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Gross Movie Reviews #549

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Gross Movie Reviews #549

The Taking of Beverly Hills (DVD) – An early 90s action film that comes off as a ‘Die Hard’ rip-off that I do not remember ever hearing this hitting theaters as much as when it hit VHS. Boomer is a football player hanging out at Beverly Hills trying to pick up a date until a chemical spill happens causing the town to be evacuated or at least that is what the Beverly Hills Police Department says. See the police department is tired of putting up with rich people so they come up with this elaborate plan of a chemical spill that not many would question but would get people evacuated. Once that happens they go from home to home stealing everything and everyone in the police department is in on the take except one guy who decides to help the star football player Boomer to stop everything before the National Guard gets there! The film has wall to wall action, great cast, if you never heard of this give it a chance if you are a ‘Die Hard’ fan as it is lots of fun as I give it 3 stars.

War of the Gargantuas (DVD) – If you are over the age of 40 there is a good chance you were introduced to this flick early in life by a horror host in your town late one night on TV. After a thing attacks a boat out sea near Japan scientists are baffled at what monster could do something like this? A young American scientist who works in Japan supposedly had large gargantuan years ago that got loose and never found. Is it the same one? Why has it appeared now? While the scientists go to the woods to investigate the military blasts away without listening to reason as the scientists try to figure out if the two monsters are related or separate incidents. In the end it is good monster vs. bad monster in this corny throwback as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Superforce (DVD) – A futuristic TV film from 1990 that was set in 2020 and got turned into a TV series for two full seasons. The film follows famous astronaut Zach Stone who comes home after a two year mission to find his brother has been killed. Supposedly his brother was the only good cop left on the force. Anyway Zach wants answers so he joins the police academy so when he graduates he can ask to be place in his brother’s old areas. Soon Zach gets involved with Hungerford Industries who help Zach get fitted in an experimental space suit that gives him extra strength and a motorcycle to chase down criminals. Well one young scientist and a dead guy help Zach become the new space age hero. The film had a solid cast but I couldn’t believe that there was a TV series based on this as it was filmed in Universal Studios, Florida. I give it a 1 ½ stars because it seem like they were having a tough time just to fill out a TV film let alone a TV series?

CarousHell the 2nd (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski gave us crazy Indy horror fans ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ with his first entry ‘CarousHell’, five years later Steve figured out a way with the sequel to give us ‘The Devil’s Rejects’. And if yinz get that reference then you know you are in for one hell of a ride with this project. Our famous killer carousel unicorn Duke, is back and it begins with Nazis as Duke has just found out he has a son he nothing about. Duke learns about Robbie and tries to make amends but Duke’s past catches up with him as the Third Reich is still pissed their experiment is running free in America. These immortal Nazis want revenge against their former Alpha Solider and will stop at nothing to get their revenge even if it means kidnapping Duke’s hybrid son. Now if you just tuned into this review wondering what the hell you are reading well ‘CarousHell’ and its sequel are the ultimate weirdo horror films that really cannot be classified as anything else but “weird” and that is what makes it wonderful! This sequel reminds me of the spirit of the ‘Basket Case’ sequels where Steve is giving you the viewer something completely unexpected or at least me? Yes, there is still a carousel horse sex scene, some fine gore spots, absolutely wonderful acting from Aleen Isley, Terrence Cover, Rebecca Reinhart, and Joshua Anton just to name a few actors with perfect performances that had me laughing and entertained from beginning to end! This latest creation from Mr. Rudzinski would not surprise me at all to propel his career or at least a few phone calls from Hollywood as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars and you will be seeing it in my “Top 5 movies 2021” for sure! All I ask Steve remember us little people… and send beer! Now congrats on one fucking awesome movie!

Cosmos: War of the Planets (DVD) – In 1977 somebody got bored and found bootleg Billy Zane’s father as Captain Hamilton and made a crude episode of ‘Star Trek’. Hamilton and crew are forced to investigate signals on the outer edge of the solar system only to find an evil robot that can’t move who has slaves that are telepathic and they live in a cave. Sounds fun but was cornier than anything and wouldn’t surprise me this has been referenced on MST3Kway too many times over the years as I give it 2 stars.

The Attic (DVD) – A creepy slow burn film that most likely collected a lot of dust on the VHS shelves of the old video stores? A shy Librarian who has been forced to take care of her wheelchair bound father for years now. To make Louise a little more frustrated is her husband to be still hasn’t shown up after 19 years and taking her own life might not be a bad option. Trying to compensate with her midlife crisis she buys a monkey, gives a bunch of money to the only friend she has, and tries to take a trip with the monkey. But as certain things come to light in Louise’s life and does concern if she was completely crazy from the beginning of the film. Interesting for the mere fact of how they end this slow burn as I believe you will find very satisfying or absolutely hate the ending as I give it 2 stars.

Massacre Academy (Blu-ray) – A film set in the year 1987 at Orrstown State University where Kris the college student survived a horrible ordeal of Henry Lee Palmer or the “Killer Clown Face Killer” killing 15 on campus as Kris was a freshman. It’s been two years since the horrible event but Kris is finding it hard to get past as she has nightmares nightly especially now her younger sister is going to the same college and pledging for a sorority that may not have the best intentions. The film doesn’t waste too much time having the killer grab the clown mask and getting back to finishing what he started two years earlier. But is it a copycat or did Henry Lee Palmer somehow survive? Some good gore shots, I thought the casting of all involved was solid, and the pacing doesn’t get bogged down to give a solid retro slasher feel as I give it 3 stars. For fans of the film if you are looking for a goof check out the cop car the characters are in about the 47 minute mark as that Ford vehicle didn’t exist in 1987.    

The Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre (On Demand) – Well I gotta say this was an unexpected fun horror gem about a wrestling tag team in New Mexico wrestling called “The Manson Brothers”. This rugged tag team has been around for three decades now and knows all the ins and outs of independent wrestling feds. After a well-received tag match they are offered a big money cage match at midnight on Halloween. Of course they say yes but that is only part of the story as things get weird as some of the wrestlers have been taking some of the Chinese HGH to stay big for the ring. Now to complicate the issue with wrestlers taking the HGH and causing a zombie issue, there is a horrible hurricane that has locked down everything! So The Manson Brothers must fight their way through a horde of flesh eaters inside the wrestling building and forget about the main event. The movie has lots of great zombie gore gags, wonderful story telling (someone knows some of the behind the scenes stuff of wrestling), and the supporting cast in D.B. Sweeny, Mindy Robinson, and Randy Couture make this an unexpected horror gem and would love to see a sequel if it is done with the same spirit and passion this project was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #523

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Gross Movie Reviews #523

 

The Dingleberrys (DVD) – Another S.O.V. flick that is one of these so-called “lost films” from Warlock Video in 1986 aka 2012. The main plot of the film is similar to ‘Critters’ just with poo globs! The disclaimer at the beginning of the film claims this is the worst film ever made and it is now shown in all its horrible glory of a space gladiator landing on earth to capture or kill the space poo globs. Quasar wants to rid the universe of this menace but will need help from some young horror nerds in order to accomplish the task. The film really isn’t feature length and far from the worst movie ever in my opinion. I have seen much worse, this is more of just some inexperience kids having fun with some cool poo creature masks from DWN Productions that made me laugh a couple times. For that I give this Indy flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Ravagers (On Demand) – A 1979 post-apocalyptic film that stars Richard Harris as a man who wanders the wasteland after some bandits kill off his girlfriend. They were planning to go searching for a safe place called “Land of Genesis”. Thus causing Harris to seek revenge and run from these horrific people as they will hunt him down until death. See one day it stopped raining thus killing off life slowly and sending the world into chaos. After quite a bit of time it started to rain again but most of the population died off. Survivors went underground and separated into two gangs of folks called the Flockers and Ravagers. Now in 1991, Ravagers are the type of humans if you can consider them that any longer that look to rape and pillage what is left above ground. The film wasn’t the most exciting flick in this genre for me as it felt more like a TV movie but could not find any info claiming it was as I give it 2 stars. Note: Film is hard to find on any format but has recently been made available on Amazon Prime.

