Gross Movie Reviews #433

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Gross Movie Reviews #433

 

Black Water (DVD) – We have a killer action flick on a super-secret sub starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, and Patrick Kilpatrick. JCVD is Wheeler who gets caught up in a double cross over a thumb-drive that has secrets that can be sold worldwide. Patrick Kilpatrick is the man who has brought him in and transporting him on a C.I.A. black ops sub that doesn’t exist. Wheeler’s neighboring cellmate just happens to be a German named Marco played by Dolph who cannot be killed because he knows too much and may be to high profile? When things get double-crossed again and no one to trust as people are being killed on the sub Wheeler turns to Marco for help. The movie plays out like “Under Siege” on a sub which isn’t a bad thing. The film is a lot of fun especially because of the Marco character but just feel more could have been done with this action flick. It’s good but not great and potential to be great as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Moon (VHS) – An Australian slasher film from 1990 about an all-girls Catholic high school and its students being stalked and killed by an unknown killer. When a girl and her boyfriend disappear no one blinks an eye except for her best friend who feels something could be going on? But honestly she isn’t too worried as she goes to a dance and meets a dreamy dude who snuck into their dance. Soon more girls disappear and the police begin snooping around a creepy Science teacher who he and his wife have a secret? This flick is your scraping the barrel kind of slasher film that doesn’t have much substance. Remember its 1990 so I am sure this was made on mostly on the cheap. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Raiders of Atlantis (DVD) – Hey remember that “Cannibal Holocaust” Deodato dude? Well he made a bunch of other movies for those who may not know. And this gem is a wonderful must-see mess! Released in 1983 under the title “Atlantis Interceptors” in some countries takes “The Road Warrior” rip-off to a whole other off the wall level. Off the coast of Florida some scientists have found an artifact at the bottom of the ocean that proves the existence of Atlantis. They are going to try and move a sunken Russian sub to investigate more. When moved, the sea floor opens, a tidal wave destroys the scientific ocean platform, and a biker gang led by ‘fish bowl man’ begins murdering people on the mainland. The “Atlantis Interceptors” are back to take the mainland from these dumb humans! Never mind asking why they have customized motorcycles with swords on them and cars with guns on them? Just except this mess of a plot hole and thank me later for enjoying a great post-apocalyptic movie about two dudes trying to save the world by flying into Atlantis and fucking shit up! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Kindergarten Cop 2 (DVD) – So twenty some years later they decided to make a sequel with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is a F.B.I. agent who goes undercover to question six year olds about a flash drive their old teacher may have hidden? The drive has all the identities of everyone in witness protection. Of course hijinks ensue but not nearly as funny as the original from 1990 starring Arnold. But it had Dolph so I know I am in it for at least one watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Welcome to Willits (DVD) – This odd horror flick was a very nice little surprise from 2016. A girl (Anastasia Baranova from “Z Nation”) home from college in her little Northern California town has an uncle and aunt that have a huge weed crop they protect. Her uncle believes aliens are trying to steal his crop and do weird shit to him. This all started when he substituted something in his batch of meth not too long ago and his visions of aliens and a Dolph Lundgren cop show ‘Fists of Justice’ continue to get worse. What doesn’t help is some campers are staying nearby and stumble upon the crop and war is declared as the uncle believes he is killing aliens. This flick is a funny and unexpected gore fest! To give an extra twist is Rory Culkin who shows up as the weird hitchhiker picked up by the campers to give it that extra creep but fun horror factor. Movie fans this is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (DVD) – Since I have seen one and three it was only fair I eventually checked out the Uwe Boll sequel starring Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is Granger in present day. Granger gets pulled into a time warp which takes him to a distant time where he is called “The Chosen One”. He is deceived into thinking he must go up a mountain and kill the ‘Holy Mother’ who leads the ‘Dark Ones’. But he finds out the truth from the Holy Mother that he is placed into the future as an orphan to potentially return and save them all from the evil king who has deceived all who follow him. Granger’s future world depends on him stopping the king’s evil plan of a plague. Apparently they ran out of Jason Statham money and Uwe Boll had a leftover script from his “House of the Dead” projects and you have this… I give the fantasy flick 1 star.

