Tag Archives: Charles Band

Gross Movie Reviews #601

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Amityville Ride-Share (YouTube) – NO FUCKING KIDDING KIDS! Entry #47 can’t even stick to its title as only 20% of the film is doing the Amityville Uber thing or is that copyrighted? Anyway, we get 70 minutes of portals, a midget (sorry little person clown), news story about a missing girl who may be part of a snuff film, another uber driver who gets stabby, another clown killing someone in a cannabis store, a You Tuber’s live stream of a bad weed reaction, and whatever at this point as I lost track as some dude Henry comes on screen to explain he is making “Amityville: Faces of Death” or something… I guess? Then trailers roll for twenty minutes like the terrible “Evil Bong” series and Charles Band you are not. Honestly this was a dumb idea for a movie because here is its legit issue: You stuck with the ride-share thing literally only a fraction of the film so you failed horribly as I give this 0 stars.

Message from Space (DVD) – An Asian film from 1978 about a dying planet that has an old dude who throws eight seeds into space that will sprout heroes to save them?! No, I wasn’t high when watching this… Anyhow, Sonny Chiba and Vic Morrow show up in this Japanese production to give it creditability as a princess follows the seeds so she can oversee the heroes. The plan is for these seeds to find good people to fight these evil steel plated people who if they would have listened to this cruel old lady the movie would have been over in twenty minutes as she just says most of the film “Kill so and so”! For that I give 1 ½ stars.

Mansion of the Doomed (DVD) – Okay yinz kids let me set the picture: Lance Henriksen, Richard Basehart, and Stan Winston doing effects, and Charles Band’s first produced feature supposedly… you interested? If not then you are an asshole or dead so let’s move on. An experienced doc in Dr. Chaney who is in a car accident with his daughter Nancy that causes her to go blind. Dr. Chaney has a sudden change of heart in experimentation of eyes in order to bring his daughter’s eye sight back? But this requires live donors and the first is Dr. Dan Bryan who he drugs in order to perform surgery and it works for his daughter… for a short while. Thus setting up two storylines: one the good doctor non-stop experimenting until he can perfect and truly bring his daughter’s eyesight back and second, the live donors that rot in a prison in the Dr. Chaney’s basement. On top of that his daughter going crazy from all the transplants driving her insane! This film has aged a little bit but doesn’t take away how disturbing and cringe worthy this flick is as I got to give it 3 ½ stars.

Dead Dudes in the House (DVD) – The film is also known as “The House on Tombstone Hill” and recently got the special treatment but never heard of this film. Funny thing is I know if I see it when first released in 1989 there is good chance I would be talking about it like I talk about “Spookies”. But with this we get a young group of friends arriving at a broken down home that Mark of the group just purchased. After one of Mark’s friends destroys a tombstone in the backyard an old lady wakes up and the group is suddenly locked in the house. Now this group of unsuspecting people must fight an old lady that is able to hack these people to pieces with no effort. The film has its moments, blood, and the killer old lady which makes this fall under that category of fun weird shit that includes “Spookies and The Video Dead” of we can’t explain this shit but I am giving it 3 stars.

Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey (On Demand) – Apparently the talking animals of 100 Acres woods and our childhood stories is pissed off at Christopher Robin! All because Christopher when he grew up decided to pick college over his animal friends and there happen to be a bad winter and ate one of their own. Now, they have vowed to not talk to humans and fuck people up turning the childhood story into a subpar slasher film. Reverting back to their original instincts causes them to become the ‘bigfoot’ of our time? But of course this doesn’t stop a group of women heading to the woods for the weekend to become slasher fodder for the animals. I get the premise; I understand what was trying to be done… But lightening in a bottle only came with “The Banana Splits” if you wanna be truthful as I give this sadly unoriginal tale of our youth 2 stars.

Unwelcome (DVD) – So literally it is like someone decided there needed to be an origin story and a sequel to the wall gnome from “Cat’s Eye”? Thank you for amusing me for a minute anyhow a young couple who get brutalized in their swanky townhome recently inherit a country house in the Irish countryside and decide to go be a apart of this small community. Shortly after arriving they are told of a legend of the little people/red caps who live beyond the door of their garden. The aunt that use to live there gave them a blood offering nightly to keep them at bay or so the legend goes among the community? Well there is a lot of buildup of these redcaps the first hour or so but the payoff is glorious and enjoyable for all. Great writing, fun characters, and love that the wall gnomes live as I give this film 3 ½ stars.

Grimoire Volume One (YouTube/DVD) – A short film from filmmaker Donovan Smith who brings us a grim and gritty tale of a man reflecting on his past. He is on the hunt for something evil that leads him to an ancient book. Thus the ancient book gives him knowledge of a cruel unkind creature he has been tracking for some time and it must end now. This short film looks amazing but feels unfinished like it is supposed to lead to something or what you kids don’t know about what we call an investment video for a feature before there was a Kickstarter, indiegogo, etc. I enjoy the premise, the character, what it could be? Mr. Smith has something here; now let’s see if he takes this interesting piece in the right direction as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #591

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Psycho Santa 2: The Forgotten Gift (DVD) – In 2006 this was an underground Santa sequel that just got a release (supposedly the sequel was never released four years after the original) but hey who in the hell knew there was a sequel? Anyway in this incoherent mess an undead psycho Santa returns to help his son Donivan carry on the holiday murdering tradition. SOV fans there were a reason this stayed unreleased for several years and incoherent is being nice so enjoy if you were a fan of the first film as I give this pile of Santa poo 0 stars.

Puppet Master: Doktor Death (Tubi) – So Charles Band’s next step into the “Puppet Master” universe was to follow up the ‘Blade’ flick with an entry from the “Retro Puppet Master” series? Hmm… Not exactly where I would have gone but anyhow we are introduced to April who has her first day on the job at ‘Shady Oaks Senior Living’ where her first task is to help clean out an old dude’s place after dying. She stumbles upon an old chest that they of course open and find the Doktor Death doll! Doesn’t take long for this puppet to get its legs going and begin its killing spree in the senior living (or dead) home. But Full Moon alum Dave Parker throws in a twist where April being there knew exactly what she was doing from the beginning in hopes of opening up the Full Moon universe for more “Retro Puppet Master” one-offs? This entry was nowhere near the disaster the ‘Blade’ flick was as I actually give this 2 ½ stars.

Amityville Scarecrow 2 (DVD) – Again for those of yinz kids counting with me this is entry #42 and also a sequel to a very shitty UK film. Apparently the sisters didn’t get enough of the haunted land the first time around and decided making the haunted trailer park/camp an attraction was a smart idea? First half of the film has lots of filler talk of how the land “is haunted or evil”. Second half of the film is a poor excuse for a bad scarecrow slasher. But if you need amused? Pay attention to the characters talking about the timeline of the murders of the first film as it makes Charles Band’s Puppet Master timeline look like a first grade math problem as I give this horrible travesty 0 stars.

Amityville Karen (DVD/Tubi) – Hey yinz, here is entry #43 as I really hate to talk down to an independent film or the people behind it but honestly this over 100 minute piece of shit based on a joke and stereotyping a certain dumb human should have been no more than a 15 minute short film and not released three years after being relevant? But here we are… apparently Karen is a health code inspector who wants to bring down a winery that isn’t showing her the right respect. While the manager goes off to do something Karen takes it upon herself to steal a bottle of Amityville Wine. Once home Karen drinks the wine, finds herself haunted by a demon, then the next morning signing her soul over to a complete stranger whose photo appears on the Amityville wine. What doesn’t make a ton of sense is there is an actual cast of actors that you may know and this film is full of more filler than an actual storyline. Even when Karen begins her evil murder spree it barely will make you blink with the bland special effects. Oh by some chance you need to know how this ties in with “Amityville?” Apparently the wine comes from a vineyard that was planted in the evil town on evil soil!!! I know there is a few Indy people on the west coast that were involved with this project but sometimes you got to say, “NO” as I give this complete unfunny disaster 0 stars.

