Gross Movie Reviews #433

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Gross Movie Reviews #433

 

Black Water (DVD) – We have a killer action flick on a super-secret sub starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, and Patrick Kilpatrick. JCVD is Wheeler who gets caught up in a double cross over a thumb-drive that has secrets that can be sold worldwide. Patrick Kilpatrick is the man who has brought him in and transporting him on a C.I.A. black ops sub that doesn’t exist. Wheeler’s neighboring cellmate just happens to be a German named Marco played by Dolph who cannot be killed because he knows too much and may be to high profile? When things get double-crossed again and no one to trust as people are being killed on the sub Wheeler turns to Marco for help. The movie plays out like “Under Siege” on a sub which isn’t a bad thing. The film is a lot of fun especially because of the Marco character but just feel more could have been done with this action flick. It’s good but not great and potential to be great as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Moon (VHS) – An Australian slasher film from 1990 about an all-girls Catholic high school and its students being stalked and killed by an unknown killer. When a girl and her boyfriend disappear no one blinks an eye except for her best friend who feels something could be going on? But honestly she isn’t too worried as she goes to a dance and meets a dreamy dude who snuck into their dance. Soon more girls disappear and the police begin snooping around a creepy Science teacher who he and his wife have a secret? This flick is your scraping the barrel kind of slasher film that doesn’t have much substance. Remember its 1990 so I am sure this was made on mostly on the cheap. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Raiders of Atlantis (DVD) – Hey remember that “Cannibal Holocaust” Deodato dude? Well he made a bunch of other movies for those who may not know. And this gem is a wonderful must-see mess! Released in 1983 under the title “Atlantis Interceptors” in some countries takes “The Road Warrior” rip-off to a whole other off the wall level. Off the coast of Florida some scientists have found an artifact at the bottom of the ocean that proves the existence of Atlantis. They are going to try and move a sunken Russian sub to investigate more. When moved, the sea floor opens, a tidal wave destroys the scientific ocean platform, and a biker gang led by ‘fish bowl man’ begins murdering people on the mainland. The “Atlantis Interceptors” are back to take the mainland from these dumb humans! Never mind asking why they have customized motorcycles with swords on them and cars with guns on them? Just except this mess of a plot hole and thank me later for enjoying a great post-apocalyptic movie about two dudes trying to save the world by flying into Atlantis and fucking shit up! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Kindergarten Cop 2 (DVD) – So twenty some years later they decided to make a sequel with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is a F.B.I. agent who goes undercover to question six year olds about a flash drive their old teacher may have hidden? The drive has all the identities of everyone in witness protection. Of course hijinks ensue but not nearly as funny as the original from 1990 starring Arnold. But it had Dolph so I know I am in it for at least one watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Welcome to Willits (DVD) – This odd horror flick was a very nice little surprise from 2016. A girl (Anastasia Baranova from “Z Nation”) home from college in her little Northern California town has an uncle and aunt that have a huge weed crop they protect. Her uncle believes aliens are trying to steal his crop and do weird shit to him. This all started when he substituted something in his batch of meth not too long ago and his visions of aliens and a Dolph Lundgren cop show ‘Fists of Justice’ continue to get worse. What doesn’t help is some campers are staying nearby and stumble upon the crop and war is declared as the uncle believes he is killing aliens. This flick is a funny and unexpected gore fest! To give an extra twist is Rory Culkin who shows up as the weird hitchhiker picked up by the campers to give it that extra creep but fun horror factor. Movie fans this is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (DVD) – Since I have seen one and three it was only fair I eventually checked out the Uwe Boll sequel starring Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is Granger in present day. Granger gets pulled into a time warp which takes him to a distant time where he is called “The Chosen One”. He is deceived into thinking he must go up a mountain and kill the ‘Holy Mother’ who leads the ‘Dark Ones’. But he finds out the truth from the Holy Mother that he is placed into the future as an orphan to potentially return and save them all from the evil king who has deceived all who follow him. Granger’s future world depends on him stopping the king’s evil plan of a plague. Apparently they ran out of Jason Statham money and Uwe Boll had a leftover script from his “House of the Dead” projects and you have this… I give the fantasy flick 1 star.

 

4 Got 10 (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, and Michael Pare are all wrapped up together in this tale of a man who forgets who he is and has a van full of drugs and money. As the man tries to remember what happened, a crooked cop kills the wrong partner and a DEA agent and a drug lord have questions. Your typical direct-to-HULU/NETFLIX jams for weirdoes like me who believe those three names are always gold for action flicks. Or at least worth one watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Children of the Corn: Runaway (DVD) – So John Gulager needed a paycheck so “hey we need someone to direct the ninth entry into this useless series only Tim Gross watches?” A woman named Ruth is trying to escape her past with a cult that killed all their parents over a decade ago. She left when pregnant so her son would have a chance in the normal world. Of course evil has followed her and wants her son. The film isn’t terrible but if you are having trouble sleeping this might help you as I give it 1 star.

 

Hellraiser: Judgment (DVD) – Of course this tenth entry sucked a huge double bag of dicks! Think remake of the fifth entry “Inferno”? If you remotely know what I am talking about please turn away and don’t watch because it will make you feel stupid and angry. For the love of DOUG BRADLEY, $350,000 budget! Thank you Dimension Films for releasing another hot pile donkey shit into the world and just insulting horror movie fans, Clive Barker, and humans in general. Worst movie of 2018! Wait question what is worse? Jeepers Creepers 3 or this entry into the so-called Hellraiser series? Hold on I think I need to go drown myself in the tub while I slit my wrists at the same time. Crap film gets crap move on folks.