 

4 Got 10 (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, and Michael Pare are all wrapped up together in this tale of a man who forgets who he is and has a van full of drugs and money. As the man tries to remember what happened, a crooked cop kills the wrong partner and a DEA agent and a drug lord have questions. Your typical direct-to-HULU/NETFLIX jams for weirdoes like me who believe those three names are always gold for action flicks. Or at least worth one watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Children of the Corn: Runaway (DVD) – So John Gulager needed a paycheck so “hey we need someone to direct the ninth entry into this useless series only Tim Gross watches?” A woman named Ruth is trying to escape her past with a cult that killed all their parents over a decade ago. She left when pregnant so her son would have a chance in the normal world. Of course evil has followed her and wants her son. The film isn’t terrible but if you are having trouble sleeping this might help you as I give it 1 star.

 

Hellraiser: Judgment (DVD) – Of course this tenth entry sucked a huge double bag of dicks! Think remake of the fifth entry “Inferno”? If you remotely know what I am talking about please turn away and don’t watch because it will make you feel stupid and angry. For the love of DOUG BRADLEY, $350,000 budget! Thank you Dimension Films for releasing another hot pile donkey shit into the world and just insulting horror movie fans, Clive Barker, and humans in general. Worst movie of 2018! Wait question what is worse? Jeepers Creepers 3 or this entry into the so-called Hellraiser series? Hold on I think I need to go drown myself in the tub while I slit my wrists at the same time. Crap film gets crap move on folks.

Surviving Evil (DVD) – So Billy Zane plays an adventure dude who does a survival show for a cable channel. Zane and his crew head to a supposedly haunted island in the Philippines to shoot their latest episode of the TV show. One of the crew knows of the legends on the island but is choosing to ignore them as he has other motives of why he is there. This crew member knows of Japanese gold that is hidden on the island and is willing to risk his friends and his own life for the payoff. But the legend becomes real when shape-shifting tribe of demons show up and sniff out one of the crew is pregnant. Apparently pregnant women to these cool demons are Yuengling to me? The movie has some great build up, Billy Zane being Billy Zane, lots of gore, and really interesting demon things! This pleasant horror film feels like a really awesome SyFy Channel film that was too awesome to be on the “Sharknado” network. This film gets 3 really kick ass demon stars.

 

Kickboxer: Retaliation (DVD) – In case you haven’t had your fill of these movies JCVD’s character Durand is blinded by a fight promoter and must help Kurt Sloane train again. But this isn’t any ordinary fight as the fight promoter is Christopher Lambert and he is a ruthless rich bastard that wants Sloan to fight a chemically enhanced fighter. So Lambert kidnaps Sloan’s wife and gets Sloan arrested and thrown into a Bangkok prison. There Sloan trains with Mike Tyson and JCVD now that he has no choice to defend his title. If you are an action film fan this will be your bonerjam or your Viagra until they give us another Jason Statham action flick? Really enjoying JCVD doing another one of these as I give it 3 stars and yes Mike Tyson still looks scary even when he is acting.

 

Dune Warriors (DVD) – A post-apocalyptic B-movie mess from 1990, the Corman group producing, and stars David Carradine. A small village is being taken over by some warlords for their water. A woman in the village has had enough and goes out to hire five warriors to help defend the village. If you like watching dumb ass shit like me you’ll enjoy it. Let’s just say it isn’t “Deathsport” or “Battletruck”. I give it barely one Carradine as he was barely there for the paycheck.

 

Lunatics: A Love Story (DVD) – This oddity is truly a love story that stars Ted Raimi as Hank, who is a writer and has not left his apartment in six months. A huge part of it is he keeps having delusions of spiders and a doctor (Bruce Campbell) trying to cut him or give him a shot. His life changes when he believes he is calling a dating line and it happens to be a pay phone. The phone is picked up by Deborah Foreman’s character Nancy, who believes she is a jinx. She just got done getting thrown out of her hotel room, dumped by her boyfriend, and shot a gang member in the foot. On a whim Nancy accepts Hank’s invite to his apartment. Nancy tries to look past all the foil and Hank’s weirdness and they connect for their love of poetry. But Nancy believing she is a jinx runs away only to force Hank to overcome his fear of leaving the apartment to go get the girl. Josh Becker put together a hilarious tale with a great cast that I believe the studios were unsure of how to advertise. When someone brings up you should watch a love story with them go with this flick as I give it 3 ½ stars and you won’t be disappointed or bored.