 

Planet Earth (DVD) – It is 2133 and the earth has survived the apocalypse and John Saxon aka Dylan is our new hope! Dylan was frozen in the old world and awakens from his sleep by PAX to build planet earth up again. ‘Planet Earth’ is a 1974 TV movie that was a sequel to ‘Genesis II’ that continues the John Saxon character storyline of a man from the past helping the future. In this adventure PAX has found Amazon women who are buying and trading men as slaves to do their bidding and the men are called “dinks”. PAX believes this is where a good doctor friend of theirs has disappeared. So they send in a small team to search for the doctor and talk to these Amazon women in hopes of helping them? Instead John Saxon gets a lesson in being a male slave and humanity still sucks as I give the TV flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again (DVD) – An early 80s comedy based on the old Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story with Dr. Jekyll being the finest surgeon in the world who has just retired from doing surgery ever again. The surgeries are getting in the way of his research but the hospital he works for has other plans as a huge donor wants a total transplant and Jekyll is the man. During his research the good doctor falls asleep during an experiment and accidentally snorts his concoction (cocaine) and becomes a monstrous dancing punk pimp who needs sex! Of course he becomes addicted to this formula and hilarity ensues. This film has not aged well and I firmly believe ‘Doctor Detroit’ (a film a little similar) is a better product than this project. There are most likely still fans of this film or they wouldn’t have released it on Blu-ray but I give it 2 stars.

 

Killer Waves (DVD) – An Indy film from James Balsamo where a killer in an old diver suit is slaughtering people who are involved in a surfing contest. The film has its funny moments, good camera work at times, fun cameos, huge body count, and a surfboard made out of human flesh. But also the film as its issues of running too long and feeling like there was nothing script wise outside of the killer in the old diver suit. I liked his film ‘The Litch’ but this flick felt thrown together more than thought out completely. I do know Mr. Balsamo has a growing fan base that I believe this project caters to more than the average independent film fan as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Metal Noir (DVD) – Author Laurel Oberion has just bought a home where she hopes to jump start to write her next book. As she settles in and struggles with her “writer’s block” the more she dreams about her haunted home she has just moved into. Her dreams are not lying as Laurel has satanic nymphos in her basement who want her soul. The demons’ plan is too slowly torture the young lady to madness that sends her into their orgy of descent for their dark lord! This 1990 S.O.V. flick was never properly released and was believed lost because the company that had the rights went into bankruptcy and closed. So thanks to Tony Masiello starting a project in 2012 that deals with “S.O.V. films” he happened to watch the movie on a random VHS tape. From there Masiello was able to get in contact with the ‘Metal Noir’ filmmaker David R. Williams and begin the process of putting together a special edition of the film to be released for the very first time in 2019. The DVD is loaded with extras and perfect package for that independent film collector as I give it 3 stars.   

Ghoul Scout Zombie Massacre (DVD) – An evil brother/sister team trying to scheme a plan to take over the world with a secret formula. Their goal is to inject the emo boy population and use them for smut films to sell overseas. So how do you get these young men to take the secret formula? How about using sexy reform school girls to sell Girl Scout, oh sorry ghoul scout cookies that sister Cassandra houses. When the males begin to eat the cookies something goes wrong. Instead of them being under control of the evil duo they become flesh eating ghouls at a concert that begins to eat all the attendees. Those who didn’t eat the cookies must defend themselves and find the antidote. The film plays out like if Troma made a full fledge zombie film that I would have liked to see focus more on the gimmick of “Ghoul Scout Cookies” than the nudity? But hey the film is what it is… Saying that if the film was edited down to a lean and mean 70 minutes (not 111 minutes long) I can easy see this becoming an Indy cult hit. But some filmmakers fail to see how much editing can help their projects for the long haul as I give it 2 stars.

Tokyo Home Stay Massacre (DVD) – Three college kids head to Japan to stay with a host family. Their goal is to get the clicks for their YouTube channel as they are unlikable characters that even have a subplot about one of the three getting an abortion to project their relationship. Little do the three know is the family plans to drug them, torture them, and eventually set them up for some kind of weird sacrifice. The film was somewhat interesting but once midway through the film tries too hard to be weird and lost me as a viewer as I give it 1 star.

 

Zombies (DVD) – A 2017 film I stumbled upon stars Tony Todd where a zombie apocalypse just happens and takes over the world. Detective Sommers, Luke, and crew decide to set up shop in their small town and go out on missions to save folks nearby and bring them into a safe place. Their goal is to keep people safe and gauge how long this will go on? This zombie film goes more for dramatic take than the possible bloodbath zombie films can be but with an unusual twist ending as I give it 2 stars.

 

Sky Sharks (On Demand) – Trailers looked great, the movie idea sounds great, but… Anyway, a large warship has been found in the artic and a flight from Vancouver has been attacked by Nazi sharks controlled by undead SS officers! A once thought lost genetic experiment from WWII has survived and has resurfaced. The man behind Reichter Tech was once a part of these so-called secret experiments and has kept himself alive because of them. The K7B formula was made for world domination which killing their own people which he did not agree with. Now the Sky Sharks are mutating and making them harder to detect and defeat. Because of this the only solution left is another horrible experiment from Reichter in 1968 called Project: Dead Flesh! With an incredible cast and all this said sounds like it should be a wonderful B-movie for the ages instead plays out like a dull hot mess. Or best way to summarize, “It’s no Iron Sky” as I give this disappointment 1 star.

 

Day of the Pigs (Vimeo) – A 12 minute short about three men in Luchador masks who just did an armed robbery of a bank. They run into a bit of misfortune during the getaway and need to adjust their plan and find a phone. Now walking they find a farmhouse where they believe their prayers for a phone has been answered. It looks even better with the farmhouse being owned by two beautiful sisters who are not what they appear to be? A crude, but very cool short film from Michael S. Rodriguez, as it combines the horror and action genres in an entertaining manner that shows this filmmaker is very capable of putting together a bigger project. Movie nerds this is another to remember for the future as I give this flick 3 stars.