Surviving Evil (DVD) – So Billy Zane plays an adventure dude who does a survival show for a cable channel. Zane and his crew head to a supposedly haunted island in the Philippines to shoot their latest episode of the TV show. One of the crew knows of the legends on the island but is choosing to ignore them as he has other motives of why he is there. This crew member knows of Japanese gold that is hidden on the island and is willing to risk his friends and his own life for the payoff. But the legend becomes real when shape-shifting tribe of demons show up and sniff out one of the crew is pregnant. Apparently pregnant women to these cool demons are Yuengling to me? The movie has some great build up, Billy Zane being Billy Zane, lots of gore, and really interesting demon things! This pleasant horror film feels like a really awesome SyFy Channel film that was too awesome to be on the “Sharknado” network. This film gets 3 really kick ass demon stars.

 

Kickboxer: Retaliation (DVD) – In case you haven’t had your fill of these movies JCVD’s character Durand is blinded by a fight promoter and must help Kurt Sloane train again. But this isn’t any ordinary fight as the fight promoter is Christopher Lambert and he is a ruthless rich bastard that wants Sloan to fight a chemically enhanced fighter. So Lambert kidnaps Sloan’s wife and gets Sloan arrested and thrown into a Bangkok prison. There Sloan trains with Mike Tyson and JCVD now that he has no choice to defend his title. If you are an action film fan this will be your bonerjam or your Viagra until they give us another Jason Statham action flick? Really enjoying JCVD doing another one of these as I give it 3 stars and yes Mike Tyson still looks scary even when he is acting.

 

Dune Warriors (DVD) – A post-apocalyptic B-movie mess from 1990, the Corman group producing, and stars David Carradine. A small village is being taken over by some warlords for their water. A woman in the village has had enough and goes out to hire five warriors to help defend the village. If you like watching dumb ass shit like me you’ll enjoy it. Let’s just say it isn’t “Deathsport” or “Battletruck”. I give it barely one Carradine as he was barely there for the paycheck.

 

Lunatics: A Love Story (DVD) – This oddity is truly a love story that stars Ted Raimi as Hank, who is a writer and has not left his apartment in six months. A huge part of it is he keeps having delusions of spiders and a doctor (Bruce Campbell) trying to cut him or give him a shot. His life changes when he believes he is calling a dating line and it happens to be a pay phone. The phone is picked up by Deborah Foreman’s character Nancy, who believes she is a jinx. She just got done getting thrown out of her hotel room, dumped by her boyfriend, and shot a gang member in the foot. On a whim Nancy accepts Hank’s invite to his apartment. Nancy tries to look past all the foil and Hank’s weirdness and they connect for their love of poetry. But Nancy believing she is a jinx runs away only to force Hank to overcome his fear of leaving the apartment to go get the girl. Josh Becker put together a hilarious tale with a great cast that I believe the studios were unsure of how to advertise. When someone brings up you should watch a love story with them go with this flick as I give it 3 ½ stars and you won’t be disappointed or bored.

 

Nightflyers (VHS) – I keep getting this confused with the Stephen Machet flick with killer bats. But this is the 1987 space flick starring Catherine Mary Stewart who is a part of a crew that gets on a ship that might be alive? They are off on a mission and become more curious as they never meet the captain and the Class 10 telepath on board keeps warning them bad shit is going to happen to them. The ship computer controls everything including her son Royd who must have seen “The Last Starfighter” and “Night of the Comet” and realizes how hot Ms. Stewart is and begins to converse with her. Some boring space shit happens, then the ship tries to kill them all, and we get a scene where the telepath gets his face cut in half by a laser “Intruder-style”. Outside of the really cool death by laser scene; the movie seems to suffer several things including many rewrites most likely. But hey it is being remade into a TV show so there is that as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Argoman: The Fantastic Superman (YouTube) – Oh the shit I couldn’t make up? Sir Reginald Hoover is Argoman. An Italian Batman clone who believes saving the world and keeping peace. But also he loses his powers for six hours if he bangs hot women of 1967. Argoman’s nemesis Jenabell is busy stealing a crown and forcing France to give her all their money. When that isn’t going on Sir Reginald is busy boning Jenabell and will capture her when the time is right. The rest of the movie is Argoman escaping custody and just seeing what else he can do for fun with his amazing powers. The movie doesn’t a whole lick of sense but I was entertained and laughed several times and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

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Two dozen more grindhouse double feature DVDs released from Frolic Pictures

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Rare horror, odd sci-fi, jungle nymphs and Charles Bronson! The next wave of Frolic Pictures’ new limited edition grindhouse series doublefeature DVDs are now available online wherever DVDs are sold (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Best Buy, etc.) Hand-selected by Hollywood exploitation filmmaker Jared Masters. A sordid combination of old school horror, vintage black comedies and juicy exploitation fare. Each DVD is a one-of-a-kind experience, like going to a drive-in back in the day, except in the comfort of your own home.

Each DVD is approximately three hours of shocking, bizarre, and tantalizing entertainment from a bygone era. Packed with cinematic surprises like short subjects, trailers, vintage TV commercials and intermission cartoons.

