Gross Movie Reviews #594

0

Girlhouse (DVD) – This not talked about much horror flick came out around 2014 or 2015 and has their story beginning in 1988 with a couple of kids and a very cruel incident. Kylie a college student who enjoys using her webcam for extra cash gets accepted for a bigger online sex cam company that has a secure mansion (the Girlhouse) in the hills where several girls live and work. It’s Only Fans without calling it that but you get that impression from the get go. Kylie sees this as an opportunity to get the extra cash that is needed to finish college and get out. The movie doesn’t sound like much until you sit and actually watch it has the girls have a slight run-in with a customer what seems no different than what they have several times a year. The mansion is secure, hidden location, security guard, cameras, etc. But this goes out the window when a smarter than usual user name “Loverboy” takes it too far and gives stalking a makeover! May I add there are cameras throughout the house not only for the girls and company to watch but for added protection and just to give the movie an extra dimension (not like the disaster Halloween: Resurrection). Friends get to watch in horror as the events of the house unfold when Loverboy shows up. This may not make movie of the year but definitely a wonderful horror grab that deserves the watch, so looking for something you haven’t heard about but will fulfill your horror quota for the weekend make this your first stop as I give this unexpected fun beauty 3 stars.

Evil Aliens (Blu-ray) – I had a region 2 DVD of this Jake West flick when it first came out several years agoand thought it was time to grab the US Blu-ray edition and check it out again. Think Peter Jackson’s “Bad Taste”, with more of the gore and fun of “Dead Alive” if that makes any sense for this Welch production. To break it down it is literally an alien invasion flick from beginning to end as you have a UFO TV show that goes to remote part of the country to interview a pregnant woman about her abduction and set up a mock UFO abduction around her for the show. Problem, there is real bad ass aliens running around killing country folk along with the UFO show crew in a devastating gory  manner that Peter Jackson would be proud of! Great film, that I still give 4 stars too but always surprised how this movie didn’t resonate with US horror fans the way I thought it would? The Blu-ray has a R-rated and the unrated versions, deleted scenes, bloopers, trailers, and a guided tour of the effects but I think the surprise is the quality of this Blu-ray wasn’t really any better than the 12 year old Region 2 DVD I have… I found it kind of disappointing. So if you are an interested horror fan that chooses their purchases wisely but haven’t been introduced to this flick yet I advise finding it on streaming or a cheap used Region 2 copy?

Once Upon a Midnight Scary (DVD-R/YouTube) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was a wonderful gem to dig up from 1979 as it was a TV special hosted and narrated by Vincent Price. He tells stories: The Ghost that Belonged to Me, Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and House with the Clock in the Walls! A great way to kill an hour, show something to the kids, and be thrown back in time when TV was appointment television as I give this creation 4 stars and can be found quite easily on YouTube for young and old horror fans to enjoy.

Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Hoot Owl (DVD) – An Indy flick where four young friends head out to an out of the way place that a couple has purchased after some hard times recently. They are there for more cleaning the place up than having fun let’s say. The backstory comes into full view about ¾’s the way into the flick as someone is there unbeknownst to the friends as 15 years ago a couple was murdered in the home and was rumored to have children or a child disappear in the woods? Now a former inhabitant is not happy with these people buying the property on an online auction. Great artwork for the movie… boring as fucking shit film that felt like they struggled like hell to get this featured length and it showed as I give it 1 star.

Black Eagle (DVD) – It’s the 1988 action jam starring JCVD and Sho Kosugi that came out after Bloodsport and gets forgotten as JCVD plays the bad guy with a heart in this. A US Air Force jet goes down in sea over Malta where all the world’s spies hang out and now the race is on between Russia and the US to track it down. There is laser tech on the jet that cannot fall into the wrong hands of course but the film’s real attraction is the showdown between JCVD and Kosugi as they are on opposite sides. I don’t believe fans got the battle they wanted but we did get (spoiler alert) a very unexpected death scene for JCVD as I give the film 3 stars.

The Freeway Maniac (DVD) – A 1988 Indy flick where Arthur kills mom and her lover with a big knife! Then sent to an institution where as an adult he breaks out and finds Linda the model at a gas station where the attendants were getting rapey. Some time passes and young Linda is back at work again as she gets the starring role for a B-movie that takes place out in the desert. So hey time for Arthur to break out again and travel across the desert to stalk Linda! Not the best of plots but Arthur’s willingness to kill all in his path to get to Linda keeps this less than stellar film interesting and somewhat entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.

Pieces (Blu-ray) – Finally tracked down the Grindhouse edition for a reasonable price so it was time to dive into this fun 1982 slasher from Spain. Totally upfront, I wasn’t always a huge fan of this film but I have watched it several times and I have grown to like it more and more over the years. So when I was able to get this Blu-ray I thought it was time to do the deep dive into all the extras that this disc features and rewatched this gory entertainment all over again! The movie was made famous for being on the “Video Nasty” list and banned from other countries causing it to hit the US video market in a R-rated version that horror fans during the 80s and early 90s to pass around bootlegs of the uncut version. You cannot go wrong with a maniac and his chainsaw hacking college girls into pieces and collecting them? Not the greatest plot of all time but you will see what makes this movie tick if this might be your first viewing. This edition is packed with interviews, two different versions of the film, and a great documentary about 42nd Street theaters as I give it all 3 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #593

0

God Told Me To (1976) aka Demon Directed by Larry Cohen Shown: Poster Art

God Told Me To (DVD) – A Larry Cohen flick from 1976 that I have always been curious about but never got around to it for god knows what reason… See what I did there? Anyhow, I will say this film is more about now than then if that makes sense folks. A police detective Peter Nicholas, a struggling Catholic, is having an issue understanding why a sudden string of murders is happening from people who claim, “God told me to”. Normal people just grabbing a gun, knife, whatever and start rampaging through New York killing random people. But after much investigation the clue that fits with all of them is that apparently God is a long hair blonde man they see before the murders? Thus these killers believe God has spoken to them. This sends the detective questioning his own sanity and his life as he eventually becomes a suspect? Love how this film is shot, great start of the film, we got Richard Lynch and Andy Kaufman in the film, 4 stars all the way people and a film that still works now!

Night of the Zomghouls (DVD) – Jack the Hack is a legendary serial killer who escapes transport from a Jeep Renegade (cause why even have anything resemble a police cruiser) and finds a kids party palace. The place happens to be a fake “Chuck E. Cheese” place (never seen that film?) and Jack just so happens to sacrifice himself to his Lord Satan to possess the animatronics there! As a planned birthday party is about to go on the employees get picked off one by one there. This film unevenly runs a whopping 92 minutes and would have come off a little better if the cast didn’t feel stale or like they were doing household chores instead of trying to give the film some life? I know its harsh and forgive me but do better people as I can only give this flick 1 star.

Quarantine LA (DVD) – In 2017 LA it has become a quarantine zone because a large scale viral outbreak that is evolving. Now, a Special Forces team sent on a secret mission is dead like many of the scientists that they were searching for in the zone. One last man from the mission finds a scientist and goes off book as he has found survivors but the government doesn’t want any of that. Just the cure and that’s it. As the movie progresses the zone gets worse and the government tries to cover it all up. Not a terrible premise for a flick but also not the most interesting these days as we have lived it as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Is That Black Enough For You?!? (Netflix) – A bad ass documentary about Black Cinema and takes a very deep dive of how one decade changed everything. But this starts from the beginning with the portrayals, the how, the why, and the history you may not know about through clips, trailers, and several known black superstars explaining their feelings and exposure to film. This a documentary that I thought above and beyond what others have done in the past on being informative, wonderful, but most importantly getting into stuff many film fanatics may have not known. Great stuff to dig into kids as I give this 4 stars.

The Main Street Massacre (YouTube) – So the film is set up with a local band named “Nic and the Castles” playing a house party where a horrible marriage proposal goes from bad to worse. Meanwhile some rando with a machete has shown up to off people who are attending the party. But what seems random is it always coming down to that damn drummer? This is one of those middle of the road horror flicks you can take it or leave itas I think the one thing that holds this film back is “they tried too hard to be Scream” as I can only give this Indy flick 2 out of 4 stars.

The Sawyer Massacre (YouTube) – This is a fan film that’s an unofficial prequel to the TCM series most horror fans love and cherish. So before I get into the review, be warned if you are a fan I am not here just trying to stir shit? I do have questions and we will go over them after the quick review. The film mostly centers around an old gas station in the middle of somewhere that Rex the owner not having any supplies is constantly sending random people passing through to his grandpas house down the road a bit. Apparently this old house has everything as this gas station got real busy during this film. Once there people go in and mostly don’t come back out as Leatherface has the chainsaw going on overdrive and just fucking victims up for supper! Now before the questions not sure when you were trying to set this in time wise but 12 minutes in that cool truck shows up with rims that weren’t around in the 50s and 60s if that is when this was set? Anyhow, question time: Why, because you know there are literally two different prequels out there? I mean honestly you have the budget, the equipment, and location; even a solid cast, just go make another film not called this about a fucked up family down the road? How don’t the victims hear the chainsaw running during this film and run their asses off or is just the old thing of white people are stupid in these horror films? I think the most important question well more like an observation is doing a prequel you have painted yourself into a corner because no matter what we all know what the end will be… The Thing prequel anyone? Again wasn’t trying to shit on anyone’s parade I just see resources and talent that could have been used differently than a TCM fan prequel but who am I to say anything as I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars. I mean it is a fan film and there will be fans and if anything I am now interested to see what Steve Merlo directs next?

