Gross Movie Reviews #503

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Gross Movie Reviews #503

 

Something Evil (YouTube) – An early 70s TV flick that stars Darren McGavin as part of a married couple who decides to buy an old country home out in the middle of nowhere. Problem is they picked the wrong home and it has some weird paranormal things happening Possibly Satan or just some demonic being. Being city folk and not sure how to deal with it they even look into getting a priest. Sounds cool if you’re a fan of this 70s TV stuff but even the die hards got to admit there isn’t much of a payoff when it is all said and done as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Panther Squad (DVD) – A crazy Sybil Danning flick from the early 80s about a new organization that has been formed called N.O.O.N. They would like to conquer space as most places on the planet except for a few select islands refuse to cooperate are all for this. So a group called “Clean Space” takes over the space rocket and holds it hostage. In response the governments okay a covert operation that calls in Danning’s character and her elite woman military squad. Besides looking like extras from a Duran Duran video they help track down Clean Space and put a stop to their tactics. Hilarious B-movie stuff that gets you Sybil Danning in skin tight leather throughout the feature, looking through binoculars for at least half of the film. Not totally sure if Full Moon actually has the rights but sure glad they put it out on DVD for all of us to enjoy. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Quantum (Shudder) – Another twist on the zombie genre where a Native American community begins to see weird shit: gutted fish become alive again, dogs are dying, and then a drunken dude begins biting people. Not fully explained how it started this sends an Indian reservation into lockdown fighting off hordes of the undead. Six months later and the whole apocalypse has happened. The residents of the reservation have come to find out they are immune for an unknown reason. Now they discuss it a couple times why it might be… but they still need to survive as they can still be eaten and overtaken. Fighting among each other is their downfall as they fight over whether they should allow the white man into their secure community? Good amount of gore and a twist in the zombie genre makes the film an intriguing choice. I like the film but didn’t love it but feel no matter what kind of horror fan you are it does deserve a chance as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Easter Holocaust (DVD) – An independent holiday film that tackles the Easter Bunny that is just an absolutely too fucking long of a movie. EDITING IS NOT A BAD THING KIDS!!! The bunny happens to be an evil force that collects human hearts and a woman who escapes the local asylum is looking for evidence of the bunny existing. There is a whole boring storyline about the woman being the chosen one and a dumb hillbilly cannibal family. The only real redeeming thing about the whole film is a ‘Death by a Suction Cup Dildo!” Outside of that you can live your life without watching this as I give a half star. Thank me later from saving you to watch 2 plus hours of complete crap.

 

The Open Trail (DVD) – Another film from Dan Komarek that comes in about 34 minutes is about two friends Sam and Chris going on a hike in the woods. Things are going great until Sam falls off some high rocks and possibly breaking his leg. With friends not leaving friends behind Chris does his best to get Sam back close enough to get him help? But they both believe something or someone is just behind them at all times. After hearing gun shots in the distance Sam’s leg feels better to run but it’s too late as the two friends must face off with their unknown assailant. Mr. Komarek was smart to keep the film short as it is rough around the edges plot wise but more than makes up for it with the characters legit chemistry between them as they fight for their lives. You can see Dan Komarek is passionately trying to get better with each project and a lot of times that is what independent film fans want as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Motor Home Massacre (YouTube) – Some so-called friends jump into an old RV and go for a ride into the woods. That part of the woods (Black Creek) that just happened to have a murder or two in the night before. This doesn’t stop the friends from enjoying the quiet area for drinking and all the sex. Of course there is an unhappy psycho who is pissed all the sex is going down and people need to be killed with a bad plot twist. A lot of us love slasher films and a lot of us enjoy independent slashers but when the project has no heart from the beginning and looks like the story was dumped on film that is never good. Great title, disappointing film, which I am not thankful for as I give it a ½ star.

