Gross Movie Reviews #544

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Gross Movie Reviews #544

The Alchemist (DVD) – A lost Empire Pictures flick from 1983 that has just shown up again recently on Full Moon Streaming and just to make it weirder the film was directed by Charles Band but only after the original dude was fired three days in. A woman who has visions of the past is driving cross country with her new hitchhiker buddy and stumble upon a man who is cursed. This cursed dude (Robert Ginty) swears revenge on an evil magic man whose curse does not allow the man to leave this dimension of existence. Visions, weird things that don’t make much sense, and “The Exterminator” make this rather unknown thriller a worthwhile watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Devil’s Sword (DVD) – A super bizarre Indonesian film from 1983/1984 that was titled ‘Golok Setan’ in certain countries. A great young warrior is asked to do a favor for “The Crocodile Queen”. He is asked to remove a husband from a village that she wants for her sexual pleasures. The young man almost fails when his former buddy Mandala appears on a horse only curious to the carnage of the villagers. Mandala almost stops the kidnapping of the husband but is only misdirected by “The Crocodile Men”! This sets up the subplot of Mandala finding his master half dead and goes on his quest for revenge and retrieving the Devil’s Sword which is considered the most powerful weapon in the whole world. If any of this sounds interesting know that this film is non-stop action full of: black magic, Crocodile Queen, Crocodile Men, a sword to rule the world, a Cyclops cave creature, blood and guts by the bucket loads, over the top martial arts, and there is freakin’ laser beams coming from a warrior’s hands at one point in a fight! Grab your friends, grab the pizza and beer, because buckle up you are in for one the craziest films you have ever had the guilty pleasure of watching as I give it 3 stars.

Wrong Turn (Remake/On Demand) – Don’t know whose bright idea this was… but you are a dumb ass. Anyway six friends stop into a small Virginian mountain town to start their hiking vacation. They are warned to “Stay on the trail!” But of course the friends do not and have a terrible accident. One by one the group is being trimmed down by this “off the grid” village of folks who have been established in the woods since 1859 and call their settlement “The Foundation”. Six weeks later a father whose daughter was part of the group of six people gone missing goes investigating and is not happy with the locals as they just keep trying to scare him off. But this father refuses to give up and finds his daughter but they must fight to survive if they even have a chance of seeing civilization again… Outside of the glimmer of fake cannibals ¾ of the way into the film and the bad joke at the end about a backwoods family this film is not ‘Wrong Turn’. Not totally understanding why they used the title other to cash in but from what I have read the remake has gone unnoticed so it most likely should have just been called ‘The Foundation’. Wasn’t a fan of it having basically two endings but I still give this bootleg ‘Wrong Turn’ cash-in 2 ½ stars but I still say yinz could have done better?

Child in the Night (DVD) – A 1990 TV movie where a kid Luke (Elijah Wood), sees his father murdered on the boat dock. Jackie a psychologist is brought in by the police unwillingly to get Luke to talk as his father’s death has left the kid in shock. The police investigation hinges on the kid snapping out of it and talking to the good doctor so she can relay the answers. Great cast for this TV thriller and you can see why Elijah Wood was gonna be good early on as I give it 3 stars.

Corpsing (DVD) – A 2012 independent flick that also known as ‘Lady Frankenstein’ and for good reason as the film is a combo of ‘Frankenstein’ and ‘Night of the Living Dead’. A curious doctor is invited to a sick woman’s lab where she explains her experiment that could change the world but has also left her in a wheelchair. She was a military scientist who thought she was being held back and felt more comfortable working out of her home lab on her ultimate experiment… Her goal is to remake a person from the right corpses? She completed the task, the experiment was going well, he was learning, things progressed, she fell in love with him, and then things began to fall apart unless the experiment was able to feast on living things. Once she allows the experiment to bite her she follows the downward spiral into horror that knows no end. There is only one ending for all involved and it will be bad but that doesn’t stop this independent feature from pulling out all the stops to suck you in and make you feel the experiment and the scientist as I give it 3 stars.

Aquarium of the Dead (DVD) – Hey kids ‘Zoombies’ has another sequel! A shipment of the tainted animal meds is sent from the Eden Zoo to the Aqua Zoo and now there is a re-animated octopus fucking the place up. As things lockdown as humans are being attacked the Aqua Zoo officials most figure out how to stop this horror or at least next time dispose of the bad animal meds. This movie is bad, not a good bad either as it has no redeeming value or rewatch value as I give it 0 stars.

The Butcher Surgeon (YouTube) – Another dark short film from the duo Philip Brocklehurst and Alex Wesley about a brilliant surgeon not making his therapy session. The good surgeon documents his spiral into madness of what he has done before his great suicide. A wonderfully dark and brutal short from the duo that makes you wanting more as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Teacher Shortage (DVD) – It is yearbook time and a female student is ruined when she is listed as “Ugly Skank” in the yearbook. After being laughed at she runs for the girls’ restroom where she commits suicide. This of course sets up the story some time later where teachers are having meetings to discuss how to be a modern teacher and how their style needs to change to help the modern student. But one by one the faculty is being murdered in horrible ways until the killer is revealed. Is the filmmaker trying to make a political statement on the state of teaching these days or just exploring another way to make an Indy slasher? Either way the film has a great cast, a solid plot, but there is something missing that holds this film back? I am not totally sure if it’s just the music or maybe just needing a different ending but throughout I just felt the film was missing that extra something to make it memorable as I give the film 2 stars.   

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: The Cannibals and Zombies Collection (DVD) – Addison Binek is riffing a collection of movies again but these are not just any movies… They are zombie and cannibal movies! What makes this a unique rough ride is Addison takes you through some the lesser known, grittiest, maybe even crappiest off the wall flesh-eating hilarity you have ever witnessed. You’ll laugh, you will most likely cry over what Addison and you will sit through but it will be fun as I give this collection 4 stars as usual.

I Saw What You Did (DVD) – A 1965 film about a couple teenage girls crank calling people for fun as the parents are away. (Yes kids, this was a thing before everyone had a cell phone. Now yinz just call them “spam”.) Anyway as they are causing hijinks throughout the evening of calling several people they eventually cause a death of a woman whose husband Steve kills her in the shower when she sees if he would like to take the call. Just to keep the prank going the young duo calls Steve again to inform him “I saw what you did”. This sends Steve in a panic rage and eventually kills the neighbor woman he was having an affair with. Surprisingly a very harsh plot for 1965 unless you were watching a Hitchcock or a Hammer film in my opinion. Now Steve is on the prowl for the young lady who called his house as he must erase her also as I give the film 3 stars.    

