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Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2025 list”

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So as usual the list isn’t your normal “best of” list for those of you that are only an average movie watcher… My movie watching habits can be all over the place at times but this year’s list of films is interesting as it includes: a couple of old friends in independent cinema prove there is still great stories to be told outside of the mainstream, some familiar names, killer sharks (and shark movies you most likely never heard of), bonkers sci-fi stuff, something different from Lovecraft, Addison Binek making me laugh my ass off like no one else, a remake that finally really surprised me, and a first time independent filmmaker doing something out of the norm and guess what folks it was awesome!

1)Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.

2) Don’t Mess with Grandma (Tubi) – This Tubi original is one of my first favs of 2025 as it stars Michael Jai White as Jasper and Billy Zane. The plot of the film besides Jasper throwing white people out a window the whole movie is Jasper taking care of his Grandma who lives in the middle of nowhere. Jasper everyday drives two hours to go take care of anything she needs while getting drunk doing it while running from Grandma’s dog who doesn’t like him. Well tonight things go a little sideways as three people show up in pig masks to burglarize Grandma’s house. Not going to happen in this laugh a minute film as Jasper defends the home quickly but soon sees there is friends or family in this case who have planned this job for a while as they won’t go away quietly. Basic but entertaining premise this 4 out of 4 stars film is “home invasion gone wrong” that includes Jasper singing a DIO song while a man dies in his arms, a person getting paper towels duct taped to their ass because they are missing part of an ass cheek, and how Jasper just wants Grandma to consider moving into the city. Again folks 4 stars all the way as it will be hard for any of yinz to not find this extremely entertaining and laugh the whole 80 minutes as I did.

3) Graveyard Shark (Blu-ray) – A legend about a half-shark/half-human thing stalking a graveyard has caught the eye of a Cryptids Hunter named Abby. Abby since she was a child has wanted to prove things like Sasquatch are real because her father was killed by a monster. Abby the so-called cryptozoologist is hired by a Dr. Lovnik who runs a Graveyard Shark survivors AA group. The good doctor would like Abby to chase down this legend and kill it for these survivors to have closure. Abby being super excited by this opportunity wastes no time investigating the Graveyard Shark legend and it is all because of a horny fisherman and his one night of passionate love making with a mermaid that made this creature possible. After witnessing the carnage Abby wants to end this “Street Sharks” look-a-like monster before it continues its bloody rampage but as usual there is more to this story such as: sasquatch sex, shark sex (doggie style and a young lady that believes her and the shark are a thing), and shark vs. werewolf for the final fight. WTF?! I am all in with this fun entertaining gory mess as I think I found another 2025 favorite that all of yinz need to witness as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Also kudos on that bad ass shark costume!!!

4) Jaws of the Shark (Blu-ray) – Oh, for the love of Rutger Hauer where has this 2012 no budget Swedish project been hiding from me? From second one this film was made with a smirk on their faces as scientists experiment with a shark and less than eight minutes into the film we have a dude in a bad shark costume running around with a chainsaw killing people! This 65 minute beauty had me laughing from beginning to end as the filmmaker didn’t just lean into the movie being bad, they know it and absolute had fun with it which makes this project brilliant. If the chainsaw doesn’t get you laughing? It doesn’t take long to watch the shark put a human on a spit roast, do horrible car stunts, or have a detective make terrible but hilarious jokes at a police lineup. With this creature on the loose it comes down to a survivor wearing a wig for no apparent reason (as most of the characters are) and a shark mercenary (he wears a gas mask the entire film) to track and kill this creature before it continues its slaughter! Oh my friends there is indeed a good chance this fine project ends up on my “Best of 2025 list” as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars.

5) Mickey 17 (Theater) – So venturing out of my comfort zone I took a chance on a film I wasn’t impressed by the trailers or who was starring in it. But I gave it a chance and I believe I found a film that many don’t understand (but are intrigued) or chooses too not understand, right now but I am telling you give this feature five years and there are going to be fans calling it a “cult film”. Or as I also like to point out this film hit too close to what is going on in society now? Anyway, a film based on a book about advanced tech as the film is set in 2054 where a human could be listed as an “expendable”. Mickey signs up for space travel where human experiments can be performed legally. The basic premise is scientists test various things on Mickey to see how it affects humans. When he dies the scientists reprint a new version of him out with his past memories. Now Mickey #17 is lying at the bottom of an ice pit waiting to be eaten by some horrible creature on a planet humans know little about. This is where the story actually begins forty minutes into the feature as Mickey 17 doesn’t die and walks back to the ship only to encounter Mickey 18. By intergalactic law there cannot be ‘multiples’! This of course knocks everything out of balance while Mickey 17 is tired of dying and finally for the first time in his life just wants to live. This is a great complex and completely outrageous script, wonderful cast that I just absolutely enjoyed with great delight! Yes, it will be on my list of ‘best movies of 2025’ but only time will tell if I am correct if this is the next “Buckaroo Banazi” cult like film of its time? Point is don’t sleep on this one movie watchers as I give this 4 stars as I try not to give up too much about the film as I want you to really experience this one! 

6) Killer Kabbage (DVD) – In a not so serious futuristic film with a hilarious concept has scientists in present day 2024 trying to solve the world’s food crisis with experiments on veggies, mostly cabbages! But 200 years in the future the world is a wasteland where a duo of Cage and Gibson look to survive by hunting killer veggies until they are approached by a government droid. The droid instructs the duo to head to a secret location as they are recruited as mankind’s last hope because of radioactivity reasons! The mission is to time travel to 2024, find the original experimental cabbage, and bring back a sample that started this apocalyptic war between killer cabbages and humans. Once the duo time travels and adjusts to present day of 2024 the fight is on as there is limited time before the war begins as they quickly find out the experiments are already out of control! This feels like a lost project from the early 90s from J.R. Bookwalter or the Polonia Brothers with a ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ vibe to it and I absolutely freakin loved it! Don’t be surprised if this pops up on my “Best of 2025 list” as this Indy feature had me laughing out loud several times as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as you had me at Killer Kabbage.

7) H.P. Lovecraft’s Celephais (Vimeo) – A short story of Lovecraft’s adapted to film by Michael Neel who edited and directed this 34 minute short film project. This might be a story that horror fans are not too familiar with as the usuals are: The Unnamable, Re-Animator, From Beyond, or even Dagon of which we have seen adapted to name a few. This version deals with an old man fascinated with a dream place/land called “Celephais” that he has been chasing down since he was seven years old. He travels his dreamland when he sleeps constantly as he believes this is home but along his travels he encounters many that are interested in him. This short story/short film is fascinating to me as it can be taken as many things? For me for instance this old man is dying or already right at the edge and his brain is taking him to where he always thought he belonged… before he crosses over in so many words if you believe in such things as the ‘beyond’ to just put it out there broadly. That is how I see it as I may experience something like that a few years back but the point is filmmaker Michael Neel and crew just nailed this project as it was well thought out, well shot, perfect use of locations, and just enough weirdness that I think Lovecraft fans will enjoy it. This short film is one of the best things I have watched in 2025 as it’s absolutely charming at the same time hypnotically amazing! For that my friends I have to give this short film 4 out of 4 stars.

8) Addy and Andy (Blu-ray) – A no budget 12 episode show from Addison Binek and Andrew Hansom about two young men living together and what antics they get themselves into. Think of an unfiltered but professionally shot sitcom or long skit of two dudes in their early twenties trying to figure out life but mostly like to entertain themselves when together. Some of my laugh out loud episodes involve the movie CHUD, the duo trying not to let the other see they are drinking, The Del Taco episode, and the vampire of course. All the episodes are hilarious but had to point those out as I believe this creation comes off natural and wouldn’t be surprised two young dudes with no camera and living together would be doing these things? I know I would have and for that I am delighted to give this must see project 4 out of 4 stars. What is even better is the episodes are an average of less than ten minutes making it an easy watch but more importantly easy for rewatches on a regular basis.

9) Silent Night, Deadly Night (Remake/Theater) – So this was the second time around for the 1984 classic to remade that caught myself and a lot of horror fans by surprise of being made. Of course being a huge fan of the original I had to see what the hell they were going to do this time around… and folks I really liked this one! Without trying to give things away because I feel this remake needs to be seen to be believed as the filmmaker and writers flipped this story on its head. What do I mean by this? They figured out how to pay homage to the original but at the same time understanding retelling of the original story just wouldn’t work these days. Best way to describe this film: Killer Santa somehow transforms into an anti-hero who at one point kills Nazis! Yes, folks all the elements of the original with Billy becoming a Killer Santa are there but they do it in such a glorious way for 2025 that we even get the famous line: “It’s Garbage Day”. This is one of those remakes that I am curious to see if it makes an impact enough for horror fans to enjoy two or three holiday seasons from now as that 2012 remake was solid but missed the point of the 1984 original. You gave me lots of blood, an odd take on Killer Santa that surprised me it worked, and finally a small town in a horror film where everyone is a POS, for that I cannot believe I am saying this I give this project 4 stars and wouldn’t be surprised it sneaks into my “top ten” for 2025. Horror fans seriously don’t miss out on seeing this film in the theaters it was a lot of fun!

