Tag Archives: horror movies

On this week’s podcast we talked a lot about random massacre flicks

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On this week show we come back to the fold with 3 more flicks of varying quality.  First we talk about a big summer release that was based on a video game, directed by podcast Paul W.S. Anderson, and starring his wife Milla Jovovich in 2020’s MONSTER HUNTER.  Then Tim talks about a fairly known flick outta New Zealand in STRANGE BEHAVIOR a.k.a. DEAD KIDS a.k.a. SMALL TOWN MASSACRE.  And finally John chats us up about an Eye-Talian quasi cannibal, quasi adventure flick called MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY.  We also go around about such topics as Kyle’s past birthday, casino adventures, the ins and outs of inverted nipples, more massacre flicks brought to us by Tim and hundreds of other random topics.  So download this episode or natives will beat you up in your local dive bar.

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Gross Movie Reviews #479

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Gross Movie Reviews #479

 

Fist of the Northstar (DVD) – Gary Daniels stars in this movie adaption a very popular comic in 1995 where he is a warrior in a post-apocalyptic landscape that must restore balance to the world. He is a warrior named Kenshirô who has been forgotten and believed dead until he resurfaces years later on a new path to fight Lord Shin who has kept the world in chaos. Has some Hollywood names and Gary Daniels did fine but the film has not aged well since its cable television premiere. Does it deserve a reboot? Possible but most likely get the same response when it first was released which wasn’t much here in the states as I give it 2 stars.

 

Escape Plan 3: Extractors (On Demand) – Stallone, Batista, and 50 Cent are at it one more time as a former associate’s son seeks revenge by kidnapping Stallone’s girlfriend and taking her to a hideous Russian prison. Not ground breaking but entertaining action sequel that keeps your interest enough to finish it and whet your appetite for the new Rambo film coming as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll (DVD) – This Hammer film takes a little different take on the story as Dr. Jekyll is a scientist who is married to his work. Constantly experimenting he believes he may have found something that could revolutionize the world. In past versions of this story Jekyll turns into a horrible looking Mr. Hyde. Where in this version is the complete opposite where Jekyll turns into a handsome Mr. Hyde who spies on his wife banging Christopher Lee and flaunting it all around town while he works day and night. For Mr. Hyde it is not enough he wants to relish all the sins of the night life until it’s too late and he tries to fake his death. Not the best Hammer flick definitely worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Fisted! (DVD) – It is that time of the year again where friends head to the woods to have fun. But that comes to a screaming halt as giant ants eat porn stars doing their thing and a dude named Jerklin Boy destroys his victims with his ‘Fist’! When this killer uses his fist on his victims their heads explode. The Jerklin Boy looks like a generic Leatherface which only adds to the hilarious kill scenes in this Tom Martino feature. If that wasn’t enough Joe Garcia makes sure you will never look at a potato the same again. I laughed my ass at least a dozen times watching this as Mr. Martino has his own unique style of storytelling and makes his own movie rules up. “Fisted!” is entertaining as hell but not for the humans that have no humor in their lives as I give this feature 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.DWNProductions.net .

 

Eyes of Fire (DVD) – In 1750 a couple kids wandering the woods along the river bank are picked up and tell a French soldier a tale of why they left a haunted forest. Story begins with a priest who has stolen another man’s wife and has convinced a few villagers to steal a ferry, food, and begin a new adventure. An adventure of them floating down the river and finding land they can call their own and live the way they want to live. They want to find what they consider the promise land. After having a run-in with some Indians they go deeper into the woods where the natives believe the woods are haunted by evil spirits. The group finds a burned, wrecked cabin that they decide to settle and rebuild. But weird things almost immediately begin to happen to the group and the priest relies a lot on a young woman known as Leah who is a witch. Odd film for 1983 but just interesting enough I was glad to track this one down and check it out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Toy Box (DVD) – I always enjoy a completely off the wall idea that involves horror movies. The weirder or combining characters the better until I came across and watched this film that stars Denise Richards, Mischa Barton, and a bootleg Michael Caine. Bootleg Michael Caine wants to take a trip in a used RV with his family after his wife’s death. What bootleg Michael Caine doesn’t know is it is haunted by the spirit of a serial killer. The serial killer many years ago used the RV as his traveling killing zone. This movie was super lame and poorly executed. Thus proving maybe not all completely crazy horror movie ideas should be made as I give it a ½ star.

