Gross Movie Reviews #529

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Gross Movie Reviews #529

 

Steel Frontier (DVD) – This under the radar film is a post-apocalyptic western flick from 1995 that stars the likes of Kane Hodder, Brion James, and Bo Svenson. The general and his ‘Death Riders’ roll into a town called ‘New Hope’. The general is there for a shave and just to take over the small refinery town as they have made use of used tires for fuel. The residents have a choice to die or become a part of the new United Regime. Meanwhile, “Space Jesus” aka Yuma is caught out in the wasteland after he killed several men and brought into town but joins forces with the new army. From there Yuma slowly kills off the evil force from within in hopes of saving the town of New Hope. The film has a bootleg Blackjack Mulligan, the great war is called ‘The Boom’, and lots of awesome stunts but what takes the luster off of this gem is the last climatic chase scene. We get a school bus chased by an 18-wheeler and eventually the 18-wheeler drives right through the fucking thing in a huge explosion that should have killed everyone but didn’t. Also it feels the character of Yuma aka Space Jesus was a little inconsistent of why he was actually there but I liked it enough I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Night Sitter (DVD) – Amber seems like your usual cute twenty-something babysitter who shows up at Ted Hooper’s house to watch his son Kevin for the night. Ted Hooper: Paranormal Investigator makes sure Amber knows about him thus setting up Amber to steal him blind once he leaves. Meanwhile Kevin has a secret that he has horrible dreams that haunt him that he calls “the three”. With his so-called friend Ronald’s help they break into his father’s office and find a book that has the three figures from Kevin’s dreams and they are called “The Three Mothers”. The kids accidentally unleash an evil they are unprepared for as Amber’s incompetent friends or accomplices fool around when they should be stealing everything. Now trapped in the house Amber and Kevin find out they have a bond while everyone that is in both of their lives except the dumb neighbor who knows everything about witches is a piece of shit. This bond helps Amber and Kevin get through the night. If you like stuff like ‘Satanic Panic’ and ‘We Summon the Darkness’ you should enjoy this for what it is as I give it 3 stars.

 

Bloodbath at the House of Death (DVD) – A British spoof of horror films that stars Vincent Price as a leader of a satanic cult. One night in 1975 18 people were murdered, ten years later two scientists are heading out to Headstone Manor to investigate what exactly happened. Once there weird things keep happening to the scientists and others who are staying there. Meanwhile Vincent Price and his cult followers are concerned since Satan is supposed to arrive that evening so they choose to kill everyone there. The film sports a very dry humor so this can be a hit or  miss for horror fans but I gotta say I laughed my ass off at the scene where a woman has her head cut off with a can opener and the parody of ‘Carrie’ was fun as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

B-Movie: The Shooting of “Farmhouse Massacre” (DVD) – A 2002 mockumentary about two independent filmmakers making a low budget film called, ‘Farmhouse Massacre’. Vito and Marcus are two young men who believed they were making the best B-horror flick ever. Vito is all about making ‘massacre’ videos while Marcus is all about producing the film. The film has someone interviewing Vito and Marcus throughout the film to talk about all the events that led up to the film being made, the cuts they had to make, dealing with actors, girls not doing nudity, etc., including the lack of script they are working with. It’s a fun little film that made me laugh a couple times and has some fun appearances from actors: Debbie Rochon, Suzi Lorraine, and Jasi Cotton Lanier. The mockumentary has its moments but the best mockumentary I have seen to date is Justin Channell’s ‘Winners Tape All: The Henderson Brothers Story’ as I give this film 2 ½ stars. If interested the DVD is still in print and can be purchased through Amazon.

Exit 101: Halloween Party Massacre (DVD) – In 1969 a couple scientists come up with a formula that turns humans into zombies but not wanting it to get out they hide it in a rocket. Present Day 2011, the rocket was never launched and sits in this small southern town where some college friends are hanging out near it. A prank played by a young man name Caleb has him drink the secret formula that wasn’t supposed to be something else to prank his buddy. Certain changes happen to Caleb quickly causing him hunger and he feasts on the pizza guy which then causes the zombie infestation to spread. Weird thing is Caleb only drank the formula so he isn’t full-zombie. But he can cause problems as his blood lust increases. But the bigger focus is who is going to the big Halloween party, zombie problem or not? The film had locations, some funds behind it, heart, but not sure they really had a full script as it really felt like it could have been split into two different films especially again a very long running time (110 minutes) was making it drag along. No matter what I was glad I got to track this one down as I give it 2 stars.

 

Monster Hunter (DVD) – Milla Jovovich is the head of a Special Forces team that is out looking for Bravo Team in the desert. They find tracks but they disappear at these strange stones. A storm comes by and throws the team into a different dimension/the new world. Unsure of where they are they are quickly attacked by a large horned creature that lives beneath the sand. If that wasn’t enough the team must fight giant spiders that live underground. Only with the help of Tony Jaa is Captain Artemis (Milla) able to escape and become a prisoner (think Enemy Mine). The two lost in this New World finally are found by a pirate played by Ron Perlman and the only way back home is fighting a dragon that is almost impossible to kill and destroy the Sky Tower. Supposedly this Sky Tower thingy is causing a rip between worlds and needs to be shutdown. This fantasy film doesn’t fake what it is an entertaining monster film for cosplayers and people that like the newer Godzilla films. An action-filled popcorn film that won’t make you overthink the plot as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Victorville Massacre (DVD) – A group of friends head to Victorville for a Labor Day party weekend completely ignoring the knowledge that the small town has had a dozen murders in the past couple of weeks… Yep, let’s party! The friends show up at a house that was bought cheap because of the murders and want to why they are all now being stalked in the home by a masked killer. I give filmmaker Riley Wood kudos for trying to give the bloated Indy slasher genre a twist but he wrote one too many twists in the script that causes it to be a little confusing and one twist too many as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Small Town Massacre (DVD) – The 1981 film is also known as ‘Strange Behavior’ but it might be best known as ‘Dead Kids’. Pete is having trouble convincing his father about college and really wants to go to Galesburg College. So when he has a chance to make extra money there through his friend (Jimmy Olsen) he jumps at being a part of a supposedly safe science experiment. First night he is given a pill that makes him smarter and he picks up a pretty young woman who works at the lab and goes to college there. The next session he is strapped to a table and takes a foot long needle to the eyeball and told to go kill his father all because some deranged scientist has figured out mind control. The movie is worth watching for a few laughs but of course there is much better ‘experimenting on humans’ horror films out there as I give it 2 stars. Surprised this isn’t some kind of weird public domain title but can easily be found in several formats.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #528

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Gross Movie Reviews #528

 

Blood and Flesh: The Reel Life and Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (DVD) – An absolutely great and super interesting documentary about a filmmaker who made movies out of nothing during the 60s and 70s. And when he had nothing he would begrudgingly use his own money to bring his visions to life on the big screen. Most of his films were drive-in fodder but that didn’t stop him from giving audiences what they wanted: bikers, stuntmen, bad effects, gimmicks, whatever to get the picture sold! Mr. Adamson was an Indy talent like no other and made lots of friends along the way. But Al’s life was cut short by a so-called contractor he hired to work on his home. Hell, his story has been on the ID channel. The documentary is full of funny stories about his films getting made but it also chronicles the tragic event and how it was uncovered in the end. Wonderful stuff that makes me want to track down some of this filmmaker’s films as I give the documentary 4 stars.

 

High on the Hog (DVD) – A rather different and recent film from the talented Tony Wash whose film is considered one of the last appearances of the legendry Sid Haig. His film is like a colorful grindhouse flick about reefer madness. The story has three cute farm girls rolling into town selling their product to the local drug dealers as it is straight from the farm as they say. The girls and Big Daddy are just family farmers who are trying to survive in this cruel world. Unbeknownst to the family farmers’ federal agents are investigating tainted weed after several deaths. The family becomes a suspect after a rookie agent takes the initiative to go undercover and become part of the family to bust them. But Big Daddy doesn’t want to let go of the farm unless it’s the last possible thing. The film also stars Robert Z’dar, the talented Elle Church, and Joe Estevez as the ending wasn’t an ending I thought was coming? But anyway as usual I do not deny Tony Wash’s talent as a filmmaker but this film just didn’t do it for me as I could only give it 2 stars.

 

Heatseeker (DVD) – An Albert Pyun film that begins in Vegas 2019 where a human kickboxer reigns as champion of the world where cybernetics are all the rage among fighters. After this defeat a bunch of corporations get together to have a tournament where fighters with even more cybernetics can fight to the death to be the real world champion. Human champion Chance O’Brien is lured in after his soon-to-be wife and trainer is kidnapped by a crazed corporate asshat! A fun direct-to-video film from the 90s that is worth tracking down to see acting vet Thom Matthews to get in on the action as I give it 2 1 /2 stars.

