Gross Movie Reviews #567

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Gross Movie Reviews #567

Terror of Disgusting Worms from Outer Space (YouTube) – An oddity S.O.V. film made in Germany … I believe? Anyway this mid-80s unknown no budget film introduce us to Mary and Larry who after a night of partying all night are ready to head home until they see something in the sky. Bored, the couple follows to where they believed it fell to Earth hoping to find a U.F.O. and find themselves at a burned out industrial area (which makes a great location for the film). Within minutes of arriving and investigating Larry is attacked by a ghoul and it’s not long before Mary is meeting the worm aliens! Lots of incoherent running around, bad effects, glad I was able to watch this as I give this oddity 1 ½ stars for the laughs.

Disgusting Space Worms Eat Everyone! (YouTube) – In 1989 apparently we got another or possible sequel (?) to the 1984 German film but I couldn’t confirm this? Anyhow this story has alien worms infecting a man’s drugs in Beverly Hills along with the alien worms constantly feasting on random people in their homes. Meanwhile there is literally some kind of nonsense plot of a private eye (Ray) who keeps crossing paths with a 80s fouled mouth young lady. Along with that incoherent nonsense we get a lot of scenes of characters running around as the aliens are there to exterminate the humans. The highlight of this whole mess is in order to defeat the worm aliens you must throw cocaine at them as the drug melts the alien ghouls. This is a weird mess of a film indeed folks but again glad I was able to watch it as it entertained me and made me laugh so for that I give it 2 stars. Also I forgot to mention there is a random giant Raid Spray Can!

Meathook Massacre IV (YouTube) – Robert Lankford returns as the Bubba character again and this entry tries to show a budget as they feature Indy film stars Drew Marvick and Brinke Stevens. Bubba is again on the move as a bunch of meathook murders of gotten the attention of authorities and local news. While on the road Bubba and mum have a small accident with a group of young people heading to Vegas for a birthday celebration. The celebration is quickly derailed when Bubba blames this group for the death of his Ma and gets some help from his extended family. Once the extended family is introduce the film becomes more about setting up the next film than telling a story of Bubba as I give this entry 1 ½ stars.

Checkered Flag or Crash (DVD) – Think ‘Cannonball Run’ but not as funny set in Manila? It is a 3-day, 1000 mile race for $50,000 to the winner and the rest of the 50 or 60 drivers split the other $50,000 and promoted by the stylish Larry Hagman. The race or movie centers on the feud of former friends Joe Don Baker and Alan Vint who use to be partners but now competitors and a reporter played by Susan Sarandon is covering it all. The film is full of stunts and car racing which is pretty much gold 70s film lovers. I liked it but didn’t love it because for me ‘Cannonball Run’ just never gets old but that is just me as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

The Cursed (DVD) – Most of the story takes place in the late 1800s where white people never learn and fuck with gypsys who had a claim before them on some farmland. Of course a lynch mob comes by and ruins all their lives but the dumb ass white people wanna know why weird evil shit starts happening to them and their kids? After all begin to have the same nightmare and a boy goes missing a pathologist John McBride comes in to investigate the missing child and quickly figures out he might be dealing with a sinister supernatural element here as no one wants to talk about what they did in order to illegally keep the land they claim. Feels like a werewolf flick but is something more, has some fun gore scenes, goes to great lengths to have that old school cursed European monster feel, but also again points out why dumb white people will never listen as I give this horror film 3 stars.

Meathook Massacre V: The Final Chapter (YouTube) – Before I even start this review you be warned there is two more sequels that come after this, more on that later… A survivor from 15 years ago Danielle Stokley has managed to move on with her name after the attack of Bubba while living under a different name. Meanwhile Bubba is still running around with a meathook in the middle of nowhere doing his thing. Danielle is tracked down by a mysterious man who also claims to be a survivor and drops some knowledge on Danielle talking about they were some government experiment with cross breeding that mutated! What I got out of that conversation was “INCEST”. The family full of killers travels from state to state to satisfy their carnal killing needs and to stay ahead of the authorities but that is about to change? So the movie really doesn’t end it basically sets up “To Be Continued…” without saying it on screen which begs the question: “How in the love of Rutger Hauer is this the Final Chapter?” Not saying but just saying… I honestly believe this is a logical question when a filmmaker is making a film that literally claims “The Final Chapter”. I am not trying to take a giant steamy morning grumpy on this film because I like where the film was going five installments in, but when you pull this dumb shit then you are just being a dick for no good reason. And do not give me the ‘Friday the 13th Part 4’ argument as I give this film zero stars for being misleading and not in a good way.

