Gross Movie Reviews #517

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Gross Movie Reviews #517

 

Scare Me (Shudder) – So this was the other horror film released this year with the same title ‘Scare Me’ where two strangers meet in the middle of nowhere to tell each other stories. Fanny and Fred meet while jogging one morning. Fanny – the best-selling scary and Fred – some random dude who works on ads and tries to get away from real life to see if he can make his dream happen? A power outage sends Fanny over to invade Fred’s space or cabin to order pizza and tell stories to each other. This would have made a great teleplay to play out on radio that I have listened too on many Friday nights driving back from Cinema Wasteland. I know I am going to catch heat for this popular film. But if you like an over 100 minutes of two actors who are reading a script to you the viewer and Chris Redd from SNL does cocaine halfway through for a break then you’ll be in your glory! I personally found the movie meh and not for me but I believe this was a film literally aimed at a certain audience and that was it as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Reflection (YouTube) – A super creepy short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst where a man looks into the mirror too long and sees another reality. Scary thought is the other reality wants in more often than not as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Tales of Frankenstein (Vimeo/DVD) – This is an anthology that is a little different and interesting for ‘Frankenstein’ fans. Donald F. Glut takes some of his short stories he written and turns them into a film that Victor Frankenstein is the running theme throughout the anthology. The stories are set from 1887 to 1957 and vary throughout: the first story gives us an origin and a love story, the second is about greed, the third is a film noir involving a detective and a mad doctor, and the last story gives Frankenstein fans a little of everything including being set in Transylvania. I absolutely enjoy the twist on an old monster and its tales and doing it in the format of an anthology works brilliantly! A couple decades ago the film ‘Frankenstein Unbound’ proved you can tell a perfect story differently and if anything add to its mythology. Mr. Donald F. Glut does this without effort but my only complaint is the film looks way too clean (if that makes any sense to yinz film junkies)? Cinema fans this independent anthology is worth tracking down and making it a part of your collection and for friends to enjoy as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Big Freaking Rat (DVD) – This film is a prime example of an idea that could be so awesome but ruined because nothing was totally seen through and looks more like crap just being thrown at the wall. Now I never expect an amazing giant rat movie every time out but I do expect a legit fun rat movie and this was not it. The film stars Felissa Rose a favorite among most horror fans who stars alongside a park ranger named Chief Brody who has supposedly help clean up a camping destination that was abused for years. Unbeknownst to him because two hillbillies dumping toxic waste into the lake a “Big Freaking Rat” is running around beheading humans and munching on their flesh to live. Before he can ever get the camping site up and running he must deal with the large rodent issue as it quickly boils down to teenagers and an exterminator vs. a large rat which was done with practical effects most of the time. Instead of keeping it simple and giving us a long lost SyFy Channel flick we get a movie that has you asking way too many questions during it instead of enjoying the “Big Freaking Rat” as I give it 1 star.

 

Theater of Blood (DVD) – An absolute gem of a film starring Vincent Price who is a stage actor about to make a comeback. His critics were so rude and shitty to the great Shakespearean actor he commits suicide in front of them. Two years go by and the critics start dying of horrible deaths in Shakespearean ways. Some of them believe the great play actor has returned from the grave but the authorities have trouble believing the story. But as the bloody bodies keep piling up they need to close this case before all the famous London critics are dead. This was my first time watch and like ‘House on Haunted Hill’ it just seems Vincent Price does his best work when the filmmakers allow him just be Vincent Price. Some decades have passed since this film’s release but this is an absolute treat for any horror movie fan as Vincent Price playfully allows his goons to destroy his critics until the ultimate climax! I just smiled how wonderful this film was from beginning to end as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Mummy (DVD) – This 1959 remake of the Universal Pictures classic got many people to pay attention to Hammer films as it stars Peter Cushing as John where his father, friend and himself discover a long lost tomb of Princess Ananka. When they open it they are warned to leave it alone or a curse would fall upon them. After the tomb is opened and some time passes the Mummy (played by Christopher Lee) is revived by a scroll and it wants revenge on all who were a part of opening the tomb. The film is absolutely beautiful looking but Christopher Lee literally steals the film as The Mummy and how he portrays it. Never got into Hammer Studios this is a good place to start as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Sebastian’s Unholy Flesh (YouTube/DVD) – Dakota Ray’s (writer, director, and actor) latest effort is about a shift in the universe or this case Lucifer dying for an unknown reason. This sets in motion a demonic presence known as Sebastian who sets forth and becomes flesh in order to obtain “The Unholy Book”. Just because this old evil is looking for the book that can destroy all mankind doesn’t mean other unholy evils are not looking also. The book changes hiding places on a regular basis but Sebastian quickly learns how to get it but keeping it becomes a much bigger issue as other demons want to fight to death in order to handle this great power! Dakota Ray goes super dark with this evil flick and is a cool slow burn. My only complaint on this ultimate evil tale might be I was expecting a satanic bloodbath but never got it. Understand that did not stop Mr. Ray and crew from putting together a fine tale about what would happen if the devil died? I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and can purchased at https://www.storenvy.com/stores/868254-dakota-ray-r-a-productions .

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #509

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Gross Movie Reviews #509

We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Relic (On Demand) – So grandma goes missing for a few days and ma and daughter come to her home to hang out in the moldy home. Or as the wife put it: a very long and boring version of ‘Stranger Things’. Take it for what it is as not a whole lot goes on except Grandma is sick and there is something wrong with the house. For me there just wasn’t any payoff after watching this long buildup of a movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

Amityville Island (DVD) – Mark Polonia goes to the “Amityville well” again as a mother of four moves into the cheap area only to become possessed and murder her kids. Sent to prison and on death row she is forced to fight in the basement of the place so it could be streamed for creeps. If that wasn’t enough she is then transferred to some scientist weirdos that label her as Patient 59. Unbeknownst to her captors and weird scientist dudes she is still possessed by the Amityville curse whatever that is? Along the way we meet a freelance reporter who is trying to connect all the murders over the years and how they connect to Patient 59? Don’t get me wrong I love the Polonia Brothers but this film truly feels it is all over the place but really doesn’t have a plot. Also what doesn’t help is I get a possessed shark for three seconds. I felt cheated folks! The shark is on the gawd damn box art! I wanted 75 minutes of an Amityville possessed shark is that too much to ask so in saying that I can only give this Mark Polonia film 1 star because I know Mr. Polonia can do better.

 

D-Railed (DVD) – It is Halloween and there is nothing like a “Murder Mystery Train” party going down where people pay to be a part of dinner and a ‘who done it” play. This is an expensive dinner party so you have to dress the part but as everything is about to start with the train roaring down the tracks a real robbery takes place. Events unfold quickly as people try to stop the robbery with a few people getting shot and the train derailing into a lake bed. The survivors trying to help each other and see if they can get to land easily must contend with a creature looking to consume them. Doesn’t have a strong ending but does have Lance Henriksen explain a few things when needed as I give this neat little horror film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 3 (VHS) – Or as the film is also known to most ‘Thunder Warrior III’. Mark Gregory returns as Thunder for the third time to help defend his Native American community. This time around some racist weekend warrior townsfolk get ahold of Thunder and abuse him and his people. Thunder wanting to do this the right way takes it to the cops and demands money to replace their homes. But the racist townsfolk want none of it so Thunder once again goes all Rambo on their asses and ruins the town until they pay up for revenge. It was pretty much the same as the last two entries but somehow made to look cheaper and less action in some ways as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Raindrops (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never rests as he has yet another new short film. This time around a plot about a gentleman who is slowly driven insane by raindrops on the window seal. This man soon reacts in a very horrific way in order to remedy the problem. Philip’s shorts get to the point quickly and usually star him as it seems he is challenging himself or teaching different things about filmmaking to himself. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. His Facebook and YouTube page usually have links to his independent film work that is well worth checking out.

Are You in the House Alone?! (DVD) – I never seen this 1978 after school horror special that starred a young Dennis Quaid. And a little sneaky bastard he is. Gayle is newer to the high school as her parents moved to the neighborhood because it was supposed to be safer and have a safer school for Gayle. Gayle finally getting back into the dating game at the urge of her best friend finds a guy at school that really fits her. But at the same time Gayle is being left nasty notes in her locker and crank calls at her home late in the evening. Gayle with help from her best friend blows it off quickly but as it escalates Gayle becomes worrisome and even goes to the school principal. She is being stalked on her dates and her babysitting job which sets her up to be raped. But instead of her going all “Death Wish’ on the person she finally gets her revenge by proving to people he is an asshole rapist that even his rich family couldn’t get away with. The film opens up with Gayle being taken to the hospital then flashes back to tell the story up until then. The film tries its clever ass off to make you think it is several different people and well worth the payoff as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Black Cobra 2 (DVD) – Never mind I didn’t watch the first flick cause I cannot help myself when it comes to sequels. Anyhow Fred Williamson is a hard-nosed Chicago cop in this Eye-talian action thriller. After Lt. Robert Malone gets himself into an incident with him gunning down a criminal he finds himself in an exchange program with the Philippines. After arriving in the Philippines and getting his wallet stolen he partners up with Nicholas Hammond (TV 70s Spider-man himself). This is when I thought I was in for an excellent action bonerjam! Instead I was in for a limp action flick where it looked like not just Fred but all involved were just going through the motions. It seems the plot of the story is the two go down the rabbit hole of the stolen wallet leads them to a criminal ring of drugs, robbery, and some z-grade violence. One good thing came out of this film and that is we get to see a dude get shot in the dong! I am a huge Fred Williamson fan and 70s Spider-man fan but this was pretty much a dud as I have to give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #496

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Gross Movie Reviews #496

 

Frozen Sasquatch (DVD) – It is weird this recent Mark Polonia film just didn’t do it for me. Maybe it is just me? Or maybe it was because Mark was more of a hired gun on this production than a true old school Polonia Brothers production? Anyway three research scientists are sent to a secret lab in the Himalayas where contact has been lost. There is concern this has something to do with the odd creature the team recently found. Everyone involved wondered if they truly had a Yeti but didn’t get much time to celebrate. When the three arrive they find the facility in disarray and eventually figure out there was ‘Yeti-experiments’ which of course pissed the creature off. Again this film just didn’t sit right with me. Hopefully you feel differently as I could only give it 1 star.

