Gross Movie Reviews #513

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Gross Movie Reviews #513

 

Santo vs. Frankenstein’s Daughter (DVD) – In this Santo classic Dr. Frankenstein’s daughter has continued her father’s work for decades but she is obsessed with Santo. Her obsession with the masked wrestler is she believes his blood holds the key to stay young and immortal. She is over a hundred years old and her serum is no longer effective. Her goal is to send out her minions and monster after Santo, capture him, take all his blood, and rule the world! Simple… Fun movie as they reuse the plot of “Capturing Santo’s girlfriend to lure him to doom” as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Santo vs. Blue Demon in Atlantis (DVD) – So there is this old Nazi scientist after WWII escapes and sets up his secret lair in the supposed Atlantis where he threatens the world. Part of old dude’s plan is to take control of Blue Demon’s mind so he can defeat Santo and the Global Agency. But as usual Santo has other plans to spoil the evil old Nazi’s plan to rule the world. Most of the movie is Santo and Blue Demon playing cat and mouse but come on that is Santo’s tag team partner he isn’t going to kill him. This might be one of the cheesier plots of the Santo films but that doesn’t mean it isn’t entertaining as hell as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Graverobbers (DVD) – Another late 80s odd ball horror flick that has slipped through my fingers but have finally got to sit down and watch. Now first off this isn’t the Mexican horror film of the same title that came out in 1989. Second, this one was released in 1988 and quickly disappeared into obscurity but also was released in several countries under the title ‘Dead Mate’ which makes it very possible some of you may have watched it and forgot about it? Anyhow a handsome dude named Henry floats into a diner one night and sweeps a waitress Nora off her feet during the graveyard shift. She agrees to marry him on a whim not thinking any of this is real which made me question the whole film as it seems to be filmed in Nora’s dream state kinda of thing. They travel to Henry’s mansion up north in this small town where all the important people are there and they wed that night. When Nora wakes so sees it wasn’t a dream and Henry explains to her he is this rich mortician in the small town of Newbury… get it!? With no job except bumping uglies with the handsome mortician it doesn’t take long for Nora to sneak around the mansion and spy on Henry’s work. Of course we get a lot of talk about having sex with corpses after this and the possibility the whole town might be in on it. Nora keeps investigating not believing at first but soon uncovers her new husband isn’t just cheating on her with hot looking dead women he might be eating them and burying them in the local cemetery. This film doesn’t have gore, has a weird sex thing going on, and seems to look like Nora’s dream from the beginning but never fully explaining if it is or isn’t. It is weird enough I believe horror fans may want to track this down and add it to their collection for the mere reason it was entertaining in its own way as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Alien Outlaw (DVD) – This low budget mid-80s film has a gunfighter named Jesse who happens to be the most talented gunfighter on the planet who does fairs and festivals. What she doesn’t know as she is dealing with her bad management problem she is about to take on quick draw alien outlaws who have crash landed on the planet. These aliens that kind of look like bad storm troopers that shopped at the used navy seal costume store are laying waste to the local folks of this southern farm community. Now it is up to Jesse to jump on a horse and go take on these aliens and show them she is the fastest gun in the universe. There really isn’t a point to the plot but wouldn’t be surprised if MST3K or Riff Trax has found this film in the past as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Occurrence at Mills Creek (DVD) – Filmmaker Don Swanson has turned his short film project into a feature length film over the past year where a young woman Clara has recently lost her family and she might be slowly going insane. With her so-called father back in her life because the recent funerals he too is dying. Clara not totally understanding what exactly is happening begins to have visits from her dead mother and sister on a regular basis. Is there something more sinister going on with Clara or is she about to pass the edge of sanity and her brain just disconnect from reality? I would like to believe the film is a slow burn or a deep dive into one young woman’s life and family. And believe Clara’s life hasn’t gone anywhere near the way she was hoping for. The film isn’t exactly horror as much as playing that line of paranormal drama that I feel can be taken several ways by different viewers which for the long term is a good thing and something film nerds should enjoy. Ava Psoras was perfect for the Clara role; the Cinematography was wonderfully done by Don Swanson, and a perk for this independent project is I believe this film can be viewed very differently by several people. They have accomplished not making your usual cookie cutout independent project but something that will stand out from most and for that I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Final Caller (DVD) – Todd Sheets fresh off the killer ‘Bonehill Road’ and the over the top ‘Clownado’ is back with an ultra-low budget film that involves a shock jock and his show “On Through the Night” where he tells strange stories and takes calls. For Roland the shock jock tonight seems like any other night of doing his show where he is yelling into the mic putting down his fans and spewing conspiracies. But his soon to be ex-wife shows up with the divorce papers and a caller called “The Outsider” who is going to fulfill some kind of ancient ritual by brutally murdering young women. The caller claims it is up to Roland to stop him from being a serial killer but of course Roland takes this as some kind rubbish and hangs up. This begins a hellish downward spiral for the show and all involved as “The Outsider” keeps calling back to yell back at Roland and explain how he devours his victims as he kills them and will visit Roland to complete the ritual. Roland now finds himself in world of crazy shit as he is trying to escape his own radio show and not become part of the bloody body count of “The Outsider”. This is a straight forward gore and even more extreme gore Todd Sheets project that will have his fans screaming for a sequel as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Bequeathed (Vimeo) – This is a recent entry into the “48 hour film project” from Michigan filmmaker Michael McCallum whose entry is about a man named Michael North. North’s father has just died his father’s insurance broker has brought along a package for Michael. Mr. North explains he didn’t need to be a part of the funeral services or have anything to do with his father but the broker insisted in giving him this package. Michael opens it reluctantly and it’s a book. Seems simple and nice but opening it for a read might just kill Michael North. This film looks wonderfully shot and feels like an old school investment video of what a feature can be? I always find Mr. McCallum’s work to look professional and entertaining with heart behind all of his projects and this is no different as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. If yinz have a chance track down this Michigan filmmaker on Facebook and other social network platforms to follow his work as you not be disappointed. Available soon at http://www.REBELPICTURES.NET

 

The Plumber (DVD) – This dramatic slow burn Australian flick from 1979 has a guy claiming to be a plumber from the university checking out unit 15C where a professor and his wife live. Max the plumber is there to inspect and fix it as he will be doing with the all the units… supposedly. Jill the wife stuck in the unit with Max day after day feels uncomfortable around him but others feel Max is fine. But day after day Max just drops by and Jill believes Max is just messing with her or stalking her for fun. Not a whole lot happens and when the climax hits it was disappointing as I only give this feature 1 star.

 

Vampires and Other Stereotypes (DVD) – I wasn’t expecting a whole lot with this early 90s film but kudos to Kevin J. Lindenmuth for some awesome effort into his first flick out of the gate. We are introduced to two guys who are not cops but two dudes that are on the city streets fighting the supernatural. While investigating a lead with a businessman at a warehouse they get trapped when a young woman who was looking for a party with her friends gets cut and bleeds. Thus her blood opens the gates of hell which happens to be this warehouse (smart low budget move Kevin) that traps them all there. Now the two supernatural hunters and party goers must survive until daybreak as demons have them trapped and will stop at nothing to chomp down on their bodies and swallow their souls. These supernatural hunters go on to fight a giant rodent, zombie heads, demons, and other creatures as they try to navigate the labyrinth of doorways trying to save the young women. There is a little uneventful twist at the end but it doesn’t take away from Lindenmuth’s excellent low budget creature filled horror effort that needs to seeked out by the independent horror nerds as I give it 3 stars.    

 

Dracula’s Widow (DVD) – This title and plot of the film screamed late 80s as Raymond Everett runs the “Hollywood House of Wax” museum that has gotten six crates delivered to him. They are going to be a part of his new Dracula attraction. Raymond believes in authentic items being placed with his wax creations. And these crates are full of various items that were shipped supposedly from Dracula’s castle in Romania. Problem he has received one extra crate but no bother as Raymond is just excited for this collection. This extra crate contains one “Mrs. Dracula or Vanessa” unaware she is a widow is hungry and sets off into the night to feed. She returns to the museum to turn Raymond into her slave so he can work and protect her during the daytime. Raymond drives around town at night so Vanessa can slaughter groups of men at will! Raymond’s psychic girlfriend doesn’t take kindly to Mrs. Dracula and teams up with this old grizzled detective who believes in vampires to stop her and save Raymond. There is a few laughs and enough gore gags that might keep you watching through the end as I give it 2 stars.

Uncle Peckerhead (DVD) – Yep, you read that title right and will make perfect sense within minutes as you view the film. Now the film does open up with the redundant “based on a true story” but quickly goes into the story of three misfits who are formed a punk band named “DUH”. Judy and band mates are about to embark on their first tour but their problem is their tour van just got repossessed. So after some searching they come across an old dude named “Peckerhead” with a van that just really wants to go along for the ride and because he explains all bands have a roadie. Judy reluctantly agrees because they need the van and they pack up and hit the road. Judy suspects something is weird and wrong with Peckerhead but cannot figure it out. But that becomes super clear after DUH’s first gig doesn’t go well and they are paid three dollars. Uncle Peckerhead goes in to take a grumpy and that is when Judy finds Peckerhead looking like a crazed flesh eating monster eating the asshole promoter. Confronted by the band they agree to get food and Peckerhead explains at midnight for 13 minutes he turns into a monster and he was just protecting his new friends. Again Judy reluctantly agrees and they continue to travel from city to city and Peckerhead just leaves a trail of bodies along the way because his monster inside him needs to feed. Everything goes well until Peckerhead saves them one night when they are being tied up by a band they are feuding with now Judy must make a decision to take the fall for the bodies the authorities are finding or be eaten by Uncle Peckerhead. This isn’t the perfect horror film but I laughed several times and enjoyed the gore as I give it 3 stars.

