Gross Movie Reviews #570

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Gross Movie Reviews #570

Zombie Flesh Eaters 5 (Blu-ray) – This is an alternate cut of Dustin Ferguson’s ‘Zombi VIII: Urban Decay’ and of course playing off the titles from the early to late 80s where certain films would have several titles depending on the territory it was sold too? Example: Dawn of the Dead was actually known as Zombi in Italy breaking off into a whole other series. Long story short it made American horror fans nuts sometimes trying to track these down before the DVD came along… Anyhow, three friends head off to Matool Island which is claimed to be a cursed island? Once there they find a friend’s father who is undead and bring him back to America barely getting him through customs. Of course this is a bad idea kids but it makes for fun movies as the undead dude wastes no time infecting the residents of L.A. It comes off to me at least paying homage to ‘Zombi 3’ but in the end has that feeling of being incomplete but I still give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Clown Chainsaw Massacre (Blu-ray) – A Dustin Ferguson flick that is also known as ‘Night of the Clown’. It’s Halloween and some friends of course believe it’s a great idea to have their Halloween party where a killer clown was killed a decade ago. But behold and witness the “WHITEST Halloween party” you’ll ever imagine but that plays second fiddle to the Gacy Killer Clown Ghost thingy back for revenge! I am not a huge fan of killer clown films but kudos to Dustin for keeping this one watchable and not just another killer clown film for the shit pile that no horror fan will ever watch again as I give this film 2 out of 4 stars.

Black Raven (DVD) – This Kiss of Death Productions release was only seen on Pittsburgh Public Access Channel (PCTV 21) Halloween night 1997, but now is finally out on a limited release for all us independent film fans to see! Yet another early project from David and Diana Silvio that I am sure the Indy die hards will eat up. What makes this film different from the usual Indy fare is the Silvios like to mix things up instead of ever doing a straight up horror film so we get a bit of an action/horror/crime drama? Black Raven is a mysterious vigilante who is killing criminals and baffling the authorities. But Officer Murphy is making it personal to bring this psychopath to justice. But with the vigilante still running wild and Officer Murphy with not many answers he finds himself being fired and his investigation involving a mob boss… As the story unfolds and Murphy knowing the identity of the Black Raven Murphy is torn between saving or just out right killing the Black Raven. A weird, twisted, experiment, shot all over Pittsburgh, set as an action packed action horror drama! What else would you expect from the legendary and talented filmmaking duo of David and Diana Silvio as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.     

Creatures (DVD) – A field tripping group of people and a doctor are on a bus that is stopped by something strange hitting the windshield. They spot smoke and investigate to find an alien craft has crash landed. The group quickly is confronted by a small army of blue and green creatures that crave animal flesh and are able to infect humans if they only bite them. This in turn makes the humans or undead or zombies under control of the weirdo aliens. But the main plot of this low budget film comes down to the blue and green dudes hunting down a generic Gizmo character who befriends the humans in order to survive the ordeal. Weird, been done before kind of feeling and too exciting as I give it 1 ½ stars.

The Uncanny (DVD) – A British film with a great cast: Peter Cushing, Donald Pleasance, John Vernon filmed in 1975 but not released until 1977. The film is set in Montreal (present times) where Peter Cushing is Wilbur Gray an author who has written a book about cats and has claims they are not just ordinary pets? The publisher interested has a meeting with Gray but takes issue with the claims so Gray begins to tell the publisher three examples of why cats cannot be trusted. First story is set in 1912 where a maid is trying to steal the will of her employer to help the nephew get rich but in the will the cats get everything. Second story is set in (present times) where a little girl Lucy has recently lost her parents and is forced to live with her aunt who doesn’t care for Lucy’s cat or the witchcraft books that were left to her by her mother. Third story is set in Hollywood 1936 where an actor kills his wife on set by replacing a prop for the real thing for a young look-a-like replacement only to have his dead wife’s cat seek revenge. I enjoyed the film a lot but have quite a few flaws and one of them being the Cushing wraparound is great but doesn’t exactly fit his agenda for his book. Or this killer cat film is supposed to be an anthology but doesn’t feel like one like it was cobbled together after the fact. Who knows folks cats are still evil but don’t let that stop you from seeking this oddity out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Malignant (DVD) – A newer James Wan flick where a woman Madison has had three miscarriages over the past couple years gets in a fight with her husband and wakes to find him murdered. After spending two weeks in the hospital she finds herself having visions of a dark force not just hanging out at her home but killing people. Slowly Madison and a detective find out she had a past before her adoption early on in her childhood. Her real name was Emily and she had parasitic twin who can control electricity and uses Emily/Madison’s body to kill people because it wasn’t completely removed during an experimental surgery. Think of an updated version of ‘The Dark Half’ with a little more twist to it as I give this fun little treat 3 stars.

Fangs (DVD) – If by some chance you have a hard time finding this cultish flick it is also known as ‘Holy Wednesday’. An odd mid-70s film about an old dude who has lots of snakes who turns them loose on those who have turned their backs on him. Because of this Wednesdays will never be the same again. You need some weirdness in your do not look past this one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Gnomercy (DVD) – Giving ‘The New Mexico Weed Wacker Massacre’ a run for one of the worst films you could ever watch has a killer gnome come to human form to kill after a random dude pisses on him and drops his cocaine on the gnome. From there and because there was no budget for coming up with a real Gnome costume, it begins murdering random people. Meanwhile we are subjected to some terrible actors acting as friends heading to a cabin for one last weekend of fun. So when the gnome isn’t sharpening his tools he is killing the group one by one with some no imagination kills as I give this not fun bad film 0 stars.

Terror at Black Tree Forest (DVD/Tubi/remake) – This no budget UK film is a remake of a Dustin Ferguson film where a group of people head out in the forest for their yearly camping trip. After the boring story of the tater sack killer is told a killer in a tater sack starts to kill them one by one. The low budget slasher isn’t real exciting, but not real terrible in this slasher exception for the reveal which you know is coming before the filmmaker did as I give this 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Drunken Yinzers Productions presents “Jagoff Massacre”

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Drunken Yinzers Productions presents “Jagoff Massacre”

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2021 AT 7:30 PM EDT – 9:30 PM EDT

https://www.thewillowstation.com/

Willow Station Bar and Restaurant

3841 Willow Avenue  

 Castle Shannon, PA 15234

Just a free movie screening on the back patio of Willow Station to help get yinz in the Halloween spirit. We will be screening the independent horror film “Jagoff Massacre” (along with Matt Cannon’s short film “Hexercise”) The film is about two drunken yinzers walking through Frick Park one night and interrupt a Satanic ritual by Satanists… Chaos ensues as these drunken yinzers must face off with evil and hope to survive this horrible night! Witness the hilarious terror and all the true stories that went into making this no budget film that refuses to go away. You not from the burgh? Be ready for a crash course of terror into what it is like to be a yinzer! So get your ass to this great bar/restaurant, grab an Iron City, and hang on the back patio for the Drunken Yinzers Productions screening of “Jagoff Massacre”, see yinz there!

https://www.facebook.com/events/345141160641950/?ref=newsfeed

Gross Movie Reviews #543

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Gross Movie Reviews #543

Time Walker (DVD) – This early 80s z-grade flick is about another mummy is discovered in the famous King Tut’s tomb. This professor has it taken back to his college campus to be studied by students and to be shown off by the campus for publicity. While during the research the campus x-ray tech uses too much radiation on the mummy for an X-ray and the sucker gets up to take a walk but also the tech notices there is potential treasure inside the this thing. While the mummy is wondering around campus and whoever it touches it kills with a killer fungus that melts flesh the tech is trying to have his new treasure appraised. One problem the mummy is looking for this treasure because it is the way for it to get home as the mummy is an actual alien? The movie is not great but it does have that bad lovable charm to it that makes it worth watching a couple times as I give it 2 ½ stars.