Sharks of the Corn (DVD) – Some strange shit is happening in the cornfields of Kentucky and part of it is sharks haunt a cornfield. Yes, you heard me right folks sharks haunt a cornfield and a serial killer who is obsessed with sharks believes the sharks are gods and makes sacrifices for the gods. Oh yeah there is a Bigfoot and a Bigfoot hunter running around during this whole mess as the killer believes he is fulfilling some kind of Blood Moon prophecy. With this going all on not totally sure there is a real reason the sharks are there in the cornfield other than it can spell the end of the world for all? There is a lot of filler of three ongoing movie plots here and feel if Tim Ritter would have just stuck with a parody of ‘Children of the Corn’ I think it would have been more entertaining and that is coming from a fan of Mr. Ritter’s. I will say this if there was one take away from this mess and what may have saved the film for me was the last minutes of the film made me laugh several times as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Maggots (DVD) – If I wasn’t hell bent enough on destroying my brain with Yuengling there is bad movies and this was downright unbearable at times. This 2017 film claiming it was made for $100,000 is set in Harlan County, a wooded country area where something comes crashing to Earth and unleashes mutant maggots that want humans to feast on. Fred Olen Ray I know you wrote the story for this but dude… please have some say in these projects? Of course Harlan County just happens to become a hotspot for tourists when giant bad green screened maggots are attacking! I would love to say this entertaining but even me, I felt like something was taken from me when watching this so-called film as I give it 0 stars. Sorry your jokes in the film fell horribly flat!

Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood! (DVD) – Not expecting much from this C. Thomas Howell project, hell was awaiting for it to be downright insulting but instead I was surprised how much fun it unfolds in being. Once you get past the opening shootout between rival gangs and two cops the film steals its idea from ‘Night of the Comet’ and does a pretty good job its low budget it has? A strange solar flare wave hits Earth and those exposed to the radiation turn into zombies or vampires or something else according to the entertaining characters we have trapped inside the lead-walled medical facility. Understanding they must survive and put racial issues aside the gangs and white cop (C. Thomas Howell) must learn to adapt quickly as all cars do not work and the zombies are evolving. The characters were entertaining as hell for what looks like a low grade cheeseball flick at first glance and will surprise you how entertaining this film actually is? This horror film has its flaws but believe me horror fans this film does deserve your attention if you do not take the title too seriously. If you liked ‘Leprechaun in the Hood’ you will like this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Exorcist Vengeance (On Demand) – They are trying to use Robert Bronzi aka Bootleg Bronson in every genre humanly possible and I love it. So grab the beer and donuts as Bootleg Bronson this time around stars as Father Jozsef (had to look up the correct spelling) who is called in to investigate unholy symbols. The Bishop is sent pictures of some unholy symbols on the floor of a donor of the church and believes there is exorcism that needs to be done so send in the big gun to investigate? Father Jozsef shows up to the home to investigate and do a typical exorcism but runs into obstacles because in order to finish what he started, he must unravel the mystery of the family itself which has set them on the path of the devil. Once the secret is out it is just this evil force vs. the good father himself who of course carries a gun because he is Bootleg Bronson and for that I give 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #566

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Gross Movie Reviews #566

Deadheading (DVD) – This recent release out of the U.K. should have been called “Dead on Arrival” as this was one of the worst films I have sat through in 2022. But anyhow kids Anna, a tired flight attendant that has the all high and mighty attitude hooks up with a hot dude in her hotel mess in London. You know how it goes: she’s married, better than everyone, how could anyone even think of another then after a couple of drinks and conversation they are bumping like bunnies! Problem, Anna wakes up in a pool of his blood and instead of calling police she decides how can I get rid of this body and go back to work? Most of the film is all about Anna trying to figure out how she is getting away with the murder… Ugh this was a borefest as I give it zip stars!

Killer Tattooist (Blu-ray) – This recent U.K. film is also known in some parts ‘Skinned’ and was a pleasant surprise about a serial killer. Nathan is a very professional tattoo artist who enjoys his work and loves to kill. Meanwhile a strung out cop named Eva is brought in by superiors to look into these nine women who have been murdered the past three months. What connects all of them is the females were recently tattooed or had appointments to be tattooed and Eva for being an utter mess of an officer does wonderful undercover work. Eva and Nathan meet up at a tattoo festival and the relationship quickly evolves from there. Eva unaware of Nathan’s extra circular activity soon becomes suspicious as she gets pressure from her superiors to bring him in for questioning. Surprisingly this film gives off a “Hannibal TV series” vibe that will suck you into what is Nathan going to do next? I would have loved to say this movie was perfect but the lazy ending in my opinion was what hurt it, but don’t let that turn you off from this solid horror film that I give 3 stars.