The Resonator: Miskatonic U (DVD/Tubi) – This reboot, reimaging, whatever you want to call this creation from William Butler and Charles Band caught me a bit off guard as I gave it sometime before I watched it? I heard certain things and one of being they were continuing “From Beyond” and “Re-Animator”? So let’s be serious for a moment any real horror fan would question anything Charles Band has given us recently but as usual I gave it a chance because I am a fan and… (Ready) I was pleasantly surprised with what they did. Think of it as a combo as this was the first entry that has a young college character named Crawford who is continuing his father’s work which includes rebuilding the ‘resonator’. Crawford does a demonstration for his friends as they were worried but see the potential in his work and what this could mean for mankind? After being witnesses to the breakthrough of the resonator working Crawford is haunted by his deceased father telling him to destroy the machine before its too late. A professor (Michael Pare) who is very acquainted with Crawford and his father’s work soon interjects himself into the equation. Professor Wallace wants world domination as Crawford just wants to speak with his father but the calculations are off or are they? The film ends with a young Herbert West being introduced to the group in front of Miskatonic U played by Josh Cole. I really was on the fence about this but I will admit I liked it and have to give it 3 stars.

Beyond the Resonator (DVD/Tubi) – In the sequel all the characters that were involved with witnessing the resonator are now being affected by the after effects of being in a parallel reality that is now the new one. Crawford tries to get a meeting with the group to explain, “Not to do anything before he can come up with a plan” Flatliners-style. Meanwhile we get to watch a young Herbert West get used to his surroundings and try to nail down the reagent formula he is trying to perfect to bring life back to the dead. Weird, fun, still missing Jeffery Combs but gotta give Josh Cole for doing a great job as I give this 3 stars.

Curse of the Re-Animator (DVD/Tubi) – To complete the trilogy Crawford believes he was doing the right thing trying to connect with his dead father but knows he must put things back with the resonator. Meanwhile West’s experiments escalate and he finds himself in the middle of an experiment to bring the resonator back to life and set things right? These recent projects that combined “From Beyond and Re-Animator” storylines were done with the respect they deserved but also made it fun to revisit. I personally would have loved to see the original Herbert West involved someway? But I guess this will have to do as I never put it pass Charles Band to come up with something as I give this film also 3 stars.

Baby Oopsie 2: Murder Dolls (DVD/Tubi) – Another William Butler project under the Full Moon label where he took a character from a past series and placed it in a series of movies. Sybil and Baby Oopsie have returned after Sybil’s boss is no more. While dabbling in some other things with her satanic neighbor the authorities are taking notice of Sybil. They have questions about her former employer? Meanwhile Sybil is also approached by a superfan to make two new dolls? Sybil’s superfan happens to be employed by an overseas corporation called Twinkle Enterprises who want global domination of the doll market. After developing the dolls and Sybil’s neighbor getting involved for the first time Sybil questions what she is doing and may want a part of toy hell! Weird as hell but if you are the Full Moon fan well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Baby Oopsie 3: Burn Baby Burn! (DVD/Tubi) – With the new dolls and the satanic neighbor it is the day of reckoning as everything seems to be closing in on Sybil. The satanic neighbor is bringing forth “The Toy Master” as Sybil tries to do the right thing and get a priest involved. This sequel is fucking wacky as we got dumb detectives, cyborgs, end of mankind, green goo, an exorcism, and a way to tie in the original “Demonic Toys” into the evil storyline and give it potential for another sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.  

Amityville Hex (DVD/YouTube) – Entry #44 in the series was much delayed and comes off that it was filmed at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was locked down like the “5G Zombies” flick. Anyhow if you are still with me after that this entry focuses in on vloggers/influencers/podcasters that are doing the latest internet challenge “Amityville Hex”. Supposedly at first nothing happens but apparently reciting this on the internet with your followers brings forth Satan or some kind of demonic force that haunts your ass until you die. (Nope never heard of that idea before?) It also claims when these certain popular people do this it will go viral. The first 30 minutes is a bunch of so-called vloggers or whatever doing the challenge then the last 75 minutes is the after effects to those who did the challenge. Yes kids, over 105 minutes of boring shit that could have been done in 10 minutes on YouTube (again just my opinion) but yet again is possibly the main reason you hear so many horror fans push back against crowd funding movie projects? The one question I have between this movie and “Amityville Karen” and “Amityville Thanksgiving” is … Mr. Shawn Phillips where is all the money your so-called fans put into these because I fail to see it in the production value? Sorry that is me just being old and critical or maybe not? Yinz decide as I give this crap 0 stars also.

Prince of the Crimson Void (DVD/YouTube) – The latest out of underground independent filmmaker Dakota Ray who once again dives head first into some super dark shit. Dakota has a talent to tell bleak and dark stories and this is no different as Fabian is a sadistic murderer who believes in snuffing out another serial killer Kimball. Fabian’s belief is he will gain his power and the souls of those Kimball as taken over the years as both of them share a burial ground where they lay the remains. Fabian in his quest is quite taken back when he finds out Kimball has cancer which could upset Fabian’s grand plan for the fellow serial killer? But Fabian goes through the killing anyway only to dig up the corpse a year later to plan with his skull. Even though Fabian feels god-like I do wonder if Fabian is just questioning his obsession with the individual when he digs up the corpse. Sick, dark, twisted, whatever  you would like to call underground filmmaker Dakota Ray I will say this: His material might not be my cup of tea but would not be surprised if he finds a much bigger audience with this project and a fan base that will want more… as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

John Shatzer and I have a conversation about Charles Band’s career…

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Episode 5: Charles Band discussion with Tim Gross

This is the first of another two parter. In this episode we cover Band’s early career and his founding and running into the ground of his first studio Empire pictures. We also chat briefly about Wizard Video days. People seem to forget that he was early on in the VHS craze of the late seventies and early eighties. The picture is Tim and I at Cinema Wasteland… remember conventions? Hell remember seeing people’s faces? Well for me the mask thing might be working.

http://www.crappymoviereviews.com/2021/02/conversations-with-john.html?fbclid=IwAR3zzFOiqg1nNKPE5JH5fGitWjf5hFfCyQ5hfd8BLaO1054IS4GLF_ovNBE

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Gross Movie Reviews #521

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Gross Movie Reviews #521

 

Exorcism at 60000 Feet (DVD) – This is the horror film version of ‘Airplane’ that stars few horror convention all-stars with music from Richard Band. Viet Kong Airways is having its last flight to Vietnam and Father Romero is onboard taking a trip after a tiring exorcism. But noises keep being heard in the cargo area of the plane as the demon spirit of Bill Moseley as hitched a ride and hell-bent on haunting the good father.  One by one the demon possesses the passengers on board and kills them in horrific ways as it tries to get closer to the priest. The film has all kinds of political incorrectness good or bad that steals its plot from that ‘Twilight Zone’ episode. The film starts off funny for the first twenty minutes but quickly the joke dies of a horrible dull death causing me to only give this film 1 ½ stars and it stars Lance Henriksen as the pilot for the love of Rutger Hauer.

