Gross Movie Reviews #558

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Gross Movie Reviews #558

Antlers (DVD) – This depressing story takes place in a dying rural town where a father and his youngest son come back from an old shut down mine shaft with something extra. Three weeks later this thing they brought home is hiding inside them and the other son is taking care of them keeping them locked up knowing something isn’t right. He feeds them roadkill or stuff he catches in the woods after school. After a teacher gets worried and explains to the school principal that maybe someone should look into it the principal eventually goes for a welfare check on young Lucas. Of course this goes horribly wrong and she accidentally lets out what now has turned the father into a mythical creature. The creature is loose and now leaving a bloody trail of bodies with Lucas and his teacher not sure what to do? A deep, dark, bloody fun creature film that horror fans should be happy with as I give it 3 stars.

The Bat Whispers (YouTube) – This 1930 film is an absolute treat of a film that combines elements of ‘Clue’, ‘The Murder on the Orient Express’, and your classic “Who Dun it?” stuff before it was a thing. An unknown figure/master criminal only known as “The Bat” terrorizes the big city authorities by stealing some famous jewels and robbing a city bank for fun. But to give it a twist he sends the authorities a note saying he is leaving the big city? The bat heads to a big mansion outside of Oakdale where supposedly there is money hidden within the mansion. This is where it gets to be a lot of fun as the viewer is introduced to several characters that all would have motive to steal the blueprint of the mansion to find the money and any could be the “bat” or be helping him. Lots of fun confusion, great dialogue setting up the climatic ending, and for a very early film still found this classic super entertaining as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (On Demand) – It took 30 years or so for them to return but they finally found a way to do it right. Egon had become a recluse or known as “the dirt farmer”. But he disappeared for good reason as he seen something coming and was trying to protect us all. Meanwhile after his death his daughter and kids struggling to pay bills and having a place to live inherit the “the dirt farm”. As they settle in they slowly uncover that their father/grandfather made his place out in the middle of nowhere for a good reason to set up a fun and exciting story that ‘Ghostbusters’ fans cannot complain about. If you are a fan and start bitching about this film then nothing was ever gonna make you happy and maybe you should just stop watching movies and find another hobby as I give the film 3 ½ stars.

Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (DVD) – This twisted early 80s film feels like a TV horror movie that deals with a boy named Billy who lost his parents to an accident when young and must live with his aunt. 14 years have passed and Billy is all grown up and getting excited of the possibility of leaving for college next year with his girlfriend. But Billy’s aunt isn’t your average aunt as the story unfolds it is quickly revealed that Billy’s aunt is sadistic and might not be the caring aunt all believe she is? Aunt Cheryl isn’t ready for her Billy to leave so she stops at nothing to ensure he will never leave her. This film has everything to make a cringe worthy movie worth seeking out: a bigot detective believing Billy is gay, an aunt that is sadistic and might be into incest before PornHub, and a couple fun minor twists that in the end everyone gets what they deserve as I give this interesting flick 3 stars. A couple fun facts: first, the film was also known as ‘Night Warning’ and second, look for Bill Paxton playing Eddie a high school bully/basketball teammate.

