Gross Movie Reviews #509

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Gross Movie Reviews #509

We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Relic (On Demand) – So grandma goes missing for a few days and ma and daughter come to her home to hang out in the moldy home. Or as the wife put it: a very long and boring version of ‘Stranger Things’. Take it for what it is as not a whole lot goes on except Grandma is sick and there is something wrong with the house. For me there just wasn’t any payoff after watching this long buildup of a movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

Amityville Island (DVD) – Mark Polonia goes to the “Amityville well” again as a mother of four moves into the cheap area only to become possessed and murder her kids. Sent to prison and on death row she is forced to fight in the basement of the place so it could be streamed for creeps. If that wasn’t enough she is then transferred to some scientist weirdos that label her as Patient 59. Unbeknownst to her captors and weird scientist dudes she is still possessed by the Amityville curse whatever that is? Along the way we meet a freelance reporter who is trying to connect all the murders over the years and how they connect to Patient 59? Don’t get me wrong I love the Polonia Brothers but this film truly feels it is all over the place but really doesn’t have a plot. Also what doesn’t help is I get a possessed shark for three seconds. I felt cheated folks! The shark is on the gawd damn box art! I wanted 75 minutes of an Amityville possessed shark is that too much to ask so in saying that I can only give this Mark Polonia film 1 star because I know Mr. Polonia can do better.

 

D-Railed (DVD) – It is Halloween and there is nothing like a “Murder Mystery Train” party going down where people pay to be a part of dinner and a ‘who done it” play. This is an expensive dinner party so you have to dress the part but as everything is about to start with the train roaring down the tracks a real robbery takes place. Events unfold quickly as people try to stop the robbery with a few people getting shot and the train derailing into a lake bed. The survivors trying to help each other and see if they can get to land easily must contend with a creature looking to consume them. Doesn’t have a strong ending but does have Lance Henriksen explain a few things when needed as I give this neat little horror film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 3 (VHS) – Or as the film is also known to most ‘Thunder Warrior III’. Mark Gregory returns as Thunder for the third time to help defend his Native American community. This time around some racist weekend warrior townsfolk get ahold of Thunder and abuse him and his people. Thunder wanting to do this the right way takes it to the cops and demands money to replace their homes. But the racist townsfolk want none of it so Thunder once again goes all Rambo on their asses and ruins the town until they pay up for revenge. It was pretty much the same as the last two entries but somehow made to look cheaper and less action in some ways as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Raindrops (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never rests as he has yet another new short film. This time around a plot about a gentleman who is slowly driven insane by raindrops on the window seal. This man soon reacts in a very horrific way in order to remedy the problem. Philip’s shorts get to the point quickly and usually star him as it seems he is challenging himself or teaching different things about filmmaking to himself. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. His Facebook and YouTube page usually have links to his independent film work that is well worth checking out.

Are You in the House Alone?! (DVD) – I never seen this 1978 after school horror special that starred a young Dennis Quaid. And a little sneaky bastard he is. Gayle is newer to the high school as her parents moved to the neighborhood because it was supposed to be safer and have a safer school for Gayle. Gayle finally getting back into the dating game at the urge of her best friend finds a guy at school that really fits her. But at the same time Gayle is being left nasty notes in her locker and crank calls at her home late in the evening. Gayle with help from her best friend blows it off quickly but as it escalates Gayle becomes worrisome and even goes to the school principal. She is being stalked on her dates and her babysitting job which sets her up to be raped. But instead of her going all “Death Wish’ on the person she finally gets her revenge by proving to people he is an asshole rapist that even his rich family couldn’t get away with. The film opens up with Gayle being taken to the hospital then flashes back to tell the story up until then. The film tries its clever ass off to make you think it is several different people and well worth the payoff as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Black Cobra 2 (DVD) – Never mind I didn’t watch the first flick cause I cannot help myself when it comes to sequels. Anyhow Fred Williamson is a hard-nosed Chicago cop in this Eye-talian action thriller. After Lt. Robert Malone gets himself into an incident with him gunning down a criminal he finds himself in an exchange program with the Philippines. After arriving in the Philippines and getting his wallet stolen he partners up with Nicholas Hammond (TV 70s Spider-man himself). This is when I thought I was in for an excellent action bonerjam! Instead I was in for a limp action flick where it looked like not just Fred but all involved were just going through the motions. It seems the plot of the story is the two go down the rabbit hole of the stolen wallet leads them to a criminal ring of drugs, robbery, and some z-grade violence. One good thing came out of this film and that is we get to see a dude get shot in the dong! I am a huge Fred Williamson fan and 70s Spider-man fan but this was pretty much a dud as I have to give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Long delay but believe me the following episode and more makes up for it…

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This week we return (finally) from working tons of overtime to talk about the 1990 satanic slasher/serial killer film THE FIRST POWER, and A series of Spanish zombie movies known as The Blind Dead Series.  Also, Tim has found more god damned roller blade movies, College football sex scandals, The sad story of Lyle Alzado, Kyle watches Turbo Kid, and old school toys you could get from cereal boxes.  All this and more. So check it out, and we are sorry for the delay.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 175