 

Creature with the Atom Brain (DVD) – This 1955 film has a Nazi scientist and a gangster who got deported come to America to try their experiment and exact revenge. They use freshly dead people to try their experiment on where they can control these dead folk or zombies (I don’t believe they use the phrase the whole film, I could be wrong) to kill off those they want dead. Biggest problem with the experiment is the dead bodies only last so long and supposedly bleed or secrete radiation. The cops get a scientist involved who figures out they can track the killers with Geiger counters to stop it at its source before more people die. The film has its moments but has a few dull spots in places but if you enjoy 50s sci-fi it is worth the watch or rewatch in some cases as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #512

0

Gross Movie Reviews #512

 

Curse of the Blind Dead (DVD) – Many years ago these Knight Templars are holding a ritual that includes a pregnant woman and a symbol that is not about God. The ritual is so rudely interrupted by some God-fearing villagers and the Templars are of course blinded and sentenced to death! It’s now present day Eye-talian apocalypse and a man and daughter are traveling through the woods trying to get to a location that claims salvation? They are jumped by a few marauders but saved by some very serious weirdo survivors that say, “Come to our community.” Soon they find out the weirdo priest and survivors that follow him want the unborn child from the daughter because they are preparing for the ritual of the Templars. Oh by the way the Templars back years ago claim they were trying to stop the apocalypse? Bad news the father cuts his thumb off to get out of some cuffs and save his daughter and escape, the other baby that was for the ritual is still-born, and the blind zombie Templars are now pissed! A gory mess happens as they massacre the community as the daughter gets away and eventually finds the salvation they were looking for only to understand there is no escaping the Templars prophecy. First, this isn’t a remake, reboot, or whatever just some folks that were fans of the series. Second, I am not a fan of the original series but glad I gave this one a chance because I like the whole post-apocalyptic storyline and tying it in with the Templars. Not all the effects are great but I was surprisingly happy with this feature and hope there is another soon as I give it 3 stars.

Marley’s Revenge The Monster Movie (VHS) – A super low budget film that was released sometime in 1989 that centers around two gentlemen trying to illegally get two relatives into the country. But the two dudes are mistaken for drug smugglers by the local rednecks and leaving them for dead on an island. Of course this doesn’t go as planned as Marley one of the two relatives on the island that are trying to get into the U.S. loses his shit and conjures a dinosaur and an army of zombies! This sets up the rest of the film where the two gentlemen are trying to escape the island in hilarious fashion by going by an “Africa Dan” book. Watch the movie the Africa Dan part is hilarious as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Sea Fever (On Demand) – An Irish student of Marine Biology is urged to take a trip on a fishing vessel to get her hands dirty in her field by her professor. Once out on the water searching for its next catch the boat hits something mysterious. The something is a large creature with tentacles that stay connected to the boat as the crew panics slightly they are able to get loose. But then strange things begin to happen to the crew as they are becoming infected with something, a parasite. Now they fight among each other as they slowly die whether they should go back to port and expose everyone else? It’s a slow burn film that is neither bad or good more like meh as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Hanukkah (DVD) – It opens up with a man on December 8, 1993 who has slaughtered people during the “Festival of Lights” or Hanukkah but never got to finish. 36 years go by and someone has decided to pick up the killing spree during the Jewish holiday. Some Jewish friends who are not exactly celebrating the Jewish holiday become the targets of this sadistic killer. ‘Hanukkah’ has a wonderful cast to kill for but this holiday horror film is such a misstep as it drags on too long and I was expecting more from the crew behind it. Also there are weird delays during dialogue and a few important scenes that don’t exactly make a lick of sense? Super disappointed with the film and another example of you can have an all-star cast but that doesn’t mean you’ll have an all-star movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

The Las Vegas Serial Killer (DVD) – Always enjoy checking out a cheesy Ray Dennis Steckler feature. This time around Cash Flagg has a story about a man (John Glick) who six years ago couldn’t stop himself from strangling women on the strip. Mr. Glick gets released from prison in present day 1987 as the parole board claims lack of evidence for putting him behind bars. Of course it doesn’t take long for John to go back to his bad habit. But what is kind of funny there is two random dudes who decided to drive to Vegas to stalk some women who are getting the blame for the recent killings. After lots of stock footage John Glick gets his in the end when he runs into the two weirdos during another purse snatching! Yes, I know Steckler’s movies can be in bad taste and the full of stock footage but there is always a certain charm to his work and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

City of Vampires (DVD) – A film from early on in filmmaker Ron Bonk’s career about vampires. This S.O.V. film takes place in a small city of Braddock where the population has dropped dramatically in the past three years. A young man named Sam heads to the broken down town of Braddock looking for his girlfriend and answers to her disappearance. Once there he soon understands what the problem is and it is vampires as they drinking the population dry. Sam must survive the night if he wants answers gets help when he stumbles into a fortified home owned by Max. The young woman Max refuses to leave and fights the vamps every night. Sam must defeat the leader of vamps named Legion in order to get his girlfriend back but this isn’t gonna be easy, but Max is more than willing to help with her stash of weapons. No budget, some bad acting, but still some fun for S.O.V. nerds that wanna check out one of the first things Mr. Bonk ever made as I give it 2 stars.

 

Fatal Games (DVD) – Falcon Academy of Athletics is a school for some of the best athletes who are trying to make it to the Olympics. After the latest competition where the school did very well the students begin training for Nationals. But someone wearing a dark track suit and a javelin begins killing the young people. There is a weird steroid and synthetic drugs storyline to try to give the film depth but you won’t get over the javelin hits people like it came out of a harpoon gun! This film isn’t good by any means but this slasher is for people like me that need to see that hidden 80s film at least once just because as I give it 1 star.

 

I’m God (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst is back at it again with another short film that runs about 8 ½ minutes long. The plot is about a man who believes he is God and claims he got bored in heaven and came to live among humanity. But a doctor refuses to believe causing issues for supposed God. I really liked the concept and I know Mr. Brocklehurst does some great work with his short film projects. This is one project I would have liked to see him flesh out a little more as there seem to be more story to tell about this character as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Peninsula (On Demand) – So we got a sequel to the wonderful zombie film ‘Train to Busan’, the film picks up four years later. Any bordering country has a blockade up and does not allow anyone to enter South Korea because of the viral outbreak. A former soldier like a lot of misplaced Koreans lives in Hong Kong and down on his luck. A shady dude he does things for gives the ex-soldier a mission of entering the zombie-infested peninsula for a truck that has 25 million U.S. dollars in the back of it safely waiting. If he retrieves it he is rich, if not he is most likely zombie food as the zombies still roam the area. Without spoiling too much I will describe the film has elements that cross between ‘Land of the Dead’ and ‘Escape from New York’ but keeps the heart of the first film. Wonderful zombie stuff again horror fans as this fast-paced sequel pleases me much so that there could be another entry into this series like ‘REC’?! I give the bad ass international zombie movie 4 stars all the way.

 

In Search of Darkness: A Journey into the Iconic 80s Horror (Shudder) – Another great documentary about 80s horror of course. But this one is 4 ½ hours long as it breaks down 1980 to 1989 with different writers, filmmakers, etc. as they dip their toes into sub-genres of horror and what made the decade so much fun. I am glad Shudder got a hold of this for a lot of us horror fans to check because that $50 price tag everyone saw early on was just not gonna happen. Some of the stories have been told before but there are still a few gems to enjoy for the horror nerds to enjoy as I give it 3 stars.

 

Force to Fear (Festival screener) – One of the most anticipated independent films of 2020 is finally here. We get this retro action film where a couple so-called cops are torturing a drug dealer is interrupted by so-called twenty-somethings who break into the abandoned school to party. The party ends up to be cover for these party goers who track down criminals to be arrested but their latest target or unknown assassin known as “the target” is prepared to take out all involved. Everything goes south when one of the young criminal hunters die and they are all locked in the building. Now everyone left must fight for their lives against “the target’ that has body armor on and has some bad ass fighting skills! Zane Hershberger and Chad Bruns have done a wonderful job of crafting an action filled independent film that has some cool fighting scenes that are not done without a fully committed cast. Those fight scenes done by the cast were just a delight to watch and might make some filmmakers jealous of the work that was done. Kudos to all of the actors involved in this project as it has that charm of finding that cool direct-to-video action film I enjoyed finding in the early 90s at the video store. ‘Force to Fear’ is a strong, fun, and an impressive independent gem! ‘Force to Fear’ is the type of project that may get overlooked because when talking “independent” it is usually referring to low budget horror. Stop and go no further as you may find this to be the diamond in the rough of the independent genre in 2020 as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #511

0

Gross Movie Reviews #511

 

Deep Blue Sea 3 (On Demand) – This time around has Dr. Collins and her team working the summers at a shark nursery where sharks come by to give birth. The crew is studying the effect of climate change and what is happening to the sharks but a wrench is thrown in the study when Dr. Collins ex-boy toy shows up. The ex and mercs are there because they been tracking the experimental sharks that got away and they need to kill them or capture them by any means! Being the third in the series this sequel doesn’t take a chance but also doesn’t fuck up as it sticks to the formula of recent cheap shark film releases as I give it 2 stars.

