Monthly Archives: August 2020

Bloodbaths and Boomsticks drops another three episodes for yinz to check out!

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As we endure more of the hellish year of our lord 2020 we return to give you 3 more genre flicks to talk about.  First Kyle brings you a 2020 jam from his beloved Australia in RELIC.   Then Jon takes a hint from fans and talks about an oldie but a goodie in HOUSE from 1986.  And finally Tim picks a flick that will probably end up on a lot of folk’s top 10 of the year in WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS.  We also chat about such mundane things as football, stuff and places that are on out bucket lists, why jumping out of planes is a bad idea, Hulu’s into The Dark series, And Kyle’s recent bamboozlement into watching Footloose and Dirty Dancing at a drive-in.  So download this episode or Patrick Swayze won’t help you out with an abortion.  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Another week in the books and another show for your ear drums.  This week John picks an all-time cheese fest in MEGAFORCE.  Tim picks a seldom seen made for TV movie in ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE.  And Kyle strikes back with his all-time Fulci jam with HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY.  Also on this show we talk about such fantastic topics as the unfortunate death of genre vet John Saxon, John watches one of the weirdest Charles Bronson flicks; Tim catches a weird CHUD fish in the river, The staff of Gilgamesh, and Bob the worst child in all of Italian cinema.  So download this episode or the good guys won’t win… even in 2020.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

As the pandemic rolls on we continue down the road of podcasting only to bump into one of our favorite dudes DANNO KLONOWSKI as he joins us in our first “WHAT IF” episode.  This episode consists of us exploring what is, what was and what could have been in the world of cinema.  And we wander some weird roads like what would be the last movie we would want to see made if the world ends, what movie franchise we would like to see another installment in.  And we also chat about such topics as the wonder of 4K HD, the resurgence of Drive-ins, and the state of chaos in the good ole USA.  And a ton of other topics.  So download this episode or we will build a murderdozer and murder your town.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #511

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Gross Movie Reviews #511

 

Deep Blue Sea 3 (On Demand) – This time around has Dr. Collins and her team working the summers at a shark nursery where sharks come by to give birth. The crew is studying the effect of climate change and what is happening to the sharks but a wrench is thrown in the study when Dr. Collins ex-boy toy shows up. The ex and mercs are there because they been tracking the experimental sharks that got away and they need to kill them or capture them by any means! Being the third in the series this sequel doesn’t take a chance but also doesn’t fuck up as it sticks to the formula of recent cheap shark film releases as I give it 2 stars.

 

Tenebrae (DVD) – An early 80s release from Dario Argento where a popular American writer heads out to Rome for a tour of his latest book. Once there things get weird as a serial killer is killing people the same way they are killed in his book. Slowly people connected to the popular writer are being murdered and the police have no clue. But with each death getting closer to the writer and his curiosity getting the better of him he begins investigating who could be the killer? Call it a Giallo, call it a murder/mystery, whatever you consider this horror flick it is considered one of the favorites among Argento fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (DVD) – A few doctors open up a tomb and find an Aztec codex that could lead to a fortune but now these same people fear for their lives as the Black Dragon have got involved. The Black Dragon is a gang of evil dudes who want the gold for themselves and begin killing the doctors for the codex. The last person left with access to the codex enlists two bad ass women wrestlers to help him keep the codex from the evil Prince Fujiyata who heads the Black Dragon. So the group breaks up the codex in a few pieces even though the Prince gets ahold of most of the pieces he is faced with having his judo-fighting sisters wrestle the women wrestling stars in a match for the whole codex! Good of course defeats evil but that isn’t enough as the evil Prince still keeps tabs on the crew as they use the codex to search the tomb and instead of treasure or gold they must face off an Aztec mummy! The 1964 film has its moments and feels like something you may have seen Saturday afternoons on Commander USA during the 80s but it does not have the fun factor of the Santo films as I give it 2 stars.

