Gross Movie Reviews #549

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Gross Movie Reviews #549

The Taking of Beverly Hills (DVD) – An early 90s action film that comes off as a ‘Die Hard’ rip-off that I do not remember ever hearing this hitting theaters as much as when it hit VHS. Boomer is a football player hanging out at Beverly Hills trying to pick up a date until a chemical spill happens causing the town to be evacuated or at least that is what the Beverly Hills Police Department says. See the police department is tired of putting up with rich people so they come up with this elaborate plan of a chemical spill that not many would question but would get people evacuated. Once that happens they go from home to home stealing everything and everyone in the police department is in on the take except one guy who decides to help the star football player Boomer to stop everything before the National Guard gets there! The film has wall to wall action, great cast, if you never heard of this give it a chance if you are a ‘Die Hard’ fan as it is lots of fun as I give it 3 stars.

War of the Gargantuas (DVD) – If you are over the age of 40 there is a good chance you were introduced to this flick early in life by a horror host in your town late one night on TV. After a thing attacks a boat out sea near Japan scientists are baffled at what monster could do something like this? A young American scientist who works in Japan supposedly had large gargantuan years ago that got loose and never found. Is it the same one? Why has it appeared now? While the scientists go to the woods to investigate the military blasts away without listening to reason as the scientists try to figure out if the two monsters are related or separate incidents. In the end it is good monster vs. bad monster in this corny throwback as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Superforce (DVD) – A futuristic TV film from 1990 that was set in 2020 and got turned into a TV series for two full seasons. The film follows famous astronaut Zach Stone who comes home after a two year mission to find his brother has been killed. Supposedly his brother was the only good cop left on the force. Anyway Zach wants answers so he joins the police academy so when he graduates he can ask to be place in his brother’s old areas. Soon Zach gets involved with Hungerford Industries who help Zach get fitted in an experimental space suit that gives him extra strength and a motorcycle to chase down criminals. Well one young scientist and a dead guy help Zach become the new space age hero. The film had a solid cast but I couldn’t believe that there was a TV series based on this as it was filmed in Universal Studios, Florida. I give it a 1 ½ stars because it seem like they were having a tough time just to fill out a TV film let alone a TV series?

CarousHell the 2nd (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski gave us crazy Indy horror fans ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ with his first entry ‘CarousHell’, five years later Steve figured out a way with the sequel to give us ‘The Devil’s Rejects’. And if yinz get that reference then you know you are in for one hell of a ride with this project. Our famous killer carousel unicorn Duke, is back and it begins with Nazis as Duke has just found out he has a son he nothing about. Duke learns about Robbie and tries to make amends but Duke’s past catches up with him as the Third Reich is still pissed their experiment is running free in America. These immortal Nazis want revenge against their former Alpha Solider and will stop at nothing to get their revenge even if it means kidnapping Duke’s hybrid son. Now if you just tuned into this review wondering what the hell you are reading well ‘CarousHell’ and its sequel are the ultimate weirdo horror films that really cannot be classified as anything else but “weird” and that is what makes it wonderful! This sequel reminds me of the spirit of the ‘Basket Case’ sequels where Steve is giving you the viewer something completely unexpected or at least me? Yes, there is still a carousel horse sex scene, some fine gore spots, absolutely wonderful acting from Aleen Isley, Terrence Cover, Rebecca Reinhart, and Joshua Anton just to name a few actors with perfect performances that had me laughing and entertained from beginning to end! This latest creation from Mr. Rudzinski would not surprise me at all to propel his career or at least a few phone calls from Hollywood as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars and you will be seeing it in my “Top 5 movies 2021” for sure! All I ask Steve remember us little people… and send beer! Now congrats on one fucking awesome movie!

Cosmos: War of the Planets (DVD) – In 1977 somebody got bored and found bootleg Billy Zane’s father as Captain Hamilton and made a crude episode of ‘Star Trek’. Hamilton and crew are forced to investigate signals on the outer edge of the solar system only to find an evil robot that can’t move who has slaves that are telepathic and they live in a cave. Sounds fun but was cornier than anything and wouldn’t surprise me this has been referenced on MST3Kway too many times over the years as I give it 2 stars.

The Attic (DVD) – A creepy slow burn film that most likely collected a lot of dust on the VHS shelves of the old video stores? A shy Librarian who has been forced to take care of her wheelchair bound father for years now. To make Louise a little more frustrated is her husband to be still hasn’t shown up after 19 years and taking her own life might not be a bad option. Trying to compensate with her midlife crisis she buys a monkey, gives a bunch of money to the only friend she has, and tries to take a trip with the monkey. But as certain things come to light in Louise’s life and does concern if she was completely crazy from the beginning of the film. Interesting for the mere fact of how they end this slow burn as I believe you will find very satisfying or absolutely hate the ending as I give it 2 stars.

Massacre Academy (Blu-ray) – A film set in the year 1987 at Orrstown State University where Kris the college student survived a horrible ordeal of Henry Lee Palmer or the “Killer Clown Face Killer” killing 15 on campus as Kris was a freshman. It’s been two years since the horrible event but Kris is finding it hard to get past as she has nightmares nightly especially now her younger sister is going to the same college and pledging for a sorority that may not have the best intentions. The film doesn’t waste too much time having the killer grab the clown mask and getting back to finishing what he started two years earlier. But is it a copycat or did Henry Lee Palmer somehow survive? Some good gore shots, I thought the casting of all involved was solid, and the pacing doesn’t get bogged down to give a solid retro slasher feel as I give it 3 stars. For fans of the film if you are looking for a goof check out the cop car the characters are in about the 47 minute mark as that Ford vehicle didn’t exist in 1987.    

The Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre (On Demand) – Well I gotta say this was an unexpected fun horror gem about a wrestling tag team in New Mexico wrestling called “The Manson Brothers”. This rugged tag team has been around for three decades now and knows all the ins and outs of independent wrestling feds. After a well-received tag match they are offered a big money cage match at midnight on Halloween. Of course they say yes but that is only part of the story as things get weird as some of the wrestlers have been taking some of the Chinese HGH to stay big for the ring. Now to complicate the issue with wrestlers taking the HGH and causing a zombie issue, there is a horrible hurricane that has locked down everything! So The Manson Brothers must fight their way through a horde of flesh eaters inside the wrestling building and forget about the main event. The movie has lots of great zombie gore gags, wonderful story telling (someone knows some of the behind the scenes stuff of wrestling), and the supporting cast in D.B. Sweeny, Mindy Robinson, and Randy Couture make this an unexpected horror gem and would love to see a sequel if it is done with the same spirit and passion this project was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

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You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Next guest for Grossfest is…

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For our seventh guest announcement for Grossfest is a filmmaker, actor, producer who I have known since he was a teenager. This person is more of your “outside of the box non-traditional” independent filmmaker. His movies have their own rules, he doesn’t stick to one genre, and I have absolutely loved it every step of the way. Most filmmakers having lower or no budgets for their projects would hold them back? This filmmaker thrives on it by using imagination, talented friends and actors, and brilliant writing. “Wolfster, Part 1: The Curse of the Emo Vamp, Basic Slaughter, The Slasher Hunter, Everyone Must Die!, Super Task Force One, Captain Z & the Terror of Leviathan, Red Christmas, The Survivors, CarousHELL” are some of his films he has made over the past decade. With great respect, absolute delight, and there is no way I could not have ask this person to be a part of Grossfest: I introduce you to the charming and handsome Steve Rudzinski! Steve’s recent “CarousHELL” film like “The Barn” is one of my favorite independent films that I have had the pleasure of watching in my lifetime. Like “The Barn” dudes it would not surprise me to see Steve move on to bigger things soon… Next up for Steve “A Meowy Christmas”.

 

Best movies of 2016 from Gross Movie Reviews!

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Best movies of 2016!

I lied, I was going to post this the day after Christmas but fuck it! I will either be too drunk or too hungover… So these are the films I watched this year and feel are the best of 2016. I know a couple will piss off someone off and a couple people will be pissed a couple films were left off. Its a fucking list, get over it!If you wanna hear me discuss my picks you can hear me with T-shirt Joe Garcia and Kyle Poling talking about our picks for 2016 on an upcoming episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

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1) The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

2) CarousHELL (YouTube/DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers, the talented Steve Rudzinski has released another project and it does not disappoint at all. The hilarious horror film is about a carousel horse/unicorn named Duke who is at a small amusement park and part of the Carousel ride. Duke is disgruntled and tired of the amusement park life. Duke is the only talking carousel horse/unicorn with no one to talk too. But what has Duke the most disgruntled is chubby kids putting their unwashed hands all over him. So after Laurie and her younger brother Lunchbox visit the park and Lunchbox rides Duke, Duke has had enough and leaves the ride. His goal is to track down the fat kid and murder him. Meanwhile, Laurie and her younger brother go to a party as Duke begins his murder spree and only Cowboy Cool can help now. But by the time Cowboy Cool reaches the party the damage has been done as Duke has murdered his way to the kid named Lunchbox. And if this amazingly absurd horror movie couldn’t get any better or weirder depending on your point of view the carousel horse/unicorn has crazy animal sex with an incredibly hot tattooed woman who loves unicorns. Thank you Steve for helping me cross off something I thought I would never see in a horror movie. Don’t know if that is good or bad? ‘CarousHELL’ is absurd, absolutely unrealistic, completely ridiculous, and I LOVE IT!!! Steve made the impossible possible movie fans! And let’s not forget the great gore effects (not one but two great face smash effects). This film is easily one of the best features I have watched this year and will be on my “Best of 2016” list. I give this Rudzinski creation 4 out of 4 stars and you can find more or purchase it at: www.CarousHELL.com or www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

3) Final Girls (DVD) – The only bad thing I can say about this film was I wish I seen this sooner as this will be one of my favorite horror films I have watched in 2016. Anyway a college girl, Max, is trying to get over her mother’s death still three years later. Her best friend’s brother works at a theater that is celebrating the cult horror slashers ‘Camp Bloodbath 1 and 2’. Max’s mother was famous for starring in the original and Max is asked to come be a part of the festival. She does an accident happens which starts the theater into a full on raging fire. Max and her friends cut through the movie screen to escape and find themselves in 1986 ‘Camp Bloodbath’ movie world. The non-stop slashing, blood, laughs are non-stop as Max and friends try to figure out how to fend off the movie’s killer Billy long enough to get back to the real world! This horror film is 4 stars all the way. It’s a slasher fan’s wet dream of a horror movie!