 

Nightflyers (VHS) – I keep getting this confused with the Stephen Machet flick with killer bats. But this is the 1987 space flick starring Catherine Mary Stewart who is a part of a crew that gets on a ship that might be alive? They are off on a mission and become more curious as they never meet the captain and the Class 10 telepath on board keeps warning them bad shit is going to happen to them. The ship computer controls everything including her son Royd who must have seen “The Last Starfighter” and “Night of the Comet” and realizes how hot Ms. Stewart is and begins to converse with her. Some boring space shit happens, then the ship tries to kill them all, and we get a scene where the telepath gets his face cut in half by a laser “Intruder-style”. Outside of the really cool death by laser scene; the movie seems to suffer several things including many rewrites most likely. But hey it is being remade into a TV show so there is that as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Argoman: The Fantastic Superman (YouTube) – Oh the shit I couldn’t make up? Sir Reginald Hoover is Argoman. An Italian Batman clone who believes saving the world and keeping peace. But also he loses his powers for six hours if he bangs hot women of 1967. Argoman’s nemesis Jenabell is busy stealing a crown and forcing France to give her all their money. When that isn’t going on Sir Reginald is busy boning Jenabell and will capture her when the time is right. The rest of the movie is Argoman escaping custody and just seeing what else he can do for fun with his amazing powers. The movie doesn’t a whole lick of sense but I was entertained and laughed several times and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

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We again are lazy and have a crapload of episodes for you!

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We return this week with Tim talking about what happens when William Zabka and the little freaky kid from Children of the Corn join forces to kill a snake menacing Jenny McCarthy and friends in Python and Python 2.  And Kyle covers a nuclear attack flick that has everyone in the world in it in Miracle Mile.  We also have tech talk about how to avoid getting porn viruses, magic fire sticks, post office meth shenanigans; we also got news, reviews, and other nonsensical acting.  PLUS Flash Gordon! 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week it’s all Stephen King all the time.  We talk about the entire King films (except the questionable sequels… lawnmower Man 2 we’re looking at you).  Also we got news on our new podcast that deals entirely with Tim’s crazy ass neighborhood, Sharknado 6 bullshit, and our fledgling Sims Graveyard Shift mill management video game.  Satanic Slurpee machines and where to find them, We discover the greatest Sasquatch mattress based commercial of all time and it’s pure god damn GOLD!  Also Kyle gets old and turns 40…                  (Kill me)

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week Kyle rectifies a great injustice in the world and finally makes Tim watch EXPLORERS for the first time.  And in turn Kyle covers a slightly hidden gem from the mid 80’s in 1988’s HBO stalwart PULSE.  also we got Kyle’s state finally getting to buy a beer like a free man on a Sunday,  the numerous we haven’t won a Rondo award,  Kyle’s massive hatred for KISS, the top ten underrated slasher movies, and finally we talk about finally getting a god damn BLACK DYNAMITE 2!!! (Kinda). 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

New episode is up my friends!

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This week we take a look at a sequel to an underappreciated sports/comedy flick in GOON: LAST OF THE ENFORCERS and Tim talks about a genre classic DEMON WIND (or as Kyle calls it Bootleg Evil Dead) Also, we talk about what we think are the best sports flicks, hockey fights, that time that Kyle thought The Florida Project was a found footage horror flick.  So, download this if you love hockey hair!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

A little less than six months to go till… GROSSFEST!

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Hello people, independent horror movie fans, vendors, authors, fellow geeks. Quite a few people have recently ask, “What is the goal of Grossfest?”

 

The goal of Grossfest isn’t just to have fun but to do a film festival, convention, whatever you wanna call it a little bit different. Grossfest is not here to compete with the local Steel City Con, Living Dead Festival, or even Horror Realm at The Hollywood Theater. Grossfest is an idea that yes, started off as a joke but was always an idea of something that I have always wanted to do. It’s an idea that has been rolling around in my head for many years. Hell, some of the people who got to see the Bastards of Horror film festival years ago at Horror Realm knew I always would like to do something like this. The point of this idea is to have an event once a year with help that will cater to independent filmmakers, independent actors, their films, independent authors, and celebrate them. Give them another platform to show off their work! Instead of the Indy people being only a small part of the event how about make them the biggest and best part of the event?

