Gross Movie Reviews #277

Posted on December 31, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #277

By Tim Gross

Dead Season (DVD) – My brother told me to stay away from this zombie movie. Hell, I remember him just being happy he seen a horror movie I didn’t yet? Which of course I had to correct this issue and go watch it no matter how bad he claimed it was. It’s your typical recent zombie film that makes you feel you may have had more fun passing that bowel movement that made you sit ten minutes longer than you should have. Now it wasn’t completely horrible but its storyline of a man who is trying to survive the zombie plague, finds a friend and decide they want to take a boat to a remote island to live out their lives isn’t exactly exciting these days… This is the type of zombie film that is more of time filler for horror fans until a zombie film of real interest comes along… I give it 1 ½ stars.

Steve Niles’ Remains (Blu-Ray) – So I was tired of seeing it advertised so I rented it to review it. Yes, there are still weird fuckers like myself who go rent shit. But anyhow, being a huge fan of the film and comics of 30 Days of Night this film interest me. Well, my interest died with the lame ending of the film. The film has a few moments in this film about a couple survivors in a Reno casino after a nuclear disaster. Some of the zombie effects were cool and at least took away from the lame angle of Miko (Pet Semetery) Hughes playing a gay man who is concern for his boyfriend at a nearby command post as this page of script seem to be a lame attempt at filling a 90 minute movie. Because at no point in the film other than the mere one line mention of the “command post is gone” by a random military officer is this part of the script relevant to the film? Maybe it’s just me but I was kinda expecting more but was let down as I give it 2 stars.

Area 407 (DVD) – Finally found a ‘found footage’ film that made me sick from watching it and sick from attempting to watch a shitty film about a plane going down in the middle of a US military experiment where you see the creature for about 10 seconds. I give the film 1 star.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai (DVD) – Nothing I can say helps explain this terrific 80s sci-fi film that stars Peter Weller as the title character who is a surgeon/scientist/musician/crime fighter/ladies’ man/yoga master… Buckaroo breaks through to the 8^th dimension during an experiment and this causes an alien race to want to destroy the world if Buckaroo doesn’t capture the alien that has been exiled to earth. The film has a lot of in-jokes of the 80s and is a perfect example of studios taking chances in the 80s to make memorable films such as this flick. Which these days, studios may take a chance like this once every two or three years if we are lucky if not at all because everything has to be a 100 million dollar budget and must make four times that to be successful. I give the film 4 stars.

Maximum Conviction (DVD) – You would think a team-up film starring Stone Cold Steve Austin and Steven Seagal should be cinema gold but this flick is more awkwardness than anything as its one location for 90 minutes means all the money was spent on the two stars of the film and to be sure the legendary Seagal was fed! I have to give this very disappointing action film 2 stars.

The Muppets (DVD) – Go ahead laugh… Without Kermit the frog and others there is a lot of cool stuff that doesn’t get out there, plus what other show has Alice Cooper, Mark Hamill, and lots of other cool people interact with puppets. And has several memorable films from our childhoods? But what makes this flick good is it embodies what was fun and cool with the show and the early movies they had as two brothers set out to help the Muppets save their theater that is now about to go to a wealthy oil dude when a contract that Kermit signed years ago is about to expire. I give the film 4 stars and thank you to Disney for at least not fucking up one movie related thing I enjoy. Remember without the Muppets we can’t have a cool peter Jackson film called, ‘Meet the Feebles’.

The Dark Knight Rises (DVD) – Christopher Nolan ends his trilogy with Bruce Wayne being a battered old rich man that is more of a hermit than the Batman/Bruce Wayne we all knew. After Harvey dent’s death Bruce Wayne decided Gotham doesn’t need him anymore. Several years have passed and Gotham has a new enemy… itself as an evil man named “Bane” has come to Gotham for one reason and that is to destroy it. Nolan keeps the newer Batman cool, dark, and a broken back, but also passes the torch to Robin for possible future films. It was entertaining and I enjoyed it, but it was no Avengers as I give the flick 3 stars.

Now you can visit me at my new website: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but The Abomination shirt also!!!! www.fastcustomshirts.com

Oh yes you can still get the Gross Movie Reviews T-shirt…

Posted on December 28, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

Not only does T-shirt Joe own the coolest movie mask out there (Jack Frost) but he does sell the Gross Movie Reviews T-shirt!

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/servlet/Detail?no=1312

New episode is up horror fans!