10) I:Scream – A Minty Musical (Blu-ray) – This independent feature might be the surprise of 2025 that movie fans have been looking for. In Aleen Isley’s directorial debut, Charlie a young scientist must fight off their own creation. Trying to woo the love of the young scientist’s life with chocolate chip mint ice cream it is unforeseen that a janitor later would accidentally cause a spill of Charlie’s animation formula into the ice cream that was left causing a major issue? The experimental formula brings the delicious green ice cream to life to immediately eat the janitor’s arm then cause chaos nearby as it grows to eat people in its path! Charlie with friends entrust a former ice cream man, “Old Man Reggie” to steer them to a solution in defeating this mutant ice cream problem. Along the way Miss Isley’s characters break out into song about the killer ice cream making this a lighthearted horror must see. Aleen Isley used all of her behind the scenes experience of several other projects to prove it is worth taking a chance to make something memorable and entertaining for your debut. She deserves to be congratulated in what she has accomplished even with a scene stealing David Dietz as “Old Man Reggie” as I give this feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Gross Movie Reviews notables of 2025 (no order here) that should encourage you to check out and support…

The Emasculator (Blu-ray) – This newer SOV flick centers around a young woman named Cindy and her father who haven’t had the best relationship since the passing of Cindy’s mother. After another argument Cindy heads out on a date with a guy who has a whole other definition of a date as Cindy sadly learns the hard way. Cindy is raped and filmed to her father’s dismay in a hotel room and instead of listening to Cindy’s wishes of letting it go he takes upon himself for revenge with a tool used for castrating cattle. He doesn’t just want revenge but to mutilate these sick men. This SOV flick is a fun ride through sleaze, revenge, a love for a daughter, which the film has a sick twist that may leave you disliking all characters involved as it gave off Nailgun Massacre vibes to me. Just for that folks I got give this picture 3 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Cagey (DVD) – If you are looking for no budget, off the wall, has that lost 90s SOV feel then David Bachmeier (wrote, direct, and edits) has a new treat for yinz. Emily is a young woman who just got fired from her pizza delivery job and needs to make the rent soon. Desperation makes Emily take a leap of taking a housesitting gig for the weekend. Mark who hires Emily doesn’t let her in on the secret he has hidden there because he is trying to protect family. Along the way of this feature there are some possible (fake future?) movie trailers that oddly help the story to pace out well. Without saying too much about the plot some Indy fans will see this project as tasteless or even disturbing but most I believe will respect what they have witnessed. For me, this feature doesn’t feel forced, comes along organically, allowed me to relish the plot and also never trust a person in a pigeon mask as I got to give this movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Wolf Moon Rising (Vimeo) – Todd Sheets is one of the most respected filmmakers in the Indy genre and I just enjoy when he decides to make a movie that most wouldn’t even dream to attempt. I really do feel like someone said “werewolves in space” to Mr. Sheets and without hesitation decided the film needed to be made?! The film jumps right into action as it opens up with a military transport ship in trouble as werewolves have overrun the transport ship in a glorious bloodbath of an opening. With the ship in trouble and crew pretty much dead a survivor kicks the last werewolf into a cryo tube as she jumps in hers in hopes of survival. Another ship called Amberstar receives the distress call but must make it quick as the damage has left the transport ship in critical condition. The Amberstar crew works hard to bring aboard the cryo tubes with odd readings but wants to do the right thing of saving the two beings? The tubes open and within minutes the beast is loose again within the Amberstar crew dealing with the aftermath as their biggest worry of the “space crud” being released has come true. Now Mr. Sheets has said this film is the vein of Roger Corman, I go one step further as to me this film has the vibe of ‘The Terror Within’ from 1989 which was released by Concorde Pictures. Is the film perfect… no, but you got to outright respect a filmmaker that goes completely against the grain and makes a “werewolf in space” film but also makes it god damn entertaining so folks I gotta give this crazy ass idea of a movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Thank you Mr. Sheets for being an inspiration in the independent horror genre.

Special Needs Revolt! (Tubi) – This independent film is hilarious, made to make you feel awkward and very on par with today’s politics right now in 2025! Billy Bates is a guy with Down syndrome who is forced to live in a group home because his grandma “Is a bitch!” Billy’s words not mine. During a New Year’s Eve party Billy finally gets in the spirit of the event after seeing a candidate for President: Donald J. Kruger is going to run on the platform of getting rid of all the cripples. Billy slips on puke, hits his head, and wakes up three years later to find this moron Kruger is the president and has special needs people arrested on site. As Billy fights with authorities in public he escapes their custody in the town of Donville where he finds friends in hiding. These are people just like Billy hiding out from the new government and military as Billy decides it is time for a rebellion! Billy Bates leads a force of special needs people and wrestlers to capture President Kruger and expose him for the asshole he is. I absolutely enjoyed this film as I too have two special needs people in my life and there is a lot of possible awkward moments in the film for audiences who do not have anybody like Billy in their lives. I wish the 110 minute running was edited down as I believe the project would benefit greatly from it but don’t let that stop you from enjoying an excellently made film with a great cast that will make you squirm a little while watching it as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon (DVD) – Oh this was a fun independent feature as to me it comes off as ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ remade as a comedy, on a low budget, with a great creature costume! This 2007 film features a story about a local professor and her students out on a field trip of sorts to test the local waterway for toxins. The reason for this is there have been reports of toxic dumping from a giant corporation years ago along with some recent toxic dumping by others. They want to know how polluted is it? There have been rumors of mutations but never proven. The field trip is going well until one of them is bitten by something mysterious underwater. As he slowly changes hillbillies roaming the shoreline are being slaughtered by a disgusting creature and if by some chance they survive the attack they become deformed and change. From beginning to end this project is hilarious with a great cast that plays up the hillbilly parts just right but the star has to be the impressive creature they cobbled together as I give this entertaining creature feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Violent Streets (DVD-R) – Another not released yet feature from Indy filmmaker Brad Sykes has unearthed another exciting project he made around 1994! This ambitious project isn’t so much a horror movie as its gang picture on no budget in the vein of 70s and 80s high school gang films. There are two small gangs who were friends at one point but now see things differently as they constantly battle for the upper hand on the other. It becomes personal when one of the battles between Orin and Kane is over a young woman Sara to see who gets to have her for their prize. But Sara isn’t having any of it even though her pals think she is just getting herself in more trouble of not going along with it. Now Orin and Sara must be on the run as this gang war is about to turn deadly. For no budget this was a very ambitious project but Sykes makes up with its gritty SOV style that gives the content a certain charm as the heart of the actors just going for it take after take makes for a very watchable piece of cinema that I give 3 out of 4 stars.

Worst film of 2025 and that is saying a lot for how many Amityville movies I have watched…

Booger (DVD) – The film is from 2023 but just hit all the streaming sites and is a complete turd! Anna loses her best friend Izzy who helped take care of this stray cat. Shortly after Izzy’s death the cat supposedly bites Anna, disappears, and Anna slowly goes through changes including her depression for her dead friend. Anna completely ignores her boyfriend, job, and life in general looking for this cat named ‘Booger’. The film is listed as a horror/comedy and I neither laughed nor seen anything horrifying other than wasting my fuckin 78 minutes watching it. A stupid young twenty something wants to act like a cat and at the end all is fine? This passes for some kind of a movie? I have seen movies that don’t even try but this so-called movie is insulting Indy filmmaking in general as this of course gets nothing except for already winning the award for being the worst film I have watched already in 2025. Sorry it’s not Meta, it’s not ironic, and it’s just fucking dumb!        

Gross Movie Reviews #687

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Other Men’s Careers (DVD) – Another documentary from huge ‘Evil Dead’ fan Ryan Meade who did an absolutely perfect job with ‘Invaluable’ highlighting Tom Sullivan. As with this project he highlights Josh Becker one of the people that was also on set with Sam, Bruce, and Robert from the beginning. Josh Becker has had a very interesting career to say it best as Josh even admits “he is his own worst enemy”, good or bad. All the usual from ‘Evil Dead’ are interviewed speaking about Becker’s humble beginnings to moving to L.A. back to Michigan because he had scurvy! They cover how he hung out with Sam, Ted, Bruce, etc., discuss his writing on Xena, and his own small budget projects. But this isn’t your usual documentary that makes everything all happy, happy, joy, joy, as even Josh talks about his dark times. Josh has definitely done things his own way and other than the color being a little off at times Ryan Meade did a wonderful job of capturing Josh’s career and bringing it to light that some fans may have not known about. I have always enjoyed interacting with Mr. Becker over the years at a couple conventions and glad to see him featured in a project like this as I got give it 4 stars all the way.  

