Gross Movie Reviews #556

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Gross Movie Reviews #556

Combat Shock (DVD) – A surprisingly different movie and caused a little backlash for its subject matter at the time when Troma picked this film up in 1986. This well done gritty flick centers in on a Vietnam vet Frankie and gives you a typical day in the life of Frankie’s harsh reality. It has been several years since Frankie has been back from the war but like a lot of vets he still has trouble adjusting. Frankie just wants to have a steady job and paycheck to take care of his family. But at some point drugs, no money, depressing family life of no hope gets to Frankie and drives him to suicide after a series of crazy, dark series of events. There is no happiness in this gritty dark film just a man slowly going insane because he cannot adjust to society. I give the film 3 stars and there is an extra loaded two-disc version available from Troma.

Strange Nature (DVD) – A film based on recent events in the Northern mid-west has a middle-aged mother Kim and her son Brody moving in with dad. Dad or Pops as he is called lives in a small rural town where most people keep to themselves as Kim hoped to avoid this. Kim has a history with the town and would like to avoid talking the past but doesn’t take long for her to stir up some shit when she becomes intrigued with some deformed frogs found in the woods. At the same time there has been a few locals going missing and never really explained at the same time as Kim thinks they can be linked somehow. All this weirdness seem to start happening when American Patriot Chemicals introduced a new product into the ecosystem and now there is parasites, deformed babies, among other things being found. The film has a solid cast and a great monster payoff that makes this lesser known recent horror flick worth seeking out as I give it 3 stars.

Bone (DVD) – Always read about this 1972 Cohen flick starring Yaphet Kotto as Bone as I finally found time to sit and watch it fully for the first time. We are introduced to a supposedly wealthy couple hanging at the pool until Bone comes by to introduce himself by removing a rat out of the pool filter. This sets up a 90 minute story of a man holding up a rich couple for money and possible rape? But that is where the film decides to take a weird left turn has the viewer take a leap down the rabbit hole as Bone comes up with a plan when he finds out the couple are actually not that rich and might be crazier than anyone thought. Instead ruining more of this fun low budget surprise I leave you with this when you watch it… did the Bone character ever exist? Now think about that after you have watched this interesting gem as I give it 3 stars.

Toolbox Murders 2 (DVD) – What in the hairy nutsack was I thinking when I watched this? Oh yeah, it is a sequel, you got me. Anyhow, a lunatic that is connected to a pair of sisters who decides to kill one and keep the other as a pet and torture her in his home made ‘Hostel’ dungeon. I feel like I should love this movie but instead I found myself so completely bored I feel asleep several times trying to get through this piece of trash. Everyone consider yourself warned about this film because the sister that is kept for the dungeon should have been purged from the script before this garbage hit production as I give this 0 stars.

Bergeron Brothers: Wedding Videographers (DVD) – Well kids, if have not been introduced to BPO Films here is a good place to start as these people are just brilliant with their latest project. Two brothers who are amateur wedding videographers have decided to have a documentary about their business, how they prepare for events, training, etc., all in the hope of getting their name out there so their business can thrive. The film crew documents the hardships of these brothers living in a garage and how they train for their first big wedding event. But remember when starting a business it isn’t always successful at even if it means these brothers must face off with their nemesis Chad Johnson (who has everything, including someone’s fiancée, watch the movie you’ll understand) on a regular basis. This documentary/comedy is not just hilarious; it is downright fucking wonderfully entertaining! Literally “the hidden cameras idea” and “the shitting incident” had me still laughing after the movie was over. This project isn’t just a coming out party for these talented bastards (BPO Films) they blow the door off the movie world hinges to show they are to be taken seriously. The script is great, the story is hilarious, but what makes this project perfection in motion is the surrounding cast, all actors involved fit these characters in the film like a glove. Now that takes talent my friends as this is surely one of the best films you will watch in 2022 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.  

13 Slays Till X-mas (Blu-ray) – A group of regular drinkers at the bar decide to tell each other stories on Christmas Eve night. An old holiday tradition according to one bar patron, as these fine folks decide to restart it. Each gets to tell two stories a piece and whoever has the worst has to pay for all the drinks. There isn’t a weak story of the bunch and a lot of good Indy talent involved in this project but wasn’t a fan of the ending of this anthology as it felt forced. But if interested the two stories from mall Santa at the bar were my favorite as one includes an evil twin of Santa Claus as I give the holiday film 2 ½ stars.

Matrix Resurrections (HBO/Max) – Things have changed now, “The Matrix” doesn’t exist, something else does and Neo and his girlfriend have been kept asleep to power the real reality. This film goes back to the first movie to explain what happened to Neo after he was first awaken and changed things for the good between man and machines. Bottom line it is fun sci-fi goobly gook that the movie nerds should enjoy. I was never a fan of the sequels but always enjoyed the first film and liked where they went with this latest entry. Need some mindless sci-fi in your life look no further as I give the latest entry 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #555

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Gross Movie Reviews #555

The Virus (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst busy as ever has released his latest short film that deals with the post-apocalyptic theme or recent times and its effect on a person. Earth has been devastated by biological weapons and a man who is all alone just wants to end the madness on his own terms. A bleak but very realistic look at the world right now as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Tower Rats (YouTube/DVD) – To even give this mess of a Kevin Walter film a chance you have to imagine if Troma ran Tik Tok and made an anthology film using the things Troma fans posted. What seems like a miss-mash of no plot is a long string of weirdo short films pretty much only hardcore Troma fans will enjoy. It all seems to be set in the Tower District if that means anything to yinz and about ¾’s of the way into the film is that the ‘Puppet Master’ I am hearing? Kudos to Kevin for getting this all together for hardcore Troma fans but outside of them it’s gonna be hard to explain something like this to more mainstream film fans as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. 

Open House (Vimeo) – Matt Cannon from ‘Hexercise’ fame has another short film that has made its way on a recent Indy anthology that concerns a young lady named Sue. She is being trained to sell homes. When Sue is hazed by co-workers with a mask and robe in the home she is cleaning up, Sue is startled and her past comes back to haunt her co-workers. Matt’s latest effort is simple and to the point as Mr. Cannon continues his filmmaking career along with his successful composing music for film career. I give the short film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. 

The Pizzagate Massacre (DVD) – Our story begins in 2018 at a TV station where the Terri Lee show is set up and Karen Black (filmmaker/journalist) has started her new job. After dropping her headset during a live feed hearing startling news about the Illuminati conspiracy, Tootz Pizza, and children who are being used as sex slaves in the basement of this Austin, Texas pizza shop. Karen is fired but distraught by this news so of course she hires a white militia dude named Duncan to help her get proof of the lizard people touching little kids at a pizza shop! Duncan and Karen drive from Waco to Austin only to find out it’s not true but it also all goes bad in a shootout because a member of the same militia follows them and kidnaps Karen setting off a wild police chase and ending to this crazy but all but true ending as I give this interesting gem 3 stars.

