Tag Archives: Polonia Brothers

Gross Movie Reviews #610

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Cocaine Cougar (Tubi) – Dustin Ferguson is back at it again like a lot of people doing a parody of “Cocaine Bear” but the movie is only 50 minutes long and 15 of that is credits? Sorry my friend you are no Charles Band and people know I have given that dude some shit over the years for that. But anyhow a cougar breaks out from the Ferguson Labs where the bad CGI cougar kills a drug dealer and snorts cocaine. Then the rampage is on the so-called mountain side where you hear lots of terrible jokes. Mr. Ferguson is a talented person but I have always felt he does much more with documentaries and extras for other movies than he does for his own work if that makes sense as sorry my friend I gotta give this a ½ star.

Doll Shark (Tubi) – Of course it is from the minds of Mark and Anthony Polonia as they are back at it with another shark movie but the biggest problem is they didn’t have shark movie expert Maddie Deering involved and that was a mistake. We begin with a child named Kirby receiving a stuffed animal shark from his father that has an evil shark tooth placed inside for luck but actually possesses the stuffed animal. Kirby loves the thing and even has it watched the cartoon it is based on with him but things get crazy when the possessed shark eats a dog and random humans in this hilarious Indy film that honestly would have been better if Maddie Deering of “Spirit Animal” and “Bathtub Shark Attack” was a part of that so I can only give this project 2 stars.

House Squatch (DVD) – For the love of fuckin’ Rutger Hauer I never thought I would see the day of this kids but thank you Mark and Anthony Polonia for doing something that has no business making me laugh the way this one did. So apparently when Squatches are threaten or they were a human’s pet as a small Sasquatch they will revert to going back to houses??? Sure, this is stupid, I am in! After rumors of a Squatch squatting in some houses of a local real estate mogul the local sheriff is pressured into trying to remove this creature from the homes as it is killing people who bother it. Think of this as a long “Three Stooges” skit where they are trying to trap Bigfoot. So if yinz need some laughs in your life look no further as I give this horror Indy comedy 2 ½ stars.

The Mutation (DVD) – A giant rat/human hybrid experiment has broken out its cage from a rando scientist’s basement who has been working in secret. Now the rat is seeking victims out on the city streets and eludes the zoologist that is brought in to help authorities. The movie isn’t real entertaining until “an extreme rules match” breaks out between a waitress and the giant rat in the middle of a restaurant where the bad ass cop leading the investigation cannot get his gun out but watch the carnage. There was a story, a rat costume, but the execution could have been a lot better as I can only give this film 1 star.

Claw (DVD) – A recent lower budgeted flick about a gene-splicing experiment or raptor gets loose in a ghost town. Two people heading to L.A. break down and walk back to this ghost town in hopes of a phone but instead are in for the fight of their lies with this pissed off creature  that seem to kill only one person the whole movie? Who thinks this movie would have been better if it was called “Tourist Trap vs. Raptor” and Chuck Connors and Lorenzo Lamas ghosts showed up? Since it’s not that lets give it 1 star and yes I know Mr. Lamas is alive… maybe?

Blood Punch (DVD) – A college dude named Milton is in drug rehab after he got busted and trying to put his life back together. But then a hottie Skylar comes a calling in the rehab center looking for someone to help her and the crazy boyfriend to cook meth for a day and make a shit ton of money. Everything is normal until the three show up at a cabin to begin the process and Milton begins to keep reliving the same Tuesday everyday Groundhog Day-style! This is where the film begins to get even weirder as Skylar remembers everything that has happened and apparently has killed Milton several times as the bodies of Milton are piled up beyond some rocks. It gets a bit confusing and I am not totally sure if they get it right but you gotta give them this they came up with one weird movie about making meth where everyone gets killed multiple times as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Annihilators (DVD) – Imagine New World Pictures decided to make a B or C-list version of “The A-Team” in 1985/1986 and you have your 90 minute movie. This feels like a direct-to-video kinda of thing that I am surprised I never had the pleasure of crossing by in the video store where a group of bad Vietnam soldiers head home after the war only to come together again ten years later for a friend. Their friend Joey gets slaughtered by a local gang who has been pushing around all the little community businesses for extra cash. So the old Sargent makes a few phone calls and gets the squad together to teach the community to defend themselves and they go on the offensive against these street thugs. A super solid action flick that will have you saying the whole movie “hey, I know that guy” as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

Fear Pharm 2 (DVD) – The sequel picks up right from the first film but also quickly goes back 15 years ago to explain how it all started at ‘Cool Patch Pumpkin Farm’ and the breakthrough for the facial cream began. These days Herschel is looking to expand their product as we find him on some kind of Home Shopping Network selling the facial cream and advertising the farm. With growing bigger comes great risk as the survivors find themselves all getting loose and running into the corn maze to escape to get the authorities involved. Herschel and his daughter are at odds most of the film as he is about family and she is about the thrill of the kill but they must work together or the whole thing is over. The sequel has heart, smartly written and well casted, with the effects a little bit too be desired compared to the first film but still a solid effort as I give this 3 stars.

Children of the Corn (Shudder/remake) – Yes people another remake and I think this makes 11 movies or something I actually have lost count. Anyway this version decided to take a different route and have it entrench in today’s farming but harks back to the original of trying to be lean and mean and that isn’t a bad thing. After a horrific accident between police and a child care facility a girl Eden wanders out of the woods with a different attitude on life. When all the adults decide to burn the corn crop because of terrible problems and make fun of the children at a community meeting, Eden decides it is time to round up the other children and take over the town. Bo who is on her way to college tries to come up with a resolution but quickly finds herself trapped as Eden as all the adults executed in various horrific ways. This might not be the best of the bunch but it’s got some bite, a little brutal, and way fuckin’ better than that SyFy Channel remake several years back that just left a sour taste in your mouth as I give this movie 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #527

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Gross Movie Reviews #527

 

Eyeball (DVD) – Giallo fans rejoice as I dived deep into this feature where tourists are all getting stabbed in the eyeball by an unknown killer. Police are baffled at who could be the killer as these tourists are traveling together and all can be suspects. But eventually the police come up with a clue that helps decide who the killer is when they figure out all the victims have the same color eyeball. This 1975 feature has a little bit of gore, the corny music that will stick you long after the film, and a killer that loves fucking people’s eyeballs up but that wasn’t enough for me as I give this film 2 stars. Let me explain “the giallo’ is not in my wheelhouse but always willing to give it at least one watch because you never know if there is one I go gaga over?

 

Hoax (DVD) – A TV producer is told he has one last chance to come up with a hit show so he takes a chance to go looking for Bigfoot! There have been recent disappearances in the Colorado Mountains and the word is that a rumor of a Sasquatch has roamed the area for years. So the producer thinks, “why not bring real evidence back and make it a reality show.” Ben Browder (Farscape and Stargate SG-1 fame) plays the producer as he takes a small crew that includes a security officer (Brian Thompson) just in case they do actually find something. The crew of thinks it is all bullshit until a parent of one of the recently missing is a part of their crew to help search the area as cameras are set up everywhere. Soon after hitting the base camp a crew member goes missing setting up the crew to start believing in the rumors of Sasquatch. Should they finish the production or run? Kids, remember the title of the film as the climax hits as I enjoyed this SyFy Channel-lite film fare up until then as I give it 2 stars.

You’re Next 3: Pajama Party Massacre (DVD) – This 2007 independent effort was written by Dustin Lavalley and Joe Knetter. The 23 minute film centers around two young ladies (Elske McCain and Scarlett Salem aka Sarah French) having a night to themselves and the women tell stories about serial killers that were never caught. This set up for the girls to soon become victims of an unknown killer that is stalking the home. Lots of extras on the disc for fans but also explains the title as there is flashbacks aka prequel shorts to this longer short film. Not sure if that makes a lick of sense but anyway I give this ‘massacre’ title 2 ½ stars as it keeps it simple: Blood, Boobs, and… a beast.

 

Oasis of Lost Girls (DVD) – Looking to fill your void with European sleaziness then I got a piece of trash for yinz sleazy bastards to enjoy. A 1981 film that has found new life on the Full Moon streaming platform and DVDs. A couple of sick bastards pick up women, take them home, drug them, and “try them out” before they sell the girls to even sleazier assholes. These sleazoids take the girls to an island to be raped then trained for “work”! Another genre not exactly in my wheelhouse but sometimes I do have to pull my head out of the sand and check out something other than ‘massacre’ titles. Sadly I chose this title that I give 1 star too. Yes, this isn’t my favorite but I do know there is a certain audience that just eats this genre and sometimes they just didn’t know some of these titles have been made available again for public consumption.

 

Invasion of the Scream Queens (DVD) – A 1992 documentary from iconic independent filmmaker Donald Farmer that I remember seeing a few clips for then and reading about in a horror magazine. It features interviews and film clips of actresses Michelle Bauer, Martine Beswick, Monique Gabrielle, and many more talking about their experiences on these B-movies and how they made careers for themselves. They talk good times and bad and in recent years we have seen many of these… but what makes this a hidden gem of a documentary is it ends on a high note with interviewing Mary Woronov! I have always found her and her career super interesting as she has literally done it all in Hollywood. This interview made this documentary just an absolute must watch as I give this movie doc 3 stars and well done Mr. Farmer.