 

Boarding School (DVD) – A surprisingly different horror film that does a slow and interesting burn about a boy about to be a teenager whose grandmother has died. Quickly the boy Jacob becomes obsessed with his grandmother he never knew. This leads to the parents finding him in his grandmother’s dress and BOOM! Off to boarding school. But not just any boarding school? A very elite boarding school where a teacher played by Will Patton takes his job serious and has a strict way of kids being schooled. What seems like a horror film that is going to play with the gender bending rules goes into a very mysterious direction as the class is filled out with kids that maybe different and have a handicap. This slowly blossoms into a wonderful horror film as kids begin to show dead almost on a nightly basis. This film has some cool sick shit going down and I like it as kids die and the film keeps you guessing of what will the characters do next as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Django the Bastard (Blu-ray) – I have always enjoyed the Clint Eastwood westerns and only recently have scratched the surface of all the other spaghetti westerns from the past. This was a first time watch and a wonderful one at that as I did see the similarities in this 1969 film that Eastwood did later. The film is also known as “The Strangers Gundown” is about a mysterious man named Django who was believed to be dead many years before. He walks right in town, places a cross in the dirt with the man’s name and date of death. This is just bad ass! Through flashbacks of the Civil War we come to learn Django and his fellow troops were abandoned by their leaders and he has been searching for the three for years. Anthony Steffen has the stare down as he just shows up in town and takes on a whole gang of gunslingers wanting the last man he is looking for. This western actually separates itself from many of this time as it almost has horror movie kinda feel with how it is shot. This maybe my first watch but it will be watch many times more in the future as I absolutely enjoyed the colors and the horror overtone of revenge by Django. The Blu-ray looks beautiful and the commentary by the historian is very interesting if you are a fan of the spaghetti westerns as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Of course you can find this at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Critters Attack! (DVD) – Another poor attempt of getting this franchise off the ground again but at least nowhere annoying as “Critters: A New Binge”. A young lady Drea who is stuck living with her uncle and having trouble getting into the college her mother went too takes on a babysitting job that may help. Soon Drea and her brother get caught up with a Critter princess who has come to Earth to kill the male Crites. It becomes a retelling of “Adventures in Babysitting” only with Crites and Dee Wallace. Their heart is in the right place but the lack of understanding what made the first four films such a fun hit with movie fans is lacking. Can a good reboot be done, maybe, but the damage has been with these two latest efforts… What happens after this remains to be seen but I doubt we will see anything other than a minor budgeted unsuccessful sequel that has nothing to do with anything as I give this poor effort 1 star.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Your ears will either enjoy or hate us with our three latest podcast episodes available for download!

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This week we return with 3 more flicks.  First we chat about A new independent Bigfoot flick picked by Tim called WILLOW CREEK.  Then Kyle learns why he should never have laughed at Eric Roberts in STAR 80. And finally we have a history lesson on racial inequality from John in his flick KING OF THE ZOMBIES.  Also we retire football chat, Tim’s injuries and his body slowly decaying in his old age, drunk stripper stories and a ton more.  So listen to this show or Eric Roberts will tie you to his rape chair.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Do you like 1982? We like 1982… So let’s talk about the flicks of 1982!

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week we hail Satan,  get into our monkey suits, and fight prehistoric monsters with some rednecks as we talk about 3 more fine genre flicks.  First burn down all the churches and worship the devil in LORDS OF CHAOS.  Then water ski to an island of zombies in TEENAGE ZOMBIES.  And finally stop motion dinosaurs are the best dinosaurs in THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER.  Also we chat about all the flicks we have been watching and anything else that seems to rattle off in our minds.  So download this episode and don’t forget to cut vertically and not horizontally.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #457

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Gross Movie Reviews #457

 

The Snow Creature (DVD) – An unusual Yeti film about a botanist Dr. Frank Parrish who heads to the Himalaya Mountains to study plants with another scientist. When their guide’s wife gets kidnapped by the legendary creature Dr. Parrish becomes trapped in the mountains because his guide and others go searching for the Yeti. Along the way Parrish is able to help capture the creature and convince authorities to send it to L.A. for the find of the century. But the creature escapes into the night and goes on murder spree. It is unusual in the fact that there is more to this movie than just finding the Yeti and it’s not all spent in the mountains. Well worth the watch for Bigfoot film enthusiasts as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Venom (On Demand) – Well thank you for being a pleasant surprise instead of the pile of garbage a lot of people were claiming? Instead of using the original source material of ‘Black costume Spider-man’ this story seems to lean more to the ‘Venom: Lethal Protector’ series superhero aspect. I am sure there will be some comic book geeks out there to correct me but that is how I seen this film. I believe two things made this film very entertaining: first, no connection to the Spider-man series… yet and second, Tom Hardy was enjoyable as Eddie Brock. Eddie is a journalist first and when he is sent in to interview Carlton Drake and asks the wrong questions Brock uses his job, girlfriend, and apartment. Six months later a scientist from inside visits Eddie to explain Eddie was right about Drake and his experiments and space exploration. So Eddie breaks in to get more evidence but instead finds a symbiote that changes everything. Drake worried it will be loose in the world and Eddie will blow the lid off of everything tries to kill him any chance available. But as time goes on and the two bond they both understand they can only help each other if they are going to escape Drake and save the Earth from certain doom. I give this entertaining flick 3 stars.