Posted on December 27, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

EPISODE 40 Christmas with Tim and JSB… (Sponsored by the McRib)

This week Tim and JSB celebrate the Christmas holiday, or in JSB’s case by hating it. And, as you know, it wouldn’t be Christmas time without talking about such things as crazy celebrity shenanigans, the myriad of reasons JSB doesn’t have kids, great Christmas movies, Troma, Jeffrey Combs chiming in on Romero zombies, Tim and the problems with the Pittsburgh Steelers, The awesomeness of Vernon Wells, JSB’s insane dream, our plans after the apocalypse doesn’t happen, and we have a long and brain wracking conversation on Prometheus and its shortcomings. All this and more on this week’s show. And remember if you hear someone coming down the chimney tonight it’s probably not Santa. It’s Larry Drake! So arm yourselves!!

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #276

Posted on December 23, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #276

By Tim Gross

Dungeons and Dragons: The Book of Vile and Darkness (SyFy Channel/DVD) – SyFy Channel seems hell bent on keeping this non-exciting series alive. Honestly the films that have come before have had a few minor moments, but really besides me and Ed (bloodtypeonline.com) Demko’s dad is anybody really noticing these films being released. From the start it has been a somewhat of a misstep. But in my opinion with the recent sequels that seem to have nothing to do with the one before and a much lesser budget the films seem to be better? More interesting? I know it’s crazy and all… But if you are a fan of the role playing game and Magic: The Gathering it seems these films on lesser budgets are actually putting together films that weird nerds such as me can enjoy and not feel bad when we do watch them. But whatever folks if you like fantasy stuff you need to start checking this latest flick for the mere reason there is a cool looking demon child that has to suck on your finger for blood if you wanna pass or gain knowledge! I have to give this flick 2 ½ stars.

Dragonwasps (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Parker Lewis aka Corin Nemac apparently can lose since he has started his recent assault on becoming the new SyFy Channel Saturday night star of 2012. This time around Mr. Nemac plays a military officer who enjoys the jungle and has just got his papers to go back home but first must help a ugly woman find her scientist dad who just happen to be experimenting with killer wasps! Killer wasps that just happen to spit fire from their ass (Ass-blasters from the Tremors series anyone, we are talking SyFy Channel here) and can pick up humans for their nest. The movie of course isn’t all the impressive but made me happy to watch when the baby ass firing wasps are born by exploding through live humans faces. Very fucking cool! If it helps you to watch it Mr. Nemac does happen to kill himself, giant wasps, and a cannibal voodoo terrorist… I give it 2 stars.

Silent Night (Remake/DVD) – I honestly never thought I would see this film being remade. But it finally happened. I guess enough time has passed or as usual Hollywood has run out of ideas for horror flicks but because of the subject matter I just believed this remake would never happen. Now, don’t get me wrong the original Silent Night, Deadly Night is one of my all-time favorite films, ask anyone. I love this flick. But horror fans I am here to tell you I enjoyed the remake… Yes, I said it. But it’s not as good as the original but this remake in the same vein as My Bloody Valentine the filmmaker had knowledge and respects the first film we all know and love. Example: a hot blonde gets impaled on deer antlers by Santa Claus’s hands just like Linnea Quigley’s famous death scene in 1984. But the filmmaker also went out to make the film their own, example: a bitch of a teenager by today’s standards is killed by a cattle prod from the evil Santa. The film plays out like an old school 80s slasher flick and to help this along Malcolm McDowell hams it up as the small town sheriff looking for the killer Santa who also just happens to have a flame thrower. But the biggest difference with this remake is we don’t know who really is the killer Santa and why he is destroying all the naughty folks until the end and then it’s based on an urban legend inside the film. Its bloody, it’s fun, someone dies by a woodchipper, I’m all in as I will patiently wait for a sequel that has his brother ready to go “Garbage Day” on people. I give the remake 3 stars.

12 Disasters of Christmas (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Gotta enjoy SyFy Channel for the mere fact of trying to tie in the holiday and the supposedly end of the world. The film is bad but a fun bad as the world may end in this small Idaho town when the 12 days of Christmas is linked to 12 disasters that will end everything unless this 18 year old girl can stop it. Hate the relatives, then grab a six pack or two and put this flick on to clear the room and give you the miracle of peace. I give the flick 2 stars.

18 Fingers of Death! (DVD) – After watching this flick James Lew now has all my respect in the world like John Saxon. Action film star James Lew writes, directs, produces, acts, and is the stunt coordinator for this film about a B-movie star Buford Lee with an unknown wannabe filmmaker Ronald Mac makes a documentary about his life and tries to raise funds for his next flick. Pat Morita and Lorenzo Lamas join in on the fun of making fun of all the past action stars we all know and love in this comedy about action films. I almost pissed myself when I see Chuck Snorris and Steven Seafood. And how they portray Seagal as Mr. Seafood is dead on and will make fans like myself laugh about it. Think The Onion Movie’s fake flick Cockpuncher. I give this laugh a minute funny take on action flicks 3 stars.

