Monthly Archives: May 2019

Gross Movie Reviews #473

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Gross Movie Reviews #473

 

The Nun (DVD) – “The Conjuring” series continues as they did a prequel or more of an origin story for that scary ass nun that scares the nutsacks out of the Warrens. It is set in 1952 where a sect, group, whatever you wanna call them of nuns hang out in this remote castle called the Abbey outside of a small Romanian town. However these quiet young ladies have been keeping an evil secret hidden away from the Vatican and the world. After a young man who delivers food to the Abbey finds a bloody ass nun hung herself he thought he should get word to the right people. So the Vatican sends a priest with a mysterious past and a nun who has yet to take her vows to the Abbey and investigate the suicide. And see if the rumors are true about something evil living there? Once there they both understand quickly this evil is real and must be dealt with in a hurry as its power is beginning to grow. But no matter what happens we all know from the past films with the Warrens the ‘nun’ is still doing some ghostly shit so in the end what was the point of the film? For that I give a meh and 2 stars.

Empire of Ash (YouTube) – Been a little while since I touched on my second favorite genre “post-apocalyptic films”, so I thought it was time to tackle this Canadian thriller from 1988. If I got the backstory right it was supposedly filmed in 1986 then got rereleased in 1988 as “Empire of Ash II” in case you cannot find one, which is why. For another weird fact it was also retitled in some countries as “Maniac Warriors”, no wonder it took me a while to track this lower budgeted crap down. So the apocalypse happened and there are some survivors. Problem there is a crazy ass priest with his band of post-apocalyptic misfits killing survivors who are not down with the new god in ‘New Idaho’. A woman warrior (Danielle) and a weird bootleg of a bootleg loner warrior team up, bump uglies, and try to save the one’s sister. If that wasn’t enough plot for you on the other side of ‘New Idaho’ there is some generic scientists using some survival weirdos of kidnapping fresh victims, I mean survivors to use for their possible cure. In the end a lot of random filler and a hot young lady warrior 80s style fucking shit up but not enough for me to recommend yinz going down the same path of finding this as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Empire of Ash III (YouTube) – Yes for the love of Rutger Hauer it had a sequel and I watched it. Released in 1989 it still follows the same female warrior (Danielle) who lost her man, her sister, and really doesn’t seem to care… Supposedly its 2050 and William Smith playing the new bad ass nutzoid priest is out fucking people up in ‘New Idaho’. Danielle after getting naked decides to help a young man rescue his teenage love from William Smith before he boinks her for god! There was little recasting from the first movie as you see a lot of the same people in this sequel but most likely someone got fired to pay for William Smith as he wasn’t doing high profile projects any longer. Best thing I can say about this besides Danielle and William Smith is there are cannibals and for that I give 2 stars. And before I forget this movie was also retitled “Last of the Warriors” at one time.

 

Pro-Wrestlers vs. Zombies (Blu-ray) – Okay people I really wanted to like this movie but man this was disappointing folks. The film stars Shane Douglas as himself. Douglas has a feud with another wrestler Billy that gets ugly quick over a woman. Douglas ‘accidentally’ kills this wrestler Billy in the ring. Billy’s Brother Angus in order to get revenge he must sacrifice a nurse to begin his zombie horde, and pay a promoter to set up a private wrestling event at an empty West Virginia prison. A bus takes the wrestlers (Douglas, Roddy Piper, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Matt Hardy, and a few others) along with valets to the prison. Oh before I forget Kurt Angle makes a cameo through the side door that even seems out of place for this film? Now they all must fight through the hordes of zombies because Douglas and this now dead wrestler Billy could get along. Damn that is really playing a wrestling angle… too bad it is pretty boring. It has a little bit of gore and tons of extras but Piper has little to work with to help this feature along as maybe the film idea should have stayed dead as I give it 1 star.

