Gross Movie Reviews #550

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Gross Movie Reviews #550

Bloodmatch (DVD) – Found another fun Albert Pyun film that stars Thom Matthews as Brick Bardo, a kickboxer hell bent on seeking revenge for his brother who got screwed over five years ago. Wait a minute… Brick Bardo? I thought that was Tim Thomerson’s name in ‘Dollman’ that was released in 1991 the same year as this flick…? Holy shit mind blown this could have been a wonderful delight of a film if a 12 inch cop was kickboxing his way through a futuristic world! Anyway Thom’s Brick character tracks down four people who screwed over his brother in order to have a fight with each to the death. To make things even more interesting during these death matches Brick’s hot girlfriend can also fight and helps the process along, give the film 2 stars, mind blown that Dollman could have been in here in some weird parallel universe I give that 4 stars all the way.

Wired to Kill (DVD) – A little known post-apocalyptic film from the mid-80s that did little at the box office that is set in the year 1998. Quarantine zones still exist six years after the plague purged humanity but humans survived with a cure (sounds familiar, like now) but there is some factions of humans that do not want to go back to what’s considered normal. So we get introduced to Rebecca and Steve, a young couple who are just enjoying their lives together and it’s ruined by some marauding dirt bags. These dirt bags are all about destroying the new way of life after the cure and have crippled Steve and threaten his family. Steve and Rebecca because of this attack declare war and slowly plot out shit like MacGyver to fuck with this dirt bag gang. As they move through the gang their plans get bigger and bigger like a low budget A-Team that makes this feature well worth tracking down to enjoy as I give it 3 stars. If that isn’t enough how about this flick was called ‘Booby Trap’ outside of the U.S.

Burial Ground Massacre (DVD) – This ungodly piece of trash and I am being nice as I sat through all 100 minute running time. After the viewer is introduce to a killer voiced by Michael Madsen who is seeking revenge for Native Americans you are introduced to a small gathering of young people at Liberty Manor. It is a museum of sorts taken care of by Chase’s family who don’t really care if the land was built on a Native American burial ground and there might be ghosts haunting the woods surrounding it. Chase is convinced it would be cool to have the party there so the guests could go mishandle the artifacts and talk about the Indian legend. This of course sets up each one dying because of the burial ground thing but the real issue is the movie would like you to believe this is being done by Michael Madsen an aging actor that has lived life hard? Pay attention at the end of the movie as the killer has no sleeves then he does and looks like he put on a hundred pounds just so Michael Madsen could say a few lines in person on camera. Besides the whole weird Michael Madsen thing the film comes off very cobbled together as the characters have no chemistry and how the legend is set up seems lazy at best as I give it 0 stars.

Prisoners of the Ghostland (On Demand) – This crazy ass film should come to you as no surprise as Nic Cage stars as a convict who is given a task ‘Escape from New York’ style by the governor (Bill Moseley). Cage is to go into some weird underworld to rescue the governor’s daughter Bernice, escape this odd place, as he only has a few days to do it or his head will explode. Best way to explain is if you like Asian cinema and Nic Cage this will be for you… But if this isn’t in your wheelhouse there will be a good chance you will hate this. Either way it was all a little confusing but entertaining to me as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Beyond Dark Dreams (DVD) – So apparently independent filmmaker Joseph Russio lost this film about six years ago and only recently finished it when he found all the footage for it again. He may have lost it because this film will fuck with your mind! Russio wrote and directed this feature about a writer putting himself in an old dark house so he can get past his writer’s block… maybe? After a investigating a couple odd noises in the house that makes the writer more fascinated with the house than his writing he comes back to a needle full of green stuff? So of course the writer introduces this unknown drug into his system in hopes of inspiration or the next life. We as does the writer from here witnesses acts of cruelty, the macabre, and the truly bizarre. When it ends I believe the movie allows you to decide if it was all a dream, it really did happen to the writer, or Joseph just giving us a mindfuck of a film that really has no ending that lets you be the judge? I was super confused as it ended but was happy I got to watch this quite odd independent film that had wonderful music, production, and a story I can see people talking about even a few years from viewing it as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Slashlorette Party (DVD) – Brie is a young woman who is having lots of marriage anxieties with her soon-to-be husband Dolph. After her latest session with her therapist Brie is convinced it is time to break up with Dolph before it is too late and she is miserable. But surprise, Brie is caught off guard by her girlfriends who show up as she is writing the letter to Dolph and they are there to take Brie for a weekend of partying. Because you know the Bachelor/Bachelorette together party is all the rage among the kids these days or I should say bad idea. Either way Brie is dreading the whole event for the mere reason she is stuck with Dolph and wants it to end. But anytime you put together pretty girls, talk of sex, lots of drinking in a random cabin it won’t take long for people to die. But what makes this storytelling a little different is Brie has a past and there is a couple other subplots that drive this feature and keeps it interesting with the likes of Drew Marvick and Ginger Lynn. It all intersects for one big bloody ending as every slasher film fan will want their bloody hands on this flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Werewolves Within (DVD) – Beaverfield is a small mountain town that needed a new forest ranger who went missing recently and Finn Wheeler is the man for the job. Finn is transferred and is getting the lay of the land by the cute postal woman who takes him around town. Finn believing his first day after the transfer was a breeze wakes up to the small community upset by a missing dog and talk of a monster or werewolf eventually. Finn thinking it’s all a misunderstanding has just stepped into a ’30 Days of Night’ style situation but with werewolves. They all believe safety is in numbers but that does not stop the werewolf from feasting on the community all held up in the Mansion Inn. Ranger Finn now must figure out who the werewolf inside the mansion is or he will be the next meal in this murder/mystery comedy with a good amount of gore. Great characters, great build up, and potential to be watched by viewers multiple times as one of their recent favorites as I give this flick 3 ½ stars. 

