Look at that another new Bloodbaths and Boomsticks episode is up!

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This week we return and offer up our opinions on 3 more fine flicks.  First John chats about an all-time classic that Kyle has never ever seen in FRANKENHOOKER.  Next we have a Tim Gross picked independent joint in DISMEMBERING CHRISTMAS.  And finally Kyle picks the new Martin Scorsese gangster flick THE IRISHMAN; also, we celebrate the demise of Tom Brady and playoff chat. Kyle gets obsessed with a Cops marathon on New Year’s. Tim finds weird movies on Tubi TV.  And we as always answer your questions and read all your mail.  So download this episode if you wanna date.

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #494

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Gross Movie Reviews #494

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (DVD) – Well it is Halloween 1968, and three kids are out for their last Trick or Treat. This year they have a plan to get back the older kids who have messed with them in past Halloweens and that is to let them bag snatch them only to find out too late they have been ‘shit bombed’. Great prank! On the run the three younger kids find a new friend in Ramone at a drive-in who protects them. They convince him it would be a cool idea to check out the local haunted house that may have been owned by a child murderer? They get trapped in Sarah Bellows bedroom by the high school kids and while trying to find a way out they find Sarah’s “Book of Stories” and Stella reads it. Thus reading it causes new stories to be written and Stella’s friends dying one by one.  It is up to Stella to figure out how to release Sarah Bellows’ ghost or she is next. If you like “Goosebumps” you will enjoy this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (DVD) – So a body is brought into a family morgue that was found at a house of murdered people. No cause could be found but when investigating they find a body of a young woman in the basement dirt floor and police want answers. The morgue is the Tilden Morgue, family owned. And they believe in doing the job right but this young lady had no I.D. or idea of what she truly died from. As they begin the autopsy and begin to find weird shit with the body, weird shit begins to happen around them. As they go deeper into the autopsy the father/son duo soon figure out they are being haunted and there is no real way out of this terror. Interesting, different, and well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Wizard of Gore (DVD) – Holy balls I forgot how weird this H.G. Lewis flick was as it is about Montag the Great who is a magician who is the master of illusions… maybe. A highly rated morning TV show host and sports writer boyfriend take in a show where Montag clearly kills a woman on stage but she is perfectly fine when the illusion is over. But later that night the same woman shows up slaughtered at a restaurant. Is it magic? An illusion? How Montag does this? Over and over the couple go back to try and part the pieces together that attach Montag and the recent so-called murders. It loses steam watching it now but was a perfect Midnight flick or Drive-in flick at the height of those pop cultures. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Close Calls (DVD) – A Richard Stringham low budget flick that doesn’t look low budget at all. It stars a wonderful actress named Jordan Phipps who is Morgan, a rich family teenager who has been grounded by her father for foolin’ around with her boyfriend. She decides with no phone and nowhere to go it is time to get super high. This sets the tone for the over two hour film as she is supposed to be taken care of Grandma in the attic which is just weird in itself. But Morgan begins to receive obscene phone calls and begins to see her dead mother. If that wasn’t enough as she begins to trip balls she gets rape by a so-called friend, tied up dad’s friend, her Grandma doing weird shit, and her Dad’s friend trying to kill her. Now the movie looks beautiful, the music is awesome, the actress is awesomely talented, and the film is weird. Great, but the film is over two hours long which could have done so much better without the father and his girlfriend scenes and Morgan she have been dead within the first 15 minutes of the movie with all the drugs she done. If you enjoy it more power to you, right or wrong for me it just didn’t add up and shouldn’t have been over 85 minutes as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Virgins from Hell (DVD) – An Indonesian film from 1987 that some of yinz may know as “Maidens Revenge”. A crazy ass film that begins with a gang of women who bring down a mob-owned casino because two sisters want revenge against a crime syndicate. Supposedly this crime syndicate killed their parents and now uses their huge house and property for prostitution and drug trafficking. These two sisters come up with this plan to go kick ass only to be captured, tortured, and eventually escape to kill everyone involved. All the music is stolen from other American films and the raid of Mr. Tiger and his torture house at the end is completely over the top hilarity as I give this greatness 3 stars.

Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Rave Party Massacre (DVD) – A 2017 film set in 1992, three days after the presidential election and a huge ‘Dead Thirsty’ rave party is going down. A few party goers pass out from the extreme partying and find themselves locked in the abandoned hospital it took place in. Now they must fight for their lives as it is all for ‘The New World Order’. I get the concept and like the location that yinz got for this movie but the body count was near non-existent. The cast had like seven people and four of them died. If it is going to be a rave and a massacre you need to have more dead people as I give it 1 star.

 

Raiders of the Sun (DVD) – Leave it to me to trip across another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines that have two factions fighting over gunpowder in a future world. Now a rebel must protect a village of unarmed people who have mined a shitload of gunpowder. Not missing much here folks in this 1992 feature as this is a bottom of the barrel bore fest as I give it 1 star.