 

The Town that Loved Bigfoot (DVD) – A hilarious and perfect documentary for all about a small southern town that has embraced Bigfoot! The town is Evergreen, Alabama where a newspaper article was written there several years ago about a strange creature being seen near town and from there the legend has grown. There are interviews with locals, hunters, Bigfoot hunters and their experiences around the town. If ever interested in Bigfoot start with this film as I give it 4 stars.

 

Future Hunters (DVD) – A lovely post-apocalyptic flick of sorts that seems to has a bigger budget than it actually does. The film stars Richard Norton and Robert Patrick and it was made in the Philippines of course! A man from 2025 gains possession of the ‘spear of destiny’ and it sends him back in time 40 years at the same site where Michelle and Slade are checking out an old church. Future man Matt hands of the spear to the couple as he dies to say to them “protect it with their lives”. The couple has a chance to prevent the nuclear holocaust that destroyed and formed Matt’s world in 2025. The couple argues what should be done with the spear until bootleg Playboy Buddy Rose comes looking for it and chases them all over the world for it! This post-apocalyptic film is one of the best to come out of the Philippines compared to some of the slop I have watched over the years. Plus if that isn’t enough you do get a great scene of Robert Patrick in his Fruit of the Looms and see the tan lines! Also what helps with the film is if you are able to track down an episode of Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs that had this film on as it was perhaps the funniest episode of the bunch. Great stunts, non-stop fun, an actual script, Robert Patrick, for that I give it 3 ½ stars.

Ditch Day Massacre (DVD) – First to find this film you may have to look for it under its recently change title “Ditch Day” most likely from a distribution company picking it up? We begin with a teenage girl (Jenny) who drives home drunk from a party and gets into an accident. She causes the death of a wife and young daughter but her father covers it up because he is a respected cop. One year later the husband/father (Bill Oberst Jr.) of the deceased wants revenge and starts with kidnapping Jenny’s father and mother. Jenny knows she was in the wrong but was apparently out of the loop that she caused death during this accident and it was reported as a hit and run the cops couldn’t solve. But that doesn’t help Jenny as now there is a cold-blooded killer after her and friends as they have ditched school to have a party. Wasn’t exactly thrilled with the ending and also found myself rooting for the killer to fuck Jenny’s shit up so I am kinda of torn with this ‘massacre’ title. Either way I give it 2 ½ stars for the mere fact I will remember this flick for a while and always cool to see Bill Oberst Jr. in a cool role.

 

Massacre (DVD) – An Eye-talian flick that Lucio Fulci only produced. The film seems to be about a red-gloved killer in sunglasses but by the end of the film I felt there were three different killers? Anyway a horror movie is being filmed and murders seem to take place nearby on a regular basis and the local authorities are trying to solve them. The giallo if you wanna call this flick was harder to follow than some of giallos I have watched recently but for entertainment value it did have a bootleg Shannon Doherty, bootleg Bruce Jenner, and a bootleg Reggie Bannister. Also if you do try tracking down this ‘massacre’ title be on the lookout for English subtitles as it was hard to find this film with some as I give it 1 star.

Garden Tool Massacre (DVD) – August 23, 1990, a man of the name Charles Scavolini chosen to murder his wife. Seven years later still serving his life sentence in Glenvale Sanatorium because he was deemed insane at trial has now found a way to escape the asylum. When Charles does he heads home only to find there is someone else living in his old home. So this causes Charles to grab a mask, garden tools, and go slicing and dicing through those who occupy his residence. This UK S.O.V. release has been rarely seen until recently as SRS Cinema has released it in all its glory of nostalgic video packaging for the world to enjoy as I give this title 1 ½ stars.

 

The Cat O’Nine Tails (DVD) – A fan favorite of Dario Argento’s that has murders of people who were connected to secret research projects. A blind man and his daughter suspect something fishy and visit a reporter who reported on the murder in the train station that was declared an accident. After talking the reporter and the blind man try their best to solve the murders before they become murdered themselves! A lot of character development in this film as this film even feels longer than the usual giallo as I give it 2 stars. I am sure Argento fans will be sending me hate mail for that one but again giallos are just not in my wheelhouse but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t give it a try…

 

The Texas Frightmare Massacre (DVD) – A 2010 effort from Joe Francis who decided to make the famous convention his backdrop for his no budget film. Eugene and Lyle train to be security guards only to have their first week of being security guards to be at the hotel the weekend of Texas Frightmare Weekend. Meanwhile while the duo have their troubles of making it through training, douchebag Todd and his hot ass girl Mary (thank you for being a redhead) are forced to take Mary’s step brother Max to the convention. Let’s not forget to mention Todd and Mary have sex with a horse head on while thinking about killing off Max. But once at the convention and mistreated one too many times by Todd, Max turns the tables on the couple. After dealing with the couple to put it in desirable terms Max goes on his convention killing spree. Thus it is up to the new security guards to stop the killer. Not the best of plots (especially since ‘The Horror Convention Massacre” predates this film by three years), running time is way too long for something that could have been an entertaining 30 minutes long, but the biggest mistake is no T-shirt Joe and Fast Custom Shirts! How Joe and his shirts were not featured in this was a poor decision. I will give credit for having the hot redhead Mary and the funny Eugene and Lyle characters but if you are going to use this convention as your back drop Joe Garcia has to be the star and for that I only can give this film a ½ star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #527

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Gross Movie Reviews #527

 

Eyeball (DVD) – Giallo fans rejoice as I dived deep into this feature where tourists are all getting stabbed in the eyeball by an unknown killer. Police are baffled at who could be the killer as these tourists are traveling together and all can be suspects. But eventually the police come up with a clue that helps decide who the killer is when they figure out all the victims have the same color eyeball. This 1975 feature has a little bit of gore, the corny music that will stick you long after the film, and a killer that loves fucking people’s eyeballs up but that wasn’t enough for me as I give this film 2 stars. Let me explain “the giallo’ is not in my wheelhouse but always willing to give it at least one watch because you never know if there is one I go gaga over?

 

Hoax (DVD) – A TV producer is told he has one last chance to come up with a hit show so he takes a chance to go looking for Bigfoot! There have been recent disappearances in the Colorado Mountains and the word is that a rumor of a Sasquatch has roamed the area for years. So the producer thinks, “why not bring real evidence back and make it a reality show.” Ben Browder (Farscape and Stargate SG-1 fame) plays the producer as he takes a small crew that includes a security officer (Brian Thompson) just in case they do actually find something. The crew of thinks it is all bullshit until a parent of one of the recently missing is a part of their crew to help search the area as cameras are set up everywhere. Soon after hitting the base camp a crew member goes missing setting up the crew to start believing in the rumors of Sasquatch. Should they finish the production or run? Kids, remember the title of the film as the climax hits as I enjoyed this SyFy Channel-lite film fare up until then as I give it 2 stars.

You’re Next 3: Pajama Party Massacre (DVD) – This 2007 independent effort was written by Dustin Lavalley and Joe Knetter. The 23 minute film centers around two young ladies (Elske McCain and Scarlett Salem aka Sarah French) having a night to themselves and the women tell stories about serial killers that were never caught. This set up for the girls to soon become victims of an unknown killer that is stalking the home. Lots of extras on the disc for fans but also explains the title as there is flashbacks aka prequel shorts to this longer short film. Not sure if that makes a lick of sense but anyway I give this ‘massacre’ title 2 ½ stars as it keeps it simple: Blood, Boobs, and… a beast.

 

Oasis of Lost Girls (DVD) – Looking to fill your void with European sleaziness then I got a piece of trash for yinz sleazy bastards to enjoy. A 1981 film that has found new life on the Full Moon streaming platform and DVDs. A couple of sick bastards pick up women, take them home, drug them, and “try them out” before they sell the girls to even sleazier assholes. These sleazoids take the girls to an island to be raped then trained for “work”! Another genre not exactly in my wheelhouse but sometimes I do have to pull my head out of the sand and check out something other than ‘massacre’ titles. Sadly I chose this title that I give 1 star too. Yes, this isn’t my favorite but I do know there is a certain audience that just eats this genre and sometimes they just didn’t know some of these titles have been made available again for public consumption.

 

Invasion of the Scream Queens (DVD) – A 1992 documentary from iconic independent filmmaker Donald Farmer that I remember seeing a few clips for then and reading about in a horror magazine. It features interviews and film clips of actresses Michelle Bauer, Martine Beswick, Monique Gabrielle, and many more talking about their experiences on these B-movies and how they made careers for themselves. They talk good times and bad and in recent years we have seen many of these… but what makes this a hidden gem of a documentary is it ends on a high note with interviewing Mary Woronov! I have always found her and her career super interesting as she has literally done it all in Hollywood. This interview made this documentary just an absolute must watch as I give this movie doc 3 stars and well done Mr. Farmer.

