Gross Movie Reviews #412

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Gross Movie Reviews #412

 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (DVD) – It took me awhile to watch this reboot of the franchise but for good reason as I am a fan of the originals and the Mark Wahlberg abomination of the early 2000s. But I heard enough good things and decided I thought it was time to give this movie a chance. And guess what this newer version is pretty good as James Franco is a scientist who is looking for a cure for Alzheimer’s. After many failed tests a female monkey shows promise of improved brain function, etc. When he has a presentation the monkey loses its shit because it is protecting its baby and is put down after the incident. Franco’s character takes the baby chimp home and he continues his research as he eventually tests it on his own father and it works. Along the way Caesar is learning at an incredible rate and knows sign language while Franco’s father is doing great. Several years pass the disease comes back and it gets the father and Caesar in trouble. Caesar is taken away and he begins his uprising of apes at an abusive sanctuary while viral monkey flu happens when testing continues on monkeys and a human is exposed. The movie ends as it becomes a signal of the fall of man. I enjoyed this version as it went out of its way to separate itself from the originals but keep the heart of what made them good. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (DVD) – This sequel picks up several years after Caesar and the apes went into the woods to live away from mankind. During that time mankind all over the world has fallen because of the monkey flu. San Francisco is in ruins and what is left of the people who live there send a group of people into the woods looking for a dam. If they can fix it they can restore power to the city to stay alive. But the apes will not let it happen as they do not want humans near their home. It’s been a couple years since the apes seen one and was starting to believe all humans had died? In dire need of power a group of humans from the city go back and talk to Caesar to convince him this is the best and most peaceful solution. But just like humans the apes do not trust the other and one plans on killing Caesar making it look like the humans killed him. Caesar always believed apes were better but learns the hard way as both human and ape survivors lose their homes in a fight in the ruins of San Francisco. Caesar gathers the apes to leave knowing a war is coming as a military force has been finally contacted thus setting up the new sequel “War”. I give this sequel 3 stars as it was just enjoyable as the first film.

 

Lunarcop (VHS) – This relatively unknown 1995 Michael Pare flick was also known as “Solar Force” in some countries. Michael Pare is Joe Brody and it is 2050 A.D. as Joe is a policeman on a space station where humans are trying to restart life on earth. Several years back “The Big Burn” happened forcing what’s left of the human race to this space station or the rich people. There are rumors of savages on earth but the goal is to shoot this invention into the atmosphere to restart life on earth until it is stolen by rebels. So Joe must go to earth for the first time ever to retrieve this item. He hangs with the savages as he saves people from the evil Billy Drago who just wants to destroy nearby villages. When Joe is convinced he doesn’t need to return to space with the item a cyborg is sent for his destruction. I give the film 2 ½ stars as you can never have enough Michael Pare in your life.

 

Dracula 3-D (DVD) – This well criticized version of Dracula comes from the horror mind of Dario Argento. My main reasoning for watching this movie is Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing. But even Hauer’s presence cannot help this lackluster version of the popular vampire. Yeah there is some cool scenes full of practical gore but the transformation scenes of Dracula are completely laughable as they are digital and look like total shit. For me at least the movie is watchable but nothing in the movie makes you want to pop this bad boy in the DVD player again? I give this not so great version of Dracula 1 ½ stars.

 

5-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Apparently San Juan has a shark problem and the shark mutates to have a fifth head coming from its ass! A professor and her interns are talked into searching for the beast by a money grubbing boss guy in San Juan. Once the interns begin to become lunch for the shark the professor turns to an old boyfriend for help as the local authorities don’t know if they can defeat the mutant shark either. Nothing to exciting but the shark does have a head on its ass giving a new meaning to “ass to mouth”! I couldn’t let that one go as I give this somewhat boring flick 1 star.

 

Mississippi River Sharks (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Random sharks come down the river to begin attacking a fishing contest. A contest that stars Jason London to send the fishermen and women out to the river and to sign autographs because of his action star status. Nowhere near the best of the SyFy Channel shark films but it is pretty entertaining for most of the movie as Jason London plays himself and we you get a couple of locals in the movie trying to catch fish/sharks with a tow truck. Fun stuff for those of us that have pretty much watched every shark movie that has come down the film pike… I give this shark flick 2 stars.

 

Trailer Park Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Great title, great concept, has an odd looking Tara Reid (eat a fucking burger woman), a little lean on characters but remember the title. Some rich asshole owns some land where some rednecks have their trailers at. He can’t get rid of them legally so he hires a guy to go blow up a levy that will flood the trailer park. Meanwhile some of the trailer park folk have figured a way to steal electric from the nearby levy. Levy blows up, takes out the trailer park and a few people, but a shark arrives also to attack the survivors. It is B-movie trash but has enough laughs to keep you entertained as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Toxic Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A reality show throws up on an island for young single men and women to get drunk and hook up. Problem is the water is toxic and has affected a local shark that now spits green shit from its heads that burns you like acid; its bite can turn you into a zombie of sorts, and still tries to eat you. Horrible concept and that is a lot for me to say as it gets boring quickly. The only thing that can save this movie is if “Shark Exorcist” would have come and helped. This movie can go suck the poop from my butt as this movie was beyond terrible as I give it 0 stars. But hey, on the bright side let’s all hope for a sequel to “Shark Exorcist”!