 

Spree (On Demand) – Another film that reminds me that I am getting older and it is possible this film is only aimed for a certain small age bracket of audience? Kurt is an average dude who like most young people these days has his whole life on social media or in this case “Kurt’s World”. A streaming channel that barely has double digit followers and Kurt so wants to be internet famous like most young people these days. After many years of trying to have everyone accept him as an internet influencer has a chance meeting with an up and coming comedian that has a hundred thousand followers enters his Uber, oh I mean ‘Spree’ car for a ride. From here he has installed cameras throughout the vehicle recording everything and was already in the process of his plan of becoming a serial killer just for the clicks and follows. Remember kids if you are not trying to be an influencer then you are no one! One day changes it all as Kurt decides to kill his online bully and takeover his feed and the downward murder spree goes from there as it all leads back to the popular comedian he is obsessed with. This of course goes viral. For me I can totally believe this is where society is going anymore just because I have little faith in humanity for how it has been acting recently. But saying that I found the film annoying from the beginning and found the Kurt character super annoying which the filmmaker may have been going for anyway? For all I have said I still believe this film is literally made for a small audience that I am not a part so go figure as I give this unlikable film a ½ star. Wouldn’t be surprised people under the age of 21 feel this is the “Best Movie of 2020?”

 

The Pact (DVD) – Another sub-par paranormal goobly goo nonsense where a young woman named Annie moves into a family home that is haunted. Instead of leaving of course she needs to know more about her family. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I feel most paranormal films fail to ever impress me because they are usually boring and really do not come up with something interesting or maybe new to make the viewing memorable? There is a few out there I enjoy but I feel studios mass produce this type of cheap thrill more than zombie flicks as I only give this 1 star. If you need to abuse yourself more this film does have sequels… If you care Casper Van Dien shows up in the picture.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (DVD) – This 1980 sex comedy is a prime example of a film that find that niche between porn and a R-rated film that has one very short sex romp. William Warkoff owns a popular Hollywood studio wants his producers to find the next big hit to film and make him millions of dollars as his studio is falling behind in these modern times. They come across this “Happy Hooker” book that would be the perfect project for the studio. Problem is the Happy Hooker herself, Ms. Hollander wants to come to Hollywood from New York and discuss terms and be sure her story is told correctly. The studio doesn’t care for that so once there Ms. Hollander feels she gets the run around. This causes a young and talented grandson to convince Ms. Hollander the film could be made independently. They come up with a script and then come up with how they can get the funds as Hollander’s lawyer and let’s say friends are called in from New York. Of course hijinks ensue with lots of nudity that includes a butt shot from the legendary Adam West! There is a scene I was surprised we didn’t get to see his dong as it came close. Before Skinamax, Viewer’s Choice, and satellite porn channels you had these popular sex comedies that ride the edge of the ratings system as I give the film 2 ½ stars.     

 

After Doomsday (DVD) – Lilith lives in a world that has recently fell apart that she wanders looking for anything that has survived. Biggest problem is she just wanders! No mutants, no assless chaps with motorcycles, any plagues, etc. Just flashbacks of military pilots discussing before they blow up the world and a subplot of Lilith’s husband who knows about the oncoming apocalypse and is trying to get in with the 1%. Yeah I know there isn’t much budget and do not tell me it’s art, but yinz could have fleshed out this subplot with the husband much more to make this film at least watchable. Forgive me but this movie is an undesirable bag of hot garbage that doesn’t even deserve a rating because it is so bad!

 

Apocalypse Road (DVD) – I am never done abusing myself with bad post-apocalyptic films as I found this film about two sisters wandering the wasteland with a sniper tracking them. As they are chased by the sniper they get separated and make their own ways to the coast as if this will save them both. They were wrong and this was another big waste of my time as not a whole happens except the sniper chasing them from beginning to end and do not care if there was an actual reason as I give it 0 stars.

Castle Freak (Shudder/remake) – So hey kids Fangoria are at it again as they helped reboot another Charles Band classic in “Castle Freak”. The original starred Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton and it was directed by Stuart Gordon with a small but vicious cult following for the film. This time a twenty something woman Rebecca and her asshat boyfriend John are in a car accident that causes her to go blind. Meanwhile in Albania the mother she never knew about is keeping a creature in the basement of a castle locked up and whips herself for acknowledging it. The mother passes away and Rebecca inherits the castle and the creature she doesn’t know about. Once there her boyfriend is trying to sell everything quickly and lies to Rebecca whenever he can as he needs drugs again just to deal with the situation. But Becks becomes curious of the castle as she cannot see but constantly hears sounds behind the walls and becomes even more curious when an ancient book is found in her mother’s closet. Once their friends get there from the states to help move stuff the one friend they call the professor begins to read the book and believe Becks isn’t crazy. The book speaks of “The Old Ones” and “Cthulhu” and on top of that the professor discovers the creature in the basement is Becks twin sister from her grandfather and the disgusting rape of her mother. Just like the original it starts off slow but unlike the original I believe this has more plot to give and enjoyed where the climax of the film goes. I liked the original and I liked this film but neither was over the top wonderful as I just believe it does deserve a chance as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #508

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Gross Movie Reviews #508

Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

Blade the Iron Cross (On Demand) – So about 20 years too late we get a Blade standalone film Charles Band and Full Moon. Hey I was happy it was going to exist but they also kept it in the Nazi era instead of making it in present time. Bottom line plot wise is a psychic journalist; Elisa owns Blade and brings him to life to fight a Nazi scientist who continues his horrific experiments on humans. This Nazi scientist of course seeks to replicate the Toulon formula but also to enhance it. But Elisa with the help of Blade and a detective try to put a stop to it before it’s too late. For me the question remains do we even get this film if ‘The Littlest Reich’ is ever released? Because I don’t know about you Full Moon fans this movie was just meh as I give it 2 stars.

 

Weedjies! Halloweed Night (On Demand) – Three college girls need to raise funds for their next semester’s tuition so they have a Halloween party. So they rent a hotel in Vegas and Halloween it up for the party. The catch for all to come is that you pay to get in to be a part of a scavenger hunt and whoever wins gets this “ultimate weed”. The party gets going, the hunt begins, and an evil baroness shows up and gets the friends to play an evil game of Ouija that unleashes the “Weedjies”. If they do not capture the Ghoulies-lite extras they will also become part of the game. The Danny Draven film is one of those shut your brain off films that isn’t truly a horror film but kind of fun to watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Yummy (Shudder) – A Dutch horror film about a couple who are going to a shady ass hospital for a breast reduction. Allison feels they are too big and it’s time to do something about them. Finally after a false start because of the boyfriend barging in Allison and the doctors are ready for the surgery. That is until Allison’s boyfriend stumbles in to warn people about the zombie outbreak in the hospital. From there on it is all blood, breasts, and chaos that include a dong on fire! Cool creatures and great effects make this film a riot as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

A Man Called Rage (YouTube) – Another Eye-talian post-apocalyptic film from 1984 that has a lone man named Captain Strike or nicknamed Rage brought to a military facility after he kills like twenty men to begin the film. Rage is a man who never got sick after the nukes but there is many others that did and this group of people living in this facility need his expertise to lead an expedition to find Uranium. They believe with this the people can survive the oncoming illness. Captain Strike agrees and along the way makes a deal with a complete psycho who use to be in his outfit years ago for maps that lead them to an air base in the “Forbidden Lands”. They get there and there is no Uranium but something better… VHS tapes on engineering, seeds, and the bible as I give this fun apocalyptic flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Torturer (Vimeo) – A short story written by Paul Kane that has made into a short film about a man named Andy Brooks. Andy is thrown into a dark room to be interrogated by a stern man with a clipboard. No backstory, not just yet as this stern figure can’t anything out of Andy except for his name as Andy claims he doesn’t remember anything. What seems like your typical movie interrogation takes a turn when the torture begins and Andy has dreams or flashes of a past life that come to haunt him. An interesting take story wise and worth a look as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. www.LittleSparkFilms.net