Lethal Nightmare (DVD) – First I have seen this movie called ‘Lethal Nightmares’ and ‘Lethal Nightmare’ either way it is the same movie made by the famous Polonia Brother duo in 1992. Second the film was never released until recently as it was a remake shot on Super-8 of an earlier film called ‘Hallucinations’. The DVD begins with an intro from Mark Polonia who gives the viewer a history of how and why they remade the film and it not being released. The film centers on a young man Doug who is horrific weird dreams/visions. Doug and his brother first blame the older weirder brother for just fucking up the family dynamic that would possibly cause these dreams. Because in reality all Doug wants is his kitty after believing he seen it murdered. This is only the beginning as the other two outside of Doug quickly become affected and fall into these weird dreams/visions and do not know what is reality? Independent film fans this is a flick worth checking out just for the mere reason this isn’t the usual Polonia Brothers film we have grown up with and loved. This feature really feels like they went out of their safe bubble and try something different and I believe they may have accomplished something weird and interesting as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Psycho Goreman (On Demand) – So the guy that gave us: The Void, Leprechaun Returns, and Manborg has decided there isn’t enough 90s nostalgia… Two kids Mimi and Luke are playing the game they made up and the loser (Luke in this case) must dig his own grave. While digging in the backyard they find this mysterious rock and believe when in bed that night monsters may come to get them for finding it. They were not far from the truth as they actually unleashed an intergalactic evil being that loves murder and mayhem. But because Mimi now holds the gem they control this being and give him the name “Psycho Goreman”. Mimi of course uses the control for stupid stuff to amuse herself but it also involves their parents as Psycho Goreman is sort of part of the family now. Or just obey every command Mimi gives him. There is a price to pay having this power and possibly even more evil beings called the Templars send something to earth to destroy Psycho Goreman. It now becomes a war between the kids and their pet monster with this Templar creation, who will survive? I loved the rubber monster effects as they look like they were straight out of an episode of the ‘Power Rangers’ TV show. The movie is a lot of fun as I feel this film will be the rubber stamp horror flick for the 90s nostalgia crowd as the 80s nostalgia might be dying out. I did think the ‘Goosebumps’ films were gonna start the 90s nostalgia craze but it faded out but I highly believe this is the jump start the genre needed as I give this film 3 stars.

 

Hand of Death (DVD) – An early 60s B-monster flick about a scientist that may have come up with the latest formula for nerve gas. While Alex tries to perfect the gas he gets it upon him causing a slow transformation of his body but also gives him the “death touch”. Whoever he touches or person touches him they die of a quick death. With no cure in sight Alex begins to go insane until the authorities track him down and rid him of this life as I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Case of the Bloody Iris (DVD) – Trying out another giallo which in this 1972 film an unknown killer is killing beautiful women who live in the same apartment building. Of course the landlord is to blame as he is almost at every scene of the murder but with giallos we all know he is not the killer. I liked some of the lead up to the killer but the film seems to lose steam after halfway through as I give it 2 stars. Need a laugh pay attention to the photographer in the film as he reminds me of the old cartoon character “Snagglepuss”, stage left…? (I know I’m old)

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #526

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Gross Movie Reviews #526

 

The Comeback (DVD) – Nick is a musician trying to get back into the business after a six year layoff. See the music man left the business after getting married and now he is freshly divorced and working on a new album. So his agent helps set Nick out in the middle of nowhere England for peace to record new tracks. The process starts off wonderful but Nick is haunted when tries to sleep by nightmarish visions that deal with his ex-wife. Scared by this Nick begins to worry and tries to contact her but nothing and things only get a little weirder from there in this cool thriller as I give it 3 stars.

 

Hi-8: Horror Independent Eight (DVD) – An eight part S.O.V. project that features some of the most talented independent filmmakers ever (Tim Ritter, Marcus Koch, Tony Masiello, Chris Seaver, Todd Sheets, Donald Farmer, Brad Sykes, and Ron Bonk). The tales are sleazy, bloody, and just some downright good S.O.V. fun as my favorite of the bunch has to be ‘Gang Them Style’. This DVD is great viewers who want to dip their toe into the S.O.V. genre as I give this project a solid 2 ½ stars.

The Shed (DVD) – A bootleg Barlow the vampire bites a man in the woods and this man finds shelter in a shed running from this monster. From there we meet a troubled teenager named Stanley whose parents are gone and must live with his abusive grandpa. That afternoon Stanley is out back with the dog and the dog learns the hard way that there is something in the shed. Of course this doesn’t go over well with grandpa and he too finds out the hard way about the shed. Witnessing these horrific events Stanley must figure out how to keep his new pet monster a secret and how to keep him from getting out of the shed. Stanley tells his best friend about the shed monster and things just get worse from there. A simply fun, gory, little monster movie that I absolutely enjoyed watching as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Death Fighter (DVD) – An F.B.I. agent follows his partner to Bangkok to search for a Russian warlord Drago as he is been human trafficking for years. But Agent Turner loses his partner in a firefight with the warlord and is being forced to return to the U.S. But a guy named Booby (Don “The Dragon” Wilson) is the only man that may help Turner track down this warlord for revenge. I wasn’t a fan of the camerawork for the film but if you are an action movie fan you will enjoy the fight between good guy Don “The Dragon” Wilson and the villain’s henchman Cynthia Rothrock. This climatic fight makes the film a worthwhile watch no matter what you think of the film as I give it 2 stars.

 

Death Rides a Horse (DVD) – This may not be one of the best westerns you always hear about but when you have Lee Van Cleef as a grizzled gunfighter looking for revenge I am always interested. A boy sees his family raped and tortured and before his home burns he is rescued. 15 years have passed since the horrible deed and the young boy now an adult sees a man that triggers the horrible things he remembers. This coincides with Van Cleef’s character getting released from prison and he Van Cleef believes he is owed some payback one way or another. Both the boy and the old man need each other to bring these horrible to justice. But that doesn’t stop the two from delaying the other from getting their due revenge as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

Fried Barry (DVD) – A dead beat father walks out on his family to go abuse more drugs. After sharing a needle and shooting up god knows what Barry wanders out in the world only to be abducted by aliens and a probe shoved down his peen hole. From there the alien experiences Barry’s life as it wanders around town to hang at a rave, get laid, get laid again by banging a random hooker, have a kid minutes later, more drug abuse, beaten up drug dealers, get taken in by a homeless girl, visits the nuthouse, and gets pronounced dead! As you can see there is a lot to chew on in this wild weird odyssey called a movie? This is that type of film I may never fully understand until after several viewers but glad it exists for the cinema fans to consume as I give it 3 stars.     

 

Call of the Undead (DVD) – A zombie film from Taiwan where four days ago there was a toxic chemical spill at the chemical plant and martial law was put in place. Now the police and gangs fight each other as the zombie virus spreads. This of course causes them to join forces but too late for the tag team making a difference in this lost cause of a so-called zombie film. Maybe there is a better cut of the film out there? As this version was kind of dull and seemed dumb as I give it 1 star.

 

Warrior Queen (DVD) – Sybil Danning as a princess and Donald Pleasance as a king of sorts in ancient Pompeii right before the great eruption should spell greatness! But this dull bag of dog poo disappoints big time as it should be listed as a poor empty mockumentary portrayal of the true event as I give it 0 stars and most likely stay buried under the rumble.

 

Mortuary Massacre (DVD) – A clever anthology from filmmaker Chris J. Miller that takes place on Halloween where a detective heads out to the local mortuary to speak with a mortician. Both get into a discussion about the supernatural and how the recent disfigured bodies that have shown up to be investigated may be the result of the supernatural being real. This independent anthology keeps it to the basics and gives the viewer a solid blood-soaked effort that fans should make a point to watch as I give it 3 stars.

 

Bog (DVD) – A terrible lake monster film that begins with two couples from the city heading out in the woods for some camping but soon die at the hands of a lake monster. This indescribable creature sends the locals running and the police grasping for answers as they believe just dropping explosives in the lake will cure their monster problem. Most likely one of the more likely movies many of us have seen one time or another on a horror host show that made fun of it and rightfully so. It’s a lightly entertaining monster film if you have some vacuuming needing done so you don’t need to listen to the dialogue as I give it 1 star.  