Curse of the Crimson Altar (DVD) – A late 60s British horror film that is considered to be Boris Karloff’s last film appearance that has a man named Bob seeking out a well off gentleman named Morley who may have seen him last? Peter, Bob’s business partner and brother has been missing for some time and as Bob investigates he may have stumbled into witchcraft as Morley wants to be a warlock. Christopher Lee and Barbara Steele round out the cast so this horror film will always intrigue horror fans to give it at least one watch as I give it 2 stars.

Video Nasty Productions: The Early Years (DVD) – Filmmaker Dan Komarek has recently decided it was time for him to go back to his passion of making films but before he does that he wanted to give fans a treat of sorts. This is a collection of short films that Dan and his brother mostly shot on mini-DV in 2008 and 2009 before his other feature ‘Demons of the Night’. The super-packed DVD has trailers of Dan’s work but also has a new trailer for a project called ‘Drain Snake Massacre’ that he is a producer on coming from a new talented filmmaker Kay Crawford. Dan does a short introduction explaining that the short films are “rude and crude” mainly because what camera was used and how long the footage/films were just lying around. He goes in a little bit of detail of what he and his brother did and it will most likely make a few filmmakers watching this cringe! But Dan Komarek’s short film projects were: Lockjaw – two brothers resolving paranormal activity at a home, Soldiers – Two FBI agents visiting an Army vet who just got home and what he may or may not have done overseas, Connection of Pain – a botched robbery that actually becomes an event about pain, Hunting Season – a young man is weirded out by a possible hunter that seems to be stalking him, Carnal Violence – A man’s random trip through the woods becomes filled with terror, and Vektor Bourne – a 15 minute spy thriller with no budget that involves a disc with the all-important “CODES”. Dan Komarek is right they are all “rude and crude” but this DVD shows people it had to start somewhere. Plus I always liked finding early stuff such as this because it gives us viewers or fans insight to what their thinking was then and now and believe the filmmaker can gain some respect by releasing cool stuff like this? Yeah, most of it is bad but for example his short film ‘Hunting Season’ to me even then for a very young Dan Komarek showed with a little more time and editing that short had something… “Passion” and sometimes that is all what viewers are looking for when checking out independent films especially ones they never heard of the filmmaker. So if you are lucky to land your gory little Indy hands on this I hope you enjoy as I give the collection 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #537

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Gross Movie Reviews #537

Dogs (DVD) – The campus of Southwestern University just happens to be a site of a secret government experiment and strange things are starting to happen around the small college town. There have been some odd animal attacks and after a couple dead bodies a couple of university professors are trying to figure out why dogs are traveling and attacking together? Your normal household pet in a split second begins to go for the jugular is if summoned to do it! With each passing day dog attacks rise as the pack of dogs are growing and the professors fear if it isn’t the government these dogs could take over the town as humans must fight dogs to the death. It is a fun “when animal attacks movie” from the 70s that I never heard of before and was happy to sit and watch it. Interesting factoid besides this not being a TV movie flick is that there was a sequel planned called ‘Cats’. The ending even sets it up but this film did lousy at the box office so the sequel was scrapped immediately but don’t let that stop you from enjoying another 70s gem as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (DVD) – A weirdo early 70s ultra-low budget flick that takes place in Jefferson Valley where everybody knows each other including the sheriff’s deputy who sits at the bar all day drinking. Over the past few weeks a few people go missing which never happens and no takes too much notice until old man Jim falls into the bar a bloody mess and dies. Blood samples from Old Jim’s body have pathologists baffled on what exactly is the cause? But a couple of weird famers are snatching people up and harvesting human blood to bring their queen back to the living as they are controlled by a man called “the Lord Druid”. If you are into wacky horror fun like a ‘Motel Hell’ then this low budget affair is right up your alley as I give this fun mess 3 stars.