 

Circus Kane (Vimeo/DVD) – An old famous horror host/circus entertainer named Circus Kane disappeared after a violent incident took place at his circus over twenty years ago. A couple decades have passed and some so-called social media stars or to be more specific media stars of the horror community receive a random text from the icon Circus Kane. Declaring he is back with a vengeance and the individuals that are receiving the text have a “once in a lifetime chance at $250,000”. All the social media stars have to do is show up at a location at a certain time and they will be taken to the Circus Kane event. Once there they realize they are at Circus Kane’s mansion which has been redone for the stars to make their way through the scary maze. And just to give the event that extra flare, everything that happens to the guests while in the maze is being filmed to be posted on their social media pages. It is a fun and bloody time directed by Christopher Ray and written by the duo of James Cullen Bressack and Zack Ward. So some thinking went into this low budget project that also sports a cameo from Richard Moll (who by the way looks a lot like Angus Scrimm now) and a twist for the three to maybe revisit the Circus Kane character again. The movie has its drawbacks but the pace of the film is quick and entertaining and I absolutely love the concept of the horror version of the social media stars wanting in on the big bucks. For that I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

Pool Party Massacre (Blu-ray) – A low budget horror film made in the spirit of “Slumber Party Massacre”. And the 8-Bit intro was absolutely beautiful. From the start you can see filmmaker Drew Marvick is a fan of “Slumber Party Massacre” with all the nods. Especially when a few of the scenes at the beginning of the film where the killer stalks the young ladies getting ready for the pool party brings back memories of such a great film. But the meat of the film is a rich bitch wants to have a pool party with all her wannabe reality star girlfriends. Have some champagne, look hot, and hang by the pool. The cool idea of a pool party becomes “worst pool party ever” when a killer is stalking all the guests. The killer stalks them all one by one including killing a man with a drill while the guy is jerking off. This beautiful movie was a love letter to my 15 year old self with the gore, the unseen killer, the music, the nods to the early slasher films, the packaging from box art to tagline, and the commentary with mom is excellent! My only complaint of the film might be some of the dialogue scenes that got a little boring but then I do remember “It is a fucking movie called Pool Party Massacre”… I believe Drew and company did one hell of a job of making an entertaining and Slumber Party worthy horror flick that needs to be seen by all! Thank yinz and my god Rutger Hauer for making this film exist and for that I give it 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.poolpartymassacre.com .

 

Empire of the Sharks (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Another attempt from Asylum Entertainment trying to do a “Waterworld” type of movie with sharks and we have John Savage as a warlord who owns the ocean. Savage’s character is building a machine that will produce fresh water without the help of humans and brutalizes nearby floating villages for slaves and tributes. There latest attack they kidnap a blonde girl who unknown to them her father was a shark caller or shark thingy? Whatever, she can talk to sharks basically. When her friends are being attacked when they try to rescue her Savage and others try to read her mind so they can harness her power. This power could rule the world or what’s left of it?  Just like last year’s effort this fizzles out into a boring mess of a shark movie that needs more time or effort to even think of pulling off to make it remotely good. I give this shark flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Triple Threat Match: we just dropped three new episodes!

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This week we may make enemies of the fans as we take on 2 of the most decisive entries in 2 of the biggest horror franchises of all time.  But first we talk about a dumb movie about birds that go on the attack in BEAKS.  Then Kyle explains that by taking your franchise to space only makes it cooler and more fun as he covers JASON X.  Then Tim and Kyle go over in great detail how Tim’s fascination of being able to inherit an aging Leatherface that dwells in your basement may be the best idea ever as we cover TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D.  Also we answer all your questions, and have a little Facebook live chat nonsense.

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We return! And we are bringing the king of the monsters with us as Kyle checks out the latest theatrical Godzilla flick Shin Godzilla.  Then Tim covers an independent Possession / heist / gore / monster flick straight outta South Africa in A HOUSE ON WILLOW STREET.  Also we answer all you questions.  Review this week’s watch, And take you to monster civics class.  #ROARRRRRRRR

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This week we lost legendary filmmaker George A. Romero. So, we asked the fans of the show to writ in and tell us tales of the man and his movies… and they did.  Also, we have 2 anthologies.  The first is Kyle’s pick for the best anthology ever in NIGHTMARES.  And lastly some shot on video oddity that Tim found that includes ex-pornstar Ginger Lynn as a ninja that is trapped in hell (you read that right) in SATAN’S STORYBOOK.  R.I.P. George

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Gross Movie Reviews #411

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Gross Movie Reviews #411

 

Odd Thomas (DVD) – Anton Yelchin plays a young man that does not have anything tying him down except for his beautiful girlfriend that knows his secret. Odd Thomas can see dead people. They don’t talk, get upset, or bother people but they use Odd to help them resolve issues. But what else come with that is these ghastly creatures he will encounter from time to time when there is evil present. Odd has a knack of solving murders and cold cases because of this gift and the local detective played by Willem Dafoe is thankful for this. We also get a weird but funny appearance from Arnold Voosloo who hangs out at a tire shop all day and makes jokes with his severed hand. The film is based on a series of Dead Koontz books which sad to say without Anton I cannot see a studio trying to continue the series as of now on the big screen. I give this nice surprise of a movie 3 stars.