 

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (Theater) – Holy fuck nuts the action does not stop in this wonderful film. If you are looking for story or closure into the John Wick storyline you won’t find it here. But if you are looking for some of the best action sequences ever for a US film and wanna see John Wick kill hundreds, Mark Dacascos be one of my favorite villains and enjoy his work, Halle Berry have dick-chomping dogs, and be introduced to some bad ass action dudes you may have not had the pleasure watching in other films like I have? Check your brain at the door and allow your mind to be action fucked by this great film. The movie has flaws if you sit back and have been studying the storyline of the franchise as my podcast partners John Shatzer, Kyle Poling, and I did on our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. Imagery is top notch but somewhere behind all that the writers may have forgotten what makes this run? Either way people I don’t care as I was entertained as hell as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Cold Steel (VHS/YouTube) – Jonathan Banks who plays Isaac the Iceman in this direct-to-video thriller wants revenge against Johnny Modine no relation to Matthew Modine. Johnny and Isaac were young cops who were close buddies partying until they got into a scuffle they couldn’t handle in an alley way behind the bar. Johnny got knocked out; Isaac got his throat and face slashed, and their buddy died. Besides killing Johnny’s father on Christmas Eve night he uses a young Sharon Stone to lure Johnny’s trust and let his guard down so The Iceman can play with him before his revenge. Maybe not the best of thrillers but you have amazing car stunts, Jonathan Banks who has always played a great bad guy, Adam Ant as a meth dealer, and Sharon Stone naked, I am in to watch this again as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Possession (DVD) – Well this 1981 film was one fucking weird movie folks. Mark and Anna are having marriage troubles. Mark was away for a long time with his government job only to come home and spend some quality family time and find out his wife Anna is not just fucking another dude… But she apparently gave birth to some weird gooey thing in the subway tunnel that she has sex with and you are supposed to decide if its: God, the devil, or just Mark’s clone for some weird unknown reason? When you think the film gets strange and blows past that and just get downright confusing as Anna has an apartment away from Mark and her boyfriend so she can take care of this thing. Which she must kill to feed it by the way but Mark doesn’t understand until the very end when Anna regrets it when they both die. Isabelle Adjani and Sam Neill were fucking amazing in way into the roles but I still don’t quite know what I watched in this gooey mystery as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Gross Movie Reviews #472

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Gross Movie Reviews #472

 

Weenie Roast Massacre (DVD/YouTube) – High School football star Marty has it all until a serious head injury changes everything. His father brings a football scout to a barbeque and makes Marty show off his skills and in the process smacks his head off the grill in the backyard. Now with no football in his life and on special meds Marty wonders if he will ever be the same person as he has become distant with his girlfriend and friends. He believes the strong meds are giving him visions that aren’t there and confusing him. So the friends and Marty pile into a car, head to a cabin, and play a game of Hide-n-Go Drink! And so the bodies begin to pile up quickly… I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

Avengers: Endgame (Theater) – After all the reknobs on their Google machines were done trying to spoil everything for everyone and bitch about anything opening weekend I went the week after it opened. Once again Marvel knows what they are doing. If you have been a fan of the several films that led up to this finale then you will really enjoy this as it gives closure to most of the characters you have gotten to know. Plus the three hour time feels like a breeze because let’s face it Marvel movie fans they a lot of storylines to cover. It is everything you could want from a summer popcorn flick. Infinity edges Endgame out for me but I felt like everyone got their 30 seconds in this flick. I give this film 3 ½ stars as it was only missing two things for me “Spider-man 2099” and “Blade”, but that’s me the weirdo.

 

American Massacre (YouTube) – After a couple of weeks of people dying in a small town of Victorville a group of friends thought this would be a good time for their Labor Day party. Of course an unknown killer begins to slice and dice through the group but don’t let the played out plot fool you. As only one person was supposed to die but escalates quickly. As the film becomes very interesting in the end it out smarts itself instead of sticking to the original plan of only having one twist. The movie was much better than I ever thought it was going to be so for that I give it 2 stars.