 

4) Freaks of Nature (DVD) – It amazes me the crap that makes the theater and then the random unbelievable awesome horror films that just show up on cable, On Demand, etc. This flick is the latter as aliens attack the small town of Dillford. The town has its issues as humans, vampires, and zombies are finding it very hard to coexist these days and the alien invasion gives them a reason to fight each other. Meanwhile, during the alien invasion and the war between Dillford residents, three teenagers (a human, a vampire, and a zombie) all must get over their everyday hang-ups of being teenagers. If they do not the world is surely going to die. The film has a great dialogue, great effects, but it all doesn’t work without these three: Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, and Josh Fadem. Without them this movie is nothing but because of them the film has that allure of a ‘Weird Science’ or ‘The Monster Squad’ or ‘Popcorn’ where movie fans will want to watch it over and over again. An amazing masterpiece in my eyes as I give it 4 stars and surely it will be on my “Best of 2016 list”.

 

5) The Conjuring 2 (Theater) – After the events of the first film the Warrens find themselves investigating the famous home in Amityville in 1976. During a séance Lorraine finds herself defending herself against an evil she has never experienced before but not a part of the famous Amityville house. Once home she makes Ed promise her they take a break because she has seen his death. But this evil spirit takes residence in a single mom of four’s house in London 1977. The Warrens are called in by the church just to observe for three days. When they arrive one child is completely terrorized and the other three kids and mom scared for their lives with no one to turn too. After video proof that it was faked or supposedly fake, the Warrens rush back to the home to help the family from this beyond evil spirit that refuses to go away. Amazing flick again horror fans. I am not much into paranormal movies but the two ‘Conjuring’ flicks I have absolutely loved and glad they exist. I give the sequel 4 stars and forgive them for even thinking ‘Annabelle’ was a good idea. Wait a minute… there may be a sequel to ‘Annabelle’? Don’t fuck with the formula based on true stories Hollywood! Just sayin…

 

6) Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (VHS/DVD-R) – Let me just say this any horror film that begins with Suicidal Tendencies “I Saw Your Mommy and Your Mommy is Dead” gets 4 stars no matter what comes next. But that just isn’t enough for this fun gem of unknown goodness! Karen Black stars as Auntie Lee, Pat Morita as the local small town sheriff, Michael Berryman as the weird dude (Larry) who takes care of the nieces’ cars after deliveries, and the very beautiful Teri Weigel. Teri may have done a lot of porn but always found a way into a stray horror film which I always enjoy finding. Teri is one of the best. But after jamming out to Suicidal Tendencies we are introduced to some lunatic who tries to carjack a young lady and becomes a victim himself for Auntie Lee. Auntie Lee for years has sold her famous meat pies to the local town folk of Penance. And these days now her nieces are all grown up they go out and lure men in for the taking. Usually if there is car trouble or car cleaning needing to be done it’s up to Larry until he is caught one day with a trunk full of bones! Pat Morita decides then with the bootleg David Bowie as a private investigator try to bring down Auntie Lee. But the real question is will the sheriff bring her in or will he become the next meat pie? Everyone is awesome in this light-hearted “Motel Hell” horror film. This movie deserves to be seen all horror movie fans as I give this fun meaty morsel 4 stars.

 

7) The Survivors (The Hack Collection Volume One) (Blu-ray) – Well the talented independent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski finally granted my wish of doing a sequel to “Slasher Hunter” and did not disappoint at all. According to Steve, “it’s not just a sequel; it is a sequel to everything he has done.” If you have been following Mr. Rudzinski’s films they all have been leading to something or leave you wanting a little more and it all comes to this… Steve puts everything together in this latest project where ‘The Slashers’ are in complete disarray as Frank is in hell and they lack real leadership. Meanwhile, the group just known as “The Killers” is stronger than ever and keeps two steps ahead of the “Survivor Initiative” until now. “The Slasher Hunters” have some new allies (helps if you have seen some of Steve’s past films to understand some of the characters and why they are there) that includes one my favorite’s ‘Wolfster’. Wolfster is a character Steve came up with early in his filmmaking career I easily could have seen as a movie franchise with a new entry every 12 to 16 months? It all comes down to one final fight between The Slasher Initiative and The Killers leader Norm unless Frank finds a way out of hell? We also find out what was Frank’s worst mistake thanks to hell. This project is beyond hilarious, entertaining, and everything I have expected from such a talented filmmaker. Steve has a way of writing very likable characters good and evil that in my opinion makes him successful for the long haul. Steve this is one of the best independent projects I have seen in 2016 and hope to see a lot more as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars. The copy of “The Survivors” I have is part of “The Hack Collection Volume One” Blu-ray two-disc set that has bloopers, trailers, almost all of Steve’s movies and a lot more. Find out more about the film or purchase it at: www.silverspotlightfilms.moonfruit.com and https://www.facebook.com/SilverSpotlightFilms/?fref=ts&ref=br_tf .

 

8) The Monster (DVD) – A slow burn creature flick that really focuses on the relationship between a troubled mother and her young daughter whose relationship is all but over. The mother hungover had promised to drive her young daughter to her father’s house but begrudgingly starts the long drive. Along the way they hit a wolf and the car stalls and gets a flat tire. The two are forced to speak to each other and call for a tow truck and paramedics. During this flashbacks explain a little more of the trouble between the two but when the tow truck arrives, the dead wolf disappears. Next thing we know Jesse the tow truck driver disappears and his arm flops on top of the car sending the two screaming for their lives in the car knowing they are not alone. The thing that is stalking them is a bad ass looking mutated gorilla/wolf/awesome practical scary ass creature that tears shit up. I really enjoyed the creature but the focus of the film the mother and daughter relationship. Plus, I believe it’s time for the “creature feature” to make a comeback and this flick will most likely make it on my ‘best of 2016 list’ as I give it 4 stars.