Zombie Shark (DVD) – Honestly, I thought I seen all the SyFy Channel shark films but apparently I am wrong and blame this on talented Indy filmmaker Maddie Deering as she always keeps me in the loop. But all seriousness folks this was bad! Four people head to Red Plum Island for a weekend of fun until they come across a supposedly dead shark on the beach. But it is undead and eats the hot dude that got them to the beach. Meanwhile, Sgt. Cage aka Jeremy London is trying to track down the undead experiment shark that has caused this big mess and he is carrying a rocket launcher. Usually I absolutely love watching these films but this seem to be bad all around. The only redeemable thing that came out of the film is the quote: “people on the island are going to be a zombie shark buffet”, outside of that no wonder this slipped under my radar as it gets zero stars.

Visions of Fear (DVD) – A collection of seven short films hosted by Tiffany Shepis in 2007 or 2008. 1st film – My Skin – An old creepy dude takes care of a husband’s business for him. 2nd film – Slumber – A reporter named Jason, starts working on a gruesome story that makes him to have horrible visions that are physically changing him. 3rd film – What Ever Happened to the Zombie Killers – Zombies are just trying to enjoy their drinking and dancing at their favorite nightclub until some Goth girls known as the “Zombie Killers” show up to be bathed in gore. 4th film – Callous Sentiment – A local park that sucks in the vulnerable with acts of violence. 5th film – Trick or Treat! – A young woman makes the mistake of allowing a trick or treater into her home who just wants candy but she doesn’t have any? 6th film – Hooligan’s Valley – An offbeat short where a clown and his Mexican wrestler partner go to rescue his girlfriend at a seedy nightclub. 7th and final shirt film – Scream for Me – This is an uncomfortable adventure into a man looking for a woman to scream for his pleasure but she refuses. But he has the tables turned on him but not in the manner you think happen? A fun collection of short films that many horror fans would enjoy but the sixth short film just doesn’t fit the vibe or the buildup (intentional or not) to the last short film introduced by the very talented Tiffany Shepis as I give the collection 3 stars.

Escape from Deathblock 13 (DVD) – If it isn’t ‘massacre’ films, post-apocalyptic flicks, or Amityville movies you know I love me some Bootleg Chuck Bronson films! Robert Bronzi aka fake Charles Bronson plays Mick Kovacs who shows up at a recycling warehouse demanding his brother’s death benefit payment. After a scuffle Bootleg Chuck Bronson gets arrested and is given an opportunity to work the inside for the police but chooses not to for now because he believes he is innocent. Now sitting in prison to rot bootleg Bronson aka Mick is forced to make friends and act in some bad prison scenes. But Mick accidentally comes across some evidence to connect the warden, the prison, and the recycling warehouse all in a drug smuggling ring and he wants out. So some inmates gather to help Mick out by starting a riot so he can escape through the legendary tunnels under the old ass prison so he can go get his revenge and then be offered a job by the U.S. government! Yes it is an action movie mess but I cannot get enough of Bootleg Bronson as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

Game of Death (DVD) – Here is a horror movie I thought I would see more people talk about? A group of young people hanging by the pool one day doing the usual: drugs, drinking, getting sexed up, AND NO ONE ON A CELL PHONE (no kidding on that last part, maybe that is why this horror film got buried? Reality check people). While let’s just say a young lady is enjoying her boyfriend as he has a good meal she sees a board game called “Game of Death”. To play the rules are simple: Kill or be killed… so of course they play. Now they either need to kill each other, 24 other people, or watch their heads explode because they refuse to participate and they could win… maybe? Weird, gory, keeps it simple, just surprised not hearing horror fans enjoying this as I believe it is worth at least one watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alien from the Deep (DVD) – An Eye-talian/Philippines flick from 1989 starring Charles Napier as a hard ass military dude who has taken over a radioactivity dumping operation on an unknown island. Two Greenpeace people show up to look into the illegal dumping by the power plant only to their horror to find they are just throwing the radioactivity into a volcano. The Greenpeace people sneak into the facility and videotape all the dirty secrets but then it gets a little wacky for all involved when an alien drops by because its attracted to all the toxic waste. The alien is able to burn humans with its touch and seems to indestructible unless you got some random hydrogen flame thrower to burn the large lobster clawed thing! It’s terrible, it’s cheesy, and I know I will watch it again at some point in my life as I give it 2 stars.