Excalibur (DVD) – With enjoying all the cool 80s fantasy flicks you would have thought I would have sat and watched this flick years ago, but that isn’t the case. Finally sat down and watched this very cool flick about King Arthur and the beginnings of the round table that will make your inner nerd grow an 8 inch boner when you see Merlin fucking up another sorcerer to help King Arthur! I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

Total Recall (Remake/DVD) – I guess it was bound to happen Hollywood would remake a great Arnold flick since Conan was remade. But this time Collin Ferrell is in the lead role as the double agent who has no clue who he actually is but must help the resistance. The remake stays true to most of the original flick exception location is on earth instead of Mars and not as violent but sticks to the original flick more than I thought it would. The film is entertaining and has one my favorite leading ladies Kate Beckinsale but nothing beats Sharon Stone in her heyday kicking Arnold’s ass in the apartment and something from the film seems to be missing when there isn’t the legendary Michael Ironside playing the cool bad ass villain. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Prometheus (DVD) – Yes, being the big Aliens fan that I am I was told several times to stay away from this film but my curiosity got the best of me as good or bad I needed to see this film as I cannot get enough of the Alien films. But after watching the film I can understand why folks were telling me to stay away from the film as it left me with a shitload of questions and no answers and I possibly dislike the film as much as Alien vs. Predator… Wait; hold on maybe close to that because that is a whole other world of suck ass! But supposedly this flick comes before the original Alien film? Maybe? And it explains where humans are truly from… as its 2093 and a crew goes to LV-223 to explore the origins of human life but also find something else. The ending of the film also raises questions of the origin of the alien we all know and love that enjoys spitting acid and feasting on humans to make them chest bursters. I would love to say this film is a prime example why the ‘new’ Hollywood means revisiting old cool material and destroying it but all of us know that it will never stop. My only question is to Mr. Ridley Scott is why can’t we have a direct sequel that has the aliens, colonial marines, Newt, Hicks, and even Sigourney Weaver? And don’t tell me can’t do it, because Hollywood likes to forget everything and restart every five years so that means we can even get the Predators involved, but I know that’s crazy talk but making a prequel to one of the most famous sci-fi flicks ever made and not getting the timeline even right makes all the sense in the world? Even Mr. Charles Band knows what to give the fans when fucking up the timeline… I give the flick 1 star, just because I am a sucker for these flicks good, bad, or just plain fucking horribly disfigured UGLY!

Now you can visit me at my new website: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Episode #39 is up people!

Posted on December 18, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

This week JSB and Tim are joined by podcast regular T-Shirt Joe. The guys discuss the important topics of the day. Such as comics, Alan Moore, the Conan and die Hard films, techniques on how to properly kill a wizard, Joe’s travel tips on Australia, Krampus, Duran Duran, Tim’s encounters with Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman and John Russo, Fraternities and their proper place in the world, Jennifer Connelley, Batman Vs. Superman, and anything else that seems to come into our minds… and out of our mouths. So check out our fine wares, won’t you?

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #275

Posted on December 16, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #275

By Tim Gross

Depression: The Movie (Theater/DVD) – Henrique Couto, one of the most talented independent filmmakers I have ever had the pleasure of meeting is back with this feature that introduces the audience to four poor souls who seem to be doomed in life whether it is by their own doing or not. They all have horrible relationship problems: ex-girlfriends, enjoying being alone because it’s safe, blaming parents, you get the picture of this dark comedy very quickly. This film will make you laugh, it possibly will make you cry, and it will entertain you all. Possibly the best part of the film for me had to be the one character talking to a girl on her bed and as she is undressing because she is so attracted to him he tells the story of going to South Africa and finding a box that was supposed to take him to different heights of pleasure… a wink, wink to Hellraiser which just about made me piss my theater seat in laughter! Mr. Couto once again proves he is a proven talent in the film world that co called “in crowd” needs to take notice! I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and more info about the film can be found at www.depressionthemovie.com .

