John Shatzer and I have a conversation about Charles Band’s career…

0

Episode 5: Charles Band discussion with Tim Gross

This is the first of another two parter. In this episode we cover Band’s early career and his founding and running into the ground of his first studio Empire pictures. We also chat briefly about Wizard Video days. People seem to forget that he was early on in the VHS craze of the late seventies and early eighties. The picture is Tim and I at Cinema Wasteland… remember conventions? Hell remember seeing people’s faces? Well for me the mask thing might be working.

http://www.crappymoviereviews.com/2021/02/conversations-with-john.html?fbclid=IwAR3zzFOiqg1nNKPE5JH5fGitWjf5hFfCyQ5hfd8BLaO1054IS4GLF_ovNBE

http://www.crappymoviereviews.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #527

0

Gross Movie Reviews #527

 

Eyeball (DVD) – Giallo fans rejoice as I dived deep into this feature where tourists are all getting stabbed in the eyeball by an unknown killer. Police are baffled at who could be the killer as these tourists are traveling together and all can be suspects. But eventually the police come up with a clue that helps decide who the killer is when they figure out all the victims have the same color eyeball. This 1975 feature has a little bit of gore, the corny music that will stick you long after the film, and a killer that loves fucking people’s eyeballs up but that wasn’t enough for me as I give this film 2 stars. Let me explain “the giallo’ is not in my wheelhouse but always willing to give it at least one watch because you never know if there is one I go gaga over?

 

Hoax (DVD) – A TV producer is told he has one last chance to come up with a hit show so he takes a chance to go looking for Bigfoot! There have been recent disappearances in the Colorado Mountains and the word is that a rumor of a Sasquatch has roamed the area for years. So the producer thinks, “why not bring real evidence back and make it a reality show.” Ben Browder (Farscape and Stargate SG-1 fame) plays the producer as he takes a small crew that includes a security officer (Brian Thompson) just in case they do actually find something. The crew of thinks it is all bullshit until a parent of one of the recently missing is a part of their crew to help search the area as cameras are set up everywhere. Soon after hitting the base camp a crew member goes missing setting up the crew to start believing in the rumors of Sasquatch. Should they finish the production or run? Kids, remember the title of the film as the climax hits as I enjoyed this SyFy Channel-lite film fare up until then as I give it 2 stars.

You’re Next 3: Pajama Party Massacre (DVD) – This 2007 independent effort was written by Dustin Lavalley and Joe Knetter. The 23 minute film centers around two young ladies (Elske McCain and Scarlett Salem aka Sarah French) having a night to themselves and the women tell stories about serial killers that were never caught. This set up for the girls to soon become victims of an unknown killer that is stalking the home. Lots of extras on the disc for fans but also explains the title as there is flashbacks aka prequel shorts to this longer short film. Not sure if that makes a lick of sense but anyway I give this ‘massacre’ title 2 ½ stars as it keeps it simple: Blood, Boobs, and… a beast.

 

Oasis of Lost Girls (DVD) – Looking to fill your void with European sleaziness then I got a piece of trash for yinz sleazy bastards to enjoy. A 1981 film that has found new life on the Full Moon streaming platform and DVDs. A couple of sick bastards pick up women, take them home, drug them, and “try them out” before they sell the girls to even sleazier assholes. These sleazoids take the girls to an island to be raped then trained for “work”! Another genre not exactly in my wheelhouse but sometimes I do have to pull my head out of the sand and check out something other than ‘massacre’ titles. Sadly I chose this title that I give 1 star too. Yes, this isn’t my favorite but I do know there is a certain audience that just eats this genre and sometimes they just didn’t know some of these titles have been made available again for public consumption.

 

Invasion of the Scream Queens (DVD) – A 1992 documentary from iconic independent filmmaker Donald Farmer that I remember seeing a few clips for then and reading about in a horror magazine. It features interviews and film clips of actresses Michelle Bauer, Martine Beswick, Monique Gabrielle, and many more talking about their experiences on these B-movies and how they made careers for themselves. They talk good times and bad and in recent years we have seen many of these… but what makes this a hidden gem of a documentary is it ends on a high note with interviewing Mary Woronov! I have always found her and her career super interesting as she has literally done it all in Hollywood. This interview made this documentary just an absolute must watch as I give this movie doc 3 stars and well done Mr. Farmer.

Lethal Nightmare (DVD) – First I have seen this movie called ‘Lethal Nightmares’ and ‘Lethal Nightmare’ either way it is the same movie made by the famous Polonia Brother duo in 1992. Second the film was never released until recently as it was a remake shot on Super-8 of an earlier film called ‘Hallucinations’. The DVD begins with an intro from Mark Polonia who gives the viewer a history of how and why they remade the film and it not being released. The film centers on a young man Doug who is horrific weird dreams/visions. Doug and his brother first blame the older weirder brother for just fucking up the family dynamic that would possibly cause these dreams. Because in reality all Doug wants is his kitty after believing he seen it murdered. This is only the beginning as the other two outside of Doug quickly become affected and fall into these weird dreams/visions and do not know what is reality? Independent film fans this is a flick worth checking out just for the mere reason this isn’t the usual Polonia Brothers film we have grown up with and loved. This feature really feels like they went out of their safe bubble and try something different and I believe they may have accomplished something weird and interesting as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Psycho Goreman (On Demand) – So the guy that gave us: The Void, Leprechaun Returns, and Manborg has decided there isn’t enough 90s nostalgia… Two kids Mimi and Luke are playing the game they made up and the loser (Luke in this case) must dig his own grave. While digging in the backyard they find this mysterious rock and believe when in bed that night monsters may come to get them for finding it. They were not far from the truth as they actually unleashed an intergalactic evil being that loves murder and mayhem. But because Mimi now holds the gem they control this being and give him the name “Psycho Goreman”. Mimi of course uses the control for stupid stuff to amuse herself but it also involves their parents as Psycho Goreman is sort of part of the family now. Or just obey every command Mimi gives him. There is a price to pay having this power and possibly even more evil beings called the Templars send something to earth to destroy Psycho Goreman. It now becomes a war between the kids and their pet monster with this Templar creation, who will survive? I loved the rubber monster effects as they look like they were straight out of an episode of the ‘Power Rangers’ TV show. The movie is a lot of fun as I feel this film will be the rubber stamp horror flick for the 90s nostalgia crowd as the 80s nostalgia might be dying out. I did think the ‘Goosebumps’ films were gonna start the 90s nostalgia craze but it faded out but I highly believe this is the jump start the genre needed as I give this film 3 stars.