Digitally scanned from the original 35mm film prints! Be thrilled and pleasantly surprised with what the Maestro reveals across your screen. Screen at parties, make a double feature night with other cinephile friends, or simply enjoy them alone, as you turn on, tune in and drop out of your semi-important responsibilities.

Just pop the DVD in and let it play, thanks to Frolic’s clever auto-starting video discs. It’s like there’s a projectionist grinding out rare film prints for you at your leisure. Whether you’ve been to a real grindhouse in the 70s or 80s, or you’re discovering the sensation for the first time, these limited edition Frolic Doubles make the perfect show for the avid horror, cult, erotica and exploitation cinema fan.

LATEST FROLIC DOUBLES RELEASED ON DVD:

Messiah of Evil / Bloody Wednesday

Project Kill / Fighting Mad

Funeral for an Assassin / The Day of The Triffids 

Dr. Sex / Lady Frankenstein

The Doomsday Machine / End of The World 

Blood Tide / The Legend of Boggy Creek

Prisoners of the Lost Universe / The Beach Girls and the Monster 

Cold Sweat / The Street Fighter 

Slashed Dreams / The Disappearance of Flight 412 

Monstroid / Moon of the Wolf 

The Yin and the Yang of Mr. Go / Family Enforcer 

Atom Age Vampire / Murder on Flight 502 

The Cat and the Canary / The Devil Bat

Attack from Space / The Fast and the Furious 

McLintock! / The Magic Sword  

Gone With the West / Apache Blood 

The Wild Women of Wongo / Virgin Sacrifice 

A Bucket of Blood / House on Haunted Hill

Liane Jungle Goddess / Hercules and the Captive Women

Funeral for an Assassin / The Day of The Triffids 

Mooch Goes to Hollywood / Eagle in a Cage

Count Dracula’s Great Love / Jane Eyre 

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time / Wake Me Up When the War is Over 

Concrete Cowboys / Five Minutes to Live

Collect them all! Only from Frolic Pictures! Visit www.frolicpictures.com for more info! Special thanks to grindhouse poster girl, Brittany Ballantyne – Follow her on instagram @shopfainaigue

https://youtu.be/Ench46Bt-OE

Valley of the Rats “A New Odyssey of Violence and Eroticism”

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Vancouver, British Columbia (Monday, March 26th): Vince D’Amato’s (Vampires vs. Zombies) Giallo styled thriller, Valley of the Rats, is set for a late March release. There will be at least three versions of the film, all released on Blu-ray. Within the story of Valley of the Rats, a man is falsely accused of his girlfriend’s murder. He goes in search of his killer, only to uncover an even stranger mystery. This title, shot in Vancouver, B.C. and Turin, Italy, stars: Tristan Risk (American Mary), Momona Komagata (Peelers), Jesse Inocalla and even Lynn Lowry makes a special appearance. Details on this limited release are hosted here.

 

Both Shivers Entertainment and Darkside Releasing will be handling the film’s home entertainment launch. Darkside Releasing and Shivers Entertainment will be offering the standard 2-disc release, an ultra-limited 3-disc set which includes a full-length live performance by Tristan Risk’s ‘Caravan of Creeps’ burlesque troupe (100 units), and exclusive to Shivers Entertainment, the limited 3-disc set that includes the International version (500 units). Darkside’s website will also offer a specially-priced pack that includes the 2-disc Valley of the Rats blu-ray and 2017’s House of VHS Blu-ray/DVD combo. All of these visions of the film will be available on March 27th, to fans of erotic thrillers!

The official, International trailer (very NSFW): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0bo2afUN0I

 

The film’s official synopsis: A young man is accused of his ex-girlfriend’s murder. Before he is formally charged by the police, he sets out on a two-day odyssey to find the real killer: tracking down his leads from the backseat of a rented limousine. This allows him to converse and ponder class, society, life in the city, and to contemplate the dirt that runs in the small nooks and valleys of cosmopolitan life. Mid-way through the film, the style transforms into Brivido Giallo contemporary, wordless operatic imagery of sex and violence.

 

Release Date: March 27th, 2018 (Blu-ray)

 

Director/writer: Vince D’Amato.

 

Cast: Tristan Risk, Momona Komagata, Jesse Inocalla, Lynn Lowry.

 

Shivers Entertainment (with the exclusive International cut): https://www.shiversentertainment.com/

 

Darkside Releasing: https://darksidereleasing.com/store/

Windy City Horrorama World Premiere for Female-Led Independent Horror/Comedy HOUSESITTERS

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Date:

April 28th, 2017

 

Time:

3:45 p.m.

 

Location:

The Davis Theater

4614 N. Lincoln Ave.

Chicago, IL 60625

About HOUSESITTERS:

Tomorrow Romance is proud to announce the World Premiere of Chicago-based filmmaker Jason Coffman’s feature directorial debut HOUSESITTERS will take place Saturday, April 28th at the Windy City Horrorama Film Festival held at the historic Davis Theater in Chicago. Inspired in equal measure by modern comedy like BROAD CITY and goofy horror films like GHOULIES, this female-led horror/comedy follows the misadventures of Angie (Annie Watkins) and Izzy (Jamie Jirak) as they take on a plum housesitting gig that kind of spirals into supernatural horror. HOUSESITTERS has been submitted to a number of 2018 festivals in advance of a VOD release later this year.

