Gross Movie Reviews #446

0

Gross Movie Reviews #446

 

A Quiet Place (DVD) – So this cool and different monster flick kinda pooped out there into the cinemas earlier this year and surprised horror fans. The movie begins on Day 89 in a post-apocalyptic world where some monsters have pretty much taken over the world and laid waste to humans. They are attracted to sound and will find you if you make a sound. The story centers on a family that uses sign language to communicate with each other and wear no shoes. On their way back from looking for food their son is playing with a toy that makes sound and the monster comes and snatches him up. We fast forward 400 days and the family is still living in silence and still have hope that they can find a weakness to hurt these flesh-eating monsters. They find the answer by accident when the daughter’s hearing aid makes static sound. I give the filmmakers props for a different concept and a cool looking monster. It was so cool to see a different kind of monster flick and for that I give 3 stars.

House Shark (DVD) – So in the village of Liverpool, Frank the cop lives with his son and is a divorcee. Frank is about to go out on his first date in a very long time. So Frank leaves his son with Betsy the babysitter. But apparently a period fart lures a shark to come up the commode and eat Betsy ass first. Frank and son shocked move out of the house and live in the backyard in a tent. Besides no one believes Frank’s story of a shark in the house he refuses to live inside. The bank is about to foreclose and the real estate company is pissed they cannot sell it because of Frank. So they get Frank away from the house long enough for people to come by to see if they want to buy it? They do but are eaten by the ‘House Shark’ but not before another witness sees it happen and we get the great line, “John stop! I don’t want anybody to see your fingers up my butt!” Frank finds a “House Shark” expert in Zachary Taylor and the real estate company sends in Abraham Lincoln… kind of to help take care of this shark issue. The independent horror film is filled with tons of jokes that keep the movie moving right along including the hilarious shark costume. I really enjoyed this shark as I couldn’t stop laughing but again people it should be pushing two hours long. But kudos to you Ron Bonk for making a legit cool Indy shark flick as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Land Shark (DVD) – The latest from Mark Polonia and crew that stars Sarah French whose character works for the Malco Research Corp. Of course they have been experimenting with sharks but little does Ms. French’s character knows they are secretly trying to make the sharks into weapons. She finds this out after some sharks have crawled out of the tank on land and have killed some people. Malco believes the project is going in the right direction until the sharks are out of control. All this film was missing was Joe Estevez and “Roller Gator” as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

The Meg (Theater) – So Jason Statham showed up in this cornball shark movie that is nothing more than a much higher budgeted ‘SyFy Channel Shark Week’ flick. Statham is Jonas who is only one of a few people who have gone 10000 feet for a rescue. Five years ago he had to leave two buddies behind saving a crew of a sub that was under attack by something. No one believed him it was a large shark. Present time off the coast of China a crew has been attacked and disabled on the bottom of the ocean and Jonas is called in for the rescue. They are saved but the very large shark has followed them and now is feeding on all in the ocean. Like I said, “cornball movie”. If you are not expecting much you will be entertained but otherwise wait for the “Sharknado” sequel as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge (DVD) – A French horror flick that deals with a young woman who is with her much older married boyfriend for a weekend. Then his two hunting buddies show up. They cannot control themselves and they get very touchy. The boyfriend tries to smooth over the event with a check but she runs out of the house and the men run after her. Once the heated exchange settles and supposedly a helicopter is coming to pick her up she is pushed off a cliff to her death. The men figure to clean her up while they come back through hunting. But she is able to burn the tree she was impaled on and escape. Now injured but very pissed she seeks revenge against the three men. A wild and gory time but the film has been done many times before but I did enjoy the gory ending as I give it 2 stars.

 