 

Deadman Apocalypse (DVD) – A small military group is sent into a labyrinth to search for water since the earth is just about dead. They get separated and ten years pass where there is some kind of weird low budget housing going on in this labyrinth. Now let me stop you here because this isn’t so much bashing the film as much as asking a legit question: Where did they get the fucking food to survive down there in those endless tunnels for ten years or am I just crazy? I give it 0 stars until this can be answered legitimately.

 

Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High aka Vol. 2 (Blu-ray) – Like most Troma fans I waited, I asked, I wondered when in the Rutger Hauer this sequel was going to be released? Well the wait is over as we find out the fate of Lauren and Chrissy and the weirdness in the school girls’ shower that left us hanging. Lauren gives birth to a mutant duck and the principal threatens to expose Chrissy and Lauren as ‘out of the closet’ unless Chrissy takes down her blog about Tromoganic Foodstuffs. But the two figure out how to turn the media against the principal which causes chaos: The new Cretins takeover, a mutated mess kills Melvin, and along the way Kevin the Mutated Duck grows into a huge hideous being to help the girls defeat the Cretins. I give kudos to Lloyd Kaufman understanding it took too long for this sequel to come out and understand people like me might find it underwhelming. Was it horrible? No… it wasn’t I think I am just that big of a fan of the original but enjoy Lloyd seeing the humor in it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Northville Cemetery Massacre (DVD-R) – A motorcycle gang rolls into a small town with a hitchhiker to just hang out and have fun. Of course the local authorities are not happy and trying to bring the man down even though they haven’t done anything. The gang continues their harmless antics even after two of their own get married but that is where it stops being fun when they are accused wrongly of rape. A young couple who hung with them gets caught by a dick cop in a farmhouse. Dude gets knocked out; his woman gets raped and she is told not to say anything. Meanwhile the dick cop convinces daddy the only way for justice is to go all “Death Wish” on them with a rifle. This bloody battle all goes down at the Northville Cemetery between Daddy, cop, and a hunter vs. The Spirits in a wonderful shootout climax! Another drive-in classic that needs to be talked about for all to see again as I give it 3 ½ stars.  

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

We at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks post a couple more podcast episodes…

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This week Kyle, Tim, and John gather again to chat about 3 more genre flicks to make your brain fry.  First Tim covers WERESQUITO: NAZI HUNTER (yes, you read that right).  Next Kyle picks a flick he has never seen but seems to be right up his alley in BRAINSTORM.  And John covers a sequel to a Christmas time cult classic in JACK FROST 2: THE REVENGE OF THE KILLER MUTANT SNOWMAN.  We also talk about what we have been watching and read and answer you listener questions.  So download this episode if you love Christopher Walken wearing futuristic headgear.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Welcome to the year 2020… And you know what time it is not.  It’s time to join our good buddy T-Shirt Joe and recall all of the best movies we’ve all watched in the year 2019.  We cover it all.  The good, the bad, and the honorable mentions.  So download this episode before Trump kills us all.

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The 2019 was a great year for television.  And Kyle and T-Shirt Joe are here to talk about all of it.  Well, all of it except the What We Do In The Shadows series on FX because Kyle forgot to write that one down.  

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Gross Movie Reviews #493

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Gross Movie Reviews #493

 

Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.

 

Ready or Not (DVD) – Grace is a bride about to be married into a super-rich family who for over a century has sold board games and such. As family tradition after the marriage the family gets together at midnight to initiate the new family member with a game that is picked by the luck of the draw. Problem arises when Grace pulls the ‘Hide-n-Seek’ card that has her being hunted down by the family throughout the huge mansion to be caught before dawn. Weird and sometimes funny shit but well worth the watch. I may not be as big of a fan as most of this past year’s flick but there is denying Samara Weaving is a freaking awesome actress as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Zombieland: Double Tap (On Demand) – Best way to describe this film is if you see the first film you have seen this sequel. That isn’t a bad it is still hilarious zombie killings and rules going on but ten years later. Believe me I will take a sequel like this than most zombie shit that is being force fed to horror fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

From Hell to the Wild West (On Demand) – Found another flick with bootleg Chuck Bronson. This time around a researcher finds a diary from a woman that may have solved the mystery behind Jack the Ripper? She reads the diary that tells a story about the old west at the time Jack the Ripper had disappeared from authorities. A masked psycho is putting out ads for whores to come to a small remote town for them to be killed. Bootleg Chuck figures this out but some bounty hunters believe it’s him. With the help of a U.S. Marshal he hopes to clear his name and bring this unholy killer to justice. The film isn’t a bad concept but making bootleg Chuck Bronson only a supporting character instead of the star I believe hurts the film. That and the film just seeming to drag a little in the middle so I came out a little disappointed in the end as I give this western/horror 1 ½ stars.