 

Tenebrae (DVD) – An early 80s release from Dario Argento where a popular American writer heads out to Rome for a tour of his latest book. Once there things get weird as a serial killer is killing people the same way they are killed in his book. Slowly people connected to the popular writer are being murdered and the police have no clue. But with each death getting closer to the writer and his curiosity getting the better of him he begins investigating who could be the killer? Call it a Giallo, call it a murder/mystery, whatever you consider this horror flick it is considered one of the favorites among Argento fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (DVD) – A few doctors open up a tomb and find an Aztec codex that could lead to a fortune but now these same people fear for their lives as the Black Dragon have got involved. The Black Dragon is a gang of evil dudes who want the gold for themselves and begin killing the doctors for the codex. The last person left with access to the codex enlists two bad ass women wrestlers to help him keep the codex from the evil Prince Fujiyata who heads the Black Dragon. So the group breaks up the codex in a few pieces even though the Prince gets ahold of most of the pieces he is faced with having his judo-fighting sisters wrestle the women wrestling stars in a match for the whole codex! Good of course defeats evil but that isn’t enough as the evil Prince still keeps tabs on the crew as they use the codex to search the tomb and instead of treasure or gold they must face off an Aztec mummy! The 1964 film has its moments and feels like something you may have seen Saturday afternoons on Commander USA during the 80s but it does not have the fun factor of the Santo films as I give it 2 stars.

 

Chainsaw Cheerleaders (DVD) – A mid-2000s flick from independent filmmaking legend Donald Farmer about a witch played by Tiffany Shepis, who casts a spell at her death 500 years ago for her soul to survive forever. Now present day we are introduce to an angry redhead named Dawn who is about to turn 18 and just got screwed over by her boyfriend. Of course Dawn doesn’t take kindly to this and tries to cave in her ex-boyfriend’s face which she is faced with go to jail or join the cheerleader squad. Dr. Lacey played by Debbie Rochon believes it would be good for Dawn in the long term if she can do this. Begrudgingly Dawn joins and her first task is to help the squad sell magazines door-to-door. Well Dawn knocks on the wrong door where she witnesses the witch Lucinda to be conjured up through a portal to her time and now Lucinda wants the angry redhead. Now anybody that gets in-between the two just becomes a part of a bloody path that Lucinda makes on her way to Dawn. Throughout the film Dawn is narrating the story and I do not know if this actually makes the movie better, worse, or just something to move the story along. The film has its fun bloody moments, but could have used more chainsaw (since that was in the title), more Tiffany Shepis as Lucinda (she disappears for various reasons throughout), and the rest seemed like filler at times. I enjoy Donald Farmer’s work but a lot of times it feels uneven to me and what the script calls for and what makes it too film could be two different things? Anyway, it has boobs, blood, and a non-running chainsaw most of the time so see if you feel different about the film than I do as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Science Crazed (DVD) – A man named Dr. Frank injects an unwilling woman with his new formula that makes her pregnant and gives birth to a full grown human within hours! I wouldn’t say human as much as a human monster as he hides his face with toilet paper wrapped around his head. This monster stalks the hallway of a building for most of the film after killing Dr. Frank. With each door that the fiend opens in the same hallway that is shown comes a new situation of human or humans to kill in the most hilarious of ways. My favorite might be the first of follies in this film as we have random aerobics class that has two people go on for ten minutes! I honestly believe this may have been stock footage of someone leaving the camera on and eventually they edited it in because they needed more filler? As the scene goes on I believe all the talking going on in the background is the crew preparing the scene or another scene? Or the runner up scene of the woman who dry humps the fiend for five minutes in a random room! But it gets worse as the fiend enters a cheap motel pool area where only two people can be in the scene at once like a Nintendo game that could only have so many characters on screen at once or everything would slow down… If you are not laughing enough the big reveal at the end when the monster/fiend is unmasked of his toilet paper mask and reveals he looks like someone’s boob with peanut butter smeared all over it. This movie was so terrible it became entertaining and remarkable that someone wanted to issue a special edition of the film and for that I thank those people in charge and give this horrible thing we call a film 2 ½ stars… just because it was that damn funny.

 

Army of Frankensteins (DVD) – Just in case you were worried I don’t abuse myself enough I decided to watch this flick completely sober and that was a mistake I paid for dearly. This recent take on the Mary Shelley story has an old mad scientist who has taken in an orphan that he named Igor of course. This old dude is busy working on a present day Frankenstein and with the help of the kid/orphan he removes an eye from a healthy male who just got turned down by his girlfriend in a grocery store. Of course one thing leads to another as a switch is pushed and we have a portal open from a possible parallel dimension where cloned Frankies just roam the countryside helping the South fight in the Civil War. All get pulled through this portal and they must help the North win the war and possibly save Lincoln! This was possibly the dumbest movie I watched in the past decade and shame on the critics who try to claim this is a B-movie in waiting. That is fucking horseshit as this movie is a big old pile of shit as I give it 0 stars.

 

Black Water: Abyss (On Demand) – Since I can’t get enough of killer crocodile movies I knew I needed to watch this long awaited sequel from Australia that has nothing to do with its predecessor. This around a group of people go spelunking into an unknown cave in hopes of finding something they could make money off of doing tours. But a hideous rain storm causes a cave-in and now they are trapped inside with the water rising and a hungry pissed off croc! If you are looking for a serious “animal attacks film” this should fill the void? Or if you are me you want the actress that plays Jennifer in the movie to die 30 seconds in and I almost got it but it was just a tease… Damn filmmaker as I give this serious giant croc film 2 ½ stars.

Monstrous (On Demand) – Two things before we begin this review: first, yes, it is a Bigfoot film. Second, anything I say after this will spoil the sort of twist it has going for it? Anyway if you are still reading two women meet through a craigslist ad to travel from Michigan to Whitehall, New York in the Adirondack Mountains. Sylvia only takes up the offer with Alex because her brother firmly believes this is the same person that was with his girlfriend Dana before she died. The two travel through a couple states and begin to have a connection but Sylvia still feels like she must lie why she is with Alex until they reach their destination. An isolated cabin in the mountains and finally Sylvia comes clean why she is there while Alex comes clean about the Sasquatch that stalks the outside of her cabin. There are glimpses of the Sasquatch trying to get to the cabin but is not happy when Sylvia’s brother shows up and then it gets real interesting as Sylvia learns by accident Alex is a serial killer! It takes a little while to get where they are going but the payoff was really interesting and that was why I feel bad even writing about the film because it is literally one of those movies you will spoil it soon as you start talking about it. A different concept for an often used creature in horror films recently and really enjoyed the payoff as I give the Bigfoot film 3 stars.

 

Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas (On Demand) – Holy Rutger Hauer, filmmaker Travis Irvine has earned my respect for not only making a killer raccoon movie. But he did it while doing a parody of ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’! We normal lunatics smell our own… But really prisoner Ty Smallwood now named Casey has just got released from jail after serving ten years for underage drinking. He is jumping on a train to Washington D.C. to hang with his dead girlfriend’s sister to explain what happened on the camping trip several years ago? As Darlene wants answers Ranger Rick Danger takes over the train with his raccoon assassins so they can steal data to hold the U.S. hostage while they sell secrets to foreign powers just like the Steven Seagal less liked sequel. Travis and crew not only deliver the goods but I couldn’t stop laughing as film continued on with the Killer Raccoons being the focus throughout unless it was Casey Smallwood. The effort, the passion, and raccoons trained by the C.I.A. with mini machine guns made this the holiday comedy to watch in 2020 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #510

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Gross Movie Reviews #510

 

Camp Killer (Blu-ray) – David Lightfoot is a small town masked serial killer who has supposedly been stalking the woods for years. After the last body count Tina Wilcox just happens to be the lone survivor of the latest slaughter in the woods. But what looks like the usual paint-by-numbers independent slasher flick changes in a heartbeat as minutes later we see the small town sheriff and the notorious killer meet up at the local bar to have a drink together. Their discussion involves how dumb humans can be over the past 30 years as they keep coming back to the woods to get killed. But here is the kicker there is a story behind why the brothers are making sure many people keep getting killed over and over. Thirty years ago they made a pact with the devil and they are almost at 666 kills, then its retirement for the brothers. But if Tina has it her way the brothers will get it in the end. This was an enjoyable, smart, very bloody slasher film that separates itself from the usual slashers as I like to give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Maniac Farmer (Blu-ray) – A punk named “Blasphemous Rex” is about petty crime, he is all about the violence and how his little gang of punks needs to step it up in their country bumpkin town. Rex wants to kill people for no reason, no motive, just to keep the police guessing as they try to track down the mysterious killings of this country town. But next on Rex’s list is a quiet farmer who doesn’t bother with anyone and takes care of his mother. The farmer of course doesn’t take to kindly to the violence that is trying to be inflicted on him so he captures the punks himself and turns the tables on them. The film isn’t bad at all it just should never run longer than 30 minutes. It gets to the point quickly and just becomes a dull mess that you see the ending coming immediately as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Ark of the Sun God (YouTube) – A mid-80s adventure film about a master thief that is set up by a former agent of Scotland Yard; to do an impossible job in Istanbul. Rick Spear (David Warbeck) is talked into searching for a mysterious scepter by this Lord Dean. Starts off kind of interesting but becomes full schlock by the halfway point and keeps going downhill from there. I give this mess 1 ½ stars.

