Cannibal Hookers review

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Cannibal Hookers (Vimeo/Remake) – So the independent icon Donald Farmer is back with his latest project and it is a remake of his 1987 independent cult classic ‘Cannibal Hookers’. Carmilla is a beautiful all powerful woman that sleeps in a casket for no other reason than she is the leader and her blood gives cannibal immortality to other young ladies or in this case “hookers”. We get several scenes of the cannibal hookers eating their clients or johns (one of them being the famous Addison Binek) until they come across Kristen. They take interest in her and bring Kristen into the group. But with bringing her into the group she has baggage like a crazy, shouting priest Kristen ran away from. On top of that we have a bounty hunter searching every dark place she can looking for the cannibal hookers to kill them. The feature is fun, a little sleazy, and of course knowing the icon Donald Farmer is still going strong. But what didn’t help the film is the filler or cannibals at the bootleg Chucky Cheese place, the quick kill of the crazy priest, and the use or lack of “the bounty hunter”. Overall I believe I am a bigger fan of ‘Shark Exorcist’ but this remake did give the line of the year “We are sisters with benefits” and for that I give the entertaining flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Gross Movie Reviews #507

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Gross Movie Reviews #507

The Cottage (DVD) – A UK horror/comedy that stars Andy Serkis as one of three men who devise a plan to kidnap a beautiful young daughter of a notorious club owner. Things go well for the three a whole five minutes until follies begin to happen like one of them forgetting their cell phone, needing to check in with the wife, the third being followed and checking the bag for ransom money. It’s one laugh after the next until the night club send in the boys to clean up the mess as they find the three hiding out at a cottage in a small village. Then the story change as one of the kidnappers’ and the young lady traveling the woods start finding a gory mess of body parts and a huge ‘Wrong Turn’ extra that is slicing and dicing anyone near his cottage. A wonderful and gory entertaining film for the horror fan looking to find their horror fix as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Deadly Reactor (You Tube) – In a supposedly post-nuke world where only Amish communities still exist a man (David Heavener) is left for dead and his family gunned down by an evil gang leader named “Hog”. Hog likes to lay waste to the innocent and buy guns and drugs in this new post-nuke world. The man left for dead was a preacher but is taught by an old man to be a gunfighter who heads to the first Amish community that has been taken over by Hog to fight back. He becomes sheriff and convinces the town for the long term they will need to fight back even if they do not believe in violence. There are bits and pieces of backstory between characters of what started the war that got them into this desolate future but never fleshed out. Sorry kids post-apocalypse film I am always curious about those details and especially during a dull B-flick from the end of the 80s as I give it 1 star.

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

The Intruder (DVD) – A group of people are invited to an island get together, weekend fling, whatever you wanna call it as a friend/relative has died and they are there for a reading of the will. This so-called death of a friend died in a plane crash over the Amazon and supposedly before his death got gold to his island retreat and hid it somewhere within its walls. As night falls and the people supposedly go to bed at the estate that is when the action begins and the bodies start to pile up quickly. While all left in the retreat are scared and wonder if one of them is killing others off an unknown killer lurks around the island taking care of business. I don’t like its multiple endings or places they could have ended but definitely worth a watch as this 1975 film starring Mickey Rooney and Yvonne DeCarlo was only released in 2017. For some reason the film was finished and shelved for decades. Could not find out exactly why it was shelved and for that long but again it is a solid “who dun it” film from the 70s for the older cinema nerds as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Beyond Dream’s Door (DVD) – Ben Dobbs is a young man who has many nightmares but his latest Ben has been keeping track of. The nightmares have seemed to be interconnecting and bring this to the attention of his professor of his Psych class. Ben has written them down word for word for his professor to read. He even has a daydream during class where he writes a phrase that makes confide in his professor about it. Professor Knox begins to read and feels like he is a part of it some weird magical way and asks for Ben to come over that evening so they can figure out where to go with the nightmare. Figure out what the nightmare means in general. Soon anyone associated with Ben or Professor Knox becomes a part of the nightmare. It is a film that will either be super dull to viewers or really radical for others as it is one those dreams bleed into reality with a cool looking demon that lurks throughout the nightmare chasing Ben as I give it 2 stars.