 

I want this event to not only be something I have always enjoyed for so many years about low budget and independent movies. But how about have an event where not only focuses on these cool talented people but introduce them to a crowd of film lovers and geeks that may not know them or only heard of them. Plus, have the filmmakers and so on meet each other filmmakers, gain new fans, etc. Also we all know conventions can be expensive believe me I have been there done that for years. The other part of the goal of Grossfest for me and the others behind it is we are not in it for the money, but to celebrate the independent genre. So that means keeping costs of tickets and vendor spaces low so we can do this every year at the same location! As I always said, “you never know when meeting these talented people and seeing their films when you might be introduced to the next Tom Savini or George Romero or KNB FX group?”

 

By some chance the event isn’t successful a really cool person, Tim Wilder (R.I.P.) said to me, “Order pizza and turn it into a party. All of our friends will be there anyway and there will be awesome movies!” And that I can never argue.

 

So if you are interested in being a vendor, contact us (grossfest@gmail.com) tables are only $50. Just a fan or wanna see what all the fuss is about tickets will be $10 at the door.  You are a filmmaker or producer that has a feature or a short film? We are taking those. Of course we already have our main lineup of films but we do have a segment where the best feature and short film sent to us will have a spot in the movie lineup but also win a “Grossfest” award! And again if successful my hope is to have another movie room to show off even more independent movies…

 

Guest list:

Todd Sheets

Brian Paulin

Thomas Berdinski

Jim Roberts

Eliza Jayne

Steve Rudzinski

Justin M. Seaman 

Zane Hershberger

 

Nick Charles

Terrence Main

 

All are welcome to the Grossfest event and if you have questions or want more details about the hotel go to www.grossfest.com or the Grossfest Facebook group page. Otherwise I will see yinz all in less than six months on July 28th, 2018 at The George Washington Hotel in Washington, Pa.

 

P.S. Thank you to the people who are taking a chance and standing behind this event and putting their time and money into it.

 

#grossfest2018 , #grossfest

 

Thank yinz,

Tim Gross

New episode up as we take a look at what might happen in 2018?

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This week Tim and Kyle put on some funny looking glasses and look into the future to talk about the upcoming films of 2018.  We also do the normal of reading viewer mail, and reviewing the films that we watched this week.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #426

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Gross Movie Reviews #426

 

Mayhem (DVD) – Imagine if “The Belko Experiment” was done better with a simpler plot to it. The new virus that is affecting people around the globe is the ‘red eye virus’. This virus doesn’t kill you as it attacks your brain and makes you just not care. Some people it affects them sexually, some people it gives them angry rage, and so on. The point is this law firm with the help many people that work long and hard for the company found a way to get a man off for murder who killed a co-worker during the time he was infected with the virus. The CDC is aware of it and constantly trying to find a cure for it. But someone has put the virus into the water supply of the law firm and now it is on lockdown. Not before the dude that found the loop hole is fired and a woman his company is screwing over is supposed to be thrown out. Because of the lockdown the two decide to make a pact to make their way to the top in a gruesome, murderous, sexually charged rampage to kill the president of the company because they wouldn’t be blamed. Great concept for a film, gory as fuck, and absolutely entertaining as hell as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Mummy (DVD) – So if you get through the first 15 minutes of the film of Tom Cruise being Tom Cruise and check your brain at the door you will enjoy this flick for what it is? Now I was expecting a giant turd but it never happened. It is a cheesy, wonderful throwback idea of how to start the “Dark Universe” saga. Tom Cruise is a guy who uses the military to dig up artifacts and sell them on the black market until the 30 something cute professor gets involved and both unleash something evil that the world thousands of years ago buried. The Mummy or princess turned to the blackest of magic when her father had a son to make a pact. Now alive in present day she wants to complete the pact to bring evil upon the world and her to reign as king or queen in this case. But with the introduction of Dr. Jekyll as the Nick Fury character he has other plans. The movie is interesting enough to take a chance on and it is shameful that Universal Studios gave up so easy on this “Dark Universe” concept. Me personally I want it to happen, don’t give two shits whether Tom Cruise is involved or not as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Double Target (DVD) – Oh Bruno Mattei aka Vincent Dawn I so wanted to love your bootleg ‘Rambo 2’ 1987 flick that stars Miles o’ Keefe as bootleg Lorenzo Lamas or Bob in this case. But it gets boring pretty quick. Donald Pleasance plays a senator who wants a covert operation into Vietnam that makes sure the Vietnam and Russia aren’t planning some kind of terror attack. Bob just wants to go in rescue his son. Once you understand Mr. Pleasance was there for maybe a day of filming you lose interest in this action war flick that is a little too light on the action as I give it 1 star.