Hellblock 13 (DVD) – Gunnar Hansen, Debbie Rochon, 1999, sounds like wonderful ingredients to an awesome anthology… Mostly the film comes off generic with the best performances from the two already mentioned stars that have story time before an execution. The stories are not horrible but fail to make a viewer wanna rewatch the stories being told again and again like a ‘Creepshow’ or ‘Tales from the Darkside’ as I give this anthology 2 stars.

Maniac Killer (DVD) – Bo Svenson, Chuck Connors, and Robert Ginty star in this French thriller about an escort disappearing one evening that becomes a small string of disappearances. A Professor Osborne is being wrongly accused of murder and kidnapping because of the man keeping to himself for his experiments. People who live nearby claim he is doing human experiments but the truth is Robert Ginty is to blame as he plays “creepy guy with dungeon” who believes he and his followers are purifying the evil from the French hookers. Weirdness, a couple solid actors, this is worth at least a watch as I give it 2 stars.

Honkey Holocaust (DVD) – In case you been missing out on filling your exploitation film needs this recent Indy feature does its best to intrigue you then? It is set in late 60s California where in an alternate universe The Manson Family (big strike against any filmmaker attempting to add to this turd of legacy) gets away with murder and builds a bunker. The family heads underground where Charles dies in 1979 from poor conditions but some of his clan survives including a daughter of Charles. But here is already a problem kids? If Charles died after a decade of poor conditions how didn’t the rest of the clan die? But hey, don’t let a bad plot get in the way of telling your story. After a few decades the clan comes out of the bunker to witness the “Race War”? Problem, white people are now the minority and it’s all about a prophecy being fulfilled. Kendra Manson wanders away from her clan to learn about the new world and meets a black man named Lucius who she falls in love with. Kudos for putting together an exploitation that most likely will find a cult audience but you lost me at “Manson Family” as I give this 1 ½ stars.

The Horror of it All (DVD/YouTube) – This 1964 British oddity stars Pat Boone of all people who is Jack Robinson and on his way to see his soon to be wife Cynthia. Cynthia is hanging out at the family estate because she has plans of her own before getting married but Jack cannot wait. This film is comedy of horrors that feels like an early film version of “Clue” as the family is being murdered one by one and Jack believes they all are trying to murder him before his marriage. A hilarious horror/comedy where not only Pat Boone breaks into song you can see tropes set up for future horror/comedies as I give this well worthy gem 3 stars.

The Neptune Factor (DVD) – An early 70s underwater adventure about a sea exploration crew having trouble when an earthquake on the ocean floor happens. The earthquake topples the sea lab off the edge of the ocean floor into an abyss. After a few days search by the Canadian Navy it is time for “the Neptune”. A well-equipped vessel that could conquer the deep sea for its daring rescue. The first half of the film is all about set up then the second half turns into a NatGeo special of underwater adventure with the rescue happening in the last four minutes of the film. If you like Ernest Borgnine and PG-rated undersea drama you may be in for a treat as I give it 2 ½ stars.           

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews “Top Ten of 2020”

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Gross Movie Reviews “Top Ten of 2020”

 

1) VFW (On Demand) – For the love of John Carpenter thank you Joe Begos for making this idea exist! A new drug called “Hype” has hit the streets and screwing up people quicker than ever before. The drug is making zombies or “Hypers” out of people and tearing cities down. Boz is a drug lord who is about to have a huge deal go down and kills the wrong strung out girl as her sister Lizard takes it personally and steals his stash. Nowhere to run Lizard busts into an old VFW where some old vets are just having their daily drink, watch old videos of women exercising, and telling war stories. A couple of drugged out punks follow her in and that was a big mistake as they attack one of the vets. The old vets take care of the trash pretty quickly in a brutal way. This is where the chaos or war begins as the vets must defend the post and themselves from the onslaught of strung out punks because Boz wants his stash no matter what. This film is absolutely FUCKING AWESOME! The casting of Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson, William Sadler, George Wendt, Martin Kove, and David Patrick Kelly as the war vets is perfect. This is my new ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ as I give possibly 2020s best film of the year 4 stars all the way. I will be watching this flick at least once a year.

 

2) Bad CGI Sharks (DVD) – A brilliant story about two brothers Matthew and Jason who are very close in many ways as kids. As kids they wanted to make a shark movie like no other but eventually that dream was squished as their father considered Jason a lost cause. Many years later Mathew has grown up and living out in Hollywood! Mathew’s life is turned upside down when his older brother Jason shows up who just so happens to be a bum who still wants to make shark movies. After some fighting, smoking weed, and talking about their movie script with no ending they wrote as kids called, “Sharks Outta Water” a floating shark shows up! It first eats the neighbor but eventually it begins chasing the brothers. It seems a man with a magical clapper board as brought their childhood movie script to life and now they must deal with it in many hilarious ways. Don’t just rent, buy this fucking movie NOW! One of the most entertaining independent shark films ever made as I give this sure to be on the “Best of 2020 list” 4 out of 4 stars.

 

3) Peninsula (On Demand) – So we got a sequel to the wonderful zombie film ‘Train to Busan’, the film picks up four years later. Any bordering country has a blockade up and does not allow anyone to enter South Korea because of the viral outbreak. A former soldier like a lot of misplaced Koreans lives in Hong Kong and down on his luck. A shady dude he does things for gives the ex-soldier a mission of entering the zombie-infested peninsula for a truck that has 25 million U.S. dollars in the back of it safely waiting. If he retrieves it he is rich, if not he is most likely zombie food as the zombies still roam the area. Without spoiling too much I will describe the film has elements that cross between ‘Land of the Dead’ and ‘Escape from New York’ but keeps the heart of the first film. Wonderful zombie stuff again horror fans as this fast-paced sequel pleases me much so that there could be another entry into this series like ‘REC’?! I give the bad ass international zombie movie 4 stars all the way.

 

4) We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

5) Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

6) Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

7) The Unsung (YouTube) – The latest project from Churchill Pictures is a bit of a thriller with a bit of drama and intrigue added to the mix. We are introduced to Eric through his travels of the depressed areas of Pittsburgh and his childhood flashbacks that haunt him. One day catching a nap, the nap is interrupted by a man trying to hurt a young lady. Eric jumps into action and saves her. But being homeless also she takes off with Eric’s bag and he chases her down to a homeless community under a bridge. He is accepted into the community quickly. Meanwhile we are introduced to a very driven detective by the name of Jones who understands he now is trying to track down a serial killer and how all the victims are tied into each other in some way. Eric hearing a voice from a radio decides he must take action like his comic book hero that he keeps near to his heart. Eric and the detective cross paths and Eric is of course a ‘person of interest’ in the case but no matter what both men want to save the young lady after she is taken by this killer. I tried not to give too much away with the description just because I really like the story and it isn’t your usual crime drama/thriller. The film has a lot of heart that deserves to be watched and enjoyed. It stars Jared Bajoras, Richard Billock, and Amadeo Fusca which all three were perfect in their roles for this project. Help support this project folks as I give it 4 out 4 stars all the way!