Post-Apocalyptic Desperation (YouTube) – Talented filmmaker from overseas Alex Wesley has a new film that deals with a soldier trapped in a different dimension that is completely war torn and he is just trying to survive to find answers. The soldier is subjected to cannibalism, torture, and the horror of living in a world full of radioactivity with no chance of survival as this is the end of the human race. Love the visuals and locations, but the dialogue might be lost some in translation but overall this is a solid film for us post-apocalyptic movie fans. The only real complaint was the film felt unfinished even though it clocks in about 58 minutes or so (or what is considered feature-length by some these days), like there was still an ending to come but doesn’t? Either way Alex Wesley is another filmmaker out there that always impresses me with their work and cannot wait to see more as I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Wet Ones (DVD) – Filmmaker known as “Wig Wolf” put together a chaotic mess of short films into one continuous movie that runs a whopping 2 ½ hours. The filmmaker does this little story/or vignettes with Barbie dolls, action figures, random film clips, blood, murder, and fake Elvis. Now, if Wig Wolf would have gone with doing a live action version of ‘Turbo Teen’ you would have had me selling this movie everywhere but that is just showing my age… Anyway, you can call it chaos, you can call it garbage, but I do know this wasn’t my cup of tea once I finished it. But in a world consumed by social media apps and posts I could easily see this being a popular thing if broken down and sold as episodic TV on a YouTube or another streaming service? All I can say people I do know there is an audience out there, it just may take some time for them to find it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Edge of Honor (VHS/YouTube) – An early 90s action/adventure film that deals with Corey Feldman and friends who are “Explorers” aka Boy Scouts out in the Pacific Northwest who find Don Swayze’s stash of military weapons in an old shed in the woods. Swayze and friends are pissed when the weapons are moved because the boys hide them and wanna be heroes when they get to the police. But all goes wrong when Swayze and friends start killing everyone and do not expect the scouts to fight back to survive these backwoods idoits. A fun movie about gunrunners vs. the boy scouts with Corey stealing some scenes along the way as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #557

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Gross Movie Reviews #557

House of the Damned (DVD) – This early 60s creep fest has a man named Scott doing a favor for a friend by going to this out of the way place to do an architectural survey of a coastal castle. Once Scott retrieves keys to the “Rochester Place” some strange things seem to be happening but nothing too scary until a woman disappears. After some investigation we come to found out the castle was a haven for carnival workers who no longer had a home. Spooky with an odd ending makes me give this oddity 2 ½ stars.

Voodoo Apocalypse (DVD) – An independent production filmed in Spain with an ambitious idea of a Grindhouse film set in 1979 Mexico. Two cops: White Chocolate and Charlie Vargas team up to bring down an elusive drug dealer Jimmy Vanilla. The film loses some steam over time but overall is still a fun production that looks mostly watered down to American audiences since the theme has been done to death but I still give it 2 stars.

Piranha (DVD) – Another 70s film of the same name but has no relation to the wonderful Corman flick that stars William Smith as a bad ass hunter in Nicaragua. A brother/sister combo head to the jungle for a photo shoot and run across this bad ass hunter character in a bar and quickly become friends. Everything is pretty innocent enough until the hunter wants more and makes the siblings his prey. A slow build up but a fun payoff for this early 70s flick that I give 2 stars too.

Attack of the Giant Leeches (DVD) – This late 50s flick centers on a new wildlife officer working the swamp country where he believes a monster might be killing off local folk? Problem becomes very convincing when the locals see tentacles attacking and not the usual hungry gators! These monstrous things are kidnapping people so they will be food for these things later on as I give this executive produced Corman drive-in special 2 ½ stars.

Bleeding Steel (DVD) – A newer Jackie Chan film where after a huge shootout with Jackie and his team trying to protect a doctor and his experiment in protective custody. Shit goes south pretty quick and gets brutal… 13 years later and the fallout continues when this mad evil genius villain dude is in Sydney, Australia tracking down a teenager who supposedly has been implanted with the bio-blood and experimental heart. She is able to regenerate if needed reason for the evil genius tracking her down how many years later. After all these years Jackie Chan is still protecting her and can still kick ass at his advanced age as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Sudden Death (DVD) – Valarie Wells is a successful woman who one evening gets beat up and raped by two men who stole a taxi. With the lack of police help she of course goes all ‘Death Wish’ on dudes as she tracks down the two hoodlums who screwed her up. She gathers such a kill count she becomes known as “the dum dum killer”. No JCVD here but this 1985 direct-to-video flick packs enough revenge killings to keep the older audience interested as I give this lesser known VHS treat 2 ½ stars.

