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This week it’s that time again. It’s time to discuss the best and the worst of what we saw in 2022, And with John out on vacation we invited another Jon on to fill. Jon Cross joins us along with stalwart T-Shirt Joe to discuss the stuff we jammed into our eyeballs in 2022. We also ponder the state of theatrical and streaming possibilities for the near future. And as always we read your personal lists of what was good and what was bad all year long. So download this episode or baby new year will poo poo all over your Blu ray collection.
Girlhouse (DVD) – This not talked about much horror flick came out around 2014 or 2015 and has their story beginning in 1988 with a couple of kids and a very cruel incident. Kylie a college student who enjoys using her webcam for extra cash gets accepted for a bigger online sex cam company that has a secure mansion (the Girlhouse) in the hills where several girls live and work. It’s Only Fans without calling it that but you get that impression from the get go. Kylie sees this as an opportunity to get the extra cash that is needed to finish college and get out. The movie doesn’t sound like much until you sit and actually watch it has the girls have a slight run-in with a customer what seems no different than what they have several times a year. The mansion is secure, hidden location, security guard, cameras, etc. But this goes out the window when a smarter than usual user name “Loverboy” takes it too far and gives stalking a makeover! May I add there are cameras throughout the house not only for the girls and company to watch but for added protection and just to give the movie an extra dimension (not like the disaster Halloween: Resurrection). Friends get to watch in horror as the events of the house unfold when Loverboy shows up. This may not make movie of the year but definitely a wonderful horror grab that deserves the watch, so looking for something you haven’t heard about but will fulfill your horror quota for the weekend make this your first stop as I give this unexpected fun beauty 3 stars.
Evil Aliens (Blu-ray) – I had a region 2 DVD of this Jake West flick when it first came out several years agoand thought it was time to grab the US Blu-ray edition and check it out again. Think Peter Jackson’s “Bad Taste”, with more of the gore and fun of “Dead Alive” if that makes any sense for this Welch production. To break it down it is literally an alien invasion flick from beginning to end as you have a UFO TV show that goes to remote part of the country to interview a pregnant woman about her abduction and set up a mock UFO abduction around her for the show. Problem, there is real bad ass aliens running around killing country folk along with the UFO show crew in a devastating gory manner that Peter Jackson would be proud of! Great film, that I still give 4 stars too but always surprised how this movie didn’t resonate with US horror fans the way I thought it would? The Blu-ray has a R-rated and the unrated versions, deleted scenes, bloopers, trailers, and a guided tour of the effects but I think the surprise is the quality of this Blu-ray wasn’t really any better than the 12 year old Region 2 DVD I have… I found it kind of disappointing. So if you are an interested horror fan that chooses their purchases wisely but haven’t been introduced to this flick yet I advise finding it on streaming or a cheap used Region 2 copy?
Once Upon a Midnight Scary (DVD-R/YouTube) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was a wonderful gem to dig up from 1979 as it was a TV special hosted and narrated by Vincent Price. He tells stories: The Ghost that Belonged to Me, Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and House with the Clock in the Walls! A great way to kill an hour, show something to the kids, and be thrown back in time when TV was appointment television as I give this creation 4 stars and can be found quite easily on YouTube for young and old horror fans to enjoy.
Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.
The Hoot Owl (DVD) – An Indy flick where four young friends head out to an out of the way place that a couple has purchased after some hard times recently. They are there for more cleaning the place up than having fun let’s say. The backstory comes into full view about ¾’s the way into the flick as someone is there unbeknownst to the friends as 15 years ago a couple was murdered in the home and was rumored to have children or a child disappear in the woods? Now a former inhabitant is not happy with these people buying the property on an online auction. Great artwork for the movie… boring as fucking shit film that felt like they struggled like hell to get this featured length and it showed as I give it 1 star.
Black Eagle (DVD) – It’s the 1988 action jam starring JCVD and Sho Kosugi that came out after Bloodsport and gets forgotten as JCVD plays the bad guy with a heart in this. A US Air Force jet goes down in sea over Malta where all the world’s spies hang out and now the race is on between Russia and the US to track it down. There is laser tech on the jet that cannot fall into the wrong hands of course but the film’s real attraction is the showdown between JCVD and Kosugi as they are on opposite sides. I don’t believe fans got the battle they wanted but we did get (spoiler alert) a very unexpected death scene for JCVD as I give the film 3 stars.
The Freeway Maniac (DVD) – A 1988 Indy flick where Arthur kills mom and her lover with a big knife! Then sent to an institution where as an adult he breaks out and finds Linda the model at a gas station where the attendants were getting rapey. Some time passes and young Linda is back at work again as she gets the starring role for a B-movie that takes place out in the desert. So hey time for Arthur to break out again and travel across the desert to stalk Linda! Not the best of plots but Arthur’s willingness to kill all in his path to get to Linda keeps this less than stellar film interesting and somewhat entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.