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Drunken Yinzers Productions return to the conventions

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Drunken Yinzers Productions returns to the conventions… The fat drunken bastards even have a banner now! We will have our latest feature Blood Freak! Along with copies of Jagoff Massacre, my three new books (that includes the infamous ‘Massacre’ book), some unknown/OOP movies you never heard of but wanna buy anyhow, we will have our one dollar DVD box again, new beer cozies (a couple new ones), and some other Halloween crafty things! So come join us and other cool vendors for this one day event as it will be a fun time as usual. For more details: www.cinemawasteland.com

Gross Movie Reviews #542

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Gross Movie Reviews #542

Top Knot Detective (DVD) – This is a documentary about an oddity of sorts, a samurai series in the early 90s that became a cult hit in Asia and Australia. The series was only on for one year but in places like Japan their TV seasons run 50 episodes long so that are about 2 or so seasons in the U.S. The series is about a man doing a lot of walking and seeking revenge for his master (sounds like Kung Fu with Carradine). Full disclosure this wasn’t your typical series as this had a character dressed as a penis, giant robots, odd dialogue that shouldn’t be in the script or most times wasn’t, ninjas, horrible stunt work, and the show looked like something one of us weirdos would have found late night on public access. But you will find yourself only being more interested in this weirdness as the main star was such a joke in the industry but big bucks for the TV screen and all involved… Then it gets weirder when the main star is the main suspect of the murder of the head honcho who finances the show then escapes Japan dressed as a woman! One of the weirder things I have ever watch and I give it 3 stars just for that.

Amityville Poltergeist (DVD) – A low budget flick using the “title” of course for no apparent reason centers around a young man named Jim who is looking to make some cash. Jim finds a housesitting job for $100 a night for a weekend. He doesn’t have to do anything except maybe listen to the spooky warning from Grandma “to leave”. After a night or two Jim begins to experience some strange events and is unsure if he is dreaming or actually experiencing unexplained events. The film isn’t bad as much the filmmaker put a full film on screen? Feels more like a 20 minute short film than it would be a full feature as I give it 2 stars.

Special Bulletin (DVD) – A 1983 made-for-TV docudrama that starts off with local news coverage of a dock worker strike in Charleston, South Carolina but as the news coverage continues that early in the morning things take a strange twist? Cops arrive and someone is shot and from the local news media covering it moves in but they learn quickly this isn’t a worker strike but a protest by a Dr. Bruce Lyman. His protest with several others is on this boat wanting the government to disarm or he believes nuclear war will happen very soon. Lyman makes it clear in his plea he wants U.S. and Russia to disarm before they kill us all. Even though there is news coverage the government doesn’t take the protest seriously until Lyman guarantees it isn’t a hoax. Also if he does not get all the modules for the nuclear warheads in South Carolina he will dentate the small nuclear device they have? A wonderfully serious film like ‘Threads’ and ‘The Day After’ that I believe needs to be seen by many more than just a weirdo movie fan like myself to understand this subject matter is still very relevant. And let’s not forget there is a young Michael Madsen in here for a quick couple seconds as I give the film 4 stars.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (On Demand) – The Warrens are back at it again as this film is set in July 1981 where an exorcism goes sideways. During the exorcism Ed Warren has a heart attack and the 18 year old Arnie who was there gets possessed and only Ed knows about it and wants to prove it once feeling better. Not too much time passes as Arnie becomes part of a murder but claims he was possessed and the Warrens try to prove this in the court of law. But even with Arnie in prison the spirit has followed him and continues to haunt him as he has been cursed by a Satanist. This path leads the Warrens down a path where they may have solved several other murders as a weird Satanist totem had been found at the scene of other murders that baffled police? The film is better than most paranormal crap out there but this entry felt more like a love story than the Warrens chasing demons and spirits as I give it 3 stars.

The Phantom Empire (Blu-ray) – A wonderful B-movie cast directed by Fred Olen Ray in what I believe took six days to finish this film where a woman looking for treasure hires a couple hacks to help lead her through a cave. Michelle Bauer as the hottest cave bunny ever, Robbie the Robot, horrible looking monsters, and an alien in S&M gear played by Sybil Danning await the group as they enter. I have reviewed this B-movie gem before but it has now got upgraded to Blu-ray! I thought the Blu-ray looked a little better and has the all the extras from the original DVD but I believe the newest thing besides the transfer might be the home movies of the location shoot? I also believe the commentary track is the same but it is something that I believe Indy filmmakers need to revisit just to listen to the knowledge Fred spews out on how to do things, rent stuff, casting, etc. More than ever this commentary of telling stories about ‘The Phantom Empire’ are so relevant and fun to hear as I give it 4 stars. The Blu-ray and DVD are very hard to find but the slightly upgraded Blu-ray can be found at www.makeflix.com .

Shoot (DVD) – A 1976 dramatic film with a solid cast where Rex and his four buddies are heading up to his cabin for a weekend of hunting. No animals but a nice day of hanging out in the woods but until they are about to start back when they come across another group of hunters across a stream. An odd stare and the shooting begins as one man wounded in Rex’s group and one dead for the group across the stream. Rex and friends debate the event for hours and whether they should go to the hospital, police, or nothing? After a night of resting on it they have a meeting to keep quiet but Rex cannot let it go so he investigates who died and if the other group reported it to the authorities? When Rex finds out it was just a hunting accident he convinces the group that the other group will want revenge and they got to beat them to the punch as they must go all-out war! A great “how far will he or they go in this case to be sure” kind of film as I give it 3 stars.  

Cleopatra Jones (DVD) – Another must see Blaxploitation film from 1973 that has a woman Cleopatra Jones as a special agent who is helping the U.S. cracks down on drugs. She has just ordered one of the largest poppy seed fields in the world to be burned. But when she returns home Cleopatra has made an enemy in a big time drug dealer named “Mommy” who wants her dead for ruining her supply chain. But you don’t mess with Cleo when she has a car door full of guns even if you have corrupt cops on your side, Cleo has the great Bernie Casey on hers as I give this action-packed beauty 3 ½ stars.

Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies (DVD) – An experimental drug Quadoxin is being used on crops of a small town to hopefully help the crops flourish… but we all know that isn’t going to happen. After some bad luck between a dead drug dealer and his three young customers and a random monstrous zombie, they all show up at the local music festival. Now, a group of friends must try to survive the onslaught of zombies wanting flesh in this low budget feature. I wanted to like this film but it just felt very forced if that makes sense and plus I couldn’t stop comparing it to 1980s ‘Toxic Zombies’ as I give it 1 ½ stars.

The Superdeep (On Demand) – The Russian military gets involved with a secret drilling facility after some miners and a research team go missing. The small military force is led by Yury who wants his top dog Anya to get in there and get the samples to take to the surface for research that may help the Russians in the race with the U.S. When they arrive a scientist there has seen what was found 12 kilometers down and feels it should not be shared with humans… It should be buried. The team searches deeper into the facility trying to retrieve the samples and realize they are up against a killer fungus that could wipe out the human race. I like that it feels like the Russian version of ‘The Thing’ but felt it was too long and reminded me more of ‘Leviathan’ when it could have been so much more as I give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #541

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Gross Movie Reviews #541

The Ninth Configuration (DVD) – For me and I believe who made this film this was more of an experiment or just a film for the film snobs more than your average viewer. A castle out in the Pacific Northwest is secret government project on the mentally insane as many Vietnam soldiers either lost their shit completely or were just faking it to get out of the war. A few years have passed since the end of the Vietnam War but there is still a few of these research places around. A new guy named Colonel Vincent Kane shows up with a new attitude on how to help the patients get over their troubles. Throughout the film we see several hilarious characters and there are a lot of famous faces involved with this project. But has things unravel story wise we come to learn more about Col. Kane and his history of how he got there. In the end for me it took a long time to get to the ending you see coming a mile away. Not to say it is bad but way too much build up for something you already knew coming. Again this is one of those movies if you are an average movie watcher it is probably best for you to keep moving if you are a movie snob or just love oddities like this existing it will be worth your two hours as I give it 2 stars.

