Gross Movie Reviews #421

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Gross Movie Reviews #421

 

Amityville: The Awakening (On Demand) – Jennifer Jason Leigh (Joan) has just moved her family to the legendary house that is famous for the murders that took place 40 years ago. Her kids do not know this at all but soon learn about it through school. Belle the oldest daughter begins to sense strange things in the home and begins to do more research. Joan on the other hand hopes that something happens so her comatose son comes back to life as this was her real reason for moving the family to this legendary house. Soon the twin brother has come back to the land of the living but lets his twin sister know that he is not alone and wants to die. This movie is not horrible and you get real weird vibe from watching it as it incorporates the real life murders and acknowledges that there have been movies made about the house. The original actually possesses Belle to start digging in the basement for “the red room”? The film is an interesting take for the series as there are numerous crappy sequels and a remake. Seriously this movie is worth taking a look at as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Thor: Ragnarok (Theater) – The third film in the Marvel series of the title character has him fighting for Asgard’s existence as his sister has come back home and father has died. In Odin’s death he has brought Loki and Thor closer together… maybe. But once the sister arrives and has disposed of the brothers she plans on conquering more realms. The planet Thor and Loki fall upon just happen to have The Hulk and a legendary warrior The Valkyrie. Once together they plan to go back to Asgard and save the people before they are destroyed. The film is of course a giant fun bag of popcorn and we all know it is a placeholder for the upcoming Avengers films. But what made the film good are two things: a) has this 80s retro feel and b) you don’t have to see the first two “Thor” films to know what exactly is going on. I give it 3 stars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death-Scort Service 2: The Naked Dead (DVD/Vimeo) – An escort named Michelle survived torture from a crazed killer a year ago and is trying to move on by being the best escort she can be. But the nightmare is not over as a new crazed killer kidnaps her and ends Michelle’s life with an electric saw to the vagina! Yes folks a saw to the babymaker, if you are going to watch a Sean Donohue flick you better come prepared especially in this film’s case… Independent sleaze, gore, and goo is Donohue’s calling card and there tons of it. A group of young escorts don’t care for the warnings or stories as they know if they don’t get naked they ain’t gonna make the money. But this new mysterious killer stays one step ahead of the new crop of working girls by killing them off in a more brutal way than the last. If you like your horror films sleazing, full of buck nakedness, and lots gooey gore this will be the feature for you gorehounds as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. If curious of where to find this fine flick go on over to: www.thesleazebox.com or www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

The Babyface Killer (YouTube) – A story of a man’s anger taking over after his woman loses their child before birth. They have been trying and finally it happens but bad luck comes along. The man slowly lets his anger build and gets upset over the littlest things until one day he sees a lovely pregnant woman out by the road. Then that is when he crosses the line, loses his mind, and goes dark… Great stuff again from Forte Films as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

 

Rage and Honor II: Hostile Takeover (DVD) – The 1993 film brings action star and legend Cynthia Rothrock back together again with Richard Norton. This time out Cynthia’s character is undercover as a banker trying to stop a crooked banker but it becomes much more when he is linked to a drug lord. If you are a Rothrock fan this flick will disappoint as it seems like they just wanted the name and not the person as most of the action in the movie centers around Norton’s character. Pretty much got wait through the whole lame ass movie for Rothrock to fight someone as I give the boring movie 1 star.

 

Better Watch Out (On Demand) – Ashley is a young woman about to move away and is going to babysit Luke one more time before she goes. Luke is a much younger teenager who has googly eyes for the beautiful Ashley. When Luke goes to finally make his move on the babysitter somebody has other ideas? A brick gets thrown through the window, a person peeking through the window, someone trying to scare the two. But it just so happens to be Luke’s best friend trying to help the ultimate plan of Luke’s of getting the girl. Nope Ashley is pissed at both Luke and Garrett. Luke snaps and ties up Ashley and wants to play a game of “Truth or Dare” and the things get even further out of hand when the ex-boyfriend shows up. Luke has the mentality “if he cannot have Ashley, no one can” and has the plan in place to pull it off… maybe? A very different and entertaining holiday flick that isn’t so much horror as a thriller but well worth watching over a plate of Christmas cookies. And for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Arsenal (DVD) – An older brother always watched out for his little brother since they were young. Now it’s time for the little brother to take care of his older brother. As the older brother has been kidnapped by a low grade town mobster who had a plan to get money out of the younger brother. Nic Cage who plays the disgusting idoit with the plan wasn’t expecting the older down on his luck brother to say no. The younger brother has four days to come up with $350,000 and is getting help from an officer of the law played by John Cusack. When it comes down to it the film is an above average direct-to-video action flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (DVD) – An animated feature that helps feature the famous game characters in a struggle for world peace and stop a lost princess from being killed before marriage. To be honest haven’t played any of the Final Fantasy games probably since they started on Nintendo?! But the concept and the films always fascinated me and never a bad idea to check this animated features out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Assassin’s Creed (DVD) – Another video game adaption to movies that does not live up to most fans’ expectations. There is a program for certain prison inmates who are sent to death. If their DNA is linked to some kind of ancestry of this clan of warriors this certain government project wants you to find this “egg”. This “egg” has a certain power if in the right hands that can rule the world. The inmate put to death but wakes up hours later in a secured facility where the public believes they are dead. Then some scientists mess with the brain trying to bring out the ancestor they are looking for? It’s weird but also too I was never a fan of the game so who knows as I give this time filler 1 ½ stars.