 

The Hart-Break Killer (DVD) – Sean Donohue’s latest thriller is more about substance than sleaze but takes you on a very entertaining and trippy ride into the mind of Robert Hart. Mr. Hart is just a lonely, nerdy dude who would like to meet an attractive woman and have a relationship. This simple thing seems to be very hard to obtain as Robert always at odds at what he could do, or what he wants? His constant talks with the man in the dark room seem not to be helping and Robert is thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. Will he help or hurt Robert? Things are unclear as Mr. Hart’s dating woes continue sending him into a deep depression he may not be able to escape. I enjoy Sean’s work and hope he keeps it coming as I give this 3 out of 4 stars. www.gatorbladefilms.com

Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison (DVD) – This 2006 mess of a film might be my sleeper hit of the year. If the actress playing Sarah looks familiar that is because a lot of Full Moon fans would know her as the sultry Batty Boop from the “Killjoy” films. Sarah out in the woods boinking her dude in the woods is disturbed by a creature. This creature happens to be a werewolf that tears up her boyfriend and leaving Sarah wounded. She awakes some time later in a prison for the criminally insane and finds out the boyfriend is dead and she is completely fucked as it’s a foreign country and they want to use her ass! The prison looks to imprison American women for their gain in this rip-off of “American Werewolf in London”. So with her new situation Sarah must learn to survive in her new rapey environment. After a fight and not making friends with most of her bunk buddies she transforms into a werewolf and turns the Canpuna prison into a bloodbath. This film is a large barrel of sleaze and cheese that follows Joe Bob Briggs famous three B’s so well it may make his brain explode as I give this absolutely nutzoid flick 4 stars! The topper is an unbelievable werewolf transformation scene at the end of the film that had no business being that good of a transformation. Don’t think just go watch and understand …

 

Massacre (YouTube/DVD) – A hugely boring ass flick about a couple of country cops taking on two cannibal killing brothers in the mountains. And if wondering… yes there was a good bit of slow motion scenes for no apparent reason. I give the film zero stars as it gives more proof to asking WTF?

 

Amsterdamned (DVD) – A Dutch slasher film I didn’t know much about from 1989 that has the killer using the canals of Amsterdam to his advantage. The film has a very memorable scene of a hooker being killed but then hanged from a bridge where her body just smears along a boat full of children, great stuff. A police lieutenant hesitates to call it a serial killer until the bodies keep stacking up and are killed in similar ways. As the bodies pile up quickly the lieutenant must find out what experienced diver would have this thrill to kill? Of course they get the wrong guy to make it interesting but in the end the police cannot be fooled. A fun watch I give 2 ½ stars too.

The Devil’s Rock (DVD) – A 2011 film from “Night of the Hell Hamsters” filmmaker Paul Campion that sets the film on D-Day eve as soldiers are heading to islands to sabotage Nazi’s large cannons and structures. But the two hear a woman moaning inside the tunnel below and cannot stop themselves from seeing if they can rescue her from the Nazi forces. But what the two soldiers stumbled upon is something they could never expect as they come upon a scene of murder and gore. A German soldier there was on a secret mission to gain an ancient text on the island and test its knowledge. The test was to conjure a demon and control it so Hitler could use it as a weapon and enslave the world. It could change the war. Nothing on the Earth can send it back as the German and New Zealand soldier must work together to send it back to hell or become part of the bloodbath? The demon must eat constantly as I give this wonderful film from Paul Campion 3 stars and glad you are still out there my friend making awesome horror films.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Shed of the Dead is coming!

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West Hollywood, CA (Tuesday, May 14th, 2019) – Shed of the Dead is a zombie thriller, from director Drew Cullingham (Umbrage). One part Shaun of the Dead and one part 28 Days Later, the film follows two slackers, who whittle their days away playing Dungeons & Dragons and painting figurines. As life pressures build up for Trevor (Spencer Brown) and Graham (Ewen MacIntosh), events take an unexpected turn, when the undead turn up in their little gardening spot. Now, it is a fight for survival, in a real zombie apocalypse – this May!

