Gross Movie Reviews #577

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Island of Blood (DVD) – Before we get into this lesser known slasher film/thriller from 1982 some of you might know this as “Scared Alive” or even it’s more popular alternate title “Whodunit” which is available on YouTube for free. Anyway we have a film about a film crew heading out to an island (stars Rick Dean and Steven Tash) where they are going to film a low budget horror movie. Most of who are involved are just trying to expand their resume but little they know is this film wastes no time offing its characters in a quick bloody manner. The unknown killer uses music to determine the death of their victim along with its little twist ending which makes this a must see for fans of the 80s slasher genre as I give it 2 stars.

Carver (DVD) – An unknown low budget Halloween horror film from 2015 about two kids who are bullied and go missing on Halloween because of a dispute of a pumpkin carving contest. Eight years have passed and the kids aka bullies are seniors in high school and this Halloween they all receive an odd carved pumpkin on their front porch to send a message of things to come that night? As the friends get killed off in gory fashion during the major Halloween party the film goes to a very dark and creepy place after the reveal of who the killer is… Great story telling, solid acting, but this film is missing the right music? The film’s composer or whoever decided on this almost literally steals “Carpenter’s Halloween theme”? It’s like they had no choice in music choices for the film except almost cross the line of just stealing the notes… This hurts this wonderful film overall as there are fun independent composers like a Matt Cannon or a more big budgeted Indy composer in Midnight Syndicate that would have sent this film from an unknown to an independent Halloween themed film us horror fans are talking about with the likes of “The Barn”! Yep, I went there as I like this film but the music failed it as I only can give this movie 2 ½ stars.

The Black Phone (On Demand) – I enjoy being late to films and social media unless its “V.F.W.” remember who told you that film was bad ass but anyway I finally found myself watching this new Ethan Hawke (aka maybe the new Rutger Hauer?) film. The film is set in 1978 Denver, where a serial killer or kidnapper nicknamed the “Grabber” is grabbing kids under 18 years old over a several month period. Finney and his sister Gwen talk about it but don’t think about it too much until Finney’s best friend gets snatched and Gwen has a dream about where the kid might be? From there it isn’t too long before Finney is grabbed by the “Grabber” who wears several faces and keeps him in a soundproof basement. The “Grabber” is fascinated by Finney as he doesn’t play the games with him the other victims did as Finney begins to talk into a disconnected black phone where it is the past victims trying to help? I honestly wasn’t expecting much from this flick after watching the trailer and seeing what others have said but I got to say I was pleasantly surprised with this horror/thriller and definitely give it my approval to all of yinz to give it a watch as I give it 3 stars.

Prison of the Psychotic Damned (DVD) – I must apologize to my neighbor Nathan for watching this with me over some beers that help make this paranormal Indy film any better. A group of ghost hunters investigate a supposedly haunted train terminal that was so horrible it makes me feel bad for the bad things I have said about “Grave Encounters”? I give it 0 stars and no the huge naked breasts at the beginning of the film don’t make up for the crap you threw in front of the cameras.

Evil Dead Trap (Blu-ray) – Excuse me as I reach deep into the Asian-cult horror film culture with this flick that I remember seeing once and only time on a bootleg tape in the mid-90s. A Japanese horror film from 1988 that gained a rep of a “must-see” horror flick through tape traders and bootlegs throughout the 90s. It is centered on a TV reporter Nami, as she has received a tape or more specific a possible snuff tape from a superfan? Nami makes a case she wants to investigate if this is actually real and her research takes her and a small crew to an abandoned air base. Nami’s ‘Late Show’ is struggling in the ratings recently and something like this would for sure put her back on top! The crew believes this is a fun idea until they run into someone with a split personality and brutally kills them one by one in this crazy, gory, over the top horror film that finds a way to go even beyond insanity with its ending. Honestly I can tell you the Blu-ray transfer isn’t too much different from the bootleg I seen as many others a couple decades ago did too but something tells me there wasn’t much source material to grab from? But there is three different commentaries in this package and a few interview tidbits that the cult following this film has will find pleasing as I give it 3 stars.

Avengers Grimm: Time Wars (DVD) – By some chance you wonder if I still watch some dumb ass shit, this is proof as I give this nothing as I feel like Asylum Entertainment should be paying me at this point?

Crosstalk (DVD) – In case “Demon Seed” among many others of the late 70s and early 80s computer horror films were not enough for you there is this Australian flick where the “i500” does everything and is about to go public, maybe? Ed is the main dude behind the i500 and finds a malfunction as the computer can control everything but things change after the computer causes a horrible accident for Ed that puts him in a wheelchair. Working from home on the new i500 and pressure from the company Ed is trying to figure out the malfunction but meanwhile the computer is learning and spying all who are around as both the i500 prototype and Ed are being pushed out by the company… I can only give this Aussie flick 1 star as it seemed restrained most of the time.

The Halloween Store Zombie Wedding Movie (DVD) – I absolutely love the concept and story is okay but the filmmakers failed with having full reign in a Halloween Spirit Store as the backdrop for most of their film as it also claims to have a $100,000 budget? Someone took the money and ran! Just in case you were curious an urban legend called “Ole Jeremiah” comes to haunt the store on Halloween night and traps a few employees, a soon-to-be-wed couple, and a fake paranormal dude cause he wants revenge for something that happened over a hundred years ago. Again I go back to you have full reign of a Halloween store for a horror movie and you give me some kind of half-ass carbon copy of “The Clerks” with more of a love story feel… Someone got robbed here and it wasn’t just the people who watched this film (me and about five other people) but filmmakers you should know better: Use what you got and neglect what you have as this film had potential but just makes me want to wait for the 50% sale at the Spirit stores a couple days before Halloween as I give it 0 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

We again are lazy and have a crapload of episodes for you!