Her Name Was Christa (DVD/Vimeo) – James L. Edwards an independent acting vet dips his toe into the writing and directing waters with this curious project. The plot involves a man named Steve who is in his 40s, single, and just quietly going through life. Then one day at work Steve meets a new co-worker who becomes quick friends with Steve and believes Steve needs to get back out in the dating scene. But Steve is looking for love not a quickie! The new best friend pressures Steve into trying a hooker and eventually explaining “The Girlfriend Experience”. First time out goes bad but by accident Steve strikes it rich when he is eating at a diner alone. When Steve sees a pretty young lady out front and strikes up a conversation, Candy soon becomes interested in the arrangement they make for Candy to be the fake girlfriend. After several dates and things going well for both Steve loses his job after a disagreement but Candy/Christa admit her love for Steve and wants to take it to the next level. I could see the plot twist coming but surprised how far it goes… Is Steve just broken or insane in this slow burn film that takes a creepy and uncomfortable turn in the third act that will have the sleaze hounds applauding for hours afterward? A very twisted love story with an insane payoff as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Blood Vessel (On Demand) – It is almost the end of World War II and there is survivors in a raft that got off their sinking ship but are in much bigger danger as they have no food or water. Hopeless and not sure what they can do a German ship comes near but no one is aboard. With no other alternative the survivors board the ghost ship. They find food but also see the ship is about to blow if they do not turn the engines off and let them cool? But the survivors soon find themselves in even a worse situation when they figure out they are not alone and the cargo on the German ship is alive… sort of. From there it turns into a wonderful creature filled bloodbath as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gehenna: Where Death Lives (DVD) – Paulina is heading to a resort in Saipan to see if it is ripe for a real estate transaction. The land is considered sacred by the natives but they also believe it is cursed. Paulina and her crew just need to make sure they get the whole layout before they go on with the sale but during the surveying they find an old bunker from WWII. The group goes exploring so there is no surprises during the construction of the new resort. But once in the group is locked into the bunker and things begin to change and they must face an unknown evil. Not a bad concept of a film but the upsetting part is once you have watched it you will say “there isn’t any point to it?” For that I can only give the film a ½ star for Lance Henriksen showing up for 30 seconds.

I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker (DVD) – It is present day and we meet the great grandchildren of Jonathan Harker. Yes, that Harker from the famous Dracula story. Well his great grandchildren are dysfunctional and they still own the skull of the last vampire killed in 1912. The Harker family is given one week to leave their home as they have no money to keep it. Now a serial necro-rapist invades their home to rob them of their riches they do not have and instead unleashes a vampire into the town when he bleeds on the skull before he dies accidentally. The Harker family and best friend don’t wannabe caught with a dead body so they dump it which when found rumors start about vampires and the Harkers have come with an idea to save their home. This lower budgeted horror comedy hits on all the right notes and is one big gore fest when needed as I give it 4 stars. And if that wasn’t enough they promise werewolves in the sequel.

 

Book of Monsters (On Demand) – Sophie when she was a kid always had her mom read her stories of these monsters in this weird book until one night a monster took her mom away. Now it’s her 18th birthday and her friends are doing it right for her until monsters that took her mom are now crashing Sophie’s party! As the monster bloodbath occurs Sophie must rally the friends and put a stop to the murdering monsters before they capture Sophie and use her for their spell! I really enjoyed the film for its monsters; the whole backstory of Sophie’s mom was “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but my only complaint was it felt choppy in parts. But this horror film is still a must watch for monster fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Barge People (DVD) – Two couples head off to the countryside to hang out and party in a barge that slowly moves down the stream. Unbeknownst to them besides the weirdo couple they pissed off and now this country couple wants a piece of them, they are being stalked. This isn’t your ordinary stalker but some weirdo mutant creatures that seek outsiders and take them to their own barge for lunch. They are quick, strong, and ugly! If you just need a weirdo creature feature ‘The Barge People’ will give you your fix as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Glerbrot (DVD) – Or for most people the title is ‘Broken Glass’ a TV flick from Iceland in 1988. Bjork plays a young woman whose family commits her because she never listens or comes home on time. Once there is she is abused until she escapes and meets up with her boyfriend. Or all you need to know is an Iceland art film. I give it 0 stars because I was hoping for some crazy Icelandic monsters and shit!

 

Sinners (DVD) – A short film about a man who died during an accident for three minutes and has come back different. He goes to a church to bare his soul but is really there to kill him! Pretty cool concept I give 3 out of 4 stars too.

 

Lady in the Walls (DVD/YouTube) – A short film where the plot of the film about a boarding school in 1958 where two older girls take the younger new girl into a den with history and tell her the story of the “Lady in the Walls”. Of course they just try to scare her and shut off the lights only for her to disappear. Years later an old woman goes to see if the legend is still true. I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scared to Death (DVD/YouTube) – This short film involving the famous Drew Marvick who has a zombie knocking at his door. Next thing you know Drew is running for his life as he believes the zombie invasion is on! I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Play Time (DVD/YouTube) – In this short film a woman is being haunted by a terrifying spirit in her home. This wasn’t horrible but there wasn’t much substance to it as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

The Family that Prays (DVD) – A short film that has a group of young people going to their local haunted attraction. But this haunted attraction is looking for dinner and they have some help… I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Vibes (DVD) – A hilarious film about two psychics (Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldblum) hired by Peter Faulk to help find his son in Ecuador. Once there they learn they are there actually to find the “City of Gold”. Along the way the two psychics start to fall for each other but must help to get to the “City of Gold” first as there are others looking for it for evil reasons including their doctor friend played by Julian Sands! There they find out it isn’t gold but the epicenter of psychic energy that could have someone rule the world. Yeah it is a super corny movie but Cyndi Lauper is hilarious, Goldblum is Goldblum, we got Julian Sands (Warlock himself), and fucking Colombo people! This will be a rewatch down the line for sure as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #508

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Gross Movie Reviews #508

Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

Blade the Iron Cross (On Demand) – So about 20 years too late we get a Blade standalone film Charles Band and Full Moon. Hey I was happy it was going to exist but they also kept it in the Nazi era instead of making it in present time. Bottom line plot wise is a psychic journalist; Elisa owns Blade and brings him to life to fight a Nazi scientist who continues his horrific experiments on humans. This Nazi scientist of course seeks to replicate the Toulon formula but also to enhance it. But Elisa with the help of Blade and a detective try to put a stop to it before it’s too late. For me the question remains do we even get this film if ‘The Littlest Reich’ is ever released? Because I don’t know about you Full Moon fans this movie was just meh as I give it 2 stars.

 

Weedjies! Halloweed Night (On Demand) – Three college girls need to raise funds for their next semester’s tuition so they have a Halloween party. So they rent a hotel in Vegas and Halloween it up for the party. The catch for all to come is that you pay to get in to be a part of a scavenger hunt and whoever wins gets this “ultimate weed”. The party gets going, the hunt begins, and an evil baroness shows up and gets the friends to play an evil game of Ouija that unleashes the “Weedjies”. If they do not capture the Ghoulies-lite extras they will also become part of the game. The Danny Draven film is one of those shut your brain off films that isn’t truly a horror film but kind of fun to watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Yummy (Shudder) – A Dutch horror film about a couple who are going to a shady ass hospital for a breast reduction. Allison feels they are too big and it’s time to do something about them. Finally after a false start because of the boyfriend barging in Allison and the doctors are ready for the surgery. That is until Allison’s boyfriend stumbles in to warn people about the zombie outbreak in the hospital. From there on it is all blood, breasts, and chaos that include a dong on fire! Cool creatures and great effects make this film a riot as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

A Man Called Rage (YouTube) – Another Eye-talian post-apocalyptic film from 1984 that has a lone man named Captain Strike or nicknamed Rage brought to a military facility after he kills like twenty men to begin the film. Rage is a man who never got sick after the nukes but there is many others that did and this group of people living in this facility need his expertise to lead an expedition to find Uranium. They believe with this the people can survive the oncoming illness. Captain Strike agrees and along the way makes a deal with a complete psycho who use to be in his outfit years ago for maps that lead them to an air base in the “Forbidden Lands”. They get there and there is no Uranium but something better… VHS tapes on engineering, seeds, and the bible as I give this fun apocalyptic flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Torturer (Vimeo) – A short story written by Paul Kane that has made into a short film about a man named Andy Brooks. Andy is thrown into a dark room to be interrogated by a stern man with a clipboard. No backstory, not just yet as this stern figure can’t anything out of Andy except for his name as Andy claims he doesn’t remember anything. What seems like your typical movie interrogation takes a turn when the torture begins and Andy has dreams or flashes of a past life that come to haunt him. An interesting take story wise and worth a look as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. www.LittleSparkFilms.net

Intrusion Disconnected (Google) – This is the long awaited sequel from writer/producer Craig Everett Earl’s 2015 creepy thriller ‘Intrusion’. Mr. Earl and crew waste no time keeping up the creepiness of the connection between Holly and Ray. Some time has passed since the tragic events of the first film and Holly is still nowhere near living a normal life. Convinced Ray is still alive since the police never found his body in the wreckage of the paramedic van’s accident. The nightmares come nightly as Holly wakes up screaming most nights staying with friends just trying to find a way to deal with it. But the gloves are off this time as the anniversary of the horrific event in Holly’s life draws near as there is a slaughter happening and it is slowly closing in on Holly. Craig dives deep into the two characters of Holly and Ray to expand their backstory and show their connection in this bloody sequel. Again they rely heavily on the Holly and Ray characters to move the story along more than blood or sex that is thrown into most Indy films to move them along. This is a unique independent film for the reason it is a true thriller which you do not get much in the low budget world these days and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Katie Stewart and Craig Everett Earl, remember their names as I can see bigger budgeted projects coming their way soon as they are super talented people.