 

Jigsaw (DVD) – It has been a decade since the last Jigsaw murders and the death of Jigsaw aka Tobin Bell’s character. But a recent police chase of a two bit drug dealer to a roof reopens an investigation into the murders as apparently Jigsaw is back or so it seems? A police detective wrapped up in the investigation thinks he has the suspect knowing Jigsaw is dead but Jigsaw is always one step ahead in this prequel, sequel as usual they are still making shit up as they go! It wasn’t terrible but I think I am hung up on the fact I liked what they were starting in the last film with the victims of Jigsaw having their ‘AA’ meetings. It felt like it was setting up a slew of other Jigsaw flicks that were going to go in a different direction? I give this flick 2 stars.

 

Zombies: The Beginning (DVD) – One of the last films for Bruno Mattei aka Vincent Dawn goes back to the reimaging cookie jar one more time as he remakes “Aliens” sort of with zombies soap opera style. Armed forces are sent to an island where a zombie outbreak has been reported. Tyler Inc., has been experimenting with humans and now the island has become overrun with the undead. The Special Forces go in in hopes of rescuing the scientists but instead have to fight off hordes of flesh eaters. Not his best work in the zombie genre but you know I had to watch it as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Island of the Living Dead (DVD) – Vincent Dawn had one last zombie film in him before he left this great earth and horror fans. This film centers around Treasure Hunters who get stranded on an island that has the undead and a crap load of gold. About 500 years ago the Spaniards were happy and rich until a plague hit turning them all into zombies and they are controlled by a being who wants them to obey and worship it. Meanwhile the treasure hunters are risking life and limb trying to figure out how they can get the gold off the island. If there was a rave it could have been called “House of the Dead”? I give it 1 star.

 

Yellow Fangs (DVD/YouTube) – A 1990 movie directed by Sonny Chiba based on true events that happen in the mountains of Japan in the winter of 1915. A ridiculous huge bear went from village to village attacking women and dragging them deep into the snowy mountains. So of course a hunting party gets together trying to track down this murderous beast. Great killer bear flick worth tracking down that is also known as “Remains” or I like to call the film “Grizzly 3”. I give this wonderful killer bear film 3 stars.

 

Another Kind (DVD) – A few young people get together to on a trip to the mountains mid-winter to enjoy something different? After the one dude’s stuck up girlfriend leaves and the threesome see some lights at night that wake them strange things begin to happen. As they try to decide whether to hike back or press on they get lost and weird things keep happening. Think “Blair Witch” in the winter with aliens. I give this bare bones film 1 ½ stars.

 

Blade Runner 2049 (DVD) – The sequel picks up 30 years later after the first film’s events where the Tyrell Corp., bankrupt and was bought out by the Wallace Corp. They continue to make replicants but have learned from their mistakes and still hope for them to take over the human population. A Blade Runner comes across a typical non-violent replicant that as long lived longer than he should but something is different and this Blade Runner has found evidence of something that is linked to the legendary Officer Deckard. Deckard mysteriously disappeared 30 years ago and leads this new Blade Runner down a worm hole of something that could change the world or possibly put it into complete chaos! Again visually beautiful like the first film but can be a little boring but for me this film came about 20 years to late as I give it 2 stars.