Fangboner (Blu-ray) – Written and directed by Nathan (Amityville Vibrator) Rumler for a Rock Bottom Video Production so you are well warned what you are about to get into and if anything you will laugh a lot. After a night of blackout drinking and unprotected sex something is wrong with Dick? Dick has never felt like shit this much before but that doesn’t stop him from visiting his next hook up with the girl he cannot remember her name (Suzy by the way but not that important). The problem reveals itself before and after Dick hooks up with Suzy as Dick’s prior hook up is an alien that bit his dick! Dick convinces Suzy that it must be a form of vampirism that will make them thirst for blood, sex, and uncomfortable conversations in the woods. While they try plan their feedings, weird sex blood sucking rituals, the alien must retrieve the couple and end their lives before they infect the whole human race. The movie is hilariously uncomfortable and I enjoyed it all. ‘Fangboner’ has its flaws, but for no budget and just a cool crew of people having fun makes this one of those flicks you need a room full of friends, beer, and some pizza as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Mini-Grossfest Update and our list of vendors…

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First, I wanna thank the Willow Station Restaurant and Bar in Castle Shannon, Pa. for helping to have our first outdoor event and we have sold out. Second, wanna thank all the vendors that are going to be a part of the event. (There will be a list of vendors posted soon.) Sorry we had to turn a few away but like we said from the beginning it was limited space, first come, first served. Third and most important because I have already fielded a couple questions from a couple people concerning about this? The EVENT IS FREE to attendees, the public, whatever you wanna call the people from around the Pittsburgh area coming to check out all the great vendors that will be there. So let your mum, your dad, your lovers, your partner, your neighbors, even the people you dislike know to come visit our event. All we at Grossfest are kindly asking is for people to head into the Willow Station at some point because hell you are already there to see all of us to go have a drink or have brunch as it starts at 11am! Point is people it’s been a hard two years for all of us. This is another step in making a bigger Grossfest happen again but also we want you to have more money in your pocket to spend on the vendors… again THE EVENT IS FREE TO GET IN! Plus the whole point of Grossfest is to introduce you to independent filmmakers, authors, artists and to have fun doing it like conventions used to be!

So again May 1st, 10am-3pm in the back parking lot of Willow Station Bar/Restaurant. There will be parking out in front along the street (most of the public parking side lot will be taken up by vendors)

Willow Station

3841 Willow Ave.

 Pittsburgh, PA 15234

Willow Station will be open for that day 11am – 4pm.

https://www.thewillowstation.com/ or www.facebook.com/3841WillowStation

Any questions email Tom or Tim Gross or email grossfest@gmail.com about the event.

NOW FOR OUR LIST OF VENDORS

Maddie Deering – NekroShark Films (rumors that Spirit Animal star Tom Gross will be there to sign autographs with the talented filmmaker Maddie)

Melanie Stone – Dark White Arts

Lunija Gjoni – Plastinated Heart Art   

Jess Weary – Celebrations of Spirits

David Milchick – Shoggoth Suds

Kayleigh Crawford and Dan Komarek – Video Nasty Productions

House of Horror

Scott Baucan

Christian Bareford – local film festival (filmmakers you may want to talk to these people?)

Minerva’s Trinkets

Angel O’Connor and Steve McBride – artist, tattoo artist, make-up effects expert, and all around cool persons

Brillobox – Luther Ickes – filmmaker (made a Pittsburgh Bigfoot movie), bar owner of a cool hot spot that just reopened

Darcy and Keith Munden – Legacy Verse Productions

David Fairhead – Fairly Dark Productions

Daniel Boyd and Tim Gross – Drunken Yinzers Productions

And of course the guests: the people, the myth, the legends, the Grossfest lifetime achievement award winners, the most talented Pittsburgh independent film duo you can meet David and Diana Silvio of Kiss of Death Productions!

So hope to see yinz n’at on Sunday May 1st, so come on dahn to visit!

Gross Movie Reviews #565

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Gross Movie Reviews #565

Amityville: The Final Chapter (DVD) – Just like ‘Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter’ this franchise lied to us big time and try to hide it by marketing this film under a different title ‘Sickle’. Over the years the title has been changed back and forth but it is entry #36 so what were you expecting? Anyway kids, this story has a 27 year old known as “The Babysitter Killer” getting released from prison after 15 years. Michael a kid at the time claimed he was visited by a creature in a top hat that made him kill his babysitter when he was 12. Now adult, some ghost hunters cross paths with the newly released man and believe it is a great idea to take Michael back to the house where it all happened? Of course this causes the demonic force known as “Sickle” to reappear and ruin everyone’s day or night… its fucking ghost hunting does it matter at this point? This hot piece of garbage is high on the Amityville list of almost unwatchable as I give this entry 0 stars enjoy kids.