Redwood Massacre : Annihilation (DVD) – Apparently the filmmaker got some bad advice and made a sequel to a sub-par massacre film that its star is bootleg tater sack Jason but anyhow ten years have passed (story wise) and someone has wrote a book about it. Tom Dempsey’s daughter disappeared ten years ago in the woods and with the legend of this weird mass murderer (never minds it was a deranged farmer in the first film) and his fruitless search he writes a book about the legendary killer. During a book signing an obsessed dude named Max visits Tom and shows him he has evidence that the killer still exists and where to search? Hey guess what Max is psycho (didn’t see that coming) and Danielle Harris also a daughter of Tom has every right to not to trust Max as they make their trek to investigate an abandoned military base where they find the killer’s lair. From there the movie only goes completely off the rails of being a government experiment and the filmmaker watching the ‘Friday the 13th’ remake with the bat cave and ‘Cabin in the Woods’ wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much before doing this lackluster sequel as I give it 2 stars.

Frogs (DVD) – I got bored and wanted to watch this so-called horror movie with mustache-less Sam Elliot from 1972 and see if it is still boring as hell? And yes it is! Pickett Smith (Sam Elliot) is a photographer who is taking pictures of garbage on a lake and this swamp when he is knocked out of his canoe by a couple of rich siblings. They apologize, get him dry, and force to come to a picnic for a rich fool who just bitches about all the frogs everywhere (who cares if you live in the middle of a FUCKING swamp). Pickett Smith believes something is up when the frogs friends begin to kill the family one by one as I give this boring flick 2 stars.

Curse of the Undead (DVD) – In this 1959 flick a little ahead of its time and an interesting idea where a cowboy vampire shows up in this western after the Carter family falls on hard times and might have to sell to an asshole Buffer. The cowboy vampire comes calling Miss Carter after she posts hiring a gunman for $100 to take out Buffer and his cohorts. But Preacher Dan is pissed and believes this isn’t right in the name of god and must fight the evil that is helping Miss Carter! The film has a pacing issue but if you get past that it is a fun horror western that a completely new at the time as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Miranda Veil (DVD) – We are introduced to a young man named Soren who is inspiring to be a serial killer out of Barstow, California because he is hearing a voice telling him “to kill”. After a failed attempt the voice continues to push until a young pretty woman named Miranda on her birthday weekend is spotted by Soren and its decided “she is the one.”  Soren stalks his victim Miranda and kidnaps her out to the middle of the desert to play with her. Soren gets his kicks and the voice screams for him to do it and Soren slices Miranda’s neck open but that is where the movie really begins because after Miranda dies and Soren celebrates… it happens! Miranda is alive again and both are literally in a crazed confusion about it to the point Soren drives an axe through the skull of Miranda to kill her a second time and again she is alive! From here it becomes a trippy road trip movie as killer and victim eventually come to an agreement to begin their long trek back to Barstow. They try to understand Soren’s voice in his head, Miranda’s X-men ability of not dying, and where do they fit into this universe now? Along the way they meet a man in a bunny suit, a guy who talks to a fox, and Miranda talks to a ‘force’ in a cloak and an animal skull. I wasn’t a fan of the ending but this Indy film was definitely something different and that you cannot say that too often about a low budget film. Most likely you haven’t heard about the film because it is really hard to define what it is kinda is like a 1990 ‘Nightbreed’ thing but on a smaller scale. There is enough interesting and trippy shit happening with this project not including the ending that if this was made in the late 80s or early 90s I could easily see this as a “Midnight Movie” but those do not exist any longer. This movie might take a year or two to really find the audience to appreciate this project as I give it 3 out 4 stars.

Macon County Line (DVD) A mid-70s film based on a true story from 1954 where we are introduce to two young gentlemen who are just causing trouble everywhere they go as I believe they are on their way to New Orleans. Along the way the gentlemen pick up an attractive lady and then their car begins to have a fuel pump problem. Not being able to get it fixed properly and the car dying in the middle of the night they decide they will “figure it out in the morning” but meanwhile two very shady criminals pull up to a home of a deputy. These two bad dudes rob the family home, torture, and kill the wife. When the deputy comes home he sees the car with the fuel pump problem he wants revenge against our two favorite drifting buddies who had nothing to do with that night’s events. The film is a little dull with the buildup but gets real interesting real quick when the deputy comes home to a bedroom full of blood and a dead wife as I give it 2 stars.

Moonshine County Express (DVD) – Imagine a 1977 movie with women as the main roles of ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ TV show?  A lot familiar faces pop up as a moonshiner kills his competitor one morning in the mountains and blows up his operation. But the dead moonshiner has three vengeful daughters who were not left any money but whiskey from back in the day that shouldn’t exist. The daughters go into business just to undercut the jagoff that wronged their daddy and maybe make a few bucks for a fresh start somewhere. It is a bloody redneck war from beginning to end with John Saxon as a moonshine driver along for the ride as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Witchcraft (DVD) – This Lon Chaney Jr. flick is from 1964 and has the great actor as part of the Whitlock clan. The Whitlock clan’s graves are being bulldozed at the countryside cemetery that the Whitlock family has used for hundreds of years. Business partners are trying to move along progress and part of it is moving this old cemetery which sounds like a ‘Poltergeist’ prequel? Anyhow the Whitlock clan isn’t happy and one of the graves is for an undead witch that hasn’t been around for a few hundred years but is pissed because she has been disturbed. Now the notorious undead witch is seeking revenge by killing the persons involved one by one. The movie can be a little slow but has a creepy side to it even if it is over 50 some years old as I give the creepy little horror film 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #540

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Gross Movie Reviews #540

The Beast Beneath (DVD) – In a small town of Desert Valley, California an earthquake wakens its residents in the middle of the night with its shakes and simmers but nothing is thought of it. But this event has caused a monster to emerge from its slumber in the desert and it is time for the beast to snack on its new food source… humans! After a few people go missing the local authorities get involved and act like the disappearances are not that big of a deal but the mayor knows and wants it kept quiet. The beast is brought to the attention of a brilliant scientist (Brinke Stevens) and she is trying to work on a quick answer for the monstrous problem but when someone being attacked is caught on social media the mayor and police have no choice but to blow it up. The build-up of this low budget monster flick was a lot of fun and on par with what we used to get from SyFy Channel in the mid-2000s but the ending or non-ending was not the payoff I think viewers will be looking for as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Stale Popcorn & Sticky Floors (DVD) – Another cool documentary that covers some of the memorable grindhouse, horror, and B-movie titles from the 70s and 80s we grew up watching. There is interviews and stories from such stars of iconic films such as Lynn Lowry, Camilla Carr, Brinke Stevens, and a host of others. And people let’s not forget Frank Farel is on here telling more stories about one of my favorite films of all time ‘Spookies’! The doc separates itself enough from others as the stars tell stories about one film that was picked such as an ‘I Spit on Your Grave’. This title doesn’t come off as interviews as much as you the viewer just grabbed a beer with said star and you are ready for story time and for that I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

Cult of the Cobra (DVD) – A bunch of U.S. service men on leave pay a hundred bucks to be sneaked into a secret meeting to witness a woman who has the ability to change into a snake. To their disbelief she does but one of them tries to take a photo and a scuffle ensues and the service men attempt to kidnap this special oddity. She gets away and of course the men are all warned they will all die but they don’t care as their deployment is over and they are heading home for good. Some time passes by and the men settled into their homes back in New York not knowing the precious snake woman has traveled there to seek her revenge. One by one the men fall but the snake woman might be having a change of heart as one of the men has taken time to be very friendly with her let’s say as I give this mid-50s flick 2 stars.

