Tag Archives: horror

Gross Movie Reviews #607

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Oops! You’re a Vampire (DVD) – Here comes something of a little different for the Indy vampire genre from writer/director Phil Messerer who is a vet in independent filmmaking. The film has some great musical touches and sets the tone quickly with its quirky feels of a late 90s/early 2000s SOV flick. The creative vampire film introduces the viewer to a young lady Lara who is gives us a fun look at family and how they are killing her slowly along with living in sleepy Sugarloaf, New York. But things change after one evening where Lara is introduced to a book (Illustrated Book of Vampires) and performs a ritual on her twin sister Helen in hopes of getting “the anal acne curse”. Helen next day dies of an extreme nose bleed! But the dead don’t stay dead especially when they are a vampire and thirst for blood after death. This is where the weirdness begins with Lara’s brother researching what happen with Helen, Lara panicking that her sister is still haunting her life from the grave, and mom just trying to keep the family together you will enjoy along with a little dry humor that also gives a little extra life to a genre that has seen way too many bad creations over the years. I like the running time, the set-up, some of the background visuals at the beginning, but if there is a flaw I would have liked the sound to be better? Anyway any casual independent film fan needs to do them a favor and get ahold of this entertaining flick as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can check out the film here:  https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0B6RYPSQT/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r

Tales of the Third Dimension (YouTube) – A long out of print anthology from 1984 that took me a few minutes of watching before knowing that I had seen it I believe when I was 10 or 11 years old. We got a skeleton puppet as the narrator and wraparound telling jokes and setting up each story as we get three stories. The first is a vampire couple who are looking to adopt a child and get the “problem child”. Second story is set in the past a bit where two guys Charlie and Freddy get greedy and go grave robbing for riches. The third story is weird and hilarious as the grandkids are left with Grandma for Christmas week and she attempts to kill the kids but fails when Santa shows up to save the day. The anthology has its flaws but still a lot of fun and surprised there hasn’t been a special edition of this anthology out there yet as I give it 3 stars.

What Waits Below (DVD) – A 1985 adventure film that stars Lisa Blount from ‘Prince of Darkness’ fame where the army has lost its transmitter in a remote place of the world where a cave is the entrance for a whole other world. An Army consultant and some scientists find this cave and go exploring for the transmitter only to find another race of humanoids living deep in the caves who stole the transmitter. Starts off interesting but putters out quickly and the humanoids fail to have that ‘wow’ factor keeping me interesting as I have to give this film only 2 stars.

Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.

Evil Dead Rise (On Demand) – So I waited for the lunacy to die out a bit before I tackled watching this film just like I did with the remake. Now to explain myself: don’t get me wrong I am a huge ‘Evil Dead’ fan like a lot of people but felt it was done after we got ‘Evil Dead vs. Ash’ TV series. I thought that chapter of Bruce, Sam, and Robert was over. On top of that the trailers for this film reminded me of ‘REC’ way too much. So take this however you but it’s a bit of a rant and a review? Anyway after an earthquake hole opens up in a parking garage of an apartment building that unearths an opening into an old vault below. This kid crawls down and of course finds the “book of the dead” and some albums to go with it. As soon as he plays them some Evil Dead shit happens and you have your movie. Is it bad… no. Is it memorable… no. Again just like the remake the lunatics lost their mind but once that dies out as it will just like before it is hard if not impossible to come close to what the originals did. Don’t get me wrong I am glad somebody is trying something with the series to give a new generation of horror fans a fun movie but please do not compare to what was already done because this is just a wannabe of what could have been done? No matter what hopefully this inspires the series to take off in another direction as I can only give this film 2 stars as I should of just stuck with ‘meh’ as my review.

Destiny to Order (VHS/YouTube) – Leave it to me to watch another Canadian out of print movie that you really cannot classify in any certain genre especially when you have Michael Ironside playing violin in this 1989 flick I never heard of until now. JD is an author who has just about completed another manuscript when he heads to the roof for a smoke with a friend and talks about life. A storm occurs and his computer has a system error that’s sets events in motion where all his characters from his books come to life and he is now living the story. Problem is his bad guy of the story has stolen the main disk and now wants rewrites and figures out he is now the author. The film is sloppy and weird but does have Michael Ironside and that will always make it worth a watch as I give the film 2 stars.