Bad CGI Sharks (DVD) – A brilliant story about two brothers Matthew and Jason who are very close in many ways as kids. As kids they wanted to make a shark movie like no other but eventually that dream was squished as their father considered Jason a lost cause. Many years later Mathew has grown up and living out in Hollywood! Mathew’s life is turned upside down when his older brother Jason shows up who just so happens to be a bum who still wants to make shark movies. After some fighting, smoking weed, and talking about their movie script with no ending they wrote as kids called, “Sharks Outta Water” a floating shark shows up! It first eats the neighbor but eventually it begins chasing the brothers. It seems a man with a magical clapper board as brought their childhood movie script to life and now they must deal with it in many hilarious ways. Don’t just rent, buy this fucking movie NOW! One of the most entertaining independent shark films ever made as I give this sure to be on the “Best of 2020 list” 4 out of 4 stars.

 

5G Zombies (On Demand) – Yep, leave it me to find another film trying to deal with the Corona Virus and of course it involves zombies. This independent film uses the 5G upgrades and the Corona Virus happening at the same time not a fluke. The upgrades is causing the virus to mutate and causing people to become zombies. Most of the film is a series of shorts spliced together of people doing their character parts over laptops and phones during the ongoing pandemic. Biggest difference between this film and the one from Full Moon is ‘5G Zombies’ goes out of its way to be serious where the other made it a joke from the start. Right or wrong in making these types of films during a pandemic can be debated forever but I just believe maybe this flick should have taken a clue from Full Moon. This film be forgotten quickly if even watched as I give it 1 star.

Killer Ants (On Demand) – A young couple (Evan and Cory) move to small town Texas from New York for a teaching job. Cory enjoyed New York very much and finds the move hard to adjust especially because she keeps getting bit by fire ants and a specialist in fire ants, Olivia has shown interest in Evan. While Cory becomes an amazing shitty cuntface of a character the fire ants have begun to mutate, growing larger, and acting much different than their species dictates. After the wonderful death of Cory in a fridge Olivia tries to not bang Evan on her gravesite in order to find out what is the real cause of her death. The real cause leads to something much more sinister than Olivia and Evan are prepared for. Kudos to the writer, filmmaker, and actress making up one of the most unlikable characters in a movie I have had the pleasure of watching die in a horror movie and for that I give this flick 3 stars.

 

The Strangeness (DVD) – An odd low budget flick that was filmed in 1980 but wasn’t released until 1985 into horror film obscurity. The film has found DVD recently allowing weirdos like me to watch the film and compare it to a film like ‘The Boogens’. A group of people are being paid to chart an abandoned mine called “Golden Spike Mine”. Abandoned many years ago because missing miners and miners refusing to work because of stories of a monster living in the mine. When a cave-in mishap happens the group chooses to go deeper in the mine thinking they can avoid the part of the mine with the stories of monsters. An unseen creature picks them off one by one as they go deeper into the mine until the creature is revealed and it’s a big Vagina! If that wasn’t enough listen to music as I believe John Carpenter might wanna get a lawsuit together? For me the film was neither good nor bad but was just happy to see this low budget mess as I give it 2 stars.

Zombie House Party Massacre (YouTube) – Finally a no budget film that lives up to its name as zombies are just trying to live civil lives in their home. But damn young humans come to rush the house to party and have unprotected sex! The zombies stay quiet in the upstairs room until one of the party goers hear the baby and take it. The zombies just wanting their zombie baby back chase the humans throughout the home and call for help from their zombie friends. What makes it hilarious as they chase the humans around the home they make fun of themselves that they must act a certain way in order to stay scary. Otherwise they are no different than any of us until they finally had enough and start eating the humans to get the zombie baby back! The short film is absolutely wonderful and I could not stop laughing at the zombie jokes as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #491

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Gross Movie Reviews #491

Velocipastor (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer someone has been reading my mind again and I thank them as this movie exists! Young Pastor Doug loses his parents to a rogue car explosion before the opening credits. Being upset with God, Doug wants to find himself because this tragic event has made him question everything so he travels to China or someone’s backyard made to look like it for answers. There Doug is approached by a dying Chinese woman who scratches him with an artifact and calls him “Dragon Warrior”. After this event Pastor Doug finds himself back home at bed unsure of how he got there. Still unsure Pastor Doug takes a walk in the park where he transforms into a raptor that helps a hooker named Carol. Carol being appreciative takes Velocipastor home and tries to convince of what happened and what he can do with his new found powers. But meanwhile ninjas and Doug’s lost brother are all about bringing down our new found superhero! Does Doug become a crime fighting dinosaur or die at the hands of ninjas as give this beautiful movie is amazing and absolutely fucking hilarious as I give it 4 stars!

