Monthly Archives: April 2013

Gross Movie Reviews #289

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Gross Movie Reviews #289

 

By Tim Gross

 

Hellraiser: Revelations (DVD) – Now before we even get into the review of “the fat Pinhead” film, understand I knew I would have to review this flick at some point and know that most of my movie collection consists of bad movies so you should have known this was coming at some point. But anyway this sequel no matter how you feel about it (most people despise it) represents what is wrong with Dimension Films, Hollywood, and proves horror films will always play second fiddle to crap like the next Jennifer Aniston bomb, Twinkling vampires, or the next PG-13 piece of 3-D shit shoved down our throats! The film was rushed for the mere reason to keep the rights to the ‘Hellraiser’ films and pretty much insulted the one person that keeps the franchise in the brilliant actor Doug Bradley. I was with Mr. Bradley on that he declined to play the character of ‘Pinhead’ knowing full well what they spent on the budget for the entire film (believe it is a little over $300,000?…) should have been the paycheck for Mr. Bradley. The latest chapter in the series has two teenagers turning into adults who travel to Mexico to do everything wrong… including killing a woman in a men’s restroom during sex. Soon after they are visited by a hobo who gives them the puzzle box and convinces them this is the ultimate pleasure. One opens the box and another is just pulled in. Some time goes by and we are at a dinner with the parents of both discussing where could their sons be until a knock at the door happens to be one of them drenched in blood and in shock. Once the parents try to leave to get help, the cars are gone, phones don’t work, and it’s time for the writers of the script to steal Clive Barker’s original film idea that played out in the first film already. I tried to look at this film in a different light but when it comes down to it the film is downright insulting to ‘Hellraiser’ and Clive Barker fans. My little glimmer of hope was maybe they were going to go the route of Clive Barker’s graphic comic books in the late 80s and early 90s where you have Pinhead and the Cenobites in different stories to continue the mythology of the characters? But my slight glimmer of hope was crushed horribly into the ground! Sorry horror fans our only hope now is if Clive can get some help in obtaining the rights of the series from Dimension or just say fuck it and make an unofficial ‘Hellraiser’ sequel…? ‘Hellraiser’ its best you stay away because you will only become angry. I don’t give it shit!

 

Curse of the Swamp Creature (DVD) – An awesomely bad movie from the mid-60s about a scientist experimenting on the natives to make the perfect human only when the experiments die he feeds the failures to the crocodiles out back. And if you get a chance to track this film down (YouTube possibly) take a close look at the back of the house as it looks like a swimming pool where the crocs are supposed to be and lots of National Geographic footage of the natives and crocs. I give the film 2 ½ stars just for entertaining me as much as it did.

House of Good and Evil

House of Good and Evil (DVD) – A great looking film that is more of a slow burn thriller than a straight horror film begins with Maggie and her husband fighting and then rushing to the hospital when a tragic event happens. Several months later, the couple move out to a home in the country to get away from things and maybe start over at building a family. While the husband is at work, Maggie trying to keep herself busy starts to hear things and see things. Is Maggie going insane? What is really going on? The writers and filmmaker did a wonderful job of keeping the ending of the film a surprise until the very end of this independent film. Everybody involved with this film should be proud because everything from lighting, to way the scenes are shot, to making the viewer guess what exactly is going on? Horror fans that are always looking for something different to watch, keep an eye out for this film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scream and Scream Again (VHS) – A great horror film that makes me question whether Vincent Price is actually acting or if this is his true personality which would be cool and a little scary at the same time. Price is a scientist who is trying to perfect humans or actually replace them while being funded by secret individuals. Vincent Price chewing up the scenery as a scientist who doesn’t believe in playing god as much as perfecting what is already available to him more than makes up for the lack of screen time the other big two ‘Hammer’ film actors Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing have. A film that could be classified more as a sci-fi than horror film is something every horror fan should watch once in their lifetime as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant (DVD) – This is a film that in the immortal words of Kyle Poling, “Bootleg Thing with Two Heads that has Rosey Grier”. This 1971 film has Bruce Dern as a young scientist who is on the brink of something special as he has been transplanting heads of all kinds of animals to other animals. If that wasn’t enough for you, the legendary Scooby-Doo voice actor Casey Kasem plays Dern’s best friend trying to help Dern’s wife out because of her loneliness. But eventually Dern’s character goes too far as he transplants a killer’s head to a mentally retarded man who just happens to be the same size as wrestler “Andre the Giant”. This huge actor is best known as ‘Milt’ the pimp’s bodyguard in the funny 80s film “Bachelor Party”. And then chaos ensues in the countryside. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (DVD) – Apparently, we the horror fan don’t get enough of the three mountain men that live in West Virginia woods and eat people, or the studio believes so? But this time around college kids are partying in the woods getting ready for the Halloween weekend “Mountain Man Festival”. The kids drive into town until they miss running down Doug Bradley who just happens to be the guy helping out the three cannibals this time around. After crashing and then trying to put a beat down on Mr. Bradley the cops show up and arrest everyone. The cannibals are pissed and begin killing anyone walking around town and plan on breaking Bradley’s character out of jail. The film could be the worst of the bunch for its lack of reality and shitty make-up effects. But I think about this logic and my question is: What do you expect for a direct-to-video fourth sequel and then it isn’t so bad of movie especially when Doug Bradley plays one evil ass bastard! He pretty much reminds all the characters they will die of horrible deaths every five minutes and wants to rape one girl with his boys then kill her. So he was pretty much “Pinhead” without the make-up… Did you hear me Dimension Films? Anyway I give the film 1 ½ stars. It’s a sequel; I knew I couldn’t stay away from it.