Scream (On Demand) – For those counting while reading this that is number five which after the last entry about a decade or so ago I thought that shit was done. But you know me and sequels so it was time to give this horror franchise a chance again and see what I was getting into? Personally I believed they told all they could through the third film and the fourth felt way too much like cash on nostalgia that just didn’t go over well at all. So it has been 25 years since the original events in Woodsboro and this sequel goes through the motions of capturing that and reintroducing old surviving characters. But unlike that last sequel this had a much different feel and introduces two sisters (Sam and Tara) who are the new main focus and likable characters. Again without giving too much away this film felt like the original three and the right respect of how to allow the new characters have fun and bring horror fans back in the fold of the movie within the movie as I give the film 3 stars.

Scream 6 (On Demand) – Another sequel was quickly pooped out into existence but yet again expanded the ‘Scream/Stab universe’ as this follows some of the things they did with part two as the cast points it out throughout this film. Now the sisters are living in New York dealing with the fallout differently of being part of the Ghost face legacy. Sam is looking after Tara because she wants to protect her at all costs but just like Gale and Sid explained the first time around “you are now a part of this”. Once again they use the Billy Loomis character from the first film as a plot point and filmmaker gave this movie a more of a violent revenge plot of sorts as I give the film 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest has sold out vendor spaces!

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Grossfest returns in a big way Saturday, August 5, 2023!!! We are going to party like Grossfest 2018 because unlike other conventions we are sticking with “PRE-COVID” PRICES!

$10 ticket to get in for movies, vendors, and just hanging with some very cool talented people

Start making plans…

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East
699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235
412-244-1600
or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com
Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests as always subject to change)

All we ask of yinz, is your support! You want this to keep happening you have to get your asses there and plus to answer any questions of it: Yes, a two-day event is already in the plans for August 2024! (We need to take the first big step back) So let’s keep it simple and enjoy Grossfest is back and with your support this is a new beginning for our Independent Horror Convention… again!
See yinz there!

Movies that will play that day (times will be posted in the next few weeks along with the Grossfest Lifetime Achievement Award being given away once again, and yes we know who we are giving it to already)

Grossfest guests:
Drew Marvick
Madeline Deering
Jim Roberts
James L. Edwards
Steve Rudzinski
Adam Clevenger
The Mummy and the Monkey

Movies:
Hexercise
Then My Mind Walked Away
Shingles The Movie
Bathtub Shark Attack
Doomsday Stories
Night of the Axe

Check our Grossfest group page or www.grossfest.com for list of vendors. Plus any questions or comments please send to grossfest@gmail.com

Vendors:
Cluck, Cluck Productions
Glyphs & Glam
Dazed and Disorderly
Barry the Movie Demon
Wolf Hollow LLC
MMH Productions
Pgh Scrubs Guy
Minerva’s Trinkets
Nostalgic Nightmare Productions
Face Melt Productions
Broaden Torture Productions
Drunken Yinzers Productions
Video Nasty Productions
13 Occult
Shoggoth Suds
Midnight Magazine
Independent American Pictures
Addison Binek
Lou Ickes
48 Hour Film Project
Kiss of Death Productions
Cindy’s Creature Chaos
The Cinema Psychos Show
The Artwork of Travis Trium Perfectum
1331 Studios
Neens Soaps
Such Babz Customs
Sydneys Scrunchies
Spirit of Halloween
Magical Resin Shop

Gross Movie Reviews #606

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Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.

Death Toilet 3: Doody Calls (Tubi) – The Vietnam vet Baxter is finally set in present day with this sequel which by the way has anybody questioned how this dude is not old enough to serve? I know it’s important to the plot… Anyway, filmmaker Evan Jacobs has brought back the Baxter character for another go around of shooting up satanic toilets. It has been years since Baxter has had any issues but during that slow time has developed a death toilet meter, trying to fix his old truck, and eventually selling his brother’s house where this ‘mess’ started. But the death toilets refuse to stay dead and are back again forcing Baxter to do something extreme as bringing back his priest friend from the dead to help him track the death toilets! It all leads to huge climax in the original bathroom where it started but will this be the end? Actually no because I have found two more sequels and it is just a matter of me tracking down ways of watching these two latest sequels as I give this more watchable Indy sequel 2 stars

