Gross Movie Reviews #570

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Gross Movie Reviews #570

Zombie Flesh Eaters 5 (Blu-ray) – This is an alternate cut of Dustin Ferguson’s ‘Zombi VIII: Urban Decay’ and of course playing off the titles from the early to late 80s where certain films would have several titles depending on the territory it was sold too? Example: Dawn of the Dead was actually known as Zombi in Italy breaking off into a whole other series. Long story short it made American horror fans nuts sometimes trying to track these down before the DVD came along… Anyhow, three friends head off to Matool Island which is claimed to be a cursed island? Once there they find a friend’s father who is undead and bring him back to America barely getting him through customs. Of course this is a bad idea kids but it makes for fun movies as the undead dude wastes no time infecting the residents of L.A. It comes off to me at least paying homage to ‘Zombi 3’ but in the end has that feeling of being incomplete but I still give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Clown Chainsaw Massacre (Blu-ray) – A Dustin Ferguson flick that is also known as ‘Night of the Clown’. It’s Halloween and some friends of course believe it’s a great idea to have their Halloween party where a killer clown was killed a decade ago. But behold and witness the “WHITEST Halloween party” you’ll ever imagine but that plays second fiddle to the Gacy Killer Clown Ghost thingy back for revenge! I am not a huge fan of killer clown films but kudos to Dustin for keeping this one watchable and not just another killer clown film for the shit pile that no horror fan will ever watch again as I give this film 2 out of 4 stars.

Black Raven (DVD) – This Kiss of Death Productions release was only seen on Pittsburgh Public Access Channel (PCTV 21) Halloween night 1997, but now is finally out on a limited release for all us independent film fans to see! Yet another early project from David and Diana Silvio that I am sure the Indy die hards will eat up. What makes this film different from the usual Indy fare is the Silvios like to mix things up instead of ever doing a straight up horror film so we get a bit of an action/horror/crime drama? Black Raven is a mysterious vigilante who is killing criminals and baffling the authorities. But Officer Murphy is making it personal to bring this psychopath to justice. But with the vigilante still running wild and Officer Murphy with not many answers he finds himself being fired and his investigation involving a mob boss… As the story unfolds and Murphy knowing the identity of the Black Raven Murphy is torn between saving or just out right killing the Black Raven. A weird, twisted, experiment, shot all over Pittsburgh, set as an action packed action horror drama! What else would you expect from the legendary and talented filmmaking duo of David and Diana Silvio as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.     

Creatures (DVD) – A field tripping group of people and a doctor are on a bus that is stopped by something strange hitting the windshield. They spot smoke and investigate to find an alien craft has crash landed. The group quickly is confronted by a small army of blue and green creatures that crave animal flesh and are able to infect humans if they only bite them. This in turn makes the humans or undead or zombies under control of the weirdo aliens. But the main plot of this low budget film comes down to the blue and green dudes hunting down a generic Gizmo character who befriends the humans in order to survive the ordeal. Weird, been done before kind of feeling and too exciting as I give it 1 ½ stars.

The Uncanny (DVD) – A British film with a great cast: Peter Cushing, Donald Pleasance, John Vernon filmed in 1975 but not released until 1977. The film is set in Montreal (present times) where Peter Cushing is Wilbur Gray an author who has written a book about cats and has claims they are not just ordinary pets? The publisher interested has a meeting with Gray but takes issue with the claims so Gray begins to tell the publisher three examples of why cats cannot be trusted. First story is set in 1912 where a maid is trying to steal the will of her employer to help the nephew get rich but in the will the cats get everything. Second story is set in (present times) where a little girl Lucy has recently lost her parents and is forced to live with her aunt who doesn’t care for Lucy’s cat or the witchcraft books that were left to her by her mother. Third story is set in Hollywood 1936 where an actor kills his wife on set by replacing a prop for the real thing for a young look-a-like replacement only to have his dead wife’s cat seek revenge. I enjoyed the film a lot but have quite a few flaws and one of them being the Cushing wraparound is great but doesn’t exactly fit his agenda for his book. Or this killer cat film is supposed to be an anthology but doesn’t feel like one like it was cobbled together after the fact. Who knows folks cats are still evil but don’t let that stop you from seeking this oddity out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Malignant (DVD) – A newer James Wan flick where a woman Madison has had three miscarriages over the past couple years gets in a fight with her husband and wakes to find him murdered. After spending two weeks in the hospital she finds herself having visions of a dark force not just hanging out at her home but killing people. Slowly Madison and a detective find out she had a past before her adoption early on in her childhood. Her real name was Emily and she had parasitic twin who can control electricity and uses Emily/Madison’s body to kill people because it wasn’t completely removed during an experimental surgery. Think of an updated version of ‘The Dark Half’ with a little more twist to it as I give this fun little treat 3 stars.