 

Satan’s Storybook (VHS) – A lost shot-on-video anthology that stars Ginger Lynn (Allen) the former porn star as a ninja who her and her companion are in the realm of hell to kidnap Satan’s queen. After the companion is killed Ginger the ninja is able to kidnap the queen only to find out it is her sister which Satan told her that Ginger’s character was killed. So Satan sends out his minions to search for her as his jester tries to calm the dark lord with stories of a mass murderer brought back to life by a witch and a clown who hangs himself after being fired. When the queen is returned to Satan she leaves for the Black Forest with her sister upset at Satan. Of course Satan lied to you but it just makes the movie that much more of a fun hokey watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Devil’s Candy (DVD) – A man and his wife find a house cheap mainly because shortly after a man happened to hear Satan speaking to him and he killed his parents. But the man has returned to the home and wants to stay at the same time the father who is an artist keeps blanking out from our world and begins to paint these crazy images. These new paintings only get him in trouble with his daughter as he keeps losing time every time he enters the barn to paint and he is beginning to hear voices. Some cool satanic metal shit goes down in this movie (example: the killer plays a guitar loud to drown out Satan) but some things are left unexplained possibly because of cuts to the film. The movie at times felt like there was a lot more (15 to 20 minutes more) because of a couple characters that were introduced but not fully developed. This is not “Deathgasm” but maybe something a little more low key for fans of this type of horror movies as I give it 2 stars.

The Ice Cream Truck (DVD/Vimeo) – A young married woman named Mary has moved back to her small home town from the busy West Coast. She has arrived to get the house in order while her husband and kids are still finishing school and work. Mary meets the neighbors and they talk her into coming to a graduation party to hang and see the rest of the weird ass neighbors. As they establish how weird suburbia can be compared to the big city a dude with an old school ice cream truck roams the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night. Now this where the film gets itself in a little horror movie trouble: Is it a thriller/slow burn kind of thing where you are waiting for Mary to fuck the 18 year old dude? Oh which by the way who cares if his girlfriend gets killed by the young ice cream serving lunatic? Or is it a true gruesome slasher flick about the ice cream kid and his truck?  Plus you should know as a filmmaker ahead of time hey half ass horror fan will compare this to the Clint Howard classic of the 90s. I enjoy the creepy suburbia back drop and characters but the lack of trying to explain why exactly The Ice Cream Truck killer is there in the neighborhood hurts this film for the long run. Cool poster, good idea, but poor execution and its inevitable comparison to Clint Howard’s cult classic will hurt this film in the long run as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Check out more about it at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVD) – Apparently Tom Cruise meant Pittsburgh as they go away from what they did great in the first flick and using Pittsburgh as the back drop. But in this sequel Jack Reacher helps out a fellow military officer who is screwed over when she investigates the deaths of two of her personnel overseas. The two race around avoiding authorities to prove her innocence and bring down the plotting officers within the army. The sequel is a far cry from the first film but doesn’t do itself any favors as this film seem to lack heart as I give it 2 stars.

 

The House on Willow St. (DVD) – Four criminals get together to plan out a kidnapping for quick ransom that will help all of them out. It’s an easy money grab or so they believe as they spend six weeks planning. But once they move in on the house for the kidnapping nothing seems to be right. It seems a little too easy. They find the girl and take her to an abandoned warehouse where they make the call for ransom demand. Problem is no one is calling back or seems to care. Strange things begin to happen to all four but nothing serious just yet as two stay at the warehouse to watch the girl and the other two go back to the house. Before they know it the girl they kidnapped just happens to be possessed by a demon that wants their souls and there is a house full of mutilated bodies that now has their fingerprints. The movie asks the question: What do you do next? I wasn’t thrilled with the film but did enjoy the gore and different concept for a horror movie as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Devil’s Dolls (Blu-ray) – Henry is a bad ass serial killer that uses a “Slumber Party Massacre”-like drill to kill his victims. But one gets away, finds authorities, and they gun him down. A detective who been tracking him down for a long time has Henry’s box of trinkets that happen to be evil. The detective’s little girl makes jewelry out of them and sells them at the second hand shop. Anyone that holds one of these dolls/trinkets becomes evil and starts fucking people up! The film keeps it quick, simple, and bloody and gives the paranormal genre a little twist as I give it 3 stars.

Garden Party Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Gregory Blair gives us a film about a couple (Caleb and Addison) who are having a small gathering that the theme is ‘no cell phones’. The party is all about people interacting with each other. The socially awkward party begins when all the characters show up and begin eating until a psycho with a pick axe shows up and kills the annoying girl. Now Caleb and Addison and fellow guests must figure out how to escape the house and make a run for it as the psycho killer has them trapped. The killer wants blood, the guests are in a state of panic, and Mr. Blair throws a curve ball for the party guests as much more happens. I would love to say more but then I would just be giving away the movie. Blair and company make great use of the house and backyard but the story set up and the actors playing the characters are the gems of this movie. The actors should be proud of what they done because they were simply entertaining and made this typical horror movie into so much more! I was just happy to see a movie with a title like this made but for the horror flick to be this much fun was just icing or blood on top of the red velvet cake (watch the movie you’ll understand). Plain and simple the movie was fucking brilliant and may show up on my “Best of 2017 list” as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Go to www.gardenpartymassacrefilm.com for more details.

