Gross Movie Reviews #472
Weenie Roast Massacre (DVD/YouTube) – High School football star Marty has it all until a serious head injury changes everything. His father brings a football scout to a barbeque and makes Marty show off his skills and in the process smacks his head off the grill in the backyard. Now with no football in his life and on special meds Marty wonders if he will ever be the same person as he has become distant with his girlfriend and friends. He believes the strong meds are giving him visions that aren’t there and confusing him. So the friends and Marty pile into a car, head to a cabin, and play a game of Hide-n-Go Drink! And so the bodies begin to pile up quickly… I give the film 1 ½ stars.
Avengers: Endgame (Theater) – After all the reknobs on their Google machines were done trying to spoil everything for everyone and bitch about anything opening weekend I went the week after it opened. Once again Marvel knows what they are doing. If you have been a fan of the several films that led up to this finale then you will really enjoy this as it gives closure to most of the characters you have gotten to know. Plus the three hour time feels like a breeze because let’s face it Marvel movie fans they a lot of storylines to cover. It is everything you could want from a summer popcorn flick. Infinity edges Endgame out for me but I felt like everyone got their 30 seconds in this flick. I give this film 3 ½ stars as it was only missing two things for me “Spider-man 2099” and “Blade”, but that’s me the weirdo.
American Massacre (YouTube) – After a couple of weeks of people dying in a small town of Victorville a group of friends thought this would be a good time for their Labor Day party. Of course an unknown killer begins to slice and dice through the group but don’t let the played out plot fool you. As only one person was supposed to die but escalates quickly. As the film becomes very interesting in the end it out smarts itself instead of sticking to the original plan of only having one twist. The movie was much better than I ever thought it was going to be so for that I give it 2 stars.
The Hart-Break Killer (DVD) – Sean Donohue’s latest thriller is more about substance than sleaze but takes you on a very entertaining and trippy ride into the mind of Robert Hart. Mr. Hart is just a lonely, nerdy dude who would like to meet an attractive woman and have a relationship. This simple thing seems to be very hard to obtain as Robert always at odds at what he could do, or what he wants? His constant talks with the man in the dark room seem not to be helping and Robert is thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. Will he help or hurt Robert? Things are unclear as Mr. Hart’s dating woes continue sending him into a deep depression he may not be able to escape. I enjoy Sean’s work and hope he keeps it coming as I give this 3 out of 4 stars. www.gatorbladefilms.com
Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison (DVD) – This 2006 mess of a film might be my sleeper hit of the year. If the actress playing Sarah looks familiar that is because a lot of Full Moon fans would know her as the sultry Batty Boop from the “Killjoy” films. Sarah out in the woods boinking her dude in the woods is disturbed by a creature. This creature happens to be a werewolf that tears up her boyfriend and leaving Sarah wounded. She awakes some time later in a prison for the criminally insane and finds out the boyfriend is dead and she is completely fucked as it’s a foreign country and they want to use her ass! The prison looks to imprison American women for their gain in this rip-off of “American Werewolf in London”. So with her new situation Sarah must learn to survive in her new rapey environment. After a fight and not making friends with most of her bunk buddies she transforms into a werewolf and turns the Canpuna prison into a bloodbath. This film is a large barrel of sleaze and cheese that follows Joe Bob Briggs famous three B’s so well it may make his brain explode as I give this absolutely nutzoid flick 4 stars! The topper is an unbelievable werewolf transformation scene at the end of the film that had no business being that good of a transformation. Don’t think just go watch and understand …
Massacre (YouTube/DVD) – A hugely boring ass flick about a couple of country cops taking on two cannibal killing brothers in the mountains. And if wondering… yes there was a good bit of slow motion scenes for no apparent reason. I give the film zero stars as it gives more proof to asking WTF?
Amsterdamned (DVD) – A Dutch slasher film I didn’t know much about from 1989 that has the killer using the canals of Amsterdam to his advantage. The film has a very memorable scene of a hooker being killed but then hanged from a bridge where her body just smears along a boat full of children, great stuff. A police lieutenant hesitates to call it a serial killer until the bodies keep stacking up and are killed in similar ways. As the bodies pile up quickly the lieutenant must find out what experienced diver would have this thrill to kill? Of course they get the wrong guy to make it interesting but in the end the police cannot be fooled. A fun watch I give 2 ½ stars too.
The Devil’s Rock (DVD) – A 2011 film from “Night of the Hell Hamsters” filmmaker Paul Campion that sets the film on D-Day eve as soldiers are heading to islands to sabotage Nazi’s large cannons and structures. But the two hear a woman moaning inside the tunnel below and cannot stop themselves from seeing if they can rescue her from the Nazi forces. But what the two soldiers stumbled upon is something they could never expect as they come upon a scene of murder and gore. A German soldier there was on a secret mission to gain an ancient text on the island and test its knowledge. The test was to conjure a demon and control it so Hitler could use it as a weapon and enslave the world. It could change the war. Nothing on the Earth can send it back as the German and New Zealand soldier must work together to send it back to hell or become part of the bloodbath? The demon must eat constantly as I give this wonderful film from Paul Campion 3 stars and glad you are still out there my friend making awesome horror films.
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