Gross Movie Reviews #458

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Gross Movie Reviews #458

 

The Happytime Murders (On Demand) – In a world where puppets and humans exist together a private eye who happens to be a puppet and a former cop gets a case from a sexy young lady puppet. The case isn’t open and shut as he likes as someone is killing all the puppets involved with a very popular kids show from the 90s. The private eye finds himself soon teamed up with his ex-partner, a human trying to solve the mystery of who is the killer? Lots of adult humor, the puppets looked great, and a cool buddy cop flick of sorts. This wasn’t as much as “Meet the Feebles” as I thought it would be so good for them. I didn’t love it and I didn’t hate it but worth at least a watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Upgrade (On Demand) – This should have been the “Robocop” remake! A mechanic named Grey rebuilds a classic Trans-Am in the near future for a super-rich computer whiz. After Grey and his wife begin driving home from dropping the car off they are in a bad car accident and his wife is killed by some thugs. Grey is paralyzed, but is given the chance to try an experimental computer chip that should restore all feeling back to his limbs and help him move again. Grey agrees and has implanted into his spine and STEM the computer chip almost works immediately. But Stem also thinks and talks for itself and decides to start talking Grey and help him find his wife’s killers. Grey unsure at first slowly allows STEM to show him he is quicker, smarter, better now. Grey uses his paralyzed status to track down all involved without being detected as a suspect. Once Grey goes down this wormhole with STEM there is very cool twists in the plot that make the movie a must rewatch several times. Plus I believe the plot hits on a nerve of this not too distant future could be very real sooner than we think? This action flick is absolutely amazing as I give it 4 stars.

 

Hotel Artemis (On Demand) – A weirdo flick set in the not so distant future of 2028 where Jodie Foster is a manager/doctor to a hotel or safe house for criminals. Criminals pay big bucks for these certain safe houses all over the world if by some chance they are injured in some way. If you do not have a membership you are thrown out on your ass. Foster’s character is a shut-in who has lots of anxiety and hasn’t the outside world in a couple decades. But it all goes to shit when the big boss comes to be fixed up and there is an assassin there inside the hotel to take him out. This flick is one of those check your brain at the door and just enjoy the entertainment. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

You Might be the Killer (DVD) – This is one those slasher flicks that doesn’t overthink the plot and just has a lot of fun with what it is. Sam is a good dude who once a year takes time away from his business and goes off the grid for a weekend. He goes to a camp with a bunch of friends and just has wholesome camp fun. But a big problem arises when he is calling his best friend Chuck (Alyson Hannigan) because he believes a psycho killer has killed all the campers and now is stalking him? They go through all the movie clichés until Sam remembers at some point the story about a cursed mask being at a dead tree was actually real and he put the mask on. When he has the mask on he is an unstoppable killer who slaughters his friends in many brutal ways. When the mask is off he doesn’t recall anything and believes he is being stalked also. I loved watching this bloody flick that never took itself serious and delivered the goods on just being a fun horror flick to watch as I give it 3 stars.

Commando Ninja (YouTube) – This absolute 4 star gem is from the mind Ben Combes. Ben decided to kickstart his love letter of a movie to 80s action movie genre. This film combines at least 20 different action film ideas into one movie. The film begins with a flashback of 1968 Vietnam where a recon team led by John Hunter is ambushed by ninjas with Predator vision. Then the story flashes forward to 1986 where John Hunter is approached by an old Green Beret vet to let him know the evil ninjas are back and John’s daughter gets kidnapped by these evil creatures. From there it flashes back and forth between 1968 and 1986 showing where John got his ninja training and how he tracks down the evil ninjas that took his daughter. But just when you thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous he has to time travel to the future in 1998 to get her back. Before I forget there are also dinosaurs and cyborgs in this film and the Trans-am in 1998 like the one in “Smokey in the Bandit”. This is a must own for any 80s action film lover as it leaves no stone unturned bringing its brilliant story to life. I give this project 4 stars and a front runner for one of the best films I have watched in 2019.