 

The cast of HOUSESITTERS also includes Peter Ash, Jay J. Bidwell, Bethanie Louise, Mariah Michael, James Timothy Peters, and Ben Schlotfelt. The film features a creature puppet designed and built by Ohio-based independent filmmaker Dustin Wayde Mills (THE PUPPET MONSTER MASSACRE). Behind the camera, Jolene Vega served as cinematographer with Jef Burnham as assistant director and Tatiana von Recklinghausen as lead makeup/effects artist. The soundtrack includes a score by Chicago-based Joshua Burke (who records under the name boardinghouse), with songs by Black Candles, Desire (courtesy of Italians Do It Better), Inner Vegas (courtesy of Good Glass), and Night Witch.

 

About Windy City Horrorama:

The inaugural Windy City Horrorama, presented with support from horrorsociety.com, is a weekend-long celebration of the DIY spirit of independent genre filmmaking. We believe the horror crowd is a special and valuable one, dedicated to mutual support, inclusion, and driven by sheer enthusiasm. From the hardworking hands that make the films, to the enthusiastic audiences that come out in droves to see them, Horrorama sets out to honor them all in a weekend of fun and frights at the newly re-opened Davis Theater in Chicago’s gorgeous Lincoln Square neighborhood.

 

Trailer links:

https://vimeo.com/255551608

https://youtu.be/_RQLg13ZGm0

 

Film site:

http://www.housesittersmovie.com

 

IMDB:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5953278/

 

Windy City Horrorama:

http://www.windycityhorrorama.com

https://www.facebook.com/windycityhorrorama/

 

Director’s statement:

I’m a huge horror fan, and I watch a lot of independent horror movies. Far too many indie horror filmmakers make familiar zombie or slasher movies. With HOUSESITTERS, I wanted to do something that doesn’t take itself too seriously and is a fast, fun showcase for the talents of our fantastic cast and crew. We shot HOUSESITTERS on a minuscule budget (that mostly went toward buying food for everybody on shooting days) with a lot of hard work on a tight schedule. I’m proud as hell of everybody who helped out in front of and behind the camera, and I can’t wait to share it with everyone!

 

The Five Rules of HOUSESITTERS:

I have watched many independent horror films over the years, and this experience has helped me figure out both what I want to do and–perhaps more importantly–what I do not want to do. While putting together HOUSESITTERS, I set down some ground rules before writing in order to help set it apart from many other independent horror films (and debut features in any genre). These rules were:

 

  1. Keep it short.Part of the practical function of a debut feature is just to prove to yourself and others that you can actually complete a movie, and you don’t necessarily need 100+ minutes to prove that point.
  2. Keep it simple.Minimal locations, characters, and effects help keep the project feasible and realistic. These things also help you make a tight schedule that you can stick to for the whole shoot. It’s a lot easier to finish a sprint than a marathon with no concrete finish line.
  3. No explicit violence against women.Too many independent movies are reliant on violence towards women, whether it’s a zombie movie, a slasher, or a serial killer “thriller.” There’s too much of that in the real world and in film history, so there’s no need to add any more.
  4. No guns. Guns are often a quick way to get yourself out of narrative problems and frequently are used gratuitously to just look cool. Also if you live in the United States, you’re bombarded with gun stuff all the time. Give the viewer a break from seeing guns for a little bit.
  5. Have fun!A lot of independent horror films take themselves far too seriously, and combined with overlong run times this turns a lot of them into joyless slogs. Instead of trying to be as unpleasant as possible or make a serious statement, have fun and try to convey that fun and make it infectious for your audience.

 

Attached stills & image information:

  1. Angie (Annie Watkins) and Izzy (Jamie Jirak) consider some weirdness in the basement.
  2. Lil’ Bastard (designed and built by Dustin Wayde Mills) peeks in through a cracked door.
  3. Zack (Peter Ash), Izzy (Jamie Jirak), and Angie (Annie Watkins) deal with some supernatural unpleasantness.
  4. Cindy (Mariah Michael) is amused and grossed out by something her friend Carol just said.
  5. Dan (Jay J. Bidwell) is not sure what is going on.

 

Illustrated poster art by Andrew Tarusov: www.tarusov.com (NSFW)

 

HOUSESITTERS – Horrorama Laurels: Official press still with Windy City Horrorama selection laurels.

We again are lazy and have a crapload of episodes for you!

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We return this week with Tim talking about what happens when William Zabka and the little freaky kid from Children of the Corn join forces to kill a snake menacing Jenny McCarthy and friends in Python and Python 2.  And Kyle covers a nuclear attack flick that has everyone in the world in it in Miracle Mile.  We also have tech talk about how to avoid getting porn viruses, magic fire sticks, post office meth shenanigans; we also got news, reviews, and other nonsensical acting.  PLUS Flash Gordon! 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week it’s all Stephen King all the time.  We talk about the entire King films (except the questionable sequels… lawnmower Man 2 we’re looking at you).  Also we got news on our new podcast that deals entirely with Tim’s crazy ass neighborhood, Sharknado 6 bullshit, and our fledgling Sims Graveyard Shift mill management video game.  Satanic Slurpee machines and where to find them, We discover the greatest Sasquatch mattress based commercial of all time and it’s pure god damn GOLD!  Also Kyle gets old and turns 40…                  (Kill me)

