Gross Movie Reviews #595

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Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars.  

The Amityville Quilt Store (YouTube) – Yes indeed kids I have found entry #45 and it’s a short film (thank our lord Rutger Hauer) about two dudes who make the mistake of visiting the Amityville General Store. For one of the unfortunate friends they find out the hard way the antiques there must feed as I give the short film 2 ½ stars.

The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver (DVD/YouTube) – The great Karen Black plays your normal housewife of George Hamilton in this 1977 TV movie. Karen’s character is stuck in normalcy until she begins to have dreams and visions of a woman who died a few years back. Without giving too much away as I liked the little twist in this film between Black’s performance and the 45 year old film still having a spooky charm to it this is more than worth seeking out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Satan Lives! The Rise of the Illuminati Hotties (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and crew bring together what is supposed to be a lost film that was shot in 1992 by two filmmakers who set to interview and follow the leader of the Satanic church, Richard Lemeau. While gathering info on the satanic leader it’s quickly learned that there are some within the ranks that have their own plans that include world domination. Richard comes off in this documentary lost tape thingy as someone trying to run a legit alternative church but if Patricia’s plan goes off as planned she will be in charge of the Illuminati and the satanic church! This movie swims in the sea of sleaze and fun but has a few flaws such as the stripper dance routine going way too long to possibly pad running time? I did enjoy seeing the Dingo Pizza commercial from Maddie Deering’s “Spirit Animal” flick. So if you are not into films that flirts with the line between good taste and fun sleaze this is most likely not for you but I still give it a solid 2 ½ out of 4 stars for those who are fans of the talented Sean Donohue.

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (DVD) – A 2012 Indy project that begins at Happy Day Bible Camp in 1977 where campers get massacred by a person of the cloth (supposedly) and it stars Tim Sullivan, Ron Jeremy, Jeff Dylan Graham and the great Reggie Bannister. Now seven years later Reggie as Father Cummings and a survivor of the massacre head to the camp for a fun retreat for the parish of young people. Once settled in the campers are again victims of Sister Mary Chopper as the legend goes. The movie has a few hilarious moments for an Indy slasher but this project always makes me wonder if Rick Fusselman would have finished his project “Bible Camp Massacre” which was in pre-production at the same time of this film what would have Indy horror fans preferred? Anyway go check it out as I give it 2 stars.

Robo Vampire 2: Devil’s Dynamite (DVD/YouTube) – More jumping vampires, clumsy ninjas, a rando spacesuit dude that looks like an extra from an early 70s Godzilla film fill up this sequel to one of the more bizarre films I ever watched? All I know everything is Steve Cox’s fault in this film and there is a shadow warrior running around trying to put an end to the evil. But again it is Steve Cox’s fault because of someone’s sister being the “Queen of the Underworld”. If you sense disappointment in my review then you right because they went away from the dude being in an aluminum foil Robo suit and the mechanical noises they make off screen for the suit. Damn pieces of shit ruining a good gimmick as I can only give this 1 star.

Robo Vampire 3: Counter Destroyer (DVD/YouTube) – This time around we get two screenwriters in Cindy and Joyce who want peace at a hideaway in the mountains of China so they can work on this hot project about the “last emperor of China”. While the bumbling duo are busy waking evil spirits up, we got some sketchy mob shit going down between film companies and a woman named Jackie just killing off mob dudes left and right. A weird and confusing movie that eventually brings back the Robo suit but not till late into the second half of this oddity called a film. It was a little better than part 2 as I give it 1 ½ stars but no one near as entertaining as the original “Robo Vampire”.

Nailbiter (DVD) – An early short film from the people of Witch Doctor Films that I have had the pleasure of reviewing several of their projects over the years. This unique group’s early work is about a young woman taking an experimental drug for her cancer and it fails… maybe? Problem, the medical facility covers it up when the angry husband comes sniffing around as he cannot live without his beautiful wife and even consults a magic man he doesn’t believe in. It’s a great chilling and dark Indy tale of when you cannot leave the dead to stay dead. The early work is rough around the edges but you can clearly see the talent is there for the Witch Doctor Films crew as this was a fun ride down the rabbit hole to see their early work as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

Found Footage: The Series (DVD) – A project created by Indy legend Henrique Couto that has eight tales of found footage segments that run from 24 to 27 minutes. The eight stories are about strange occurrences and told uniquely through an influencer’s phone, Skype or Zoom, random camera footage, computer files, damaged hardrives, a RING doorbell, and an old broadcast from 1986 that was never meant to be seen. I am not a huge fan of ‘found footage’ stuff but will say the segment “Ding Dong” had my interest as a)it was told mostly through a RING doorbell on an empty house but also b) the relationship the character develops with the house night after night seeking to burglarize it??? Put it this way I am surprised I haven’t heard more about this project as it seems to fit what society is doing these days as I give the project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Homecoming Massacre (DVD/Tubi) – Our story begins with why you shouldn’t have clowns for a kid’s birthday party no matter what… Apparently also dudes don’t dress as the clown and get all rapey with mum? Anyway Jonathan kills both of them and gets put away in various facilities for ten years until a cousin or something of the family, “The Clarks” who have their own issues take him in. Of course things seem good so hey let’s leave our teenagers alone with the crazy murderer who killed his mum n’at ten years ago so the teenagers can have a party. Yep, this makes total sense for a lackluster ‘massacre’ flick that all you need to know its always the clowns fault as I give it 1 star.