 

Killer Yacht Party (DVD) – A terrible movie about a club owner who rents out a yacht that hey, it’s haunted, to make more money. But a bitter drug dealer makes his way onto the ship to fuck things up for Brock the club owner. Problem is the ghost or whoever kills Brock’s girl toy and the drug dealer is caught red handed. From there Brock goes into a drug filled rage and people that paid to be on the ship are getting killed off one by one especially if they are trying to bump uglies in parts of the ship. All you need to know is the movie look like it was gonna be bad as soon as the opening credits came on as I give it a ½ star.

 

Southern Shockers (DVD) – A mid-80s low budget film about three men showing up late for church service. Of course the preacher doesn’t take to kindly to tardiness and begins to speak to these men during his sermon. These three men are forced to face off with their demons so is the preacher a witch or is he using God’s power to punish them? Interesting flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Halfway House (DVD) – A 2004 film about young women missing from a halfway house for troubled girls. But when police go poking around there is no evidence to be found and Mary Woronov assures the authorities they have nothing but the girls’ wellbeing in mind. Larissa convinces a young sexy officer to go undercover because her sister is one of the missing girls. This way undercover she can get to the bottom of what is going between the girls, Woronov, and the weird priest. Larissa doesn’t find out a whole lot while undercover exception of all the weird unholy sexual acts that go down but there is a far more sinister secret and it has to do with Cthulhu! A great sleazy film that involves Cthulhu and seems to only hire actresses with nipple rings? Great stuff to track down kids as I give it 3 stars.

 

Sleepless Nights (DVD) – An anthology with several people involved: Jeff Chitty, Mike Gordon, Tony Masiello, Leslie Monk, Amanda Peyton, Andrew Rolston, Todd Sheets, and Brad Twigg where their stories are being told by a little girl to her babysitter during the Halloween season. The babysitter claims to scare easily so the little girl goes on about haunted houses, zombies, plumbers performing exorcisms, a man with an afro who is sword fighting a weirdo that shoots lightning bolts from his butt, psycho drivers, and vampires. While this is all going on the kid and babysitter are being stalked inside the home for the wraparound. This was actually a pleasant surprise with no bad stories in the bunch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Ninja Zombie (DVD) – This is supposedly a lost film from 1992 about a man named Mr. Sands who has access to an ancient artifact that could give an individual great power. Since a gang of ninjas are stalking Sands he decides to pay a guy 50 or 60 bucks to bring his kung fu fighting best friend back from the dead to fight the gang of ninjas known as ‘Red Spiders’ and their evil leader. The movie is far from great and suffers from editing issues but is one of those grab the beer and watch with friends’ kind of film as I give it 2 stars.

Suck Fest (DVD) – BPO Films is at it again with their latest project which is a documentary or mockumentary (depending how you look at it) about the three talented fellows(Ben, Blake, and Ryan) taking a trip to a horror convention to promote their film “Slaughter Drive”. The film isn’t so much about the convention as much as it is about the three friends’ relationship as it breaks down quickly once they hit the road to the hotel and they lose luggage, stolen credit cards, stuff goes missing, too much coffee, not selling shit at the horror convention, and one of the three thinking they were going to kick each other in the balls to settle a dispute! The film isn’t just funny but a laugh a minute as these fellows show off even more of their comedic side in their documentary (sort of?) as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. THIS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT GROSSFEST 2020 for the first time ever. Go check out www.bpofilms.com and get to know this great group of independent filmmakers.

 

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (Theater) – Fresh off of “Suicide Squad” it looks like DC has decided to play it smart and avoid the Batman and Superman thing and let the story organically move along. Keeping with the theme of Harley Quinn the film not only allows you to dive head first into the storyline of Ms. Quinn but get the viewers’ up to speed of how cool this character is and can be for future films. Yes we know Margot Robbie is perfect for the role and has broken up with the Joker for good this time but it is more about how she gets through this tough time. Or mainly needing help from a group of women who eventually become the “Birds of Prey” to defeat an evil prick in Roman Sionis aka “Black Mask”. Harley wanted by all who she has wronged must find a way to not only help a little girl who just swallowed a very expensive diamond but work with a team. The movie is very entertaining and can easily be seen that this is just the beginning of the Harley Quinn movies as she is definitely one of the more interesting characters in the DC universe. I believe this was a much better story for the character to blossom than the “Suicide Squad” version. It’s not perfect but enough fun for me to keep hope that they will get Margot Robbie in the original Harley costume for one of these upcoming films as I give this Harley movie 3 stars.

 

Deep Freeze (DVD) – So I found this early 2000s flick directed by the legend John Carl Buechler about a drilling company called Geotech in Antarctica. Apparently this company is drilling for oil… supposedly. After the last shaker crew members begin to disappear as the interns show up to investigate Geotech to be sure they are not doing harm to the environment. The biggest problem is Geotech wants to cover up what they actually and it is an ancient parasite creature that is now feasting on all who are in the facility. Look closely at some of the scenes kids cause yes it is footage they took from John Carpenter’s The Thing for mostly exterior shots. I thought I was seeing things until I paused the movie and looked it up on the Google machine and I yep someone was like ‘fuck it, we are just going to steal their footage to fill this low budget mess in’. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Creature (DVD) – Another early 2000s sci-fi flick that I got excited when seeing John Savage and Martin Kove were starring in it but my movie boner was stolen away slowly in this boring but bloody creature feature. A black ops team is sent into a Rocky Mountain secret base where the team has 16 hours to find out what happen to the experimental, genetically modified creature and scientists. If anyone is found alive well they are a cleanup crew so no one is allowed to survive. A scientist unlocks a secret from an ancient stone that fell from the sky that has intelligent alien life. I like the plot, I like the two main actors, but it’s mostly uneventful filler as I give it 1 star. By some chance you do go looking for it your best chance is looking for it under its other title “Alien Lockdown”.

The Snarling (DVD) – Oh this film was an absolute treat to watch. The film takes place in a small UK village where a zombie film is using many locations in the village to film. As their lead actor causes issues with the crew, crew members begin to be brutally massacred. But never let a few murders get in the way of finishing a horror movie as producers hire three locals to be extras in the film. A funny thing happens as crew sees the three and the one they call Les Jarvis just happens to be the film’s lead actor’s doppelganger Greg Lupeen. Since Greg is such a pain in the ass the crew uses Les to finish some shots. While this is all going on the authorities believe Greg is the main suspect as the bodies begin to pile up. There is a good amount of gore, a funny looking werewolf, and an abundance of hilarious dialogue between Les and his two friends at the pub. One of the funniest werewolf/zombie films you will ever watch as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #495