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week Kyle rectifies a great injustice in the world and finally makes Tim watch EXPLORERS for the first time.  And in turn Kyle covers a slightly hidden gem from the mid 80’s in 1988’s HBO stalwart PULSE.  also we got Kyle’s state finally getting to buy a beer like a free man on a Sunday,  the numerous we haven’t won a Rondo award,  Kyle’s massive hatred for KISS, the top ten underrated slasher movies, and finally we talk about finally getting a god damn BLACK DYNAMITE 2!!! (Kinda). 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #432

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Gross Movie Reviews #432

 

Mitchell (DVD) – This cheesy 70s flick stars Joe Don Baker as a detective who seems to be a sleezeball but actually it just adds to his charm as a man just trying to do the right thing. Mitchell happens to be riding along with police who get a call for a burglar in a rich neighborhood. The burglar picked the wrong dude, Walter Deaney/John Saxon to steal from as Deaney was looking for an excuse to kill. Cops think its justice, Mitchell believes its murder. Mitchell decides to investigate for himself but gets thrown off the case to cover an old mob dude who may be tied to a heroin shipment coming in? Soon Mitchell becomes a target as he keeps meddling in both cases and they are connected. The film is one big cheeseball 70s flick that would be more interesting if we didn’t have two “Dirty Harry” flicks and a “Death Wish” flick out by the time “Mitchell” was released. I give it 2 stars.

Thunder Cops (VHS) – If you cannot find this movie under that title supposedly the film was also called “Operation Pink Squad II” at one point? This hilarious 1987 action/comedy from Hong Kong is one of those: “How much B-movie crap can we throw against the wall and it actually stick”. And thank god for allowing this feature find me. An upset husband who believes his cop wife is cheating on him learns she is going to hook up with her superior. What he doesn’t know he keeps overhearing their plans to go undercover as hookers as part of a police sting at a haunted building. The haunted building has a crazy ass monk trying to keep evil spirits in their place. But a vengeful ghost escapes the chaos and now is causing problems with the sting going down in the building. Eventually the monk, the upset husband, the undercover cops all must defend themselves against a ghost head that flies! Let’s not forget the green turd, mini-copters chasing the ghost head, and possible castration to invite a powerful elf which kills ghosts? Like I said crap thrown against the wall but great crap as I laughed my ass off and give this movie 3 stars.

 

Ravenwolf Towers (DVD) – Jake is a new assistant manager at a run-down hotel that used to be cherished by Hollywood types years ago. Now, it is just a weird dwelling for older people mainly who don’t venture outside or talk to anyone but themselves. But Jake quickly learns there is many secrets to the hotel when he has to go the top floor to fix a leak and finds a helpless woman named Mary. He helps her out but her family comes looking for her and goes back to the top floor without a real explanation. This is a recent ongoing new series from Charles Band that gives life to a project that has that old school Full Moon Pictures charm as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Ravenwolf Towers 2 (DVD) – The series continues as you learn more about the residents of the hotel and Mary and family on the top floor are building up to something big. Meanwhile Jake begins to speak with a new resident Ivan Ivanov, a supernatural investigator, who is there because of the strange family Jake, has had run-ins with. Pay attention Full Moon fans as some of the characters that live in the Ravenwolf Hotel are characters from past Full Moon movies which gives this series an interesting twist as I give this episode 3 stars.

 

After School Massacre (DVD) – Jess who is the popular girl in school and likes to have sleepovers has just had the weekend that sucked. A so-called friend or new girl she felt bad for just committed suicide at her sleepover and her teacher Mr. Anderson just said a photo of hers was ‘cute’ and a ‘friend request’ on social media. So Jess and her classmates fuck with Mr. Anderson and doesn’t care about the suicide decide they need to have another all-girls sleepover to get over things. Of course Mr. Anderson gets fired over the friend request on social media by the school and snaps killing two faculty members. Unbeknownst to Jess Perkins and friends Mr. Anderson is killing his way to the sleepover but that is okay because Mr. Anderson is weird anyway, “because he puts mayonnaise on his chicken nuggets.” Low budget, I laughed a couple times, not a ton of blood, I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

After Party Massacre (DVD) – Most of the film consists of Death metal music footage from a couple bars which is the backdrop for this movie. Little story happens as most of it consists of chubby boobs and chubby girls banging during the metal music which isn’t a bad thing if it was full porn? But in this case it is supposed to be a horror movie about a woman named Scarlett who almost gets raped in a club, has flashbacks, and begins slashing her way through random club goers. Not even the great acting talents of Nic Pesante or the vile story of penis mutilation makes this horror film bearable. For that I give this movie a ½ star out of 4. Unless you were trying to make a porno instead of a poor excuse for what is called a horror movie then you are on to something? But the ½ star is only because the music was pretty cool.

 

The Creature Below (DVD) – A little known creature/Lovecraftian film from the UK about a woman named Olive who is on a deep-sea dive and has some trouble with a strange creature. The crew brings her up and all the equipment is busted including the suit which causes her to get kicked off the boat because she cannot remember what happened. Olive does grab a black egg from the suit and takes it home to study it? It hatches and spits black goo at her and now she is a part of this odd new species that is causing her to act differently to friends and boyfriend. As time goes on she believes she must protect this ‘god’ and feed it… humans. Hey Lovecraft fans if you haven’t found this one yet it is worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

4/20 Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – A group of young women head to the woods to go camping and let their freak flag fly in celebration of 4-20 but also for a birthday weekend. While venturing into the woods the women are warned by a park ranger to not hang around and definitely not go looking for the weed farms that are nearby. Especially since the weed farmers have taken justice into their hands recently. A man out of his mind finds the women babbling about a thing chasing him but they don’t pay him any mind. They party, enjoy the woods, until a man/thing begins to slaughter them and smoke their weed believing they took its crop. A very entertaining slasher film that doesn’t over thinks the plot or force its way down your nerd gullet. It plays out like a good slasher film should. Is it perfect, no way, but it is well worth adding it to your horror film collection. Most horror films portray everyone that smokes weed as stupid and therefore the plot should be stupid this film does not do that. And I thank the filmmaker for that as I give this trippy horror film 3 out of 4 stars. For more details to check out on this new massacre: www.facebook.com/thehikeproductions .