Pillow Party Massacre (DVD) – Yes kids cross another off the list. This film does present day “Slaughter High” in reverse as a young lady named Ash has a prank pulled on her at the ‘Spring Formal’ in a high school bathroom. Minutes later Ash believing her life is ruined finds her asshole boyfriend and shoots him in the head sending everyone into mass chaos. Two years go by and her former friends head to a cabin for a weekend of fun. Once the wheels are in motion we know what is going to happen in this slasher as a mysterious or not so mysterious killer shows up to kill off the girls one by one. The film gets started quickly but goes into super dramatic mode for a long period of time which dulls the impact of the fun this slasher film could have had? I like the cast and the script is there just felt this film could have used less dramatics in the storyline as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Cinco de Mayo (DVD) – A 70 minute Indy holiday film that pays homage of sorts to “USA Up All Night” while giving a blast of a no budget horror film that shouldn’t be as good as it was! A teacher to trying his best to teach his students to heritage and culture of Mexico and his last ditch effort is to give the young minds passion like his for the upcoming holiday. But in this racist society Mr. Valdez or “El Maestro” may have finally been pushed too far as unbeknownst to him he was a part of a social experiment that goes wrong quickly. Is it Mr. Valdez just had enough of stupid people or is it really the social experiment that makes him begins his slaughter? You cannot go wrong with this no budget Indy flick that needs to be celebrated and talked about more as I give the film 3 stars.

The Norah Zone (YouTube/DVD) – I was finally able to track down this Dutch (I think) post-apocalyptic short film (38 minutes) where the whole world went to shit. Europe has become a forbidden zone and we have survivors devolving and torturing each other for survival of sorts as supplies run low. The film feels experimental or even like a student film where they took the middle plot of a post-apocalyptic film and threw it on screen with not much of ending or exactly a beginning (that is debatable). Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed what I watched just felt like this was something shown from a much bigger project if that makes sense as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Prey (DVD) – Aka Alien Prey aka Terror in Amityville Park as you can see why I finally decided to sit down and watch this film so I can add it to the “Amityville list”? Does it really belong there? That is a very good question as this was released in 1977 before the original Amityville but yet somehow at some point in time got an Amityville title… but it has aliens man! With that out of the way I present entry #48 as the opening credits gave me childhood flashbacks playing the Atari 2600. Some strange dude named Anderson appears on a young couple’s property one morning in the countryside. This of course happens after the night before where flashing lights and another couple killed near their car in the middle of nowhere. See where sex gets you kids? The couple takes him in but uneasy about it as it disrupts their dream life as the suspense and the tension builds between the three. When the couple isn’t looking Anderson high tails it back to this cabin to communicate with his home base about humans. This whole thing from beginning to end is weird fucking set up as I give it 2 stars.

The Unspoken (DVD) – Aka The Origin of The Amityville Terror from 2015, apparently the Amityville part got renamed in the Italian markets causing this to be entry #49. Now it would appear this was just in title only but spoiler alert but there is a little tidbit at the end of the film that makes this part of the series… sort of. Just pay attention because you will most likely have the same reaction I did after watching it for 80 minutes and say, “Really?” The film opens in mid-October 1997 where an officer checks out a disturbance on Briar Road that just so happens to be a murder scene with a family missing. Flashes forward 17 years where a young lady Angela takes a job at the murder house because her father has been out of work for the past two months. Angela is there to take care of a non-verbal nine year old while his mother gets the place fixed up ignoring the stories of the place. The paranormal film has the usual jump scares but throws in a little different flavor into the stale storyline with the local rednecks storing their drugs in the basement of the place so the cops wouldn’t find their stash. Now I am not gonna say this movie was absolutely awesome but I did enjoy not watching the same paint-by-numbers paranormal film or Amityville film. Again the connection is at the end folks and you will understand if I don’t say it so you can at least enjoy this flick until end comes then hate for mentioning this more unknown film I give 2 stars too.

The Dawn (DVD) – Aka The Amityville Dawn or entry #50 was released in 2019 without anyone knowing and again falls under the category “we can debate whether it’s a part of the series but there is one part at the end that has the connection kind of thing”. This is why I stayed away from reviewing these last couple of entries but wanting to be a completest of this series I thought it was time to allow them in. We begin in 1922 Pennsylvania where a little girl watches her father who was a war vet lose his mind and kill his family one evening. Rose is then sent away to a church a couple states away and becomes a staple there as she is on the verge of taking her final vows as a nun but something keeps stopping her ten years later. Rose’s nightmares are getting worse and most likely the root cause of her not taking her final vows in this super boring movie about a possessed nun that waits almost 90 minutes to show the viewer the connection to the Amityville series as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