 

Deadly Impact (DVD) – Another Eye-talian production that was filmed in Arizona and Vegas where two old friends George (Bo Svenson) and Lou (Fred Williamson) get together for some unintentional action. George the cop keeps trying to arrest Lou a helicopter pilot just for any reason he can find but keep finding themselves chasing after two wannabe mob guys who caught onto a couple’s scam in Vegas. The couple was using computers to beat the system (its 1984 folks) to gain enough money to buy a ranch in Arizona and retire. These two mob extras catch on, follow them, and then kill the boyfriend and now track the girlfriend to get the money. George and Lou just keep finding themselves in one action scene after another trying to catch these two before they get away with the money. This film was actually a disappointment to me. Surprise, surprise folks I found a Fred Williamson flick I wasn’t that into as it felt like the film doesn’t go anywhere most of the time. Even though there is a couple cool car stunts just felt dull and the filmmaker didn’t know what to do with these veteran actors or there may have not been much of a script? Anyway I thought I was in for a treat but it turned out to be like stepping in dog poo in your backyard when you do not own a dog as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

River of Death (DVD) – Finally track down this Michael Dudikoff flick and didn’t know he else was in it until I started watching? We got Donald Pleasance as a Nazi war criminal financing an expedition and Robert Vaughn as a Nazi doctor who escaped in the Amazon to still perform his experiments. It begins in 1945 to give us a little backstory on the two Nazi war criminals and their plan to escape to South America. Then we are thrusted to 1965 where Dudikoff’s character is a man trying to make a few bucks being a guide through the Amazon jungle as he knows some of the tribes who live there and is putting together a map that leads to a lost city. He leads a father and daughter into the jungle to find out the strange cause of an illness that has stricken the tribes but is attacked and the daughter taken prisoner. Hell bent on going back Dudikoff gets financing from Pleasance to go in, find the lost city and its treasure. A very uneven story with a lot going on that is not the usual Dudikoff affair action buffs are use too. The film has star power, Dudikoff, and somewhat of a believable story to like movie wise but it just seems like it never hits its stride during the production as I give it 2 stars.

 

Cooking with Roger (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts unleashes his latest short film with the help of filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and crew that has an odd couple trying to film their cooking show for one of the social streaming sites. Roger with the help of his assistant or sister is trying to cook up something special for folks to try at home. Roger decides lets head to his son’s garden for some exotic herbs and veggies to add to the soup he is going to make? Roger convinces his assistant that a mushroom would be perfect for the soup even though he was told not to pick it or eat it. Now mind yinz they are filming their shenanigans sloppily throughout as they are very unschooled in what is proper for their cooking show that just adds to the authenticity of the amateur cooking show. Roger adds the mushroom to the soup, both he and his assistant taste the soup, and quickly they see a disgusting elf that convinces them they need more mushrooms. As both of them keep filming and keep devouring the soup and mushrooms Roger’s son shows up for the chaos. And sadly for Roger’s son it devolves into a horror show for all on the internet to enjoy! I give this evil fun and brilliance of a short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ouija Shark (DVD) – Well you had me at ‘Shark’ and 69 minutes running time. Our story begins with a young beautiful lady finding a Ouija board that washed ashore where she decided to take a swim. Jill picks it up and takes along to the all-girls pool party she is attending with a college friend. After some swimming and cooking out she convinces the other young women to play along on the Ouija board. Of course something strange happens and Jill has an odd dream. Next day a spirit shark shows up in the woods and begins chasing down and munching down on humans. After Jill consults with her father who happens to be a “medium” and a couple friends become lunch to the spirit shark she grabs the leather for the climatic fight with the spirit shark. Not to mention the film ‘Ouija’ is reference several times and oh yeah we get some weird Mortal Kombat shit with the spirit shark in the climatic fight. This light-hearted and entertaining independent shark film was well worth the watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tunnels (DVD) – This horror film promised rats and instead I got a thriller about corrupt newspaper owner trying to get rid of the city’s homeless. Pam the editor at The Guardian is challenged to take on the next story no matter how big or how little by the paper photographer. She does as it involves an exterminator taking her into the bowels of the old building looking for rats but instead finds the owner’s brother of the newspaper. From there the story turns from rats to trying to break the story about all the homeless disappearing and why. I may have been a little disappointed I didn’t have another giant rat invasion movie to watch. But go look at the star power that was in this film because they are the reasons I kept watching this lesser known thriller as I give it 2 stars.

 

Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (DVD) – I didn’t have high hopes for this as I seen it described as a possible homage to ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ but I was expecting something fun in this independent feature. Instead we all get a very dull, uninteresting film if that is what you wanna call it about supposedly 16 year old girls having a slumber party during spring break. The girls are stalked by a 50 year old teenager named Kort who is in love with all the teenage girls at this slumber party. The film fails on all accounts as you should at least try to do something with your hot garbage script before you even try filming something that resembles a half-ass production done with your parents’ camera in one day. Or to keep it simple folks don’t insult us fans of the independent horror genre with your dumb shit that looks like a complete waste of time. I give it a can of dog poo that sat out in the hot sun and smells worse than when it was first picked up!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

New episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks is up!