Torso (DVD) – Holy crap this Eye-talian sleazefest is from 1973 and about a masked man that is stalking college women in Italy and strangling them with his red scarf. After a death or two near the college a group of women head out to a villa discussing the murders for some ‘girl time’. But the killer follows them to the villa and has a bloody good time trying to hack them to bits! I am not a giallo fan but always willing to watch one and this always had me curious. If you take out the sleaze you can see the early 80s slasher formula a decade before we were seeing it on a regular basis here in the states as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

Water Wars (DVD-R) – Well it took a while to track this post-apocalyptic “Corman Presents” flick down as it stars Michael Madsen, a couple Playboy Playmates, and directed by Cirio H. Santiago with Jim Wynorski stepping in after illness. Supposedly finished in 2011 but never released until 2014 but I couldn’t find a physical copy for sale or the film on any streaming sites but as usual give me time and the movie will find me. Once you get past the filler (stock footage from several Filipino post-apocalyptic films that I believe takes up half of the film) water is the only currency of course. An evil warlord Bane is hell bent on tracking down a water source and believes there is springs of fresh water hidden in the mountains but can never capture anyone that knows where it is until now. A gun for hire named Slade is hired by a beautiful lady who claims to know where this spring is if he rescues her sister from Bane. Slade does the job but now Bane and his evil followers are coming to ravage the village but not Slade and his new lady bump uglies like they were in a freakin ‘Witchcraft’ film. This was a poor excuse of a post-apocalyptic film that I should have left buried but you know me as I give it 0 stars.

The Embalmers (DVD) – An exciting fresh filmmaker named Rebecca Rinehart has just released her first full feature that isn’t a straight up horror movie as much as something a little different… The film revolves around the “Quint” family who own a funeral home and been operating it in their small town for over a hundred years. The Quint family might be a little odd of how they do things but they have been dealing with the dead long enough that the locals trust them with their journey to rest in peace. But there are supernatural forces that are not there for the good of man and Cy is able to read minds besides having a connection with a little girl who wears KISS makeup all the time! Through this power Cy has figured out his family must put a stop to this evil force that has bodies piling up all over town. The film is very dialogue driven, with a splash of blood, and supernatural elements that don’t bludgeon you over the head. Now I would have liked a few minutes edited out to make it a quicker pace film but saying that I believe most of the dialogue is vital for the viewer to know what is going on. Overall Rebecca did a solid job first time out and has me excited to see what else she has up next for independent movie fans as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. there was a weird thing that I noticed during one scene where Antwoine Steele is standing behind some shelves just waiting/not doing anything in the morgue and I am not totally sure why? Was it an editing error or a scene cut…? Again weird but doesn’t take away from the solid effort.

Marabunta (DVD) – Killer South American ants have been awaken near a small Alaskan town that just happen to have a volcano that may or may not be active. After some research from a vacationing scientist and a school teacher they believe the volcano’s recent activity is what awakens the ants and now the ants want to take over the town one section at a time. This cheesy late 90s flick stars Mitch Pileggi as the town sheriff but the film still doesn’t hold a candle to the 70s killer ant movies as I give it 1 ½ stars.

High Ballin’ (DVD) – If there was such a thing as “truckersploitation” then we found it starring Jerry Reed of course. Duke is a respected independent trucker who is bucking the system in a lot of truckers’ minds. But a trucking company called King Carol Cargo is pressuring him to join as quite a few Indy drivers have gotten robbed and almost killed by some masked bandits. With the help of a buddy in Peter Fonda the two are trying to outlast this company until Duke decides to retire but that isn’t soon enough for the cargo company. If you are old like me and enjoy ‘BJ and the Bear TV show’ and ‘Smoky and the Bandit’ films then you’ll enjoy a shitload of Jerry Reed and CB radio talk as I give it 2 stars.

Swarm (DVD) – This 2007 killer ant film has several titles including my favorite: Ants on a Plane, Destination: Infestation, and Deadly Swarm. Anyway on a flight from Colombia these bullet ants (very bad ass ants) hitch a ride inside the chest cavity of an asshole passenger and explode out of his chest once the flight is up and over the ocean. So with limited time and nowhere to go to land an entomologist and an air marshal must figure out how to combat these mutant ants before the government shoots the plane down before reaching US soil. This Canadian TV movie wasn’t too exciting but would have been a little more watchable if someone would have kept screaming “get these F’N ants off this mother F’N plane”! But we didn’t get that so I could only give it 1 star.

Willy’s Wonderland (DVD) – Nic Cage in a ‘Banana Splits Movie’ rip-off sort of… okay I am in! Anyhow Nic Cage is only known as “the janitor” throughout the film as he doesn’t utter one word throughout but does grunt once or twice while playing pinball. The man with no name is speeding on empty roads until he hits a police zigzag that punctures all four tires of his sports car. Gets a tow into town but only has credit, no cash. So the tow truck driver introduces him to Tex the owner of Willy’s Wonderland or a version of Chuck E. Cheese or whatever you remember it to be in your city many moons ago. Willy’s is a kid party center with animatronic band but actually serial killers dressed as the band who play music and kill families a decade or two ago. After the satanic ritual and many more deaths of those who enter the place was closed down Tex and others lure people here to please the things inside. So the janitor spends one night inside cleaning the place and his car will be fixed free of charge. The animatronic beings begin to play music but the janitor ignores, they begin to stalk him he ignores, they finally confront him and if it isn’t break time Nic Cage begins to massacre these evil beings and throws them in the dumpster. Weird, gory, Nic Cage, deals with the devil, lots of fun stuff but I still like ‘The Banana Splits Movie’ just a little bit more as I give this 3 stars.