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We return this week with Tim talking about what happens when William Zabka and the little freaky kid from Children of the Corn join forces to kill a snake menacing Jenny McCarthy and friends in Python and Python 2.  And Kyle covers a nuclear attack flick that has everyone in the world in it in Miracle Mile.  We also have tech talk about how to avoid getting porn viruses, magic fire sticks, post office meth shenanigans; we also got news, reviews, and other nonsensical acting.  PLUS Flash Gordon! 

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This week it’s all Stephen King all the time.  We talk about the entire King films (except the questionable sequels… lawnmower Man 2 we’re looking at you).  Also we got news on our new podcast that deals entirely with Tim’s crazy ass neighborhood, Sharknado 6 bullshit, and our fledgling Sims Graveyard Shift mill management video game.  Satanic Slurpee machines and where to find them, We discover the greatest Sasquatch mattress based commercial of all time and it’s pure god damn GOLD!  Also Kyle gets old and turns 40…                  (Kill me)

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This week Kyle rectifies a great injustice in the world and finally makes Tim watch EXPLORERS for the first time.  And in turn Kyle covers a slightly hidden gem from the mid 80’s in 1988’s HBO stalwart PULSE.  also we got Kyle’s state finally getting to buy a beer like a free man on a Sunday,  the numerous we haven’t won a Rondo award,  Kyle’s massive hatred for KISS, the top ten underrated slasher movies, and finally we talk about finally getting a god damn BLACK DYNAMITE 2!!! (Kinda). 

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

 

Vengeance Runs Red (Vimeo) – A short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that tells the story of two who men who are haunted by a past mistake. A young dude takes upon himself to serve justice that is due. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Want to find out more go here: www.facebook.com/philip.brocklehurst.9

 

War of the Dead (DVD) – The film isn’t horrible but it’s not great either. The film is just another run of the mill Nazi zombie flick that isn’t very memorable. Sorry horror folk no “Outpost”, “Dead Snow”, or “Frankenstein’s Army” here. Just keep moving along as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Nemesis 3: Time Lapse (VHS) – I got bored and decided to fall down the Albert Pyun wormhole again and watched these not needed sci-fi sequels that feature Tim Thomerson and Sue Price. In this mid-90s sequel Sue Price is searching out and destroying cyborgs as Tim Thomerson keeps a watchful eye over her for Central Command. Central Command wants her alive at all costs. Really folks not a whole lot happens in this flick but if you are a Tim Thomerson fan I totally get why you would track this bad boy down as I give it 1 ½ stars. The film also is known as “Nemesis 3: Prey Harder”.

 

Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (VHS) – Albert Pyun brings back Sue Price one more time for what I like to call “Nemesis 4: Sue Price Bangs all the Cyborgs”. Never mind Andrew Divoff’s head speaks about cyborg non-sense throughout the movie. Sue Price’s goal in 2080 apparently is to be naked and bump uglies with all the cyborgs and then kill them. I believe the alternative title to this flick was actually “Hardbodies 3”? But that couldn’t be confirmed or denied at this time. But the gist of the flick this time around is Price’s character fucked up at some point and now there are Hunters all over her naked muscle bound ass! It wasn’t a great flick but it was a hell of a lot more interesting than the last sequel where she sat in a desert for about 75% of the damn movie. I give the flick 2 stars and you may also find this movie under the title “Death Angel” in some countries…

Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

Avenging Force (DVD) – One of Michael Dudikoff’s better action flicks outside of the “American Ninja” saga. Dudikoff’s buddy, Steven James of course is running for senate. Until some rich white racist dudes with their leader John P. Ryan decide to kill him and his family. On top of that they make Dudikoff play “Surviving the Game” eight years before Ice-T did! This 80s action flick will satisfy your action flick hunger if needed as I give it 3 stars.

 

Love Eternal: The Silent Film Cut (YouTube) – Forte Films Entertainment as at it again flaunting their filmmaking talents with a cool throwback short film version of Dracula and Mina. Done their way they give ‘silent era film buffs’ a tasty treat. Wonderfully done this filmmaking group needs more support and money because I would love to see these guys making a couple features a year. I give this fun treat 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

Explorers (DVD) – Holy crap folks I do not know how I missed this 1985 flick starring Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. This was so in my wheelhouse. But after reading some of the info on it and how it was considered a flop maybe somehow it fell off my cable watching radar as a kid? Apparently this movie was over 3 hours long and I believe Paramount Studios were like “nope”, not happening Joe Dante. The film is reportedly unfinished but a finished product. Very strange stuff but anyway folks the story centers on Ethan Hawke who has a weird dream about aliens and an image. He draws it and shows it to his best friend who of course is the nerdy kid down the street doing experiments in his basement. Hawke’s character continues to have these weird dreams and once his two friends become a part of it and his nerdy best friend uses a computer to make a bubble they decide its plans for a spaceship. The spaceship consists of a trash can, an old carnival ride, microwave doors, and a computer in the movie that didn’t exist in reality but was built just for this movie. They fly around and fuck shit up until Dick Miller finds them and eventually go off planet to meet the aliens. Really not too much to the movie but it is a fun glorious kick in the ass of childhood if you are a 80s kid? I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh its real and its happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!