 

Satanic Panic (DVD) – First let me just say without Hayley Griffith as Sam the main character I do not know if this movie is much fun as it is? Sam is a young pizza delivery girl trying to make some money. So an order comes in from a rich part of town that is out of the pizza place’s area Sam takes it. Running out of gas and no tip Sam takes it upon herself to find a way into the mansion to explain why she should get a tip. Without knowing at first she has stumbled upon Satanists who are having a meeting and then set up for a ritual when they figure out Sam is a virgin! Funny shit ensues, lots of gore, and a crazy ass Satanist orgy at the end of the film and you got ‘Satanic Panic’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Crime Zone (DVD) – An absolute gem starring David Carradine and Sherilyn Fenn in a post-apocalyptic world where ‘the state’ controls everything. Fenn and her new boyfriend are made an offer they cannot refuse in order to escape the hell they are in and that is to become the futuristic Bonnie and Clyde. But a double crossing Carradine believes it is all about business and crime stirs up business with a very depressing ending for the two lovers. A fun Corman low budget gem that reminds you how fucking cool Ms. Fenn is. Not only is she gorgeous but talented and did every little project that came her way during the mid to late 80s and I am thankful for that as this gem gets 3 stars.

 

Conversation with the Devil (YouTube) – A new short film from filmmaker Sam Hodge that deals with a man who is about to commit the ultimate sin but stopped when a stranger walks by to strike up a conversation. An interesting and cool little story that has been told in many forms but Mr. Hodge showing he is learning more and more with each independent project he does as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Cannibal Hillbillies (DVD) – Broaden Torture Productions is back with their latest project that has a small group of friends testing a theory of an urban legend. The urban legend is a family of cannibals living out in the woods where one of their fathers’ had a campsite. They pay with their lives finding this out of course but the biggest problem is watching this 50 minute feature that is filled up with about 10 to 15 minutes of filler. You know empty woods, credits, even the group babbling in the mini-van which seems like forever. I like the people behind this Indy production company but this film just misses on all cylinders badly as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

 

Strange Events (DVD) – I wouldn’t call it an anthology as much as a series of short films that are about the unknown and paranormal with dates and cities stamped on them. There is no wrap around which makes it unique and fun. We also get some cool backstabbing murders and I did enjoy bootleg Beavis and Butthead stumbling upon the exorcism that they thought was an internet sex date. Worth the watch as I give it 3 stars and if you like it there is a sequel also.

Do Not Disturb (DVD) – A 2010 serial killer film that was also known as “New Terminal Hotel”. Supposedly it is known for having one of the last performances from Corey Haim? But anyway the film centers around a character named Don Malek played by Stephen Geoffreys who was the hot Hollywood screenwriter who now is living in a shitty hotel working on his latest project. Problem arises when his agent Ava played by Tiffany Shepis shows up and sees the studio boss lying in the tub as Malek explains away it is ‘performance art’. Meanwhile all Ava wants is a script from her hot talent that is going cold quickly. Ava returns the next day to find no script but the studio head stumbling out of the bathroom of the hotel room after being dissected by Malek. Now any normal person would run and call the cops but Ava being the best agent possible decides to try and help Malek as she slowly takes the jump down the disturbing rabbit hole with Malek as he transforms into a serial killer. Ava must protect her investment but the biggest flaw of the film might be its ending as it felt very dissatisfying. It’s a fun slow burn with not a great payoff but is better than it should be with great performances from Stephen Geoffreys and Tiffany Shepis as I give it 2 stars.

 

Big Bad Bugs (DVD) – SyFy Channel in its heyday couldn’t come up with something this terrible as a scientist figures out how to use a wormhole to make giant man-eating insects to conquer the world. The topper is when the villain changes into a huge snake! Wasn’t this supposed to be about bugs? The title says it all remember people… as I give this zero stars.

 

Cyborg X (DVD) – There was no JCVD in sight but a hilarious role for Danny Trejo shooting CGI machines and cyborgs as he collects another paycheck waiting for the next “Machete” movie. Instead of even trying to explain this picture just imagine a bootleg of a bootleg “Terminator: Salvation” without all the convoluted John Connor storyline. I give it 1 star and consider yourself warned.

Megaconda (DVD) – A giant CGI monster movie that has eluded me for the past year or two as I went searching for this turkey. Some jagoff comes into small town Colorado fucking up some beloved community park to build condos or something. Instead the workers disturb a sleeping prehistoric snake that is pissed and hungry. Now it is up to a drunk, an emotionless sheriff, his son and girlfriend, and wait for it… Michelle Bauer who just happens to show up while camping in a cave doing artwork and supplying liquor to minors! You had me watching at terrible giant CGI snake and very random appearance of the absolutely cool Michelle Bauer. Instead of being stupid and horrible like “Big Bad Bugs” Fred Olen Ray’s son knows what to do with nothing and make it entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Retrograde (DVD) – Freakin’ Dolph Lundgren is a time traveler who travels 200 years in the past to stop a plague happening from fallen meteors that start the apocalypse. His good looks and fighting skills in movies make it hard to pass up. But felt like the film missed out an opportunity since it also starred Gary Daniels. For that I only give this 2004 Dolph flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Minion (DVD) – Dolph is a part of the ‘Knights Templar’ who is sent to New York City to retrieve a key that has been unearthed by subway construction. An archaeologist is called in and she is going bonkers on what this can mean for her career. But evil is around and wants to use the key to unlock a secret door that has Satan trapped in a pit. If it is opened evil will reign and lay waste to Earth. A fun ‘End of Days’ made on the cheap with Dolph punching humans in the back of the necks with a glove with spikes to kill off the possessed. If you are a fan of religious ‘End of Days’ shit this will be right up your alley as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #492