Killer Campout (DVD) – Its 1966 and this ugly dude is torturing a couple out in a remote area. After killing the man he gets all rapey with the woman and of course nine months later another ugly thing is born. The film moves along to 1989 where people have been disappearing out in the woods but could never be explained. Authorities are baffled but not concerned as much as some others are with the problem. So some horny ass lady thinks it would be cool to do group therapy out in the woods unknowingly ringing the dinner bell for the old ugly dude still stalking out in the woods! Has that “Madman, Don’t Go in the Woods, and The Forest” kind of feel to it. Lots of fun gruesome deaths and a small twist make this throwback slasher fantastically entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Mark of the Scorpion (DVD) – Andy J. Forrest is Bootleg Indiana Jones in 1936 treasure hunting. But Bootleg Indiana cannot even get started before he is thrown in jail because some reknob wants the known treasure hunter working for him out in the Sahara desert. The reknob French dude believes he needs Bootleg Indy for the possible Cleopatra crap he may have found? The film is no “Treasures of the Four Crowns” but the plot of Bootleg Indy spending most of the movie in prison is actually really fascinating. I give this foreign mid-80s flick 2 stars.

 

Missionary Man (DVD) – A bible carrying stranger rolls into town to mourn a friend who was murdered. Oh, it’s Dolph Lundgren and he wants justice and Tekla. A man named Reno runs the small Native American town and seems to be the root of the problem with the possible murder and controlling the local authorities. Dolph of course kicks ass in this updated “Pale Rider” action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Peacekeeper (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Major Cross and now has become the keeper of the nuclear codes. After a terrorist attack on Cross, stealing the briefcase, and Cross presumed dead, the terrorists run to a missile solo that is being shut down. Wait a minute, Cross doesn’t die that easy as he will drive a car across building roofs and become one of the terrorists in order to get the codes back. A wonderfully entertaining mid-90s action film worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Cost of the Living (YouTube) – William Long has made a no budget flick about an apocalyptic love story. A man and a woman head off into the woods after the “Sickness” was destroying humanity. As long as they have each other the couple is happy and live forever. But with no budget movies sometimes editing is your best friend. If the movie is maybe made into short film format around 12 or 15 minutes it most likely works better. The 53 minute running time with not a whole lot happening gives it that dull feeling that makes you want to check out from watching the film. Mr. Long remember sir editing the film down is your what’s best as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Trespassers (DVD) – This fantastic short film is from Zane Hershberger (for the love of Rutger Hauer you know I am fucking that name up) and is a segment of a horror anthology called “10/31”. A couple is out at the local movie theater trying to enjoy a good scary movie but have picked a dud. So still looking for something to put a little fear in their lives on the best night of the year, Halloween they go for a drive out to a farm. This farm isn’t any farm it has a horrible history of a scarecrow popping mysteriously on the land and eventually Old Man Martin murdered his family and committed suicide. But what is about this creepy scarecrow that makes the local story so interesting this couple wants to know? Pretty creepy and well thought out Halloween short film reminds me of a cool little known horror flick from the late-80s called “Scarecrows” and for that I give 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

      

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Gross Movie Reviews #419

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Gross Movie Reviews #419

 

Leatherface (On Demand) – Once again someone has decided to remake “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”… again. Or is it another prequel to the prequel? Anyway I would love to sit here and take a total shit on this film but I cannot. The film falls into a couple arguments that I will explain but first let’s talk plot. The film takes place in the 50s to establish the Sawyer family and a kid named Bud who is supposed to become Leatherface? Mom is not happy as on Bud’s birthday he refuses to kill a local trespasser. The local sheriff isn’t real thrilled with the whole family either as he takes Bud away to be placed in an asylum for kids. Several years pass and Mama Sawyer is still fighting to see her kid. A couple of other inmates cause a ruckus and a riot breaks out. This allows for Bud, his protector Jackson, the two inmates that started it all, and a nurse they kidnapped to escape. The manhunt begins for them thus also setting in motion the story of how Leatherface is born. Now there is an unexpected twist that happens that will make you have a lot of questions? But let’s get back to some of my arguments about this film existing: First, this is more proof they are willing to throw crap at the wall for this franchise but not do the one thing that I believe would work and Leatherface fans be happy with? So this film has no connection to the 2013 flick that you inherit Leatherface and is it a true remake of the first (1974) version or the more recent one with Jessica Alba. Because of this gimme $5-$7 million dollar budget, Jeff Burr to direct, Ken Foree, Kate Hodge, and R.A. get to star and I have a great idea of where the story picks up 25 years after “Leatherface 3”? Second, yinz owe Rob Zombie a paycheck! He did pretty much the same thing with the remake of “Halloween”… Kid in asylum fucks shit up once escapes. Which third thing leads me to the argument of the remake “Dawn of the Dead” and “Halloween” if they are titled something else I believe they are awesome flicks but they are titled what they are it changes the dynamic. The movie wasn’t terrible at all but you think they would take a cue from the “Child’s Play” franchise and know it is okay to make a sixth, seventh sequel to the original film and it still make sense. Anyway I give this weirdo remake version of Leatherface 2 ½ stars.