 

Bigfoot Ate My Boyfriend (DVD) – The film opens of course stating that it was based on true events. Sheriff Bailey has a situation on her hands as bodies are piling up in the woods and news wants to know what is going on. So she calls in the only local Federal Bigfoot Investigator she knows to help her track it down and stop it. But a former child star Jimmy Johnson of ‘Kung-fu Kid’ has plans of his own of going into the woods and challenging Bigfoot to a fight and getting it on film. Thus the event should thrust him back into Hollywood stardom. A hilarious but bad film about a Bigfoot that growls like a poodle when attacking and I am damn glad to own it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. More info on the film can be found at www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

Project: Eugenics (DVD) – A bad end of the world zombie film with not many zombies and is to be continued at the end of the film. The premise is a corporation called Eugenics wants to experiment on millions of citizens to see if a zombie vaccine works and they get all the profit. I give it 1 star.

 

Over the Edge (DVD) – A 1979 film that was based on a true event involving unruly teenagers and a Midwest community in the mid-70s. With the cities becoming overrun with crime and drugs, many families began to move out to rural areas where communities where were being built for people trying to escape the city life. Or what would become known eventually as the suburbs. This community of New Granada is supposed to be a wonderful place for families but a lot of their population is teenagers with nothing to do except for one rec center for entertainment. When a piece of land is no longer going to be a drive-in and bowling alley and going to have office space built on it the young people get upset. On top of that a rogue cop closes down the rec center soon things get out of control between the young people, the adults, and the cop. The film is watchable and stars a young Matt Dillon but doesn’t really have a character you really connect or root for. There are several other films of the early 80s that make this formula work better on film as I give the cautious tale of “Parents talk to your kids” 2 stars.

 

Den of Thieves (On Demand) – A wild action/crime flick where a crew of bank robbers try to pull off one of the biggest heists of the century and must deal with a L.A. sheriff that doesn’t always play by the rules. The crew is led by a man named Merrimen who been imprisoned for the past decade and use that time to plan a heist at the Federal Bank Reserve. Meanwhile the sheriff played by Gerard Butler knows Merrimen has something planned but always seems to be one step behind. A way better heist flick than you would ever believe so give it a chance as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Category III: The Untold Story of Hong Kong Exploitation (DVD) – A wonderful documentary documenting how this rating came in existence in Hong Kong cinema and how it has changed after 1997. A good bit of Hong Kong’s popular films took advantage of this rating and produced some of the greatest over the top films the world ever seen. Its peak existence was between the years 1988-1997 and they explained what led to the rating being made and what happened to Hong Kong cinema after China took control again in 1997. Very interesting stories behind Hong Kong cinema and some of the titles I have watched or heard over the years while searching for movies in video stores. I give the documentary 3 ½ stars.

 

Nude Nuns with Big Guns (DVD) – The title says it all as there really isn’t much to the plot except nuns being made to make drugs for bikers who work for the Catholic Church. Then the drugs are sold everywhere. When Sister Sarah is pimped out and pumped full of drugs she is saved by a so-called witch doctor. Sister Sarah in the drugged out dreamland receives a message from god to kill all that are involved with the drug trade. So becomes the nun vigilante that cannot be stopped as she massacres everyone for what they did to her. Fun B-movie crap that has big boobs, bullets, and lots of blood as I give 2 ½ stars too.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.comfor details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

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Terror Films acquires the rights to the film Close Calls

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(Tuesday, January 8th, 2019) – TERROR FILMS has acquired the rights to writer/director Richard Stringham’s debut feature film CLOSE CALLS! The film is set to be released across multiple digital platforms Friday, January 11th.

The film centers around Morgan MacKenzie (Jordan Phipps) – a troubled teen with a checkered past, who finds herself grounded by her father (Kristof Waltermire). Bored and left alone to deal with her ailing and crazy grandmother (Janis Duley), Morgan soon becomes the target of a psycho caller. As the night gets weirder, paranoia begins to set in and Morgan is forced to face some of her worst fears and inner demons as she starts to believe that everyone she knows is either plotting against her or trying to kill her.