 

The People Who Own the Dark (VHS) – A Spanish film starring Paul Naschy of course about some government executives going to a castle in the middle of nowhere to get their freak on! But before the body fluids can flow like wine nuclear bombs have hit nearby causing blindness in people who were not in the castle’s catacombs. Now it’s everyone for themselves in this new post-apocalyptic world as the group of persons makes their way to a village for food and decides how bad is it? After killing one of the villagers and grabbing food they are eventually tracked down by the blind village who want revenge. The 1976 film has some odd pacing to it but has a pretty dark outlook of what happen to people who seen the blast and being affected by the radiation fallout. I give the post-apocalyptic 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Two for one special at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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We return to bring you a whole show devoted to a very sticky topic.  Linda Blair!  Love her, or hate her she did a lot of weirdo movies.  First she teams up with Flash Gordon (Sam Jones) to fight ninjas in SILENT ASSASSINS.  Then she fights off punks at her uncle’s house who happens to be a quasi-Tom Savini type of guy in GROTESQUE.  Then when her slutty rich friend is kidnapped she rounds up a bootleg A-Team to go to Central America to get her back…. And maybe also to find Richard Lynch laying a flute and hanging out with a monkey in NIGHT FORCE. All this and we answer your questions and talk a bunch of gibberish. Your dog would want you to listen.

 

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This week we invite good buddy Danno Klonowski back to the show. He brings with him an interesting HBO true crime documentary about mental health, murder, and internet nonsense in BEWARE THE SLENDERMAN. Then Tim asks “why are there so many people fucking in the woods?” in DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS.  And last Kyle summons dragons.  And when you have dragons you gotta have Mad Dog McConhaughy in REIGN OF FIRE (just ignore the plot holes in this one folks).

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #410

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Gross Movie Reviews #410

 

Don’t Fuck in the Woods (DVD) – The poster looked bad ass, the premise sounded awesome, the title was perfect, and… the movie totally disappointed me. With the title you knew what was going to happen but the film introduces a slimy ass Ghoulie-looking creature that kills people having sex in the woods. This intrigued the shit out of me but as the film went along it failed to impress me of why or what this creature was there to begin with??? So some college kids head to the woods to hang with friends (Meg and Luke) to fuck and get drunk but that gets pushed to the side when they become worried that they cannot find their friends. More fucking, more violence, more cool looking creature but why is the creature there in the woods. No backstory folks! Yes tits are awesome, gore is awesome, but you added a fucking cool element: the creature, to this slasher storyline and falls limp. I believe this film could have been so much more in the right hands low budget or not and for that I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Beware the Slenderman (DVD) – A HBO documentary about an internet urban legend that affected three young teen girls’ lives. And apparently this is a thing that people are freaking out over even though it all started several years ago from an online Photoshop contest. It intrigues me and also proves to me: a) I am old and b) this younger generation is completely stupid and iPhones will be the death of us? But let’s get away from the old man talk as this interesting documentary show how two normal white bread girls went down the internet wormhole known as “The Slenderman”. Not only has it documented all the events leading up to the two girls trying to kill a friend for the Slenderman but the after effects among families, other friends, and so on. But for me being old it has several experts explaining how this can happen these days whether it’s from distant or non-existent parents to iPhones and iPads are addictive to this new generation may have no brains in their head. What doesn’t help as shown in the documentary as we become more disconnected these stories of the Slenderman are gaining steam more than the old school boogeyman, ghosts, etc., because it caters to today’s disenchanted youth. I am fucking old just typing that statement! But it is a really good and interesting documentary  that makes you want to follow what happens next with these two girls as they go through the court system convicted as adults… I give this intriguing documentary 4 stars.

 

The Purge: Election Year (DVD) – 18 years has passed since the original “Purge” happened and now a woman president candidate is making waves as she wants “The Purge” to be abolished! Now of course the inner rich government doesn’t want this to happen and the god fearing folks change some rules this time around to make it legal for government officials to be killed. All she got to do is survive the night and good chance she will be president. Intentional or not you can watch this film two ways: One, someone was really trying to make references to the current presidency in Donald Trump? Or two, just another violent thriller installment in the series just trying to keep up with the possible current trend in horror? Either way I still enjoyed the second film the most as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