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

Hot Dog the Movie! (Blu-ray) – One of the most talked about sex comedies of the 80s has been restored and has goodies added to it by Synapse Films. We have a wholesome farm boy whom an amazing skier is making his way Squaw Valley, CA, for the winter skiing competition. Along the way Harkin our main character picks up the cute-next door type of girl hitchhiking who decides to tag along with Harkin to see where this leads. Once there Harkin soon makes quick friends with a group of skiers known as ‘The Rat Pack’ with his skills on the mountain during practice. As they all have a common foe in an Austrian skier named Rudi who has disrespected Harkin from the beginning. From there when not on the mountain for the competition ‘The Rat Pack’ is busy partying, creating chaos, and debauchery. Just like films of the same era in “Hardbodies”, “Losin’ It”, and “Porky’s” it gives you all the beautiful naked bodies you can handle in many party scenes. But what separates this fun sex comedy classic from most is not just its romantic element between Harkin and the hitchhiker but the amazing ski stunts and the ‘Chinese Downhill’ event to end the film. The way its shot and how its perform is perfect and I believe sometimes gets lost in all of the glorious nudity that we all remember watching as teenagers in the early 80s on Skinamax or HBO! Now imagine that restored with all the bright colors and cleared to perfection… Yes, I know there will be a few of us that will pause on the scenes of breasts for nostalgia? Believe me I don’t blame you even knowing then that the perfect Shannon Tweed was in the film. But the shots of the ‘Chinese Downhill’ are something to behold my friends. With this new restoration we also get a 50-minute documentary about the film which surprisingly they get a lot of who was involved. We also get a commentary and interviews with director Peter Markle and producer Mike Marvin which were not your usual boring stuff. These guys still show much love to the film and proud of the product they put on film. As usual Synapse Films did a supreme job at restoring one of the best sex comedies of the 80s and bringing it to Blu-ray for us fans to enjoy for many years to come. I give this Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars and more info or to purchase the film can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Rake (DVD) – A slow burn horror flick from the talented Tony Wash whose story involves a brother and sister named Ben and Ashley whose father a doctor was working on a diagnosis for an insane person Jacob. One night Jacob shows up in their home to slaughter the parents in front of the children and then commits suicide. Years may have passed since the deaths but Ben and Ashley were adopted by a well-adjusted family and Ben was able to get past it. Ashley on the other hand has been in and out of asylums. Nikki their adopted sister whose family took them in is having a house warming party and wants the siblings to attend. Ashley once there begins to regress and speaks of “The Rake” and explains Jacob wasn’t a serial killer but a vessel for something more terrifying that can infect us all. Again a lot of dialogue, slow burn but the payoff with the monster thing is freaking awesome I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Dead Residence (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and Gator Blade Films latest is a found footage flick that has first time house flippers in Tampa tackling a home maybe haunted or worst yet, someone besides them living there? Debbie and Patrick have found the perfect home to flip for their first time. Everything goes great and they spend their first nights in the home so they can get they don’t have to travel to work on the interior of the home. But while they sleep each night the new surveillance video picks up something is in the home watching them. During the remodel tools begin to disappear as does food but the couple are unphased until they find a flash drive that has disturbing snuff videos on it. By time the couple realizes where the videos are being filmed at it is already too late for the two. Sean did a great job in keeping someone like me interested in a found footage film as I am not the biggest fan of them. A fun keeping it simple independent film from Sean that serves as a legit warning to house flippers in the future as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scary Movie (DVD-R) – A definite unknown flick from 1991 that really never got released but pops up a cable network from time to time. Warren is a very sheltered young man who is out for the Halloween holiday with a so-called friend at a haunted attraction. Of course the friend tries to hook up Warren to no avail but Warren’s attention is elsewhere when he hears on a police radio about a convict possibly escaping nearby. This sends Warren into a full panic attack that leads to the misfortune of the attraction shutting down. Interesting movie if there weren’t literally full scenes of nothing going on but Warren losing his grip on reality staring into space. This is one of those films for only the cinema die hards as I give it 1 star.

 

Haunting Inside (DVD) – Sylvia is a young woman who had a mental break because of her parents’ death and her brother Sam is forced to take care of her. She has her good days and bad days as Sam just tries to keep his own life together. Sam, per doctor’s advice goes and purchases several games for Sylvia to help keep her focus and not beat herself up. This excites Sylvia and she takes the Ouija board to her room to play but nothing happens. This disappoints Sylvia but does not stop her interest in the game that is supposed to be about talking to spirits. Second night she tries contacting her parents, still nothing but the next night she breaks through to something or some spirit. The spirit and her develop a relationship even if her doctor doesn’t see much good in this because it is only a game. The spirits look after Sylvia at first but they are actually just preparing her since she is in a fragile state that she doesn’t understand she is being taken advantage of. An absolute wonderful paranormal flick that is well written, well casted, and wish future paranormal flicks will pay attention to “Haunting Inside” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Church of the Damned (DVD) – Another long lost unreleased Polonia Brothers film that wasn’t finished from 1985. It has intro from Mark Polonia recently explaining the issues with the project. It is a project they started in their senior year of high school about a couple cops who are investigating missing persons. While investigating the two cops stumble upon something called the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’. It isn’t anything groundbreaking but fun to see again the early work of this talented duo as I give it 1 ½ stars for nostalgic sake.

 

5 Years After the Fall (DVD) – A low budget post-apocalyptic affair where five years ago the world walled off 90% of its population because the lack of food. Now present a young man is having a debate with an older man about what humans should do now until the train derails and he finds himself on the other side of the wall. Jacob soon learns the world has survived but only through cannibalism and the strong taking advantage of the weak. Now in the savage land Jacob must fight off cannibal marauders in order to escape a home he thought he found was safe. From the beginning you are able to see there is a disconnect between script and what is on screen as I give it 1 star.

 

Pickaxe (DVD) – Alex Black is a killer in the woods during the early 80s who slaughtered several people in Woodland Hills. Now 1988, he is believed to dead but rumors begin again as a couple go missing recently. Several high school students head to the parents’ cabin for some hard partying, sex, and preparing to attend a concert. After much nudity Alex gets his slaughter on until Tiffany Shepis and the great A. Michael Baldwin try to put a stop to his killing ways! Getting past the enormous amount of nudity the filmmaker thought the film needed there is some great gore shots but I feel if the film is distorted or confusing? I feel the film may have come across better if scenes were in a different order. The concept seems solid but scenes don’t fit together like it was edited to serve some kind of purpose the filmmaker wasn’t sharing with the viewer as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #477

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Gross Movie Reviews #477

 

Brightburn (On Demand) – Spoiler alert people imagine if Superman came to Earth and was raised on a farm and instead of thinking he is supposed to save humanity? He is to rule and destroy them all. At first he doesn’t want to hurt anyone but soon the voices in his head convince it is time to fuck everybody up. Wasn’t expecting a lot but it entertains and I enjoyed the ending since it wasn’t your cookie cutter happy ending that a lot of people tend to expect. I give it 2 stars. The film isn’t bad, it wasn’t good, just one of those you will forget quickly.

 

Unholy Rollers (DVD) – A forgotten early 70s film starring Claudia Jennings in a roller derby film produced by Roger Corman. Claudia plays a woman named Karen who has just quit her cat food job because she is tired of all the sexual harassment and wants something different in life. Along comes the local roller derby tryout that is looking for fresh faces and like wrestling is popular and pre-determined. With two other people out of many Karen is hired for not just her looks, but spunk or as the roller derby owner kept saying sportsmanship! Karen becomes a quick hit with fans which means money and fame but also jealously among the teams as they don’t like Karen looks down on them. As quickly as Karen gets big in the sport she burns out in the big climax of the film where she just goes batshit crazy. Fun 70s movie stuff that never gets old as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Paralyzed With Fear (DVD) – Mr. Glenn Berggoetz is back with another tale of horror as Glenn doesn’t just stick to one genre proving he is a talented independent filmmaker that keeps you guessing. This time around in the opening scene a woman and her husband are in a serious car accident that has her husband die from his injuries. Unhappy and depressed her daughter Hannah worries a lot until she comes up with an idea with her girlfriend to maybe talk to the dead. Hannah believes if they have a ceremony or séance with her mother they or her mother could talk to her dead husband to help his passing and she could move on. Hannah convinces mom it’s a good idea and they do it believing they have made contact with the dearly departed love one. But they learn the hard way sometimes the dead should stay dead as an evil spirit played by an iconic figure Kane Hodder as the ghastly demon has decided to haunt them. Hannah’s conjuring ceremony is not what she expected but it’s way too late as she is deceived also by the evil spirit. A simple creepy paranormal movie that proves you don’t need the latest technology or appeal to the teens’ bottom line to pull off a scary flick. It’s also fun in the manner that Kane’s devilish voice and appearance brings back delightful memories and feelings I have watching “Prince of Darkness” and for that I give Glenn’s new feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Back Again (DVD) – A newer independent filmmaker David Bachmeier to hit the scene has his latest short film that takes on a serial killer and has a cool intro from the legendary Glen Colburn. Tommy Lee Jarvis is a brutal serial killer who has been gunned down by authorities and buried. A drunken doctor and his assistant have taken it upon themselves to dig up his fresh corpse for their experiment. Biggest problem is their formula works and the undead killer is back for another horrible murder spree! I like the premise, I like the gore, the short is a little rough but I did enjoy what David had accomplished and look forward to his future projects as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Shaft (On Demand) – So this film wins the award for a project I didn’t see happening in 2019 or anytime soon. Bottom line Shaft has a kid and he needs his absentee father’s help in a case of a friend who may have been murdered. Figured a sequel like this would dumb and uneventful but instead is unforgiving, hilarious, and most likely the most politically incorrect movie of 2019 and thank the lord Rutger Hauer for that. Well casted and make fun of millennials for almost two hours straight I am in as I give it 3 stars.

 

Funland (VHS/YouTube) – David L. Lander is Bruce Berger the clown who happens to be the mascot of a big theme park called ‘Funland’. Berger is the annoying clown that everyone puts up with because he has been there from the beginning but things change when the original owner of ‘Funland’ supposedly commits suicide. Here comes an Italian family taking over the park and using it as a front. Of course Bruce cannot take this and completely snaps to the point he talks to wax statues, he was already talking to his puppet, but also plans to shoot the national Bruce Berger clown they are bringing in for opening day. Thinking this movie over you can easily sit back and say this movie is about a man with mental illness that has a complete breakdown and here is the result. Or the later I have a feeling everyone from the producers, to the writers, to the director was unsure of what kind of movie they were going for as the film isn’t real funny and has a couple very racy scenes. I give the film only 1 star but if you are a weird film buff you may want to go down the rabbit hole of finding this for a watch?