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I.B.S. (DVD) – If anything independent filmmaker Mike O’Mahony and Maniac Films had entertained the shit out of me with their two past features. And nothing changes with this film as we are introduced to a man named Larry who just happens to have a bad shitting issue called IBS aka Irritable Bowel Syndrome which is an actual condition that affects millions of people. Larry has tried pills, exercise (or he claims), therapy, everything and wants something to help so he can ask out the hot girl in the office. It doesn’t help Larry that his lazy roommate is constantly doing threesomes on a nightly basis and just lives life without a care. But Larry, by accident finds a cure for his condition or delays the problem. Larry accidentally kills the office bully and finds out shit doesn’t want to pour out of his ass for no apparent reason. Soon he is on a killing spree that has him putting a girl’s face into a plastic fan, chasing a guy with a riding lawnmower, and killing the hot office girl with his underwear band! Once again Mr. O’Mahony gives a shit loaded, gallons of blood filled, entertaining masterpiece of independent gore and comedy. And let me mention James Costa who plays Larry has to be dedicated as he has had a part in all three features. I give the film 3 out of 4 stars. You can find details about the film and purchasing it at www.facebook.comibsmovie.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Episode 58 is up horror fans!

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This week we take a look at aliens and labor relations on the eve of JSB losing his job of the last 12 years.  So we will start it off with a bang in an all-out continental war.  Japan VS. Antarctica when we review Gung Ho and The Thing from Another World.  Also JSB gives us his impressions of Rob Zombies new flick Lords of Salem, We go over the Hellraiser franchise, answer your listener questions, and we tell stories about the late great Don Muggins.  A true fallen friend.  So check it out.  

 

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

 

EPISODE 58

Gross Movie Reviews #288

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Gross Movie Reviews #288

 

By Tim Gross

 

Bunraku (DVD) – A wild and over the top film starring Josh Harnett as a cowboy without a gun coming into town for revenge where ten killers rule the city and led by Ron Perlman who has been seen by very few. If that wasn’t enough Woody Harrelson plays a bartender who helps get the cowboy and a samurai together to kill off the ten killers for the city to be free. A little icing on the cake is Demi Moore playing Perlman’s woman but has a backstory with Woody’s bartender character. And the film is set in post-apocalyptic world with no firearms and has the look of Frank Miller’s ‘Sin City’ but in color. I found the flick for 3 bucks which was an awesome find for this crazy action film that went unnoticed direct-to-DVD… This is a film that has a little of everything and doesn’t disappoint as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Thing From Another World (DVD) – Every time I watch John Carpenter’s ‘Halloween’ and the music hits on TV while the kids are watching this film I get chills. This 1951 classic was a film that set up the 50s with crazy aliens, blobs, and killer rug-like creatures thanks to Howard Hawks. It was based on the short story “Who Goes There?” as was Carpenter’s remake 30 years later. Scientists find something odd that crashed into the frozen ice of the Artic and wanna go investigate. After finding what really could be a UFO they accidentally blow the ship trying to melt the ice but find its oddly large occupant. The scientists and armed forces personal take it back to base and it thaws out while they argue what should be done with the creature? Between blood sucking plants and a giant alien that grew its arm back or could be referred to as a pissed off carrot makes this film not only entertaining but fucking awesome every time I hear filmmakers like Carpenter, Romero, and even Spielberg talk about seeing this film during their childhood. I give the ultimate sci-fi classic 4 stars!

 

Battledogs (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It might be another crappy werewolf film but at least they loaded the film with some genre favorites to make it watchable. The cast: Craig ‘Nightbreed’ Sheffer, Ernie Hudson, Bill Duke, Debbie Rochon for one line, and I believe the dude that does all the freaking Allstate commercials! A woman has contracted a werewolf virus by accident and has brought to an airport where she changes and starts biting a lot of fucking people. Soon Bill Duke is talking about nuking New York City! I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Hide and Creep (DVD) – This is a pull no punches kinda of zombie film that makes fun of rednecks but yet puts together one hell of an entertaining buckets of blood zombie film! The dead rise from their graves and people are more worried about the Auburn football game than trying to solve why zombies are roaming a small southern town. You know you are in for some no budget fun when the video clerk drops off a dead body at the sheriff’s office because the sheriff is off for the weekend. And did I mention the zombie was killed with a VCR that had a copy of ‘Night of the Living Dead’… So get your Auburn football jersey on and start Netflixing this mother fucker as I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Dark Age (VHS) – Of course I have found another giant crocodile film to watch and review, I cannot get enough of them. It’s almost as addictive as ‘Puppet Master’ sequels people! What we got here is a pure 1987 Australian film that copies the ‘Jaws’ storyline for the first half of the film until the crocodile eats an Aborigine kid and they say it was because he was ‘sick’… Then all of sudden it’s save the crocodile because he is a god among the Aborigines that includes after capturing the croc and it is loaded on a tractor trailer for a car chase scene. Love this film… why, because it has one fake ass giant crocodile and an awesome child chomping scene I haven’t seen since the killer animals PG classic ‘Grizzly’. Giant crocodile fans you must track it down and witness this great Aussie film as I give it 3 stars!

