Gross Movie Reviews #474

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Gross Movie Reviews #474

 

I Spit on Your Grave: Déjà vu (On Demand) – Meir Zarchi is back with a direct sequel to the original even bringing back Camille Keaton to reprise her role as Jennifer Hills. Well Jennifer Hills had a daughter Christy who has become a super model. The two are having lunch together and Christy is talking about getting out of the business. But unbeknownst to the mother/daughter combo there is two men in the parking lot waiting for them. They have old business to take care of. These redneck relatives want revenge against Jennifer Hills. The film uses flashbacks of the first film along as it moves a little slow. Christy wasn’t supposed to be a part of the kidnapping but now she is and she must fight for survival. As the two get separated by their redneck captors time runs out for Jennifer and eventually Christy is met with the safe fate her mother did all those years ago. Christy being just like her mother is a very vengeful bitch and not leaving until she has her mother’s body. Jamie Bernadette plays a wonderful vengeful bitch, a weird ending to the film, and the film is a little too long for my taste. But I was happy to see the original Jennifer Hills back in movie that takes on the “What if?” scenario. ‘Déjà vu’ was solid, bloody, and an entertaining conclusion the series. I give it 3 stars.

 

Hooker with a Hacksaw (DVD) – A newer Donald Farmer flick that focuses on a young lady named Kristen who makes her cash doing the phone sex numbers in the back of the newspapers. Kristen is usually pretty upfront about not meeting people through there but makes an exception for Mitch in exchange for pills. Kristen regretting doing this soon understands this has opened the door for all the weirdos to call her for all their fetishes. Kristen tries to move on with a new girlfriend but when the weirdos come back and steal her girlfriend Kristen snaps. And its hacksaw time! The movie is a bit choppy but has its moments as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Molly (Blu-ray) – A new post-apocalyptic film out of the Netherlands about a young woman named Molly who roams the Wasteland for food and shelter. She is a loner but there has been a story of her in some of these survival camps including the one that holds their nightly cage fighting. Molly tries to keep to herself because she a past she does not fully remember. Through flashbacks and dreams we learn she was experimented on by the government and escaped to the Wastelands. With these experiments she has somehow harnessed super powers. A crazy dude that runs the cage fights wants Molly for his main attraction so his gang kidnaps the little kid she is watching over. Molly instead of doing the cage fighting thing goes all John Wick on everybody in the last 15 minutes of the movie. This post-apocalyptic tale is weird and fun. I wouldn’t call it “Mad Max” meets “Turbo Kid” like the box said, I believe it carves its own little niche into the post-apocalyptic genre as I give it 3 stars.

 

Mortal Engines (On Demand) – It took 60 minutes for the world to destroy itself. Now many years later for humanity to survive they have made the cities mobile. But a man named Valentine is using London to find a weapon that has long been gone but started the war that destroyed everything in 60 minutes, the Quantum Energy Weapon. He believes they can use this to not only break through the wall to the east but rule the world. A young lady named Hester wants to stop him as Valentine killed her mother long ago. The effects were cool and story is okay but this wasn’t a movie that is gonna make you sore you miss it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Prospect (DVD) – A father/daughter combo do one last space drop to a planet for one last dig. Approached by two armed men things go south quickly. Now one of the men is killed and the girl is missing a father because he is also dead. Both stranded they must become unlikely friends in order to survive and find a way off the planet. Interesting story but I wanted me some space monsters as I give it 2 stars.

 

Iron Sky: The Coming Race (On Demand) – Survivors from what was Earth now live on the dark side of the moon in 2047 in the old Nazi stronghold. Planet Earth has become a nuclear wasteland with not much life left. But an old Nazi spaceship arrives at the moon with what’s left of Earth survivors. They explain the ship just automatically had the coordinates but never count out a Nazi as Udo Kier is back and has made his way back to the stronghold with the survivors. He explains to an engineer he is an alien and there is a power source to help them long term at the center of the earth called the ‘grail’. If they go back in the spaceship and steal it he would help. Nowhere near as fun as the first film but has its moments with Tom Green as a priest! I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Hard Target 2 (DVD) – Scott Adkins plays a MMA dude named Wes Baylor who kills his sparring partner by accident in the ring during a big bout. Six months later in Bangkok Wes is a drunk reliving the nightmare that happened in the ring. Wes is approached by a rich dude offering $500,000 for a fight. Wes takes the offer but wants a million clearly in a foreign country he doesn’t understand it wasn’t most likely going to be a fight but a hunt. Wes is the hunted and must make it to the border of Thailand in order to win, if he doesn’t he is dead. Scott Adkins is awesome as usual and it was great having Rhona Mitra in the cast but for me I thought the film was missing a real bad ass villain like a Lance Henriksen or Rutger Hauer. Hell I would have taken Ice-T or Gary Busey just because of “Surviving the Game” but anyway I give it 2 stars.

