Gross Movie Reviews #585


Werewolf by Night (Disney Plus) – First I believe this caught some horror fans by surprise this was made and taken seriously. Based on some comics this film takes a stylish approach of making it look old school which worked out well in my opinion from the actors to the werewolf itself. But the center of the film is the “Master of the Bloodstone” has died and there is a gathering of monster hunters to have a chance to lay claim to this stone which pretty much means royalty. Out of this group of death dealers if they survive and slay the creature that is in the maze they can lay claim to the stone but not all are who or what they seem as there is a werewolf among them. Who is the hero, who is the villain? It’s a fun quick 50 something minute movie that was a lot of fun for me to watch as I give it 3 stars.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (Netflix) – So who would of guessed I would be watching a Marlon Wayans family Halloween film? None of you… Me neither but I took a chance and it paid off as Marlon, wife and teenage daughter move from Brooklyn to the safest small town in the U.S. only to find out they take their Halloween very seriously. The family moves to the old Hawthorne house where apparently a urban legend was born a hundred years ago. The daughter of course investigating the attic happens to stumble upon an old pumpkin or turnip lantern for technical terms and lights it. This causes a series of events that lets evil into the world forever but first it must take over everyone’s Halloween decorations. Now it’s up to the satanic collecting principal, the daughter’s new paranormal club friends, and Marlon to stop the evil before Halloween is over. Its PG-13, it is actually funny, and reminds me of “Goosebumps” so I got give it 3 stars.

Accident Man (DVD) – Scott Adkins 2018 film and possibly one his best to date that has Scott playing a hitman named Mike Fallon who makes his hits look like an accident. Things are good for Mike as he is paid well to make things look like an accident until he gets a call about his ex-girlfriend has died but things don’t add up as Mike finds out a few details. Mike quickly looks into the death and finds not only was a hit put out on her but she was pregnant with his child. Blaming himself Mike wants answers but his teacher Ray Stevenson has always said “Don’t get involved”. Mike breaks this rule immediately and after several bad ass fight scenes finds out he has been set up and her hit was ordered by his boss Milton! This not your average hitman action flick and I dare you to watch and not say this isn’t possibly one of the best Adkins starring flicks out there as I give it 4 stars.

Accident Man: Hitman’s Holiday (On Demand) – Mike Fallon is back, kind of as he has been lying low in another country for the past four years until he bumps into one of his old buddies from the firm Fred. Fred is in pursuit of his girlfriend he met online (you need to see the first film to understand the backstory of Fred). Anyhow the two become quick friends again and start up as a hitman duo and trying new techniques. After saying no to doing a hit on a mob boss’s son they are kidnapped and forced to now protect this poor soul as assassins from around the world want in on the hit that pays over 7 million dollars US! Again lots of fun, brings back a couple characters from the first film, flips the tables now for Fallon to be a bodyguard, awesome fight scenes but slips a little in the magic that was captured the first time around but still well worth the watch as I give it 3 stars.

Spookie Dookie (Blu-ray) – The talented Brian Papandrea (or the last name I cannot pronounce) and the Rock Bottom Video crew are back to give us independent film fans a trashy Halloween film that is missing from our lives. So we get a terrible Gatekeeper who dances around the cemetery to find passersby to tell scary tales too when he isn’t jerking off on them.  The trashy shorts all interconnect with old Halloween promos, commercials, Halloween news clips, and Dracula needing to see a doctor because he has AIDS! It feels like something Troma would have done in the 90s but only better as these kind folks make sure if you are looking for trash they have it for you as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Honestly the back cover of this Blu-ray if you have a chance to read will make you buy it on the spot!