 

8) Patchwork (Shudder) – Three women wake up to being stitched together on an exam table with a couple guys talking like this is an everyday thing after being kidnapped at a bar. The three stuck together in the same body must now work together to remember who did this and why? With a couple surprises and a twist along the way the three want their revenge and begin their search for answers with the bar they all remember. They also find love along the way. Think ‘Frankenhooker’ with ‘Re-animator’s’ dark humor and a splash of Peter Jackson and you have a beautiful masterpiece of a dark horror comedy that not enough good words could describe. I would love to say more about the plot but it may ruin some of the surprises throughout the film as I give this gift to the horror genre 4 stars.

 

9) Love and Monsters (On Demand) – This fun monster gem is a must see for all audiences as it takes place seven years after the “Monsterapocalypse”. There was an asteroid falling towards Earth. Of course all the governments hurl up all these missiles into space to destroy this rock before impact… it works. Problem is the fallout hitting earth causes all the animals and insects to mutate into large monsters that begin wiping out humanity and force people into underground bunkers. Seven years later Joel is a single bored early twenties dude who cannot help fight the monsters but can make a great minestrone but wants out of the isolation he feels. So he heads out on a mission to find his high school sweetheart Aimee at a bunker on the coast. Along the way he makes friends with Michael Rooker and an eight year old girl who have been living on the surface with the mutated things and teaches Joel some valuable lessons. Joel does find Aimee and there is more to the story but why spoil this amazing creature filled film that you need in your life! This film is sure to be a favorite of most in 2020 as I give 4 stars.

 

10) Becky (On Demand) – We have two parallel stories going on in this deliciously brutal film that centers on a young girl named Becky. First, Becky and her father are in disagreement as usual since her mother’s death. Now, it is being forced upon her that dad has found a new woman and wants to be a family. Second, we are introduced to a couple of inmates who are super Neo-Nazis that have escaped transport heading to this isolated home in the woods looking for a hidden key. After another argument Becky runs off into the woods shortly after the inmates come a knocking for some bad ass mean shit to go down. The Neo-Nazis find out that Becky has the key so they try to make a deal but Becky refuses after watching her father being killed. From there we go into a downward spiral into some brutal scenes of revenge as Becky fights back. We get a sick eye gouge that requires the eye being snipped off, a new way to use school pencils, and a little girl (Becky) getting heart punched! The film is just plain screwed up and I loved it as don’t be surprised this sneaks its way into my “2020 top ten” as I give it 4 stars.

 

Honorable mentions of 2020

 

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas (On Demand) – Holy Rutger Hauer, filmmaker Travis Irvine has earned my respect for not only making a killer raccoon movie. But he did it while doing a parody of ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’! We normal lunatics smell our own… But really prisoner Ty Smallwood now named Casey has just got released from jail after serving ten years for underage drinking. He is jumping on a train to Washington D.C. to hang with his dead girlfriend’s sister to explain what happened on the camping trip several years ago? As Darlene wants answers Ranger Rick Danger takes over the train with his raccoon assassins so they can steal data to hold the U.S. hostage while they sell secrets to foreign powers just like the Steven Seagal less liked sequel. Travis and crew not only deliver the goods but I couldn’t stop laughing as film continued on with the Killer Raccoons being the focus throughout unless it was Casey Smallwood. The effort, the passion, and raccoons trained by the C.I.A. with mini machine guns made this the holiday comedy to watch in 2020 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Llamageddon (DVD) – This wonderful creation is about an alien llama that crash lands on Earth in a small community and begin its takeover! When the llama isn’t stomping a victim with its hooves it is killing people with its laser eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly people when its shoots lasers from its red eyes fireworks go off. The alien llama stumbles upon a house party of young people where it begins killing them one by one but also spits on one party goer to have him begin a transformation. This independent film has it all folks and I absolutely laughed my ass off as the alien llama tries to destroy us all! If that isn’t enough pay attention to their drinking game as the character Dan changes shirts in every scene (17 times if I counted correctly?) I cannot thank filmmaker Howie Dewin enough for giving us this amazing gem of cinema as I give it 4 stars all the way!

 

Psycho Ape! (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer 2020 has sucked a huge bag of dicks! But folks I believe we have been given the film we need to make it through this slow ass death they call a pandemic. It is a low budget film from the great minds of Addison Binek, Steve Albers, and Greg DeLiso whose passion for independent projects is off the scale! If you have heard me speak the name of Addison Binek then you know I feel this is one talented dude. For example: when I take over SyFy Channel or Full Moon he would my “second-in-charge” or if there was someone that I would trust with Lloyd’s legacy it would be Mr. Binek. Some will feel this film is senseless but some like me will enjoy this hilarious Troma throwback laughing their balls off several times throughout the feature. Let me tell you a little about this ‘Psycho Ape’ film. Supposedly 25 years ago this dude in a cheap ape costume (cough, cough) I mean murderous ape escapes The Detroit Zoo and comes upon an unsuspecting teenage slumber party. The killer ape goes bananas on the young ladies leaving only one survivor Nancy Banana. I personally was hoping it would be Hannah Banana for some reason because some kind of weird PornHub dream I had last night after watching the film but that is for a different conversation. Nancy Banana is thrown off course from her life dream of being the next Jane Goodall because this gorilla’s murder spree of her friends but 25 years later she gets to be friends with this crazed hairy killer. But if Dr. ZOOmis has anything to say about he will he won’t let another 25 years of tracking down this deadly ape and several deaths later from breaking up the relationship between Nancy and Psycho Ape. The movie is hilarious, complete chaos, and like a lost film never released from Troma in the mid-80s and for that I am happy to report this treat of a film deserves 3 ½ out of 4 stars. And take my word on this I can see this following the same path as the ‘Leprechaun’ series or maybe not?

 

Zombie House Party Massacre (YouTube) – Finally a no budget film that lives up to its name as zombies are just trying to live civil lives in their home. But damn young humans come to rush the house to party and have unprotected sex! The zombies stay quiet in the upstairs room until one of the party goers hear the baby and take it. The zombies just wanting their zombie baby back chase the humans throughout the home and call for help from their zombie friends. What makes it hilarious as they chase the humans around the home they make fun of themselves that they must act a certain way in order to stay scary. Otherwise they are no different than any of us until they finally had enough and start eating the humans to get the zombie baby back! The short film is absolutely wonderful and I could not stop laughing at the zombie jokes as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The Best Documentaries

 

1) Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.