 

Hand of Death (DVD) – An early 60s B-monster flick about a scientist that may have come up with the latest formula for nerve gas. While Alex tries to perfect the gas he gets it upon him causing a slow transformation of his body but also gives him the “death touch”. Whoever he touches or person touches him they die of a quick death. With no cure in sight Alex begins to go insane until the authorities track him down and rid him of this life as I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Case of the Bloody Iris (DVD) – Trying out another giallo which in this 1972 film an unknown killer is killing beautiful women who live in the same apartment building. Of course the landlord is to blame as he is almost at every scene of the murder but with giallos we all know he is not the killer. I liked some of the lead up to the killer but the film seems to lose steam after halfway through as I give it 2 stars. Need a laugh pay attention to the photographer in the film as he reminds me of the old cartoon character “Snagglepuss”, stage left…? (I know I’m old)

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Bloodbaths and Boomsticks gets back to work!

2

After a vacation over the New Year we return to the podcasting game with 3 greater genre flicks to discuss.  First we talk about a spaghetti western directed by 2 titans of Italian cinema Claudio Fragasso and Bruno Mattei in 1987’s SCALPS.  Then Tim covers last year’s outta nowhere remake CASTLE FREAK.  And finally Kyle goes to his favorite movie making country Australia to talk about a movie franchise that should be bigger than it is in WOLF CREEK 2.  We also cover what we have been watching the last 3 weeks, The Mandalorian season 2 finales, And we welcome long time listener and good friend Patricia to the show as she will be running out letterboxed account from now on.  So download this episode or you won’t be welcome in Australia… YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Bloodbaths and Boomsticks drops their “Best of and Worst of 2020” show!

0

As we prepare to slam the door on this dumpster fire goat fuck of a year it wouldn’t be complete without a visit from T-Shirt Joe to help us run down the good, the bad, and the ugly of all the flicks of 2020.  And we also have a very important… very special message from Tim Gross that you all need to hear.  And as always we cover what we’ve been watching. What’s been happening in the news, and answer your listener questions.  So download this episode or prepare to get infected with COVID 20.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #508

0

Gross Movie Reviews #508

Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

Blade the Iron Cross (On Demand) – So about 20 years too late we get a Blade standalone film Charles Band and Full Moon. Hey I was happy it was going to exist but they also kept it in the Nazi era instead of making it in present time. Bottom line plot wise is a psychic journalist; Elisa owns Blade and brings him to life to fight a Nazi scientist who continues his horrific experiments on humans. This Nazi scientist of course seeks to replicate the Toulon formula but also to enhance it. But Elisa with the help of Blade and a detective try to put a stop to it before it’s too late. For me the question remains do we even get this film if ‘The Littlest Reich’ is ever released? Because I don’t know about you Full Moon fans this movie was just meh as I give it 2 stars.

 

Weedjies! Halloweed Night (On Demand) – Three college girls need to raise funds for their next semester’s tuition so they have a Halloween party. So they rent a hotel in Vegas and Halloween it up for the party. The catch for all to come is that you pay to get in to be a part of a scavenger hunt and whoever wins gets this “ultimate weed”. The party gets going, the hunt begins, and an evil baroness shows up and gets the friends to play an evil game of Ouija that unleashes the “Weedjies”. If they do not capture the Ghoulies-lite extras they will also become part of the game. The Danny Draven film is one of those shut your brain off films that isn’t truly a horror film but kind of fun to watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Yummy (Shudder) – A Dutch horror film about a couple who are going to a shady ass hospital for a breast reduction. Allison feels they are too big and it’s time to do something about them. Finally after a false start because of the boyfriend barging in Allison and the doctors are ready for the surgery. That is until Allison’s boyfriend stumbles in to warn people about the zombie outbreak in the hospital. From there on it is all blood, breasts, and chaos that include a dong on fire! Cool creatures and great effects make this film a riot as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

A Man Called Rage (YouTube) – Another Eye-talian post-apocalyptic film from 1984 that has a lone man named Captain Strike or nicknamed Rage brought to a military facility after he kills like twenty men to begin the film. Rage is a man who never got sick after the nukes but there is many others that did and this group of people living in this facility need his expertise to lead an expedition to find Uranium. They believe with this the people can survive the oncoming illness. Captain Strike agrees and along the way makes a deal with a complete psycho who use to be in his outfit years ago for maps that lead them to an air base in the “Forbidden Lands”. They get there and there is no Uranium but something better… VHS tapes on engineering, seeds, and the bible as I give this fun apocalyptic flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Torturer (Vimeo) – A short story written by Paul Kane that has made into a short film about a man named Andy Brooks. Andy is thrown into a dark room to be interrogated by a stern man with a clipboard. No backstory, not just yet as this stern figure can’t anything out of Andy except for his name as Andy claims he doesn’t remember anything. What seems like your typical movie interrogation takes a turn when the torture begins and Andy has dreams or flashes of a past life that come to haunt him. An interesting take story wise and worth a look as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. www.LittleSparkFilms.net

Intrusion Disconnected (Google) – This is the long awaited sequel from writer/producer Craig Everett Earl’s 2015 creepy thriller ‘Intrusion’. Mr. Earl and crew waste no time keeping up the creepiness of the connection between Holly and Ray. Some time has passed since the tragic events of the first film and Holly is still nowhere near living a normal life. Convinced Ray is still alive since the police never found his body in the wreckage of the paramedic van’s accident. The nightmares come nightly as Holly wakes up screaming most nights staying with friends just trying to find a way to deal with it. But the gloves are off this time as the anniversary of the horrific event in Holly’s life draws near as there is a slaughter happening and it is slowly closing in on Holly. Craig dives deep into the two characters of Holly and Ray to expand their backstory and show their connection in this bloody sequel. Again they rely heavily on the Holly and Ray characters to move the story along more than blood or sex that is thrown into most Indy films to move them along. This is a unique independent film for the reason it is a true thriller which you do not get much in the low budget world these days and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Katie Stewart and Craig Everett Earl, remember their names as I can see bigger budgeted projects coming their way soon as they are super talented people.