Lethal Nightmare (DVD) – First I have seen this movie called ‘Lethal Nightmares’ and ‘Lethal Nightmare’ either way it is the same movie made by the famous Polonia Brother duo in 1992. Second the film was never released until recently as it was a remake shot on Super-8 of an earlier film called ‘Hallucinations’. The DVD begins with an intro from Mark Polonia who gives the viewer a history of how and why they remade the film and it not being released. The film centers on a young man Doug who is horrific weird dreams/visions. Doug and his brother first blame the older weirder brother for just fucking up the family dynamic that would possibly cause these dreams. Because in reality all Doug wants is his kitty after believing he seen it murdered. This is only the beginning as the other two outside of Doug quickly become affected and fall into these weird dreams/visions and do not know what is reality? Independent film fans this is a flick worth checking out just for the mere reason this isn’t the usual Polonia Brothers film we have grown up with and loved. This feature really feels like they went out of their safe bubble and try something different and I believe they may have accomplished something weird and interesting as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Psycho Goreman (On Demand) – So the guy that gave us: The Void, Leprechaun Returns, and Manborg has decided there isn’t enough 90s nostalgia… Two kids Mimi and Luke are playing the game they made up and the loser (Luke in this case) must dig his own grave. While digging in the backyard they find this mysterious rock and believe when in bed that night monsters may come to get them for finding it. They were not far from the truth as they actually unleashed an intergalactic evil being that loves murder and mayhem. But because Mimi now holds the gem they control this being and give him the name “Psycho Goreman”. Mimi of course uses the control for stupid stuff to amuse herself but it also involves their parents as Psycho Goreman is sort of part of the family now. Or just obey every command Mimi gives him. There is a price to pay having this power and possibly even more evil beings called the Templars send something to earth to destroy Psycho Goreman. It now becomes a war between the kids and their pet monster with this Templar creation, who will survive? I loved the rubber monster effects as they look like they were straight out of an episode of the ‘Power Rangers’ TV show. The movie is a lot of fun as I feel this film will be the rubber stamp horror flick for the 90s nostalgia crowd as the 80s nostalgia might be dying out. I did think the ‘Goosebumps’ films were gonna start the 90s nostalgia craze but it faded out but I highly believe this is the jump start the genre needed as I give this film 3 stars.

 

Hand of Death (DVD) – An early 60s B-monster flick about a scientist that may have come up with the latest formula for nerve gas. While Alex tries to perfect the gas he gets it upon him causing a slow transformation of his body but also gives him the “death touch”. Whoever he touches or person touches him they die of a quick death. With no cure in sight Alex begins to go insane until the authorities track him down and rid him of this life as I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Case of the Bloody Iris (DVD) – Trying out another giallo which in this 1972 film an unknown killer is killing beautiful women who live in the same apartment building. Of course the landlord is to blame as he is almost at every scene of the murder but with giallos we all know he is not the killer. I liked some of the lead up to the killer but the film seems to lose steam after halfway through as I give it 2 stars. Need a laugh pay attention to the photographer in the film as he reminds me of the old cartoon character “Snagglepuss”, stage left…? (I know I’m old)

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #509

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Gross Movie Reviews #509

We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Relic (On Demand) – So grandma goes missing for a few days and ma and daughter come to her home to hang out in the moldy home. Or as the wife put it: a very long and boring version of ‘Stranger Things’. Take it for what it is as not a whole lot goes on except Grandma is sick and there is something wrong with the house. For me there just wasn’t any payoff after watching this long buildup of a movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

Amityville Island (DVD) – Mark Polonia goes to the “Amityville well” again as a mother of four moves into the cheap area only to become possessed and murder her kids. Sent to prison and on death row she is forced to fight in the basement of the place so it could be streamed for creeps. If that wasn’t enough she is then transferred to some scientist weirdos that label her as Patient 59. Unbeknownst to her captors and weird scientist dudes she is still possessed by the Amityville curse whatever that is? Along the way we meet a freelance reporter who is trying to connect all the murders over the years and how they connect to Patient 59? Don’t get me wrong I love the Polonia Brothers but this film truly feels it is all over the place but really doesn’t have a plot. Also what doesn’t help is I get a possessed shark for three seconds. I felt cheated folks! The shark is on the gawd damn box art! I wanted 75 minutes of an Amityville possessed shark is that too much to ask so in saying that I can only give this Mark Polonia film 1 star because I know Mr. Polonia can do better.

 

D-Railed (DVD) – It is Halloween and there is nothing like a “Murder Mystery Train” party going down where people pay to be a part of dinner and a ‘who done it” play. This is an expensive dinner party so you have to dress the part but as everything is about to start with the train roaring down the tracks a real robbery takes place. Events unfold quickly as people try to stop the robbery with a few people getting shot and the train derailing into a lake bed. The survivors trying to help each other and see if they can get to land easily must contend with a creature looking to consume them. Doesn’t have a strong ending but does have Lance Henriksen explain a few things when needed as I give this neat little horror film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 3 (VHS) – Or as the film is also known to most ‘Thunder Warrior III’. Mark Gregory returns as Thunder for the third time to help defend his Native American community. This time around some racist weekend warrior townsfolk get ahold of Thunder and abuse him and his people. Thunder wanting to do this the right way takes it to the cops and demands money to replace their homes. But the racist townsfolk want none of it so Thunder once again goes all Rambo on their asses and ruins the town until they pay up for revenge. It was pretty much the same as the last two entries but somehow made to look cheaper and less action in some ways as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Raindrops (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never rests as he has yet another new short film. This time around a plot about a gentleman who is slowly driven insane by raindrops on the window seal. This man soon reacts in a very horrific way in order to remedy the problem. Philip’s shorts get to the point quickly and usually star him as it seems he is challenging himself or teaching different things about filmmaking to himself. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. His Facebook and YouTube page usually have links to his independent film work that is well worth checking out.

Are You in the House Alone?! (DVD) – I never seen this 1978 after school horror special that starred a young Dennis Quaid. And a little sneaky bastard he is. Gayle is newer to the high school as her parents moved to the neighborhood because it was supposed to be safer and have a safer school for Gayle. Gayle finally getting back into the dating game at the urge of her best friend finds a guy at school that really fits her. But at the same time Gayle is being left nasty notes in her locker and crank calls at her home late in the evening. Gayle with help from her best friend blows it off quickly but as it escalates Gayle becomes worrisome and even goes to the school principal. She is being stalked on her dates and her babysitting job which sets her up to be raped. But instead of her going all “Death Wish’ on the person she finally gets her revenge by proving to people he is an asshole rapist that even his rich family couldn’t get away with. The film opens up with Gayle being taken to the hospital then flashes back to tell the story up until then. The film tries its clever ass off to make you think it is several different people and well worth the payoff as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Black Cobra 2 (DVD) – Never mind I didn’t watch the first flick cause I cannot help myself when it comes to sequels. Anyhow Fred Williamson is a hard-nosed Chicago cop in this Eye-talian action thriller. After Lt. Robert Malone gets himself into an incident with him gunning down a criminal he finds himself in an exchange program with the Philippines. After arriving in the Philippines and getting his wallet stolen he partners up with Nicholas Hammond (TV 70s Spider-man himself). This is when I thought I was in for an excellent action bonerjam! Instead I was in for a limp action flick where it looked like not just Fred but all involved were just going through the motions. It seems the plot of the story is the two go down the rabbit hole of the stolen wallet leads them to a criminal ring of drugs, robbery, and some z-grade violence. One good thing came out of this film and that is we get to see a dude get shot in the dong! I am a huge Fred Williamson fan and 70s Spider-man fan but this was pretty much a dud as I have to give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #495