 

Spanish Chainsaw Massacre (DVD) – As I scrap the bottom of the barrel ‘massacre filmland’ I came across this abomination that has a bunch of random violent scenes and boobs during the first ten minutes of the picture that has nothing to do with the movie. So once you are past that we get the real plot which is barely 60 minutes long about the band ‘Metal Dicks or Cocks’? They use both names during the film so go with whatever penis name you are comfortable with. The band’s manager takes them on tour only to breakdown in a small village that just happens to be full of cannibals who don’t mind taking a bite out of a dong or two. Lots of very wacky and gory scenes of flesh-eating but is it really interesting? It is more disorienting with a few laughs as I give the film 1 star.

 

Bachelor Party Massacre (DVD) – Remember the independent film was made in 2006 so it was influenced by “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. If that doesn’t scare you off then knowing it takes ‘the raincoat killer’ 70 minutes to kill four dudes in an empty bar should as I give this badly produced flick a ½ star.

 

Killer Sofa (DVD) – A crazy dude named Fredrico who is obsessed with a dancer commits suicide to put his spirit into a recliner and for it to be sent to her when found. The recliner is sent to the dancer Francesca who is very accepting of the recliner but soon weird things begin to happen with the piece of killer furniture inside her apartment and she cannot explain it. The movie peaks about halfway through when it completely goes off the rails after killing Francesca’s boyfriend and start talking witches and other random shit of how this killer recliner came to be? Honestly why explain? It is a fucking movie called “Killer Sofa”! Stop over thinking the plot and just give me a sofa eating people, movie done! How fucking hard is it as I give this disappointing movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Murder by Death (DVD) – A 1976 murder/mystery/comedy that was most likely was the influence to the “Clue” movie that is so much fun. Five of the world’s finest detectives are brought together to a spooky mansion to solve a crime that hasn’t been committed yet. The detective that does win will win a million dollars. Great 70s all-star cast provide lots of hilarious moments to a film that may be lost on a generation or two of movie fans. If you’re a movie buff this film is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

Deadtectives (Shudder) – A group of people who have faked a popular paranormal show for five seasons without ever finding any real ghosts! But now the show is tanking and if they don’t have an amazing finale they are going to be canceled. So the group against their wishes has a new producer and sent to Mexico to investigate Mexico’s most haunted place that has a history of people dying there. Not taking it seriously the group does their usual antics until they begin to figure out they are now facing real evil and may not live to tell anyone about it. The group must put their heads together to actually figure how to defeat the evil that resides in the house in order to leave… Funnier than I ever thought it would be as I give it 3 stars.