The Keep (DVD) – It is 1941 and Nazi soldiers are sent into the Romanian mountains to investigate and guard a mysterious place called ‘The Keep’. The place was built for some unknown reason many years ago before WWII and Hitler thought of. The villagers there have been caretakers of ‘The Keep’ as long as they all can remember. But there are stories of people disappearing or not making the night there at ‘The Keep’. Of course the Nazi soldiers are completely fascinated by this legend and possibility of silver being in the labyrinth so go and disturb something ancient. A few days later and Nazi soldiers dying equally mysterious French man shows up wanting a room overlooking ‘The Keep’. Thus awaiting a battle… The film isn’t great but an interesting piece of cinema from Michael Mann who was very popular in the 80s as there are stories of the film plagued by problems that include the author of the original story claimed it had nothing to do with his story. There is a rumored 200 minute plus cut of the film!!! Interesting soundtrack by Tangerine Dream… The film is good vs. evil using the Nazi power at its height as the backdrop but I believe never comes close to being what it could have been? This is one of those flicks that are more popular for what happened off screen than what happened on screen but I still give it 2 stars because I am a Scott Glenn fan.

 

Phantom of Death (DVD) – A less talked about Italian film from Ruggero Deodato that is a thriller about a famous pianist. Michael York plays the pianist but it seems immediately death surrounds him as a string of murders are quickly connected to the pianist by police inspector Donald Pleasence. What’s weird ten minutes in the police inspector knows who the killer is but no one believes him. And to the viewer it becomes quickly clear who it is as the pianist discovers he has a rare incurable disease that sends him off the edge of playing cat and mouse with the inspector! He goes around the Italian countryside playing a game of death always being one step ahead of the inspector. As the illness continues to get worse the crazier Michael York’s character gets. It wasn’t really impressive but one of those horror flicks I cross off my “must need to see” list as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #476

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Gross Movie Reviews #476

 

Slaughter (DVD) – Jim Brown stars as the title character who wants revenge against a mob in Mexico who has killed people close to him. Slaughter is a no nonsense dude that fucks anybody that gets in his way of his revenge. Even though the F.B.I. uses him to help get the job done because the mob has never seen him Slaughter uses the F.B.I. for their resources. Jim Brown is wonderful in kicking ass but also has an equally cool piece of shit villain in a super racist young Rip Torn! This film is more fun than serious and doesn’t have that Blaxploitation feel even for being released in 1972. I have always been a fan of Fred Williamson but this film help open my eyes to some of Jim Brown’s work as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Dirty Dozen (DVD) – An all-star Hollywood flick about a secret group of Army men that are needed to go into hostile territory during WWII to take out as many Nazi officers as possible. Think “The Expendables” decades before the concept is thought of! Almost all that read this review had that parent or grandparent that would watch this on TBS, AMC throughout the years. It is one of those unforgettable flicks where Lee Marvin is a Major that is tasked with a group of prisoners he must whip into shape in a short amount of time to take on this secret mission. They all must become and move as one or die of a quick death on the battlefield or in prison if they do not cooperate. Rewatching this film I still believe the film stands the test of time. The film is violent, funny, and has that right mix of characters that you understand why so many people watch this film over and over many times as I give it 4 stars.

 

Beaster Day (DVD) – This is one of those recent B-flicks you have so much hope to be a fun bad flick to watch and talk about: “Sharknado”, “Woodchipper Massacre” is two examples. This fails horribly! A giant Easter Bunny is eating people throughout a small town as the holiday approaches but the only hope is a crazy focused dog catcher. Now I am not expecting hundred million dollar creature effects but I am at least expecting some half-ass idea why the giant crayon drawn bunny is there eating people? Nope, the vicious fucker is just there eating people while the mayor tries to smoke weed and keep his town calm so their kids could still do their egg hunts… This feature proves I don’t enjoy everything bad and for that I give this 0 stars.

 

Curse of the Mayans (YouTube) – A modest budgeted film from Mexico that takes on Mayan 2012 legend of something big happening. The film follows a scientist who is tasked by a billionaire to find the secrets of the Mayans for his private collection. Problem is the scientist may have stumbled upon what really happened to mankind all those years ago. Their expedition goes through a very dangerous jungle that is watched over by drug runners. They are allowed passage but warned to not disturb anything. The scientist and his group find an underwater cave that leads downward and has these Mayan drawings that were never seen before explaining the events years ago. They also awaken the ancient aliens who have laid dormant that whole time also that Mayans defeated. The movie is a bit boring at times but was shot beautifully. I cannot poop all over this movie for one I believe this movie was shot for a certain audience and us Americans suck when it comes to understanding foreign films. Two, the wide shots, the action shots, I enjoyed the cinematography. It is better than 75% of the big budget stuff we are forced fed in the U.S. on a regular basis and for that I give the film 2 stars.

Slaughter of the Innocents (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films has just released a wonderful special edition of this serial killer film that wasn’t forgotten but maybe a bit lost in horror fans memories. This film was one those HBO premieres from the early 90s that took advantage of the door that was opened by “Silence of the Lambs”. We forget there was a dozen or so serial killer films that used cable channels and direct-to video for their big premieres as people’s movie watching habits were changing again. This feature starring Scott Glenn as F.B.I. agent Stephen Broderick was one of those early 90s movies that was well-crafted but unrealistic as a lot of us seen but maybe doesn’t get nearly as much press as the ‘Hannibal’ series did? Five years ago there was a brutal murder in Utah that was solved and now in present time (1993) a new murder and kidnapping has happened that fits the profile. Agent Broderick travels to Utah before the killer is put to death trying to explain he never felt good about the guy that was arrested. Sadly the man is put to death and this murder that fits the profile pops up and has Broderick’s interest. He wants to not only find out why this guy disappeared for five years but how he has never been found during that time. So with the help with his borderline genius son they track down the real killer who happens to be a religious nutjob who believes he is leading up to something biblical. Now true it is very unbelievable that in today’s society that a kid no matter whose kid would be allowed to travel across several state lines to help investigate murders. The movie does ask for you to suspend what you know but putting that aside for future drunken conversations with your horror friends, the film is rather fun, fast-moving, and beautifully brutal at times. You have a serial killer movie friend in your group make sure you drop this one on them as it will blow their mind how cool this film still is after 25 years. The Blu-ray special features are pretty damn cool with its deleted scenes that all feel like they belong except one that were most likely cut out for time restraints than just not fitting? Also there is an alternate assault sequence that had a different actor and reasons for changing the scene which is very interesting and I never knew existed. Plus there is a wonderful interview with a much underrated talent Gabe Bartalos talking about all his effects in the film. And the fun blast from the past topper for memory sake is the original HBO promo spot! This serial killer film is not perfect by any means but still deserves 3 out of 4 stars and as usual 4 stars for the package as Synapse Films once again hits it out of the ballpark. For more details on the Blu-ray please go to: www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Island (Blu-ray) – This was one those movies from the 80s that was on list that haven’t track down to watch until now. It stars Michael Caine as a reporter Blair Maynard who wants to travel to Florida and some small islands surrounding it to investigate the mysterious disappearance of ships in the Bermuda Triangle area. He takes his young teenage son with him to bond as he got stuck with him because his ex-wife ran off with her boy toy to Dallas. As Blair investigates he tries to bond with his son by going fishing. They are attacked by pirates who have somehow have lived off of the grid for hundreds of years and now are convinced in recent years to survive they must attack vacationers. Why is because most people would just chalk up as lost at sea or it is the Bermuda Triangle. Now instead of investigating Blair must survive David Werner and others as they plan to brain wash Blair’s son into joining the pirate life and continuing their bloodline. Not a straight up horror flick but fun for summer watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Tammy and the T-Rex (YouTube) – Here is a B-movie from 1994 that I literally thought someone made up. You know one those rumors about a film that exists but actually doesn’t and has gained internet fame as an urban legend of existing. Well folks it exists and I absolutely loved it as I couldn’t stop laughing at how silly this movie was and the cast it had. Tammy and her new boyfriend Michael are in love but of course Tammy’s ex-boyfriend believes she belongs to him no matter what. So Michael keeps having run-ins with the ex and keeps being warned he will get killed. One night Tammy and Michael’s hot kiss fest in Tammy’s bed is interrupted by the ex and his gang as they leave Michael beat up and in an animal park where he is attacked by lions. Michael ends up in a coma at the hospital from the attack and neurosurgeon/evil scientist guy who just happens to have built a robotic T-rex has a plan to bring it to life. With Michael’s brain of course! The dinosaur experiment works and next thing you know what seems like a PG-rated Disney film has a dinosaur going to a party and slashing and smashing to death Tammy’s ex and his gang members. This movie is complete chaos and bad, but a wonderful hilarious bad that stars a clean shaven George ‘Buck’ Flower, an absolutely fresh and hot and before batshit recent crazy years Denise Richards, an equally hot fresh Paul Walker, Terry Kiser, Sean Whalen, and John Franklin just for horror fans minds to be blown! As I laugh my ass off thinking about the film I give it 3 stars just for being so damn entertaining.