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This week we bring you yet again 3 more flicks from the far flung corners of the video stores.  First John covers the giallo flick THE STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH.  Then Tim talks about a 90’s action flick starring Wings Hauser in GHETTOBLASTER.  And finally Kyle chats about a flick made up of 2 short films based on the works of Stephen king in STEPHEN KING’s NIGHTSHIFT COLLECTION VOL.1.  We also cover this week’s current watches,  answer your questions, and chew the fat about such subjects like,,, Our most horrible bicycle injuries, Joe Bob’s gutsy showing of Cannibal Holocaust, Crazy ass convention guests, alien conspiracy flicks you can watch on Netflix, The Labyrinth and who can or cannot fill Bowies’ codpiece And so much more.  So download this episode or puppet David Bowie will kidnap your children.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #506

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Gross Movie Reviews #506

 

Scream, Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street (Shudder) – A documentary that has been years in the making that centers on the actor Mark Patton from the second film in the series. For many years Mark was blamed by many fans for the failure of the sequel. In reality it did not fail it was just pointed out how “gay” the film was and the blame was placed on Mark Patton by the writer of the film and many critics over the years. This project and the aftermath changed his life so much he chose to walk away until he was contacted for the ‘Never Sleep Again’ documentary about the whole series and this is where Mark’s journey begins. A very interesting look into an industry that can just crush a human being into nothing but Mark has made it past it all to enjoy what he has now. This is a must watch for every Elm Street fan and horror fans in general as I give this 4 stars. For me I just always felt the film never fit the flow of the series and seemed darker than the first. But also too I wasn’t looking for the gay subplot like so many and just watching it for what it was a sequel. And for the love of Freddy ‘The Dream Child’ was just downright terrible not ‘Freddy’s Revenge’ and so glad Mark is on top of the world now.

 

Itsy Bitsy! (DVD) – A black egg is stolen from an ancient tribe and it is given to an old man for his now deceased wife. But the old man doesn’t see it that way and unwilling to trade or sacrifice to this ancient egg, things are predicted to go bad in his life soon. When the egg is broken it unleashes this huge hideous spider that slowly takes over the attic of his new neighbors or nurse and family who are going to take care of him. While things disappear, strange noises are heard, and the family is breaking a part slowly the huge spider is planning on the family being the feast it wants. Not a great spider film, it’s more of a second rate Goosebumps film than something fun as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Victim (YouTube) – A 1972 TV movie starring everybody’s sweetheart from the ‘Bewitched’ show, Elizabeth Montgomery where she plays a character named Kathryn Wainwright. Kathryn is worried about her soon-to-be divorced younger sister Suzie. So Kathryn travels to her sister’s out of the way place during a storm that has knocked out phone lines and roads. Once there Kathryn cannot find Suzie and has learned from a friend of Suzie’s the long time housekeeper was fired a while ago. As the mystery thickens the soon-to-be ex-husband shows up and the housekeeper is still lurking around. A quite fun TV mystery worth checking out if you got 70 minutes to burn as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Strange and Deadly Occurrence (YouTube) – A TV movie from 1974 that looked like it had potential starring Robert Stack and Vera Miles. They are a family with their teenage daughter move out from the big city to the mountain small town area. First six months of living there everything is just fine then all of sudden problems with the electricity; a weird ass doctor dude asking to buy the place, gopher problems, and the daughter is having some strange dreams at night. The cops have been a few times and just believe it is the rich city folk overreacting, but when the weird doctor shows up dead in the pool things get interesting… Or should have? Not to give too much away like I did on our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks: The buildup was cool but the payoff can go suck a bag of dicks because it was lame as I give this limp entry of a TV movie 1 star.

Shellmont County Massacre (DVD) – A small town has a serial killer problem suddenly and it quickly gets out of hand when a young man in a clown mask decides to start knocking on peoples’ doors. He absolutely enjoys the horror he brings to those who open the door. The serial killer is nicknamed “The Shellmont Butcher” when the bodies keep piling up and the sheriff no longer wants to bring the killer to justice but just end his existence. The actors were good, great exploding head effect along with some fun gore scenes, but the middle of the film feels more like filler than actually having something to keep you interested throughout the film. Hack off ten minutes or so of the filler and I believe independent fans are saying a lot of great things about this film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Battle Beyond the Stars (DVD) – Plain and simple this was Roger Corman’s answer to ‘Star Wars’… ‘The Magnificent Seven’ in outer space. A peaceful planet is threatened to be destroyed in a few days by an overlord in John Saxon. A young man is sent out into space to seek out mercenaries who would be willing to help their cause in fighting this overlord. Depending how you are looking at the ship the kid is flying it is either a huge ballsack or a pair of giant boobies! Anyhow the young man finds some characters who are more than willing to help fight Sador in a war in which Sador has never lost. The biggest threat to them all is the weapon called “Stellar Converter”, if they can stop that they can stop Sador. For 1980 and on a Corman budget the film still holds up somewhat today as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Milwaukee Murders (VHS) – A never released S.O.V. movie with big hair, so-called twenty-something actors playing high school kids, an exploding Ford Pinto, and a killer on the loose. But it isn’t just any killer it is Vanessa’s boy toy Huey who is being teased for seeing an older woman by his friends. Vanessa convinces Huey to kill for her and as proof she wants body parts. But be careful what you wish for Vanessa as it backfires and Huey comes for her also! The movie is terrible and hilarious as you can see why it was never released intentionally. Even it is bad I am glad I did get to watch it as I give it maybe… 1 star.