 

Savage Beach (On Demand) – This late 80s big boobied action/adventure flick is about two beautiful DEA agents crash landing on an island that has several people looking for gold. Apparently during WWII a Japanese boat went down nearby or may have shipwrecked on this island as it was carrying a lot of gold that set anybody up for life. So we have a few small groups of individuals trying to dupe the other while they find the gold first. These two beautiful ladies and a strange survivor from WWII just happen to wreck the treasure hunting party. It has a lot adventure hijinks to be put in the 80s sex comedy genre but if you enjoy that genre this will be worth a look as I give it 2 ½ stars for just keeping me entertained all the way through.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #501

0

Gross Movie Reviews #501

 

We Die Young (DVD) – A story about a young drug runner for the MS-13 gang named Lucas in Washington D.C. He tries to watch out for his younger brother and has made friends with an ex-military vet Daniel (Jean-Claude Van Damme) who he delivers to on a regular basis. Both humans are just trying to do the right thing for others. When Lucas gets set up during a run he and his brother are on the run from the MS-13 because they must die for their betrayal. They jump into Daniel’s car and from there it’s stop and you will die. Not your typical JCVD action flick but the film has a lot of heart and an interesting storyline that made the film well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

Good Against Evil (YouTube) – Richard Lynch as a man into Satanism named Mr. Rimmin and a young Kim Cattrall showing up, yes I’m in! A baby is born and stolen by a nun to be taken to Mr. Rimmin and he explains to his legion that the child must be protected at all costs. 22 years later in San Francisco we meet Jessica Gordon who designs clothes. Her new car gets dinged up by a gentleman named Andy Stewart who tries to get Jessica to go to dinner with him but no luck. Andy persists until Jessica is down for it and eventually they become a couple but strange things like people dying keep happening. These folks that are dying are followers of Mr. Rimmin trying to protect Jessica and try to break up the lovers constantly. I enjoyed the movie but just not enough scenes of Lynch being an evil bad ass as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Ghost Riders (YouTube/VHS) – Here is a random 1987 I never knew about that I was super excited to watch and… then I did. Anyhow Frank Clements is hung by a vengeful priest in the old west. A hundred years later a Professor Sutton discovers Clements is back from the dead the hard way. Luckily for the Professor his random friends and son are coming for a visit and shoot the ghosts. But hey folks they soon find out they been shooting down the same ghosts over and over and must come up with a new plan to save all their asses! That is when they get back to the Sutton cabin and find out their grandpa was the priest that hung Clements. Yep a boring revenge flick that should have been so much better but turns out to be a snoozer as I give it 1 star.

 

Survivor (VHS) – It has been ten years since the war and a man/astronaut travels by a solar-powered train car looking for a so-called paradise. There is a story about an underground paradise that is ruled by a man named Kragg (Richard Moll) and scientists. Once there it isn’t what it is cracked up to be so the space man is challenged by Kragg. Kragg is amazed to find out the space man is the one who put the satellite into space that caused the war and gives a good long speech about the ‘New World’. Not one of the best post-apocalyptic flicks out there but an interesting take with the whole underground city and such plus Richard Moll as I give it 2 stars.

 

Strike Commando 2 (YouTube/VHS) – Our man Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei goes ripping off several 80s action flicks of where a vet Michael Ransom is sent in by the CIA to go looking for his old commander Jenkins. There is a whole double fake of Jenkins being hidden by the CIA but is actually double crossing the CIA and working for the enemy and has Ransom bringing diamonds for the payoff. Once Ransom understands what is going down, Ransom and his new blonde friend make a plan in the jungle to screw them all. Oh yeah in case you needed to know Jenkins was working for the KGB… damn it I gave it away. It’s fun B-movie follies for all to enjoy as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Lone Runner (YouTube/VHS) – A mid-80s flick from Ruggero Deodato about a superhero in the desert known as Garrett or Lone Runner. Once ten years ago he saved a little girl and some folks from some bandits. Now ten years later he is back to save her again as her father is being blackmailed for some mysterious diamonds that many people didn’t believe existed. We get some cool horse riding stunts and see Garrett take on a whole army of bandits. It isn’t the best of Deodato’s work but I love finding this stuff and thank the lord Rutger Hauer this filmmaker exists as I give it 2 stars.

 

Firewalker (DVD) – A hilarious action/comedy in the spirit of Indiana Jones in ways starring Chuck Norris, Louis Gossett Jr., Sonny Landham, John Rhys-Davies, and Melody Anderson! Max and Leo are hired by Melody’s character for a treasure hunt, yeah they are not real successful in the past but this time is different. It is an interesting movie for the mere reason it takes Chuck Norris out of his comfort zone but the chemistry he had with Louis Gossett Jr. is great as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Road Hell (DVD) – This relative low budget flick centers around a high-strung couple who have to stop at a seedy motel because they need sleep and to POOP! This intro of the creepy motel is for an anthology that has a vampire orgy, a kid wanting to take on an unknown creature in the woods that ate his dog, and profiling a zombie exterminator. The couple wrap around doesn’t have much to do with anything other than asking for a new room in between segments. When picking anthologies this might be the choice yinz all will wanna pass on as I almost feel asleep twice trying to make it through it. For that I give it 0 stars.

 

The Final Terror (DVD) – This slasher film has alluded me long enough as I knew it existed but not as ‘Campsite Massacre’ also. This star studded affair (Mark Metcalf, Lewis Smith, Adrian Zmed, and Darryl Hannah) is about a group of inexperienced rangers heading up north to Old Mill Creek for work and some partying. Old Edgar warns them about getting hurt and going somewhere else but this is the early 80s they don’t listen. After a joke that night goes a little too far when one of them don’t come back looking for someone’s weed crop they search for him all day with no luck. But now this thing stalking the woods is now hunting the rangers as they must make their way down river as they are tired and injured. With the cast I hoped for another ‘The Burning’ but got a less eventful slasher film instead and I give it 2 stars.

