung out with Charles Manson (before we all knew who he was), god complex, threesomes, Vic was completely insane. So insane he disappears into the night leaving what was considered the finished product/film in the garage with no sound, slate, etc. This is stuff that could not be made up about a film that is one of the first two movies I can legitimately remember watching. This film started it all for me and to watch this and learn of this insanity just made me absolutely love this documentary! It is beautiful insanity that needs to be watch and rewatched to be believed! There is lots of cool extras on the Blu-ray: The Creeping Terror movie of course but my favorite extra “How to Build a Carpet Monster”. Once again, Synapse Films does not disappoint as I give this wonderful package 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

Phenomena (Blu-ray) – The creepy Dario Argento film that stars a young Jennifer Connelly who plays a character named Jennifer who can communicate with bugs. Her famous father sends her to a gifted Swiss school where of course she isn’t well liked. Doesn’t help Jennifer sleep walks and finds herself outside almost being run down by a couple of weirdos and eventually meets a Dr. McGregor played by Donald Pleasance an entomologist. Besides the good doctor explaining she is in the part of the mountains that is considered the “Swiss Transylvania” he does notice and admire Jennifer’s ability with insects. The doctor soon recruits her help in his research for a killer in the area who is killing young women. The Blu-ray pack has three different versions of the film: The 110-minute hybrid cut which was awesome and never seen, the 110-minute international cut, and the 83-minute U.S. cut called “Creepers” which I grew up seeing. Along with a commentary and the different versions of the horror film there is also Dario Argento’s World of Horror documentary which is a pretty awesome thing to have in this 2-disc pack. The movie looks beautiful and it was really cool to finally see this hybrid cut as I give the movie 3 stars and the package 4 out of 4 stars as this should end collectors looking for any other copy of “Phenomena”. To find out more about the 2-disc Blu-ray go to www.synapse-films.com .

 

Acid Bath (DVD) – A 2006 insane independent film that sports a character named Zeke who has a fetish for killing hookers. The film follows his insanity in this exploitation-type flick that also has a man shooting gang members with a rocket launcher! Not much on plot but has grittiness and insanity in spades as you feel like you found a lost Polonia Brothers’ film from the late 80s as I give it 2 stars.

 

Redemption (DVD) – Jason Statham is a war vet back from the recent war living as a bum and wants left alone. One night two nasty dudes beat the crap out of him and take his roommate he was looking out for. He stumbles into a loft being chased by the two men and realizes no one is home. Takes a hard long look at himself, quits drinking, cleans up, and goes looking for the girl. But also uses the loft as home as the tenant isn’t coming back for months. He gets a job as muscle for the Chinese boss man to take people’s money. He uses his share to buy pizzas for the poor and try to give back to the nun that would help him and others who are on the street on a nightly basis. Or as I like to call it a very sad and depressing entry into “The Transporter” series as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Outside the Law (DVD) – Cynthia Rothrock was working for the CIA in Columbia until her team and boyfriend were set up. Now she is back in the states and just wants to forget everything. Meanwhile the legendary Stephen Macht is trying to track her down in Florida and find out what she knows? Also the dad from “Wonder Years” shows up and cool action dude James Lew to face off with Cynthia in the climatic fight. But mostly its Cynthia hanging out in Central Florida helping out a young couple avenge the dude’s sister who was killed by a B-movie dickweed! Give the action flick 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Gross Movie Reviews #413

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Gross Movie Reviews #413

 