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Gross Movie Reviews #492

 

Rambo: Last Blood (On Demand) – So it seems this is the last entry into a wonderful action series starring Sly Stallone. To be honest it is hard to top the last film in the series as it maybe my favorite for the crazy gore and just get to the good parts kind of flick. This time around John Rambo has supposedly made peace with his past and taken over the family farm just doing his thing. If yinz consider building tunnels under property a normal thing? But Rambo’s niece needs to see her father before she heads off to college and heads into a bad part of Mexico. One of her childhood friends who moved back there sell her out to a cartel that deals in the sex slave trade and that is when Rambo makes it his business to go get her. Spoiler alerts my friends… She dies on the way back that causes Rambo to prepare for war and pretty much took out a whole Mexican cartel with his resourcefulness if that is a word and his tunnels. I personally didn’t like this nearly enough as some others did but it is a “Rambo” film and you get what you pay for and that is Rambo fucking people up as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dismembering Christmas (DVD) – It kills me to talk about this film because the trailer for this independent holiday film had promise but that turned to disappointment once I was no more than twenty minutes in. Young friends get together at a remote cottage for the Christmas holiday instead of spending it with family. Throw away characters show up to tell the group they are basically doomed because of a murder or two that happened a few years ago but of course ignore it. From there the supposed slasher movie is dull and makes you root for the characters to be killed off quickly so you can move on to something else worthy of your time. The film raises so many questions of what is actually going on let alone none of the characters are very likable. I don’t blame the actors as much as I blame the person or persons behind the script as they didn’t have much to work with. It kills me to be this harsh to this independent flick but this was an utter disappointing crap fest that I want to forget as I give it 0 stars.

 

Spill (DVD) – Need more Brian Bosworth in your life then begin your search with this lesser known environmental-action flick from the mid-90s? Yinz may have seen it listed on several apps or channels as “Virus” as the other dozen flicks of the same name. Bosworth plays an ex-football player who now leads the secret service. The ‘Boz’ soon finds himself a part of a deadly germ virus cover up when he is scouting out a location for the president. A truck with a renegade driver crashes in the woods causing a spill that could poison everyone but the president is convinced it is in his best interest to cover it up as quickly as possible. Boz being the good man he is cannot let this go as he seen people die from the spill and tries to convince anyone and everyone this was wrong and covered up by the president as I give it 3 stars.

Weresquito: Nazi Hunter (DVD) – You that feeling of tripping up on an awesome small budget flick you feel no one knows about? Well yinz need to get yourself viewing this wonderful throwback to the late 50s, early 60s creature feature. The filmmaker has a history of shooting films in black and white and looking like they take place several decades ago. And kudos to that crazy bastard because he is good at it! A man shows up in a small town called New Berlin looking for a doctor he knew from the war. But the man is very cautious to let anyone know any other details. John becomes quick friends with a Ms. Schmidt at the diner and they both help each other out. But John’s secret stops romance from budding as when he is angered or sees red he turns into a WERESQUITO! John was experimented on during the war and this transformation is what causes him to search for the doctor that ruined his life. Film buffs everyone rejoice and track this bad boy down as it will not disappoint as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Bad Times at the El Royale (DVD) – Too fucking long and would have been so much better if it played out like some crazy lost ‘X-files’ episode. I give it 1 star for having Jeff Bridges play a priest… sort of.

 

Brainstorm (DVD) – A very weird ass movie that stars Christopher Walken who is trying to help explore new forms of communication through a weird brain contraption. This seem more enjoyable when I watched it as a kid on HBO but over 30 years later the film really doesn’t entirely a whole lick of interesting sense as I give it 1 star.

 

Channel 13 (DVD) – A very limited edition DVD/Blu-ray that is a lost film or anthology in this case from the Polonia Brothers that was never finished and never released. Mark Polonia goes into the reason for its release and how it was unearthed as you get to see a project from their early days. It is a couple of stories being told with a wraparound that was recently shot as they never finished what they originally started. A fun project to check out if you are a big independent film fan, if not you just won’t get the early days of the Polonia Brothers as they were one of the pioneers of Independent Cinema. I give this lost project 3 stars.