 

She Wolf Rising (DVD) – Gina Skylar (Tiffany Shepis) is a popular horror film actress who uses her sexual appeal to convince longtime fan Jake to help her with her boss Lonzo. Now most of the film is told like a story from Jake’s point of view to his best friend after finding Gina Skylar’s latest unreleased film on DVD in Jake’s apartment. Gina has Jake investigate people from Lonzo’s work past to understand what is going on as Gina wants to be the number one scream queen. The more Jake gets involved with Gina’s worries the more the film becomes a love story with werewolves. The movie has a hot mess appeal but leave it to the super talented Tiffany Shepis and a good supporting cast in (Debbie Rochon, Tina Krause, and Alan Rowe Kelly) to keep the film interesting enough to make it to its incoherent ending. As usual Tiffany always makes a movie that much better with her amazing on-screen presence but this movie feels like it couldn’t exactly decide what it wanted to be throughout as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #502

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Gross Movie Reviews #502

 

Evil Seeds (DVD) – A short film from Just Buried Productions that begins on Halloween in 1981 at The McGregor’s house. But moves quickly to present day Halloween where five friends head to the woods to have some fun and tell ghost stories. When one of their stories is told it comes true so demonic pumpkin figures appear to kill the campers. This is all because McGregor hates everything Halloween which ashame in the long run but anyway give the short film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Black Mama, White Mama (DVD) – This 1972 feature stars Pam Grier and Sid Haig in which two women prisoners, one black and one white hate each other. But they are forced to escape together as they are shackled together. During their daring escape they must work together and decide where they are going so they don’t get caught as both are wanted by authorities, a pimp, and hitmen. The local chief detective makes a deal with Sid Haig to track them down because he believes Haig’s character and shady friends will get the job done much quicker than his police force. One woman wants to stay and help the revolution, the other wants to leave the island with the money she believes she was always owed by her pimp to start a new life. Both are willing to do whatever it takes to get it accomplished and that means beating up a couple nuns and taking their clothes as I give this fun piece of entertainment 3 stars.

 

The Tallman (DVD) – So I finally watched this piece of shit that stars Jessica Biel and two genre vets in William B. Davis and Stephen McHattie. Jessica Biel’s character Julia seems innocent enough taking care of her son with nanny/random woman that stays at her house in this small community. But this community has an urban legend called “The Tall Man” that sadly is blamed for missing children over recent time in the community. After Julia is attacked and her supposed son taken things get a lot clearer… maybe? Tables get turned where Julia is the villain who steals kids and gives them to the “The Tall Man”. But two questions remain: What is the Tall Man? And why does this covert figure exist? This was just fucking dumb and an insult to Angus Scrimm and the character he made famous as I give this crap!

 

Spring Fever (YouTube) – A weird low budget zombie flick out of Iowa where the Mad Doctor Yeager has two of his undead minions pour some green crap into a stream near Iowa State Park. Of course this unleashes a horde of flesh-eating lunatics! Our only hope is a weird dude named Zed and his partner Agent X that may have been the stuntman for the local production of ‘Phantom of the Opera’. Along their way to find the mad doctor the two come across all kinds of characters as they try to protect the innocents as much as they can. Some fun low budget gore and a cameo appearance by Robert Z’Dar as a mob boss make the highlights of this feature. Thought it could have been edited down a few minutes but still a fun watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Norliss Tapes (YouTube) – This early 70s TV movie is about a publishing manager who becomes concern with his star author Norliss because he has become a recluse and hasn’t finished his book in the past year. The manager is also concern because they were taking a chance on this project as Norliss wanted this book to be about the occult and supernatural. Norliss in the beginning thought it was all fake until he met Ellen Cort. Mrs. Cort has an experience with her dead husband that causes Norliss to take it seriously and investigate the incident. During his adventure he finds out the dead husband wanted immortality and must fight the undead to destroy him. In the end this was just one tape and the manager has many more to go. This was supposed to be a TV series from the same person that introduced us to Kolchak but it never came to be. I love Kolchak as many do but this lacked the same charm but still a fun ride worth checking out if you haven’t before as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Killer Cup 3D (DVD) – An army of killer Styrofoam cups hit earth to drive humans into extinction. Sold! I am in to see where this funny shit takes me. What is left of the human race is trying to fight back as the story centers on this house in the middle of nowhere Canada where one-balled Uncle Zach has built the “Cup Destroyer!” It’s a RC truck that shoots lasers and one of the cups is at the wheel. But as usual the killer cups are always staying one step ahead and have stolen the piece of tinfoil to build their ultimate evil killer cup! Wonderful idea but the 100 minute running time and the communication of the cups is a dog’s squeaky toy are major drawbacks but so worth the attempt as I give this independent project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Unsung (YouTube) – The latest project from Churchill Pictures is a bit of a thriller with a bit of drama and intrigue added to the mix. We are introduced to Eric through his travels of the depressed areas of Pittsburgh and his childhood flashbacks that haunt him. One day catching a nap, the nap is interrupted by a man trying to hurt a young lady. Eric jumps into action and saves her. But being homeless also she takes off with Eric’s bag and he chases her down to a homeless community under a bridge. He is accepted into the community quickly. Meanwhile we are introduced to a very driven detective by the name of Jones who understands he now is trying to track down a serial killer and how all the victims are tied into each other in some way. Eric hearing a voice from a radio decides he must take action like his comic book hero that he keeps near to his heart. Eric and the detective cross paths and Eric is of course a ‘person of interest’ in the case but no matter what both men want to save the young lady after she is taken by this killer. I tried not to give too much away with the description just because I really like the story and it isn’t your usual crime drama/thriller. The film has a lot of heart that deserves to be watched and enjoyed. It stars Jared Bajoras, Richard Billock, and Amadeo Fusca which all three were perfect in their roles for this project. Help support this project folks as I give it 4 out 4 stars all the way!

 

Devil Rider (YouTube) – One of those early 90s films that was a direct-to-video release which were very popular of the time. A cowboy in the old west is wandering the countryside gunning down anyone that is in his way or on his property. The marshal catches up with the outlaw and has him hung but he does not die. The cowboy claims he from hell there to kill everyone! As they leave the cowboy hanging the marshal’s posse shoots him several times but the next morning the evil outlaw disappears. Now a hundred years later the evil outlaw is back and terrorizing a group of people who came in from the big city to buy up a big farm for real estate. The outlaw can only die one way and that is by his own saber or weapon just like 1987s ‘Ghost Riders’ but the biggest difference this film had a little more effort put into it. I give this lost 90s film 2 stars.

 

Redcon-1 (DVD) – Another zombie flick out of the UK that has a Special Forces group briefed in a mission to go into a quarantine zone to capture a scientist Dr. Raynes. Supposedly he started this apocalyptic mess and may hold the answer of an antidote. So seek and extract him from the area… if not the area will be obliterated from the map to contain the virus. The group finds him but not without casualties and making their way to the extraction point but Raynes warns them not everything is what it seems. The zombie make-up and effects are good but the slow motion shit at times and trying to explain how the zombies are evolving so quickly to point they are UFC fighters is a bit ridiculous. The film feels like it had two different stories being told and neither was finished, just smashed together to make the mess we have as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #496

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Gross Movie Reviews #496

 

Frozen Sasquatch (DVD) – It is weird this recent Mark Polonia film just didn’t do it for me. Maybe it is just me? Or maybe it was because Mark was more of a hired gun on this production than a true old school Polonia Brothers production? Anyway three research scientists are sent to a secret lab in the Himalayas where contact has been lost. There is concern this has something to do with the odd creature the team recently found. Everyone involved wondered if they truly had a Yeti but didn’t get much time to celebrate. When the three arrive they find the facility in disarray and eventually figure out there was ‘Yeti-experiments’ which of course pissed the creature off. Again this film just didn’t sit right with me. Hopefully you feel differently as I could only give it 1 star.