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

Hot Dog the Movie! (Blu-ray) – One of the most talked about sex comedies of the 80s has been restored and has goodies added to it by Synapse Films. We have a wholesome farm boy whom an amazing skier is making his way Squaw Valley, CA, for the winter skiing competition. Along the way Harkin our main character picks up the cute-next door type of girl hitchhiking who decides to tag along with Harkin to see where this leads. Once there Harkin soon makes quick friends with a group of skiers known as ‘The Rat Pack’ with his skills on the mountain during practice. As they all have a common foe in an Austrian skier named Rudi who has disrespected Harkin from the beginning. From there when not on the mountain for the competition ‘The Rat Pack’ is busy partying, creating chaos, and debauchery. Just like films of the same era in “Hardbodies”, “Losin’ It”, and “Porky’s” it gives you all the beautiful naked bodies you can handle in many party scenes. But what separates this fun sex comedy classic from most is not just its romantic element between Harkin and the hitchhiker but the amazing ski stunts and the ‘Chinese Downhill’ event to end the film. The way its shot and how its perform is perfect and I believe sometimes gets lost in all of the glorious nudity that we all remember watching as teenagers in the early 80s on Skinamax or HBO! Now imagine that restored with all the bright colors and cleared to perfection… Yes, I know there will be a few of us that will pause on the scenes of breasts for nostalgia? Believe me I don’t blame you even knowing then that the perfect Shannon Tweed was in the film. But the shots of the ‘Chinese Downhill’ are something to behold my friends. With this new restoration we also get a 50-minute documentary about the film which surprisingly they get a lot of who was involved. We also get a commentary and interviews with director Peter Markle and producer Mike Marvin which were not your usual boring stuff. These guys still show much love to the film and proud of the product they put on film. As usual Synapse Films did a supreme job at restoring one of the best sex comedies of the 80s and bringing it to Blu-ray for us fans to enjoy for many years to come. I give this Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars and more info or to purchase the film can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Rake (DVD) – A slow burn horror flick from the talented Tony Wash whose story involves a brother and sister named Ben and Ashley whose father a doctor was working on a diagnosis for an insane person Jacob. One night Jacob shows up in their home to slaughter the parents in front of the children and then commits suicide. Years may have passed since the deaths but Ben and Ashley were adopted by a well-adjusted family and Ben was able to get past it. Ashley on the other hand has been in and out of asylums. Nikki their adopted sister whose family took them in is having a house warming party and wants the siblings to attend. Ashley once there begins to regress and speaks of “The Rake” and explains Jacob wasn’t a serial killer but a vessel for something more terrifying that can infect us all. Again a lot of dialogue, slow burn but the payoff with the monster thing is freaking awesome I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Dead Residence (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and Gator Blade Films latest is a found footage flick that has first time house flippers in Tampa tackling a home maybe haunted or worst yet, someone besides them living there? Debbie and Patrick have found the perfect home to flip for their first time. Everything goes great and they spend their first nights in the home so they can get they don’t have to travel to work on the interior of the home. But while they sleep each night the new surveillance video picks up something is in the home watching them. During the remodel tools begin to disappear as does food but the couple are unphased until they find a flash drive that has disturbing snuff videos on it. By time the couple realizes where the videos are being filmed at it is already too late for the two. Sean did a great job in keeping someone like me interested in a found footage film as I am not the biggest fan of them. A fun keeping it simple independent film from Sean that serves as a legit warning to house flippers in the future as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scary Movie (DVD-R) – A definite unknown flick from 1991 that really never got released but pops up a cable network from time to time. Warren is a very sheltered young man who is out for the Halloween holiday with a so-called friend at a haunted attraction. Of course the friend tries to hook up Warren to no avail but Warren’s attention is elsewhere when he hears on a police radio about a convict possibly escaping nearby. This sends Warren into a full panic attack that leads to the misfortune of the attraction shutting down. Interesting movie if there weren’t literally full scenes of nothing going on but Warren losing his grip on reality staring into space. This is one of those films for only the cinema die hards as I give it 1 star.

 

Haunting Inside (DVD) – Sylvia is a young woman who had a mental break because of her parents’ death and her brother Sam is forced to take care of her. She has her good days and bad days as Sam just tries to keep his own life together. Sam, per doctor’s advice goes and purchases several games for Sylvia to help keep her focus and not beat herself up. This excites Sylvia and she takes the Ouija board to her room to play but nothing happens. This disappoints Sylvia but does not stop her interest in the game that is supposed to be about talking to spirits. Second night she tries contacting her parents, still nothing but the next night she breaks through to something or some spirit. The spirit and her develop a relationship even if her doctor doesn’t see much good in this because it is only a game. The spirits look after Sylvia at first but they are actually just preparing her since she is in a fragile state that she doesn’t understand she is being taken advantage of. An absolute wonderful paranormal flick that is well written, well casted, and wish future paranormal flicks will pay attention to “Haunting Inside” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Church of the Damned (DVD) – Another long lost unreleased Polonia Brothers film that wasn’t finished from 1985. It has intro from Mark Polonia recently explaining the issues with the project. It is a project they started in their senior year of high school about a couple cops who are investigating missing persons. While investigating the two cops stumble upon something called the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’. It isn’t anything groundbreaking but fun to see again the early work of this talented duo as I give it 1 ½ stars for nostalgic sake.

 

5 Years After the Fall (DVD) – A low budget post-apocalyptic affair where five years ago the world walled off 90% of its population because the lack of food. Now present a young man is having a debate with an older man about what humans should do now until the train derails and he finds himself on the other side of the wall. Jacob soon learns the world has survived but only through cannibalism and the strong taking advantage of the weak. Now in the savage land Jacob must fight off cannibal marauders in order to escape a home he thought he found was safe. From the beginning you are able to see there is a disconnect between script and what is on screen as I give it 1 star.

 

Pickaxe (DVD) – Alex Black is a killer in the woods during the early 80s who slaughtered several people in Woodland Hills. Now 1988, he is believed to dead but rumors begin again as a couple go missing recently. Several high school students head to the parents’ cabin for some hard partying, sex, and preparing to attend a concert. After much nudity Alex gets his slaughter on until Tiffany Shepis and the great A. Michael Baldwin try to put a stop to his killing ways! Getting past the enormous amount of nudity the filmmaker thought the film needed there is some great gore shots but I feel if the film is distorted or confusing? I feel the film may have come across better if scenes were in a different order. The concept seems solid but scenes don’t fit together like it was edited to serve some kind of purpose the filmmaker wasn’t sharing with the viewer as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #492

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Gross Movie Reviews #492

 

Rambo: Last Blood (On Demand) – So it seems this is the last entry into a wonderful action series starring Sly Stallone. To be honest it is hard to top the last film in the series as it maybe my favorite for the crazy gore and just get to the good parts kind of flick. This time around John Rambo has supposedly made peace with his past and taken over the family farm just doing his thing. If yinz consider building tunnels under property a normal thing? But Rambo’s niece needs to see her father before she heads off to college and heads into a bad part of Mexico. One of her childhood friends who moved back there sell her out to a cartel that deals in the sex slave trade and that is when Rambo makes it his business to go get her. Spoiler alerts my friends… She dies on the way back that causes Rambo to prepare for war and pretty much took out a whole Mexican cartel with his resourcefulness if that is a word and his tunnels. I personally didn’t like this nearly enough as some others did but it is a “Rambo” film and you get what you pay for and that is Rambo fucking people up as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dismembering Christmas (DVD) – It kills me to talk about this film because the trailer for this independent holiday film had promise but that turned to disappointment once I was no more than twenty minutes in. Young friends get together at a remote cottage for the Christmas holiday instead of spending it with family. Throw away characters show up to tell the group they are basically doomed because of a murder or two that happened a few years ago but of course ignore it. From there the supposed slasher movie is dull and makes you root for the characters to be killed off quickly so you can move on to something else worthy of your time. The film raises so many questions of what is actually going on let alone none of the characters are very likable. I don’t blame the actors as much as I blame the person or persons behind the script as they didn’t have much to work with. It kills me to be this harsh to this independent flick but this was an utter disappointing crap fest that I want to forget as I give it 0 stars.

 

Spill (DVD) – Need more Brian Bosworth in your life then begin your search with this lesser known environmental-action flick from the mid-90s? Yinz may have seen it listed on several apps or channels as “Virus” as the other dozen flicks of the same name. Bosworth plays an ex-football player who now leads the secret service. The ‘Boz’ soon finds himself a part of a deadly germ virus cover up when he is scouting out a location for the president. A truck with a renegade driver crashes in the woods causing a spill that could poison everyone but the president is convinced it is in his best interest to cover it up as quickly as possible. Boz being the good man he is cannot let this go as he seen people die from the spill and tries to convince anyone and everyone this was wrong and covered up by the president as I give it 3 stars.

Weresquito: Nazi Hunter (DVD) – You that feeling of tripping up on an awesome small budget flick you feel no one knows about? Well yinz need to get yourself viewing this wonderful throwback to the late 50s, early 60s creature feature. The filmmaker has a history of shooting films in black and white and looking like they take place several decades ago. And kudos to that crazy bastard because he is good at it! A man shows up in a small town called New Berlin looking for a doctor he knew from the war. But the man is very cautious to let anyone know any other details. John becomes quick friends with a Ms. Schmidt at the diner and they both help each other out. But John’s secret stops romance from budding as when he is angered or sees red he turns into a WERESQUITO! John was experimented on during the war and this transformation is what causes him to search for the doctor that ruined his life. Film buffs everyone rejoice and track this bad boy down as it will not disappoint as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Bad Times at the El Royale (DVD) – Too fucking long and would have been so much better if it played out like some crazy lost ‘X-files’ episode. I give it 1 star for having Jeff Bridges play a priest… sort of.

 

Brainstorm (DVD) – A very weird ass movie that stars Christopher Walken who is trying to help explore new forms of communication through a weird brain contraption. This seem more enjoyable when I watched it as a kid on HBO but over 30 years later the film really doesn’t entirely a whole lick of interesting sense as I give it 1 star.

