Gross Movie Reviews #273


Gross Movie Reviews #273


By Tim Gross


Priest (DVD) – A different kind of vampire film set in the future where priest means something different than what we know. Everything is dark and bleak and every hour people bless themselves as it is God’s way. In the future, ‘priests’ are hand-picked by the holy ones to be trained in the vampire fighting ways to rid their culture of the vermin. Apparently these creatures started to feed on any human around until humans barricaded themselves in these holy cities and were protected by the ‘priests’ who all but wiped them out. Several years later the vermin have appeared again but this time with purpose and seem to be even more unstoppable than before. A pretty cool comic book style film with a great action star in Karl Urban playing the former ‘priest’ now head vamp, plus you can never go wrong with Brad Dourif being in the film. This isn’t any blockbuster of vampire film but a bloodsucking film that was overlooked at the theaters that need a second look? I give the film 2 ½ stars and Karl Urban deserves to be in “Expendables 3”!

Dead Souls (DVD/Chiller TV) – A dark and depressing film about a priest, deacon, whatever and his family where the man of God kills his family but couldn’t kill his newborn. Now, the newborn has just turned 18 years old and has received a letter about his family estate that he never knew about in Maine. Living a sheltered life the teenager sets out on his own to learn about his past he never knew… Bill Moseley has a small part but plays the deputy who found the newborn and the slain family members and 17 years later is considered a crazy drunk. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

American Horror House (DVD/SyFy Channel) – A waste of time so called horror film about a house that happens to be haunted by people who were killed there in the past and the landlord or the pseudo sorority mother is controlling it. Boring and borders on the line of just plain retarded! Hey SyFy, let’s stick to the CGI shark flicks… I give it a ½ star.

Junkyard Dog (DVD) – Supposedly based on true events, a serial killer who just happens to be a tow truck driver/wrecking yard owner picks up young women looking for help when their car breaks down. But he does this just once a month so he can savor the horror of the woman he kidnapped while he also savors the taste of last month’s victim.  But eyebrows are raised in the small town where the serial killer resides when a FBI agent arrives and also disappears. Somewhat slow moving film but it does have Brad Dourif as the small town sheriff. Plus if you enjoy serial killer films you’ll want to at least see this once? I give it 2 stars.

G.H.O.S.T. (DVD) – Maya is a very driven ghost hunter, she lives and breathes ghosts. But who is having financial issues and her show about paranormal investigators is being canceled. But Maya is convinced if they have one final scary ass show that fans will force the network to keep the show or to be talked about for quite a while. While Maya is being told she needs to find a new career she reads online about an opera house that has history and has been closed for many years. The opera house dates back to the civil war days and there have been many strange unexplained deaths in the southern opera house. The last twenty minutes of the film is bizarre and far from what is expected from this type of film. J.T. Roberts who wrote and directed the film shows he has a true understanding of ghost hunting and is even able to joke about it in the beginning of the film. But this understanding helps him shape a smart, dramatic, thriller of an independent film about ghost hunting and how Maya becomes consumed with the subject of ghosts. I personally am not a big fan of ghost hunting or some of the crappy independent ghost hunting films that have popped up in recent years but Mr. Roberts and crew have my respect for making a very entertaining and interesting film on something I usually don’t care much about. I give the great independent ghost hunting film 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at .

The Exorcist III (DVD) – Originally titled “Legion” but later became part three of the series stars George C. Scott as a detective who helped with catching the serial killer named “The Gemini Killer” 17 years ago. Its 1990, and suddenly a boy and a priest are murdered and looked exactly like the Gemini murders years ago. Soon after some investigating the detective becomes fixed on a man inside a padded cell of a hospital where his best friend just happened to be murdered and drained of his blood. This man has never left his cell and has been barely awake for 17 years until now. Without trying to give too much away I personally believe too many people were too critical of this film when it was first released and many refused to believe it was ever made. But I love the film and thought it was an excellent sequel and should have been made in 1977 when that shitty abomination called “The Heretic” was released. I would even go as far as saying it was slightly ahead of its time. But again rewatching this sequel it has held up well over the years and believe maybe the fan base of the original film wasn’t ready for something like this film in 1990? Horror fans who haven’t seen it, should… And those who bashed it then might want to go back and rethink their thoughts on the film as Exorcist fans in general have been abused with the Heretic and two different versions of The Beginning, so it cannot be as bad as you think? I give this much underrated flick 3 ½ stars.