 

Range 15 (DVD) – A band of misfit soldiers are arrested and wake next morning to a zombie apocalypse. These army vets led by Mat Best must fight their way to their commander to show him they have a cure for the zombie plague. There are a lot of in-jokes along the way (stuff most likely the group of soldiers only know), cameos, and a good amount of gore. Don’t go into this expecting 1985’s “The Return of the Living Dead” and you should be okay with it. There are appearances by Sean Astin, William Shatner, Danny Trejo, Randy Couture, Keith David, and Ron Jeremy as I give the film 2 stars.

Mega Time Squad (On Demand) – A hilarious New Zealand film where a young man John robs an Asian antiques store and a bracelet. He was just supposed to take the money that was dropped off there for his boss but John wants to start his own thing now. John is warned about the bracelet but chooses to ignore it. But through a series of mishaps and hilarious missteps John figures out it is a time traveling device that makes copies of him. So he gets all his copies together and forms the “Mega Time Squad” to perform his dumb ass schemes to get all the money and to get the girl he is falling for. I give this film 3 stars.

 

Mime Massacre (YouTube) – A wonderful short film about a man who enters a mime classroom and a glorious bloodbath begins! Of course he uses invisible weapons to kill off the mimes as they build walls, close doors, etc. to get away from the man. Want to laugh for a few minutes its worth tracking down as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Colony Mutation (DVD) – Even though this independent feature was released in 1995 it looks much older. But this sci-fi film doesn’t disappoint in the bizarre as Jim and Meredith are married and work at the same genetic design firm. When Meredith finds out Jim is boinking his secretary she wants a divorce and throws a formula she was working on for growth onto Jim. The formula is a tissue-regrowth serum that changes Jim slowly as he becomes hungry for human flesh. If that wasn’t enough Jim’s limbs disconnect from his body and search on their own for food! For not much budget and it being bizarre it is a worthy watch for horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Banana Motherfucker (DVD) – A short film released by Troma where filmmakers Fernando Alle and Pedro Florencio give us a project that is worthy to be mentioned in the same sentence as “Fist of Jesus”! A so-called film crew goes to a cursed cemetery deep in the jungle to begin filming some scenes. Soon the individuals are being ripped a part by bananas and one person survives but should have he survived so the world could be safe? I give this hilarious and entertaining short 4 stars. Imagine if Fulci’s “Zombie” was about bananas killing people?

Alone in the Dark (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst constantly working on projects has another short film about a man who sits alone reading. He looks up and believes he sees something? A creepy short that runs a little under 5 minutes that is more for the audience to decide if the man is alone or not? Mr. Brocklehurst is doing some good stuff and this is no different as I give it 3 stars.

 

Train to Busan (Blu-ray) – I took my time getting to this Korean zombie film and I am sorry for doing that. A man who works constantly finally takes time out of work to take his daughter to Busan to see her mother for her birthday. They board the train as do a couple of weird folks. One of them keeps babbling about “their all dead” while another is a girl who was bitten on the leg and collapses. She begins having seizures and with the train moving the employees are unsure of what to do until she begins chomping down on people. The fast moving virus devours the train quickly but this isn’t just happening on the train it is happening everywhere for some unknown reason. Now with a train full of zombies and the outside world infested with zombies also the passengers that are left become divided and show how humanity is shitty. They have to decide if the train is the safer than the outside world. A brutal, emotional train ride into hell is how I would describe this wonderful zombie flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Shreck (YouTube/DVD) – A grainy ass independent flick from 1990 that has three young gentlemen messing around with Nazi propaganda. With their fake séance they raise the dead in famous Nazi Max Shreck. Now the three are slowly being tortured by the undead Nazi soldier. The film is hilarious at times unintentionally but also a funny thing about the film is its cinematographer is Arch Stanton aka Jim Wynorski. Apparently Jim is a big fan of “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly” as I am and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Death Race: Beyond Anarchy (DVD) – The newest sequel to the remake that was done in 2008 I believe stars Danny Trejo and Danny Glover. This time around Frankenstein has taken over a whole city that is a prison that is walled off from the rest of civilization. Sounds familiar “Escape from New York” fans? Whenever they do the ‘Death Race’ it still gets broadcast but the Weyland Corp believes Frankenstein has gotten too big and it is time to erase him. So the corporation sends in not one but two people to kill to kill the Death Race leader but as like in third film you can’t just kill Frankenstein or you will have chaos. Just another bag of poo called a movie I got bored and watched because it was now the fourth entry… I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