House of Wax (DVD) – This 1953 film is not only a Vincent Price staple among Price fans but was one of the first 3-D films released to the theaters. Remember the world was changing at the time and theaters were looking for gimmicks to amaze audiences and keep them buying tickets. Vincent Price is an artist in the film who runs a wax museum where he does historical people and the creations are absolutely loved. Price’s business partner tries to explain they can make money from the insurance if the place is accidentally destroyed? Price the artist refuses as he talks to his creations as they are real people. Business partner burns the place down and believes he has killed Price’s character. But several months later a new wax place opens but with a lot more violent tone to it and Vincent Price returns. But Price is disfigured and believes in using real people for his wax casts now! Fun Vincent Price movie in many ways and hilarious 3-D stuff to pick up on as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Haunted House of Horror – A slightly weird late 60s British film that also was titled “Horror House” stars Frankie Avalon. Frankie and some young party goers are bored at a party and opted to go for a drive to a little known haunted house. They actually use the term ‘ghost hunting’ while stumbling around the mansion before they decide to do a séance. One of the young party goers Gary is murdered but who done it? The story gets a little weirder when Gary’s friends agree to not call the police and hide Gary’s body thinking one of them are the psychopath. By the way Frankie Avalon eventually gets stabbed in the dick! The story is a bit choppy but for good reason as watching the film I learned the original director was fired and the film was supposed to be more psychedelic. Some footage made it and a bunch got reshot by another director (Cursed anyone?). If that wasn’t enough David Bowie was casted for the film but the studio thought him and Avalon would clash? On top of the things I even mentioned the killer runs off and credits roll before police get to the mansion. Track this film down movie buffs you will enjoy the stories about the behind the scenes stuff as I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Fin Sheppard now a world hero is contacted by Nova who has found an ancient stone, the shark stone. Supposedly the ancients predicted the sharknadoes and predicted that world would be destroyed by them. The stone has power and the power actually allows you to control a sharknado. But not knowing this Finn and Nova accidentally causes the destruction of London when they bring the stone there. And the sharknado has kidnapped Fin’s son and Finn travels the world chasing the sharknado with the stone hoping to get his son back. Spoiler alert: There will be a sixth one! Possibly the only reason to still watch these films is what happens in the last two minutes of the film as Finn is thrown into the future world that has been destroyed by the sharknadoes. But Finn finds his son and it is Dolph Lundgren! Yep, I am in for sixth installment just for this reason as I give this sad boring sequel 1 star.

 

Galaxy of Horrors (DVD) – So Rue Morgue presents an anthology with several short films all sci-fi based. All the entries are really solid and we even get a weird “Videodrome-style” segment. My favorite might be the cannibals in space but the first two segments might hit home for young folks as it predicts where society is going and what it might look like? All the segments are played like music selections as a man is trapped inside a chamber that won’t release him. Again another anthology worth checking out for movie buffs as I give it 3 stars.

 

I.F.O.: Identified Flying Object (VHS/YouTube) – A low budget flick from 1987 that is also known under the title “Defense Play” which is the same title for a similar flick a year after this release with for more known actors in it. A misunderstood, computer savvy teenager living in Northern California who steals a mini-helicopter that has artificial intelligence, named REM and just wants to be free to fly at will. Corny movie that is a real low budget version of half of the popular 80s films at the time was most likely a movie that had its time on one the major cable channels when it was released and then disappeared. I give the movie 1 ½ stars.

 

The Evil Spawn (DVD) – John Carradine shows up for a minute as a scientist who is working with microbes from Venus in his experiments. He dies and his assistant begins her own experiments… on humans. She convinces a once popular actress she can have her youthful appearance back if she takes the serum. The actress desperate for a movie role as younger actresses keep getting roles she was once up for takes the serum. It works and makes more beautiful than ever but she begins to feel the side effects which her growing large teeth and mutilating people as her body is changing from the experimental serum. In no time she soon becomes a rubber monster creature that must eat. The film is a Fred Olen Ray produced flick which means no shortage of boobage. And the film is directed by Kenneth J. Hall who is known for doing several behind the scenes roles in early Full Moon projects. As usual it’s a late night monster romp from Fred Olen Ray that reminds me why this man should never be forgotten as I give the movie 2 ½ stars.

