Gross Movie Reviews #505

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Gross Movie Reviews #505

Cry Havoc (On Demand) – I was so looking forward to Bootleg Chuck Bronson’s first slasher film that includes Richard Tyson as the bad guy! Richard Tyson is known only as “The Voyeur” as he hides in the deep mountains as he has made the F.B.I’s top ten most wanted list. The Voyeur has granted an aspiring journalist to visit and interview him so he can explain his art and experiments he is doing. What the world doesn’t know is The Voyeur uses a mass murderer only known as “Havoc” to conduct his projects. Young women are kidnapped and thrown out in the woods for Havoc and it is filmed by all of Voyeur’s cameras for his art. Interview is going well and The Voyeur is happy until Bootleg Chuck Bronson has followed of them to the secret location as he is looking for his missing daughter he hasn’t seen in years. If Havoc isn’t slaughtering people we get long scenes of Bootleg Chuck Bronson walking around and then a long climatic fight scene that really doesn’t end… Hell the film itself just stops like they forgot to edit the ending in or something? I had high expectations going in but they gradually were dying a slow death as the movie went on with its non-ending as I give the Bootleg Chuck Bronson flick only 2 stars this go around.

 

The Deadly Mantis (DVD) – A fun 50s sci-fi flick about a giant prehistoric mantis that has awakened from the ice above the Arctic Circle. With it traveling southward the U.S. military declares war on the large creature as its beginning to feed on humans along the way. The monstrous mantis is cheesy and never gets old as I give the classic monster flick 3 stars.

 

Ghetto Blaster (YouTube) – The 1989 direct-to-video ‘Death Wish’ clone stars Richard Hatch as Travis and R.G. Armstrong as his father. Travis has returned to the old neighborhood after three long years and the neighborhood has changed. To help set the tone of the movie it opens up with a drive-by shooting between gangs that a child is shot in. So of course this must mean gangs rule the streets of the old neighborhood and Travis’ father doesn’t want to give up the old store and retire. Then a botch robbery happens when the Hammers come to collect and his father is shot and killed. From there Travis uses his Special Forces skills to prank the Hammers gang and get under their skin but eventually gets physical when they kidnap his daughter. This is your third tier vigilante stuff but entertaining enough I was glad to track it down as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Night Shift Collection (VHS) – First released in 1986 then again in 1994 and they are two short films based on the Stephen King collection of stories of the same name. The first short is ‘The Woman in the Room’ about a lawyer whose mother is dying from cancer and he is trying to decide if he should help her along? Thus he cannot stand the misery she is in. The second short is ‘The Boogeyman’ about a man name Mr. Billings who has had a couple of his children die in his care. Mr. Billings goes to see a psychiatrist because he believes it is the Boogeyman that has killed them? Depending on the info you read on the internet these two shorts based on the King stories were student films paired together and put out there to capitalize on all the King film adaptions. Anyway the shorts are a little dull but worth the watch if you never knew they existed as I give it 2 stars. P.S. the shorts were filmed in 1982 and 1983.

 

Night Shift Collection 2 (VHS) – Another pair of short films that were released in 1989 claiming to be a part of Stephen King’s short story collection to film but only one of the shorts truly were. The second one may have been influenced by King’s work but had nothing to do with King. Again these two shorts were filmed in 1983 but never released until 1989 with less fanfare than the first set. Hell this second set was only a rumor in some horror circles and it seems the means of seeing it might be YouTube these days. What is weird about this set is the first short is ‘The Disciples of the Crow’ or what we all would come to know in 1984 as ‘Children of the Corn’. Same movie in short form with no stars and less about the corn and more about worshipping crows. The second short is someone else’s work called ‘The Night Walker’ that is about a young man named Walter who worked one night shift in a hotel that just reopened room #321 for the first time since the 40s. Apparently a couple on their wedding night did a murder/suicide and this has Walter curious and scared at the same time. This collection is worth the watch for the mere reason of its connection to ‘Children of the Corn’ as I give it 2 stars.