Exorcismus (DVD) – A young girl who is starting to become a woman begins to have behavioral issues according to her parents but none of the family could anticipate what it could actually be. The young woman has seizers and when she awakes people close to her are hurt or killed. If she isn’t having seizers she is having these very bizarre and unexplainable visions of blood and her doing terrible things. The family turns to the uncle who is a priest who has recently had some trouble with his perish as a young girl died during an exorcism he was performing. Knowing the signs he immediately wants to help and videotape the events that happen. But as the girl’s mind is unraveling things become clear of how and why this is happening to her. The very cool Doug Bradley shows up for a cameo as another priest but this film doesn’t do much to separate itself from the glut of films of this ilk that have recently been released. I give the film 2 stars. Stick with Exorcist III.

Now you can visit me at my new website: !!!

Any comments or questions please send to:, or . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle, Cory, and I talking about horror and action flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: and

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but The Abomination shirt also!!!!  


Episode #36 is up!


This week JSB and Tim are joined by JEFF BURR! He’s the man who brought you such awesome flicks as the immortal LEATHERFACE: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, Eddie Presley, Puppet Master 4 & 5, Stepfather 2, Pumpkinhead 2, and a slew of others. He has a lot of interesting things to say so check it out. Also JSB and Tim tackle such topics as Tim’s problem with Six shooter and subsequent Full Moon Nerd-ery, JSB finds a film that almost rivals Spookies. Giant rats, Weirdo little kids, And JSB’s jealousy of The Hollywood Theater…… And as always “What do ya think the fucking flares are for, STUPID!”


Horror Realm, Pittsburgh’s modern horror convention, is pleased to announce that the Spring Break Massacre show is expanding to three days in 2013!


Horror Realm, Pittsburgh’s modern horror convention, is pleased to announce that the Spring Break Massacre show is expanding to three days in 2013!

The show will be March 15 to 17 at the Crowne Plaza Pittsburgh South. Discounted room rates will be available; details will be released soon.

We are now accepting dealer registrations. The registration form with table rates and payment options is attached. All tables are $125 (with a discount for multiples). Due to space issues, we are limited to 50 vendor tables for the spring show. Our tables have consistently sold out so if you want a space, please complete the agreement and return with payment as soon as possible.

We can also offer sponsorship packages at various levels and costs to provide additional exposure for your business both on-site at the convention and through our pre-show promotional efforts using our proprietary horror fan mailing list, social media subscriber contacts, media press releases and collateral materials. Benefits provided to sponsors can include naming rights, complimentary exhibit space and admissions, web site promotion, etc. Please contact Sandy Stuhlfire at to inquire about sponsorship opportunities.

If you can’t attend but would like to promote your business at Horror Realm, please contact us to discuss options such as donating prizes or giveaways, web advertising, etc.

Horror Realm is a small but growing convention with a reputation for being a fun, fan-friendly event with a relaxed and welcoming vibe. Attendance has grown with the favorable word of mouth of our patrons, dealers and guests who have enjoyed our shows. We offer some different and unusual programming, events, contests and parties to attract attendees. The show will feature the dealer room, VHS viewing room, film festival, panels, events, entertainment and an Irish Wake party in honor of St. Patrick’s Day.

Guests announced so far for the spring show are:

· Danielle Harris – Halloween 4 and 5, Rob Zombies Halloween, Hatchet 2 and 3

· Kane Hodder – Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Jason X, Hatchet 1, 2 and 3

· More to be announced

Please note that guest appearances are subject to change or cancellation due to circumstances beyond Horror Realm’s control.

If you have any questions, please contact Sandy at Thank you!

The Hollywood Theater’s Go Digital or Go Dark Campaign


Help Keep the Hollywood Theater Open!

After nearly 100 years of showing 35mm motion picture film in movie theaters, the film industry is now undergoing a mammoth change to a new format. Studios and distributors are now making the switch to DCP, or Digital Cinema Package, a file format that is screened at theaters via a high end digital projector and server. Movie theaters need to invest up to $100,000 per screen to convert to this new systerm. Up to 60% of U.S. movie theaters have reportedly already made the conversion, with the bulk of those being larger corporate multiplex theaters. The remaining 40% includes many of the smaller historic neighborhood cinemas across the country that can’t afford the high cost of the switch, a good number of which have already been forced to close their doors forever.

The Hollywood Theater is part of this 40% and faces the biggest challenge of its 90-some year history. Several studios have already told the Hollywood that it must show their films on DCP or not show them at all. A poignant example is the new film The Perks of Being A Wallflower. Writer/Director Stephen Chbosky actually grew up in Upper St. Clair and spent many nights at the Hollywood Theater seeing The Rocky Horror Picture Show. When he returned to Pittsburgh last year he actually shot part of his film at the Hollywood, and the fee he paid the theater helped us to file our nonprofit incorporation papers. Stephen Chbosky has joined the advisory board of the theater too. But despite this meaningful connection the film’s distribution company has refused to let the Hollywood Theater show Perks of Being a Wallflower because we can’t show the new DCP format. We expect that the majority of studios will follow suit in 2013 and the Hollywood will have nothing left to show. The theater must go digital or go dark.