The Monster of Piedras Blancas (DVD) – Say that title five times fast, anyway before I review this: quick question: is the lighthouse location in this 1959 film the same as the one in “John Carpenter’s The Fog”? Back to your regularly scheduled review, two brothers are found dead near the lighthouse after going night fishing the night before. The deaths look suspicious and of course there is a small town legend of a monster that has lived along the rocks of the ocean. The old man who lives next to the lighthouse knows the truth and has fed the monster meat scraps from the town market for some time now. But the monster hungers more as it enjoys ripping human heads off and sucking the blood out of their neck. Can the monster be stopped? Is there more than one in the caves off this coastal town? A fun drive-in flick that I am surprised I never got the chance to see on Chilly Billy or something when growing up as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alligator (Blu-ray) – You all have seen or heard of this movie by now where a baby alligator is thrown the toilet and years later its living in the sewers feeding on dead animals and such. Now it’s up to Robert Forster to get people to believe him a giant alligator is gonna eat everybody in the city. The 1980 film is cheesy fun but now finally has gotten the special Blu-ray treatment it has deserved for a long time. We get a new 4K scan of the original negative for not only the theatrical but the TV version of the movie and it looks just amazing as when the alligator coming up through the sidewalk looks hilariously cheesy. I mean honestly for years most of the film was grainy and hid the glorious scene well. We get tons of interviews, commentaries, lots of fun stuff in this 3-disc version you never knew you needed until it existed as I give it 4 stars.

Alligator II: The Mutation (Blu-ray) – Almost a decade later we get a fun cheeseball sequel with no Robert Forster but an all-star cast that makes this sequel much more interesting than it ever should have been? This time around a baby alligator is fed a steady diet of hormones and other chemicals from the Future Chemicals Corporation and we get another giant alligator that is going to attack a city festival where Steve Railsback plays an asshole trying to buy up everyone’s property. Richard Lynch and Kane Hodder steal the show as “gator hunters”. This sequel is dislike by some horror fans, for me it has always a weird fun appeal to me and makes all the right sense in the world to pick this new version up as it also has some fun interviews that make the film worth the watch all over again as I give it 3 ½ stars. Which by the way did you know this film was made for TV not the theater or direct-to-video, weird stuff?

Aquaslash (DVD) – A Canadian horror/comedy where some high school graduates are partying at a waterpark for the weekend. Of course most of the movie has a lot of graduates making out and getting told a story of a killer who murdered a bunch of people at the park in the 80s. The movie for its short running time takes a while to set up things but there is a huge gory payoff as a mysterious killer rigs up something in one of the water slides! The horror movie isn’t horrible but feels like there isn’t much rewatchablity to it as I give this horror feature 2 stars.

The Mask (Blu-ray) – A wild 1961 film has Dr. Allan Barnes trying to help a patient named Michael from going completely insane. Up until recently Michael was well respected and working at the local museum but has become consumed with a tribal/ritual mask of sorts that has Michael believing he is now cursed. After Michael’s last appointment he rushes out of the office to go home to commit suicide but before he does he mails the mask to the good doctor challenging him to see the nightmares. Dr. Barnes curious about the mask puts it for research in what driven a person to the brink and becomes consumed with the death and weird ritual things that happen when putting the mask on. Barnes quickly becomes obsessed with the mask and even convinces his mentor to help him with the experiment of learning what makes this mask unique? A fun bizarre version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that can be seen in 2-D and 3-D with “Electro-magic sound” in this new restored version. The package also includes a short documentary and other short films that make this a must have for old school film fans as I give it 3 stars.

Killer Party (Blu-ray) – Now that we have fought through the Warner Brother DVD-R Archive crap that went on with this 80s slasher film we meaning a small but crazy fan base get a special edition version of ‘Killer Party’. A horror film from 1986 that is considered second tier slasher to some horror fans but one of my favorites growing up is all about three girls just trying to pledge to a sorority that is interrupted by a demonic presence. This pure 80s horror flick has a lot of fun new interviews that makes us physical media nerds jump for joy to have as I give it 3 stars.

Special Effects (VHS) – After Andrea and her husband Keefe have a fight about going back to Oklahoma, Andrea runs out on her man. Backstory, Andrea left him after having her baby and decided to chase a career in acting, modeling, etc., in New York City. While on the run and picking up a newspaper she finds herself on the doorstep of a famous filmmaker named Neville. Neville has just bombed out of Hollywood and lets in Andrea on whim. One thing leads to another and Neville is murdering her on his bed while filming it. Chris Neville cleans it all up and dumps the body so the husband is blamed. The husband breaks out police custody to visit Neville and this inspires the filmmaker to make a low budget film about realtime murder he committed! Neville gets so involved with the project he bails out the husband, makes the one police officer a technical adviser, and believes this is his way back to Hollywood as everything has to look a certain way as Neville relives the fantasy murder. For me this was a very bizarre Larry Cohen film to watch but glad as hell I did as I give it 3 stars.