Lycanimator (DVD) – A scientist is asked to give up his secret formula but instead of giving it up uses it on himself and murdering his family. Little time passes as we are introduced to a group of college-aged friends who are heading to the old Phillips home for the weekend and they are warned not to go into the basement. After they drink themselves silly and there is no alcohol left they go into the basement to find the formula believing it is booze. Jeff is forced to drink it and begins to bleed green but of course he becomes a super sex champ to bang his hot tatted up girlfriend May before transforming into a mutated melting werewolf ripping his friends a part. Honestly this film is a hot mess that only lasts 50 minutes (without credits). Kudos for you getting a Todd Sheets cameo, along with several other voice cameos, a cool creature, and the hot actress Cayt Feinics (awesome tattoos), but in my opinion this film had so much untapped potential especially with the mutating melted werewolf creature that never came to life as I give it 1 star.    

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #519

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Gross Movie Reviews #519

 

Bloodfist V: Human Target (DVD) – This time around Don “the Dragon” Wilson stars as Jimmy Stanton who wakes up in the hospital with amnesia. The super-hot Denice Duff is paid $500 to go into his room and claim to be his wife to take him home after he wakes. Quickly she gets involved in something much bigger as some mob guys come by at every opportunity to kill Jimmy. As Jimmy tries to figure out who he truly is the NSA comes a knocking to explain he was undercover as part of a Chinese smuggling organization. Not knowing who to believe as usual he goes out on his own with Ms. Duff to clear his name and kill every bad guy in his way! A fun and hilarious direct-to-video bootleg of Steven Segal’s ‘Hard to Kill’ with no real serious villain as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Bloodfist VI: Ground Zero (DVD) – In this entry Don “the Dragon” Wilson is an Air Force officer who is delivering classified material to a missile complex. Instead of a simple delivery he stumbles into a siege in progress on the missile site to set off a nuclear war. Eventually Mr. Wilson makes his way into the highly secured underground facility to save the day as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Bloodfist VII: Manhunt (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson is Jim in this entry into the series where it teaches you not to pick up strange hot blondes in a bar. After a night with the hot blonde Jim is accused of being a cop murderer and Steven Williams is on the job to track Jim down to bring him to justice. Jim must not only clear his name but bring down the drug ring within the LAPD as I give it 2 stars.

 

Bloodfist VIII: Hard Way Out (DVD) – The last entry for Mr. Wilson has him as a high school teacher with a past in the CIA that catches up to him. Assassins are out to kill him as part of a cleanup operation as his former boss is expected to be declared the new head of the CIA. He heads over seas to keep his teenage son safe but that only slows the CIA down for a day before they catch back up as I give this last entry for “The Dragon” 2 stars.

 

Bloodfist 2050 (DVD) – This 2005 entry into the series made eight years after the original series is a Filipino post-apocalyptic film set in L.A. 2050 that begins with some stock footage of 80s Filipino post-apocalyptic films. Then we are introduced to a young man named Alex that when he isn’t banging the local stripper he gets wrapped up in a famous fighting ring. This is supposedly going to help him find his brother’s killer and make some money along the way. The film is kinda of dull and been done before aka the first ‘Bloodfist’ movie, this entry just has a lot more boobage in it as filler scenes with a few strippers dancing as I give it 1 star.

 

The New Mutants (On Demand) – This was that forgotten or shelved supposedly horror film starring mutants that we all wondered about but weren’t really excited about. If bored, the film isn’t that bad as teenage mutants are sent to an asylum that is funded by the Essex Corporation for scientific research. The teens are told it is for their own good but as a new mutant is introduced into the group they are being haunted by their own fears and must ban together to defeat their fears. This film just comes off as a misfire more than a bad movie and most likely besides being caught up in the whole Fox/Disney takeover was just a rushed project as it seems like the ‘X-men’ phase of superhero films were ending??? Anyway it is still worth a watch if you can’t find much else as I give it 2 stars.

 

Jiu Jitsu (On Demand) – If your brain needs something like a ‘Hardcore Henry’ to fulfill that feeling this might be the project for it? A weird comic bookish story about an interdimension being that comes to Earth every six years at this ancient temple to fight the best warriors alive. If the warriors disagree or do not fight the being it will just destroy the Earth. Seems simple enough as when all the crazy MTV action fight scenes are not happening with Tony Jaa and others we get just enough crazy Nic Cage to keep you interested till the end. The action film is entertaining and filled with some good fight scenes but the ‘hero’ character of the plot isn’t someone I feel fans will care about and hurts the film overall. I still give it 2 ½ stars for all its action but I would say check out ‘Triple Threat’ before you get ass deep into this movie.

 

Terminator: Dark Fate (DVD) – You can make fun of me for watching the whole ‘Bloodfist’ series for no reason. But for those who are fans of this series of films you know this series was done after the third entry, correct? ‘Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’ the most pointless film ever made! This sequel/reboot tries its best to be pointless but really seems to recycle the storyline we just digested in ‘Terminator: Genisys’… I personally just watch the films because of Arnold but if you are just looking for something dumb to watch here you go! Spoiler alert: Skynet does not exist any longer and it is now called Legion. Not saying but just saying this should have been done when they decided to make the third film. Hey Hollywood if you are going to do this again just give us the humans vs. terminators post-apocalyptic war film in 90 minute form otherwise it is just dumb as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Llamageddon (DVD) – This wonderful creation is about an alien llama that crash lands on Earth in a small community and begin its takeover! When the llama isn’t stomping a victim with its hooves it is killing people with its laser eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly people when its shoots lasers from its red eyes fireworks go off. The alien llama stumbles upon a house party of young people where it begins killing them one by one but also spits on one party goer to have him begin a transformation. This independent film has it all folks and I absolutely laughed my ass off as the alien llama tries to destroy us all! If that isn’t enough pay attention to their drinking game as the character Dan changes shirts in every scene (17 times if I counted correctly?) I cannot thank filmmaker Howie Dewin enough for giving us this amazing gem of cinema as I give it 4 stars all the way!