She-Wolf of London (DVD) – A mid-40s flick that gives the “Wolfman legend” an interesting twist as a woman named Phyllis Allenby always has all of Scotland’s dogs pissed off at her. Apparently Ms. Allenby comes from a rich family that has a dark past or as the legend goes that they were “cursed”?! For a few days in a row people keep getting attacked in the park and rumors start about a wolf-woman doing the dirty deed. Phyllis sent into a tizzy by the circumstances is being drugged by her aunt just to sleep and not think of the horrible events night after night. But we come to find out Phyllis’ aunt isn’t really an aunt and she is an evil planning bitch as I give this flick 3 stars for being a little different even at a time the monsters in movies were just getting started.

Infected (DVD) – A 27 minute short film from independent filmmaker Keith Munden in 2014 where our story takes place in small town Ohio where a virus has hit the town and turning humans into murderous maniacs. The radio broadcasts say it’s happening everywhere but our small group of survivors don’t all believe it a couple believe it is isolated. As the murderous insane people roam the woods the small group of survivors engages in a political debate of what they should do? Run or stay? The movie has this odd feeling of an old school investment video or student film to explain if they had more of a budget, different cast, etc., they could do more to explore this idea that I would another variation of ‘The Crazies’. Good concept but wasn’t thrilled with the dialogue as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars. The DVD also has two other short films, a making of video, and blooper reel so go check out www.legacyverseproductions.com for more of Munden’s movies.    

Safe Place (DVD) – Here is another short film (20 minutes long) from Keith Munden in 2013 where a small group of people are fighting off ghouls and escaping to a house or what they consider a safe place. Unbeknownst to our small group of victims bootleg tater sack Jason lives in the basement of the home and very pleased he or it has visitors. Also bootleg tater sack Jason is totally unaware of the circumstances that are happening outside or possibly just doesn’t give a flying fart hole about it? One by one the group is killed and going to be eaten by the killer who lives in the basement. I actually enjoyed this short film from Mr. Munden more than “Infected” as it left me wanting more and asking a lot of good questions which of course leaves a memorable impact not only on me but other viewers most likely. For that I have to give this flick 3 out of 4 stars and also can be found at www.legacyverseproductions.com .

Rescue Force (DVD) – A low budget direct-to-video action film that is a B-movie gem waiting to be discovered was also known as ‘Commando Girls’ in some other countries during its release in 1990. When a foreign ambassador and his daughter are kidnapped and taken to a secret cave in the desert by terrorists the C.I.A. is called in. But this isn’t your regular C.I.A., they have a special force for these kinds of things and they are called “Rescue Force”! A hilariously awkward (wasn’t trying to be funny) militant team made up of hot babes in fatigues and over-the-hill dudes from the C.I.A. office who spend half off their time staring at chests of the babes when the boom mic isn’t falling into frame. The hot bad ass gun-toting babes do most of the work to rescue the ambassador and his daughter as the old men are mostly just smoking cigars for no reason. What makes this flick watchable is the amount of action: explosions, bullets flying, and stunts, they are constant throughout this film so it wouldn’t be dull and for that I thank them as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Peacemaker (DVD) – Horror fans need to have this this oddity in their lives as ‘Night of the Demons’ Kevin Tenney wrote and directed an alien/action film that stars Robert Forster, Robert Davi, and the lovely Hilary Shepard. Ms. Shepard plays a pathologist (Dori Caisson) who gets caught between two warring aliens after a meteor hits earth. Sgt. Ramos gets called in the pathologist goes missing and the chase is on between cops and aliens as Dori cannot make up her who she believes is good and bad. Nevermind that as eventually Dori decides the only way you can tell is to just jump their bones (or on their bone in this case) with one of the aliens to be sure who is good? Pay attention as almost to the end of this action-packed film Dori believes both aliens without question and its hilarious cause you find yourself the viewer asking, “But didn’t you just bumped uglies with that dude?” Anyway see Mr. Tenney’s version of ‘I Come in Peace’ I guess… as I give it 2 stars.

Night of the Dribbler (DVD) – Honestly kids WTF? A 1990 Canadian low-budget horror spoof… maybe? Anyhow this weird combo is about a school basketball team the Watergate Plumbers who suck out loud and have a senior player/equipment manager Stan who hasn’t gotten to play once yet. Stan believes he can play as he tries and tries to explain to the coach. Meanwhile a person wearing a basketball mask is killing or injuring Watergate’s players one by one so at some point the coach will be forced to play Stan. And of course the climax of the film is the big final game and Stan finally gets his chance and they win! This dumb no blood and guts G-rated flick is downright weird and gets weirder when Stan gets a girlfriend, Beckula, and you don’t know if “High School Musical” is going to bust out or one of those “PornHub stepsis videos” is about to start? This whole film just doesn’t know what it wants to be and I am still unsure if that is good or bad as I give it 1 star.

Delta Heat (DVD) – God bless the early 90s for the most bizarre buddy cop films that could be made! In this one we get L.A. cop Anthony Edwards (with hair, sort of) coming to New Orleans to back up his partner. But he learns his partner’s heart has been cut out after following the lead on this new strain of drugs from L.A. to here. No one in New Orleans has seen such a killing since the serial killing drug dealer disappeared several years ago. With this event we are introduced to a retired cop Jackson Rivers (Lance Henriksen) with a hook on his left hand gets lured back in with Anthony Edwards to make sure this drug dealing serial killer stays dead. The two opposites begin their investigation and quickly understand the case was never over as of course there is always more to it. Fun stupid direct-to-video buddy cop stuff that I give 2 ½ stars too.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #517

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Gross Movie Reviews #517

 