Massacre on Aisle 12 (DVD) – It is Christmas Eve and Dave has started his new job at the big hardware store. Dave and another employee try to move a heavy tool crib until they open it and find out along with all the store employees there is a dead body in it. Also a large sack of money! The employees are faced with a dilemma keep the money or call the cops. Or just lockdown the store and awkwardly not try to kill each other while trying to act like you don’t want the money… Money or not the bodies drop quickly and the filmmakers use the location to its fullest as I give this fun little horror comedy 3 stars.

 

Thunder (VHS) – Mark Gregory, a young Native American comes back home only to find trouble quickly with his local law officers. If that wasn’t bad enough a construction company has begun to build on the ancient cemetery that is protected by a treaty between the government and Indians many years ago. Thunder tries to do the right thing and take it to the authorities, the bank, but none of give a crap because he is a Native American. So Thunder decides to go to war with the police department and the construction company himself. The authorities try to make it out like Thunder is a crazy person but a news reporter who happens to be driving through the town stays to write a story. This might be the only way Thunder isn’t killed by the authorities? A fun Eye-talian rip-off of ‘First Blood’ starring Bo Svenson as the sheriff and it was shot in Arizona in 1983 as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 2 (VHS) – After barely escaping a few years back Thunder returns to his small town again but this time he returns as a deputy sheriff who was hired by the governor. Thunder quickly learns of a corrupt deputy that is taking advantage of young poor Native Americans with drugs. Soon Thunder finds himself framed and sent to county jail. But of course that doesn’t last long as he breaks out and goes to war again with the town and the police. The first film was a fun rip-off where the sequel seems more like a thrown together film in hopes of making a quick buck with no thought as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Blood Feast (remake/DVD) – I had no expectations going into this film because just like everyone else I felt this had been done already… ‘Blood Diner’ anyone! Hell even ‘Blood Feast 2’ made a decade or two ago? But of course that didn’t stop anyone as an American family the Ramses headed to Paris six months ago and started an American restaurant. The owner Fuad is having tough times so he picks up a second job working night shift at a museum. One morning Fuad loses his pills which are critical to his health and that night is when he witnesses Ishtar. Ishtar has fascinated Fuad so much he goes to the library and does research on the goddess. Thus the research makes Fuad believe he has found the answer to his failings in Paris and it starts with a feast that upcoming Saturday night with his family. Not only is he feeding on those he is killing but his family will also feast all in the name of Ishtar. There is doubt the film is gory as hell and Robert Rusler has that voice that just fits the role for the film but I was still not impressed overall. The film isn’t overall and maybe this is more for the newest generation of horror fans but I will always have ‘Blood Diner’ as I give this film 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Yes we are crazy as we got two more episodes for your listening pleasures

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This week we return despite the corona virus to bring you some more movies to talk about.  First we have Sybil Danning in PANTHER SQUAD.  Then John breaks out another made for television flick directed by Stephen Spielberg in SOMETHING EVIL. And lastly Kyle talks about fish dudes chasing some folks around a village in Europe in Stuart Gordon’s H.P. Lovecraft adaptation DAGON.  Also we have tales of drinking with Sasquatch, why Kyle loves to see Thor slapping children, How to cure your dog of every aliment.  And as always we read your questions, and chat about what we have been watching this week.  So, download this episode or the band A.C. will play your bar-mitzvah.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week in celebration of beating the Corona virus we change it up a little and talk about our own personal memories of our local mom and pop video stores.  What were the movies you rented?  What local weirdos were lurking about?  What strange things happened in that weird “back room”?  All will be explained!  Also we cover what we have been watching and have a ton of stories from the fans about their own local video stores.  So download this episode or all your late fees will double.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Two more episodes for your listening pleasure