 

Demonic (DVD) – A paranormal group convinces a friend he needs to visit a house his mother was at over twenty years ago. He keeps having dreams of his mother when she was younger in what is called “The Livingston House” because there was several murders there years ago that this small southern town would like to forget. The group believes he can find the answers he has been looking for there. They go and set up for the night only to unlock something the house hasn’t seen over for over twenty years. The film does star the talented Maria Bello and doesn’t really break new ground in this paranormal genre but does give a watchable horror film about a demon trying to enter our world which is more I can say about a lot of the films in this genre as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Gross Movie Reviews #462

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Gross Movie Reviews #462

 

King of the Zombies (DVD) – This is a fun old school film about three people who crash land on an island that just happens to have a mad doctor on it. This doctor has turned some of the people who live there into zombies as he tries to get answers from a military man who landed there. The doctor is going to give these secrets to the Nazis. The evil doctor convinces the three plane-wrecked folks to stay in his mansion but they soon learn the good doctor is up to no good. He uses a radio signal to lure planes in and take advantage of them. A pretty funny flick about voodoo, zombies, and ghosts as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gods and Monsters (DVD) – The film follows the last few weeks of James Whale’s life as he flashes back to a child to making “Frankenstein” to a gay man in Hollywood. He makes friends with his gardener claiming to want to draw his pictures but eventually just keeps telling him stories of his life that no one ever knew. An Interesting and entertaining film to say the least as I give it 3 stars.

 

Overlord (On Demand) – A group of soldiers are sent in behind the enemy lines on June 5th, 1944 with the sole mission to take out a radio tower on top of a church. Destroy the tower then American forces can catch the Germans by surprise the next day. There was supposed to be more support but most were killed in the fire fight in the air or just never made it to safety once hitting the ground. The small group soon makes friends with a French villager who like them wants the Nazis gone. But the American soldiers soon learn of experiments being done in the basement of the old church. The Nazi’s super soldier program that is going to jump start the thousand year reign of The Third Reich! Now the American soldiers’ debate on what should be done as they fight amongst each other as time is running out. A very gory fight to the end that makes for a fun piece of fiction but plays on all the rumors you have ever heard or read about Hitler’s plans for the Third Reich as I give the movie 3 ½ stars.

 

Rio Bravo (Blu-ray) – I will be the first to admit that I am not a John Wayne fan. I have always been more of a Clint Eastwood western fan. But after podcast buddy Kyle informed me about the Blu-ray version of this film had a commentary done by John Carpenter. You it was only a matter of time before I gave the film a chance. So the other day I sat down and started watching this flick that pits a sheriff, a former drunk, some kid, and a crippled old dude against a gang of bandits who want their cohort released from jail. Hell, who would of guessed Dean Martin knew how to act outside of comedy? The most impressive thing I took away from the film wasn’t John Wayne but the role Angie Dickinson played. She was absolutely perfect and gives the movie that right kind of mix that made me now a fan of the film. Anyway John Carpenter goes in depth about his love Howard Hawkes films and how this film inspired his career. He includes some interesting stories about John Wayne and others while filming the movie. This flick gets 4 stars all the way.

Cherokee Creek (DVD) – We begin with two rednecks out in the restricted area of the woods trying to hunt for Bigfoot for a million dollars. This sets up the rest of the film as they are killed of course we get a home invasion and kidnapping of a man named Pat. They reach the same restricted woods and we learn that it wasn’t a home invasion/kidnapping; it was just a way to get Pat to his bachelor party. His friends who happen to be movie people that includes actor Vinnie Blades have things set up knowing Pat is also a Bigfoot fan. Pat completely upset listens to his friends and makes due with the bachelor party happening. Once the strippers show up chaos ensues as the Bigfoot in the woods isn’t happy with all the sex, pooping, and drinking in his woods. I loved the concept of the movie and it was well thought out but the length of the movie kills the buzz for the love I want to give the Bigfoot film. “Cherokee Creek” nears the two hour mark and could have easily been edited down to 85 minutes. Also wasn’t impressed with the Bigfoot costume but willing to get over that because of the fun mix of Bigfoot, blood, and sex. Honestly folks this could be one of the better Bigfoot films out there if the filmmakers go back and edit this long ass film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Vampire Time Travelers (DVD) – An absolutely terrible thing called a movie that is from 1997 and shot-on-video making it look like it was done 1987? A sorority was haunted by a vamp named Natalia but the girls found a way to kill her. Now Natalia’s sister seeks revenge on the same sorority Alpha Omega. Since one sister by the name of Sue Ann Marie is pure, Natalia must gain strength in order to take over Sue. The only to go about this is biting the other sorority sisters in the butt. Be warned this is one of those dream sequence movies as I give this a ½ star.

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (On Demand) – Sam Elliott plays a man named Calvin Barr who is older now but remembers the days of when he killed Hitler. He has regretted it ever since. Calvin lives alone and is pretty isolated from any family. As Calvin debates with himself and what he has or hasn’t done with his life he is visited by a government man and a scientist. They explain to him that there is a Bigfoot that is carrying the ‘nightmare plague’ that threatens all of mankind as the Bigfoot is making its way out of the Canadian woods. The U.S. wants to drop the ‘bomb’ on the 50 square mile area but the Canadian government wants to exhaust every option before they do. So Calvin is faced with saving the world again and he takes to the wilderness. What makes the film interesting is first it not played for laughs but completely serious. Second the movie is actually more of a love story that never got to happen? Third, some interesting twist about Hitler lure is thrown into the story including Hitler being a shell of a man at the end and his hand twitching from possible Parkinson’s. This movie easily could have fleshed out several things in the film but chosen to keep it a reasonable. I am of the belief this will be one of those films that audiences will find about five or ten years from now and make it a cult favorite as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Bat People (DVD) – A man and his wife are out checking out some caves and he happens to be bitten on the forehead by a bat. Worried about rabies he listens to the wife and gets checked out. When he has an allergic reaction to the rabies serum it is chalked up to “shit happens”. Things seem to be good now but he slowly dreams of radical changes and eventually goes out to kill. With each episode he slowly is changing into a bat that needs human blood. A mid-70s flick that I am surprised I never seen on “Chiller Theater” or a “Svengoolie” show as I give it 2 stars.

 

Dead Ant (On Demand) – A stupid but hilarious film about a supposedly popular metal band that wants to return to rock band greatness. So the manager and the band ‘Sonic Grave’ decide in order for this happen they must stop for drugs on their way to a music festival they are going to play at. They pick up some peyote and head to the red rocks only to disobey what the Native American man told them while using the drug. Now they have giant ants attacking them and trying to eat their bodies. The movie is dumb but it so damn entertaining because of Tom Arnold’s character as the manager who offends all involved as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Mad Warrior (DVD) – Hey people I found another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines made in the mid-80s that you may know it as “Clash of the Warlords”. Rex is man who is supposed to be one of the best fighters for a weirdo Malzon. Malzon gives him the choice of killing his best friend for his freedom. So Rex does the task but gets screwed in the deal. Rex still wants to escape the compound with his son so when a young woman comes calling with a plan he jumps on it. Once out of the compound Malzon’s men kill Rex’s son and the young lady. So of course Rex now wants revenge and Malzon just wants to howl at the moon and blood in his arena. It all comes down to a generic light saber fight in a cave that is lit with sparklers! Yes, I know you are interested as I give it 2 stars and it can usually be found YouTube.

 

Rush (DVD) – An Italian post-apocalyptic film about one man named ‘Rush’ trying to survive the wasteland in his little six-wheeler. He gets captured by the supreme master who keeps all survivors as slaves on the inside of his compound. The supreme master has just learned the contamination in the wasteland maybe gone as plants are starting to grow and Rush knows this also. Rush finds it tough to gather people that want to follow him on the inside and overthrow the place so they can live free their last days. 75% of the film is the supreme master’s men trying to track Rush on the outside as he runs circles around them. Outside of the beginning film that used the set from the film “Rats: Night of Terror” I don’t think a whole lot happens in this flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Chosen Survivors (DVD) – It is 1974 and nuclear war has broken out. The U.S. government has certain people picked out for the survival of mankind. They are taken to one of the several underground shelters to live and stay until the radiation levels have gone down. The 11 people are safe but have an unwanted guest or guests as vampire bats have made their way into the shelter. Besides the survivors paranoia of being trapped in this shelter for unknown amount of time with bats about five days in they find out they were a part of an experiment. An experiment to see if the shelter was well-equipped and how people would react under these conditions.  A well-produced horror film with blood-thirsty bats that uses the fear of the 70s and nuclear war. And you wonder why people don’t trust the government as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.comfor details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Best of 2018 list or at least what I watched this year!