 

9) Let Us Prey (DVD) – An Irish film about a new constable starting her job for a station in a small town. While walking the beat she witnesses a drunken kid run down a man. She takes the kid in but cannot find the man. Later the mysterious man is found by other officers and brought in to get a statement but refuses to speak but just stare. The mysterious no name man is put into a cell while they call a doctor and that is when things begin to get weird because anyone that is near the mysterious man knows their deep secrets. But what all inside the station don’t know he is there to collect souls before the stroke of midnight and everyone’s past comes back to haunt them in one way or another. The film starts slow but builds into a chaotic, bloody climax worth checking out. In the end, the movie starting off slow makes a lot of sense after watching it as this is one of those lesser known recent horror movies worth seeking out as I give it 4 stars.

 

10 – tie) The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

10 – tie) Dreaming Purple Neon (DVD) – Holy Fucking Shit! It’s another balls to walls horror film from Todd mother fucking Sheets! Todd Sheets has almost outlasted everyone in the independent horror scene. While Jon McBride and the Polonia Brothers were getting some mad press in the late 80s and early 90s with their shot-on-VHS classics the highly talented Todd Sheets was perfecting his craft until he blindsided the horror community with his project ‘Zombie Bloodbath’! Since then Todd Sheets has become a household name in the horror community for making some of the craziest ass over the top Indy horror films you could ever witness. And saying that with this latest project from Mr. Sheets he may have topped everything he has done? The film begins with some shady business/gangsters planning something and talking about the purple neon. Next thing we know they shoot a man in the office ask the receptionist to clean it up and she gets scared. So she goes to her best friend at a dentist office with these drugs and two guns. Now understand there fine folks this entire movie (95%) supposedly takes place in and down in the basement of a dentist office… On top of that we have a creepy old dude named Mr. Archer hanging out in the basement with naked people (hot women and non-hard penis hanging around like Christmas decorations) talking about a vessel. Which happens to be some teenager upstairs in the dentist chair that doesn’t know the business/gangster dudes have shown up and shut down the dentist office? Confessing but awesome a ritual takes place, a couple people die horrifically, some torture, a female demon is born, the main gangster dude gets castrated, more blood and guts, more naked people, and if the female demon Abby (I will call her) lives the apocalypse happens! And the purple neon drugs will make sense eventually. But wait there is more… Spoiler alert: no fucking lie, bootleg Gene Simmons shows up and kills a zombie while satanic Jesus is enjoying the falling black rain. Yep, my brain hurts just trying to recall the most unpredictable ending I ever watched and oh yeah I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. If there was something that stop me from giving it a perfect and it’s the 111 minute running time but hey I feel like an ass just for nit picking… So horror fans go do yourself a favor and go get this flick from www.zombiebloodbath.com or check out more about it at www.facebook.com/DreamingPurpleNeon .

 

Notable films that should not be ignored…

 

Bloodsucking Bastards (DVD) – A very hilarious vampire flick about a couple office slackers and their best friend who is trying to break into management. They work for a firm/company that sells the boner pills, abs-flex, etc. They phone sales people who call and try to suck you into deals for shit you don’t need. Well higher-ups have decided it’s time for a shake-up and bring in someone new who has a different way of getting the most out of his sales team. He turns them into vampires that apparently make a ton of sales and don’t complain about work conditions. When it’s almost too late the slackers and best friend realize vampires have taken over their company and they must look up on Wikipedia on how to kill them? Underrated gory awesomeness best describes this 3 ½ star horror film.

 

Wer (DVD) – The film begins with a family hiking it out in the middle of rural France only to capture their vicious animal attack that killed the husband and kid and scarred the wife, Claire Porter. Immediately, local authorities bring in a very large hairy man that doesn’t talk much and lived with his mother nearby the attack. This gets the attention of an American Human Rights Lawyer, Kathrine, who has a practice there and wants to represent the very large hairy man, Talan. The local authorities disregard that only an animal could do the damage it did and this man Talan has a rare disease that affects his joints, bones, etc. So it seems like a slam dunk for the lawyer to get Talan off from this brutal murder. But tests keep coming up inconclusive; the police know more than they are saying and Kathrine and friends dig deeper into Talan and his family and find a history like no other. That’s when the movie gets even more interesting when Talan escapes and begins a city wide murder spree! A werewolf flick with a whole different spin on the werewolf legend in this American/French production that was shot in Romania. On top of that I loved the creature and blood effects in this entertaining and refreshing spin on the werewolf genre. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (DVD) – A zombie film that not only snuck under most people’s radars but was an actual good zombie flick is about zombies in 1700s England! Sometime between 1700 and 1800 London goes all ‘Escape From New York’ and builds a wall around the city after a zombie outbreak happens. London builds an army to fight this menace and keep it in check. As it closes in on 1800 the problem is all but gone but still exists as people like to hide they may have been bitten. Great concept so far, then we have Brother Noopsie aka Charles Dance training his daughters to be not fine women but how to defend themselves against the zombie apocalypse. After attending a dance a few zombies show up only to be a sign of something bigger is coming? End of days… This was an absolute treat to get lost in as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Bigfoot vs. Zombies (DVD) – Come on people the title says it all right? And you gotta love Mark Polonia is working non-stop in bringing us great films such as this lovely gem. Also if I have seen correctly there was an Anthony Polonia working on effects with Brett Piper for the film? But anyway something hokey is going on down at the Wyoming County Body Farm. The bodies are supposed to be for forensic school for cadets but a certain scientist has been performing experiments. Not only is he checking out how the corpses decompose he is seeing if he can make them decompose faster to make more money? This soon goes in full effect when a barrel is dumped on the property and the dead begin to rise. Meanwhile our old friend Bigfoot is watching from afar and finds himself in the gated military complex (it has two guards at the most). Now zombies are attacking the complex and the scientists and Bigfoot is pissed and begins smashing zombie skulls to help people escape into the woods. In the end Bigfoot is a zombie stomping bad ass in this wonderful entertaining entry into the Bigfoot genre. Thank you again Mr. Polonia for your work as I give your film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