 

The Theatre Bizarre (DVD) – An anthology filled with buckets of blood and gore that includes segments from Richard Stanley and Tom Savini. The stories of horror flow like a good beer down your throat until you hit the slow moving segment “The Accident” which is good but just doesn’t fit in this anthology. Thus, the entry causes the film to slow down and no longer flow right except the in-between parts with Udo Kier being his cool creepy-ass self! I give the anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Annihilation (On Demand) – Natalie Portman gets pulled into something you cannot imagine when her missing husband shows up at her door from a secret mission he was on. After being pulled over by the military and husband almost dying she is meeting with a scientist played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who explains an event that happened three years ago. Well an unexplained event involving something falling from space into a lighthouse that they now call the ‘shimmer’. Something is a rainbow force field that is expanding. It first just covered the lighthouse but eventually took over the swamp, the state park, and a community. It’s feared it will continue to spread all over earth? The government has sent several people into the shimmer but none have returned except for Portman’s husband which there are no answers for? So Portman, Leigh, and three other scientists make their way into the shimmer to see if they can get to the lighthouse and get answers. Once inside they encounter some very strange shit that is mutating plant and animal alike. Visually the movie is beautiful and plotted out very well. Honestly if the “Lost” TV show had any sense and could have been this instead of the ‘dreaming we are all dead’ bullshit it was. Sorry spoiler alert if you ever wanted to watch that poor excuse for a show? But I get the feeling many are not going to understand a film like this and feel this film might be a couple years before it is actually understood? We will see but if you want to enjoy a bizarre sci-fi flick to fill that void inside your inner nerd this film will it and more as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh it’s real and it’s happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Boston Film Family Releases Official Trailer For “Parts Unknown” Wrestling Horror Movie

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Boston, MA, United States – March 10, 2018 – Boston Film Family, LLC, has released the official trailer –
https://vimeo.com/258159572 – of its upcoming feature film, “Parts Unknown”. The wrestling horror movie
will have its world premiere in Arlington, Massachusetts, on June 9, 2018.


Written, produced, and directed by Boston Film Family CEO Richard Chandler, “Parts Unknown” is the
story about how the infamous Von Strasser family (of professional wrestling fame) seek to violently
reclaim their notorious status through supernatural means despite being blackballed by forces within the
industry. The movie stars retired pro-wrestler/actor William DeCoff, pro-wrestling manager/actress Lizzie
Havoc, and Boston Film Family alumni Alexandra Cipolla, Alexander Hauck, and Sarah Michelle.
Legendary independent movie actress Melantha Blackthorne, who had a leading role in Chandler’s
feature film “Gilgamesh” (2014), returns in a smaller role while former pro-wrestler Jake “The Snake”
Roberts lends his vocal talents to the movie. Cameos are also provided by the indie tag team The Devil’s
Doormen as well as YouTube and podcast personality Brian Zane (of “Wrestling with Wregret” fame).

The movie was shot by Director of Photography Denez McAdoo, costumes were created by Jenny
French, and composer Andre Fernandea created the movie’s score.
Boston Film Family, LLC, is an award-winning Massachusetts-based independent film production
company that specializes in the creation of visual horror and grindhouse stories.
Its previous works include the featurette “Witch Hunt” (2016), the feature film “Gilgamesh” (2014), and
the webseries “Boston Massacre” (2012-2013).

For more information on Boston Film Family, LLC, the company’s homepage can be accessed at Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/pg/bostonundead/about/?ref=page_internal – or on the company’s website –
http://www.bostonfilmfamily.com .

The movie’s IMDb page can be found through the following link:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5759188/reference

JOHN LANDIS’ SCHLOCK UNPEELS ON BLU-RAY IN EXCLUSIVE LIMITED MEDIABOOK EDITION

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New York, NY – March 15, 2018 – Turbine Media Group in association with director John Landis present John Landis’ long out-of-print first feature film, the cult comedy SCHLOCK, in its Blu-ray world premiere in an exclusive dual-format mediabook Blu-ray/DVD worldwide-playable combo set limited to 2000 copies, releasing April 27th, 2018.

A love stronger, and stranger, than King Kong and Fay Wray! The long-slumbering banana monster Schlock wakes up after 20 million years and escapes from his cave, befriending a blind girl who thinks he’s a dog, and causes mass panic in the small town with a shocking bloody massacre setting the scene. Schlock tries to escape but the military is fast approaching…

This low-budget prelude to Landis’ brilliant career which includes ANIMAL HOUSE, THE BLUES BROTHERS, and AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, SCHLOCK is an ingenious monster comedy filled with wild movie references and absurd gags, with the then 22-year-old filmmaker paying respect to some of his favorite films like KING KONG, 2001, THE BLOB, and FRANKENSTEIN. SHLOCK is also the beginning of Landis’ partnership with makeup artist extraordinaire Rick Baker, and early feature from the gifted artist

Now being released for the first time ever in high-definition from Turbine Media Group, this exclusive limited 2000-copy Blu-ray/DVD combo mediabook edition contains the main feature in full HD sourced from an all-new, detailed 4K frame-by-frame restoration on Region Code–Free Blu-ray for worldwide playback, and an NTSC SD 4:3 full-frame open-matte DVD version, just like in the good old days of VHS. The mediabook packaging features original artwork and a bound-in, fully illustrated booklet with rare pictures and new writing on the film in German and English.