 

XX (DVD) – A pretty cool anthology of four tales of horror all directed by women. The “Don’t Fall” segment may have been my favorite as a girl name Gretchen turns into a horrific cool creature on a camping trip that devours her friends. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Universal Monsters (DVD) – Several documentaries from the early 2000s that cover all the originals: Dracula, Wolf Man, Frankenstein, Bride, Invisible Man. Discussing their beginnings and how the stories made it to film. But also the big thing or reason to check these out is how much they cover the Lugosi and Karloff relationship on and off film. If you enjoy old school horror this stuff is made for you as I give it 4 stars.

 

Would You Rather (DVD) – Brittany Snow plays a character that is in a tight spot: no job, bills are piling up, and trying to take care of her sick brother. Then an opportunity comes along where all her prayers or money woes would be answered. It comes in form of a rich older dude (Jeffrey Combs) who has eight people over for a chance for their bills to be paid for and they are set for life. All the eight people must do is make it through a dinner party and play a few little games that have consequences. The film is a little brutal but fun as of course Jeffrey Combs just brings the movie to life with his charm. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

House of the Witch (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It’s time for a Halloween party thrown by some college kids. So they go to the old abandoned house that was rumored to have witches living in it. Once there they begin to experience weird things and they slowly are killed off. No way this was even close to a “Night of the Demons” so save your popcorn as I give this flicked 1 star.

 

The Sandman (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Claire (Haylie Duff) gets her niece Madison after her brother meets his untimely death. But Claire is not ready for what is in store for her as Madison’s dream of a creature named The Sandman comes to life and kills for Madison. Meanwhile secret agent man Tobin Bell is trying to harness the power of Madison for military weapon use. To ruin Tobin’s plans of Madison a doctor played by Amanda Wyss may have an answer and a way to help Madison get rid of the Sandman forever. A solid cast and a solid horror flick for the cable channel as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Wish Upon (DVD) – Claire is a little girl who sees her mother commit suicide in their attic. Years later and now high school senior age Claire’s father finds this antique box while garbage picking. Claire examines the antique and cleans it up wishing for a horrible classmate of hers to begin rotting. The next morning the girl’s flesh is rotting. She then wishes for the cutest guy in school to fall in love with her and he does. Claire soon understands the power of this antique box. But as she learns from a guy friend who cares the box comes at a blood price. People close to you must die in some horrible way. After becoming popular she fights with her best friends about it because if she gets to seven wishes the box drives you insane and claims your soul. This was a nice entertaining surprise that was like a “Wishmaster” and “Final Destination” sandwich! I have to give this pleasant horror surprise 3 stars.

 

Let it Die (You Tube) – Another project from the cool ass Forte Films Entertainment where this go around is a short film about a father who has regrets of how his daughter turned out. Too bad he keeps her flesh-eating ass chained in a basement! I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #417

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Gross Movie Reviews #417

 

Good Morning Carlos (Vimeo) – A short film from Brazilian filmmaker Gurcius Gewdner, that sets up a feature length film. Say that dude’s name a few times. The short film introduces the audience to Carlos, a man who apparently does not eat enough fruit and fiber according to his doctor. Carlos calls the poor doctor 4am crying and screaming then disappears throughout the city holding his stomach and puking disgusting cream corn. It’s weird, a little disgusting, but sets you up for the feature as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Pazucus: Island of Vomit and Despair (Vimeo/DVD) – This is the 110 minute vision of the “Good Morning Carlos” fleshed out. Now it took me a little bit to understand what the hell was going on but I am a dumb American and chose to watch the feature before the short film. If I would have did it in reverse no problem. But anyway Carlos is having bowel issues and his doctor is not too happy with Carlos calling him in the middle of the night. As Carlos bleeds, pukes, and drools all over the local streets, Carlos’ doctor is busy stalking a grocery store and random people thinking they are Carlos. Once he has them he kills them in various ways as he keeps stalking Carlos. Meanwhile Carlos keeps puking his way to an island where folks are making out on the beach and partying. Here is where it gets a little weird not that this film wasn’t already a complete chaotic fun mess but while Carlos is wallowing in a poopy stream but an extra from “Cannibal Holocaust” finds him! This Amazon woman screams hugs, screeches, etc. at Carlos to help him with his shit monsters inside of him. Yes people, ‘Shit Monsters’ and they are the sign of the apocalypse! Once Carlos poops out the shit monsters they begin a killing spree including Carlos’ doctor. This film is amazingly very disgusting and not for the weak minded. It says in the credits it was inspired by Frank Hennelotter and Roger Corman but I would like to throw in a little Troma? My only real complaint with this crazy ass weirdness is I believe it could have found a happy medium between the short film running time and the feature length (110 minutes) running time but outside of that this film will find its audience as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Night Claws (DVD) – David A. Prior of S.O.V. “Sledgehammer” fame apparently made a Bigfoot film a few years back. It was pretty solid! Bigfoot stalks a small town Alabama woods and it’s pissed off and bloodthirsty. Small town sheriff struggling for answers begrudging allows Professor Sarah Evans along for the ride to help out. But as the bodies pile up and the professional hunter stalking Bigfoot it cause issues for the small town sheriff to stop the murderous rampage of the beast. Seriously the movie surprised me of how solid the story was as most lower budgeted Bigfoot movies are usually hot garbage. Not Mr. Prior’s vision, kudos to you sir and thank you as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (DVD) – If there is such a thing as hate watching I did it with every fucking entry into this stupid zombie series. We come to find out of course it all comes back to Raccoon City or now what looks like a rejected set from “The Walking Dead”. And Alice must rush back to ‘The Hive’ to get the airborne cure for the T-virus to save the world. One question: Can this series be remade now by someone that actually knows the video game characters and knows how to make a zombie movie or we gonna suffer a pseudo-reboot in about four years starting all over again with Mila? So again I give this crap as this might be the only thing I hate more than stupid fucking boring ass Mothra!