 

Channel 13 (DVD) – A very limited edition DVD/Blu-ray that is a lost film or anthology in this case from the Polonia Brothers that was never finished and never released. Mark Polonia goes into the reason for its release and how it was unearthed as you get to see a project from their early days. It is a couple of stories being told with a wraparound that was recently shot as they never finished what they originally started. A fun project to check out if you are a big independent film fan, if not you just won’t get the early days of the Polonia Brothers as they were one of the pioneers of Independent Cinema. I give this lost project 3 stars.

 

Deadly Games (Shudder) – A 1990 French film that can be found under the title “Dial Code: Santa Claus” is much like a French version of “Home Alone” with a creepy hobo. A rich kid named Thomas still believes in Santa and just like most children that believe he wants to prove to friends he does exist. So through an early version of the internet he contacts Santa but it just happens to be a random hobo. A random hobo who happens to be a toy store Santa for five minutes and gets fired by Thomas’ mum after he was about to go ape shit on a little girl. Instead random hobo finds out there is a Christmas delivery going to Thomas’ home and takes it in person. From Thomas must not only defend himself but protect his almost blind grandfather from the crazy hobo who wants to kill! Weird, kind of fucked up, and the kid has a killer mullet. In my book this film is well worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Necrotronic (Shudder) – Thank you to Shudder again for finding random crazy Australian horror films! Apparently since the beginning of time there have always been demons and necromancers fighting especially when the demons started possessing humans. Now some evil bitch has figured out a way to go super high tech and possess a million souls all at once. Meanwhile a guy named Howie who collects poo for a living with his bud is the savior of the necromancers. It all starts when his buddy instead collecting poo is playing a game on his phone that has you collecting ghosts. This is how evil is gonna possess everyone. Weird shit happens with the game and Howie, next up enter the demons who want his soul because the evil mastermind behind the grand plan is his mother… sort of. Oh, did I mention there is a 3-D printer for souls, watch the movie you’ll understand as I give this fun ghost adventure 3 stars.

 

Secret Santa (DVD) – So I tracked down another low budget holiday flick that has college girls and their party being haunted by a “Secret Santa”. Okay let me explain, a masked person leaves them a Secret Santa gift and then they die because they are obsessed with the web cam model that shoves cucumbers into her lady parts. Again it kills me I really like to enjoy these flicks but this was more disorienting than a fun low budget holiday slasher it could have been as I give it 1 star. Bottom-line don’t threaten a killing spree unless you are going to actually give me one.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Finally!!! A new episode is up!

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WE RETURN!!!!  This week we cover the classic made for t.v Stephen King adaptation SALEM’S LOT.  And Tim will be covering the Polonia Brothers fishsploitation flick RAZORTEETH.  Also,  we discover that Kyle may be racist cause he doesn’t like Black panther,  Computer and internet woes,  The horse-shit ghosthunter fad and the industry it has spawned.  Old Bootleg toys.  the litany of reasons why we cant make electronic computer stuff work,  where the hell and what the hell we have been doing in the last 3 months.  All this and the wonder that is J.J. ARMS!!!!

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #437

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Gross Movie Reviews #437

 

Bomb City (DVD) – A film based on a true story of punks who trying to mind their own business vs. the usual Texas football, so-called Christian family hicks in a town near Armadillo, Texas in 1997. The story revolves around a young man who may look like the typical punk on the outside but was an artist on the inside. He and his friends just didn’t fit in the typical way of life in this Texas town and one night, one thing led to another and a young man died. The kicker is the football that maliciously ran this kid down was a football player and served no jail time. Hell, he went to college! A really interesting true life story on film that needs to be seeked out by you as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Razorteeth (DVD) – Imagine the Polonia Brothers in 2004/2005 making a remake of “Piranha” and Jon McBride did the music? You have your movie… A government salvage mission of a sunken sub goes sideways when a package is retrieved from the wreckage but lost in a plane going down over a small town lake. The experimental killer fish comes to life and begins eating all that enter the water. Of course the government investigates to see how much they need to cover up or who to kill off? Kudos to the brothers for saying fuck the budget and still giving us weirdos that like ‘Killer Animal flicks’ a fun no budget film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Video Party Massacre (DVD) – A wonderful treat for fans of “The Video Dead” as this short film from 2014 shows the new generation how much fun the original film was? A man is delivered a T.V. he never ordered. He of course plugs it in to see how it is but it only plays one thing. No matter what channel he turns to it keeps playing the same movie. A black and white film with a man that has a machete and mask on and he is killing people. The man goes to sleep and the T.V. comes to life allowing this masked killer to exist in our realm. Great retro stuff as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.

Porn Shoot Massacre (DVD) – A hilarious take on the slasher genre that is set on one of the biggest porn shoots ever. A big time director is paying out a lot of money to bring in some high end talent for his picture. Problem is none of the talent is gonna leave as they are all being stalked and killed in the roomy set. Once the killing and boobs start it is your normal slasher film with a twist especially when one of the female stars is much smarter than what she is given credit for… Then it’s just a game of survival. A hilarious concept but I personally would have picked a few porn stars that may have pulled this feature off better as I give it 2 stars.

 

B-Documentary 2 (DVD) – Nick Charles is back with a sequel to his great documentary about the independent film world. With introduction done by Lloyd Kaufman of course, Nick and crew worked their asses off to get opinions and conversations from several actors, actresses, and filmmakers. Some are well-known and some are on the rise as they dig deeper in this documentary to help explain things to audiences that may not know what goes on in the independent film business. This time around we get: Gary Sherman, John Bloom aka Joe Bob Briggs, Adam Green, Lynn Lowry, Tiffany Shepis, Kevin Van Hentenryck, Glen Coburn, James Balsamo, Mathew Fisher, Kevin Forte among several others. They were all asked questions such as “How they got started?” “How should future filmmakers get started?” “What is the key to make a successful movie?” You see where this going but the varying opinions is what amazed me because I could argue different points with each of the people interviewed but also agreed with several things that are said on this DVD. Viewers and filmmakers alike this isn’t just a ‘need to watch’ movie… People this is a ‘need to own right now’ documentary that gives you more than just an inside look of independent filmmaker but a peak into the lives of these celebrities you may not have had the pleasure of knowing or hearing of their experiences. I believe Nick and crew got the right mix of talent that is featured in this movie as they are all just different enough to make this work flawlessly. This absolutely perfect film documentary should be used in film school as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Soultaker (DVD) – A B-movie if there ever was one where Joe Estevez is ‘The Soultaker’ and Robert Z’dar is the ‘Angel of Death’. These two get into an argument when a group of people escape a car accident or so it seems. Once the group gets over the shock of somehow surviving the horrific accident they quickly find out they are not alone. As they are being chased by ‘The Soultaker’ they try to figure out why people can’t see them or hear them as the group tries to get home for the night. A very cheesy but entertaining flick for the B-movie lovers as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Revenge of a Radioactive Reporter (DVD) – The film has a few titles but these were the other two that was mostly used during its 1990 release: Radioactive Reporter and Atomic Reporter. This Canadian film is about a reporter named Mike who is trying to break a story on a local power plant leaking toxic waste. He believes he has the evidence but needs someone from the plant to come out and say something to prove his findings. So when Mike is invited to the power plant the big corporate types have him killed or they think he is dead when Mike is kicked into the toxic waste. His girl Richelle is having a tough time getting over Mike’s death but the corporate big wigs have it out for her to since they are unsure what was said to her about the story? But a new hero of sorts is born or at least just for this movie as a disfigured Mike begins his disgusting gooey crusade to kill all the corporate types at the power plant! Yes it is the Canadian version of “Toxic Avenger” but don’t let that stop you from enjoying all the cool effects and just a fun horror movie about toxic waste. I give this feature 3 stars.

Klown Kamp Massacre (DVD) – May 15, 1991, Edwin the clown went on a murderous rampage at clown camp at Bonzo’s ranch. Many years later and Edwin who was never caught is enraged when the famous clown camp is opened again. Clowns come from all over to learn from the best but are being stalked and killed one by one. Pay attention because on purpose it is “Friday the 13th” with clowns but has a fun twist that makes the film concept fun in the end. This low budget horror film has a little bit of everything: blood and guts, bootleg Crazy Ralph, clown porn, not taking themselves too serious, and a little bit of talent to pull off a must-see massacre movie that I wasn’t expecting to be this damn entertaining! I enjoy finding gems like this as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #400

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Gross Movie Reviews #400

 

Zombie Croc (DVD) – There has been a disturbance in the small southern town of Raven’s Neck. The deputy Rivera is sent to investigate and all can be found is bloody human remains everywhere. Believed it was an animal attack the sheriff is not all too concerned with Popa Chicken and his hatred for the town’s mayor. Popa Chicken disgusted with the eviction notices so he and his friends can be moved out for big business Popa brings forth a giant croc. While the croc causes havoc in the woods the town’s only hope is the deputy and a guy called “Crocodile Jack”! As usual filmmaker Robert Elkins brings forth a bit of exploitation feel with lots of blood and guts on no budget. I easily could see this film on SyFy Channel or a Chiller Channel during the summer months. My only major complaint would be the running time but was warned by Mr. Elkins ahead of time as I give the monster croc film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. More about the filmmaker and his films can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/robert.elkins.5 .

