Gross Movie Reviews #277
By Tim Gross
Dead Season (DVD) – My brother told me to stay away from this zombie movie. Hell, I remember him just being happy he seen a horror movie I didn’t yet? Which of course I had to correct this issue and go watch it no matter how bad he claimed it was. It’s your typical recent zombie film that makes you feel you may have had more fun passing that bowel movement that made you sit ten minutes longer than you should have. Now it wasn’t completely horrible but its storyline of a man who is trying to survive the zombie plague, finds a friend and decide they want to take a boat to a remote island to live out their lives isn’t exactly exciting these days… This is the type of zombie film that is more of time filler for horror fans until a zombie film of real interest comes along… I give it 1 ½ stars.
Steve Niles’ Remains (Blu-Ray) – So I was tired of seeing it advertised so I rented it to review it. Yes, there are still weird fuckers like myself who go rent shit. But anyhow, being a huge fan of the film and comics of 30 Days of Night this film interest me. Well, my interest died with the lame ending of the film. The film has a few moments in this film about a couple survivors in a Reno casino after a nuclear disaster. Some of the zombie effects were cool and at least took away from the lame angle of Miko (Pet Semetery) Hughes playing a gay man who is concern for his boyfriend at a nearby command post as this page of script seem to be a lame attempt at filling a 90 minute movie. Because at no point in the film other than the mere one line mention of the “command post is gone” by a random military officer is this part of the script relevant to the film? Maybe it’s just me but I was kinda expecting more but was let down as I give it 2 stars.
Area 407 (DVD) – Finally found a ‘found footage’ film that made me sick from watching it and sick from attempting to watch a shitty film about a plane going down in the middle of a US military experiment where you see the creature for about 10 seconds. I give the film 1 star.
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai (DVD) – Nothing I can say helps explain this terrific 80s sci-fi film that stars Peter Weller as the title character who is a surgeon/scientist/musician/crime fighter/ladies’ man/yoga master… Buckaroo breaks through to the 8th dimension during an experiment and this causes an alien race to want to destroy the world if Buckaroo doesn’t capture the alien that has been exiled to earth. The film has a lot of in-jokes of the 80s and is a perfect example of studios taking chances in the 80s to make memorable films such as this flick. Which these days, studios may take a chance like this once every two or three years if we are lucky if not at all because everything has to be a 100 million dollar budget and must make four times that to be successful. I give the film 4 stars.
Maximum Conviction (DVD) – You would think a team-up film starring Stone Cold Steve Austin and Steven Seagal should be cinema gold but this flick is more awkwardness than anything as its one location for 90 minutes means all the money was spent on the two stars of the film and to be sure the legendary Seagal was fed! I have to give this very disappointing action film 2 stars.
The Muppets (DVD) – Go ahead laugh… Without Kermit the frog and others there is a lot of cool stuff that doesn’t get out there, plus what other show has Alice Cooper, Mark Hamill, and lots of other cool people interact with puppets. And has several memorable films from our childhoods? But what makes this flick good is it embodies what was fun and cool with the show and the early movies they had as two brothers set out to help the Muppets save their theater that is now about to go to a wealthy oil dude when a contract that Kermit signed years ago is about to expire. I give the film 4 stars and thank you to Disney for at least not fucking up one movie related thing I enjoy. Remember without the Muppets we can’t have a cool peter Jackson film called, ‘Meet the Feebles’.
The Dark Knight Rises (DVD) – Christopher Nolan ends his trilogy with Bruce Wayne being a battered old rich man that is more of a hermit than the Batman/Bruce Wayne we all knew. After Harvey dent’s death Bruce Wayne decided Gotham doesn’t need him anymore. Several years have passed and Gotham has a new enemy… itself as an evil man named “Bane” has come to Gotham for one reason and that is to destroy it. Nolan keeps the newer Batman cool, dark, and a broken back, but also passes the torch to Robin for possible future films. It was entertaining and I enjoyed it, but it was no Avengers as I give the flick 3 stars.
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