 

Foreword (YouTube) – A very good actor/director Michael McCallum’s latest short film that was entered into the Detroit 48 hour film fest. As usual Michael McCallum gives us a dramatic and smart short film in “Forword”. An author who has written much lately sends a postcard to himself that can change his life? I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

The Dark Side of the Womb (Vimeo/DVD) – The film begins with a woman giving birth and a nurse of course helping her along. Problem or usually isn’t but in this case it is as the woman is having twins. She doesn’t give a flying turd about the second child as the first child is a child of a war hero and should be cherished. The other should be thrown away? 30 years pass and the cool and good looking brother goes out to meet his girlfriend but instead meets death from two murderous clowns. Meanwhile, a bigger woman named Linda gives birth to an adult head but her boyfriend just fell and has caused brain death so head transplant by Dr. Hook’s best friend who does bizarre surgeries. And we get one of the greatest quotes from an independent film: Dr. Hook says, “I know a guy who does bizarre transplants!” So the ugly twin Ed and Linda meet at Doctor Hook’s office one day and it is love at first sight until Linda’s ex now a killer clown comes a knocking… The people that were casted as Ed and Linda were an absolute treat to watch. Sam Salerno’s feature is hilarious, bizarre, and ridiculous and I enjoyed it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Twelve Pole (YouTube/DVD) – Sam Hodge set out to make an independent feature that has a group of innocent house flippers buying a house to fix up and sell. Seems like easy cash so after a quick decision they buy it but need someone to stay at the house and wait not only for them to bring tools back in a few days, but the electric guy, locksmith, etc. Will gets stuck staying there so he convinces his girlfriend to stay with him but after one night of strange noises and someone grabbing her she leaves. The guys get back a few days later and Will looks like shit but gets back in the groove after he buries some witchcraft shit he found. Or he thinks he buried all of it. The group of friends begins to turn on each other and just brutally mangle each other until there is only one of them left? The film is well structured and definitely has that fun creepy feel but it’s almost 105 minute running time needs cut down to 75 minutes in my opinion to keep that cool and creepy feel of the trailer for the flick. Sam Hodge and others made sure there are likable characters and great gore scenes but I believe the film needs condensed some as the conversations/dialogue do get dull. With that in mind it is a rough cut and I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out the Facebook group for details: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1883916838523111   

 

Gross Movie Reviews #415

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Gross Movie Reviews #415

 

Return of the Seven (DVD) – No folks I did not find another Donald Jackson “Rollerblade Seven” movie… But this flick is the sequel that was released two years later starring Yul Brynner as the man in black. He now has a bounty on his head but that does not stop him in this western of gathering another group of seven to fight some mean dudes. This time he takes on a Mexican gang of thieves that won’t leave some farmers alone. Nowhere near as exciting as the first movie but worth wasting the two hours on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sentinel (DVD) – A great late 70s creepy flick that has pretty much every Hollywood somebody showing up for screen time. Allison Parker is a fashion model who wants some space and time to herself aka she wants her own apartment and not to be married just yet. She finds a cheap apartment where the only other resident in the building is supposedly some quiet blind dude in the top unit. Once moved in, cue the supernatural mumbo jumbo and Allison is going nuts. The weird happenings are affecting her personal and professional life as she believes she is going crazy. But in reality there is a reason she was meant to be there and it could be for good or evil as the weirdness ramps up! Still a fun flick to revisit as I give it 3 stars.

 

Living Dead World (DVD/YouTube) – A really low budget flick that has a flying object hit earth, make a big flash, and boom low budget zombies. Now the zombies have a civilian, a prisoner, and a US Marshal trapped in someone’s garage trying to survive the night of flesh eaters. I really wish this independent flick was worth talking about but this film is very dull with not a whole lot going on plot wise. I will actually pass if there is sequel as I give this flick 0 stars.