Zombie Isle (DVD) – Once again Independent filmmaker Robert Elkins keeps the motto: No budget, no problem, as some students and their professor visit an inhabited island for research. The island doesn’t even show up on most local maps. But the students and the pervy professor are in for a surprise when they show up and attacked by flesh-eaters (shades of Fulci perhaps). But the other thing waiting there is an old abandoned army station that the professor knew about and its rumors of a scientist living there? Greeted by scary German scientist guy they become witnesses to a project almost perfected since World War II. Apparently Scary German Guy is working on a formula to perfect soldiers or zombies for war! Think of ‘Outpost’ meets ‘Re-animator’ with a sprinkle of Fulci on no budget as usual as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details go check Robert at: https://www.facebook.com/robert.elkins.5 .

 

Arachnicide (DVD) – My hunger for mutant spider movies never ends as I find this oddity low budget flick about the government looking into big time drug dealer project. The project is a secret experiment on genetically-enhanced coco plants that will become full grown within hours to speed up the drug process. A small military tactical team is put together to invade a compound in Albania to destroy the heart of this experiment. Problem is the bad guys are smarter and have no plants there but genetically-enhanced spiders waiting to attack. A ‘Food of the Gods’ thing going here people as I give this oddity 1 ½ stars.

 

Anna (YouTube) – A short film that tackles two subjects in a very unique way. A young woman thought death would solve everything? But being undead and eating yourself sick doesn’t solve anything either… Pretty intelligent stuff from Forte Films Entertainment that is worth your time checking into and following them as I give it the short film 4 out of 4 stars. Find them at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com and www.facebook.com/ForteFilmsEntertainment .

 

Easter Sunday (DVD) – Douglas Fisher is the serial killer known as “The Bunny Masked Killer” who went on a murderous rampage over 20 years ago on Easter. The police gunned him down but little they know Fisher’s offspring has survived and carries the secret of knowing who his father is. Now present day, the son Ryan Fischer and friends decide to have a drunken campfire and play with the spirit board. Ryan not believing in such a thing screams for his father to be brought back from the dead and contact them. The spirit board of course works and the spirit of Douglas Fisher now possesses Ryan and go dig up the old killer bunny mask. Now Ryan continues his father’s murderous rampage on Easter. I believe it’s a great concept for a slasher film that stars Robert Z’Dar and Ari Lehman. Plus the film has a great death scene by boiling water and has an awesome killer mask to market. But for me the film eventually falls a part in the second half with the film thinking it’s funny and no interesting characters outside of the bunny killer and Ari Lehman as the postman. I am not saying stay away from this holiday flick but I prefer ‘Easter Casket’ from Dustin Mills. You can purchase “Easter Sunday” at www.alternativecinema.com as I give this flick 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Sharkenstein (DVD) – In 1942 Germany, Hitler’s men raid a laboratory to steal Frankenstein’s brain and heart from a scientist for their own evil Nazi experiments. It is said that the heart and brain of the monster cannot be destroyed? Who said this is unknown? But fast forward to present time where vacationers have been disappearing at “Katzman Cove”.  A vacationing family has boat troubles and stumble upon a guy and his horrible German accent that has created ‘Sharkenstein’. A killer shark with the brain and heart of Frankenstein that is an unstoppable force! This horror mash-up is everything and more you expect from Polonia Brothers Entertainment. The only thing missing is Jon McBride randomly showing up as I give this hilarious mash-up 2 stars.

 

Yoga Hosers (DVD) – This latest Kevin Smith film stars Smith’s and Johnny Depp’s kids as “The Colleens” who are clerks at a convenience store in Winnipeg, Canada. The job is tough enough to work on a Friday night but when you are high school sophomores denied a chance to a senior party, it sucks. After learning about Canadian Nazis and fighting with their Phys. Ed. Teacher about real yoga in school they must go to the store. Once there they are greeted by little mini-Hitler sausage people known as the Bratzis. If things could not get worse the senior boy Hunter they adore invites himself and his bro to party at the store to sacrifice the girls to Satan because it is so metal! The boys are killed by the Bratzis and the girls are thrown in jail until they are broken out by Mr. Guy Lapointe to find the secret passage of the Bratzis to fight the evil. This “check your brain at the door” flick is absolutely hilarious and if by some chance you do not like it I say “sorry aboot that”. I give Smith’s latest 3 ½ stars.

 

Logan (Theater) – Damn this movie was really good! We are thrusted into the year 2029 where there is no more mutants (not fully explained but pay attention there are hints), Logan is a drunk and old and old Professor X is a babbling swearing idoit in Mexico. Wolverine just wants to make enough money to buy a boat for Professor X and himself and end it all. Calls it their only safe place left. But one night Logan is approached by a woman who wants to pay him for safe passage to a location in North Dakota for unknown reasons. After a second encounter he is introduced to a little girl named Laura, a mutant. Not wanting anything to do with this Logan takes the money knowing full well people will come looking and wanting to kill him and Professor X. But Laura aka X-23 is what Professor X has been ranting about and believes she is the answer, the hope they look for? Reluctantly as Logan knows he is dying he drives Professor X and the mutant Laura north to get them to Canada. But as Logan learns more about her he begins to feel for her as he knows she will have to face what he has always tried to run from? The film is by far the most violent of any X-men related films or Marvel (exception of Blade). The film is gritty, real, and just a bad ass superhero film that I know I have wanted (because of X-23) but fans of Wolverine for quite a while. This stand-alone movie proves violent comic book movies can be made and make a shitload of cash for the Hollywood execs! I won’t say it is the best flick of 2017 but don’t be surprised it shows up on my list at the end of the year as I give 4 stars.

 

Breeders (DVD) – I believe this hilarious flick where every woman must be naked is from the same guy that gave us ‘Mutant Hunt’, Tim Kincaid. A slimy ass alien roams the streets of Manhattan looking virgin women to rape! If that isn’t enough they eventually become possessed to travel to the alien’s nest under the city. Where of course the women once there are naked and rub each other down with white goo. I swear to you this 1986 film isn’t porn? But wouldn’t have been surprised it wasn’t marketed that way in certain countries. But hopefully a detective and a very concerned doctor can stop the madness or just watch the ridiculousness of it? I give it 2 stars.

 

Kickboxer: Vengeance (DVD) – Haven’t had enough of the first five films? How about a reboot where Jean-Claude Van Damme trains Kurt Sloan to fight Tong Po aka Dave Batista after Tong killed his brother in a special underground tournament. Kurt wants revenge and of course only JCVD and some random hot ass police woman can help you in Thailand. If a fan of the series you know what you are getting yourself into as I give it 2 stars.

 

Mad Foxes (DVD) – So you are looking for lost exploitation flicks? Look no further than this Corman-inspired rampage film where for 75 minutes is a back and forth fight between Kyle Martin and a Nazi motorcycle gang for no really good reason. The film’s highlights many naked women that Kyle has sex with, lots of hairy dongs, bootleg Chuck Norris dojo and friends, Nazi gang shootings, death by gardening shears, multiple penis hackenings, exploding toilet death, a gimp, and a song by Krokus! There is no real point to the film except for having the most over the top rampage thrown in your face! I give it 3 stars, now start looking for this gem.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Best movies of 2016 from Gross Movie Reviews!

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Best movies of 2016!

I lied, I was going to post this the day after Christmas but fuck it! I will either be too drunk or too hungover… So these are the films I watched this year and feel are the best of 2016. I know a couple will piss off someone off and a couple people will be pissed a couple films were left off. Its a fucking list, get over it!If you wanna hear me discuss my picks you can hear me with T-shirt Joe Garcia and Kyle Poling talking about our picks for 2016 on an upcoming episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

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1) The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

2) CarousHELL (YouTube/DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers, the talented Steve Rudzinski has released another project and it does not disappoint at all. The hilarious horror film is about a carousel horse/unicorn named Duke who is at a small amusement park and part of the Carousel ride. Duke is disgruntled and tired of the amusement park life. Duke is the only talking carousel horse/unicorn with no one to talk too. But what has Duke the most disgruntled is chubby kids putting their unwashed hands all over him. So after Laurie and her younger brother Lunchbox visit the park and Lunchbox rides Duke, Duke has had enough and leaves the ride. His goal is to track down the fat kid and murder him. Meanwhile, Laurie and her younger brother go to a party as Duke begins his murder spree and only Cowboy Cool can help now. But by the time Cowboy Cool reaches the party the damage has been done as Duke has murdered his way to the kid named Lunchbox. And if this amazingly absurd horror movie couldn’t get any better or weirder depending on your point of view the carousel horse/unicorn has crazy animal sex with an incredibly hot tattooed woman who loves unicorns. Thank you Steve for helping me cross off something I thought I would never see in a horror movie. Don’t know if that is good or bad? ‘CarousHELL’ is absurd, absolutely unrealistic, completely ridiculous, and I LOVE IT!!! Steve made the impossible possible movie fans! And let’s not forget the great gore effects (not one but two great face smash effects). This film is easily one of the best features I have watched this year and will be on my “Best of 2016” list. I give this Rudzinski creation 4 out of 4 stars and you can find more or purchase it at: www.CarousHELL.com or www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

3) Final Girls (DVD) – The only bad thing I can say about this film was I wish I seen this sooner as this will be one of my favorite horror films I have watched in 2016. Anyway a college girl, Max, is trying to get over her mother’s death still three years later. Her best friend’s brother works at a theater that is celebrating the cult horror slashers ‘Camp Bloodbath 1 and 2’. Max’s mother was famous for starring in the original and Max is asked to come be a part of the festival. She does an accident happens which starts the theater into a full on raging fire. Max and her friends cut through the movie screen to escape and find themselves in 1986 ‘Camp Bloodbath’ movie world. The non-stop slashing, blood, laughs are non-stop as Max and friends try to figure out how to fend off the movie’s killer Billy long enough to get back to the real world! This horror film is 4 stars all the way. It’s a slasher fan’s wet dream of a horror movie!