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Gross Movie Reviews #402

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Gross Movie Reviews #402

 

Lights Out (DVD) – Maria Bello is a mom that is haunted by her past literally… A dead girl from her days in the crazy house still haunts her and now starting to haunt her young son. The older daughter stops having anything to do with nuttiness early in her teen years and left. Now her brother is getting the brunt of it she is worried. Every time the lights are turned out this ghastly thing appears until the lights are turned back on. A fun creepy ghost flick made for people under the age of 25 so enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Spy (DVD) – Surprisingly a funny ass movie that stars Melissa McCarthy, Jude Law, and Jason Statham. Melissa’s character sits behind a computer to help her super-hot spy agent through trouble when needed as she is his eyes and ears. When he is killed off supposedly it forces the agency to send someone in that the bad guys have never saw before, in comes Melissa McCarthy’s character. She goes into the field but it’s been a decade since she went through intense training. It is up to her to stop a sale of a nuclear device on the black market. Like I said it made me laugh more than I ever thought and for that I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Night Visitor (DVD) – A lesser known late 80s satanic flick about a high school kid named Billy. Billy believes he has seen his extremely hot piece of ass neighbor (Shannon Tweed) has been sacrificed to a higher power or lower power? He also believes it was his history teacher dabbling in some satanic stuff… Once the cops don’t believe him and think he is a possible suspect he visits a retired cop (Elliot Gould) for help. This little known film is worth tracking down for the watch because it also stars Michael Pollard, Richard Roundtree, and one of my favorite porn/horror actresses Teri Weigel! Think of it as a lighter horror/comedy that does not exist without ‘Evilspeak’ and ‘976-Evil’ being released first. I give the flick 3 stars folks.

 

Catacombs (DVD) – Just another example of missing the good old days of Charles Band and Empire Pictures. This flick takes place in the “Abbey” where priests go to further their studies. What most don’t know the priesthood in the 1500s banished some evil dude in the basement and buried it? Of course some young beautiful woman comes along and wants to study there too and it just happens the evil has awakened to start a bloodbath! Cheap, effective, and fun the Charles Band way you cannot go wrong. Example: there is a bad ass scene where a re-animated Jesus comes off the cross and kills one of the priests in the catacombs. We are talking a glorious kill here folks. In case you didn’t know this flick is a part of that new Blu-ray Empire Pictures box set that is limited. Another fun Empire Pictures flick gets 3 stars from me.

 

Shark Exorcist (DVD) – Some would say this idea was stolen from my mind in my sleep but the honor of bringing this glorious idea to life is Donald Farmer. A nun believes the world has betrayed her? So of course like all nuns that have been betrayed she kills a woman and throws her to the sea all in the name of revenge of bringing her a savior… And that is a possessed shark that bites a semi-good looking lady and possesses her to walk on land and cause havoc. Meanwhile, the host of a TV shows “Ghost Whackers” shows up to speak to the spirits of the sea to see why there is so many shark attacks? Once a brother of a priest named Father Michael is killed the priest becomes involved in solving this mystery. Who will stop the horror at Paris Landing Lake? Not totally sure but I believe Donald Farmer took some notes from ‘Roller Gator’ and shot a good random portion of the film at a fairgrounds for filler minus the Joe Estevez. Personally, I am just glad this film exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Six-String Samurai (DVD) – Ana amazing post-apocalyptic flick that ignores history and has the bombs go off in 1957 almost killing everyone. But Elvis is the king of Lost Vegas for 40 years and has just recently died. This means all the rock-n-rollers from all over the wastelands are trying to make it to Vegas to become the new “king”. But there is Buddy, who is just as good with his guitar as he is with his sword traveling across the wastelands slicing, dicing, and guitar licking his way to Vegas. Even Death is searching for Buddy so he cannot make it to Vegas. Death aka bootleg Rob Zombie fears if Buddy makes it he will be the “king”. Buddy must fight through the heat, Russians, other rock-n-rollers, the spinach monster, Death, and do it all while carrying along an orphan during his travel through the wasteland. The 3 ½ star film comes complete with the soundtrack done by “The Red Elvises”! Just watch the film and thank me later.