 

Chainsaw Cheerleaders (DVD) – A mid-2000s flick from independent filmmaking legend Donald Farmer about a witch played by Tiffany Shepis, who casts a spell at her death 500 years ago for her soul to survive forever. Now present day we are introduce to an angry redhead named Dawn who is about to turn 18 and just got screwed over by her boyfriend. Of course Dawn doesn’t take kindly to this and tries to cave in her ex-boyfriend’s face which she is faced with go to jail or join the cheerleader squad. Dr. Lacey played by Debbie Rochon believes it would be good for Dawn in the long term if she can do this. Begrudgingly Dawn joins and her first task is to help the squad sell magazines door-to-door. Well Dawn knocks on the wrong door where she witnesses the witch Lucinda to be conjured up through a portal to her time and now Lucinda wants the angry redhead. Now anybody that gets in-between the two just becomes a part of a bloody path that Lucinda makes on her way to Dawn. Throughout the film Dawn is narrating the story and I do not know if this actually makes the movie better, worse, or just something to move the story along. The film has its fun bloody moments, but could have used more chainsaw (since that was in the title), more Tiffany Shepis as Lucinda (she disappears for various reasons throughout), and the rest seemed like filler at times. I enjoy Donald Farmer’s work but a lot of times it feels uneven to me and what the script calls for and what makes it too film could be two different things? Anyway, it has boobs, blood, and a non-running chainsaw most of the time so see if you feel different about the film than I do as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Science Crazed (DVD) – A man named Dr. Frank injects an unwilling woman with his new formula that makes her pregnant and gives birth to a full grown human within hours! I wouldn’t say human as much as a human monster as he hides his face with toilet paper wrapped around his head. This monster stalks the hallway of a building for most of the film after killing Dr. Frank. With each door that the fiend opens in the same hallway that is shown comes a new situation of human or humans to kill in the most hilarious of ways. My favorite might be the first of follies in this film as we have random aerobics class that has two people go on for ten minutes! I honestly believe this may have been stock footage of someone leaving the camera on and eventually they edited it in because they needed more filler? As the scene goes on I believe all the talking going on in the background is the crew preparing the scene or another scene? Or the runner up scene of the woman who dry humps the fiend for five minutes in a random room! But it gets worse as the fiend enters a cheap motel pool area where only two people can be in the scene at once like a Nintendo game that could only have so many characters on screen at once or everything would slow down… If you are not laughing enough the big reveal at the end when the monster/fiend is unmasked of his toilet paper mask and reveals he looks like someone’s boob with peanut butter smeared all over it. This movie was so terrible it became entertaining and remarkable that someone wanted to issue a special edition of the film and for that I thank those people in charge and give this horrible thing we call a film 2 ½ stars… just because it was that damn funny.

 

Army of Frankensteins (DVD) – Just in case you were worried I don’t abuse myself enough I decided to watch this flick completely sober and that was a mistake I paid for dearly. This recent take on the Mary Shelley story has an old mad scientist who has taken in an orphan that he named Igor of course. This old dude is busy working on a present day Frankenstein and with the help of the kid/orphan he removes an eye from a healthy male who just got turned down by his girlfriend in a grocery store. Of course one thing leads to another as a switch is pushed and we have a portal open from a possible parallel dimension where cloned Frankies just roam the countryside helping the South fight in the Civil War. All get pulled through this portal and they must help the North win the war and possibly save Lincoln! This was possibly the dumbest movie I watched in the past decade and shame on the critics who try to claim this is a B-movie in waiting. That is fucking horseshit as this movie is a big old pile of shit as I give it 0 stars.

 

Black Water: Abyss (On Demand) – Since I can’t get enough of killer crocodile movies I knew I needed to watch this long awaited sequel from Australia that has nothing to do with its predecessor. This around a group of people go spelunking into an unknown cave in hopes of finding something they could make money off of doing tours. But a hideous rain storm causes a cave-in and now they are trapped inside with the water rising and a hungry pissed off croc! If you are looking for a serious “animal attacks film” this should fill the void? Or if you are me you want the actress that plays Jennifer in the movie to die 30 seconds in and I almost got it but it was just a tease… Damn filmmaker as I give this serious giant croc film 2 ½ stars.

Monstrous (On Demand) – Two things before we begin this review: first, yes, it is a Bigfoot film. Second, anything I say after this will spoil the sort of twist it has going for it? Anyway if you are still reading two women meet through a craigslist ad to travel from Michigan to Whitehall, New York in the Adirondack Mountains. Sylvia only takes up the offer with Alex because her brother firmly believes this is the same person that was with his girlfriend Dana before she died. The two travel through a couple states and begin to have a connection but Sylvia still feels like she must lie why she is with Alex until they reach their destination. An isolated cabin in the mountains and finally Sylvia comes clean why she is there while Alex comes clean about the Sasquatch that stalks the outside of her cabin. There are glimpses of the Sasquatch trying to get to the cabin but is not happy when Sylvia’s brother shows up and then it gets real interesting as Sylvia learns by accident Alex is a serial killer! It takes a little while to get where they are going but the payoff was really interesting and that was why I feel bad even writing about the film because it is literally one of those movies you will spoil it soon as you start talking about it. A different concept for an often used creature in horror films recently and really enjoyed the payoff as I give the Bigfoot film 3 stars.