 

4) Freaks of Nature (DVD) – It amazes me the crap that makes the theater and then the random unbelievable awesome horror films that just show up on cable, On Demand, etc. This flick is the latter as aliens attack the small town of Dillford. The town has its issues as humans, vampires, and zombies are finding it very hard to coexist these days and the alien invasion gives them a reason to fight each other. Meanwhile, during the alien invasion and the war between Dillford residents, three teenagers (a human, a vampire, and a zombie) all must get over their everyday hang-ups of being teenagers. If they do not the world is surely going to die. The film has a great dialogue, great effects, but it all doesn’t work without these three: Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, and Josh Fadem. Without them this movie is nothing but because of them the film has that allure of a ‘Weird Science’ or ‘The Monster Squad’ or ‘Popcorn’ where movie fans will want to watch it over and over again. An amazing masterpiece in my eyes as I give it 4 stars and surely it will be on my “Best of 2016 list”.

 

5) The Conjuring 2 (Theater) – After the events of the first film the Warrens find themselves investigating the famous home in Amityville in 1976. During a séance Lorraine finds herself defending herself against an evil she has never experienced before but not a part of the famous Amityville house. Once home she makes Ed promise her they take a break because she has seen his death. But this evil spirit takes residence in a single mom of four’s house in London 1977. The Warrens are called in by the church just to observe for three days. When they arrive one child is completely terrorized and the other three kids and mom scared for their lives with no one to turn too. After video proof that it was faked or supposedly fake, the Warrens rush back to the home to help the family from this beyond evil spirit that refuses to go away. Amazing flick again horror fans. I am not much into paranormal movies but the two ‘Conjuring’ flicks I have absolutely loved and glad they exist. I give the sequel 4 stars and forgive them for even thinking ‘Annabelle’ was a good idea. Wait a minute… there may be a sequel to ‘Annabelle’? Don’t fuck with the formula based on true stories Hollywood! Just sayin…

 

6) Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (VHS/DVD-R) – Let me just say this any horror film that begins with Suicidal Tendencies “I Saw Your Mommy and Your Mommy is Dead” gets 4 stars no matter what comes next. But that just isn’t enough for this fun gem of unknown goodness! Karen Black stars as Auntie Lee, Pat Morita as the local small town sheriff, Michael Berryman as the weird dude (Larry) who takes care of the nieces’ cars after deliveries, and the very beautiful Teri Weigel. Teri may have done a lot of porn but always found a way into a stray horror film which I always enjoy finding. Teri is one of the best. But after jamming out to Suicidal Tendencies we are introduced to some lunatic who tries to carjack a young lady and becomes a victim himself for Auntie Lee. Auntie Lee for years has sold her famous meat pies to the local town folk of Penance. And these days now her nieces are all grown up they go out and lure men in for the taking. Usually if there is car trouble or car cleaning needing to be done it’s up to Larry until he is caught one day with a trunk full of bones! Pat Morita decides then with the bootleg David Bowie as a private investigator try to bring down Auntie Lee. But the real question is will the sheriff bring her in or will he become the next meat pie? Everyone is awesome in this light-hearted “Motel Hell” horror film. This movie deserves to be seen all horror movie fans as I give this fun meaty morsel 4 stars.

 

7) The Survivors (The Hack Collection Volume One) (Blu-ray) – Well the talented independent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski finally granted my wish of doing a sequel to “Slasher Hunter” and did not disappoint at all. According to Steve, “it’s not just a sequel; it is a sequel to everything he has done.” If you have been following Mr. Rudzinski’s films they all have been leading to something or leave you wanting a little more and it all comes to this… Steve puts everything together in this latest project where ‘The Slashers’ are in complete disarray as Frank is in hell and they lack real leadership. Meanwhile, the group just known as “The Killers” is stronger than ever and keeps two steps ahead of the “Survivor Initiative” until now. “The Slasher Hunters” have some new allies (helps if you have seen some of Steve’s past films to understand some of the characters and why they are there) that includes one my favorite’s ‘Wolfster’. Wolfster is a character Steve came up with early in his filmmaking career I easily could have seen as a movie franchise with a new entry every 12 to 16 months? It all comes down to one final fight between The Slasher Initiative and The Killers leader Norm unless Frank finds a way out of hell? We also find out what was Frank’s worst mistake thanks to hell. This project is beyond hilarious, entertaining, and everything I have expected from such a talented filmmaker. Steve has a way of writing very likable characters good and evil that in my opinion makes him successful for the long haul. Steve this is one of the best independent projects I have seen in 2016 and hope to see a lot more as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars. The copy of “The Survivors” I have is part of “The Hack Collection Volume One” Blu-ray two-disc set that has bloopers, trailers, almost all of Steve’s movies and a lot more. Find out more about the film or purchase it at: www.silverspotlightfilms.moonfruit.com and https://www.facebook.com/SilverSpotlightFilms/?fref=ts&ref=br_tf .

 

8) The Monster (DVD) – A slow burn creature flick that really focuses on the relationship between a troubled mother and her young daughter whose relationship is all but over. The mother hungover had promised to drive her young daughter to her father’s house but begrudgingly starts the long drive. Along the way they hit a wolf and the car stalls and gets a flat tire. The two are forced to speak to each other and call for a tow truck and paramedics. During this flashbacks explain a little more of the trouble between the two but when the tow truck arrives, the dead wolf disappears. Next thing we know Jesse the tow truck driver disappears and his arm flops on top of the car sending the two screaming for their lives in the car knowing they are not alone. The thing that is stalking them is a bad ass looking mutated gorilla/wolf/awesome practical scary ass creature that tears shit up. I really enjoyed the creature but the focus of the film the mother and daughter relationship. Plus, I believe it’s time for the “creature feature” to make a comeback and this flick will most likely make it on my ‘best of 2016 list’ as I give it 4 stars.

 

9) Let Us Prey (DVD) – An Irish film about a new constable starting her job for a station in a small town. While walking the beat she witnesses a drunken kid run down a man. She takes the kid in but cannot find the man. Later the mysterious man is found by other officers and brought in to get a statement but refuses to speak but just stare. The mysterious no name man is put into a cell while they call a doctor and that is when things begin to get weird because anyone that is near the mysterious man knows their deep secrets. But what all inside the station don’t know he is there to collect souls before the stroke of midnight and everyone’s past comes back to haunt them in one way or another. The film starts slow but builds into a chaotic, bloody climax worth checking out. In the end, the movie starting off slow makes a lot of sense after watching it as this is one of those lesser known recent horror movies worth seeking out as I give it 4 stars.

 

10 – tie) The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

10 – tie) Dreaming Purple Neon (DVD) – Holy Fucking Shit! It’s another balls to walls horror film from Todd mother fucking Sheets! Todd Sheets has almost outlasted everyone in the independent horror scene. While Jon McBride and the Polonia Brothers were getting some mad press in the late 80s and early 90s with their shot-on-VHS classics the highly talented Todd Sheets was perfecting his craft until he blindsided the horror community with his project ‘Zombie Bloodbath’! Since then Todd Sheets has become a household name in the horror community for making some of the craziest ass over the top Indy horror films you could ever witness. And saying that with this latest project from Mr. Sheets he may have topped everything he has done? The film begins with some shady business/gangsters planning something and talking about the purple neon. Next thing we know they shoot a man in the office ask the receptionist to clean it up and she gets scared. So she goes to her best friend at a dentist office with these drugs and two guns. Now understand there fine folks this entire movie (95%) supposedly takes place in and down in the basement of a dentist office… On top of that we have a creepy old dude named Mr. Archer hanging out in the basement with naked people (hot women and non-hard penis hanging around like Christmas decorations) talking about a vessel. Which happens to be some teenager upstairs in the dentist chair that doesn’t know the business/gangster dudes have shown up and shut down the dentist office? Confessing but awesome a ritual takes place, a couple people die horrifically, some torture, a female demon is born, the main gangster dude gets castrated, more blood and guts, more naked people, and if the female demon Abby (I will call her) lives the apocalypse happens! And the purple neon drugs will make sense eventually. But wait there is more… Spoiler alert: no fucking lie, bootleg Gene Simmons shows up and kills a zombie while satanic Jesus is enjoying the falling black rain. Yep, my brain hurts just trying to recall the most unpredictable ending I ever watched and oh yeah I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. If there was something that stop me from giving it a perfect and it’s the 111 minute running time but hey I feel like an ass just for nit picking… So horror fans go do yourself a favor and go get this flick from www.zombiebloodbath.com or check out more about it at www.facebook.com/DreamingPurpleNeon .