Since the Hollywood reopened last year people from all over Pittsburgh and western Pennsylvania have come to the theater for a film or event and told us how important the Hollywood is. The theater has amassed nearly 5,000 Facebook fans and hundreds of Twitter folowers. We know you are out there, and here’s where you come in!

The Hollywood Theater needs to raise $75,000 to to make the film-to-digital conversion in 2013. With $5,000 seed money from Pittsburgh’s Day of Giving this past September, we now launch this Indiegogo campaign to raise the additional $70,000. If every one of our Facebook fans gave just $20 we’d hit our goal and help keep the Hollywood Theater open. Please donate to our campaign today – and share and repost with your family and friends too. Thank you!

Gross Movie Reviews #272


Gross Movie Reviews #272


By Tim Gross


Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (DVD) – JCVD and Dolph are back again causing havoc in the world but this time JCVD (Luc Devereux) is the villain. Devereux is recruiting all the soldiers who have been cloned by the government as the ‘Universal Soldier’ program still rolls on. But Scott Adkins who plays John just happens to have his wife and daughter killed by Devereux and does not quite understand why. Several months later John comes out of his coma and searches for answers he begins to have visions of Devereux after being stabbed with a needle and told he has been set free. Wanting answers he begins searching harder and begins to believe he was part of the secret program. Here is where Scott’s character gets in several awesome bloody fights: one he cuts a dude’s foot in half, a second which takes place inside sporting goods store and has to be one of the baddest ass fights of the year, a third he fights voodoo painted JCVD, and another where Dolph takes a machete to the face. Once again this sequel doesn’t disappoint and delivers the action goods as JCVD and Dolph were just awesome and Scott Adkins just kicks everybody’s ass! This series keeps getting better with each entry as I have to give this flick 4 stars. And you will not forget JCVD’s skull drinking scene!


Curse III: Blood Sacrifice (VHS) – The early 90s film also called “Panga” in some countries has Christopher Lee starring as a doctor in South Africa 1950 who wants to have ultimate power. This all begins when a woman takes the sacrificial lamb from a tribe who was about to kill it. When she does, she is cursed and all her family begins dying. I give it 1 star.


A Night at the Movies: The Horrors of Stephen King (TCM/YouTube/DVD) – Its 60 minutes of Stephen King just going through the years and years of horror movies explaining what scared him, what he thought was effective, and talks about his good friends George Romero and John Carpenter. King even talks about a few of his movie adaptions of his books. It’s interesting to hear what King has to say and worth wasting the 60 minutes on. I give it 2 ½ stars.


The Definitive Document of the Dead (DVD) – Synapse Films releases Roy Frumkes documentary with updated interviews, behind the scenes talks with George Romero on sets of his dead films from over the years, and has interviews with Bill Lustig, Lori Cardille, Kyra Schon, and many others. Not only does the documentary give you inside looks of Dawn of the Dead but goes into detail with some of the key people behind the camera with Romero as they cover Martin extensively which will make many Romero fans extremely happy. This documentary is the ultimate fan film of George Romero and his work and will keep Romero fans happy until his next project. Mr. Frumkes did a wonderful job of not only capturing what Romero was doing in 1978, but was able to get Romero to open up and talk about all his films on set of many of his projects he may not have talked about at appearances or conventions. For the real die hards Synapse includes a new commentary by filmmaker Roy Frumkes who sounds excited to talk about Romero now as much as he did in 1978. Romero fans make sure you shamble your way over to to pick up this masterpiece of a documentary of a great man as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.


Joe Bob Briggs Monstervision: Funhouse (DVD-R) – This film gets destroyed in the editing room by TNT censors but that doesn’t stop Joe Bob from ragging on the TNT censors and explaining the whole Tobe Hooper and Steven Spielberg saga on Poltergeist.  I give it 2 ½ stars for the mere reason Joe Bob can make anything entertaining.


Asylum aka I want to be a Gangster (DVD) – So a guy name Jack who runs  a scam with a partner on so called high rollers to make easy money and feel like they are some kind of a gangster, why the name of the film. But when Jack and his partner get in some trouble with a big mob boss, after paying the price Jack does some snooping around town and finds out the so called big mob boss is low on the totem pole and gets him screwed over. Because of this Jack is rewarded with being a part of the real gangster world. But as usual an unlucky Jack makes a bad mistake and in the gangster world that is never a good thing as Jack is left for dead chained to a tree in the middle of nowhere. And here is where the Jack’s story gets interesting. The film is not your typical paint by numbers gangster flick and is rich with the story of Jack’s character. Jack and his tale of being a gangster will suck you in to the point you find yourself watching it a second time. I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at .