The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.
Pieces (Blu-ray) – Finally tracked down the Grindhouse edition for a reasonable price so it was time to dive into this fun 1982 slasher from Spain. Totally upfront, I wasn’t always a huge fan of this film but I have watched it several times and I have grown to like it more and more over the years. So when I was able to get this Blu-ray I thought it was time to do the deep dive into all the extras that this disc features and rewatched this gory entertainment all over again! The movie was made famous for being on the “Video Nasty” list and banned from other countries causing it to hit the US video market in a R-rated version that horror fans during the 80s and early 90s to pass around bootlegs of the uncut version. You cannot go wrong with a maniac and his chainsaw hacking college girls into pieces and collecting them? Not the greatest plot of all time but you will see what makes this movie tick if this might be your first viewing. This edition is packed with interviews, two different versions of the film, and a great documentary about 42nd Street theaters as I give it all 3 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
God Told Me To (1976) aka Demon
Directed by Larry Cohen
Shown: Poster Art
God Told Me To (DVD) – A Larry Cohen flick from 1976 that I have always been curious about but never got around to it for god knows what reason… See what I did there? Anyhow, I will say this film is more about now than then if that makes sense folks. A police detective Peter Nicholas, a struggling Catholic, is having an issue understanding why a sudden string of murders is happening from people who claim, “God told me to”. Normal people just grabbing a gun, knife, whatever and start rampaging through New York killing random people. But after much investigation the clue that fits with all of them is that apparently God is a long hair blonde man they see before the murders? Thus these killers believe God has spoken to them. This sends the detective questioning his own sanity and his life as he eventually becomes a suspect? Love how this film is shot, great start of the film, we got Richard Lynch and Andy Kaufman in the film, 4 stars all the way people and a film that still works now!
Night of the Zomghouls (DVD) – Jack the Hack is a legendary serial killer who escapes transport from a Jeep Renegade (cause why even have anything resemble a police cruiser) and finds a kids party palace. The place happens to be a fake “Chuck E. Cheese” place (never seen that film?) and Jack just so happens to sacrifice himself to his Lord Satan to possess the animatronics there! As a planned birthday party is about to go on the employees get picked off one by one there. This film unevenly runs a whopping 92 minutes and would have come off a little better if the cast didn’t feel stale or like they were doing household chores instead of trying to give the film some life? I know its harsh and forgive me but do better people as I can only give this flick 1 star.
Quarantine LA(DVD) – In 2017 LA it has become a quarantine zone because a large scale viral outbreak that is evolving. Now, a Special Forces team sent on a secret mission is dead like many of the scientists that they were searching for in the zone. One last man from the mission finds a scientist and goes off book as he has found survivors but the government doesn’t want any of that. Just the cure and that’s it. As the movie progresses the zone gets worse and the government tries to cover it all up. Not a terrible premise for a flick but also not the most interesting these days as we have lived it as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Is That Black Enough For You?!? (Netflix) – A bad ass documentary about Black Cinema and takes a very deep dive of how one decade changed everything. But this starts from the beginning with the portrayals, the how, the why, and the history you may not know about through clips, trailers, and several known black superstars explaining their feelings and exposure to film. This a documentary that I thought above and beyond what others have done in the past on being informative, wonderful, but most importantly getting into stuff many film fanatics may have not known. Great stuff to dig into kids as I give this 4 stars.
The Main Street Massacre (YouTube) – So the film is set up with a local band named “Nic and the Castles” playing a house party where a horrible marriage proposal goes from bad to worse. Meanwhile some rando with a machete has shown up to off people who are attending the party. But what seems random is it always coming down to that damn drummer? This is one of those middle of the road horror flicks you can take it or leave itas I think the one thing that holds this film back is “they tried too hard to be Scream” as I can only give this Indy flick 2 out of 4 stars.