Christmassacre (DVD/Tubi) – Which is a horrible title by the way which took me about five minutes to realize this is a movie from a few years back that Wild Eye Releasing renamed from its original title “Secret Santa”. Okay Wild Eye Releasing two things before we move on: first, do not be like some companies (let’s leave them unnamed for now) that rename films to get horror fans especially Indy horror fans to pay twice for the same movie when that is a little unoriginal and boring. Second, “Christmassacre”?! WTF?! What would be so wrong with “Secret Santa Massacre” if you are going that route anyhow? Back on track kids as we have a fun Indy horror flick about some college girls who live off campus and every year have a Secret Santa party after finals. This year someone is taking the Secret Santa thing a little too far as they plan on slaughtering all who is a part of this event? Weird thing about this up and down little horror film is the characters are very likable and actually help slosh through the dull parts of the film. Also pay attention to the cucumber and what happens to it as it has nothing to do with a dude getting his dried sausage of a wiener getting snipped off! Oddly enjoyable as the best thing I can say about this film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Pennywise: The Story of IT (DVD/Tubi) – A wonderful documentary that looks back at this two part TV movie that was memorable for the horror fans but also changed the way TV movies were looked upon. If you were around when this was first released or just a nerd of this film before the remake ever existed this is a well worth watch as it does a deep dive into characters, process of it from book to the small screen, and the interviews and stories of behind the scenes stuff that may explain why part two sucked. Yes folks, they spend some time on what went wrong! Great way to waste two hours kids if you are a huge nerd for the film or just a fan of Tim Curry as I give it 4 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #593

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God Told Me To (1976) aka Demon Directed by Larry Cohen Shown: Poster Art

God Told Me To (DVD) – A Larry Cohen flick from 1976 that I have always been curious about but never got around to it for god knows what reason… See what I did there? Anyhow, I will say this film is more about now than then if that makes sense folks. A police detective Peter Nicholas, a struggling Catholic, is having an issue understanding why a sudden string of murders is happening from people who claim, “God told me to”. Normal people just grabbing a gun, knife, whatever and start rampaging through New York killing random people. But after much investigation the clue that fits with all of them is that apparently God is a long hair blonde man they see before the murders? Thus these killers believe God has spoken to them. This sends the detective questioning his own sanity and his life as he eventually becomes a suspect? Love how this film is shot, great start of the film, we got Richard Lynch and Andy Kaufman in the film, 4 stars all the way people and a film that still works now!

Night of the Zomghouls (DVD) – Jack the Hack is a legendary serial killer who escapes transport from a Jeep Renegade (cause why even have anything resemble a police cruiser) and finds a kids party palace. The place happens to be a fake “Chuck E. Cheese” place (never seen that film?) and Jack just so happens to sacrifice himself to his Lord Satan to possess the animatronics there! As a planned birthday party is about to go on the employees get picked off one by one there. This film unevenly runs a whopping 92 minutes and would have come off a little better if the cast didn’t feel stale or like they were doing household chores instead of trying to give the film some life? I know its harsh and forgive me but do better people as I can only give this flick 1 star.

Quarantine LA (DVD) – In 2017 LA it has become a quarantine zone because a large scale viral outbreak that is evolving. Now, a Special Forces team sent on a secret mission is dead like many of the scientists that they were searching for in the zone. One last man from the mission finds a scientist and goes off book as he has found survivors but the government doesn’t want any of that. Just the cure and that’s it. As the movie progresses the zone gets worse and the government tries to cover it all up. Not a terrible premise for a flick but also not the most interesting these days as we have lived it as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Is That Black Enough For You?!? (Netflix) – A bad ass documentary about Black Cinema and takes a very deep dive of how one decade changed everything. But this starts from the beginning with the portrayals, the how, the why, and the history you may not know about through clips, trailers, and several known black superstars explaining their feelings and exposure to film. This a documentary that I thought above and beyond what others have done in the past on being informative, wonderful, but most importantly getting into stuff many film fanatics may have not known. Great stuff to dig into kids as I give this 4 stars.

The Main Street Massacre (YouTube) – So the film is set up with a local band named “Nic and the Castles” playing a house party where a horrible marriage proposal goes from bad to worse. Meanwhile some rando with a machete has shown up to off people who are attending the party. But what seems random is it always coming down to that damn drummer? This is one of those middle of the road horror flicks you can take it or leave itas I think the one thing that holds this film back is “they tried too hard to be Scream” as I can only give this Indy flick 2 out of 4 stars.

