Gross Movie Reviews #377
Charlie’s Farm (DVD) – A group of four people that includes my favorite Tara Reid travel into the outback looking for a farm. This particular farm is part of an urban legend of where cannibals were gunned down by the locals’ years ago. Rumor is their fucked up cannibal son “Charlie” still roams the farm feeding on whatever may pass by and that includes the individuals looking into the legend. Once there they hook up with another curious couple about the place and they all die gruesomely. The cast is rounded out by Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder, and Nathan Jones. Australian horror films are always a lot of fun and this is no different as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.
Reptilian (DVD) – A South Korean film about a Yongary? But is not a remake of the older South Korean giant reptile film. With that out of the way some dinosaur bones have been discovered that are supposedly 50 times larger than a T-Rex! Once the bones are exposed aliens are alerted and bring the monster to life to kill all humans. Apparently this film was made in 1999 right after a strict policy on filmmaking in South Korea was lifted and was their answer to ‘Godzilla’? Always enjoy giant rubber monster fun as I give this flick 2 stars.
Bloodsucking Bastards (DVD) – A very hilarious vampire flick about a couple office slackers and their best friend who is trying to break into management. They work for a firm/company that sells the boner pills, abs-flex, etc. They phone sales people who call and try to suck you into deals for shit you don’t need. Well higher-ups have decided it’s time for a shake-up and bring in someone new who has a different way of getting the most out of his sales team. He turns them into vampires that apparently make a ton of sales and don’t complain about work conditions. When it’s almost too late the slackers and best friend realize vampires have taken over their company and they must look up on Wikipedia on how to kill them? Underrated gory awesomeness best describes this 3 ½ star horror film.
The Comedy of Terrors (DVD) – An absolute delightful horror/comedy from the mid-60s starring Vincent Price as a drunk undertaker who is about to be evicted by Basil Rathbone and keeps trying to feed poison to his father-in-law Boris Karloff. If that isn’t enough in order to scare up business Price’s character convinces his assistant Peter Lorre to begin murdering people so they make the rent or they all will be thrown out on the street. As usual Price is amazing and for that I give this 4 stars.
Captain America: Civil War (Theater) – The third film in the ‘Captain America’ series lives up to the hype and comes off more like a sequel to ‘The Avengers’ series. The whole point to the film is the team turns on each other as they pick sides of who is for saving Bucky. But the savior of the film in my opinion is the new Spidey. Or is it the old Spidey? The point is Spider-man steals the show with his onscreen antics and proves that Disney/Marvel understood they screwed up with doing the ‘Amazing Spider-man’ films. If you enjoyed the recent Marvel movies up till now you will most likely enjoy this one too. I give the film 3 stars, but the new/old Spider-man 4 stars and cannot wait to see Tom Holland in his own flick.
Zombie Militia (DVD) – A hilarious no budget short film from 2009 that isn’t meant to be taken serious but most horror fans know of someone or related to someone that would be the real-life version of this film… Jack is part of the ‘Zombie Militia’. They believe the government is trying to start the apocalypse, take your guns, etc. Well Jack is pumped up after the latest meeting in breaks into someone’s garage and believes he is stopping the zombie apocalypse? Filmed in Kokomo, Indiana by Squirrelly Cow Films and they can be found on Facebook: www.facebook.com/SquirrellyCowFilms . I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
I Spit on Your Grave 2 (DVD) – The sequel to the remake that really surprised me how much I liked it. This film has no connection to the first goes with another young woman named Katie Carter from the Midwest who has moved to New York City recently. She is model but finding it hard to get work in the big city. When faced with a decision she makes a horrible one by going to a free photographer in hopes of building a new portfolio? When the three creepy foreign dudes creep her out and she understands they just want naked pictures she leaves. So very creepy brother tracks down Katie and takes pictures of her in her bedroom and it spirals from there. The catch is they don’t rehash the first story as they go into a different direction with this rape/torture victim Katie. After her brutal rape from very creepy dude, his brother and best friend drug her, box her up, and ship her to freakin Bulgaria! Too of course do even worse shit. Once escaped, recaptured, raped, tortured horribly and left for dead. Katie is boxed up again and buried. Only to fall into abandoned sewer catacomb thingy where she scavenges for clothes and food (rat on a stick anyone?). Here she heals and plots her revenge but what also makes an interesting story is she finds a church where the priest immediately something horribly wrong has happened to this beautiful American girl. Instead of forcing God on her, he just tries to help at her pace and tries to bring the police in. But meanwhile Katie is beating a creepy dude into a shit filled toilet, cutting up another and shoving bugs and shit in his wounds, and puts another dude’s balls into a vise which by no means pretty… Again I was pleasantly surprised by the story change. Fun family entertainment folks as I give it 2 ½ stars.