 

Deadly Games (Shudder) – A 1990 French film that can be found under the title “Dial Code: Santa Claus” is much like a French version of “Home Alone” with a creepy hobo. A rich kid named Thomas still believes in Santa and just like most children that believe he wants to prove to friends he does exist. So through an early version of the internet he contacts Santa but it just happens to be a random hobo. A random hobo who happens to be a toy store Santa for five minutes and gets fired by Thomas’ mum after he was about to go ape shit on a little girl. Instead random hobo finds out there is a Christmas delivery going to Thomas’ home and takes it in person. From Thomas must not only defend himself but protect his almost blind grandfather from the crazy hobo who wants to kill! Weird, kind of fucked up, and the kid has a killer mullet. In my book this film is well worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Necrotronic (Shudder) – Thank you to Shudder again for finding random crazy Australian horror films! Apparently since the beginning of time there have always been demons and necromancers fighting especially when the demons started possessing humans. Now some evil bitch has figured out a way to go super high tech and possess a million souls all at once. Meanwhile a guy named Howie who collects poo for a living with his bud is the savior of the necromancers. It all starts when his buddy instead collecting poo is playing a game on his phone that has you collecting ghosts. This is how evil is gonna possess everyone. Weird shit happens with the game and Howie, next up enter the demons who want his soul because the evil mastermind behind the grand plan is his mother… sort of. Oh, did I mention there is a 3-D printer for souls, watch the movie you’ll understand as I give this fun ghost adventure 3 stars.

 

Secret Santa (DVD) – So I tracked down another low budget holiday flick that has college girls and their party being haunted by a “Secret Santa”. Okay let me explain, a masked person leaves them a Secret Santa gift and then they die because they are obsessed with the web cam model that shoves cucumbers into her lady parts. Again it kills me I really like to enjoy these flicks but this was more disorienting than a fun low budget holiday slasher it could have been as I give it 1 star. Bottom-line don’t threaten a killing spree unless you are going to actually give me one.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #491

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Gross Movie Reviews #491

Velocipastor (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer someone has been reading my mind again and I thank them as this movie exists! Young Pastor Doug loses his parents to a rogue car explosion before the opening credits. Being upset with God, Doug wants to find himself because this tragic event has made him question everything so he travels to China or someone’s backyard made to look like it for answers. There Doug is approached by a dying Chinese woman who scratches him with an artifact and calls him “Dragon Warrior”. After this event Pastor Doug finds himself back home at bed unsure of how he got there. Still unsure Pastor Doug takes a walk in the park where he transforms into a raptor that helps a hooker named Carol. Carol being appreciative takes Velocipastor home and tries to convince of what happened and what he can do with his new found powers. But meanwhile ninjas and Doug’s lost brother are all about bringing down our new found superhero! Does Doug become a crime fighting dinosaur or die at the hands of ninjas as give this beautiful movie is amazing and absolutely fucking hilarious as I give it 4 stars!

 

Spanish Chainsaw Massacre (DVD) – As I scrap the bottom of the barrel ‘massacre filmland’ I came across this abomination that has a bunch of random violent scenes and boobs during the first ten minutes of the picture that has nothing to do with the movie. So once you are past that we get the real plot which is barely 60 minutes long about the band ‘Metal Dicks or Cocks’? They use both names during the film so go with whatever penis name you are comfortable with. The band’s manager takes them on tour only to breakdown in a small village that just happens to be full of cannibals who don’t mind taking a bite out of a dong or two. Lots of very wacky and gory scenes of flesh-eating but is it really interesting? It is more disorienting with a few laughs as I give the film 1 star.

 

Bachelor Party Massacre (DVD) – Remember the independent film was made in 2006 so it was influenced by “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. If that doesn’t scare you off then knowing it takes ‘the raincoat killer’ 70 minutes to kill four dudes in an empty bar should as I give this badly produced flick a ½ star.

 

Killer Sofa (DVD) – A crazy dude named Fredrico who is obsessed with a dancer commits suicide to put his spirit into a recliner and for it to be sent to her when found. The recliner is sent to the dancer Francesca who is very accepting of the recliner but soon weird things begin to happen with the piece of killer furniture inside her apartment and she cannot explain it. The movie peaks about halfway through when it completely goes off the rails after killing Francesca’s boyfriend and start talking witches and other random shit of how this killer recliner came to be? Honestly why explain? It is a fucking movie called “Killer Sofa”! Stop over thinking the plot and just give me a sofa eating people, movie done! How fucking hard is it as I give this disappointing movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Murder by Death (DVD) – A 1976 murder/mystery/comedy that was most likely was the influence to the “Clue” movie that is so much fun. Five of the world’s finest detectives are brought together to a spooky mansion to solve a crime that hasn’t been committed yet. The detective that does win will win a million dollars. Great 70s all-star cast provide lots of hilarious moments to a film that may be lost on a generation or two of movie fans. If you’re a movie buff this film is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

Deadtectives (Shudder) – A group of people who have faked a popular paranormal show for five seasons without ever finding any real ghosts! But now the show is tanking and if they don’t have an amazing finale they are going to be canceled. So the group against their wishes has a new producer and sent to Mexico to investigate Mexico’s most haunted place that has a history of people dying there. Not taking it seriously the group does their usual antics until they begin to figure out they are now facing real evil and may not live to tell anyone about it. The group must put their heads together to actually figure how to defeat the evil that resides in the house in order to leave… Funnier than I ever thought it would be as I give it 3 stars.