 

Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas (On Demand) – Holy Rutger Hauer, filmmaker Travis Irvine has earned my respect for not only making a killer raccoon movie. But he did it while doing a parody of ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’! We normal lunatics smell our own… But really prisoner Ty Smallwood now named Casey has just got released from jail after serving ten years for underage drinking. He is jumping on a train to Washington D.C. to hang with his dead girlfriend’s sister to explain what happened on the camping trip several years ago? As Darlene wants answers Ranger Rick Danger takes over the train with his raccoon assassins so they can steal data to hold the U.S. hostage while they sell secrets to foreign powers just like the Steven Seagal less liked sequel. Travis and crew not only deliver the goods but I couldn’t stop laughing as film continued on with the Killer Raccoons being the focus throughout unless it was Casey Smallwood. The effort, the passion, and raccoons trained by the C.I.A. with mini machine guns made this the holiday comedy to watch in 2020 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #510

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Gross Movie Reviews #510

 

Camp Killer (Blu-ray) – David Lightfoot is a small town masked serial killer who has supposedly been stalking the woods for years. After the last body count Tina Wilcox just happens to be the lone survivor of the latest slaughter in the woods. But what looks like the usual paint-by-numbers independent slasher flick changes in a heartbeat as minutes later we see the small town sheriff and the notorious killer meet up at the local bar to have a drink together. Their discussion involves how dumb humans can be over the past 30 years as they keep coming back to the woods to get killed. But here is the kicker there is a story behind why the brothers are making sure many people keep getting killed over and over. Thirty years ago they made a pact with the devil and they are almost at 666 kills, then its retirement for the brothers. But if Tina has it her way the brothers will get it in the end. This was an enjoyable, smart, very bloody slasher film that separates itself from the usual slashers as I like to give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Maniac Farmer (Blu-ray) – A punk named “Blasphemous Rex” is about petty crime, he is all about the violence and how his little gang of punks needs to step it up in their country bumpkin town. Rex wants to kill people for no reason, no motive, just to keep the police guessing as they try to track down the mysterious killings of this country town. But next on Rex’s list is a quiet farmer who doesn’t bother with anyone and takes care of his mother. The farmer of course doesn’t take to kindly to the violence that is trying to be inflicted on him so he captures the punks himself and turns the tables on them. The film isn’t bad at all it just should never run longer than 30 minutes. It gets to the point quickly and just becomes a dull mess that you see the ending coming immediately as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Ark of the Sun God (YouTube) – A mid-80s adventure film about a master thief that is set up by a former agent of Scotland Yard; to do an impossible job in Istanbul. Rick Spear (David Warbeck) is talked into searching for a mysterious scepter by this Lord Dean. Starts off kind of interesting but becomes full schlock by the halfway point and keeps going downhill from there. I give this mess 1 ½ stars.

Her Name Was Christa (DVD/Vimeo) – James L. Edwards an independent acting vet dips his toe into the writing and directing waters with this curious project. The plot involves a man named Steve who is in his 40s, single, and just quietly going through life. Then one day at work Steve meets a new co-worker who becomes quick friends with Steve and believes Steve needs to get back out in the dating scene. But Steve is looking for love not a quickie! The new best friend pressures Steve into trying a hooker and eventually explaining “The Girlfriend Experience”. First time out goes bad but by accident Steve strikes it rich when he is eating at a diner alone. When Steve sees a pretty young lady out front and strikes up a conversation, Candy soon becomes interested in the arrangement they make for Candy to be the fake girlfriend. After several dates and things going well for both Steve loses his job after a disagreement but Candy/Christa admit her love for Steve and wants to take it to the next level. I could see the plot twist coming but surprised how far it goes… Is Steve just broken or insane in this slow burn film that takes a creepy and uncomfortable turn in the third act that will have the sleaze hounds applauding for hours afterward? A very twisted love story with an insane payoff as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Blood Vessel (On Demand) – It is almost the end of World War II and there is survivors in a raft that got off their sinking ship but are in much bigger danger as they have no food or water. Hopeless and not sure what they can do a German ship comes near but no one is aboard. With no other alternative the survivors board the ghost ship. They find food but also see the ship is about to blow if they do not turn the engines off and let them cool? But the survivors soon find themselves in even a worse situation when they figure out they are not alone and the cargo on the German ship is alive… sort of. From there it turns into a wonderful creature filled bloodbath as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gehenna: Where Death Lives (DVD) – Paulina is heading to a resort in Saipan to see if it is ripe for a real estate transaction. The land is considered sacred by the natives but they also believe it is cursed. Paulina and her crew just need to make sure they get the whole layout before they go on with the sale but during the surveying they find an old bunker from WWII. The group goes exploring so there is no surprises during the construction of the new resort. But once in the group is locked into the bunker and things begin to change and they must face an unknown evil. Not a bad concept of a film but the upsetting part is once you have watched it you will say “there isn’t any point to it?” For that I can only give the film a ½ star for Lance Henriksen showing up for 30 seconds.