The Sawyer Massacre (YouTube) – This is a fan film that’s an unofficial prequel to the TCM series most horror fans love and cherish. So before I get into the review, be warned if you are a fan I am not here just trying to stir shit? I do have questions and we will go over them after the quick review. The film mostly centers around an old gas station in the middle of somewhere that Rex the owner not having any supplies is constantly sending random people passing through to his grandpas house down the road a bit. Apparently this old house has everything as this gas station got real busy during this film. Once there people go in and mostly don’t come back out as Leatherface has the chainsaw going on overdrive and just fucking victims up for supper! Now before the questions not sure when you were trying to set this in time wise but 12 minutes in that cool truck shows up with rims that weren’t around in the 50s and 60s if that is when this was set? Anyhow, question time: Why, because you know there are literally two different prequels out there? I mean honestly you have the budget, the equipment, and location; even a solid cast, just go make another film not called this about a fucked up family down the road? How don’t the victims hear the chainsaw running during this film and run their asses off or is just the old thing of white people are stupid in these horror films? I think the most important question well more like an observation is doing a prequel you have painted yourself into a corner because no matter what we all know what the end will be… The Thing prequel anyone? Again wasn’t trying to shit on anyone’s parade I just see resources and talent that could have been used differently than a TCM fan prequel but who am I to say anything as I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars. I mean it is a fan film and there will be fans and if anything I am now interested to see what Steve Merlo directs next?

For Y’ur Height Only (DVD/YouTube) – A 1981 Filipino flick that stars one of the shortest stars of all time in a serious film that has a little person playing a James Bond role as Double 00. Our star is only three feet tall and must stop an evil villain Mr. Giant. No lie folks this is a serious film with martial arts, action, etc. It is something that if you never seen it you must watch at least once to believe it as it was entertaining as hell as I give it 2 ½ stars.

D’ Wild Wild Weng (DVD/YouTube) – Well the small Filipino star followed up his James Bond stint with an action film I was confused from the fucking start on what was going on. First off, when watching this thing it was either 1800s old west or 1981 supposedly set in California, I think? Second, monks show up, then there is the Mexican army that seems to be in every spaghetti western and on top of that our small hero hangs with the Filipino version of Andre the Giant while riding in a dune buggy! All this while fighting ninjas in the countryside and getting advice from an eight month Prego Indian dude. Confusing but hilarious as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Calamity Jane’s Revenge (DVD) – Talented filmmaker Henrique Couto went out of the comfort zone in Indy filmmaking to make an old west flick centering on after the death of Wild Bill and Calamity Jane seeking revenge. It has Jane tracking down not just the one that shot Bill in the back but others that were involved while being tracked also a lawman to bring her in. The film stars Al Snow and the talented Erin R. Ryan as Calamity Jane along with several familiar independent actors I respect and enjoy in other projects. But from beginning to end this film just didn’t feel right like not the best work of Mr. Couto. Not a bad thing I give him huge kudos trying to do something we all wouldn’t expect but the film overall just never feels like it ever gets going as I have to give it only 2 stars.

Reptisaurus (DVD) – Damn kids I must have missed this during the boom of “Dinosaurs/Animal attacks films” during earlier in the 2000s or SyFy Channel? But a group of people get stranded on an island and find themselves in some trouble as a special two man-unit on a classified mission has picked them up. But doesn’t take long for the group to understand why they are there when a winged serpent wants to eat the humans. Think of a much lesser and interesting “Q, the Winged Serpent” where it’s a government mutation experiment gone bad as I give it 1 ½ stars.    

From the Depths (DVD) – This film can basically go fuck itself as it advertise itself as a shark attack film not a drama about a woman named Liz dealing with the after effects of a shark attack. Liz may or may have not helped her sister because she was a better lay for Liz’s boyfriend? Liz even several months after the attacks is still having problems in aspects of her life and moving on but that isn’t the kick in the ass as the film pulls the old switch-a-roo and instead of dreaming it all Liz is on the operating table dying at the end. Yep, fuck this shit as I spoiled the fuck out that flick; don’t watch it as I give it zero shits for wasting my time.

7 Mummies (DVD) – Whether you like this movie or not I am gonna make you wanna see this film with what I am going to lay down… A group of convicts escape a prison van into the desert and they are led by that bad ass dude from “The Transporter”. Next, they kidnap the prison guard Cerina Vincent to not take advice from an Indian played by Danny Trejo and head to this old west town to look for gold. They arrive and greeted by Martin Kove and the bad ass that of course to represent evil and darkness, Billy Drago in the town! Not enough yet? Well it gets all “From Dusk till Dawn” in the bar without Tom Savini and eventually they are all attacked by mummy monks! Now run to watch this as it sounds awesome but comes off more like a chaotic mess that is a mish-mash of several movies but without an endgame as I give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #505

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Gross Movie Reviews #505

Cry Havoc (On Demand) – I was so looking forward to Bootleg Chuck Bronson’s first slasher film that includes Richard Tyson as the bad guy! Richard Tyson is known only as “The Voyeur” as he hides in the deep mountains as he has made the F.B.I’s top ten most wanted list. The Voyeur has granted an aspiring journalist to visit and interview him so he can explain his art and experiments he is doing. What the world doesn’t know is The Voyeur uses a mass murderer only known as “Havoc” to conduct his projects. Young women are kidnapped and thrown out in the woods for Havoc and it is filmed by all of Voyeur’s cameras for his art. Interview is going well and The Voyeur is happy until Bootleg Chuck Bronson has followed of them to the secret location as he is looking for his missing daughter he hasn’t seen in years. If Havoc isn’t slaughtering people we get long scenes of Bootleg Chuck Bronson walking around and then a long climatic fight scene that really doesn’t end… Hell the film itself just stops like they forgot to edit the ending in or something? I had high expectations going in but they gradually were dying a slow death as the movie went on with its non-ending as I give the Bootleg Chuck Bronson flick only 2 stars this go around.