 

Savage Beach (On Demand) – This late 80s big boobied action/adventure flick is about two beautiful DEA agents crash landing on an island that has several people looking for gold. Apparently during WWII a Japanese boat went down nearby or may have shipwrecked on this island as it was carrying a lot of gold that set anybody up for life. So we have a few small groups of individuals trying to dupe the other while they find the gold first. These two beautiful ladies and a strange survivor from WWII just happen to wreck the treasure hunting party. It has a lot adventure hijinks to be put in the 80s sex comedy genre but if you enjoy that genre this will be worth a look as I give it 2 ½ stars for just keeping me entertained all the way through.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #507

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Gross Movie Reviews #507

The Cottage (DVD) – A UK horror/comedy that stars Andy Serkis as one of three men who devise a plan to kidnap a beautiful young daughter of a notorious club owner. Things go well for the three a whole five minutes until follies begin to happen like one of them forgetting their cell phone, needing to check in with the wife, the third being followed and checking the bag for ransom money. It’s one laugh after the next until the night club send in the boys to clean up the mess as they find the three hiding out at a cottage in a small village. Then the story change as one of the kidnappers’ and the young lady traveling the woods start finding a gory mess of body parts and a huge ‘Wrong Turn’ extra that is slicing and dicing anyone near his cottage. A wonderful and gory entertaining film for the horror fan looking to find their horror fix as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Deadly Reactor (You Tube) – In a supposedly post-nuke world where only Amish communities still exist a man (David Heavener) is left for dead and his family gunned down by an evil gang leader named “Hog”. Hog likes to lay waste to the innocent and buy guns and drugs in this new post-nuke world. The man left for dead was a preacher but is taught by an old man to be a gunfighter who heads to the first Amish community that has been taken over by Hog to fight back. He becomes sheriff and convinces the town for the long term they will need to fight back even if they do not believe in violence. There are bits and pieces of backstory between characters of what started the war that got them into this desolate future but never fleshed out. Sorry kids post-apocalypse film I am always curious about those details and especially during a dull B-flick from the end of the 80s as I give it 1 star.

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

The Intruder (DVD) – A group of people are invited to an island get together, weekend fling, whatever you wanna call it as a friend/relative has died and they are there for a reading of the will. This so-called death of a friend died in a plane crash over the Amazon and supposedly before his death got gold to his island retreat and hid it somewhere within its walls. As night falls and the people supposedly go to bed at the estate that is when the action begins and the bodies start to pile up quickly. While all left in the retreat are scared and wonder if one of them is killing others off an unknown killer lurks around the island taking care of business. I don’t like its multiple endings or places they could have ended but definitely worth a watch as this 1975 film starring Mickey Rooney and Yvonne DeCarlo was only released in 2017. For some reason the film was finished and shelved for decades. Could not find out exactly why it was shelved and for that long but again it is a solid “who dun it” film from the 70s for the older cinema nerds as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Beyond Dream’s Door (DVD) – Ben Dobbs is a young man who has many nightmares but his latest Ben has been keeping track of. The nightmares have seemed to be interconnecting and bring this to the attention of his professor of his Psych class. Ben has written them down word for word for his professor to read. He even has a daydream during class where he writes a phrase that makes confide in his professor about it. Professor Knox begins to read and feels like he is a part of it some weird magical way and asks for Ben to come over that evening so they can figure out where to go with the nightmare. Figure out what the nightmare means in general. Soon anyone associated with Ben or Professor Knox becomes a part of the nightmare. It is a film that will either be super dull to viewers or really radical for others as it is one those dreams bleed into reality with a cool looking demon that lurks throughout the nightmare chasing Ben as I give it 2 stars.

 

Deadly Impact (DVD) – Another Eye-talian production that was filmed in Arizona and Vegas where two old friends George (Bo Svenson) and Lou (Fred Williamson) get together for some unintentional action. George the cop keeps trying to arrest Lou a helicopter pilot just for any reason he can find but keep finding themselves chasing after two wannabe mob guys who caught onto a couple’s scam in Vegas. The couple was using computers to beat the system (its 1984 folks) to gain enough money to buy a ranch in Arizona and retire. These two mob extras catch on, follow them, and then kill the boyfriend and now track the girlfriend to get the money. George and Lou just keep finding themselves in one action scene after another trying to catch these two before they get away with the money. This film was actually a disappointment to me. Surprise, surprise folks I found a Fred Williamson flick I wasn’t that into as it felt like the film doesn’t go anywhere most of the time. Even though there is a couple cool car stunts just felt dull and the filmmaker didn’t know what to do with these veteran actors or there may have not been much of a script? Anyway I thought I was in for a treat but it turned out to be like stepping in dog poo in your backyard when you do not own a dog as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

River of Death (DVD) – Finally track down this Michael Dudikoff flick and didn’t know he else was in it until I started watching? We got Donald Pleasance as a Nazi war criminal financing an expedition and Robert Vaughn as a Nazi doctor who escaped in the Amazon to still perform his experiments. It begins in 1945 to give us a little backstory on the two Nazi war criminals and their plan to escape to South America. Then we are thrusted to 1965 where Dudikoff’s character is a man trying to make a few bucks being a guide through the Amazon jungle as he knows some of the tribes who live there and is putting together a map that leads to a lost city. He leads a father and daughter into the jungle to find out the strange cause of an illness that has stricken the tribes but is attacked and the daughter taken prisoner. Hell bent on going back Dudikoff gets financing from Pleasance to go in, find the lost city and its treasure. A very uneven story with a lot going on that is not the usual Dudikoff affair action buffs are use too. The film has star power, Dudikoff, and somewhat of a believable story to like movie wise but it just seems like it never hits its stride during the production as I give it 2 stars.

 

Cooking with Roger (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts unleashes his latest short film with the help of filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and crew that has an odd couple trying to film their cooking show for one of the social streaming sites. Roger with the help of his assistant or sister is trying to cook up something special for folks to try at home. Roger decides lets head to his son’s garden for some exotic herbs and veggies to add to the soup he is going to make? Roger convinces his assistant that a mushroom would be perfect for the soup even though he was told not to pick it or eat it. Now mind yinz they are filming their shenanigans sloppily throughout as they are very unschooled in what is proper for their cooking show that just adds to the authenticity of the amateur cooking show. Roger adds the mushroom to the soup, both he and his assistant taste the soup, and quickly they see a disgusting elf that convinces them they need more mushrooms. As both of them keep filming and keep devouring the soup and mushrooms Roger’s son shows up for the chaos. And sadly for Roger’s son it devolves into a horror show for all on the internet to enjoy! I give this evil fun and brilliance of a short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ouija Shark (DVD) – Well you had me at ‘Shark’ and 69 minutes running time. Our story begins with a young beautiful lady finding a Ouija board that washed ashore where she decided to take a swim. Jill picks it up and takes along to the all-girls pool party she is attending with a college friend. After some swimming and cooking out she convinces the other young women to play along on the Ouija board. Of course something strange happens and Jill has an odd dream. Next day a spirit shark shows up in the woods and begins chasing down and munching down on humans. After Jill consults with her father who happens to be a “medium” and a couple friends become lunch to the spirit shark she grabs the leather for the climatic fight with the spirit shark. Not to mention the film ‘Ouija’ is reference several times and oh yeah we get some weird Mortal Kombat shit with the spirit shark in the climatic fight. This light-hearted and entertaining independent shark film was well worth the watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tunnels (DVD) – This horror film promised rats and instead I got a thriller about corrupt newspaper owner trying to get rid of the city’s homeless. Pam the editor at The Guardian is challenged to take on the next story no matter how big or how little by the paper photographer. She does as it involves an exterminator taking her into the bowels of the old building looking for rats but instead finds the owner’s brother of the newspaper. From there the story turns from rats to trying to break the story about all the homeless disappearing and why. I may have been a little disappointed I didn’t have another giant rat invasion movie to watch. But go look at the star power that was in this film because they are the reasons I kept watching this lesser known thriller as I give it 2 stars.