When the Fever Breaks (DVD) – An independent film that uses zombies as a minor back drop piece in a plot of how friends turn on each other. It begins with friends (one of them, George looks like a bootleg Karl Urban) escaping a horde of zombies to a secure house. People are turning from scratches more than bites and everyone is unsure if the chemical leak had anything to do with the apocalypse that has them running for their lives. Skye and Haley are the best of friends but soon become enemies as Skye is bitten and trapped in her garage with her daughter. Skye is already sentenced to death by friends just because of survival. The second half of the movie becomes more about Skye taking her home back and helping her daughter survive than zombies attacking the home. Again the zombies are just a backdrop here and I believe it to be a very cool thing that was well executed with a twist as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Beyond the Law (DVD) – A 1968 spaghetti western starring the late great Lee Van Cleef who plays an outlaw named Cudlip who has two partners in crime who steal the miners’ payroll on its way to the small town Silvertown. Novak is a European man who was protecting the payroll and vows to go back to Greenstone to get the insurance payroll. Totally still looking for what may have happened to the payroll Novak meets Cudlip in the middle of the desert. They quickly become friends on different paths, Novak going to Greenstone to protect the payroll and Cudlip to steal it with his two friends. Everything goes to both plans until real time outlaws show up and start a shoot out to get the payroll. Thanks to Cudlip and friends it doesn’t happen but now the stakes are raised higher for Cudlip to decide if he wants to steal the silver or just become an honest man after he is made sheriff. Great spaghetti western with a great ending as you can never go wrong with Van Cleef as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Grand Duel (DVD) – Some people might know this 1972 film under its other name “The Big Showdown”. Either way it stars Lee Van Cleef as a bad ass old sheriff who is looking to help a condemned young gunfighter. Sheriff Clayton lays his job on the line to defend the kid that is accused of a murder he did not commit. Cleef’s character must face off in a bloody duel with the potential president candidate in order to clear the young man’s name. Great back and forth scenes between Cleef and the young gunfighter as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Shoot’em Up (DVD) – A completely unrealistic comic bookish action film starring Clive Owen as Mr. Smith who is just minding his own business until a pregnant woman comes running past into an alley. She is tracked down by an unknown man who is trying to kill her. After Mr. Smith takes a bite of his carrot he decides to get involved and from the chaos begins and does not stop until the credits roll. Mr. Smith helps deliver the baby during a shootout with mobsters and escapes with the child who becomes known as Oliver after the mother is shot in the head. Mr. Smith is on the run with Oliver until he meets up with an old friend who happens to be a high priced hooker that feeds breast milk to dudes. No matter what Mr. Smith wants to protect the child for the mere reason a mob boss wants the baby. But if that wasn’t good enough I give you subplot of the baby is a part of some strange government bone marrow experiment for a presidential hopeful! The film blends the outrageous fun of 80s action films with a comic bookish storyline that completely works brilliantly to be enjoyed time after time as I now can take Clive Owen seriously and for that I give 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

It will be here before you know it: Grossfest 3: Season of the Gross, July 25-26th, 2020. Check out www.grossfest.com for details.

Grossfest 3 has yet another guest announcement!

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For our next guest announcement, these two filmmakers are hard at work on a couple long awaited independent projects. They both have worked as directors, producers, cinematographers, writers, editors, etc. on a couple independent films you may have heard of? “The Barn, 10/31, The Barn II, Force to Fear, Cryptids, and 10/31 part 2. They have an amazing tight knit talented crew that helps them bring some amazing ideas to life. We all just hope they remember us little people when these folks get uber-famous of course I am talking about the two talented guys from near the Washington, Pa. area: Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger!

 

Grossfest 3: Season of the Gross

July 25th-26th, 2020
The George Washington Hotel
60 South Main St.
Washington, Pa. 15317

www.thegeorgewashington.com

www.grossfest.com

Or find Grossfest on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

Gross Movie Reviews #486

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Gross Movie Reviews #486

 

Walk like a Panther (On Demand) – If you enjoy wrestling movies then you are in for a treat from the UK folks. Mark Bolton is the son of ‘The Bulldog’ one of the original British wrestlers that ran together called, “Panthers”. They use to be on the tele in the 80s and then were canceled to the dismay of many. Mark never got his shot with the Panthers but now runs a pub called “The Half-Nelson” where all the old wrestlers and fans hang out at. They talk about old times, drink a pint, and wait for Mark’s wrestling trivia night. But things change when Mark’s idol Ginger Frost dies. They all go to the pub for the wake and interrupted by a young village idiot who believes wrestling is fake. So when the old timers get a hold of him and start having a good time at his expense as his friends film it on their phones and it goes viral. Between this hilarious turn of events and the pub being sold from under young Mark’s hands he decides to get “The Panthers” back together again for an one hour event to save the pub. Stephen Graham, Julian Sands, Robbie Gee were an absolute hoot in this flick. Maybe not the perfect film but there was many times I laughed my ass off at the screen as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Dead Don’t Die (On Demand) – The latest zombie film to have Bill Murray and a host of other Hollywood names take on zombies in a small town. Bill Murray and Adam Driver are cops of the town Centerville where their highlight is yelling out in the woods at a hobo that Murray’s character knew since high school. But polar fracking has knocked Earth’s axis funny and it has caused several weird things to happen: Prolonged daylight, animals going completely nutzoid, and Iggy Pop and other dead folk to rise from their grave. With no answers but many questions the film becomes one long Seinfeld joke. For good or bad the zombie make-up was cool but I was expecting a little bit of a different movie as I give it 2 stars.