Fangs (DVD) – If by some chance you have a hard time finding this cultish flick it is also known as ‘Holy Wednesday’. An odd mid-70s film about an old dude who has lots of snakes who turns them loose on those who have turned their backs on him. Because of this Wednesdays will never be the same again. You need some weirdness in your do not look past this one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Gnomercy (DVD) – Giving ‘The New Mexico Weed Wacker Massacre’ a run for one of the worst films you could ever watch has a killer gnome come to human form to kill after a random dude pisses on him and drops his cocaine on the gnome. From there and because there was no budget for coming up with a real Gnome costume, it begins murdering random people. Meanwhile we are subjected to some terrible actors acting as friends heading to a cabin for one last weekend of fun. So when the gnome isn’t sharpening his tools he is killing the group one by one with some no imagination kills as I give this not fun bad film 0 stars.

Terror at Black Tree Forest (DVD/Tubi/remake) – This no budget UK film is a remake of a Dustin Ferguson film where a group of people head out in the forest for their yearly camping trip. After the boring story of the tater sack killer is told a killer in a tater sack starts to kill them one by one. The low budget slasher isn’t real exciting, but not real terrible in this slasher exception for the reveal which you know is coming before the filmmaker did as I give this 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Mini-Grossfest is one week away!

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One week away… Early weather forecast (High 63, in the morning 48 with sun and a slight chance of showers in afternoon).  Dress accordingly my friends!

We wanna thank the Willow Station Restaurant and Bar in Castle Shannon, Pa. for helping us to have our first outdoor event. Second, we wanna thank all the vendors that are going to be a part of the event. Third and most important “The EVENT IS FREE” to attendees, the public, whatever you wanna call the people from around the Pittsburgh and surrounding areas that are coming to check out all the great vendors, filmmakers, authors, artists, etc., that will be there. So let your mum, your dad, yinz lovers, your partner, your neighbors’ n’at, even the people you dislike know to come visit our event. All we at Grossfest are kindly asking is for people to head into the Willow Station Restaurant at some point because hell you are already there to see all of us so go have a drink or better yet have brunch as it starts at 11am! Point is people it’s been a hard two years for all of us. This is another step in making a bigger Grossfest happen again but also we want you to have more money in your pocket to spend on the vendors, filmmakers, etc… again THE EVENT IS FREE TO GET IN! Plus the whole point of Grossfest is to introduce you to independent filmmakers, authors, artists and to have fun doing it like “conventions used to be!”

So again May 1st, 10am-3pm in the back parking lot of Willow Station Bar/Restaurant. There will be parking out in front along the street (most of the public parking side lot will be taken up by vendors)

Willow Station

3841 Willow Ave.

Pittsburgh, PA 15234

Willow Station will be open for that day 11am – 4pm.

https://www.thewillowstation.com/ or www.facebook.com/3841WillowStation

Any questions email Tom or Tim Gross or email grossfest@gmail.com about the event.

(Note: For anyone that buys a “beer or adult beverage” please hang on the patio with us until finished)

NOW FOR OUR LIST OF VENDORS

Maddie Deering – NekroShark Films (rumors that Spirit Animal star Tom Gross will be there to sign autographs with the talented filmmaker Maddie)

Melanie Stone – Dark White Arts

Lunija Gjoni – Plastinated Heart Art

Jess Weary – Celebrations of Spirits

David Milchick – Shoggoth Suds

Kayleigh Crawford and Dan Komarek – Video Nasty Productions

House of Horror

Scott Baucan

Christian Bareford – local film festival (filmmakers you may want to talk to these people?)