Skip Trace (Blu-ray) – Jackie Chan is Bennie a lifelong cop for the Hong Kong police who has no family except a girl who is the daughter of his former partner that he swore he would watch over. Johnny Knoxville is a lifetime hustler/gambler/con man who gets mixed up with the Chinese mob when he sees a murder and has “the Matador’s” phone. On top of that the Russian mob is looking for him as he knocked up the main man’s only daughter. It is up to Bennie to get Connor Watts back from Russia over the China border to testify and put this notorious mob to rest. Jackie is getting a little older but that doesn’t stop him from doing a crapload of entertaining stunts and Knoxville being the perfect sidekick for Jackie. I really would like to see a few more movies with these two together as I believe they have some untapped chemistry? I give this entertaining as usual Jackie Chan film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

 

Three new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week we mess with the rabbit ears,  and screw with the cables all in order to tune in some fuzzy boobs as we cover three of the best 80’s teen boner jams in JOYSTICKS, HARDBODIES, and PRIVATE SCHOOL.  Also we talk about the do’s and don’ts of women’s fashion,  drunken parents, pool parties, ex’ porn stars, and all sorts of other tomfoolery.  

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com

 

This week we talk about a flick that was made by some of the people behind the immortal SPOOKIES in INVASION OF THE MINDBENDERS.  Also, we take a look at the workplace violence flick MAYHEM.  Also,  Kyle celebrates his beloved Cleveland Browns not winning a single game this season,  Why we think the NFL is fixed,  the origin of our president Donald Trump.  CHUD breeding, and a ton of other horseshit.   

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com

 

 

This week we celebrate one of the hardest working dudes in all of movieland with our first annual JACKIE CHANS-MAS as we cover his new flick THE FOREIGNER.  And also we talk about the Dick Butkis
epic HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE.  Join us as we talk about such topics as fighting Pittsburgh CHUDS in the extreme cold, what we used to do on school cancellation snow days,  pooping in WWII, and we reminisce about Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com

 

Bloodbaths and Boomsticks Year in Review of 2017

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This week we return to close out what was another year in the books, and another year closer to the eventual robot apocalypse.  So join us in our yearly tradition of running down out top 10 movies that we saw in the year that was 2017 with our normal guest host T-SHIRT JOE. Along the way we will be talking about the usual topics of what we watched this week,  race relations, and CHUD uprisings.  So join us as we close out the year with a fizzle and a fart.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #424

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Gross Movie Reviews #424

 

The Lost Tribe (DVD) – A scientific group is sent to a small island where it is believed lost natives still live there cut off from the rest of the world. The point is explore and prove that the missing link does exist as its worth millions. But things change when Lance Henriksen shows up to take the evidence and kill anyone there. Things get even more ut of control when a small boat shipwrecks on the island and finds whats left of base camp. Blood, broken shit everywhere and the shipwrecked people feel like they are not alone. They are not as these lost natives still live and like to hunt humans! The box art looks kinda like a ‘Predator’ rip-off but still cool, the story sounds good, but when watching it just seems the movie got too much going on when it should have just focused on the tribe. I give this flick 2 stars.

 

Lovelace (DVD) – A film that documents or reacts the rise and fall of the woman known as Linda Lovelace. Anybody over the age of 30 knows the name or has at least googled it, or even stumbled upon her work at some point. The young woman basically change the porn industry as her film “Deep Throat” brought porn into the mainstream. The porn she starred in played in many mainstream theaters and was a milestone for the business in the 70s. That was only part of the story as Ms. Lovelace spent the rest of her life trying to not be a part of the business that used her to grow it worldwide. After an abusive husband and a bad time of seeing the shitfest the porn business could be at the time she just wanted a normal life and move on. A great film that gives you the inside stuff on what really happened throughout her life as she said, “She was only in the business for 17 days.” I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Operation: Endgame (DVD) – A well produced under the radar action/comedy about the changing of the president from Bush to Obama as the back drop. The two branches of the secret government in their underground lair go ape shit on each other when their secret lair goes on lockdown. No escape as they are about to be purged unless they find out who killed their superior. It is a comedy but there is some really surprising brutal fight scenes and a bit of gore. And the cast isn’t your no name just starting in the business type of cast, this film has some vets that I will not name just so you go watch this very amazing movie. This is a treat we old people would find from time to time in the video store during the days of straight-to-video. Snowed in, rainy day, calling off work cause they suck a bag of dicks, then look for this flick as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