Primitive War (On Demand) – For whatever reasons this wasn’t in theaters, let alone there wasn’t much ad time dedicated to this being released? For the love of Rutger Hauer: dinosaurs, Vietnam War, Jeremy Piven… how do you miss on this? Set in Vietnam 1968 where a Green Beret unit mysteriously disappears in a valley that isn’t occupied by the war taking place. A special recon team is tasked with going into the valley to find out what happened and get out. Do not engage, just report, and get a helio out.  The team is all about it as they get off at doing their job but quickly know there is a lot more not being told when they arrive in the valley to find dinosaurs and a Russian experiment gone wrong that could end the world. Recon unit’s new mission becomes not only survival but stop a lunatic from continuing the experiment to see if he can end the world? Oh people this is a big old cheeseball movie with not the best of effects and a long running time but I still enjoyed finding this kind of random project being made as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Cocaine Stepdad (DVD) – The filmmaker alone should win an award for one of the best movie titles ever! Kyle is a young man (not really 12 years old but you will understand) whose mother is about to marry a super sketchy pastor. Terry, Kyle’s last stepdad is in prison and just got Kyle to come on some random lockup reality TV show. Of course Terry is just using Kyle for a prison break and it works! Now on the run Terry and Kyle begin to bond as the two do some outrageous things and eventually break down a plan to stop the marriage between Kyle’s mom and the weird gun totting generic bucket of mayo making pastor. Filmed like a reality TV show or think ‘Natural Born Killers’ with less blood but you laughing out loud a lot more at what the two do along the way in order to stop the marriage. This independent film is absolutely hilarious, sketchy as hell, and has a supreme ending that you need to witness to understand it all as I give this truly different project 3 out of 4 stars.

Amityville Apt. (Amazon) – So entry #75 into this legendary series of films as a solid cast throughout a series of stories/anthology that features evil, the devil, monsters, killer clowns, and ghosts that haunt residents of an apartment complex. The premise is the original Amityville home has burned down a few years back and someone came in to build an apartment complex. To my surprise all segments are shot well, well casted, interesting, and they all do not linger as they blend together wonderfully telling the story of this evil complex. Legit straight up a great entry into the series that I hope doesn’t get overlooked by burned out independent film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Kim’s Video (Tubi) – An odd but super interesting documentary about a famous video store in New York City before they cleaned the city up and everything went streaming but that is only the beginning as this isn’t your ordinary documentary. The documentarian, David, who is a movie fan like a lot of us lived in New York City in the mid-90s and was a member of this legendary video store. This store had bands play inside, bootlegs of movies from all over the world, and videos of movies that were never available. The store was one of a couple that the owner Kim also owned a few dry cleaners in New York where his love of movies and his video stores became even more profitable than people could even imagines. Hell his stores would be raided by the FBI in 2003 and a week later Kim would have the shelves full again. In the early 2000s Kim seen what was coming down the pike and instead of selling off his collection that was estimated at 50000 movies he wanted to donate it to something or someone that would take care of it? This is where the story gets weird… In 2009 the collection is donated to a small city in Italy. There was a dedication, people forgot, something about mafia ties, and then this documentarian arrives in Italy to break into this storage building to find moldy tapes! The man David then comes up with a plan to steal the collection back and bring it back to the U.S. This story is wild but I love it because it is something I believe in along with the passion as I give this must see documentary about physical media 4 stars.

The Valley of Gwangi (DVD) – A late 60s B-movie that has a showman Tuck Kirby who has gotten out of the old west/carnival show stuff to sell acts to other shows trying to survive. It just so happen Tuck’s hottie ex-girl has an act no one has ever seen: a little horse that has been extinct for 50 million years but live and doing tricks while on top of a full size horse. Gypsys of course the keepers of this unknown valley where the animal was taken from have retrieved the animal. Tuck, a professor, members of a Wild West show track the gypsys down only to find themselves fighting dinosaurs. They capture one so of course it will be a great idea to take it on the road as an act? Great B-movie stuff with dinosaurs fighting each other throughout along with eating people as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Like Tears in Rain (Amazon) – A documentary about one of my favorite actors of all time… Rutger Hauer. This project gets really in-depth of Rutger before he hit Hollywood as his wife found some old films Rutger did in the early 70s and so on. The film recounts how Rutger broke into Hollywood but he wanted it to do it his way while being himself as one celebrity puts it “Rutger just didn’t fit in as that made him stand out” at a time where that was difficult. All the things Rutger did in his early life with his wife and best friend was just amazing as he basically enjoyed hanging out with friends’ kids, to being beyond respected by actors and directors as this might make you cry at what he accomplished in life. I have always admired Rutger Hauer and if you watch this and not feel a tear come on or have a new respect for this man you do not have a soul! I loved this documentary about a man that was such a mystery too many but absolutely able to put his stamp on cinema big and small from ‘Blade Runner’ to ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’. I give this project 4 stars and so happy this dude existed!

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Gross Movie Reviews #685

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Brute 1976 (On Demand) – On August 19, 1976 a group of people headed out to the middle of nowhere desert for a photo shoot that was near the ghost town of “Savage” where stories of people going missing there intrigues the group. Of course unbeknownst to the group a weird ass family lives there to feed on strangers when they pass through. One by one the family picks them off like kids playing with their toys on Christmas morning. The film stars Sarah French who was great as usual as the film has this ‘House of a 1000 Corpses’ vibe but never fulfills its potential of entertaining thrills as from the beginning it feels like its missing that certain ingredient to make it awesome. For that I can only give this flick 2 stars.

Movie Theater Massacre (Tubi) – The Redford Movie Theatre is closing this week as staff is sad to see it go as their jobs will also. Lots of commentary by the characters why theaters are going away these days: COVID, Streaming, Netflix, no 70s erotica, you are getting the picture. But a mystery person has taken it upon themselves to kill off the employees and eventually steal stuff. What seems like a fun premise takes a complete left turn into absurdity as ghosts from the theater’s past kills the killer and somehow the once being sold theater is saved… WTF? The film starts off as a self-aware we are smarter than you watching this movie kind of thing then turns into a complete farce of “we have no clue what we actually want this movie to be”. For that you get 0.0 stars. I feel like there was an idea in there somewhere but yinz quickly got away from it.

Weapons (Amazon) – A film to me at least that was advertised as a modern day ‘Village of the Damned’ actually is not as in a small community a whole classroom of kids except one disappears in the middle of the night. The teacher of this classroom is haunted by the event as she cannot leave things alone by must knowing what really happened. One concerned parent begins to figure things out but this is where we get several stories or points of view from several characters that eventually intersect explaining the evil that is in the town. The movie is a solid scare but not the horror film for me if that makes sense as the cop character and his story arc easily could have been cut out chopping this movie down to a more reasonable viewing experience. Again the movie has an interesting way of unfolding but I believe this horror film is meant for more the mainstream crowd as I give it 2 stars.

The Amityviller Killer (Fawesome) – First, yes you read that spelling right. Second, welcome to entry #70 kids that happens to be a short film consisting of a woman slaughtering Amityville residents. But just when you knew what the hell was going on an alien has landed in Amityville to snatch up subjects for its leader that happens to be a guinea pig. What does this all mean? Could not for the loves of Rutger Hauer tell you but it was better than ‘Amityville Mt. Misery Road’. For just the utter weirdness I give this 24 minute project 2 out of 4 stars.

The Amityville Lost Tape (Fawesome) – Oh my kids we got entry #71 here as its present day Halloween where an individual finds a VHS tape in a bowl of candy he stole. The tape consist footage of three individuals who are so-called paranormal investigators who plan to visit the Amityville home. To their credit they do a deep dive into everything supernatural or paranormal: EVPs, horoscopes, tarot card readings, discussions, etc. Everything builds to the three visiting the Amityville house in attempt to catch or report something ghastly. But in the end all we get is the characters walking near it and driving near it then some static. There is wonderful buildup by the filmmaker but a disappointing way to end a found footage film as I give this entry 1 ½ stars.

Evil Night (Blu-ray) – Looking for an oddity well you got it here as Chris Seaver and crew in 2014 remade Todd Jason Cook’s underground Indy film from 1992 with a more comedic twist. The plot revolves around your classic movie nerd Jimmy Fisher who is obsessed with the cute redhead Jennifer he is tutoring. But Jennifer with the help of friends convinces her to prank Jimmy in his basement/lab as they plan to post the footage on social media. This sends Jimmy over the edge to wear a clown mask and slaughter those who wronged him. Right or wrong people this was a crude but fun remake to check out but more than likely yinz will think it’s more of a Seaver film than a remake. No matter I give this entertaining remake with a ‘Slaughter High’ vibe 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

He’s Coming to Get You! (DVD) – This well casted independent horror film is about George waking up to celebrate his 33rd birthday. Aside from his girlfriend Asia forced to work a bit that day they have plans to hang, celebrate, and do the TONGUE trick. The two go visit an occult book store where the store owner spooks them a bit. They are satisfied with the experience only to be accosted immediately by two individuals in an alley where George is shot and killed as his girlfriend is kidnapped for nefarious actions. The occult store owner sees the event happen and brings George back explaining he has six hours to use his new afterlife to save his girlfriend. This feature has a little bit of everything: great cast, great onscreen chemistry between the George and Asia characters, a hilarious foot fetish scene, the occult, something for all independent film fans as I give this quite a piece of entertainment 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #684

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Baron Morbid’s Basement of Mediocrity (DVD) – A horror host and his assistant had been doing this show for a while as they decide to show their own feature… ‘Spawn of Sasquatch’. They put together two of Douglas Waltz’s features for a fun picture shown in edited form. Something that used to be done years ago at the drive-in, etc., but they get into that during introduction. They smash the titles ‘Gingersquatch’ (which is quality viewing by the way) and (I believe) ‘Infinite Clown War’ or thirty minutes or so of each project together to make one film for a hilarious combo for their show. Think public access show feel and its tongue-in-cheek process is throwback random stuff I would find in the early 90s on late night cable as I gotta give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars for the effort but also because I am a huge fan of ‘Gingersquatch’!