The Pope’s Exorcist (On Demand) – A movie based on a real priest known as Father Amorth (played by Russell Crowe) who has seeked out possible demon possessions for the church and has the latitude to do what is needed to be done to rule out exorcism. This story takes place in summer 1987 Spain where an American family comes to a very old large estate to fix it up and sell before moving back home. But from the beginning strange things are happening there and the construction crew backs out after a tragic accident and the child Henry acting weird. Doesn’t take long for the church to hear about this and Father Amorth is sent immediately as the high church have had problems with this property before? The son becomes possessed but this is not the usual demon or demons Amorth has come across in the past as he must unravel the mystery of the property in order to save the child. If you love possession movies this will be right up your alley with the plot, Crowe’s performance, and knowing when to end the movie as it doesn’t cover any new ground but makes sure it is entertaining for horror fans as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Death to Metal (DVD) – An Indy film where it opens with a couple bad rednecks dumping toxic waste into the local creek which doesn’t come into play for a bit. But a local priest Milton Kilborn is suspended from his parish for being a little on the extreme side and he takes it out on his parish with theft. He follows it up with wrecking into the local creek and mutating into a monster that wants to slaughter sinners in the name of god. Meanwhile the latest Metal Massacre show has its own drama going on back stage until the mutated priest pays the show a visit and begins a bloodbath! There is some gore, great locations; the story is fun, great music but felt like the first half of the film was an awesome set up then the second half felt off or didn’t exactly fit like a little more editing could have been done? But don’t let that discourage you from enjoying this death metal Indy bonanza as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Horrortales.666 Part 3

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This Saturday we are giving our fans what they been screaming for. A free screening of Horrortales.666 Part 3. The fun part you can see from the comfort of your couch and it’s free.

It will be a one time showing at 9 PM Eastern Time 5/20/2023.

It will be avail on YouTube.

Live chat at time of movie.

Vendor spaces for Grossfest have sold out!

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http://www.grossfest.com

So this means we have sold out vendor spaces but now we need to get many butts through the door for $10 each! So vendors, friends, friends of vendors, filmmakers, Indy folk, artists, authors, we need your help spreading the word of August 5th. Plus remember there is hotel rooms available if you are traveling far, partying a little much, or just looking to stay the night with friends so please support the hotel also.

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East

699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235

412-244-1600 or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com

Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests will be announced soon and as always subject to change)

See yinz there! Any questions send to grossfest@gmail.com

More Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcasts

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This episode we dust off 3 more weirs, strange and obscure genre flicks and check them out.  First we have (or at least what Kyle thought) a gay panic / Carrie / high school revenge flick in FEAR NO EVIL. Then we see when you throw Roscoe P. Coltrain, a circus, a mask, and Linnea Quigley all into a blender and what we get is Tim’s pick in DEATH MASK.  And finally John talks about a pretty cool little 80’s gem with Scott Grimes of Critters fame in NIGHT LIFE.  We also, have answers to your listener questions and a whole ton of other stuff.  So download this episode or Roscoe won’t catch them dastardly Duke Boys as they jump the General Lee over a pond, and you don’t what that.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time it’s yet another 3 movies from the basement of that burned down video store from back in 1991. First Kyle has found a really, really weird Star Wars rip off flick that stars genre legends Vic Morrow and Sonny Chiba in MESSAGE FROM SPACE. Next we have quite the oddity that was put out by Troma and quite possibly one of the worst offenders of lying box art in DEAD DUDES IN THE HOUSE.  And finally Tim covers on of Charles Band’s first movies in MANSION OF THE DOOMED.  Spoiler Alert: it’s kinda good.  All this and a whole lot more so download this joint or Lloyd Kaufman will buy your graduation video and put it out under the title “Graduation day bloody massacre”.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week we come back and throw 3 movies in your face of varying degrees of quality… but we will let you be the judge of that.  First we finally have a god damn Godfrey Ho movie on the show in the form of ROBO VAMPIRE 2: DEVIL’S DYNAMITE and boy howdy does Kyle dislike Godfrey Ho movies.  And secondly we have the first of the adaptations of Richard Matheson’s classic book I Am Legend in the form of 1664′ Vincent price classic THE LAST MAN ON EARTH.  And finally we unearthed a weird bit of 1995 cheese in The Haunted.  We hope you enjoy the ramblings and if you don’t there is always next time.  So, Download this episode of we will have to review more Godfrey Ho movies and no one want that.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time we throw 3 more genre flicks into the hopper and see what shakes out.  First Tim picks a Rod Steiger movie with a Kung Fu action premise straight from the bottom row of the Action section of you mom and pop video store in CATCH THE HEAT.  The John talks a film noir-ish type of jam with 1975’s The Dead Don’t Die.  And finally Kyle watches the original classic kid in trouble flick INVADERS FROM MARS.  And try as we might we try to get to the bottom of why everyone likes Peeps marshmallow treats.  All this and more like question, news, and what we have been watching. So download this episode or Rod Steiger won’t vote for you in the wet t-shirt contest.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #604

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Massacre at Femur Creek (YouTube) – A (2014) 19 minute short film set in June 1984 at Cherry Hill, Ontario and now has a crowd funding campaign going to remake it and make it a feature. Three young men head to the woods for a birthday bash and talk about some funny shit. But unbeknownst to them they have a sleazy masked stalker that interrupts their man gathering and hilarity ensues as I give the Canadian short film 3 stars.