Dark Skies (DVD) – This film is like a lost episode of “The X-files” staring Kerri Russell (I don’t know why but she always bothers me ever since showing up on the WB network) and also could be compared to if smashed the films “Paranormal Activity” and “Signs” together? I don’t know if that works for you but Kerri and family keep having strange shit happen to them. They are a well to do family that suddenly has like something randomly coming through the back door at night, setting up puzzles and art work with their chairs and plates, making signs that they are aliens… Being rich white people they do not know how to deal with it until they are accused of child abuse and go visit the crazy dude aka J.K. Simmons and explains aliens are fucking with them. The movie is interesting but yet boring at times too. Different cast or maybe better different pacing of the film could have made this a better watch because the material is there. I give it 2 stars.

 

No One Lives (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was such a pleasant surprise. We have a family of criminals who look for small time heists, people to screw over, cons, etc. Their last job goes bad when they had to kill the people that lived at the house they were robbing early. Upset, they hit the bar and find a normal looking couple that looks like they have money? The innocent couple is moving and just wants left alone but of course that cannot happen. The couple gets taken on a dimly lit road and the criminals believe they got a score that will make up for the last one that went wrong. Things go sideways when the woman of the couple slices her own throat on a knife and they break into the gentlemen’s car only to find a blonde woman tied up in the trunk. Things go to even weirder when they learn this normal looking man is a crazed and beyond smart serial killer that is upset his trophy has been killed. Chaos ensues as the criminals now become the hunted in their own home. Brutal and beautiful at the same time as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

The Machine (DVD) – Its the future and a very bright doctor named Vincent McCarthy is doing research and trying to develop A.I. that will like a human. Lots of tries but it always thinks like a computer. He wants it to be logical. He dreams of a cyborg of sorts that you cannot tell the difference. But also too he is trying make a program, a chip, or parts that would form with the human brain, arm, leg to become one with them. The good doctor is trying this on war vets that have no hope of brain function or missing limbs and no where else to turn. Of course the government that is funding the project wants it as a weapon. The government’s goal is to defeat China in this not too distant future. While looking for an assistant or testing them Dr. McCarthy finds Ava, a woman who has a program of her own that is fond of the good doctor and how he treats the program as an equal. When the higher ups feel Ava and Vincent are getting to close they kill Ava. Dr. McCarthy knows this and builds a prototype robot with Ava in mind. From there the film gets very interesting as it does not take the usual twists you would expect. Enjoyable flick that may explain this reality is not as far away as we common people think as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

It Stains the Sands Red (DVD) – A different kind of zombie flick where a woman forms a relationship with a random zombie out in the desert. When her and the boyfriend get stuck in the sand on the side of the highway they are attacked by a lone zombie. Before I go on I must explain the film opens up with the zombie apocalypse hitting in Vegas and these two are trying to make it to an air field to fly to Mexico! Once the boyfriend is bitten and the woman travels into the desert she spends most of the movie roaming the desert and talking to this lone zombie that keeps shambling along to her. The film goes on a bit long but I did enjoy the story of the relationship that is formed between the woman and the zombie. I give it 2 1/2 stars.

 

Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead (DVD) – The zombie flick should have been called the “Reich of poop” as the movie was not much about anything. Mainly about a team of soldiers trapped in a building by Nazi zombie experiments. Not really worth your time zombie fans and go back and watch “Frankenstein’s Army” you will thank me later as I give this 0 stars.

 

Master of the Drunken Fist: Beggar So (DVD) – A story about a rich kid ‘So Chan’ who has everything but also is a great fighter. But when the these fighters get together in front of their king and he gets screwed over he wants to get back at them after he is forced to be nothing. He gets together with a rogue settlement of people who believe in equality and drunken boxing or fighting. He learns this skill so he get his revenge. Cool action flick but without Jackie Chan the movie just seems like it is missing something the whole time you are viewing it. I give it 2 stars.