Grand Samurai: A Warrior’s End (Extended Cut – Blu-ray) – So I felt it was time to sit down and watch Dan Komarek’s epic five hour film. Yes folks, “The Ninja Master” weren’t enough abuse knowing I would watch this bullshit this talented jagoff Mr. Komarek released this fucking shit! Anyhow I thought like most reviews I would try to give you the basics but not this epic film I thought I needed to share my notes as written when watching this thing last Sunday morning that led into my afternoon. Dan decided there needed to be a movie with more walking than ‘Lord of the Rings’ ever could film so eat your heart out Peter Jackson. Back to the film as it opens up very promising with this huge ‘Conan-esque’ beginning talking about a thousand years ago and now… then immediately let down with two dudes showing up on screen whatever their parents allowed them to wear that autumn weekend to shoot? You expect costumes, swords, huge swords… Nope, Dan laughs in the face of being reasonable. We get a little backstory between Paul and Lee which Paul has to train to become a samurai. Which first question that will hit your mind “Yinz know yinz are white more out of shape than I am?” But hey kids let’s not a bad idea get in the way of making a bad film as they begin to walk, then walk a little more, then walk a little more only to decide they will go on journeys for a sword and a tournament that isn’t really clarified but then walk some more. This is where Paul (yes there will be a samurai named… Paul) goes on his four or so hour journey movie time of training. If there isn’t endless narration be the Lee character aka Dan Komarek where he clearly had a tummy tuck at some point between filming there is more walking and what I feel was an hour of “In Memoriam” segment for someone I don’t know? But then it got real interesting when ‘real time filming’ by Dan Komarek happens as he films himself basically taking a spill into a raging river when misjudging some rocks to cross it just to do a random sword fight scene oh excuse me a stick fight! At one point during the first hour or two of walking it seems like the camera isn’t filming as much as stalking the Paul character who by the way is still training and looking for his friend Lee. Then when Paul cannot go any further he drops to the forest ground to start humping the ground which I read into the subtext of ‘humans raping the world’ but that can be debated another time. But hey did I mention there is a book on how to be a samurai that is introduced into the film an hour in as when approaching the 75 minute mark we get the ‘final fight’. Why do I know this? The characters only announced this several times as they try and I mean try to somersault their way off of picnic benches. But just shortly after if not paying attention we do gets bootleg Richard Moll from “Sword and the Sorcerer” sending Paul yet on another quest for a sword. So about 88 minutes they are informed this sword they are on a journey for is a sword for a tournament to end all tournaments and we haven’t even gotten to the first one. If you need a laugh the scene ends with the neighbor’s dog attacking someone off screen in the background. So as they keep walking again the two find a village where they sleep for a month (don’t ask) again this leaves the Paul character alone as he mourns for his heterosexual life mate Lee. Then there is more walking… inner monologue… more walking… Paul walks through all four seasons through the same patch of woods. Then 129 minutes in Paul gets fucked up on a snowy tree stump and instead of Dan putting down the camera he still films Paul now limping instead of walking, clearly injured… (but, it’s for the art man!)  Literally that was the point I waiting for the Benny Hill music to start as it followed a limping Paul through the snow. After more walking about the 145 minute mark we get to hear Dan Komarek directing the movie while doing a couple lines of dialogue in the mouth of a cave or I like to think a sewer pipe? With more walking comes more training and at the 165 minute mark I begin to wonder if the journey isn’t for a sword but for the two come to grips with their love for each other? I come to this conclusion as the two come to a beach in their long journey and gazing at each other while plotting on them doing more walking through the woods. Which shortly after this the filmmaker has the balls of putting an intermission in, DUDE, how about ending this fucking movie already! After regretting that there was an intermission our heroes at the 170 minute mark are back from their love fest at the beach and most likely smoking weed only to walk more. They keep saying they must finish the journey so of course there is more walking this when I notice and have come up with a drinking game those three people like me who crazy enough to watch this film to completion. Now for yinz three paying attention: every time Paul has his ninja suit on or putting it back on, drink a beer for every different shirt you see the Paul character wearing underneath? You will be drunk and that is better than watching this film again, again anyway, nine minutes I am completely convinced the film has nothing to do with samurais but two young dudes taking the long way around of just saying they love each other but just cannot find the courage to say it. At the 191 minute mark after walking more Paul lays on the ground and looks to the night sky accepting he will only be complete with his life partner Lee who has disappeared again. Finally about the 215 minute mark we finally are getting to the climax of the film as a horrible unfinished fight scene happens as minutes later Paul loses Lee as he was killed by a Chevy Corsica fender they randomly found in the creek they ran across. More walking happens and at the 248 minute mark is when Paul and Lee (who has died twice, I think) are reunited and receives the sword which the fuckers never get to be in a tournament! And what is this fucking Dan Komarek ends this fucking “EPIC” with a ‘to be continued’… WTF dude! Dan I love you brother, I think you are a fine editor and cinematographer but stop digging this absurd bullshit up and make something new. You have the talent to do it so give me a break as this epic is epic I cannot even give it a rating as much dare someone to watch it all the way through like I did so I am not the only psycho.