Post-Apocalyptic Commando Shark (DVD) – A hilarious concept for an independent film about Soviet doctors splice human and shark DNA together to make a Russian commando shark. This soldier enables the Red Army to invade the United States and begin WWIII. U.S. citizens fight for their lives but the man-shark is hell bent on killing every American soldier it finds. The idea is absolutely wonderful but begins to lose its luster about halfway through the film. To me it felt if they had a great idea with a subpar script and trying to use ‘Sharknado’ as a springboard for all to come running. Better script equals better movie so instead of 82 minutes maybe you should have ended it after 35 minutes. But hey kudos to yinz for getting Debbie Rochon for a cup of coffee as it wasn’t no ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ and for that I can only give this feature 2 stars.

 

Haunter (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst who seems to working on a new short film every month these days has another about a young male. This young man is disrupted from his sleep to find his house is haunted and it has had enough of him being there… Scaring him life may not be enough! I give it 2 ½ out 4 stars as I would have liked to see this short film go a little longer as there felt like there was more to the story?

 

Devil’s Trail (DVD) – Filmmaker Henrique Couto decided to dip his toes into the “Found Footage” genre with this tale he filmed in 2016. We have two internet hosts heading out to New Jersey Pine Barrens for a 21-day survival trip for their internet show. They will film everything they do and what happens as they are only allowed to bring three items a piece for this survival trip. Along the way they discuss the “Jersey Devil” among other urban legends about the woods. But as things do not go as planned for the duo the relationship breaks down and strange things begin to happen. Does it have something to do with the witches they encounter at the beginning of their trip, very possible? I agree with Henrique in his interview in the extras this genre of film can die horribly if the ending isn’t interesting and with his ‘Devil’s Trail’ whether you love it or hate it you cannot lie the ending of this film makes it worth watching! Thank you for that my friend as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Dinosaurus! (DVD) – A super cheesy film from 1960 that has a construction crew unearthing prehistoric dinosaurs from the sea floor that includes a caveman. The man who runs the island finds the caveman first and has big plans once getting his body off the island. Problem a storm rolls through and resurrects the caveman and dinosaurs and they run rampant through the island chasing the natives and the construction crew! This is B-movie stuff well worth the watch and laughs as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (Shudder) – Quite the Eye-talian film mystery as Julie Wardh is married to a wealthy Wall Street dude but also has been bad taste in men before and during her marriage. Julie Wardh only got married because she considered him safe for her lifestyle but has gotten bored again and out banging the socks off any nice looking dude she can find. But there is a catch one them could be a serial killer as this is ongoing in her life a man with a razor blade is slicing up young women. An interesting twist in the film comes when someone tries to blackmail Julie but gets her best friend Carol murdered but this only serves as the appetizer to what the ending of the film brings us. Usually these types of film or giallo are not my cup of tea but the ending makes it all the worthwhile as I actually didn’t see that ending coming and for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Street Asylum (VHS) – This 1989 film was one of those flicks that I seen released in theaters for a weekend and then disappeared. Of course I knew Wings Hauser was the star and found this on YouTube so it was time to finally get my first watch in. Wings Hauser is Sgt. Ryder who is working the Hollywood beat of degenerates. After he gets shot during a rooftop incident he gets an offer from a captain to join a special police force called “S.Q.U.A.D.” This new force is going to clean up the streets of Hollywood one body bag at a time. As Ryder first gets into the new swing of things he soon understands things are not right as his partners go nuts and supposedly commit suicide. Ryder slowly going insane discovers he is part of a human experiment to make a better police officer. Once he removes the implant from his back it is now time for revenge against the man behind it all, the new mayor to be! As usual Wings Hauser was great; Brion James as the crazy preacher… perfect, but the film lags in the middle some like a few too many edits may have been made to this B-Grade sci-fi thriller as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Cy Warrior (VHS) – I can never get enough of cheesy Eye-talian Sci-fi stuff and this was no different as Henry Silva plays the villain mercenary hired to bring in a cyborg. The military loses a newly built cyborg with no program who decides to take a stroll to an island. There a boy finds him and takes the cyborg to his hot sister with almost saying, “Found you the perfect dude to bump uglies with and someone I think is bad ass because he is part man/part machine.” The military wants Silva to pick up their secret project before anyone notices? Silva just wants to fucking kill a shitload of innocent humans and blow up this thing of the face of the Earth. Yep, there is your movie besides the cyborg salsa dancing, I think, with the hot sister and trying to escape the clutches of Henry Silva. Worth the laughs folks as I give this feature 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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Gross Movie Reviews #493