Slaughterhouse Slumber Party (Blu-ray/Vimeo) – Dustin Mills has quickly become one of my favorite filmmakers as he has made all kinds of different horror films. Always trying something different and this is no different for this unapologetic cheesy film about a group of young women getting together once a year for a party weekend. At times shot like a “Big Brother” or “Real World” TV show you get to know all the women and their flaws who are attending this big weekend party. Of course no boys allowed but a new girlfriend Gretchen, has been brought into the event meeting new people and enjoy the fun of being free, drunk, and hope not to have your face farted on! Anyway Gretchen seems a little strange and not all about the new Rocket Ribcage film. Gretchen is more into bringing forth evil supernatural shit. Never thinking much about Gretchen’s weirdness she is accidentally killed in a pillow fight and thus starting off a bunch of demonic bad shit happening to the women. The friends mostly naked and frighten must gather the strength to take on this horror and escape the wrath of Gretchen! If there was ever a movie to be put on a double bill with “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama” this is it my friends and that is high praise coming from me as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Dustin be proud my friend and that cast was awesome!

 

Spider-man: Far From Home (On Demand) – The Avengers have disappeared again and Tony Stark is dead. They all saved the world but Peter just wants to get back to normal high school life and that means going to Europe with MJ and friends. This being Peter’s big chance to finally ask MJ out but course things go sideways when Mysterio shows up fighting monsters called, “Elementals”. Nick Fury needs Peter to take over for Stark and help fight these fights. Peter still just wanting to be a high school kid decides to let Mysterio do the job until he learns of the real plan. This newer version of Spider-man was again a lot of fun and really enjoyed the end credit stuff but the real shame is going to be Disney and Sony fighting over the property. Which means most likely we won’t even get to see Tom Holland in college as Spider-man. Fun movie I give 3 ½ stars too but most likely we will see two more sequels to everything else before this problem gets resolved so enjoy it folks.

 

Video Murders (DVD-R/VHS) – Jim McCullough Jr. brings us a lower budgeted film about a serial killer David Lee Shepard. The film opens with David bringing a hooker back to a hotel for the intent of filming her strangulation. The detectives have gotten closer to David as he has left a trail of murder scenes in different cities but with the same motive. The rest of the film entails a detective in not one but two long chase scenes with David. There is some filler with David picking up a woman in a bar because she reminds him of his mother and does not kill her but keeps her tied up. The movie teases this will be sleazefest but is more of a dramatic cat and mouse thriller between David and the detective as I give it 2 stars.

The Dark Days of Demetrius (DVD/Vimeo) – Independent filmmaker Dakota Ray is back with his latest film about a serial killer called “The Live Stream Killer”. This man streams his murders and has a following on social media which in turn he allows his so-called fans to comment on photos and videos. Demetrius desire to kill is consuming him and gets off on that his following is growing by the hundred-thousands with each post. Eventually LSK allows the audience to decide the fate of his victims taking his murderous ways to a new height. But a sadistic reporter of a news website takes notice of LSK and begins to blame him for murders he has nothing to do with in order to have more content for his site. Demetrius can stay as a mystery to police but makes himself known to the reporter who is trying to stain The Live Stream Killer’s name. This is for sure one those hard-hitting films that are not for the fate of heart as it isn’t so much sleazy as much as just one of the darkest films you may watch… For that I give Dakota’s feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Sneak preview of the upcoming SEVERE INJURIES blu-ray 2-disk set

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Sneak preview of the upcoming SEVERE INJURIES blu-ray 2-disk set we hope to have out in October! Designed by Matt Gilligan and given a new coat of paint by Ryan Hose.

Unavailable for years, semi-remastered for blu, SEVERE INJURIES tells the story of Melvin Hubble, (Charlie Fleming), last in a long line of unsuccessful serial killers, making a final stab at glory by sneaking into the Rho Rho Rho sorority house, unaware that another killer lurks there too! (But no worries, this second killer is just as inept!)

Directed by and Starring Amy Lynn Best, Robyn Griggs (“Another World”), HCP’s Bill Homan, Jasi Jovingo (“Swamp Thing”), Tim Gross and Brinke Stevens!

Blu-Ray Disk will include Behind-the-Scenes, Outtakes, Interviews and Were-Grrl (including all the rare Were-Grrl extras that haven’t been seen since 2002!)