Death Rink (DVD) – The film is set in the year 2001 at the “Roller King!” roller skating rink where Rachel the manager is hanging out with the younger employees for an impromptu birthday party. They play games, smoke tea bags, eat pizza, discuss the lawsuits against the roller rink, along with wondering who in the hell is the person or ex-employee that calls every night to yell “Satan” into the phone. Things are going great and the fun is starting to whine down as everyone wants to leave at some point including Rachel as her boyfriend finally called her back… But an unwanted guest has found their way into the rink while they close up shop. This unknown individual slowly kills the employees one by one. Everything about this movie screams I should love it. Now don’t get me wrong this isn’t a horrible horror film as it had a great cast, great dialogue, some blood, great location, but it all just didn’t add up to success for me as I thought this film could have pressed the gas and gone over the top? Instead I felt the film found a way to limp over the finish line in the end as I give it 2 stars.

The Earth Dies Screaming (DVD) – This is a quick mid-60s post-apocalyptic flick where one day people around the world all die at the same time except for a select few. After a small group of people find themselves holed up at a hotel they figure out they were not in the open when this all happened and believe it could have been a gas attack? To make matters worse generic alien robots walk and a “zombie pace” and cannot be killed by guns but their asses are no match for a jeep. And just when the humans thought they were screwed enough, “oh yay if you are killed by an alien they zombified your ass and control you.” The only hope is if these select few humans figure out how to stop these slow ass trash cans from taking over the world as I give it 2 stars.

Brimstone Incorporated (DVD/Vimeo) – An interesting low budget anthology film directed by Indy vets James L. Edwards and Brad Twigg. The three stories are straight forward serious horror stories which are usually hard to pull off in the low budget world but this crew did it as the titles are: First Date, Mama’s Boy, and Skunkweed. And the wraparound story is called Temper and Associates but we will get to that in a bit. Without spoiling too much First Date gets a little uncomfortable (watch for the kiss you’ll understand), second story Mama’s Boy is not exactly what you think it is which makes it a pleasant surprise, and the third story is about a man who may have been given bad weed? Or was it? But the most interesting thing was the wraparound story as these days seems to be a throw away in the Indy world in my opinion. But these fine filmmakers took a cue possibly from 70s British anthologies and made the wraparound their strength as a character from each story is being reviewed by Gregory to decide where they will fit in “down here or in the corporation”. The Gregory character was actually my favorite thing of the anthology but this film is based more on the great performances from the actors than just throwing gallons of blood and gore against the wall. This is an anthology I will be pointing out to people for years to come as this cast was one of the best I seen for an Indy anthology in years. So if you are looking for a great not subpar Indy anthology look no further than this new feature Mr. Edwards and Mr. Twigg as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #539

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Gross Movie Reviews #539

Boys from County Hell (Shudder) – An Irish horror film where a small town called Six Mile Hill is the center of the story as legend goes Bram Stoker used the location to write his famous story. The local legend claims that the real Dracula story happened there as a landmark of stones marks the grave of the vampire or at least that is what’s been told for many years in those parts. One drunken night two friends strolling home from the pub fall into the landmark and one of them is speared by a farm animal. Nothing physical came from the grave but blood seem to disappear from the corpse. Eugene quickly understands he may accidentally set free the vampire legend on the small town and must now try to bury the bloodthirsty monster that doesn’t play by the usual vampire rules. Fun monstrous times to be had in this Irish treat as I give it 3 stars.

The Frozen Ghost (DVD) – A stage mentalist played by Lon Chaney Jr., has a skirmish with an audience member that he believes caused the man’s death. Retiring the act, trouble seems to follow the mentalist as while at the museum he gets in a tussle with someone who dies and believes he did it again. For me this wasn’t the best Lon Chaney Jr. of course for fans who just need something a little lighthearted you will enjoy this feature as I give it 2 stars.

Great White (On Demand) – Pearl Air Charters  is a one charter plane business run by a sexy couple who takes people on tours of areas like “Hell’s Reef”. When on their latest tour they land so a couple can have a late lunch it is quickly spoiled by finding half of a corpse of the beach. The small group realizes someone could still use help out in the ocean they jump back in the small plane for a limited time because of fuel to search. They spot the boat and when they land on the ocean near that is when things go bad for the group and the suspense builds as they wait for rescue. With only the life raft the group must hope they can paddle back to the island before the sharks stalk and eat them for a snack! A lot of buildup in this film, think ‘The Shallows’ but with a few more people and trying to feel a little more like ‘Jaws’ as I give it 3 stars.

Bigfoot vs. Illuminati (On Demand) – An animated film I had so much anticipation for being a fun stupid film to enjoy and talk about. Instead I got a horrible boring dud. Many years into the future where the Earth is basically dead and humans are about to go extinct as they are at war with aliens. Humans only hope is Bigfoot who happened to listen to rap music way too much. Oh and Bigfoot tag teams with a Van Helsing clone… this was dumb as I give it 0 stars. I guess I need to stick with ‘Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper’?

Benny Loves You (On Demand) – Meet Jack, a 35 year old who lives with his parents and is a junior toy designer whose parents still celebrate Jack’s birthday as if he was a child. But this year is different as the parents die accidentally while preparing for his birthday. Nothing is going right for Jack so now alone he decides he wants to improve his life and this means getting rid of everything including his childhood toy that he still has. The toy’s name is Benny and doesn’t like it too much he is about to be thrown out but also wants Jack to be happy again? From here Jack is sent into a downward spiral of death and despair as anyone that comes to the home or Jack doesn’t like Benny slices and dices them. As the bloodbath ensues in a weird way Benny helps Jack get his job back with new designs based on Benny… The horror film is a wonderful insane oddity of gore that needs to be witnessed as this will be one of the best horror films I will watch in 2021 and for that I give it 4 stars.

Fulci for Fake (DVD) – A Severin Pictures biopic about a man about to dive head first into becoming the famous Italian filmmaker Lucio Fulci. In order to accomplish becoming the legend he must learn more about him and interviews several friends and colleagues of Fulci’s taking the viewer on a ride through stories of the beginnings of Fulci’s work. To of course what made Fulci a household name among horror movie fans as I give the documentary 3 stars.