Beaks the Movie (VHS) – The movie of many titles (Birds of Prey or Killer Birds) or I like to call it: the movie that starred the delicious Michelle Johnson in a film trying to beat the sequel of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” out for release. The film starts off great as we witness a hawk/eagle gouging out a dude’s eyeball out and going for his jugular on a hang glider. From there Michelle Johnson plays a reporter Vanessa Cartwright who is trying to get her big break. While covering a random bird attack she learns there have been several others. She heads to a small town in Spain where birds have attacked before years ago and on their way again to waste to the town for no reason at all. Outside of the bird attacks and the slow-mo scenes the film is pretty boring. But hey it was made in 1986 so I had to watch it at least once as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underworld: Blood Wars (DVD) – Now that I have lost track of what is actually happening in these films about werewolves vs. vampires, Kate Beckinsale returns as Selene the Death Dealer. Apparently all monsters want her ass dead! Has no clue where her daughter is and now a werewolf with hybrid blood wants to find her daughter so he can become the master werewolf and wipe out all the vampires… Oh hold on Lycan, have to use the proper name. But anyhow Brother Noopsie aka Charles Dance shows up to help welcome Selene back into the vampire coven only for all to get fucked over again. Okay I got bored. Honestly people this series of films got lost in its own mythology after the first film. The first film is great and I still watch from time to time. But since they have felt like globs of shit thrown against the wall and it doesn’t help such films “30 Days of Night” and “Twilight” has been released since the story of Selene has unfolded. Sorry Kate you are a hot piece of ass but I am bored of the Death Dealer storyline as many other horror fans are also. If you are still into skin tight leather on Kate B, this is for you as I give it 1 star.

 

John Wick: Chapter 2 (DVD) – So Keenau Reeves is back the man no one wants to see as you are about to be dead. The film picks up right after the events of the first event where he is looking for the Russian that took his car. And John Wick dismantles the whole crew just on principal of getting the car back. Once done someone cashes in a chip that is a debt asking for John Wick to do a favor. This favor is because John Wick was able to leave the hitman business. Now that John Wick has been forced into doing this task he is fucked over and had enough and is done with rules. Again wasn’t overly impressed with the action film but still enjoyed it enough I wanna actually see more of this underworld as I give this sequel 2 ½ stars.

 

Suicide Squad (DVD) – DC’s mess of a film where some of Batman’s villains are gathered to be a hit squad to take down the Enchantress. She has gotten back with her brother to build some machine and tear the world a part. The government also wants an option to counterattack Superman or someone like Superman who threatens them? The movie is a mess but still an entertaining mess as they didn’t ruin Harley Quinn as much as I feared. DC take your time and stop rushing these projects out and again take a cue from what yinz are doing with the DC projects on TV. My hope for this film is that we do get a Harley Quinn and Joker film in the future as I give this film 2 stars.

 

The Bye Bye Man (DVD) – A paranormal film that takes a different route in telling a story as three college kids’ move into a house off campus. But the house has a history of where a man killed several people who may have been driven mad by a thing called “The Bye Bye Man”. The man researched this urban legend and was eventually driven mad because he started to believe and it was making him seeing things. Once moved in one of the kids read something written in an end table and strange things begin to happen to him and his two friends. He researches the words and finds out it is something called “The Bye Bye Man” that will continue to kill as long you say his name. It’s a little odd but worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Debt Collector (DVD) – A throwback mobster film made on a low budget about a debt collector Teddy Greene who believes doing things the old school way. He goes around collecting debts for his boss but when no one wants to pay Teddy is beating the shit out of hookers, pimps, and so on to get the money for his boss. But Mr. Stone is not happy with Greene’s tactics all through L.A. because people may no longer borrow money? Teddy growing more and more frustrated with life, ex-wife, and his boss goes to see an old friend for advice which he disregards until the latest debt collection is stolen. With all the independent horror movies that flood the internet and streaming sites it’s always nice to see a filmmaker take a stab at a different genre and do well with it. I really enjoyed this film for the mere fact that you really feel for the Teddy Greene character even when he makes a hooker suck his dick. Independent film fans will enjoy this quality flick as I give it 3 out 4 stars.

 

Tsunambee (DVD/Vimeo) – Been a while since I have watched a film that I want to unwatch but here it is. The film doesn’t know exactly what movie it wants to be (post-apocalyptic, killer bee, or just a Christian film hidden in a bad SyFy Channel copycat?) but of course fails on all levels. Apparently, giant killer bees are found and this sets off earthquakes and mass race riots in the streets of all the cities. A group of unlikely people set themselves up in a house on the countryside to try and figure out what is their next step but a lot talk faith gets in the way. The film goes from killer bees are attacking to people questioning faith. Unless the film is a bad sequel to “The Unholy” not many horror fans are going to pay attention to this garbage called a movie. Please stay away from this feature as I give 0 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

Bonejangles (DVD/Vimeo) – A low budget film where two bumbling small town cops Doug and Randy just happen to help catch a supernatural serial killer named ‘Mr. Bonejangles’. Now with the capture the serial killer needs to be transferred to Smith’s Grove Sanitarium. The cops will meet the sanitarium associates hallway in a small town of Argento where oh yeah just happens to be cursed by a witch. Every April 18th a witch’s curse makes zombies attack the town and kill all they can. The cops and Mr. Bonejangles arrive late into Argento and the chaos has begun. If that wasn’t enough Randy is originally left the town when his life was ruined by his high school bully who is seen as the small town hero. The only plan Randy can come up with is trying to lure Mr. Bonejangles into the witch’s lair to kill her to break the curse and hopefully kill the supernatural serial killer too. The structure of the film is fun, the characters are likable, there is lots of violence, Reggie Bannister shows up talking about having sex once, and most of all the film doesn’t take itself too serious which adds to how delighted I was with the end product. Wasn’t expecting much but glad this horror flick surprised me as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