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #525

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Gross Movie Reviews #525

 

Cyberjack (VHS) – If by some chance you have not heard this 1995 Michael Dudikoff title it was also released under the title ‘Virtual Assassin’. A low budget sci-fi flick with a piss poor ‘Blade Runner’ back drop that follows Nick (Dudikoff) as an ex-cop with a gambling problem. After his partner was killed in action by a criminal named Nassim (Brion James), Nick has been having hard times now a janitor. Their paths cross as Nassim is trying to steal and upload the ultimate computer virus to his mind to control the world. Well Dudikoff just happens to be the janitor and does his best “Die Hard’ imitation to save the world as I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Better Off Zed (DVD) – Guy and Paige happen to be a cute married couple who just happen to be managing quite well during a zombie apocalypse. Their home is fenced in and safe for now as Guy is enjoying his new free time and Paige is starting to feel differently. As time goes on and Guy believing this is the best thing that could happen to them Paige begins to entertain the idea of escaping the city apocalypse life. Once Paige finds out Guy has been holding out on her about a plane dropping flyers about a safe place for humans to escape the city, the relationship breaks down. The film is more about the couple’s relationship than it is about being a hardcore zombie flick. I give it kudos for trying to be different but the ending of the film left a bad taste in my mouth as I give it 1 star.

 

Baby Frankenstein (DVD) – A mother and teenage son move into a home that has a padlocked attic. Of course the teenage son wants to know what is up there. But the real question should be if you were buying the home wouldn’t you have asked about the locked attic beforehand? Anyhow the son breaks into the attic and eventually finds a dwarf Frankenstein that he cannot wait to show off to the cute neighbor girl. After a short chase of dwarf Frankenstein the teenagers become friends with this creature and hang out or as I summarize the film as “Adventures in Baby Frankenstein-sitting”. Not even the great Andre Gower could save this boring bootleg Disney horror movie that I give a ½ star too.

 

American Beast (DVD) – James heads to the small town of Solitude after he learns his mother has died. He comes to find out he has inherit a storage locker that holds a box full newspaper clippings, a diary, and cassette tapes about a creature and a strange event, 1939 in the woods. James slowly reads more into this matter and finds himself wanting answers. Problem his James might not like the answer to why his family is all kinds of screwed up as I give the film 1 star.

 

The Last Thanksgiving (DVD) – Every Thanksgiving a good wholesome cannibal family kills every year for the holiday as its tradition. The family uses this tradition to honor a pilgrim named Abigail that they claim fed human flesh to people during the original big feast hundreds of years ago. This year the family picks a local non-busy restaurant for their holiday dinner. The only savior might be the town bitch Lisa Marie who is stuck working her shitty job on the Thanksgiving holiday. What starts off like a fun slasher film to add to the collection falls apart as the story gets dull quickly and actually annoying? Maybe my hopes were too high for a fun Thanksgiving horror movie we don’t see too often as this just didn’t trip my trigger as a horror fan and for that I can only give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Pigster (DVD) – ‘Pigster’ was the original title of the film but has been officially released under a different title ‘Feast of Fear’. A gory mess of cinema where roommates go visit a fortune teller (Robert Davi) who happens to be a collector of sorts. This collector has the young friends sign a contract that will bring their one wish true but they must pay with their flesh as a killer pig comes to collect! Yay, you figured out how to reboot ‘Wishmaster’ and offend horror fans in your version of it. Makes sense many people are not talking about this feature as it seemed buried very deep in the streaming world these days as I give it 1 star.

Wolfman’s Got Nards (DVD) – A wonderful documentary from star Andre Gower as he documents everything that went down during the 30th anniversary and celebration of ‘The Monster Squad’. A quite in-depth look into the fans of the film, the history of the bootlegs, Fred Dekker thinking it failed, and who were behind bringing the creatures to life on screen. This documentary is an absolute treat to watch as I give it 4 stars.

 

Midnight Macabre (DVD) – A horror hostess takes you through a cheap horror anthology that all three entries deal with the supernatural. None of the three stories were memorable but the film did star a bright and upcoming actress in Nadia White. I have watched several independent horror films with her over the past year and firmly believe this actress is someone horror fans should look out for when checking out the latest Indy releases… Even though I give the film a ½ star I am sure you will not be disappointed with this cool talented actress.

The Golden Age of Horror Comics I & II (YouTube) – An independent documentary created by Zane Whitener that possibly takes the deepest dive into horror comics I have ever seen. The creator spends a lot of time on the 40s and 50s horror comics because of Bill Gaines but also explains how all comics were changed forever. The creator literally reads some of the early comics in length just so you can feel the impact these writings had on kids and the government. The second half of the documentary talks more of how everything changed in the 70s after we got past the cheesy Batman show we all know and love. But the brilliance or hilarity of that original Batman show might have been the fallout of EC Comics? Zane practically touches upon almost every horror comic throughout the decades and their impact on the artists and fans alike. So if you got three hours to kill I highly recommend this well-produced documentary that not just celebrates horror comics but will teach you something also as I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #522

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Gross Movie Reviews #522

III: Final Contagium (DVD) – So first of all the title since it isn’t from the US I have seen a couple ways you the viewer are supposed to say the title: a) the way I have written it, b) I also had someone explain to me it was (ILL: Final Contagium) which makes some sense for what the film is…, c) also I have had one person email me claiming it is third in the series (which after a very short internet search it is not, but that dude insisted, hahaha). Anyway folks we have a film that is broken into four segments like anthology of sorts where a deadly virus has been unleashed. What connect all the stories are the ongoing news reports on television and radio throughout the segments has four filmmakers contributed to this project. First story is a man picking up a dying woman, second story is about a man seeming like he is helping another out on the street, third is about body modifications going wrong, and the fourth story is about a man trying to save his son at the edge of the end of the world. It is a gooey, fun, disturbing watch for all as I give it 3 stars.

 

Scalps (DVD) – Not the horror film but a western from 1987 that was written by no other, Bruno Mattei! A confederate officer of a Texas fort refuses to admit the Civil War is over and it is time to put down arms. (Sounds very close to what is going on in Washington D.C. right now). Still believing in the war and they have yet to surrender the officer sends troops into Indian land to ravage the land and steal a squaw he fancies. She escapes on the travel back to the fort and finds a lonely rancher who retired from the mess that was called the confederate army after his wife was raped and killed. Both farmer and Indian dislike each other but that doesn’t stop these two from hating this little army of soldiers more as they both have issues with them. So as they try to escape they dish out their own kind of justice to this army as they are to be tracked down and killed. I give this interesting western 2 ½ stars.

 

Interviewing Monsters and Bigfoot (On Demand) – Tom Green is a Missouri forest ranger who is always giving a guy they call the professor trouble because he is always in search of Bigfoot. The professor is a widow and lost his wife in an accident when they witnessed Bigfoot years ago and thus setting in motion his search. The Bigfoot sightings are up again and the professor and crew are setting up a trap for it. But unknown to them the forest ranger and the government actually know that Bigfoot exists! The film has monsters, hillbillies, Bigfoot Hunters, a demented forest ranger, and a cover up by a government agency called M.I.G. This sounds like a wonderfully hilarious formula but once the film gets halfway through it seems to lose its way and quickly becomes a hot mess that had potential as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Max Reload and The Nether Blasters (On Demand) – First, I totally believe this film was just pooped out there in the movie verse just because… But second, this film is what you would call a very nostalgic nerd fest that will have viewers loving it or super annoyed and not finish watching the film. The film has some comi-con all-stars and its plot is about a cursed Collecovision game called ‘The Nether Blasters’. (I kept calling it an Atari 2600 game on our Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast, lol.) Anyway, Max is a young gamer who works the local gaming store owned by Kevin Smith who is about to spend a weekend in the VR world.  Max being pressured by his father, Martin Kove to go to that tech school to build games but Max is a slacker. So it isn’t unexpected an old dude known as the ‘Harvester’ leaves an old Collecovision and one of a kind thought to be lost game  ‘The Nether Blasters’ and of course Max plays it and beats it quickly. Just like today’s generation he posts his walk through online and this causes the game demons to start taking over all who play. The game quickly goes global and it’s up to Max, his two friends, and the creators to destroy this Harvester and his plans. As the Harvester collects souls and gains them through gameplay. I give the film 2 ½ stars as it has its moments but also feels like one of those movies you will forget about within the hour after.

MILFS vs. Zombies (DVD) – Another Brad Twigg creation that five seconds in has zombies rampaging a small community. No real reason for the undead walking earth again other than they are chomping on the people and eventually fight the MILFS! It takes about hour or so in before we get to see MILFS fighting zombies so in between all that you literally get to see 25 or so independent horror ideas thrown in to see what works… If anything? We get a zombie critter, a sex party, a mer-man, naked zombies, dick ripping, a guy acting like a dog, bad husbands, and even a dead man’s spirit throwing a machete to his wife to defend herself against the zombie horde. I am sure Brad Twigg wasn’t setting out to remake Romero’s ‘Day of the Dead’ so I believe he may have missed what he was actually going for here. As with a title like that the film should have established the MILFS fighting the zombies from the beginning and still could have had all your random nudity. I give the film maybe 2 stars as for me it comes off as just throwing random stuff into a film more than having an actual plot or structure to what is going on?