 

Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies (DVD) – In the Alps some dude has an experimental snow making machine that he is trying to impress a Russian investor. Investor gets hosed with green stuff and the local wildlife begins to drink it and we have zombies! Trapped on the mountain at a mountain inn at the end of the season a couple snowboarders must fight off hordes of zombies and an asshole that started the zombie infestation. Its ‘Dead Snow-lite’… Some fun effects and snowboarding zombies are cool but it makes you wanting another sequel to ‘Dead Snow’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Violent Shit Collection (DVD) – For those movie fans that may not know this is a thing. But the ‘Violent Shit’ movies are an independent creation from a German filmmaker named Andreas Schnaas. His first flick that took a couple years to make in the late-80s was a gorefest that made fans all around the world. Well this collection is a five film set of the first four films up to 2010 and the special extra bonus of ‘Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence’. Andreas came up with a character named “Karl the Butcher” who becomes the most notorious serial killer around. He brutalizes his way through victims through the first film; second film has Karl Jr., continuing the killing spree, third film has both Butchers on an island gathering an army, and the fourth film takes place in 2023 after the apocalypse and Karl escapes from hell to kill his son but instead teams up with him to lay waste to all the gangs in the wastelands! These were some stuff of legend among independent film fans for the extreme gore scenes. I was never a huge fan of the series but respect the hell out of Andreas Schnaas and Timo Rose for their passion of making gory independent films they enjoy. And now many others in Canada and the US can enjoy them all together finally in their remastered glory. Synapse Films as usual takes the pain staking task of giving ‘Violent Shit’ movie fans what they want and that is a box set. And for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars as the five disc set is available through www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Hound of the Baskervilles (DVD) – A wonderful late 50’s Hammer flick; stars Peter Cushing as Sherlock Holmes who is hired to protect Sir Henry (Christopher Lee). Sir Henry inherits a castle but also a curse after his uncle dies mysteriously. The curse has haunted the family for years after a hound of hell attacked a relative. But of course Holmes is more than up to the task proving this all wrong and protect Sir Henry from certain death. Great old school Hammer stuff that I give 3 stars.

 

King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (DVD/Vimeo) – Asylum Entertainment takes a stab at the “King Arthur” tale as Bootleg Sean Bean aka Merlin and King Arthur banish Morgana and her son from earth. 1500 years pass and Morgana and son are back from their banishment searching for Excalibur. But things have change and even the descendants of King Arthur are totally sure Excalibur or the stories are real until they are faced with Morgana. Morgana forms an undead army to do the job her son cannot do and that is to steal the Holy Grail and kill the descendants of Arthur. If that wasn’t enough we get some bootleg Mortal Kombat stuff for the climax of the film in order for Morgana to be killed. As usual fun B-movie stuff that needs to premiere on the SyFy Channel Saturday nights as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/ocotbercoast .

 

Rattlers (DVD) – A hilarious mid-70s flick about a snake professor who is making some extra bucks checking out some unprovoked snake attacks. The snake attacks all seem to happen after the military buried some bad stuff in an old cave in the desert. These mad animal B-flicks are great for movie watching parties as I give it 2 stars.

The Dark Tapes (On Demand) – The film is a series of “dark tapes” or stories over the course of several years that tackles evil or evil entities that exist. The series of stories are fun creepy feel that concern a science experiment with possible demons from a parallel world, how the paranormal affects a young couple in their new house, strange things that happen with Cam Girls, and a woman who changes and begins her fight with her nightmares after a horrible incident at a friend’s party. All the stories are different but have a similar creepy and interesting tone that will capture the imagination of movie fans who enjoy stuff like: ‘The Innkeepers’, ‘V/H/S’ and ‘Grave Encounters’. One of the more intelligent paranormal films I have the pleasure of watching. Without giving too much away I give this cool project 3 out of 4 stars. You can check out more about the film at www.facebook.com/thedarktapesmovie and www.thedarktapes.com .

 

Where Have All The People Gone (YouTube/DVD) – An ABC movie of the week in late 1974 of a family trying to deal in the post-apocalyptic world! The film stars Peter Graves as a father of a family who happen to be in some mountain caves when an eruption/explosion/earthquake happens. When they come out the radio is out and their friend is really sick. They eventually believe a possible nuclear attack happen and believe fallout is killing them and their friend. So the family makes their way down the mountain trying to conserve food and water and save their friend. When they turn away he dies and turns to dust. When they finally get back to what they think is civilization in Rainbow, Ca. all they find is people who turned to dust and killer dogs. Unsure of what to do they decide to make their way to their million dollar Malibu home to find mom had died too. So they move out to Northern California to become farmers and apparently solar flares from the sun killed everyone! Oh the 70s TV movies I miss thee as I give you 2 stars.

 

Fair Game (YouTube/DVD) – A mid-80s Australian flick that pits a woman who runs a wildlife sanctuary against three men who enjoy a great deal of hunting on her property. After she is almost killed and run off the road by the three and authorities don’t believe her. The film becomes your cat and mouse chase film as they torture and drag her all over the outback. Once back home she lures the men into her compound to destroy them with traps she set up. All 80s Australian flicks have a certain charm but this film loses it quickly as you get bored waiting for it to end. The trailers are much better than the movie as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html