Thriller: A Cruel Picture (Blu-ray) – The 1973 film is also widely known as “They Call Her One Eye” and has been inspiration for many filmmakers the past few decades but can’t be duplicated. A woman (Christina Lindberg) who is raped as a young girl is now grown but mute and goes into town quite often for doctor’s appointments. Innocent and naïve she gets in a car when she misses a bus into town and wakes up beaten up, hooked on heroin, and told she will now be a hooker! Not happy with this she takes it out on her first customer and in return she loses an eye and weirdly enough apparently it costs more money to bang a one eyed hooker. Soon she saves her money learns how to race a car, shoot guns, and fight. And that is when this movie just gets downright brutal as hell as she begins gut shooting customers left and right in slow motion with a double barrel shotgun. The movie is absolutely amazing, fucked up, brutal, and not for all movie lovers at the same time. I can see why this film has such rabid fan base especially when your female lead doesn’t say a damn word through the whole film! Thanks to Synapse Films this brutal film or package is going to make physical media fans drool like crazy as they have included an uncut and uncensored HD version with several subtitle and soundtrack options, rare photos and outtakes, alternate fight scene, and rare photos of a fight scene that was ruined by a film lab. If you only have seen the ‘They Call Her One Eye’ version you better be prepared for some of the graphic material in this restored film as his will not be for all audiences. Hell the movie was never made for all audiences but I am sure this package will make a lot of “Best of” lists at the end of the year as I give this 4 out of 4 stars. www.synapse-films.com

The Dungeonmaster (DVD) – Its 1984 and Paul is the IT guy who knows how to fix all computer problems as he is hooked up to his computer “CAL”. One night after a fight with his girlfriend Gwen, Paul and Gwen get sucked into purgatory or hell for Paul to conquer seven challenges in fantasy land in order for the couple to live and go back home. David Allen, John Carl Buechler, Charles Band, and Richard Moll as Satan, evil wizard, whatever you wanna call him… I will always be in to watch this crazy mess! Another fun Empire Pictures project that is just fun to pop in every five years or so and makes a little sense if double feature it with ‘Metalstorm’ that I give 3 stars.

They See You (Blu-ray) – Our story begins with three teenage boys heading into town to check out a unique/oddities shop. There is a spirit board with what looks like Halloween symbols on it that catches their attention but they are told that it isn’t for sale. Mainly the spirit board is not for sale because it’s cursed but this only intrigue the boys as with help from a couple girls they know from school they steal it along with an old book. They all head out the woods to have some fun with it, they all touch the spirit board, say some words from the old book, and it activates. Unleashing a gang of demons, undead creatures on Halloween that just don’t want to consume them but take control of the spirit board and book to stay in this world. Think of a slick independent gory film with a ‘Witchboard’ and ‘Beyond the Gates’ vibe to it. The movie has its flaws but overall Tory Jones and Jonestown Films put together a solid horror film well worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Robo C.H.I.C. (VHS) – First let’s get the alternate titles out of the way: aka Cyber-C.H.I.C. aka Robochic aka Thunder Tronic starring Burt Ward! Anyhow, a wacky doctor puts together a crime fighting fembot (remember kids its 1990). Along the way when the fembot isn’t training we have a mad bomber who is trying to keep the city hostage as he plants bombs everywhere. It is up to the futuristic fembot to find the people who kidnap the mad bomber and stop the bombs from going off in this supposedly intentionally funny film but fails. This movie is a part of a sub-genre that seem to show on “Up All Night” with Rhonda Shear between 1987-1992 or what you could call: The Killer Tomato sequel years? Anyhow give this terrible garbage 0 stars.

Kill-Cam (Blu-ray) – Chris Woods and The Sleaze Box crew reach deep into the sleaze void to pull out a story of Samantha Styles. Ms. Styles (Katie Mckinley) is obsessed with a model Pamela Keaton that makes her drool and want to meet her but Samantha also just happens to be a sex-crazed serial killer with a super shitty past! This slow burn into the dark void of Samantha has her getting advice from a doll, stalking her ex hookup, enjoying her murderous desires until see can come up with a way to meet her obsession. Folks you are in for a rough one here as this is not for the faint of heart but I believe this will find an audience craving more with Katie McKinley’s performance as a sick and horny serial killer. As I say with projects like this: “this isn’t my cup of tea” but I can easily see this project being talked about among independent film fans for the next several years because of its content as I give the film 2 ½ stars just for Katie Mckinley performance standing out in this feature.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Amityville… 36 entries… still counting… and still waiting for the others? (Part One)

