Author Archives: grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #633

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When the Trash Man Knocks (DVD/Tubi) – Caroline is a woman haunted by a tragic event many years ago that has caused her the fear of leaving the house. But what scared her two decades ago, “The Trash Man”, has returned. Instead of being your usual rando slasher genre fare (which isn’t a bad thing?) this film goes about fleshing out a more psychological story about how the Trash Man was able to scar a town. This legendary killer has haunted Caroline and her son for so many years that they also have become part of the legend. There is some wonderful kills and bodies pile up quickly once it gets going. I try to not go into too much detail as it can give this fun new breed of slasher film away and want it to be fun for first time viewers as I can honestly say this will be on my “Best of 2024 list” at the end of the year as I give it 4 stars.

Cocaine Crabs from Outer Space (DVD) – Two space crabs have been sent to Earth on a mission but that is thrown out of whack when a rough landing breaks the translator for the crabs to communicate. Soon after the crabs are found by frat boys and given cocaine so of course the crabs completely lose their minds and kill the frat boys! With Detective Reese on the case he believes immediately its crabs that killed the young frat boys but no one will believe him. While during the investigation the crabs soon understand the more cocaine the more they can breed and kill humans! A hilarious throwback B-movie made on not much budget that definitely entertains if you enjoy the humor of this type of horror movie as I give it 3 stars.

Shaky Shivers (DVD) – The film is set perfectly in 1993 somewhere in the state of Washington where two young women have set out to wait for a full moon and once it happens the hilarity doesn’t stop with what these two get themselves into. But when the real story begins the day before when the two are working their ice cream parlor jobs as they discuss their futures only to be interrupted by a woman from the woods. This happens at closing time when Lucy and Karen just want to be done for the night but the strange woman curses Lucy as now she has to deal with becoming a werewolf. The two best friends try to figure out what they can do before tomorrow evening which brings us to their present time the next evening and things go from bad to worse when they read from “The Book of Spells”! Great effects, great story, I absolutely laughed my ass off at these two characters as this will be a horror film for people to talk about for years to come as I give it 4 stars and will most likely be on my “Best of 2024 list” at the end of the year.

Men in Suits (YouTube) – This is a fascinating look at people in the monster suits we all grew up with that were in some of the most famous monster suits ever made for Hollywood films. Learned about this documentary while reading a book on ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon’ about a young lady who was the driving force behind this historical creature and all the work she did. You can find the book on Amazon and it’s called “The Lady from the Black Lagoon”. Real cool shit that proved some things I heard throughout the years. But anyway this documentary takes an inside look of who and why they do what they do. If you are all about practical effects, you are going to want to search this one out as I give it 4 stars.

Amityville Bloodbath (DVD) – Welcome to those of you that don’t understand my obsession with these films but this is entry #58. I am a complete lunatic when it comes to Amityville or massacre films? (Way too long of a conversation to be honest so just go with it) Anyhow I would love to just talk shit on this entry but we all know there are so many bad ones so instead of that let’s take this with a grain of salt as a teenager Blazie Tudor threw their hat into an already crowded ring of entries. This no budget 32 minute flick stars Joel Wynkoop, Phil Herman, and John Ward where it involves two teenagers. Now it may have been a good thing the teenagers were filmed with sunglasses on as at any point they were going to laugh their asses off at being filmed? But these two go for a ride and for a picnic (that is a whole other conversation) to talk about Amityville, which thus in turn sets up the two friends being killed by a masked assailant in the spirit of Amityville?! Now, I can see some would take this as “garbage” where I took as a teenager filmmaker stumbled upon a plot line that wasn’t fully seen through? Making the Amityville town not the house as a presence that will kill any chance it gets until the town is empty of souls? Yes folks I went that f’n deep… but anyway we all know and its well documented that I have watched much worse so give this one a chance because I have a feeling we all are going to enjoy this Blazie Tudor is making movies ten years from now as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.   

