Gross Movie Reviews #578

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Sharkula (DVD) – Mark Polonia is pooping out low budget shark movies left and right so it comes to no surprise when Dracula is forced off a cliff long ago and bitten by a shark in the ocean. Many moons later Dracula returns to the same area to run a place on the seaside called “The Basket O’Chum Restaurant and Marina” where he controls most of the coastal town. To help Dracula’s control he sacrifices poor souls to the ‘Sharkula’ as part of his pact with the sea devil. Honestly folks this is bad but I have to admit I laughed several times for the mere reason it is “Sharkula” as I give it 2 stars.

Helsinki Mansplaining Massacre (On Demand) – An interesting 15 minute short film concerning a couple who is in a car accident and rescued by a group of men. But rescued is used loosely here. These men’s egos bruise easily as they all believe men are superior and women are only good for housework and breeding. Now Essi is just trying to survive these morons and trying to escape a bad relationship. It’s hilarious, it’s fun, and relevant as I give it 3 stars.

Jill Rips (DVD/YouTube) – This 2000 Dolph Lundgren film is also known as “Jill the Ripper” on VHS that was also directed by Anthony Hickox. The film is set in 1977 Boston where headless tied up bodies of men are showing up around the city. Matt (Lundgren) is an ex-cop who left under odd circumstances and now is back as his brother was the first victim. Matt quickly finds himself out of his element as looking for the killer has him falling down a wormhole into kink and bondage he could never imagine. An interesting serial killer flick especially for Lundgren but as usual his underrated talented ass pulls off a great performance in a ‘not your usual serial killer flick’ that I have to give 2 ½ stars too.

One Night Stand (DVD) – Yes, I am a little obsessed with ‘end of the world flicks’… Can’t help it as I grew up during the 80s where a lot of those flicks got made. Anyway this 1984 Australian film takes place mostly in the Sydney Opera House where four people quickly become friends as the world might be ending as they know it outside? It is New Year’s Eve and news of a nuclear device going off nearby has all residents on standby as these four try to entertain themselves believing or at least holding out hope for everything to be better in the morning. The four try to make the best of it as a good bit of the film is how they interact with each other and watch how they look back at what is left of their young lives. The film is a bit dramatic but has a really terrifying ending that I think still works today as society keeps pushing for extinction as I give this film 3 stars. If anything the film is worth watching for how it ends, great stuff.

Prey (Hulu) – To be honest I didn’t have high expectations for this Predator one-off as it was going the route of streaming. But rethinking this opinion as I watched the movie two things popped in my head: 1) everything is going to go streaming sooner than later. 2) I really enjoyed even though it’s a one-off it still tries to connect to the series but give the movies a fresh start. “Predator” just like the “Puppet Master” series has many stories to tell so I am happy with watching a Predator heading to the 1700s to go fight some Native Americans so please Hulu give us more as I give this film 3 stars.

Badlanders (DVD) – Some of our friends overseas might know this 1992 sci-fi adventure as “Prison Planet” starring bootleg Michael Pare. Bootleg Pare and his girlfriend get captured on purpose trying to erase records of rebels so the government can’t find all of them. But also so Bootleg Pare gets sent to the prison planet so he can find their king, Himshaw, who was banished by his brother 30 years ago. Honestly the film drags and doesn’t have a whole lot going on even with the bootleg of a bootleg villains as Charles Band in his Empire Pictures days would have dome this much better and we most likely would had an appearance of a Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton? I wish this little known film was better but it was mostly a dud as I can only give it 1 star.

The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter (DVD) – A group of cheerleaders more concerned with their upcoming sleepover than school are missing their friend who is hosting it. This is where a senior, Lori comes in, as Lori has been trying to get on the squad every year but denied. Now Lori has a chance for an in on the squad as they need a new location for their sleepover. The film has a creepy camera kid, a killer that shows up before the credits, cheerleaders getting naked as it checks all the boxes to pay some homage to “Slumber Party Massacre”. But two minor issues with this film: the pacing of the film felt forced from beginning to end and the music didn’t fit the film. But the film has heart and in the spirit of the old school cheerleader slasher films this will find a place among horror fans as I give it 2 stars.