Minerva’s Trinkets

Angel O’Connor and Steve McBride – artist, tattoo artist, make-up effects expert, and all around cool persons

Brillobox – Luther Ickes – filmmaker (made a Pittsburgh Bigfoot movie), bar owner of a cool hot spot that just reopened

Darcy and Keith Munden – Legacy Verse Productions

David Fairhead – Fairly Dark Productions

Daniel Boyd and Tim Gross – Drunken Yinzers Productions

And of course the guests: the people, the myth, the legends, the Grossfest lifetime achievement award winners, the most talented Pittsburgh independent film duo you can meet David and Diana Silvio of Kiss of Death Productions!

Proud moment to give these guys an award!

So hope to see yinz at the Willow Stations n’at on Sunday May 1st, so come on dahn to visit n’at!

Mini-Grossfest Update and our list of vendors…

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First, I wanna thank the Willow Station Restaurant and Bar in Castle Shannon, Pa. for helping to have our first outdoor event and we have sold out. Second, wanna thank all the vendors that are going to be a part of the event. (There will be a list of vendors posted soon.) Sorry we had to turn a few away but like we said from the beginning it was limited space, first come, first served. Third and most important because I have already fielded a couple questions from a couple people concerning about this? The EVENT IS FREE to attendees, the public, whatever you wanna call the people from around the Pittsburgh area coming to check out all the great vendors that will be there. So let your mum, your dad, your lovers, your partner, your neighbors, even the people you dislike know to come visit our event. All we at Grossfest are kindly asking is for people to head into the Willow Station at some point because hell you are already there to see all of us to go have a drink or have brunch as it starts at 11am! Point is people it’s been a hard two years for all of us. This is another step in making a bigger Grossfest happen again but also we want you to have more money in your pocket to spend on the vendors… again THE EVENT IS FREE TO GET IN! Plus the whole point of Grossfest is to introduce you to independent filmmakers, authors, artists and to have fun doing it like conventions used to be!

So again May 1st, 10am-3pm in the back parking lot of Willow Station Bar/Restaurant. There will be parking out in front along the street (most of the public parking side lot will be taken up by vendors)

Willow Station

3841 Willow Ave.

 Pittsburgh, PA 15234

Willow Station will be open for that day 11am – 4pm.

https://www.thewillowstation.com/ or www.facebook.com/3841WillowStation

Any questions email Tom or Tim Gross or email grossfest@gmail.com about the event.

NOW FOR OUR LIST OF VENDORS

Maddie Deering – NekroShark Films (rumors that Spirit Animal star Tom Gross will be there to sign autographs with the talented filmmaker Maddie)

Melanie Stone – Dark White Arts

Lunija Gjoni – Plastinated Heart Art   

Jess Weary – Celebrations of Spirits

David Milchick – Shoggoth Suds

Kayleigh Crawford and Dan Komarek – Video Nasty Productions

House of Horror

Scott Baucan

Christian Bareford – local film festival (filmmakers you may want to talk to these people?)

Minerva’s Trinkets

Angel O’Connor and Steve McBride – artist, tattoo artist, make-up effects expert, and all around cool persons

Brillobox – Luther Ickes – filmmaker (made a Pittsburgh Bigfoot movie), bar owner of a cool hot spot that just reopened

Darcy and Keith Munden – Legacy Verse Productions

David Fairhead – Fairly Dark Productions

Daniel Boyd and Tim Gross – Drunken Yinzers Productions

And of course the guests: the people, the myth, the legends, the Grossfest lifetime achievement award winners, the most talented Pittsburgh independent film duo you can meet David and Diana Silvio of Kiss of Death Productions!

So hope to see yinz n’at on Sunday May 1st, so come on dahn to visit!

Vendors… Grossfest is looking for you!

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Hey horror related vendors Grossfest is looking for you!