The CLOSE CALLS Official Trailer: https://youtu.be/Oa4PWiW35Fs

CLOSE CALLS (produced, written and directed by Richard Stringham) has been well received by critics with SCREAM MAGAZINE stating: “Richard Stringham has crafted a clever, unique motion picture that goes well beyond merely being a valentine to its influences. The film offers some humor to occasionally lighten up the suspenseful proceedings, and Stringham proves himself as a talent to watch with this striking celluloid calling card.”

The film has also been well received at film festivals, having been the official selection and winner at multiple festivals. Festival participation includes: the Hollywood Dreams International Film Festival and Writers’ Celebration, the Hot Springs International Horror Film Festival (Won: Best in Category – Best First-Time Filmmaker Feature), the Los Angeles Horror Competition (Won: Diamond Award-Best Feature Film), the Maverick Movie Awards, the NYC Horror Film Festival (Won: Best Cinematography, Best Director) and the Spotlight Horror Film Awards (Won: Silver Award – Best Film).

The film will be available on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes, Vudu, Google Play, Tubi TV and Steam and additional platforms at a later date. In advance of the film’s release this Friday, TERROR FILMS is sharing some stills, the Official Trailer and Poster below.

To learn more about TERROR FILMS, visit: www.terrorfilms.net

And here: https://www.facebook.com/TerrorFilmsLLC

To learn more about CLOSE CALLS, visit: https://www.facebook.com/CloseCallsTheMovie/

If you liked Jagoff Massacre? Guess what we are working on now…

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Well everyone, I promised big news coming soon from the Jagoffs at Drunken Yinzers productions, and here it is! While we would love to tell you that a sequel to Jagoff Massacre is coming, we simply can’t do it without Brandon. As soon as he is available we will get our asses on that (the script is already written so…). In the meantime we felt it was time to move onto a new project. And goddamn is it a great one!
A few years back, during the first round of problems with jagoff 2, I had the brilliant idea to write a comedic remake of the classic terrible drug scare film, Blood Freak. After the dissolution of JOM2 and the near death of our production company, we finally decided to take this script and give it a shot. We’re now 2 shoots in and it’s honestly some of the most hilarious shit we’ve ever done.

So next year we will bring you a new film from the Drunken Yinzers! We’ll be setting up a new Facebook page soon and hope you’ll all join us in this new endeavor. And yes, while this is a new film, it does take place in the Jagoff-verse so look out for easter eggs galore. And of course Chuck Connors will be back as well as a slew of JOM favorites. I can’t possibly express how much i truly appreciate all of you Jags that have stood by and waited patiently for us to get our shit together. We love you all more than a case a cold Irons and a primanti’s sammich!

…and if you wanna check out the movie we’re paying tribute to, you can watch it in it’s entirety here….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np3bqodkka0

 

Post written by “Out of Print” Daniel Boyd last month

Grossfest is looking for Vendors!

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With the holidays over and the new year underway, why not get involved with a great up and coming independent horror convention, GROSSFEST! Saturday, July 20th, 2019

With our first year being a big success and vendor spaces selling out quickly, we have changed to a new location and are able to add more vendors! Located at
Doubletree hotel
340 racetrack road
Washington pa 15301

If interested please email us grossfest@gmail.com
Tables are only $50!

www.grossfest.com

#grossfest

 

Don’t forget if you are a filmmaker contact me about getting your film to our Grossfest contest?

Check out all of our end of the year lists at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week we call a close to Christmas and introduce Kyle to an all-time Santa jam that he has never seen in CHRISTMAS EVIL.  John talks about a really cool 50’s monster movie with a lot more going on than it seems in THE CRAWLING EYE A>K>A> THE TROLLENBERG TERROR.  Then Kyle (who doesn’t give a shit about Christmas) talks about a truly lost film in NINJA BUSTERS starring a third rate Kung Fu Cheech and Chong and that one dude from Big Trouble in Little China.  Plus we answer your questions and tell all the news that’s fit to print… or make up if you’re Bloody Disgusting.  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

 

Christmas vacation is over… the overtime has died down… and we say goodbye to 2018, but not before we have our say.  Join Kyle, Tim, John, and special guest T-Shirt Joe in recalling the worst and best movies we all saw in 2018.  This is the giant sized special annual get the fuck outta her 2018 edition.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/