Scream Test (Blu-ray) – Another horror project done in 2020 that starred Felissa Rose as Angie a popular actress who happens to damage her vocal chords on the set of an independent horror film. She is advised in getting as much rest as possible so her and her manager head to an island to heal up from her aliment. Small but a great resort island for the select few soon find themselves lining up to be killed one by one but the murders are playing out like scenes from Angie’s past features. The premise is pretty cool but this has that awkward feel from beginning to end that it was shot during COVID where everyone was uncertain what would, could be done, or should be, etc. Maybe done two years before this time we might be talking of this being some kind of direct-to-video gem but its awkwardness is what holds this project back. I only give it 2 stars but glad it’s finally available for horror fans to seek out.

Metalheads: The Good, The Bad, The Evil (DVD) – A Bill Zebub flick from 2008 where he writes, directs, and edits of course where his character Bill is kind of dumped by his girlfriend Elaine because he is always jobless! Elaine and Bill see things differently of course in their relationship especially after doing acid which sounded like a great idea to Elaine which takes up a large chunk of the film. It comes down to Elaine wanting more, believing she deserves more or at least someone better than Bill who is worried about himself more than anything else. For me this project had great music but a lot less plot than usual and that is saying something as I feel this film really doesn’t go anywhere other than promoting the cool music that is part of the soundtrack as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

Rebirth (DVD) – This is a surprising 32 minute short film from a kid that plays every role in the film along with filming it all, very impressive! A young boy murders a friend then commits suicide after the event only to be found quickly by a neighbor. Five years pass before a person performs a ritual for the purpose to bring the young killer back to life. The killer awakes to slaughter all who are about to party in his old home. By no means is this project beyond wonderful but the kid who made it , Ben Gaudet was awesome putting this all together and makes it work. Hell I believe many people twice if not three times older could learn from this rough but fantastic independent project I gotta give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.    

Ganjasaurus Rex (DVD-R) – WTF Rutger Hauer is this project? In 1987 someone made only one feature ever in their life and it was this… A group of friends have a magically weed seed to grow amazing weed in the California mountains. Problem is the authorities are cracking down on weed growers (much weed raids from news coverage) Because of all the weed raids it seems a legendary dinosaur is chasing down this magical tree while haunting the North Coast of California sort of. The movie is completely absurd and batshit as how this didn’t become a cult classic as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Atomic Gorilla A Go-Go! (DVD) – A 60 minute feature from Douglas Waltz that made me laugh out loud quite a few times but also works as a cult thing from the past that is hard to explain to younger movie viewers. But a random gorilla is abducted by aliens as it doesn’t take long for it to escape their clutches as in return gains special powers that includes the gorilla getting laid even after being radioactive! When the gorilla isn’t being hunted by a bounty hunter the gorilla has some weird visions of an old dude whispering things to him. It was one of those train wrecks that viewers will find themselves unable to turn away while watching as for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Amityville Void (YouTube) – Yes folks we have made it to entry #69 in the series where this entry shouldn’t be taken lightly as if it wasn’t called “Amityville” I feel horror fans would have been sharing this film on YouTube more? But anyway three young brothers in this no budget found footage feature do a paranormal show decide to enter the Amityville house (no it’s not the real house and shame on some of yinz acting surprised in the comments of their YouTube channel and giving them crap). This no budget feature has the three brothers investigating and quickly finding strange things happening. Intrigued by their findings they want to keep going until they have made contact with the presence in the house, problem is the results are tragic for the three. Again if this wasn’t an Amityville title I could see the younger crowd trying to make this project go viral. If anything, we all should enjoy what was accomplished here and keep an eye out for more features from the group as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ed Kemper (Tubi) – Movie is based on a true story of a serial killer named Ed Kemper from the early 70s that I never heard of but became quite intrigued after watching said movie. After killing his grandparents in the 60s he was released as an adult five years after saying he would be “completely fine adjusting to the world again”. Kemper at an early age claimed to be abused by his mother and constantly blames her for his murdering ways. Even after his release he went back to live with his mother who only escalated Ed’s sinister need to kill women. Kemper kept upping the ante with each murder as he took pictures of his work to look over later. The effects were kick ass, this serial killer was scary as shit knowing he existed, and they casted a really good look-a-like for this as I give the film 3 stars.

Savage Christmas (DVD) – An independent film from about a dozen years ago or so where a group of college aged people head out to the middle of nowhere for the Christmas holiday to a Bed and Breakfast joint of sorts. After making a quick stop at a crime scene as we all do one of them picks up an amulet that got a film crew slaughtered by a demonic presence! The creature uses this amulet to possess and kill inside the vacation spot during the holiday causing a large bloodbath all in the search for a virgin. The evil seems to be winning until dirty Santa Claus dude shows up to help what is left of the group to survive the X-mas nightmare. It looks fun, it feels fun, but seems to lose its way closer it got to the ending as I give this small project 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #674

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Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Shark Girl (Tubi) – A young influencer, Heidi, is pushed to go into the water at Venice Beach for her followers and to add spice for all her socials. But little do her and the douchebag she is with know that a nuclear meltdown nearby has cause the sharks to get weird. Heidi is bitten and disappears while douchebag believes Heidi just left him. That evening Heidi washes up on shore as she has a bit of a new hunger (human flesh). As Heidi continues to change as her hunger grows the word is out on the odd shark attacks along Venice Beach. After enough bodies pile up, Heidi’s friends try to stop the “shark girl” from devouring all of them. The movie has its moments but intentionally or unintentionally this movie makes you hate influencers that much more as I could only give this film 1 star.

Predator: Killer of Killers (On Demand) – So this animated feature shows us the Predator world is pretty bad ass as it takes you through a trio of stories throughout time where Predators pick up the warrior after their so-called battle. We have seen this before in the franchise but I believe this was to branch out the Predator world that much more after the success of ‘Prey’ which was a lot of fun. Will we ever get the one with Arnold that we all wanted most likely not? But I still enjoy stuff like this where the warriors have to face off with something even more imposing as I cannot wait to see where they go next as I give this story 3 ½ stars.

Fear Below (Tubi) – An Australian shark film with mobsters and set in the 40s! Many crates of gold are being transported late one night until an accident finds the truck at the bottom of a waterway that just happens to have a hungry bull shark swimming nearby. The mobster looking dudes go get help from a down on their luck diving crew because they want the job of collecting the crates with no questions asked.  Finding the truck isn’t the problem, the bull shark that is on the prowl as the crew must deal with the man-eater or be shot for not retrieving the gold is. I quite enjoyed the storytelling and how fun this feature was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Leprechaun: The Beginning (Tubi) – I can’t resist dumb shit as I watched this tale of British bootleg Leprechaun look for his gold. Years ago a man named Nigel apparently caught the Leprechaun and tortured his ass for the pot of gold that he used to build his enormous home. Now after Nigel’s death two sisters come to the house deciding what to do with it unknowing the secret of the Leprechaun? Throw in some uninspiring family drama and a four-leaf clover and the killing is on! To put it simply if this was some kind of weird thing to cash in on the original Leprechaun series… you failed terribly and way too late as I can only give this 1 star.

The Wrong Side of Town (DVD-R) – Wow Indy filmmaker Phil Herman’s first feature was a SOV action film from 1990 that has very little info on it and very little copies of the film out there. The young Phil stars, writes, and directs this 64 minute feature where he stars as Chad, a rich kid looking for a good time. After hanging out in town at a club Chad gets an invite by a lady for a party she is having the next night. Little Chad knows he is being set up from the get go to a couple young ladies needing a tire to be changed to his friend’s car being stolen from him. Chad doesn’t know it yet but he is a victim of a gang that just wants to torture the rich kid to death for fun. After escaping the gang several times Chad is pushed to kill in order to survive the ordeal. By no means had Mr. Herman had the money to pull this wild project off but the passion is what got this project over the finish line. Yeah, you may have seen better but believe me you’ll have a whole new respect for Phil Herman and what he attempted to do so young in his filmmaking days as I give the project 2 out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Volume Two (Blu-ray) – I may never be able to pronounce Addison Binek’s correctly because of my yinzer accent but you cannot deny he is the best at riffing films. This collection from Addison’s YouTube channel tackles films such as: Incredible Melting Man, Blood Shack, Demon Queen, It Conquered the World, Night of the Cobra Woman, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, you are getting the picture of what he is going after. Addison shows off his knack for describing these flicks in a hilarious, quick, but knowledgeable manner as episodes are an average of 15 minutes long. His comedic touch to the riffing of the movies is something to behold and I knew I was in for a fun treat when my daughter was loving that I got something new from Addison as she has watched a lot the stuff of his over the years from ‘Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon’. This collection works on a couple of levels for fans as you could watch it with friends while drinking and talk about all the movies or use it to introduce a new generation of movie fans to some older films they may never knew existed? Addison is one of the most brilliant and talented young filmmakers out there as he releases more proof why he deserves 4 out of 4 stars.