Intrusion Disconnected (Google) – This is the long awaited sequel from writer/producer Craig Everett Earl’s 2015 creepy thriller ‘Intrusion’. Mr. Earl and crew waste no time keeping up the creepiness of the connection between Holly and Ray. Some time has passed since the tragic events of the first film and Holly is still nowhere near living a normal life. Convinced Ray is still alive since the police never found his body in the wreckage of the paramedic van’s accident. The nightmares come nightly as Holly wakes up screaming most nights staying with friends just trying to find a way to deal with it. But the gloves are off this time as the anniversary of the horrific event in Holly’s life draws near as there is a slaughter happening and it is slowly closing in on Holly. Craig dives deep into the two characters of Holly and Ray to expand their backstory and show their connection in this bloody sequel. Again they rely heavily on the Holly and Ray characters to move the story along more than blood or sex that is thrown into most Indy films to move them along. This is a unique independent film for the reason it is a true thriller which you do not get much in the low budget world these days and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Katie Stewart and Craig Everett Earl, remember their names as I can see bigger budgeted projects coming their way soon as they are super talented people.

 

Savage Beach (On Demand) – This late 80s big boobied action/adventure flick is about two beautiful DEA agents crash landing on an island that has several people looking for gold. Apparently during WWII a Japanese boat went down nearby or may have shipwrecked on this island as it was carrying a lot of gold that set anybody up for life. So we have a few small groups of individuals trying to dupe the other while they find the gold first. These two beautiful ladies and a strange survivor from WWII just happen to wreck the treasure hunting party. It has a lot adventure hijinks to be put in the 80s sex comedy genre but if you enjoy that genre this will be worth a look as I give it 2 ½ stars for just keeping me entertained all the way through.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #501

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Gross Movie Reviews #501

 

We Die Young (DVD) – A story about a young drug runner for the MS-13 gang named Lucas in Washington D.C. He tries to watch out for his younger brother and has made friends with an ex-military vet Daniel (Jean-Claude Van Damme) who he delivers to on a regular basis. Both humans are just trying to do the right thing for others. When Lucas gets set up during a run he and his brother are on the run from the MS-13 because they must die for their betrayal. They jump into Daniel’s car and from there it’s stop and you will die. Not your typical JCVD action flick but the film has a lot of heart and an interesting storyline that made the film well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

Good Against Evil (YouTube) – Richard Lynch as a man into Satanism named Mr. Rimmin and a young Kim Cattrall showing up, yes I’m in! A baby is born and stolen by a nun to be taken to Mr. Rimmin and he explains to his legion that the child must be protected at all costs. 22 years later in San Francisco we meet Jessica Gordon who designs clothes. Her new car gets dinged up by a gentleman named Andy Stewart who tries to get Jessica to go to dinner with him but no luck. Andy persists until Jessica is down for it and eventually they become a couple but strange things like people dying keep happening. These folks that are dying are followers of Mr. Rimmin trying to protect Jessica and try to break up the lovers constantly. I enjoyed the movie but just not enough scenes of Lynch being an evil bad ass as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Ghost Riders (YouTube/VHS) – Here is a random 1987 I never knew about that I was super excited to watch and… then I did. Anyhow Frank Clements is hung by a vengeful priest in the old west. A hundred years later a Professor Sutton discovers Clements is back from the dead the hard way. Luckily for the Professor his random friends and son are coming for a visit and shoot the ghosts. But hey folks they soon find out they been shooting down the same ghosts over and over and must come up with a new plan to save all their asses! That is when they get back to the Sutton cabin and find out their grandpa was the priest that hung Clements. Yep a boring revenge flick that should have been so much better but turns out to be a snoozer as I give it 1 star.

 

Survivor (VHS) – It has been ten years since the war and a man/astronaut travels by a solar-powered train car looking for a so-called paradise. There is a story about an underground paradise that is ruled by a man named Kragg (Richard Moll) and scientists. Once there it isn’t what it is cracked up to be so the space man is challenged by Kragg. Kragg is amazed to find out the space man is the one who put the satellite into space that caused the war and gives a good long speech about the ‘New World’. Not one of the best post-apocalyptic flicks out there but an interesting take with the whole underground city and such plus Richard Moll as I give it 2 stars.

 

Strike Commando 2 (YouTube/VHS) – Our man Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei goes ripping off several 80s action flicks of where a vet Michael Ransom is sent in by the CIA to go looking for his old commander Jenkins. There is a whole double fake of Jenkins being hidden by the CIA but is actually double crossing the CIA and working for the enemy and has Ransom bringing diamonds for the payoff. Once Ransom understands what is going down, Ransom and his new blonde friend make a plan in the jungle to screw them all. Oh yeah in case you needed to know Jenkins was working for the KGB… damn it I gave it away. It’s fun B-movie follies for all to enjoy as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Lone Runner (YouTube/VHS) – A mid-80s flick from Ruggero Deodato about a superhero in the desert known as Garrett or Lone Runner. Once ten years ago he saved a little girl and some folks from some bandits. Now ten years later he is back to save her again as her father is being blackmailed for some mysterious diamonds that many people didn’t believe existed. We get some cool horse riding stunts and see Garrett take on a whole army of bandits. It isn’t the best of Deodato’s work but I love finding this stuff and thank the lord Rutger Hauer this filmmaker exists as I give it 2 stars.

 

Firewalker (DVD) – A hilarious action/comedy in the spirit of Indiana Jones in ways starring Chuck Norris, Louis Gossett Jr., Sonny Landham, John Rhys-Davies, and Melody Anderson! Max and Leo are hired by Melody’s character for a treasure hunt, yeah they are not real successful in the past but this time is different. It is an interesting movie for the mere reason it takes Chuck Norris out of his comfort zone but the chemistry he had with Louis Gossett Jr. is great as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Road Hell (DVD) – This relative low budget flick centers around a high-strung couple who have to stop at a seedy motel because they need sleep and to POOP! This intro of the creepy motel is for an anthology that has a vampire orgy, a kid wanting to take on an unknown creature in the woods that ate his dog, and profiling a zombie exterminator. The couple wrap around doesn’t have much to do with anything other than asking for a new room in between segments. When picking anthologies this might be the choice yinz all will wanna pass on as I almost feel asleep twice trying to make it through it. For that I give it 0 stars.

 

The Final Terror (DVD) – This slasher film has alluded me long enough as I knew it existed but not as ‘Campsite Massacre’ also. This star studded affair (Mark Metcalf, Lewis Smith, Adrian Zmed, and Darryl Hannah) is about a group of inexperienced rangers heading up north to Old Mill Creek for work and some partying. Old Edgar warns them about getting hurt and going somewhere else but this is the early 80s they don’t listen. After a joke that night goes a little too far when one of them don’t come back looking for someone’s weed crop they search for him all day with no luck. But now this thing stalking the woods is now hunting the rangers as they must make their way down river as they are tired and injured. With the cast I hoped for another ‘The Burning’ but got a less eventful slasher film instead and I give it 2 stars.

 

Jurassic Galaxy (DVD) – What feels like an Asylum film or a SyFy Channel flick is not as a spaceship crash lands and falls to pieces on a planet ruled by dinosaurs. The survivors if they can survive each other must make their trek across the treacherous planet to find the escape shuttle to get a SOS out in space. It wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was going to be still surprised neither of those factions had anything to do this with this terrible idea as I give it 2 stars.