 

2) Suck Fest (DVD) – BPO Films is at it again with their latest project which is a documentary or mockumentary (depending how you look at it) about the three talented fellows(Ben, Blake, and Ryan) taking a trip to a horror convention to promote their film “Slaughter Drive”. The film isn’t so much about the convention as much as it is about the three friends’ relationship as it breaks down quickly once they hit the road to the hotel and they lose luggage, stolen credit cards, stuff goes missing, too much coffee, not selling shit at the horror convention, and one of the three thinking they were going to kick each other in the balls to settle a dispute! The film isn’t just funny but a laugh a minute as these fellows show off even more of their comedic side in their documentary (sort of?) as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. THIS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT GROSSFEST 2020 first time ever. Go check out www.bpofilms.com and get to know this great group of independent filmmakers.

 

3) Direct To Video: Straight to Video Horror of the 90s (DVD) – An excellent documentary from filmmaker Dustin Ferguson who brings together an abundance of critics, actors, and filmmakers to discuss not just their films but how this whole genre got started in the 90s. They discuss their favorites and how Hollywood and media was changing at the times and yes Charles Band gets a lot of credit as I give this really cool documentary 4 stars.

 

Worst movie I watched of 2020

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

(Only mentioning this one for Joe Bob Briggs fans to be warned far in advanced)

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

Most disappointing film of the year!

 

Hanukkah (DVD) – It opens up with a man on December 8, 1993 who has slaughtered people during the “Festival of Lights” or Hanukkah but never got to finish. 36 years go by and someone has decided to pick up the killing spree during the Jewish holiday. Some Jewish friends who are not exactly celebrating the Jewish holiday become the targets of this sadistic killer. ‘Hanukkah’ has a wonderful cast to kill for but this holiday horror film is such a misstep as it drags on too long and I was expecting more from the crew behind it. Also there are weird delays during dialogue and a few important scenes that don’t exactly make a lick of sense? Super disappointed with the film and another example of you can have an all-star cast but that doesn’t mean you’ll have an all-star movie as I give it a ½ star.

Gross Movie Reviews #515

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Gross Movie Reviews #515

Psycho Ape! (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer 2020 has sucked a huge bag of dicks! But folks I believe we have been given the film we need to make it through this slow ass death they call a pandemic. It is a low budget film from the great minds of Addison Binek, Steve Albers, and Greg DeLiso whose passion for independent projects is off the scale! If you have heard me speak the name of Addison Binek then you know I feel this is one talented dude. For example: when I take over SyFy Channel or Full Moon he would my “second-in-charge” or if there was someone that I would trust with Lloyd’s legacy it would be Mr. Binek. Some will feel this film is senseless but some like me will enjoy this hilarious Troma throwback laughing their balls off several times throughout the feature. Let me tell you a little about this ‘Psycho Ape’ film. Supposedly 25 years ago this dude in a cheap ape costume (cough, cough) I mean murderous ape escapes The Detroit Zoo and comes upon an unsuspecting teenage slumber party. The killer ape goes bananas on the young ladies leaving only one survivor Nancy Banana. I personally was hoping it would be Hannah Banana for some reason because some kind of weird PornHub dream I had last night after watching the film but that is for a different conversation. Nancy Banana is thrown off course from her life dream of being the next Jane Goodall because this gorilla’s murder spree of her friends but 25 years later she gets to be friends with this crazed hairy killer. But if Dr. ZOOmis has anything to say about he will he won’t let another 25 years of tracking down this deadly ape and several deaths later from breaking up the relationship between Nancy and Psycho Ape. The movie is hilarious, complete chaos, and like a lost film never released from Troma in the mid-80s and for that I am happy to report this treat of a film deserves 3 ½ out of 4 stars. And take my word on this I can see this following the same path as the ‘Leprechaun’ series or maybe not?

 

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (DVD) – Many people also know it as ‘The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue’ but that doesn’t stop it from being a popular zombie flick among horror fans. George an antiques dealer heads out to the country to get away from people and industry for the weekend but that is thrown into chaos when a ditzy woman named Christina backs over his bike. Together the two head out to Christina’s sisters’ place. Things go bad when Christina cannot stop talking about the beast that came from her. The two arrive to find the sister in hysterics and the husband dead and cop only believes “the damn hippie”, George is capable of doing the dirty deed. Now the two must stick around for the investigation but after some of their own research George believes it is the ultra-sonic radioactive device being used experimentally to kill insects on a farm is the cause. Got some gore, got some unstoppable zombies, and we got a cop that always believes the hippie did it so I am in as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Youngblood (DVD) – A late 70s film that feels like a Blaxploitation at the beginning turns into a serious gang film halfway with a twist that will have everyone feeling bad when it’s over. A look into a 15 year old black teenager named Junior but nicknamed Youngblood who feels in order to fit he needs to join a gang. Mom doesn’t approve and Youngblood cannot live up to older brother’s success of becoming a respectable banker. But things take a dark twist when Youngblood’s gang fined one of their own dying from drugs in a bowling alley bathroom. Now Youngblood and the gang want revenge and it takes Youngblood down a path of sadness he wasn’t expecting as everything is as good as it seems. Give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Delirium (DVD) – So maybe it has been a few minutes since you were disgusted by a movie, a relative, or something on the news like politics? Well I give you this lesser known creepy Eye-talian film where an artist’s old butler starts bumping uglies with his dead wife and doesn’t fire him let alone stab him in the freaking testicles. Nope we get this sleazy ass artist and his disgusting butler to dig up his dead wife a year later for inspiration. When that doesn’t work the way the artist wants he goes meet a doppelganger of his wife that only makes the movie weirder if that was even possible? I give this off the charts sleaze 2 ½ stars just for making me wondering what the hell was gonna happen next…

The Night of the Hunter (DVD) – Robert Mitchum proves in 1955 you can play one evil son of a bitch that comes off crazy but yet so brilliant and unmatched. Mitchum is Harry Powell, supposedly a preacher who is doing 30 days in jail with a man named Ben who just got life for robbery and shooting a couple innocent folks. Ben hid the $10,000 with his two young kids. Harry tries to get it out of him before his execution but fails. Backup plan Powell heads to Ben’s home once released and sleaze his ass in the door with the struggling single mom of two to learn of the whereabouts of the money. When the kids are not cooperating Powell gets mean and sadistic and his mean streak has no end. Powell chases the children down river into another home only be blocked by a stubborn older woman who takes orphans in. For 1955 it might not sound like much but I dare you to watch Robert Mitchum put on a performance of an evil human scumbag and not be impressed as I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

The Night of the Hunter (DVD/remake) – In 1991 TV decided the movie needed updated not understanding two things: first, this story just doesn’t work in present day (1991) as the original was set during the depression. Second, Richard Chamberlain is a great choice for a movie like this but the role was already done perfectly by Robert Mitchum which made me get real bored when viewing this remake. I gave it a legit try but sorry if you see the original first there really isn’t anyway to improve as I give this remake 1 star.