Scare Me (Shudder) – So this was the other horror film released this year with the same title ‘Scare Me’ where two strangers meet in the middle of nowhere to tell each other stories. Fanny and Fred meet while jogging one morning. Fanny – the best-selling scary and Fred – some random dude who works on ads and tries to get away from real life to see if he can make his dream happen? A power outage sends Fanny over to invade Fred’s space or cabin to order pizza and tell stories to each other. This would have made a great teleplay to play out on radio that I have listened too on many Friday nights driving back from Cinema Wasteland. I know I am going to catch heat for this popular film. But if you like an over 100 minutes of two actors who are reading a script to you the viewer and Chris Redd from SNL does cocaine halfway through for a break then you’ll be in your glory! I personally found the movie meh and not for me but I believe this was a film literally aimed at a certain audience and that was it as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Reflection (YouTube) – A super creepy short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst where a man looks into the mirror too long and sees another reality. Scary thought is the other reality wants in more often than not as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Tales of Frankenstein (Vimeo/DVD) – This is an anthology that is a little different and interesting for ‘Frankenstein’ fans. Donald F. Glut takes some of his short stories he written and turns them into a film that Victor Frankenstein is the running theme throughout the anthology. The stories are set from 1887 to 1957 and vary throughout: the first story gives us an origin and a love story, the second is about greed, the third is a film noir involving a detective and a mad doctor, and the last story gives Frankenstein fans a little of everything including being set in Transylvania. I absolutely enjoy the twist on an old monster and its tales and doing it in the format of an anthology works brilliantly! A couple decades ago the film ‘Frankenstein Unbound’ proved you can tell a perfect story differently and if anything add to its mythology. Mr. Donald F. Glut does this without effort but my only complaint is the film looks way too clean (if that makes any sense to yinz film junkies)? Cinema fans this independent anthology is worth tracking down and making it a part of your collection and for friends to enjoy as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Big Freaking Rat (DVD) – This film is a prime example of an idea that could be so awesome but ruined because nothing was totally seen through and looks more like crap just being thrown at the wall. Now I never expect an amazing giant rat movie every time out but I do expect a legit fun rat movie and this was not it. The film stars Felissa Rose a favorite among most horror fans who stars alongside a park ranger named Chief Brody who has supposedly help clean up a camping destination that was abused for years. Unbeknownst to him because two hillbillies dumping toxic waste into the lake a “Big Freaking Rat” is running around beheading humans and munching on their flesh to live. Before he can ever get the camping site up and running he must deal with the large rodent issue as it quickly boils down to teenagers and an exterminator vs. a large rat which was done with practical effects most of the time. Instead of keeping it simple and giving us a long lost SyFy Channel flick we get a movie that has you asking way too many questions during it instead of enjoying the “Big Freaking Rat” as I give it 1 star.

 

Theater of Blood (DVD) – An absolute gem of a film starring Vincent Price who is a stage actor about to make a comeback. His critics were so rude and shitty to the great Shakespearean actor he commits suicide in front of them. Two years go by and the critics start dying of horrible deaths in Shakespearean ways. Some of them believe the great play actor has returned from the grave but the authorities have trouble believing the story. But as the bloody bodies keep piling up they need to close this case before all the famous London critics are dead. This was my first time watch and like ‘House on Haunted Hill’ it just seems Vincent Price does his best work when the filmmakers allow him just be Vincent Price. Some decades have passed since this film’s release but this is an absolute treat for any horror movie fan as Vincent Price playfully allows his goons to destroy his critics until the ultimate climax! I just smiled how wonderful this film was from beginning to end as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Mummy (DVD) – This 1959 remake of the Universal Pictures classic got many people to pay attention to Hammer films as it stars Peter Cushing as John where his father, friend and himself discover a long lost tomb of Princess Ananka. When they open it they are warned to leave it alone or a curse would fall upon them. After the tomb is opened and some time passes the Mummy (played by Christopher Lee) is revived by a scroll and it wants revenge on all who were a part of opening the tomb. The film is absolutely beautiful looking but Christopher Lee literally steals the film as The Mummy and how he portrays it. Never got into Hammer Studios this is a good place to start as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Sebastian’s Unholy Flesh (YouTube/DVD) – Dakota Ray’s (writer, director, and actor) latest effort is about a shift in the universe or this case Lucifer dying for an unknown reason. This sets in motion a demonic presence known as Sebastian who sets forth and becomes flesh in order to obtain “The Unholy Book”. Just because this old evil is looking for the book that can destroy all mankind doesn’t mean other unholy evils are not looking also. The book changes hiding places on a regular basis but Sebastian quickly learns how to get it but keeping it becomes a much bigger issue as other demons want to fight to death in order to handle this great power! Dakota Ray goes super dark with this evil flick and is a cool slow burn. My only complaint on this ultimate evil tale might be I was expecting a satanic bloodbath but never got it. Understand that did not stop Mr. Ray and crew from putting together a fine tale about what would happen if the devil died? I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and can purchased at https://www.storenvy.com/stores/868254-dakota-ray-r-a-productions .

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #509

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Gross Movie Reviews #509

We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Relic (On Demand) – So grandma goes missing for a few days and ma and daughter come to her home to hang out in the moldy home. Or as the wife put it: a very long and boring version of ‘Stranger Things’. Take it for what it is as not a whole lot goes on except Grandma is sick and there is something wrong with the house. For me there just wasn’t any payoff after watching this long buildup of a movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

Amityville Island (DVD) – Mark Polonia goes to the “Amityville well” again as a mother of four moves into the cheap area only to become possessed and murder her kids. Sent to prison and on death row she is forced to fight in the basement of the place so it could be streamed for creeps. If that wasn’t enough she is then transferred to some scientist weirdos that label her as Patient 59. Unbeknownst to her captors and weird scientist dudes she is still possessed by the Amityville curse whatever that is? Along the way we meet a freelance reporter who is trying to connect all the murders over the years and how they connect to Patient 59? Don’t get me wrong I love the Polonia Brothers but this film truly feels it is all over the place but really doesn’t have a plot. Also what doesn’t help is I get a possessed shark for three seconds. I felt cheated folks! The shark is on the gawd damn box art! I wanted 75 minutes of an Amityville possessed shark is that too much to ask so in saying that I can only give this Mark Polonia film 1 star because I know Mr. Polonia can do better.

 

D-Railed (DVD) – It is Halloween and there is nothing like a “Murder Mystery Train” party going down where people pay to be a part of dinner and a ‘who done it” play. This is an expensive dinner party so you have to dress the part but as everything is about to start with the train roaring down the tracks a real robbery takes place. Events unfold quickly as people try to stop the robbery with a few people getting shot and the train derailing into a lake bed. The survivors trying to help each other and see if they can get to land easily must contend with a creature looking to consume them. Doesn’t have a strong ending but does have Lance Henriksen explain a few things when needed as I give this neat little horror film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 3 (VHS) – Or as the film is also known to most ‘Thunder Warrior III’. Mark Gregory returns as Thunder for the third time to help defend his Native American community. This time around some racist weekend warrior townsfolk get ahold of Thunder and abuse him and his people. Thunder wanting to do this the right way takes it to the cops and demands money to replace their homes. But the racist townsfolk want none of it so Thunder once again goes all Rambo on their asses and ruins the town until they pay up for revenge. It was pretty much the same as the last two entries but somehow made to look cheaper and less action in some ways as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Raindrops (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never rests as he has yet another new short film. This time around a plot about a gentleman who is slowly driven insane by raindrops on the window seal. This man soon reacts in a very horrific way in order to remedy the problem. Philip’s shorts get to the point quickly and usually star him as it seems he is challenging himself or teaching different things about filmmaking to himself. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. His Facebook and YouTube page usually have links to his independent film work that is well worth checking out.