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1) Terrifier (On Demand) – A film from Damien Leone that I had been hearing things about for a couple years it seems. Well horror movie fans grab the Halloween candy and turn down the lights as there is a new fun Halloween holiday horror flick to enjoy! Art the Clown is out on the town Halloween night carrying his sack of goodies. Art not having much to say voice wise uses his actions to tell you what he is about to do. As Art wanders the streets a pretty young lady named Tara catches his eye and follows Tara and her friend Dawn into a pizza shop. Of course Dawn takes pics of her and the weird ass clown that keeps an eye on Tara for her social media page. From there it just gets creepy as hell as their car has a flat and Tara runs to a close by apartment building to use the bathroom. The fun holiday night goes to hell when Art the Clown shows up again to begin his bloody path to the girls and anyone that interferes. I love the whole thing of Art the Clown just existing and actor David Howard Thornton was perfect for the role. “Terrifier” wasn’t just entertaining but pure horror awesomeness as the film took the gore level up a notch with a great ‘death by hacksaw’ scene (poor Dawn)! The film was grim, gritty, and absolutely beautiful. Mark my words “Terrifier” will be one of the best horror films of 2018 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

2) The Night Watchmen (DVD) – So Blimpo the Clown, a Baltimore native, has died in Romania while on tour. His body is shipped to the Baltimore Gazette instead of the morgue down the street. The night watchmen are made a deal by the two guys who made the mistake to keep it overnight. We are introduced to two crazy watchmen who for the most part just watch porn and play cards, while a third that might be witness protection reads a lot, and the new guy who is done with the band thing. Everything that happens at the gazette is known by these guys: missing lunches, cute girls on which floor, when the boss (James Remar) is feeling up young ladies’ butts. Well their boss gets curious about Blimpo’s coffin to see if he can steal anything but instead finds Blimpo the Vampire! Blimpo and his fellow going army of vampires have taken over the building and Karen the cute journalist is in trouble. So the night watchmen and the rookie come up with a plan to save her and possibly ask her on a date while fighting vampires. We get a hilarious, awesome glorious bloody mess of a horror film that will be on my ‘Best of 2018’ list. I give this movie 4 stars folks.

 

3) The Shape of Water (Theater) – An amazing creature love story set in the 50s. A mute woman works as a janitor with her best friend at a classified facility that has just gotten a new addition. This new exciting addition happens to be a creature that lives in the water and was worshipped as a god in South America. The military is very interested, the Russians are interested but not that interested, but this mute woman forms a relationship with the creature. She feels exactly like the creature and has finally someone that understands her. Forming this bond with the creature by eating lunch with him every day, a scientist who happens to be Russian posing as an American sees this amazing experience as something that needs to be researched. Russia does not feel the same way and the Americans are just looking for the next dog to send to space as the “Great Space Race” has begun. The janitors with the help of a friend and the scientist sneak the creature out and into the mute woman’s apartment. This is just temporary until they can release the creature when the rains come. During that time the woman and the creature’s relationship becomes that much bigger and find it difficult to part from each other when its time. The movie is absolutely amazing looking and gonna be one of the best films of 2018 as I give it 4 stars.

 

4) Bubba the Redneck Werewolf (DVD) – Bubba is a redneck through and through and doesn’t stand up for himself much as his high school girlfriend (Bobbi Jo) is now seeing someone else. Bubba depressed decides to make a deal with a demon to help this status and he is turned into a werewolf for his soul. While Bubba is learning of his new appearance, strength, actually having sex with Bobbi Jo, and hunger for chicken wings at the bar, the demon is going around the small town and finding gullible folks. The demon makes deals for their souls that go bad quickly. Now the small town looks to Bubba the Redneck Werewolf to do something about it? And Bubba does what any self-respecting person does and that is challenge the demon to a game of quarters! I absolutely loved this film and totally believe if the great horror film “Wolfcop” exists more horror fans would have found this 2014 flick and been talking about it. This is much lower budgeted film than “Wolfcop” but is very witty take on the werewolf concept and think horror and werewolf fans need to give this film a chance as I give it 4 stars.

 

5) Another Wolfcop (Theater) – Lowell Dean finally gives me the sequel not only I wanted but all Wolfcop fans. Lou is still on the prowl but these days during a full moon Sheriff Tina believes it would be better that Lou is locked up. Busy drinking and having his usually ‘Liquor and Donuts’ baker dozen as they are the official sponsor of Wolfcop. Of course Lou doesn’t listen and gets out and after an incident; Tina has to take lip from the mayor (Kevin Smith) about a Wolfcop running around town.  After a night of the usual chaos and Lou taking a truck back because its evidence he finds his dead friend or reborn friend/shape shifter Willie in a present. So the old tag team is back, maybe as Wolfcop has come against a new robotic foe that was built by a scientist controlled by Sidney Swallows. Swallows plans on getting the local folk drunk on his new cheap beer ‘Chicken Milk Stout’ then killing them at the hockey game. Honestly I am not making this up as Willie now has a mutant dick that smokes weed with him. Willie also has a werewolf sister who bangs Lou and has six tits! And apparently snorting moon rock is like steroids for werewolves. This beautiful mess is all mashed together in a 82 minute sequel that is just as much fun as the original. See it now as I give it 4 stars.

 

6) Mom and Dad (DVD) – This bat shit crazy film stars Nic Cage and Selma Blair as normal parents just trying to make it through parenthood. But a strange unexplained virus is hitting parents worldwide where they have the urge to kill their own children. And parents are just doing plain boring murders they are trying to do some brutal ass damage. Once the virus hits Nic Cage and Selma Blair’s characters it is freaking hilarious as they chase their kids all over the house and try to gas them out of the basement. When you thought it could not get any better we get a great scene about life sucking with kids and people not understanding. But the ultimate topper is when the grandparents show up for the forgotten dinner and the grandpa is mother fucking the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and he starts stabbing the shit out of Nic Cage. Horror fans check the brains at the door and just enjoy this this amazing piece of film of complete chaos and how beautiful it is as I give it 4 stars.

 

7) Mayhem (DVD) – Imagine if “The Belko Experiment” was done better with a simpler plot to it. The new virus that is affecting people around the globe is the ‘red eye virus’. This virus doesn’t kill you as it attacks your brain and makes you just not care. Some people it affects them sexually, some people it gives them angry rage, and so on. The point is this law firm with the help many people that work long and hard for the company found a way to get a man off for murder who killed a co-worker during the time he was infected with the virus. The CDC is aware of it and constantly trying to find a cure for it. But someone has put the virus into the water supply of the law firm and now it is on lockdown. Not before the dude that found the loop hole is fired and a woman his company is screwing over is supposed to be thrown out. Because of the lockdown the two decide to make a pact to make their way to the top in a gruesome, murderous, sexually charged rampage to kill the president of the company because they wouldn’t be blamed. Great concept for a film, gory as fuck, and absolutely entertaining as hell as I give it 4 stars.

 

8) Halloween (Theater) – Remake, sequel, forgetting everything in the series? Take your pick as Blumhouse Productions goes the route of JJ Abrams “Star Trek” in bringing Michael Myers back for another installment. That’s the best way to describe it. But I will give you the long way about it also: Okay folks, first you are supposed to forget everything after the first film 40 years ago… Second, even though “Halloween II” took place the same night Halloween 1978, forget that too just in case. Third, no this isn’t a remake of “H20” even though there are a few scenes of déjà vu. Fourth, Laurie Strode and Michael Myers are not brother and sister which I believe they explain quickly and brilliantly during the film. Fifth, didn’t Laurie Strode die? Oh yeah, you were supposed to forget that too since you are not supposed to remember she died already in Part 8. Sixth, no Busta Rhymes and Michael died for good at the end of part 8 (if interested “Halloween: Resurrection”, remember don’t blame me). Seven, didn’t Rob Zombie start a new timeline? It’s very therapeutic for me to explain this.  Now with all that out of the way I absolutely fucking love this film. It felt like a part of the series part sequel/part renewing of original material. After The Babysitter Murders in 1978 Michael Myers was captured by the Haddonfield Police and Dr. Loomis. Since then Michael has been sitting in a maximum security asylum for the past 40 years and Laurie Strode has become a basket case doomsday prepper who suffers from surviving that night. A British podcast team comes asking questions on the 40th anniversary of the murders. Laurie is more concern as they are about to move Michael to a horribly tortuous secured facility where he will live out the rest of his life not saying a word. They show him the mask and it does get a reaction but still no words. It is believed that both Michael and Laurie only live to kill each other at this point? Of course Michael escapes and starts murdering spree going house to house until finding out where Laurie and her family is. This time Laurie is prepared! If you pay attention there is a lot of talk of Dr. Loomis, the school daze scene, Laurie Strode falling out the window and getting up, the people behind this really did their best to incorporate the first film. Including the opening credits! Simply it was nice to enjoy the series again without trying to reinvent the ‘Boogeyman’ as I give this 4 stars with a little hesitation for the mere reason I believe there is a couple different endings for this film and that MAKES ME INTRIGUED.