Brutal Relax (Vimeo) – From the makers of one of the best films of 2017 “Fist of Jesus” in my mind that I watched, comes this beautiful gem! A man is told by his doctor he needs to relax so this man heads to the beach in his white underwear, sits on the beach, and listens to music. He loves it, he is relaxing… Then ugly creatures come from the sea and begin a brutal bloody gore filled massacre on the beach. Our main character still sits blissfully unaware of whats going on as people are running for their lives and being ripped a aprt and feasted on! The creatures luck changes for the bad when the man’s music stops and he stands up in a fit of rage and takes it out on the creatures. Once again brilliant, beautiful, fun, amazing, and down right entertaining. For me 2018 has started off right with this short film as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on this project and the great “Fist of Jesus” head over to http://www.fistofjesus.com .

Death Cases (DVD) – A creepy and a little sleazy flick from Russia that is hosted by a man known as the ‘Gravedigger’ takes you the viewer through real stories of death. Think of it as a another branch of the genre that has titles such as “Faces of Death”, “Necromantik”, and “Traces of Death”. The blends together brutal scenes of tapes, footage, voiceovers, and pictures of different demented psychos along some of their own footage in it to connect together. Fans of Toe Tag Pictures’ “August Underground” and “The Murder Collection” may think this the lost film of Fred Vogel and company which is a good thing. Alex Wesley goes for the jugular again in his latest project that will find an audience that will be foaming at the mouth to watch over and over again as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out http://www.grossfest.com for all the details!

No Rondos… But we do have four new shows for you!

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We have been gone for almost a month but we’re back!  Due to Kyle’s job being shut down for some time due to a tornado almost destroying the place that sends us supplies to operate and our audio hosting site having technical problems for the last week (Kyle suspects they are all drunk over at talkshoe.com)  we wanted to know that we are are still very much alive.  But for the time being you can stream or download the show from our site, but, they won’t be on Stitcher until the alcoholics over at talkshoe put down the bottle and get that intervention that they so very much need.  So untill that happens enjoy the 4 new episodes… cause we got god damn RONDO AWARDS to lose over here at bloodbaths and boomsticks central!
 
Thanks for listening and writing in and we will continuing to listen.  were gonna be around for a long time.

 

Kyle

This week we are dropping 4 new episodes due to our audio hosting site screwing up, and Kyle’s job has been destroyed for the time being by a tornado.  But that won’t stop us as we bring you and episode in which we talk about the return of a beloved horror series in CULT OF CHUCKY.  Aind the latest in the found footage horror in THE MONSTER PROJECT.  Also we read your questions and peruse the week that was.



(NOTE: episode 247, 248, 249, and 250 wont be streamable from our site nor on stitcher for the time being due to our audio hosting site being all jacked up.)

 

This week we are back with 2 more pieces of weirdo cinema.  The first being the cornerstone in a pretty decent franchise starring one of our favorite duded Andrew Divoff in WISHMASTER.  The second is a  strange trip of a flick directed by genre stalwart Jeff Lieberman in BLUE SUNSHINE.  Also we review the week that was, and answer your listener questions.  So download this or else your hair will fall out because of that time you dabbled in LSD in high school. 

 

 

This week we ask whe question… “WHATS IN THE BOX???” as we review 3 movies about weird mystery boxes in them (we’re really kinda running out of theme ideas here).  The first being this years movie that asks the question what if the final destination series fucked the Wishmaster series in WISH UPON.  Then we talk about a Jewish demon possession flick in THE POSSESSION.  And finally Kyle was dragged to the theater to see the latest in the saw series in JIGSAW.  Also we do the normal ramblings of news, listener questions and perusing the recent weeks viewing habits.  So download this show or Jigsaw will return from the dead for the 127th time.

This week we are celebrating thanksgiving like all the other american dullards are…. by celebrating Christmas a month early instead!  So we bring to you 2 Christmas fright flicks to  binge upon way earlier than you should.  First being this years BETTER WATCH OUT.  and the second being the remake to Bob Clarke’s all time classic in BLACK X-MAS 2006 cause Kyle says it’s awesome and everybody is wrong about it (just like  THUNDERDOME)!  We also do the normal rotation of what we watched in the last week, answer your listener questions, and get to some movie related news (Spoiler Alert, people get touched in the naughty bits).  So download this episode or that crazy grandpa from Silent Night Deadly Night will punish you!

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/