Are You in the House Alone?! (DVD) – I never seen this 1978 after school horror special that starred a young Dennis Quaid. And a little sneaky bastard he is. Gayle is newer to the high school as her parents moved to the neighborhood because it was supposed to be safer and have a safer school for Gayle. Gayle finally getting back into the dating game at the urge of her best friend finds a guy at school that really fits her. But at the same time Gayle is being left nasty notes in her locker and crank calls at her home late in the evening. Gayle with help from her best friend blows it off quickly but as it escalates Gayle becomes worrisome and even goes to the school principal. She is being stalked on her dates and her babysitting job which sets her up to be raped. But instead of her going all “Death Wish’ on the person she finally gets her revenge by proving to people he is an asshole rapist that even his rich family couldn’t get away with. The film opens up with Gayle being taken to the hospital then flashes back to tell the story up until then. The film tries its clever ass off to make you think it is several different people and well worth the payoff as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Black Cobra 2 (DVD) – Never mind I didn’t watch the first flick cause I cannot help myself when it comes to sequels. Anyhow Fred Williamson is a hard-nosed Chicago cop in this Eye-talian action thriller. After Lt. Robert Malone gets himself into an incident with him gunning down a criminal he finds himself in an exchange program with the Philippines. After arriving in the Philippines and getting his wallet stolen he partners up with Nicholas Hammond (TV 70s Spider-man himself). This is when I thought I was in for an excellent action bonerjam! Instead I was in for a limp action flick where it looked like not just Fred but all involved were just going through the motions. It seems the plot of the story is the two go down the rabbit hole of the stolen wallet leads them to a criminal ring of drugs, robbery, and some z-grade violence. One good thing came out of this film and that is we get to see a dude get shot in the dong! I am a huge Fred Williamson fan and 70s Spider-man fan but this was pretty much a dud as I have to give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #496

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Gross Movie Reviews #496

 

Frozen Sasquatch (DVD) – It is weird this recent Mark Polonia film just didn’t do it for me. Maybe it is just me? Or maybe it was because Mark was more of a hired gun on this production than a true old school Polonia Brothers production? Anyway three research scientists are sent to a secret lab in the Himalayas where contact has been lost. There is concern this has something to do with the odd creature the team recently found. Everyone involved wondered if they truly had a Yeti but didn’t get much time to celebrate. When the three arrive they find the facility in disarray and eventually figure out there was ‘Yeti-experiments’ which of course pissed the creature off. Again this film just didn’t sit right with me. Hopefully you feel differently as I could only give it 1 star.

 

Killer Yacht Party (DVD) – A terrible movie about a club owner who rents out a yacht that hey, it’s haunted, to make more money. But a bitter drug dealer makes his way onto the ship to fuck things up for Brock the club owner. Problem is the ghost or whoever kills Brock’s girl toy and the drug dealer is caught red handed. From there Brock goes into a drug filled rage and people that paid to be on the ship are getting killed off one by one especially if they are trying to bump uglies in parts of the ship. All you need to know is the movie look like it was gonna be bad as soon as the opening credits came on as I give it a ½ star.

 

Southern Shockers (DVD) – A mid-80s low budget film about three men showing up late for church service. Of course the preacher doesn’t take to kindly to tardiness and begins to speak to these men during his sermon. These three men are forced to face off with their demons so is the preacher a witch or is he using God’s power to punish them? Interesting flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Halfway House (DVD) – A 2004 film about young women missing from a halfway house for troubled girls. But when police go poking around there is no evidence to be found and Mary Woronov assures the authorities they have nothing but the girls’ wellbeing in mind. Larissa convinces a young sexy officer to go undercover because her sister is one of the missing girls. This way undercover she can get to the bottom of what is going between the girls, Woronov, and the weird priest. Larissa doesn’t find out a whole lot while undercover exception of all the weird unholy sexual acts that go down but there is a far more sinister secret and it has to do with Cthulhu! A great sleazy film that involves Cthulhu and seems to only hire actresses with nipple rings? Great stuff to track down kids as I give it 3 stars.

 

Sleepless Nights (DVD) – An anthology with several people involved: Jeff Chitty, Mike Gordon, Tony Masiello, Leslie Monk, Amanda Peyton, Andrew Rolston, Todd Sheets, and Brad Twigg where their stories are being told by a little girl to her babysitter during the Halloween season. The babysitter claims to scare easily so the little girl goes on about haunted houses, zombies, plumbers performing exorcisms, a man with an afro who is sword fighting a weirdo that shoots lightning bolts from his butt, psycho drivers, and vampires. While this is all going on the kid and babysitter are being stalked inside the home for the wraparound. This was actually a pleasant surprise with no bad stories in the bunch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Ninja Zombie (DVD) – This is supposedly a lost film from 1992 about a man named Mr. Sands who has access to an ancient artifact that could give an individual great power. Since a gang of ninjas are stalking Sands he decides to pay a guy 50 or 60 bucks to bring his kung fu fighting best friend back from the dead to fight the gang of ninjas known as ‘Red Spiders’ and their evil leader. The movie is far from great and suffers from editing issues but is one of those grab the beer and watch with friends’ kind of film as I give it 2 stars.

Suck Fest (DVD) – BPO Films is at it again with their latest project which is a documentary or mockumentary (depending how you look at it) about the three talented fellows(Ben, Blake, and Ryan) taking a trip to a horror convention to promote their film “Slaughter Drive”. The film isn’t so much about the convention as much as it is about the three friends’ relationship as it breaks down quickly once they hit the road to the hotel and they lose luggage, stolen credit cards, stuff goes missing, too much coffee, not selling shit at the horror convention, and one of the three thinking they were going to kick each other in the balls to settle a dispute! The film isn’t just funny but a laugh a minute as these fellows show off even more of their comedic side in their documentary (sort of?) as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. THIS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT GROSSFEST 2020 for the first time ever. Go check out www.bpofilms.com and get to know this great group of independent filmmakers.

 

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (Theater) – Fresh off of “Suicide Squad” it looks like DC has decided to play it smart and avoid the Batman and Superman thing and let the story organically move along. Keeping with the theme of Harley Quinn the film not only allows you to dive head first into the storyline of Ms. Quinn but get the viewers’ up to speed of how cool this character is and can be for future films. Yes we know Margot Robbie is perfect for the role and has broken up with the Joker for good this time but it is more about how she gets through this tough time. Or mainly needing help from a group of women who eventually become the “Birds of Prey” to defeat an evil prick in Roman Sionis aka “Black Mask”. Harley wanted by all who she has wronged must find a way to not only help a little girl who just swallowed a very expensive diamond but work with a team. The movie is very entertaining and can easily be seen that this is just the beginning of the Harley Quinn movies as she is definitely one of the more interesting characters in the DC universe. I believe this was a much better story for the character to blossom than the “Suicide Squad” version. It’s not perfect but enough fun for me to keep hope that they will get Margot Robbie in the original Harley costume for one of these upcoming films as I give this Harley movie 3 stars.

 

Deep Freeze (DVD) – So I found this early 2000s flick directed by the legend John Carl Buechler about a drilling company called Geotech in Antarctica. Apparently this company is drilling for oil… supposedly. After the last shaker crew members begin to disappear as the interns show up to investigate Geotech to be sure they are not doing harm to the environment. The biggest problem is Geotech wants to cover up what they actually and it is an ancient parasite creature that is now feasting on all who are in the facility. Look closely at some of the scenes kids cause yes it is footage they took from John Carpenter’s The Thing for mostly exterior shots. I thought I was seeing things until I paused the movie and looked it up on the Google machine and I yep someone was like ‘fuck it, we are just going to steal their footage to fill this low budget mess in’. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Creature (DVD) – Another early 2000s sci-fi flick that I got excited when seeing John Savage and Martin Kove were starring in it but my movie boner was stolen away slowly in this boring but bloody creature feature. A black ops team is sent into a Rocky Mountain secret base where the team has 16 hours to find out what happen to the experimental, genetically modified creature and scientists. If anyone is found alive well they are a cleanup crew so no one is allowed to survive. A scientist unlocks a secret from an ancient stone that fell from the sky that has intelligent alien life. I like the plot, I like the two main actors, but it’s mostly uneventful filler as I give it 1 star. By some chance you do go looking for it your best chance is looking for it under its other title “Alien Lockdown”.