Blitz (DVD) – Jason Statham is a bad ass cop who gets the job done even if it means coloring outside the lines a bit but never crossing the line. He is warned by his superiors to keep a low profile after the latest incident has hit the papers but he is quickly brought back into the fold when a young man decides to be a cop killer. Barry wants to be known and wants to kill all cops brutally. Your usual cookie cutout action flick but Jason Statham always seems to make even the average action cop flicks worth watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (On Demand) – HOLY F’N SHIT! It took 24 years but yinz finally made a movie that is worthy of the games. There is no Ali Larter or Milla whoever… Point is yinz went with the idea of combining the first two games, making the film R-rated, and presto we finally got the horror film we all deserved. No, the films isn’t perfect but after what six, seven F’N ‘Resident Evil’ films I can actually sit and enjoy one… Yes kids, go support this so we get the sequel that is needed as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Candyman (On Demand) – So what do we call it? Remake, sequel, continuation… whatever you the viewer wanna call it, I want to call it a good movie. I enjoyed the respect the original got and how this present story not only connects to the original but ties in some of the social things of today’s world. I enjoyed the snide comments about present day things because they are all very relevant. It has been 30 years since the Candyman has been present but when a struggling artist finds the old ghetto of Chicago he falls down the rabbit hole of bringing Candyman to light again. I enjoyed the first film and I enjoy this film all the sequels are just filler but to the new viewers this should make you want to introduce yourself to Tony Todd and the underrated character of “Candyman” as I give this 3 stars.

Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (DVD) – Oh shit kids yinz need to see this as this sci-fi craziness from the mid-60s stars Basil Rathbone (go look that one up young people?) and it is set in year 2020! Fuck yeah I am in! Anyhow there is Moon colonies for astronauts to hang out while they make the jump to Venus so they can explore the planet. Once there they find all kinds of late night horror host fun with dinosaurs and shit that wants to eat them! All joking aside this is a fun cheesy flick to introduce to friends who like beer and movies as I give this 3 stars.

The Amityville Horror (DVD) – Holy crap I have never reviewed the original scary fuckin house flick that didn’t just affect me but a whole generation of people. The Lutz family supposedly buys a house and within 28 days a ghost, demon, etc. makes the family move out because they will die. Now, the source material is much scarier and sketchy than the actual film now that we all know too much? The film that made haunted house flicks still a thing has lost its luster now that I am revisiting it after many years. It has a great cast but I truly believe this film is dated and no way holds better than ‘The Exorcist’ or ‘The Omen’ but that is for a whole other conversation. Not saying avoid this horror classic but unlike some other horror greats time has not been kind to this feature that stars a James Brolin and Margot Kidder as I give it 2 stars (sorry horror fans).

Inferno (DVD) – Always looking to cleanse the palate or just trying to find some action flick only two people in a basement of a home in Nebraska I came across this freaking gem starring JCVD and Danny Trejo! Oh folks, this was like the “Price is Right” of action films as it was a gaggle full actors that were looking for a paycheck show up! The review would be two pages long if I listed all the familiar faces in this… But anyway JCVD aka Eddie is riding through the desert to go see his old war buddy to give him a present and advice on a journey? But some meth heads controlled by Larry Drake interrupt this journey and steal his present. Saved by Danny Trejo, Eddie seeks revenge and turns a small town on these half-wit drug dealers. A not well-known 1999 JCVD flick that is worth the search to watch as I give it 3 stars for the mere reason you could make this a drinking game every time you named a celebrity in this shit.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Finally a new episode of our podcast is up!

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This week we have 3 more flicks to talk about.  The first being a bad movie everyone has seen… except for Tim in HOBGOBLINS.  Next we uncover another totally hidden gem that need to see the light of day on physical release in THE OTHER.  And lastly we have a haunted house flick, but with a twist.  This time it’s under water in THE DEEP HOUSE.  We as always fill you in on all the news that’s out there, and answer your listener mail.  And we answer the age old question of why does Tim have hundreds of dicks in his basement.  So download this episode or we will banish you into the Pittsburgh dick basement.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/