 

Artic Predator (DVD) – Apparently I missed a SyFy Channel feature about a decade ago that stars Dean Cain in a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg version of John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’. Dean Cain must defend himself and others against an alien made of gas from one of Jupiter’s rings that his team unearthed exploring for lost ships in the Artic. Dumb…? Maybe, but you know I wasn’t passing it up with a title like that as I give it 1 star.

 

Night Monster (DVD) – An early 40s Universal film about a handicapped man who has invited doctors to his creepy ass mansion that oh yeah has Bela Lugosi as the butler! Little the doctors know is that the man blames them for his condition and has planned for their arrival as death is happening inside the mansion and outside and nowhere to escape. Cheesy and a little dull at times but explanation at the end of the film makes it a well worth watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (DVD) – A mockumentary of sorts as its set up is producers, convention promoters, etc. being interviewed about this lost film from 1979 that is rumored to kill anyone that has viewed it. The film was sent to several festivals but after all the unfortunate events ‘Antrum’ becomes banned, lost, cursed, but disappeared until now. After this introduction we get the film about a kid who cannot deal with the death of his dog and his mom told him the pet went to hell. So to help get over it his older sister takes the kid to the middle of the forest to dig a hole to hell. Well guess what shit goes wrong and gets weird! Because once you begin your journey into the five layers of hell there is no coming back. I enjoyed the concept and know I will catch flack for this but felt disappointed in the end. The film is far from terrible but for me at least I just don’t think it was executed well as I give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Bloodbaths and Boomsticks has another two episodes up so take a listen!

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This week we put on our swatch watches, get out our Rubik’s cube, and pop some quarters in that old Pac man machine as we pick out some of our favorite flicks from 1980 and 1981.  Was also chat about that time Mothra shit all over Kyle’s laundry, Godzilla movies, homemade board games, shitty shark films, and the death of Joel Schumacher?  We also do a rundown of all the news this week brought us, and what we have been watching.  So download this episode or Batman’s nipples will be sad.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week we bring back 3 more flicks to argue over.  First Tim continues to scrape the bottom of the post-apocalyptic barrel with his pick A MAN CALLED RAGE.  Then John talks up the 4th installment in Troma’s flagship series in THE TOXIC AVENGER 4: CITIZEN TOXIE.  And lastly Kyle pays tribute to the late great Joel Schumacher and covers a Nazi zombie siege flick BLOOD CREEK.  We also chat about a ton of topics such as Tim’s current issues with Full Moon Entertainment as he watches Blade: The Iron Cross, Fireworks accidents, Kyle’s failed attempt to wrangle a ground hog, and Blazing Saddles the lost TV show.  And as always we read your listener questions, read the news, and go over what the hell we have been watching.  So download this episode or Charles Band will banish you to his magic warehouse.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #494

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Gross Movie Reviews #494

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (DVD) – Well it is Halloween 1968, and three kids are out for their last Trick or Treat. This year they have a plan to get back the older kids who have messed with them in past Halloweens and that is to let them bag snatch them only to find out too late they have been ‘shit bombed’. Great prank! On the run the three younger kids find a new friend in Ramone at a drive-in who protects them. They convince him it would be a cool idea to check out the local haunted house that may have been owned by a child murderer? They get trapped in Sarah Bellows bedroom by the high school kids and while trying to find a way out they find Sarah’s “Book of Stories” and Stella reads it. Thus reading it causes new stories to be written and Stella’s friends dying one by one.  It is up to Stella to figure out how to release Sarah Bellows’ ghost or she is next. If you like “Goosebumps” you will enjoy this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (DVD) – So a body is brought into a family morgue that was found at a house of murdered people. No cause could be found but when investigating they find a body of a young woman in the basement dirt floor and police want answers. The morgue is the Tilden Morgue, family owned. And they believe in doing the job right but this young lady had no I.D. or idea of what she truly died from. As they begin the autopsy and begin to find weird shit with the body, weird shit begins to happen around them. As they go deeper into the autopsy the father/son duo soon figure out they are being haunted and there is no real way out of this terror. Interesting, different, and well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Wizard of Gore (DVD) – Holy balls I forgot how weird this H.G. Lewis flick was as it is about Montag the Great who is a magician who is the master of illusions… maybe. A highly rated morning TV show host and sports writer boyfriend take in a show where Montag clearly kills a woman on stage but she is perfectly fine when the illusion is over. But later that night the same woman shows up slaughtered at a restaurant. Is it magic? An illusion? How Montag does this? Over and over the couple go back to try and part the pieces together that attach Montag and the recent so-called murders. It loses steam watching it now but was a perfect Midnight flick or Drive-in flick at the height of those pop cultures. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Close Calls (DVD) – A Richard Stringham low budget flick that doesn’t look low budget at all. It stars a wonderful actress named Jordan Phipps who is Morgan, a rich family teenager who has been grounded by her father for foolin’ around with her boyfriend. She decides with no phone and nowhere to go it is time to get super high. This sets the tone for the over two hour film as she is supposed to be taken care of Grandma in the attic which is just weird in itself. But Morgan begins to receive obscene phone calls and begins to see her dead mother. If that wasn’t enough as she begins to trip balls she gets rape by a so-called friend, tied up dad’s friend, her Grandma doing weird shit, and her Dad’s friend trying to kill her. Now the movie looks beautiful, the music is awesome, the actress is awesomely talented, and the film is weird. Great, but the film is over two hours long which could have done so much better without the father and his girlfriend scenes and Morgan she have been dead within the first 15 minutes of the movie with all the drugs she done. If you enjoy it more power to you, right or wrong for me it just didn’t add up and shouldn’t have been over 85 minutes as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Virgins from Hell (DVD) – An Indonesian film from 1987 that some of yinz may know as “Maidens Revenge”. A crazy ass film that begins with a gang of women who bring down a mob-owned casino because two sisters want revenge against a crime syndicate. Supposedly this crime syndicate killed their parents and now uses their huge house and property for prostitution and drug trafficking. These two sisters come up with this plan to go kick ass only to be captured, tortured, and eventually escape to kill everyone involved. All the music is stolen from other American films and the raid of Mr. Tiger and his torture house at the end is completely over the top hilarity as I give this greatness 3 stars.

Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Rave Party Massacre (DVD) – A 2017 film set in 1992, three days after the presidential election and a huge ‘Dead Thirsty’ rave party is going down. A few party goers pass out from the extreme partying and find themselves locked in the abandoned hospital it took place in. Now they must fight for their lives as it is all for ‘The New World Order’. I get the concept and like the location that yinz got for this movie but the body count was near non-existent. The cast had like seven people and four of them died. If it is going to be a rave and a massacre you need to have more dead people as I give it 1 star.

 

Raiders of the Sun (DVD) – Leave it to me to trip across another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines that have two factions fighting over gunpowder in a future world. Now a rebel must protect a village of unarmed people who have mined a shitload of gunpowder. Not missing much here folks in this 1992 feature as this is a bottom of the barrel bore fest as I give it 1 star.

 

Deadman Apocalypse (DVD) – A small military group is sent into a labyrinth to search for water since the earth is just about dead. They get separated and ten years pass where there is some kind of weird low budget housing going on in this labyrinth. Now let me stop you here because this isn’t so much bashing the film as much as asking a legit question: Where did they get the fucking food to survive down there in those endless tunnels for ten years or am I just crazy? I give it 0 stars until this can be answered legitimately.

 

Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High aka Vol. 2 (Blu-ray) – Like most Troma fans I waited, I asked, I wondered when in the Rutger Hauer this sequel was going to be released? Well the wait is over as we find out the fate of Lauren and Chrissy and the weirdness in the school girls’ shower that left us hanging. Lauren gives birth to a mutant duck and the principal threatens to expose Chrissy and Lauren as ‘out of the closet’ unless Chrissy takes down her blog about Tromoganic Foodstuffs. But the two figure out how to turn the media against the principal which causes chaos: The new Cretins takeover, a mutated mess kills Melvin, and along the way Kevin the Mutated Duck grows into a huge hideous being to help the girls defeat the Cretins. I give kudos to Lloyd Kaufman understanding it took too long for this sequel to come out and understand people like me might find it underwhelming. Was it horrible? No… it wasn’t I think I am just that big of a fan of the original but enjoy Lloyd seeing the humor in it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Northville Cemetery Massacre (DVD-R) – A motorcycle gang rolls into a small town with a hitchhiker to just hang out and have fun. Of course the local authorities are not happy and trying to bring the man down even though they haven’t done anything. The gang continues their harmless antics even after two of their own get married but that is where it stops being fun when they are accused wrongly of rape. A young couple who hung with them gets caught by a dick cop in a farmhouse. Dude gets knocked out; his woman gets raped and she is told not to say anything. Meanwhile the dick cop convinces daddy the only way for justice is to go all “Death Wish” on them with a rifle. This bloody battle all goes down at the Northville Cemetery between Daddy, cop, and a hunter vs. The Spirits in a wonderful shootout climax! Another drive-in classic that needs to be talked about for all to see again as I give it 3 ½ stars.  

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #482

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Gross Movie Reviews #482

Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre (DVD) – Even the flick is released in 2014 under the Troma label it is set in 2007 on Columbus Day weekend. Lloyd and others had nothing to do with this film other than picking it up for distribution so don’t get all crazy if and when I do not like the flick. On this so-called holiday weekend a group of women go into the Everglades to party hardy! Only one of them made it out to tell the story and this is her story. Supposedly every few years weird shit happens around Columbus Day in the Everglades and that didn’t stop these college girls looking for a good time. Supposedly it is haunted by a Seminole spirit who has a few things: a cage for his captured white woman, a trailer for him to hang out at and his dead wife, a ham sandwich for his white woman, and a boat to ride across the swamps. Okay now saying this out loud I believe this film is hilariously awesome in such a bad way as you should only watch with friends. Honestly I was expecting more boobs but I will forgive yinz as just writing this review made me laugh as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Naked Massacre (DVD) – Right out of the gate in this flick we are introduced to violence as a Vietnam vet sits and witnesses first hand a church bombing in Belfast. Supposedly a couple sources claim this film was based on the Richard Speck murders? It’s 1975ish and this US vet is wandering the streets of Belfast until he walks past a house full of nurses. This soon becomes his obsession as he watches day and night until his opportune time to make his move inside claiming he just wants money to get home? But quickly after the women are bound it becomes clear this vet is here to slowly torture and rape these innocent nurses. A pretty fucked up movie that I am surprised more the horror community hasn’t stumbled upon and made a bigger deal out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Exterminators of the Year 3000 (Blu-ray) – I will be honest I thought I watched or tracked all the Eye-talian, Spanish, Canadian, etc. post-apocalyptic flicks I could find last year… Well I missed one and this was some good post-apocalyptic fun! A lone stranger only known as Alien wanders the Wasteland to come across a kid who wants to help his village get water. The world of course has turned into a desert a kid Timmy believes he is the last hope since his father didn’t come back. He hitches a ride with a group of villagers who must travel a horrible road of 180 miles that has crazy ass bikers led by a bad bootleg Vernon Wells. The bikers kill the group but know the water’s location now. Timmy is picked up along the way by Alien only to be sold out to the biker gang and have robotic arm ripped out. Nothing here to explain Alien is just like, “I know an old guy that can fix that”. So while Timmy gets fixed up, Alien with his sidewhore oh I mean ‘Trash’ go get the water. Of course Alien wants it for himself to sell to the highest bidder but has a change of mind when he takes on the crazed bikers by himself in his steel plated car called “The Exterminator”. Not much plot wise but still a lot of fun especially when they all just totally get why the kid is a cyborg or something as I give this gem 2 ½ stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Troma Edition (DVD) – Most likely Troma’s biggest fan Addison Binek known for his riffs on so many movies decided to put together a collection of Troma riffs. Now Addison being a smart dude didn’t just go for any Troma titles he went for the second tier! Maybe the lesser known to some to maybe open some eyes new to the Troma or Addison Binek world. Here is the list he tackles: Rabid Grannies, Hectic Knife, B.C. Butcher, Troma’s War, Getting Lucky, Redneck Zombies, Slaughter Party, and Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods. Now not all titles were from the minds of Lloyd and Mr. Herz but some brilliant pick-ups for the label a fun selection that makes you wonder where Addison gets all that Troma money for the props. And instead of condemning something of this nature Lloyd embraces Addison’s fandom and intelligence to put together a great product for all of us movie lovers to enjoy as once again I give his project 4 stars.