For Y’ur Height Only (DVD/YouTube) – A 1981 Filipino flick that stars one of the shortest stars of all time in a serious film that has a little person playing a James Bond role as Double 00. Our star is only three feet tall and must stop an evil villain Mr. Giant. No lie folks this is a serious film with martial arts, action, etc. It is something that if you never seen it you must watch at least once to believe it as it was entertaining as hell as I give it 2 ½ stars.

D’ Wild Wild Weng (DVD/YouTube) – Well the small Filipino star followed up his James Bond stint with an action film I was confused from the fucking start on what was going on. First off, when watching this thing it was either 1800s old west or 1981 supposedly set in California, I think? Second, monks show up, then there is the Mexican army that seems to be in every spaghetti western and on top of that our small hero hangs with the Filipino version of Andre the Giant while riding in a dune buggy! All this while fighting ninjas in the countryside and getting advice from an eight month Prego Indian dude. Confusing but hilarious as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Calamity Jane’s Revenge (DVD) – Talented filmmaker Henrique Couto went out of the comfort zone in Indy filmmaking to make an old west flick centering on after the death of Wild Bill and Calamity Jane seeking revenge. It has Jane tracking down not just the one that shot Bill in the back but others that were involved while being tracked also a lawman to bring her in. The film stars Al Snow and the talented Erin R. Ryan as Calamity Jane along with several familiar independent actors I respect and enjoy in other projects. But from beginning to end this film just didn’t feel right like not the best work of Mr. Couto. Not a bad thing I give him huge kudos trying to do something we all wouldn’t expect but the film overall just never feels like it ever gets going as I have to give it only 2 stars.

Reptisaurus (DVD) – Damn kids I must have missed this during the boom of “Dinosaurs/Animal attacks films” during earlier in the 2000s or SyFy Channel? But a group of people get stranded on an island and find themselves in some trouble as a special two man-unit on a classified mission has picked them up. But doesn’t take long for the group to understand why they are there when a winged serpent wants to eat the humans. Think of a much lesser and interesting “Q, the Winged Serpent” where it’s a government mutation experiment gone bad as I give it 1 ½ stars.    

From the Depths (DVD) – This film can basically go fuck itself as it advertise itself as a shark attack film not a drama about a woman named Liz dealing with the after effects of a shark attack. Liz may or may have not helped her sister because she was a better lay for Liz’s boyfriend? Liz even several months after the attacks is still having problems in aspects of her life and moving on but that isn’t the kick in the ass as the film pulls the old switch-a-roo and instead of dreaming it all Liz is on the operating table dying at the end. Yep, fuck this shit as I spoiled the fuck out that flick; don’t watch it as I give it zero shits for wasting my time.

7 Mummies (DVD) – Whether you like this movie or not I am gonna make you wanna see this film with what I am going to lay down… A group of convicts escape a prison van into the desert and they are led by that bad ass dude from “The Transporter”. Next, they kidnap the prison guard Cerina Vincent to not take advice from an Indian played by Danny Trejo and head to this old west town to look for gold. They arrive and greeted by Martin Kove and the bad ass that of course to represent evil and darkness, Billy Drago in the town! Not enough yet? Well it gets all “From Dusk till Dawn” in the bar without Tom Savini and eventually they are all attacked by mummy monks! Now run to watch this as it sounds awesome but comes off more like a chaotic mess that is a mish-mash of several movies but without an endgame as I give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #592

0

Christmas Craft Fair Massacre (YouTube) – In this Indy holiday flick we have an appearance of Glen Coburn and it was directed by someone named Max Raven… Anyhow a school is in question where the annual Christmas Craft Fair is held as it seems to be the center for satanic power and the worshipers are clashing on who deserves the ultimate power. But the principal is the ultimate bad guy here as he is looking for a pure soul for the offering and does not want to share the glorious power! The film doesn’t have a long running time but does have problems ever get going as I give this film 1 ½ stars (always great to see Glen Coburn).

Adult Swim Yule Log “aka The Fire Place” (HBO Max) – Looking for something that truly shouldn’t make as much sense as it does? Then you have found it in this fucking over the top crazy ass holiday horror! After a couple minutes of watching a fireplace, we get talking in the background, a cleaning lady being killed by two intruders, cops, a couple who rented the place and films the fireplace for a living, uninvited double booked guests, a possessed Yule log, sexual tension between all, and if that wasn’t enough aliens! Yes kids I believe that covers everything that goes down in only something the people behind “Adult Swim” could come up with so grab the popcorn as I believe this will become a holiday staple for years to come as I give this ultimate holiday weirdness 3 ½ stars.

On the Trail of Bigfoot: Last Frontier (Vimeo) – Writer and director Seth Breedlove takes a deep look with a documentary that dives into the bigfoot lure of Alaska. He interviews real people who tell stories of strange creatures that wander the Alaskan wilderness. The film is not dull by any means and will have Bigfoot film lovers gushing over this project as Seth and crew not just get great stories but bring in researchers for some expiations, again real normal people, but explaining the different regions of Alaska and how a lot of us in the lower 48 states may not understand how these strange creatures could actually exist there? I enjoyed the process of this film, the seriousness, and especially the feel of it as it brings back some memories of the Bigfoot stuff of the seventies. This has to be one of the more recent projects that actually had me entertained but truly interested. Bigfoot lovers should be on the lookout for this wonderful project as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Sewer Gators (DVD-R/YouTube) – Well it’s a week before the big gator festival in southern Louisiana and someone just got their ass eaten through their toilet (reminder it’s a joke that is mentioned several times during the film). Now the local drunk sheriff must investigate and stop this horrendous and vicious beast before it wrecks the big festival. No budget, cheesy as hell, not much blood, but lots of references to “Jaws” and I think there was one or two to “Alligator” unintentionally as I give this sloppy gator mess 1 ½ stars.

The Peanut Butter Solution (DVD) – An 80s film that for whatever reason I never seen as a kid or just never tracked down until recently (received a special edition recently after very hard to find for years). This New World Video release has a boy named Michael scared so bad in the burned out house down the street that he loses his hair. After his sister gets involved and they get a spell or such from some ghosts they use it to make a special peanut butter that makes Michael’s hair regrow but it doesn’t stop. Weird stuff happens with the art teacher, kids are disappearing, and apparently the house that burned is haunted. This is truly a weird ass film that could only have been released in the 80s like a “Saturday the 14th” but seeing it now doesn’t do the impact as it did then for people my age that grew up during that time. Glad to see it got a special edition and sure it has a small cult following like one of my favorites “Spookies” as I give this 80s weirdness 2 stars.

Violent Night (On Demand) – It is Christmas Eve and after a drunken stop in Bristol, England, Santa Claus is on his way to deliver presents believing this will be his last year as no one believes anymore. He makes it to the family ‘Lightstone’ compound to visit a little girl name Trudy and that is where a series of misfortunes for our holly jolly hero begin as his reindeer have left him. To make matters worse a group of mercs have descended onto the compound to steal 300 million dollars and they have Trudy as a hostage. Now a reluctant old Santa must make a choice of saving the family or just leave because this is none of his business? This is a wonderful, delightful, blood-filled Santa action flick that I know I will be watching every year around the holidays as the cast was perfect and the story never got dull as I give this film 4 stars! It is a holiday film with heart.

Burglar From Hell (DVD) – A much talked about SOV film from 1993 with a rabid fan base is about a man named Frank “the tank” who breaks into an old lady’s home only to be shot and killed during it. If that wasn’t enough poor Frank is buried in the backyard. Some time passes and some friends have a party at the house only to have a friend have a séance. Of course the young drunken people interrupt the process and up raises an undead Frank to go a murder spree as he rots away. Hilariously rough and gritty but definitely can see why the Indy community enjoys this film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Runaway Train (DVD) – This 1985 flick has an all-star cast throughout about an older convict played by Jon Voight who shows up at a hard-nosed prison run by the warden played by Jon P. Ryan. From the beginning Voight’s character is planning to get out but he will need some help and that will be a young Eric Roberts who is more of a follower to the older convict. Once escaped it becomes a cat and mouse game between the warden and the two convicts as Voight finds a train for the two. But unforeseen circumstances happen as the conductor has a heart attack and falls off and now the two must decide do they stop it or let it ride to their doom? A well-constructed action/drama that I never heard much about but glad I got to see it as I give it 3 stars.

Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell (DVD/Shudder) – Thirty years after a dude butchers a young lady in a home and buries her under the floor boards his son comes to the house. He brings along a psychic and his girlfriend and they all find themselves trying to survive some evil supernatural shit! An enjoyable gooey mess from Japan in 1995 that is very “Evil Dead” inspired that will make international horror fans very happy it has had a wide release as I give it 3 stars.