 

Nazi Undead (DVD) – Brad and Ash are off to a castle in the middle of nowhere Germany when the car stalls out and a woman runs to the car to smack it and then die. So eventually the two get out finding help, but instead finding an old house with a paranormal creepy old German guy and backstory that replays a couple times during this dumb ass fucking movie! Candidate for worst movie I have watched in 2020 as I give it 0 stars.

The Terror of Hallow’s Eve (DVD) – Another film claiming to be based on true events that takes place on October 30, 1981 where a young teenager Timmy is very talented and likes to play pranks on the neighbors. He gets in trouble with his mother and promises not to do any pranks on Halloween so he investigates the attic and finds “The Book of Halloween” and reads about the ‘Trickster’. Timmy after getting the shit kicked out of him by three high school assholes he turns to the Trickster to help him scare them to death. Of course the trickster takes it literally and eventually with the help of Timmy’s imagination kills them all. Thus sending him to an asylum where the end of the film explains more about his story at present day. It is a solid Halloween horror film but wasn’t a big fan of the ending as it felt like padding or filler to stretch the film out. I liked the storyline, the cool under the radar Hollywood stars in it, but the ending for me was not needed but didn’t spoil the end product as I give the film 3 stars.

Corona Zombies (On Demand) – This latest Full Moon feature takes place in the Bodega Bay Trailer Park where Barbie has just learned about the Corona virus from her bestie Kendra over the phone. She turns on the news to learn the virus is getting out of control and now there might be ‘Corona Zombies’ as the virus is turning certain ones into zombies. But the real problem is Barbie doesn’t have toilet paper and she is like so bored. Barbie goes into panic mood as she watches the news showing live footage or I should say overdubbed footage of two other zombie movies throughout the newscast. Kendra tries to help Barbie through the phone to keep her calm but nothing says calm like finding an eight pack of TP! To be honest I have been critical of Charles Band and company which sucks because I love Full Moon and I believe we all were not expecting much from this project… But this project is fucking hilarious and makes me wanna go back and rewatch ‘Hell of the Living Dead’. This film will not be for everyone but for everything that is going on right now Charles Band might have a diamond in the rough with this project that shows maybe all humans need to calm down and watch something not so serious? But also thank you Charles Band for this project not being an infomercial for ‘Evil Bong’ and the latest crap on Full Moon Streaming as I give this 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #480

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Gross Movie Reviews #480

 

Valet Girls (On Demand) – Thanks to my good friend from across the pond James Peter Cox, he help me find this lost Empire Pictures flick that Charles Band has yet to abuse recently. It has cameos from former porn stars Ron Jeremy and Barbara Dare! For the most part this sex comedy that is more about comedy than sex is about Lucy and Rosalind and their misadventures as “Valet Girls” in Hollywood. All they want is to be famous but have to deal with dickholes Dirk Zebra and his sexual harassment antics. These young ladies are just trying to make it in the rock-n-roll business but in the meantime dress slutty for their job of parking cars. Most of this B-grade sex comedy takes place at a mansion that is basically supposed to be the Playboy mansion. But the girls get them all back when they are able to get the press in to see the underbelly of business in Hollywood. It is nowhere near as fun as “Hardbodies” but well adding that notch in your belt of 80s sex comedies that need to be seen as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blink of an Eye (DVD) – Arie Lombardozzi goes with a subtle statement short film that I believe can be taken in several ways depending what frame of mind you are in watching it? And that is a good thing in my book when reviewing independent stuff. A typical family of four is going through the routine of life. They are convincing themselves they are they are living a dream, meanwhile death is watching nearby creeping closer and closer. I enjoyed a couple things about this: first, everyone is faceless including the well-shot scene or scenes in the car dealership… Bravo my friend! And second, I believe you could watch this several times and have a different opinion each time of what is being portrayed. So for that Arie I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.deathdealerproductions.com .

Closing Time (DVD) – Well for the love of Rutger Hauer… Jim Roberts went and did it again as he made a wonderful independent horror film again and possibly the most serious to date. But don’t let that scare you off this mixture of paranormal, gangster, western, splatter film… Yeah that is the best way to describe this fun feature. A young man named Eddy just receives news his father died in an accident that was possibly caused by another young man Steve whose father owed money to Eddy’s father. Eddy not taking kindly to this and waiting for his father to get cold in the ground decides it is time to collect and get revenge with a little help from some friends. Eddy’s brutal take down of Steve’s western store goes well at first until the Native American spirits decide to pick sides and turn this revenge flick into full on splatter flick! The spirits want blood and sure get it as they fuck up Eddy and his cohorts. Jim Roberts is an amazing filmmaker the world has yet known but be prepared because if he keeps making wonderful entertaining horror films like this Hollywood will be calling as I give 3 out of 4 stars. Once again Jim proves he needs little money and some help from his dedicated friends to pull off a horror film that is more interesting than 99% of the shit you watch in 2019… Thank me later after you buy it!

Shark Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Vol. 1 (DVD) – Okay if you haven’t heard of Addison Binek it is time you do. This dude does riff trax for flicks, all kinds of flicks and even got Lloyd Kaufmann’s blessing. In the same vein as MST3K but he does it in like 20 minutes or so for each flick. With his YouTube channel under attack by YouTube as many others are Addison has decided to put out DVD collections of some of his best Riffs and damn it they are hilarious. In this collection Addison covers: Sharktopus, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Snow Shark, Sharks in Venice, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Super Shark, Raiders of the Lost Shark, Psycho Shark, The Last Shark, and Creature from the Haunted Sea. He does these films in some of the most prop filled and hatred towards SyFy Channel I have ever seen… And I laughed my ass off! Mr. Binek doesn’t take them too serious but his hatred at times is his love for cinema just coming through and telling the truth that people don’t wanna hear. Addison is absolutely brilliant and hilarious and gave some awesome quotes like “Bloody shark hand stigmata” and “Oh, a found footage movie from the future, GREAT!” If you need a laugh and wanna hear what we all been thinking when watching these flicks then do yourself a favor with this 4 stars entertainment all the way.

 

Shark Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Vol. 2 (DVD) – Addison Binek is back riffing on aquatic animal movies to my liking and less angry and just accepts how bad some of these are. This time around Mr. Binek almost makes me piss myself laughing when he tackles: Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus, Sharkansas Women’s Prison, Piranha 3DD, Shark Exorcist, and Blood Beach. Yeah there is still a little SyFy Channel bashing but we do get a great line like “Are those giant balls?” Instead of anger we get Addison just enjoying what these movies are and that is they are just bad which for me is a good thing as I give this collection 4 stars again all the way!

 

The Hornet’s Disciple and the Scars She Left (DVD) – There is some talented independent filmmakers out there and then there is Dustin Mills. The man is constantly working and never doing the same thing horror wise. He is always trying to stretch the genre in so many ways to his vision. This film is no exception… For me a very hard watch as it’s not my usual cup of tea as it is in the vein of “A Serbian Film” or “August Underground”. This isn’t good or bad as Dustin is constantly trying to do something different constantly and I believe he is succeeding. The story revolves around a young lady Rose whose puts out ads looking for other young ladies who are into fetishes, pictures, videos, bondage, etc. Rose is looking for new sexual content for her website and is constantly upfront about what she wants. Everything is hunky dory with her newest actress/project Finley until Finley comes to the understanding what is actually happening and just hopes to get out alive! Rose abuses Finley until she comes to the revelation there has to be one that gets away? Is it possible if we look deeper into this content that it’s about a young lady like most today under the age of 30 are desensitized to everything now? Or is it just about a ruthless, sadistic, brutal woman who likes abuse in some way? Not totally sure but I do know this is a hard watch but give credit to Roni Jonah for being amazing in her role as Rose as I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars. Again the film is not my cup of tea but I and Dustin know there is always an audience for this.