You Only Die Once (YouTube) – A 29 minute horror/comedy, that is delightful, well-crafted, and an absolutely a bloody good time by filmmaker Amanda B. Goodman. Linda apparently has bad taste in men but that doesn’t stop her and her two best friends from fighting the supernatural. Even if it means being attacked by rabid ferrets! The trio has been through it all but they are having rough times when Linda’s latest ex-boyfriend has become a vampire. To make things worse he has two vamp bitches and wants to break up the trio by adding to his nest. Lots of movie and creature of the night references make this gem go by quickly but the trio overcome their differences and defeats the new vamp or did they? Goodman finds a nice blend of gore and comedy that will have horror fans asking for seconds once they watch ‘You Only Die Once’. I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Find out more at: www.facebook.com/YouOnlyDieOnce2016/ and AmandaBGoodman.com .

 

President Wolfman (DVD) – The title alone is what reeled me into wanting to watch this gem of a horror flick. But when I opened it and started to read the sleeve and began watching the film to my amazement the project was entirely stock footage of public domain titles and major parts are from the 1973 film ‘The Werewolf of Washington’. This 1973 film stars Dean Stockwell who was the go between for Sam and Ziggy from the ‘Quantum Leap’ show. But anyway the film is edited footage with new voiceovers, music, etc. Amazing work from Mike Davis and crew to craft a horror movie about president John Wolfman who tries to spend more time with his son Bobby and is attacked by a diseased coyote on a camping trip! From there mysterious murders are happening in the nation’s capital and that is the least of their problems as the Chinese continue their takeover of America. At one point President Wolfman has surgery that turns him into a hippie but reverses to a werewolf again. John Wolfman is also being pushed by Congress to sell out to the Chinese as they all will own a skyscraper in New York City. A fun horror film and a truly amazing accomplishment in editing by all involved. There were several parts of the film that I could not stop laughing at as I give this fun creation 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find this and many other fine films at www.wildeyereleasing.com .

 

Upsidedown Cross (DVD) – This well-thought out depressing feature is about a young lady named Nadine who is brilliantly played by Erin Russ. Nadine has a modeling career going if that is what you want to call it as her so-called boyfriend Victor shoots her up with drugs so she can have pictures taken of her by dirty old dudes who don’t have cell phones (wait I don’t have a cell phone?). Anyway a gentleman talks her into touching him, sort of? And that’s when Victor and others are being arrested. Nowhere to go Nadine goes back home where mom seems to have lost touch with reality and relies on TV preachers for her medicine to get through the day. Nadine truly wants to kick the drug habit but Nadine and her mom are complete opposites and with great direction Nadine comes off as a dirty cunt rag when arguing with her mom about money, drugs, life. Delaih, Nadine’s mom takes it one step further by calling one of the crazy preacher numbers and they are visited by an older man who claims to be a traveling preacher who travels around the country to stop the devil’s work. The preacher played sadistically by David Yow believes they need to rid Nadine of her demons as she is possessed and this is what makes her a sex and drug addict. Some uncomfortable scenes happen between Nadine and the preacher that leaves Nadine looking more abused than ever but mom only wants to know “Has the demons left you”. The film is a little uncomfortable, depressing, and one of the more interesting films I have watched in recent memory. Erin Russ played the Nadine character perfectly; you hated her and truly feel bad for her in the span of 90 minutes. Loved the fake infomercials they just added to the intensity of the film. Usually I am the guy who watches sequels, zombies, and monster films all day but this film hit a weird nerve in me that made me glad I watched this very dark film. I give the movie 3 out of 4 stars. You can purchase and find out more about the film at www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Reviled: Ep. 2 (Vimeo) – Filmmaker Jim Stramel continues his zombie saga that revolves around zombie pit fighting in the south. The events happen after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone and were a blimp on the social radar screen. Frank and his zombie daughter travel in their dirty van killing or crippling zombies in the illegal sport for money. But the real story is how Frank is still attached to his undead daughter and refuses to let go. This episode continues to introduce some new characters and expand the universe of this unique idea. Its dirty, has a lot of grime, a little gory, and absolutely beautiful zombie universe. My favorite part of this episode might be the kids selling bug spray for 25 cents as it is a little thing that makes it known to me that Jim Stramel takes this project seriously and make me wanting more! I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Wanna check it out or maybe throw a few dollars Stramel and company’s way to help fund future episodes go to: www.reviledzombieseries.com .