INCLUDES THESE SCHLOCKTASTIC SPECIAL FEATURES!

– Exclusive new introduction by creator John Landis
– Exclusive newly shot interview with John Landis (approx. 41 min.)
– Vintage audio commentary by John Landis & Monster Maker Rick Baker (from the 2001 Anchor Bay DVD)
– Trailers from Hell clip: John Landis on SCHLOCK
– Original trailers (theatrical release, re-release, “Banana Monster” title, the original German 35mm trailer, and a new transfer of the German version)
– Original 1970s radio spots
– Bilingual edition: menus and booklet in English and German

Specs:
Running time: approx. 79 minutes / Color
Audio: English & German – DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 (mono)
Video: Blu-ray: 1.78:1 (1080p, 23.976fps)
DVD: 4:3 (720x480p, 29,97 fps)
Subtitles: English and German
Region code: Blu-ray (ABC Region Free) and NTSC DVD (Code 0)
Schlock – Blu-ray Edition
https://youtu.be/g9kCNTM0Y84

Schlock – Movie Trailer
https://youtu.be/r1umFIeoSOo

Available for worldwide shipping through rakete-shop: https://tinyurl.com/johnlandisschlock

IT’S HERE!!!

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Okay folks if you are ready for something completely different from me this is the project you have been waiting for? The book (Tales from the Gross Side) is a collection of short horror stories that have been rolling around in my head, unfinished movie scripts, or story ideas. These stories have been something I have wanted to write for quite a while. And now I thought it was the right time for people to get a look inside my mind. This book is something I use to do in my high school days on a regular basis writing story after story. This perhaps helps give you the idea of you should always feel young and enjoy the scary things of life?  Yeah I am not the next Stephen King, Mike Watt, or Dean Koontz just an ordinary dude who believes beer and horror movies are a religion. As long as I am on this earth I will enjoy doing what I do!

Old you would go buy it now!

Tales from the Gross Side ($7 plus shipping)

http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/tales-from-the-gross-side/paperback/product-23554233.html

First appearance will be Cinema Wasteland, April 6-8, 2018. www.cinemawasteland.com

Second appearance will be Grossfest, July 28, 2018. www.grossfest.com

Gross Movie Reviews #431

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Gross Movie Reviews #431

 

Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary (Blu-ray) – These days it seems a lot of documentaries are being made about horror films and such. Some deserve it? ‘Pet Sematary’ deserved it for sure for its impact on the horror genre. Honestly horror movie fans it was one of the better book to film adaptions of King’s. The Stephen King story that was brought to life by director Mary Lambert, she had a long journey and interesting one. The film came at the end of the “Slasher Era” and no studio wanted it to be made mainly because of the kid death in the story/script/movie. But with a strike looming at the time Mary Lambert and others took advantage of this and the rest was film history. The documentary takes a very in-depth look how it got from book to film but also how it’s one of King’s darkest books that scared him when he first wrote it. The filmmakers: John Campopiano and Justin White were just normal horror movie fans that felt they should do a documentary for the popular horror film. For several years the two tracked down everyone that had anything to do with the film. Plus there is loads of interviews with all the cast members involved sharing their stories of on and off set. I believe it was crucial having Mako Hughes talk about his experience and what he actually remembers of the project to make this the perfect documentary for ‘Pet Sematary’ fans. John and Justin went to great lengths to get all kinds of goodies any horror fan to enjoy this great documentary. The documentary is absolutely wonderful as I give it 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Suspiria (Blu-ray) – A wild ride of a film about a young lady that goes to a prestigious dance academy. Once there strange happenings go down and the young lady begins to uncover secrets no one is meant to know. Meanwhile people begin disappearing and die in very beautiful but gruesome ways. You got witches, gore, and ARGENTO, a terrific combo. We all know the story and have seen the film countless times. But this new 2-disc Blu-ray is the one that had folks talking on the festival circuit and for good reason. This is the new 4K restoration of the original cut of Suspiria. Seriously horror fans this film should be used for the prime reason to buy a 4K television. The colors and its sharpness of how the film was meant to be seen are perfect. You don’t have to be the biggest Argento fan in order to want to have this new Blu-ray set. This version of Suspiria is stunning and makes you want all horror movies to look like this. Plus there are enough extras for you to just call off work and spend the day in ‘Suspiria-land’. From artwork, to the story of the colors in the film and the reason, to the interviews your mind will be blown away. I always enjoyed the film but was never an uber-fan of it but this two-disc set just made Suspiria that much better experience in my eyes as I give this 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com of course.