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We trudge through the virus riddled wasteland to bring you a new show.  This week we talk about the Blaxploitation version of The Exorcist in ABBY, then we chat about a real stinker in GHOSTRIDERS, and lastly we have Dick Rambo in GOOD AGAINST EVIL.  We also chat about the interstate liquor wars, the correlation of between protests, corona virus protesters, and idiots.  The Shudder series Cursed Films.  And we answer your questions and a whole lot more.  So download this episode or John Landis will drop a helicopter on you.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time around the block we return and we are bringing back 3 more flicks ranging from the worst to the absolute best.  First we talk about Charlie Band being the first to the punch and vomiting out the flick CORONA ZOMBIES.  Then Kyle watches a stone cold classic for the first time in DR. STRANGELOVE.  Then we have a TV Movie from the 70’s from the creator of Kolchak in THE NORLISS TAPES.  We also talk about protests, cheap quarantine sex, and other things.  So download this episode or no cheap sex for you.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Grossfest 3 is coming!

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Grossfest  3: Season of the Gross  

July 25th and 26th, 2020

Guest list:

Billy Pon

Justin Seamen

Zane Hershberger

Mike and Amy Watt

Erin R. Ryan

Steve Rudzinski

Bryan Hogue aka Jack Shadow from Chiller Night

Drew Marvick

Brooklyn and Jared

Anthony Colliano

Steelman

Rikki Raxxx

 

 

The George Washington Hotel

60 South Main Street
Washington, PA 15301

Front Desk: 724.225.3200

 

 

https://www.thegeorgewashington.com/

 

Grossfest 3

July 25th, 2020 Saturday Movie List

(Vendor areas open at 11am and close 7pm that day)

 

“So why not start your day with a quick Grossfest workout?”

Hexercise – 11:05 – 11:25am

 

“Then the movie room really gets going!”

Suck Fest – 11:30 – 12:25pm

Circus of the Dead – 12:30pm – 2:45pm (30 min Q and A afterward with Billy Pon)

Do Not Disturb – 2:50 – 4:20pm

Grossfest award for short film – 4:30pm – 7:00pm

Grossfest award for feature film

And Grossfest lifetime achievement award

A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day and A Meowy Christmas Vacation –

7:00 – 8:20pm (Steve Rudzinski intro)

Spirit Animal- 8:25- 9:45pm (Maddie Deering intro)

Blood Freak – 9:45 – 11:00 pm (Daniel Boyd intro)

We close the movie room at 11pm and of course movies are subject to change!

 

See Yinz There!

http://www.grossfest.com

#grossfest

Looking for a filmmaker to get behind? I have one for you!

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Roastmasterpiece Theatre: “Cannibals” and “The Killer Eye”

“Roastmasterpiece Theatre”: Episodes 1 and 2

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/addisonbinek/roastmasterpiece-theatre-cannibals-and-the-killer-eye?fbclid=IwAR1labif67zAqQKJ2U-ssdnOfD0jXjq76z5sGGo-6T2InXYXwepksd86Rn8

 

Addison Binek

Gross Movie Reviews #505

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Gross Movie Reviews #505

Cry Havoc (On Demand) – I was so looking forward to Bootleg Chuck Bronson’s first slasher film that includes Richard Tyson as the bad guy! Richard Tyson is known only as “The Voyeur” as he hides in the deep mountains as he has made the F.B.I’s top ten most wanted list. The Voyeur has granted an aspiring journalist to visit and interview him so he can explain his art and experiments he is doing. What the world doesn’t know is The Voyeur uses a mass murderer only known as “Havoc” to conduct his projects. Young women are kidnapped and thrown out in the woods for Havoc and it is filmed by all of Voyeur’s cameras for his art. Interview is going well and The Voyeur is happy until Bootleg Chuck Bronson has followed of them to the secret location as he is looking for his missing daughter he hasn’t seen in years. If Havoc isn’t slaughtering people we get long scenes of Bootleg Chuck Bronson walking around and then a long climatic fight scene that really doesn’t end… Hell the film itself just stops like they forgot to edit the ending in or something? I had high expectations going in but they gradually were dying a slow death as the movie went on with its non-ending as I give the Bootleg Chuck Bronson flick only 2 stars this go around.

 

The Deadly Mantis (DVD) – A fun 50s sci-fi flick about a giant prehistoric mantis that has awakened from the ice above the Arctic Circle. With it traveling southward the U.S. military declares war on the large creature as its beginning to feed on humans along the way. The monstrous mantis is cheesy and never gets old as I give the classic monster flick 3 stars.