Shed of the Dead is bringing some of the most fearsome horror icons to the screen. Kane Hodder of Friday the 13th fame, along with Bill Moseley (3 From Hell) and Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes, 1977) will be part of the action – some in undead form. As well, all three actors will be at: Shriekfest and Monsterpalooza to talk about this re-animated film.

This zombierific title will began a theatrical launch this May, through Indican Pictures. The first showing of the film will take place in North Hollywood, at the Laemmle Theatre, this May 17th. Another showing, across the pond, will begin this May 18th, in London (Sci-fi London). After a theatrical release, which will take place in at least four countries, Shed of the Dead will be available on DVD and Digital platforms this June 6th! There will be lots of opportunities for film fans to see this horror comedy shamble on both big and little screens, this Spring and Summer.

The official trailer for Shed of the Dead: https://vimeo.com/327153102

The film’s official synopsis: Trevor is in-between jobs. He spends his days avoiding his nagging wife by hiding out in his shed and painting figurines for his wargames with his agoraphobic friend, Graham. Together, they dream of their fantasy hero, the battle mage Casimir the Destroyer. When Mr Parsons, arrives to evict Trevor, everything gets put on hold as a zombie apocalypse starts. Now his primary concern – save his wife or get out of town!!

Release Date: May 17th 2019 (Theatrical) and June 6th, 2019 (DVD, VOD).

Director/writer: Drew Cullingham.

Cast: Kane Hodder, Spencer Brown, Lauren Socha, Emily Booth, Bill Moseley, Brian Blessed.

More on Shed of the Dead: https://www.indicanpictures.com/new-releases/shed-of-the-dead

The film’s homepage: https://www.shedofthedead.com/

About Indican Pictures: Indican Pictures acquires and distributes feature films to a broad range of entertainment outlets by providing a diverse selection of movies across: theatrical, home video, TV, VOD, PPV and streaming platforms.

Production Set to Begin on Next Installment of Hit Found-footage Franchise

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Los Angeles, CA – May 3rd, 2019 — Pack your bags for another terrifying stay at the infernal Abaddon Hotel. HELL HOUSE LLC III: LAKE OF FIRE, the third installment in the hit found-footage horror franchise, has started production as of May 1 and will premiere exclusively on Shudder later this year.

Writer/director Stephen Cognetti and producer Joe Bandelli have returned for the new installment, along with many of the original Hell House LLC cast. The following castmates will reprise their roles: Ryan Jennifer Jones (Sara), Danny Bellini (Alex), Gore Abrams (Paul), Adam Schneider (Mac), Theodore Bouloukos (Robert) and Jared Hacker (Tony). They are joined by returning Hell House LLC II cast members Joy Shatz (Molly), Jillian Geurts (Jessica) and Brian David Tracy as the demonic former Abaddon Hotel owner Andrew Tully.

Shudder manager Craig Engler has talked about the franchise, recently. Engler said of the films: “the Hell House LLC franchise on Shudder has been hugely popular, and our worldwide premiere of Hell House LLC 2 last year was one of our most watched films ever.” Engler also said of the film’s debut: “we couldn’t be more thrilled to premiere the final chapter of this epically terrifying series exclusively on Shudder!”

 

 

 

 

Terror Film’s president Joe Dain has specifically talked of the third film. Dain said of this latest title: “Hell House III will be taking a cue from the original Hell House LLC, returning to its roots to capture the same intensity and fear that fans and critics alike fell in love with.” Dain also said of the partnership with the filmmakers: “we’re thrilled to be continuing our distribution partnership with Stephen and Joe, and I couldn’t think of a better way to premiere the film than on Shudder. It’s our hope that this third and final installment will not only satisfy the multitude of questions from fans from all over the world, but also act as an exciting precursor for The Abaddon Tapes—a limited series currently in development, which will expand on the history of the Abaddon Hotel, the now infamous setting of the franchise.” The latest film, HELL HOUSE LLC III: LAKE OF FIRE, will be available in just a few months.