 

Machete Joe (DVD) – Well this low budget flick started off great and then quickly went into the pooper. The film is about a couple of filmmakers who have two different visions on what the low budget film they are filming is about. But of course they casted it and are filming at a haunted castle (supposedly) with not a full script called, “Machete Man”. Once everyone is there slowly the crew is being picked off. The film tries to be a ‘Who Dun it?’ kinda of flick but if you make it to the end you don’t really care as I give this bad movie 1 star.

 

Toilet Gator (YouTube) – “When you see the brown eye someone will die!” Yep the filmmaker tells you this before the movie gets started and it spends twenty minutes of the 60 minute film introducing the characters in a New York City apartment building. The toilet gator becomes a reality when famous child star Johnny Beaver flushes a pet alligator down the toilet before his mom knows he spent 500 bucks on it. Two weeks later it jumps out of someone’s toilet and attacks. Oh believe me it is worse than you can ever believe but leave it to me to sit back and find some weird enjoyment of this mid-90s Indy film no one heard of.  This was horribly bad until we get a dude fighting the toilet gator with a plunger and for that I give it a ½ star.

 

The Osterman Weekend (DVD) – This 1983 film stars Rutger Hauer and just about everybody else you can think of. Rutger Hauer is a TV personality named Tanner who looks to expose things politically for the people on live TV by interviewing government persons when possible. The CIA comes to believe that all of Tanner’s friends from Berkley are helping the Russians and plotting something big. They use an agent to help Tanner to turn his yearly retreat with his friends into a possible turning a friend into a spy against the Russians. Everything of course is for U.S. security but as the weekend goes along Tanner becomes more upset as his friends become unglued and the real reasons of their meetings are revealed. A very interesting film on privacy, government, and a few other things that are in the news now over 36 years later more than ever. For that folks I give this wonderful spy movie 3 ½ stars.

 

Alley Cat (DVD) – A wonderful B-movie action flick where a young lady (Billie) has had enough after her grandparents have been mugged. She tries to do it the right through the court system but gets in trouble for helping a rape victim and decides it is time to use her karate moves to jack up some dumb ass loser dudes that keep causing chaos in her life. We get everything to Billie fighting cops to her setting up her own rules in women’s prison until she can get out and kick ass! Fun B-movie stuff that I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #447

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Gross Movie Reviews #447

 

Megalodon (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A Navy ship defies orders from its admiral (Michael Madsen) in order to try and save a shipmate and her experimental sub that is swallowed up by a monster shark. The monster shark is loose because the Russians were supposedly at the bottom of the ocean trying to tap into the pipeline. The Navy could never find evidence of it but now they have if it if they can survive the attack of this prehistoric shark that is now trying to destroy the ship. The film was fun for about 15 minutes but I couldn’t take seriously Michael Madsen as he doesn’t fit into a military outfit let alone the U.S. Navy. But whatever as I give this limp noodle of a shark flick 1 star.

Santa Jaws (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So this may have been the underrated treat of “SyFy Channel Shark Week”. A teenager who is an aspiring comic book artist is grounded for Christmas and told he will miss the comic book party. He opens up an early Christmas present which just so happens to be a magic pen. With this magic pen the teenager Cody begins drawing his latest comic adaptation ‘Santa Jaws’. It is literally a great white shark with a Santa hat on its fin that begins to track down Cody’s family and eats them on Christmas Eve. Once Cody knows that Santa Jaws is real he must convince everyone else and figure out how to get rid of this jolly man-eater. There are a lot of corny holiday bad jokes, the subplot of the Cody trying to talk to the cute girl across the street, and the weird comic book dude that hits on all women. Before you start bitching why this movie shouldn’t exist, remember there was “Santa Paws”… So check your brain at the door and keep this on the back burner for the holiday season as I give this holiday film 3 stars.

 

Frenzy (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Starts off like a found footage film but corrects itself into complete crap that makes root for the characters to die of a quick horrible death. But apparently the filmmaker watched “The Swallows” on a continuous loop for a month and an idea to appeal to younger horror fan… maybe? The Lewis sisters and friends have a YouTube show where they go adventures and such and record it for their online shows. This episode has them filming as they illegally get someone to take them into a protected sanctuary just so they can say they were there. Of course the plane has problems and they crash in the ocean only to become fish food for some hungry sharks. I literally hate watched this film about ten minutes in and wanted all the characters to die cause sad part is I could see real life dumb asses doing this to begin with. Anyway… get off my lawn as I give this piece of garbage 0 stars.

 

Nightmare Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Now, I am not saying this shark movie was great or anything but have to say kudos for a different shark film. A doctor finds a way to reach out to shark attack victims for an experimental group therapy weekend. He claims to be working on a drug to help cure the nightmares they all have about the same shark. A shark that Dr. Novak may have seen when he almost died in Hawaii a few years before and it asked him to serve the shark god. So yes Dr. Novak has bad intentions once all members of the group have arrived. But remember it is about nightmares so not all you will see is true or basically imagine if Freddy Krueger was an ugly shark trying to kill you in your dreams. Just weird enough it kept me interested and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Aftershock (YouTube/VHS) – A crazy off the wall post-apocalyptic flick where war has turned most of the world into a wasteland and an alien has decided to visit. The alien is there to gain information on how to stop their world from killing each other in war but soon understands there is no hope on Earth either. John Saxon plays a militant madman trying to win a war who only answers to Richard Lynch and has a bodyguard played by James Lew. Did I forget to mention Michael Berryman shows up in drag, Matthias Hues comes off as a wrestler in the future who lost his way from the movie set of “I Come in Peace”, Al Leong is hanging out with the bad guys watching Michael Berryman stab a dude in a bar fight, and there floppy disks may help save the world from John Saxon. Bad movie gold my friends and deserves to have a Blu-ray as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

6-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Married couples on an island for a couple retreat or boot camp to help them get back what they once had. This is disrupted by a six-headed shark that may have been the results of an experiment over 30 years ago on the other side of the island? Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this film may have had the whiniest and bitchiest characters of all time! I so wanted the six-headed shark to be thrown like a Chinese star through the island when the bad weather arrives in the film. Thus ending this feature quickly as these people needed to die. No one here was likable. I really hope films like “Frenzy” and this sequel do not become a trend in horror movie making because it just plain sucks out loud! I give it 0 stars.

 

8-Bit Bloodbath (DVD) – A twenty minute film about a gamer named Billy who is invited to a Halloween party but becomes a sacrifice instead. But Billy rises from the dead as an undead 8-bit super zombie who seeks revenge against mankind. Once undead he slaughters people with his various weapons he is able to produce out of his zombie Nintendo glove. The independent short film is raw but very entertaining and reminds me a little of the Polonia Brothers early stuff shot on VHS. Todd Wolfson has my attention with this film and his trailer for ‘Sponge’ which looked very funny and entertaining. I give this fun short film 3 out of 4 stars and cannot wait to see what is to come next from Mr. Wolfson and crew. For more info on this project check out:  https://www.facebook.com/8BitBloodBath/

 

Patient Zero (On Demand) – A UK flick that has the world being infected by a super rabies virus. It started with animals but mutated once it got into humans causing them to become raging violent maniacs. With the population being decimated quickly the military grasps at straws with their research and trying to find ‘Patient Zero’ for answers on how to cure people. But there is a slight hope as a man helps the research on a daily basis as he was bitten but never turned. With this he is able to communicate to the infected and hopefully using this power helps them all find the cure. Problem becomes the infected are evolving and want not a war but everyone to be infected. A very curious alternative horror film that is a reminder of how good “28 Days Later” was and how I am surprised not to see more films like this made over the years? I give this interesting flick 2 ½ stars. I may have given it a better rating but wasn’t really impressed with the non-ending.