 

Notable films that should not be ignored…

 

Bloodsucking Bastards (DVD) – A very hilarious vampire flick about a couple office slackers and their best friend who is trying to break into management. They work for a firm/company that sells the boner pills, abs-flex, etc. They phone sales people who call and try to suck you into deals for shit you don’t need. Well higher-ups have decided it’s time for a shake-up and bring in someone new who has a different way of getting the most out of his sales team. He turns them into vampires that apparently make a ton of sales and don’t complain about work conditions. When it’s almost too late the slackers and best friend realize vampires have taken over their company and they must look up on Wikipedia on how to kill them? Underrated gory awesomeness best describes this 3 ½ star horror film.

 

Wer (DVD) – The film begins with a family hiking it out in the middle of rural France only to capture their vicious animal attack that killed the husband and kid and scarred the wife, Claire Porter. Immediately, local authorities bring in a very large hairy man that doesn’t talk much and lived with his mother nearby the attack. This gets the attention of an American Human Rights Lawyer, Kathrine, who has a practice there and wants to represent the very large hairy man, Talan. The local authorities disregard that only an animal could do the damage it did and this man Talan has a rare disease that affects his joints, bones, etc. So it seems like a slam dunk for the lawyer to get Talan off from this brutal murder. But tests keep coming up inconclusive; the police know more than they are saying and Kathrine and friends dig deeper into Talan and his family and find a history like no other. That’s when the movie gets even more interesting when Talan escapes and begins a city wide murder spree! A werewolf flick with a whole different spin on the werewolf legend in this American/French production that was shot in Romania. On top of that I loved the creature and blood effects in this entertaining and refreshing spin on the werewolf genre. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (DVD) – A zombie film that not only snuck under most people’s radars but was an actual good zombie flick is about zombies in 1700s England! Sometime between 1700 and 1800 London goes all ‘Escape From New York’ and builds a wall around the city after a zombie outbreak happens. London builds an army to fight this menace and keep it in check. As it closes in on 1800 the problem is all but gone but still exists as people like to hide they may have been bitten. Great concept so far, then we have Brother Noopsie aka Charles Dance training his daughters to be not fine women but how to defend themselves against the zombie apocalypse. After attending a dance a few zombies show up only to be a sign of something bigger is coming? End of days… This was an absolute treat to get lost in as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Bigfoot vs. Zombies (DVD) – Come on people the title says it all right? And you gotta love Mark Polonia is working non-stop in bringing us great films such as this lovely gem. Also if I have seen correctly there was an Anthony Polonia working on effects with Brett Piper for the film? But anyway something hokey is going on down at the Wyoming County Body Farm. The bodies are supposed to be for forensic school for cadets but a certain scientist has been performing experiments. Not only is he checking out how the corpses decompose he is seeing if he can make them decompose faster to make more money? This soon goes in full effect when a barrel is dumped on the property and the dead begin to rise. Meanwhile our old friend Bigfoot is watching from afar and finds himself in the gated military complex (it has two guards at the most). Now zombies are attacking the complex and the scientists and Bigfoot is pissed and begins smashing zombie skulls to help people escape into the woods. In the end Bigfoot is a zombie stomping bad ass in this wonderful entertaining entry into the Bigfoot genre. Thank you again Mr. Polonia for your work as I give your film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

You Only Die Once (YouTube) – A 29 minute horror/comedy, that is delightful, well-crafted, and an absolutely a bloody good time by filmmaker Amanda B. Goodman. Linda apparently has bad taste in men but that doesn’t stop her and her two best friends from fighting the supernatural. Even if it means being attacked by rabid ferrets! The trio has been through it all but they are having rough times when Linda’s latest ex-boyfriend has become a vampire. To make things worse he has two vamp bitches and wants to break up the trio by adding to his nest. Lots of movie and creature of the night references make this gem go by quickly but the trio overcome their differences and defeats the new vamp or did they? Goodman finds a nice blend of gore and comedy that will have horror fans asking for seconds once they watch ‘You Only Die Once’. I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Find out more at: www.facebook.com/YouOnlyDieOnce2016/ and AmandaBGoodman.com .

 

President Wolfman (DVD) – The title alone is what reeled me into wanting to watch this gem of a horror flick. But when I opened it and started to read the sleeve and began watching the film to my amazement the project was entirely stock footage of public domain titles and major parts are from the 1973 film ‘The Werewolf of Washington’. This 1973 film stars Dean Stockwell who was the go between for Sam and Ziggy from the ‘Quantum Leap’ show. But anyway the film is edited footage with new voiceovers, music, etc. Amazing work from Mike Davis and crew to craft a horror movie about president John Wolfman who tries to spend more time with his son Bobby and is attacked by a diseased coyote on a camping trip! From there mysterious murders are happening in the nation’s capital and that is the least of their problems as the Chinese continue their takeover of America. At one point President Wolfman has surgery that turns him into a hippie but reverses to a werewolf again. John Wolfman is also being pushed by Congress to sell out to the Chinese as they all will own a skyscraper in New York City. A fun horror film and a truly amazing accomplishment in editing by all involved. There were several parts of the film that I could not stop laughing at as I give this fun creation 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find this and many other fine films at www.wildeyereleasing.com .

 

Upsidedown Cross (DVD) – This well-thought out depressing feature is about a young lady named Nadine who is brilliantly played by Erin Russ. Nadine has a modeling career going if that is what you want to call it as her so-called boyfriend Victor shoots her up with drugs so she can have pictures taken of her by dirty old dudes who don’t have cell phones (wait I don’t have a cell phone?). Anyway a gentleman talks her into touching him, sort of? And that’s when Victor and others are being arrested. Nowhere to go Nadine goes back home where mom seems to have lost touch with reality and relies on TV preachers for her medicine to get through the day. Nadine truly wants to kick the drug habit but Nadine and her mom are complete opposites and with great direction Nadine comes off as a dirty cunt rag when arguing with her mom about money, drugs, life. Delaih, Nadine’s mom takes it one step further by calling one of the crazy preacher numbers and they are visited by an older man who claims to be a traveling preacher who travels around the country to stop the devil’s work. The preacher played sadistically by David Yow believes they need to rid Nadine of her demons as she is possessed and this is what makes her a sex and drug addict. Some uncomfortable scenes happen between Nadine and the preacher that leaves Nadine looking more abused than ever but mom only wants to know “Has the demons left you”. The film is a little uncomfortable, depressing, and one of the more interesting films I have watched in recent memory. Erin Russ played the Nadine character perfectly; you hated her and truly feel bad for her in the span of 90 minutes. Loved the fake infomercials they just added to the intensity of the film. Usually I am the guy who watches sequels, zombies, and monster films all day but this film hit a weird nerve in me that made me glad I watched this very dark film. I give the movie 3 out of 4 stars. You can purchase and find out more about the film at www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Reviled: Ep. 2 (Vimeo) – Filmmaker Jim Stramel continues his zombie saga that revolves around zombie pit fighting in the south. The events happen after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone and were a blimp on the social radar screen. Frank and his zombie daughter travel in their dirty van killing or crippling zombies in the illegal sport for money. But the real story is how Frank is still attached to his undead daughter and refuses to let go. This episode continues to introduce some new characters and expand the universe of this unique idea. Its dirty, has a lot of grime, a little gory, and absolutely beautiful zombie universe. My favorite part of this episode might be the kids selling bug spray for 25 cents as it is a little thing that makes it known to me that Jim Stramel takes this project seriously and make me wanting more! I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Wanna check it out or maybe throw a few dollars Stramel and company’s way to help fund future episodes go to: www.reviledzombieseries.com .

 

Best Documentaries of the year!

 

Just Desserts: The Making of Creepshow (Blu-ray) – A Michael Felsher project that took a life of its own as it went from a special feature to a full-length documentary that can only be explained as an orgasmic explosion of amazingness about the legendary film ‘Creepshow’. The documentary covers everything of how it began to Tom Savini thinking it was Halloween for five months straight while being on set to make all sorts of creatures for the anthology. The film is almost timeless and has one of my favorite stories of horror in the segment called ‘The Crate’. The documentary has some great interviews with George Romero, Savini, Ed Harris and so on but also great stories about Stephen King and him being a kid at heart. The Blu-ray also has ‘Scream Greats’ Tom Savini video which was watched by many horror fans who grew up in the 80s but now has a commentary as well with Savini looking back at the video. This Blu-ray is a true nerd out of a disc as it has everything you could ever imagine about ‘Creepshow’ and for that I say thank you to Mr. Felsher as I give the Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars but also it will be one of the best horror discs of 2016! Place your order now at www.synapse-films.com .