Any comments please send to or .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #584


Ash and Bone (Vimeo) – The film starts off as a slasher but quickly becomes a slow burn backwoods thriller where a young Goth girl and family head to a small woodsy town to bond. Dad and Cassie don’t get along well and this trip to a small town vacation spot is supposed to be the answer? When Cassie quickly gets bored she borrows the car, hits up a bar, and finds a couple new friends. They talk about this town legend “the Mckinleys” where some odd small town stories surround this backwoods family that gives the locals scary stories to tell the out-of-towners. Well Cassie and new friends check the place out, break in, but the Mckinleys come back home only to know someone has trespassed, knowing their secrets. Now the backwoods family is pissed and tracks down Cassie, friends, and eventually her family. Again this is much more of a thriller than slasher as it’s more about the chase because Cassie deserves much worse than the others for disturbing Ma! This tale will appeal more to audiences that are looking for more substance than gore as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Jeepers Creepers Return (On Demand) – AKA part 4 aka the biggest fucking turd of 2022 for horror movie fans! Yes look no further than this crap storm for “worst film of 2022”. Anyhow its 23rd day of the 23rd Spring of whatever who actually gives a flying farthole all you need to know the monster aka a horrible grainy Playstation online game has come to life! Once what could be a great monster is now a poor excuse for a reboot not once but twice with this one being propped up by lets say an “unnamed shitty convention” but lets stick with the crappy film. This time around a young couple traveling to an outdoor horror festival that celebrates killers is set near the ‘urban legend’ of the “Creeper”. Hell, for shits and giggles they claim the first three films are fake to help propped up this so-called pile of elephant shit! Anyhow winners of the “Creeperfest” win a chance at the ‘Creeper Escape room’ at that the legendary house. The only thing going for this monkey turd is the townsfolk is in on the “Creeper legend” but while all yinz whine about the newest “Halloween” flick just remember this already forgotten cartoon poo got shit out there in the viewing universe as I give it nothing and will be my pick for “Worst film of 2022!”

Blood Hook (Blu-ray) – First time watch for me as I picked up the new two-disc Blu-ray from Troma for this 1986 uncut film that has a killer fisherman! Yes kids, Peter inherits his grandpa’s place on the lake where he hasn’t visited since a kid when grandpa got killed. Now 17 years later Peter and friends go to party at the place and check out the annual “Muskie Madness”. Before the young people get settled someone is already hooking their victims in a bloody manner. The uncut version runs close to almost two hours long because of the “devil’s trilogy of notes” man… I would say more but I want yinz to enjoy this rather unknown killer fisherman flick as much as I did as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Hellraiser (Hulu) – The new entry of the series has the puzzlebox, the chains, the music, the pain, the pleasure… okay horror kids I am in as this entry of the Cenobites went out there on a limb and gave fans what they wanted… “A one-off that made actual fucking sense, wasn’t non-sense, a piece of shit only done for movie rights issues, or had FAT PINHEAD!” Anyhow a woman named Ry still fighting her addiction to drugs accidentially begins to solve the puzzlebox and opens a doorway that scares her but also intrigues her of how this thing exists why people would be interested? After losing her brother to the box she become consumed with solving the box to bring him back as if you are able to go through all the phases you are able to “get an audience with GOD”. But while deep into this takes her and friends down a dark path of pain and pleasure they are not ready to experience… This is the best entry since Part 3 and it was nice it felt like it tried giving what fans have wanted for over two decades now as I give this entry 3 stars and hope there is more?