31 (DVD) – Well Rob Zombie used Kickstarter to get his film made. Sorry dude you are worth many millions of dollars and no way you can tell me you couldn’t pitch this to Lionsgate and get it made? But this argument is for a different time as a group of individuals driving the long highway on Halloween 1976 are kidnapped by a group of people in old school prison outfits. They wake up only to know a couple of them were killed and now they are about to become part of a random 12 hour show to three rich people who bet on killers stalking them. Now the movie is nor good or bad to me as I felt like I have watched this film or some parts of it several times over the past two years? There have been several independent horror films that have told this story so maybe I was numb to the film concept? Outside of the “Halloween” films this Rob Zombie film may have underwhelmed me as I have wanted Rob Zombie to do a different horror project. Something out of his comfort zone that may not have similar characters to his other films? But hey he can do whatever he wants I just know this movie wasn’t good or bad it just exists but I will be waiting to hear what he does next as I give this feature 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Suburban Nightmare THE ICE CREAM TRUCK coming this August!

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Writer-director Megan Freels Johnston’s suburban nightmare The Ice Cream Truck will hit theaters August 18 and be released day-and-date on VOD via Uncork’d Entertainment. A new trailer and poster have been released to coincide with the release.

The provocative psychological thriller stars Deanna Russo (Being Human, Gossip Girl) as Mary, who moves back to her suburban hometown after her husband gets relocated for work.  As her family ties up loose ends back home, she moves into their new house alone. And although the move makes Mary nostalgic for her youth, there’s something very sinister about that Ice Cream Truck that patrols her suburb.

The Ice Cream Truck also stars Dana Gaier (Despicable Me 3), John Redlinger (Thirst, Banshee), Emil Johnsen (Isolerad), Hilary Barraford (Go For Sisters), Jeff Daniel Phillips (31),  and Lisa Ann Walter (War of the Worlds).

Storytelling is very much in Freels Johnston’s DNA.  The granddaughter of legendary crime writer Elmore Leonard, The Ice Cream Truck screenplay was a semi-finalist in the Circus Road Screenplay competition.

As a producer developing material for over a decade, Freels Johnston worked on adaptations of her grandfather’s work and produced Sparks, the directorial debut of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  After completing a project for the USA Network, she decided to follow her passion and write and direct her own material. Her first film, 2014’s micro budget thriller Rebound, developed a cult following on VOD, was called, “Almost David Lynchian in its strangeness” by Film Threat and Rue Morgue said, the film “(was) worth watching to the end for the unnervingly realistic twist ending.”

The Ice Cream Truck will be released in theaters and on VOD August 18.

Official Synopsis :
Mary’s husband gets relocated for work which allows her to move back to her suburban hometown. As her family ties up loose ends back home, Mary moves into their new house all alone and….waits. Yet in this idealistic world, something seems very odd. The Ice Cream Man, a symbol of youth and good times, starts killing some of her neighbors. Mary soon learns that the suburbs are scarier in more ways that she ever remembered.

 

NEW TRAILER
http://tinyurl.com/TRAILERICECREAM
or
https://youtu.be/PxEQnYpy_-U

 

NEW POSTER
http://tinyurl.com/ICECREAMPOSTER

IMAGES

http://tinyurl.com/ICECREAMIMAGES

Terror Films Announces Worldwide Release Date & Special iTunes Fan Promotion for STD Infected Thriller NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE!

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LOS ANGELES, CA (July 3rd, 2017) – Terror Films has set Friday, July 7th as the worldwide release date for NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE. Fangoria has praised the film. Fangoria said of the film’s quality: “disgusting, transgressive, and absolutely bonkers, Jonathan Straiton’s, NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE will be the most jaw-dropping horror offering you’ll see all year.”  This disturbing film releases this week!

The story follows five teenage friends. They set out for the beach on their spring break vacation. Their good times are cut short when one of the group, Carrie (Toni Ann Gambale), contracts an STD at a gas station bathroom.  The friends get detoured to an isolated motel in a small town. Here, the STD turns out to be something that can’t be treated by a shot of penicillin and it begins turning those infected into the living dead.

The film has played at multiple festivals and it has won several awards. NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE showed at the Fangoria Chainsaw Awards (2017). Here, it was nominated for “Best Makeup & SFX.” The film also showed at the Phoenix International Horror. At the Sci-Fi Film Festival (2016), NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE won “Best Horror Feature.” At the HorrorHound Weekend Film Festival (2016), it won “Best Special Effects – Feature “ and it was nominated for: “Best Feature,” “Best Director” and “Best Actress.” At the Crimson Screen Horror Film Fest (2016), it won a “Jury Award,” “Best Special Effects” and “Best Actor.” The film was also nominated for: “Best Feature,” “Best Director,” “Best Produced Screenplay –Feature,” “Best Actor,” “Best Actress” and “Best Special Effects,” at this film festival. The film has been recognized across North America.