The Snarling (DVD) – Oh this film was an absolute treat to watch. The film takes place in a small UK village where a zombie film is using many locations in the village to film. As their lead actor causes issues with the crew, crew members begin to be brutally massacred. But never let a few murders get in the way of finishing a horror movie as producers hire three locals to be extras in the film. A funny thing happens as crew sees the three and the one they call Les Jarvis just happens to be the film’s lead actor’s doppelganger Greg Lupeen. Since Greg is such a pain in the ass the crew uses Les to finish some shots. While this is all going on the authorities believe Greg is the main suspect as the bodies begin to pile up. There is a good amount of gore, a funny looking werewolf, and an abundance of hilarious dialogue between Les and his two friends at the pub. One of the funniest werewolf/zombie films you will ever watch as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #495

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

Hot Dog the Movie! (Blu-ray) – One of the most talked about sex comedies of the 80s has been restored and has goodies added to it by Synapse Films. We have a wholesome farm boy whom an amazing skier is making his way Squaw Valley, CA, for the winter skiing competition. Along the way Harkin our main character picks up the cute-next door type of girl hitchhiking who decides to tag along with Harkin to see where this leads. Once there Harkin soon makes quick friends with a group of skiers known as ‘The Rat Pack’ with his skills on the mountain during practice. As they all have a common foe in an Austrian skier named Rudi who has disrespected Harkin from the beginning. From there when not on the mountain for the competition ‘The Rat Pack’ is busy partying, creating chaos, and debauchery. Just like films of the same era in “Hardbodies”, “Losin’ It”, and “Porky’s” it gives you all the beautiful naked bodies you can handle in many party scenes. But what separates this fun sex comedy classic from most is not just its romantic element between Harkin and the hitchhiker but the amazing ski stunts and the ‘Chinese Downhill’ event to end the film. The way its shot and how its perform is perfect and I believe sometimes gets lost in all of the glorious nudity that we all remember watching as teenagers in the early 80s on Skinamax or HBO! Now imagine that restored with all the bright colors and cleared to perfection… Yes, I know there will be a few of us that will pause on the scenes of breasts for nostalgia? Believe me I don’t blame you even knowing then that the perfect Shannon Tweed was in the film. But the shots of the ‘Chinese Downhill’ are something to behold my friends. With this new restoration we also get a 50-minute documentary about the film which surprisingly they get a lot of who was involved. We also get a commentary and interviews with director Peter Markle and producer Mike Marvin which were not your usual boring stuff. These guys still show much love to the film and proud of the product they put on film. As usual Synapse Films did a supreme job at restoring one of the best sex comedies of the 80s and bringing it to Blu-ray for us fans to enjoy for many years to come. I give this Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars and more info or to purchase the film can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Rake (DVD) – A slow burn horror flick from the talented Tony Wash whose story involves a brother and sister named Ben and Ashley whose father a doctor was working on a diagnosis for an insane person Jacob. One night Jacob shows up in their home to slaughter the parents in front of the children and then commits suicide. Years may have passed since the deaths but Ben and Ashley were adopted by a well-adjusted family and Ben was able to get past it. Ashley on the other hand has been in and out of asylums. Nikki their adopted sister whose family took them in is having a house warming party and wants the siblings to attend. Ashley once there begins to regress and speaks of “The Rake” and explains Jacob wasn’t a serial killer but a vessel for something more terrifying that can infect us all. Again a lot of dialogue, slow burn but the payoff with the monster thing is freaking awesome I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Dead Residence (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and Gator Blade Films latest is a found footage flick that has first time house flippers in Tampa tackling a home maybe haunted or worst yet, someone besides them living there? Debbie and Patrick have found the perfect home to flip for their first time. Everything goes great and they spend their first nights in the home so they can get they don’t have to travel to work on the interior of the home. But while they sleep each night the new surveillance video picks up something is in the home watching them. During the remodel tools begin to disappear as does food but the couple are unphased until they find a flash drive that has disturbing snuff videos on it. By time the couple realizes where the videos are being filmed at it is already too late for the two. Sean did a great job in keeping someone like me interested in a found footage film as I am not the biggest fan of them. A fun keeping it simple independent film from Sean that serves as a legit warning to house flippers in the future as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scary Movie (DVD-R) – A definite unknown flick from 1991 that really never got released but pops up a cable network from time to time. Warren is a very sheltered young man who is out for the Halloween holiday with a so-called friend at a haunted attraction. Of course the friend tries to hook up Warren to no avail but Warren’s attention is elsewhere when he hears on a police radio about a convict possibly escaping nearby. This sends Warren into a full panic attack that leads to the misfortune of the attraction shutting down. Interesting movie if there weren’t literally full scenes of nothing going on but Warren losing his grip on reality staring into space. This is one of those films for only the cinema die hards as I give it 1 star.

 

Haunting Inside (DVD) – Sylvia is a young woman who had a mental break because of her parents’ death and her brother Sam is forced to take care of her. She has her good days and bad days as Sam just tries to keep his own life together. Sam, per doctor’s advice goes and purchases several games for Sylvia to help keep her focus and not beat herself up. This excites Sylvia and she takes the Ouija board to her room to play but nothing happens. This disappoints Sylvia but does not stop her interest in the game that is supposed to be about talking to spirits. Second night she tries contacting her parents, still nothing but the next night she breaks through to something or some spirit. The spirit and her develop a relationship even if her doctor doesn’t see much good in this because it is only a game. The spirits look after Sylvia at first but they are actually just preparing her since she is in a fragile state that she doesn’t understand she is being taken advantage of. An absolute wonderful paranormal flick that is well written, well casted, and wish future paranormal flicks will pay attention to “Haunting Inside” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Church of the Damned (DVD) – Another long lost unreleased Polonia Brothers film that wasn’t finished from 1985. It has intro from Mark Polonia recently explaining the issues with the project. It is a project they started in their senior year of high school about a couple cops who are investigating missing persons. While investigating the two cops stumble upon something called the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’. It isn’t anything groundbreaking but fun to see again the early work of this talented duo as I give it 1 ½ stars for nostalgic sake.

 

5 Years After the Fall (DVD) – A low budget post-apocalyptic affair where five years ago the world walled off 90% of its population because the lack of food. Now present a young man is having a debate with an older man about what humans should do now until the train derails and he finds himself on the other side of the wall. Jacob soon learns the world has survived but only through cannibalism and the strong taking advantage of the weak. Now in the savage land Jacob must fight off cannibal marauders in order to escape a home he thought he found was safe. From the beginning you are able to see there is a disconnect between script and what is on screen as I give it 1 star.

 

Pickaxe (DVD) – Alex Black is a killer in the woods during the early 80s who slaughtered several people in Woodland Hills. Now 1988, he is believed to dead but rumors begin again as a couple go missing recently. Several high school students head to the parents’ cabin for some hard partying, sex, and preparing to attend a concert. After much nudity Alex gets his slaughter on until Tiffany Shepis and the great A. Michael Baldwin try to put a stop to his killing ways! Getting past the enormous amount of nudity the filmmaker thought the film needed there is some great gore shots but I feel if the film is distorted or confusing? I feel the film may have come across better if scenes were in a different order. The concept seems solid but scenes don’t fit together like it was edited to serve some kind of purpose the filmmaker wasn’t sharing with the viewer as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #477

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Gross Movie Reviews #477

 

Brightburn (On Demand) – Spoiler alert people imagine if Superman came to Earth and was raised on a farm and instead of thinking he is supposed to save humanity? He is to rule and destroy them all. At first he doesn’t want to hurt anyone but soon the voices in his head convince it is time to fuck everybody up. Wasn’t expecting a lot but it entertains and I enjoyed the ending since it wasn’t your cookie cutter happy ending that a lot of people tend to expect. I give it 2 stars. The film isn’t bad, it wasn’t good, just one of those you will forget quickly.