 

Best Documentaries of the year!

 

Just Desserts: The Making of Creepshow (Blu-ray) – A Michael Felsher project that took a life of its own as it went from a special feature to a full-length documentary that can only be explained as an orgasmic explosion of amazingness about the legendary film ‘Creepshow’. The documentary covers everything of how it began to Tom Savini thinking it was Halloween for five months straight while being on set to make all sorts of creatures for the anthology. The film is almost timeless and has one of my favorite stories of horror in the segment called ‘The Crate’. The documentary has some great interviews with George Romero, Savini, Ed Harris and so on but also great stories about Stephen King and him being a kid at heart. The Blu-ray also has ‘Scream Greats’ Tom Savini video which was watched by many horror fans who grew up in the 80s but now has a commentary as well with Savini looking back at the video. This Blu-ray is a true nerd out of a disc as it has everything you could ever imagine about ‘Creepshow’ and for that I say thank you to Mr. Felsher as I give the Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars but also it will be one of the best horror discs of 2016! Place your order now at www.synapse-films.com .

 

B-Documentary (DVD) – Nick Charles for his first film chose to do a documentary about “how to make a film”. In doing that Mr. Charles traveled to meet and interview celebrities Lloyd Kaufman, H.G. Lewis, Bill Johnson, Lisa Gaye, D.J. Calvitto, Patrick Madcox, and Nurse Hatchet. With this Nick Charles gets these fine people to tell stories of “how they got started”, “keys to success”, “how to make a movie”, along with several other subjects that includes “digital vs film”. The movie isn’t so much a documentary as much as a perfect instructional guide for movie fans and filmmakers alike to hear what’s it like to make a movie or act in one. They all have sound advice and varying opinions which makes this film not just a must see but a must own for any horror movie or independent movie fan out there. Nick Charles did an amazing job first time out in the filmmaking world and now has my attention in what he does next. I personally wish him good luck. I give this wonderful project 4 out of 4 stars and more about it and where to purchase it can be found at www.officialdungeonfilms.com .

 

Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary (DVD/Vimeo) – These days it seems a lot of documentaries are being made about horror films and such. Some deserve it? ‘Pet Sematary’ deserved it for sure for its impact on the horror genre. Honestly horror movie fans it was one of the better book to film adaptions of King’s. The Stephen King story that was brought to life by director Mary Lambert had a long journey and interesting one. The film came at the end of the “Slasher Era” and no studio wanted it to be made mainly because of the kid death in the story/script/movie. But with a strike looming at the time Mary Lambert and others took advantage of this and the rest was film history. The documentary takes a very in-depth look how it got from book to film but also how it’s one of King’s darkest books that scared him when he first wrote it. The filmmakers tracked down everyone that had anything to do with the film and they share stories of how the production got to Maine instead of California but what it meant to the small town Maine residents especially being a Stephen King movie. Plus the interview with all the cast members involved sharing their stories of on and off set makes this one the best and interesting horror documentaries of recent times. I believe it was crucial having Mako Hughes talk about his experience and what he actually remembers of the project to make this the perfect documentary for ‘Pet Sematary’ fans. The film did win “Best Documentary” at the Rhode Island International Horror Film Festival in 2014 which I know why and give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on the project and its upcoming release check out: Official Store: http://shop.terrorfilms.net/ , Official Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnP7swXKQXo, Official Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/UnearthedandUntold, Terror Films Website: www.terrorfilms.net .

 

Lords of Light! The Story of Thundarr the Barbarian (YouTube) – A fun 20 minute short film and look back at one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons of all time. Interviews with creators Ruby and Spears, opens up some light on how they came up with the concept for the cartoon but how it did not last either? If you are old like me and remember Saturday morning cartoons this is worth the trip down memory lane and they claim “Star Wars” may have help them come up with the cartoon. I give it 4 stars.

 

Adjust Your Tracking (DVD) – So you wanna be a VHS collector? First watch this documentary that takes you through early days of VHS, how Blockbuster Video killed the business, and how collecting changed after someone was selling a VHS copy of ‘Tales From the Quad Dead Zone’ on EBay. The documentary does a wonderful job of tracking down some of the most popular collectors and getting their stories of how and why this format? It is a film that sheds light on why this is no different than collecting baseball cards or albums and why its loved by so many. Plus the film does a wonderful job of pointing out some people who are trying to keep the format alive. Interesting and overall production are exactly what you want in a documentary about collecting VHS tapes as I give it 4 stars.