Hell Roller (DVD) – A sleazy 1992 no budget flick that stars Mary Woronov, Michelle Bauer, Hyapita Lee, and Johnny Legend so of course this had my immediate attention. But the real star attraction of this film is our killer in a wheelchair! A dude in a wheelchair who is homeless, angry, having nightmares, and twitching goes on a murderous rampage after his adopted mother/aunt is raped and murdered one evening. This is one of those flicks that its content will not be for everyone but has an entertainment value of bad jokes, sleaze, and Michelle Bauer of course that will appeal to those who haven’t had the pleasure of watching yet? This entertained the shit out of me as I give it 3 stars and yes full movie is on YouTube… for now. Also I have one question after you watch this: Please explain to me how this wheelchair bound dude was always on a rooftop meeting people?

Baby Ghost (DVD) – Filmmaker Donald G. Jackson project that stars a Joe Estevez as a down on his luck photographer trying to help people escape a building that happens to have a ghost problem. This 1995 film feels more like an unfinished project where they had use of an empty building and eventually got bored and threw in a bad special effect ghost to sell the movie? If anything Conrad Brooks fans will enjoy “Three Stooges-lite” kind of comedy as I give this 1 ½ stars.

Mad Heidi (On Demand) – Casper Van Dien is the president of Switzerland who is trying to have scientists come up with a better cheese for their annual Swiss Day that can make super soldiers for him to control! If that one sentence doesn’t sell it to you then I suggest moving on because this hilarious Swissplotation goes well beyond the point of good taste and involves where the government is tracking down lactose intolerant people to imprison them. Meanwhile a beautiful lady named Heidi has just witnessed her boyfriend’s head exploded by an evil leader of the Swiss army and grandpa blown up. This only serves as inspiration for the young lady in prison to escape and start an uprising against the president and his vision for global domination! In the spirit of “Grindhouse” and “Sharknado” this movie goes for the throat on laughs and at times gore as Heidi slaughters her way to freedom as I give this film 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #591

0

Psycho Santa 2: The Forgotten Gift (DVD) – In 2006 this was an underground Santa sequel that just got a release (supposedly the sequel was never released four years after the original) but hey who in the hell knew there was a sequel? Anyway in this incoherent mess an undead psycho Santa returns to help his son Donivan carry on the holiday murdering tradition. SOV fans there were a reason this stayed unreleased for several years and incoherent is being nice so enjoy if you were a fan of the first film as I give this pile of Santa poo 0 stars.

Puppet Master: Doktor Death (Tubi) – So Charles Band’s next step into the “Puppet Master” universe was to follow up the ‘Blade’ flick with an entry from the “Retro Puppet Master” series? Hmm… Not exactly where I would have gone but anyhow we are introduced to April who has her first day on the job at ‘Shady Oaks Senior Living’ where her first task is to help clean out an old dude’s place after dying. She stumbles upon an old chest that they of course open and find the Doktor Death doll! Doesn’t take long for this puppet to get its legs going and begin its killing spree in the senior living (or dead) home. But Full Moon alum Dave Parker throws in a twist where April being there knew exactly what she was doing from the beginning in hopes of opening up the Full Moon universe for more “Retro Puppet Master” one-offs? This entry was nowhere near the disaster the ‘Blade’ flick was as I actually give this 2 ½ stars.

Amityville Scarecrow 2 (DVD) – Again for those of yinz kids counting with me this is entry #42 and also a sequel to a very shitty UK film. Apparently the sisters didn’t get enough of the haunted land the first time around and decided making the haunted trailer park/camp an attraction was a smart idea? First half of the film has lots of filler talk of how the land “is haunted or evil”. Second half of the film is a poor excuse for a bad scarecrow slasher. But if you need amused? Pay attention to the characters talking about the timeline of the murders of the first film as it makes Charles Band’s Puppet Master timeline look like a first grade math problem as I give this horrible travesty 0 stars.

Amityville Karen (DVD/Tubi) – Hey yinz, here is entry #43 as I really hate to talk down to an independent film or the people behind it but honestly this over 100 minute piece of shit based on a joke and stereotyping a certain dumb human should have been no more than a 15 minute short film and not released three years after being relevant? But here we are… apparently Karen is a health code inspector who wants to bring down a winery that isn’t showing her the right respect. While the manager goes off to do something Karen takes it upon herself to steal a bottle of Amityville Wine. Once home Karen drinks the wine, finds herself haunted by a demon, then the next morning signing her soul over to a complete stranger whose photo appears on the Amityville wine. What doesn’t make a ton of sense is there is an actual cast of actors that you may know and this film is full of more filler than an actual storyline. Even when Karen begins her evil murder spree it barely will make you blink with the bland special effects. Oh by some chance you need to know how this ties in with “Amityville?” Apparently the wine comes from a vineyard that was planted in the evil town on evil soil!!! I know there is a few Indy people on the west coast that were involved with this project but sometimes you got to say, “NO” as I give this complete unfunny disaster 0 stars.

The Resonator: Miskatonic U (DVD/Tubi) – This reboot, reimaging, whatever you want to call this creation from William Butler and Charles Band caught me a bit off guard as I gave it sometime before I watched it? I heard certain things and one of being they were continuing “From Beyond” and “Re-Animator”? So let’s be serious for a moment any real horror fan would question anything Charles Band has given us recently but as usual I gave it a chance because I am a fan and… (Ready) I was pleasantly surprised with what they did. Think of it as a combo as this was the first entry that has a young college character named Crawford who is continuing his father’s work which includes rebuilding the ‘resonator’. Crawford does a demonstration for his friends as they were worried but see the potential in his work and what this could mean for mankind? After being witnesses to the breakthrough of the resonator working Crawford is haunted by his deceased father telling him to destroy the machine before its too late. A professor (Michael Pare) who is very acquainted with Crawford and his father’s work soon interjects himself into the equation. Professor Wallace wants world domination as Crawford just wants to speak with his father but the calculations are off or are they? The film ends with a young Herbert West being introduced to the group in front of Miskatonic U played by Josh Cole. I really was on the fence about this but I will admit I liked it and have to give it 3 stars.

Beyond the Resonator (DVD/Tubi) – In the sequel all the characters that were involved with witnessing the resonator are now being affected by the after effects of being in a parallel reality that is now the new one. Crawford tries to get a meeting with the group to explain, “Not to do anything before he can come up with a plan” Flatliners-style. Meanwhile we get to watch a young Herbert West get used to his surroundings and try to nail down the reagent formula he is trying to perfect to bring life back to the dead. Weird, fun, still missing Jeffery Combs but gotta give Josh Cole for doing a great job as I give this 3 stars.

Curse of the Re-Animator (DVD/Tubi) – To complete the trilogy Crawford believes he was doing the right thing trying to connect with his dead father but knows he must put things back with the resonator. Meanwhile West’s experiments escalate and he finds himself in the middle of an experiment to bring the resonator back to life and set things right? These recent projects that combined “From Beyond and Re-Animator” storylines were done with the respect they deserved but also made it fun to revisit. I personally would have loved to see the original Herbert West involved someway? But I guess this will have to do as I never put it pass Charles Band to come up with something as I give this film also 3 stars.

Baby Oopsie 2: Murder Dolls (DVD/Tubi) – Another William Butler project under the Full Moon label where he took a character from a past series and placed it in a series of movies. Sybil and Baby Oopsie have returned after Sybil’s boss is no more. While dabbling in some other things with her satanic neighbor the authorities are taking notice of Sybil. They have questions about her former employer? Meanwhile Sybil is also approached by a superfan to make two new dolls? Sybil’s superfan happens to be employed by an overseas corporation called Twinkle Enterprises who want global domination of the doll market. After developing the dolls and Sybil’s neighbor getting involved for the first time Sybil questions what she is doing and may want a part of toy hell! Weird as hell but if you are the Full Moon fan well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Baby Oopsie 3: Burn Baby Burn! (DVD/Tubi) – With the new dolls and the satanic neighbor it is the day of reckoning as everything seems to be closing in on Sybil. The satanic neighbor is bringing forth “The Toy Master” as Sybil tries to do the right thing and get a priest involved. This sequel is fucking wacky as we got dumb detectives, cyborgs, end of mankind, green goo, an exorcism, and a way to tie in the original “Demonic Toys” into the evil storyline and give it potential for another sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.  

Amityville Hex (DVD/YouTube) – Entry #44 in the series was much delayed and comes off that it was filmed at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was locked down like the “5G Zombies” flick. Anyhow if you are still with me after that this entry focuses in on vloggers/influencers/podcasters that are doing the latest internet challenge “Amityville Hex”. Supposedly at first nothing happens but apparently reciting this on the internet with your followers brings forth Satan or some kind of demonic force that haunts your ass until you die. (Nope never heard of that idea before?) It also claims when these certain popular people do this it will go viral. The first 30 minutes is a bunch of so-called vloggers or whatever doing the challenge then the last 75 minutes is the after effects to those who did the challenge. Yes kids, over 105 minutes of boring shit that could have been done in 10 minutes on YouTube (again just my opinion) but yet again is possibly the main reason you hear so many horror fans push back against crowd funding movie projects? The one question I have between this movie and “Amityville Karen” and “Amityville Thanksgiving” is … Mr. Shawn Phillips where is all the money your so-called fans put into these because I fail to see it in the production value? Sorry that is me just being old and critical or maybe not? Yinz decide as I give this crap 0 stars also.