 

Fatman (On Demand) – So what do you do with a super racist actor that may have ruined his career forever? How about have him play the role of Chris Cringle aka Santa Claus. This isn’t your typical holiday film as a young man is given a lump of coal for Christmas and this upsets him to the point of hiring a hitman to kill Santa Claus. If Santa doesn’t have enough to worry about he has to take on a government contract in order to make ends meet so he can continue giving good boys and girls presents once a year. This holiday film goes far off the reservation in this dark comedy to bring a holiday story that is just perfect for us weirdos. Santa isn’t your typical jolly red coat figure we all remember he is portrayed as a normal old guy just trying to get by with what he has. Difference is this Santa has been doing it for hundreds of years and I refuse to describe more of the movie because I like how the story tells you just enough to explain everything quickly to keep the flow going. This holiday gem gets 3 ½ stars and will most likely become a yearly watch for me.

Piranha Sharks (DVD) – Think sea monkeys kids! A science project gone wrong and now the military no longer interested in the project presents a problem: what to do with the piranha sharks? How about sell them as the hottest new product to get through an infomercial? And that is what two weird idea guys come up with as they sell them by the millions becoming rich overnight. But of course things quickly go wrong as the piranha sharks are reproducing out of control and starting to attack people anytime the water is turned on. Not even Jose Canseco pleas for his favorite thing can stop a couple exterminators from coming up with an idea to save New York City! Even a mayor played by Kevin Sorbo (who is Winnie the Poohing it around the office)  hopes the exterminators come up with an idea to save them all before all out nuclear assault as I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #499

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Gross Movie Reviews #499

 

Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.

 

Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.

 

It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!

 

Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!

 

Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Just posted a crap load of new podcasts!

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This week’s episode we are still drunk on the afterglow of the glorious return of Joe Bob Briggs and his 24 hour movie marathon.  BUT WE MARCH ON!!!  We will be covering a weirdo Canadian flick in BEYOND THE 7TH DOOR.  And Kyle finally gets off his ass and watches the Savini effects fronted slasher flick in The Prowler.  Also, we chat about Tim’s opinion on the Shudder service, Donald Pleasence chainsaw fights, Deep cut Cheech and Chong flicks, we answer your questions and read all the newest news.  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

On this week’s episode football returns and that means that Kyle’s ranting and raving dad has returned to scream and yell.  After alienating most of all the cult movie fans by talking sports we get back to the subject at hand and that is and all time Disney sci-fi classic in THE BLACK HOLE.  And Tim covers a quasi-cult flick that surly has a fan base that is quite large in ALIEN NATION.  We also got all your normal things like NEWS and listener questions.  So listen to this show or no spoiled milk for you!!!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

On this week’s show we continue to alienate people with football chat but it doesn’t matter because we got predators… First we talk about the sequel to and all time action jam starring Danny Glover who seems to be too old for everything in PREDATOR 2.  Then we sleep for 15 years until we get to PREDATORS.  Then we almost another 10 years to cover the newest jam THE PREDATOR.  Also time and Kyle also finally get to talk about Sicario 2 and the cult of Benicio Del Toro.  Bizarre Dolph Lundgren flicks that were found at a dollar general.  The sad, sad death of Terrarium TV and we also got your questions and news too.  So download this episode you beautiful motherfuckers!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

On this week’s episode we talk about government cheese and the perils of getting older and shitting your pants.  But besides that we cover the flick that set the internet on fire in MANDY.  And we also cover another fine flick from the glorious land of Australia in BOAR.  Also we chat about the problematic Alex Jones. Kyle discovers the glorious 90’s flick The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.  So, download this episode or the Diceman won’t take you out and throw a hamburger down your throat.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #449

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Gross Movie Reviews #449

 

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (On Demand) – Chris Pratt and the red-headed scientist are duped in going back to the island to help try and move all the dinosaurs to a different island. The island is unstable and about to have a volcanic eruption that will wipe out all that is there. So an old rich dude who was supposedly partners with making these dinosaurs years ago is funding the expedition. But his handler has other plans once the dinosaurs are stateside and wants to sell them as weapons, pets, whatever. Surprisingly again a fun popcorn flick that doesn’t ask you to think too much but also mirrors that if this did exist we all most likely fuck it up as I give the movie 3 stars.