Alan (DVD-R) – The Maddie Deering film I wasn’t allowed to watch but I finally have as we had plans to do it together soon. The short film revolves around a young man named Alan who isn’t exactly sure of himself but takes a chance of asking out the cute girl Janet at the Laundromat. They hit it off at dinner as they have a few laughs and a kiss and they quickly become a couple. Alan invites his brother Dave over for dinner one evening to meet Janet. Dave is surprised Alan has a girlfriend besides not being a virgin anymore! But instead Dave gets a surprise he was not hoping for with his brother Alan. The short film is exciting and disturbing at the same time but I totally understand why Maddie wanted to revisit this material and expand it to a feature length film as I give this short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Taeter City (VHS) – Welcome to this Eye-talian feature where in the future a certain city has no crime. If there is crime, the criminals are captured and processed to be fed to other humans through a fast food chain! The “Authority” is a group of highly trained individuals who take great pleasure tracking down criminals and slaughter them. But they have their work cut out for them as there has been a mutation from humans feeding on criminals and this man is fighting back against the system by slaughtering “Authority” officers. This film quickly flies into a gory chaos with a splash of ‘Bad Taste’, the gore of ‘Violent Shit’, and the humor of in-movie advertising of a ‘Robocop’! Another reason to enjoy this feature is one member of the “Authority” looks like a bootleg version of the killer in ‘Nailgun Massacre’. The movie was quite fun with its gallons of campy gore but the one flaw for me was the ending as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Backwoods Bubba (Blu-ray) – Yes I know some of the names involved with this project but it is never a good thing when you hear from one of them saying the movie was “terrible”. As several people stressed to me to never watch it you knew I had too at some point? So some locals have gone missing in this Indy thriller all because a masked man wants to dress people up as animals to release them for his hunting pleasure outside of his isolated cottage. Bubba enjoys the hunt folks but nevermind you can see half of the cast can remove the shackles at any point. Besides the film being a bit boring I really didn’t understand what was the point to Backwoods Bubba? Why was he killing? What motivated him to kill besides his weird looking dad figure at the casino? And was the point to the casino being in the movie was for being a reference point for a pair of parents looking for their daughter? Now folks it wasn’t ‘Amityville Mt. Misery Road’ BAD but the film was still terrible and only confirmed what I had heard about the project that seems to be all forgotten these days as I give it 0 out of 4 stars. If it helps this project reeks of sounded good on paper but that version never made it on screen if that makes sense?

St. Patrick’s Day Massacre (Tubi) – An event of adultery and murder take place at a historic pub in 1825 on St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, Ireland to set up this story 200 years later where four women get con into checking out this supposedly haunted pub. As the four friends spend the night they get a visit from the pub’s killer past looking for a slaughter as they must survive the night in order to escape? Or just keep up the boring monotone conversation that seems to drag on throughout the film as I still wait for the so called massacre… which should make it clear why I am only giving this film 1 star.

Nazi Zombies (Tubi) – Holy Rutger Hauer kids, how do you fuck something like this up? Now, I wasn’t expecting the next ‘Dead Snow’ but usually if you are going to do something with a title like that it’s gonna be fun… And it just wasn’t. A group of young women who are witches on the side if bored come up with the brilliant idea of trying to conjure something up in a haunted house where Nazi soldiers were buried. If the spell is done correctly a wish for each of the girls is granted. Awesome, well two people die at the hands of the undead ghost Nazis so let’s bring in the younger sister 15 minutes later to do it all over again because it didn’t work the first time, WTF? Best line of the film “Your witchy curse may have worked?” This movie was one big piece of hot garbage from across the pond that felt like there was no direction at any point. The true horror is knowing that dumb stuff like this exists as other cool projects done by passionate people get pushed to the side as this deserves the 0 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #671

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Rumpelstiltskin (UltraHD/4K) – Okay Terrorvision did you just seriously release this on 4K? Fucking wild since I haven’t watched this film since its release in 1995 as it comes from the same dude that gave us ‘Leprechaun’ of course so it was time for a revisit. So after stealing a baby hundreds of years ago Rumpelstiltskin is cursed into being a rock by a witch. Now present day, a prego wife who has lost her cop husband in a senseless crime finds herself a little later at an oddities store where she buys the rock. She takes it home, she has the baby now, wishes her husband to be alive (after they bump uglies of course in a dream) and now this little demon is chasing her or she is chasing it because it wants the baby’s soul! By the way Rumpelstiltskin smokes cigars, hard to kill, can drive a motorcycle and a long haul truck which fun fact the producers of this flick are the same dudes that gave us Scooby-Doo and Thundarr the Barbarian! This fairy tale terror is not as much fun as Leprechaun but it’s packed with a commentary, making of segment, Shot on VHS behind the scenes stuff, and even has a baking segment as I give it 2 ½ stars and make you say “fuck it” and watch it anyway.

Colossal (DVD) – This 2016 film is about a character Gloria who just happens to be an aging party girl in New York who has a boyfriend that supports her until he has had enough of her all night partying. Gloria being thrown out is forced back to her small town home where her parents died but left her their home. She stays there to decide what’s next besides trying to no longer drink but at the same time Seoul, Korea is attacked by a mysterious giant monster. As the attacks become more frequent not exactly explained to the world Gloria and friends become intrigued? Gloria figures out it have something to do with a childhood trauma at a playground that wasn’t there but is now with her friend Oscar. The film becomes about unresolved childhood trauma, friendship, and Gloria just trying to figure out life. For me the film is neither good nor bad as it had me waiting for something else to happen but never did. But for those that like this film this just “wasn’t my cup of tea” as I give it 2 stars.

Cutter’s Club (Tubi) – A newer but older Charles Band release that stars the legendary fine actor Tony Todd. This was one of the many unfinished projects of Mr. Band from several years ago that he finally got a crew together to unearth it and put it out there for fans. (Way too many stories about why, but this isn’t the first unfinished project that has found its way out there from the Charles Band magical warehouse recently. That is for a whole other conversation sometime.) Jill is a med student in the process of becoming a surgeon believes she could do more research with a disgraced great doctor that could change the world? This great doctor is Doctor Roberts and up until a year or so ago the university loved him until it was found out he was banging Jill so instead of firing him they place him in the basement of the east wing where he continues his experiments… with his odd satanic-like minions. Jill convinces her boyfriend after an experiment with a cat that the right thing to do would be to join forces with Dr. Roberts to further research. The purpose for all involved is “Art of Flesh” but they need more than animals for their big experiment and bring to life a creature with two heads. This 2005 film felt a bit thrown together then and still does now but enjoy seeing the potential in Charles Band finishing some of these “unfinished” projects as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Zombie Repellent (Tubi) – A soon to be married couple find themselves lost and without their car (believed stolen) in the middle of nowhere. They get to a small town that has no hotels, no Wi-Fi, and just a little weird as they can’t sleep as they uncover the town has a zombie problem. Now the couple must do everything they can with whoever will believe them during their misadventure to survive the zombies. There is some parts I am leaving out on purpose because it does have some funny parts but the bigger thing is the movie has an ending that isn’t ‘what you think it is’ so understand why this is more of a vague review as I give the film 2 stars.

Alien Intruder (VHS) – Thank you to my good friend Jon Cross for pointing out PM Entertainment to me this wild movie filler 1993 space gem stars Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Jeff Conaway, and Tracy Scoggins! It is 2022 A.D. as Nick Mancuso and a few other prisoners are pulled out of New Alcatraz to use their special skills for a rescue mission or salvage mission. Little they know Tracy Scoggins plays a renegade VR program that has infected the ship they are going after and just enjoys making mankind lust for her and then kill each other. With most of the film being filler of Tracy Scoggins being the Ariel program or just being gorgeous the crew tries to disable the program so they can escape this hell. Fun cast in a low budget film that is so low budget it feels like they filmed it all in a K-mart warehouse and basement will always spell fun time to me as I give it 3 stars.

Beast Mode (DVD) – Literally this is one of those films released in 2020 that I cannot tell it was that big of a mess the studio didn’t know what to do with or like a lot of films that year it got “COVIDED” . Anyway we have a beaten down on his luck producer in C. Thomas Howell who accidentally kills or believes he does his meal ticket aka star in Huckle Saxton. Howell’s staff finds a double to pass off as Huckle for a movie project and uses this underground herbal make-up to pass him off. Problem is the make-up is known to make someone who uses it into a bloodthirsty beast. Meanwhile the real Huckle Saxton wakes up in a storage unit and from there the plot just gets real murky at best. No matter what, I found C. Thomas Howell to be the gem in this huge mess as I enjoyed his character throughout but still can only give this film 1 ½ stars.

Arkansas Pigman Massacre (Fawesome) – Another massacre film acquired but problem is they should have thought twice about making it. The film claims the events of the film take place in 2004 where two 12 year old girls go with a big brother randomly to the woods only to be stalked by a guy in a pig mask for most of the film. Or to save us all a bunch of trouble of me ranting about this film I like to call this movie: Look ma, I have a drone! Also I watched ‘In a Violent Nature’ last year and I was always a fan of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but for some reason I wanted to have the plot of my film literally not make sense. Hopefully that explains this mess of an Indy movie that I can only give it 0 stars. Want to know more of my breakdown please find me, buy me a beer, and we will have an educational conversation? I so wanted this to be a no-budget fun mess instead I got a turd that someone calls a movie!

Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.