Prince of the Crimson Void (DVD/YouTube) – The latest out of underground independent filmmaker Dakota Ray who once again dives head first into some super dark shit. Dakota has a talent to tell bleak and dark stories and this is no different as Fabian is a sadistic murderer who believes in snuffing out another serial killer Kimball. Fabian’s belief is he will gain his power and the souls of those Kimball as taken over the years as both of them share a burial ground where they lay the remains. Fabian in his quest is quite taken back when he finds out Kimball has cancer which could upset Fabian’s grand plan for the fellow serial killer? But Fabian goes through the killing anyway only to dig up the corpse a year later to plan with his skull. Even though Fabian feels god-like I do wonder if Fabian is just questioning his obsession with the individual when he digs up the corpse. Sick, dark, twisted, whatever  you would like to call underground filmmaker Dakota Ray I will say this: His material might not be my cup of tea but would not be surprised if he finds a much bigger audience with this project and a fan base that will want more… as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2022” list

0

(There were actually a lot of good films this year as many as bad films… Hell I literally could have done a list of “worst of 2022” but let’s stick with the best for now as there may be a surprise or two in there also as I made sure I listed the honorable mentions.)

1) Crimes of the Future (On Demand) – David Cronenberg, I love you for not giving up the fight of making something that people will have trouble ten years from now wrapping their brains around this wonderful piece of filmmaking. This filmmaker is one of a kind and he proves it again as he dives into body horror of the future where the human body is changing and of course the government wants to know why and track it. “Surgery is the new sex” and all comes back to human evolution and what is considered wrong as the film centers on two characters are performance artists who use their bodies in a unique way. But just when you think you have the film figured out it gets turned sideways… again. Try to review this without giving too much away for the mere reason I want people to see this and form their own opinion about it as I know there is a good chance this film will be in my ‘top three films of 2022’ as I give it 4 stars. Favorite quote of the film comes from Viggo as he says to Kristen Stewart, “I am not good at the old sex?” Watch it and you’ll understand…

2) Hack-in-the-Box (Dropbox) – Holy mother F’N balls kids! This perfect short film from Zane Hershberger (see me in person to listen to me destroy his name with my Yinzer accent) has four bad ass women preparing to take on an unknown demonic force from a music box. To their horror what comes for them they couldn’t have prepared enough! As this old school blend of ‘Evil Dead’ and “Empire Pictures” project would make a young Sam Raimi blush then sign Zane to a multi-picture deal to his production company! What is Hollywood’s loss is the independent community’s gain because Zane, the actresses involved, and crew behind them should be all Hollywood bound as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars and the early front runner on my “Best of 2022 list”.

3) Glorious (Shudder) – In the vein of finding horror films that have no right being this good I dare you to go watch what I believe will be in my “Top 5 films of 2022”. We are given the character Wes who is in a bad place in his life after a break up with the girlfriend. Confused, depressed, partying around a fire by himself at a rest stop off the highway, (I enjoyed the scene of him breaking his cell phone). Next morning Wes heads into the bathroom to take care of things which after he finds himself talking to an evil glory hole! Here Wes and a god try to hash things out about saving the world as we know it. The movie is so simple and fun you will be surprised how much you will enjoy this very smart horror film as I give it 4 stars all the way!

4) Deadstream (Shudder) – Shawn is an internet influencer who faces his fears and streams it. Immediately I am already annoyed this movie is gonna be dumb, lazy, and a waste of my time. But I was super wrong as Joseph Winter aka Shawn who is also a co-director and co-writer of the film plays one of the biggest douchebags in film perfectly. Shawn explains after some trouble six months back and losing all of his online sponsors he is back for one big streaming show. He is going to face his fear of ‘GHOSTS’ as he is going to explore and stay the night in a notorious haunted home called “Death Manor”. This will all stream live as Shawn goes through, set up cameras, and makes sure his fans call him out if he tries to flee the house. As Shawn sets up everything in the home he goes over the house’s paranormal history and the stories of those who died here. Shawn being the scared douchebag he is almost leaves several times from noises, etc. This is after he breaks a very important drawing in a closet and then runs into superfan Chrissy and this where this entertaining as hell horror film won me over big time as it takes another unexpected turn? Without spoiling too much the film finds a way to give you a splash of “Evil Dead”, talk cancel culture, a couple jump scares, give a wonderful hated douchebag character, and do a lot of kick ass practical effects!  Not only is this one of the best horror films of 2022 this makes me look forward to what Joseph Winter and Vanessa Winter have in store next for horror fans as they rock as I give this movie 4 stars and you will hear me talking about it again at the end of the year!

5) Bergeron Brothers: Wedding Videographers (DVD) – Well kids, if have not been introduced to BPO Films here is a good place to start as these people are just brilliant with their latest project. Two brothers who are amateur wedding videographers have decided to have a documentary about their business, how they prepare for events, training, etc., all in the hope of getting their name out there so their business can thrive. The film crew documents the hardships of these brothers living in a garage and how they train for their first big wedding event. But remember when starting a business it isn’t always successful at even if it means these brothers must face off with their nemesis Chad Johnson (who has everything, including someone’s fiancée, watch the movie you’ll understand) on a regular basis. This documentary/comedy is not just hilarious; it is downright fucking wonderfully entertaining! Literally “the hidden cameras idea” and “the shitting incident” had me still laughing after the movie was over. This project isn’t just a coming out party for these talented bastards (BPO Films) they blow the door off the movie world hinges to show they are to be taken seriously. The script is great, the story is hilarious, but what makes this project perfection in motion is the surrounding cast, all actors involved fit these characters in the film like a glove. Now that takes talent my friends as this is surely one of the best films you will watch in 2022 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. 

6) The Sadness (Shudder) – Honestly I don’t know if more can be said about this wonderful virus infection flick from Taiwan other than it will be on my “Best of 2022 list”. The pandemic is the backdrop and the virus has yet mutated again according to background news reports that like most of us we are not paying attention. But this mutation is different as those who are sick soon go into a fit of rage, rape, murder, and even a little cannibalism. As most of the population has lost its mind two young lovers try to navigate the city to find each other again! But what separates this “The Crazies” type of film from a lot of horror films is the violence, gore, the madness ramps up as the film goes along. When one crazy thing happens, give it ten minutes and you get to see something even more nutzoid! The film was wonderful, beautiful and played just right but funny thing and this is just me nit picking at shit but I can honestly say I wanted let’s just say a little happier ending without spoiling the fun? Anyway I still give this horror flick 4 stars and must see for horror fans this year. 

7) Curse of the Queerwolf (DVD) – This 1988 no budget film is about Larry who is just a normal guy who when he hangs out with his best friend goes screwing around with random women. Then one night Larry learns the hard way things are not what it all looks like when a transvestite bites him on the ass! Now Larry is losing his mind because he is having nightmares of wearing women’s clothes and physically changing. Luckily for Larry he almost kills a gypsy with his car and she tries to help him out because there is somehow a full moon every night. And if he doesn’t take her help he could always insert a silver sex toy to end the curse? First, this was one of those films I have always wanted to check out and finally had a reason too and so glad I did because it is so ahead of its time. Second, now saying that I can easily see people’s heads exploding when watching this film and taking it out of context? It is smart, funny, and entertaining as I give it 4 stars as this film should be more celebrated.

8) Accident Man (DVD) – Scott Adkins 2018 film and possibly one his best to date that has Scott playing a hitman named Mike Fallon who makes his hits look like an accident. Things are good for Mike as he is paid well to make things look like an accident until he gets a call about his ex-girlfriend has died but things don’t add up as Mike finds out a few details. Mike quickly looks into the death and finds not only was a hit put out on her but she was pregnant with his child. Blaming himself Mike wants answers but his teacher Ray Stevenson has always said “Don’t get involved”. Mike breaks this rule immediately and after several bad ass fight scenes finds out he has been set up and her hit was ordered by his boss Milton! This not your average hitman action flick and I dare you to watch and not say this isn’t possibly one of the best Adkins starring flicks out there as I give it 4 stars.