 

Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (DVD) – I didn’t have high hopes for this as I seen it described as a possible homage to ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ but I was expecting something fun in this independent feature. Instead we all get a very dull, uninteresting film if that is what you wanna call it about supposedly 16 year old girls having a slumber party during spring break. The girls are stalked by a 50 year old teenager named Kort who is in love with all the teenage girls at this slumber party. The film fails on all accounts as you should at least try to do something with your hot garbage script before you even try filming something that resembles a half-ass production done with your parents’ camera in one day. Or to keep it simple folks don’t insult us fans of the independent horror genre with your dumb shit that looks like a complete waste of time. I give it a can of dog poo that sat out in the hot sun and smells worse than when it was first picked up!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #506

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Gross Movie Reviews #506

 

Scream, Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street (Shudder) – A documentary that has been years in the making that centers on the actor Mark Patton from the second film in the series. For many years Mark was blamed by many fans for the failure of the sequel. In reality it did not fail it was just pointed out how “gay” the film was and the blame was placed on Mark Patton by the writer of the film and many critics over the years. This project and the aftermath changed his life so much he chose to walk away until he was contacted for the ‘Never Sleep Again’ documentary about the whole series and this is where Mark’s journey begins. A very interesting look into an industry that can just crush a human being into nothing but Mark has made it past it all to enjoy what he has now. This is a must watch for every Elm Street fan and horror fans in general as I give this 4 stars. For me I just always felt the film never fit the flow of the series and seemed darker than the first. But also too I wasn’t looking for the gay subplot like so many and just watching it for what it was a sequel. And for the love of Freddy ‘The Dream Child’ was just downright terrible not ‘Freddy’s Revenge’ and so glad Mark is on top of the world now.

 

Itsy Bitsy! (DVD) – A black egg is stolen from an ancient tribe and it is given to an old man for his now deceased wife. But the old man doesn’t see it that way and unwilling to trade or sacrifice to this ancient egg, things are predicted to go bad in his life soon. When the egg is broken it unleashes this huge hideous spider that slowly takes over the attic of his new neighbors or nurse and family who are going to take care of him. While things disappear, strange noises are heard, and the family is breaking a part slowly the huge spider is planning on the family being the feast it wants. Not a great spider film, it’s more of a second rate Goosebumps film than something fun as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Victim (YouTube) – A 1972 TV movie starring everybody’s sweetheart from the ‘Bewitched’ show, Elizabeth Montgomery where she plays a character named Kathryn Wainwright. Kathryn is worried about her soon-to-be divorced younger sister Suzie. So Kathryn travels to her sister’s out of the way place during a storm that has knocked out phone lines and roads. Once there Kathryn cannot find Suzie and has learned from a friend of Suzie’s the long time housekeeper was fired a while ago. As the mystery thickens the soon-to-be ex-husband shows up and the housekeeper is still lurking around. A quite fun TV mystery worth checking out if you got 70 minutes to burn as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Strange and Deadly Occurrence (YouTube) – A TV movie from 1974 that looked like it had potential starring Robert Stack and Vera Miles. They are a family with their teenage daughter move out from the big city to the mountain small town area. First six months of living there everything is just fine then all of sudden problems with the electricity; a weird ass doctor dude asking to buy the place, gopher problems, and the daughter is having some strange dreams at night. The cops have been a few times and just believe it is the rich city folk overreacting, but when the weird doctor shows up dead in the pool things get interesting… Or should have? Not to give too much away like I did on our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks: The buildup was cool but the payoff can go suck a bag of dicks because it was lame as I give this limp entry of a TV movie 1 star.

Shellmont County Massacre (DVD) – A small town has a serial killer problem suddenly and it quickly gets out of hand when a young man in a clown mask decides to start knocking on peoples’ doors. He absolutely enjoys the horror he brings to those who open the door. The serial killer is nicknamed “The Shellmont Butcher” when the bodies keep piling up and the sheriff no longer wants to bring the killer to justice but just end his existence. The actors were good, great exploding head effect along with some fun gore scenes, but the middle of the film feels more like filler than actually having something to keep you interested throughout the film. Hack off ten minutes or so of the filler and I believe independent fans are saying a lot of great things about this film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Battle Beyond the Stars (DVD) – Plain and simple this was Roger Corman’s answer to ‘Star Wars’… ‘The Magnificent Seven’ in outer space. A peaceful planet is threatened to be destroyed in a few days by an overlord in John Saxon. A young man is sent out into space to seek out mercenaries who would be willing to help their cause in fighting this overlord. Depending how you are looking at the ship the kid is flying it is either a huge ballsack or a pair of giant boobies! Anyhow the young man finds some characters who are more than willing to help fight Sador in a war in which Sador has never lost. The biggest threat to them all is the weapon called “Stellar Converter”, if they can stop that they can stop Sador. For 1980 and on a Corman budget the film still holds up somewhat today as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Milwaukee Murders (VHS) – A never released S.O.V. movie with big hair, so-called twenty-something actors playing high school kids, an exploding Ford Pinto, and a killer on the loose. But it isn’t just any killer it is Vanessa’s boy toy Huey who is being teased for seeing an older woman by his friends. Vanessa convinces Huey to kill for her and as proof she wants body parts. But be careful what you wish for Vanessa as it backfires and Huey comes for her also! The movie is terrible and hilarious as you can see why it was never released intentionally. Even it is bad I am glad I did get to watch it as I give it maybe… 1 star.

Massacre on Aisle 12 (DVD) – It is Christmas Eve and Dave has started his new job at the big hardware store. Dave and another employee try to move a heavy tool crib until they open it and find out along with all the store employees there is a dead body in it. Also a large sack of money! The employees are faced with a dilemma keep the money or call the cops. Or just lockdown the store and awkwardly not try to kill each other while trying to act like you don’t want the money… Money or not the bodies drop quickly and the filmmakers use the location to its fullest as I give this fun little horror comedy 3 stars.

 

Thunder (VHS) – Mark Gregory, a young Native American comes back home only to find trouble quickly with his local law officers. If that wasn’t bad enough a construction company has begun to build on the ancient cemetery that is protected by a treaty between the government and Indians many years ago. Thunder tries to do the right thing and take it to the authorities, the bank, but none of give a crap because he is a Native American. So Thunder decides to go to war with the police department and the construction company himself. The authorities try to make it out like Thunder is a crazy person but a news reporter who happens to be driving through the town stays to write a story. This might be the only way Thunder isn’t killed by the authorities? A fun Eye-talian rip-off of ‘First Blood’ starring Bo Svenson as the sheriff and it was shot in Arizona in 1983 as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 2 (VHS) – After barely escaping a few years back Thunder returns to his small town again but this time he returns as a deputy sheriff who was hired by the governor. Thunder quickly learns of a corrupt deputy that is taking advantage of young poor Native Americans with drugs. Soon Thunder finds himself framed and sent to county jail. But of course that doesn’t last long as he breaks out and goes to war again with the town and the police. The first film was a fun rip-off where the sequel seems more like a thrown together film in hopes of making a quick buck with no thought as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Blood Feast (remake/DVD) – I had no expectations going into this film because just like everyone else I felt this had been done already… ‘Blood Diner’ anyone! Hell even ‘Blood Feast 2’ made a decade or two ago? But of course that didn’t stop anyone as an American family the Ramses headed to Paris six months ago and started an American restaurant. The owner Fuad is having tough times so he picks up a second job working night shift at a museum. One morning Fuad loses his pills which are critical to his health and that night is when he witnesses Ishtar. Ishtar has fascinated Fuad so much he goes to the library and does research on the goddess. Thus the research makes Fuad believe he has found the answer to his failings in Paris and it starts with a feast that upcoming Saturday night with his family. Not only is he feeding on those he is killing but his family will also feast all in the name of Ishtar. There is doubt the film is gory as hell and Robert Rusler has that voice that just fits the role for the film but I was still not impressed overall. The film isn’t overall and maybe this is more for the newest generation of horror fans but I will always have ‘Blood Diner’ as I give this film 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #504

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Gross Movie Reviews #504

 

Zambo, King of the Jungle (DVD) – The film stars Brad Harris as one of two convicts who claims he is innocent and has been thrown into some third world prison. He is being transported most likely to his death with another convict on a prison train. They make a break for it during the ride and use the jungle for cover. But the jungle can be a deadly place as they got to cross through 50 miles of it to make it safely across a border. Along the way Brad’s character Zambo loses his friend to death and natives find him. Three years Zambo is a jungle legend of helping the natives throughout the jungle in their fight against the white man and others who are trying to invade their territory. Everything is hunky dory until some hot babe and friends come looking for Zambo for help in treasure hunting. The premise sounds fun but I would have to say this might one of the more boring exploitation flicks I have watched… But always keep in mind when watching these early 70s flicks it was a whole different world then so when we watch our view could be skewed but I say it was dull and only giving it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Stay Awake (DVD) – A horror film from 1988 that was brought to my attention by a good dude Zane Hershberger a couple months back and was able to finally check it out. 1988, horror movie I never heard of, let’s just say I was stoked as hell. So apparently we open with a serial killer of 11 women is given the needle and of course vows to come back also like ‘Prison’, ‘Shocker’, ‘The Horror Show’, insert a couple more titles from that year or so… Anyway present day 1988 the ghost reappears to haunt some girls at the St. Mary’s School where a teacher and students hang out all night in an event called “The Stay Awake”. Of course this isn’t a U.S. thing and IMDB claims South Africa which could also explain why it is so hard to find until recently. Zane I really wanted to enjoy this film man but not a whole lot happens except the women running around the school and for the ghost of a serial killer he lacked the skill in killing as no one was really dying. Maybe this is just an example of us products of the 80s that are movie nerds that need to shut up or just go watch ‘The Monster Squad’ for the hundredth time… again as I give this 1 ½ stars.