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Gross Movie Reviews #493

 

Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.

 

Ready or Not (DVD) – Grace is a bride about to be married into a super-rich family who for over a century has sold board games and such. As family tradition after the marriage the family gets together at midnight to initiate the new family member with a game that is picked by the luck of the draw. Problem arises when Grace pulls the ‘Hide-n-Seek’ card that has her being hunted down by the family throughout the huge mansion to be caught before dawn. Weird and sometimes funny shit but well worth the watch. I may not be as big of a fan as most of this past year’s flick but there is denying Samara Weaving is a freaking awesome actress as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Zombieland: Double Tap (On Demand) – Best way to describe this film is if you see the first film you have seen this sequel. That isn’t a bad it is still hilarious zombie killings and rules going on but ten years later. Believe me I will take a sequel like this than most zombie shit that is being force fed to horror fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

From Hell to the Wild West (On Demand) – Found another flick with bootleg Chuck Bronson. This time around a researcher finds a diary from a woman that may have solved the mystery behind Jack the Ripper? She reads the diary that tells a story about the old west at the time Jack the Ripper had disappeared from authorities. A masked psycho is putting out ads for whores to come to a small remote town for them to be killed. Bootleg Chuck figures this out but some bounty hunters believe it’s him. With the help of a U.S. Marshal he hopes to clear his name and bring this unholy killer to justice. The film isn’t a bad concept but making bootleg Chuck Bronson only a supporting character instead of the star I believe hurts the film. That and the film just seeming to drag a little in the middle so I came out a little disappointed in the end as I give this western/horror 1 ½ stars.

 

Satanic Panic (DVD) – First let me just say without Hayley Griffith as Sam the main character I do not know if this movie is much fun as it is? Sam is a young pizza delivery girl trying to make some money. So an order comes in from a rich part of town that is out of the pizza place’s area Sam takes it. Running out of gas and no tip Sam takes it upon herself to find a way into the mansion to explain why she should get a tip. Without knowing at first she has stumbled upon Satanists who are having a meeting and then set up for a ritual when they figure out Sam is a virgin! Funny shit ensues, lots of gore, and a crazy ass Satanist orgy at the end of the film and you got ‘Satanic Panic’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Crime Zone (DVD) – An absolute gem starring David Carradine and Sherilyn Fenn in a post-apocalyptic world where ‘the state’ controls everything. Fenn and her new boyfriend are made an offer they cannot refuse in order to escape the hell they are in and that is to become the futuristic Bonnie and Clyde. But a double crossing Carradine believes it is all about business and crime stirs up business with a very depressing ending for the two lovers. A fun Corman low budget gem that reminds you how fucking cool Ms. Fenn is. Not only is she gorgeous but talented and did every little project that came her way during the mid to late 80s and I am thankful for that as this gem gets 3 stars.