 

The Deadly Mantis (DVD) – A fun 50s sci-fi flick about a giant prehistoric mantis that has awakened from the ice above the Arctic Circle. With it traveling southward the U.S. military declares war on the large creature as its beginning to feed on humans along the way. The monstrous mantis is cheesy and never gets old as I give the classic monster flick 3 stars.

 

Ghetto Blaster (YouTube) – The 1989 direct-to-video ‘Death Wish’ clone stars Richard Hatch as Travis and R.G. Armstrong as his father. Travis has returned to the old neighborhood after three long years and the neighborhood has changed. To help set the tone of the movie it opens up with a drive-by shooting between gangs that a child is shot in. So of course this must mean gangs rule the streets of the old neighborhood and Travis’ father doesn’t want to give up the old store and retire. Then a botch robbery happens when the Hammers come to collect and his father is shot and killed. From there Travis uses his Special Forces skills to prank the Hammers gang and get under their skin but eventually gets physical when they kidnap his daughter. This is your third tier vigilante stuff but entertaining enough I was glad to track it down as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Night Shift Collection (VHS) – First released in 1986 then again in 1994 and they are two short films based on the Stephen King collection of stories of the same name. The first short is ‘The Woman in the Room’ about a lawyer whose mother is dying from cancer and he is trying to decide if he should help her along? Thus he cannot stand the misery she is in. The second short is ‘The Boogeyman’ about a man name Mr. Billings who has had a couple of his children die in his care. Mr. Billings goes to see a psychiatrist because he believes it is the Boogeyman that has killed them? Depending on the info you read on the internet these two shorts based on the King stories were student films paired together and put out there to capitalize on all the King film adaptions. Anyway the shorts are a little dull but worth the watch if you never knew they existed as I give it 2 stars. P.S. the shorts were filmed in 1982 and 1983.

 

Night Shift Collection 2 (VHS) – Another pair of short films that were released in 1989 claiming to be a part of Stephen King’s short story collection to film but only one of the shorts truly were. The second one may have been influenced by King’s work but had nothing to do with King. Again these two shorts were filmed in 1983 but never released until 1989 with less fanfare than the first set. Hell this second set was only a rumor in some horror circles and it seems the means of seeing it might be YouTube these days. What is weird about this set is the first short is ‘The Disciples of the Crow’ or what we all would come to know in 1984 as ‘Children of the Corn’. Same movie in short form with no stars and less about the corn and more about worshipping crows. The second short is someone else’s work called ‘The Night Walker’ that is about a young man named Walter who worked one night shift in a hotel that just reopened room #321 for the first time since the 40s. Apparently a couple on their wedding night did a murder/suicide and this has Walter curious and scared at the same time. This collection is worth the watch for the mere reason of its connection to ‘Children of the Corn’ as I give it 2 stars.

Post-Apocalyptic Commando Shark (DVD) – A hilarious concept for an independent film about Soviet doctors splice human and shark DNA together to make a Russian commando shark. This soldier enables the Red Army to invade the United States and begin WWIII. U.S. citizens fight for their lives but the man-shark is hell bent on killing every American soldier it finds. The idea is absolutely wonderful but begins to lose its luster about halfway through the film. To me it felt if they had a great idea with a subpar script and trying to use ‘Sharknado’ as a springboard for all to come running. Better script equals better movie so instead of 82 minutes maybe you should have ended it after 35 minutes. But hey kudos to yinz for getting Debbie Rochon for a cup of coffee as it wasn’t no ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ and for that I can only give this feature 2 stars.

 

Haunter (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst who seems to working on a new short film every month these days has another about a young male. This young man is disrupted from his sleep to find his house is haunted and it has had enough of him being there… Scaring him life may not be enough! I give it 2 ½ out 4 stars as I would have liked to see this short film go a little longer as there felt like there was more to the story?

 