Live Evil (DVD) – An old vampire hunting priest has his eyes locked on these four vamps that have run together for a long time now. The priest wants to slice and dice this group as he has tracked them everywhere at any cost. The group keeps moving around recently as humans more and more have tainted blood and the vampires fight amongst each other in the effort of finding “pure blood”. The vampires head to L.A. for a last ditch effort of getting pure blood from a dealer named Max. The vampire hunter is played by the legendary Tim Thomerson so imagine Jack Deth retired to become a priest who hunts vamps with a late 90s direct-to-video vibe. A fun watch with some gore and some audio glitches but well worth checking out this Mark Terry produced film that also has appearances by Tiffany Shepis, Ken Foree, and Elissa Dowling as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Feaster Sunday (DVD) – A not so typical independent holiday horror film where a man, Dr. Gideon Lear is putting forth his best effort to put on “The Passion” play at the community theater that hasn’t happened in twenty years. Lear wants perfection out of his actors as he explains in his recent interview with Eddie from the local Public Access Channel. Lear nor his actors seem to be too concerned with the history of the play as “the show must go on”. Meanwhile Eddie sees someone he knows among the actors, Tess, and they reconnect after Tess is dropped by her boyfriend Reen because he needs his full attention on playing Jesus. As time goes on actors for the play disappear, warnings for the play “not to go on” are ignored, and Dr. Lear begins his struggle to keep the production together. There is a whole lot of crazy going on in this flick that just made me giddy to watch! Wonderful casting choices (Dave Parker as the original Jesus, brilliant), great script, cool puppets, and a low budget production that felt bigger than it was should get some mainstream respect as I give this excellent production 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Its confirmed… Gross Movie Reviews/Drunken Yinzer Productions will be there!

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We will be hanging out selling my three new books, copies of our latest film Blood Freak, and discussing our next project!

Cinema Wasteland and The Cinema Wasteland Film Appreciation Society Presents:
A ONE DAY COLLECTABLE SHOW and RETRO MOVIE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE!

Saturday, July 24, 2021
At our usual haunt: The HOLIDAY INN
15471 Royalton Rd., Strongsville, OH. 44136

It’s a One Day Collectable Show featuring approximately 35 tables of Movie Collectibles, DVD and Blu-ray, Movie Posters, Autographs, and More from 10:00am until 5:00pm.

Then, catch Two Classic (or not-so-classic, as the case may be) Drive-In Movies on 16mm Film. Complete with a Cartoon, Short Film and Original Intermission Reel beginning at 7:30pm.

Make an Entire Day and night out of it!
Come in during the day to hang out with friends.
Do a little browsing and shopping with our Vendors.
Grab a bite to eat and a couple of drinks at the hotel bar (or nearby restaurant) and return in the evening to watch the films.

The Film Show if Free if you attend during the day, so your Admission gets you into both events all day and night!

Our Saturday Night Film Screenings will Include:

THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS (1964) Kolos (Richard Kiel) arrives to Earth in his Christmas tree ornament shaped space craft to establish a colony on our planet and take over by “duplicating” humans and replacing them with androids. To do this, he first heads to the home of the brilliant Dr. Dornhelmer, the beautiful, but blind, Lisa Dornhelmer (Deloris Faith), and the doctor’s two female lab assistants (Margaret Teele and Alean “Bambi” Hamilton). It isn’t long before Austin Welles (Hugh Beaumont) of the National Intelligence Agency is investigating. A wonderful slice of low budget sci-fi, complete with cheesy effects, beautiful girls, and a twenty five year old Richard Kiel in one of his earliest credited feature film roles.









MUTINY IN OUTER SPACE (1964)
 Ice caves have been discovered on the moon so a team of scientists from the nearby space station are sent to gather samples. On the way back to the space station, a fungus breaks out on the rocket and begins to spread quickly. The Commander seems to have contracted some sort of space sickness and won’t listen to warnings about the growing fungus from his crew. He orders the ship to return to the space station and ends of spreading the fungus there as well. Soon enough, the fuzzy fungus monster is massive… and it kills! From the same people that brought you The Human Duplicators comes a cheesy sci-fi double feature that actually played together in theaters. Deloris Faith returns from Duplicators, and Francine York is “Captain Stevens.” It may have been made in 1965, but this one will remind you of a 50s sci-fi film from the get go.





INTERMISSION REEL –
 A terrific 24 minute reel of classic horror and sci-fi movie trailers and original 1940s and 50s drive-in intermission spots will play between features.

THE LITTLE RASCALS in “CHOO-CHOO!” (1932) Hanging around the railroad stop, Spud, Stymie, Dorthy, Wheezer, Breezy, Wally, and baby Spanky are all fascinated with trains and want to take a ride on one. During a stop over on their way to a new home, a group of orphans tell them they can just trade clothing with them take their place on the train. They make life a living hell for the orphans pansy-ass child-hating chaperone, Mr. Henderson, and cause enough mayhem for the other passengers to rival the best Three Stooges shorts. A drunken novelty company salesman passes out noisemakers to all of the kids when everyone is trying to sleep and Spanky and a monkey release the animals from the animal car – including a lion – into the sleeper section of the train, and things get even better!

WOODY WOODPECKER (1945) “The Dippy Diplomate” – The newspaper announces that Ivan Awfulitch, the famous ambassador, is due to have a barbecue with local resident, Wally Walrus. The scent of steaks on the grill attracts an unwelcome guest in the form of Woody Woodpecker…

WHEN:Saturday July 24th 2021.
10am – 5pm and movies start at 7:30pm


WHERE:
Holiday Inn
15471 Royalton Rd.
Strongsville, OH. 44136

* This is the same Holiday Inn we hold out Cinema Wasteland Movie and Memorabilia Expo’s in twice a year.
We’re just taking over one large room for this event and not the entire hotel.

NEED A ROOM?
If you would like to spend Friday and/or Saturday night at the Holiday Inn then Click Here (Same prices as CW)
Use a computer to make reservations before July 2 (*Phones don’t work well with site*)


ADMISSION:

Admission is $7.00 if using a debit or credit card, BUT Only $5.00 Cash.
There will be no advance ticket or pass sales for this event so we are offering a cash discount at the door instead.

VENDORS:
Tables are nice and affordable and available now.
CLICK HERE for more information.

https://www.cinemawasteland.com/collectable%20show%20main.html?fbclid=IwAR17-nqCXt9CkaomOYwYUfv0SLj-RZ8nuAHBl5lvQEsI0G_kavdy-4Hupbk

Gross Movie Reviews #538

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Gross Movie Reviews #538

Henchman: The Al Leong Story (DVD) – A wonderful look inside of one of the coolest villains on screen for decades. Even if you didn’t know his name you knew the face and as soon as he appeared you the movie viewer most likely got a little excited. The documentary dives deep into Mr. Leong’s life as he was an established karate champion who loved motorcycles that just happen to do stunt work and loved it. His work got him to work with just about every memorable celebrity in Hollywood. But after his stroke in 2005, Mr. Leong has made a long recovery and only recently started doing interviews and conventions. Love documentaries and got time to kill enjoy this treat and hear all the good stuff said about a man whose face is more recognizable than some of the Hollywood stars of now as I give it 3 stars.

Army of the Dead (On Demand) – The super-hyped Zack Snyder zombie project begins with the military transporting a secret payload aka an unstoppable zombie. An accident happens on the highway outside of Vegas and of course it’s time for a feast for fast changing zombies. After the big fallout some time passes and the city is walled off from the rest of civilization as the government is about to nuke the city to contain the mess. But Dave Batista and is his team of mercs, safe experts, and pilots are given an opportunity to go in to the dangerous zombie filled city and collect 200 million dollars. They have 32 hours until the nukes come raining down! A fun, gory, we get a zombie tiger, popcorn zombie flick that runs way too long but doesn’t take itself too seriously which in the end is a good thing as I give the film 3 stars.