 

Serial Killer Massacre (DVD) – A 1997 title that you may have not heard much about as it was released to DVD as “Dying to Meet You”. A poorly written S.O.V. flick about two sadistic killers who find love with each other after trying to murder each other. When that doesn’t go well they decide, “Let’s Fuck”… Because nothing says lead up to bumping uglies like some bad wrestling on a floor with knives. The idea wasn’t a bad one just everything else was bad about it. If you just wanna film some mock film but two sadistic real-life lovers I am sure there is a category on PornHub for you? With a little direction, a little tweak in script, and not spending over 50 minutes on the dude alone in the film even before you hint the couple will be a couple and there could have been movie magic. Instead we get what looks like a bad attempt at a soft-core porn video that was just meant for them and none of us to see and that may have been for the better as I give it 0 stars.

 

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (On Demand) – It has been five years since the giant radioactive lizard had shown up in San Francisco and of course us humans suck huge ball sack! Now the monsters are being released one by one to possibly keep Earth in balance until it is learned Ghidorah is not of this Earth and may be here to actually form it into his own. Which means Godzilla is here to save the humans… maybe. It is an absolute fun giant rubber monster flick that gets you very excited for Kong’s return. Yeah at times it seems the actors get in the way of the story but they are there to keep the story moving and who doesn’t love Charles Dance aka Brother Nupsie as the villain. Honestly not a lot can be said other than if you like the past giant rubber monster movies then you will enjoy this if not most likely you will never understand it as I give the film 3 ½ stars, now bring me Kong.

 

Killersaurus (DVD) – A UK flick that does their own bootleg generic version of “Carnosaur” where some research scientists literally will a dinosaur into existence with a 3-D printer! I don’t know if I should laugh my ball bag off or just be disappointed it took this long for this idea to be put to screen? With such an awesome beginning premise for a film it soon turned into a stale turd as people just keep talking about the dinosaur behind the door. And once seen it’s in horrible red light to hide the bad effects and it doesn’t eat everybody… For the love of Rutger Hauer I wanted a cheap dinosaur rampage movie instead got something that was a poor excuse for a film and Dollar General I want my two bucks back as I give it 0 stars.

 

Zombie Tidal Wave (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So Ian Ziering won’t go away but that isn’t such a bad thing when it comes to cheap weirdo shark and zombie films that show up on SyFy Channel once a year. Ziering is a lifelong seaman who encounters a blue weirdo out at sea that has just bitten one of his friends. Rushing back inland for help apparently this odd blue light out at sea starts off a zombie apocalypse that is brought in by a tidal wave onto a small town in Thailand I believe? Anyway next thing you know a bunch of random zombies and blue zombies begin chomping their way through the populace. The film has its moments of cheese but just for old 80s creature movie sake (Humanoids from the Deep) I had hopes of them explaining or doing a little more buildup of the pharmacy crap that supposedly went down in 1985 story wise? Anyway: blue zombies, Ian Ziering, an electrified knife, all this 2 star movie was missing was hot mess of a woman Tara Reid’s jacked up boob!

Slaughterhouse Massacre (DVD) – This odd low budget horror film that I guess could be classified as a slasher was a little bit of a surprise. Wasn’t expecting much but of course had massacre in the title so I needed to watch it. Anyway a group of friends leave Dallas College onto a party where this group learns of an urban legend “Marty Sickle”. Supposedly Marty lived in a local slaughterhouse and was accused of murder but the charges could not stick. So some of the locals took upon themselves to serve justice… it was like an alternate version of “Pledge Night”? So the four college kids head to the slaughterhouse to pussyfoot around and BINGO! They disturb Marty Sickle who really wasn’t dead and pissed enough he starts hacking the four to bits. This is one those enjoyable gory Indy flicks that make you glad it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #443

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Gross Movie Reviews #443

 

The Tripods (VHS) – This made-for-TV flick was a BBC production made in the year 1984 and some would say even has some kind the film has some kind of cult status? But anyway this 2 ½ hour film is set in July 2089 outside of London where mankind has been long invaded by alien machines. People have accepted this and live in peace and actually worship the machines and have somewhat gone back to the old days of living before technology. But there are a few people or vagrants that have refused the “capped” process and live scattered among the mountains to evade capture by the alien machines. Since the machines have arrived, war has been non-existent, and the people willingly give their children at the age of 16 to the machines to be “capped”. The machines take them in and basically tattoo their skulls or doing god only knows to their brains. So two teenagers meet this vagrant and decide they don’t want to be “capped” or questioning authority and runaway to the mountains to escape believing there is more to life than these alien machines. The project is very British so for me a little bit was lost in translation but is an interesting project and worth the watch if you love sci-fi flicks as I give it 2 stars. Random fact the TV movie premiered here in the U.S. in the mid-80s on PBS.

Nightfall (VHS) – A 1999 independent vampire flick that had distribution through Troma that was set in Seattle, Washington. A F.B.I. agent named Jack Talbot is investigating a string of murders that have the victims bloodless and marks on their necks and believing there is a serial killer in the city. But Talbot’s partner is killed during the investigation and he begins to believe this vampire theory to the point he chases the vampire to a different city. Talbot teams up with a couple of local detectives who are already on the case of similar victims to try to kill this vampire. I can understand why Troma picked up this flick: nice amount of blood, the acting isn’t terrible, and the story is pretty solid. I give it 2 stars.

Jack Be Nimble (VHS) – This is a story of two kids, Jack and Dora who live in New Zealand and were given up for adoption but separated for the adoption. Jack went to a weird, backwoods; abusive family and Dora went to a nice couple and grew up without issues until high school. Now teenagers they both are having issues and try to explore this possible psychic link in finding each other? Dora gets picked on because of this obsession so she kicks some major ass at school and begins her search for Jack. Where Jack gets down right crazy and dark and hypnotizes his family to kill his parents to escape into the countryside looking for Dora. A really weird and violent flick from the country down under but it makes for an enjoyable watch. Plus you get to see Alexis Arquette in an early role as I give it 2 stars.