The Sawyer Massacre (YouTube) – This is a fan film that’s an unofficial prequel to the TCM series most horror fans love and cherish. So before I get into the review, be warned if you are a fan I am not here just trying to stir shit? I do have questions and we will go over them after the quick review. The film mostly centers around an old gas station in the middle of somewhere that Rex the owner not having any supplies is constantly sending random people passing through to his grandpas house down the road a bit. Apparently this old house has everything as this gas station got real busy during this film. Once there people go in and mostly don’t come back out as Leatherface has the chainsaw going on overdrive and just fucking victims up for supper! Now before the questions not sure when you were trying to set this in time wise but 12 minutes in that cool truck shows up with rims that weren’t around in the 50s and 60s if that is when this was set? Anyhow, question time: Why, because you know there are literally two different prequels out there? I mean honestly you have the budget, the equipment, and location; even a solid cast, just go make another film not called this about a fucked up family down the road? How don’t the victims hear the chainsaw running during this film and run their asses off or is just the old thing of white people are stupid in these horror films? I think the most important question well more like an observation is doing a prequel you have painted yourself into a corner because no matter what we all know what the end will be… The Thing prequel anyone? Again wasn’t trying to shit on anyone’s parade I just see resources and talent that could have been used differently than a TCM fan prequel but who am I to say anything as I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars. I mean it is a fan film and there will be fans and if anything I am now interested to see what Steve Merlo directs next?
For Y’ur Height Only (DVD/YouTube) – A 1981 Filipino flick that stars one of the shortest stars of all time in a serious film that has a little person playing a James Bond role as Double 00. Our star is only three feet tall and must stop an evil villain Mr. Giant. No lie folks this is a serious film with martial arts, action, etc. It is something that if you never seen it you must watch at least once to believe it as it was entertaining as hell as I give it 2 ½ stars.
D’ Wild Wild Weng (DVD/YouTube) – Well the small Filipino star followed up his James Bond stint with an action film I was confused from the fucking start on what was going on. First off, when watching this thing it was either 1800s old west or 1981 supposedly set in California, I think? Second, monks show up, then there is the Mexican army that seems to be in every spaghetti western and on top of that our small hero hangs with the Filipino version of Andre the Giant while riding in a dune buggy! All this while fighting ninjas in the countryside and getting advice from an eight month Prego Indian dude. Confusing but hilarious as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Calamity Jane’s Revenge (DVD) – Talented filmmaker Henrique Couto went out of the comfort zone in Indy filmmaking to make an old west flick centering on after the death of Wild Bill and Calamity Jane seeking revenge. It has Jane tracking down not just the one that shot Bill in the back but others that were involved while being tracked also a lawman to bring her in. The film stars Al Snow and the talented Erin R. Ryan as Calamity Jane along with several familiar independent actors I respect and enjoy in other projects. But from beginning to end this film just didn’t feel right like not the best work of Mr. Couto. Not a bad thing I give him huge kudos trying to do something we all wouldn’t expect but the film overall just never feels like it ever gets going as I have to give it only 2 stars.
Reptisaurus (DVD) – Damn kids I must have missed this during the boom of “Dinosaurs/Animal attacks films” during earlier in the 2000s or SyFy Channel? But a group of people get stranded on an island and find themselves in some trouble as a special two man-unit on a classified mission has picked them up. But doesn’t take long for the group to understand why they are there when a winged serpent wants to eat the humans. Think of a much lesser and interesting “Q, the Winged Serpent” where it’s a government mutation experiment gone bad as I give it 1 ½ stars.
From the Depths (DVD) – This film can basically go fuck itself as it advertise itself as a shark attack film not a drama about a woman named Liz dealing with the after effects of a shark attack. Liz may or may have not helped her sister because she was a better lay for Liz’s boyfriend? Liz even several months after the attacks is still having problems in aspects of her life and moving on but that isn’t the kick in the ass as the film pulls the old switch-a-roo and instead of dreaming it all Liz is on the operating table dying at the end. Yep, fuck this shit as I spoiled the fuck out that flick; don’t watch it as I give it zero shits for wasting my time.
7 Mummies (DVD) – Whether you like this movie or not I am gonna make you wanna see this film with what I am going to lay down… A group of convicts escape a prison van into the desert and they are led by that bad ass dude from “The Transporter”. Next, they kidnap the prison guard Cerina Vincent to not take advice from an Indian played by Danny Trejo and head to this old west town to look for gold. They arrive and greeted by Martin Kove and the bad ass that of course to represent evil and darkness, Billy Drago in the town! Not enough yet? Well it gets all “From Dusk till Dawn” in the bar without Tom Savini and eventually they are all attacked by mummy monks! Now run to watch this as it sounds awesome but comes off more like a chaotic mess that is a mish-mash of several movies but without an endgame as I give it 2 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
This week we return to converse about 3 more flicks. First a cultish kids flick with that one guy from The Young Ones and that Fast Times pool lady in DROP DEAD FRED. Then we have a sexy disco Dracula and some Donny P. in DRACULA from 1979. And finally we have a wheelchair bound karate master that works as a mob enforcer at their pool parties in MR. NO LEGS. We also talk about what we have been watching lately, Kyle’s dislike of Christmas horror movies, new possible Friday the 13th stuff, and a lot more stupidity. So download this episode or Sean Cunningham will sue ya!
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