Mutant Vampires from the Planet Neptune (DVD) – The movie starts off well with a spaceship landing near an oversexed couple in their tent who also have just been attacked by an escaped mental patient then attacked by the space vampire. We flash forward to the next day where we are introduced to five friends who are heading out for a weekend of partying and the movie spending a good amount of time building up their characters. Once at the cabin the space vamp begins stalking them. I really liked the premise of the film, how it started, but the film felt a bit stretched out and the filmmaker wasn’t sure what they wanted to do with the script if that makes sense. I could only give it 1 ½ stars as I would like to hear from other people who may have seen it or going to in hopes it was just me.

Land Shark (DVD) – A mutant shark film from China in an attempt to catch lightning in a bottle: “The Meg”, “Deep Blue Sea”, insert popular shark film that uses cancer research as the backdrop for a shark film. Of course the cancer research is promising but the mutant shark is man-made through scientists using other animal genes where the shark jumps on land to chase said scientists through a jungle. Sounds fun but just never captures that ‘it’ factor to separate this from being just another boring shark film as I give it 1 star.

Murderbot (Tubi/Full Moon) – A 45 minute film from Jim Wynorski who worked with Full Moon on this project that stars a bootleg version of Julie Strain as a runaway robot. For whatever dumb reason the film is also known as “Killbots” but anyhow bootleg Julie Strain is supposed to be a military project that just so happens to decide it wants to go off on its own. She enters a small town and begins to kill the townsfolk because that is what she is programmed to do. Enter a group of unlikable young people who within seconds of arriving begin running for their lives. The beauty of the film is that it is only 45 minutes as I give it a ½ star and good luck if you go watch it?

Terror Trips (DVD) – A group of six friends out of Cincinnati, Ohio who are also horror movie fans decide to go into a new business venture where they check out horror movie locations and come with a way for people to stay there for an overnight event or something… Six months pass for the group and they head to Poland aka Indiana farm land I believe to scout another famous movie location. There the group quickly finds out stupid Americans are frowned upon and they kidnap them for organ harvesting. The film thinks big but cannot execute to its full potential besides the movie could of went in a totally different direction than ‘Hostel’ as I give it 1 ½ stars or it isn’t terrible but not good either.

Kill Her Goats (DVD) – The film begins with explaining a family home and the events that are about to unfold after the purchase where a young woman gets the house as a gift and some neighbors are not happy. Most of the film is Audra and her two friends enjoying the new home giving each other a few jump scares and walking around topless most of the time for no reason. Eventually a person in a goat mask comes to stalk the three girls but not really with a little bit of gore? Very hard to explain as this is an example of the trailers is way better than the final product. You could even make the argument that they use the nudity as a crutch as there wasn’t much story to tell but feel you would be wasting your breath on an actual intelligent conversation about this film as I give it maybe a ½ star. Again I really wanted to like this horror movie but after watching it, maybe it was doomed before it ever got started?

Horrorama (DVD-R) – A 1987 SOV flick that got finished in 1989 and found some kind of small release again in 2014 that is hosted by a disgusting undead host named Scarlet Fry who takes you through some tales of terror. The shorts are pretty quick, hilarious, and entertaining as SOV fans may want to seek this one out just for the mere reason to see blood squirt from off screen for a gore scene and it’s nowhere near where the action is taking place. Oh a wonderful look at the old days of no budget magic as I give it 2 ½ stars.

When a Killer Calls: The Babysitter Massacre (DVD) – A bright young woman named Trisha heads to her latest babysitting gig to take care of Molly for the night. Not too long after the parents leave Trisha begins getting odd phone calls on her cell including blaming her boyfriend for the (*67) phone calls? Remember the film is from 2006 but anyway you have seen the film several times before but I will give kudos to Asylum Entertainment with not taking the easy way out with cheeseball moments and trying to make the “killer is calling from in the house” film. Once the boyfriend shows up and brings friends that is when the massacre begins… sort of as I give the movie 2 stars.