 

Decay (DVD) – I believe a low budget zombie flick from the UK where college engineering students are working at the Large Hardon Collider. They are doing computer models for their school work when the red alert goes off for radiation levels going up down in the tunnels. Believing they screwed up something they go underground and find the off switch. Yeah you heard me right if all else fails turn it off and back on to reset it just like my zombieputer? Doing this everything goes back to normal but now they are lost in the tunnels and wanna kind of explore anyway. Little they know a crew was affecting by radiation in the tunnels and now roam looking to eat flesh. Like the zombies in “The Video Dead” these zombies also don’t have to be shot in the head to go down. The students fight among each other as they try to figure out how to stop the zombies from getting to the surface and for them to escape. The Indy zombie flick has some good zombie chomping moments and the cool tunnel system set keeps you interested long enough to say you were glad you gave the flick a watch. I give Decay 2 stars.

 

Ninja Assassin (DVD) – A Europol agent is looking into some murders that seem not to have a suspect or real motive. But has a crazy theory about ninjas! And the murders are assassinations done by a group of ninjas? Or clan of ninjas? The deeper she goes the more interested other agencies from around the world become interested in her work. Why? Because the agent tracks down a man who possibly is a ninja but he has turned his back on his clan and killing off ninjas and people involved one by one. Brutal bad ass fight scenes make this action flick most amazing and want to watch it over and over as I give it 4 stars.

Wizards of the Demon Sword (DVD) – I found another Fred Olen Ray project that is Conan on a budget of a value meal at McDowell’s. But that doesn’t stop me from being entertained by this 1991 gem where a woman and her father are ambushed. The father ‘Ulric’ is the keeper of a special knife of ‘Aktar’ that in the wrong hands can make a person the most powerful in the world. Lord Khoura now has the blade but is having trouble unlocking its true power and is having trouble tracking down the daughter who he believes is the key. The young woman travels with a young swordsman in hopes of taking down Lord Khoura and saving her father. Lots of boobs (a staple in Fred Olen Ray films) and an appearance by Michael Berryman might make you wanna watch the Deathstalker series again or like me just enjoy the B-movie incarnations that were released after Arnold’s Conan movie was released. Thank you Mr. Olen Ray as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Nightmare Weekend (DVD) – Not totally sure how I made it through this complete shitfest of a movie but I did for the main reason it was a mid-80s flick that I can cross off my list movies I needed to see. Or in this case I really didn’t need to see. Three young women are invited to a mansion for no apparent reason except to wander and look pretty. Little they know a scientist has been doing experiments with a computer called Apache. And his assistant has some bad intentions for the three young women? But a puppet named George that plays on a Collecovision oversees the virginal daughter of the scientist who seems to get into trouble quite often. Also George tries to override Apache to stop the experiments. Doesn’t make a lick of sense but does a little when you learn the director behind it was famous for making lots of softcore porn flicks so go figure as I give this mess 1 star.

 

Evil in the Time of Heroes (DVD) – A Greek zombie film where zombies are attacking present day Greece and the story follows four people throughout the film who are part of a prophecy. Billy Zane is a mysterious messenger who comes from the past 3000 years ago to help out the new heroes in defeating the evil plague that has hit Greece. The topper of the film is Billy Zane is of course the best thing that happens in the film but once the evil is defeated Greece still gets decimated by the military to stop the spread of evil. I give it 1 star as I needed a little more gore and a little more Billy Zane.

 

Some Guy Who Kills People (DVD) – A very interesting film starring Barry Bostwick as a small town sheriff who is trying to solve a murder or murders as the bodies begin to pile up. Meanwhile, Ken is a mid-30s man working at an ice cream shop and just feels he does not fit in life. Released from insane asylum a few years he keeps to himself especially since he has flashbacks of the high school basketball team torturing him for a comic book he made. As the bodies pile up the one connection to it all is they were on the basketball team that pumbled Ken. Ken is now also trying to juggle a girlfriend and an 11 year old daughter that he never met. Is it Ken killing the people or someone else? The movie is pretty hilarious and has some great gory kills as I give the film 3 stars.

 

The Secret of Crickley Hall (DVD) – A BBC production that flips back and forth from 1943 and present day. A London couple loses their son as mom falls asleep at a park and the kid seems kidnapped. Almost a year after dad has a job opportunity outside of London and they get to move into a house that used to be called Crickley Hall and has a history. The family is just trying to move past their son being gone but strange noises and the kid’s voice is heard in the home. An old man named Percy played by David Werner tries to tell them the haunting tale or warn them about the flash flood that killed all the kids in the orphanage that was once Crickley Hall. A good paranormal buildup for ghost story fans as they connect the events of 1943 to present day Crickley Hall. I give this mini-series 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Gross Movie Reviews #414

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Gross Movie Reviews #414

 