As part of Terror Film’s new Worldwide digital release model, the film will be made available across multiple digital and VOD platforms; it will also release in several countries and territories. On VOD, It will be available on: iTunes, Amazon Instant and many other platforms. Territories hosting the release include: the U.S., Canada, the Middle East, North Africa, Asia, the Caribbean, Ireland, the U.K. and Pan-Russia.

And…soon after the films July 7th release, Terror Films will be offering a special promotion, for NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE. 8 digital trading cards will be made available at eight specific Horror Blogs and websites. Each site will host one card and one exclusive clip from the film. The first 25 horror fans, that digitally gather all 8 of the trading cards and repost them on the Terror Films’ Facebook page, will receive one free download for the film on iTunes! Additional details on this special promotion will be released next week. In the meantime, film fans can checkout the official trailer and poster for NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE right here!

The film’s official trailer: https://youtu.be/uAjDWqEggL0

 

For more information on Terror Films: www.terrorfilms.net

 

And: https://www.facebook.com/TerrorFilmsLLC/

Gross Movie Reviews #409

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Gross Movie Reviews #409

 

Grotesque (VHS/YouTube) – A late 80s Linda Blair film that seems like two films smashed into one. It’s no ‘Spookies’ but what movie is? Linda Blair plays a character that goes to visit her parents along with her best friend for the weekend. The quiet weekend takes a turn for the worse when a group of punks (pay attention as Robert Z’Dar is one of them) come by and brutally start killing all in the house. Blair escapes into the snowy mountain landscape as she is chased after by the punks. But this movie takes an odd turn where a thing has been watching from afar and now is killing the punks one by one eventually helping out Blair. But she falls into a coma and this large disfigured man who was saving her is shot down by police. The last two punks get off with the lack of evidence but the Linda’s uncle has some other plans as he knew about this disfigured person that hid in the cabin for years. The film takes a couple odd twists and seems like it ends two or three times. Not the best of the Linda Blair resume but a definite interesting one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Silent Assassins (VHS/YouTube) – Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones is a detective whose girlfriend is Linda Blair who convinces him it’s time to move to quiet Colorado. But Sam’s old boss gets his attention with a case of a six year old kidnapped by a psycho drug dealer who has also kidnapped a bio-chemist! One boring thing leads to another as question what is Linda Blair’s role in this lackluster action flick? The film also stars action stars Phillip Rhee and Mako but that isn’t enough to save the film as I give it 2 stars.   

 

Attack of the Killer Donuts (DVD) – To put it simply it is the new version of ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ and there isn’t anything wrong with that folks. Michelle and Johnny work at a donut shop called “Dandy Donuts”. Pretty much Michelle and Johnny are the only two employees who are willing to put up with the public and the shitty boss. Meanwhile Johnny’s Uncle Luther is a mad scientist who has developed a breakthrough serum that turns a mouse into a man-eating rat. Luther comes to Dandy Donuts looking for Johnny and accidentally gets some of the serum into the deep fryer… Presto, changeo! We got killer donuts! The little doughy bastards now have teeth and they are pissed humans have been eating them for years. So the donuts go on an eating spree whether it’s the lonely fat lady in lingerie or C. Thomas Howell as a police officer the donuts are eating through everyone. The only people that can stop these bastards is love sick friends Michelle and Johnny and Johnny’s best friend who is banging Johnny’s mom. So okay maybe it is ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ with ‘Gingerdead Man’ added into the mix but it’s one fucking hilarious horror movie that you will not want to miss in 2017! My only problem with the whole film is the ending that never ends as of course Michelle and Johnny end up together but the bedroom scene goes on way too long like its padding out running time or something? Outside of that I absolutely love this flick and the poster fucking rocks as I give this beautiful horror film 3 ½ stars. Still on the fence if this makes my “Best of 2017 list”?

 

The Magnificent Seven (DVD/remake) – Denzell wouldn’t have been my first choice for the remake but he proved me wrong. Yeah I know this is a remake of a remake but this western just seemed less worried about what had already been done and more worried with just putting together a decent film. Good or bad it entertained me… But anyway Denzell is a man who puts together seven men to take on an overbearing son of a bitch and his army who have taken over a small mining and farming town. Yeah there is better westerns in the past but these days it is just nice to see a new western that is worth your time watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Get Out (On Demand) – Well this flick lived up to its hype and don’t trust those rich white people! The film is written, directed, and produced by Jordan Peele who takes a simple concept and turns it into a great fucked up movie. And I love all the social awkwardness placed into the scenes. But the simple horror film is about Chris, a young black man going with his white girlfriend to her parents’ house to meet them. The parents a little off and try a little too hard to make Chris comfortable but are or seem to be normal rich white folks. But for Chris something always seems a little off or not right? One night Chris takes a walk outside to smoke and run into the girlfriend’s mom who hypnotizes Chris to stop smoking. It works but things still seem weird as Chris’s brother agrees also believing his brother is going to be a sex slave or some shit too these rich white people? From there the film gets a little weirder as Chris finds himself questioning all the white folk that come for the party and the things he sees… And if there is another thing you take away from the film: “Don’t trust rich skinny girls”, they are fucked up. A very simple but effective horror film that is clearly one of the best of 2017 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Star Crystal (VHS/YouTube) – During a routine Mars expedition in 2032 astronauts bring aboard a rock on their ship that causes the ship to malfunction and kill all aboard. Two months later the ship and rock is found and the company that owns the ship wants to know what happened? But it happens again and some people escape and the rock hatches with some ugly slime monster that kills people on board of the spacecraft. As they make their long journey back to earth and try not to be eaten the creature wants to learn and become friends with the crew because it didn’t know killing was bad? Imagine if you could make a boring version of William Malone’s ‘Creature’ on even less of a shoestring budget as everything throughout the film is so generic. Sometimes boring and not sure why I was laughing at most of the film but this 1986 film suffers from “the box art is better than the film” as I give it 1 star.