Gross Movie Reviews #304

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Gross Movie Reviews #304

 

By Tim Gross

 

The Hard Corps (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damne plays a war vet back in the states and living at the VA hospital trying to get past his traumatic stress. A friend comes to visit with an offer he cannot refuse and it’s to help protect a local man who has capitalized on his boxing career into a business man who is building up his old community. Problem is the man has made an enemy of the local Hip Hop producer who he thought would be in jail for many years to come is out back on the streets and wants revenge. JCVD plays the ultimate bodyguard in this fun violent action flick that went mostly unnoticed a few years back. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Big Ass Spider! (DVD/Theater) – This crazy monster flick is from the same guy that gave us the demon nouns in ‘The Convent’ which I believe is one of the best Halloween horror films and one of the better horror films the newer generation of horror filmmakers out there. Exterminator stubbles upon a major spider problem after going to the hospital after a spider bite. He makes a deal with the director to check out and resolve the spider issue if they clear his bill for services. The exterminator inspects what’s going on and soon understands that everyone is in trouble when a monstrous spider is quickly eating people and getting bigger every four hours inside the hospital until it breaks out. It is soon revealed the spider is a military experiment mistake. Now, with the spider increasing quickly, the military wants to drop bombs on L.A. before it is too late. A lot of famous cameos and a great performance by Ray Wise as an army major calling the shots make this monster film a fun one. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Babysitter Massacre (DVD/Theater) – The never resting filmmaker Henrique Couto is back with his latest project that will make a lot of 80s and early 90s horror fans happy as this throwback slasher of sorts has lots of violence, chubby boobs, and a fun plot that makes fun but respects the genre. Couto blends fun characters into a plot of a babysitter club of teenage girls that several years ago always took care of each other until an unfortunate and tragic event happens to one of them on Halloween night. The club disbanded after that but one girl wants to have a party with all the old members of the club even if they hate or blame one of their own. But the strange faceless figure is back and some of the girls are not going to make the party as they are being killed one by one. Mr. Couto not only gives what the horror crowd of 80s wants but also keeps the plot interesting enough for today’s sometimes cynical horror movie fans. With that I give Mr. Couto’s film 3 out of 4 stars as he always strives to be one step ahead of the independent filmmaking world…

 

Satan’s Little Helper (DVD) – Jeff Lieberman directs this all too close to home horror film about a kid who wants to go trick or treating as a video game character named Satan’s Little Helper. The kid is excited about his older sister coming home from college to keep the tradition of trick or treating together alive. But when the big sister brings home her boyfriend the kid has a spaz attack and runs away to find a person dressed as Satan and the kid begins to hang with him or be his helper thinking it’s just like the video game. The kid believes it’s all in good Halloween fun with Satan killing people, stealing stuff, etc., until Satan kills his father when the kid gets upset. Intentional or not the film takes a look into children’s minds when they cannot decide between real life and video games in this creepy horror flick. The film came out 2004 and I believe its subject matter feels like it has been ripped out of the headlines now nine years later. What makes the film work is the Satan costume and how the character in the costume is portrayed in the film. It is brilliant. I only had a minor issue of the Satan character finding a way to make all think it is the boyfriend’s father who was in the costume but it’s only minor. ‘Satan’s Little Helper’ is a different and cool Halloween movie for fans to enjoy as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Skinless

The Ballad of Skinless Pete (DVD) – Dustin Wayde Mills takes Re-Animator, The Resurrected, Croenberg’s The Fly, and Lovecraft elements and combines them into this amazing, wonderful, and beautiful film about a doctor that may have found a cure for cancer. Pete is Dr. Peel and is driven by an incredible sex drive and the need to find funding in what he believes could cure cancer with the help of his partner/roommate/friend Dr. Cross. Dr. Peel believes that enzymes taken from a certain worm and genetically altering them could be the cure, but they have run out of funding and guinea pigs. After an argument with Dr. Cross, Pete uses himself as the human test subject after finding out he has cancer. At first it works and he is cancer free but soon his body turns on him and eats his skin away. Weeks pass and Dr. Cross and their main investor go to check in on Dr. Peel only to find him half-crazed and possibly mutating into something this world has never imagined? But that isn’t the only thing happening as Dr. Peel craves flesh! The film is absolutely disgusting in a very beautiful way. The special effects are just amazing on an independent budget and actually are a character of the film. Dustin Wayde Mills may have made his best film yet… I give the flick 4 out of 4 stars and more can be found out about it at: www.facebook.com/dustin.w.mills or www.facebook.com/dustinmillsproductions . When watching the film I got two words for you, “Vagina Mace!”