When the Fever Breaks (DVD) – An independent film that uses zombies as a minor back drop piece in a plot of how friends turn on each other. It begins with friends (one of them, George looks like a bootleg Karl Urban) escaping a horde of zombies to a secure house. People are turning from scratches more than bites and everyone is unsure if the chemical leak had anything to do with the apocalypse that has them running for their lives. Skye and Haley are the best of friends but soon become enemies as Skye is bitten and trapped in her garage with her daughter. Skye is already sentenced to death by friends just because of survival. The second half of the movie becomes more about Skye taking her home back and helping her daughter survive than zombies attacking the home. Again the zombies are just a backdrop here and I believe it to be a very cool thing that was well executed with a twist as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Beyond the Law (DVD) – A 1968 spaghetti western starring the late great Lee Van Cleef who plays an outlaw named Cudlip who has two partners in crime who steal the miners’ payroll on its way to the small town Silvertown. Novak is a European man who was protecting the payroll and vows to go back to Greenstone to get the insurance payroll. Totally still looking for what may have happened to the payroll Novak meets Cudlip in the middle of the desert. They quickly become friends on different paths, Novak going to Greenstone to protect the payroll and Cudlip to steal it with his two friends. Everything goes to both plans until real time outlaws show up and start a shoot out to get the payroll. Thanks to Cudlip and friends it doesn’t happen but now the stakes are raised higher for Cudlip to decide if he wants to steal the silver or just become an honest man after he is made sheriff. Great spaghetti western with a great ending as you can never go wrong with Van Cleef as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Grand Duel (DVD) – Some people might know this 1972 film under its other name “The Big Showdown”. Either way it stars Lee Van Cleef as a bad ass old sheriff who is looking to help a condemned young gunfighter. Sheriff Clayton lays his job on the line to defend the kid that is accused of a murder he did not commit. Cleef’s character must face off in a bloody duel with the potential president candidate in order to clear the young man’s name. Great back and forth scenes between Cleef and the young gunfighter as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Shoot’em Up (DVD) – A completely unrealistic comic bookish action film starring Clive Owen as Mr. Smith who is just minding his own business until a pregnant woman comes running past into an alley. She is tracked down by an unknown man who is trying to kill her. After Mr. Smith takes a bite of his carrot he decides to get involved and from the chaos begins and does not stop until the credits roll. Mr. Smith helps deliver the baby during a shootout with mobsters and escapes with the child who becomes known as Oliver after the mother is shot in the head. Mr. Smith is on the run with Oliver until he meets up with an old friend who happens to be a high priced hooker that feeds breast milk to dudes. No matter what Mr. Smith wants to protect the child for the mere reason a mob boss wants the baby. But if that wasn’t good enough I give you subplot of the baby is a part of some strange government bone marrow experiment for a presidential hopeful! The film blends the outrageous fun of 80s action films with a comic bookish storyline that completely works brilliantly to be enjoyed time after time as I now can take Clive Owen seriously and for that I give 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

It will be here before you know it: Grossfest 3: Season of the Gross, July 25-26th, 2020. Check out www.grossfest.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #490

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Gross Movie Reviews #490

 

Madhouse (DVD) – Here is a weird ass US/Italian production from 1981 that has a young woman named Julia who had a horrible childhood because of her crazy ass twin sister Mary. Mary was committed at a very young age and still is fucking nuts! After a lot of convincing from her creepy ass priest uncle Julia goes and visits Mary only to be haunted by the past again. Mary soon escapes the hospital to track down Julia and wreck her adult life. Mary and her dog are a fun highlight of the film as they just brutally kill people. But as Julia’s friends try to defend themselves we get an awesome ‘drill to a fake dog’s head’… Wonderful stuff folks as I give this wild flick 3 stars.

 

Blood Beat (Blu-ray) – This 1982 batshit crazy French/US production is fucked up right out of the gate. Ted has brought home his new girlfriend to meet the folks in rural Wisconsin for the holidays. From the beginning Ted’s mother gives Sarah his girlfriend the stink eye causing her not to feel comfortable being there. Sarah feels like something is trying to haunt her from the inside? Meanwhile Ted’s mom is a super weirdo, Ted is still trying to bump uglies hard like it is going to knock the demon out of her later he will regret banging her, and Sarah has weird ass dreams of becoming a samurai and cutting the locals out in the woods. Only Ted’s mom with her secret weird supernatural powers can save them all. I don’t have a clue what to make of this movie but if you need something to watch that doesn’t make a lick of sense ‘Blood Beat’ is your jam as it has a new special edition Blu-ray release out there for all of us weirdos as I give it 2 stars.