Ouija Mummy (DVD) – From the same people that gave us the disappointing ‘Lycanimator’ came back a year later and gave us a no-budget treat that needs to seeked out by independent film lovers. Anyway a woman brings home some ancient jewelry from a recent Egyptian dig then commits suicide. Not too long after a young couple buys the house and moves in and have a house warming party. Of course Natalie’s guy wants to make her happy and after finding the artifact in the home gives it to Natalie as a house warming gift. Between this and Natalie’s obsession with wanting to play with an Ouija board during the party cause a royal demon to possess Natalie’s body and terror ensues! You will notice a lot of cool Indy names are attached to this project, some cheap but effective effects go a long way, and filmmaker and cast learning from mistakes (Lycanimator) make this a diamond in the rough independent film that not many are talking much about. I give this excellent Indy flick 3 ½ stars as I believe once the story gets going it has this cheap ‘Night of the Demons’ vibe, so enjoy!

Teenage Zombie House Massacre (DVD) – As I refuse to stop looking for ‘massacre’ flicks I find this (2000) grainy 36 minute S.O.V. film from Speed Freak Productions. A group of teenagers plan to have a party at a supposedly haunted house at the end of the tracks. Once there of course it is “sex time”, never mind if the bedroom smells like it is time for them to bang like bunnies! It is all about innocent love in a smelly abandoned home until hidden zombies show up and begin chomping on the young party goers. The film quickly boils down to the teens must pay for disturbing the dead as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

The Last Chase (DVD) – I would have never guessed there is a post-apocalyptic film starring Lee Majors in 1981 but hey we got one and it co-stars the kid who played Rudy in ‘Meatballs’. Lee Majors is Frank Hart a race car driver who like most people has lost his family to a strange virus that shut down the world. As time went on oil was shut off from the public and things went downhill from there. Twenty years has passed and humans have conformed to a more “government is watching” society where rules have changed and no one owns a car. You must use mass transit, walk, or a bike. Frank a loner is still trying to fit in this new life but cannot and digs up his old race car in the garage after being told he needs to watch what he says in a public setting for the ‘utility commission’. Meanwhile a teenager who keeps tapping into the government’s computers believe there is more out there than what the government are allowing you to do? So the misfit hitches a ride with Frank to escape to California so they can live free. The government refuses to allow someone to escape to the Free State so they call up an old jet fighting pilot into duty since pilots no longer exist and have him go after the two. An oddity for Lee Majors I thought but thank the lord Rutger Hauer for someone pointing out this wonderful gem I never heard of as I give it 3 stars.

Teen Massacre (DVD) – In 2004 before ‘Jack Brooks the Monster Slayer’ this young filmmaker put together a short film set in 1986 where a group of students are out in the woods getting soil samples for a class project. Bored, the students stumble upon a half human thing in a locked cage. Curiosity getting the best of the students, they release it and the thing obliterates his victims or said students. This is a glorious fun mess of a short film needing to be revisited again and again as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Supervan (DVD) – This 1977 vanspolitation film has a young man (Morgan) quit his job so he can drive his van to a competition on Halloween weekend to win $5000! But along the way Morgan’s van gets crushed in a junkyard while saving a cute lady from some bikers. So of course he goes visit his engineering buddy who just so happens to be working on this super-secret project aka solar powered van man named Vandora. A project a major car maker doesn’t want the public to know about because he wants all of yinz to keep buying gas guzzlers. So the couple head off to this van festival for all sorts of sex, drugs, and van competition for the coolest van ever! As long as the couple can stay away from the hijinks of Tex they should have no problem winning at the van event as I give the film 2 stars. It felt like ‘Convoy’ but with vans and on Halloween for some odd reason.

The Kansas City Massacre (DVD) – I believe this was a TV movie from 1975 set in the early 30s where two gangsters break out their fellow criminal from prison. Not long from the prison break they go rob a bank and run into another gang they thought was the police at first. They join forces and begin robbing ten different banks in three different states. This catches the eyes of the F.B.I. as they put together a special task force to bring these criminals to justice. Pretty Boy Floyd has second thoughts after one of their partners is captured and sets up a peaceful exchange but a huge shootout happens (Kansas City Massacre) and Floyd comes into info that he was set up by the police commissioner. Floyd wants revenge and even explains to the F.B.I. once he has revenge the criminal activity will end. I give it 2 stars… I knew I was going to watch it as it has ‘massacre’ in the title.

Presidents’ Day Massacre (DVD) – A subpar 2015 no budget horror film where an inmate escapes from prison heading to a place called Little Jamestown. Apparently there was a murder a year ago in the little town and now the masked killer is there to restart his killing spree. The spree begins at a lame house party full of seniors with the reveal of the killer that will most likely put you to sleep as I give it a ½ star.

Gutter Punk Massacre (DVD) – A bad 2014 flick out of New Mexico where it looks like a crazed man in flannel is bursting into houses and killing people. But you quickly find out a middle-aged dude armed with a medical facemask and a blow dart controls this individual to kill randomly. The whole reason for the chaos is because the good doctor is sucking punk ding dong for $20 a pop in the office! The film is a chaotic hot mess that doesn’t make too much sense but has a severed punk wiener picked up by a detective and a hilarious death to the skull by a Pabst beer. The weird part is I could see a cult following for this film if those involved really tried pushing it out there on social media but anyway I give it a ½ star.

Wrath of Man (On Demand) – Jason Statham’s latest where he plays a man who lost his son during a robbery of a cash truck where one of the burglars kill his son in the street. After a short recovery in the hospital he gets a job with the cash truck company simply known as “H”. This helps him get a foot in the door and track down how and why his son died but the kicker is everyone is a criminal and no good guys as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

The Spade County Massacre (DVD) – A small town that was scared to death by a cult several years was put to rest by the town sheriff. The sheriff wrongly accused a local man named Doug and everything seems to go away for about five years. Now there is talk of the cult being back and the sheriff is looking at Doug for anything that may go down in the small town. But with a new deputy on the force who is looking into the old files of this cult not everything looks like they seem with the old sheriff and Doug. The cult believes in resurrection of the dead and in Spade County the dead doesn’t always stay dead. A pretty boring horror flick trying to combine demons, the undead, crooked cop, bad effects, and a serial killer as I give it a ½ star.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #537

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Gross Movie Reviews #537

Dogs (DVD) – The campus of Southwestern University just happens to be a site of a secret government experiment and strange things are starting to happen around the small college town. There have been some odd animal attacks and after a couple dead bodies a couple of university professors are trying to figure out why dogs are traveling and attacking together? Your normal household pet in a split second begins to go for the jugular is if summoned to do it! With each passing day dog attacks rise as the pack of dogs are growing and the professors fear if it isn’t the government these dogs could take over the town as humans must fight dogs to the death. It is a fun “when animal attacks movie” from the 70s that I never heard of before and was happy to sit and watch it. Interesting factoid besides this not being a TV movie flick is that there was a sequel planned called ‘Cats’. The ending even sets it up but this film did lousy at the box office so the sequel was scrapped immediately but don’t let that stop you from enjoying another 70s gem as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (DVD) – A weirdo early 70s ultra-low budget flick that takes place in Jefferson Valley where everybody knows each other including the sheriff’s deputy who sits at the bar all day drinking. Over the past few weeks a few people go missing which never happens and no takes too much notice until old man Jim falls into the bar a bloody mess and dies. Blood samples from Old Jim’s body have pathologists baffled on what exactly is the cause? But a couple of weird famers are snatching people up and harvesting human blood to bring their queen back to the living as they are controlled by a man called “the Lord Druid”. If you are into wacky horror fun like a ‘Motel Hell’ then this low budget affair is right up your alley as I give this fun mess 3 stars.