Bonus disk will contain a bunch of rare Happy Cloud shorts, including many that have never been on disk before. They include:

* NECK UP! A short made in 1995 before we were even Happy Cloud!
* Tenants – Mike Watt’s senior thesis film starring Amy Lynn Best
* 7:45 of the Dead (2013)
* Retreat (2006)
* High Stakes (produced for “Brinke’s Tales of Terror)
* and the latest, ZOM-B-GONE (2018) written by our nieces!

(Bonuse 16mm easter egg, “Whispered Verses” hidden somewhere on there due to a lack of music rights!)

Availability will be announced soon.

Special thanks to Terry ThomeJustin Channell and especially Henrique Couto!

We finally release all our weekly podcasts we been doing (hahaha)

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This week we talk about another 3 genre flicks.  The first being THE STEPFATHER,  a classic that Kyle has never seen even though it stars Jill Schoelin his #1 scream queen.  Then we talk about a really weird whack-a-doo police story/serial killer flick in SLAUGHTER OF THE INNOCENTS.  And finally we chat up a Netflix based quasi found footage movie in DEMONIC.  We answer your questions and read all the news that went down during the week.  So, download this episode and make old Scott Glenn happy.

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This week we are talking about 3 more flicks unearthed from the dusty aisles of the video store.  First we have a sequel of an all time horror jam in THE STEPFATHER 2.  Directed by our good buddy Jeff Burr.  Then we go to the roller derby in the excellent UNHOLY ROLLERS.  And finally we cover a truly oddball film in which Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley dresses as a clown, climbs a tower, and goes on a shooting rampage at an amusement park in the “comedy” FUNLAND.  We also read all the news that was fit to print (or make up) this week.  And as always we answer all your listener questions.

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This week we have 3 more flicks to bend your mind.  First we have Nazis invading a keep only to find a kick ass monster in another Scott Glenn jam in THE KEEP.  Then we cover Kyle’s all time Schwarzenegger flick in THE RUNNING MAN.  And lastly we have a weird giallo flick from the director of Cannibal Holocaust that stars all-time great Donald Pleasence in PHANTOM OF DEATH.  Along the way we talk about some new news things and as always we answer all your listener questions.  So be like Captain Freedom and download this episode.

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This time around we have yet another 3 flicks to split your wig.  First we watch a truly bizarre flick featuring puppets, Coleco-Vision, public sex, liquor sandwiches, and phantasm spheres in NIGHTMARE WEEKEND.  Next we talk about zombie animals in ZOOMBIES 2.  And lastly we cover a live action adaptation of a very popular anime series in FIST OF THE NORTH STAR.  And as always we chat over the news and read your listener questions.  So, download this episode or Big Van Vader will beat you up and take your lunch money.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week we hand pick another 3 flicks out of the dustbin of the internet for review.  First we try really hard for Tim to get into the trailer bark boys, but ultimately Tim fucks it up as we talk about TRAILER PARK BOYS: COUNTDOWN TO LIQUOR DAY.  Then we talk of a tale of witches in the woods in EYES OF FIRE.  And lastly Kyle’s Dad (Roy Schneider) flips helicopters in BLUE THUNDER.  And as we do every week we talk about all the newest news and answer your listener questions.  So download this episode and get a physics lesson on the proper way to do sweet loop-de-loops in helicopters.

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 This week it is with heave hearts we do the show because we lost a true legend.   As Tim always says “The Man, The Myth, The Legend” Rutger Hauer has passed on.  So we honor the man by reviewing 4 of his flicks.  First we have the very nekkid Jennifer Jason Lee and Rutger Hauer storming’ castles and fucking everywhere in the Paul Veerhoven directed FLESH AND BLOOD.   Then we have a spy thriller starring everyone including Craig T. Nelson’s porn stache in THE OSTERMAN WEEKEND.  Then we have a pile of straight to video garbage in TURBULENCE 3: HEAVY METAL.  And bringing up the rear we have the Canadian grindhouse influenced HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN.  So join us in honoring the legend that was Rutger Hauer.

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This week Tim starts his 3 week suspension handed down from Karen the head of podcasting H.R.  so Kyle and John fall back on a familiar topic… BONER JAMZ!!!  First we have a flick neither one of us has seen in SPLITZ from 1987.  Then we move on to an out of the box kinda boner jam in GHOULIES 3: GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE (HEY!  It’s got boobs, college shenanigans, and gross out humor so it counts as a boner jam in my book)  And lastly a real hum dinger in the movie that has to have the most hair gel ever used in a production in VALET GIRLS.  Also we cover the news and we read all of your viewer mail.  So download the episode or CBGB’s will shut down… oh wait!

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This week Tim serves his 2nd week of forced podcast suspension but Kyle and john are here to pick up the slack with a couple fine flicks you may have missed over the last few years.  First the hostage based cannibal splatter movie GRAVY from 2015.  Then we chat about MA starring the fantastic Octavia Spencer.  And as always we answer your questions and cover all the news that was fit to print.  So, download this episode or this podcast will eat you.  #FreeTimGross

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