The Time Travelers (DVD) – A flick about three scientists in 1964 (before I was born and most of yinz) working on a future and past time experiment that accidentally freezes up for the scientists and they have accidentally opened a portal a 107 years into the future! Now trapped in this post-apocalyptic future and being chased by mutants they do stumble upon that last living humans that hide in a cave. These last humans are relatives of scientists from years ago who were driven underground from the nuclear war and destruction. These last humans are on a deadline to leave the planet as the mutants creep in closer to destroying everything before the scientists arrive. Once the scientists understand they didn’t change the past since they are trapped they must agree to help go forward only to see there is no end as reality must go on. I fun concept as you can see many films and TV series stole from this idea as I give it 3 stars.

Body Count (DVD/YouTube) – So this latest venture into Indy cinema stars Jennifer Nangle! But it doesn’t just star Ms. Nangle she goes all John Saxon “Zombie Deathhouse” on us and stars, directs, writes, editor, produces, etc. Everything except for the music which I may say will go unnoticed but might be Rocky Gray’s best work? Anyway Jennifer and others put together an anthology of where Queen of Screams Malvolia is trying to kill randos in the wraparound with her band of misfits as there are stories to be told that flesh out this entertaining anthology! First story has an actress who has made one too many mistakes in her career and trying to get back on track or has she? As she is just trying to put pieces together that would allow her to gain her revenge… Second story is about an all-girls weekend that takes a turn to the sadistic because someone still holds a grudge from 15 years ago for a prank! Third story is about a trio of friends who set out to kill vampires. Fourth story is about old friends getting together and something goes horribly wrong as what was planned is turned upside down. Fifth story is about a woman who kills to get what she wants but runs into someone far more sinister because she hasn’t stuck with the code of witches. Before you flutter your eyes at another Indy anthology take note this was impressive as I mentioned Ms. Nangle decided to make this happen in all aspects of filmmaking which is impressive. And yes we all know unless it is “Creepshow” I am already gonna dislike the anthology but remember I also made one recently… What is funny about this one is Jennifer showed off more of her talent that most may give her credit for? Yeah the anthology isn’t perfect (it isn’t Creepshow) but she put together a 100 minute project that isn’t boring, doesn’t drag, or rely on nudity to get across what she wanted on screen and for that kudos as I give 3 out of 4 stars for this entertaining piece of art.

Graphic Sexual Horror (Blu-ray) – An interesting documentary that has just been picked up by Synapse Films about a former college professor who started a notorious website in the late 90s called insex.com. Synapse Films brings this uncut project from the filmmakers Barbara Bell and Anna Lorentzon that does a deep dive into the life and career of Brent Scott. He came up with a bondage/fetish site that eventually got shut down by the Homeland of Security. The documentarian filmmakers take a look into a genre that isn’t just ordinary porn but a subject that makes most of us uncomfortable even speaking about it? This film explains what Brent was trying to do in so many words for people who were into something much different than your ordinary sex that became termed as “violent sex” by some or as I describe as a shock, a fetish, or a turn-on like no other. The Blu-ray goes above and beyond than the censored 2009 version that is uploaded on YouTube with interesting interviews with the models and an interview with co-director Barbara Bell. Best way to explain this is quoting Brent “It was an experiment at first to see what I could do?” This is might not be my “cup of tea” but I felt the documentary was done in a very tasteful way for all viewers who had any interest to be inform of the history of this being on the internet as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars and can be purchased through www.synapsefilms.com .   

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2024 is only four months away

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Grossfest 2024: Friday and Saturday August 2 and 3rd, 2024

A reminder it is only four months away! We have sold out the vendor spots now we need your help to get people through the door for this two day show. Share the post, tell a friend, text it, print up a flyer, tell relatives, and help us make it the biggest one we have done yet? Let’s keep it simple. Let’s all have fun, promote each other, meet all the great people coming through the door, and celebrate independent horror!

http://www.grossfest.com

Location:

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235

Need to reserve a room: Hotel link to reserve a room for Grossfest 2024! Discount available until July 1st: https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/ET81E2 (By the way it just about sold out for the one day show last year so don’t wait on this. Also if there is any problems with reservations, contact us!)

Tickets: $10 at the door for one day, $15 for both days for those who will be attending

Vendor and movie room hours are:

Friday 4-10pm

Saturday 11-7pm

OUR Grossfest Guest list(Guest list subject to change)

Sean Donohue

Sushii Xhyvette Holder

Jessa Flux

Kelsey Livengood

Matt Cannon… also appearing with Matt is Victor Butler who was the detective in Hexercise.

Jorge Delarosa

Nathan Rumler

Rebecca Rinehart

And… Special guests

Dave Castiglione

Steve Rudzinski

Jennifer Nangle

Also let’s not forget ultra-talented, super horror movie fan, tattoo artist Angel O’Connor who will be doing tattoos at Grossfest both days!

Also we have started the movie list that will be showing (subject to change)

Hexercise

Swamp Woman

Incest Death Squad

Deep Undead

CarousH3ll

Happy Hour Holocaust 3 (premiere)

Next up on the Grossfest tour?

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Next up on the Grossfest tour? Creature Feature Weekend, Maddie and I will be out there with Bathtub Shark Attack, Spirit Animal, Jagoff Massacre, Blood Freak (remake), In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot and several other Indy films for sale along with my new book and talking about Grossfest! See yinz there…

http://www.creaturefeatureweekend.com

See yinz at Cinema Wasteland next week!

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So taking Grossfest on the road twice in April and this is the first stop! I have a new book (sort of, you’ll be surprised and understand), $5 Indy DVDs and Blu-rays from a few different filmmakers, homemade beer coozies (everyone always asks), but most importantly Out of Print Dan and myself will be there with Drunken Yinzers movies of course along with some out of print stuff Dan has searched the four corners of earth to have them at $5 for you! http://www.cinemawasteland.com

Gross Movie Reviews #632

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Severe Injuries (Blu-ray) – Vinegar Syndrome’s newer label Saturn’s Core is a specialty label that releases hard to find or out of print SOV Indy films from the past. Well one of their latest releases comes from director Amy Lynn Best and writer Mike Watt who released this Indy gem in 2003 that deals with a bumbling killer named Melvin. Melvin happens to come from a long line of serial killers who are bad at their job. But with the death of his father Melvin is determined to change things around… once he finds a sorority that is? Littered with several Indy genre vets this movie does a wonderful job of mixing horror and comedy with a smart script that brilliantly pokes fun at the sorority slasher flicks of the 80s. Not many horror films take a chance like ‘Severe Injuries’ being an outside of the box horror film with a killer learning to kill and you the viewer care for the serial killer? The film is very entertaining, smart, and most likely be more appreciated now than 20 years ago when it was made. This is one of those films that stood out in the early 2000s for being different but not sure how you market something like this? Now you get to enjoy it in all its remastered Blu-ray glory along with a kick ass slipcover, three commentaries, cast and crew interviews from 2003 and 20 years later as they look back on this interesting Indy project made for little money. Get ready there is more as this disc is loaded with deleted scenes, trailers, and several more short films from writer Mike Watt and director Amy Lynn Best. Again I have a feeling SOV fans will appreciate this feature much more now than 20 years ago as I give the full package 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can order your copy at www.vinegarsyndrome.com .

St. Patrick’s Day (DVD/YouTube) – A 2021 36 minute Indy film that goes for nostalgia setting it somewhere in the 80s for the backdrop (nevermind the Direct TV dish we see that doesn’t exist at that time or the Jeep Renegade one of the characters drive or there wasn’t talk of edibles but that is just me picking on things now). The story is centered on Ned and last year’s St. Patrick’s Day untimely event involving an accident where Ned is taking full blame what something he and his friends did? The throwback slasher vibe has the young group of partiers looking for edibles to really get the party going but the past keeps being brought up by certain members which makes the party have a tough time getting off the ground. Unbeknownst to them this is about to change as someone has other plans to kill them one by one as they hide their identity with a Trolls mask (again I don’t think that was around either?)! Overall I enjoyed the spirit of the film, where they were going with it, and with some tweaks how much more could be done with it. The project was entertaining and could be a lot worse as I think the effort put forth helped this be an enjoyable viewing experience as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Fog City (DVD) – A recent film from Steve Wolsh that has gotten some flak from horror fans after they have viewed it? After his other film ‘Kill Her Goats’ horror fans were on edge a little as was I to watch this film. The first few minutes of this film is to establish everything that goes down as it was shot weird to me but there was an endgame as Steve introduces you to some very unlikable characters for a horror film. There is an island setting, expensive cars, big house for the party, talk of attending Georgetown without loans and such, trust fund babies to say it simply. Along the way these young people going to party talk of this local thing, “The Paige Plant” and how it is going to poison everyone at some point or what is really made there? One of the girl’s fathers of course owns but doesn’t have a clue what exactly goes on there for years. Once the group hits the house for some drinking and evening falls that is when the old school sirens blare as an orange fog rolls close to the home. This sets in motion the group to break down very quickly and turn on each other in a heartbeat. Now the choice of music during this might not be the best but that is for a different conversation? Without giving too much away that is the plot of the film. Now saying that the film has too much filler, characters I hate, but I enjoyed how they quickly broke down and the ending is wonderful! The project is a huge mess in some ways but I don’t think these characters were ever supposed to be likable and the ending has an issue but I do like what the filmmaker went for but the rewatchablity will be tough for horror fans once they actually think this film through. Think ‘The Sixth Sense’ as an example after you see it can you really go back and give it a proper watch now that you know everything? Saying that I liked this film a little more than some people out there in social media land, it wasn’t perfect by a long shot but I did enjoy the deep subject matter of this film once it was over as I give it 3 stars.

Monsternado (DVD) – A hilarious British bootleg ‘Sharknado’ flick where a dude has been predicting a crazy tornado thingy that will come out of the Bermuda Triangle for years! The tornado or water spout has stirred up ancient sea life from this area that hasn’t been encountered ever. He was hired by FEMA to think outside of the box but when the shit goes down he is left behind to defend this event with almost nothing! Then you have a subplot of this film where three FBI and Interpol agents catch a sexual deviant at a hotel but cannot escort this dangerous individual because of  this legendary storm. Matt has a plan but needs help from the hotel staff to execute it correctly which sets up a cool scene of a redhead agent getting eaten by a crocodile in a stairway. Yes it is a bad movie but I laughed several times throughout so gather friends, beer, and pizza and have fun as I give it 2 stars.

The Seventh Curse (Tubi) – Dr. Yuan is a young doctor who lives a charmed life it seems but the good doctor has a secret as he is under some kind of “blood spell”! So the good doctor is told he needs to go back to Thailand or he will die a terrible death if he doesn’t get this year long spell lifted? This all because as in his flashback for the first half of the film is him witnessing some strange ritual that involves a batshit ritual of him fighting a nutzoid “old ancestor” (a shape shifting demon) to save a beautiful woman. Joe Bob Briggs would have a field day in the first forty minutes as it is loaded with “Blood, Boobs, and Beasts”! Now a year later is the main course as the doctor returns to Thailand to even crazier more hilarious shit as the doctor has to save this annoying tagalong character the rest of the way. This movie is complete chaos and feels like the Baskin and Robbins (31 flavors of ice cream for those who don’t know as this had at least a dozen ideas jammed in one) of the 80s film industry? This beautiful over the top film is just bonkers and entertaining as hell as I give it 4 stars all the way.

Suitable Flesh (Shudder) – Heather Graham or Dr. Derby is a very formal doctor who tries to help patients with some of their mental health issues. Until she is seeked out by a college student of Miskatonic University who intrigues her so much that she breaks her own rules to try to help him. He explains his out-of-body experience as he wants her help until the young man turns her life upside down and she goes down a wormhole of insanity how or if she can help even after knowing it happened to her sister in Barbara Crampton. But Derby pursues it as she must know about the boy’s father but isn’t prepared to what is found and hear this fantastic story. We got a mythical book, pictures of Cthulhu, and blood to make strange things such as body transference happen in this exciting Lovecraft tale. I like the film but didn’t love it but no matter what horror fans are all going to enjoy this in some capacity as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Severe Injuries Blu-ray release by Saturn’s Core label/Vinegar Syndrome review

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Severe Injuries (Blu-ray) – Vinegar Syndrome’s newer label Saturn’s Core is a specialty label that releases hard to find or out of print SOV Indy films from the past. Well one of their latest releases comes from director Amy Lynn Best and writer Mike Watt who released this Indy gem in 2003 that deals with a bumbling killer named Melvin. Melvin happens to come from a long line of serial killers who are bad at their job. But with the death of his father Melvin is determined to change things around… once he finds a sorority that is? Littered with several Indy genre vets this movie does a wonderful job of mixing horror and comedy with a smart script that brilliantly pokes fun at the sorority slasher flicks of the 80s. Not many horror films take a chance like ‘Severe Injuries’ being an outside of the box horror film with a killer learning to kill and you the viewer care for the serial killer? The film is very entertaining, smart, and most likely be more appreciated now than 20 years ago when it was made. This is one of those films that stood out in the early 2000s for being different but not sure how you market something like this? Now you get to enjoy it in all its remastered Blu-ray glory along with a kick ass slipcover, three commentaries, cast and crew interviews from 2003 and 20 years later as they look back on this interesting Indy project made for little money. Get ready there is more as this disc is loaded with deleted scenes, trailers, and several more short films from writer Mike Watt and director Amy Lynn Best. Again I have a feeling SOV fans will appreciate this feature much more now than 20 years ago as I give the full package 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can order your copy at www.vinegarsyndrome.com .

Gross Movie Reviews #631

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The Man from Hong Kong (DVD) – A 1975 martial arts Australian flick from none other than Brian Trenchard-Smith who brings together a great cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, George Lazenby, Roger Ward, Hugh Keays-Byrne, and Sammo Hung. A legendary Hong Kong policeman (Inspector Special Branch) beds a Sydney newspaper reporter in the first few minutes of the film not knowing he will be seeing her again soon in Sydney. His job is to head to Sydney to pick up a suspect who is a part of a drug connection between Hong Kong and Sydney but when the suspect is shot the Hong Kong policeman goes on a one man wrecking crew of Sydney! Two detectives key the Inspector Special Branch on a man named Wilton who owns most of Sydney because everyone knows he is dirty but they cannot bring him down? Think “Lone Wolf McQuade” several years before it was made with a ridiculous amount of crap getting busted up in this movie. This movie deserves a watch if you never had the pleasure as you will not be disappointed in this over the top martial arts 4 star action!

Mad Max Exposed (Tubi) – An hour long documentary on everything Mad Max that covers everything from the stunts, the people who were a part of them, how they planned the movie, the design of the cars, to nothing stopping George Miller in putting together a film that changed car chase scenes forever. All of the cast exception of George Miller and Mel Gibson share stories throughout the hour that will have any Mad Max fan beaming and entertained in seconds as I give it 4 stars.

Dario Argento Panico (Shudder) – A documentary that thoroughly goes through the career of the Italian horror master and those who worked with him. The film takes you on a deep dive of Argento and what exactly lured and inspired him into filmmaking. There is also in-depth interviews with both of Dario’s daughters, yes you heard me right… both daughters! I only knew of Asia. Dario also has conversations about how his filmmaking shaped his family through the years as this is not just brilliant but eye opening doc on the legendary filmmaker as I give it 4 stars.

Valerie (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never stops making stuff has yet another short film where it’s an artistic look at a man who believes there is nothing left in his life if he cannot have his love. A very heavy look into love and some underlying subtext of love if you are paying attention as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

The Leprechaun’s Game (Tubi) – A boring shady character (bootleg Robert Patrick) employs two fools to track down the leprechaun’s gold at the end of a rainbow? If found the duo can make 100,000 pounds! If you haven’t noticed this is a bootleg British Asylum Entertainment version of the popular ‘Leprechaun’ series that has two losers finding the gold within five minutes? But this of course is not the whole plot as they plan to spend it instead of giving it to their boring shady friend. And it doesn’t take long for the bad make-up looking leprechaun come a killing (very shitty kills by the way) for his gold coins. Oh this was hot garbage on fire from beginning to end as if I call it a parody of the original ‘Leprechaun’ that would be super insulting as I give this movie 0 stars.

The Leprechaun’s Curse (Tubi) – So this terrible sequel doesn’t get any better as it picks up immediately after the end of the first film having the leprechaun is still reclaiming his stolen gold. Tilly inherits a huge home whose father built it with the stolen gold. So of course she gets a few friends and they head to the big house with a pool just to be lame new victims for the killer leprechaun. Then you get the boring Tilly character filler trying to decide if it’s right to keep the gold? But nevermind any of that as there is a big thing that isn’t really explained in my opinion as the Mischa character returns when she was seen about to be killed at the end of the first film? What gives? Does bootleg Leprechaun decide at the last second I don’t feel like killing her because she is prego? Only to kill her in front of the kid anyway six months later, WTF? There are so many questions about this dumb movie because it comes off like the two movies were actually one split into two but didn’t enough material for either as I give this 0 stars.

Deep Fear (On Demand) – A British shark film that steals from 70s treasure hunt flicks where the shark is not the main plot as a woman must fight for her life against two drug dealers who are trying to get to their stash at the bottom of the ocean. Naomi is sailing on her yacht to see her boyfriend (or rich people with rich people problems) but finds two people who are floating with boat wreckage. Naomi trying to do something good by herself helps the two assholes and they take her prisoner and that is pretty much the whole movie as I give it 1 star.

Amityville Ripper (DVD) – Ron Bonk produces another useless entry into the “Amityville” series and that is #57 if yinz are still keeping count? Anyway the Amityville home has finally been demoed and the artifacts or contents of the home are being sold off. Hey, didn’t this happen already? But let’s move on as the character Marianne gets ahold of the knife that is supposedly “Jack the Ripper’s” knife and was supposedly at the Amityville home for some unknown reason. Once the knife is released from the box it’s Jack the Ripper (bad accent and all) beginning to kill again! Now it’s up to a couple friends to contain this great power. There are so many problems with this so-called movie I feel like I would be picking on it just for laughs. But there is literally only one redeeming thing about this entry and that would be seeing Indy newcomer Angel Bradford, a very talented Indy actress that will be fun to watch for years to come. Otherwise folks please don’t waste your time on this fruitless entry as I give it 0 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

A reminder Grossfest 2024 is five months away!

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Grossfest 2024

A reminder: let’s keep it simple. Let’s all have fun, promote each other, meet all the great people coming through the door, and celebrate independent horror!

(BE WARNED IF WANTING TO BE A VENDOR WE ARE ALMOST SOLD OUT. ALSO YOU HAVE UNTIL JULY 1ST TO GET THE DISCOUNT ON HOTEL ROOMS (REMEMBER THE HOTEL SOLD OUT OF ROOMS LAST YEAR FOR OUR ONE DAY SHOW)

www.grossfest.com

Friday and Saturday August 2 and 3rd, 2024

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235

Need to reserve a room: Hotel link to reserve a room for Grossfest 2024! Discount available until July 1st: https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/ET81E2

Tickets: $10 at the door for one day, $15 for both days for those who will be attending

Vendor and movie room hours are:

Friday 4-10pm                                  

Saturday 11-7pm

Guests (Guest list subject to change)

Sean Donohue

Sushii Xhyvette Holder

Jessa Flux

Kelsey Livengood

Matt Cannon… also appearing with Matt is Victor Butler who was the detective in Hexercise. 

Jorge Delarosa

Nathan Rumler

Rebecca Rinehart

Special guests

Dave Castiglione

Steve Rudzinski

Jennifer Nangle

Also let’s not forget ultra-talented, super horror movie fan, tattoo artist Angel O’Connor who will be doing tattoos at Grossfest both days!

Gross Movie Reviews #630

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It’s a Wonderful Slice (DVD/Vimeo) – So I was privileged enough to check out a not released yet holiday Indy flick from an unknown filmmaker to me, Michael Moutsatsos (hope I spelled that right?). Anyway, Michael goes an unconventional route of holiday anthology story telling that gives the viewer a history lesson of Santa, Krampus, and a mischievous elf on their killing ground that eventually leads into the introduction of the storyteller. When the storyteller appears this is where the real movie begins as he ties together five quick holiday horrors that a man being sliced in his shower, a friend using wolves as cover for a murder, Santa attacking a couple in the woods, Satan controlling a man, and finally a beautiful woman toying with her victim. The story telling isn’t breaking new ground (but unconventional) as I quite enjoyed how the filmmaker went about putting everything together in this no budget production using a small if not same cast in each segment and using maybe three sets or areas the whole film. Otherwise, knowing what you have (not much) using it to your advantage and a high budget glossy look along the way. How to put it: when I see something like this I already know this might not be the filmmaker’s best work to date but it shows me they are usually testing or experimenting of putting together something even more entertaining in their next project or the one after that? Again anthologies can be a tough sell since a lot of filmmakers make them these days but these stories are quick, don’t linger, and you got someone dressed as Santa slaughtering people and quite simply you are going to have Indy movie viewers smiling in the end as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.

Cybernator (YouTube/VHS) – It’s the future of course in this direct-to-video early 90s B-flick where two cops are looking into cyborgs assassinating high ranking officials. Then bootleg Vernon Wells who is actually William Smith shows up for a paycheck as bootleg Steven Seagal! (Did you understand that gibberish?) Anyhow after one of the cops is killed in action the other finds out he has been bootleg Robocop for the past few years and now has a new mission to seek and destroy William Smith’s cyborg character. Pretty much a very terrible flick pitting good cyborg vs. bad cyborg as I can only give this film 1 star.

In Search of the Last Action Heroes (Tubi) – An absolute gem of a documentary that talks all about action films and how they got started to how they have fizzled out these days. Everything from James Bond to Bruce Lee to George Miller to how filmmakers were inspired by 50s and 60s westerns to make the modern action film! This has a bit of everything to interest even the occasional viewer of action movies as I give it 4 stars.

Calamity of Snakes (DVD) – Holy balls is this movie just fuckin wild! A crapload of snakes are uncovered at a construction site that is in a rush to get their apartment building built. The man financing the project says “Fuck it” and begins commanding the death of the snakes so they may continue the project. But all are warned these snakes will seek revenge! Once the building is up and operational tenants are reporting snakes are attacking which causes the manager to bring in the “Master of Snakes” who comes and chops them all into several pieces. Problem is believed to be solved again until the snakes come back in truck loads this time to attack a cocktail party and that is when the big king snake is revealed! This is not a film for those who are against animal cruelty or the squeamish as this movie gets bat shit crazy with the attacking snakes as I give it 3 stars. P.S. I didn’t know there was a whole snake burning army on call?

One More Shot (On Demand) – If you are Scott Adkins fans you are going to enjoy this flick as it tries the one continuous shot like Bruce Campbell in “Running Time”? Now I know they probably made a cut or two but they try the whole movie running time to be a continuous shot which is fun. Also a part of this project is Michael Jai White and Tom Berenger. Scott Adkins is CIA agent Harris who was part of an op in Poland trying to protect an asset. It all went bad as the movie starts soon as the plane lands at an empty airport near Norfolk and we are introduce to the Harris character. From there his asset is still in demand as there is a dirty bomb somewhere in the city set to go off in two hours and a military grade security team is there to kill off whoever has the asset to use him to take over everything in the U.S. This has a wonderful twist to an old action film formula that is well worth paying attention to more than just Scott Adkins amazing onscreen presence. Can’t wait to see what else this dude does as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.

Wanted Man (On Demand) – Dolph Lundgren is Johansen an old high strung bigot detective who has been under fire at the Del Vista Police Department recently for his actions towards a suspect. The “Defund the Police” crowd wants him gone but instead he is given a job to disappear into Mexico to go protect two escorts who witnessed DEA agents getting killed. While on the way back to the border Johansen is shot along with one of the witnesses as it’s all made to look like one of the cartels is doing it but isn’t? As Johansen is trying to make his way back he keeps getting stopped every time. A quick and pretty cool Dolph flick that also features Kelsey Grammer, Michael Pare, and a great character actor in Roger Cross as I give this action flick 3 stars.

Crabs! (DVD) – This is one of those movies that hit in early 2022 that would have been perfect for SyFy Channel if that was still a thing but also most likely this project got swept under the rug because of COVID? This cheeseball flick doesn’t try to pretend to be something it isn’t as it starts quickly with a power plant blowing up and then large crabs begin to attack people on the beach. When Phil and Maddy are not planning their prom they must come up with a plan to fight off the ocean demons who want to turn the prom into their own seafood slaughter fest! The movie has a little filler but knows how to hit all the high notes with this hilarious B-horror throwback that needs to be found sooner than later by all you horror fans as I give it 3 stars.

Beach Zombies (YouTube) – A recent no budget Indy flick that comes in at 38 minutes about bootleg versions of Beavis and Butthead who got older and held a long conversation about zombies in a car ride. They meet up with two shady dudes for a job that will pay big time if they dispose of a barrel at the closed beach? Instead when they go for the barrel a fog machine in the garage turns the bootleg duo into zombies that has them wandering around doing nothing. The beginning of the film doesn’t lie as it warns of what happens to idoits turning into zombies as it did make me laugh so I gotta give it 2 stars.

Zombie Beach (DVD) – A bad low budget Canadian zombie flick from 2010 that has college kids who go to the “Zombie Beach” to take pictures and get eaten. Apparently the beach is part of a centuries old agreement that where evil can walk or something? It is part of a prophecy that a chosen one will fight the zombies supposedly if you last through this entire terrible concept of a film that I have to give 0 stars.

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It’s a Wonderful Slice review

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It’s a Wonderful Slice (DVD/Vimeo) – So I was privileged enough to check out a not released yet holiday Indy flick from an unknown filmmaker to me, Michael Moutsatsos (hope I spelled that right?). Anyway, Michael goes an unconventional route of holiday anthology story telling that gives the viewer a history lesson of Santa, Krampus, and a mischievous elf on their killing ground that eventually leads into the introduction of the storyteller. When the storyteller appears this is where the real movie begins as he ties together five quick holiday horrors that a man being sliced in his shower, a friend using wolves as cover for a murder, Santa attacking a couple in the woods, Satan controlling a man, and finally a beautiful woman toying with her victim. The story telling isn’t breaking new ground (but unconventional) as I quite enjoyed how the filmmaker went about putting everything together in this no budget production using a small if not same cast in each segment and using maybe three sets or areas the whole film. Otherwise, knowing what you have (not much) using it to your advantage and a high budget glossy look along the way. How to put it: when I see something like this I already know this might not be the filmmaker’s best work to date but it shows me they are usually testing or experimenting of putting together something even more entertaining in their next project or the one after that? Again anthologies can be a tough sell since a lot of filmmakers make them these days but these stories are quick, don’t linger, and you got someone dressed as Santa slaughtering people and quite simply you are going to have Indy movie viewers smiling in the end as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.