 

The Cape Canaveral Monsters (DVD) – This deep dive into drive-in monster obscurity had me watching a 1960 flick where aliens show up on earth to cause issues for the US space program that we now call NASA. The aliens arrive and quickly cause a car accident to take over the couples’ bodies inside. Once the bodies are taken over it is time cause havoc and communicate with other aliens through a fish bowl in a cave they are hiding in. The film is a friendly reminder of fun B-movies to watch from the past but also to actually truly enjoy it would be to watch it at a drive-in with a couple other features of the same ilk. For that I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Die-B-Que (DVD) – Supposedly this is a 1986 S.O.V. film that runs about 32 minutes long from filmmaker Jackson Furley, which also looks to be his only film. Apparently the film with some lost footage got put back together in 2011 for S.O.V. fans to enjoy the lost film. The story is about friends who are traveling to a big BBQ party that is interrupted by a rodent infecting their food and drink with its anal leakage. As the party goers ingest the infected food and drink they become zombies ready to attack their friends. But the film ends quickly after it gets going with some behind the scenes footage afterwards. It isn’t anything too exciting but being a fan of these low budget projects it would have been awesome to see what else they would have filmed or put together in their end product. I give the S.O.V. flick 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews “Top Ten of 2020”

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Gross Movie Reviews “Top Ten of 2020”

 

1) VFW (On Demand) – For the love of John Carpenter thank you Joe Begos for making this idea exist! A new drug called “Hype” has hit the streets and screwing up people quicker than ever before. The drug is making zombies or “Hypers” out of people and tearing cities down. Boz is a drug lord who is about to have a huge deal go down and kills the wrong strung out girl as her sister Lizard takes it personally and steals his stash. Nowhere to run Lizard busts into an old VFW where some old vets are just having their daily drink, watch old videos of women exercising, and telling war stories. A couple of drugged out punks follow her in and that was a big mistake as they attack one of the vets. The old vets take care of the trash pretty quickly in a brutal way. This is where the chaos or war begins as the vets must defend the post and themselves from the onslaught of strung out punks because Boz wants his stash no matter what. This film is absolutely FUCKING AWESOME! The casting of Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson, William Sadler, George Wendt, Martin Kove, and David Patrick Kelly as the war vets is perfect. This is my new ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ as I give possibly 2020s best film of the year 4 stars all the way. I will be watching this flick at least once a year.

 

2) Bad CGI Sharks (DVD) – A brilliant story about two brothers Matthew and Jason who are very close in many ways as kids. As kids they wanted to make a shark movie like no other but eventually that dream was squished as their father considered Jason a lost cause. Many years later Mathew has grown up and living out in Hollywood! Mathew’s life is turned upside down when his older brother Jason shows up who just so happens to be a bum who still wants to make shark movies. After some fighting, smoking weed, and talking about their movie script with no ending they wrote as kids called, “Sharks Outta Water” a floating shark shows up! It first eats the neighbor but eventually it begins chasing the brothers. It seems a man with a magical clapper board as brought their childhood movie script to life and now they must deal with it in many hilarious ways. Don’t just rent, buy this fucking movie NOW! One of the most entertaining independent shark films ever made as I give this sure to be on the “Best of 2020 list” 4 out of 4 stars.

 

3) Peninsula (On Demand) – So we got a sequel to the wonderful zombie film ‘Train to Busan’, the film picks up four years later. Any bordering country has a blockade up and does not allow anyone to enter South Korea because of the viral outbreak. A former soldier like a lot of misplaced Koreans lives in Hong Kong and down on his luck. A shady dude he does things for gives the ex-soldier a mission of entering the zombie-infested peninsula for a truck that has 25 million U.S. dollars in the back of it safely waiting. If he retrieves it he is rich, if not he is most likely zombie food as the zombies still roam the area. Without spoiling too much I will describe the film has elements that cross between ‘Land of the Dead’ and ‘Escape from New York’ but keeps the heart of the first film. Wonderful zombie stuff again horror fans as this fast-paced sequel pleases me much so that there could be another entry into this series like ‘REC’?! I give the bad ass international zombie movie 4 stars all the way.

 

4) We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

5) Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

6) Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

7) The Unsung (YouTube) – The latest project from Churchill Pictures is a bit of a thriller with a bit of drama and intrigue added to the mix. We are introduced to Eric through his travels of the depressed areas of Pittsburgh and his childhood flashbacks that haunt him. One day catching a nap, the nap is interrupted by a man trying to hurt a young lady. Eric jumps into action and saves her. But being homeless also she takes off with Eric’s bag and he chases her down to a homeless community under a bridge. He is accepted into the community quickly. Meanwhile we are introduced to a very driven detective by the name of Jones who understands he now is trying to track down a serial killer and how all the victims are tied into each other in some way. Eric hearing a voice from a radio decides he must take action like his comic book hero that he keeps near to his heart. Eric and the detective cross paths and Eric is of course a ‘person of interest’ in the case but no matter what both men want to save the young lady after she is taken by this killer. I tried not to give too much away with the description just because I really like the story and it isn’t your usual crime drama/thriller. The film has a lot of heart that deserves to be watched and enjoyed. It stars Jared Bajoras, Richard Billock, and Amadeo Fusca which all three were perfect in their roles for this project. Help support this project folks as I give it 4 out 4 stars all the way!

 

8) Patchwork (Shudder) – Three women wake up to being stitched together on an exam table with a couple guys talking like this is an everyday thing after being kidnapped at a bar. The three stuck together in the same body must now work together to remember who did this and why? With a couple surprises and a twist along the way the three want their revenge and begin their search for answers with the bar they all remember. They also find love along the way. Think ‘Frankenhooker’ with ‘Re-animator’s’ dark humor and a splash of Peter Jackson and you have a beautiful masterpiece of a dark horror comedy that not enough good words could describe. I would love to say more about the plot but it may ruin some of the surprises throughout the film as I give this gift to the horror genre 4 stars.

 

9) Love and Monsters (On Demand) – This fun monster gem is a must see for all audiences as it takes place seven years after the “Monsterapocalypse”. There was an asteroid falling towards Earth. Of course all the governments hurl up all these missiles into space to destroy this rock before impact… it works. Problem is the fallout hitting earth causes all the animals and insects to mutate into large monsters that begin wiping out humanity and force people into underground bunkers. Seven years later Joel is a single bored early twenties dude who cannot help fight the monsters but can make a great minestrone but wants out of the isolation he feels. So he heads out on a mission to find his high school sweetheart Aimee at a bunker on the coast. Along the way he makes friends with Michael Rooker and an eight year old girl who have been living on the surface with the mutated things and teaches Joel some valuable lessons. Joel does find Aimee and there is more to the story but why spoil this amazing creature filled film that you need in your life! This film is sure to be a favorite of most in 2020 as I give 4 stars.

 

10) Becky (On Demand) – We have two parallel stories going on in this deliciously brutal film that centers on a young girl named Becky. First, Becky and her father are in disagreement as usual since her mother’s death. Now, it is being forced upon her that dad has found a new woman and wants to be a family. Second, we are introduced to a couple of inmates who are super Neo-Nazis that have escaped transport heading to this isolated home in the woods looking for a hidden key. After another argument Becky runs off into the woods shortly after the inmates come a knocking for some bad ass mean shit to go down. The Neo-Nazis find out that Becky has the key so they try to make a deal but Becky refuses after watching her father being killed. From there we go into a downward spiral into some brutal scenes of revenge as Becky fights back. We get a sick eye gouge that requires the eye being snipped off, a new way to use school pencils, and a little girl (Becky) getting heart punched! The film is just plain screwed up and I loved it as don’t be surprised this sneaks its way into my “2020 top ten” as I give it 4 stars.

 

Honorable mentions of 2020

 

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas (On Demand) – Holy Rutger Hauer, filmmaker Travis Irvine has earned my respect for not only making a killer raccoon movie. But he did it while doing a parody of ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’! We normal lunatics smell our own… But really prisoner Ty Smallwood now named Casey has just got released from jail after serving ten years for underage drinking. He is jumping on a train to Washington D.C. to hang with his dead girlfriend’s sister to explain what happened on the camping trip several years ago? As Darlene wants answers Ranger Rick Danger takes over the train with his raccoon assassins so they can steal data to hold the U.S. hostage while they sell secrets to foreign powers just like the Steven Seagal less liked sequel. Travis and crew not only deliver the goods but I couldn’t stop laughing as film continued on with the Killer Raccoons being the focus throughout unless it was Casey Smallwood. The effort, the passion, and raccoons trained by the C.I.A. with mini machine guns made this the holiday comedy to watch in 2020 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Llamageddon (DVD) – This wonderful creation is about an alien llama that crash lands on Earth in a small community and begin its takeover! When the llama isn’t stomping a victim with its hooves it is killing people with its laser eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly people when its shoots lasers from its red eyes fireworks go off. The alien llama stumbles upon a house party of young people where it begins killing them one by one but also spits on one party goer to have him begin a transformation. This independent film has it all folks and I absolutely laughed my ass off as the alien llama tries to destroy us all! If that isn’t enough pay attention to their drinking game as the character Dan changes shirts in every scene (17 times if I counted correctly?) I cannot thank filmmaker Howie Dewin enough for giving us this amazing gem of cinema as I give it 4 stars all the way!