 

9) B-Documentary 2 (DVD) – Nick Charles is back with a sequel to his great documentary about the independent film world. With introduction done by Lloyd Kaufman of course, Nick and crew worked their asses off to get opinions and conversations from several actors, actresses, and filmmakers. Some are well-known and some are on the rise as they dig deeper in this documentary to help explain things to audiences that may not know what goes on in the independent film business. This time around we get: Gary Sherman, John Bloom aka Joe Bob Briggs, Adam Green, Lynn Lowry, Tiffany Shepis, Kevin Van Hentenryck, Glen Coburn, James Balsamo, Mathew Fisher, Kevin Forte among several others. They were all asked questions such as “How they got started?” “How should future filmmakers get started?” “What is the key to make a successful movie?” You see where this going but the varying opinions is what amazed me because I could argue different points with each of the people interviewed but also agreed with several things that are said on this DVD. Viewers and filmmakers alike this isn’t just a ‘need to watch’ movie… People this is a ‘need to own right now’ documentary that gives you more than just an inside look of independent filmmaker but a peak into the lives of these celebrities you may not have had the pleasure of knowing or hearing of their experiences. I believe Nick and crew got the right mix of talent that is featured in this movie as they are all just different enough to make this work flawlessly. This absolutely perfect film documentary should be used in film school as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

10a) Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

10b) Brutal Relax (short film) (Vimeo) – From the makers of one of the best films of 2017 “Fist of Jesus” in my mind that I watched, comes this beautiful gem! A man is told by his doctor he needs to relax so this man heads to the beach in his white underwear, sits on the beach, and listens to music. He loves it, he is relaxing… Then ugly creatures come from the sea and begin a brutal bloody gore filled massacre on the beach. Our main character still sits blissfully unaware of what’s going on as people are running for their lives and being ripped a apart and feasted on! The creatures luck changes for the bad when the man’s music stops and he stands up in a fit of rage and takes it out on the creatures. Once again brilliant, beautiful, fun, amazing, and downright entertaining. For me 2018 has started off right with this short film as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on this project and the great “Fist of Jesus” head over to www.fistofjesus.com .

 

10c) Sicario (DVD) – A female F.B.I. agent (Kate) who is a bad ass has just been pulled to be a part of a D.O.D. mission. She is to observe and understand what is coming. She is to observe a team of experts who plan to fight against the Mexican cartels who just happened to tunnel their way into Arizona recently. She has the chance to make an actual difference as there has been a change at the highest level of U.S. government to try to stop or at least counter the latest actions of the cartels. Josh Brolin is a free spirited man who believes Kate can learn and understand what the government is trying to do here with the cartels. But then she introduced to a mysterious man, a hitman played by Benicio Del Toro who is very calm in what he does and kind of looks out for Kate at first. A deal has been made, lines are now blurred, and there isn’t procedure any longer, as its war! And the hitman is here to restore order by any means needed. Alejandro, the hitman is a Columbian hitman that is here in the U.S. to restore order. When Kate disagrees she finds out the hard way this isn’t the F.B.I. any longer. With this latest flick I have seen Del Toro has just made it into ‘my top 5 actors I want in everything’. This action flick about the cartels does not wimp out as it is cold hearted and fucking awesome as I give it 4 stars.

 

10d) Black Panther (Theater) – Bottom line Marvel movie fans Black Panther’s universe is much bigger than you can imagine and how much it will impact the next “Avengers” flick. For the most part this is an origin story of the character and has a kick ass villain to boot. The Black Panther isn’t all about staying hidden but believes the world needs help but first he must save his kingdom from his cousin. A cousin that was abandoned in America and not brought home after his father’s death. The film is absolutely wonderful and the landscapes are just beautiful. Marvel should be proud of the job they did with this fun film because it stands in my top five Marvel films to be rewatched over and over again. Now do me a favor and give me another damn “Blade” movie for the love of Wesley Snipes! Saying that this comic book movie is a must see as I give it 4 stars.

 

10e) The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

 

Honorable mentions for 2018!

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

The Babysitter (DVD) – This teen horror film that is a wolf in sheep’s clothing lures you in thinking the film is just another teen horror but blossoms into a hilarious gore fest. Cole is a nerdy teenager that still has a babysitter. But the babysitter is a very hot young lady named Bee that just seems to get Cole. Cole and she have a lot in common and Cole is starting to grow up and see Bee in a different light. Cole convinced by the girl across the street to stay up to see if Bee parties or make out with her boyfriend after Cole goes to sleep during babysitting nights. Cole does… And what Cole witnesses is nothing he was prepared for as Bee invites friends for a game of spin-the-bottle which turns into a blood-soaked sacrifice! Cole now must go all “Home Alone” in order to survive Bee and her friends now he knows the truth. The horror flick is a fun reminder yes it takes lots of blood and guts to entertain but also just a simple hilarious storyline could make the horror film worth the watch. I really enjoyed this fun horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Domestics (On Demand) – The film is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the government may have hit the reset button by dropping black poison on all its citizens one random day. Those who were immune or survived are faced with fighting for their lives day in and out if you are anywhere near the major highways or roads. These are the areas where different gangs of “Sheets, Gamblers, cannibals, etc.” settle at looking for fresh humans for whatever means they need. We are introduced to a lovely couple who were in the process of a divorce right before all this shit went down and just trying to survive like everyone else. The wife has lost contact with her family and wants to travel to Milwaukee to see them. So the husband packs up the AMC Eagle and get on the road out in the Midwest to drive to their destination and satisfy the wife. I really enjoyed this possible reality or outcome of America because I could easily see this happening and that is some cool shit! For that I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

Bong of the Living Dead (Blu-ray) – A group of friends who smoke tons of pot and debate zombie movies on the front porch daily is the main plot of this flick. Their lifelong dream of a zombie apocalypse happens in front of them and it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If anything it is lame for the group of friends. They spend days in the house not in danger and of course smoking lots of weed. But after a couple close calls of a zombie attack and the weed supply running low the group has decided it may be time to have an actual plan to do something before they are all zombies! Max Groah and crew did a wonderful job of crafting an excellent zombie/comedy with great dialogue, cool characters you care about, and some excellent effects. It’s hard to believe this was an Indy project as it is proof of when everything is done with love of the genre.  As hilarious as the film is it does take a serious tone close to the end of the film which caught me off guard. But from beginning to end this film does not disappoint Indy fans as this may be this year’s “Attack of the Killer Donuts” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details about the film: www.bongofthelivingdead.com and www.facebook.com/botldmovie .

 

 

Street Team Massacre (DVD) – Oh I had no clue what I was getting into but glad I watched this flick. This movie has moved into my great finds that include stuff like “Death Metal Zombies”, “Woodchipper Massacre”, “Holy Shit… Zombies”. But anyhow this 2007 independent film begins in a room full of people in lab coats in 1999. They have a college aged test subject who is there to test their energy drink and give them feedback for twenty bucks. He drinks a Mango energy drink and soon begins attacking all in the room. Several years go by and we are in the Eco-Elixir conference room present day where a new sales/street team person is going to be introduced to his co-workers. Excited for the struggling juice company he is excited to get out on the street until he and his team have a run-in with the Jock Juice crew on the beach. The Jock Juice team always seems to be one step ahead of the Eco-Elixir team until new guy comes up with an idea to go check out this unknown music jamboree in the mountains. Problem is there are only six or seven rednecks and the jamboree was only five minutes long. But unbeknownst to the team members their Eco-Elixir has been switched with the “Mango” test drink from years ago that causes changes in people and make them attack others. Now, you have biting rednecks with a uni-brow trying to kill both energy drink teams. Its cheesy, stupid, has Lloyd Kaufman looking at a ‘Gorillas in the Piss’ magazine, Roddy Piper selling energy drink out of his driveway, and George Hardy as I am all in as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Housesitters (Vimeo/DVD) – An independent horror/comedy that has young two girls: Angie and Izzy getting the perfect job of housesitting for a guy that Angie met the night before. Plus the house has everything including a Platinum card to order anything and the satanic pentagram with candles in the basement. But the young ladies still have free reign of the house. This includes smoking lots of weed, watching a crazy amount of porn with the pizza guy, and hanging with their guys until a little demonic creature shows up and kills them in their bathroom. Once they understand they cannot leave the house as there seems to be a void outside of it they find a spell book. They also find a note inside explaining they are part of a demonic ritual to bring forth a demon god. The two decide to confront it in the basement with surprising results. Jason Coffman put together one amazing film as it made me laugh out loud six or seven times. The Indy flick isn’t just entertaining but gives you something unexpected and funny. I love this kind of stuff and kudos to Jason and company as I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at www.facebook.com/Housesittermovie or www.housesittersmovie.com .