9) A Meowy Dark Timeline (www.SteveBuster.com) – So Steve Rudzinski fans, Steve continues to make entertaining content for his streaming service outside of his wonderful features as this one is a short five part series that involves all the characters you know and love. The evil emperor is in another universe and has found a way to conquer this alternate universe as it fights its way through several of Steve’s characters from past films. This is a project full of heart for all those people who nerd out over what the talented Mr. Rudzinski has created over the years. You will laugh, you might cry, but Steve knows what to give his fans when it comes to content. So you asked for it and Steve provides as I give this short series project 4 out of 4 stars for the mere reason finding a way to include everything and available at www.stevebuster.com or on Blu-ray at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

10) Hell of the Evil Dead (Blu-ray) – Rock Bottom Video who continue to produce smart and different horror titles for the Indy world to eat up has this fun project from a few years back that stars the talents of Brian Papandrea, Sadie Tate, and Nathan Rumler. This isn’t your ordinary feature as they go with a dubbed Italian version (regular English version is on the Blu-ray) to give the feature even more of a fun “Italian filmmaking feel” and it worked. Four friends go camping and stumble upon a graveyard out in the forest that after finding it weird things begin to happen: the path disappears, weird creature like sounds, and day turns to night without changing back. The four move deeper into the woods hoping to outlast or outrun this evil presence but things only get much worse when they find a trailer/cottage with a lone survivor to tell his story of what happened. Great acting, love the whole Italian dubbed thing as it gave the film a whole different feel to it, great pacing, and some good special effects work (head exploding). Indy fan don’t let the title fool you this film needs to be seen. Plus, there is a couple extras that include a disturbing “lost scene” from the film that needs to be witnessed (Thank you Nathan Rumler and Brian Papandrea for not taking yourselves too serious, that extra is glorious) as I give this film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. (Rock Bottom Video can be found on Facebook)

Worst film of 2022

(Horrorhound and the people thinking doing another Jeepers Creepers flick should be ashamed of themselves. Also fun fact: Jeepers Creepers is the first franchise to have two entries into the Gross Movie Reviews “Worst Movie of the Year”)

Jeepers Creepers Reborn (On Demand) – AKA part 4 aka the biggest fucking turd of 2022 for horror movie fans! Yes look no further than this crap storm for “worst film of 2022”. Anyhow its 23rd day of the 23rd Spring of whatever who actually gives a flying farthole all you need to know the monster aka a horrible grainy Playstation online game has come to life! Once what could be a great monster is now a poor excuse for a reboot not once but twice with this one being propped up by lets say an “unnamed shitty convention” but lets stick with the crappy film. This time around a young couple traveling to an outdoor horror festival that celebrates killers is set near the ‘urban legend’ of the “Creeper”. Hell, for shits and giggles they claim the first three films are fake to help propped up this so-called pile of elephant shit! Anyhow winners of the “Creeperfest” win a chance at the ‘Creeper Escape room’ at that the legendary house. The only thing going for this monkey turd is the townsfolk is in on the “Creeper legend” but while all yinz whine about the newest “Halloween” flick just remember this already forgotten cartoon poo got shit out there in the viewing universe as I give it nothing and will be my pick for “Worst film of 2022!”

Honorable mentions – (A lot of cool flicks that you may have heard of but haven’t seen or a few that you never knew existed but wanted to put them out there for yinz… These are no particular order)

Amityville Christmas Vacation (www.stevebuster.com) – That famous holiday/horror/love story plot has finally come to the Amityville series (entry #39 for those who are counting) in the form of Steve Rudzinski’s (Caroushell 1 & 2 fame) latest project. A familiar character from the “Steve Universe or Meowy Universe” in the form of Wally Griswold has won a random Christmas vacation trip to Amityville! Wally arrives at a bed and breakfast in Amityville that is the “second most famous haunted house” where a ghost named Jessica kills all who stay there. But this time it’s different as it the happiest time of the year, it is Christmas! And Wally and Jessica are having the time of their lives this holiday season. But there is an evil plan behind all of this and none of it had a ghost and a clueless detective falling in love in Amityville on Christmas? Move over Mark Polonia, Dustin Ferguson, Thomas J. Churchill, and Shawn C. Phillips just to name a few as Steve gives not just an entertaining entry into the endless series but hilarious entertaining energy of a story that will make you laugh out loud a few times. Steve’s intelligence behind the camera and his extremely talented cast not just poke fun at the series but also give the never dying series a watchable entry for the first time in several years as I have to give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.    

Hell Van (DVD) – Jorge Delarosa spent almost five years and $5000 putting this passion project together.  If there is anyone that is talented enough to tackle Satanic shit in independent films and not get lost a quarter of the way through, it would be the talented Jorge Delarosa. The setting is a small town called Midway, Texas where everyone knows everyone. After a suspect accused of church burnings burns a church full of kids goes on the run and commits suicide in his van bizarre events begin to happen. Anyone that approaches or is connected to this possessed van die a very horrible death and only Sheriff Redhorse can stop this madness! Mr. Delarosa doesn’t just make a typical possessed car film but tackled it to the ground with such force that the film comes off as Mr. Delarosa shows off how talented he is behind the camera in all forms. We have explosions, burning people, eyeballs being ripped out, zombies, interesting characters you care about, chaotic satanic images to help tell the story, and the music is just the icing on the cake (music is usually forgotten in Indy films not understanding it can enhance the viewing experience). If you didn’t know what I already knew you will after watching this satanic blessing of filmmaking that Mr. Delarosa is an independent filmmaking force that needs more attention. And his latest film is a wonderful blend of Satan, horror, and blood without losing its way of telling a story as I give this film 3 ½ out of 4 stars as ‘Hell Van’ will be a favorite among independent horror fans for years to come. 

The Weirdsies (Blu-ray) – One of the last films from Indy filmmaker Chris Seaver in 2015 who now has turned to doing episodic TV for his You Tube channel did a disturbing parody of ‘Stand by Me’. A funny but yet disturbing adventure of four friends who want to lose their “V-card” during the summer. Their adventure is because they know about a dead body and the plan is to go to it and fuck the shit out of it because supposedly after death the male boner stays erect for 48 hours? (I wasn’t going to look this shit up but you gotta admit, real or not, that’s funny.) If that wasn’t enough there is a group of bullies that want to beat these four virgins to the punch by finding the body first to ruin a good time. And for just for extra spice there is about 40 second-rant about running into cannibal hipsters that I am still laughing about many days after watching. Chris Seaver: intelligent, dumb, or indifferent I was never a huge fan of his work but throughout his independent film career he does seem to surprise me with a project where I believe he shows off a talent that separates himself from just being average. As he proves one more time with this timeless funny adventure I give 3 out of 4 stars.      

The Black Phone (On Demand) – I enjoy being late to films and social media unless its “V.F.W.” remember who told you that film was bad ass but anyway I finally found myself watching this new Ethan Hawke (aka maybe the new Rutger Hauer?) film. The film is set in 1978 Denver, where a serial killer or kidnapper nicknamed the “Grabber” is grabbing kids under 18 years old over a several month period. Finney and his sister Gwen talk about it but don’t think about it too much until Finney’s best friend gets snatched and Gwen has a dream about where the kid might be? From there it isn’t too long before Finney is grabbed by the “Grabber” who wears several faces and keeps him in a soundproof basement. The “Grabber” is fascinated by Finney as he doesn’t play the games with him the other victims did as Finney begins to talk into a disconnected black phone where it is the past victims trying to help? I honestly wasn’t expecting much from this flick after watching the trailer and seeing what others have said but I got to say I was pleasantly surprised with this horror/thriller and definitely give it my approval to all of yinz to give it a watch as I give it 3 stars.

Helsinki Mansplaining Massacre (On Demand) – An interesting 15 minute short film concerning a couple who is in a car accident and rescued by a group of men. But rescued is used loosely here. These men’s egos bruise easily as they all believe men are superior and women are only good for housework and breeding. Now Essi is just trying to survive these morons and trying to escape a bad relationship. It’s hilarious, it’s fun, and relevant as I give it 3 stars.

Trash Removal (DVD) – Rising star Indy filmmaker Maddie Deering has had her latest released onto an anthology “Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood 2”. This fun short film has a group of individuals picking up trash in the woods near by an old chemical spill for community service. It doesn’t take too long for this boring day of community service to be interrupted by a killer trash monster! Hilarious characters get destroyed quickly by the cheeseball monster which this short film easily feels like a lost SOV title you would find on the dusty shelves of your favorite independent video store ‘insert name here’ in 1992 next to a “Cannibal Campout” or “The Slayer” where alphabetical order didn’t matter like in the one I went at that time! Fun times with Maddie as I give 3 out of 4 stars for this project that can be found on “Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood 2” at www.sovhorror.com .

Hellraiser (Hulu) – The new entry of the series has the puzzlebox, the chains, the music, the pain, the pleasure… okay horror kids I am in as this entry of the Cenobites went out there on a limb and gave fans what they wanted… “A one-off that made actual fucking sense, wasn’t non-sense, a piece of shit only done for movie rights issues, or had FAT PINHEAD!” Anyhow a woman named Ry still fighting her addiction to drugs accidentially begins to solve the puzzlebox and opens a doorway that scares her but also intrigues her of how this thing exists why people would be interested? After losing her brother to the box she become consumed with solving the box to bring him back as if you are able to go through all the phases you are able to “get an audience with GOD”. But while deep into this takes her and friends down a dark path of pain and pleasure they are not ready to experience… This is the best entry since Part 3 and it was nice it felt like it tried giving what fans have wanted for over two decades now as I give this entry 3 stars and hope there is more?

Werewolf by Night (Disney Plus) – First I believe this caught some horror fans by surprise this was made and taken seriously. Based on some comics this film takes a stylish approach of making it look old school which worked out well in my opinion from the actors to the werewolf itself. But the center of the film is the “Master of the Bloodstone” has died and there is a gathering of monster hunters to have a chance to lay claim to this stone which pretty much means royalty. Out of this group of death dealers if they survive and slay the creature that is in the maze they can lay claim to the stone but not all are who or what they seem as there is a werewolf among them. Who is the hero, who is the villain? It’s a fun quick 50 something minute movie that was a lot of fun for me to watch as I give it 3 stars.