Curse of the Blue Lights (VHS) – A low budget zombie flick from the late 80s that spent all its money on zombie make-up and none on sets and actors. Some kids follow some blue lights along the riverbank after telling the local legend only to eventually be tracked down by some hideous talking ghouls and eventually eaten. The movie does not move along well but the cool looking evil ghouls who are trying to get the medallion to rule the world or at least bring a fucked up statue to life are the highlight of this John Henry Johnson horror flick. Never heard of the film before I watched it and reviewed it and most likely for good reason as I give it 1 ½ stars.


Drive Angry (DVD) – Nic Cage in 3-D! Any other time that would most likely suck but this film fits Nic Cage like a glove and is a hot mess of a muscle car driving demon from hell looking to save his daughter kind of film. Cage isn’t so much a demon as much as a dead man named Milton who escaped hell after his daughter was viciously killed and her baby stolen by a hippie priest who believes he is preparing for a new world… This film borders on the insane as you forgive the film’s CG heavy scenes for the absolutely crazy shit that happens as Milton is trying to find his granddaughter. Between the car chases, Milton shooting people’s hands and legs off, and the ultra-hot Amber Heard fighting her ex-boyfriend you are just bombarded with one hell of a great flick that you don’t get to see often. Come on drink the Kool-Aid and strap yourself in because this flick is Cage’s best since Con Air! I give the flick 3 ½ stars.


Zombiethon (VHS) – First released in the mid-80s by Wizard Video is compilation of movie clips from such zombie film classics: Zombie, Zombie Lake, The Invisible Dead, etc., with little clips of film in between where women are being forced to a theater full of zombies watching Zombiethon. It’s like a zombie version of Terror in the Aisles. The film has been rereleased recently under Charles Band’s Grindhouse label for horror fans to own again. It’s fun to watch once but it’s not the same as it was when the film first came out since most if not almost all films are more available to horror and zombie fans these days. I give it 2 stars.


Sheena (VHS) – A very boring movie that stars Beastmaster’s Tanya Roberts as a jungle woman much like Tarzan where her parents were killed during a cave-in and a witch doctor raises her. Now grown, people threaten to take over her tribe’s land and she must fight them to stop them from taking over the land. If I want to watch her best flick I’ll stick with Beastmaster I give the flick a ½ star.

Tales from Mutantville (DVD) – Another independent anthology of short films that comes off more like “Tales from the Darkside” and looks much more professionally done than most independent anthologies. Tales from Mutantville has the goddess or Muticia the goddess introduce and say her final thoughts of the three films that are shown. The first is Indigo Child from S. Brent Bowers about a series of murders in a small town that may involve a priest? The second film is Family Fiend from George ‘Geo’ Blalock where people are trapped in a cabin and they most get murdered. The third and final film is Scarecrow at Midnight from J.T. McRoberts that involves a girl named Sonya who just wanted to mind her own business on Halloween until some old friends pay her a visit. But there was also two short films in the extras and one of them Devil Come Down might be the gem of the DVD as it’s a story of a zombie’s point of view and its fear… But also look around the menus and you’ll find an Easter egg that just happens to be the abandoned film in 2003-2004 by Mutantville Productions and also their first project called “Zombie Hunter”. Again the anthology was very professionally done and has a much different feel than most independent anthologies as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can support Mutantville Productions and purchase the film at .


Deadly Eyes (VHS) – This has always been the one giant rat film I have never seen. Well I got to see part of it long ago but it always seem like it was hard for me to find it… until now. The 1982 horror film was adapted from a book called “The Rats” which the film uses the title in many other countries when it was released to video in 1983. The giant rats are caused by some steroided up corn feed on the docks that is burned becauseof it being contaminated. This causes the rats to move into the city’s sewer system and soon into the back alleys biting and attacking random victims. One of the random victims just happens to be a toddler they fucking tear to shreds which was a gruesome but very cool scene! And we can’t forget Scatman Crothers who goes into the sewer system for the Department of Health only to get his face chewed on by these shitty looking prop rats. The prop rats really look like shit but they more than made up for it with the face eating, baby shredding, neck chomping gore that goes on. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.


Now you can visit me at my new website: !!!

Any comments or questions please send to:, or . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle, Cory, and I talking about horror and action flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: and

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but The Abomination shirt also!!!!