Gross Movie Reviews #317
By Tim Gross
Reap (DVD) – A short film from Kyle Cates that was one of the many extras on the excellent independent thriller “Intrusion”. The film has a fun shot on video early 90s vibe where a married couple is getting ready to have a baby soon, new house, and cannot wait to spend their lives together. But soon this is all disrupted when an unknown individual breaks into the home and brutally rapes and kills the wife. During a struggle shortly after the husband gets the upper hand and takes matters into his own hands and disgustingly destroys the person that has ruined his perfect life. I give it 2 1/2 out of 4 stars.
Don’t Look Now (VHS) – A Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie film from 1973 based on a novel set in Venice, Italy. Jon and Laura is a happy couple until their daughter drowns in a creek in the backyard but the disturbing thing is Jon may have seen it happen before it did. Some time passes with Jon set on rebuilding an old church and his wife Laura still trying to pick up the pieces meets a woman and her sister who is blind and they see Laura’s dead child. The movie moves at a snail’s pace and is supposed to be atmospheric. Me, I just could not get into the film at any point and wondered out loud if Donald had in his contract that he must be naked in every film he made in the 70s. I give the flick 1 star.
The ABCs of Death (DVD) – The concept is 26 short films by 26 different filmmakers from around the world and each of their films is one of the letters of the alphabet. Some are great, a few are horrible, and a couple I just snickered at. But the anthology project is something great for horror in my opinion because I believe Hollywood or at least some involved with Hollywood took notice of what has been done a few times now in the past decade by awesome unknown independent filmmakers. What I did take away from this interesting project was the second half of the alphabet really seems to have a toilet theme going…? I give it 3 stars and independent filmmakers remember someone has noticed what all yinz unknown talented bitches and bastards are doing!
Claws (VHS) – Imagine William Girdler’s “Grizzly” on no budget with lots of bear stock footage. Anyway apparently after a grizzly is wounded five years ago, it has a taste for human blood in the Alaskan mountains. Some of the natives believe the bear is the “devil bear” and cannot be killed or it’s a ghost sent to haunt humans for fucking with bears. Either way the film is a butt load of fun if you like ‘When Animal Attacks’ flicks. I give the flick 2 ½ stars. This film proves why a lot of 70s flicks are just going to get better with age.
Twisted Fate (DVD) – A budding independent filmmaker Timothy Novotny with big ideas gave me his first short film from 2012 that has two men: Samuel and Kain hanging out in a basement looking for salvation in one form or other. I like the bleakness, the guts, and the arguments of the bible that compare to what’s left of the world after it went to hell. But a little more budget and a different direction may have made this short film just plain bad ass! With a little confidence in his future projects and his team up with one of my personal favorite independent filmmakers Jim Roberts makes me joyful in what Tim has in store for horror film fans like me. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars. For more details on this filmmaker and other projects check out: www.novotariansyndicate.com .
Outpost 3: Rise of the Spetsnaz (On Demand) – The prequel/sequel to the amazing Nazi Zombie Bunker films that I am sure Hollywood will try to remake it and have Paul W. ‘I suck’ S. Anderson destroy it like he does with most projects. This story takes place towards the end of WWII with a Russian hit squad making their way towards a secret Nazi facility. Little they know Nazis are doing experiments of all sorts on the undead. Once captured and most of them killed, two surviving bad ass Russians just put an ass whopping on zombie experiments and Nazi officers in order to escape the underground prison. Cool creatures, great gore, but the film just doesn’t fit with the two great films before it. If you have seen the first two films this maybe a letdown since the first two films not only set the bar very high to top, but had an ending that satisfy most viewers. Also make sure you pay attention to when the American soldier is introduced to the Russians as his name is Captain Rogers. I give the film 2 stars.
The Dark Side of the Moon (VHS) – This is a little unknown sci-fi flick that predates “Event Horizon” by several years. Its 2022 and a ship comes across Discovery 18 which disappeared after a splashdown in the Bermuda Triangle 30 years ago. The crew having issues with its instruments and oxygen levels right before they go into the shadow of the moon find the drifting ship. The crew boards in hopes of finding answers to their ship’s problems but end up with a whole other set of problems, mainly the devil may have been waiting for them in outer space? The film doesn’t have much of a budget or named actors but has a well-rounded story that makes the film worth tracking down if you never heard of it. Call it a hidden gem as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Man of Steel (DVD) – The newest version of Superman hit the big screen with lots of fanfare and comic book geeks ejaculating all over themselves. The film retells the story of Clark Kent hiding among us common humans and brings back one of the coolest villains ever in General Zod where Superman must choose sides between the new Krypton and Earth. The film was entertaining and I got to admit I did enjoy the new Zod but felt Russell Crowe was a little over the top and just feel it’s hard to beat the cheesy Christopher Reeve version with the perfect General Zod in part two. I give the film 2 ½ stars. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another $200 – $500 million dollars and twenty years later to keep the franchise going as I love Marvel but Superman was always intriguing…
7th Day (DVD) – In the past most independent filmmakers would make a serial killer film and as a reviewer I would almost cringe at the thought of it as the project was usually brainless, bloodless, and a complete waste of time as they would try to mostly use naked women to sell the bad product.But the past year or two independent filmmakers and writers have blown me away how they have been able to make these lean, mean, gritty, serial killer films that make Hollywood blush. And Jason Koch made sure this project was no different than that trend in blowing me away with the “7th Day” film. We meet a man named Allen Dean who knows what he is and tells the viewer plain and simple, “This is what he does.” Allen narrates most of the film or talks to a ghost, his conscience, image of a mutated reporter (take your pick) and takes you the viewer through his insanely sleazy life. Allen Dean would like you to know he picks his victims by “selections” and is completely sane even if he feels the need to do cocaine with his neighbor or have sex with one of his victims. Even with all that going on Mr. Dean is trying to figure out how he can get the love of his life to notice him at his dead end job. The film takes an unconventional roller coaster ride into the gross and sick world of Allen Dean, with just a dash of sleaze that makes you want to watch and enjoy the film alone and be sure to take a shower after. Bravo Jason Koch, you have gotten my attention and most likely many others and good luck. I give the project 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find the film at: www.direwitfilms.com .
Beware! The Blob (VHS/YouTube) – It’s the follow-up to the 50s classic that takes a more comedic approach its basic premise Hippies vs. The Blob. The film feels like exploitation but just feel it’s just one of those bad 70s films that most of our parents enjoyed making fun at the drive-in back in their day. Oh by the way, an instant frozen ice rink kills it and did I mention Larry Hagman directed with having Dick Van Patten, Cindy Williams, Sid Haig, and Burgess Meredith in his cast? I give it 1 ½ stars but if I’m drunk I would give it 3 stars.
Bermuda Tentacles (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh thank the lord Rutger Hauer that SyFy Channel has broken their almost five month drought without a new Saturday night flick! John Savage plays the president, Linda Hamilton plays a Naval fleet commanding officer, and Jamie Kennedy plays a scientist (remember the talented Tara Reid in “Alone in the Dark”), I believe I have said too much besides the Bermuda Triangle is an alien being! I give it 2 stars and thank you SyFy Channel.
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