Grand Samurai: A Warrior’s End (Extended Cut – Blu-ray) – So I felt it was time to sit down and watch Dan Komarek’s epic five hour film. Yes folks, “The Ninja Master” weren’t enough abuse knowing I would watch this bullshit this talented jagoff Mr. Komarek released this fucking shit! Anyhow I thought like most reviews I would try to give you the basics but not this epic film I thought I needed to share my notes as written when watching this thing last Sunday morning that led into my afternoon. Dan decided there needed to be a movie with more walking than ‘Lord of the Rings’ ever could film so eat your heart out Peter Jackson. Back to the film as it opens up very promising with this huge ‘Conan-esque’ beginning talking about a thousand years ago and now… then immediately let down with two dudes showing up on screen whatever their parents allowed them to wear that autumn weekend to shoot? You expect costumes, swords, huge swords… Nope, Dan laughs in the face of being reasonable. We get a little backstory between Paul and Lee which Paul has to train to become a samurai. Which first question that will hit your mind “Yinz know yinz are white more out of shape than I am?” But hey kids let’s not a bad idea get in the way of making a bad film as they begin to walk, then walk a little more, then walk a little more only to decide they will go on journeys for a sword and a tournament that isn’t really clarified but then walk some more. This is where Paul (yes there will be a samurai named… Paul) goes on his four or so hour journey movie time of training. If there isn’t endless narration be the Lee character aka Dan Komarek where he clearly had a tummy tuck at some point between filming there is more walking and what I feel was an hour of “In Memoriam” segment for someone I don’t know? But then it got real interesting when ‘real time filming’ by Dan Komarek happens as he films himself basically taking a spill into a raging river when misjudging some rocks to cross it just to do a random sword fight scene oh excuse me a stick fight! At one point during the first hour or two of walking it seems like the camera isn’t filming as much as stalking the Paul character who by the way is still training and looking for his friend Lee. Then when Paul cannot go any further he drops to the forest ground to start humping the ground which I read into the subtext of ‘humans raping the world’ but that can be debated another time. But hey did I mention there is a book on how to be a samurai that is introduced into the film an hour in as when approaching the 75 minute mark we get the ‘final fight’. Why do I know this? The characters only announced this several times as they try and I mean try to somersault their way off of picnic benches. But just shortly after if not paying attention we do gets bootleg Richard Moll from “Sword and the Sorcerer” sending Paul yet on another quest for a sword. So about 88 minutes they are informed this sword they are on a journey for is a sword for a tournament to end all tournaments and we haven’t even gotten to the first one. If you need a laugh the scene ends with the neighbor’s dog attacking someone off screen in the background. So as they keep walking again the two find a village where they sleep for a month (don’t ask) again this leaves the Paul character alone as he mourns for his heterosexual life mate Lee. Then there is more walking… inner monologue… more walking… Paul walks through all four seasons through the same patch of woods. Then 129 minutes in Paul gets fucked up on a snowy tree stump and instead of Dan putting down the camera he still films Paul now limping instead of walking, clearly injured… (but, it’s for the art man!)  Literally that was the point I waiting for the Benny Hill music to start as it followed a limping Paul through the snow. After more walking about the 145 minute mark we get to hear Dan Komarek directing the movie while doing a couple lines of dialogue in the mouth of a cave or I like to think a sewer pipe? With more walking comes more training and at the 165 minute mark I begin to wonder if the journey isn’t for a sword but for the two come to grips with their love for each other? I come to this conclusion as the two come to a beach in their long journey and gazing at each other while plotting on them doing more walking through the woods. Which shortly after this the filmmaker has the balls of putting an intermission in, DUDE, how about ending this fucking movie already! After regretting that there was an intermission our heroes at the 170 minute mark are back from their love fest at the beach and most likely smoking weed only to walk more. They keep saying they must finish the journey so of course there is more walking this when I notice and have come up with a drinking game those three people like me who crazy enough to watch this film to completion. Now for yinz three paying attention: every time Paul has his ninja suit on or putting it back on, drink a beer for every different shirt you see the Paul character wearing underneath? You will be drunk and that is better than watching this film again, again anyway, nine minutes I am completely convinced the film has nothing to do with samurais but two young dudes taking the long way around of just saying they love each other but just cannot find the courage to say it. At the 191 minute mark after walking more Paul lays on the ground and looks to the night sky accepting he will only be complete with his life partner Lee who has disappeared again. Finally about the 215 minute mark we finally are getting to the climax of the film as a horrible unfinished fight scene happens as minutes later Paul loses Lee as he was killed by a Chevy Corsica fender they randomly found in the creek they ran across. More walking happens and at the 248 minute mark is when Paul and Lee (who has died twice, I think) are reunited and receives the sword which the fuckers never get to be in a tournament! And what is this fucking Dan Komarek ends this fucking “EPIC” with a ‘to be continued’… WTF dude! Dan I love you brother, I think you are a fine editor and cinematographer but stop digging this absurd bullshit up and make something new. You have the talent to do it so give me a break as this epic is epic I cannot even give it a rating as much dare someone to watch it all the way through like I did so I am not the only psycho.

Terrifier 2 (Theater) – Art the Clown is back and brutal as ever but after doing some laundry and mysteriously reappearing after the end of the first film Art is back on the street stalking victims. The filmmaker absolutely keeping Art a mystery is able to expand the clown’s universe but never really explaining it. Meanwhile, Jonathon and Sienna have lost their father recently and Jonathon has recently become obsessed with Art the Clown while Sienna is just trying to get out being normal. This sets up a wonderful family interaction but also a weird connection between Art, the murders, and (spoiler alert) Art being some kind of supernatural cannibal! I loved the first film and this one did not disappoint in its brutality and gore but what I think holds it back just a tiny bit is its 2 hour and 18 minute running time as I can only give it 3 ½ stars. Honestly wasn’t thrilled with the film minutes after watching it but I let set in and I love it just didn’t need the “Avengers cut”?

Blood, Guts, and Sunshine: The History of Horror Made in Florida (Blu-ray) – A documentary that tackles the rich history of independent filmmaking in the state of Florida and how it has produced several Indy gems over the years from several talented individuals. Sean Donohue puts together the usual great doc that talk: Creature from the Black Lagoon to Bob Clark to Tim Ritter to Stanley to H.G. Lewis to Joel D. Wynkoop. Donohue is able to give the world a lot of inside stuff most fans may not know about and like most documentaries they can start to repeat conversations if left long enough but just when you think it’s over? It isn’t and it is actually kind of a shock about 80 or so minutes in at what one person’s opinion of the Florida filmmaking scene is… I give Mr. Donohue credit for leaving this in and getting others comments about this after it is said. As usual to some Sean and company might be an acquired taste among horror fans but to me they are some talented people down there in that sunshine state as I give this documentary 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (Shudder) – Oh “VFW” dude (Joe Begos) is back! And this time horror fans get a horror holiday treat where Tori and her employee/longtime friend Robbie have had one hell of a day at the record store on Christmas Eve. Now it’s time to party and hang with their two friends down the street at the toy store to party a little but that is where the happy holiday celebration ends… The realistic robotic Santa Claus that greets you at the store doorway is being recalled for malfunctioning. See these robotic Santa’s were used as military weapons for the government and they are going back to their original missions which why the recall. When it comes to life it is complete chaos for Tori and the sleepy little town as it becomes a combo of “Terminator” and “Class of 1999” meets Santa Claus! It starts a little slow but I get it as Begos and crew like actually telling a story where you care about the characters but it eventually becomes a gory holiday mess of a film! I might not be as good as “VFW” for me at least but I still give this holiday horror 3 ½ stars.

Gross Movie Reviews #590

0

Troll (On Demand) – A Norwegian flick of adventure and myth were a paleontologist named Nora is brought into a secret meeting by the government after a mysterious explosion in the mountains where there has been mining. Nora grew up on stories of trolls, monsters, and such that use to roam these famous old mountains but never expected to actually think they are real until she sees the footage of the explosion. Nora’s father was right and the government wants answers on how they can protect the people and rid the country of such problem. But the fairy tale is very real and Nora must convince all before Norwegian government tries to kill something that is unkillable and that is a giant ‘Troll’. This isn’t some SyFy Channel Asylum shit, this film has something backstory, gives the Troll some folklore, fun shit I say as I give this film 3 stars.

Zombie Cop (DVD) – A 1991 independent feature that does its best imitation of “Dead Heat” where voodoo priest “Death” curses a detective during a shootout. Both rise from the grave not too long after and the chase is on as a rotting, bandaged up detective and his partner try to track down “Death” again and bring him down for good! Hilarious plot, fun characters (including a young James L. Edwards), and some bad ass stunts for an early 90s Indy flick as I give 2 ½ stars.