 

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (SyFy Channel/DVD) – And just in case for those of you counting at home this is “Sharknado 6”. When we last seen Fin, he was in the future with his son (Dolph Lundgren) and he was going to help his father to get back to the past. Now, Fin ends up in prehistoric times and finds most of his family as they fight a Sharknado at key points in history. Along the way they are trying to find Fin’s son (no longer Dolph Lundgren because it was cheaper I guess?) so they can meet up. But after killing off a bunch Sharknados their flux capacitor goes awry and they end up in 20013 or something… Basically ‘Planet of the Aprils’! The movie goes completely absurd but does a much better job of going absurd than the past two sequels as this entry was much more entertaining of how they are trying to stop the Sharknados for good. It was a wonderful movie idea they ran into the ground but I am glad it exists for the mere reason it got people who usually wouldn’t pay attention to this kind of film to pay attention. So thank you Sharknado for the good and bad shark movie sequels as I give this entry 2 ½ stars. Also I give it three years before it gets remade???

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #432

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Gross Movie Reviews #432

 

Mitchell (DVD) – This cheesy 70s flick stars Joe Don Baker as a detective who seems to be a sleezeball but actually it just adds to his charm as a man just trying to do the right thing. Mitchell happens to be riding along with police who get a call for a burglar in a rich neighborhood. The burglar picked the wrong dude, Walter Deaney/John Saxon to steal from as Deaney was looking for an excuse to kill. Cops think its justice, Mitchell believes its murder. Mitchell decides to investigate for himself but gets thrown off the case to cover an old mob dude who may be tied to a heroin shipment coming in? Soon Mitchell becomes a target as he keeps meddling in both cases and they are connected. The film is one big cheeseball 70s flick that would be more interesting if we didn’t have two “Dirty Harry” flicks and a “Death Wish” flick out by the time “Mitchell” was released. I give it 2 stars.

Thunder Cops (VHS) – If you cannot find this movie under that title supposedly the film was also called “Operation Pink Squad II” at one point? This hilarious 1987 action/comedy from Hong Kong is one of those: “How much B-movie crap can we throw against the wall and it actually stick”. And thank god for allowing this feature find me. An upset husband who believes his cop wife is cheating on him learns she is going to hook up with her superior. What he doesn’t know he keeps overhearing their plans to go undercover as hookers as part of a police sting at a haunted building. The haunted building has a crazy ass monk trying to keep evil spirits in their place. But a vengeful ghost escapes the chaos and now is causing problems with the sting going down in the building. Eventually the monk, the upset husband, the undercover cops all must defend themselves against a ghost head that flies! Let’s not forget the green turd, mini-copters chasing the ghost head, and possible castration to invite a powerful elf which kills ghosts? Like I said crap thrown against the wall but great crap as I laughed my ass off and give this movie 3 stars.

 

Ravenwolf Towers (DVD) – Jake is a new assistant manager at a run-down hotel that used to be cherished by Hollywood types years ago. Now, it is just a weird dwelling for older people mainly who don’t venture outside or talk to anyone but themselves. But Jake quickly learns there is many secrets to the hotel when he has to go the top floor to fix a leak and finds a helpless woman named Mary. He helps her out but her family comes looking for her and goes back to the top floor without a real explanation. This is a recent ongoing new series from Charles Band that gives life to a project that has that old school Full Moon Pictures charm as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Ravenwolf Towers 2 (DVD) – The series continues as you learn more about the residents of the hotel and Mary and family on the top floor are building up to something big. Meanwhile Jake begins to speak with a new resident Ivan Ivanov, a supernatural investigator, who is there because of the strange family Jake, has had run-ins with. Pay attention Full Moon fans as some of the characters that live in the Ravenwolf Hotel are characters from past Full Moon movies which gives this series an interesting twist as I give this episode 3 stars.

 

After School Massacre (DVD) – Jess who is the popular girl in school and likes to have sleepovers has just had the weekend that sucked. A so-called friend or new girl she felt bad for just committed suicide at her sleepover and her teacher Mr. Anderson just said a photo of hers was ‘cute’ and a ‘friend request’ on social media. So Jess and her classmates fuck with Mr. Anderson and doesn’t care about the suicide decide they need to have another all-girls sleepover to get over things. Of course Mr. Anderson gets fired over the friend request on social media by the school and snaps killing two faculty members. Unbeknownst to Jess Perkins and friends Mr. Anderson is killing his way to the sleepover but that is okay because Mr. Anderson is weird anyway, “because he puts mayonnaise on his chicken nuggets.” Low budget, I laughed a couple times, not a ton of blood, I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

After Party Massacre (DVD) – Most of the film consists of Death metal music footage from a couple bars which is the backdrop for this movie. Little story happens as most of it consists of chubby boobs and chubby girls banging during the metal music which isn’t a bad thing if it was full porn? But in this case it is supposed to be a horror movie about a woman named Scarlett who almost gets raped in a club, has flashbacks, and begins slashing her way through random club goers. Not even the great acting talents of Nic Pesante or the vile story of penis mutilation makes this horror film bearable. For that I give this movie a ½ star out of 4. Unless you were trying to make a porno instead of a poor excuse for what is called a horror movie then you are on to something? But the ½ star is only because the music was pretty cool.

 

The Creature Below (DVD) – A little known creature/Lovecraftian film from the UK about a woman named Olive who is on a deep-sea dive and has some trouble with a strange creature. The crew brings her up and all the equipment is busted including the suit which causes her to get kicked off the boat because she cannot remember what happened. Olive does grab a black egg from the suit and takes it home to study it? It hatches and spits black goo at her and now she is a part of this odd new species that is causing her to act differently to friends and boyfriend. As time goes on she believes she must protect this ‘god’ and feed it… humans. Hey Lovecraft fans if you haven’t found this one yet it is worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

4/20 Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – A group of young women head to the woods to go camping and let their freak flag fly in celebration of 4-20 but also for a birthday weekend. While venturing into the woods the women are warned by a park ranger to not hang around and definitely not go looking for the weed farms that are nearby. Especially since the weed farmers have taken justice into their hands recently. A man out of his mind finds the women babbling about a thing chasing him but they don’t pay him any mind. They party, enjoy the woods, until a man/thing begins to slaughter them and smoke their weed believing they took its crop. A very entertaining slasher film that doesn’t over thinks the plot or force its way down your nerd gullet. It plays out like a good slasher film should. Is it perfect, no way, but it is well worth adding it to your horror film collection. Most horror films portray everyone that smokes weed as stupid and therefore the plot should be stupid this film does not do that. And I thank the filmmaker for that as I give this trippy horror film 3 out of 4 stars. For more details to check out on this new massacre: www.facebook.com/thehikeproductions .