 

Livid (DVD) – A more recent French horror film that centers on a young lady, Lucie who has two different colored eyes. She is training with Ms. Wilson to be a house call nurse for some rich lady. Everything seems to be fine but there is more sinister things going on than meets the eye. We have a weird old lady that might be rich with a key around her neck and we got a house nurse that runs over young teenagers and slices them up in her tub. Weird spooky shit going down folks! Anyway Lucie makes the mistake of telling her dipshit boyfriend who forces her back to the house that night to steal the hidden treasure from an old lady in a coma. Once inside and cannot find the treasure they son figure out the key is for some evil shit. Stick with this one as its weird and doesn’t make a lot of sense but it is entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Wake Up (DVD) – Dr. Phillip Tanner is tasked with investigating and writing up a report on a young woman named Molly who killed her family and dog one night. Tanner is given this project after Molly’s first doctor died suddenly when he began reading her diary leading up to the murders. Molly always claimed her nightmares were driving her nuts and these nightmares are showing her horrible things. Once Tanner dives into the notes and diary he soon finds himself questioning his own reality and dreams even though Molly’s diary warns him from the beginning that it should only be read by her. Is Tanner going insane or is something more going on? I thought Joe Nowland and crew did a wonderful job of carrying this interesting thriller storyline as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Massacre at Femur Creek (YouTube) – This 2014 short film begins on June 22, 1984 in St. Claire, Ontario where three young males are having a camping outing for the weekend. This party weekend is quickly interrupted by a masked creeper who is trying to stab them to death. The three do not go down easily as they do manage to cut off the masked killer’s dong! I laughed enough that I feel this ‘massacre’ film has some rewatchablity as I give it 2 stars.

One Cut of the Dead (Shudder) – I was checking out this latest zombie project from Japan and wasn’t entirely impressed through the first twenty minutes or so as it seem like a lackluster Indy zombie project. But then the movie is turned on its head as the movie credits roll thirty minutes in and we go back a month before the project started where an average filmmaker is picked for a new TV project. Higurashi is a director who just tries to please everyone so for this new horror channel he is perfect in their minds for this project. They want a one continuous shot zombie project with no cuts and not using much money. So it takes the viewer throughout the inner workings of the project and how they made the finished product work. On top of that we get to see the subplot of Higurashi and his aspiring filmmaker daughter storyline all the through as it is tied up nicely in the end. This film has a great premise, lots of blood, and entertaining characters as this movie takes a very fresh take on the bloated zombie genre as I give it 4 stars.

 

Insemnoid (DVD) – Some people may know this flick as “Horror Planet” but if you never have watched it then you will be sold on it is all about a penis shaped alien inseminating a female after it has been awaken on a faraway planet! A hilarious British space film where researchers check out a tomb on this foreign planet to find out what species may have lived here before? Ricky and Dean go exploring until an explosion inside the tomb kills Dean with Ricky surviving and being life to the Penis alien! After Ricky loses his mind and causes all kinds of chaos Sandy is abducted by the aliens and experimented on or just has a large tube shoved up her vagina. Sandy goes nutzoid with super penis alien strength and begins killing off the lamest movie space crew of all time as I give this funny ass movie 2 stars for just existing.

 

Dolemite is My Name (On Demand) – A biopic that tells the story of Rudy Ray Moore. Mr. Moore is played by none other than Eddie Murphy who basically decided it was time to let the world know about Rudy Ray Moore and his adventures… But also Eddie Murphy is back! The film takes us into the world of Rudy Ray Moore how like most of us had big dreams when he moved out west. But working at a record shop and working at night clubs as a comedian/MC wasn’t the ideal situation. One day an older man comes into the record shop telling hilarious stories and this is where Rudy sees something that he can become and Dolemite was born. Rudy Ray Moore is proof you can make it happen for yourself if you try. Mr. Moore went from a nobody to part of pop culture of the 70s. The cast for this biopic was amazing and this is most likely one of the best movies you will see in 2019 as I give 4 stars. To be honest only recently I have watched some of Rudy’s movies and thoroughly enjoyed them. I knew about Dolemite but always went on to watching some other Blaxploitation flick so shame on me. So don’t make that mistake and go watch this biopic and go check out the great Dolemite films!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

It will be here before you know it: Grossfest 3: Season of the Gross, July 25-26th, 2020. Check out www.grossfest.com for details.

 

Production Set to Begin on Next Installment of Hit Found-footage Franchise

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Los Angeles, CA – May 3rd, 2019 — Pack your bags for another terrifying stay at the infernal Abaddon Hotel. HELL HOUSE LLC III: LAKE OF FIRE, the third installment in the hit found-footage horror franchise, has started production as of May 1 and will premiere exclusively on Shudder later this year.