The Video Dead (DVD) – A package is delivered to the door of Mr. Jordan aka ‘Bullshit artist’. Problem is Mr. Jordan didn’t order anything but takes it anyhow. It’s a T.V. and Mr. Jordan is a writer so he just sets it up in the living room and goes about his merry way. The T.V. begins playing by itself a black and white zombie flick. When he goes to check it out the zombies come out of the T.V. The delivery people come back the next day to Mr. Jordan dead as the package was supposed to go to “The Institute of Occult Studies”. A few months pass and a couple young college kids, Jeff and Zoe show up to movie in to help out their parents. Jeff finds the weird T.V. talking to him from the attic one night and plugs it in his bedroom. Weird shit happens including an old dude from Texas who has been looking for the T.V. to destroy it and what’s in it. They must hunt the zombies down: destroy them or get them back into the television. A great low budget zombie flick from 1987 that doesn’t play by the typical “zombie rules” and has that S.O.V. feel to it. The effects are great, the plot is very different than most zombie flicks, and you get David Bowie zombie! I give this must watch gem 4 stars.

The Creep Behind the Camera (Blu-ray) – An amazing reenactment documentary about filmmaker Vic Savage aka A.J. Nelson aka Arthur White aka most likely had a few other names. Otherwise a film that documents the insanity behind the making of a bad movie of 1964’s “The Creeping Terror” before stuff like “Troll 2” and “Cursed” were even thought of. Vic gets the filmmaking bug and moves himself and his first wife out to Hollywood during the 50s to make “the biggest monster movie anyone has seen!” Never mind the bad movie as much as Vic Savage was a complete psycho, womanizer, drug addict, drunk, con man! True stories told by living cast members, his first wife, producer, etc. Vic Savage was such a complete maniac that his monster maker stole his own creation during filming because he wasn’t paid, change actresses, sets, hung out with Charles Manson (before we all knew who he was), god complex, threesomes, Vic was completely insane. So insane he disappears into the night leaving what was considered the finished product/film in the garage with no sound, slate, etc. This is stuff that could not be made up about a film that is one of the first two movies I can legitimately remember watching. This film started it all for me and to watch this and learn of this insanity just made me absolutely love this documentary! It is beautiful insanity that needs to be watch and rewatched to be believed! There is lots of cool extras on the Blu-ray: The Creeping Terror movie of course but my favorite extra “How to Build a Carpet Monster”. Once again, Synapse Films does not disappoint as I give this wonderful package 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

Phenomena (Blu-ray) – The creepy Dario Argento film that stars a young Jennifer Connelly who plays a character named Jennifer who can communicate with bugs. Her famous father sends her to a gifted Swiss school where of course she isn’t well liked. Doesn’t help Jennifer sleep walks and finds herself outside almost being run down by a couple of weirdos and eventually meets a Dr. McGregor played by Donald Pleasance an entomologist. Besides the good doctor explaining she is in the part of the mountains that is considered the “Swiss Transylvania” he does notice and admire Jennifer’s ability with insects. The doctor soon recruits her help in his research for a killer in the area who is killing young women. The Blu-ray pack has three different versions of the film: The 110-minute hybrid cut which was awesome and never seen, the 110-minute international cut, and the 83-minute U.S. cut called “Creepers” which I grew up seeing. Along with a commentary and the different versions of the horror film there is also Dario Argento’s World of Horror documentary which is a pretty awesome thing to have in this 2-disc pack. The movie looks beautiful and it was really cool to finally see this hybrid cut as I give the movie 3 stars and the package 4 out of 4 stars as this should end collectors looking for any other copy of “Phenomena”. To find out more about the 2-disc Blu-ray go to www.synapse-films.com .

 

Acid Bath (DVD) – A 2006 insane independent film that sports a character named Zeke who has a fetish for killing hookers. The film follows his insanity in this exploitation-type flick that also has a man shooting gang members with a rocket launcher! Not much on plot but has grittiness and insanity in spades as you feel like you found a lost Polonia Brothers’ film from the late 80s as I give it 2 stars.

 

Redemption (DVD) – Jason Statham is a war vet back from the recent war living as a bum and wants left alone. One night two nasty dudes beat the crap out of him and take his roommate he was looking out for. He stumbles into a loft being chased by the two men and realizes no one is home. Takes a hard long look at himself, quits drinking, cleans up, and goes looking for the girl. But also uses the loft as home as the tenant isn’t coming back for months. He gets a job as muscle for the Chinese boss man to take people’s money. He uses his share to buy pizzas for the poor and try to give back to the nun that would help him and others who are on the street on a nightly basis. Or as I like to call it a very sad and depressing entry into “The Transporter” series as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Outside the Law (DVD) – Cynthia Rothrock was working for the CIA in Columbia until her team and boyfriend were set up. Now she is back in the states and just wants to forget everything. Meanwhile the legendary Stephen Macht is trying to track her down in Florida and find out what she knows? Also the dad from “Wonder Years” shows up and cool action dude James Lew to face off with Cynthia in the climatic fight. But mostly its Cynthia hanging out in Central Florida helping out a young couple avenge the dude’s sister who was killed by a B-movie dickweed! Give the action flick 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

We are double dipping at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks!