 

Conversation with the Devil (YouTube) – A new short film from filmmaker Sam Hodge that deals with a man who is about to commit the ultimate sin but stopped when a stranger walks by to strike up a conversation. An interesting and cool little story that has been told in many forms but Mr. Hodge showing he is learning more and more with each independent project he does as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Cannibal Hillbillies (DVD) – Broaden Torture Productions is back with their latest project that has a small group of friends testing a theory of an urban legend. The urban legend is a family of cannibals living out in the woods where one of their fathers’ had a campsite. They pay with their lives finding this out of course but the biggest problem is watching this 50 minute feature that is filled up with about 10 to 15 minutes of filler. You know empty woods, credits, even the group babbling in the mini-van which seems like forever. I like the people behind this Indy production company but this film just misses on all cylinders badly as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

 

Strange Events (DVD) – I wouldn’t call it an anthology as much as a series of short films that are about the unknown and paranormal with dates and cities stamped on them. There is no wrap around which makes it unique and fun. We also get some cool backstabbing murders and I did enjoy bootleg Beavis and Butthead stumbling upon the exorcism that they thought was an internet sex date. Worth the watch as I give it 3 stars and if you like it there is a sequel also.

Do Not Disturb (DVD) – A 2010 serial killer film that was also known as “New Terminal Hotel”. Supposedly it is known for having one of the last performances from Corey Haim? But anyway the film centers around a character named Don Malek played by Stephen Geoffreys who was the hot Hollywood screenwriter who now is living in a shitty hotel working on his latest project. Problem arises when his agent Ava played by Tiffany Shepis shows up and sees the studio boss lying in the tub as Malek explains away it is ‘performance art’. Meanwhile all Ava wants is a script from her hot talent that is going cold quickly. Ava returns the next day to find no script but the studio head stumbling out of the bathroom of the hotel room after being dissected by Malek. Now any normal person would run and call the cops but Ava being the best agent possible decides to try and help Malek as she slowly takes the jump down the disturbing rabbit hole with Malek as he transforms into a serial killer. Ava must protect her investment but the biggest flaw of the film might be its ending as it felt very dissatisfying. It’s a fun slow burn with not a great payoff but is better than it should be with great performances from Stephen Geoffreys and Tiffany Shepis as I give it 2 stars.

 

Big Bad Bugs (DVD) – SyFy Channel in its heyday couldn’t come up with something this terrible as a scientist figures out how to use a wormhole to make giant man-eating insects to conquer the world. The topper is when the villain changes into a huge snake! Wasn’t this supposed to be about bugs? The title says it all remember people… as I give this zero stars.

 

Cyborg X (DVD) – There was no JCVD in sight but a hilarious role for Danny Trejo shooting CGI machines and cyborgs as he collects another paycheck waiting for the next “Machete” movie. Instead of even trying to explain this picture just imagine a bootleg of a bootleg “Terminator: Salvation” without all the convoluted John Connor storyline. I give it 1 star and consider yourself warned.

Megaconda (DVD) – A giant CGI monster movie that has eluded me for the past year or two as I went searching for this turkey. Some jagoff comes into small town Colorado fucking up some beloved community park to build condos or something. Instead the workers disturb a sleeping prehistoric snake that is pissed and hungry. Now it is up to a drunk, an emotionless sheriff, his son and girlfriend, and wait for it… Michelle Bauer who just happens to show up while camping in a cave doing artwork and supplying liquor to minors! You had me watching at terrible giant CGI snake and very random appearance of the absolutely cool Michelle Bauer. Instead of being stupid and horrible like “Big Bad Bugs” Fred Olen Ray’s son knows what to do with nothing and make it entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Retrograde (DVD) – Freakin’ Dolph Lundgren is a time traveler who travels 200 years in the past to stop a plague happening from fallen meteors that start the apocalypse. His good looks and fighting skills in movies make it hard to pass up. But felt like the film missed out an opportunity since it also starred Gary Daniels. For that I only give this 2004 Dolph flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Minion (DVD) – Dolph is a part of the ‘Knights Templar’ who is sent to New York City to retrieve a key that has been unearthed by subway construction. An archaeologist is called in and she is going bonkers on what this can mean for her career. But evil is around and wants to use the key to unlock a secret door that has Satan trapped in a pit. If it is opened evil will reign and lay waste to Earth. A fun ‘End of Days’ made on the cheap with Dolph punching humans in the back of the necks with a glove with spikes to kill off the possessed. If you are a fan of religious ‘End of Days’ shit this will be right up your alley as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!