Devil’s Trail (DVD) – Filmmaker Henrique Couto decided to dip his toes into the “Found Footage” genre with this tale he filmed in 2016. We have two internet hosts heading out to New Jersey Pine Barrens for a 21-day survival trip for their internet show. They will film everything they do and what happens as they are only allowed to bring three items a piece for this survival trip. Along the way they discuss the “Jersey Devil” among other urban legends about the woods. But as things do not go as planned for the duo the relationship breaks down and strange things begin to happen. Does it have something to do with the witches they encounter at the beginning of their trip, very possible? I agree with Henrique in his interview in the extras this genre of film can die horribly if the ending isn’t interesting and with his ‘Devil’s Trail’ whether you love it or hate it you cannot lie the ending of this film makes it worth watching! Thank you for that my friend as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Dinosaurus! (DVD) – A super cheesy film from 1960 that has a construction crew unearthing prehistoric dinosaurs from the sea floor that includes a caveman. The man who runs the island finds the caveman first and has big plans once getting his body off the island. Problem a storm rolls through and resurrects the caveman and dinosaurs and they run rampant through the island chasing the natives and the construction crew! This is B-movie stuff well worth the watch and laughs as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (Shudder) – Quite the Eye-talian film mystery as Julie Wardh is married to a wealthy Wall Street dude but also has been bad taste in men before and during her marriage. Julie Wardh only got married because she considered him safe for her lifestyle but has gotten bored again and out banging the socks off any nice looking dude she can find. But there is a catch one them could be a serial killer as this is ongoing in her life a man with a razor blade is slicing up young women. An interesting twist in the film comes when someone tries to blackmail Julie but gets her best friend Carol murdered but this only serves as the appetizer to what the ending of the film brings us. Usually these types of film or giallo are not my cup of tea but the ending makes it all the worthwhile as I actually didn’t see that ending coming and for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Street Asylum (VHS) – This 1989 film was one of those flicks that I seen released in theaters for a weekend and then disappeared. Of course I knew Wings Hauser was the star and found this on YouTube so it was time to finally get my first watch in. Wings Hauser is Sgt. Ryder who is working the Hollywood beat of degenerates. After he gets shot during a rooftop incident he gets an offer from a captain to join a special police force called “S.Q.U.A.D.” This new force is going to clean up the streets of Hollywood one body bag at a time. As Ryder first gets into the new swing of things he soon understands things are not right as his partners go nuts and supposedly commit suicide. Ryder slowly going insane discovers he is part of a human experiment to make a better police officer. Once he removes the implant from his back it is now time for revenge against the man behind it all, the new mayor to be! As usual Wings Hauser was great; Brion James as the crazy preacher… perfect, but the film lags in the middle some like a few too many edits may have been made to this B-Grade sci-fi thriller as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Cy Warrior (VHS) – I can never get enough of cheesy Eye-talian Sci-fi stuff and this was no different as Henry Silva plays the villain mercenary hired to bring in a cyborg. The military loses a newly built cyborg with no program who decides to take a stroll to an island. There a boy finds him and takes the cyborg to his hot sister with almost saying, “Found you the perfect dude to bump uglies with and someone I think is bad ass because he is part man/part machine.” The military wants Silva to pick up their secret project before anyone notices? Silva just wants to fucking kill a shitload of innocent humans and blow up this thing of the face of the Earth. Yep, there is your movie besides the cyborg salsa dancing, I think, with the hot sister and trying to escape the clutches of Henry Silva. Worth the laughs folks as I give this feature 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

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Gross Movie Reviews #504

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Gross Movie Reviews #504

 

Zambo, King of the Jungle (DVD) – The film stars Brad Harris as one of two convicts who claims he is innocent and has been thrown into some third world prison. He is being transported most likely to his death with another convict on a prison train. They make a break for it during the ride and use the jungle for cover. But the jungle can be a deadly place as they got to cross through 50 miles of it to make it safely across a border. Along the way Brad’s character Zambo loses his friend to death and natives find him. Three years Zambo is a jungle legend of helping the natives throughout the jungle in their fight against the white man and others who are trying to invade their territory. Everything is hunky dory until some hot babe and friends come looking for Zambo for help in treasure hunting. The premise sounds fun but I would have to say this might one of the more boring exploitation flicks I have watched… But always keep in mind when watching these early 70s flicks it was a whole different world then so when we watch our view could be skewed but I say it was dull and only giving it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Stay Awake (DVD) – A horror film from 1988 that was brought to my attention by a good dude Zane Hershberger a couple months back and was able to finally check it out. 1988, horror movie I never heard of, let’s just say I was stoked as hell. So apparently we open with a serial killer of 11 women is given the needle and of course vows to come back also like ‘Prison’, ‘Shocker’, ‘The Horror Show’, insert a couple more titles from that year or so… Anyway present day 1988 the ghost reappears to haunt some girls at the St. Mary’s School where a teacher and students hang out all night in an event called “The Stay Awake”. Of course this isn’t a U.S. thing and IMDB claims South Africa which could also explain why it is so hard to find until recently. Zane I really wanted to enjoy this film man but not a whole lot happens except the women running around the school and for the ghost of a serial killer he lacked the skill in killing as no one was really dying. Maybe this is just an example of us products of the 80s that are movie nerds that need to shut up or just go watch ‘The Monster Squad’ for the hundredth time… again as I give this 1 ½ stars.

Deep Undead (DVD) – This is a 2005 independent film from Dave Castiglione that just got an upgrade in every way for independent film fans to rediscover all over again. Two divers mysteriously die in the Miles Cove Harbor where there just happens to be a shipwreck from 1923 and a recent nuclear power plant accident nearby. The locals have lots of questions but authorities are keeping things quiet as fish have also recently disappeared or died off so a dive team is hired to find the bodies. The dive team is not all too happy finding out the spill was nearby where they are going but want paid and don’t wanna make too much of a fuss. As the investigation moves forward strange things begin happen, stuff washes ashore, a reporter really digs into the truth of what is actually happening, and people keep bringing up the weird shipwreck accident of 1923. Add that in with more mysterious deaths you get an amazing low budget film that has some wonderful underwater shots for the film that will make filmmakers take notice that it can be done if you put your mind to it. I really enjoy this film because it has that Roger Corman early 80s creature feature feel combined with that independent early 90s look. This entertaining film has all you could want: weird creatures, great underwater scenes, and a toxic spill for a backdrop as I am grateful Dave is getting this out there again as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Beyond White Space (DVD) – So as usual I took a chance watching bootleg Michael Pare in a film that is set in 2156 A.D. Bootleg Michael Pare is chasing after some space dragon that is able to jump time and space that killed his father several years before. If he can capture the dragon it becomes the space haul of a lifetime? Honestly the film is more filler than anything and even with the 30 second cameo from Vernon Wells it still wasn’t worth checking out as I give 0 stars.