 

Killer Yacht Party (DVD) – A terrible movie about a club owner who rents out a yacht that hey, it’s haunted, to make more money. But a bitter drug dealer makes his way onto the ship to fuck things up for Brock the club owner. Problem is the ghost or whoever kills Brock’s girl toy and the drug dealer is caught red handed. From there Brock goes into a drug filled rage and people that paid to be on the ship are getting killed off one by one especially if they are trying to bump uglies in parts of the ship. All you need to know is the movie look like it was gonna be bad as soon as the opening credits came on as I give it a ½ star.

 

Southern Shockers (DVD) – A mid-80s low budget film about three men showing up late for church service. Of course the preacher doesn’t take to kindly to tardiness and begins to speak to these men during his sermon. These three men are forced to face off with their demons so is the preacher a witch or is he using God’s power to punish them? Interesting flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Halfway House (DVD) – A 2004 film about young women missing from a halfway house for troubled girls. But when police go poking around there is no evidence to be found and Mary Woronov assures the authorities they have nothing but the girls’ wellbeing in mind. Larissa convinces a young sexy officer to go undercover because her sister is one of the missing girls. This way undercover she can get to the bottom of what is going between the girls, Woronov, and the weird priest. Larissa doesn’t find out a whole lot while undercover exception of all the weird unholy sexual acts that go down but there is a far more sinister secret and it has to do with Cthulhu! A great sleazy film that involves Cthulhu and seems to only hire actresses with nipple rings? Great stuff to track down kids as I give it 3 stars.

 

Sleepless Nights (DVD) – An anthology with several people involved: Jeff Chitty, Mike Gordon, Tony Masiello, Leslie Monk, Amanda Peyton, Andrew Rolston, Todd Sheets, and Brad Twigg where their stories are being told by a little girl to her babysitter during the Halloween season. The babysitter claims to scare easily so the little girl goes on about haunted houses, zombies, plumbers performing exorcisms, a man with an afro who is sword fighting a weirdo that shoots lightning bolts from his butt, psycho drivers, and vampires. While this is all going on the kid and babysitter are being stalked inside the home for the wraparound. This was actually a pleasant surprise with no bad stories in the bunch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Ninja Zombie (DVD) – This is supposedly a lost film from 1992 about a man named Mr. Sands who has access to an ancient artifact that could give an individual great power. Since a gang of ninjas are stalking Sands he decides to pay a guy 50 or 60 bucks to bring his kung fu fighting best friend back from the dead to fight the gang of ninjas known as ‘Red Spiders’ and their evil leader. The movie is far from great and suffers from editing issues but is one of those grab the beer and watch with friends’ kind of film as I give it 2 stars.

Suck Fest (DVD) – BPO Films is at it again with their latest project which is a documentary or mockumentary (depending how you look at it) about the three talented fellows(Ben, Blake, and Ryan) taking a trip to a horror convention to promote their film “Slaughter Drive”. The film isn’t so much about the convention as much as it is about the three friends’ relationship as it breaks down quickly once they hit the road to the hotel and they lose luggage, stolen credit cards, stuff goes missing, too much coffee, not selling shit at the horror convention, and one of the three thinking they were going to kick each other in the balls to settle a dispute! The film isn’t just funny but a laugh a minute as these fellows show off even more of their comedic side in their documentary (sort of?) as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. THIS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT GROSSFEST 2020 for the first time ever. Go check out www.bpofilms.com and get to know this great group of independent filmmakers.

 

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (Theater) – Fresh off of “Suicide Squad” it looks like DC has decided to play it smart and avoid the Batman and Superman thing and let the story organically move along. Keeping with the theme of Harley Quinn the film not only allows you to dive head first into the storyline of Ms. Quinn but get the viewers’ up to speed of how cool this character is and can be for future films. Yes we know Margot Robbie is perfect for the role and has broken up with the Joker for good this time but it is more about how she gets through this tough time. Or mainly needing help from a group of women who eventually become the “Birds of Prey” to defeat an evil prick in Roman Sionis aka “Black Mask”. Harley wanted by all who she has wronged must find a way to not only help a little girl who just swallowed a very expensive diamond but work with a team. The movie is very entertaining and can easily be seen that this is just the beginning of the Harley Quinn movies as she is definitely one of the more interesting characters in the DC universe. I believe this was a much better story for the character to blossom than the “Suicide Squad” version. It’s not perfect but enough fun for me to keep hope that they will get Margot Robbie in the original Harley costume for one of these upcoming films as I give this Harley movie 3 stars.

 

Deep Freeze (DVD) – So I found this early 2000s flick directed by the legend John Carl Buechler about a drilling company called Geotech in Antarctica. Apparently this company is drilling for oil… supposedly. After the last shaker crew members begin to disappear as the interns show up to investigate Geotech to be sure they are not doing harm to the environment. The biggest problem is Geotech wants to cover up what they actually and it is an ancient parasite creature that is now feasting on all who are in the facility. Look closely at some of the scenes kids cause yes it is footage they took from John Carpenter’s The Thing for mostly exterior shots. I thought I was seeing things until I paused the movie and looked it up on the Google machine and I yep someone was like ‘fuck it, we are just going to steal their footage to fill this low budget mess in’. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Creature (DVD) – Another early 2000s sci-fi flick that I got excited when seeing John Savage and Martin Kove were starring in it but my movie boner was stolen away slowly in this boring but bloody creature feature. A black ops team is sent into a Rocky Mountain secret base where the team has 16 hours to find out what happen to the experimental, genetically modified creature and scientists. If anyone is found alive well they are a cleanup crew so no one is allowed to survive. A scientist unlocks a secret from an ancient stone that fell from the sky that has intelligent alien life. I like the plot, I like the two main actors, but it’s mostly uneventful filler as I give it 1 star. By some chance you do go looking for it your best chance is looking for it under its other title “Alien Lockdown”.

The Snarling (DVD) – Oh this film was an absolute treat to watch. The film takes place in a small UK village where a zombie film is using many locations in the village to film. As their lead actor causes issues with the crew, crew members begin to be brutally massacred. But never let a few murders get in the way of finishing a horror movie as producers hire three locals to be extras in the film. A funny thing happens as crew sees the three and the one they call Les Jarvis just happens to be the film’s lead actor’s doppelganger Greg Lupeen. Since Greg is such a pain in the ass the crew uses Les to finish some shots. While this is all going on the authorities believe Greg is the main suspect as the bodies begin to pile up. There is a good amount of gore, a funny looking werewolf, and an abundance of hilarious dialogue between Les and his two friends at the pub. One of the funniest werewolf/zombie films you will ever watch as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #488

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Gross Movie Reviews #488

 

Commando Squad (DVD) – A Fred Olen Ray action flick from 1987 that has more names in it than it does action. An undercover cop Clint (Brian Thompson) is in Mexico trying to put a stop to a cocaine growing and processing plant run by an ex-cop (William Smith) who is trying to recruit Clint once he is captured. Of course William Smith’s partner in crime is played by Sid Haig wants Clint dead and stop wasting time. But Clint’s old partner Kat played by Kathy Shower has been sent in for the rescue as she sidekicks her way through the whole drug cartel! I am a huge Brian Thompson fan, William Smith was fun, and Sid Haig was the best part of the film but there wasn’t anything there plot wise. The film just drags for a very long time so I can only give it 2 stars if that?