 

Psycho Ape! (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer 2020 has sucked a huge bag of dicks! But folks I believe we have been given the film we need to make it through this slow ass death they call a pandemic. It is a low budget film from the great minds of Addison Binek, Steve Albers, and Greg DeLiso whose passion for independent projects is off the scale! If you have heard me speak the name of Addison Binek then you know I feel this is one talented dude. For example: when I take over SyFy Channel or Full Moon he would my “second-in-charge” or if there was someone that I would trust with Lloyd’s legacy it would be Mr. Binek. Some will feel this film is senseless but some like me will enjoy this hilarious Troma throwback laughing their balls off several times throughout the feature. Let me tell you a little about this ‘Psycho Ape’ film. Supposedly 25 years ago this dude in a cheap ape costume (cough, cough) I mean murderous ape escapes The Detroit Zoo and comes upon an unsuspecting teenage slumber party. The killer ape goes bananas on the young ladies leaving only one survivor Nancy Banana. I personally was hoping it would be Hannah Banana for some reason because some kind of weird PornHub dream I had last night after watching the film but that is for a different conversation. Nancy Banana is thrown off course from her life dream of being the next Jane Goodall because this gorilla’s murder spree of her friends but 25 years later she gets to be friends with this crazed hairy killer. But if Dr. ZOOmis has anything to say about he will he won’t let another 25 years of tracking down this deadly ape and several deaths later from breaking up the relationship between Nancy and Psycho Ape. The movie is hilarious, complete chaos, and like a lost film never released from Troma in the mid-80s and for that I am happy to report this treat of a film deserves 3 ½ out of 4 stars. And take my word on this I can see this following the same path as the ‘Leprechaun’ series or maybe not?

 

Zombie House Party Massacre (YouTube) – Finally a no budget film that lives up to its name as zombies are just trying to live civil lives in their home. But damn young humans come to rush the house to party and have unprotected sex! The zombies stay quiet in the upstairs room until one of the party goers hear the baby and take it. The zombies just wanting their zombie baby back chase the humans throughout the home and call for help from their zombie friends. What makes it hilarious as they chase the humans around the home they make fun of themselves that they must act a certain way in order to stay scary. Otherwise they are no different than any of us until they finally had enough and start eating the humans to get the zombie baby back! The short film is absolutely wonderful and I could not stop laughing at the zombie jokes as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The Best Documentaries

 

1) Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.

 

2) Suck Fest (DVD) – BPO Films is at it again with their latest project which is a documentary or mockumentary (depending how you look at it) about the three talented fellows(Ben, Blake, and Ryan) taking a trip to a horror convention to promote their film “Slaughter Drive”. The film isn’t so much about the convention as much as it is about the three friends’ relationship as it breaks down quickly once they hit the road to the hotel and they lose luggage, stolen credit cards, stuff goes missing, too much coffee, not selling shit at the horror convention, and one of the three thinking they were going to kick each other in the balls to settle a dispute! The film isn’t just funny but a laugh a minute as these fellows show off even more of their comedic side in their documentary (sort of?) as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. THIS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT GROSSFEST 2020 first time ever. Go check out www.bpofilms.com and get to know this great group of independent filmmakers.

 

3) Direct To Video: Straight to Video Horror of the 90s (DVD) – An excellent documentary from filmmaker Dustin Ferguson who brings together an abundance of critics, actors, and filmmakers to discuss not just their films but how this whole genre got started in the 90s. They discuss their favorites and how Hollywood and media was changing at the times and yes Charles Band gets a lot of credit as I give this really cool documentary 4 stars.

 

Worst movie I watched of 2020

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

(Only mentioning this one for Joe Bob Briggs fans to be warned far in advanced)

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

Most disappointing film of the year!

 

Hanukkah (DVD) – It opens up with a man on December 8, 1993 who has slaughtered people during the “Festival of Lights” or Hanukkah but never got to finish. 36 years go by and someone has decided to pick up the killing spree during the Jewish holiday. Some Jewish friends who are not exactly celebrating the Jewish holiday become the targets of this sadistic killer. ‘Hanukkah’ has a wonderful cast to kill for but this holiday horror film is such a misstep as it drags on too long and I was expecting more from the crew behind it. Also there are weird delays during dialogue and a few important scenes that don’t exactly make a lick of sense? Super disappointed with the film and another example of you can have an all-star cast but that doesn’t mean you’ll have an all-star movie as I give it a ½ star.

Gross Movie Reviews #520

1

Gross Movie Reviews #520

 

Wrestlemassacre (DVD) – Brad Twigg turns his short film of the same name into a full feature about a groundskeeper named Randy. Randy is an awkward/shy individual who loves wrestling and literally looks like a smaller version of Bruiser Brody (perfect for the film). His admiring of a customer Becky and another customer’s big breasted wife causes Randy to lose his job but opens an opportunity to jump into wrestling school and live the dream. For Randy the dream comes crashing down when he is laughed at the wrestling school thus causing him to snap! He kills his father and starts a downward spiral into a murder spree of where Randy turns into an insane wrestler hell-bent on wrestling his victim then killing all who wronged him. I absolutely love the concept; Richie Acevedo is perfect in the role of Randy, and love seeing some of the wrestler’s cameos. But Mr. Twigg makes the mistake a lot of independent filmmakers make and that is allowing the film to go on too long. There are whole scenes that could have been sliced out of this 100 minute feature including no one dying until the 53 minute mark of the film. I enjoy this film exists but with some editing I just feel this film could have been so much more for horror fans as I give it 2 stars.

 

Random Acts of Violence (Shudder) – So there is a comic book about a serial killer called “Slasherman”. Slasherman comic is written by a young man who uses the unsolved killings of the I-90 killer between 1986-1991as inspiration for his idea. He has these visions and puts them to paper. His independent comic is pretty popular but the writer is having issues bringing the comic to a close. So he is hitting the road with his crew to hit up some comic book shops for signings and so on to hopefully he can end this saga he started. But leaving some of his comics at a dying gas station for customers to purchase brings the killer out of retirement who would like to help give Slasherman a true ending? The film has some really nice gory parts but the story feels very uneven and leaves you wanting more but not in a good way… Like the film was missing something from the beginning for that I can only give the film 2 stars.

 

Resident Evil: Vendetta (DVD) – Another animated stand-alone film in the franchise that just keeps on going whether ‘Resident Evil’ game and horror fans want to or not. I can scream at you about how stupid the live action films are but most of you already know and agree but the animated features have always been a product that showed more love to the games. The animated features and the people behind them always tried to stick with some of the game storylines and characters unlike the live-action films. In this plot the “Umbrella Corporation” is dead but there have been attacks again by the undead. A man who wants revenge for his dead wife perfects the virus for the undead out of the ashes of the Umbrella Corporation and knows how to control the undead to use it as a Bio-weapon. Chris tracks down Leon to help him save a college professor who has the vaccine for the virus and bring down this maniac that just wants to ruin the world. This entry wasn’t nearly as interesting as the other animated entries but it still better than that cow shit they force fed us fans for several years before as I give it 2 stars.

 

Porno (Shudder) – Another highly anticipated film from Fangoria and Cinestate that takes place with a group of young people working in a movie theater in the early 90s. After a hobo breaks in when the employees are closing the theater for the night a secret basement storage area is found. While looking for the hobo the young employees find a film they want to watch in this secret basement. The hobo runs out and they watch this is weird possibly pornographic psychedelic lost film that these Christian kids have never seen thus unleashing something evil. One by one a succubus tries to tempt them with sex and trying to make their ballsacks explode and oh yeah there is a mangled dong or two. Outside of the fun mangled dong scenes there really isn’t much death going down and what should be a bloodbath of a movie and seems to have quite a few dull moments. The film isn’t a complete mess but also doesn’t make you look forward to a rewatch down the road so stick with ‘Popcorn’ or ‘Midnight Movie’ in the meantime as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Love and Monsters (On Demand) – This fun monster gem is a must see for all audiences as it takes place seven years after the “Monsterapocalypse”. There was an asteroid falling towards Earth. Of course all the governments hurl up all these missiles into space to destroy this rock before impact… it works. Problem is the fallout hitting earth causes all the animals and insects to mutate into large monsters that begin wiping out humanity and force people into underground bunkers. Seven years later Joel is a single bored early twenties dude who cannot help fight the monsters but can make a great minestrone but wants out of the isolation he feels. So he heads out on a mission to find his high school sweetheart Aimee at a bunker on the coast. Along the way he makes friends with Michael Rooker and an eight year old girl who have been living on the surface with the mutated things and teaches Joel some valuable lessons. Joel does find Aimee and there is more to the story but why spoil this amazing creature filled film that you need in your life! This film is sure to be a favorite of most in 2020 as I give 4 stars.