Maximum Impact (DVD) – This flick was a part of a double feature DVD with “Zombie Cop” and equally fun. An average guy Jerry, who happens to be a good insurance salesman and has an okay life until, he heads into the big city for his company’s insurance conference. Once there Jerry meets up with an old friend Phil and they encounter a seedy looking fellow George who wants to introduce Jerry to a kinky underworld party that happens during this conference. George is lets say part of the “entertainment division” who ‘helps’ new members at the conference. Jerry not into at all but his friend Phil is gets a one of a kind experience??? Jerry just worried about his friend comes in late to the action only to find his friend being a part of a snuff film and a young lady/hooker who is an unwilling participate! Jerry swoops in when the girl is left alone and convinces her to come with him but the “entertainment division” isn’t too keen on this happening and head to Jerry’s little town to ruin everything. But Jerry doesn’t plan on going down quickly as he goes all “Commando” on people! This is a gritty, depressing Indy action film that has fun with what little they have but find a way to pull it off as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Pearl (DVD) – I enjoyed “X” but didn’t love it like a lot of horror fans and that is fine. Now this is a prequel to that film where we are introduced to Pearl as a thriving, beautiful, talented young woman who wants more than working on a farm, taking care of her father, and dealing with her P.O.S. mother. As she gets not so good reaction at an audition the movie devolves into madness for Pearl. I found the film a little over dramatic, dull, and most importantly unneeded. (Cue the hate because I disagree with a lot of horror fans) The movie isn’t bad at all, it is watchable but for me I felt this may have been the “most unneeded film of the year”. Examples: did we need an origin story/prequel for TCM? Did we need Rob Zombie to explain Michael Myers in the reboot? I am gonna guess most of you are going to say “yes”…? Or let me try to explain it this way: why do every Hollywood filmmaker believe we need a trilogy or “Avengers: Endgame” type of film every time out. We don’t need an origin story every time out and we don’t need nine hours of a film every time out. How about just an 80 minute fucked up horror film that isn’t catering to “The Walking Dead” crowd every time out (trying to grab the mainstream audience every time out is like hitting the lottery) and move on as I give this film 2 stars and just feel it was “unneeded”.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (Shudder) – Oh “VFW” dude (Joe Begos) is back! And this time horror fans get a horror holiday treat where Tori and her employee/longtime friend Robbie have had one hell of a day at the record store on Christmas Eve. Now it’s time to party and hang with their two friends down the street at the toy store to party a little but that is where the happy holiday celebration ends… The realistic robotic Santa Claus that greets you at the store doorway is being recalled for malfunctioning. See these robotic Santa’s were used as military weapons for the government and they are going back to their original missions which why the recall. When it comes to life it is complete chaos for Tori and the sleepy little town as it becomes a combo of “Terminator” and “Class of 1999” meets Santa Claus! It starts a little slow but I get it as Begos and crew like actually telling a story where you care about the characters but it eventually becomes a gory holiday mess of a film! I might not be as good as “VFW” for me at least but I still give this holiday horror 3 ½ stars.

The Warby Range Massacre (DVD/YouTube) –  An Australian short film (24 minutes) where three friends get a little lost on their way to Melbourne but are greeted by a random old dude. Old dude explains there is a cabin down the road for them to stay the night and then get on the road in the morning. The three take him up on his offer but get to the place and feel a shed that is about to fall down isn’t a cabin? So the three head out in the woods with tents but they have just stumbled into the territory of a family who likes to reenact their favorite film of all time “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Fun take on a fan made film from the other side of the globe as I give it 3 stars.

Bearry (DVD) – Young Chloe is having trouble with dating after a horrible divorce from her douchebag husband but she does have a great best friend who brings her a giant teddy bear for her to enjoy when alone. This gift ends up being a mistake as Chloe has tried giving it a go in the dating world believes there might not be a man out there for her? After Chloe says the magical words “I love you” to the bear, potential dates are being murdered with two detectives looking at Chloe as the main suspect. Once Chloe learns the truth she now has to convince others what is really happening before she ends up arrested for murder. A hilarious horror film with a great cast (Sarah French, Felissa Rose, Vernon Wells, and Sheri Davis) that has a couple clumsy scenes but it is a horror movie about a killer giant teddy bear and its wonderful as I give it 3 stars.

Revenge of Bigfoot (DVD/YouTube) – Rory Calhoun is a farmer that is greeted by an Indian named Okinagan who is just looking for work. They quickly get along and become friends but the local townsfolk are racist bastards and want rid of him! But then a Bigfoot comes roaming around fucking shit up and guess what people are not all about being racist when a hairy creature is fucking up their farms! A fun Bigfoot film if you are a fan of the 70s Bigfoot madness as I give it 2 stars.     

Skinamarink (Shudder/Festivals) – I believe as the film states it takes place in 1995 where a couple of kids cannot sleep one night and some odd supernatural shit begins to happen. Dad disappears, there are questions about mom, and there are weird voices in the background fucking with the two kids that are alone. Okay, this was a little artsy fartsy for me and falls under the category of “not my cup of tea” but I can easily understand why some younger horror fans will absolutely amazed by this piece of filmmaking. Without spoiling too much…? This wasn’t a film for me but totally get what they were trying to do and I believe they have accomplished it? It’s a rare thing to do something different in low budget filmmaking but they have accomplished their goal! But in my opinion the trailer is much better than the film and maybe would have been more effective as a short film (20-25 minutes) but also believe this could be a horror film people will talk about the next year or two or compare other projects too? I may not be a fan but respect what I watched even though I can only give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #589

0

Nutcracker Massacre (Tubi) – A novelist named Clara is heading to her Auntie Marie’s home for the holiday after a break up with her boyfriend. She figures some nostalgia would be good for the soul since she is so down. Along the way she stops at a novelty shop and picks up a gift for the auntie but when unwrapped, it is a sugar plum fairy not the nutcracker she thought she bought. That night the sugar plum fairy magically brings the life-sized nutcracker dude to life that goes on a killing spree for the holiday. This corny UK flick doesn’t make a ton of sense but if you needed a little different holiday slasher then you found the right movie as I give it 2 ½ stars. 

Meathook Massacre: Next Generation (YouTube) – Also known as “Meathook Massacre: Mayhem” has first time filmmaker Timothy Thomas take a stab at the series where apparently Bubba will never die (even though he did in the last entry… completely). This time around Becky a sports journalist becomes the latest victim of Bubba as he stalks her and breaks into her home. After a battle and both wounded (wearing an eye patch) Becky retreats to live with her father but wants to return home and move on. Once she does the notorious killer is back on the prowl for Becky but Becky is packed to the gills with weapons to fight this dude. Becky eventually figures out the meathook is somehow the ‘source of power’ for Bubba and that is how we have another film in this ongoing series as I give this uninteresting sequel 1 star.

The Killing Tree (DVD) – Some of yinz may have seen this under a different title of ‘Demonic Christmas Tree’ recently but anyhow those crazy ass people in the UK are just churning them out as a murderous evil spirit brought back by an evil spell into a killer Christmas tree! This killer a year ago went on a crazy murder spree of killing 12 families on Christmas to spread the message to all that they do not have the Christmas spirit. So of course Clay is back to finish the damn job as an evil Christmas tree! Some of the story is told through flashbacks to explain what is exactly going on but bottom line Clay wants revenge on Faith for everything. The death scenes are bad but we are talking killer Christmas tree movie that is terribly cheesy but will hit the mark for any drunken horror fan that needs their fix during the holiday season as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Amityville Thanksgiving (Blu-ray) – So again for all the kids that are counting with me this would be “entry #41” into the Amityville series… and yes this would be 42 now but I do not count the YouTube video “Amityville Gas Chamber” a movie but just an April Fool’s joke to clarify to those who been following this mess? Anyway, apparently a filmmaker decided to set out to make the worst Amityville film in the series and almost succeeded? But then they must not have seen “Mt. Misery Road” or “Vanishing Point”? A holiday entry… sort of, where an old married couple goes to a remote place to hang with their creepy therapist who is trying to bang the wife or just be creepy. Dr. Frank Demonico from Amityville apparently looks for a couple every year to sacrifice for his evil plans until finally after years of this the Amityville authorities have wised up. Just plain dumb, boring, and way too much filler. And the couple people/critics I seen online must likely connected to the film claiming “us viewers don’t understand the plot points”? Honestly, really, actually go look up Steve Rudzinski and see how a real professional would attack or use this series for a project? Or hey you can just fuck off and understand your movie is a pile of elephant dung as I give it 0 stars. But here is the funny part it still ain’t no “Jeepers Creepers Reborn”, so go think on that one.

Kiss of Death Productions Short Films Volume One (DVD) – These are unreleased short films from the vault of legendary independent filmmakers David and Diana Silvio. For years these sat unseen but now the Silvios’ are unleashing their Indy projects onto the world. First up is ‘Hidden Fist II: Satan’s Mob’ where martial arts expert Bill C. Kelley plays Dirk Jones who attempts to fight his way through wannabe gangsters to get to their evil mob boss with his former flame only for the boss to mysteriously disappear. The ending was kind of Scooby-dooish but fun. Second up was the sequel ‘The Hidden Fist III: The Final Thrust’ as I can’t help laughing every time I say the title but that is me and I will always be a teenager. This time Dirk Jones is thrusted into a tangle with another mob (see what I did there?). There is kidnapping, murder, stunts, and much martial arts fighting. Third short film is ‘The Waiting Wolf’ where a supposedly mystery woman seeks out karate master Jack claiming to be stalked by an evil man? After Jack’s assistant is beaten up and goes to have a looksee and Desiree is super happy to see a fight about to go down. But in the end the joke is always going to be on her bitchy ass! As I am sure David would call it “a twisted adult tale”. Plus a fun hidden gem is the promos for ‘Meat for Satan’s Icebox’! As usual fun stuff from this wonderful couple and let’s not forget an entertaining performance from Bill C. Kelley as I give this collection 3 out of 4 stars.  

