Gross Movie Reviews #398

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Gross Movie Reviews #398

 

Deadly Instincts (DVD) – In the U.S. this 90s flick is known as ‘Breeders’. Almost everywhere else it is known as ‘Deadly Instincts’. Believe me when you see the video box or poster you most likely walked past this flick at some point in time at a video store. A U.F.O. happens to crash land at an all-girls college, hooray for us horndogs! There is a creature inside with an alien woman also scurrying about. The creature is there to stalk beautiful women down to see who can be a suitable host for its offspring. The bodies begin piling up and no one is listening to the teacher who’s banging his favorite student. Eventually the authorities find the secret tunnels under the college and begin to investigate but are no match for the creature! We have bootleg Pumpkinhead, bootleg Julie Strain, it’s from the U.K., I am in every time as I give the 90s flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Lego Batman Movie (Theater) – We all can argue to our deaths that DC universe has fucked up a lot shit. But when it comes to “Lego Batman” they do not fuck around and take a cue from the first ‘Lego Movie’ and run with it. The film is based around Batman being awesome and the ultimate hero of course, but with Commissioner Gordon retiring and Gotham not needing Batman any longer he is lonely. But Batman has always been a loner? With the Joker in the asylum cooking up his next plan Batman comes face to face with why his life is incomplete. In a series of events of sending the Joker to the “Phantom Zone”, Joker is able to hatch his latest ultimate plan in hopes of Batman understanding he needs to hate the Joker. Batman soon understands he needs family to conquer evil. Great story and Batman fans will not be disappointed as filmmakers find a way to incorporate every incarnation of Batman and his movies throughout the film. More than likely this will be one of the best movies you watch in 2017 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Superbeast (DVD) – An early 70s flick about a woman doctor who goes to the jungles of the Philippines to investigate a strange happening. Back in the states she is called in to do an autopsy on a man or thing that terrorized a plane on its way from the Philippines. Instead of discovering something great in evolution she discovers bootleg Dr. Moreau whose mistakes are hunted for sport by a rich dude. Somewhat boring but does have a good ending as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

House 4: Repossession (DVD) – Before you even ask I do not think any of the ‘House’ movies have anything to do with each other including part 4 that happens to star William Katt. For those who might not know Mr. Katt starred in the 80s classic original that also co-starred Richard Moll and George Wendt where his old dead army buddy kidnaps his kid. This sequel does not even come close to being that good. I also believe this movie was under a different title but somebody thought they could cash in on the title ‘House’ when William Katt was in it and they were wrong. This flick has William Katt (Roger) inherit his father’s old house. Apparently his grandfather made a blood oath and the house must stay in Roger’s family. When a tragic accident takes Roger’s life, his wife and daughter movie into the place thinking it’s the right thing to do. Until the half-brother keeps pushing for them to sell the house and strange things keep happening (a pizza that sings then gets stab to explode all over the lead actress). I give the film 1 star and still wondering if it was a true sequel where is Brion James and Lance Henriksen and shouldn’t it be called ‘The Horror Show 2’?

 

The Night Shift (Vimeo/DVD) – One of my favorite and hardest working filmmakers Massimiliano Cerchi (say that five times fast in a Pittsburgh/yinzer accent) is back with his latest film that centers around Frank the security guard. Frank has just scored the ultimate cushy guard duty job of working overnight to watch a mansion for some rich dude. Only catch don’t fall asleep? Frank gets bored quickly but is unsure of how this is an easy deal even with Frank’s boss explaining it’s an easy deal and don’t fall asleep. Frank still unsure of the big mysterious home finds himself dozing off to sleep and being awakened by strange things. The strange things are demons fucking with Frank and clearly the best part of the film. The plot of the film is solid if it was a half hour or so? But its longer running time especially without really introducing the demons sooner may bore some viewers. Now the film only runs 65 minutes but the demons are that fucking awesome they deserved more screen time. The demons are the allure of watching this film and I would give this film a more favorable review if I got more of those bad ass creepy demons. The demons are the stars of this story and felt they needed to be fleshed out more? Hell, if they were in it more maybe this could be marketed as ‘Demons 7’ and found a way for Caroline Munro to make a cameo. I just feel when you have such cool looking and possibly interesting creatures/demons you should build the film around them not the other way around… Anyway I still got mad respect for Mr. Cerchi as a filmmaker because I have no doubt he is working on something better as I give this project 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

The Dead of Night (DVD) – Some high school students party at the cemetery all the time. So when the popular students invite the geeks to their little party site you know nothing good is going to come of it. The prank goes wrong when the two geeks are attacked by a creature that changes them and now they want to take over other students. Not a really exciting 1 star horror movie.