 

Ghetto Blaster (YouTube) – The 1989 direct-to-video ‘Death Wish’ clone stars Richard Hatch as Travis and R.G. Armstrong as his father. Travis has returned to the old neighborhood after three long years and the neighborhood has changed. To help set the tone of the movie it opens up with a drive-by shooting between gangs that a child is shot in. So of course this must mean gangs rule the streets of the old neighborhood and Travis’ father doesn’t want to give up the old store and retire. Then a botch robbery happens when the Hammers come to collect and his father is shot and killed. From there Travis uses his Special Forces skills to prank the Hammers gang and get under their skin but eventually gets physical when they kidnap his daughter. This is your third tier vigilante stuff but entertaining enough I was glad to track it down as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Night Shift Collection (VHS) – First released in 1986 then again in 1994 and they are two short films based on the Stephen King collection of stories of the same name. The first short is ‘The Woman in the Room’ about a lawyer whose mother is dying from cancer and he is trying to decide if he should help her along? Thus he cannot stand the misery she is in. The second short is ‘The Boogeyman’ about a man name Mr. Billings who has had a couple of his children die in his care. Mr. Billings goes to see a psychiatrist because he believes it is the Boogeyman that has killed them? Depending on the info you read on the internet these two shorts based on the King stories were student films paired together and put out there to capitalize on all the King film adaptions. Anyway the shorts are a little dull but worth the watch if you never knew they existed as I give it 2 stars. P.S. the shorts were filmed in 1982 and 1983.

 

Night Shift Collection 2 (VHS) – Another pair of short films that were released in 1989 claiming to be a part of Stephen King’s short story collection to film but only one of the shorts truly were. The second one may have been influenced by King’s work but had nothing to do with King. Again these two shorts were filmed in 1983 but never released until 1989 with less fanfare than the first set. Hell this second set was only a rumor in some horror circles and it seems the means of seeing it might be YouTube these days. What is weird about this set is the first short is ‘The Disciples of the Crow’ or what we all would come to know in 1984 as ‘Children of the Corn’. Same movie in short form with no stars and less about the corn and more about worshipping crows. The second short is someone else’s work called ‘The Night Walker’ that is about a young man named Walter who worked one night shift in a hotel that just reopened room #321 for the first time since the 40s. Apparently a couple on their wedding night did a murder/suicide and this has Walter curious and scared at the same time. This collection is worth the watch for the mere reason of its connection to ‘Children of the Corn’ as I give it 2 stars.

Post-Apocalyptic Commando Shark (DVD) – A hilarious concept for an independent film about Soviet doctors splice human and shark DNA together to make a Russian commando shark. This soldier enables the Red Army to invade the United States and begin WWIII. U.S. citizens fight for their lives but the man-shark is hell bent on killing every American soldier it finds. The idea is absolutely wonderful but begins to lose its luster about halfway through the film. To me it felt if they had a great idea with a subpar script and trying to use ‘Sharknado’ as a springboard for all to come running. Better script equals better movie so instead of 82 minutes maybe you should have ended it after 35 minutes. But hey kudos to yinz for getting Debbie Rochon for a cup of coffee as it wasn’t no ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ and for that I can only give this feature 2 stars.

 

Haunter (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst who seems to working on a new short film every month these days has another about a young male. This young man is disrupted from his sleep to find his house is haunted and it has had enough of him being there… Scaring him life may not be enough! I give it 2 ½ out 4 stars as I would have liked to see this short film go a little longer as there felt like there was more to the story?

 