 

Unholy Rollers (DVD) – A forgotten early 70s film starring Claudia Jennings in a roller derby film produced by Roger Corman. Claudia plays a woman named Karen who has just quit her cat food job because she is tired of all the sexual harassment and wants something different in life. Along comes the local roller derby tryout that is looking for fresh faces and like wrestling is popular and pre-determined. With two other people out of many Karen is hired for not just her looks, but spunk or as the roller derby owner kept saying sportsmanship! Karen becomes a quick hit with fans which means money and fame but also jealously among the teams as they don’t like Karen looks down on them. As quickly as Karen gets big in the sport she burns out in the big climax of the film where she just goes batshit crazy. Fun 70s movie stuff that never gets old as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Paralyzed With Fear (DVD) – Mr. Glenn Berggoetz is back with another tale of horror as Glenn doesn’t just stick to one genre proving he is a talented independent filmmaker that keeps you guessing. This time around in the opening scene a woman and her husband are in a serious car accident that has her husband die from his injuries. Unhappy and depressed her daughter Hannah worries a lot until she comes up with an idea with her girlfriend to maybe talk to the dead. Hannah believes if they have a ceremony or séance with her mother they or her mother could talk to her dead husband to help his passing and she could move on. Hannah convinces mom it’s a good idea and they do it believing they have made contact with the dearly departed love one. But they learn the hard way sometimes the dead should stay dead as an evil spirit played by an iconic figure Kane Hodder as the ghastly demon has decided to haunt them. Hannah’s conjuring ceremony is not what she expected but it’s way too late as she is deceived also by the evil spirit. A simple creepy paranormal movie that proves you don’t need the latest technology or appeal to the teens’ bottom line to pull off a scary flick. It’s also fun in the manner that Kane’s devilish voice and appearance brings back delightful memories and feelings I have watching “Prince of Darkness” and for that I give Glenn’s new feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Back Again (DVD) – A newer independent filmmaker David Bachmeier to hit the scene has his latest short film that takes on a serial killer and has a cool intro from the legendary Glen Colburn. Tommy Lee Jarvis is a brutal serial killer who has been gunned down by authorities and buried. A drunken doctor and his assistant have taken it upon themselves to dig up his fresh corpse for their experiment. Biggest problem is their formula works and the undead killer is back for another horrible murder spree! I like the premise, I like the gore, the short is a little rough but I did enjoy what David had accomplished and look forward to his future projects as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Shaft (On Demand) – So this film wins the award for a project I didn’t see happening in 2019 or anytime soon. Bottom line Shaft has a kid and he needs his absentee father’s help in a case of a friend who may have been murdered. Figured a sequel like this would dumb and uneventful but instead is unforgiving, hilarious, and most likely the most politically incorrect movie of 2019 and thank the lord Rutger Hauer for that. Well casted and make fun of millennials for almost two hours straight I am in as I give it 3 stars.

 

Funland (VHS/YouTube) – David L. Lander is Bruce Berger the clown who happens to be the mascot of a big theme park called ‘Funland’. Berger is the annoying clown that everyone puts up with because he has been there from the beginning but things change when the original owner of ‘Funland’ supposedly commits suicide. Here comes an Italian family taking over the park and using it as a front. Of course Bruce cannot take this and completely snaps to the point he talks to wax statues, he was already talking to his puppet, but also plans to shoot the national Bruce Berger clown they are bringing in for opening day. Thinking this movie over you can easily sit back and say this movie is about a man with mental illness that has a complete breakdown and here is the result. Or the later I have a feeling everyone from the producers, to the writers, to the director was unsure of what kind of movie they were going for as the film isn’t real funny and has a couple very racy scenes. I give the film only 1 star but if you are a weird film buff you may want to go down the rabbit hole of finding this for a watch?

The Keep (DVD) – It is 1941 and Nazi soldiers are sent into the Romanian mountains to investigate and guard a mysterious place called ‘The Keep’. The place was built for some unknown reason many years ago before WWII and Hitler thought of. The villagers there have been caretakers of ‘The Keep’ as long as they all can remember. But there are stories of people disappearing or not making the night there at ‘The Keep’. Of course the Nazi soldiers are completely fascinated by this legend and possibility of silver being in the labyrinth so go and disturb something ancient. A few days later and Nazi soldiers dying equally mysterious French man shows up wanting a room overlooking ‘The Keep’. Thus awaiting a battle… The film isn’t great but an interesting piece of cinema from Michael Mann who was very popular in the 80s as there are stories of the film plagued by problems that include the author of the original story claimed it had nothing to do with his story. There is a rumored 200 minute plus cut of the film!!! Interesting soundtrack by Tangerine Dream… The film is good vs. evil using the Nazi power at its height as the backdrop but I believe never comes close to being what it could have been? This is one of those flicks that are more popular for what happened off screen than what happened on screen but I still give it 2 stars because I am a Scott Glenn fan.

 

Phantom of Death (DVD) – A less talked about Italian film from Ruggero Deodato that is a thriller about a famous pianist. Michael York plays the pianist but it seems immediately death surrounds him as a string of murders are quickly connected to the pianist by police inspector Donald Pleasence. What’s weird ten minutes in the police inspector knows who the killer is but no one believes him. And to the viewer it becomes quickly clear who it is as the pianist discovers he has a rare incurable disease that sends him off the edge of playing cat and mouse with the inspector! He goes around the Italian countryside playing a game of death always being one step ahead of the inspector. As the illness continues to get worse the crazier Michael York’s character gets. It wasn’t really impressive but one of those horror flicks I cross off my “must need to see” list as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #476

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Gross Movie Reviews #476

 

Slaughter (DVD) – Jim Brown stars as the title character who wants revenge against a mob in Mexico who has killed people close to him. Slaughter is a no nonsense dude that fucks anybody that gets in his way of his revenge. Even though the F.B.I. uses him to help get the job done because the mob has never seen him Slaughter uses the F.B.I. for their resources. Jim Brown is wonderful in kicking ass but also has an equally cool piece of shit villain in a super racist young Rip Torn! This film is more fun than serious and doesn’t have that Blaxploitation feel even for being released in 1972. I have always been a fan of Fred Williamson but this film help open my eyes to some of Jim Brown’s work as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Dirty Dozen (DVD) – An all-star Hollywood flick about a secret group of Army men that are needed to go into hostile territory during WWII to take out as many Nazi officers as possible. Think “The Expendables” decades before the concept is thought of! Almost all that read this review had that parent or grandparent that would watch this on TBS, AMC throughout the years. It is one of those unforgettable flicks where Lee Marvin is a Major that is tasked with a group of prisoners he must whip into shape in a short amount of time to take on this secret mission. They all must become and move as one or die of a quick death on the battlefield or in prison if they do not cooperate. Rewatching this film I still believe the film stands the test of time. The film is violent, funny, and has that right mix of characters that you understand why so many people watch this film over and over many times as I give it 4 stars.