 

 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #386

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Gross Movie Reviews #386

 

Almost Human (DVD) – The film is based on events that happened in a small town October 1987 and again two years later almost to the date in October. The movie opens with Seth trying to convince his best friend Mark that some weird stuff is following him. Mark goes outside to investigate and he disappears. For the next two years Seth is considered an outsider in the town. Even though he was cleared of all charges some folks still believe he killed his best friend. That is until Mark suddenly reappears two years later and is on a murder spree and going all ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ on people. Weird and interesting in a ‘Fire in the Sky’ kind of way. So if you like alien abduction cinema this is the movie for you as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Mechanic: Resurrection (Theater) – Jason Statham is back as the character Bishop who all believes is dead and he would like it to stay that way. Bishop figured out a way to be a ghost and out of the “mechanic” business altogether and living in Brazil. While at a restaurant Bishop is approached with an offer or to expose he is still alive. After some great fight scenes Bishop travels to an island that few know about and tries to figure what his next move is? Bishop gets mixed up with a girl (Jessica Alba) he is forced to kill three of the world’s biggest drug lords and make it look like an accident or she dies. A few twists, quite a few awesome stunts, and apparently Tommy Lee Jones finds a way for his 1990 ‘Under Siege’ role to live on only a little older this time and Gary Busey or Seagal. Mom Gross enjoyed it; I enjoyed it, Statham made another solid action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Poolboy (DVD) – Another Saint James St. James project that has Kevin Sorbo in the lead role as the Poolboy who is trying to rid the Pool cleaning business of Mexicans. But Mexican mob leader Danny Trejo refuses to back down from Sorbo and fights back. We also get Jason Mewes and Courtney Gains in a couple funny small roles. According to Saint James St. James the project was filmed when he was 11 years old and was banned in 1990 for being racially insensitive? For those of you who don’t know this is the same filmmaker who has made ‘FDR: Badass’, ‘Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves’, and has ‘Boombox Bigfoot’ on the way. If that wasn’t enough to peak your interest this is as Kevin Sorbo’s character literally goes undercover as a clown with a van that states: “The only raping clown in town!” It has a few laughs but the real question is: “Does T-shirt Joe Garcia approve?” as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Return of the Living Dead II (DVD) – The 1988 sequel was highly awaited by horror fans but disappointed many as the sequel went in a different direction than the original. The sequel maybe or maybe not picks up after the events in Louisville, KY.? But this time around a canister falls off of a military truck into a sewage tunnel where three kids discover it. Two kids come back to it after locking the smaller kid into a crypt in the local cemetery. They break open the canister and a poisonous fog is released sending the kids coughing and running home and the fog eventually awakes the dead again. Now the dead is feasting on the town and chasing James Karen and Thom Matthews again? For the time I know I was one of those disappointed horror movie fans that seen this flick in the theater. Now that many years have passed I have a different respect for it and believe it has a place in cheesy horror sequel cinema. But it still leaves me curious or what if they went into a different direction or continued the story of the first film? Feeling a little better about this sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Morons From Outer Space (DVD) – A mid-80s British film about three aliens who have crash landed on earth and the English government believes they have found intelligent life? Problem is the aliens are the dumbest aliens earth could have ever come across. After being poked and prodded the aliens manage to escape and eventually become famous celebrities! Tried my best in keeping awake but this film was mostly a borefest as I give it 1 star.

 

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (DVD) – The horror film series where the cannibals have more lives than Jason Voorhees and Toulon’s puppets combined! This time around a group of twentysomethings visit the Hobb Springs Hotel in the mountains of West Virginia. One of them has just inherited the hotel and is finally learning of a family he never had as he recently tried to end his life while working with the stress on Wall Street. Slowly he comes around to the idea that his family means more than friends and he must carry on the bloodline. Which in this case means there will be another ‘Wrong Turn’ sequel that nobody knew was released? I give it 1 star.

 

Pale Blood (VHS) – A vampire (Michael Fury) visits L.A. and is paying a young investigator to investigate vampire-like murders. Mr. Fury is very interested in knowing if there is a vampire on the loose or is it some random weirdo like Wings Hauser making it look like a vampire is murdering people? ‘Pale Blood’ is one of those early 90s direct-to-video releases that flooded the video market that usually got lost in the shuffle. If you are a Wings Hauser fan like myself it’s worth the watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Killer Holiday (DVD) – A group of kids going to party for a weekend are staying for the night next to an old amusement park and want to explore it of course. Meanwhile a lame demented killer named Melvin Holiday is on the prowl as he is tracking and killing the kids one by one. Apparently add this disappointing flick to the “adoption gone bad” section of films or “I don’t need to ever view this again” section… I give it 0 stars.

 

The Incredible Melting Man (DVD) – A lone survivor from a space mission that traveled to Saturn’s rings only to become a Goo Monster who needs human cells to survive. But with his mind turning to mush and losing melting body parts he escapes and terrorizes the countryside killing people. The flick is cheesy but fun but most remember this flick for having the effects done by the famous Rick Baker. I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Big Boss (DVD) – Bruce Lee goes to visit his cousins and find work. Once a few cousins are missing one evening after work Bruce Lee avenges his family by beating every damn person that is anywhere near him! Proving you don’t fuck with his family as I give 2 ½ stars.

 

The Way of the Dragon (DVD) – This flick is set in Italy where Bruce Lee is a country boy who is visiting his Uncle’s family restaurant only to find them and the restaurant in trouble. The mob wants them out whether they sell or just leave… But Bruce Lee begins to make it a little harder for the mob to move in when he takes on the whole mob and then eventually Chuck F’N Norris! The film is famous for its climatic superpower fight at the colosseum. This film is evidence of Bruce Lee really finding himself as an actor and an action star that was supposed to have much bigger things to come but was cut short. I give this Bruce Lee flick 3 stars.