 

Jurassic Galaxy (DVD) – What feels like an Asylum film or a SyFy Channel flick is not as a spaceship crash lands and falls to pieces on a planet ruled by dinosaurs. The survivors if they can survive each other must make their trek across the treacherous planet to find the escape shuttle to get a SOS out in space. It wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was going to be still surprised neither of those factions had anything to do this with this terrible idea as I give it 2 stars.

 

Nazi Undead (DVD) – Brad and Ash are off to a castle in the middle of nowhere Germany when the car stalls out and a woman runs to the car to smack it and then die. So eventually the two get out finding help, but instead finding an old house with a paranormal creepy old German guy and backstory that replays a couple times during this dumb ass fucking movie! Candidate for worst movie I have watched in 2020 as I give it 0 stars.

The Terror of Hallow’s Eve (DVD) – Another film claiming to be based on true events that takes place on October 30, 1981 where a young teenager Timmy is very talented and likes to play pranks on the neighbors. He gets in trouble with his mother and promises not to do any pranks on Halloween so he investigates the attic and finds “The Book of Halloween” and reads about the ‘Trickster’. Timmy after getting the shit kicked out of him by three high school assholes he turns to the Trickster to help him scare them to death. Of course the trickster takes it literally and eventually with the help of Timmy’s imagination kills them all. Thus sending him to an asylum where the end of the film explains more about his story at present day. It is a solid Halloween horror film but wasn’t a big fan of the ending as it felt like padding or filler to stretch the film out. I liked the storyline, the cool under the radar Hollywood stars in it, but the ending for me was not needed but didn’t spoil the end product as I give the film 3 stars.

Corona Zombies (On Demand) – This latest Full Moon feature takes place in the Bodega Bay Trailer Park where Barbie has just learned about the Corona virus from her bestie Kendra over the phone. She turns on the news to learn the virus is getting out of control and now there might be ‘Corona Zombies’ as the virus is turning certain ones into zombies. But the real problem is Barbie doesn’t have toilet paper and she is like so bored. Barbie goes into panic mood as she watches the news showing live footage or I should say overdubbed footage of two other zombie movies throughout the newscast. Kendra tries to help Barbie through the phone to keep her calm but nothing says calm like finding an eight pack of TP! To be honest I have been critical of Charles Band and company which sucks because I love Full Moon and I believe we all were not expecting much from this project… But this project is fucking hilarious and makes me wanna go back and rewatch ‘Hell of the Living Dead’. This film will not be for everyone but for everything that is going on right now Charles Band might have a diamond in the rough with this project that shows maybe all humans need to calm down and watch something not so serious? But also thank you Charles Band for this project not being an infomercial for ‘Evil Bong’ and the latest crap on Full Moon Streaming as I give this 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #494

0

Gross Movie Reviews #494

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (DVD) – Well it is Halloween 1968, and three kids are out for their last Trick or Treat. This year they have a plan to get back the older kids who have messed with them in past Halloweens and that is to let them bag snatch them only to find out too late they have been ‘shit bombed’. Great prank! On the run the three younger kids find a new friend in Ramone at a drive-in who protects them. They convince him it would be a cool idea to check out the local haunted house that may have been owned by a child murderer? They get trapped in Sarah Bellows bedroom by the high school kids and while trying to find a way out they find Sarah’s “Book of Stories” and Stella reads it. Thus reading it causes new stories to be written and Stella’s friends dying one by one.  It is up to Stella to figure out how to release Sarah Bellows’ ghost or she is next. If you like “Goosebumps” you will enjoy this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (DVD) – So a body is brought into a family morgue that was found at a house of murdered people. No cause could be found but when investigating they find a body of a young woman in the basement dirt floor and police want answers. The morgue is the Tilden Morgue, family owned. And they believe in doing the job right but this young lady had no I.D. or idea of what she truly died from. As they begin the autopsy and begin to find weird shit with the body, weird shit begins to happen around them. As they go deeper into the autopsy the father/son duo soon figure out they are being haunted and there is no real way out of this terror. Interesting, different, and well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Wizard of Gore (DVD) – Holy balls I forgot how weird this H.G. Lewis flick was as it is about Montag the Great who is a magician who is the master of illusions… maybe. A highly rated morning TV show host and sports writer boyfriend take in a show where Montag clearly kills a woman on stage but she is perfectly fine when the illusion is over. But later that night the same woman shows up slaughtered at a restaurant. Is it magic? An illusion? How Montag does this? Over and over the couple go back to try and part the pieces together that attach Montag and the recent so-called murders. It loses steam watching it now but was a perfect Midnight flick or Drive-in flick at the height of those pop cultures. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Close Calls (DVD) – A Richard Stringham low budget flick that doesn’t look low budget at all. It stars a wonderful actress named Jordan Phipps who is Morgan, a rich family teenager who has been grounded by her father for foolin’ around with her boyfriend. She decides with no phone and nowhere to go it is time to get super high. This sets the tone for the over two hour film as she is supposed to be taken care of Grandma in the attic which is just weird in itself. But Morgan begins to receive obscene phone calls and begins to see her dead mother. If that wasn’t enough as she begins to trip balls she gets rape by a so-called friend, tied up dad’s friend, her Grandma doing weird shit, and her Dad’s friend trying to kill her. Now the movie looks beautiful, the music is awesome, the actress is awesomely talented, and the film is weird. Great, but the film is over two hours long which could have done so much better without the father and his girlfriend scenes and Morgan she have been dead within the first 15 minutes of the movie with all the drugs she done. If you enjoy it more power to you, right or wrong for me it just didn’t add up and shouldn’t have been over 85 minutes as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Virgins from Hell (DVD) – An Indonesian film from 1987 that some of yinz may know as “Maidens Revenge”. A crazy ass film that begins with a gang of women who bring down a mob-owned casino because two sisters want revenge against a crime syndicate. Supposedly this crime syndicate killed their parents and now uses their huge house and property for prostitution and drug trafficking. These two sisters come up with this plan to go kick ass only to be captured, tortured, and eventually escape to kill everyone involved. All the music is stolen from other American films and the raid of Mr. Tiger and his torture house at the end is completely over the top hilarity as I give this greatness 3 stars.

Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Rave Party Massacre (DVD) – A 2017 film set in 1992, three days after the presidential election and a huge ‘Dead Thirsty’ rave party is going down. A few party goers pass out from the extreme partying and find themselves locked in the abandoned hospital it took place in. Now they must fight for their lives as it is all for ‘The New World Order’. I get the concept and like the location that yinz got for this movie but the body count was near non-existent. The cast had like seven people and four of them died. If it is going to be a rave and a massacre you need to have more dead people as I give it 1 star.

 

Raiders of the Sun (DVD) – Leave it to me to trip across another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines that have two factions fighting over gunpowder in a future world. Now a rebel must protect a village of unarmed people who have mined a shitload of gunpowder. Not missing much here folks in this 1992 feature as this is a bottom of the barrel bore fest as I give it 1 star.

 

Deadman Apocalypse (DVD) – A small military group is sent into a labyrinth to search for water since the earth is just about dead. They get separated and ten years pass where there is some kind of weird low budget housing going on in this labyrinth. Now let me stop you here because this isn’t so much bashing the film as much as asking a legit question: Where did they get the fucking food to survive down there in those endless tunnels for ten years or am I just crazy? I give it 0 stars until this can be answered legitimately.

 

Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High aka Vol. 2 (Blu-ray) – Like most Troma fans I waited, I asked, I wondered when in the Rutger Hauer this sequel was going to be released? Well the wait is over as we find out the fate of Lauren and Chrissy and the weirdness in the school girls’ shower that left us hanging. Lauren gives birth to a mutant duck and the principal threatens to expose Chrissy and Lauren as ‘out of the closet’ unless Chrissy takes down her blog about Tromoganic Foodstuffs. But the two figure out how to turn the media against the principal which causes chaos: The new Cretins takeover, a mutated mess kills Melvin, and along the way Kevin the Mutated Duck grows into a huge hideous being to help the girls defeat the Cretins. I give kudos to Lloyd Kaufman understanding it took too long for this sequel to come out and understand people like me might find it underwhelming. Was it horrible? No… it wasn’t I think I am just that big of a fan of the original but enjoy Lloyd seeing the humor in it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Northville Cemetery Massacre (DVD-R) – A motorcycle gang rolls into a small town with a hitchhiker to just hang out and have fun. Of course the local authorities are not happy and trying to bring the man down even though they haven’t done anything. The gang continues their harmless antics even after two of their own get married but that is where it stops being fun when they are accused wrongly of rape. A young couple who hung with them gets caught by a dick cop in a farmhouse. Dude gets knocked out; his woman gets raped and she is told not to say anything. Meanwhile the dick cop convinces daddy the only way for justice is to go all “Death Wish” on them with a rifle. This bloody battle all goes down at the Northville Cemetery between Daddy, cop, and a hunter vs. The Spirits in a wonderful shootout climax! Another drive-in classic that needs to be talked about for all to see again as I give it 3 ½ stars.  

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #447

0

Gross Movie Reviews #447

 

Megalodon (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A Navy ship defies orders from its admiral (Michael Madsen) in order to try and save a shipmate and her experimental sub that is swallowed up by a monster shark. The monster shark is loose because the Russians were supposedly at the bottom of the ocean trying to tap into the pipeline. The Navy could never find evidence of it but now they have if it if they can survive the attack of this prehistoric shark that is now trying to destroy the ship. The film was fun for about 15 minutes but I couldn’t take seriously Michael Madsen as he doesn’t fit into a military outfit let alone the U.S. Navy. But whatever as I give this limp noodle of a shark flick 1 star.

Santa Jaws (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So this may have been the underrated treat of “SyFy Channel Shark Week”. A teenager who is an aspiring comic book artist is grounded for Christmas and told he will miss the comic book party. He opens up an early Christmas present which just so happens to be a magic pen. With this magic pen the teenager Cody begins drawing his latest comic adaptation ‘Santa Jaws’. It is literally a great white shark with a Santa hat on its fin that begins to track down Cody’s family and eats them on Christmas Eve. Once Cody knows that Santa Jaws is real he must convince everyone else and figure out how to get rid of this jolly man-eater. There are a lot of corny holiday bad jokes, the subplot of the Cody trying to talk to the cute girl across the street, and the weird comic book dude that hits on all women. Before you start bitching why this movie shouldn’t exist, remember there was “Santa Paws”… So check your brain at the door and keep this on the back burner for the holiday season as I give this holiday film 3 stars.

 

Frenzy (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Starts off like a found footage film but corrects itself into complete crap that makes root for the characters to die of a quick horrible death. But apparently the filmmaker watched “The Swallows” on a continuous loop for a month and an idea to appeal to younger horror fan… maybe? The Lewis sisters and friends have a YouTube show where they go adventures and such and record it for their online shows. This episode has them filming as they illegally get someone to take them into a protected sanctuary just so they can say they were there. Of course the plane has problems and they crash in the ocean only to become fish food for some hungry sharks. I literally hate watched this film about ten minutes in and wanted all the characters to die cause sad part is I could see real life dumb asses doing this to begin with. Anyway… get off my lawn as I give this piece of garbage 0 stars.

 

Nightmare Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Now, I am not saying this shark movie was great or anything but have to say kudos for a different shark film. A doctor finds a way to reach out to shark attack victims for an experimental group therapy weekend. He claims to be working on a drug to help cure the nightmares they all have about the same shark. A shark that Dr. Novak may have seen when he almost died in Hawaii a few years before and it asked him to serve the shark god. So yes Dr. Novak has bad intentions once all members of the group have arrived. But remember it is about nightmares so not all you will see is true or basically imagine if Freddy Krueger was an ugly shark trying to kill you in your dreams. Just weird enough it kept me interested and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Aftershock (YouTube/VHS) – A crazy off the wall post-apocalyptic flick where war has turned most of the world into a wasteland and an alien has decided to visit. The alien is there to gain information on how to stop their world from killing each other in war but soon understands there is no hope on Earth either. John Saxon plays a militant madman trying to win a war who only answers to Richard Lynch and has a bodyguard played by James Lew. Did I forget to mention Michael Berryman shows up in drag, Matthias Hues comes off as a wrestler in the future who lost his way from the movie set of “I Come in Peace”, Al Leong is hanging out with the bad guys watching Michael Berryman stab a dude in a bar fight, and there floppy disks may help save the world from John Saxon. Bad movie gold my friends and deserves to have a Blu-ray as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

6-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Married couples on an island for a couple retreat or boot camp to help them get back what they once had. This is disrupted by a six-headed shark that may have been the results of an experiment over 30 years ago on the other side of the island? Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this film may have had the whiniest and bitchiest characters of all time! I so wanted the six-headed shark to be thrown like a Chinese star through the island when the bad weather arrives in the film. Thus ending this feature quickly as these people needed to die. No one here was likable. I really hope films like “Frenzy” and this sequel do not become a trend in horror movie making because it just plain sucks out loud! I give it 0 stars.