 

The Devil’s Bride (DVD) – A late 60s flick starring Christopher Lee as this Duke who swore to look out for this young man named Simon. Even if Simon does not want help the Duke swore to help and protect him. During a surprise visit the Duke finds Simon wrapped up with Satanists and they are having a party as they are about to have their circle of 13. The British movie is craziness of The Duke vs. Black Magic that features blood, sacrifices, strange images, possible orgies, The Devil, and even The Angel of Death! And Christopher Lee is just a plain bad ass in this taking it all on in order to save Simon. Fun Satanist shit that I give 3 stars.

 

3 From Hell (Theater) – Rob Zombie’s latest picks up from the end of “The Devil’s Rejects” where the three have taken on 20 bullets a piece in their bodies and somehow survived. After a quick court process all three are convicted but questions are raised on what exactly they did and how much? They become legendary figures in the media and ten years pass by. During that time Captain Spaulding is executed for his crimes so cue ‘we need a new character’ Richard Brake comes in as Otis’ half-brother. When Baby is denied parole and Otis escapes prison the brothers come up with a plan to break Baby out. Once out the three head for Mexico for safety but once again they must fight for their lives against Luchador assassins. This all sounds great in theory but in my opinion without getting too much into it just because if you like it? Good for you I am glad but personally I just feel Rob Zombie should have left this one alone and moved on to a different project. The film isn’t bad or anything I just feel he should have left the “Devil’s Rejects” ending alone as I give the movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (Shudder/DVD) – So it is now ten years since the original horrific events of the hotel went down. It is October 2018 and the hotel is scheduled for demolition but some super rich dude (Russell Wynn) steps in last second and buys the hotel. He wants the hotel to host his haunting interactive show called ‘Insomnia’ which people loved in New York. So why move the show in the sticks? Well he would like everyone to believe no matter where this new haunting attraction is at people will find it and pay to get in. But we have seen the other two movies and know something is up immediately but you won’t quite know why until closer to the end of the film. With this event happening in the hotel a new host for ‘Morning Mysteries’ is there to document everything but just like any normal person she is very leery of going in the hotel. Again strange things begin to happen until it leads up to opening night and its then you learn why Wynn bought the hotel in the first place. Great wrap up story as I give the movie 3 stars.

Little Monsters (On Demand) – Another amazing horror film comes from Australia, big surprise there… The film begins innocently enough about a man who has relationship and job trouble. When he and his girlfriend break up after nine years this sends David to live with his older sister and five year old kid. Of course Uncle David tries to be the cool Uncle but is very unsure what it is like to act like in front of kids. After David meets the kid’s teacher Miss Caroline, David immediately falls in love so he volunteers for a field trip a farm with the class. Believing this will help him get closer to Miss Caroline. Meanwhile, a U.S. military top secret facility is host to Project: Regeneration is right next to Pleasant Valley Farm where the kids’ field trip is at. Project: Regeneration has broken containment and unbeknownst to David and the kids, Teddy McGiggles turns into a real asshole when the zombie apocalypse happens! Miss Caroline’s goal is to keep the kids safe at all costs in this hilarious and light-hearted zombie flick. This is an absolutely lovable rewatchable zombie film that will most likely make my top ten list of 2019 as I give it 4 stars.

 

The 7th Victim (DVD) – An early 40s flick that tackles satanic cults where a young woman named Mary leaves school to go looking for her sister Jacqueline. She arrives in New York to look for her sister only to find Jacqueline’s husband and a lot of stories about her. Mary reports her missing to the police but a private investigator takes a personal interest in the case. When they believe they have tracked her down the private dick gets stabbed to death. As Mary unravels the mystery it becomes clear the satanic cult Jacqueline got mixed up with wants her dead but Jacqueline has other plans. The movie is a little slow but a very interesting take on satanic cults at the time that plays out more like a drama than a horror film. Even though I am giving this only 2 stars I do highly recommend giving this film at least one watch to see something cinematically different for the early 40s.

Candy Corn (On Demand) – An all-star cast heads up this Halloween fright flick about a young man Jacob who is a little different from everyone else. A small group of people have hazed Jacob every year on Halloween and this was going to be no different as Jacob now worked for the Freakshow that has rolled into town. The four head to the Freakshow and meet Jacob out back and the hazing goes too far as they kill Jacob. This upsets the barker of the Freakshow Dr. Death and he performs a ritual that brings Jacob’s body back with a horrific mask on. Undead Jacob tracks down each person in the group and brutally murders them for revenge. This flick has some great gore shots but overall the movie seems disjointed and doesn’t exactly commit to the Jacob storyline as you wanting to know more about the Dr. Death character. Right or wrong the filmmaker may have left out some important scenes concerning this character. Enjoyed Courtney Gains and P.J. Soles characters but like most horror films Tony Todd’s character seemed wasted as he is so much more… Don’t get me wrong a good Halloween film to check out but not a great one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Annabelle: Creation (DVD) – So just in case you needed to know how Annabelle came to be I have two words for “Pet Sematary”. Yes indeed sometime in the late 30s or early 40s a little girl gets destroyed by a truck and after the parents were praying to whoever would listen… Presto, changeo, killer ghost child is back ready to fuck people up! A dozen years pass by until a group of orphan girls are offered to live at the home. Of course one of them doesn’t listen and open the room where Annabelle was hanging out at and now she lurks around for scares. I wasn’t expecting much but enjoyed the jump scares and the creepiness it kept from “The Conjuring” films as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #486

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Gross Movie Reviews #486

 

Walk like a Panther (On Demand) – If you enjoy wrestling movies then you are in for a treat from the UK folks. Mark Bolton is the son of ‘The Bulldog’ one of the original British wrestlers that ran together called, “Panthers”. They use to be on the tele in the 80s and then were canceled to the dismay of many. Mark never got his shot with the Panthers but now runs a pub called “The Half-Nelson” where all the old wrestlers and fans hang out at. They talk about old times, drink a pint, and wait for Mark’s wrestling trivia night. But things change when Mark’s idol Ginger Frost dies. They all go to the pub for the wake and interrupted by a young village idiot who believes wrestling is fake. So when the old timers get a hold of him and start having a good time at his expense as his friends film it on their phones and it goes viral. Between this hilarious turn of events and the pub being sold from under young Mark’s hands he decides to get “The Panthers” back together again for an one hour event to save the pub. Stephen Graham, Julian Sands, Robbie Gee were an absolute hoot in this flick. Maybe not the perfect film but there was many times I laughed my ass off at the screen as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Dead Don’t Die (On Demand) – The latest zombie film to have Bill Murray and a host of other Hollywood names take on zombies in a small town. Bill Murray and Adam Driver are cops of the town Centerville where their highlight is yelling out in the woods at a hobo that Murray’s character knew since high school. But polar fracking has knocked Earth’s axis funny and it has caused several weird things to happen: Prolonged daylight, animals going completely nutzoid, and Iggy Pop and other dead folk to rise from their grave. With no answers but many questions the film becomes one long Seinfeld joke. For good or bad the zombie make-up was cool but I was expecting a little bit of a different movie as I give it 2 stars.