The Gorge (Amazon) – Two snipers are recruited to keep watch for 365 days straight over a gorge of unknown origin for uncertain reasons. Mostly they just know it’s supposedly for their country. One on the east and one on the west as shortly after World War II as the story goes three Calvary groups went in and never came back so an international treaty for this gorge was made. It is believed to be the “gate to hell” but as the two become curious about each other and decide to meet which by the way is not allowed as the two fall in love and share stories of what they know. But an incident has both trapped inside the gorge as they soon learn more than just monsters are the problem and it is part of something bigger? This is one of those “I liked it but didn’t love it” as it felt more like a video game adaptation of something thrown together. I enjoyed the concept but also felt like the movie was missing something as I give the project 3 stars.

Screamboat (Fandango) – Another unfunny adaptation of Steamboat Willie going into public domain as the Staten Island Ferry is haunted by the real life Steamboat Willie when it is released from its chamber. The killer rodent slaughters his way through passengers in a pretty boring way but I did enjoy ‘the lower deck scene as this is how we kill off 98% of the passengers in one fail swoop kind of thing’. The movie runs 30 minutes too long, the Disney references border on super annoying, and if you are into Jason Takes Manhattan combined with a bootleg Gingerdeadman vibe then hey you found your movie as I give it 1 star.

Berserker: The Nordic Curse (Tubi) – A 1987 film that I thought I had seen in the past but got it mixed up with two other Indy films I seen like 15 or 20 years ago so this was my first watch of the low budget horror from the 80s. The story takes place in nowhere Utah called ‘Rainbow Valley Campgrounds’ where supposedly Vikings hung out in the tenth century? Some young people are there for a week of camping only to be warned by George Buck Flower and the lone sheriff that there are wild animals out there “so be careful”. The kids get partying; read some stories of the Nordic legend, then one of them wander off to pee and its game time for the Nordic spirit or… the killer bear. Glad I got to see it but yinz arenot missing out on much folks as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #669

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The Final Possession (Tubi) – One of the newest projects from Mark Polonia has Tim Hatch in the role of Father Thomas warning all of us that the devil is coming. The Father’s plan is to send out his disciples to stop the “evil one” and to have the agents of the darklord killed. (Which honestly folks that isn’t God like right or isn’t that against the church? Must be one of those Prophecy film things I am still trying to figure out 25 years later…) Anyhow, if Father Thomas does not accomplish this task it will allow the “Day of Judgement” to come! Bold undertaking for an independent film on a very limited budget as the film will be a fun watch for hardcore Polonia fans. My main complaint of this film is it did entertain me but felt like it was made 30 years too late in the career of Polonia Brothers Entertainment as I feel it would have been a totally different film then and how they would have tackled it? Either way another solid entry into the IMDb list for Polonia and crew as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and yes I quite enjoyed Tim Hatch reading his lines from the book in a couple of scenes as I have done that on a regular basis (yes, I have become a fan of Tim Hatch)

He Never Left (Plex) – In 1997 at a small town of Larsen City has a masked killer “Pale Face” who haunted the town terribly killing many only to disappear without reason. Now present time, Gabe a recent parole has done something bad and trying to hide out at a seedy motel. Gabe trying to arrange an escape out of town now that authorities are searching everywhere for him has to stay hidden until he gets the call to bolt. Problem something happens in the next room and Gabe believes “Pale Face” is back? This is where the real story begins as Gabe is losing his mind and bodies are starting to pile up again. This is a creative independent serial killer film that will leave many thinking one way or another as there is no middle ground on this movie. Yes, you will know who the killer is but do you actually? The beauty of the film is how it sucks you in believing you are in for another hack and slash Indy but there is a lot more to this than meets the eye. Folks give this film a chance, pay attention, and I quite enjoyed what this film did as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Popeye: The Slayer Man (Amazon) – So the second of three Popeye horror films out there and this one goes with more of what we know of the spinach eating cartoon character. In this version it is rumored a ghost haunts the abandoned spinach canning factory down at the dock and it kills anyone that enters and talks shit on the location. Twenty years later enter sleezeball real estate people, bootleg Joel D. Wynkoop as security, a small group of film students wanting to film on the last night before the building is sold, an abusive boyfriend and his crew and we got a POPEYE SLASHER FILM! WTF? Funny thing happens here folks… the movie works as it becomes a fun bloodbath with an entertaining subplot about radioactive spinach. Gimme stuff like this all the time as I give the cartoon adaption 3 stars.

The Final Alliance (YouTube) – So apparently Hollywood or sub-Hollywood was sucking ideas from my brain long ago as this beauty comes out of the golden era of direct-to-video B-movie junk of 1990 that stars David Hasselhoff as Will Colton who has come back home with… his pet puma! Yep, I got you wanting to watch it before you even finish reading this. Do I even need to write this review at this point? Colton and Felix roll back into town mysteriously on this old farm that bikers have made their ‘fuck pad’. Colton refuses to have any of this go on so he starts kicking ass soon as he enters his old house. But Colton and the pet puma do not stop there as they learn the biker gang and oh did I mention the biker gang is led by the legendary John Saxon with bleached out hair, weird contacts, and rides in a side car the whole film? Back to the story Colton and Felix roll into town meet the town hottie who owns the grocery store and begins to convince the small town it is time to get rid of this biker trash. As Joe Bob would say “have we seen this couple of dozen times? Yes we have. But have you seen it with a weird John Saxon and Hoff’s pet puma?” This amazing hot garbage feels like it was sucked out of my teenager ‘Knight Rider’ loving mind and I am quite happy to let yinz know you can watch it for free on the YouTubes n’at as I give the movie 3 stars.

Empire of the Dark (YouTube) – Holy shit what wormhole did I fall down as I watched this weird fantasy film that was made by Steve Barkett who also stars in it with the likes of Joe Pilato and Jay Richardson. Immediately when it begins it feels like some lost late 70s TV movie that played once and disappeared into the void. Then after credits the movie takes another odd turn as I feel like I just found a lost episode of Commander USA I use to watch as a kid? So here are the plot folks: a cop named Richard goes through a portal (with one bullet by the way) to save his super-hot girlfriend (which there is no way this dude is pulling her). But there is a twist kids he can only save the baby or super-hot ex-girlfriend now mom. He picks the kid and everything is history or until twenty years later strange shit pops up as Richard is a private detective who is working on the “demon slasher” case and dabbles in sword play. (Did Dan Komarek write this shit?) The Satanists are back murdering people, Richard’s hot ex is talking to him in his dreams, and the kid from twenty years ago now grown up wants answers damn it and the only way to defeat the Satanists is with bibles and swords as I give it 2 ½ stars!

Beezel (DVD) – So some weirdo bought a house with a fucked up looking witch living in the basement in 1966. He convinced some female to marry him and become a serial killer of sorts as they feed this witch random people in hopes that this evil presence produces a baby and give them power. Supposedly this witch was taken by humans and that is how she got here so of course she requires a sacrifice if you are going to keep her ass in the basement. A couple (which the girlfriend character is an unlikable bitch) move in the home as the dude is the son of said serial killers and wants to sell this home and get the fuck out of there. Well the girlfriend doesn’t let that happen as she seeks out the stories about the weird shit that has gone on over the years in this house. I know there is horror fans that will just eat this film up and good for you but this movie for me seem to be missing that important ingredient “heart”? I felt like the film wasn’t bad but just going through the paces of hope to start a series of films to keep telling the story of said witch as I can only give the film 2 stars.

Harvester of Eyes (Fawesome) – Polonia and crew with another recent release that concerns eyeballs, a fortune teller, no budget, but also felt like it had to be done in a couple days (felt like there was a time constraint?) This interesting tale features Jamie Morgan throughout and looks like she had absolute fun with it as Sinthia, is sent out by her sister from hell to collect eyeballs from humans. Why eyeballs? Well they are the gateway to souls of mortals which Sinthia’s sister craves. Sinthia leaves the comforts of hell to take over a fortune teller’s business to collect her victims or eyeballs in this case. Things are going great until an old inspector gets involved and figures out the real reason bodies are piling up around town. Jamie Morgan was awesome, Jeff Kirkendall was perfect as the inspector, it just felt like the project was a bit rushed but that could be me but definitely see Polonia fans enjoying another entry outside of the usual Polonia films we have seen in the past as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Mark Polonia: A Life of Monsters, Mayhem, and Movies (YouTube) – For those who are interested this is a quick two part documentary done in two five minute segments in 2015 on the career of Mark Polonia. Most likely a piece for local TV just celebrating what Mark has accomplished in his community. It is a fun look and interview with Mark as they even talk with others who worked with Mark over the years and tell quick stories about him. Another reason to check it out is to refresh people’s memories Mark is one of the godfathers of SOV and what their projects did for the video market in the late 80s and early 90s that many movie fans might not know or have forgotten about. Fun stuff so if you get a chance, its free, its quick as I give it 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #668

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Mickey 17 (Theater) – So venturing out of my comfort zone I took a chance on a film I wasn’t impressed by the trailers or who was starring in it. But I gave it a chance and I believe I found a film that many don’t understand (but are intrigued) or chooses too not understand, right now but I am telling you give this feature five years and there are going to be fans calling it a “cult film”. Or as I also like to point out this film hit too close to what is going on in society now? Anyway, a film based on a book about advanced tech as the film is set in 2054 where a human could be listed as an “expendable”. Mickey signs up for space travel where human experiments can be performed legally. The basic premise is scientists test various things on Mickey to see how it affects humans. When he dies the scientists reprint a new version of him out with his past memories. Now Mickey #17 is lying at the bottom of an ice pit waiting to be eaten by some horrible creature on a planet humans know little about. This is where the story actually begins forty minutes into the feature as Mickey 17 doesn’t die and walks back to the ship only to encounter Mickey 18. By intergalactic law there cannot be ‘multiples’! This of course knocks everything out of balance while Mickey 17 is tired of dying and finally for the first time in his life just wants to live. This is a great complex and completely outrageous script, wonderful cast that I just absolutely enjoyed with great delight! Yes, it will be on my list of ‘best movies of 2025’ but only time will tell if I am correct if this is the next “Buckaroo Banazi” cult like film of its time? Point is don’t sleep on this one movie watchers as I give this 4 stars as I try not to give up too much about the film as I want you to really experience this one!  