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Never Too Young to Die (YouTube) – Finally this mid-80s gem will find its way onto Blu-ray and all will be right with the world as I spent most of the 90s looking for this flick. The most random action thriller that stars a young John Stamos as Stargrove, a cross-dressing villain named Ragnar played by Gene Simmons, Vanity as a secret agent, and Robert Englund for five minutes as a sadistic mad computer bomber! It played a few times on HBO in the mid-80s and all but disappeared the video stores I frequented and when I explained it (pre-internet) people thought I made it up? Lance Stargrove is a gymnast whose father is a legendary secret government agent who is killed by Ragnar and his fingernail for a program disk that could poison the water supply for a hundred years. When the disk cannot be found Ragnar sits back to allow Lance to find the disk for him. Lance finds out with his father’s death he inherits a farm where Vanity rides horses and random extras from the Mad Max films show up looking to kill for the disk! The movie has at least ten ideas crammed into one film in a good way and may be the best film featuring Gene Simmons. The movie is one big fun random mess that I enjoy still 30 years later as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Stryker (DVD) – I found another post-apocalyptic film from the Philippines that Roger Corman’s production company produced that begins with the phrase “whoever controls the water controls the world.” Everyone is looking for water in the wastelands: midgets, women in shoulder pads, men in S&M gear but a man named Stryker roams the wastelands defending people against evil. When he finds a woman whose colony has an endless supply of water he must help and defend her and her colony from all who will kill for it. I give the flick 1 ½ stars but this is the first of many post-apocalyptic flicks from our buddy who gave us: Equalizer 2000, Future Hunters, Wheels of Fire, and a few others. You can see what he perfected over the series of films go along in the 80s…

 

Ebola Zombies (DVD) – It begins and ends with a bunch of political mumbo jumbo comparing zombies to soulless people of today. An Asian zombie film about a jewelry heist that goes sideways when the thieves find a scientist experimenting with the SARS and Ebola virus. Zombies everywhere and slow motion fight scenes make me wanna puke and have nightmares of the ‘Resident Evil’ sequels. I give it 0 stars.

 

Mom (DVD) – A strange and interesting werewolf film from the early 90s about Nester (Brion James) who happens to infect a news anchor’s mom when renting a room from her. The news anchor scrambles to keep his mother in check as she goes out at night to feed on humans. When her son questions why she does it and answer is, “I’m hungry and it helps my arthritis.” It’s a fun lower budgeted werewolf flick that I wouldn’t be surprised it was made two or three years before its release as it doesn’t fit the time. But the appeal of Brion James and cheesy werewolf effects make this a must watch for us movie nerds as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ice Soldiers (DVD) – Michael Ironside and Dominic Purcell are part of a secret research team looking into the mysterious events in Canadian Artic in 1962 and trying to tap the land for oil. The story goes with everyone paying attention to the Cuban missile crisis in 1962 while three soldiers in Swiss uniforms are found in the artic after a plane crash. They kill all who is there except a woman scientist who is raped. 50 years pass and now a new team is there to possibly find out answers. They get more than they bargain for when the soldiers unfreeze and begin killing again as they have a mission to complete. The film is a really cool B-movie action/thriller surprise you are not expecting if you enjoy these types of films. Plus Michael Ironside… 3 stars, enough said.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Dr. Giggles commentary

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“This town has a doctor and his name is Rendell.

Stay away from his house because he’s the doctor from hell”

 

This week Tim and Kyle have to appease the ghost of Corey Haim because he ate the last podcast.  So… we do a commentary track that has NOTHING to do with Corey Haim.  So enjoy!  And HAIL DRAKE!@!!

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

dr-giggles

Gross Movie Reviews #397

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Gross Movie Reviews #397

 reel-poster

Reel Nightmare (Vimeo/DVD) – Chris is a filmmaker and fresh out of rehab. His filmmaker friends from Miskatonic University wanna help him finish his school film project. His friends are a bit unsure but love to work, love the mysterious location (cannot be found with GPS), and believe it’s the best thing Chris has ever come up with. Once the film students begin sound checks and setting up shots strange little things begin to happen to the crew. Including that they are let in on the fact that house was occupied three women who practiced witchcraft and were outcasts to anyone that lived nearby. Soon as the Necronomicon shows up in the Goodwin witches home the crew becomes separated to die or be killed slowly. A couple cool make-up effects, a slow-burn that pays off makes for a fun movie about witchcraft. Armand Petri’s name was connected to it; I can easily seeing this being a sequel in the Charles Band produced movie series ‘Witchhouse’. I give the low budget flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more about the film can be found at www.facebook.com/togethermagicfilms .