 

8-Bit Bloodbath (DVD) – A twenty minute film about a gamer named Billy who is invited to a Halloween party but becomes a sacrifice instead. But Billy rises from the dead as an undead 8-bit super zombie who seeks revenge against mankind. Once undead he slaughters people with his various weapons he is able to produce out of his zombie Nintendo glove. The independent short film is raw but very entertaining and reminds me a little of the Polonia Brothers early stuff shot on VHS. Todd Wolfson has my attention with this film and his trailer for ‘Sponge’ which looked very funny and entertaining. I give this fun short film 3 out of 4 stars and cannot wait to see what is to come next from Mr. Wolfson and crew. For more info on this project check out:  https://www.facebook.com/8BitBloodBath/

 

Patient Zero (On Demand) – A UK flick that has the world being infected by a super rabies virus. It started with animals but mutated once it got into humans causing them to become raging violent maniacs. With the population being decimated quickly the military grasps at straws with their research and trying to find ‘Patient Zero’ for answers on how to cure people. But there is a slight hope as a man helps the research on a daily basis as he was bitten but never turned. With this he is able to communicate to the infected and hopefully using this power helps them all find the cure. Problem becomes the infected are evolving and want not a war but everyone to be infected. A very curious alternative horror film that is a reminder of how good “28 Days Later” was and how I am surprised not to see more films like this made over the years? I give this interesting flick 2 ½ stars. I may have given it a better rating but wasn’t really impressed with the non-ending.

 

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (SyFy Channel/DVD) – And just in case for those of you counting at home this is “Sharknado 6”. When we last seen Fin, he was in the future with his son (Dolph Lundgren) and he was going to help his father to get back to the past. Now, Fin ends up in prehistoric times and finds most of his family as they fight a Sharknado at key points in history. Along the way they are trying to find Fin’s son (no longer Dolph Lundgren because it was cheaper I guess?) so they can meet up. But after killing off a bunch Sharknados their flux capacitor goes awry and they end up in 20013 or something… Basically ‘Planet of the Aprils’! The movie goes completely absurd but does a much better job of going absurd than the past two sequels as this entry was much more entertaining of how they are trying to stop the Sharknados for good. It was a wonderful movie idea they ran into the ground but I am glad it exists for the mere reason it got people who usually wouldn’t pay attention to this kind of film to pay attention. So thank you Sharknado for the good and bad shark movie sequels as I give this entry 2 ½ stars. Also I give it three years before it gets remade???

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #445

0

Gross Movie Reviews #445

 

Blood Slaughter Massacre (DVD) – Some murders happen at a small party in Havenwood. The killer was never found and was nicknamed “The Ripper” but many in the community buried any news about the horrible event. Ten years go by with no clues or any murders and then “The Ripper” strikes again. The detective who was young and just started on the police force when the killings first took place is determined to find the killer no matter what. The film has an okay slasher concept and runs with it but the biggest problem is the camerawork sucks and the running time is two hours long. You find someone that knows what a tripod is or understand there are cameras with downloadable apps for steady-cams and understand 40 minutes of this flick could be edited without even thinking then we are talking a much better horror film. Saying that it is worth a watch if you are weird like me but take it with a grain of salt as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship, and Videotape (DVD) – This documentary that was released in 2014 gives you a crash course in what was the “Video Nasties” and what started it in the UK. About 70 horror movies being released in the early 80s sent certain groups of crazy people into frenzy to ban certain horror movies because of their level of violence. It took years for people to reverse this trend in the UK as horror movies were delayed in being released to video or just never seen at all. The documentary dives into people being up for fines or imprisonment for just owning an uncut version of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “The Evil Dead”. This led to a whole new ratings system that just upset everyone anyhow. A very interesting look into what most horror fans over the age of 30 only heard about. I give it 4 stars.

 

Video Nasties: Draconian Days (DVD) – This was part two of the 2014 documentary that dives deeper into the “Video Nasties” but how the censorship went way beyond that. Hell I thought the U.S. had it bad with the MPAA? Over in the UK it was to the point certain normal cartoons were being censored or pulled because one dude was like “Yep that is going to corrupt kids, cut it or pull it completely”. It was some crazy shit going down. It was no longer horror movies into the 90s as it expanded to all genres of film. The BBFC basically help start the black market for uncut horror films in the 90s… Interesting stuff folks as they even talk about the horror conventions in the 90s were there but you had to have the special invite to get the good stuff or uncut flicks. Once again I give it 4 stars.

 

Lady Terminator (DVD) – Oh just your typical crazy foreign flick about a woman anthropologist who goes out to sea to investigate the disappearance of an evil queen from centuries ago. She disappears only to be captured and have her tent hole to be entered by a CGI snake that possesses her with an evil queen from the past that fucks dudes to death. Yes kind folks that is pretty much the plot of this fucking gonzo flick. Once bored with dudes on the beach she heads to the mall, a dance club, and even gets in a car chase with a police officer which isn’t fully explained. But hey who cares as she is banging dudes to their deaths! One of those movies you will think I made up but have to watch just to make sure as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dangerous Seductress (DVD) – Six years later there is a sequel of sorts to “Lady Terminator”. The Evil Queen returns when a nutzoid car chase goes down and ends in a horrific crash that leaves gore everywhere. This blood jump starts The Evil Queen to partial life but when a stupid American girl named Suzie reads some ancient text for no apparent reason this bring The Evil Queen to her. Now, Suzie becomes possessed and given the powers of darkness which include banging hot dudes to death! Will this sexed up killing spree ever end? Maybe… but still not as entertaining as “Lady Terminator” so I got to give it 2 stars.