Clowntergiest (DVD/Vimeo) – Our story begins with a couple college girls who are staying over the summer in the small college town instead of heading home. Not a whole lot happens once college is out but that change one night when a man hunt is announced to a popular ice cream shop of police looking for a serial killer. No leads after a couple days and the one girl Emma begin seeing a clown and a balloon with a date on it in her dreams. But Emma keeps seeing it as the date is coming closer and does not believe it is a dream any longer, its reality. As the bodies keep piling up around Emma the paranormal clown keeps stalking Emma and her friend. The only way for Emma to not die on the date on the balloon is to conquer her fear of clowns. If anything the film isn’t as bad as it sounds as much as proving clowns are the new zombies of the low budget genre. The problem is unlike zombies the conversation about clown horror flicks ends after “Killer Klowns from Outer Space, House of 1000 Corpses, and Clown”. There isn’t a lot you can do with the clown genre unlike the zombie genre as I give this flick 1 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

The Hidden (VHS) – Kyle Machlan is a F.B.I. agent aka alien tracking an alien parasite that has killed his family and partner. And Lloyd the F.B.I. agent man has tracked this alien parasite from Seattle to L.A. Problem is the parasite is a jumper as it jumps from one human to another when it is all used up. The alien parasite likes metal music, fast cars, fast women, and power or being noticed. With the help of Detective Beck Lloyd is able to track down the thing until it jumps into a famous senator’s body. A cool concept for a sci-fi flick but does have its dull parts. But pay attention as there is an appearance from a younger Danny Trejo! I give the film 2 stars.

 

Pandemic (DVD) – A recent zombie film filmed “Doom or Hardcore Henry” style gives this the film a different feel. Most of the world has fallen to zombie apocalypse as a L.A. military outpost is trying to find the cure and survivors. A rescue team is sent into a hot zone to rescue survivors and get the supply drop but face off much opposition and it isn’t always zombies. Also I like they explain the stages of infection to not go full blown zombie movie but like a prequel about too? It entertained me so I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Spill (DVD) – So-called action star Brian Bosworth plays a top secret service agent for the president in this mid-90s flick. Special agent Ken Fairchild plays up his real life college football angle and best friends with the president until… During a recent event set-up sweep Ken comes across some sick people in the woods. These people are sick and the fish are dying because some dude hijacked a big rig full of chemical waste that the government was trying to cover up to begin with. He crashes the rig and waste spills into the stream. When Ken believes he stops the forces behind the cover-up he is wrong and must do the right thing by going against the president. A fun one take and B-movie action flick that was in my book as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

D4 (DVD) – A special ops team is hired to track down a kidnapper who is holding up at a closed down military facility with someone’s kid. Lots of money being paid out, so no questions asked. But when the special ops unit runs into a bootleg version of Dave Batista that can take a gunshot point blank range out in the woods they believe they are over their heads. They know for sure when they follow it to the closed down facility D4 that happens to be its home. And also houses another hybrid creature that a scientist has experimented on for the perfect soldier. Great poster, great concept, shitty execution of a film as I give it 1 star.

 

Stage Fright (DVD) – A recent horror flick that I left sit around for a while because I thought it was a remake. Nope folks it’s “High School Musical” with a gory horror flick going on in the background. Meat Loaf is running a small back woods summer camp for artists, musicians, singers for the past ten years because his star was murdered right before her big break in Loaf’s production. A decade has passed and the Loaf gives the okay to a talented, pig headed director kid to do the production. Unbeknownst to the Loaf the daughter/kitchen cook decides to audition for the lead role and nails it. But a masked killer has had enough of the Loaf and the weird kids and begins a bloody massacre posing as the villain from the production. Not a remake, entertaining to me and a nice amount of gore makes me give this small surprise 3 stars.

Demon Hunter (DVD/Vimeo) – A film from Ireland about a young woman who claims to be a demon hunter searching for the demon who defiled her younger sister. Taryn the demon hunter is captured by police one night after decapitating a demon. Brought into custody she interrogated by a detective who has a connection to Taryn from several years ago. He was the detective who promised to find the person or thing that got her sister. Never happened… so Taryn has taken things into her own hands as she searches for the one named Falstaff. Falstaff fears Taryn a bit as a small group of individuals who protect Taryn believe she is the only one that could defeat the horrible demon. I love the Irish and want to visit Ireland someday but please take away this dull ass movie as Dolph Lundgren’s “Don’t Kill It” broke the mold for recent demon movies earlier this year. For that I only give this snoozer 1 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Gross Movie Reviews #412