Le Prix Du Danger (VHS) – A few of yinz may know this 1983 French film as “The Prize of Peril”? Anyway, you remember the film “The Running Man” with Arnold? Well this gritty feature predates the flick by four years and pretty much it looks like as usual the American Hollywood ripped that shit off. If interested, it’s worth jumping down the rabbit hole to go look for this one as it has a quite different ending I wasn’t sure how to fell about as I give the flick 3 stars. But to be honest now that I know this exist it still won’t change my mind on how much I love the Arnold flick.

Blood, Guts, and Sunshine: The History of Horror Made in Florida (Blu-ray) – A documentary that tackles the rich history of independent filmmaking in the state of Florida and how it has produced several Indy gems over the years from several talented individuals. Sean Donohue puts together the usual great doc that talk: Creature from the Black Lagoon to Bob Clark to Tim Ritter to Stanley to H.G. Lewis to Joel D. Wynkoop. Donohue is able to give the world a lot of inside stuff most fans may not know about and like most documentaries they can start to repeat conversations if left long enough but just when you think it’s over? It isn’t and it is actually kind of a shock about 80 or so minutes in at what one person’s opinion of the Florida filmmaking scene is… I give Mr. Donohue credit for leaving this in and getting others comments about this after it is said. As usual to some Sean and company might be an acquired taste among horror fans but to me they are some talented people down there in that sunshine state as I give this documentary 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Lair (On Demand) – A creature feature from Neil Marshall that takes place April 2017 in the Afghan Mountains unofficially where a royal Air Force pilot is shot down behind enemy lines. As she fights for survival from oncoming soldiers she stumbles upon a hidden bunker that she forces her way in. Chased inside and fighting for her life they all stumble upon a secret Russian experiment. Escaping barely from this bunker the pilot is picked up by a U.S. military team and taken too this desolate outpost that is there for the rejects of the military. But it doesn’t take long for these creatures to break out and track her down as they were bred for unnatural reasons and left abandoned as now these tough bastards are awake. Fun creature feature that felt a little clunky but still enjoyable as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Hey check it out a real podcast checks out Blood Freak!

0

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING! WR? EPISODE 141 IS LIVE! DON’T LET THE DAUNTING RUNNING TIME SWAY YOU, LISTEN HOW YOU WANT TO LISTEN! THE ENTIRE SHOW IS “TIME STAMPED” SO YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE SEGMENTS THAT INTEREST YOU! THIS WEEK: AEW FULL GEAR 2022, WR? NFL COVERAGE WEEKS ELEVEN/TWELVE, TALES FROM THE TERRITORIES EPISODE 7 (“PACIFIC NORTHWEST”), “FRIDAYS AT MIDNIGHT” (“BLOOD FREAK”), AND GOOFS R’ GOOFS

Gross Movie Reviews #588

0

Dracula 1979 (Blu-ray) – Another retelling of the famous old blood sucker this time around starring Frank Langella the vampire from Universal Studios. Donald Pleasence among other great actors surrounds this adventure in vampire lure. Not my favorite version of Dracula but this film has great a great cast, bat attacks, a fun Dracula death scene, and great set design. Clearly Universal waited too late to compete with Hammer but put their best foot forward except with the part of Dracula. Frank is kind of an odd pick and it shows but don’t let that discourage you from seeking out the newer cleaned up versions of this 1979 flick because enjoy it for what it is. Looking back Frank should have been maybe their tenth pick as Dracula not first or second as everything else they did a great job with as I thought it was time to rewatch this flick and give it 3 stars.

Mr. No Legs (DVD) – I believe the first person that ever alerted me to this amazing gem of exploitation has to be popular writer and podcaster Ed Demko several years ago as he raved about this feature. This late 70s crime thriller is all about drugs and thugs but what separates it from the others is the man who plays the muscle for a crime boss is a man with no legs! But it doesn’t stop there as Mr. No Legs is reminded by his boss a couple times throughout the feature that he was the one that took care of him after his accident. But Mr. No Legs has something to prove and he is one bad ass sum of a bitch as he has shotguns built into his wheelchair, goes swimming with hot women, knows martial arts, and knows how to take care of loose ends. When Mr. No Legs isn’t on screen we have two cops Chuck and Andy that are following leads to find out about the one’s sister’s death which eventually leads them to a fight with Mr. No Legs and his boss! This movie is wacky and entertaining as hell and if that isn’t enough at one point one of the cops is stabbing a corvette with a sword during one of their big fights at the end as I give this wonderful wackiness 3 ½ stars.

Alien Private Eye (VHS) – This 1989 film is terrible but it’s hilariously wonderful if you couldn’t tell by the title? Anyway Lemro is an alien on Earth who spends his time on Earth as a private eye trying to pick up hotties with his crazy dance moves in alleys and his living room! But when his new hottie of a girlfriend Rene gets involved with an artifact that holds the info for a designer drug from his home planet it is time for Lemro to get to work and crack this case. Lemro quickly finds out he isn’t the only alien hanging out on Earth and must figure out whom to trust? This film has everything that will make you shake your head and giggle like a teenage girl which also includes Lemro shooting lasers from his wrists late into the film to save his girlfriend. Now the movie is super terrible, no lie, but I have to give it 2 ½ stars for entertaining the hell out of me and I dare you go seek this one out.

Amityville in Space (DVD) – As usual for all of those who are keeping track with me this is entry #40 where Mark Polonia is back once again and actually got a lot of press with this project late in the summer. Now saying that this wasn’t exactly movie gold like a “Leprechaun 4: In Space”. This time around a priest has decided to take the fight to the haunted house one final time as they bill it ‘Good vs. Evil’. During the battle the demonic house gets bored and forces its way out of existence only to reappear in the year 3015 near a black hole where the space cruiser “Wyoming 227” is trying to decide if they should zap it out of existence? No dice kids’ as usual dumb white people gotta still go into the haunted ass house even in space and of course the space travelers are hit with unspeakable evil and oh yeah they find the priest hanging out in a closet. I won’t bore you with all the great details of why this makes sense but bottom line even in 3015 they are still unsure how to rid the world of this evil and believe me Polonia made sure there is room for a sequel. To me this entry feels like Polonia tried to put some thought into it like his “Deathhouse” entry but just falls flat. I don’t blame him for trying something new in the “Amityville” series, just feels he may have needed more help to pull off this venture as I give it 1 ½ stars for what it could have been…

The Snow Devils (DVD) – A mid-60s flick where the polar ice caps are melting because of some space Yetis and their invention from their home planet that they fucked up years ago! Alien Bigfoots I am in as I have to give this adventure 2 ½ stars.

Winterbeast (Blu-ray) – A film like “Spookies” that was started, never finished, and then restarted again over a couple of years has found its cult audience recently with its new Blu-ray release. Apparently a monstrous Native American legend is Claymation and pissed off as these odd shaped monsters are killing good folk at a popular mountain lodge. Throw in a dumb forest ranger and you got a movie that most of us are totally sure what it’s all about but enjoy the hell out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Ninja (Blu-ray) – Scott Adkins is Casey, an orphaned American teenager who was taken into a legendary dojo that still teaches the way of the ninja. After a falling out with another pupil Masazuka Casey heads to New York from Japan to protect the Yoroi Bitsu or the treasure/weapons of the ninja. If you are a fan of titles “American Ninja” or “Enter the Ninja”? Welcome to a new generation of badassery kids because Scott Adkins and crew put on a show as this isn’t any 80s hokey shit going down Dudikoff as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Ninja II (Blu-ray) – Casey is back and living the life as the new master of the dojo, has a wife, and has just recently found out a kid soon to come. But things are not well when Casey comes home one evening going out for his pregnant wife to find her murdered. Then the rest of the movie becomes one bad ass fight for revenge as Casey after fucking up people in Japan heads to Thailand to obliterate all in his path to satisfy his thirst for revenge as I give the sequel 3 stars.

Creature from Black Lake (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film known to Bigfoot fans takes place in the swamp and small town of Louisiana called Oil City. Two college students from the University of Chicago convince someone to fund their little expedition to Louisiana to investigate and try to prove the existence of a creature called Bigfoot? After hearing about multiple reports of a man losing his friend to a swamp creature they want to study it. Once there of course the two college students stick out like a sore thumb and just try to do their thing without stirring up any trouble as they are in a different country basically. After not much success investigating and only hearing sounds outside of a barn they run into old local Joe Canton who points them in the right direction. That is when the two college boys come face to face with the local swamp creature legend and now just trying to survive its attacks! Only had the pleasure of seeing this feature as a youngster during the mid-80s not remembering any of it most likely because like most fans we all remember “Legend of Boggy Creek”. That film is usually the first that comes to everyone’s mind who grew up at time so cool titles like this get overshadowed. Well now is the time to rediscover this Bigfoot film as Synapse Films has taken the painstaking task of putting a special edition out and it looks unbelievable! This might be one of their best jobs to date with this cleanup of the film and adding a couple extras that will make fans very happy: commentary from Mike Gingold and Chris Poggali, and more importantly “Swamp Stories” with Dean Cundey which is informative, entertaining, and cool how the film was taken in by this small community at the time. Great stuff as I give this package 4 out of 4 stars and available at www.synapse-films.com .

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!