 

Skeleton Man (DVD) – As I continue my quest to watch “dumb shit no one wants to watch” I came across this feature that stars Michael Rooker and Casper Van Dien. They are part of an undercover delta force team posing as hikers so they are able to hike through the woods on a search and rescue mission. They are searching for a second group of soldiers that have disappeared in these woods from the impossible force of an invisible entity that when it appears it is a generic grim reaper. Yes it was dumb! So folks just remember stick with watching the racist bootleg version of ‘Predator’ in the hilarious ‘Robowar’ as I give this film a ½ star.

Amityville No Escape (Blu-ray) – Henrique Couto takes his own stab at the notorious franchise to see if he can breathe some new life into an old concept. George is writing a paper on “Fear” and he is making a documentary about his experiment into “Fear”. George gets a few friends and they head to Amityville so he can record reaction and feeling of himself and friends facing their fears. We the audience is introduced to a long lost VHS tape that was from 1997 recording events of a woman that moved into the infamous Amityville home and what transpired. Once the group finds their location and start talking about “Fear” that spookiness ramps up as a little girl is seen and we get flashes of footage of strange occurrences in the 1997 VHS tape. I have likened very few paranormal films and this falls more in a different category than that for me and that is “not my cup of tea” feature. First, I love the ending of the film and that is a great cast of actors but I just could not get into the film. That doesn’t mean it is bad by any means I just feel I may not be the audience for this stab into the “Amityville” series. Second, no matter what Henrique makes I will always give the film a fair shot for the mere reason that dude is one the most talented people behind the camera today! For that I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Amityville Vibrator (Google Drive) – Just when I thought I seen it all in the past year: “House Shark, Velocipastor, Shark Exorcist, Banana Splits”. You know stuff I believe only exists in my weird ass brain but somehow gets pooped out into the universe? Well I was wrong as Nathan Rumler a filmmaker trying to make his mark in the independent scene decided to come with one of the sleaziest films that has graced this earth in some time! This borderline porno flick begins with the notorious shooting we all know about in 1976 in the infamous Amityville home. The audience is in for an eye opening experience from the get goes as the opening scene is a woman in a demon mask going to town on herself… then having her head blown clean off into a huge blood stain thus allowing the vibrator to fall to the floor and getting lost.  Now present day we get Cathy who has just purchased the infamous home and has thrown out her useless boyfriend. Cathy does what any depressed human would go do and that would be go to a random yard sale with your hot punk girlfriend and receive a free possessed vibrator! As Cathy gets home and the possessed vibrator introduces the young lady to ungodly visions of pleasure we come to find out her ex-boyfriend isn’t just an asshole? Chad just happens to be a part of a duo who has been tracking down all the possessed items from the haunted home so they can no longer harm people. If that doesn’t sound weird at all, prepare you are in for a treat as shit goes globally satanic in a graphically sexual way like never before. We come to learn Satan needs inside Cathy as I will leave at that. Nathan kudos to you for beating Joanna Angel to the punch in making something that will not be forgotten as I give this sleazefest 3 out of 4 stars. The flaw I could point out in this hilarious idea is the shrooms scene went on way too long, there is a point to it but shouldn’t have been longer than 30 seconds.

 

Scarecrow County (Blu-ray) – Our story begins with a woman donating books to the local small town library. She is from the small town but is just in to clean out her recently deceased parents’ house. She has a verbal spat with the town drunk about her dead brother in the library that sets the tone of the film. The librarian finds a notebook in the pile of books from the dead brother Joey Gibbs. A name most in town haven’t heard or talked about for years. The librarian reads on as it peaks her interest and begins asking her father questions about Joey as he went to high school with him. Small town legend, small town ideas but her reading this book sets things in motion not only among old friends but people start having untimely deaths. If you are into killer scarecrow in small town drama then this is up your alley for a Saturday afternoon watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

So apparently we do more podcasts when the apocalypse is happening?

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This week we give you 3 more reasons to sit your couch and listen to us yammer on about movies.   What else are you gonna do?  You are probably under quarantine anyway.  First we talk about the new release of Tammy and the T-Rex.  Then Tim talks about his buddy Henrique’s flick OUIJA ROOM.  And finally Kyle checks in with an action flick from the 90’s in JUDGMENT NIGHT.  So sit with us for over 2 hours of nonsense and remember during this time of wayward virus contamination please be a cool human to each other.  So download this episode for a free roll of toilet paper. (Offer void where prohibited)  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This virus outbreak is a really weird time we are living in.  And Kyle thought he would take a half hour and try to do something good.  So… He decided to curate a giant list of cult, horror, Sci-fi and generally weird flicks that are completely free to watch through apps available over your smart TV, roku, game console, fire stick, or a ton of other gadgets out there.  Just remember that we are all in this thing together and take advantage and maybe check out something that you’ve never seen before.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #495