I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker (DVD) – It is present day and we meet the great grandchildren of Jonathan Harker. Yes, that Harker from the famous Dracula story. Well his great grandchildren are dysfunctional and they still own the skull of the last vampire killed in 1912. The Harker family is given one week to leave their home as they have no money to keep it. Now a serial necro-rapist invades their home to rob them of their riches they do not have and instead unleashes a vampire into the town when he bleeds on the skull before he dies accidentally. The Harker family and best friend don’t wannabe caught with a dead body so they dump it which when found rumors start about vampires and the Harkers have come with an idea to save their home. This lower budgeted horror comedy hits on all the right notes and is one big gore fest when needed as I give it 4 stars. And if that wasn’t enough they promise werewolves in the sequel.

 

Book of Monsters (On Demand) – Sophie when she was a kid always had her mom read her stories of these monsters in this weird book until one night a monster took her mom away. Now it’s her 18th birthday and her friends are doing it right for her until monsters that took her mom are now crashing Sophie’s party! As the monster bloodbath occurs Sophie must rally the friends and put a stop to the murdering monsters before they capture Sophie and use her for their spell! I really enjoyed the film for its monsters; the whole backstory of Sophie’s mom was “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but my only complaint was it felt choppy in parts. But this horror film is still a must watch for monster fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Barge People (DVD) – Two couples head off to the countryside to hang out and party in a barge that slowly moves down the stream. Unbeknownst to them besides the weirdo couple they pissed off and now this country couple wants a piece of them, they are being stalked. This isn’t your ordinary stalker but some weirdo mutant creatures that seek outsiders and take them to their own barge for lunch. They are quick, strong, and ugly! If you just need a weirdo creature feature ‘The Barge People’ will give you your fix as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Glerbrot (DVD) – Or for most people the title is ‘Broken Glass’ a TV flick from Iceland in 1988. Bjork plays a young woman whose family commits her because she never listens or comes home on time. Once there is she is abused until she escapes and meets up with her boyfriend. Or all you need to know is an Iceland art film. I give it 0 stars because I was hoping for some crazy Icelandic monsters and shit!

 

Sinners (DVD) – A short film about a man who died during an accident for three minutes and has come back different. He goes to a church to bare his soul but is really there to kill him! Pretty cool concept I give 3 out of 4 stars too.

 

Lady in the Walls (DVD/YouTube) – A short film where the plot of the film about a boarding school in 1958 where two older girls take the younger new girl into a den with history and tell her the story of the “Lady in the Walls”. Of course they just try to scare her and shut off the lights only for her to disappear. Years later an old woman goes to see if the legend is still true. I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scared to Death (DVD/YouTube) – This short film involving the famous Drew Marvick who has a zombie knocking at his door. Next thing you know Drew is running for his life as he believes the zombie invasion is on! I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Play Time (DVD/YouTube) – In this short film a woman is being haunted by a terrifying spirit in her home. This wasn’t horrible but there wasn’t much substance to it as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

The Family that Prays (DVD) – A short film that has a group of young people going to their local haunted attraction. But this haunted attraction is looking for dinner and they have some help… I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Vibes (DVD) – A hilarious film about two psychics (Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldblum) hired by Peter Faulk to help find his son in Ecuador. Once there they learn they are there actually to find the “City of Gold”. Along the way the two psychics start to fall for each other but must help to get to the “City of Gold” first as there are others looking for it for evil reasons including their doctor friend played by Julian Sands! There they find out it isn’t gold but the epicenter of psychic energy that could have someone rule the world. Yeah it is a super corny movie but Cyndi Lauper is hilarious, Goldblum is Goldblum, we got Julian Sands (Warlock himself), and fucking Colombo people! This will be a rewatch down the line for sure as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!