Horrors in the Witch’s House (DVD) – Alex Wesley and his gore hound friends are at it again with his latest short film about a man named Azulyat who was just released from prison. Azulyat has a debt to pay but has a plan. His plan is go to his aunt’s house, kill her, and sell the house off to pay the debt. But once there Azulyat decides to do some heroin and finds his aunt was into some demonic shit and hid it in the attic. Not thinking he has messed with some dark magic and now it has come back to haunt him and make him suffer. As usual these guys bring the gore and guts in bucket loads and do not disappoint with their latest effort as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Legacy of Blood (DVD) – This weird 1971 horror flick has John Carradine dying at the beginning of the film and is going to leave his inheritance to his family and staff. But there is a catch they must spend the night in his home that is considered evil by the family. There are flashbacks of abuse, possible incest, and just plain weird shit going down. The interesting part is if someone leaves or doesn’t survive the night their share is split up among those that are left. Kind of an oddity of a horror flick as it doesn’t exactly fit a genre of horror flick but well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutal Massacre (DVD) – David Naughton is Harry Penderecki, a famous low budget horror filmmaker whose last few films haven’t made a dime. Harry is shopping around a new project that he believes could get him back on the right track. He is mostly known for the films: Sasquatch in the Mall, People Pesticide, Bowel Movements, but believes this flick will be different? Hollywood gives him one last chance and not much of a budget to pull off his last project. Meanwhile a documentarian named Bert follows around Harry to see the process of the film from pre-production to finished product. Everything you can think of goes wrong with the troubled production but because of the non-ending it becomes the elusive masterpiece he has lived for. Great roles filled by Gunnar Hansen and Ken Foree in this absolutely hilarious film and possibly David’s best since “The Sleeping Car”. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Lion (Vimeo) – The latest short film from Davide Melini that deals with child abuse. An abused child is in bed trying to sleep and wishes to his stuffed lion to not be hit anymore. Once his stuffed lion hits the floor his wish comes true when his father is watching a program with lions on it. A great way to get a message out about child abuse as the short film deserves 4 out of 4 stars. Well done Davide, well done sir.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #375

0

Gross Movie Reviews #375

 

By Tim Gross

 Bigfoot-vs-Zombies-poster_op_768x1089

Bigfoot vs. Zombies (DVD) – Come on people the title says it all right? And you gotta love Mark Polonia is working non-stop in bringing us great films such as this lovely gem. Also if I have seen correctly there was an Anthony Polonia working on effects with Brett Piper for the film? But anyway something hokey is going on down at the Wyoming County Body Farm. The bodies are supposed to be for forensic school for cadets but a certain scientist has been performing experiments. Not only is he checking out how the corpses decompose he is seeing if he can make them decompose faster to make more money? This soon goes in full effect when a barrel is dumped on the property and the dead begin to rise. Meanwhile our old friend Bigfoot is watching from afar and finds himself in the gated military complex (it has two guards at the most). Now zombies are attacking the complex and the scientists and Bigfoot is pissed and begins smashing zombie skulls to help people escape into the woods. In the end Bigfoot is a zombie stomping bad ass in this wonderful entertaining entry into the Bigfoot genre. Thank you again Mr. Polonia for your work as I give your film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Hotel Transylvania 2 (DVD) – The whole gang is back for this animated feature about old school monsters trying to adjust that Drac’s daughter fell in love with a human. A few years have passed, a wedding has happened, and now Drac is a grandpa. One problem the child hasn’t turned into a monster? If he doesn’t get his vamp teeth by 5 years old he will be human. So it’s up to Dracula, Wolf Man, The Glob, Frankenstein, the Mummy, and The Invisible Man to help show the kid how they got to be a monster. The film has some funny stuff but not as nearly laugh out loud as the first film. But will give them credit for casting Mel Brooks as Drac’s father which was a big highlight and reason to watch the film. I give the animated feature 2 ½ stars.

 

The Wild Bunch (DVD) – I finally can scratch another brutal western that came out of the “spaghetti westerns era of the 60s” off my list of must watch. Some older outlaws looking for that supposedly last big robbery as they get tricked into robbing a bank for some iron washers that thought was money. Instead get trapped in a huge shootout where several of them and the townsfolk get shot down in the streets. William Holden and Ernest Borgnine come up with a plan to visit a Mexican general and talk to him about a heist of US guns for gold in return. The plan goes off great until a partner of theirs is kept behind because he was trying to help his people with a case of guns. The aging outlaws come back to visit the Mexican general and have one of the bloodiest stunt filled scenes cinema history. It was glorious! It is weird because I didn’t enjoy the film as much as I thought until I got to that scene and it made it well worth watching. Hard to explain but bottom line I guess I will always be that person that will always prefer ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly’. Anyway if you haven’t seen this movie make it a point you do in your lifetime for the last 30 minutes of the film. You owe yourself to see cinematic history as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Iron Man: Rise of Technovore (DVD) – A full length film that is part of the ‘Iron Man’ series that plays on the Disney XD channel where Iron Man is caught off guard when a teenager with symbiotic technology shows up and almost kills War Machine. With a little help from the Punisher, Iron Man gets to the bottom of the problem and has to stop the kid and his new tech from taking over the world. The newer series is okay but I lost interest very quickly as they went away from those Marvel Universe animated films from Lionsgate from a few years back. Iron Man series is directed to more of the Anime style which I believe limits who will actually give the series and the newer films a chance? But that can be debated at another time as I give this film 2 stars.