Slaughterhouse Slumber Party (Blu-ray/Vimeo) – Dustin Mills has quickly become one of my favorite filmmakers as he has made all kinds of different horror films. Always trying something different and this is no different for this unapologetic cheesy film about a group of young women getting together once a year for a party weekend. At times shot like a “Big Brother” or “Real World” TV show you get to know all the women and their flaws who are attending this big weekend party. Of course no boys allowed but a new girlfriend Gretchen, has been brought into the event meeting new people and enjoy the fun of being free, drunk, and hope not to have your face farted on! Anyway Gretchen seems a little strange and not all about the new Rocket Ribcage film. Gretchen is more into bringing forth evil supernatural shit. Never thinking much about Gretchen’s weirdness she is accidentally killed in a pillow fight and thus starting off a bunch of demonic bad shit happening to the women. The friends mostly naked and frighten must gather the strength to take on this horror and escape the wrath of Gretchen! If there was ever a movie to be put on a double bill with “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama” this is it my friends and that is high praise coming from me as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Dustin be proud my friend and that cast was awesome!

 

Spider-man: Far From Home (On Demand) – The Avengers have disappeared again and Tony Stark is dead. They all saved the world but Peter just wants to get back to normal high school life and that means going to Europe with MJ and friends. This being Peter’s big chance to finally ask MJ out but course things go sideways when Mysterio shows up fighting monsters called, “Elementals”. Nick Fury needs Peter to take over for Stark and help fight these fights. Peter still just wanting to be a high school kid decides to let Mysterio do the job until he learns of the real plan. This newer version of Spider-man was again a lot of fun and really enjoyed the end credit stuff but the real shame is going to be Disney and Sony fighting over the property. Which means most likely we won’t even get to see Tom Holland in college as Spider-man. Fun movie I give 3 ½ stars too but most likely we will see two more sequels to everything else before this problem gets resolved so enjoy it folks.

 

Video Murders (DVD-R/VHS) – Jim McCullough Jr. brings us a lower budgeted film about a serial killer David Lee Shepard. The film opens with David bringing a hooker back to a hotel for the intent of filming her strangulation. The detectives have gotten closer to David as he has left a trail of murder scenes in different cities but with the same motive. The rest of the film entails a detective in not one but two long chase scenes with David. There is some filler with David picking up a woman in a bar because she reminds him of his mother and does not kill her but keeps her tied up. The movie teases this will be sleazefest but is more of a dramatic cat and mouse thriller between David and the detective as I give it 2 stars.

The Dark Days of Demetrius (DVD/Vimeo) – Independent filmmaker Dakota Ray is back with his latest film about a serial killer called “The Live Stream Killer”. This man streams his murders and has a following on social media which in turn he allows his so-called fans to comment on photos and videos. Demetrius desire to kill is consuming him and gets off on that his following is growing by the hundred-thousands with each post. Eventually LSK allows the audience to decide the fate of his victims taking his murderous ways to a new height. But a sadistic reporter of a news website takes notice of LSK and begins to blame him for murders he has nothing to do with in order to have more content for his site. Demetrius can stay as a mystery to police but makes himself known to the reporter who is trying to stain The Live Stream Killer’s name. This is for sure one those hard-hitting films that are not for the fate of heart as it isn’t so much sleazy as much as just one of the darkest films you may watch… For that I give Dakota’s feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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A special thanks to Kevin Kriess for allowing us Tom Gross and Tim Gross, the Gross brothers to set up on Saturday and pimp Grossfest! Also Tom will have zombies to sell,and I will have my books, beer koozies, a few indy movies to sell. We will be discussing Grossfest 2 and if you are nice maybe we will talk a little bit about Grossfest 3? You its gonna happen horror fans. So come meet the Gross brothers this Saturday along with all the other crazy awesome living dead stuff and people! See yinz Saturday!

Gross Movie Reviews #475

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Gross Movie Reviews #475

 

Mind Trap (YouTube) – Another Dan Haggerty classic was unearthed from 1989 but oh I was wrong as Mr. Haggerty was much underused in this feature and has the look of being on set for one day. What else doesn’t help is when you go search everybody involved with the film on the Google machine this was pretty much it. Anyway in this weirdo film where a cat is used as a weapon Dan Haggerty plays an agent for this girl Shana. She just happens to be casted in several B-films that she quite enjoys but might have her big break coming. That is all put on hold when her father is killed by the KGB for his mind control research. Shana’s father built a dream room under their house but has only seen it once but the KGB kills the rest of her family trying to get it. Shana plays a weird game of cat and mouse if that is what you wanna call it with the KGB as she uses her movie skills to take them on. This movie is actually very terrible and found myself laughing several times because how bad it gets. Also the film disappointed me greatly as there are very few scenes of Dan Haggerty… I may have to go rewatch “Night Wars” or “The Channeler” as I give this a ½ star.

 

100 Bloody Acres (Shudder) – An Australian film about The Morgan Brothers who make organic manure. These two brothers recently hit it big with a big name client as they have a special formula of manure that involves dead bodies. If roadkill isn’t available any dead human will do. Brother Reg who just picked up a dead body from the side of the road picks up three music festival goers believing he can just drop them off and get with the hot redhead Sophie. Sophie is everything to Reg as she sings the golden oldies and still has some country girl in her. But things go south quickly as both of her boyfriends find the dead body in back, but too late Reg has gotten them to his older brother. Now the only thing in the way is Reg protecting Sophie from being grinded up in the manure by his big brother. One mishap after another result in 80-year old pussy eating, a cop who is best friends with the brothers being shot, and Sophie admitting she actually likes Reg and not the two guys she is with. It’s weird enough and gory enough the film is a very pleasant surprise of a horror film as I give it 3 stars.

 

Deadly Games (YouTube) – Apparently this 80s or 70s slasher but actually thriller has reappeared again for people to watch for free and how it gets you to watch is it stars a young Steve Railsback and the legendary Dick Butkus. Anyhow Billy Owens who just reopened the local town movie theater and a cop Roger Lane got this weird war buddy relationship going on. If that isn’t enough everybody in this west coast town is married and banging everyone else except their spouses to the point I thought I was watching the wrong movie when the pool scene came on. Because everyone is bumping uglies a masked killer who also happens to be a peeping Tom begins killing off people. There really isn’t an ending and this weird movie formula works on some level so if you got some time to kill give this a try as I give it 2 stars.

 

Shazam! (Theater) – Captain Marvel, ha-ha caught you sleep reading… Anyway DC lets this family film out about a 14 year old kid named Billy Batson who becomes a superhero that is strong as Superman because his heart is pure. He is picked by a wizard to carry on the Shazam tradition and defeat the evil power of the Seven Deadly Sins. Billy being a runaway who doesn’t have a family learns what the most important thing is having a family and that helps him defeat the evil Seven Deadly Sins. But what does this have over Batman and recent Superman flicks: it’s funny, interesting, a great origin story and it isn’t Batman or Superman. The sooner DC universe learns you can dig deep into your comic archives without having the big two involved the sooner we can see more cool flicks like “Shazam!”, “Wonder Woman”, hell even “Aquaman”! This is the most family oriented comic book hero film I have seen to date and its great as I give 3 ½ stars.

 

Monster Island (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Just when I thought SyFy Channel turned into the Harry Potter network they pull this Asylum Entertainment project out of their ass that stars Eric Roberts as a Navy general. A giant volcanic monster named ‘Tango’ or giant star fish has risen from the deep depths of the ocean to cause destruction on Earth. But there is a legend of a monster called ‘The Living Mountain’ when brought to life it will kill the giant magma filled starfish. Yes it is their version of the new Godzilla movie but if you enjoy silly shit involving monsters then grab a beer and enjoy Eric Roberts talking to himself as I give it 2 stars.