We already have a nice variety of cool horror vendors and two guests (the legendary filmmaking duo of David F. Silvio and Cassandra Blue) but we are looking for a few more to fill our May 1st event. It is our “Halfway to Grossfest-o-ween” event sponsored by Willow Station Restaurant/Bar. In attempt to make all people in the independent horror community happy: vendors, filmmakers, authors, attendees, artists, etc. We are having the outdoor event outside of Willow Station Restaurant and Bar in Castle Shannon, Pa., 10am to 3pm. Vendor spaces will be 10 x 10 (you supply table, chairs, tent or canopy if wanted) as this will be a rain or shine event. The limited spaces are just $25 and one space to a vendor of course. The event is free to people who are attending (we just ask after visiting the cool vendors go inside Willow Station for a beer or brunch?)

Willow Station

3841 Willow Ave.

Pittsburgh, PA 15234

Bar/restaurant hours for that day will be 11am – 4pm.

https://www.thewillowstation.com/orwww.facebook.com/3841WillowStation

As always if there are any questions or you want a vendor application, please email us at grossfest@gmail.com or find us Tom or Tim Gross on Facebook.

We at Grossfest have missed yinz too so we have an event for yinz! Grossfest-o-ween

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(We at Grossfest have missed yinz too so we have an event for yinz!)

Brought to you by

Willow Station Restaurant & Bar

3841 Willow Ave.
Castle Shannon, Pa. 15234
https://www.thewillowstation.com/

Hey yinz looking for a cool little event to celebrate the season? Well how about you check out this event to meet some cool celebs, have some great food, and nice beverages on October 30th, 2021. This cool place opens at 2pm that Saturday. We will have a few guests from 2-3:30ish pm…

https://www.facebook.com/events/421862132512965/?active_tab=discussion

REMEMBER YINZ, ADMISSION IS FREE! You can support by buying food and drinks through our sponsor Willow Station. Any books, movies, or artwork can be purchased through the celebs/guests we have there from 2-3:30pm. Guests are done at 3:30ish but all are welcome to enjoy a great Pittsburgh restaurant and bar from 2-11pm that day.
SO … come hang out, meet a cool celeb to celebrate Halloween, buy some amazing food or a beverage or two, costume contest and party later in the evening, karaoke, so see yinz there!

This lovable duo needs no introduction as they are Pittsburgh film royalty and winners of the Grossfest Lifetime Achievement Award: They are independent film royalty as these two are behind such Indy cult classics “Meat for Satan’s Icebox” and “Fetish Dolls Die Laughing” among working on several other projects throughout the years writing, acting, directing, and have so many stories of working on Hollywood films that were made in Pittsburgh! This duo is known as David and Diana Silvio of Kiss of Death Productions.

Another guest that doesn’t need any introduction as she is one of the most talented and busiest people you could meet! She is the author of Solsticenightsky Productions & Radio, she is a well-established author, dabbles in acting, investigator, bad ass mum, knows way too much about the paranormal, bigfoot, and werewolves, she does it all! Her stories will make you rethink everything going on around you… I present to you: Christine M. Soltis!

Our next guest is more known than people realize… This local man is not just your typical horror author. His writing is influenced by Poe and Lovecraft (my opinion) but based in the darker side of humanity which should scare the shit out of you! He is one of my favorite people to talk to when it comes to authors, artists, radio hosts, music, comic books, artwork, and he has written one of the best post-apocalyptic stories you can ever read! Just don’t ask him about “The Car 2” as he still has nightmares of me showing up at his booth one day… This multi-tasker and crew have just had their podcast picked up by iHeartRadio with their first episode appearing on there about Grossfest, I would like to present to you David Fairhead and crew (Jess Weary, and Robert J Hoglund of Fairly Dark Productions).

This next guest recently unleashed a wonderful independent horror film made on VHS called, “Spirit Animal”! She is putting the finishing touches on her short film “Trash Removal” and in pre-production on “Bathtub Shark”. She has worked on a few other productions and her star as a filmmaker is on the rise. I wish I could bottle her happiness for VHS MOVIES and sell it because it would make the world such a better place, I present to you: Madeline Deering.