Devil’s Trail (DVD) – Filmmaker Henrique Couto decided to dip his toes into the “Found Footage” genre with this tale he filmed in 2016. We have two internet hosts heading out to New Jersey Pine Barrens for a 21-day survival trip for their internet show. They will film everything they do and what happens as they are only allowed to bring three items a piece for this survival trip. Along the way they discuss the “Jersey Devil” among other urban legends about the woods. But as things do not go as planned for the duo the relationship breaks down and strange things begin to happen. Does it have something to do with the witches they encounter at the beginning of their trip, very possible? I agree with Henrique in his interview in the extras this genre of film can die horribly if the ending isn’t interesting and with his ‘Devil’s Trail’ whether you love it or hate it you cannot lie the ending of this film makes it worth watching! Thank you for that my friend as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Dinosaurus! (DVD) – A super cheesy film from 1960 that has a construction crew unearthing prehistoric dinosaurs from the sea floor that includes a caveman. The man who runs the island finds the caveman first and has big plans once getting his body off the island. Problem a storm rolls through and resurrects the caveman and dinosaurs and they run rampant through the island chasing the natives and the construction crew! This is B-movie stuff well worth the watch and laughs as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (Shudder) – Quite the Eye-talian film mystery as Julie Wardh is married to a wealthy Wall Street dude but also has been bad taste in men before and during her marriage. Julie Wardh only got married because she considered him safe for her lifestyle but has gotten bored again and out banging the socks off any nice looking dude she can find. But there is a catch one them could be a serial killer as this is ongoing in her life a man with a razor blade is slicing up young women. An interesting twist in the film comes when someone tries to blackmail Julie but gets her best friend Carol murdered but this only serves as the appetizer to what the ending of the film brings us. Usually these types of film or giallo are not my cup of tea but the ending makes it all the worthwhile as I actually didn’t see that ending coming and for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Street Asylum (VHS) – This 1989 film was one of those flicks that I seen released in theaters for a weekend and then disappeared. Of course I knew Wings Hauser was the star and found this on YouTube so it was time to finally get my first watch in. Wings Hauser is Sgt. Ryder who is working the Hollywood beat of degenerates. After he gets shot during a rooftop incident he gets an offer from a captain to join a special police force called “S.Q.U.A.D.” This new force is going to clean up the streets of Hollywood one body bag at a time. As Ryder first gets into the new swing of things he soon understands things are not right as his partners go nuts and supposedly commit suicide. Ryder slowly going insane discovers he is part of a human experiment to make a better police officer. Once he removes the implant from his back it is now time for revenge against the man behind it all, the new mayor to be! As usual Wings Hauser was great; Brion James as the crazy preacher… perfect, but the film lags in the middle some like a few too many edits may have been made to this B-Grade sci-fi thriller as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Cy Warrior (VHS) – I can never get enough of cheesy Eye-talian Sci-fi stuff and this was no different as Henry Silva plays the villain mercenary hired to bring in a cyborg. The military loses a newly built cyborg with no program who decides to take a stroll to an island. There a boy finds him and takes the cyborg to his hot sister with almost saying, “Found you the perfect dude to bump uglies with and someone I think is bad ass because he is part man/part machine.” The military wants Silva to pick up their secret project before anyone notices? Silva just wants to fucking kill a shitload of innocent humans and blow up this thing of the face of the Earth. Yep, there is your movie besides the cyborg salsa dancing, I think, with the hot sister and trying to escape the clutches of Henry Silva. Worth the laughs folks as I give this feature 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #504

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Gross Movie Reviews #504

 

Zambo, King of the Jungle (DVD) – The film stars Brad Harris as one of two convicts who claims he is innocent and has been thrown into some third world prison. He is being transported most likely to his death with another convict on a prison train. They make a break for it during the ride and use the jungle for cover. But the jungle can be a deadly place as they got to cross through 50 miles of it to make it safely across a border. Along the way Brad’s character Zambo loses his friend to death and natives find him. Three years Zambo is a jungle legend of helping the natives throughout the jungle in their fight against the white man and others who are trying to invade their territory. Everything is hunky dory until some hot babe and friends come looking for Zambo for help in treasure hunting. The premise sounds fun but I would have to say this might one of the more boring exploitation flicks I have watched… But always keep in mind when watching these early 70s flicks it was a whole different world then so when we watch our view could be skewed but I say it was dull and only giving it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Stay Awake (DVD) – A horror film from 1988 that was brought to my attention by a good dude Zane Hershberger a couple months back and was able to finally check it out. 1988, horror movie I never heard of, let’s just say I was stoked as hell. So apparently we open with a serial killer of 11 women is given the needle and of course vows to come back also like ‘Prison’, ‘Shocker’, ‘The Horror Show’, insert a couple more titles from that year or so… Anyway present day 1988 the ghost reappears to haunt some girls at the St. Mary’s School where a teacher and students hang out all night in an event called “The Stay Awake”. Of course this isn’t a U.S. thing and IMDB claims South Africa which could also explain why it is so hard to find until recently. Zane I really wanted to enjoy this film man but not a whole lot happens except the women running around the school and for the ghost of a serial killer he lacked the skill in killing as no one was really dying. Maybe this is just an example of us products of the 80s that are movie nerds that need to shut up or just go watch ‘The Monster Squad’ for the hundredth time… again as I give this 1 ½ stars.