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Okay kids instead of boring you with who I am or my background let’s just summarize that like you I am some weirdo horror movie fan who in his lifetime has watched way too many horror movies and loves it. With that out of the way, let’s talk the Amityville series and if you couldn’t already tell this is gonna be a two part article for good reasons or bad ones… Honestly I just watched 36 Amityville films in the past six weeks so I don’t know if I would trust me? But let’s get back to what needs discussed or depending how many beers I drink (two 10% beers if wondering) while writing this article. Older horror fans if by some chance you didn’t know, “yes there is 36 F’N entries, so far… in the Amityville series, franchise, whatever you wanna call it. First question before I go on: Can we call it a franchise? I mean really can you call it a franchise if they really haven’t made money. Honestly, I thought I didn’t understand who the “Resident Evil” franchise was being made for but that is a whole different conversation. (Getting another beer) And for the newbies to the horror scene, nerdem, those of you are under 21, there was this movie/book based on a story of the Lutz family moving into a home in the state of New York that was haunted in the 70s. Anddddddddd… had a history of some horrible murders. In my John Larroquette voice it would be forever known as “The Amityville Horror”.

     Now that I have your attention, I and a couple friends who do a podcast called “Bloodbaths and Boomsticks” decided when we started up again for 2022 we should do an Amityville film every week. Sounds like a dumb idea but what the hell we are talking about a couple of guys that did a three episode podcast arc on the wonderful horror film “Spookies” (before it was cool). Yes, we do a podcast and no we don’t give a donkey fart who is paying attention (we have five listeners I believe) as we been doing a podcast for over eight years that was literally based on drunken conversations between two dumb ass horror movie nerds at a movie convention. Basically we live in reality for the most part. However this dumb ass idea stemmed from one of the dudes John Shatzer doing the “Witchcraft” series (all 16 of them) which intrigued me and of course I watched all of them because I have no life but also because I watch way too many ‘massacre’ films. (A whole other conversation we don’t need to have right now.) Second question before we move on: What happen to the Witchcraft remake? Legit question kids… Anyhow me being me I couldn’t just watch one Amityville film a week I wanted to watch them all? But here is the catch it surprised me that there was actually 36 films with five more in development and two more that we know of coming! (I take this very seriously as I open beer number four and I am invested.)

    

Why does this series intrigue me or my podcast partners Kyle Poling and John Shatzer? Well we are old but the real reason is why are there so many? I remember reading Fango back in the late 80s and once they had Patty Duke and sold the lamp I was out and no longer paying attention. Honestly kids, there are 12 Friday the 13th films, 10 Hellraiser films, eight Nightmare on Elm Street films, etc., you get the picture I kept paying attention. But for some reason I lost touch in caring to read the “Terror Teletype” in Fango about another Amityville sequel (yes I know you know I am old now) but those bitches kept making them. I mean after the first movie in 1979 yinz know the house burned, exploded, it didn’t F’N exist! So how, why, WTF? Well the first few or let’s say four movies were your standard for the 80s for a killer haunted home. That is where it went weird as we as horror fans were not imagining things when we saw four more entries litter the local video stores. These entries were made on modest budgets, had a couple celebs we know, and plots that were remotely worth watching. Again we are talking evil house, evil objects in the house that were sold “Friday the 13th TV series” style, and remember the house exploded. But like a lot of people say “why let plot get in the way of a bad movie” or is that said differently? Anyway after that it went quiet in the mid-90s… Question three: Was that because “Scream” and horror audiences expected more? Question four: because we were introduced to DVD and distribution figured the age of “direct-to-video” was over since even at that time video stores were starting to close their doors? (Time for another beer)

    

This is where all horror fans believed, thought, or just plain forgot the series died? There was nothing between 1996 and 2005. Then it happened… THE REMAKE and it starred Ryan Reynolds! 2005, out of nowhere the remake of “The Amityville Horror” came out and it was like a fart in church, forgotten after sneering at it. I mean it wasn’t horrible and it was all the rage by 2005 the remake was released but it was one of those things ‘based on true events’ that hey breaking news was most likely all bullshit! Even the Warrens of “The Conjuring” films fame for those who don’t know were sucked in during the 70s. Bottom-line kids DeFeo allegedly killed everyone setting these things in motion with the Lutz possibly looking for a payoff or whatever. But hey go Google that shit on your own time as this remake somehow opened ‘Pandora’s box’ of Amityville sequels. Question five: I understood remakes were the fad in the early 2000s but why “The Amityville Horror”? Out of all the horror movies from 70s and 80s this was one literally stumped me in the logic especially when even then it was all in question that it was a hoax or it was one of those things no one cared about. Come on kids… your dumb ass “Paranormal Activity” films or “Ghost Hunters” right before that gave birth to a shitload of TV weirdos that thought they were seeing or feeling ghosts on a weekly basis?