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We are BACK!  And this week Tim Gross has found another Ron Pearlman Vs. animals flick in KILLER RATS.  Then Kyle picks a flick that is a weird skewered quasi retelling of Night of the Living Dead from Spain in THE PEOPLE WHO OWN THE DARK.  Also we answer your questions and recap the week that has past.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

We return and we bring with us Moe Porne of NO BUDGET NIGHTMARES PODCAST to cover a movie that truly has to be seen to be believed (just ignore the outright racism) in THE DARK POWER. Tim covers Julian Sands signature flick WARLOCK.  And finally Kyle covers the underrated quasi comic book flick CONSTANTINE.  Also we talk about Stephen King’s THE DARK TOWER, Answer your questions and more.

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Triple Threat Match: we just dropped three new episodes!

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This week we may make enemies of the fans as we take on 2 of the most decisive entries in 2 of the biggest horror franchises of all time.  But first we talk about a dumb movie about birds that go on the attack in BEAKS.  Then Kyle explains that by taking your franchise to space only makes it cooler and more fun as he covers JASON X.  Then Tim and Kyle go over in great detail how Tim’s fascination of being able to inherit an aging Leatherface that dwells in your basement may be the best idea ever as we cover TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D.  Also we answer all your questions, and have a little Facebook live chat nonsense.

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We return! And we are bringing the king of the monsters with us as Kyle checks out the latest theatrical Godzilla flick Shin Godzilla.  Then Tim covers an independent Possession / heist / gore / monster flick straight outta South Africa in A HOUSE ON WILLOW STREET.  Also we answer all you questions.  Review this week’s watch, And take you to monster civics class.  #ROARRRRRRRR

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week we lost legendary filmmaker George A. Romero. So, we asked the fans of the show to writ in and tell us tales of the man and his movies… and they did.  Also, we have 2 anthologies.  The first is Kyle’s pick for the best anthology ever in NIGHTMARES.  And lastly some shot on video oddity that Tim found that includes ex-pornstar Ginger Lynn as a ninja that is trapped in hell (you read that right) in SATAN’S STORYBOOK.  R.I.P. George

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Gross Movie Reviews #411

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Gross Movie Reviews #411

 

Odd Thomas (DVD) – Anton Yelchin plays a young man that does not have anything tying him down except for his beautiful girlfriend that knows his secret. Odd Thomas can see dead people. They don’t talk, get upset, or bother people but they use Odd to help them resolve issues. But what else come with that is these ghastly creatures he will encounter from time to time when there is evil present. Odd has a knack of solving murders and cold cases because of this gift and the local detective played by Willem Dafoe is thankful for this. We also get a weird but funny appearance from Arnold Voosloo who hangs out at a tire shop all day and makes jokes with his severed hand. The film is based on a series of Dead Koontz books which sad to say without Anton I cannot see a studio trying to continue the series as of now on the big screen. I give this nice surprise of a movie 3 stars.

 

Satan’s Storybook (VHS) – A lost shot-on-video anthology that stars Ginger Lynn (Allen) the former porn star as a ninja who her and her companion are in the realm of hell to kidnap Satan’s queen. After the companion is killed Ginger the ninja is able to kidnap the queen only to find out it is her sister which Satan told her that Ginger’s character was killed. So Satan sends out his minions to search for her as his jester tries to calm the dark lord with stories of a mass murderer brought back to life by a witch and a clown who hangs himself after being fired. When the queen is returned to Satan she leaves for the Black Forest with her sister upset at Satan. Of course Satan lied to you but it just makes the movie that much more of a fun hokey watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Devil’s Candy (DVD) – A man and his wife find a house cheap mainly because shortly after a man happened to hear Satan speaking to him and he killed his parents. But the man has returned to the home and wants to stay at the same time the father who is an artist keeps blanking out from our world and begins to paint these crazy images. These new paintings only get him in trouble with his daughter as he keeps losing time every time he enters the barn to paint and he is beginning to hear voices. Some cool satanic metal shit goes down in this movie (example: the killer plays a guitar loud to drown out Satan) but some things are left unexplained possibly because of cuts to the film. The movie at times felt like there was a lot more (15 to 20 minutes more) because of a couple characters that were introduced but not fully developed. This is not “Deathgasm” but maybe something a little more low key for fans of this type of horror movies as I give it 2 stars.