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

Hot Dog the Movie! (Blu-ray) – One of the most talked about sex comedies of the 80s has been restored and has goodies added to it by Synapse Films. We have a wholesome farm boy whom an amazing skier is making his way Squaw Valley, CA, for the winter skiing competition. Along the way Harkin our main character picks up the cute-next door type of girl hitchhiking who decides to tag along with Harkin to see where this leads. Once there Harkin soon makes quick friends with a group of skiers known as ‘The Rat Pack’ with his skills on the mountain during practice. As they all have a common foe in an Austrian skier named Rudi who has disrespected Harkin from the beginning. From there when not on the mountain for the competition ‘The Rat Pack’ is busy partying, creating chaos, and debauchery. Just like films of the same era in “Hardbodies”, “Losin’ It”, and “Porky’s” it gives you all the beautiful naked bodies you can handle in many party scenes. But what separates this fun sex comedy classic from most is not just its romantic element between Harkin and the hitchhiker but the amazing ski stunts and the ‘Chinese Downhill’ event to end the film. The way its shot and how its perform is perfect and I believe sometimes gets lost in all of the glorious nudity that we all remember watching as teenagers in the early 80s on Skinamax or HBO! Now imagine that restored with all the bright colors and cleared to perfection… Yes, I know there will be a few of us that will pause on the scenes of breasts for nostalgia? Believe me I don’t blame you even knowing then that the perfect Shannon Tweed was in the film. But the shots of the ‘Chinese Downhill’ are something to behold my friends. With this new restoration we also get a 50-minute documentary about the film which surprisingly they get a lot of who was involved. We also get a commentary and interviews with director Peter Markle and producer Mike Marvin which were not your usual boring stuff. These guys still show much love to the film and proud of the product they put on film. As usual Synapse Films did a supreme job at restoring one of the best sex comedies of the 80s and bringing it to Blu-ray for us fans to enjoy for many years to come. I give this Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars and more info or to purchase the film can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Rake (DVD) – A slow burn horror flick from the talented Tony Wash whose story involves a brother and sister named Ben and Ashley whose father a doctor was working on a diagnosis for an insane person Jacob. One night Jacob shows up in their home to slaughter the parents in front of the children and then commits suicide. Years may have passed since the deaths but Ben and Ashley were adopted by a well-adjusted family and Ben was able to get past it. Ashley on the other hand has been in and out of asylums. Nikki their adopted sister whose family took them in is having a house warming party and wants the siblings to attend. Ashley once there begins to regress and speaks of “The Rake” and explains Jacob wasn’t a serial killer but a vessel for something more terrifying that can infect us all. Again a lot of dialogue, slow burn but the payoff with the monster thing is freaking awesome I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Dead Residence (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and Gator Blade Films latest is a found footage flick that has first time house flippers in Tampa tackling a home maybe haunted or worst yet, someone besides them living there? Debbie and Patrick have found the perfect home to flip for their first time. Everything goes great and they spend their first nights in the home so they can get they don’t have to travel to work on the interior of the home. But while they sleep each night the new surveillance video picks up something is in the home watching them. During the remodel tools begin to disappear as does food but the couple are unphased until they find a flash drive that has disturbing snuff videos on it. By time the couple realizes where the videos are being filmed at it is already too late for the two. Sean did a great job in keeping someone like me interested in a found footage film as I am not the biggest fan of them. A fun keeping it simple independent film from Sean that serves as a legit warning to house flippers in the future as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scary Movie (DVD-R) – A definite unknown flick from 1991 that really never got released but pops up a cable network from time to time. Warren is a very sheltered young man who is out for the Halloween holiday with a so-called friend at a haunted attraction. Of course the friend tries to hook up Warren to no avail but Warren’s attention is elsewhere when he hears on a police radio about a convict possibly escaping nearby. This sends Warren into a full panic attack that leads to the misfortune of the attraction shutting down. Interesting movie if there weren’t literally full scenes of nothing going on but Warren losing his grip on reality staring into space. This is one of those films for only the cinema die hards as I give it 1 star.

 

Haunting Inside (DVD) – Sylvia is a young woman who had a mental break because of her parents’ death and her brother Sam is forced to take care of her. She has her good days and bad days as Sam just tries to keep his own life together. Sam, per doctor’s advice goes and purchases several games for Sylvia to help keep her focus and not beat herself up. This excites Sylvia and she takes the Ouija board to her room to play but nothing happens. This disappoints Sylvia but does not stop her interest in the game that is supposed to be about talking to spirits. Second night she tries contacting her parents, still nothing but the next night she breaks through to something or some spirit. The spirit and her develop a relationship even if her doctor doesn’t see much good in this because it is only a game. The spirits look after Sylvia at first but they are actually just preparing her since she is in a fragile state that she doesn’t understand she is being taken advantage of. An absolute wonderful paranormal flick that is well written, well casted, and wish future paranormal flicks will pay attention to “Haunting Inside” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Church of the Damned (DVD) – Another long lost unreleased Polonia Brothers film that wasn’t finished from 1985. It has intro from Mark Polonia recently explaining the issues with the project. It is a project they started in their senior year of high school about a couple cops who are investigating missing persons. While investigating the two cops stumble upon something called the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’. It isn’t anything groundbreaking but fun to see again the early work of this talented duo as I give it 1 ½ stars for nostalgic sake.