Urban Cannibal Massacre (DVD) – A 2013 independent flick from ‘Ghetto Hollywood Pictures’ that was just pooped out there in existence without anybody telling me about its greatness! The film takes place in Akron, Ohio where the Jones family is a well-respected family of a small community. The secret of the family is they feed on the homeless and only like the white meat. The Jones family does not believe in eating their own kind. The only problem this prospering family has is the youngest daughter is a vegan and thinks it’s absurd the family carries on the tradition of killing poor white people and feasting on them. No one in the community suspects anything weird with the Jones family especially with having friends that know about their business for a certain price. But this family is about to be outed when some college friends come to town looking for a missing friend and they find clues that lead them to the Jones family. These college kids get more than what they bargain for when they mess with the Jones family especially when the young daughter Kendal is in love with one of them. Hilarious storyline and an amazing amount of awesome gore make this wonderful movie a treat for gorehounds as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scratch (DVD) – German killer rat movie sounds awesome at first but what starts off great falls apart in the second half of the film when they go away from the storyline… Which is killer rats fucking rule people. I was disappointed as I give this mutant rat flick 1 star.

 

Evil Bong 777 (DVD) – I thought I swore off watching this series but who am I kidding as this is a Full Moon feature. No matter how much I believe this series makes Charles Band look like he has no passion for filmmaking anymore and it just insults the original Full Moon fans, you know I had to watch it. Eebee and friends are back from ‘Sexy Hell’ (don’t ask that would require me caring to watch Evil Bong 666 sooner than later). Of course first thing back you gotta go to Vegas to see a puppet sex show.  Then after that the friends head to a cheap haunted hotel to relax. But that doesn’t last long when Evil Lucy cuts of the head of Satan in Sexy Hell so she can return and get her revenge. And by the way the story will continue in part eight whether you want it to or not. But the main reasons for watching this film is pretty much Sonny Carl Davis but also Robin Sydney who I consider a wonderful actress. Robin with her work has probably become 1C in actresses for me as I declared Tiffany Shepis and Debbie Rochon 1A and 1B several years ago. I give the film 1 star for the mere reason it wasn’t a 60 minute Full Moon ad!

 

Dr. Alien (DVD) – Here is a weirdo bottom of the barrel sex comedy from David DeCoteau in 1989 that stars Billy Jayne (Parker Lewis Can’t Lose fame) as a college freshman who has trouble with the woman. Well lucky Billy Jayne’s character (Wesley) his Biology teacher is killed searching for an U.F.O. and a hot young lady shows up to be the new biology teacher. Oh yeah she is from outer space and convinces Wesley to allow her to experiment on him with a new vitamin that makes a thing come out of his head and girls want to bang him. Wesley all about the extra credit believes it works but the girl he is after is just a girl that likes him for being him. In the end we come to find out that the hot biology teacher is from a planet that is dying and they have trouble breeding and needed to test her experiment on Earth! Hilarious crap I cannot make up as I give it 3 stars.

Mutant War (DVD) – Another diamond in the rough I found while searching all the movie channels as Brett Piper writes and directs this 1988 post-apocalyptic sequel. Harry Trent is wandering the wastelands five years after “Galaxy Destroyer” and stumbles upon a young woman who needs help from a mutant. He helps and she enlists Trent to break out her so-called sisters who are held captive in a compound by a shitload of these mutants. But it isn’t as easy as it looks because the mutants obey a crazy old human who has intentions of taking over the world! Fun low budget stuff from Mr. Piper that I feel like deserves some kind of box set edition for more fans like me to see more often as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Munsters Go Home! (DVD) – This is one of test movies to know if your favorite horror fan is legit. The show was fun but the movies are hilarious and this 1966 classic set it all up for future laughs. Herman Munster has just inherited a lordship and properties in England. So Herman and the family pack up at 1313 Mockingbird Lane and head to Munster Hall to see what it is all about. But there is some of the Munster family in England that doesn’t believe Herman deserves any of it so they spend their time trying to scare him. When that doesn’t work they come up with a plan to kill him in the yearly car race that is between several families that live around Munster Hall. If you don’t find this movie funny seriously there is something wrong with you and you might have to start questioning your life choices? I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #436

0

Gross Movie Reviews #436

 

My Friend Dahmer (DVD) – A brilliant look into the younger years of the notorious serial killer we all know is Jeffrey Dahmer. This somewhat documentary portrayal of Dahmer gives the viewer of the film a peak at what Dahmer was like when younger and what may have started his murderous ways. Jeffrey a loner, awkward male teenager who was lost in high school of the 70s struggled like most to make it through bullying, acceptance, being good to the divorcing parents. The film dives into the awkwardness of these times and captures it quite perfectly. The biggest difference is Mr. Dahmer became one of the most notorious serial killers where the rest of us became … ‘blah’. There is several films that tackle the killing and how Dahmer tried to hide the bodies, this film tries to explain what possibly led to these events and why? Was it always fate for him to be a serial killer? Or were there other forces that helped him along? You be the judge when watching this great film. I give it 3 ½ stars.

Sorority Babes in the Dance-A-Thon of Death (VHS/DVD-R) – A Todd Sheets 1991 shot-on-video movie inspired by the greatness “Sorority Babes Slime Bowl-a-Rama” is a warning to not buy crystals in antique shop and not eat applesauce while watching this film. A potential sorority babe goes to the local antique shop and buys a crystal for $10 for the sorority PJ party that night. She thinks they can use it for a séance or something fun? But what she doesn’t know is the crystal ball is a gateway to evil and all her and sorority sisters know is their fate rests in two babbling old antique dealers. When the sisters use the crystal ball for a séance at their party one of the sisters becomes possessed by a demon and begins killing. Hilarious cheesy stuff for the S.O.V. fans as this is a thing of beauty to track for your collection as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Hell Asylum (DVD) – An early 2000s low budget flick that has flown under the radar and was released by Full Moon Pictures. The film is written by Trent Haaga, directed by Danny Draven, and stars Brinke Stevens and Joe Estevez. The film revolves around five young models looking for that shot at television or in this case reality TV. They all have agreed to be a part of a TV shows called, “Chill Challenge” where they have to spend a night in a haunted building for a million bucks. Of course the producer has other plans to assure no one makes it through the night. A demon is released into the building while touring the set and begins killing the contestants off one by one. An entertaining horror film that has some gore to my delight and not your typical half-ass paranormal flick. I must give the film 2 ½ stars.