 

Curse of the Wolf (DVD) – Apparently I stumbled upon an independent film that just so happens to star one of my favorite wrestlers “Blue Meanie” and I found it in my basement! Moving on the film is about a female werewolf who left her pack to do experiments on herself to help control the “change”. Of course the pack and Blue Meanie can’t let it go so they track her down, kill her friend, and try to force her to understand the way of the “Pack”. Lots of cool flesh wound effects are most hidden by filming in the dark (apparently no one owned lights on the set) and shitty werewolf masks take away from the independent werewolf film being halfway decent. Come on horror fans werewolf flicks are hard to pull off and it’s a shame the filmmaker didn’t take a little more time making this one better because it had some potential. I give this werewolf film 1 ½ stars.

 

Fist of the Vampire (DVD) – Yes Gross Movie Reviews fans I was surprised also I found another independent horror film starring the Blue Meanie! An Agent Lee goes undercover after he is a huge firefight out on the streets. Lee finds himself trying to become a part of an illegal fighting contest run by vampires. Let’s stop it there because this movie is absolutely dog shit! The effects, the story, the stupid horrible background is all SHIT! I love me some Blue Meanie but this was very hard to sit through as I give it 0 stars.

 

The Vampire Conspiracy (DVD) – Six people wake up in a room with no doors or windows and do not how they got there. Suddenly a vampire that no one believes is shows up and explains the rules of the game to them. Wanna live: make it through the maze and you the vamp’s riches, if not you are dead or become one the undead slaves of the vamp. It is a poor excuse of combining ‘Saw’ with ‘Cube’ and not making it interesting. I give the poor film 1 star.

 

The Dark (DVD) – Trying to keep track but this the fourth or fifth horror film that I have reviewed under this title. The next closest is ‘The Hollow’ I believe and there is yet another one out there I need to see… Oh, the days of being an old horror nerd or bad movie nerd according to some people? With that out of the way this film is kinda ‘Lurking Fear’ interesting as one night a young Stephen McHattie (bootleg Stephen Machet) and Brion James (R.I.P. brother) see a creature in a graveyard. Two years pass and both men are searching for the creature (maybe alien) for different reasons. The ancient creature spends all of its time tunneling under graveyards and feeds off of the fresh corpses. A lost creature film from the early 90s that is proof 90s horror wasn’t all that bad as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dr. Giggles (DVD) – A horror film I always enjoy going back too as it was left abandoned (like Nightbreed) by the company that released it. Larry Drake plays a character that was unique but hilarious in Dr. Giggles. Dr. Giggles was locked up many years ago when his father, a doctor went nuts when his wife died. Dr. Giggles waited for the day to escape and in the fall of 1992 he did to pray upon anyone who entered or came near his family home. But as Dr. Giggles go on his killing spree he shows he has a heart when he finds out the character played by Holly Marie Combs has a heart condition and wants to help her. The film itself is a clear attempt in starting a new slasher film series and an iconic character. But with pressure from the MPAA and many other groups who spoken out about horror films in the late 80s and early 90s ‘Dr. Giggles’ may have been doomed from the start. Many horror fans forget about this flick trying to set a tone for the 90s but it is a shame we never got to see it happen. Even today it is released several times on DVD and Blu-ray but no extras, no special treatment. So if you ae a big slasher film fan go find this movie and enjoy its hilarity and Larry Drake as I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Steel Dawn (DVD) – Patrick Swayze is “Nomad”, a former soldier walking the wastelands and doing ‘Road House’ kicks to the face of mutants in the desert. He is looking for peace but never finds it as violence follows him. It kills his friend and almost destroys the water plantation he works for in a small farm valley among the wastelands. But with his skills and Brion James by his side of course Swayze will save the day in the future. A cheap post-apocalyptic film of sorts that lacks in story but has a couple cool fight scenes with Swayze that keeps you awake long enough to ask: “What made him decide to do this film?” I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Best movies we saw in 2016

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http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

As is tradition for the last 5 years we round out the end of the year by inviting our good friend T-Shirt Joe back on the show to give you a comprehensive list of the top 30 flicks, honorable mentions, and worst movies we saw in the year 2016. so get out your pen and paper and take notes. Or don’t.

 

episode-3

New Exorcist Movie ‘Holy Terror’ Trailer

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Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNjDmcCRAhY

holy-terror

Holy Terror will be premiering this April on Amazon Prime.

More info at:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5924114/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Please join their facebook fan page for updates:

https://www.facebook.com/holyterrormovie/

For more info check out: https://williamsonmanagement.newswire.com/news/new-exorcist-movie-holy-terror-trailer-debuts-18649500