Patchwork (Shudder) – Three women wake up to being stitched together on an exam table with a couple guys talking like this is an everyday thing after being kidnapped at a bar. The three stuck together in the same body must now work together to remember who did this and why? With a couple surprises and a twist along the way the three want their revenge and begin their search for answers with the bar they all remember. They also find love along the way. Think ‘Frankenhooker’ with ‘Re-animator’s’ dark humor and a splash of Peter Jackson and you have a beautiful masterpiece of a dark horror comedy that not enough good words could describe. I would love to say more about the plot but it may ruin some of the surprises throughout the film as I give this gift to the horror genre 4 stars.

 

Bullets of Justice (On Demand) – Well if you haven’t met your quota on weird ass post-apocalyptic flicks this one will help. We meet Rob and his assistant who hunt Muzzles or human/pig hybrids that were a Nazi experiment during WWII and during WWIII someone perfected. Of course this all goes wrong as the world’s military combine forces to fight a losing battle against the Muzzles. With 70% of the population gone and humans is now the food source for the Muzzles and the holy mother Rob is on the search for the holy mother hides so he can destroy this mess of a world. After his latest assistant is killed he requires the help of his sister with a mustache and the knowledge passed down by their father Danny Trejo to find the ultimate pig/human hybrid and kill it! So just to review we got human/pig hybrids, incest, a sister with a mustache that is never explained, lots of mangled dongs, and a bullet shot through someone’s butthole through the peen to kill someone… okay I am in as I give this hot mess of a film 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #519

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Gross Movie Reviews #519

 

Bloodfist V: Human Target (DVD) – This time around Don “the Dragon” Wilson stars as Jimmy Stanton who wakes up in the hospital with amnesia. The super-hot Denice Duff is paid $500 to go into his room and claim to be his wife to take him home after he wakes. Quickly she gets involved in something much bigger as some mob guys come by at every opportunity to kill Jimmy. As Jimmy tries to figure out who he truly is the NSA comes a knocking to explain he was undercover as part of a Chinese smuggling organization. Not knowing who to believe as usual he goes out on his own with Ms. Duff to clear his name and kill every bad guy in his way! A fun and hilarious direct-to-video bootleg of Steven Segal’s ‘Hard to Kill’ with no real serious villain as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Bloodfist VI: Ground Zero (DVD) – In this entry Don “the Dragon” Wilson is an Air Force officer who is delivering classified material to a missile complex. Instead of a simple delivery he stumbles into a siege in progress on the missile site to set off a nuclear war. Eventually Mr. Wilson makes his way into the highly secured underground facility to save the day as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Bloodfist VII: Manhunt (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson is Jim in this entry into the series where it teaches you not to pick up strange hot blondes in a bar. After a night with the hot blonde Jim is accused of being a cop murderer and Steven Williams is on the job to track Jim down to bring him to justice. Jim must not only clear his name but bring down the drug ring within the LAPD as I give it 2 stars.

 

Bloodfist VIII: Hard Way Out (DVD) – The last entry for Mr. Wilson has him as a high school teacher with a past in the CIA that catches up to him. Assassins are out to kill him as part of a cleanup operation as his former boss is expected to be declared the new head of the CIA. He heads over seas to keep his teenage son safe but that only slows the CIA down for a day before they catch back up as I give this last entry for “The Dragon” 2 stars.

 

Bloodfist 2050 (DVD) – This 2005 entry into the series made eight years after the original series is a Filipino post-apocalyptic film set in L.A. 2050 that begins with some stock footage of 80s Filipino post-apocalyptic films. Then we are introduced to a young man named Alex that when he isn’t banging the local stripper he gets wrapped up in a famous fighting ring. This is supposedly going to help him find his brother’s killer and make some money along the way. The film is kinda of dull and been done before aka the first ‘Bloodfist’ movie, this entry just has a lot more boobage in it as filler scenes with a few strippers dancing as I give it 1 star.

 

The New Mutants (On Demand) – This was that forgotten or shelved supposedly horror film starring mutants that we all wondered about but weren’t really excited about. If bored, the film isn’t that bad as teenage mutants are sent to an asylum that is funded by the Essex Corporation for scientific research. The teens are told it is for their own good but as a new mutant is introduced into the group they are being haunted by their own fears and must ban together to defeat their fears. This film just comes off as a misfire more than a bad movie and most likely besides being caught up in the whole Fox/Disney takeover was just a rushed project as it seems like the ‘X-men’ phase of superhero films were ending??? Anyway it is still worth a watch if you can’t find much else as I give it 2 stars.

 

Jiu Jitsu (On Demand) – If your brain needs something like a ‘Hardcore Henry’ to fulfill that feeling this might be the project for it? A weird comic bookish story about an interdimension being that comes to Earth every six years at this ancient temple to fight the best warriors alive. If the warriors disagree or do not fight the being it will just destroy the Earth. Seems simple enough as when all the crazy MTV action fight scenes are not happening with Tony Jaa and others we get just enough crazy Nic Cage to keep you interested till the end. The action film is entertaining and filled with some good fight scenes but the ‘hero’ character of the plot isn’t someone I feel fans will care about and hurts the film overall. I still give it 2 ½ stars for all its action but I would say check out ‘Triple Threat’ before you get ass deep into this movie.

 

Terminator: Dark Fate (DVD) – You can make fun of me for watching the whole ‘Bloodfist’ series for no reason. But for those who are fans of this series of films you know this series was done after the third entry, correct? ‘Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’ the most pointless film ever made! This sequel/reboot tries its best to be pointless but really seems to recycle the storyline we just digested in ‘Terminator: Genisys’… I personally just watch the films because of Arnold but if you are just looking for something dumb to watch here you go! Spoiler alert: Skynet does not exist any longer and it is now called Legion. Not saying but just saying this should have been done when they decided to make the third film. Hey Hollywood if you are going to do this again just give us the humans vs. terminators post-apocalyptic war film in 90 minute form otherwise it is just dumb as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Llamageddon (DVD) – This wonderful creation is about an alien llama that crash lands on Earth in a small community and begin its takeover! When the llama isn’t stomping a victim with its hooves it is killing people with its laser eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly people when its shoots lasers from its red eyes fireworks go off. The alien llama stumbles upon a house party of young people where it begins killing them one by one but also spits on one party goer to have him begin a transformation. This independent film has it all folks and I absolutely laughed my ass off as the alien llama tries to destroy us all! If that isn’t enough pay attention to their drinking game as the character Dan changes shirts in every scene (17 times if I counted correctly?) I cannot thank filmmaker Howie Dewin enough for giving us this amazing gem of cinema as I give it 4 stars all the way!

 

Fatman (On Demand) – So what do you do with a super racist actor that may have ruined his career forever? How about have him play the role of Chris Cringle aka Santa Claus. This isn’t your typical holiday film as a young man is given a lump of coal for Christmas and this upsets him to the point of hiring a hitman to kill Santa Claus. If Santa doesn’t have enough to worry about he has to take on a government contract in order to make ends meet so he can continue giving good boys and girls presents once a year. This holiday film goes far off the reservation in this dark comedy to bring a holiday story that is just perfect for us weirdos. Santa isn’t your typical jolly red coat figure we all remember he is portrayed as a normal old guy just trying to get by with what he has. Difference is this Santa has been doing it for hundreds of years and I refuse to describe more of the movie because I like how the story tells you just enough to explain everything quickly to keep the flow going. This holiday gem gets 3 ½ stars and will most likely become a yearly watch for me.