The Prey: Legend of Karnoctus (DVD) – A newer B-horror film that tries to give fans a splash of four different films into one: Predator, The Descent, Graveyard Shift, and Dog Soldiers. Stocking the cast with familiar faces that the horror community will recognize as our story takes place in Afghanistan where some old military dudes are planning a heist. Meanwhile a young group of soldiers on patrol nearby get pinned down by an enemy force and head inside a cave that gets closed off by a rocket. Now trapped young stunned soldiers and a couple of old military dudes must get on the same page and start their long trek through the labyrinth in order to survive. But none of them were counting on dealing with a pissed off Afghan Sasquatch as it’s referred to many times in the movie. Not a huge budget, you hired some cool people to be on screen for a scene or two, and you have kind of a cool monster in a cave? Yep, I am in every time just to give it a chance as I liked it enough to give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #603

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The Zombie Army (Blu-ray) – This shiny SOV turd was directed by Betty Stapleford and was considered legendary at my favorite video store “ISV”. We literally had a running bet on who would actually rent this film as it had a label on it “Worst Movie in the Store”, yet no one would rent it except us dumb asses who watched it a couple times in the store over 20 years ago. Well movie nerds apparently ‘Future Video’ thought it was time to bring it to HD! So how to explain the clarity… Okay imagine if you are old… like me, and you are watching a movie on the old black and white TV set with rabbit ears? That was the VHS version. Now imagine if that VHS was dying and played on your new 60 inch thin ROKU TV thingy and you know that was an upgrade. Anyhow besides this wonderful clarity there are some trailers, different music, and footage of a writer/producer talking about their experience in getting the movie made. So the government has bought an insane asylum because you know that is a wonderful idea. After a couple dumb military personnel open a radioactive shelter door looking for drugs this of course allows two psychos to be released and wander the halls again. These psychos are not your ordinary psychos as they want to experiment on the military privates and turn them into their zombies. It was released in 1991 and some fun effects to enjoy as I give this Blu-ray 3 stars.

African Kung Fu Nazis (DVD) – So this falls under “what in the bizarre hell am I watching?” as Hitler survives for no apparent reason with the leader of Japan. Again not exactly explained but these two make a tag team who find themselves in Guyana (I think) who begin to build their German/Japanese army out of the native African folk that live there. Hitler helps train these folk for a world tournament that they are going to put on. Oh did I mention if you are black and touch the new German/Japanese flag you go ‘white face’! So of course once they build a force they bother the local dojo to pay tribute to them and force setting up a revenge story in this racist mix of “Bloodsport”, “Fist of Fury”, and “Mortal Kombat” where you won’t know if you should laugh, cry, or both when it is done as I give this film 3 stars.

Legion of the Night (YouTube) – An independent film from Matt Jaissle that is also known as “Dead City” gives off wonderful “The Dead Next Door” vibes so you know you are in for a treat. Out of Detroit a couple of scientists are forced by some mob boss Francis to come up with zombie assassins. Not exactly expecting the research to pan out as well as it did they were able to give Francis the ultimate crew to do his bidding. Of course the scientists are considered expendable and thought to be completely killed off by some of the underlings? But assistant Russell survives and explains to Taylor who is back in town wondering what happen to his father. The two plot a tale of revenge with the new CZAs (Cybernetic Zombie Assassins) to seek revenge against Francis. All seems to go to plan until Francis has also partake in the forbidden formula and combat just got a lot more interesting. Love the premise of the film, love the look even for 1995, love the vibe, some great effects, the only flaw might be the story gets a little confusing or overcomplicated but if you are an Indy fan you need to have this in your collection as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Green Hell: A Jay Crimson Film (YouTube/Troma Now) – The film opens with filmmaker Jay Crimson where this content comes from and why? But you get two sketchy looking friends who accidentally find a liquid in a cough syrup bottle dropped by a random individual. Trying to get all kinds of fucked up believe it would be a great idea to drink it? Not much time passes before they begin to trip balls, see zombies, party again, more zombie gut munching, more weird visions, get quickly addicted to it, then kill a friend’s girlfriend. It is a lewd, crude, quick take, rough style kind of filmmaking style that was featured in other independent titles “The Wet Ones” and “Magnum Opus” to name two. I know there is a small niche audience for this project I just don’t think I am it… I more of a “Street Team Massacre” movie weirdo as I give this film 2 out of 4 stars.