 

 

Path of Blood (Blu-Ray) – An animated feature done like the “South Park” pilot episode set in Japan 1614. With the war over samurai are displaced or just wandering the country and they are called “Ronin”. The movie centers on one samurai who doesn’t so much seeks to be paid for his services as much as he is curious about the world. He hears a story about a man who may be a demon or undead that is looking for an army. But many men have taken this adventure and have not come back to tell the tale of it. So Kazuo takes the dangerous road and risks life and limb to satisfy his curiosity of the stories of the evil in the mountains. Eric Power did amazing job with this movie and fans of animated stuff will be excited to get their hands on this package! I give the movie 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

Street Team Massacre (DVD) – Oh I had no clue what I was getting into but glad I watched this flick. This movie has moved into my great finds that include stuff like “Death Metal Zombies”, “Woodchipper Massacre”, “Holy Shit… Zombies”. But anyhow this 2007 independent film begins in a room full of people in lab coats in 1999. They have a college aged test subject who is there to test their energy drink and give them feedback for twenty bucks. He drinks a Mango energy drink and soon begins attacking all in the room. Several years go by and we are in the Eco-Elixir conference room present day where a new sales/street team person is going to be introduced to his co-workers. Excited for the struggling juice company he is excited to get out on the street until he and his team have a run-in with the Jock Juice crew on the beach. The Jock Juice team always seems to be one step ahead of the Eco-Elixir team until new guy comes up with an idea to go check out this unknown music jamboree in the mountains. Problem is there are only six or seven rednecks and the jamboree was only five minutes long. But unbeknownst to the team members their Eco-Elixir has been switched with the “Mango” test drink from years ago that causes changes in people and make them attack others. Now, you have biting rednecks with a uni-brow trying to kill both energy drink teams. Its cheesy, stupid, has Lloyd Kaufman looking at a ‘Gorillas in the Piss’ magazine, Roddy Piper selling energy drink out of his driveway, and George Hardy as I am all in as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

VHS Massacre (DVD) – A great documentary about a couple podcast dudes in the New York area who take upon themselves to discuss the decline of physical media. They started in 2012 with the film and completed sometime in 2014 which helps as they show video stores galore closing down as they discuss the subject with the likes of Lloyd Kaufman, Debbie Rochon, and Joe Bob Briggs. You get to see some old school VHS and Beta commercials along with the DVD infomercial that invaded VHS in the mid-90s. The documentary takes a more serious tone discussing the pros and cons of where movies are going and what it means for certain filmmakers and companies. I give the documentary 4 stars, great stuff guys.

 

Fangs (DVD) – This 1974 movie might not be known for its “Fangs” title as much as it being called “Snakes” when hitting the VHS back in the day. But this little weirdo film is about Mr. Snakey Bender who keeps several different snakes as pets and buys mice off the kids every Wednesday to feed the snakes. Besides the cute school teacher having a bizarre relationship with the snakes and Mr. Bender, the preacher is fucking with his business. Soon the little Texas town believes old Snakey should just drive his clunker to the farm and never come back to town. But Snakey has a different thought as he kidnaps those who wronged him and lets the snakes do all the work for him. In the end this makes him happy. The 70s film is weird and has enough strange shit that it will make you want to watch it again as I give it 3 stars.

 

Another Wolfcop (Theater) – Lowell Dean finally gives me the sequel not only I wanted but all Wolfcop fans. Lou is still on the prowl but these days during a full moon Sheriff Tina believes it would be better that Lou is locked up. Busy drinking and having his usually ‘Liquor and Donuts’ baker dozen as they are the official sponsor of Wolfcop. Of course Lou doesn’t listen and gets out and after an incident; Tina has to take lip from the mayor (Kevin Smith) about a Wolfcop running around town.  After a night of the usual chaos and Lou taking a truck back because its evidence he finds his dead friend or reborn friend/shape shifter Willie in a present. So the old tag team is back, maybe as Wolfcop has come against a new robotic foe that was built by a scientist controlled by Sidney Swallows. Swallows plans on getting the local folk drunk on his new cheap beer ‘Chicken Milk Stout’ then killing them at the hockey game. Honestly I am not making this up as Willie now has a mutant dick that smokes weed with him. Willie also has a werewolf sister who bangs Lou and has six tits! And apparently snorting moon rock is like steroids for werewolves. This beautiful mess is all mashed together in a 82 minute sequel that is just as much fun as the original. See it now as I give it 4 stars.

 

Incredible Shrinking Woman (DVD) – Lily Tomlin is Pat Kramer a loving wife who does everything for the kids while the husband works away on selling products. Pat is exposed to the right mixture of chemicals and suddenly begins to shrink. Her family is suffering because they are unsure what is going to happen to her until one day they believe she is dead after falling into the garbage disposal. But it just so happens a group of people are hell bent on using her for tests so they can shrink everyone down in the world and takes it over. With the help of a gorilla Pat is able to escape and let her family know she didn’t die just yet as she becomes a national story. A very hilarious take on the 50s film “Incredible Shrinking Man”. I give it 3 stars.

Midnight Movie Massacre (DVD) – The film began in 1984, supposedly finished in 1986, and wasn’t released until 1988 and also known as “Attack from Mars”. Cannot see this film being that bad? Read a few articles about the film supposed to be released in 1986 but there was no explanation to why not? Anyway the movie takes place in 1956 where several people go to the theater to go watch a flick called, “Space Patrol”. Meanwhile, a real Martian lands from Mars to slowly murder people in the theater until the patrons eventually fight back and the Martian is eaten by a fat woman. I give this real B-movie 2 stars for the mere reason I laughed several times watching this flick.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh it’s real and it’s happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!