 

B-Documentary (DVD) – Nick Charles for his first film chose to do a documentary about “how to make a film”. In doing that Mr. Charles traveled to meet and interview celebrities Lloyd Kaufman, H.G. Lewis, Bill Johnson, Lisa Gaye, D.J. Calvitto, Patrick Madcox, and Nurse Hatchet. With this Nick Charles gets these fine people to tell stories of “how they got started”, “keys to success”, “how to make a movie”, along with several other subjects that includes “digital vs film”. The movie isn’t so much a documentary as much as a perfect instructional guide for movie fans and filmmakers alike to hear what’s it like to make a movie or act in one. They all have sound advice and varying opinions which makes this film not just a must see but a must own for any horror movie or independent movie fan out there. Nick Charles did an amazing job first time out in the filmmaking world and now has my attention in what he does next. I personally wish him good luck. I give this wonderful project 4 out of 4 stars and more about it and where to purchase it can be found at www.officialdungeonfilms.com .

 

Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary (DVD/Vimeo) – These days it seems a lot of documentaries are being made about horror films and such. Some deserve it? ‘Pet Sematary’ deserved it for sure for its impact on the horror genre. Honestly horror movie fans it was one of the better book to film adaptions of King’s. The Stephen King story that was brought to life by director Mary Lambert had a long journey and interesting one. The film came at the end of the “Slasher Era” and no studio wanted it to be made mainly because of the kid death in the story/script/movie. But with a strike looming at the time Mary Lambert and others took advantage of this and the rest was film history. The documentary takes a very in-depth look how it got from book to film but also how it’s one of King’s darkest books that scared him when he first wrote it. The filmmakers tracked down everyone that had anything to do with the film and they share stories of how the production got to Maine instead of California but what it meant to the small town Maine residents especially being a Stephen King movie. Plus the interview with all the cast members involved sharing their stories of on and off set makes this one the best and interesting horror documentaries of recent times. I believe it was crucial having Mako Hughes talk about his experience and what he actually remembers of the project to make this the perfect documentary for ‘Pet Sematary’ fans. The film did win “Best Documentary” at the Rhode Island International Horror Film Festival in 2014 which I know why and give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on the project and its upcoming release check out: Official Store: http://shop.terrorfilms.net/ , Official Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnP7swXKQXo, Official Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/UnearthedandUntold, Terror Films Website: www.terrorfilms.net .

 

Lords of Light! The Story of Thundarr the Barbarian (YouTube) – A fun 20 minute short film and look back at one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons of all time. Interviews with creators Ruby and Spears, opens up some light on how they came up with the concept for the cartoon but how it did not last either? If you are old like me and remember Saturday morning cartoons this is worth the trip down memory lane and they claim “Star Wars” may have help them come up with the cartoon. I give it 4 stars.

 

Adjust Your Tracking (DVD) – So you wanna be a VHS collector? First watch this documentary that takes you through early days of VHS, how Blockbuster Video killed the business, and how collecting changed after someone was selling a VHS copy of ‘Tales From the Quad Dead Zone’ on EBay. The documentary does a wonderful job of tracking down some of the most popular collectors and getting their stories of how and why this format? It is a film that sheds light on why this is no different than collecting baseball cards or albums and why its loved by so many. Plus the film does a wonderful job of pointing out some people who are trying to keep the format alive. Interesting and overall production are exactly what you want in a documentary about collecting VHS tapes as I give it 4 stars.

 

 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #380

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Gross Movie Reviews #380

 

Howl (DVD) – In the middle of Somewhere, UK, passengers are taking a train at night to get to their destination. Problem… train breaks down in the middle of highly wooded area that we later find out has a history of weird shit happening but never substantiated? But driver gets out checking out the problem only to be attacked by something. Two train workers check it out not finding the driver and debating with the several passengers on what they should do. Finally they leave the train only to find the remains of the driver and now something is chasing them back to the train. They are forced to defend themselves as this wolf man like creature is attacking the train trying to eat everyone inside! A fun werewolf flick with lots of blood and guts and I give it 3 stars.

 

Jaws of Satan (DVD) – An early 80s killer animal flick that involves a King Cobra escaping from a train and causing other snakes in the area to attack humans. All because the King Cobra is Satan himself according to the local priest! A possessed snake holding a community hostage is great stuff horror fans and a must watch as I give it 3 stars!

 

The Vatican Tapes (DVD) – A woman named Angela becomes possessed on her 25th birthday and the church gets involved. A special division of the Vatican gets involved after investigating the supposedly possession and tries exorcise the demon from the young woman’s body before it completely takes control. A little more interesting than most of the PG-13 possession films that have flooded the horror genre as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Amityville Death House (DVD) – The story begins with Eric Roberts doing voiceover telling a story about a witch using the ‘Book of the Dead’ as a means to enter present day. Pay attention as you will notice the ‘Book of the Dead’ is: A) The Evil Dead DVD Necronomicon and B) its upside down. Anyway, present day and Tiffany and college friends are stopping by to visit grandma. Well grandma lives in the old Wilmont’s house that was the house to Abigail the witch during the 1800s. Locals always believed witches lived in the home for years. Now the home is shunned by the community even though Grandma Raymond lives there. Tiffany use to spend her summers there until grandpa died and since then hasn’t been back. But now she is back and weird shit begins to happen and six people need to die for Abigail the witch to come into present day. And only in a Polonia Brothers film you would hear the line, “You look like you had a dozen tits?” It’s true if you watch the film she did look like that… Tiffany I mean. Make-up effects from Brett Piper and Anthony Polonia, Fred Olen Ray as an executive producer and Eric Roberts involved with a great looking poster comes off as a slight misfire than classic. I expected more but hey it does have Amityville in the title so I give it 2 stars.

2015-flesh-for-the-inferno-movie-poster

Flesh for the Inferno (DVD) – A film written by the legendary Michael Varrati begins March 11, 1999, at St. Christopher Middle School. A priest has raped a boy and the boy told four nuns about it. They choose to confront the priest and things go bad and next thing you know they are renouncing god as they are bricked up in the basement. Years later… June 2, 2015, a youth group and its leader show up to clean and fix up the old school for the weekend but they are warned it’s a bad day according to the caretaker. Once the cleaning begins the nuns return causing death and chaos inside the walls of this holy place. Gore, ugly nuns, and a little reminder for me at least of ‘The Unholy’ and ‘The Convent’. A fun and gritty low budget horror movie worth seeking out fans as I quite enjoyed it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. This is the type of horror film I believe needs to make a comeback to the cinemas?

 

Black Sabbath (DVD) – Boris Karloff tells tales of terror in this early 60s horror film that even has Karloff playing a vampire in the last tale of terror. Think of Karloff as the early Cryptkeeper. Found this flick a little dull at times but sure there are some older people that would tell me to fuck off just for saying that as I give this film 2 stars.

 

Swamp Thing: The Series Volume One (DVD) – Yes folks, I am the weirdo that owns this box set but this set actually contains season one and two. The third season for unknown reasons right now is 50 some episodes! It was USA network in the early 90s before they knew what programs were being placed on the channel. Dick Durock returns as the big green guy who pretty much saves a kid named Jim for several episodes before he is shipped off to South America and now has to deal with his older brother Will. The series centers on the struggle between Dr. Arcane and Swamp Thing and the surrounding swamp land. With each story being wrapped up in 23 minutes and everyone including his mom forgetting Jim from the first season was shipped to South America by Arcane. An odd and quirky take on the cult comic book hero but no worse than the ‘Friday the 13th Series’ that was about cursed objects not Jason Voorhees. I look forward tracking down the rest of the episodes but until then hopefully we can get a movie or TV series that gives this interesting character some respect? I give it 2 stars.

Werewolves

Werewolves in Heat (DVD) – Lance Polland and company make a movie that seemed to be a lost film from the early 90s Troma catalog that even includes Ron Jeremy as a pimp named ‘Chancho’. The story centers around three friends leaving the friendly confines of L.A. for the sex, drugs, and party of the desert. Once at their rental house they proceed to the local bar to place flyers for their party and buy some whores. But these just any whores… Let’s remember Ron Jeremy aka Chancho is pimping out the best ever. The three friends are so excited for the women and their party doesn’t know until it is too late when the women/werewolves show up and start a bloodbath once horny! Everyone may get laid but it all ends in death as these women have embraced being werewolves. Hell, we even get werewolf vision which reminds me a lot of the same thing in ‘Howling 7: New Moon Rising’ (a sub-par sequel in the series). Mr. Polland accomplished in giving horror and Troma fans a low budget raunchy gem that makes you reminisce about old school Troma films? I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars. More about the film can be found at: www.facebook.com/werewolvesinheat .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.