The Ice Cream Truck (DVD/Vimeo) – A young married woman named Mary has moved back to her small home town from the busy West Coast. She has arrived to get the house in order while her husband and kids are still finishing school and work. Mary meets the neighbors and they talk her into coming to a graduation party to hang and see the rest of the weird ass neighbors. As they establish how weird suburbia can be compared to the big city a dude with an old school ice cream truck roams the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night. Now this where the film gets itself in a little horror movie trouble: Is it a thriller/slow burn kind of thing where you are waiting for Mary to fuck the 18 year old dude? Oh which by the way who cares if his girlfriend gets killed by the young ice cream serving lunatic? Or is it a true gruesome slasher flick about the ice cream kid and his truck?  Plus you should know as a filmmaker ahead of time hey half ass horror fan will compare this to the Clint Howard classic of the 90s. I enjoy the creepy suburbia back drop and characters but the lack of trying to explain why exactly The Ice Cream Truck killer is there in the neighborhood hurts this film for the long run. Cool poster, good idea, but poor execution and its inevitable comparison to Clint Howard’s cult classic will hurt this film in the long run as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Check out more about it at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVD) – Apparently Tom Cruise meant Pittsburgh as they go away from what they did great in the first flick and using Pittsburgh as the back drop. But in this sequel Jack Reacher helps out a fellow military officer who is screwed over when she investigates the deaths of two of her personnel overseas. The two race around avoiding authorities to prove her innocence and bring down the plotting officers within the army. The sequel is a far cry from the first film but doesn’t do itself any favors as this film seem to lack heart as I give it 2 stars.

 

The House on Willow St. (DVD) – Four criminals get together to plan out a kidnapping for quick ransom that will help all of them out. It’s an easy money grab or so they believe as they spend six weeks planning. But once they move in on the house for the kidnapping nothing seems to be right. It seems a little too easy. They find the girl and take her to an abandoned warehouse where they make the call for ransom demand. Problem is no one is calling back or seems to care. Strange things begin to happen to all four but nothing serious just yet as two stay at the warehouse to watch the girl and the other two go back to the house. Before they know it the girl they kidnapped just happens to be possessed by a demon that wants their souls and there is a house full of mutilated bodies that now has their fingerprints. The movie asks the question: What do you do next? I wasn’t thrilled with the film but did enjoy the gore and different concept for a horror movie as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Devil’s Dolls (Blu-ray) – Henry is a bad ass serial killer that uses a “Slumber Party Massacre”-like drill to kill his victims. But one gets away, finds authorities, and they gun him down. A detective who been tracking him down for a long time has Henry’s box of trinkets that happen to be evil. The detective’s little girl makes jewelry out of them and sells them at the second hand shop. Anyone that holds one of these dolls/trinkets becomes evil and starts fucking people up! The film keeps it quick, simple, and bloody and gives the paranormal genre a little twist as I give it 3 stars.

Garden Party Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Gregory Blair gives us a film about a couple (Caleb and Addison) who are having a small gathering that the theme is ‘no cell phones’. The party is all about people interacting with each other. The socially awkward party begins when all the characters show up and begin eating until a psycho with a pick axe shows up and kills the annoying girl. Now Caleb and Addison and fellow guests must figure out how to escape the house and make a run for it as the psycho killer has them trapped. The killer wants blood, the guests are in a state of panic, and Mr. Blair throws a curve ball for the party guests as much more happens. I would love to say more but then I would just be giving away the movie. Blair and company make great use of the house and backyard but the story set up and the actors playing the characters are the gems of this movie. The actors should be proud of what they done because they were simply entertaining and made this typical horror movie into so much more! I was just happy to see a movie with a title like this made but for the horror flick to be this much fun was just icing or blood on top of the red velvet cake (watch the movie you’ll understand). Plain and simple the movie was fucking brilliant and may show up on my “Best of 2017 list” as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Go to www.gardenpartymassacrefilm.com for more details.

 

The People Who Own the Dark (VHS) – A Spanish film starring Paul Naschy of course about some government executives going to a castle in the middle of nowhere to get their freak on! But before the body fluids can flow like wine nuclear bombs have hit nearby causing blindness in people who were not in the castle’s catacombs. Now it’s everyone for themselves in this new post-apocalyptic world as the group of persons makes their way to a village for food and decides how bad is it? After killing one of the villagers and grabbing food they are eventually tracked down by the blind village who want revenge. The 1976 film has some odd pacing to it but has a pretty dark outlook of what happen to people who seen the blast and being affected by the radiation fallout. I give the post-apocalyptic 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Two for one special at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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We return to bring you a whole show devoted to a very sticky topic.  Linda Blair!  Love her, or hate her she did a lot of weirdo movies.  First she teams up with Flash Gordon (Sam Jones) to fight ninjas in SILENT ASSASSINS.  Then she fights off punks at her uncle’s house who happens to be a quasi-Tom Savini type of guy in GROTESQUE.  Then when her slutty rich friend is kidnapped she rounds up a bootleg A-Team to go to Central America to get her back…. And maybe also to find Richard Lynch laying a flute and hanging out with a monkey in NIGHT FORCE. All this and we answer your questions and talk a bunch of gibberish. Your dog would want you to listen.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week we invite good buddy Danno Klonowski back to the show. He brings with him an interesting HBO true crime documentary about mental health, murder, and internet nonsense in BEWARE THE SLENDERMAN. Then Tim asks “why are there so many people fucking in the woods?” in DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS.  And last Kyle summons dragons.  And when you have dragons you gotta have Mad Dog McConhaughy in REIGN OF FIRE (just ignore the plot holes in this one folks).

 

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