 

No One Lives (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was such a pleasant surprise. We have a family of criminals who look for small time heists, people to screw over, cons, etc. Their last job goes bad when they had to kill the people that lived at the house they were robbing early. Upset, they hit the bar and find a normal looking couple that looks like they have money? The innocent couple is moving and just wants left alone but of course that cannot happen. The couple gets taken on a dimly lit road and the criminals believe they got a score that will make up for the last one that went wrong. Things go sideways when the woman of the couple slices her own throat on a knife and they break into the gentlemen’s car only to find a blonde woman tied up in the trunk. Things go to even weirder when they learn this normal looking man is a crazed and beyond smart serial killer that is upset his trophy has been killed. Chaos ensues as the criminals now become the hunted in their own home. Brutal and beautiful at the same time as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

The Machine (DVD) – It’s the future and a very bright doctor named Vincent McCarthy is doing research and trying to develop A.I. that will like a human. Lots of tries but it always thinks like a computer. He wants it to be logical. He dreams of a cyborg of sorts that you cannot tell the difference. But also too he is trying to make a program, a chip, or parts that would form with the human brain, arm, leg to become one with them. The good doctor is trying this on war vets that have no hope of brain function or missing limbs and no where else to turn. Of course the government that is funding the project wants it as a weapon. The government’s goal is to defeat China in this not too distant future. While looking for an assistant or testing them Dr. McCarthy finds Ava, a woman who has a program of her own that is fond of the good doctor and how he treats the program as an equal. When the higher ups feel Ava and Vincent are getting to close they kill Ava. Dr. McCarthy knows this and builds a prototype robot with Ava in mind. From there the film gets very interesting as it does not take the usual twists you would expect. Enjoyable flick that may explain this reality is not as far away as we common people think as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

Victor Crowley (Blu-ray) – The fourth entry into the “Hatchet” series has Victor Crowley returning to his roots in the swamp to begin killing again. This mishap begins when Andrew Yong after a decade since the horror he faced he writes a book about “The Bayou Butcher” and goes on tour. Meanwhile a filmmaker who is also a huge fan of Mr. Yong’s wants to get him to do a cameo in her fake trailer about Crowley? Before she really has a chance to ask Andrew is pulled away for a big deal to go back to the swamp for a network special. The plane goes down in the swamp and the filmmaker and crew while there try to help the survivors. While doing that they forgot they left YouTube on trying to learn part of the script that has someone reciting the voodoo ritual to bring Crowley back. Once the right person aka Tony Todd shows up saying the ritual and Crowley is back from the dead on a killing spree again. I really enjoyed this entry as it seemed to keep it simple and keep it very bloody but also hit all the right slasher film cues as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Slaughter Drive (DVD) – Ben Dietels independent film tells the story of a man named Doug who is a filmmaker. Doug gets home feeling like a failure when his last film doesn’t go over well only to be greeted by his soon-to-be ex-wife bumping uglies with another man. With things this bad Doug tries to get past his troubles and start on his next project which has him setting up his camera in the local park. While there friends convince Doug to leave the camera and go drinking with them. Some hours pass and Doug heads back only to be confronted by a stranger who says nothing and runs off. Doug comes to regret leaving his camera in the park later as this stranger maybe his new weirdo neighbor who is killing off Doug’s friends. When Doug watches the footage of what his neighbor done Doug tries his ass off to convince police and his two best friends that he is living next to a crazed killer! It is crude, hilarious, and rough around the edges kind of slasher with some excellent effects work. It also helps many Yuengling bottles make it into scenes along with someone mentioning their buckeye in conversation… I give this hilarious film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.  Find out more at www.bpofilms.bigcartel.com .

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Annihilation (On Demand) – Natalie Portman gets pulled into something you cannot imagine when her missing husband shows up at her door from a secret mission he was on. After being pulled over by the military and husband almost dying she is meeting with a scientist played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who explains an event that happened three years ago. Well an unexplained event involving something falling from space into a lighthouse that they now call the ‘shimmer’. Something is a rainbow force field that is expanding. It first just covered the lighthouse but eventually took over the swamp, the state park, and a community. It’s feared it will continue to spread all over earth? The government has sent several people into the shimmer but none have returned except for Portman’s husband which there are no answers for? So Portman, Leigh, and three other scientists make their way into the shimmer to see if they can get to the lighthouse and get answers. Once inside they encounter some very strange shit that is mutating plant and animal alike. Visually the movie is beautiful and plotted out very well. Honestly if the “Lost” TV show had any sense and could have been this instead of the ‘dreaming we are all dead’ bullshit it was. Sorry spoiler alert if you ever wanted to watch that poor excuse for a show? But I get the feeling many are not going to understand a film like this and feel this film might be a couple years before it is actually understood? We will see but if you want to enjoy a bizarre sci-fi flick to fill that void inside your inner nerd this film will it and more as I give it 3 stars.

 

Worst movies of 2018!

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper (DVD) – Once again I am watching stuff I couldn’t make up if I tried unless I was David DeCoteau? A pretty boring film full of shirtless hunks, it’s November 1971 and supposedly in the woods turkey hunting in the state of Washington. A man named Bernie now older tells a story of how and why he knows the real story of D.B. Cooper. There is a reason the authorities have never found D.B. Cooper and it’s all because of Bigfoot. And Bigfoot is a Peeping Tom apparently? Weird shit so of course I watched it as I give it a half star only for having voiceover work done by Eric Roberts and Linnea Quigley.

Jeepers Creepers 3, let’s never speak of this again! Sorry it still bothers me this film exists.

Gross Movie Reviews #450

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Gross Movie Reviews #450

 

Mr. Cleaver (DVD) – A throwback S.O.V. flick where some punks break into an empty warehouse to party their brains. Things are going great: people are trippy, bumping uglies, and just being drunk until a bad dude with a giant meat cleaver shows up to ruin the party. Crystal, Lump, and friends get real scared when they find Mr. Cleaver’s personal pile of body parts. The punks fight back but run into trouble when they find out the evil dude cannot be killed because the warehouse is his own personal hell for eternity. Some blood, some nostalgia as these flicks will always hit the soft spot in my heart as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details or to purchase the film, go check out www.togethermagicfilmgroup.com .

 

Ghost Stories (DVD) – A British film that could be considered anthology but really doesn’t feel like it. But that can be up for a debate between you and your friends after watching it. Professor Goodman is a man that makes a living at trying to debunk the supernatural or just trying to prove psychics are just good cheats. Professor Goodman is contacted by an old man. This old man isn’t just any person but someone when Goodman was young he caught on T.V. debunking the supernatural. Goodman goes to the man’s trailer because this was his idol; here is his chance to talk to him. But the old man had his reasons for calling Goodman to him. The old man hands off three cases that the old man claims were real. They couldn’t be explained logically and wants Goodman to either prove him wrong or to tell him that the supernatural does exist? But pay close attention folks because every scene has a point and the payoff is how the film ends. I give the fun film full of hauntings 3 stars.

 

Strike Commando (VHS) – Found another classic from Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei where this 1987 film stars Reb Brown as Sgt. Michael Ransom as this is Mr. Dawn’s version of “Rambo II” if it was made in the Philippines. The film has a few titles but another popular used title was “Cobra Force”. Yes there is a sequel but no Reb Brown. Anyway Ransom is double crossed when he is in North Vietnam trying to help out a group of people out of the war zone. But when the Russians show up things get serious like some awesome slow motion fire-bombing of Sgt. Ransom. Now with Ransom captured behind enemy lines and no one to save him the Russians try to turn him against his own. Ransom won’t have any of it, escapes, kills most of everyone, the guy that double crossed him went to Manila. So we get this added on scene with Ransom and bootleg Col. Troutman in Manila and a large machine gun! 2 ½ stars people for this awesome badness!

 

For the Love of Spock (DVD) – A wonderful documentary about Leonard Nimoy by his son Adam who documents the impact the famous “Star Trek” character had on pop culture and people over the years. Leonard was a struggling actor in Hollywood who like most worked odd jobs and almost quit completely until he landed the role of Spock. At first wasn’t totally known where this character would go or do in the series but Leonard found his calling and loved every second of it. His image was everywhere and still till this day is reference on a regular on TV shows. The person and the character were someone that was loved and appreciated by almost all. His son even documents the hard times as a kid growing up with your dad being Spock. Great stuff as I give it 4 stars.

 

Power of Grayskull: The Definitive History of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (DVD) – This might be a very nerdy documentary but I lived it. This documentary covers everything He-man related. It all starts with how they basically produced the He-man toy line out of thin air after losing out on the “Star Wars” toys. No real back story they came up with a good guy and a bad guy and went from there. With no TV show or movie these action figures sold like crazy to the point Mattel couldn’t keep up with demand and were making up characters as they went. At the height of its popularity it was 95% of the toy business in some form. The cartoon that was soon developed was also in such high demand they came up with “She-ra” which proved to be just as popular. He-man was the thing from 1982-1987 and believe me I lived it as I remember trying to write letters to Mattel to try and get free action figures. Once the Dolph Lundgren film was released that seem to sign the end for the toy line. There were a couple restarts over the years but no luck until recently with nerds taking over the Earth He-man has found new life. If you are about the same age as me you will remember He-man mania as the film documents everything… I give it 4 stars.

City Limits (DVD) – Okay folks, this lesser known post-apocalyptic film is so in my wheelhouse! This 1984 film stars John Stockwell, Rae Dawn Chong, James Earl Jones, Robbie Benson, Kim Cattrell, and Don Opper (he wrote the script) among some other names. This movie literally looks like they made this film with leftover movies on a shoestring budget and it worked. In 1984, a plague has hit killing almost all adults and leaving kids to fend for themselves. 15 years has past and now the kids or survivors of this plague run the cities with no power. John Stockwell as Lee heads to the city for adventure to look for a group of survivors known as the “Clippers”. Clippers are a motorcycle gang that has split the dark city with the “DA’s”. The gangs have made peace for years now so they would stop killing each other and just try to survive. But a corporation has moved in and is trying to force the gangs to be a part of the system of rebuilding. If they do not cooperate with the Sunya Corp. they will be killed. With Lee finding these new friends he wants to help them fight for the city and keep it from the adults trying to move in. This movie is absolutely cheesy wonderfulness! I give this mid-80s gem 4 stars all the way!

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests.

Just about two months away folks and tickets are available!!!

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Grossfest 2018 we will see yinz there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dave Stein from the James Balsamo film “The Litch”