 

Await Further Instructions (DVD) – This is a post-apocalyptic oddity as it takes place at the holidays. The news keeps reporting strange going-ons with the U.S., China, and Russia like WWIII is about to happen, then blackness. The plot is the son comes home with his Indian girlfriend to meet mum but the family is super racist. Once they figure it is a bad idea it is too late as they wake up early to leave but the house is covered in a black metallic substance and a message on the tele reading “Await Further Instructions”. The family quickly turns on each other as they believe the girlfriend is infected and the father only believes what the tele tells him. What is outside and how to get out is unknown? A super weird flick that has that uneasy “Videodrome” and “The Mist” feeling to it with an ending that will just leave you asking a shitload of questions. I give it 3 stars as your homework assignment is to go watch it report back to me!

Revenge of Billy the Kid (DVD) – If you are looking to fulfill your British film weirdness well this film about the McDonalds on an isolated island will do. These back woods farmers called the McDonalds sell their crops to mainlanders but try to keep to themselves on this island. Well the father McDonald gets all horned up one day walking with his prize goat and yes he makes it his mate! Little time passes as the goat of course gives birth to a mutant. The one young woman Ronnie that lives on the farm gives it the name Billy and tries to take care of it until it runs away. When it is all grown up Billy’s ugly ass comes back for a killing spree of the family! If you need more bestiality in your life this 2 star film is all you.

 

The Perfection (DVD) – A thriller with a couple bizarre well written twists takes place in the music world. A cello artist named Charlotte who was as perfect as god according to her teacher had to leave the famous music training school to take care of her sick mom. A decade passes and a new prodigy has risen named Lizzie. Charlotte tracks her down along with her old teacher to get back in the music world. Lizzie and Char hit it off immediately and head off for a little vacation but Lizzie is not feeling well at all. Lizzie is later found all drugged up on the side of the road by herself and missing something. Without saying too much the film takes a couple turns in the story that you will not expect and quite enjoy the finish. Don’t mind you see some blurred out man meat from Steven Weber it’s all part of the process as I give it 3 stars.

Shed of the Dead (DVD) – Trevor is a man living out his fantasy world in his shed when he isn’t hanging with his buddy Graham playing some Dungeons and Dragons type game. Trevor and the wife don’t get along and he is in between jobs and now the neighbor Kane Hodder wants him evicted for not taking care of his lot. Trevor as Casimir the Destroyer always knows what to do but in the real world Trevor hates life until… the zombie apocalypse hits and Trevor tries to decide should he save his wife and just hang out with his friend Graham who finally was able to leave his house. There is also a couple other fun names in here: Brian Blessed who does voiceover, Michael Berryman which may own the most famous recent death in a movie to become a zombie? (He is dressed as a leather horse with a butt plug, you need to see it just because!), and Bill Mosley as Doc who is excited the zombie apocalypse has happened. It is a clone of “Shaun of the Dead” a bit but don’t let that dissuade you from enjoying this entertaining zombie film that needed more Kane Hodder as the Canadian. For that I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #442

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Gross Movie Reviews #442

 

Rampage (On Demand) – Dwayne ‘The Rock” Johnson stars in the video game adaption film that most people have forgotten that it was a video game from the late 80s. A government experiment goes wrong in space and causes a scientist to try to escape with canisters from their experiment but the escape pod blows up on reentry sending the canisters around Earth. When they open it causes mutations in an ape, a gator, and a wolf that terrorize everybody just to get to Chicago because they are being drawn there by a beacon that is now in their DNA. The Rock is an ape specialist that has been teaching George sign language and other things. So once the ape mutates The Rock struggles to explain to people George is a good ape, it’s the experimental stuff that is causing him to grow and go crazy. The CGI isn’t the best but people we got three giant monsters terrorizing a city and eating people so count me in every time as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Cargo (On Demand) – So I was told I needed to see this Netflix zombie flick? So I sat down and watched this Australian zombie flick that centers around at first a married couple with a small child that is on a boat floating down a river to avoid zombie attacks. Unsure what their next move is as they are running out of food. They find boat wreckage and the wife gets bit when she goes back to the boat to investigate. So they make their way to land as she has only has 48 hours before changing. They are trying to get to find help for their child which during this the father also gets bitten and it becomes a journey across the outback to find a family to take care of the child. Like the zombie film “The Dead” that came out a few years back it is a different idea but goes through some quite boring periods. If you are a zombie aficionado you will still want to see this as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

War for The Planet of the Apes (DVD) – 15 years after the flu began killing humans and the apes escaped to the woods it all led to this where Caesar is seen as a ghost. He has been on the move trying to help other apes and find a safe home where they no longer have to deal with the humans. Military has been looking for him for the past two years with no luck as the film picks up after the events of the last film. But as we come to find out this military army has gone rogue as the leader lost his son to looking for Caesar and the flu has mutated. It causes humans to lose speech. I enjoyed the story of this sequel as it seems to be a prequel to the original series of movies without being that. It was able to tell its own story, updated story but keep original movie fans like myself in the loop with this new telling of the story. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Deadpool 2 (Theater) – So one of the funniest damn comic book movies got a sequel and it was still funny as hell. This time around Deadpool is depressed because his girl gets killed by some low life who tracked him down and he wasn’t able to save her. But a kid with the power of fire needs to be saving so Deadpool gets a team together to track down the kid and save the day. Problem is a bad ass from the future Cable is time traveling superhero who has come the future to kill the kid because he killed Cable’s family in the future. With that Deadpool and Cable spend most of the movie fighting each other too much to the point the kid makes friends with the Juggernaut to help him seek revenge against the man that called him, “an abomination”. This one does try to tame the jokes down just a little bit but the film is still a lot fun and glad to see this character grow now with a team. This franchise has an interesting future especially if Disney is now involved as I give the film 4 stars.

 

Tomb Raider (On Demand) – This reboot, remake, whatever yinz kids are calling this these days had my curiosity for the mere reason I liked the other two older flicks based on the popular video game. This film takes Lara Croft from a little bit of a different point of view where Lara isn’t the female Indiana Jones we all know. She is a woman who skipped college and struggles with the disappearance of her father the past several years. Forced to sign papers to take over everything she is given a key. This key happens to be a secret room where her father’s tomb is and she comes to find out her father has been living a double life. He got lost on an expedition looking for an evil Asian queen that could bring ruin to the world as we know it. So she investigates as she has always felt he is still alive? Finds herself in Hong Kong getting a boat and searching for an impossible island. In the end after finding her father and fighting an evil group of people called Trinity she has found her calling and is going to use her father’s riches to fight it. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Leech Woman (DVD) – A film from 1960 where a scientist is visited by an old woman who claims she is 140 years old. She has been able to live this long because of a magic powder her tribe in Africa has. But she is going back home to die but felt to tell this scientist and allow him to do tests to prove she is telling the truth. The scientist sees it as a chance to cash in and make his wife young again because he doesn’t like her anymore. So this scientist, his friend, and the wife travel to investigate this tribe and its beliefs. But it isn’t just powder from a plant; you have to kill someone and get brain fluid from a gland at the back of the neck and drink it. This is what keeps the tribes people so young if they desire? The wife loses her mind and becomes obsessed with how it works that she steals and brings it back to the states but she has to kill on a regular basis because the effects do not last long. Fun movie if you would be watching it in a drive-in otherwise a bit boring but still fun for nostalgia as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Dark Tower (DVD) – So I never read the books but still don’t quite understand how this could be crammed into 93 minutes. This time traveling film about the ‘man in black’ and ‘the gunslinger’ fighting over a boy with amazing psychic powers that could be used to destroy the tower and allow the demons in. The film comes off like a T.V. pilot for a new show on SyFy Channel and not sure if that is good or bad? But even without reading the books there just seems to be certain plot points that should have been fleshed out more? But hey whatever they usually screw up most Stephen King adaptions so it wasn’t a horrible time killing 90 minutes as I give it 2 stars.