 

Ant-Man (DVD) – Well Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas yinz surprised me. I was expecting a shit show but this cheesy superhero film was quite entertaining entry into the Marvel/Disney universe. A thief (Paul Rudd) gets out of jail and wants to be legit for his daughter. But times become tough when he keeps getting fired for having a criminal record. He leans on his friends about this possible job where an old man has a safe with lots of money in it is going away for a week. They go to rob the place only to find an old motorcycle suit and helmet. Rudd’s character takes it anyhow and soon finds out he can shrink to ant size. Michael Douglas talks to him and gets him to come back to his house and explains that he can be the next “Ant-Man”? Especially now his old protégé is about to unleash a project called “Yellowjacket”. The film has enough cheese, interesting characters, and gives all the characters they introduce equal time that makes it quite entertaining. I thought the movie was going to be one big elephant turd but they proved me wrong as I give the film 3 stars.

 

All Cheerleaders Die (DVD) – An under the radar horror film about teenage angst and superiority when during a party in the woods an ex-boyfriend (who also happens to be the big football star) shows up and slaps his girl around. All the girls freak out and drive off, the boys chase them down until they are run off the road into a creek and died. Except the recent local outcast who just happens to be a witch and was sort of girlfriends with one of the cheerleaders brings them back to life. They awaken next morning and all they are concerned with is looking good for the first day of school. But soon know they need to feed to keep up strength and anytime one does they all feel it. Soon they kill the boys that wronged them one by one but more by accident more than anything. An odd supernatural horror film that isn’t your usual horror fare that is different enough made me glad I took the time to check it out. I got give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Meteor (DVD) – Sean Connery and Brian Keith are two experts respectively for their two countries space programs. They are brought in by NASA when a comet smashes into the asteroid field in space and sends shards of rock hurling towards earth causing disasters. But the biggest has yet to come when a 5-mile wide meteor is on a path to collide with Earth and end our existence. The US, Sean Connery and the Russian, Brian Keith must come up with a plan to stop or blow up the meteor. But in theory they must admit both countries have doomsday missiles aimed at each other’s countries which could be used to stop the meteor threat. A pretty cool disaster film from 1979 that was considered a failure at the box office but the studio spent millions on disaster effects. Including the mud scene where mud is flooding the subway. The 70s disaster film genre has tried to be rebooted several times over the years but didn’t have the impact it did during the 70s. Great film as I give it 3 stars.

 

Squirm (DVD) – This classic Jeff Lieberman film had the pleasure of being played on TBS in its heyday of cable around the clock with such films ‘Beastmaster’, ‘Frogs’, ‘Day of the Animals’, and usually after an Atlanta Braves game. Its fall of 1975 and a bad storm have hit a small Georgia community knocking out power and phones. But the down electrical lines are still running power into the ground and causing a ground swell of angry, roaring, man-eating worms! Now worms are just oozing out of everything eating humans! The movie is 40 years old and still a fun watch but also just found the DVD/Blu-ray format recently as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Truck Turner (DVD) – Holy shit this is an amazing cast for a film: Issac Hayes, Yaphet Kotto, Nichelle Nichols, Dick Miller, Charles Cyphers, and Scatman Crothers just to name a few for this Blaxploitation flick. Issac Hayes is a bounty hunter/skip tracer who makes a good buck tracking people down. But after tracking down a notorious pimp named Gator who jumped bail and killing him, he is on a hit list. Gator’s girlfriend wants revenge or should I say “a bucket of blood”. And she is willing to hire whoever or do whatever it takes for someone to kill Truck Turner. Great stunts, great supporting cast, and a shitload of fun! Issac isn’t the best leading man but there are enough characters in the film that makes it a well worth effort on his part. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

We are back with episode 118 where we tackle two cool flicks!

0

This week we hit it hard straight outta the gate with 2 awesome movies Splatter Farm, and Sam Raimi’s return to horror in Drag Me to Hell.  Also, Tim sticks up for the Sid Haig movie Creature, Do we love, or hate Shot on video horror, Hipsters and their sketchy facial hair, Tim’s one time fandom of NASCAR???  What Kyle used to do on weekends in high school, Demolition Derby, Kyle’s internet gets blown up due to Game of Thrones, and intrusive ad’s, Weird Conspiracies, Movies we have never checked out,… and never want to, How awesome Hollywood Squares was in 1983, Chupacabras… and so much more.  So check it out.