 

Beaster Day (DVD) – This is one of those recent B-flicks you have so much hope to be a fun bad flick to watch and talk about: “Sharknado”, “Woodchipper Massacre” is two examples. This fails horribly! A giant Easter Bunny is eating people throughout a small town as the holiday approaches but the only hope is a crazy focused dog catcher. Now I am not expecting hundred million dollar creature effects but I am at least expecting some half-ass idea why the giant crayon drawn bunny is there eating people? Nope, the vicious fucker is just there eating people while the mayor tries to smoke weed and keep his town calm so their kids could still do their egg hunts… This feature proves I don’t enjoy everything bad and for that I give this 0 stars.

 

Curse of the Mayans (YouTube) – A modest budgeted film from Mexico that takes on Mayan 2012 legend of something big happening. The film follows a scientist who is tasked by a billionaire to find the secrets of the Mayans for his private collection. Problem is the scientist may have stumbled upon what really happened to mankind all those years ago. Their expedition goes through a very dangerous jungle that is watched over by drug runners. They are allowed passage but warned to not disturb anything. The scientist and his group find an underwater cave that leads downward and has these Mayan drawings that were never seen before explaining the events years ago. They also awaken the ancient aliens who have laid dormant that whole time also that Mayans defeated. The movie is a bit boring at times but was shot beautifully. I cannot poop all over this movie for one I believe this movie was shot for a certain audience and us Americans suck when it comes to understanding foreign films. Two, the wide shots, the action shots, I enjoyed the cinematography. It is better than 75% of the big budget stuff we are forced fed in the U.S. on a regular basis and for that I give the film 2 stars.

Slaughter of the Innocents (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films has just released a wonderful special edition of this serial killer film that wasn’t forgotten but maybe a bit lost in horror fans memories. This film was one those HBO premieres from the early 90s that took advantage of the door that was opened by “Silence of the Lambs”. We forget there was a dozen or so serial killer films that used cable channels and direct-to video for their big premieres as people’s movie watching habits were changing again. This feature starring Scott Glenn as F.B.I. agent Stephen Broderick was one of those early 90s movies that was well-crafted but unrealistic as a lot of us seen but maybe doesn’t get nearly as much press as the ‘Hannibal’ series did? Five years ago there was a brutal murder in Utah that was solved and now in present time (1993) a new murder and kidnapping has happened that fits the profile. Agent Broderick travels to Utah before the killer is put to death trying to explain he never felt good about the guy that was arrested. Sadly the man is put to death and this murder that fits the profile pops up and has Broderick’s interest. He wants to not only find out why this guy disappeared for five years but how he has never been found during that time. So with the help with his borderline genius son they track down the real killer who happens to be a religious nutjob who believes he is leading up to something biblical. Now true it is very unbelievable that in today’s society that a kid no matter whose kid would be allowed to travel across several state lines to help investigate murders. The movie does ask for you to suspend what you know but putting that aside for future drunken conversations with your horror friends, the film is rather fun, fast-moving, and beautifully brutal at times. You have a serial killer movie friend in your group make sure you drop this one on them as it will blow their mind how cool this film still is after 25 years. The Blu-ray special features are pretty damn cool with its deleted scenes that all feel like they belong except one that were most likely cut out for time restraints than just not fitting? Also there is an alternate assault sequence that had a different actor and reasons for changing the scene which is very interesting and I never knew existed. Plus there is a wonderful interview with a much underrated talent Gabe Bartalos talking about all his effects in the film. And the fun blast from the past topper for memory sake is the original HBO promo spot! This serial killer film is not perfect by any means but still deserves 3 out of 4 stars and as usual 4 stars for the package as Synapse Films once again hits it out of the ballpark. For more details on the Blu-ray please go to: www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Island (Blu-ray) – This was one those movies from the 80s that was on list that haven’t track down to watch until now. It stars Michael Caine as a reporter Blair Maynard who wants to travel to Florida and some small islands surrounding it to investigate the mysterious disappearance of ships in the Bermuda Triangle area. He takes his young teenage son with him to bond as he got stuck with him because his ex-wife ran off with her boy toy to Dallas. As Blair investigates he tries to bond with his son by going fishing. They are attacked by pirates who have somehow have lived off of the grid for hundreds of years and now are convinced in recent years to survive they must attack vacationers. Why is because most people would just chalk up as lost at sea or it is the Bermuda Triangle. Now instead of investigating Blair must survive David Werner and others as they plan to brain wash Blair’s son into joining the pirate life and continuing their bloodline. Not a straight up horror flick but fun for summer watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Tammy and the T-Rex (YouTube) – Here is a B-movie from 1994 that I literally thought someone made up. You know one those rumors about a film that exists but actually doesn’t and has gained internet fame as an urban legend of existing. Well folks it exists and I absolutely loved it as I couldn’t stop laughing at how silly this movie was and the cast it had. Tammy and her new boyfriend Michael are in love but of course Tammy’s ex-boyfriend believes she belongs to him no matter what. So Michael keeps having run-ins with the ex and keeps being warned he will get killed. One night Tammy and Michael’s hot kiss fest in Tammy’s bed is interrupted by the ex and his gang as they leave Michael beat up and in an animal park where he is attacked by lions. Michael ends up in a coma at the hospital from the attack and neurosurgeon/evil scientist guy who just happens to have built a robotic T-rex has a plan to bring it to life. With Michael’s brain of course! The dinosaur experiment works and next thing you know what seems like a PG-rated Disney film has a dinosaur going to a party and slashing and smashing to death Tammy’s ex and his gang members. This movie is complete chaos and bad, but a wonderful hilarious bad that stars a clean shaven George ‘Buck’ Flower, an absolutely fresh and hot and before batshit recent crazy years Denise Richards, an equally hot fresh Paul Walker, Terry Kiser, Sean Whalen, and John Franklin just for horror fans minds to be blown! As I laugh my ass off thinking about the film I give it 3 stars just for being so damn entertaining.

 

Demonic (DVD) – A paranormal group convinces a friend he needs to visit a house his mother was at over twenty years ago. He keeps having dreams of his mother when she was younger in what is called “The Livingston House” because there was several murders there years ago that this small southern town would like to forget. The group believes he can find the answers he has been looking for there. They go and set up for the night only to unlock something the house hasn’t seen over for over twenty years. The film does star the talented Maria Bello and doesn’t really break new ground in this paranormal genre but does give a watchable horror film about a demon trying to enter our world which is more I can say about a lot of the films in this genre as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Gross Movie Reviews #462

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Gross Movie Reviews #462

 

King of the Zombies (DVD) – This is a fun old school film about three people who crash land on an island that just happens to have a mad doctor on it. This doctor has turned some of the people who live there into zombies as he tries to get answers from a military man who landed there. The doctor is going to give these secrets to the Nazis. The evil doctor convinces the three plane-wrecked folks to stay in his mansion but they soon learn the good doctor is up to no good. He uses a radio signal to lure planes in and take advantage of them. A pretty funny flick about voodoo, zombies, and ghosts as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gods and Monsters (DVD) – The film follows the last few weeks of James Whale’s life as he flashes back to a child to making “Frankenstein” to a gay man in Hollywood. He makes friends with his gardener claiming to want to draw his pictures but eventually just keeps telling him stories of his life that no one ever knew. An Interesting and entertaining film to say the least as I give it 3 stars.