 

Big Legend (On Demand) – Tyler and his soon to be wife head out to the remote woods to spend time together and so Tyler can propose to his girl. But it is interrupted by a very large hairy creature that drags her away and leaves him a mess as she disappeared. Twelve months go by and we see Tyler leaving an asylum where he was placed as many thought he was crazy and try to get him to understand it was most likely a grizzly bear attack. Once out and some advice from his mother he heads to the woods armed to the teeth wanting answers. While there he is attacked by this large thing again but it goes away and Tyler meets a new friend who tells him a story or two and talks about a private company owns the woods. This private company knows about the thing in the woods and he has also been looking for it but only has heard sounds and stories until today. Eventually Tyler has a bloody battle with thing/bigfoot/creature and survives. The film ends with having a conversation with Lance Henriksen setting up an “Avengers vs. Bigfoot” sequel or at least I hope that is what it’s for?  Also look for cameos by Amanda Wyss playing Tyler’s therapist and Adrienne Barbeau playing Tyler’s mother as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Domestics (On Demand) – The film is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the government may have hit the reset button by dropping black poison on all its citizens one random day. Those who were immune or survived are faced with fighting for their lives day in and out if you are anywhere near the major highways or roads. These are the areas where different gangs of “Sheets, Gamblers, cannibals, etc.” settle at looking for fresh humans for whatever means they need. We are introduced to a lovely couple who were in the process of a divorce right before all this shit went down and just trying to survive like everyone else. The wife has lost contact with her family and wants to travel to Milwaukee to see them. So the husband packs up the AMC Eagle and get on the road out in the Midwest to drive to their destination and satisfy the wife. I really enjoyed this possible reality or outcome of America because I could easily see this happening and that is some cool shit! For that I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Beyond the 7th Door (DVD) – A Canadian film from 1987 that centers on a man named Boris who just got out of jail and is meeting his ex for a drink. After some bickering about who should have done what before he went to jail suddenly come up with an idea that involves Wendy’s boss and his house. Wendy’s boss is Lord Breston who pays well but supposedly keeps a bunch of cash on hand. So the two come up with a plan of Wendy sneaking Boris in once her shift starts and getting out Boris out when she is done. Once in both are trapped inside by a heavy steel door and they must go forward. A recording of Lord Breston comes over a speaker explaining in order to get out they must move forward for the money or die trying. So it becomes a series of rooms that Boris and Wendy must solve until they get to the end where a million dollars sits. The film is overall really weird and how Wendy and Boris ever got together is a story I would like explained. But the kicker of the film is the ending once they have made it through. Like or hate it you will have to admit this is one of the more interesting films that you will have in your collection as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Medusa Against The Son of Hercules (DVD) – One of the many Italian ‘Hercules’ films that came out in the late 50s and early 60s where this one has no Hercules but it has monsters! A warrior named Perseus fights a sea dragon and Medusa to try and stop a war. But Perseus is double crossed and war breaks out anyway. So by killing Medusa he is able to have warriors return from stone and help. A fun introduction for kids who want to watch some fantasy genre films or just a nice appetizer for the early 80’s cult flick “Clash of the Titans”. I give it 2 stars.

 

The Raven (YouTube) – Todd Ernest Braley shows off his filmmaking and casting talents with this short film adaption of the Edgar Allan Poe story. The black and white short film has narration throughout telling the story as two wonderful actresses act it out. Poe fans will love this short film so be sure to hit up Todd at: https://www.facebook.com/colofilmmaker as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

The Bucks County Massacre (DVD) – This is an independent found footage flick released through Brain Damage Films. The event in question takes place in 2008 with the film/documentary being released in 2010. Basically a group of friends head to a remote cabin for a 25th birthday party. Of course someone is filming everything going on there. While the footage unfolds there are interviews with family members of the deceased from the videos. All of them of course trying to get past the hard times but also still trying to understand how this could happen?  Especially with police trying to stop the leak of the footage out there on the internet but anyway once the party is starting to die down a girl goes missing. Her boyfriend goes looking, people get angered, poor judgment because of the drinking, and presto they are all being attacked by some human-like creature. From there it is all blood and chaos. The film is not bad at all just for me takes entirely way too much time building up the party and every character in the party even before the girl goes missing so I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Tagus Ranch Massacre (DVD) – A group of friends heading out to a deserted restaurant on a bus breakdown but after some repairs finally get to their destination. Mostly tired and miserable the group of friends wants to just sleep after getting there but a friend falls down and may have had a seizure? Nope, just a demon spirit possessing his ass! Of course the group slowly disappears or becomes possessed by these demon spirits that haunt the former restaurant. The demons don’t just possess them they also want to kill in very gruesome ways. Think of “Night of the Demons” on a much smaller budget and I can respect that. Not a big fan of the ending but sure it felt right when the project was finished leaving it open as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Three-way dance baby at The Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast!

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This week we welcome ADDISON BINEK of TROMASTERPIECE THEATER and MOVIES TO WATCH ON A RAINY SUNDAY on YOUTUBE on the show to talk about seemingly everyone’s new horror jam IT. Tim talks about a coming of age werewolf flick GINGER SNAPS.  And KYLE talks Satan, apartments, and the gates of hell in THE SENTINEL.

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This week we have GARY HILL tagging along and talking about KINGSMEN 2:  THE GOLDEN CIRCLE.  Tim talks about a classic slasher starring one of our dudes Peter Spellos in Sorority house massacre 2.  And Kyle talks about one of the most discussed flicks in history in BLADE RUNNER.  We also talk our weekly rundown of what we watched, How Tim got fired from a podcast, and we answer all your crazy questions.  So download this show to give us more life, FUCKER!!!

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This week Tim returns from our favorite place on planet Earth CINEMA WASTELAND with tales of insanity, drinking, and French Canadian Spookies.  We also talk about a 5 star American classic FIRST BLOOD.  And Tim visits one of those 8 films to die for in NIGHTMARE MAN.  We also have all the other fine ramblings that have brought us ZERO RONDO AWARDS!!!!!

 

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We posted four shows this week so you should be tired of us for awhile!

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This week we review the biggest movie of the summer in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Vol. 2.  And Kyle talks about the finest example of truckersploitation in CONVOY.  Then Tim talks about a film with one of his favorite guys of all time in it Mr. Donald Gibb in JOCKS.  Also, we answer your questions that come through Facebook live. And a ton of other nonsensical bullshit.  So please check it out.  Do it for Rubber Duck!

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This week we welcome our good buddy JON CROSS back to the show to talk about Eric Roberts (and his mullet) in the awesome, and no so talked about, Larry Cohen joint THE AMBULANCE.  Then Kyle picks an action flick that has the best cast of B list dudes in NO ESCAPE (an action flick that Jon has never seen to our surprise) and finally we discuss a flick that was a staple on USA up all night in CHOPPER CHICKS IN ZOMBIE TOWN.  Also, We answer all your questions, talk about Horror Realm memories, and have a general, all around good ass time.  

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This week we discuss two new flicks.  One of which is one of the worst pieces of trash we’ve picked for the show.  The first being a movie that promises you a Sasquatch but doesn’t deliver a sasquatch in SCREAMS OF A WINTERS NIGHT.  And the second we venture out to the theater to check out ALINE: COVENANT.  Also Baseball chats (because that’s exciting) Kyle tells the story of the time he shit his pants, what we’ve been watching, news, and SKEXIES….

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This week we talk about one of Kyle’s favorite actors Crispin Glover in one of the best remakes this side of The Thing in WILLARD.  Then Tim picks an early entry in the slasher genre that neither of us has ever seen in THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD.  We answer questions, join Facebook live, and whatnot… so; listen or rats will eat your flesh

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