 

Tenebrae (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films reaches deep into the Argento library to give this considered classic by many the all-star treatment with its dual English and Italian tracks, commentary by Maitland McDonagh, trailers from different countries, original U.S. end credits, alternate opening credits, and the interesting documentary ‘Yellow Fever: The Rise and Fall of Gallo’. These extras will leave Argento fans salivating but for those who haven’t experienced ‘Tenebrae’ it is a very bloody experience. The story is about an author named Peter Neal who is promoting his newest book in Italy. At the same time he is there a serial killer is making their mark by killing their victims in the same manner of Neal’s latest book. Neal’s booking agent (John Saxon) tries to keep Neal busy but as the letters after each murder show up and the police with no clues Neal decides he should investigate. ‘Tenebrae’ is an Argento title that isn’t talked about as much as a ‘Suspiria’ or a ‘Deep Red’ but is well worth investing your demented mind into. Synapse Films and Argento are a perfect match for the Blu-ray format and fans will want to add this to their collection also as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. For more info go to: www.synapse-films.com .

 

Buried Alive (DVD) – Another oddity of a horror film that has seemed to pop out of nowhere has an all-star cast and based on an Edgar Allen Poe story. Robert Vaughn runs a school (Ravencroft Girls School) for troubled girls who recently are starting to go missing one by one. When a new teacher arrives and the girls don’t respond to therapy they begin to disappear, transfer, etc. The new teacher begins to investigate with a local town sheriff and things get stranger from there as she has visions of people being bricked up in the walls. The cast besides Robert Vaughn includes: the talented porn star Ginger Lynn, William Butler, Arnold Vosloo, John Carradine (supposedly his last film in 1988), and the man, the myth, the legend Dr. Loomis himself Donald Pleasence! Not the best of slasher films but the names alone make this a gem a must find and watch. I give it 2 stars.

 

Blood Moon (DVD) – A werewolf film set in the Old West (Colorado 1880s) where a small stop for travelers (Pine Bluff, I believe) on the way to Denver turns into a fight of their lives. What sets the film in motion is two outlaw brothers rob a bank and take off to Pine Bluff for fresh horses for their ride south. Problem no one is there, but also the travelers come into town and when no one is found they investigate and find a body and some animal tracks. The two brothers hold the travelers up but also understand they are no longer alone as something is stalking them. Stories of “Skinwalkers” are thrown out there but some don’t believe until the blood and guts begin to pile up. A relatively low budget film with a good solid story, solid werewolf, a ton of gore, and interesting characters make this werewolf flick worth putting on the list of good werewolf films to watch… Which isn’t many as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Sand (DVD) – The film has also been marketed as ‘The Sand’ stars Jaime Kennedy for ten minutes and about spring breakers finding an alien egg during their beach party only to wake next morning to see the egg hatched. Also very few people left in the morning or ones who didn’t fall asleep on the sand. Next thing you know a cheap version of ‘Blood Beach’ happens but then that’s why I seek random crap like this out and you don’t. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Rockabilly Zombie Weekend (DVD) – The mosquitoes are bad in the swamps of Florida and the West Nile Virus is running rampant. The government comes to a local airplane pilot to pay him extra if he uses their new experimental pesticide mix to kill off the West Nile mosquitoes. He sprays the local towns with the new stuff and the people who came in contact with it soon change, die, and become the undead all during a rockabilly wedding. Zombies are attacking, mothers are fighting over their kids, but all Becky and Grant want is to get married and go to Vegas to see Elvis. There isn’t anything ground breaking genre wise but if you enjoy rockabilly music, tattoos, and zombie goo and gore then you are in in for a treat as I give it 2 stars.

 

Direct Action (DVD) – I believe a Canadian film about Dolph Lundgren as a good cop who just got a new partner. Problem isn’t the partner the problem is Dolph is about to testify for the Feds against cops known as the “Direct Action Unit”. Cops who might be above the law but have help crime go down 30% in the past year. But they are all dirty and Dolph just needs to survive till 5pm to go testify in front of a jury. So its cop on cop violence as Dolph tries not die and help his partner not become another victim in this action cop flick. I give this 2004 Dolph flick 2 ½ stars.

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CarousHELL (YouTube/DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers, the talented Steve Rudzinski has released another project and it does not disappoint at all. The hilarious horror film is about a carousel horse/unicorn named Duke who is at a small amusement park and part of the Carousel ride. Duke is disgruntled and tired of the amusement park life. Duke is the only talking carousel horse/unicorn with no one to talk too. But what has Duke the most disgruntled is chubby kids putting their unwashed hands all over him. So after Laurie and her younger brother Lunchbox visit the park and Lunchbox rides Duke, Duke has had enough and leaves the ride. His goal is to track down the fat kid and murder him. Meanwhile, Laurie and her younger brother go to a party as Duke begins his murder spree and only Cowboy Cool can help now. But by the time Cowboy Cool reaches the party the damage has been done as Duke has murdered his way to the kid named Lunchbox. And if this amazingly absurd horror movie couldn’t get any better or weirder depending on your point of view the carousel horse/unicorn has crazy animal sex with an incredibly hot tattooed woman who loves unicorns. Thank you Steve for helping me cross off something I thought I would never see in a horror movie. Don’t know if that is good or bad? ‘CarousHELL’ is absurd, absolutely unrealistic, completely ridiculous, and I LOVE IT!!! Steve made the impossible possible movie fans! And let’s not forget the great gore effects (not one but two great face smash effects). This film is easily one of the best features I have watched this year and will be on my “Best of 2016” list. I give this Rudzinski creation 4 out of 4 stars and you can find more or purchase it at: www.CarousHELL.com or www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

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You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.