The Athens County Massacre (DVD) – This absolute boring piece of crap is a found footage/conspiracy flick involving unsolved homicides in 2014 called “Athens Woods Massacre”. According to the teletype at the beginning of the film some hackers have gotten ahold of footage and F.B.I. documents of this cover up! The event involves a hack alien investigator William Miller who has a show called “Alien Hunter”. When William Miller is being one of the most annoying film characters of all time He finds himself deeper and deeper into this so-called cover-up of aliens killing people in Athens County Woods. Does he ever really find evidence that is up to you to find out? Or if you or me you regret some life decisions like watching this dog turd and want your 80 minutes of life back as I give it 0 stars.

The Night Before Easter (DVD) – A super terrible 2014 Indy film where a group of friends go to play ‘hide and seek’ and party in a large storage building to send off a friend to London.  But a person dressed as the Easter Bunny is killing them off one by one. This film is ridiculously slow and I have never seen characters look so awkward when interacting with each other as everything seems dumb and made up on the spot and nowhere near a good way. This film insulting to killer bunny films as this has to be one of the worst films I have watched in 2022 as I give it 0 stars.

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Just posted a crap load of new podcasts!

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This week’s episode we are still drunk on the afterglow of the glorious return of Joe Bob Briggs and his 24 hour movie marathon.  BUT WE MARCH ON!!!  We will be covering a weirdo Canadian flick in BEYOND THE 7TH DOOR.  And Kyle finally gets off his ass and watches the Savini effects fronted slasher flick in The Prowler.  Also, we chat about Tim’s opinion on the Shudder service, Donald Pleasence chainsaw fights, Deep cut Cheech and Chong flicks, we answer your questions and read all the newest news.  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

On this week’s episode football returns and that means that Kyle’s ranting and raving dad has returned to scream and yell.  After alienating most of all the cult movie fans by talking sports we get back to the subject at hand and that is and all time Disney sci-fi classic in THE BLACK HOLE.  And Tim covers a quasi-cult flick that surly has a fan base that is quite large in ALIEN NATION.  We also got all your normal things like NEWS and listener questions.  So listen to this show or no spoiled milk for you!!!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

On this week’s show we continue to alienate people with football chat but it doesn’t matter because we got predators… First we talk about the sequel to and all time action jam starring Danny Glover who seems to be too old for everything in PREDATOR 2.  Then we sleep for 15 years until we get to PREDATORS.  Then we almost another 10 years to cover the newest jam THE PREDATOR.  Also time and Kyle also finally get to talk about Sicario 2 and the cult of Benicio Del Toro.  Bizarre Dolph Lundgren flicks that were found at a dollar general.  The sad, sad death of Terrarium TV and we also got your questions and news too.  So download this episode you beautiful motherfuckers!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

On this week’s episode we talk about government cheese and the perils of getting older and shitting your pants.  But besides that we cover the flick that set the internet on fire in MANDY.  And we also cover another fine flick from the glorious land of Australia in BOAR.  Also we chat about the problematic Alex Jones. Kyle discovers the glorious 90’s flick The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.  So, download this episode or the Diceman won’t take you out and throw a hamburger down your throat.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Episode 88 tackles oh so much in so little time…

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This week Ben Grimm comes back to talk with us about the state of things.  We do a healthy rundown of our top 10 movies of all time, talk about what we have been watching and totally geek the hell out over Predator and the subsequent franchise. Also we get to answer your viewer mail, talk about Witchtrap (which JSB has never seen) and wonder what would happen when a genetically enhanced creature gets totally horned up and goes on a rape craze in Splice.  Check it out.

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

EPISODE 88