 

Stranger Things Season One (DVD) – So I finally sat down and watched the Netflix show that everyone went nutzoid over more than the beginning of “The Walking Dead”. The show is set in the early 80s and centers on a group of kids who are not the most popular in school but have each other. Meanwhile, a young girl with supernatural powers has disappeared from a dark government facility. The group and her meet up and quickly become friends but strange things are happening in their small town that may be connected to her. Of course her handler wants her back; she wants to stay with the group as she has become a part of them. As the show goes on little plot lines branch out as it affects their older siblings and the small town cop who takes on the government himself. Including going into this void or darkness that has been made by making the girl aka 11 to use her telekinetic powers and now a monster from this void is killing. The show is well written, produced, and casted and I can see why a lot people went gaga over this show. It makes sense people are rewatching this show sense there is several little things you can miss while watching that possibly be a part of upcoming seasons as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Here Comes the Tigers (You Tube) – Why would I watch a low budget version of “The Bad News Bears” from 1978? Because this was a project that involved Sean S. Cunningham, Steve Miner, and Harry Manfredini and shortly after they came up with a movie only called, “Friday the 13th”. The film is about a police officer who is forced to coach the worst little league baseball team in their town. He must overcome the odds to help these kids to believe in themselves in order to win games and the championship. Here is the problem folks it is like they set out to make the boring version of “The Bad News Bears”. Not a whole lot happens but it is one of those forgotten films for movie nerds to track down and like me try and figure out how they went from this to one of the most famous horror movies ever made a short time later. It’s not memorable but worth the trip into cinema nerdem as I give it 1 star.

 

The Predator (Theater) – As a lot of people are blah on the new film in the series from Shane Black I was super excited and enjoyed it for what it was. We learn the Predators have been coming to Earth on a regular basis and they are coming more frequent recently with the government keeping track of everything they are doing. After the events in 1987 and 1997 the government is very interested but does interact with the species. Until now, one of the ships crash land and a sniper named Quinn and his team that were about to take down some bad dudes are interrupted by the crash. Quinn being a smart dude bags some of the alien tech and gets moving in Mexico. Gets the stuff mailed to his house because he knows the government will find him. So of course he is arrested and placed on a bus with other crazy military convicts. The Predator is brought back to be studied and the crazies are going to be sent off which they were well-casted with Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key as part of this team. Predator wakes up, starts killing all the smart scientist people and Quinn believe they need to escape and track this alien down. But Quinn learns that his son has the alien tech and has opened the box and now wearing the Predator mask as a Halloween costume in a hilariously brutal scene as it kills some dude being rude to the kid. Once Quinn catches up to his autistic kid who is important to the storyline the group also comes to find out this Predator was a rogue trying to deliver something to the humans. As a now larger hybrid is there to wipe everything clean and leave no witnesses. The film has a lot of layers and fun stuff to it. If you were coming into this thinking you getting another Arnold classic from 1987 then you were mistaken because that flick cannot be topped. But if you are a fan of this series allow yourself to let the story unfold. I think Shane Black did a great job. I enjoy the Predators are preparing for our extinction and planning to use Earth. Now the argument I will entertain is the ending as I believe the ending or what the rogue Predator was carrying was the fourth or fifth choice. This would be the weak part of the film but otherwise you tell me I am about to watch a movie that combines “The Dream Team” with a “Predator” movie I am in every time as I give this 3 stars.

 

Sicario: Day of the Soldado (On Demand) – Matt Graver and Alejandro are back! The drug war has not gone away; it has gotten worse as it is believed terrorists are now being smuggled into the U.S. The government brings in Matt again to seek out what and how this going on? Of course there are new rules now as Matt likes to say. Once Matt has found who might be involved he makes contact Alejandro to have him kidnap a drug lord’s daughter. Alejandro does and when trying to return her to Mexico they are double crossed by the authorities. The situation becomes a cluster fuck as Matt and his team must kill the authorities and Alejandro must go track the girl down as she escaped during the fire fight. Once over Matt is told shut it down and wipe it clean including killing the girl. Alejandro knows the situation and knows his life is in danger as is hers. Loved the first flick and really enjoyed the sequel but believe this feature going a little bit of a different direction than the first film may have taken the bite out of the impact of these films. Either way still enjoyed the sequel, I have become a huge fan of Benicio Del Toro, and would love to see one more of these movies but have that feeling we will not as I give this feature 3 ½ stars.

 

Solo: A Star Wars Story (On Demand) – Okay kids and old “Star Wars” settle yourselves down. Of course the film is about the early days of Han Solo and Chewy. You pretty much get all you wanted to know about Han’s early days. I will say I felt they wasted too much time on the heist and felt kinda cheated out of seeing how he met Jabba but it was still fun. You want bad go back and watch “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” otherwise nerds chill out and grab a beer. Allow yourself to be a kid for over two hours and just enjoy the fucking movie I know I did as I give it 3 stars.