Bloodsick Psychosis (Blu-ray) – The best part of the movie for me at least might be the opening credits done in some wild Claymation. This SOV film’s plot has a couple taking some acid and pretty much chaos ensues for them as they lose their freakin mind. After a bad headache and a thirst for blood Pacey slowly loses his mind to the point he kills a cat and shoots up the dead cat’s blood for a fix. Once Pacey sinks deeper into the psychosis he becomes more violent as the filler of the film is drive-in footage, concert footage, and the legendary David “The Rock” Nelson as a weird infomercial sprinkled in to fill out the feature. I cannot condemn the Indy film as I enjoy the grittiness of the SOV film as well knowing there is an audience for it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Bigfoot the Movie: The Sequel (Tubi) – Not trying to be too critical of this Indy flick but, “was anybody really asking for a sequel let alone several years later?” The sequel brings back the three main characters to gear up for their next hunting adventure as they are contacted by Hilga to investigate a Yeti at a local ski lodge. Their preparation for the adventure is hilarious as they drink as many Iron City Beers as humanly possible in their garage before the trip. They then head to the lodge and begin their hunt as the film seems to quickly go downhill from there. I give them credit for leaning more into the Yinzer accent and having the Pittsburgh beer of choice featured throughout but the death dagger to the film might be the feeling of it being an unfunny version of “The Three Stooges meets the Yeti”. If it makes any sense it seems even less happens in this sequel than first film as I can only give the Indy feature 1 ½ out of 4 stars. A good thing is seeing all the Western Pa acting talent showing up in this feature just wish it was a better film to feature them.

Dinner with Leatherface (Tubi) – A wonderful documentary that just doesn’t look into the man behind Leatherface of the original ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but looks real hard into Gunnar Hansen the person. No matter what Gunnar was well respected and lovable among all out there that ever met him over the years. Gunnar is described as a “Class Act” and the talk of his impact playing Leatherface by such celebs Debbie Rochon, Barbara Crampton, Jeff Burr, and Kane Hodder among many others who explained Gunnar was “one of a kind human”. The stories about the man told by his peers are just phenomenal and might make you cry by the end as I give the documentary 4 stars.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace (DVD-R) – This project is a six episode series from 2004 that was canceled in the UK that was filmed in this 80s soap opera weirdness to tell tales of the supernatural set in a hospital. The point of the series was supposed to be a fake TV show that was made during the 80s and its claim would be that the series was lost shortly after shooting. The show is half hour episodes of evil supernatural things happening in parody form of this fictional hospital along with the author doing the intro for the episodes. This truly offbeat series did find a small but vocal audience through “Adult Swim” here in America along with a cult like status in the UK asking for a second season but never happened. The series is a little too weird for me as it just didn’t exactly make me love it but I definitely respect what the people behind this project were trying to do as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Monkey (On Demand) – The film’s plot begins in 1999 with a set of twin boys who do not get along well but their deadbeat father supposedly walked out on their mom. But the viewer sees at that very beginning the father is trying to pawn off this toy monkey that plays the drums because it is “evil”. The boys going through their father’s stuff that was left behind come across a box “Organ Grinder Monkey” with the toy monkey in it. You turn the key in the back of the monkey, it plays the drums, and someone dies horrifically! After a few bizarre deaths happen the twins dispose of the monkey believing it cannot come back to haunt them. 25 years pass as the monkey randomly shows up at their aunt’s estate sale killing her the very next evening. But someone keeps turning the key over and over as weird deaths are happening daily around the small town the twins use to live in. Now for the first time the twins are together trying to figure out who is turning the key again. Enjoyed the death scenes but for me the ending was kind of a letdown compared to the rest of the film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Return of Captain Invincible (Blu-ray) – This lost 1983 film stars Christopher Lee as a villain of course named “Midnight” who after ruining New York City wants to ruin the world. Meanwhile the film centers around a superhero to many who fought against gangsters and Nazis decades before until he is brought in before a Senate Commission and discredited. The once famous superhero disappears from the world until he is unearthed by a rookie detective in Australia. But now more than ever he is needed by the President of the United States to help defeat the evil mastermind “Midnight”. There is song and dance numbers, The Captain struggling with sobriety which affects his super powers with some bad effects makes this mess of a movie a very interesting project for even the time it was released and you asking it why it was ever made, as I give it 2 stars mainly because of Christopher Lee.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #667

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The Slasher Nurse (Film Freeway) – Twenty years ago two girls (Piper and Grace) go to what they believe is an abandon house that looks really cool for their movie shoot. But the girls find out they are not alone as some of their friends play a prank that has Piper locked in a trunk when they are run off the property by an old man. Her brother finds her later only to be stabbed in a fit of rage by accident by Piper. Fast forward twenty years and the friends all work together exception for Piper who happens to be at the Blue Ridge Facility. Grace, friends, and work friends are all going away for the weekend but old wounds are reopened when Evan who is blamed for the prank gone wrong shows up before the weekend gets started. If that wasn’t enough the same evening Piper who hasn’t said much for years has escaped the hospital and has already created a murderous path to Grace and friends. The film is an interesting “prank goes wrong” flick with some nice gory kills that includes a death by lawnmower. Plus what will help writer/director to get film distribution are the appearances of popular horror stars: Felissa Rose, Diana Prince, and Jim Krut. Even though Kerr gives it a fun touch of bringing some freshness to the slasher genre its main flaw is the 107 minute running time that could easily be trimmed down to 88-90 minute time frame but that is for another conversation. But Kerr’s saving grace (no pun intended) is the twist he gave to his horror feature as I give the feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Shizzly Grark (Fawesome) – Yes folks, half bear/half shark Cryptid that a small town claims is real? Kids doing a senior film project on this thing wanna prove that it is a thing of fiction, urban legend but they disappear before the project is finished. This is the found footage, interviews and experience of seeing this mysterious creature. The movie did a smart by keeping it under an hour and keeping the pacing non-stop but the real highlight in this mess about the fictional creature is “The Mummy” being interviewed on his thoughts… downright hilarious! The movie is a complete terrible mess but should have enough charm to keep you entertained and not disappointed you watched it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Booger (DVD) – The film is from 2023 but just hit all the streaming sites and is a complete turd! Anna loses her best friend Izzy who helped take care of this stray cat. Shortly after Izzy’s death the cat supposedly bites Anna, disappears, and Anna slowly goes through changes including her depression for her dead friend. Anna completely ignores her boyfriend, job, and life in general looking for this cat named ‘Booger’. The film is listed as a horror/comedy and I neither laughed nor seen anything horrifying other than wasting my fuckin 78 minutes watching it. A stupid young twenty something wants to act like a cat and at the end all is fine? This passes for some kind of a movie? I have seen movies that don’t even try but this so-called movie is insulting Indy filmmaking in general as this of course gets nothing except for already winning the award for being the worst film I have watched already in 2025. Sorry it’s not Meta, it’s not ironic, and it’s just fucking dumb!        

Pandemic Thirst (Blu-ray) – Chris Woods and a talented cast put together a quick 64 minute film that revolves around 2020s Covid-19 and how it affects vampires. The film opens with Covid just hitting as people scramble to get home before everything closes down for a period of time as humans are about to deal with a horrible virus worse than vampires. During the early days of this pandemic Cynthia is on the run and sick with nowhere to turn a beautiful vampire Willow happens to find her. They share a hotel room and instead of Willow feeding on Cynthia she chooses to turn her. But there is a catch as the virus may have already been in Cynthia’s blood and for some unknown reason it has actually made Willow terribly sick as vampires have survived plagues and viruses long before this. Simply put this is an interesting concept that has that “SyFy Channel Saturday Night vibe” but done ‘The Sleaze Box’ way with Sushii Xhyvette Holder just being an absolute fun bad ass as she hits it out of the park with this role. Like Mr. Woods or not I do respect what he did with this concept and gotta give this entertaining Indy vamp flick 3 out of 4 stars.

Eat and Run (YouTube) – A mid-80s oddity from New World Pictures where an alien lands on Earth that enjoys eating Italian… Eye-talian people that is! A detective McSorely (Ron Silver) who works for the NYPD and talks like he is describing his character’s actions in a book at all times sees the impossible which this huge thing eating Italians and has to convince his boss that aliens exist. With the police force believing McSorely is nuts, he’s on his own to bring in this maniac alien with an appetite. There is some terrible 80s jokes and along with the alien cuckolding Ron Silver’s character but that doesn’t stop McSorely bringing the alien to justice as the film doesn’t really have an ending as I give the bad attempt at comedy 1 ½ stars.