In HELL HOUSE LLC III: LAKE OF FIRE, guests both past and present will be forced to battle for their souls as all is revealed about the infamous Abaddon Hotel and the evil that dwells there. Set one year after the events of Hell House LLC II, the hotel is on the verge of being torn down when it is purchased by billionaire Russell Wynn (Gabriel T. Chytry) as the new home for his popular interactive show, Insomnia. He invites journalist Venessa Sheppard (Elizabeth Vermilyea) and her crew to record everything happening inside the hotel leading up to the performance, but they soon encounter a more nefarious plot, one that threatens to unleash a veritable hell on earth.

ABOUT SHUDDER: AMC Networks’ SHUDDER is a premium streaming video service, super-serving members with the best selection in genre entertainment, covering horror, thrillers and the supernatural. SHUDDER’s expanding library of film, TV series, and originals is available in the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, and Germany on most streaming devices for 4.99/month or 49.99/year. To experience SHUDDER commitment-free for 7 days, visit https://www.shudder.com/

ABOUT TERROR FILMS: Terror Films is a genre distribution company specializing in the release of the best indie horror content across the Globe. Learn more at https://www.terrorfilms.net/, and follow HELL HOUSE LLC on Facebook for official updates: https://www.facebook.com/HellHouseLLC/

Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks is up

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This week we tear into 3 more genre flicks.  First we have an Australian conspiracy flick featuring our favorite dude Donald Pleasence in GROUND ZERO.  Then we chat about a regional drive in oddity featuring a mutated sheep monster doing what a mutated sheep monster does best in GOD MONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS.  And lastly Kyle forgets which one of his favorite Mexican actors stars in this hard sci fi slick PROSPECT.  We also talk about the newest news, and all the regular jazz.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week Kyle gets called into podcast human resources to have a “talk” as we mourn the deaths of Larry Cohen and John Carl Beuchler.  But it’s not all gloom and doom as we will be covering 3 more genre flicks.  First Kyle covers the Netflix jam LOVE, DEATH AND ROBOTS as he gets his animation on.  Then John picks an all-time 80’s boner jam in UP THE CREEK.  And lastly Tim chats about a semi lost bit of sci fi from the darkest depths of the video store in DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.  Also we hit up all the news that is fit to print (or make up if you’re bloody disgusting). So download this episode or all our Rondo awards will evaporate.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Grossfest is coming…

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Tell your ma, tell your pa, tell everyone in Arkansas Grossfest is coming July 20th! But serious people tell your friends, your work friends, your ex-friends, your exes in general, your mistress, your secret boyfriend, your boyfriend’s boyfriend, tell the dreaded relatives that this cool event is happening again July 20th! And filmmakers that didn’t get a table because they sold out again come anyway and buy a ticket just to check out all the cool independent horror filmmakers, authors, and bad ass vendors! Help us make this grow so we can do this every year… Remember only $10 and you never know what will be there!!!

 

Guests for Grossfest 2: Fred and Shelby Vogel, Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger, Dustin Wayde Mills, Craig Everett Earl, Justin Channell, Glenn Berggoetz, Henrique Couto, Brian Paulin, and Tom Savini. There will also be independent authors, filmmakers, and cool vendors… Plus independent movies will be shown all day. Remember things are subject to change…

Saturday, July 20, 2019 (Vendor room 11-7, Movie room 11-10) $10 admission includes both

DoubleTree Hotel

340 Racetrack Road

Washington, Pa. 15301

724-222-6200

Code to book your discount room: G19

Anything else please visit us at www.grossfest.com or visit our Grossfest Facebook page.