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Gross Movie Reviews #412

 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (DVD) – It took me awhile to watch this reboot of the franchise but for good reason as I am a fan of the originals and the Mark Wahlberg abomination of the early 2000s. But I heard enough good things and decided I thought it was time to give this movie a chance. And guess what this newer version is pretty good as James Franco is a scientist who is looking for a cure for Alzheimer’s. After many failed tests a female monkey shows promise of improved brain function, etc. When he has a presentation the monkey loses its shit because it is protecting its baby and is put down after the incident. Franco’s character takes the baby chimp home and he continues his research as he eventually tests it on his own father and it works. Along the way Caesar is learning at an incredible rate and knows sign language while Franco’s father is doing great. Several years pass the disease comes back and it gets the father and Caesar in trouble. Caesar is taken away and he begins his uprising of apes at an abusive sanctuary while viral monkey flu happens when testing continues on monkeys and a human is exposed. The movie ends as it becomes a signal of the fall of man. I enjoyed this version as it went out of its way to separate itself from the originals but keep the heart of what made them good. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (DVD) – This sequel picks up several years after Caesar and the apes went into the woods to live away from mankind. During that time mankind all over the world has fallen because of the monkey flu. San Francisco is in ruins and what is left of the people who live there send a group of people into the woods looking for a dam. If they can fix it they can restore power to the city to stay alive. But the apes will not let it happen as they do not want humans near their home. It’s been a couple years since the apes seen one and was starting to believe all humans had died? In dire need of power a group of humans from the city go back and talk to Caesar to convince him this is the best and most peaceful solution. But just like humans the apes do not trust the other and one plans on killing Caesar making it look like the humans killed him. Caesar always believed apes were better but learns the hard way as both human and ape survivors lose their homes in a fight in the ruins of San Francisco. Caesar gathers the apes to leave knowing a war is coming as a military force has been finally contacted thus setting up the new sequel “War”. I give this sequel 3 stars as it was just enjoyable as the first film.

 

Lunarcop (VHS) – This relatively unknown 1995 Michael Pare flick was also known as “Solar Force” in some countries. Michael Pare is Joe Brody and it is 2050 A.D. as Joe is a policeman on a space station where humans are trying to restart life on earth. Several years back “The Big Burn” happened forcing what’s left of the human race to this space station or the rich people. There are rumors of savages on earth but the goal is to shoot this invention into the atmosphere to restart life on earth until it is stolen by rebels. So Joe must go to earth for the first time ever to retrieve this item. He hangs with the savages as he saves people from the evil Billy Drago who just wants to destroy nearby villages. When Joe is convinced he doesn’t need to return to space with the item a cyborg is sent for his destruction. I give the film 2 ½ stars as you can never have enough Michael Pare in your life.

 

Dracula 3-D (DVD) – This well criticized version of Dracula comes from the horror mind of Dario Argento. My main reasoning for watching this movie is Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing. But even Hauer’s presence cannot help this lackluster version of the popular vampire. Yeah there is some cool scenes full of practical gore but the transformation scenes of Dracula are completely laughable as they are digital and look like total shit. For me at least the movie is watchable but nothing in the movie makes you want to pop this bad boy in the DVD player again? I give this not so great version of Dracula 1 ½ stars.

 

5-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Apparently San Juan has a shark problem and the shark mutates to have a fifth head coming from its ass! A professor and her interns are talked into searching for the beast by a money grubbing boss guy in San Juan. Once the interns begin to become lunch for the shark the professor turns to an old boyfriend for help as the local authorities don’t know if they can defeat the mutant shark either. Nothing to exciting but the shark does have a head on its ass giving a new meaning to “ass to mouth”! I couldn’t let that one go as I give this somewhat boring flick 1 star.

 

Mississippi River Sharks (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Random sharks come down the river to begin attacking a fishing contest. A contest that stars Jason London to send the fishermen and women out to the river and to sign autographs because of his action star status. Nowhere near the best of the SyFy Channel shark films but it is pretty entertaining for most of the movie as Jason London plays himself and we you get a couple of locals in the movie trying to catch fish/sharks with a tow truck. Fun stuff for those of us that have pretty much watched every shark movie that has come down the film pike… I give this shark flick 2 stars.