 

5 Years After the Fall (DVD) – A low budget post-apocalyptic affair where five years ago the world walled off 90% of its population because the lack of food. Now present a young man is having a debate with an older man about what humans should do now until the train derails and he finds himself on the other side of the wall. Jacob soon learns the world has survived but only through cannibalism and the strong taking advantage of the weak. Now in the savage land Jacob must fight off cannibal marauders in order to escape a home he thought he found was safe. From the beginning you are able to see there is a disconnect between script and what is on screen as I give it 1 star.

 

Pickaxe (DVD) – Alex Black is a killer in the woods during the early 80s who slaughtered several people in Woodland Hills. Now 1988, he is believed to dead but rumors begin again as a couple go missing recently. Several high school students head to the parents’ cabin for some hard partying, sex, and preparing to attend a concert. After much nudity Alex gets his slaughter on until Tiffany Shepis and the great A. Michael Baldwin try to put a stop to his killing ways! Getting past the enormous amount of nudity the filmmaker thought the film needed there is some great gore shots but I feel if the film is distorted or confusing? I feel the film may have come across better if scenes were in a different order. The concept seems solid but scenes don’t fit together like it was edited to serve some kind of purpose the filmmaker wasn’t sharing with the viewer as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Sneak preview of the upcoming SEVERE INJURIES blu-ray 2-disk set

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Sneak preview of the upcoming SEVERE INJURIES blu-ray 2-disk set we hope to have out in October! Designed by Matt Gilligan and given a new coat of paint by Ryan Hose.

Unavailable for years, semi-remastered for blu, SEVERE INJURIES tells the story of Melvin Hubble, (Charlie Fleming), last in a long line of unsuccessful serial killers, making a final stab at glory by sneaking into the Rho Rho Rho sorority house, unaware that another killer lurks there too! (But no worries, this second killer is just as inept!)

Directed by and Starring Amy Lynn Best, Robyn Griggs (“Another World”), HCP’s Bill Homan, Jasi Jovingo (“Swamp Thing”), Tim Gross and Brinke Stevens!

Blu-Ray Disk will include Behind-the-Scenes, Outtakes, Interviews and Were-Grrl (including all the rare Were-Grrl extras that haven’t been seen since 2002!)

Bonus disk will contain a bunch of rare Happy Cloud shorts, including many that have never been on disk before. They include:

* NECK UP! A short made in 1995 before we were even Happy Cloud!
* Tenants – Mike Watt’s senior thesis film starring Amy Lynn Best
* 7:45 of the Dead (2013)
* Retreat (2006)
* High Stakes (produced for “Brinke’s Tales of Terror)
* and the latest, ZOM-B-GONE (2018) written by our nieces!

(Bonuse 16mm easter egg, “Whispered Verses” hidden somewhere on there due to a lack of music rights!)

Availability will be announced soon.

Special thanks to Terry ThomeJustin Channell and especially Henrique Couto!

It is almost here!

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Gear up people cause its almost here:
Guests for Grossfest 2: Fred and Shelby Vogel, Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger, Dustin Wayde Mills, Craig Everett Earl, Justin Channell, Glenn Berggoetz, Henrique Couto, Brian Paulin, and Tom Savini. There will also be independent authors, filmmakers, and cool vendors… Plus independent movies will be shown all day. Remember things are subject to change…

Saturday, July 20, 2019 (Vendor room 11-7, Movie room 11-10) $10 admission includes both

DoubleTree Hotel
340 Racetrack Road
Washington, Pa. 15301
724-222-6200

Anything else please visit us at www.grossfest.com or visit our Grossfest Facebook page.

Grossfest is coming…

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Tell your ma, tell your pa, tell everyone in Arkansas Grossfest is coming July 20th! But serious people tell your friends, your work friends, your ex-friends, your exes in general, your mistress, your secret boyfriend, your boyfriend’s boyfriend, tell the dreaded relatives that this cool event is happening again July 20th! And filmmakers that didn’t get a table because they sold out again come anyway and buy a ticket just to check out all the cool independent horror filmmakers, authors, and bad ass vendors! Help us make this grow so we can do this every year… Remember only $10 and you never know what will be there!!!

 

Guests for Grossfest 2: Fred and Shelby Vogel, Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger, Dustin Wayde Mills, Craig Everett Earl, Justin Channell, Glenn Berggoetz, Henrique Couto, Brian Paulin, and Tom Savini. There will also be independent authors, filmmakers, and cool vendors… Plus independent movies will be shown all day. Remember things are subject to change…

Saturday, July 20, 2019 (Vendor room 11-7, Movie room 11-10) $10 admission includes both

DoubleTree Hotel

340 Racetrack Road

Washington, Pa. 15301

724-222-6200

Code to book your discount room: G19

Anything else please visit us at www.grossfest.com or visit our Grossfest Facebook page.

New guest announcement for Grossfest 2019

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Guest announcement: He is one of the most multi-talented independent filmmakers you could ever meet. He has his own website that streams and available for purchase his films and music called, “Henflix”. He has acted in over 30 films and has directed two dozen films. You name it; he has done it in front of the camera and behind it and does not stick to one genre. Depression: The Movie, Babysitter Massacre, Calamity Jane’s Revenge are a few of his notable films. I could write pages on how cool this once a generation talent is but how about you come on down to Grossfest this July 20th and meet him yourself. I introduce you to the one and only Henrique Couto!
www.facebook.com/henriquecouto
www.grossfest.com