Torso (DVD) – Holy crap this Eye-talian sleazefest is from 1973 and about a masked man that is stalking college women in Italy and strangling them with his red scarf. After a death or two near the college a group of women head out to a villa discussing the murders for some ‘girl time’. But the killer follows them to the villa and has a bloody good time trying to hack them to bits! I am not a giallo fan but always willing to watch one and this always had me curious. If you take out the sleaze you can see the early 80s slasher formula a decade before we were seeing it on a regular basis here in the states as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

Water Wars (DVD-R) – Well it took a while to track this post-apocalyptic “Corman Presents” flick down as it stars Michael Madsen, a couple Playboy Playmates, and directed by Cirio H. Santiago with Jim Wynorski stepping in after illness. Supposedly finished in 2011 but never released until 2014 but I couldn’t find a physical copy for sale or the film on any streaming sites but as usual give me time and the movie will find me. Once you get past the filler (stock footage from several Filipino post-apocalyptic films that I believe takes up half of the film) water is the only currency of course. An evil warlord Bane is hell bent on tracking down a water source and believes there is springs of fresh water hidden in the mountains but can never capture anyone that knows where it is until now. A gun for hire named Slade is hired by a beautiful lady who claims to know where this spring is if he rescues her sister from Bane. Slade does the job but now Bane and his evil followers are coming to ravage the village but not Slade and his new lady bump uglies like they were in a freakin ‘Witchcraft’ film. This was a poor excuse of a post-apocalyptic film that I should have left buried but you know me as I give it 0 stars.

The Embalmers (DVD) – An exciting fresh filmmaker named Rebecca Rinehart has just released her first full feature that isn’t a straight up horror movie as much as something a little different… The film revolves around the “Quint” family who own a funeral home and been operating it in their small town for over a hundred years. The Quint family might be a little odd of how they do things but they have been dealing with the dead long enough that the locals trust them with their journey to rest in peace. But there are supernatural forces that are not there for the good of man and Cy is able to read minds besides having a connection with a little girl who wears KISS makeup all the time! Through this power Cy has figured out his family must put a stop to this evil force that has bodies piling up all over town. The film is very dialogue driven, with a splash of blood, and supernatural elements that don’t bludgeon you over the head. Now I would have liked a few minutes edited out to make it a quicker pace film but saying that I believe most of the dialogue is vital for the viewer to know what is going on. Overall Rebecca did a solid job first time out and has me excited to see what else she has up next for independent movie fans as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. there was a weird thing that I noticed during one scene where Antwoine Steele is standing behind some shelves just waiting/not doing anything in the morgue and I am not totally sure why? Was it an editing error or a scene cut…? Again weird but doesn’t take away from the solid effort.

Marabunta (DVD) – Killer South American ants have been awaken near a small Alaskan town that just happen to have a volcano that may or may not be active. After some research from a vacationing scientist and a school teacher they believe the volcano’s recent activity is what awakens the ants and now the ants want to take over the town one section at a time. This cheesy late 90s flick stars Mitch Pileggi as the town sheriff but the film still doesn’t hold a candle to the 70s killer ant movies as I give it 1 ½ stars.

High Ballin’ (DVD) – If there was such a thing as “truckersploitation” then we found it starring Jerry Reed of course. Duke is a respected independent trucker who is bucking the system in a lot of truckers’ minds. But a trucking company called King Carol Cargo is pressuring him to join as quite a few Indy drivers have gotten robbed and almost killed by some masked bandits. With the help of a buddy in Peter Fonda the two are trying to outlast this company until Duke decides to retire but that isn’t soon enough for the cargo company. If you are old like me and enjoy ‘BJ and the Bear TV show’ and ‘Smoky and the Bandit’ films then you’ll enjoy a shitload of Jerry Reed and CB radio talk as I give it 2 stars.

Swarm (DVD) – This 2007 killer ant film has several titles including my favorite: Ants on a Plane, Destination: Infestation, and Deadly Swarm. Anyway on a flight from Colombia these bullet ants (very bad ass ants) hitch a ride inside the chest cavity of an asshole passenger and explode out of his chest once the flight is up and over the ocean. So with limited time and nowhere to go to land an entomologist and an air marshal must figure out how to combat these mutant ants before the government shoots the plane down before reaching US soil. This Canadian TV movie wasn’t too exciting but would have been a little more watchable if someone would have kept screaming “get these F’N ants off this mother F’N plane”! But we didn’t get that so I could only give it 1 star.

Willy’s Wonderland (DVD) – Nic Cage in a ‘Banana Splits Movie’ rip-off sort of… okay I am in! Anyhow Nic Cage is only known as “the janitor” throughout the film as he doesn’t utter one word throughout but does grunt once or twice while playing pinball. The man with no name is speeding on empty roads until he hits a police zigzag that punctures all four tires of his sports car. Gets a tow into town but only has credit, no cash. So the tow truck driver introduces him to Tex the owner of Willy’s Wonderland or a version of Chuck E. Cheese or whatever you remember it to be in your city many moons ago. Willy’s is a kid party center with animatronic band but actually serial killers dressed as the band who play music and kill families a decade or two ago. After the satanic ritual and many more deaths of those who enter the place was closed down Tex and others lure people here to please the things inside. So the janitor spends one night inside cleaning the place and his car will be fixed free of charge. The animatronic beings begin to play music but the janitor ignores, they begin to stalk him he ignores, they finally confront him and if it isn’t break time Nic Cage begins to massacre these evil beings and throws them in the dumpster. Weird, gory, Nic Cage, deals with the devil, lots of fun stuff but I still like ‘The Banana Splits Movie’ just a little bit more as I give this 3 stars.

Lycanimator (DVD) – A scientist is asked to give up his secret formula but instead of giving it up uses it on himself and murdering his family. Little time passes as we are introduced to a group of college-aged friends who are heading to the old Phillips home for the weekend and they are warned not to go into the basement. After they drink themselves silly and there is no alcohol left they go into the basement to find the formula believing it is booze. Jeff is forced to drink it and begins to bleed green but of course he becomes a super sex champ to bang his hot tatted up girlfriend May before transforming into a mutated melting werewolf ripping his friends a part. Honestly this film is a hot mess that only lasts 50 minutes (without credits). Kudos for you getting a Todd Sheets cameo, along with several other voice cameos, a cool creature, and the hot actress Cayt Feinics (awesome tattoos), but in my opinion this film had so much untapped potential especially with the mutating melted werewolf creature that never came to life as I give it 1 star.    