Deep Undead (DVD) – This is a 2005 independent film from Dave Castiglione that just got an upgrade in every way for independent film fans to rediscover all over again. Two divers mysteriously die in the Miles Cove Harbor where there just happens to be a shipwreck from 1923 and a recent nuclear power plant accident nearby. The locals have lots of questions but authorities are keeping things quiet as fish have also recently disappeared or died off so a dive team is hired to find the bodies. The dive team is not all too happy finding out the spill was nearby where they are going but want paid and don’t wanna make too much of a fuss. As the investigation moves forward strange things begin happen, stuff washes ashore, a reporter really digs into the truth of what is actually happening, and people keep bringing up the weird shipwreck accident of 1923. Add that in with more mysterious deaths you get an amazing low budget film that has some wonderful underwater shots for the film that will make filmmakers take notice that it can be done if you put your mind to it. I really enjoy this film because it has that Roger Corman early 80s creature feature feel combined with that independent early 90s look. This entertaining film has all you could want: weird creatures, great underwater scenes, and a toxic spill for a backdrop as I am grateful Dave is getting this out there again as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Beyond White Space (DVD) – So as usual I took a chance watching bootleg Michael Pare in a film that is set in 2156 A.D. Bootleg Michael Pare is chasing after some space dragon that is able to jump time and space that killed his father several years before. If he can capture the dragon it becomes the space haul of a lifetime? Honestly the film is more filler than anything and even with the 30 second cameo from Vernon Wells it still wasn’t worth checking out as I give 0 stars.

 

Skeleton Man (DVD) – As I continue my quest to watch “dumb shit no one wants to watch” I came across this feature that stars Michael Rooker and Casper Van Dien. They are part of an undercover delta force team posing as hikers so they are able to hike through the woods on a search and rescue mission. They are searching for a second group of soldiers that have disappeared in these woods from the impossible force of an invisible entity that when it appears it is a generic grim reaper. Yes it was dumb! So folks just remember stick with watching the racist bootleg version of ‘Predator’ in the hilarious ‘Robowar’ as I give this film a ½ star.

Amityville No Escape (Blu-ray) – Henrique Couto takes his own stab at the notorious franchise to see if he can breathe some new life into an old concept. George is writing a paper on “Fear” and he is making a documentary about his experiment into “Fear”. George gets a few friends and they head to Amityville so he can record reaction and feeling of himself and friends facing their fears. We the audience is introduced to a long lost VHS tape that was from 1997 recording events of a woman that moved into the infamous Amityville home and what transpired. Once the group finds their location and start talking about “Fear” that spookiness ramps up as a little girl is seen and we get flashes of footage of strange occurrences in the 1997 VHS tape. I have likened very few paranormal films and this falls more in a different category than that for me and that is “not my cup of tea” feature. First, I love the ending of the film and that is a great cast of actors but I just could not get into the film. That doesn’t mean it is bad by any means I just feel I may not be the audience for this stab into the “Amityville” series. Second, no matter what Henrique makes I will always give the film a fair shot for the mere reason that dude is one the most talented people behind the camera today! For that I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Amityville Vibrator (Google Drive) – Just when I thought I seen it all in the past year: “House Shark, Velocipastor, Shark Exorcist, Banana Splits”. You know stuff I believe only exists in my weird ass brain but somehow gets pooped out into the universe? Well I was wrong as Nathan Rumler a filmmaker trying to make his mark in the independent scene decided to come with one of the sleaziest films that has graced this earth in some time! This borderline porno flick begins with the notorious shooting we all know about in 1976 in the infamous Amityville home. The audience is in for an eye opening experience from the get goes as the opening scene is a woman in a demon mask going to town on herself… then having her head blown clean off into a huge blood stain thus allowing the vibrator to fall to the floor and getting lost.  Now present day we get Cathy who has just purchased the infamous home and has thrown out her useless boyfriend. Cathy does what any depressed human would go do and that would be go to a random yard sale with your hot punk girlfriend and receive a free possessed vibrator! As Cathy gets home and the possessed vibrator introduces the young lady to ungodly visions of pleasure we come to find out her ex-boyfriend isn’t just an asshole? Chad just happens to be a part of a duo who has been tracking down all the possessed items from the haunted home so they can no longer harm people. If that doesn’t sound weird at all, prepare you are in for a treat as shit goes globally satanic in a graphically sexual way like never before. We come to learn Satan needs inside Cathy as I will leave at that. Nathan kudos to you for beating Joanna Angel to the punch in making something that will not be forgotten as I give this sleazefest 3 out of 4 stars. The flaw I could point out in this hilarious idea is the shrooms scene went on way too long, there is a point to it but shouldn’t have been longer than 30 seconds.

 

Scarecrow County (Blu-ray) – Our story begins with a woman donating books to the local small town library. She is from the small town but is just in to clean out her recently deceased parents’ house. She has a verbal spat with the town drunk about her dead brother in the library that sets the tone of the film. The librarian finds a notebook in the pile of books from the dead brother Joey Gibbs. A name most in town haven’t heard or talked about for years. The librarian reads on as it peaks her interest and begins asking her father questions about Joey as he went to high school with him. Small town legend, small town ideas but her reading this book sets things in motion not only among old friends but people start having untimely deaths. If you are into killer scarecrow in small town drama then this is up your alley for a Saturday afternoon watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #503

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Gross Movie Reviews #503

 

Something Evil (YouTube) – An early 70s TV flick that stars Darren McGavin as part of a married couple who decides to buy an old country home out in the middle of nowhere. Problem is they picked the wrong home and it has some weird paranormal things happening Possibly Satan or just some demonic being. Being city folk and not sure how to deal with it they even look into getting a priest. Sounds cool if you’re a fan of this 70s TV stuff but even the die hards got to admit there isn’t much of a payoff when it is all said and done as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Panther Squad (DVD) – A crazy Sybil Danning flick from the early 80s about a new organization that has been formed called N.O.O.N. They would like to conquer space as most places on the planet except for a few select islands refuse to cooperate are all for this. So a group called “Clean Space” takes over the space rocket and holds it hostage. In response the governments okay a covert operation that calls in Danning’s character and her elite woman military squad. Besides looking like extras from a Duran Duran video they help track down Clean Space and put a stop to their tactics. Hilarious B-movie stuff that gets you Sybil Danning in skin tight leather throughout the feature, looking through binoculars for at least half of the film. Not totally sure if Full Moon actually has the rights but sure glad they put it out on DVD for all of us to enjoy. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Quantum (Shudder) – Another twist on the zombie genre where a Native American community begins to see weird shit: gutted fish become alive again, dogs are dying, and then a drunken dude begins biting people. Not fully explained how it started this sends an Indian reservation into lockdown fighting off hordes of the undead. Six months later and the whole apocalypse has happened. The residents of the reservation have come to find out they are immune for an unknown reason. Now they discuss it a couple times why it might be… but they still need to survive as they can still be eaten and overtaken. Fighting among each other is their downfall as they fight over whether they should allow the white man into their secure community? Good amount of gore and a twist in the zombie genre makes the film an intriguing choice. I like the film but didn’t love it but feel no matter what kind of horror fan you are it does deserve a chance as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Easter Holocaust (DVD) – An independent holiday film that tackles the Easter Bunny that is just an absolutely too fucking long of a movie. EDITING IS NOT A BAD THING KIDS!!! The bunny happens to be an evil force that collects human hearts and a woman who escapes the local asylum is looking for evidence of the bunny existing. There is a whole boring storyline about the woman being the chosen one and a dumb hillbilly cannibal family. The only real redeeming thing about the whole film is a ‘Death by a Suction Cup Dildo!” Outside of that you can live your life without watching this as I give a half star. Thank me later from saving you to watch 2 plus hours of complete crap.

 

The Open Trail (DVD) – Another film from Dan Komarek that comes in about 34 minutes is about two friends Sam and Chris going on a hike in the woods. Things are going great until Sam falls off some high rocks and possibly breaking his leg. With friends not leaving friends behind Chris does his best to get Sam back close enough to get him help? But they both believe something or someone is just behind them at all times. After hearing gun shots in the distance Sam’s leg feels better to run but it’s too late as the two friends must face off with their unknown assailant. Mr. Komarek was smart to keep the film short as it is rough around the edges plot wise but more than makes up for it with the characters legit chemistry between them as they fight for their lives. You can see Dan Komarek is passionately trying to get better with each project and a lot of times that is what independent film fans want as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Motor Home Massacre (YouTube) – Some so-called friends jump into an old RV and go for a ride into the woods. That part of the woods (Black Creek) that just happened to have a murder or two in the night before. This doesn’t stop the friends from enjoying the quiet area for drinking and all the sex. Of course there is an unhappy psycho who is pissed all the sex is going down and people need to be killed with a bad plot twist. A lot of us love slasher films and a lot of us enjoy independent slashers but when the project has no heart from the beginning and looks like the story was dumped on film that is never good. Great title, disappointing film, which I am not thankful for as I give it a ½ star.

Bad CGI Sharks (DVD) – A brilliant story about two brothers Matthew and Jason who are very close in many ways as kids. As kids they wanted to make a shark movie like no other but eventually that dream was squished as their father considered Jason a lost cause. Many years later Mathew has grown up and living out in Hollywood! Mathew’s life is turned upside down when his older brother Jason shows up who just so happens to be a bum who still wants to make shark movies. After some fighting, smoking weed, and talking about their movie script with no ending they wrote as kids called, “Sharks Outta Water” a floating shark shows up! It first eats the neighbor but eventually it begins chasing the brothers. It seems a man with a magical clapper board as brought their childhood movie script to life and now they must deal with it in many hilarious ways. Don’t just rent, buy this fucking movie NOW! One of the most entertaining independent shark films ever made as I give this sure to be on the “Best of 2020 list” 4 out of 4 stars.