Writer/director Stephen Cognetti and producer Joe Bandelli have returned for the new installment, along with many of the original Hell House LLC cast. The following castmates will reprise their roles: Ryan Jennifer Jones (Sara), Danny Bellini (Alex), Gore Abrams (Paul), Adam Schneider (Mac), Theodore Bouloukos (Robert) and Jared Hacker (Tony). They are joined by returning Hell House LLC II cast members Joy Shatz (Molly), Jillian Geurts (Jessica) and Brian David Tracy as the demonic former Abaddon Hotel owner Andrew Tully.

Shudder manager Craig Engler has talked about the franchise, recently. Engler said of the films: “the Hell House LLC franchise on Shudder has been hugely popular, and our worldwide premiere of Hell House LLC 2 last year was one of our most watched films ever.” Engler also said of the film’s debut: “we couldn’t be more thrilled to premiere the final chapter of this epically terrifying series exclusively on Shudder!”

 

 

 

 

Terror Film’s president Joe Dain has specifically talked of the third film. Dain said of this latest title: “Hell House III will be taking a cue from the original Hell House LLC, returning to its roots to capture the same intensity and fear that fans and critics alike fell in love with.” Dain also said of the partnership with the filmmakers: “we’re thrilled to be continuing our distribution partnership with Stephen and Joe, and I couldn’t think of a better way to premiere the film than on Shudder. It’s our hope that this third and final installment will not only satisfy the multitude of questions from fans from all over the world, but also act as an exciting precursor for The Abaddon Tapes—a limited series currently in development, which will expand on the history of the Abaddon Hotel, the now infamous setting of the franchise.” The latest film, HELL HOUSE LLC III: LAKE OF FIRE, will be available in just a few months.

In HELL HOUSE LLC III: LAKE OF FIRE, guests both past and present will be forced to battle for their souls as all is revealed about the infamous Abaddon Hotel and the evil that dwells there. Set one year after the events of Hell House LLC II, the hotel is on the verge of being torn down when it is purchased by billionaire Russell Wynn (Gabriel T. Chytry) as the new home for his popular interactive show, Insomnia. He invites journalist Venessa Sheppard (Elizabeth Vermilyea) and her crew to record everything happening inside the hotel leading up to the performance, but they soon encounter a more nefarious plot, one that threatens to unleash a veritable hell on earth.

ABOUT SHUDDER: AMC Networks’ SHUDDER is a premium streaming video service, super-serving members with the best selection in genre entertainment, covering horror, thrillers and the supernatural. SHUDDER’s expanding library of film, TV series, and originals is available in the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, and Germany on most streaming devices for 4.99/month or 49.99/year. To experience SHUDDER commitment-free for 7 days, visit https://www.shudder.com/

ABOUT TERROR FILMS: Terror Films is a genre distribution company specializing in the release of the best indie horror content across the Globe. Learn more at https://www.terrorfilms.net/, and follow HELL HOUSE LLC on Facebook for official updates: https://www.facebook.com/HellHouseLLC/

Gross Movie Reviews #460

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Gross Movie Reviews #460

 

Anna and the Apocalypse (On Demand) – This is film is an absolute godsend from Scotland that smartly blends “High School Musical” and zombies in a fun and exciting way. Anna Shepard is going to be graduating soon and unlike her best friend who is going off to college she wants to travel. Of course her father isn’t all to happy and all Anna wants to do is get people out of ‘Thunder Balls’ bowling alley sooner than later. Anna and friends not caring or not paying attention to the rest of the world as a strange virus has struck all the major cities and turning people into zombies. Once a lot of singing about their lives is done in the first 30 minutes of the film the group of friends are faced with the end of the world. The end of the world is bloody and brutal but don’t let this film fool you as certain characters die off when you are not expecting. I absolutely loved the flow of the horror musical and how it is presented. Good chance this will show up my ‘Best of 2019’ as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Car: Road to Revenge (DVD) – Yes folks it is a sequel to the evil classic of the late 70s. But that is where it ends as I may have found the ‘worst movie of 2019’ already! After a district attorney dies on top of his new ‘Lazarus One’ it appears the car comes to life and has his personality. It begins murdering all involved… Boring piece of monkey shit needs to vaporized from any studio catalog or movie fan’s as I give it zero stars. And for the person who thought somewhere this was a good idea do me and all movie lovers a favor and quit your job… NOW!