 

Plague (DVD) – A lower budgeted zombie flick from Australia where the zombies have started eating people and a group of people have chosen to stay inside this shed. A fight breaks out and one of them dies and they split up. Then a stranger show up claiming to be friendly, has food, has a gun, and wants to just live happily until this all blows over. But when the husband has asthma attack the stranger takes advantage of the woman to help him out. The film should have just skipped to the end where everyone is just trying to fuck the other over to stay away from the zombies but instead tries to put together this boring ass flick. They don’t even feature much zombie action until the last few minutes of the film as I give it 0 stars.

 

Escape Plan 2: Hades (DVD) – Sly Stallone is back as Breslin as him and his associates are still trying to break out of the impossible prisons until a hostage is killed in the process. They let go the guy they believe is at fault and time goes by. Now they are being captured one by one and thrown into another impossible prison that houses criminals of all kinds that might be worth a lot to someone on the outside for the information they carry so the system has become for profit. A fun follow-up without Arnold, but some newcomers to the Breslin team that comes off like a combo of “The Expendables” and “Fortress 2”. To me that sounds awesome so keep making sequels as I give this 3 stars.

 

Corbin Nash (On Demand) – Malcolm McDowell is a blind man telling a story about a hard-nosed cop who had no family but is about to learn the truth about them. An old friend invites Rutger Hauer in for a couple minutes to explain to Corbin that his parents were monster hunters. Corbin not really believing in this sets his mind back on all the disappearances that keep happening and may have finally had a lead. The lead is two psychos who just happen to be vampires who capture Corbin so he could be used in some underground fighting ring to be either food or entertainment for these other vamps. Corbin gets turned into a vampire himself but uses it for good to find these two monsters and rip them a part. A fun horror flick that is like a comic book that has been done several times through the years. It’s enjoyable but doesn’t make me want to run out there and tell the world you should buy several copies as it seem to be missing something and it wasn’t just more Rutger Hauer. I give this comic bookish horror movie 2 ½ stars.

Primal Rage: The Legend of Oh-Mah (DVD) – No relation to the mad monkey film of 1989 as it’s about the Native American Bigfoot legend that lives in the deep woods. A couple driving down the road after a run in with drunken hunters at the gas station hit something in the road. They go check it out to see it’s a mutilated body so they call the cops but are attacked by something throwing rocks. Forced down the hill into the river the couple is now wet, far from their car, and not sure exactly where they are at or what happened. In the morning they begin their trek through the woods where they find the drunken hunters in hopes of using their radio or cell phone? But the creature that has been stalking them begins attacking them and brutalizing their bodies as this legendary creature wants the female. It’s up to the county sheriff to believe in his heritage to go help find this couple and kill this monstrous creature that is just protecting the woods? A good amount of gore and another take on the Bigfoot legend makes this a cool little horror flick for Bigfoot fans to check out as I give it 2 ½ stars. Before I forget Bigfoot/Oh-Mah is able to use an axe, knives, a JAVENLIN! They explain it sort of…

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #429

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

 

Vengeance Runs Red (Vimeo) – A short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that tells the story of two who men who are haunted by a past mistake. A young dude takes upon himself to serve justice that is due. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Want to find out more go here: www.facebook.com/philip.brocklehurst.9

 

War of the Dead (DVD) – The film isn’t horrible but it’s not great either. The film is just another run of the mill Nazi zombie flick that isn’t very memorable. Sorry horror folk no “Outpost”, “Dead Snow”, or “Frankenstein’s Army” here. Just keep moving along as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Nemesis 3: Time Lapse (VHS) – I got bored and decided to fall down the Albert Pyun wormhole again and watched these not needed sci-fi sequels that feature Tim Thomerson and Sue Price. In this mid-90s sequel Sue Price is searching out and destroying cyborgs as Tim Thomerson keeps a watchful eye over her for Central Command. Central Command wants her alive at all costs. Really folks not a whole lot happens in this flick but if you are a Tim Thomerson fan I totally get why you would track this bad boy down as I give it 1 ½ stars. The film also is known as “Nemesis 3: Prey Harder”.

 

Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (VHS) – Albert Pyun brings back Sue Price one more time for what I like to call “Nemesis 4: Sue Price Bangs all the Cyborgs”. Never mind Andrew Divoff’s head speaks about cyborg non-sense throughout the movie. Sue Price’s goal in 2080 apparently is to be naked and bump uglies with all the cyborgs and then kill them. I believe the alternative title to this flick was actually “Hardbodies 3”? But that couldn’t be confirmed or denied at this time. But the gist of the flick this time around is Price’s character fucked up at some point and now there are Hunters all over her naked muscle bound ass! It wasn’t a great flick but it was a hell of a lot more interesting than the last sequel where she sat in a desert for about 75% of the damn movie. I give the flick 2 stars and you may also find this movie under the title “Death Angel” in some countries…

Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

Avenging Force (DVD) – One of Michael Dudikoff’s better action flicks outside of the “American Ninja” saga. Dudikoff’s buddy, Steven James of course is running for senate. Until some rich white racist dudes with their leader John P. Ryan decide to kill him and his family. On top of that they make Dudikoff play “Surviving the Game” eight years before Ice-T did! This 80s action flick will satisfy your action flick hunger if needed as I give it 3 stars.

 

Love Eternal: The Silent Film Cut (YouTube) – Forte Films Entertainment as at it again flaunting their filmmaking talents with a cool throwback short film version of Dracula and Mina. Done their way they give ‘silent era film buffs’ a tasty treat. Wonderfully done this filmmaking group needs more support and money because I would love to see these guys making a couple features a year. I give this fun treat 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

Explorers (DVD) – Holy crap folks I do not know how I missed this 1985 flick starring Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. This was so in my wheelhouse. But after reading some of the info on it and how it was considered a flop maybe somehow it fell off my cable watching radar as a kid? Apparently this movie was over 3 hours long and I believe Paramount Studios were like “nope”, not happening Joe Dante. The film is reportedly unfinished but a finished product. Very strange stuff but anyway folks the story centers on Ethan Hawke who has a weird dream about aliens and an image. He draws it and shows it to his best friend who of course is the nerdy kid down the street doing experiments in his basement. Hawke’s character continues to have these weird dreams and once his two friends become a part of it and his nerdy best friend uses a computer to make a bubble they decide its plans for a spaceship. The spaceship consists of a trash can, an old carnival ride, microwave doors, and a computer in the movie that didn’t exist in reality but was built just for this movie. They fly around and fuck shit up until Dick Miller finds them and eventually go off planet to meet the aliens. Really not too much to the movie but it is a fun glorious kick in the ass of childhood if you are a 80s kid? I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh its real and its happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!