Behind the Walls (Blu-ray) – A family moves into an old house with the intention of course to call it theirs and fix it up along with the broken family relationship. All members feel like there is something off about the house but of course since they are white decide to stay only to find out the hard way the house has an evil presence that has decided to keep them there. Which by the way the evil presence in the home is played by bootleg toxic waste dude from Robocop. The movie come off like a family drama than horror film as from beginning to end the movie just moves at a disjointed pace. Horror fans yinz are not missing much here as I can only give it 1 star.

The Nature of the Beast (Tubi) – A mid-90s Victor Salva flick where two very different men (Jack and Adrian) keep crossing paths in small desert towns. One stole a good bit of money from a casino and the other is a cold hearted serial killer. Both use each other as cover until they reach a breaking point that doesn’t end well for one as it stars the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and Eric Roberts. Sounds good on paper, two solid performers, but something just doesn’t feel right from the beginning as I can only give this feature 2 stars.

Heart Eyes (On Demand) – It is Valentine’s Day and in the past two years there has been a murder spree in Boston and Philadelphia that the serial killer has been named the “Heart Eyes Killer”. Now set in Seattle the Heart Eyes Killer has set his sights on this city where once again he will look for couples to kill as he did the past two years on this lovely holiday. Best way to describe this latest slasher feature is ‘Scream meets a RomCom’ made for people under the age of 24. Now while I say that this isn’t a terrible movie by any means that most likely will be the ‘My Bloody Valentine’ for the new generation of horror fans? But this might be the first film in quite a while that was literally targeting a very specific group of horror fans to start a franchise. You see the ending coming a mile away and plus you’ll understand why I said ‘Scream’ as I give this interesting let’s say ‘test subject for the young-ins’ 2 stars.  

Trail Cam Sasquatch (Fawesome) – Something strange has been going on in the woods of Central, Pa., in fall of 2024 as UFO sightings are almost reported daily but what comes along with that is Sasquatch sightings. Trail cams in the woods have been snapping a photo daily of this mysterious creature but to no avail it stays elusive from authorities. So a small hunting party plans to go into the woods for the weekend to capture the elusive creature unless Tim Hatch’s character is trapped in a bathroom taking the morning grumpy? But the only thing this small hunting party finds is a young injured woman lost in the woods that brings the wrath of not just one Sasquatch but many! Tim Hatch’s character keeps the horror light in this Polonia feature but entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Girl Who Wore Yellow Lace (Tubi) – This feature feels like Mark Polonia goes way out of his comfort zone to bring a giallo to his resume. I knew I was in for something different from the legendary Indy filmmaker when the Polonia usuals only had bit parts in this feature. A young model Arianna is convince to join a modeling agency as she wants to do whatever it takes to be the most popular model. Arianna dream to become one of the biggest models has a price as she loses grip with her old life and boyfriend. The more she tries to become the most in demand model the more of her fellow models are murdered by a mysterious black-gloved killer. Kudos to Mark Polonia for doing something totally unexpected and for the love of Rutger Hauer, Jeff Kirkendall’s character is extremely creepy in this Indy giallo as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #666

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Titanic 666 (Tubi) – Of course straight out of Asylum Entertainment this feature would have hit SyFy Channel a few years back but now it is a Tubi exclusive 18 months ago. So I finally decided to give it a chance after first hearing about it I could not believe it, but guess what kids the film is super watchable. It is 110 years after the original voyage and the new Titanic III is setting sail for its maiden voyage to pay respects to the original wreckage where it lays rest. Just like the original boat it claims to be unsinkable and people are just dying to get on board to be a part of history. But a mysterious cute redhead has hidden herself in some luggage to get on board and perform a ritual in the cargo area of the ship! This witch does a blood ritual that brings the spirits of the original Titanic to life again to haunt all on the Titanic III and take control of the ship so all living can relive the tragic events of 110 years ago. This of course causes panic among the new captain and crew as they were told the voyage was cursed but chose not to believe. I was expecting a terrible mess but instead was given something watchable and entertaining that I never thought I would say about a film called ‘Titanic 666’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Bayou (On Demand) – A group of people try to fly on the cheap on an uncharted flight that just so happens to wreck into a swamp. But this isn’t just any swamp as the swamp is filled with unusually bloodthirsty gators that are all methed up and stalk all that were a part of the wreckage one by one. Yes, it is a plot that we have seen several times but this one keeps it gory and mean with a quick running time to keep us horror movie freaks happy as I give it 3 stars.

Slaughter Beach (Tubi) – Two friends are kicked out of their beach front house because none of their side gigs produced. Now the duo is forced to look for an actual job so they are not homeless. Bingo, bright idea the duo decides they can make money by getting rid of all of the crime along the beach so the two idoits become superheroes. Now the ‘Defender Benders’ drive a golf cart to help them clean up the beach but unknowingly stumble upon the beach serial killer aka the crusty bait shop dude! Stop the killer … they get paid! Sounds simple enough in this Indy feature that was silly enough for me to give 2 ½ stars too.

The Messenger (DVD) – A 1986 film that was directed and the story written by Fred Williamson but doesn’t have all the fun in this action extravaganza as it also stars Joe Spinell and Cameron Mitchell. Mr. Williamson aka Jake just got out of prison after three years and unfortunately finds out his girl has been doing some shady drug stuff. It all leads to a messy hit on her as with Jake out of prison she wants to be done with that stuff. Cops already looking side eyed at Jake, he takes a job from an old rich dude to clean up the drug dealers and bring down the bad mafia dudes who killed his girl! The film is classic Fred Williamson as it’s just a wonderful treat to watch him be a bad ass as I give the feature 2 ½ stars.

Night of the Dead Sorority Babes (DVD) – The film is an Indy talent filled feature that will have fans salivating! But of course it is ‘rush week’ at the most prestigious sorority on campus and they have some hand-picked ladies coming to visit the famous Gamma Rho Kappa house to pledge. Little do the young pledges know is that the Gamma Rho Kappa house has a process unlike others on campus. It all starts with two sisters who have been there from the beginning to make sure their evil ways continue as they use the young pledges to maintain their witchy powers. Now for the pledges the weekend is supposed to be for the young ladies to bond and not know they are there for evil sacrificing! This Indy feature is a no brakes; all gas sleazy fun sorority horror film we all remember from the 80s that with a little of its filler cut out would have horror fans declaring this a  top ten horror film of 2025 as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. All the young ladies in this just kill it in here as my real issue is the filler kinda of dragging down a near perfect Indy horror film.       

All Hail the Unknown (DVD) – A 2019 short film (32 minutes) comes from Matt Jefferson as his story is about a man named Paul who is given a chance to have all the power he would want from a mysterious woman. This woman hands Paul a small coffin and explains if he opens it he will have three tests to pass to get his wish for said power. Paul opens the box only to release a demon that guides Paul through the tests but when Paul actually passes the tests he doesn’t like the results of it even though he has power. An interesting and entertaining no budget short film that knew when to end the story as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Wounds (DVD) – Will is a bartender of a dive bar called Rosie’s that seems to know his place in life but happens to pick up a phone from some underage kids after a bar fight that is broken up. By accident Will takes it home to only get weird messages on it as he is curious and wants the owner to know he has the phone. Like most humans these days, Will cannot leave it alone and begins to respond to the weird messages only to have something weird happen to him. As some unusual visual shit begins to happen to Will his girlfriend Carrie gets suck into the process also as Will goes down a wormhole to truly find out what’s going on? But the knowledge if you call it that only drives him deeper into madness as a ritual has opened a portal for Will to go through. This is one of those horror films that will have horror fans calling it a “boring mess” or “one of the most misunderstood films of all time”. For me I enjoyed the weird premise and background on the characters involved but the payoff was not what I wanted in the end as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Graveyard Shark (Blu-ray) – A legend about a half-shark/half-human thing stalking a graveyard has caught the eye of a Cryptids Hunter named Abby. Abby since she was a child has wanted to prove things like Sasquatch are real because her father was killed by a monster. Abby the so-called cryptozoologist is hired by a Dr. Lovnik who runs a Graveyard Shark survivors AA group. The good doctor would like Abby to chase down this legend and kill it for these survivors to have closure. Abby being super excited by this opportunity wastes no time investigating the Graveyard Shark legend and it is all because of a horny fisherman and his one night of passionate love making with a mermaid that made this creature possible. After witnessing the carnage Abby wants to end this “Street Sharks” look-a-like monster before it continues its bloody rampage but as usual there is more to this story such as: sasquatch sex, shark sex (doggie style and a young lady that believes her and the shark are a thing), and shark vs. werewolf for the final fight. WTF?! I am all in with this fun entertaining gory mess as I think I found another 2025 favorite that all of yinz need to witness as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Also kudos on that bad ass shark costume!!!

The Lost Campfire Tales (Tubi) – A 2015 Indy film with no budget that has a group of people camping telling stories or I should say retelling scenes of their favorite slasher films of the 80s. It is a fun stupid thing for laughs but gotta say they didn’t take themselves too serious so the 50 minute film goes quick as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!