Hexercise (Blu-ray/DVD) – So you claim you have seen everything? I bet you haven’t as a very talented Matt Cannon did a perfect job of bringing to life this homage to ‘aerobic horror movies’ from the late 80s. In August of 1969 a blood ritual is performed where the aerobics studio stands but it is stopped before completion. Twenty years pass and now there is a workout studio existing where a cute aerobics instructor named Kelly pricks her finger with her name tag. She bleeds on her boom box and floor and like black magic the ritual is back on! With this act Kelly has unleashed a demonic presence that is trying to kill all who work or attend the aerobics studio, including Kelly’s rapey boss. Everything is right about this film: the outfits, what I believe is a Commodore 64, lava lamp, T.V. and even the music makes this short film feel right. The twist on this homage is there is no dialogue as the actions of the characters tell the story. The film is in the same vein as the mid-2000s short film “The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy” and to me that is freakin awesome! I got to thank Matt Cannon for giving us horror freaks something we didn’t know we needed as I give this wonderful project 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on the film check out: www.facebook.com/Hexerciseordie .

 

Cold Skin (Shudder) – A way cool weirdo creature feature involving lighthouse keepers in the early 1900s. A young lad arrives to an island to relive a crackpot named Gruener. Gruener refuses to leave and wants to stay no matter what anyone says. But as the first nightfall begins the young lad soon understands Gruener isn’t a crackpot as some weird creatures come from the sea to land. Now homeless the young lad shacks up with Gruener learning secrets about the creatures and Gruener. A weird and twisted creature feature about the two lead characters coping with whether the creatures are there to cause harm or in the end actually live in peace. An amazing story that starts slow but grips you by the privates as it unfolds as I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (DVD) – An early funky 70s flick about Dracula where the authorities believe some of the prominent members of the community are part of a secret cult. When they begin investigating and get old Van Helsing they soon understand that Dracula is back and behind everything. But this isn’t Dracula’s old routine of wanting more vamps or some other non-sense. Dracula has scientists, biologists, etc. working on virus that is worse the ‘black plague’ something that would end the world including himself. Interesting plot twist this time around as it involves Van Helsing trying to lure Dracula to his death in some jaggerbushes! Yes they are real and I give this film 2 stars.

 

The Giant Spider Invasion (DVD) – Some strange occurrences have happened in the sky over a small Wisconsin town that has a couple scientists baffled. While they investigate what this event is all about apparently flesh-eating spiders of all sizes begin to invade the town for lunch! The scientists find a mini-black hole on the Kester farm and must act fast to close it or these spiders will grow in numbers. Some incest and some large ass spiders make it worth the watch but you have to fight through some very dull parts of the film as I give it 2 stars.

 

Bullied (DVD/YouTube) – A short film from a brilliant Nick Charles where a girl is bullied. The girl does the right thing and tells an adult about it but when it is ignored the little girl takes things into her own hands. A well said statement short film Mr. Charles as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