Bong of the Living Dead (Blu-ray) – A group of friends who smoke tons of pot and debate zombie movies on the front porch daily is the main plot of this flick. Their lifelong dream of a zombie apocalypse happens in front of them and it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If anything it is lame for the group of friends. They spend days in the house not in danger and of course smoking lots of weed. But after a couple close calls of a zombie attack and the weed supply running low the group has decided it may be time to have an actual plan to do something before they are all zombies! Max Groah and crew did a wonderful job of crafting an excellent zombie/comedy with great dialogue, cool characters you care about, and some excellent effects. It’s hard to believe this was an Indy project as it is proof of when everything is done with love of the genre.  As hilarious as the film is it does take a serious tone close to the end of the film which caught me off guard. But from beginning to end this film does not disappoint Indy fans as this may be this year’s “Attack of the Killer Donuts” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details about the film: www.bongofthelivingdead.com and www.facebook.com/botldmovie .

 

Night Feeder (DVD) – A shot-on-video flick from 1988 that has just been resurrected from ‘the dead format zone’ has people of San Francisco being murdered with the authorities at a loss of who is doing it. A reporter has just moved in the ‘killing ground’ recently and takes upon herself to start investigating. This could be her big break for her magazine that she writes for as she has found out all the victims have the same trait. Their brains were sucked out through their eye socket. Plus all the murders seem to have some kind of connection to this local favorite punk band. Great B-movie cheese that would have been a lot of fun to see on ‘USA Up-All-Night with Rhonda Shear”. I give it 2 stars.

 

Sideshow (DVD) – A fun horror film about a circus sideshow with an all-star cast. This early 2000 film centers on ‘Dr. Graves Sideshow and Horrors of Nature Show’. A group of kids decide to visit the Dr. Graves show on its last night only to stir up a little trouble with Dr. Graves and his associates. But Dr. Graves being the bigger man invites them to a special ‘Horrors of Nature Show’ where one by one they each become new attractions to the show. Even with calling the police there aren’t anything the kids can do to save themselves. Fun concept that only gets better when you learn the film was directed by Fred Olen Ray, effects by Gabe Bartalos, Brinke Stevens as a fortune teller, and Peter Spellos as a protector of Dr. Graves. The movie seems like a long lost film from the early days of SyFy Channel more than a Full Moon flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Flight 7500 (DVD) – A weird supernatural horror film that was done in 2014 but only recently released starring Amy Smart and Scout Taylor-Compton. A man dies on an overnight flight to Japan setting forth unnatural events for the other passengers or so it seems. As weird things begin to happen the passengers try to investigate why the man died under the strange circumstance. The movie is kinda boring and kinda predictable as I give it 1 star.

 

Dark Angel: The Ascent (DVD) – Angela Featherstone is Veronica, a demon in hell. Veronica and her dog Hellraiser escape hell to see what man is like? While amazed in the new world she is hit by a car where a doctor hurries her in to his hospital to take care of her. The young doctor named Max finds her a little strange but interesting and asks her to stay at his home. While the young doctor sleeps and works, Veronica learns about human life and how much sinners we all have become. So the demon takes it upon herself to kill sinners and feed their body parts to her dog. This was my first time watching this flick and so glad I did. This Full Moon flick came out during the first phase of Full Moon during the early 90s and not much said about it. This horror movie has it all: love story, great sets of what hell looks like, a cool body part eating dog, and demons that kill sinners. I will be sure to make this Full Moon flick makes it into my regular movie rotation as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cute Little Buggers (DVD) – An UK film with a great horror title about aliens who have traveled the galaxy looking for mates to reproduce. They stop at earth for us ugly things because they believe they can make it work with our ugly ass women? The aliens send out ‘Penetrators’ to investigate and possess bunnies for their cover. The bunnies will attack the women, capture them if possible, and then impregnate them. The movie starts out great and has the right idea but the joke gets grinded into the ground or into stupidity that even the topless women scenes get boring. I like the concept but very poor execution in this case of alien flicks as I give it 1 star.

 

Avengers: Infinity War (Theater) – So it is the comic book movie we all been waiting for as the team faces off with their biggest challenge yet, ‘Thanos’. Spoiler Alert: He kicks everybody’s ass people and the movie is good! Plus, Spidey does his best to try and steal the movie again. Saying that, bottom line Marvel does not disappoint with all the build up to Thanos and shows why DC still has trouble making films. Grab the popcorn and enjoy it for it is movie fans as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (On Demand) – Burt and Travis travel to Canada above the Arctic Circle for possible graboid sightings and attacks. They meet a research team with a person who has experience as her father is ‘Val’. But why would the underground monsters and the Ass-blasters be in the Artic? Well, with the recent climate change aka global warming the permafrost melting has allowed for the graboids to move around in the cold soil. And the monsters are hungry! But Burt has other plans for the man-eating bastards but with his current medical condition the torch has been passed to Travis to come up with a plan. And the plan includes capturing a live graboid in order to get to its gland to save Burt’s life. Once again “Tremors” doesn’t disappoint, is entertaining, and does not get old with every story told. Thank you Michael Gross keeping Burt Gummer alive as I give the giant worm film 3 stars.

 

Split (DVD) – An absolutely creepy and interesting flick about young Professor X who has 23 personalities because of abuse early in life. Two of his personalities have taken over and have snatched up three teenage girls so they can bare witness to the legendary 24th personality. I hate always seeing movies describe as “thrill-rides” when they mostly suck but this flick actually is a creepy thrill-ride! There is so much to this film to like and how it can appeal to all viewers. Amazing stuff as young Professor X does amazing job of going from one person in his head to the other while talking to his captives. This is the different horror movie to show your friends as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!