 

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

EPISODE 118

Gross Movie Reviews #321

0

Gross Movie Reviews #321

 

By Tim Gross

 class-of-1999-poster2

Class of 1999 (DVD) – It’s the future and schools have gone to hell… Remember the film was released in 1990. But imagine “Escape from New York” at a school and its surrounding community. Gangs have taken over everything and the school system is looking for answers in what to do and Bob Forest played by Stacey Keach is here to give an answer. He introduces the principal (Malcolm McDowell) of this high school to three new teachers played by Pam Grier, Patrick Kilpatrick, and John P. Ryan and they just happen to be androids! Androids built for the ten year war in South America and funded by the Department of Defense. Meanwhile, Cody has just been released from prison and just wants his old gang to leave him alone so he can attend class and not do hard time. Soon Cody’s curiosity gets the best of him when one of the teachers kills a student when a gun is pulled. He learns they are androids and they are beginning to do what they were built for and that is to kill in this awesome Sci-fi action/horror flick. I give this cool film 3 ½ stars.

class-of-1999-2-the-substitute-movie-poster-1993-1020209311

Class of 1999 II: The Substitute (VHS) – The film picks up right after the events of the first film but the sequel wasn’t released until 1994. A man who looks like a private investigator is looking into the events of the first film and believes Bob Forest had a ‘Plan B’ if the first three androids failed? The private investigator is actually some dude that was thrown out of the Department of Defense but doesn’t know what the android looks like but is following the dead body trail. So when a stiff, tall, blonde dude shows up at a high school that is having gang related issues and students begin to mysteriously die the investigator looks into it. The sequel isn’t nearly as fun as the first mainly because the cast and the lack of budget compared to the first film as I have to give this flick 1 ½ stars just for Nick Cassavettes being in the flick!

 

Meateaters (Full Moon Streaming) – Its Mark Polonia’s latest independent flick with Brett Piper back doing dinosaur/creature effects. A dinosaur seems to be stalking the woods for humans to eat and some young people just happen to be hanging out there. I was expecting more of a SyFy Channel/Sharknado or even a Tiffany/Deborah Gibson effort but the film just didn’t seem to hit all cylinders at all during its 70 minute run time. I still enjoy Mark Polonia and his films but I have to give this one only 1 ½ stars.

 

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (DVD) – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson joins in on the action as Roadblock along with the original “Joe” played by Bruce Willis in a lackluster sequel with Cobra and his evil members already in the White House with a fake president controlling things and trying to kill the Joes! The first film gave me such high hopes for this series but I believe this sequel may have been the death nail?! I give the boring sequel 1 star.

 

Shakma (VHS) – Mother fucking killer ass monkey fucking doors up, now this is a bad ass movie! I am ashamed I never caught this flick when it was first originally released in 1989. Some doctors in training are playing Dungeons and Dragons in a school building overnight with Roddy McDowell as the Dungeon Master/teacher. Well they fuck up by shooting up a monkey with some shit after it was experimented on and it failed and poof “Killer Monkey on Speed”!!! AWESOME! And let’s not forget the excellent Amanda Wyss also stars. I give the flick 3 stars. So go watch Shakma fuck up some doors.

 

The Runestone (VHS) – This guy Martin brings home an ancient runestone from a coal mine in Western Pennsylvania to his place in New York City. He begins to study it and is possessed by the runestone and becomes this odd werewolf thing that is feeding on New Yorkers. And the only person to stop him is that bad ass long blonde haired villain dude from “Die Hard”! Cool creature, some blood, Western Pa is mentioned, I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

 

The Unseen (DVD) – Here is a creepy flick from 1980 starring Barbara Bach as a news reporter and her two friends Vicki and Karen who worked with her get screwed out of their room during some town festival. Forced to look miles away for a motel and no luck they run into a chubby, sloppy, weird dude who offers them a room at his big house. Never mind the weird noises you hear in the basement and the chubby dude is just creepy especially when you learn he believes “incest is best”. The young reporter gets curious when her two friends go missing or were just pulled down the furnace vents and discovers what or who is living in the basement. A great ending to a film that may have been a little shocking at its time of release makes for a cool lesser known horror film worth seeking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Coming this Friday, Our next Wizard Studios release: MEATEATERS

0

(Dir: Mark Polonia,
premiers on March 21st, 2014)

An excavation blast unleashes prehistoric terror on a small community in this pulse pounding Sci-Fi action film! A group of small time bank robbers and a thieving gun-moll end up unlikely partners during a botched heist.  They’re after the money, the mob is after them, and the hungry dinosaur has everyone on its menu! Vegetarians beware and prepare to become extinct!  There’s a new criminal in town and it’s hungry for flesh and blood!

Meateaters-Cover-art