Eddie Presley (DVD/Theater) – A depressing yet inspiring story of an Elvis impersonator way down on his luck that gets another chance to do what he loves one more time? Eddie lives in a van and works as a security guard that doesn’t pay well to the point a girlfriend/waitress that works at a dive of a diner steals Eddie coffee. But as we see Eddie working he constantly is falling asleep or daydreaming about his past life of being a family man, working man, and also singing with his old group that he talks a lot about to his co-workers. Eddie with his second chance to show off his talents just about has a complete meltdown on stage as his favorite tape gets eaten and he goes into his life story that almost sends his audience running to the doors. Jeff Burr did a great job of telling an inspiring yet depressing fun story that pretty much has everybody and anybody Hollywood name wise make a cameo appearance in the film. After watching the film I am very surprised this film went unnoticed when it came out in the 90s and did not garner more attention award wise for “Best Story” or “Best Director”? Jeff Burr should be proud of this film… If you get anything out of the film it’s if you enjoy something you do, stick with it, follow your dreams. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

This is Horror with Stephen King (DVD-R) – Oh back in 1988, 1989, somewhere around there MTV put on four or five one hour episodes onto their Saturday night schedule before Headbanger’s Ball. These episodes were of Stephen King talking horror films, his books, and random stories of death and mayhem. Plus, we got random clips of horror movies from the 80s that we all enjoy and show behind the scenes of flicks with Steve Johnson and KNB doing their effects. This show wasn’t your father’s Terror in the Aisles… It was a great show and from what I could recall it only played twice on MTV to never be seen again? But it has been pointed out by a few Gross Movie Reviews fans that there was at least one VHS tape put out there, but no official DVD release that myself or many horror fans know of? You can find parts of it on YouTube but if you come across this set of episodes, you must get it by any means possible if you are any type of horror movie fan. I give the show 4 stars.

A Chance in Hell (DVD/Internet) – A perfectly shot independent film about Nazis in the 40s experimenting on humans and something goes wrong after a young bald girl is injected with something that changes her into an inhuman creature that begins to tear apart a couple Nazi officers deep inside their compound that is about to be raided by Americans. Once inside the Americans are also unprepared for the horrors that await them as they must not only kill the infected Nazis but their own troops also once they learn after being bitten they change into these horrific creatures. This film is just absolutely beautiful… The creatures, the gore, and enormous amounts of effects are some of the best I have seen in years. This 32 minute film needs to be made feature length and needs to be supported horror fans. I have to say this is in my top five independent films of 2012 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Horror fans get off your asses and go to www.scotchworthy.com ! Did I also mention it has German subtitles to give that extra cool horror movie feel to it?

Sand Sharks (DVD) – Corin Nemac, Brooke Hogan, Gina Holden, and shitty looking CGI sharks that swim on land feasting on a concert at the beach during spring break. It’s horrible, yes it is. But I was entertained for 90 minutes as I give it 2 stars.

The Last Battleground (DVD) – A 2008 independent film from Sonny Fernandez and Down Twisted Studios about the world ending and the world lies in the hands of a couple horrible so-called hitmen and a few other dysfunctional characters. Mr. Fernandez’s no budget no problem attitude for the film makes it for an entertaining horror film about survivors fighting off blood thirsty creatures trying to rid the world of humans. The film has a certain first time out filmmaking charm to it that makes you get past the lack of budget and enjoy the film for what it is. I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found for sale at www.amazon.com . Down Twisted Studios and Mr. Fernandez can be found on Facebook.

The New Girls (DVD) – Sonny Fernandez is back with his second feature that tells the story of three women who happen to be vampires and have seen it all. They return to a familiar place of dwelling and the youngest vamp decides it’s time to stop all the senseless killing and believe she can find a man she can trust while the lead female vamp wants to wipe out the town as she and the other two vamps have done so many times before. Mr. Fernandez’s film is filled with paying homage to other cool vampire films and TV series but lack of budget, among several other little things hurt this film in the long run. Like most independent filmmakers who try to make a great vampire film, the odds are against you unlike a zombie film or monster film. You can have a great story, great actors, but it seems like horror fans get very picky if you don’t have the budget to pull off what you want? I like the filmmaker’s story but this is one of those instances that needing a budget helps a long way as I give the film 1 out 4 stars. The DVD is available at www.amazon.com and you can find Down Twisted Studios and Sonny Fernandez on Facebook.

The Complex (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Sonny Fernandez goes for the completely weird and odd direction in a film about tenants of an apartment complex that is held against their will and has no memory of who they were before but only numbers on their wrists. But if that wasn’t enough the tenants are terrorized from time to time by this black garbage bag-like creature named “The Keeper”. But it only takes one to upset the balance as one man known as 109 isn’t satisfied with the answers he has been given and sets out to solve the mystery of the complex. The story is interesting and can be fun but the biggest problem I believe with the film is it shouldn’t be two hours as much as a 20 or 30 minute short film. The film suffers from not editing it down more than no budget or other factors independent filmmakers run into. I give the film 1 ½ out of 4 stars and can be purchased on www.amazon.com . Also don’t forget you can Sonny and crew on Facebook.