 

The Theatre Bizarre (DVD) – An anthology filled with buckets of blood and gore that includes segments from Richard Stanley and Tom Savini. The stories of horror flow like a good beer down your throat until you hit the slow moving segment “The Accident” which is good but just doesn’t fit in this anthology. Thus, the entry causes the film to slow down and no longer flow right except the in-between parts with Udo Kier being his cool creepy-ass self! I give the anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Annihilation (On Demand) – Natalie Portman gets pulled into something you cannot imagine when her missing husband shows up at her door from a secret mission he was on. After being pulled over by the military and husband almost dying she is meeting with a scientist played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who explains an event that happened three years ago. Well an unexplained event involving something falling from space into a lighthouse that they now call the ‘shimmer’. Something is a rainbow force field that is expanding. It first just covered the lighthouse but eventually took over the swamp, the state park, and a community. It’s feared it will continue to spread all over earth? The government has sent several people into the shimmer but none have returned except for Portman’s husband which there are no answers for? So Portman, Leigh, and three other scientists make their way into the shimmer to see if they can get to the lighthouse and get answers. Once inside they encounter some very strange shit that is mutating plant and animal alike. Visually the movie is beautiful and plotted out very well. Honestly if the “Lost” TV show had any sense and could have been this instead of the ‘dreaming we are all dead’ bullshit it was. Sorry spoiler alert if you ever wanted to watch that poor excuse for a show? But I get the feeling many are not going to understand a film like this and feel this film might be a couple years before it is actually understood? We will see but if you want to enjoy a bizarre sci-fi flick to fill that void inside your inner nerd this film will it and more as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh it’s real and it’s happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #427

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Gross Movie Reviews #427

 

Devilution (YouTube) – Zane Hershberger’s 2012 short film that has a way awesome intro inspired by 1988’s “Night of the Demons”. With that in mind the premise of the film is about a couple young ladies who wanna get in the Halloween spirit while hanging at home. They have a séance and some other games of trying to communicate with people from the past. Things seem tame until one of the girls is placed in a trance and something evil has awakened. It’s like a lost sequel to the underrated “Witchhouse” films that were released by Full Moon. This film clearly proves Zane is another name in independent filmmaking that will not disappoint as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Amusement (DVD) – A rather under the radar killer clown flick from 2008 that involves three women being stalked and kidnapped in 2008. The kidnapper/man that is stalking is only nicknamed as ‘The Laugh’. Apparently as kids he was friends with all three of the women and the three women picked on him horribly. This had some effect on him as he became a lonely creepy dude who lived in a big old house with lots of time on his hands. So he dresses as a clown to terrorize them and keep them in his rape dungeon so they know what it was like for him? Nothing groundbreaking but enough interesting stuff happens to keep the plot from going stale as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Puppet Master: Axis Termination (DVD) – Finally, six years later we get the last entry in the ‘Axis’ trilogy. A hard ass military man named Captain Brooks is teamed with a Dr. Ivan and his companions who have special abilities are meant to take down Nazis. The Nazis have a special division that was very interested into magic and occult and believed this would be the answer to take down the U.S.! Captain Brooks and his team of personal with special abilities also use the puppets to gain an advantage in defeating the Nazis for good in this very hokey but bloody entry into the ‘Puppet Master’ universe. The film is not terrible but is nowhere the best of the long running series. I believe if there is one thing to take away from this entry is that Charles Band can do better? “Axis Termination” seemed more just thrown together to end the trilogy than attempt at making another memorable entry into the ‘Puppet Master’ universe. I give this entry 2 stars and honestly hope that Full Moon and Mr. Band begin work on one-offs for this series as there is an audience wanting it? That is if he isn’t trying to do more generic infomercials that are excuses for movies aka “Evil Bong” flicks through indiegogo campaigns…

 

Killing Gunther (DVD) – A weird, hilarious, and fun action comedy starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as the best paid assassin ever. But a hitman gets the idea of getting a team together and a small film crew to film them “Killing Gunther” to prove they are better. As they fumble their way through the film trying to kill him it becomes every reality TV show wrapped into one movie… with assassins. Arnold doesn’t really appear until about ¾’s of the way in but well worth the watch for his appearance and the climax of the film as I give it 3 stars.

 

Nazis at the Center of the Earth (DVD) – A couple researchers stumble upon a Nazi ship of some kind under the ice in Antarctica. They disappear and word of their disappearance gets back to their lab partners who set out to look for them. Soon the research scientists trip across a tunnel that leads them into the center of the earth where the world has been flipped upside down. Jungles and extinct creatures all around them, a world that was only a theory among scholars. They find a building that has not only their friends but is full of Nazis still experimenting with flesh. They need fresh flesh to keep their decaying bodies going. Some crazy scientist that was Hitler’s right hand man has found a secret to keep them alive. Soon the researchers become part of the experiments to help bring back Hitler so they can launch their warship to take over the world again! Jake Busey, Dominque Swain, Asylum Entertainment, and Nazi experiments always makes me give a movie a chance and glad I did as I give it 2 stars.

Pharisee (Vimeo) – Independent filmmaker Tim Novotny has a new feature hitting the streets that is a very dark, long bloody tale of vampirism. The film begins with a detective grilling a woman named Zoe about what really happened with all the murders around the city. She claims to understand, “You have to start at the beginning.” A gang of punks looking for trouble on the bad side of town reciting lines from “The Lost Boys” meet a dark figure named ‘Pharisee’ who just rips them to pieces for their blood. Pharisee stays under the police radar by killing and feasting working girls and strippers. While ripping throats out he meets Zoe, a girl like him who is a broken person and introduces her to his brutal world. But there is one difference between Zoe and Pharisee and that is Pharisee is haunted by a past he cannot get away from. With Zoe becoming a part of Pharisee’s world and Pharisee destroying all the strippers and hookers a mob boss puts a hit out on him which can only end super bloody. The movie is amazingly dark and has no happy place or comedy and thrives on Pharisee’s outlook of the world.  This vampire flick is a down and dirty horror flick about death. I enjoyed the wonderful gritty vampire tale but if I have to complain about something it would be its near two hour running time that does drag a little in the middle of the film. In saying that Mr. Novotny makes sure you will have enough sex and violence to satisfy two movies as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. For more details go check out:   www.facebook.com/NovotarianSyndicate .

 

Victor Crowley (Blu-ray) – The fourth entry into the “Hatchet” series has Victor Crowley returning to his roots in the swamp to begin killing again. This mishap begins when Andrew Yong after a decade since the horror he faced he writes a book about “The Bayou Butcher” and goes on tour. Meanwhile a filmmaker who is also a huge fan of Mr. Yong’s wants to get him to do a cameo in her fake trailer about Crowley? Before she really has a chance to ask Andrew is pulled away for a big deal to go back to the swamp for a network special. The plane goes down in the swamp and the filmmaker and crew while there try to help the survivors. While doing that they forgot they left YouTube on trying to learn part of the script that has someone reciting the voodoo ritual to bring Crowley back. Once the right person aka Tony Todd shows up saying the ritual and Crowley is back from the dead on a killing spree again. I really enjoyed this entry as it seemed to keep it simple and keep it very bloody but also hit all the right slasher film cues as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Misplaced (Vimeo) – A four minute short film about a couple who argue over things going missing in their house with no answers. Then Andrea sits down to eat ice cream and notices her phone is missing until she looks behind her. The short film is interesting but would have enjoyed a little more building of who or what was behind her and why? Wouldn’t be surprised that it is investment short film for the bigger project of it? I give the short film 2 ½ out 4 stars.

Post-Apocalyptic Desolation (Vimeo) – The latest independent short film from Alex Wesley where a soldier is part of a time traveling experiment. He ends up in the future, October 2199 where all he is finding is death and destruction. The soldier continues to explore and record everything he does in hopes of someone finding the record he has left behind. Days pass as he keeps exploring only to be trapped by some kind of half monster and half machine that kills the soldier. Then takes him back to the secret lab, rebuild him, and the new cyborg monster is part of a first person shooter game like “Doom”. The film was very entertaining and feels like if Todd Sheets became a gamer in the early 90s and decided to make an alternate version of “Zombie Bloodbath” in Russia? What helps make this post-apocalyptic film work is the location as every zombie film should be filmed there or at least the next “Outpost” flick set in the future as I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars. But anytime someone starts their movie title with “Post-Apocalyptic”, I am in!

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!