 

Overlord (On Demand) – A group of soldiers are sent in behind the enemy lines on June 5th, 1944 with the sole mission to take out a radio tower on top of a church. Destroy the tower then American forces can catch the Germans by surprise the next day. There was supposed to be more support but most were killed in the fire fight in the air or just never made it to safety once hitting the ground. The small group soon makes friends with a French villager who like them wants the Nazis gone. But the American soldiers soon learn of experiments being done in the basement of the old church. The Nazi’s super soldier program that is going to jump start the thousand year reign of The Third Reich! Now the American soldiers’ debate on what should be done as they fight amongst each other as time is running out. A very gory fight to the end that makes for a fun piece of fiction but plays on all the rumors you have ever heard or read about Hitler’s plans for the Third Reich as I give the movie 3 ½ stars.

 

Rio Bravo (Blu-ray) – I will be the first to admit that I am not a John Wayne fan. I have always been more of a Clint Eastwood western fan. But after podcast buddy Kyle informed me about the Blu-ray version of this film had a commentary done by John Carpenter. You it was only a matter of time before I gave the film a chance. So the other day I sat down and started watching this flick that pits a sheriff, a former drunk, some kid, and a crippled old dude against a gang of bandits who want their cohort released from jail. Hell, who would of guessed Dean Martin knew how to act outside of comedy? The most impressive thing I took away from the film wasn’t John Wayne but the role Angie Dickinson played. She was absolutely perfect and gives the movie that right kind of mix that made me now a fan of the film. Anyway John Carpenter goes in depth about his love Howard Hawkes films and how this film inspired his career. He includes some interesting stories about John Wayne and others while filming the movie. This flick gets 4 stars all the way.

Cherokee Creek (DVD) – We begin with two rednecks out in the restricted area of the woods trying to hunt for Bigfoot for a million dollars. This sets up the rest of the film as they are killed of course we get a home invasion and kidnapping of a man named Pat. They reach the same restricted woods and we learn that it wasn’t a home invasion/kidnapping; it was just a way to get Pat to his bachelor party. His friends who happen to be movie people that includes actor Vinnie Blades have things set up knowing Pat is also a Bigfoot fan. Pat completely upset listens to his friends and makes due with the bachelor party happening. Once the strippers show up chaos ensues as the Bigfoot in the woods isn’t happy with all the sex, pooping, and drinking in his woods. I loved the concept of the movie and it was well thought out but the length of the movie kills the buzz for the love I want to give the Bigfoot film. “Cherokee Creek” nears the two hour mark and could have easily been edited down to 85 minutes. Also wasn’t impressed with the Bigfoot costume but willing to get over that because of the fun mix of Bigfoot, blood, and sex. Honestly folks this could be one of the better Bigfoot films out there if the filmmakers go back and edit this long ass film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Vampire Time Travelers (DVD) – An absolutely terrible thing called a movie that is from 1997 and shot-on-video making it look like it was done 1987? A sorority was haunted by a vamp named Natalia but the girls found a way to kill her. Now Natalia’s sister seeks revenge on the same sorority Alpha Omega. Since one sister by the name of Sue Ann Marie is pure, Natalia must gain strength in order to take over Sue. The only to go about this is biting the other sorority sisters in the butt. Be warned this is one of those dream sequence movies as I give this a ½ star.

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (On Demand) – Sam Elliott plays a man named Calvin Barr who is older now but remembers the days of when he killed Hitler. He has regretted it ever since. Calvin lives alone and is pretty isolated from any family. As Calvin debates with himself and what he has or hasn’t done with his life he is visited by a government man and a scientist. They explain to him that there is a Bigfoot that is carrying the ‘nightmare plague’ that threatens all of mankind as the Bigfoot is making its way out of the Canadian woods. The U.S. wants to drop the ‘bomb’ on the 50 square mile area but the Canadian government wants to exhaust every option before they do. So Calvin is faced with saving the world again and he takes to the wilderness. What makes the film interesting is first it not played for laughs but completely serious. Second the movie is actually more of a love story that never got to happen? Third, some interesting twist about Hitler lure is thrown into the story including Hitler being a shell of a man at the end and his hand twitching from possible Parkinson’s. This movie easily could have fleshed out several things in the film but chosen to keep it a reasonable. I am of the belief this will be one of those films that audiences will find about five or ten years from now and make it a cult favorite as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Bat People (DVD) – A man and his wife are out checking out some caves and he happens to be bitten on the forehead by a bat. Worried about rabies he listens to the wife and gets checked out. When he has an allergic reaction to the rabies serum it is chalked up to “shit happens”. Things seem to be good now but he slowly dreams of radical changes and eventually goes out to kill. With each episode he slowly is changing into a bat that needs human blood. A mid-70s flick that I am surprised I never seen on “Chiller Theater” or a “Svengoolie” show as I give it 2 stars.

 

Dead Ant (On Demand) – A stupid but hilarious film about a supposedly popular metal band that wants to return to rock band greatness. So the manager and the band ‘Sonic Grave’ decide in order for this happen they must stop for drugs on their way to a music festival they are going to play at. They pick up some peyote and head to the red rocks only to disobey what the Native American man told them while using the drug. Now they have giant ants attacking them and trying to eat their bodies. The movie is dumb but it so damn entertaining because of Tom Arnold’s character as the manager who offends all involved as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Mad Warrior (DVD) – Hey people I found another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines made in the mid-80s that you may know it as “Clash of the Warlords”. Rex is man who is supposed to be one of the best fighters for a weirdo Malzon. Malzon gives him the choice of killing his best friend for his freedom. So Rex does the task but gets screwed in the deal. Rex still wants to escape the compound with his son so when a young woman comes calling with a plan he jumps on it. Once out of the compound Malzon’s men kill Rex’s son and the young lady. So of course Rex now wants revenge and Malzon just wants to howl at the moon and blood in his arena. It all comes down to a generic light saber fight in a cave that is lit with sparklers! Yes, I know you are interested as I give it 2 stars and it can usually be found YouTube.

 

Rush (DVD) – An Italian post-apocalyptic film about one man named ‘Rush’ trying to survive the wasteland in his little six-wheeler. He gets captured by the supreme master who keeps all survivors as slaves on the inside of his compound. The supreme master has just learned the contamination in the wasteland maybe gone as plants are starting to grow and Rush knows this also. Rush finds it tough to gather people that want to follow him on the inside and overthrow the place so they can live free their last days. 75% of the film is the supreme master’s men trying to track Rush on the outside as he runs circles around them. Outside of the beginning film that used the set from the film “Rats: Night of Terror” I don’t think a whole lot happens in this flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Chosen Survivors (DVD) – It is 1974 and nuclear war has broken out. The U.S. government has certain people picked out for the survival of mankind. They are taken to one of the several underground shelters to live and stay until the radiation levels have gone down. The 11 people are safe but have an unwanted guest or guests as vampire bats have made their way into the shelter. Besides the survivors paranoia of being trapped in this shelter for unknown amount of time with bats about five days in they find out they were a part of an experiment. An experiment to see if the shelter was well-equipped and how people would react under these conditions.  A well-produced horror film with blood-thirsty bats that uses the fear of the 70s and nuclear war. And you wonder why people don’t trust the government as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.comfor details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019