Deep Undead (DVD) – This is a 2005 independent film from Dave Castiglione that just got an upgrade in every way for independent film fans to rediscover all over again. Two divers mysteriously die in the Miles Cove Harbor where there just happens to be a shipwreck from 1923 and a recent nuclear power plant accident nearby. The locals have lots of questions but authorities are keeping things quiet as fish have also recently disappeared or died off so a dive team is hired to find the bodies. The dive team is not all too happy finding out the spill was nearby where they are going but want paid and don’t wanna make too much of a fuss. As the investigation moves forward strange things begin happen, stuff washes ashore, a reporter really digs into the truth of what is actually happening, and people keep bringing up the weird shipwreck accident of 1923. Add that in with more mysterious deaths you get an amazing low budget film that has some wonderful underwater shots for the film that will make filmmakers take notice that it can be done if you put your mind to it. I really enjoy this film because it has that Roger Corman early 80s creature feature feel combined with that independent early 90s look. This entertaining film has all you could want: weird creatures, great underwater scenes, and a toxic spill for a backdrop as I am grateful Dave is getting this out there again as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Beyond White Space (DVD) – So as usual I took a chance watching bootleg Michael Pare in a film that is set in 2156 A.D. Bootleg Michael Pare is chasing after some space dragon that is able to jump time and space that killed his father several years before. If he can capture the dragon it becomes the space haul of a lifetime? Honestly the film is more filler than anything and even with the 30 second cameo from Vernon Wells it still wasn’t worth checking out as I give 0 stars.

 

Skeleton Man (DVD) – As I continue my quest to watch “dumb shit no one wants to watch” I came across this feature that stars Michael Rooker and Casper Van Dien. They are part of an undercover delta force team posing as hikers so they are able to hike through the woods on a search and rescue mission. They are searching for a second group of soldiers that have disappeared in these woods from the impossible force of an invisible entity that when it appears it is a generic grim reaper. Yes it was dumb! So folks just remember stick with watching the racist bootleg version of ‘Predator’ in the hilarious ‘Robowar’ as I give this film a ½ star.

Amityville No Escape (Blu-ray) – Henrique Couto takes his own stab at the notorious franchise to see if he can breathe some new life into an old concept. George is writing a paper on “Fear” and he is making a documentary about his experiment into “Fear”. George gets a few friends and they head to Amityville so he can record reaction and feeling of himself and friends facing their fears. We the audience is introduced to a long lost VHS tape that was from 1997 recording events of a woman that moved into the infamous Amityville home and what transpired. Once the group finds their location and start talking about “Fear” that spookiness ramps up as a little girl is seen and we get flashes of footage of strange occurrences in the 1997 VHS tape. I have likened very few paranormal films and this falls more in a different category than that for me and that is “not my cup of tea” feature. First, I love the ending of the film and that is a great cast of actors but I just could not get into the film. That doesn’t mean it is bad by any means I just feel I may not be the audience for this stab into the “Amityville” series. Second, no matter what Henrique makes I will always give the film a fair shot for the mere reason that dude is one the most talented people behind the camera today! For that I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Amityville Vibrator (Google Drive) – Just when I thought I seen it all in the past year: “House Shark, Velocipastor, Shark Exorcist, Banana Splits”. You know stuff I believe only exists in my weird ass brain but somehow gets pooped out into the universe? Well I was wrong as Nathan Rumler a filmmaker trying to make his mark in the independent scene decided to come with one of the sleaziest films that has graced this earth in some time! This borderline porno flick begins with the notorious shooting we all know about in 1976 in the infamous Amityville home. The audience is in for an eye opening experience from the get goes as the opening scene is a woman in a demon mask going to town on herself… then having her head blown clean off into a huge blood stain thus allowing the vibrator to fall to the floor and getting lost.  Now present day we get Cathy who has just purchased the infamous home and has thrown out her useless boyfriend. Cathy does what any depressed human would go do and that would be go to a random yard sale with your hot punk girlfriend and receive a free possessed vibrator! As Cathy gets home and the possessed vibrator introduces the young lady to ungodly visions of pleasure we come to find out her ex-boyfriend isn’t just an asshole? Chad just happens to be a part of a duo who has been tracking down all the possessed items from the haunted home so they can no longer harm people. If that doesn’t sound weird at all, prepare you are in for a treat as shit goes globally satanic in a graphically sexual way like never before. We come to learn Satan needs inside Cathy as I will leave at that. Nathan kudos to you for beating Joanna Angel to the punch in making something that will not be forgotten as I give this sleazefest 3 out of 4 stars. The flaw I could point out in this hilarious idea is the shrooms scene went on way too long, there is a point to it but shouldn’t have been longer than 30 seconds.

 

Scarecrow County (Blu-ray) – Our story begins with a woman donating books to the local small town library. She is from the small town but is just in to clean out her recently deceased parents’ house. She has a verbal spat with the town drunk about her dead brother in the library that sets the tone of the film. The librarian finds a notebook in the pile of books from the dead brother Joey Gibbs. A name most in town haven’t heard or talked about for years. The librarian reads on as it peaks her interest and begins asking her father questions about Joey as he went to high school with him. Small town legend, small town ideas but her reading this book sets things in motion not only among old friends but people start having untimely deaths. If you are into killer scarecrow in small town drama then this is up your alley for a Saturday afternoon watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!