After Presence (DVD) – A found footage flick of a Ghost Hunting dude who disappeared in 2017 while filming with his partner their latest special at a cemetery. Jamie Rice and Pat Donovan are all about getting content for their fans. The two separate for investigation purposes during filming and Pat slowly gets very deep into something that could be considered disturbing. Pat ignores the possible warning signs and weird shit going around him until it is too late. Everyone knows I am not a huge paranormal movie fan but kudos to these guys as they kept it basic, had a complete serious tone throughout, and had a good storyline they stray from as I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Alphabet Soup (DVD) – Another project from Broaden Torture Productions as this is more of a mish mash of four short films that feel like experiments, never fully fleshed out projects, or something they tried and will possibly remake in the future when the funds dictate. Creature from the Deep is a cheeseball corny short that I enjoyed the most. A great combo DVD or perfect starter thing for an independent movie fan who may want to check out more from these guys as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

To Love Again (Blu-ray) – Another feature out of the long lost collection of filmmaker Dan Komarek that was shot in 2008 and a far departure from horror, fantasy, and kids believing they are some kind of Ninja Masters. Two unlikely friends in Zack and Sarah who are all about the drugs strangely find love for each other as they try to figure out their lives together. Happiness is short lived when Sarah’s live-in boyfriend/roommate Tony decides this needs to stop and the two accidentally kill Tony. Again a huge departure from what you would use to seeing from this filmmaker but it does have its kinks and corks for such a serious tone film like the weird fake box waterbed (I cannot get my mind around it, sorry) and the barking dog at all times in the background of filming this love story. Dan shows a different side of his talent here and well worth the watch I just don’t think this will resonate with Indy fans as much as his other work as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Video Nasty Productions: The Early Years Volume II (Blu-ray) – This time around it isn’t just some early unfinished projects from Dan Komarek but his brother Mike Komarek and it is clear who is doing what project! But before you sink your eyeballs into nearly three hours of short films Dan supplies you with twenty minutes of trailers and an interview with me Tim Gross talking about Dan Komarek and his career so far. The shorts: The Cleveland Haunting is where a young man is haunted by himself and controlled by another. Crime Story (2008) is about two dudes arguing over money. Then Crime Story (2012) completely unrelated to the other four years before but has the random barking dog returning, incoherent dialogue, machine gun sound effects for a pistol, a crochet clock hanging on a wall instead of a real clock, a hallway of a home that I think is supposed to be an office, and it has no ending… Which I was entertained by this absurdity! Into the Mystic which is more feature length than short film features a random dude in girl jeans stalking individuals in a national park where a fat young version of Dan Komarek eats cigarettes off the ground and still believes he knows kung fu! Nail Biter is a short that will possibly make you puke after the three minutes of shaky-cam and goes into a story of a newspaper reporter going back to an abandoned home to investigate murders and the legend that happened several years before. (This short film was done by Mike Komarek and the biggest example of the filming differences between the brothers.) The Entity is a short film with a Blair Witch feel as a lonely man goes slowly insane. (Nevermind the odd Nazi flag in the background as not sure why it’s there but it has nothing to do with the story?) The Road is a short where something strange happens to two best friends as soft music plays at all times. And Disinformation is a quick found footage thing that felt much unfinished. Another look into the young mind of Dan Komarek that is very entertaining and fun if you enjoy checking out stuff from independent filmmakers before they got the legs under in what they want to do as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.  

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #602

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Let Us In! (DVD) – Filmmaker Anthony E. Moran out of Michigan has put together this interesting 61 minute film that is not only his second feature but a movie that deals with “The beginning of the end”. From the start of the opening credits that give off “Prince of Darkness” vibes the Indy film goes for the throat of not pissing around for laughs where two strangers cross paths with a motorcycle club “Satan’s Keys” who are looking for revenge at a stash house. Instead both parties find something a lot more pressing, disgusting, and deadly as a radio broadcasts a hint of possible lethal agent being released in the residential area and people should “Shelter in place.” Without giving too much away this film is gory, a great story to tell, excellent use of locations, and knew exactly when to end it! Mr. Moran and crew look like they might have a finger on the pulse of what Indy fans are craving and for that I give this entertaining goofest 3 out of 4 stars.