I Spit on Your Grave 3: Vengeance is Mine (DVD) – A little confusing at first but if you have seen the first film you know something is amiss as the Jennifer Hills character is now going by the name Angela. Angela is still having trouble moving on from the events of the first film. She is going to see a therapist who doesn’t seem to help but starts to go to group therapy where she meets a friend, someone to trust again, and her name is Marla. Angela and Marla become fast friends and Angela slowly opens up telling Marla her story. But Marla has rage and still wants a piece of vengeance especially sitting in group therapy and hearing the stories from young Cassie whose innocence has already been taken by her mom’s boyfriend. After sharing each other’s past lives Angela and Marla go and clobber the man that has ruined Cassie. The after effects Cassie is happy again and being treated with respect but Marla goes to visit her ex-boyfriend. A few days pass and Angela doesn’t think anything of it until she is at group therapy and told Marla is dead. Once the police can’t make charges stick Angela decides the only way to find happiness or piece of mind is through vengeance. Angela becomes Jennifer again and first on the list is Marla’s ex-boyfriend who gets penis head bitten off and his dick sliced in half like she was making some jerky. She goes completely off the range folks as she is now looking for revenge against all who have raped or even thought of rape. Including killing a dude by sticking a pipe up his ass! Interesting ending as we see Jennifer aka Angela being released after two years of jail but still has visions/dreams of slicing/dicing/torturing people. Even though the film is a little confusing at times with the dreams and name change I still surprised third entry in and it’s interesting. Fun stuff horror fans as I give the flick 3 stars.
Phase IV (YouTube) – The film is on DVD but I watched it for our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. This is one of those 70s films always been interested in watching but never found time or always found something better and apparently it was for good reason. Ants are evolving and suddenly get smarter as they talk to each species of ant and slowly start attacking a desert town. Meanwhile a couple scientists try to do experiments and figure out if the ants are now at the top of the food chain? The film is a bit boring and maybe not as fun as ‘Empire of the Ants’ but nothing wrong with watching 70s film that is trying to scare the shit out of you claiming the world is going to end soon… I give it 1 ½ stars.
Revenge of the Spacemen (DVD) – A little redneck community that is invaded by large green men aka aliens who are interested in probing everyone and everything. Which in turn the anal probing from the spacemen turns things green like them? But through stupidity and chaos the rednecks and a group of twenty-somethings figure out alcohol kills the aliens and cures the townsfolk. A fun independent project that is worthy of 50s and 60s film fans seeking out and enjoying its entertaining ridiculousness! I give the project 2 ½ out of 4 stars and you can find it at www.revengeofthespacemen.com plus the film has a Facebook page so go visit.
Deadpool (DVD) – Marvel/Disney dipping their toes into R-rated comic book movies again with this hilarious origin story of a man who has lung cancer and takes on an experimental process he wasn’t supposed to survive. Or if he did his mutant power would activate and save him. Soon Ryan Reynolds goes from hunk mercenary to ugly/super mutant/superhero whether he wants to or not. So Deadpool dedicates his life finding the bad guy who fucked his face up and make him return his hunk status. I laughed my ass more and more as the film went on and loved its connection to the X-men without being connected. Marvel/Disney you did a great job kids now go get Wesley Snipes and start making another damn ‘Blade’ film!!! I give Deadpool a well-deserved 4 stars.
Zoombies (DVD) – I enjoy Asylum Entertainment’s refusal to go away and bring us or should I say me, another zombie adventure that deals with zoo animals. Yep, ‘Zoombies’! Apparently, when animals are faced with extinction they either die off or evolve into zombies or Zoombies. A private zoo park is taking interns to help with funding new habitats and their financial bottom-line to stay open. With all that going on monkeys strangely die and turns into Zoombies that infect other animals and want to kill humans. From there it’s complete chaos as the police and CDC try to get inside and kill the animals but find it hard when there is a Zombie-lion eating them. This is one of those movies that was perfectly made for MSTK3000, Commander USA, USA Up All Night, etc. The film is so bad its good kinda thing as I give it 2 stars just for existing.
Muck (DVD) – A much misleading poster and title is about a group of college-aged people being stalked on St. Patrick’s Day by albino bald dudes and then tortured and murdered. The thing is the filmmaker tried to do something a little different where the film picks up with the group already been attacked and lost a friend somewhere in the marsh or starts at the 35 minute mark. With it beginning without a beginning you do get a lot of horror cliché jokes and more boobs than a Cinemax ‘After Dark’ soft-core porn! Personally at first glance I thought I was getting something like the ‘The Raft’ segment from ‘Creepshow 2’? But nope it was a weirdo flick where Kane Hodder is the leader of these random albino dudes who stalk humans. Lots of gore and some random horror fun but the film comes off more like an incomplete movie as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Spellcaster (VHS/Comet TV) – Here is a lost out-of-print title from the Charles Band Empire Pictures catalog that sports a lot of cool creature creations from John Carl Buechler. And I believe it does take place at the famous Charles Band castle that was in a lot of the early Full Moon flicks. But a brother and sister combo wins a chance to stay at a castle for a weekend in Italy so they can treasure hunt for a check worth a million dollars. It’s all sponsored by Rock TV (of course spoofing MTV at the time). The strange man (Adam Ant) that owns the castle refuses to show up at meals with the contestants but soon has fun killing them off one by one. One gets eaten by a demonic chair and another is turned into a man-pig. Plus William Butler shows up long enough to get blown up in a car. And a big time music star apparently made a deal for her soul to be a rock star. The film is a little dated but us old people and Empire Pictures fans it is a prime example of Charles Band goodness when he has money to produce it. I give ‘Spellcaster’ 3 stars and like to thank John Carl Buechler for being an amazing make-up/creature effects person!
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