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #536

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Gross Movie Reviews #536

Bridge of Dragons (DVD) – A 1999 film starring Dolph Lundgren who plays good soldier under an evil general that seeks to marry a young princess of a modern day kingdom. The princess does not want to marry and escapes for a brief time from the kingdom only to be recaptured by Dolph. But things don’t go well at the meeting point as the evil general played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa puts a beat down on the princess and Dolph goes rogue in order to help her. They try to seek out revolutionists that are willing to fight with them to bring the kingdom peace again. The film isn’t too exciting until the climax where we get the fight we want to see between Dolph and Tagawa, good stuff. If not a Dolph fan I would keep skipping through the streaming channels as I give this okay fantasy flick 1 ½ stars.

Sweepers (DVD) – This film starring Dolph Lundgren and Bruce Payne starts off pretty slow as these two dudes a part of the Humanitarian Order of Chivalry that sweep for mines in Angola in order to help the civilians there during the civil war. During some chaos Erikson’s son dies in the minefield causing him to leave the H.O.C. but to stay in Angola since there is nothing to go home too. Five years pass and the U.S. government decides to go looking for the landmine expert after they believe experimental mines were used in a terrorist attack and it all points to Angola. A young agent named Flynn is charged with finding Erikson and having him show her where found these experimental landmines as she need proof for the boys back home. While these two bicker about what should be done and how? The two get mixed up with some bad dudes who are using the computerized landmines to keep people away from their diamond shipments. Starts slow but it ends with a wonderful big train explosion that helps as I give the flick 2 stars.

Blackjack (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren in a John Woo film with a little supporting help from Fred Williamson where Dolph aka Jack aka becomes Uncle Jack after he protected a daughter of a casino owner. When the casino owner and wife die in an “accident” Jack is given custody of Casey who adores her new Uncle Jack. But with this new duty Jack must juggle his new “dad life” with protecting a drug-addicted model that screws him over soon as he leaves her sight. The movie is a little long but a pretty entertaining flick with the name power the film has as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (DVD) – This 2004 sequel stars no one but has two known independent names attached to it (David Sterling and Brad Sykes). This entry took seven minutes before it had a sex scene and it took the dude to be blindfolded in order for it to happen. Were they going for the fetish thing? Was I missing something here? Or was it just an excuse to have a hooded person come in and kill the blindfolded man… Couple minutes later the cops are way ahead of everyone as they talk demons and the supernatural like this happen every day? Remember we are in Witchcraft world but it took 11 movies for them to accept this. Moving on, the gist I got from this entry is some terrible dude or thing in a crappy club that only has like two rooms to get your freak on is using his laser eyes to suck your soul out. So just to make it more interesting Will Spanner and his pierced nipple shows up to bang his dead friend’s girlfriend three times so she could get over the supernatural tragedy. The film is a complete mess but far from the worst because that entry has yet to come as I give this 1 star.

Star Hunter (DVD) – A weirdo direct-to-video film from 1995 that stars Roddy McDowall, Stella Stevens, and Zach Ward! A being escapes some intergalactic space prison and heads to earth to hunt these humans. The group of humans that is picked for this hunt is a couple lost ball players, a cheerleader, and a principal/school bus driver. There is force fields, cops get involved eventually, and a very lame alien hunter that is hunted also by another intergalactic being who takes over Zach Ward’s body to stop this hunter. Yes, the movie is laughable but oddly entertaining as I give it 2 stars.

Witchcraft XIII: Blood of the Chosen (DVD) – This 2008 entry has Will Spanner struggling with his dark past again as murders are happening around him causing Will to feel he is falling into the darkness. He must solve the mystery quickly before he says fuck it after 11 films and go to the dark side. These murders disturb Will as the victims are having their hearts ripped out and of course… the detectives don’t have a clue. They begin to get worse again as I give this film a ½ star.

Witchcraft XIV: Angel of Death (DVD) – Just when you thought you hit the bottom of the barrel this series finds a whole new level of suck! A trilogy of films released in early 2017 begins with the two detectives finding a naked dead body at the Motor Hotel. Meanwhile we are introduced to a young lady named Rose who has killed two people by accident as she is unaware of her witch powers. Rose distraught now tries speaking with mom but that doesn’t go well which then leads her to a dude named Yogi Samuel. You know that dude that owns the local Yoga studio down the street and just happens to be a powerful warlock who claims to be given witches a safe place to use their powers. What Rose doesn’t know Yogi has her in his plans that will help make a prophecy come true! This was hilariously bad. Not laughable entertaining bad but yinz should have stopped at part 13 as I give this entry 0 stars.

Witchcraft XV: Blood Rose (DVD) – After Yogi Samuel failed with Rose, the weirdo assistant Sharon takes over the evil ways of the Yoga studio but in secret (shhhh!) so Rose doesn’t get wise to what is going on. A month passes after the last film and the Yoga coven focuses its energy on Rose again. Sharon learns to use Rose by possessing her and take people’s souls since Rose is such a powerful witch but has yet to learn her full potential. Sharon’s goal is to use these souls to bring forth Satan… how lame. Even with Spanner’s best efforts in making the Yoga girls say they are sorry evil still finds a way to survive one more movie as I give this flick 0 stars.

Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven (DVD) – Finally the last entry but wait a minute… all the characters from the past two films are back to do a spoof! WTF? The cast is trying out for a low budget series of films called “Crystal Force” and guess what they are on part 16. Here’s the catch there are rumors actors disappear after every entry? In reality or the context of this dumb ass spoof a warlock is actually killing his leads in hopes of bringing forth Satan. Quick second here folks have yinz noticed a trend in this series: these so-called warlocks suck out loud when trying to bring forth Satan. I bet you Julian Sands would have no problem! I laughed hard at this film and not in a good way as the film uses flashbacks (about 20 minutes or so of them) disguised as scenes from past “Crystal Force” films. This isn’t spoofing kids this is called a sad excuse called filmmaking and it sucks and went downhill so bad in these last three entries. Not even showing a warlock dong could have save this last film as I give it negative stars.

From Hell It Came (DVD) – A late 50s drive-in flick where a chief of an island tribe has his son killed because of his father dying. Something about getting poison from the American scientists, who the scientists are there actually to treat the tribe for the plague caused by nuclear fallout. The natives set in their ways do not trust the outsiders! But the fallout helps the corpse rise from the grave as a killer tree to get revenge on those who accused him of wrongdoing. Fun B-movie stuff as I give it 2 stars.

Panic at Lakewood Manor (DVD/YouTube) – A ‘made-for-TV’ film from the 70s that was also known as ‘Ants!’ and also known as ‘It Happened at Lakewood Manor’. An all-star cast is at the lakeside hotel that may or may not be up for sale to an oncoming asshole. But what little the guests know is that they are all about to be invaded by what was believed to be harmless pests but now an angry army of ants. A construction crew working on a project next to Lakewood Manor disturbs a colony of ants that sends them descending onto the hundred year old hotel and it’s only a matter of time before people begin dying from the ant bites. A fun “when nature fights back” flick that will have your parents wanting more and bring up some embarrassing memories of your siblings who bothered them when the parents watched the first time around before cable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

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