Tough (YouTube/DVD) – Here is an intriguing 20 minute short film out of Australia from the Von Claude Brothers (Bernie and Butch) who give you a man who wants to be something he is not. Now, he cannot deal with the pain of it. This can be seen a few ways: a) a drug fueled night in the life of a young man, b) going for some kind of art film, or c) complete and utter chaos of being disgusting for disgusting sake or some kind of shock value? This isn’t my cup of tea but know fans of August Underground, American Guinea Pig series, and even Faces of Death would most likely eat this up as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Emperor of the North (DVD) – This flick is for all of our dads… If you are a person over 35 most likely your dad had seen and liked this flick. From the same guy that did “The Dirty Dozen” comes this depression era flick about a hobo trying to catch a train and not die. Set in 1933, hoboes riding trains living their best life possible. But you don’t ride ‘Engine 19’ as you are taking your own life into your hands until one hobo known as “A-No.1” takes on this train that is run by Shack who will kill just so no hobo can ride his train and live to tell about it. Amazing cast: Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Keith Carradine, Sid Haig, and a host of others star in this film about two legendary people in 1933 that know at some point they are going to face off. This is one of those completely off the beaten path movies away from horror but a great story that just sucks you in as I give it 3 stars.

The Swabian Sawmill Massacre (Blu-ray) – Yes kids check another one of the “massacre” list as I got a hold of this two parter no budget German film. Apparently after a dude has his morning coffee, playing with shitty looking dead bodies and pushing shit into his arm with a syringe our mystery killer decides to head to the local sawmill and start a murder spree. After his first kill like Jason Voorhees he finds the mask that will define him, “A large Condom”! But it isn’t a German film until someone shows their dick and someone gets pissed on? After killing everyone our killer overdoses setting up the second part while on the autopsy table he returns to the living to restart his killing spree. But first he must sew his condom mask up, put it on, and make sure he has even a bigger body count. Both movies come in together around sixty minutes and SOV fans might enjoy these as the German films from Madman Maru have this early 90s Polonia feel as I give this title 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Assault on Precinct 13 (Blu-ray) – Once again I was upgrading my physical media and picked up this ‘Steelbook edition’ just so I could have a wonderful copy of Carpenter’s masterpiece of a ‘siege’ flick. There isn’t much to say about this great project other than you will see it as a modern day western or one of the greatest siege flicks ever put together. The extras were a little slim on this edition but I still couldn’t help myself as has an old interview with Carpenter at a theater in the early 2000s, his commentary which could be new but have listened too on the laserdisc version?, but there is a couple new interviews with cast members that if you are a fan like myself will give you butterflies talking about the film four decades later! Anyhow, the Blu-ray is one of those worth picking up if you see it on sale and need an upgraded edition like I did. Besides the picture and the music isn’t going to get any better at this point as they have done everything to make it look crisp, clean, and sound perfect as I give it 4 stars.

Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Pray” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.

10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” and thank you).

Infinity Pool (DVD) – So Brandon Croenberg likes his father is now making movies that are truly bizarre and most likely made before their time? And this is no different as author James Foster and his girlfriend are on vacation at an island where the richest of the rich go to a perfect fenced-in resort (the town nearby is crime riddled, poor, and they hate foreign people). James and Em become friends with this intriguing couple that has Mia Goth a part of it. And besides just meeting people and wanting to do something with them James becomes attracted to Mia’s character immediately. Once talked into leaving the resort to enjoy themselves that is where the film gets super weird and not sure I can even do this film justice explaining what you watch next? After the author runs a local down with a car authorities come the next day looking for them and we go down a rabbit hole of basically a process of cloning but you are able to watch yourself getting killed in a horrible way. If that wasn’t enough or confusing James is now a part of this group of people or zombies because of his life-altering experience and they up their violent tendencies. Eventually James has had enough and when it ends it will leave you hanging in thought of what did you actual watch. The film is crazy, bizarre, and by the end of it I found Mia Goth’s character super annoying. Not sure if this is my cup of tea kind of film as I may have to revisit this in five years to truly understand it but for now I give it 2 stars?

The Munsters (DVD/Remake/Prequel) – So let’s get this out of the way first: I was an “Addams Family” person but never a huge “Munsters” fan but also know there has been several failed reboots of the “Munsters” over the years. So saying that and following Rob Zombie’s career this film only made sense at this time for him. This version isn’t so much a retelling of what we already know but a prequel to the TV show and how Lily and Herman met and moved to America. The film dives into Grandpa not liking Herman and trying everything to stop the monster from taking his little vamp girl from him. The movie is more for the fans of the show as Zombie made sure to hit on all the highlights of stories Lily and Herman tell about their early romance. I believe Rob Zombie did a great job bringing this to life but I think the only problem is the movie will cater to a certain audience as others won’t get it and this film will be forgotten soon as I give the film 2 ½ stars.    

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!