Cannibal Rollerbabes (DVD) – A late 90s film that looks more like a late 80s film found its way to me as I was hoping for another sequel to the “Rollerblade” series? Even I felt cheated it wasn’t a part of that series of films characters Scott and Chuck head off to a cabin on the lake for a weekend of booze, babes, and fishing. This film may have the most random cast of characters I have seen in a cheapy B-flick. Back to Scott and Chuck who find a note in a bottle while fishing that says “People Eating People”. This is where their lives take a turn for the weird as they are starring in “Solent Green” but a low budget film that is much better enjoyed with a group of friends. As this film is a huge Indy mess with not a whole of direction but heart you can respect and enjoy with friends. There is rollerblading and there is weird shit but it is all because of “Research Island”… Dongs are cut off in the name of science as if you don’t like the film you will enjoy the young actress playing Anna as I give this hilarious mess 2 stars.

Halloween Ends (Peacock) – Haddonfield has changed since Michael Myers latest rampage a few years ago including Laurie Strode. With the death of her daughter and watching over her granddaughter she has tried to live a normal life as Michael has disappeared aka (Halloween 5). But Haddonfield has been changed for the worse has death and despair has taken the over the town or evil itself is now ruling the town? With violence being contagious in this town it also doesn’t allow the townsfolk to forgive the Strode family as they are to be blamed for the shittiness of Halloween! So in a small strange twist of fate a young man Corey accused of murder at one point finds Michael Myers or a former shell of the evil that rocked Haddonfield. This is where the story of Michael takes shape as Corey just wanting to fit has decided with Laurie’s granddaughter that maybe its time to burn it all down? (Which if you are paying attention to the subtext there is many that feel this way of humanity and where we are going? Think about it?) Anyhow after Corey awakens Myers and eventually taking his mask this awakens the ‘Boogeyman’ for one more rampage of Haddonfield. I liked where this one went and how they portrayed Michael but I won’t say I love it. But also unlike some of you crazy asses out there you understand you would have bitched also if it was the same old formula??? This entry makes sense in the context of what has happened in Haddonfield in the two films before this but also saying that if you think this is the end yinz are crazy as I will see yinz in 2027 for the next Halloween flick starring Michael Myers as I give this 2 ½ stars. P.S. I do believe there will be a sequel to “Halloween 3” within the next two years just because there is too much money to be made but that will be for another conversation another time my friends.

The Unnamable (DVD) – A pretty fun monster flick based on H.P. Lovecraft’s work from 1988 that in only recent years has gotten the proper DVD release but also the respect as many Lovecraft fans deannounce this flick as many others. But this oddity monster flick always stood out to me and thought it was time to upgrade from a bootleg to this newer “Unearthed Films Classics” version that includes audio commentary and hours of interviews with cast and crew. A hundred years before a home is sealed by the local priest as he believes the devil’s work has been done as the master of the home has had his heart ripped out. Now present day (1988) near Miskatonic University a friend of Howard and Carter goes missing trying to disprove the legend. To make matters worse a couple of fraternity brothers bring their dates to the place in hopes of getting laid but soon find out why no one has steeped foot in the place as a creature has waited for victims to visit. This oddity creature feature is fun, story driven, never played by all the rules of Lovecraft or horror film rules but is tied together in a nice package with the character of Carter who is serious but playful throughout the series of events that take place inside the supposedly haunted home near the college. I really enjoy this horror film and try to revisit it every few years especially now knowing there is a legit DVD and Blu-ray finally out there in the universe. I give it 3 ½ stars but more than other films whether you are a Lovecraft fan or a horror fan I dare you to give this film a chance because something tells me this one will find a soft spot in your black heart?

Any comments please send to or .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to and support!

Less than two weeks for Grossfest-o-ween! Hope to see yinz there?