    

Then 2011 rolled around and all of a sudden it was on like Donkey Kong for the love of Rutger Hauer as it became a new thing: Amityville Haunting, Asylum, Playhouse, Deathhouse, etc., you get the drift. I don’t think there is a real answer here as I have read everything from the Amityville name is public domain to there is a loop hole in a contract signed between the book and movie rights to no one gives a fuck which raises question six: Who is actually making money on these entries let alone think they will make money? Then the independent filmmakers got a hold of this series during this time. Mark Polonia should have honestly known better and let’s be honest expect better from him and his crew. But then there is an entry from filmmaker Henrique Couto called “Amityville: No Escape” that was a found footage Amityville film that was not just watchable but great! He confused me because I was being conditioned to just watch a total mess of what is considered a horror movie. But don’t worry kids as I was ass deep entries into the series and thinking the entries were not that terrible I then come across “Amityville: Vanishing Point”. This 2016 entry was made for around $1000 by a so-called filmmaker who has disappeared as quickly as this film was made. The sound and editing were so bad the DVD was pulled from Amazon and there were no streaming rights (or at least that is what my research turned up). This film wasn’t watchable even though I did my best to power through it. Funny thing this had an excuse, but a few entries later another entry didn’t as I was introduced to Florida douchebag and his fake stripper girlfriend in “Amityville: Mt. Misery Road”. Never mind there was an entry called, “Amityville Prison” that was actually another good film (who would of guessed) or a couple entries that more names than foreign territories “Zombie” franchise (again Google that shit) had.

     The reason I bring up “Amityville: Mt. Misery Road” is just the sad fact that this is a piece of garbage that shouldn’t be called a movie. This is a prime example of me not understanding how hot garbage like this entry gets distribution and stuff from Indy filmmakers such as a Jim Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, Zane Hershberger, and I could go on and on  as they struggle their asses off for companies to pay attention. There is no fucking way in hell you can explain to me this film from ‘Florida Man’ is better than the last 200 independent films I have watched. Honestly kids this is plain bullshit and the company that even remotely released this should go bankrupt just because this so-called film was dumb and insulting to people who actually like watching films. But what made this series weirder if possible was the prequel we get in 2018 called “The Amityville Murders”. Literally we are over 20 entries in and we get a true prequel to the whole series depicting the DeFeo murders! Unless you are 12 or lived in a bomb shelter all your life you have seen the several documentaries explaining it’s a hoax and DeFeo wanted to bang his sister but that is after the fact. This entry was a pleasant surprise but not aimed at me as I grew up with all of this stuff. The entry doesn’t cover new ground but when it is sandwiched between “Vanishing Point, Mt. Misery Road, and Harvest” you will want to celebrate!

If you need to know:

Amityville worst:

1) Mt. Misery Road (just fuck off Florida douchebag)

2) Vanishing Point (I can get past the editing and sound was off completely, but you never went back and fixed it)

3) Scarecrow (Really kids, a British scarecrow movie hiding as an Amityville film about a haunted scarecrow in a trailer park… UGH!

    

Then for some odd reason 2019 it went completely quiet just so in 2020 and 2021 the Amityville films just like everyone during the pandemic lost their freaking mind as we got: an island with a shark, witches, a vibrator that was haunted (which I have watched twice and yes you had me at “vibrator at a yard sale” but also Nathan Rumler you legit made me laugh at a film that is 30 films deep into a franchise!, a werewolf, a cult (didn’t see that coming), a vampire (again), they were in the hood with Dustin Ferguson (I enjoyed the Leprechaun in the hood vibe) and zombies… maybe? Then if that wasn’t enough I found one that got lost because of all its different titles that was a 2015 entry, get this it was called, “Amityville: The Final Chapter”. Fuck me sideways with this dumb shit WTF? Because this reminded me of the entry with Jennifer Jason Leigh that supposedly was made in 2011, supposed to be released in 2013 and then again 2015 under a different title?  The frustration, the beer that was drank during this, and what makes this hilarious is I am awaiting the five entries that haven’t been released yet? Or made available for public consumption yet as we will be getting titles like Amityville: Karen, Bigfoot, Hex, Clown, and Sharkhouse! I wish I could make this shit up but the topper out of this glorious or not so glorious mess is one of the two Amityville movies in development is a FREAKIN’ REMAKE with a big budget! Did I miss something while I watched all of these? Anyway I needed to get this out of my system as I know I will part two of this article later this year when I am able to witness the five films to bring our total to 41! So kids don’t do this for fun do this as a group thing and enjoy the dumbness or the puzzling thoughts of how a couple entries can be, how is that an Amityville thing, why is there five more, why it take so long to do in the hood, why isn’t a space movie, and best of all you know the house exploded right? Good night horror kids…

Hope yinz enjoyed the article, if you wanna support come to our Grossfest show May 1st (www.grossfest.com for more details), be the sixth person in nine years to listen to our podcast (http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/) , or check me out at www.grossmoviereviews.com .