A Cold Night’s Death (YouTube) – An oddly familiar 1973 TV movie starring Eli Wallach and Robert Culp who play scientists that head to the Tower Mountain Research Center after losing contact with Dr. Vogel. It has been five days since they last heard from him and their research on monkeys is needed for space travel. The two soon find a dead Dr. Vogel and continue his work in order to finish the project in time. But some haunting things begin to happen as the days go by and it has been relayed to them that Dr. Vogel did not die of a heart attack but just mere exposure to the cold in a locked room with no one else. As the two keep fighting amongst themselves the answer is right in front of them but they figure it out to late. A fun flick to watch during a cold winter night as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Road Wars (DVD) – A 2015 post-apocalyptic flick from Asylum Entertainment that starts off wonderful involving a man who shows up in the wasteland with no memory. It is explained the world has gone to shit because of a virus that turns people into vamp-like zombie creatures. The virus acts like rabies of sorts that make them thirst for blood and stay out of the daylight. After the no-name man is taken in by a small group of survivors they make the decision to travel somewhere that a vaccine could be made or least tried. Problem is as I explain it sounds like a fun B-flick but it terribly falls apart as it is all over the place plot wise. Instead of trying to be its own movie it chooses to steal from several post-apocalyptic films and never fully committing to one storyline. Thus causing what could have been a fun B-flick to watch to a dog turd you wish would dry up and wish you never knew it existed as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.comfor details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

TERROR FILMS Is Seeking Short Films For Televised “Terrifying Tuesdays”Original Series!

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Los Angeles, CA – (February 8th, 2018) – With their diverse library of indie horror films continuing to dominate major digital platforms around the world, genre distributor Terror Films is currently seeking completed short films.These shorts will be used to enter the limited television series space.

 

The original series concept will be titled “Terror Films Presents: Terrifying Tuesdays.” This series will be comprised of six original, never-before-seen short films – presented in a weekly, episodic format. Each episode will be released as a stand-alone episode, once a week, every Tuesday for six weeks leading up to Halloween. On Halloween Day, Wednesday, October 31st, viewers will be able to binge watch all six episodes. Each episode would open with pre-produced prologue created by the label specifically for the series.

 

Although Amazon Prime is the current platform the series would be released on, the label isn’t ruling out pitching the final product to many of their other relationships, including: Shudder, Starz, Netflix and Hulu.

 

“This is our take on ‘Tales From The Crypt,’ if you will,” stated Terror Films President Joe Dain. “There are so many incredibly talented filmmakers out there. The level of originality and quality we have seen over the years with shorts has often surpassed what we see in full-length features. We not only want to give these filmmakers a real opportunity to have their short films showcased but wrapping them into a limited series format will allow us to elevate the marketing angle. We’re incredibly excited about the possibilities.”

 

Selected filmmakers will share in the revenue generated, either through a licensing deal secured by the label or from the Amazon Prime Revenue Share program.

 

Terror Films Executive and Head of Acquisitions Jim Klock will be overseeing the submission and selection process. Films will be subjected to very specific guidelines, which the distributor has provided below. The deadline to submit your completed short is June 1st, 2018.

 

Submission Guidelines:

 

  • Inclusive of credits, shorts should be no less than 25 minutes but no more than 40 minutes maximum.

 

  • Films must be 100% completed.

 

  • Absolutely no scenes of violence towards women, excessive nudity, extreme graphic violence or overt visual gore.

 

  • Shorts must not have had any online exposure at all! (YouTube, Vimeo, iTunes, Amazon, Festival or Filmmaker’s Website, Social Media etc.). Festival participation is okay but they must not have appeared online in any way.

 

  • No science fiction shorts! We are looking for traditional horror. (hauntings, possessions, witches, deranged killers, etc.).

 

  • You must own all rights to images, actors and music/score. “Festival Rights Only” will not be accepted.

 

  • Only seeking English Speaking shorts. No foreign language films with/or without subtitles will be considered for this particular project.

 

  • If you shot your film under the SAG New Media Agreement, filmmakers will be responsible for contacting SAG and paying any residuals from revenue received.

Copies of all executed SAG contracts must be available for review if requested.

 

  • A 5.1 sound mix preferred but not required.

 

  • All films subject to approval and acceptance based on all of the above along with a QC (Quality Control) report that shows that the film is technically ready to be delivered onto the Amazon platform.

 

  • Submission Deadline ends June 1st, 2018.

 

If your film(s) meets the above guidelines, please submit it/them to: submissions@terrorfilms.net

 

If we’re interested in acquiring your film, someone from the Terror Films team will contact you. Please do not send emails requesting the status of your submission.

 

To learn more about Terror Films, visit: www.terrorfilms.net