Boar (DVD) – Always enjoy me some Australian movies especially when we get a giant animal attack. A huge savage looking mutant boar is terrorizing the outback and starting to eat some of the livestock. Meanwhile Bernie (Nathan Jones) has family (the family includes Bill Moseley who married Bernie’s sister) coming in for some vacation time. Bernie and the family head out to the lake to picnic and enjoy the outback. Bernie did promise a friend he would go lookout for her father who likes to get drunk and sleeps out in the middle of nowhere. The giant boar attacks Bernie and his truck then makes its way to the family. The family and Bernie must fight their way past the mutant boar to make it out of the outback alive. Highlights: lots of gore, some great creature effects, and Nathan Jones singing Vanilla Ice. Lowlights: some bad computer effects of the Boar and the film not exactly paced well and feel choppy at best. It’s not “Razorback” but I can see myself watching this film again in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Another (DVD) – This 2014 film original title is “Another” but has become known under a different title of “Mark of the Witch”. A young lady named Jordyn has just turned 18 and her aunt is weird and fucked up starts explaining to Jordyn that it is time? Aunt Ruth has supposedly been protecting the young lady in some way for years. But now Jordyn is becoming possessed by her mother so her mother can live longer and do sinister things. This is one weird ass movie that is hard to follow and just doesn’t make a ton of sense. But if you are into witches this weirdo flick is right up your alley as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Command Performance (Blu-ray) – Dolph Lundgren writes and directs this feature set in Russia and Dolph plays a drummer for a band there. His name is Joe and his band along with several others is part of some big gig in Russia. But some home bred terrorist who was a part of the Russian military has other plans. The terrorists shut down the concert killing many concert goers but there for the Russian president and his two kids. Once military gets involved and some of the terrorists believe this isn’t for the money they are asking and just to prove a point before death things get very messy. But don’t fear as Joe is former U.S. Special Forces and is helping one of the Russian president’s secret service to exterminate the terrorists. Think if “Die Hard” may have been made with Dolph Lundgren… maybe. I give this Dolph action flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Direct Contact (Blu-ray) – Dolph is stuck in a Russian prison for several months now but is broken out or released by Michael Pare who has a job for him. Pare convinces Dolph to rescue an abducted American woman and he makes an easy $200,000. But once Dolph kidnaps her out of the compound he finds out quickly he has been double crossed for a business reason. The American has just gained her father’s company that is worth billions and they Pare wants her to sign it over to him. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Terror Out of the Sky (YouTube) – The TV movie is a sequel to 1976’s “The Savage Bees” and stars Dan Haggerty. In this film The National Bee Center has found out one of their hives have been taken over by a queen South American killer bee. And the Center may have sent out several shipments of these killer bees to different parts of the U.S. where they can do lots of damage. So the scientists from The National Bee Center begin their journey to try and stop this. They catch up to a couple one swarm gets loose after an accident and now it is about to attack a community day baseball game. But with some help of cub scouts and a school bus the scientist gets the swarm of killer bees to follow them to a nearby decommissioned air force base. From there they trap and spray insecticide of the bees once trapped in the facility. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Mandy (On Demand) – Holy crap is this trippy flick over the top Nic Cage crazy! The visuals are completely wild and essential to the film. The film is set in 1983 deep in the woods of Shadow Mountains I believe they called it. Nic Cage is a logger back home from work to hang with his love of his life Mandy. What disrupts this love story is a cult leader explains to his followers he must have her. She is something special and believes he deserves her. So his followers summon some bad ass weird dark biker gang to grab her and the cult leader tortures Mandy and Nic Cage after Mandy laughs at him. Nic Cage goes in to a rage of revenge, makes a crazy looking Viking axe, visits Bill Duke and Richard Brake and heads off to hunt the evil bikers and this cult leader! The movie starts off very slow to build this love story and weirdness about the hippies but when the torture and gore start… Holy shit does this movie go for the jugular as Nic Cage wants revenge! I give the film 3 ½ stars and Nic Cage is on a roll this year!

 

Lake Nowhere (DVD) – So here is another retro horror flick with trailers and all that is about 45 minutes long. Set 1980ish where a group of young people head out to a cabin to party. One dude disappears swimming but they pay it no mind because they want to party. Along with their missing friend is this weird creature or person in costume being a peeping tom. The party is starting to slow down when the friend shows up naked and cold. The friends get him settled and things seem to be good until he wakes up in the middle of and goes cannibalistic! The place is in chaos as the friends cannot find the car keys and try to come up with answers. But then the creature costume thing decides to start his own killing spree. In the end everyone dies and we get some weird creature ceremony on the lake. The film doesn’t make a ton of sense and feels like “Okay we ran out of money. Let’s end it and put it out there.” I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and for upcoming guests.

Gross Movie Reviews #313

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Gross Movie Reviews #313

 

By Tim Gross

 

Homesick (DVD) – An independent film that was released through Synapse Films that stars the very talented Tiffany Shepis, Bill Moseley, and Tom Towles. Friends at a party one night are visited by a strange man or should I say razor salesman who holds Shepis hostage while he asks questions and cuts himself with razors that were in his suitcase. The questions result in who you want to die? Well after the salesman/Bill Moseley leaves, the friends begin dying one by one and not sure how to stop the killing spree. There is a good amount of gore and a couple uncomfortable scenes for the horror newbies but overall the film was kinda blah and may have be better off with less acting talent and using the money for other things to help the film. I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Fall Down Dead (DVD) – The great Udo Kier plays a serial killer named The Picasso Killer who is chasing his perfect victim on Christmas Eve. If that wasn’t enough David Carradine is thrown in as a security guard and a victim of The Picasso Killer. The script is not great but with the presence of Udo Kier and some awesome gore effects and kept me interested long enough to watch the whole film and give it 2 ½ stars.