 

The Pit and The Pendulum (DVD) – Stuart Gordon and Charles Band team up to produce this project originally called ‘The Inquisitor’ that was released in 1991 and still to this day is an underrated flick that has a great cast that includes the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen as Torquemada. Torquemada is the Grand Inquisitor of Spain and is trying to purify the village of witchcraft. During a public death and whipping of a young boy a simple baker’s wife screams for the whipping to stop and throws herself in the way. About to be beaten by guards, Torquemada runs to her rescue only to be stunned by an image he takes as witchcraft and has her arrested so she can be tortured and give confession. Maria’s husband tries to explain her actions to Torquemada but to no avail they throw him out and threaten to throw him in prison. Undeterred the husband makes a bargain to get into the castle and save his wife while Torquemada takes upon himself to test her for witchcraft but believes he has been placed under her spell to love her and has himself flogged until the images or visions go away. Driven to the point of a psychotic break the Pope has sent someone to the castle to explain to Torquemada the torturing must stop and the witch hunt must be done. A great time period horror flicks that all it was missing is the Hammer Films name at the beginning and Vincent Price character. One of the best early Full Moon films to be produced as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Tingler (DVD) – A great example of horror films from back in the 50s from William Castle that actually made a film about a thing that comes from the spine of all humans that can only be stopped by people screaming in fear. The film is quite dated and loses its luster for most film fans that were not there when the film was originally produced and the experience of their seats being rigged with electric shock to make them jump out of their seat during the screening. Vincent Price plays a good doctor trying to stop the Tingler. ‘The Tingler’ is another film that remind movie fans why Vincent Price was the perfect genre actor. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Bath Salt Zombies (DVD) – Another independent film from Dustin Wayde Mills who plays a chemist/drug dealer named Bubbles who has come up with a new batch of “super bath salts” drug for the public. The guinea pig is a junkie named Richie. Richie after being supplied a free sample of the new drug goes back to a friend’s house to smoke it. Once he does he becomes a raging cannibal and eats his friend’s face. Meanwhile a DEA agent is determined to stop the new “super bath salts” by any means necessary. Even it means fighting the same gang member 25 times during a raid. But is the DEA agent too late as Richie is hooked and a couple of his friends go on a feeding frenzy at a concert! The film is exactly what you think but stays away from the zombie moniker and is more of a raging cannibal thing. I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/dustinmillsproductions .

super-task-force-one-official-trailer1381831591

Super Task Force One (DVD) – This film is a film made out of love for the ‘Power Rangers’ show by an intelligent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski. The film being written and directed by Steve had my attention even if it wasn’t a horror movie. ‘Super Task Force Six’ apparently was a group of colorful superheroes who fought aliens, monsters, demons and evil of all sorts until the evil disappeared 15 years ago and the government disbanded the group. Jason a struggling writer just happens to stumble upon a beaten man at a park who gives Jason the power of the Green Enforcer. And Jason now is taken over by the power only to fight a hideous monster at the park trying to destroy him. Soon Jason learns with the help of Super Task Force super fan and best friend Paul that the Evil Emperor is alive and well and has kept the public in a trance. A trance from an audio file found by Jason’s cute girlfriend and destroyed for the world to know there is evil still here. I am no Power Rangers fan at all but found the independent kids friendly film to be very entertaining and it helped jar my memory of the good old days of Saturday morning TV. Steve should be proud of this project for the reason he took a chance by going through with this project and has done an exceptional job with it. I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars and if you are looking for something of a different pace than you’re run of the mill mindless mainstream film go buy this entertaining flick at www.supertaskforce.com and check out www.facebook.com/supertaskforce for updates.


Blood Orgy

Blood Orgy at Beaver Lake (DVD) – Mike Hartman and the Silver Bullet Pictures gang is at it again in their latest gross out adventure about a doctor… Dr. Bung to be exact that has combined ecstasy, Viagra, and cocaine to make the ultimate drug called “69”. Soon Dr. Bung is being by two woman hitmen because he hasn’t tested it on humans yet and his boss wants out there for the masses now! While the women hitman try to get rid of the body and the drug they lose it only to have two rednecks find it. The rednecks spread it around like moonshine and no one is safe at Beaver Lake as they begin to slaughter and fuck everything and everyone they can get their hands on. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.silverbulletpictures.com .

 

Germ Z (DVD) – A military satellite is knocked out of orbit screaming towards earth after a meteor hits it. The satellite lands in the mountains of a very small town where the military explains stay away until they get there to survey the crash. Even with the firefighters staying away and containing the forest fire they soon become sick and begin changing. Once changed, the victims become raging cannibals until their brains eventually explode for no reason. The small town is under attack and it’s all up to the young sheriff to stop the raging cannibals in this low budget bloodbath that just happened to be released by Fangoria Magazine. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Out of One’s Misery (DVD/internet) – Filmmaker Michael Sharpe puts together a creepy and cool short film about a man named David. He may be haunted, he may not, he may be insane, and he may have already gone insane and is coming back to reality? Whatever it is Mr. Sharpe gives you a short film thriller that will have you at the edge of your seat as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Found out more about this project and more at www.facebook.com/sharpeedgefilms .

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed project from Daniel Boyd and myself  called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.