Our next guest is a hoot… When he isn’t being a social media “INFLUENCER” he is an author of some spooky and dark stuff in his books he writes. This cool and proud Dad of two tries to scare the pants of all yinz kids with his stories that can feel all too real. When he isn’t busy producing some evil stuff that rolls around in his head this guy also is a big part of the Grossfest group from the beginning to help get the original concept off the ground. He works hard, proud dad, but his heart is dark and belongs to horror, I present to you: Terrence Main!

And for our last guest announcement is a person who is a late bloomer to be an independent horror movie fan and supporter (Jagoff Massacre changed everything)… A person who believed in Grossfest before anyone else and is the main driving force behind the event, I may be the face but he is why it happens, he recently made his film debut in “Spirit Animal” and has several other film appearances coming in the next year or so, he is known for his fishing and nicknamed “the OG” (Original Gross) and he will be there signing copies of “Spirit Animal” and selling Grossfest T-shirts I present to you: The famous and star of “Spirit Animal”… Tom Gross!

Grossfest-o-ween is coming October 30th, meet the first guest/guests!

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We present to you Grossfest-O-Ween! October 30th, 2-3:30pm (or so… ) This lovable duo needs no introduction as they are Pittsburgh film royalty and winners of the Grossfest Lifetime Achievement Award: They are independent film royalty as these two are behind such Indy cult classics “Meat for Satan’s Icebox” and “Fetish Dolls Die Laughing” among working on several other projects throughout the years writing, acting, directing, and have so many stories of working on Hollywood films that were made in Pittsburgh! This duo is known as David and Diana Silvio of Kiss of Death Productions.

Grossfest Lifetime Achievement Award winners

Willow Station Restaurant & Bar 3841 Willow Ave. Castle Shannon, Pa. 15234 https://www.thewillowstation.com/

(Event is free but please support the restaurant/bar, full menu will be available when it opens at 2pm! And they will be having a party and Halloween costume contest later in the evening)

Happy Grossfest-o-Ween event

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(We at Grossfest have missed yinz too so we have an event for yinz!)Brought to you by Willow Station Restaurant & Bar

Hey yinz looking for a cool little event to celebrate the season? Well how about you check out this event to meet some cool celebs, have some great food, and nice beverages on October 30th, 2021. This cool place opens at 2pm that Saturday. We will have a few guests from 2-3:30pm…

David and Diana Silvio of Kiss of Death Productions – They are independent film royalty as these two are behind such Indy cult classics “Meat for Satan’s Icebox” and “Fetish Dolls Die Laughing” among working on several other projects throughout the years writing, acting, directing!

Christine M. Soltis author of Solsticenightsky Productions & Radio – Author, actor, investigator, she does it all as she is known for her several wonderful books that cover everything from the paranormal to stories that makes rethink what is going on around you…

David Fairhead, Jess Weary, and Robert J Hoglund of Fairly Dark Productions – Authors, artists, radio host, music… Comic books, artwork, music, and some of the best post-apocalyptic stories you can ever read is what these fine people are all about!

Madeline Deering of NekroShark Films – A fresh face to the independent filmmaking world who didn’t just make a movie but a love letter to S.O.V. days of movies with her recent release of “Sprit Animal”! And several projects in the works…

REMEMBER YINZ, ADMISSION IS FREE! You can purchase and support by buying food and drinks through our sponsor Willow Station. Any books, movies, or artwork can be purchased through the celebs/guests we have there from 2-3:30pm. Guests are done at 3:30 but all are welcome to enjoy a great Pittsburgh restaurant and bar from 2-11pm that day.

SO … come hang out, meet a cool celeb to celebrate Halloween, and buy some amazing food or a beverage or two, see yinz there!

Willow Station Restaurant & Bar
3841 Willow Ave.
Castle Shannon, Pa. 15234
https://www.thewillowstation.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #499

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Gross Movie Reviews #499

 

Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.

 

Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.

 

It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!

 

Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!

 

Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

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