 

Clowntown (DVD) – Based on true events of course some friends going to a country music concert get sidetrack when one of them forget their phone in the diner. She gets a phone call and they are to meet in the small town ahead of them to retrieve the phone. But they get there and the town is all but a ghost town and apparently serial killer clowns live there. Plus the cops let them do their business as long as the clowns don’t kill the pretty girls so they can be raped. The horror movie suffers from trying to cash in on Rob Zombie’s film and trying way to hard making the clowns scary. I liked some the effects so I give the horror flick 2 stars.

 

Bus Driver (DVD) – Young bootleg Robert Forester meet the real Robert Forester as the bootleg version just wants to be a bus driver. But when his bus has a tire blowout and they knock on the nearest meth-lab house he must bust out his special forces training to kick some drug dealer ass. A low budget flick going the “Grindhouse” route of putting together the story of a bus driver just trying to protect his kids. Maybe a little stupid but entertaining enough for me to say bootleg version isn’t better than the real Robert Forester from ‘Alligator’. Give the film 2 stars for at least trying the concept out.

 

Death Race 2050 (DVD/remake) – Roger Corman and crew got behind this god awful abomination that has Malcolm McDowell and Yancy Butler collecting paychecks for possibly the worst film of 2017. This movie is so bad I am rethinking my stance on the Jason Statham remake and sequels that have absolutely nothing to do with the original masterpiece starring David Carradine. That is some major shit people as I have made it known I hated the idea of the Jason Statham flick. But this film is something of a shit show literally. This movie is crap so I give it crap as people who thought this would be a good idea should not be allowed to have anything to do with film ever again! Corman and crew you should have left it at ‘Deathsport’?

 

Yes, Madam (DVD) – Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock are two detectives who kick some major ass looking for this microfilm that could put a bad guy away for life. If that isn’t enough of a combo how about some of John Carpenter’s “Halloween” soundtrack used throughout the film? I give this ass kicking woman duo film 3 stars.

 

Extraterrestrial (Blu-ray) – Some college kids go to the cabin for the weekend as some weird X-files shit has been happening in a nearby town. That night after arriving at the cabin a spacecraft becomes a fireball and falls from the sky. The kids go check it out only to notice weird little footsteps leading away from the craft. They grab the double barreled shotgun for defense and shot an alien at their back door. They believe it is dead but its friends are pissed and looking for revenge as a crazy old Vietnam vet Michael Ironside cannot save them. I enjoyed the ending of this flick also as it did not pussy out like some flicks do when dealing with this genre aka happy endings. If you are a fan of films such as X-files, Almost Human, and Fire in the Sky this will fill your appetite for alien flicks as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Survival Zone (VHS/YouTube) – A South African 1983 flick that deals with the neutron bomb going off and killing most of the world. All is left is pockets of people in these survival zones. Or cannibal motorcycle gangs that are roaming the wastelands to kill farmers and eat nuns! Sounds better than it is but bootleg George Eastman is leader of the cannibal motorcycle gang that wants everything and goes to war with a farmer to have his 17 year old daughter. I give the post-apocalyptic film 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Triple threat this week at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks!

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This week we got deals with the devil in the deep south in Angel Heart, An awesome flick that answers the question of “I wonder what would happen if genetically altered baboons decided to pick a fight with Hellboy in PRIMAL RAGE.  And a goofy race flick that has almost EVERYONE that has ever worked as an actor in the history of the world in CANNONBALL RUN 2. Also we answer your questions over Facebook live. And recount what we watched over the past week.  So, download this episode below and you too could have a mustache as grand as Burt Reynolds. 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

We return!  And we are bring with us a mean spirited, down and dirty, nitty gritty, sleaze fest of a slasher flick in NIGHTMARES IN A DAMAGED BRAIN.  And one of the very best of the B-tier slasher flicks in MADMAN.  Also we do the normal rounds of quality, grade A movie talk and random bullshitting.  So, listen to this zero awards winning podcast or else Madman Marz will…. I don’t know, do something probably pretty awful.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week our good friend T-Shirt Joe (maker of fine shirts that you can purchase at http://www.fastcustomshirts.com) returns and he brings to us OUTLAW FORCE… A movie that brings us one of our new favorite dudes DAVE HEBNER.  Also Kyle talks about a weirdo flick that is made of a patchwork of hot babes, short shorts, and a ton of other stuff that was used in other flicks (including The Evil Spawn).  And Tim talks good about Michael Pare and bad about the great Richard Farnsworth in SPACE RAGE. So Give Richard Farnsworth some love and download this show below.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/