 

Trailer Park Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Great title, great concept, has an odd looking Tara Reid (eat a fucking burger woman), a little lean on characters but remember the title. Some rich asshole owns some land where some rednecks have their trailers at. He can’t get rid of them legally so he hires a guy to go blow up a levy that will flood the trailer park. Meanwhile some of the trailer park folk have figured a way to steal electric from the nearby levy. Levy blows up, takes out the trailer park and a few people, but a shark arrives also to attack the survivors. It is B-movie trash but has enough laughs to keep you entertained as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Toxic Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A reality show throws up on an island for young single men and women to get drunk and hook up. Problem is the water is toxic and has affected a local shark that now spits green shit from its heads that burns you like acid; its bite can turn you into a zombie of sorts, and still tries to eat you. Horrible concept and that is a lot for me to say as it gets boring quickly. The only thing that can save this movie is if “Shark Exorcist” would have come and helped. This movie can go suck the poop from my butt as this movie was beyond terrible as I give it 0 stars. But hey, on the bright side let’s all hope for a sequel to “Shark Exorcist”!

 

Circus Kane (Vimeo/DVD) – An old famous horror host/circus entertainer named Circus Kane disappeared after a violent incident took place at his circus over twenty years ago. A couple decades have passed and some so-called social media stars or to be more specific media stars of the horror community receive a random text from the icon Circus Kane. Declaring he is back with a vengeance and the individuals that are receiving the text have a “once in a lifetime chance at $250,000”. All the social media stars have to do is show up at a location at a certain time and they will be taken to the Circus Kane event. Once there they realize they are at Circus Kane’s mansion which has been redone for the stars to make their way through the scary maze. And just to give the event that extra flare, everything that happens to the guests while in the maze is being filmed to be posted on their social media pages. It is a fun and bloody time directed by Christopher Ray and written by the duo of James Cullen Bressack and Zack Ward. So some thinking went into this low budget project that also sports a cameo from Richard Moll (who by the way looks a lot like Angus Scrimm now) and a twist for the three to maybe revisit the Circus Kane character again. The movie has its drawbacks but the pace of the film is quick and entertaining and I absolutely love the concept of the horror version of the social media stars wanting in on the big bucks. For that I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

Pool Party Massacre (Blu-ray) – A low budget horror film made in the spirit of “Slumber Party Massacre”. And the 8-Bit intro was absolutely beautiful. From the start you can see filmmaker Drew Marvick is a fan of “Slumber Party Massacre” with all the nods. Especially when a few of the scenes at the beginning of the film where the killer stalks the young ladies getting ready for the pool party brings back memories of such a great film. But the meat of the film is a rich bitch wants to have a pool party with all her wannabe reality star girlfriends. Have some champagne, look hot, and hang by the pool. The cool idea of a pool party becomes “worst pool party ever” when a killer is stalking all the guests. The killer stalks them all one by one including killing a man with a drill while the guy is jerking off. This beautiful movie was a love letter to my 15 year old self with the gore, the unseen killer, the music, the nods to the early slasher films, the packaging from box art to tagline, and the commentary with mom is excellent! My only complaint of the film might be some of the dialogue scenes that got a little boring but then I do remember “It is a fucking movie called Pool Party Massacre”… I believe Drew and company did one hell of a job of making an entertaining and Slumber Party worthy horror flick that needs to be seen by all! Thank yinz and my god Rutger Hauer for making this film exist and for that I give it 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.poolpartymassacre.com .

 

Empire of the Sharks (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Another attempt from Asylum Entertainment trying to do a “Waterworld” type of movie with sharks and we have John Savage as a warlord who owns the ocean. Savage’s character is building a machine that will produce fresh water without the help of humans and brutalizes nearby floating villages for slaves and tributes. There latest attack they kidnap a blonde girl who unknown to them her father was a shark caller or shark thingy? Whatever, she can talk to sharks basically. When her friends are being attacked when they try to rescue her Savage and others try to read her mind so they can harness her power. This power could rule the world or what’s left of it?  Just like last year’s effort this fizzles out into a boring mess of a shark movie that needs more time or effort to even think of pulling off to make it remotely good. I give this shark flick 1 star.

 

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You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html