Piranha Sharks (DVD) – Think sea monkeys kids! A science project gone wrong and now the military no longer interested in the project presents a problem: what to do with the piranha sharks? How about sell them as the hottest new product to get through an infomercial? And that is what two weird idea guys come up with as they sell them by the millions becoming rich overnight. But of course things quickly go wrong as the piranha sharks are reproducing out of control and starting to attack people anytime the water is turned on. Not even Jose Canseco pleas for his favorite thing can stop a couple exterminators from coming up with an idea to save New York City! Even a mayor played by Kevin Sorbo (who is Winnie the Poohing it around the office)  hopes the exterminators come up with an idea to save them all before all out nuclear assault as I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #518

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Gross Movie Reviews #518

 

Frankenstein Created Woman (DVD) – A wonderfully crafted Hammer twist on the Universal classic that stars Peter Cushing as the Baron of course. The Baron with his injured hands has an assistant who is also a doctor but feels the Baron is far superior in his thinking of the human anatomy. The Baron’s goal is to ‘conquer death’… Where have you heard that before? He believes he has come up with an invention that holds onto the soul and transfers it to a different body while the other body is being repaired. The Baron’s younger assistant is excused of murder and is to be executed by beheading. The young man’s girlfriend sees this and throws herself from a bridge both dying about the same time. The Baron of course uses this to prove his experiment works. Things are quiet afterward as the experiment seems to work perfectly fine until murders of those who are the true murderers begin to happen. This film ends on an excellent horrific climax that makes the movie for myself and I am sure many others a regular watch in their collections as I give it 4 stars.

 

From Beyond the Grave (DVD) – An anthology from the early 70s that stars Peter Cushing as an old antiques dealer who sells possible cursed objects to the public (Thank you Friday the 13th TV series). The film feels like a TV movie of sorts that also has a who’s who of UK actors. People come into the shop to purchase an item with the wrong intentions and meet a grisly doom as I give this fun treat 3 stars.

 

Stairs (On Demand) – Just in case you go looking for this newer flick it also under the title ‘Black OPS’. A small military strike team is warned by a dying woman “Don’t go down…” but the team forges ahead anyway. With the mission done and the team returning to base things are not as they appear as they keep opening doors to the mission they just accomplished and continuing to walk stairs to nowhere. One by one each of them die but is this hell? A different dimension? Can they correct the wrong? This is one of those projects that can be tough to pull off as there are some good things here and bad. Biggest issue is the film does get dull quickly which I believe hurts a rewatch of the project as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Bloodfist (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson stars in this Corman produced bootleg of the popular ‘Bloodsport’. Wilson/Jake gets some bad news from Manila where his brother has been kickboxing and may have gotten in with the wrong people. Jake finds out his brother was killed by the “Red Fist” boxing club and now wants revenge but the only way for him to accomplish that is enter the “Ta Chang” or the competition that is to the death. This film did not age well and hell now looking back was not a good bootleg version of JCVD’s ‘Bloodsport’ as I give this 1 star.

 

Bloodfist II (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson returns as Jake the Kickboxing champ of the world who is trying to help out an old friend but gets kidnapped for some secret death tournament. Or as I like to call it bootleg ‘Bloodsport 2’. The action and the fights are much better choreographed for this sequel. The film is not nearly as choppy or lagged down as the first film but if you are going for early 90s action choices there is still much better to pick from as I give this sequel 2 stars.

 

Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight (DVD) – So now the series shifts away from the death tournaments for Don “the Dragon” Wilson and he’s playing a different character named Jimmy. Jimmy finds himself in prison and his cellmate is Richard Roundtree and oh yeah Jimmy just happens to be the issue of the civil unrest inside the prison. Jimmy just killed a main drug supplier inside the prison after killing a friend of Jimmy’s. Jimmy now must fight for his life around every corner as the warden likes to treat all the inmates as animals to keep them on edge. Again improvement over the first two movies as there is much more action and feels like there was an actual story here as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Bloodfist IV: Die Trying (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson and the lovely Amanda Wyss star in this action film about Danny repossessing cars and his 10 year old daughter not happy with it. But one afternoon after he gets a BMW back to the office his crew gets shot up by some unhappy fellows looking for Easter candy. Now Danny must find out why as he is on the run from authorities and find out why they have kidnapped his daughter? This seems to be ‘Bloodfist’ hitting its direct-to-video stride as in the early 90s you could find almost every week a new movie like this starring JCVD, Dolph Lundgren, etc., as I give the fourth entry in this series 2 ½ stars.

 

Tarantula (DVD) – This mid-50s B-movie classic is famous for two things: the giant spider attacking the desert town and Clint Eastwood making an appearance as a jet fighter pilot in the film. Anyhow a couple of scientists are using radioactive isotopes as part of their experiments that makes everything grow. After a struggle with his partner a giant spider gets loose and starts feasting on the local cattle as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Alien Presence (DVD) – In another tale of shirtless sexy males David DeCoteau brings us a story about college students brought to a government house where a young man is in a coma to be studied. What they all don’t know is the young coma patient is an alien named Wilks. A young scientist (Dr. Lyons) awakens the being and shuts off communication to see what happens or a controlled experiment. No cool death scenes, hell no one really dies but as usually if you need to fill your quota on shirtless males or unusually long shower scenes by males then this is the film for you as I give 0 stars. Sorry David I like my horror movies to have someone dying but again this is no ‘D.B. Cooper vs. Bigfoot’?

 

Direct To Video: Straight to Video Horror of the 90s (DVD) – An excellent documentary from filmmaker Dustin Ferguson who brings together an abundance of critics, actors, and filmmakers to discuss not just their films but how this whole genre got started in the 90s. They discuss their favorites and how Hollywood and media was changing at the times and yes Charles Band gets a lot of credit as I give this really cool documentary 4 stars.

 

Assassin X (DVD) – A promising action film starring everyone from B-movie fame where Olivier Gruener is Steele. Steele is an assassin that does not kill with guns or knives but his chemistry degree. First half of the movie plays out like a bad version of ‘The Mechanic’ and the second half just goes completely south as Steele tries to walk away from the business to bang a young lady that is twice as young as him and his boss is not happy. Love the cast of the film but was super disappointed in what the film was as it could have been so much more fun as I give it 0 stars.

 

Dinner With a Vampire (DVD) – A thousand year old vampire is awakened by a film crew only to be eaten by the vamp of course. Several years later the old vampire (Mr. Jurek) is a famous horror movie director who has grown old of his life. So for his latest project producers cast four new stars that is to meet at Jurek’s home to kill him. Jurek explains to the budding young stars that he is tired of the routine of being undead. The newbie stars must either kill Jurek before dawn or eventually become bloodsuckers themselves. There is some corny fun humor to the flick but be warned no one dies as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Return to Splatter Farm (DVD) – 33 years has passed since the S.O.V. classic was unleashed and we finally have a sequel that involves the Polonias again. A young woman named Bobbi has inherited the “Death Farm”. So Bobbi and a few friends head out to the infamous farm to decide what she wants to do with the property. With their presence it does not take long for Jeremy to be awaken and slaughtering young humans again. It is a fun and relaxing take on the original that doesn’t disappoint S.O.V. fans as I give it 3 stars.

Becky (On Demand) – We have two parallel stories going on in this deliciously brutal film that centers on a young girl named Becky. First, Becky and her father are in disagreement as usual since her mother’s death. Now, it is being forced upon her that dad has found a new woman and wants to be a family. Second, we are introduced to a couple of inmates who are super Neo-Nazis that have escaped transport heading to this isolated home in the woods looking for a hidden key. After another argument Becky runs off into the woods shortly after the inmates come a knocking for some bad ass mean shit to go down. The Neo-Nazis find out that Becky has the key so they try to make a deal but Becky refuses after watching her father being killed. From there we go into a downward spiral into some brutal scenes of revenge as Becky fights back. We get a sick eye gouge that requires the eye being snipped off, a new way to use school pencils, and a little girl (Becky) getting heart punched! The film is just plain screwed up and I loved it as don’t be surprised this sneaks its way into my “2020 top ten” as I give it 4 stars.

Sputnik (On Demand) – It is 1983 and two cosmonauts are doing the usually checks during their space mission when something happens. Their ship crash lands and Russian authorities find one alive and one dead. They are brought to a secret facility and a psychologist is brought into evaluate Konstantin Veshnyakov the lone survivor. But the military let the psychologist in on something Veshnyakov has brought something back with him and this is why the hero has not been allowed to go out in public in Moscow. It is a slithering being that will eat humans to survive. The good doctor intrigue by how the being and the cosmonaut are surviving she digs deeper what is exactly going on? The Russian military of course want her to figure out how to separate the two so they can use the alien being for military use. This slow burn Russian flick has its horror moments and does not go exactly the way I thought which makes this an excellent find horror fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

Tremors: Shrieker Island (DVD) – Burt Gummer is back one more time to fight Graboids as Richard Brake has brought in juiced up Graboids to hunt on a private island. When the hunt doesn’t go so well and people who are indigenous to the island are in trouble it is Gummer brought to the rescue. But the Graboids and shriekers are juiced up so their behavior is different making much more difficult for Burt including not having much in weapons. As usual a lot of fun, cool Graboids, and you can never get enough of Burt Gummer as I give the film 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !