Gross Movie Reviews #499

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Gross Movie Reviews #499

 

Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.

 

Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.

 

It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!

 

Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!

 

Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Just posted a crap load of new podcasts!

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This week’s episode we are still drunk on the afterglow of the glorious return of Joe Bob Briggs and his 24 hour movie marathon.  BUT WE MARCH ON!!!  We will be covering a weirdo Canadian flick in BEYOND THE 7TH DOOR.  And Kyle finally gets off his ass and watches the Savini effects fronted slasher flick in The Prowler.  Also, we chat about Tim’s opinion on the Shudder service, Donald Pleasence chainsaw fights, Deep cut Cheech and Chong flicks, we answer your questions and read all the newest news.  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

On this week’s episode football returns and that means that Kyle’s ranting and raving dad has returned to scream and yell.  After alienating most of all the cult movie fans by talking sports we get back to the subject at hand and that is and all time Disney sci-fi classic in THE BLACK HOLE.  And Tim covers a quasi-cult flick that surly has a fan base that is quite large in ALIEN NATION.  We also got all your normal things like NEWS and listener questions.  So listen to this show or no spoiled milk for you!!!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

On this week’s show we continue to alienate people with football chat but it doesn’t matter because we got predators… First we talk about the sequel to and all time action jam starring Danny Glover who seems to be too old for everything in PREDATOR 2.  Then we sleep for 15 years until we get to PREDATORS.  Then we almost another 10 years to cover the newest jam THE PREDATOR.  Also time and Kyle also finally get to talk about Sicario 2 and the cult of Benicio Del Toro.  Bizarre Dolph Lundgren flicks that were found at a dollar general.  The sad, sad death of Terrarium TV and we also got your questions and news too.  So download this episode you beautiful motherfuckers!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

On this week’s episode we talk about government cheese and the perils of getting older and shitting your pants.  But besides that we cover the flick that set the internet on fire in MANDY.  And we also cover another fine flick from the glorious land of Australia in BOAR.  Also we chat about the problematic Alex Jones. Kyle discovers the glorious 90’s flick The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.  So, download this episode or the Diceman won’t take you out and throw a hamburger down your throat.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #449

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Gross Movie Reviews #449

 

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (On Demand) – Chris Pratt and the red-headed scientist are duped in going back to the island to help try and move all the dinosaurs to a different island. The island is unstable and about to have a volcanic eruption that will wipe out all that is there. So an old rich dude who was supposedly partners with making these dinosaurs years ago is funding the expedition. But his handler has other plans once the dinosaurs are stateside and wants to sell them as weapons, pets, whatever. Surprisingly again a fun popcorn flick that doesn’t ask you to think too much but also mirrors that if this did exist we all most likely fuck it up as I give the movie 3 stars.

 

Stranger Things Season One (DVD) – So I finally sat down and watched the Netflix show that everyone went nutzoid over more than the beginning of “The Walking Dead”. The show is set in the early 80s and centers on a group of kids who are not the most popular in school but have each other. Meanwhile, a young girl with supernatural powers has disappeared from a dark government facility. The group and her meet up and quickly become friends but strange things are happening in their small town that may be connected to her. Of course her handler wants her back; she wants to stay with the group as she has become a part of them. As the show goes on little plot lines branch out as it affects their older siblings and the small town cop who takes on the government himself. Including going into this void or darkness that has been made by making the girl aka 11 to use her telekinetic powers and now a monster from this void is killing. The show is well written, produced, and casted and I can see why a lot people went gaga over this show. It makes sense people are rewatching this show sense there is several little things you can miss while watching that possibly be a part of upcoming seasons as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Here Comes the Tigers (You Tube) – Why would I watch a low budget version of “The Bad News Bears” from 1978? Because this was a project that involved Sean S. Cunningham, Steve Miner, and Harry Manfredini and shortly after they came up with a movie only called, “Friday the 13th”. The film is about a police officer who is forced to coach the worst little league baseball team in their town. He must overcome the odds to help these kids to believe in themselves in order to win games and the championship. Here is the problem folks it is like they set out to make the boring version of “The Bad News Bears”. Not a whole lot happens but it is one of those forgotten films for movie nerds to track down and like me try and figure out how they went from this to one of the most famous horror movies ever made a short time later. It’s not memorable but worth the trip into cinema nerdem as I give it 1 star.

 

The Predator (Theater) – As a lot of people are blah on the new film in the series from Shane Black I was super excited and enjoyed it for what it was. We learn the Predators have been coming to Earth on a regular basis and they are coming more frequent recently with the government keeping track of everything they are doing. After the events in 1987 and 1997 the government is very interested but does interact with the species. Until now, one of the ships crash land and a sniper named Quinn and his team that were about to take down some bad dudes are interrupted by the crash. Quinn being a smart dude bags some of the alien tech and gets moving in Mexico. Gets the stuff mailed to his house because he knows the government will find him. So of course he is arrested and placed on a bus with other crazy military convicts. The Predator is brought back to be studied and the crazies are going to be sent off which they were well-casted with Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key as part of this team. Predator wakes up, starts killing all the smart scientist people and Quinn believe they need to escape and track this alien down. But Quinn learns that his son has the alien tech and has opened the box and now wearing the Predator mask as a Halloween costume in a hilariously brutal scene as it kills some dude being rude to the kid. Once Quinn catches up to his autistic kid who is important to the storyline the group also comes to find out this Predator was a rogue trying to deliver something to the humans. As a now larger hybrid is there to wipe everything clean and leave no witnesses. The film has a lot of layers and fun stuff to it. If you were coming into this thinking you getting another Arnold classic from 1987 then you were mistaken because that flick cannot be topped. But if you are a fan of this series allow yourself to let the story unfold. I think Shane Black did a great job. I enjoy the Predators are preparing for our extinction and planning to use Earth. Now the argument I will entertain is the ending as I believe the ending or what the rogue Predator was carrying was the fourth or fifth choice. This would be the weak part of the film but otherwise you tell me I am about to watch a movie that combines “The Dream Team” with a “Predator” movie I am in every time as I give this 3 stars.

 

Sicario: Day of the Soldado (On Demand) – Matt Graver and Alejandro are back! The drug war has not gone away; it has gotten worse as it is believed terrorists are now being smuggled into the U.S. The government brings in Matt again to seek out what and how this going on? Of course there are new rules now as Matt likes to say. Once Matt has found who might be involved he makes contact Alejandro to have him kidnap a drug lord’s daughter. Alejandro does and when trying to return her to Mexico they are double crossed by the authorities. The situation becomes a cluster fuck as Matt and his team must kill the authorities and Alejandro must go track the girl down as she escaped during the fire fight. Once over Matt is told shut it down and wipe it clean including killing the girl. Alejandro knows the situation and knows his life is in danger as is hers. Loved the first flick and really enjoyed the sequel but believe this feature going a little bit of a different direction than the first film may have taken the bite out of the impact of these films. Either way still enjoyed the sequel, I have become a huge fan of Benicio Del Toro, and would love to see one more of these movies but have that feeling we will not as I give this feature 3 ½ stars.

 

Solo: A Star Wars Story (On Demand) – Okay kids and old “Star Wars” settle yourselves down. Of course the film is about the early days of Han Solo and Chewy. You pretty much get all you wanted to know about Han’s early days. I will say I felt they wasted too much time on the heist and felt kinda cheated out of seeing how he met Jabba but it was still fun. You want bad go back and watch “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” otherwise nerds chill out and grab a beer. Allow yourself to be a kid for over two hours and just enjoy the fucking movie I know I did as I give it 3 stars.

Boar (DVD) – Always enjoy me some Australian movies especially when we get a giant animal attack. A huge savage looking mutant boar is terrorizing the outback and starting to eat some of the livestock. Meanwhile Bernie (Nathan Jones) has family (the family includes Bill Moseley who married Bernie’s sister) coming in for some vacation time. Bernie and the family head out to the lake to picnic and enjoy the outback. Bernie did promise a friend he would go lookout for her father who likes to get drunk and sleeps out in the middle of nowhere. The giant boar attacks Bernie and his truck then makes its way to the family. The family and Bernie must fight their way past the mutant boar to make it out of the outback alive. Highlights: lots of gore, some great creature effects, and Nathan Jones singing Vanilla Ice. Lowlights: some bad computer effects of the Boar and the film not exactly paced well and feel choppy at best. It’s not “Razorback” but I can see myself watching this film again in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Another (DVD) – This 2014 film original title is “Another” but has become known under a different title of “Mark of the Witch”. A young lady named Jordyn has just turned 18 and her aunt is weird and fucked up starts explaining to Jordyn that it is time? Aunt Ruth has supposedly been protecting the young lady in some way for years. But now Jordyn is becoming possessed by her mother so her mother can live longer and do sinister things. This is one weird ass movie that is hard to follow and just doesn’t make a ton of sense. But if you are into witches this weirdo flick is right up your alley as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Command Performance (Blu-ray) – Dolph Lundgren writes and directs this feature set in Russia and Dolph plays a drummer for a band there. His name is Joe and his band along with several others is part of some big gig in Russia. But some home bred terrorist who was a part of the Russian military has other plans. The terrorists shut down the concert killing many concert goers but there for the Russian president and his two kids. Once military gets involved and some of the terrorists believe this isn’t for the money they are asking and just to prove a point before death things get very messy. But don’t fear as Joe is former U.S. Special Forces and is helping one of the Russian president’s secret service to exterminate the terrorists. Think if “Die Hard” may have been made with Dolph Lundgren… maybe. I give this Dolph action flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Direct Contact (Blu-ray) – Dolph is stuck in a Russian prison for several months now but is broken out or released by Michael Pare who has a job for him. Pare convinces Dolph to rescue an abducted American woman and he makes an easy $200,000. But once Dolph kidnaps her out of the compound he finds out quickly he has been double crossed for a business reason. The American has just gained her father’s company that is worth billions and they Pare wants her to sign it over to him. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Terror Out of the Sky (YouTube) – The TV movie is a sequel to 1976’s “The Savage Bees” and stars Dan Haggerty. In this film The National Bee Center has found out one of their hives have been taken over by a queen South American killer bee. And the Center may have sent out several shipments of these killer bees to different parts of the U.S. where they can do lots of damage. So the scientists from The National Bee Center begin their journey to try and stop this. They catch up to a couple one swarm gets loose after an accident and now it is about to attack a community day baseball game. But with some help of cub scouts and a school bus the scientist gets the swarm of killer bees to follow them to a nearby decommissioned air force base. From there they trap and spray insecticide of the bees once trapped in the facility. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Mandy (On Demand) – Holy crap is this trippy flick over the top Nic Cage crazy! The visuals are completely wild and essential to the film. The film is set in 1983 deep in the woods of Shadow Mountains I believe they called it. Nic Cage is a logger back home from work to hang with his love of his life Mandy. What disrupts this love story is a cult leader explains to his followers he must have her. She is something special and believes he deserves her. So his followers summon some bad ass weird dark biker gang to grab her and the cult leader tortures Mandy and Nic Cage after Mandy laughs at him. Nic Cage goes in to a rage of revenge, makes a crazy looking Viking axe, visits Bill Duke and Richard Brake and heads off to hunt the evil bikers and this cult leader! The movie starts off very slow to build this love story and weirdness about the hippies but when the torture and gore start… Holy shit does this movie go for the jugular as Nic Cage wants revenge! I give the film 3 ½ stars and Nic Cage is on a roll this year!

 

Lake Nowhere (DVD) – So here is another retro horror flick with trailers and all that is about 45 minutes long. Set 1980ish where a group of young people head out to a cabin to party. One dude disappears swimming but they pay it no mind because they want to party. Along with their missing friend is this weird creature or person in costume being a peeping tom. The party is starting to slow down when the friend shows up naked and cold. The friends get him settled and things seem to be good until he wakes up in the middle of and goes cannibalistic! The place is in chaos as the friends cannot find the car keys and try to come up with answers. But then the creature costume thing decides to start his own killing spree. In the end everyone dies and we get some weird creature ceremony on the lake. The film doesn’t make a ton of sense and feels like “Okay we ran out of money. Let’s end it and put it out there.” I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and for upcoming guests.

Gross Movie Reviews #313

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Gross Movie Reviews #313

 

By Tim Gross

 

Homesick (DVD) – An independent film that was released through Synapse Films that stars the very talented Tiffany Shepis, Bill Moseley, and Tom Towles. Friends at a party one night are visited by a strange man or should I say razor salesman who holds Shepis hostage while he asks questions and cuts himself with razors that were in his suitcase. The questions result in who you want to die? Well after the salesman/Bill Moseley leaves, the friends begin dying one by one and not sure how to stop the killing spree. There is a good amount of gore and a couple uncomfortable scenes for the horror newbies but overall the film was kinda blah and may have be better off with less acting talent and using the money for other things to help the film. I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Fall Down Dead (DVD) – The great Udo Kier plays a serial killer named The Picasso Killer who is chasing his perfect victim on Christmas Eve. If that wasn’t enough David Carradine is thrown in as a security guard and a victim of The Picasso Killer. The script is not great but with the presence of Udo Kier and some awesome gore effects and kept me interested long enough to watch the whole film and give it 2 ½ stars.

swamphead_1

Swamphead (DVD) – It is the mysterious independent screener that was found behind my computer with an email address and no one claiming of giving it to me to review. The film is from Rabid Child Films and is about a man a thousand years ago named Robert Gross (awesome) whose head is separated from his body during a bloody battle and apparently haunts the local Wisconsin woods. Well Gross’s head is pissed off, giving rednecks with a broken arm head in a hot tub, and back to killing local folk. But it’s all up to a paranormal expert, a retard, and three high school kids to stop Swamphead. The independent film is not great by any means but I was entertained by the flying robot and the giant bloodbath. I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Eastern Condors (DVD) – A film from the mid-80s which is along the lines of an international Rambo and Rambo 2 and a better looking Delta Force film starring and directed by Sammo Hung. Two Asian officers are hired by the U.S. government for a super-secret mission where they recruit 10 prisoners with nothing to lose and everything to gain (U.S. citizenship and $200,000) where they would parachute into Vietnam and destroy a secret stash of weapons that the U.S. left when the military pulled out in 1974-1975. What makes the film even more interesting is right before the captain of the mission is about to jump he is told that the mission has been aborted which places an extra spin on this unbelievable action film. This film completely blows away any “Delta Force” flick. This film beginning to end is overflowing with great eye-popping fight scenes and is another example of why I need to find more international films to watch and review! I give the film 4 stars.

 

Absolute Power (DVD) – Another great Clint Eastwood flick that has him playing a thief who is blamed for the death of a rich woman who was having an affair with the President of the United States and is married to the president’s best friend. Eastwood’s character sees everything and escapes when the secret service is trying to cover it up as a burglary gone wrong. Eastwood on the run has been doing this for a long time and knows he needs to disappear far away until the president holds a press conference showing his ignorance to the event and decides he is gonna return the stolen money and jewelry and bring down the president and the people who covered it up. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

The Frozen Ground (DVD) – A film based on a true story stars an old looking John Cusack playing serial killer Robert Hansen who became notorious in 1983 when captured by an Alaskan state trooper for the amount of murders he got away with for over a decade and the exact number may never be known. Nic Cage puts in a good performance as the Alaskan state trooper who helps and uses information given to him by a young hooker who survived an attack by Robert Hansen. Hansen was perceived as the perfect family man with a couple kids, business, etc., but has a history of events that involved abusing women but was never charged and that just fueled his desire to murder whenever the family was out of town. A good film worth tracking down if you enjoy films about true life serial killers as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alien Space Avenger

Alien Space Avenger (VHS) – My obsession for watching bad films has no bounds as this 1988 low budget flick has a cartoonist struggling to keep his job unless he comes up with a new story arc. But before that four alien terrorists escape to earth in the 1930s looking for plutonium for their ship only to find zero and decide to hide in their ship for fifty years. Unearthed by a construction crew, the aliens make their way into New York looking for plutonium for their ship. Then they are to be followed by the struggling cartoonist who uses the aliens for his story arc only to realize they are actually aliens and they will kill him if they can ever get a hold of him. If there was a compliment I could give this flick it would be: This is a USA Up All Night flick if I ever seen one as I give this bad but fun movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Werewolf: The Devil’s Hound (DVD) – Another horrible werewolf film that just feeds the horror fan’s complaints about a good werewolf flick outside of “American Werewolf in London”, “The Howling”, “Ginger Snaps”, “Dog Soldiers”, and the original “Wolf Man”. Nothing redeeming about this boring flick as a werewolf is accidentally sent to a pyrotechnics company by mistake, breaks loose, and attacks anything nearby. If that wasn’t insulting enough the werewolf costume looks like a throw away costume from SyFy Channel’s exclusive film “Yeti”. First rule of making a werewolf film: Have good costume/effects! Second rule: Have money to make a werewolf film or should I say pull one off? I give this waste of space at the video store 0 stars.

 

The Street Fighter (VHS) – It’s 1974 and Sonny Chiba fucks a lot shit up! Including some dude’s ball sack! Sonny is a bad ass mercenary who is trying to protect a billionaire’s daughter. Along the way Chiba even takes on a whole dojo… That is just bad ass as I give this classic 4 stars.

 

Orloff against The Invisible Man (DVD) – The 1970 film has several names but none of them make the film any easier to watch as some scientist dude named Orloff has an invisible gorilla that rapes a bunch of women. Then he dies at the paws and vicious mouths of some German Shepherds! I give it 2 stars.

 

13 Eerie (DVD) – Katherine Isabelle and five other students are testing out in the field as part of their C.S.I. course. They are led out to an island by their professor and maintenance guy where a state prison and a small community have long been abandoned or they think? An extra body is found during student’s test and then disappears only to begin attacking the corpses that were left out for the student’s tests. Soon the small group of people realizes they are being stalked by possible human experiments from the old prison. Cool effects, lots of blood, Katherine Isabelle in another horror film, not your typical zombies, a little throwback to John Saxon’s “Zombie Deathhouse” which all equals that you need to go watch this direct to video horror flick! I give it 3 stars.

 

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You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com or pick up a copy at our table at Horror Realm from us March 7-9th, 2014. Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.