swamphead_1

Swamphead (DVD) – It is the mysterious independent screener that was found behind my computer with an email address and no one claiming of giving it to me to review. The film is from Rabid Child Films and is about a man a thousand years ago named Robert Gross (awesome) whose head is separated from his body during a bloody battle and apparently haunts the local Wisconsin woods. Well Gross’s head is pissed off, giving rednecks with a broken arm head in a hot tub, and back to killing local folk. But it’s all up to a paranormal expert, a retard, and three high school kids to stop Swamphead. The independent film is not great by any means but I was entertained by the flying robot and the giant bloodbath. I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Eastern Condors (DVD) – A film from the mid-80s which is along the lines of an international Rambo and Rambo 2 and a better looking Delta Force film starring and directed by Sammo Hung. Two Asian officers are hired by the U.S. government for a super-secret mission where they recruit 10 prisoners with nothing to lose and everything to gain (U.S. citizenship and $200,000) where they would parachute into Vietnam and destroy a secret stash of weapons that the U.S. left when the military pulled out in 1974-1975. What makes the film even more interesting is right before the captain of the mission is about to jump he is told that the mission has been aborted which places an extra spin on this unbelievable action film. This film completely blows away any “Delta Force” flick. This film beginning to end is overflowing with great eye-popping fight scenes and is another example of why I need to find more international films to watch and review! I give the film 4 stars.

 

Absolute Power (DVD) – Another great Clint Eastwood flick that has him playing a thief who is blamed for the death of a rich woman who was having an affair with the President of the United States and is married to the president’s best friend. Eastwood’s character sees everything and escapes when the secret service is trying to cover it up as a burglary gone wrong. Eastwood on the run has been doing this for a long time and knows he needs to disappear far away until the president holds a press conference showing his ignorance to the event and decides he is gonna return the stolen money and jewelry and bring down the president and the people who covered it up. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

The Frozen Ground (DVD) – A film based on a true story stars an old looking John Cusack playing serial killer Robert Hansen who became notorious in 1983 when captured by an Alaskan state trooper for the amount of murders he got away with for over a decade and the exact number may never be known. Nic Cage puts in a good performance as the Alaskan state trooper who helps and uses information given to him by a young hooker who survived an attack by Robert Hansen. Hansen was perceived as the perfect family man with a couple kids, business, etc., but has a history of events that involved abusing women but was never charged and that just fueled his desire to murder whenever the family was out of town. A good film worth tracking down if you enjoy films about true life serial killers as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alien Space Avenger

Alien Space Avenger (VHS) – My obsession for watching bad films has no bounds as this 1988 low budget flick has a cartoonist struggling to keep his job unless he comes up with a new story arc. But before that four alien terrorists escape to earth in the 1930s looking for plutonium for their ship only to find zero and decide to hide in their ship for fifty years. Unearthed by a construction crew, the aliens make their way into New York looking for plutonium for their ship. Then they are to be followed by the struggling cartoonist who uses the aliens for his story arc only to realize they are actually aliens and they will kill him if they can ever get a hold of him. If there was a compliment I could give this flick it would be: This is a USA Up All Night flick if I ever seen one as I give this bad but fun movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Werewolf: The Devil’s Hound (DVD) – Another horrible werewolf film that just feeds the horror fan’s complaints about a good werewolf flick outside of “American Werewolf in London”, “The Howling”, “Ginger Snaps”, “Dog Soldiers”, and the original “Wolf Man”. Nothing redeeming about this boring flick as a werewolf is accidentally sent to a pyrotechnics company by mistake, breaks loose, and attacks anything nearby. If that wasn’t insulting enough the werewolf costume looks like a throw away costume from SyFy Channel’s exclusive film “Yeti”. First rule of making a werewolf film: Have good costume/effects! Second rule: Have money to make a werewolf film or should I say pull one off? I give this waste of space at the video store 0 stars.

 

The Street Fighter (VHS) – It’s 1974 and Sonny Chiba fucks a lot shit up! Including some dude’s ball sack! Sonny is a bad ass mercenary who is trying to protect a billionaire’s daughter. Along the way Chiba even takes on a whole dojo… That is just bad ass as I give this classic 4 stars.

 

Orloff against The Invisible Man (DVD) – The 1970 film has several names but none of them make the film any easier to watch as some scientist dude named Orloff has an invisible gorilla that rapes a bunch of women. Then he dies at the paws and vicious mouths of some German Shepherds! I give it 2 stars.

 

13 Eerie (DVD) – Katherine Isabelle and five other students are testing out in the field as part of their C.S.I. course. They are led out to an island by their professor and maintenance guy where a state prison and a small community have long been abandoned or they think? An extra body is found during student’s test and then disappears only to begin attacking the corpses that were left out for the student’s tests. Soon the small group of people realizes they are being stalked by possible human experiments from the old prison. Cool effects, lots of blood, Katherine Isabelle in another horror film, not your typical zombies, a little throwback to John Saxon’s “Zombie Deathhouse” which all equals that you need to go watch this direct to video horror flick! I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com or pick up a copy at our table at Horror Realm from us March 7-9th, 2014. Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.