 

5G Zombies (On Demand) – Yep, leave it me to find another film trying to deal with the Corona Virus and of course it involves zombies. This independent film uses the 5G upgrades and the Corona Virus happening at the same time not a fluke. The upgrades is causing the virus to mutate and causing people to become zombies. Most of the film is a series of shorts spliced together of people doing their character parts over laptops and phones during the ongoing pandemic. Biggest difference between this film and the one from Full Moon is ‘5G Zombies’ goes out of its way to be serious where the other made it a joke from the start. Right or wrong in making these types of films during a pandemic can be debated forever but I just believe maybe this flick should have taken a clue from Full Moon. This film be forgotten quickly if even watched as I give it 1 star.

Killer Ants (On Demand) – A young couple (Evan and Cory) move to small town Texas from New York for a teaching job. Cory enjoyed New York very much and finds the move hard to adjust especially because she keeps getting bit by fire ants and a specialist in fire ants, Olivia has shown interest in Evan. While Cory becomes an amazing shitty cuntface of a character the fire ants have begun to mutate, growing larger, and acting much different than their species dictates. After the wonderful death of Cory in a fridge Olivia tries to not bang Evan on her gravesite in order to find out what is the real cause of her death. The real cause leads to something much more sinister than Olivia and Evan are prepared for. Kudos to the writer, filmmaker, and actress making up one of the most unlikable characters in a movie I have had the pleasure of watching die in a horror movie and for that I give this flick 3 stars.

 

The Strangeness (DVD) – An odd low budget flick that was filmed in 1980 but wasn’t released until 1985 into horror film obscurity. The film has found DVD recently allowing weirdos like me to watch the film and compare it to a film like ‘The Boogens’. A group of people are being paid to chart an abandoned mine called “Golden Spike Mine”. Abandoned many years ago because missing miners and miners refusing to work because of stories of a monster living in the mine. When a cave-in mishap happens the group chooses to go deeper in the mine thinking they can avoid the part of the mine with the stories of monsters. An unseen creature picks them off one by one as they go deeper into the mine until the creature is revealed and it’s a big Vagina! If that wasn’t enough listen to music as I believe John Carpenter might wanna get a lawsuit together? For me the film was neither good nor bad but was just happy to see this low budget mess as I give it 2 stars.

Zombie House Party Massacre (YouTube) – Finally a no budget film that lives up to its name as zombies are just trying to live civil lives in their home. But damn young humans come to rush the house to party and have unprotected sex! The zombies stay quiet in the upstairs room until one of the party goers hear the baby and take it. The zombies just wanting their zombie baby back chase the humans throughout the home and call for help from their zombie friends. What makes it hilarious as they chase the humans around the home they make fun of themselves that they must act a certain way in order to stay scary. Otherwise they are no different than any of us until they finally had enough and start eating the humans to get the zombie baby back! The short film is absolutely wonderful and I could not stop laughing at the zombie jokes as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #502

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Gross Movie Reviews #502

 

Evil Seeds (DVD) – A short film from Just Buried Productions that begins on Halloween in 1981 at The McGregor’s house. But moves quickly to present day Halloween where five friends head to the woods to have some fun and tell ghost stories. When one of their stories is told it comes true so demonic pumpkin figures appear to kill the campers. This is all because McGregor hates everything Halloween which ashame in the long run but anyway give the short film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Black Mama, White Mama (DVD) – This 1972 feature stars Pam Grier and Sid Haig in which two women prisoners, one black and one white hate each other. But they are forced to escape together as they are shackled together. During their daring escape they must work together and decide where they are going so they don’t get caught as both are wanted by authorities, a pimp, and hitmen. The local chief detective makes a deal with Sid Haig to track them down because he believes Haig’s character and shady friends will get the job done much quicker than his police force. One woman wants to stay and help the revolution, the other wants to leave the island with the money she believes she was always owed by her pimp to start a new life. Both are willing to do whatever it takes to get it accomplished and that means beating up a couple nuns and taking their clothes as I give this fun piece of entertainment 3 stars.

 

The Tallman (DVD) – So I finally watched this piece of shit that stars Jessica Biel and two genre vets in William B. Davis and Stephen McHattie. Jessica Biel’s character Julia seems innocent enough taking care of her son with nanny/random woman that stays at her house in this small community. But this community has an urban legend called “The Tall Man” that sadly is blamed for missing children over recent time in the community. After Julia is attacked and her supposed son taken things get a lot clearer… maybe? Tables get turned where Julia is the villain who steals kids and gives them to the “The Tall Man”. But two questions remain: What is the Tall Man? And why does this covert figure exist? This was just fucking dumb and an insult to Angus Scrimm and the character he made famous as I give this crap!

 

Spring Fever (YouTube) – A weird low budget zombie flick out of Iowa where the Mad Doctor Yeager has two of his undead minions pour some green crap into a stream near Iowa State Park. Of course this unleashes a horde of flesh-eating lunatics! Our only hope is a weird dude named Zed and his partner Agent X that may have been the stuntman for the local production of ‘Phantom of the Opera’. Along their way to find the mad doctor the two come across all kinds of characters as they try to protect the innocents as much as they can. Some fun low budget gore and a cameo appearance by Robert Z’Dar as a mob boss make the highlights of this feature. Thought it could have been edited down a few minutes but still a fun watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Norliss Tapes (YouTube) – This early 70s TV movie is about a publishing manager who becomes concern with his star author Norliss because he has become a recluse and hasn’t finished his book in the past year. The manager is also concern because they were taking a chance on this project as Norliss wanted this book to be about the occult and supernatural. Norliss in the beginning thought it was all fake until he met Ellen Cort. Mrs. Cort has an experience with her dead husband that causes Norliss to take it seriously and investigate the incident. During his adventure he finds out the dead husband wanted immortality and must fight the undead to destroy him. In the end this was just one tape and the manager has many more to go. This was supposed to be a TV series from the same person that introduced us to Kolchak but it never came to be. I love Kolchak as many do but this lacked the same charm but still a fun ride worth checking out if you haven’t before as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Killer Cup 3D (DVD) – An army of killer Styrofoam cups hit earth to drive humans into extinction. Sold! I am in to see where this funny shit takes me. What is left of the human race is trying to fight back as the story centers on this house in the middle of nowhere Canada where one-balled Uncle Zach has built the “Cup Destroyer!” It’s a RC truck that shoots lasers and one of the cups is at the wheel. But as usual the killer cups are always staying one step ahead and have stolen the piece of tinfoil to build their ultimate evil killer cup! Wonderful idea but the 100 minute running time and the communication of the cups is a dog’s squeaky toy are major drawbacks but so worth the attempt as I give this independent project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Unsung (YouTube) – The latest project from Churchill Pictures is a bit of a thriller with a bit of drama and intrigue added to the mix. We are introduced to Eric through his travels of the depressed areas of Pittsburgh and his childhood flashbacks that haunt him. One day catching a nap, the nap is interrupted by a man trying to hurt a young lady. Eric jumps into action and saves her. But being homeless also she takes off with Eric’s bag and he chases her down to a homeless community under a bridge. He is accepted into the community quickly. Meanwhile we are introduced to a very driven detective by the name of Jones who understands he now is trying to track down a serial killer and how all the victims are tied into each other in some way. Eric hearing a voice from a radio decides he must take action like his comic book hero that he keeps near to his heart. Eric and the detective cross paths and Eric is of course a ‘person of interest’ in the case but no matter what both men want to save the young lady after she is taken by this killer. I tried not to give too much away with the description just because I really like the story and it isn’t your usual crime drama/thriller. The film has a lot of heart that deserves to be watched and enjoyed. It stars Jared Bajoras, Richard Billock, and Amadeo Fusca which all three were perfect in their roles for this project. Help support this project folks as I give it 4 out 4 stars all the way!

 

Devil Rider (YouTube) – One of those early 90s films that was a direct-to-video release which were very popular of the time. A cowboy in the old west is wandering the countryside gunning down anyone that is in his way or on his property. The marshal catches up with the outlaw and has him hung but he does not die. The cowboy claims he from hell there to kill everyone! As they leave the cowboy hanging the marshal’s posse shoots him several times but the next morning the evil outlaw disappears. Now a hundred years later the evil outlaw is back and terrorizing a group of people who came in from the big city to buy up a big farm for real estate. The outlaw can only die one way and that is by his own saber or weapon just like 1987s ‘Ghost Riders’ but the biggest difference this film had a little more effort put into it. I give this lost 90s film 2 stars.

 

Redcon-1 (DVD) – Another zombie flick out of the UK that has a Special Forces group briefed in a mission to go into a quarantine zone to capture a scientist Dr. Raynes. Supposedly he started this apocalyptic mess and may hold the answer of an antidote. So seek and extract him from the area… if not the area will be obliterated from the map to contain the virus. The group finds him but not without casualties and making their way to the extraction point but Raynes warns them not everything is what it seems. The zombie make-up and effects are good but the slow motion shit at times and trying to explain how the zombies are evolving so quickly to point they are UFC fighters is a bit ridiculous. The film feels like it had two different stories being told and neither was finished, just smashed together to make the mess we have as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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