The Granny

The Granny (VHS) – Oh yeah, somebody made this flick in the mid-90s! A fun but poorly shot supernatural horror film starring Stella Stevens as a granny looking for the ‘fountain of youth’. A mysterious man shows up at her door shortly after the family she hates arrives to have roast beef for Thanksgiving. He gives her a potion and three rules to follow which of course she doesn’t want any part of because she hates her family but this magic potion supposedly can give you a second chance where you are immortal. Sunlight hits it, she dies, she awakens in a morgue, then comes back home days later to start killing off the family as they party in her house and cannot wait to spend her money. Two memorable scenes from the film is the cat transformation and the penis cutting scene that makes you say, “EW”. I give this forgotten gem 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Episode 57 is up horror fans!

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This week Tim and JSB return to rock the show.  this week we talk about the goriest films of all time,  BATTLEDOGS!!!,  Manute Bol and his amazing 7 Three pointers,  movies that make us fall asleep,  JSB’s hatred of the movie The Comedy,  Short Circuit,  the upcoming Lords of Salem,  Charles Band’s questionable business practices,  Victor Salva and his vile after work hobbies.  And more.  So listen up cause the show now contains 39% more Robo-Thing.

 EPISODE 57

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

“Fervid Filmmaking” from author Mike Watt

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“Fervid Filmmaking” from author Mike Watt

 Fervid 1

Review by Tim Gross

 

There are all kinds of review books, cult books, and movie companions and sometimes it can be tough to keep up with the books that get printed, released, and so on. And these days most books review or otherwise have a tough time being relevant just for the mere reason it doesn’t have the author that everyone knows behind it or people are just watching way too much YouTube on their iPhone at this point. For me it’s neither of the two because usually my eyeballs are glued to the TV watching the latest Full Moon release or sequel to a direct to video no budget something or other. But from time to time I look for something to read, usually a movie review book and usually a Joe Bob Briggs book as I can be picky.

Very few authors interest me enough to make me want to buy their book since I spend so much time tracking down out of print copies of films like “Trick or Treats” or unrated version of “Leprechaun 4: In Space”. It’s too hard to explain, you can blame it on divorced parents at a young age, I was dropped on my head too much, or hell lets blame ADD or something else many people claim to have but don’t and just won’t admit they like the drugs that comes with the disorder? I love films period folks… So when Mike Watt told me he was putting together a book like this together my ears perked up because I always thought it would interesting of sorts since Mike and I have somewhat different interests in cinema but always have great conversations but certain films good or bad. I have always enjoyed Mike Watt the filmmaker but Mike Watt the author of a review book had to be somewhat interesting just because of his different taste in films than mine?

Well film fans Mr. Watt did not disappoint me as his book “Fervid Filmmaking (66 Cult Pictures)” brought a whole new way of how to look at certain films or should I say the “kitchen sink” films. Mike goes through the years and expands on why certain films should be looked upon differently because they threw everything aka the kitchen sink into them to get made and most were misunderstood by the movie going public, the producers, Hollywood, heck the writers themselves who wrote the scripts. But he sheds light on some films that otherwise people may never heard of and explains their odd origins as the book sucks you deeper into the behind the scenes of films that has more going on than you ever could imagine. Mike uniquely pushes you slowly into a realm of filmmaking that makes you not only watch the films but crave to sit down and rethink how you watch cinema. Whether it’s ‘All About Evil’, ‘The Bed Sitting Room’, ‘Coonskin’, ‘I Sell the Dead’, or even ‘Xtro’ he writes about in his book they all have the ability to make you laugh, cry, and scream and many different ways you could never imagine.

 

But the brilliant part of Mr. Watt’s well written book after reading it makes you wanna try to find the so called “kitchen sink” type of films or revisit them and look upon them with an open mind. Fervid Filmmaking not only proves Mike Watt has found his inner-Joe Bob Briggs but the book helps separate himself from the glut of authors like myself out there and make you enjoy and excited for his next writing project. Honestly people I never thought to myself I wanna watch the 1984 film “Nothing Lasts Forever” over the next Charles Band film for those who know me when reading this book. If anything Mike showed me that it is still ok to put down the iPhone, turn off the 60 inch HD TVs, stop taking the illegal meds, and imagine what a perfect vision of film can be when everything except the kitchen sink has been thrown into a drama, horror, thriller, or just misunderstood piece of forgotten film history is and was like. For that Mike Watt and fans of cinema books I can no doubt give this book 4 out of 4 stars!

Fervid 2

Published by McFarland

www.mcfarlandpub.com

 

But you can purchase the book at www.amazon.com and several other online websites.