Highway 91 (DVD) – A trio of survivors traveling a land that zombies have long taken over. The survivors not having answers of the origin of the outbreak nor care are just looking for a safe place to live their life. Along the their travels they come upon other survivors who are just trying to survive also and decide the route they are looking for is Highway 91 and it will lead them to a safe haven from zombies. If they can survive themselves and the zombies constant attacking they just might make it? Mr. Fernandez’s no budget no problem attitude continues in this 2011 independent zombie film that suffers a lot from bad zombie effects and a running time that rivals Romero’s zombie classic Dawn of the Dead. I always enjoy bad zombie flicks but having a lot of bad dialogue scenes, lack of editing, and wanting the lead characters to die of a quick death didn’t make me enjoy the epic running time of this flick. But if you are a zombie fan and want to see it for yourself you can purchase the film at www.amazon.com as I give it 1 out of 4 stars. Also you can support Sonny Fernandez and Down Twisted Studios through his Facebook pages.

Justice League: The New Frontier (DVD) – DC Comics continues to make great animated features about their characters to watch. This story is of the effects of WWII on the group of superheroes that consisted of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman in the 50s where they face a new threat called the Centre! And they must resolve issues with other Americans to rise and fight a being that threatens to destroy the world. With the help of Martian Manhunter, the introduction of the Green Lantern and forming the Justice League of America they just might have a chance… Fun DC movie I give 3 ½ stars too.

Now you can visit me at my new website: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Full Moon Greeting Cards available NOW for the Holidays!

Posted on December 15, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

Happy Holidays from FullMoonDirect.com! For the first time ever, Full Moon is offering holiday greeting cards! A set of 20 custom cards is only $25! Give them to your friends. (And keep one for yourself!)

If you order by Monday, Dec. 17th, we’ll guarantee their arrival before Christmas, Dec. 25th!

If you order today, they will arrive sooner!!!

Order 4 boxes ($100 total for 80 cards) and get a personalized Christmas card from Charles Band as a free gift! Tell us the first name or nickname you’d like on your card… Charles Band could send you a card for the holidays! Or even more special… give this personalized gift to a loved one! It makes a great gift and a dream come true for many Full Moon fans.

Each box contains 20 of the same amazing, custom designed Full Moon greeting cards and features:

-Eebee from Evil Bong

-Ooga Booga, who was also in Doll Graveyard

-Gingerdeadman

-Grizzly Teddy from Demonic Toys

-Leech Woman from Puppet Master

-Jester from Puppet Master

-Baby Oopsie Daisy from Demonic Toys

-Six Shooter from Puppet Master

-The Mech Warrior from Crash and Burn

-Torch from Puppet Master

-Mr. Static from Demonic Toys

-The minions from Subspecies

-Pinhead from Puppet Master

-and the Killer Eye!!!

If you really want to be generous and show your loved one some extra Full Moon love, give the GIFT of Full Moon with a gift card!

And check out all the new items recently released!

Happy Holidays from www.FullMoonDirect.com !

Episode 38 is up folks!

Posted on December 12, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

This week JSB and Tim are joined once again by buddy Michael Haushalter to discuss this weeks movie watching activities… And much, much more. Such as warm and fuzzy cable box memories, mom and pop video stores, Romero zombies, paper routes, failed French action stars, amazing medieval weaponry, boobs vs. nipples, weird old school satellite channels, JSB and the fine art of tuning in porno networks, bootleg Bruce Lee, and more pac-man nonsense, so sit back, kick off your shoes, turn down the lights and listen. But don’t forget to grab a bag of CROUTONS: THE SNACK OF CHAMPIONS!

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Full Moon Grindhouse part 2

Posted on December 12, 2012 by grossmoviereviews

Full Moon’s Grindhouse! We’ve dug deep into our film vaults and unearthed a lost collection of rare and bizarre gems. The grindhouse theatres of the 1970’s and 80’s produced unimaginable films, titillating the senses and your imagination on the crudest and most bewildering level. We’ve gathered them here for your amusement in our world of unique and unexpected films you will never find anywhere else. Escape into a motion picture experience beyond human comprehension!

www.fullmoondirect.com or www.fullmoonhorror.com