Our guests: Super cool filmmaker and past Grossfest Award winner – Steve Rudzinski,

Upcoming and talented filmmaker Maddie Deering

(Both can be found on IMDb for all their credits and will have their movies and merch for sale)

These are all the bad ass and cool vendors that will be at the free Grossfest-o-ween event Saturday, October 29th, 2022 from 11-4 at Willow Station Bar and Restaurant

Drunken Yinzers Productions

House of Horrors

Kim Rojas – The Odd End

Shooga Suds

Celebration of Spirits

Piffle Productions

Scott Baucan – artist

Video Nasty Productions

Thorn and Rose

Pgh Scrubs Guy

Creative Chaos

Jenny Louise – actress/fashion designer

Craig Blake – Master of all things Horror Art wise

Kiss of Death Productions

Catacomb Creations

Shooga Suds

Please visit: ,


Gross Movie Reviews #583


Bad Ass Monster Killer (DVD) – For this Indy exploitation we have Jimmy who is a part of some kind of secret government Supernatural security that is trying to keep the streets safe form the unnatural. There is some black magic, demons, strip clubs, gangs of supernatural beings and CG effects that are the background of the film throughout. I enjoyed the passion put into the project but the film felt like there was something missing and it went too long. I felt this would have made a much better impact if it ran maybe like a short film (25 minutes) but I still enjoyed it as I give it 2 stars.

Scary Story Slumber Party (DVD) – Say that title several times in a row! Anyway three young women are watching a lame film and decide to turn off the TV and tell each other scary stories. Several stories are told and most are quick little flicks that I am sure some of yinz will enjoy but nothing stands out where you’ll be talking about it in six weeks. A solid collection of independent short films but would have liked more be done with the wrap around starring the three young women telling the stories. If you are into anthologies it will most likely appeal to you as I give it 2 ½ stars.

In Search of Darkness: Part II (Shudder) – The sequel to one of the most talked about documentaries the past few years where they dive deeper into the 80s to make horror fan’s wet dreams come true. Lots of interviews, fun facts, and why we are all so fascinated with 80s horror films as I give this 4 ½ hour epic 4 stars!

Hi-Death (DVD) – A sequel anthology to the popular independent project “Hi-8” that has Todd Sheets, Brad Sykes, Tim Ritter, Amanda Payton, Anthony Catanese all back with new short film installments. This time around to keep the films rolling you have two young ladies in Hollywood who decide to do the “Terror Tour”… The first two stories are slow but stick it out folks because the last three: ‘Night Drop’ is a lot of fun, ‘Cold Read’ ups the intensity, and Todd Sheets ‘The Muse’ is just pure wicked weirdness that Indy horror fans will be so happy with as I give the anthology 2 ½ stars.

Subsurface (YouTube) – A slick short film from writer Kyle Patrick about a young man who is trapped in his own mind and may see a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel? What’s funny this short film has an intriguing look and feel that I believe you could have ten different critics watch and review and get ten completely different takes on this. So Kyle I would say you have accomplished your goal with this project as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars as you leave me intrigued what is next for you.

Satan’s Little Helper (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films is at it again digging around for a horror film that may have never gotten its due during its original release. Jeff Lieberman  a horror fan favorite over the years unleashed this little Halloween horror in the early 2000s and since then has gathered a little cult following. The Halloween story revolves around a boy who loves his video game “Satan’s Little Helper” and dresses as the helper for Halloween eagerly awaiting his sister for trick or treating. Upset over the sister bringing a young man home the young boy ventures into the neighborhood to witness someone decorating a home with what looks like very real props. Unknown to the boy this man is a serial killer who has just finished up and likes to pose his victims. The boy being naïve believes it is Satan just like his video game and scoring points killing real people on his favorite day of the year Halloween! Satan and the boy become quick friends and give the film an awkward quirkiness as the boy takes Satan home as the story just gets a little odder from there. Remember Douglas the young boy, believes this is all part of the game until his father is gutted in front of him by this Satan character. An entertaining oddity of Halloween horror that fans are still discovering that has an ending makes you want the sequel that doesn’t exist. The Blu-ray extras has a commentary with Jeff Lieberman, tour of the filming locations, behind-the-scenes, and a making of segment which has a recent interview with Jeff Lieberman that is some entertaining stuff for the horror fans to eat up as I give this fun little Halloween package 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find it at .

Any comments please send to or .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to and support!