 

The House with a Clock in its Walls (On Demand) – Another unexpected fun film that has Eli Roth directing and Jack Black starring about an orphan named Lewis who is sent to live with his crazy uncle. Uncle Jonathan just happens to be a warlock with help from a neighbor is looking for a secret clock in the walls by his good friend Isaac. Isaac went to war and came back with the help of black magic and conjured something very evil. Now the uncle and the neighbor must find the clock as it is counting down to something. Lewis slowly is learning to be a boy witch/warlock but accidentally brings back good old Isaac from the dead who wants to restart everything? I give this magic filled flick 3 stars.

 

King Cohen: The Wild World of Filmmaker Larry Cohen (DVD) – A wild documentary that takes a long look into the career of a filmmaker that spawned many careers and has made many fun inspiring films. We all know about Roger Corman and his impact but Cohen may have been the second generation of being a maverick in filmmaking as he put his own twist on things. Cohen as a writer, producer, and director has had an impact of filmmaking whether people admit it or not. A great watch as many of Cohen’s peers tells some hilarious stories including Fred Williamson which pay attention what is being said between the two as I give this documentary 4 stars.

 

Dead Trigger (DVD) – A mysterious viral outbreak turns hundreds of millions of people into zombies so the government produces a game called “Dead Trigger”. The government and Dolph Lundgren use this to find young people to join the armed forces in 2025 to go in to Terminal City where it all started. There is a possible cure there but the government has lost track of the first team they sent in. So these kids with Lundgren’s help head in to save the day. I really liked the concept of the movie but it failed horribly as it tries too hard to reinvent the zombie film instead of adding to it. I give it 2 stars.

 

Snake Outta Compton (DVD) – Holy crap this is crap! A young rap group is trying to gear up their possible record deal tomorrow until their nerdy roommate brings inside a snake that fell from the sky. The nerdy roommate experiments with the snake and mutates it and the snake reacts to rap music. Once it escapes it is up to the budding rap artists to track it down and kill it. If “Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper” didn’t make you hate me then watch this film and you will as I give it 1 star for its horrible jokes that kept me entertained enough to get through this SyFy Channel reject.

 

Cucuy: The Boogeyman (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A Mexican urban legend is conjured up to kidnap young people in a small town. It is a dirty creature that comes out at night looking for bad children that is a story to little kids to scare the shit out of them. He apparently snatches the kids and takes them to his cave to be eaten later. When some kids go missing recently the common thread is they were bullies until a curious girl and her sister get mixed up with the urban legend. They find out a missing girl’s parents conjured up the creature to help them get revenge. The kids must get in the creature’s sack in order to enter his realm and stop it. Some blood, cool creature, enjoyed the urban legend part as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Demon Lover Diary (YouTube) – Did you know the 70s film “Demon Lover” had a documentary? Nope! Neither did I people as it was released for a short time on VHS supposedly but was one of these things that were a myth. I have heard a few stories of this existing showing how not to make a film but basically shows Donald G. Jackson of “Rollerblade” and “Hell Comes to Frogtown” fame having troubles on his first low budget production. A couple of filmmakers drive from the east coast out to Michigan to help Donald Jackson on his project “Demon Lover”. You be the judge was the project doomed from the start? Or did the three people that headed out to Michigan to make this documentary help the chaos along? However you see this documentary it is an interesting peak inside of low budget filmmaking that could be used as a learning tool for new and old filmmakers out there as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ocular (DVD) – An absolute bizarre short film from David Brudie that has an unknown individual eat a bloody poo sandwich, pop zits, eat bloody snot, then has a weird groping session with itself. I know the film is supposed to mean something but in my opinion comes off as let’s see how many random scenes of gross can I put in the short film and call it art? What’s not so weird is I believe there is an audience for it as I give it 2 stars for trying to be disgusting.

 

The Demons of Ludlow (VHS/YouTube) – A small town named after its founder 200 years ago ‘Ludlow’ is celebrating its 200th birthday. For the celebration an odd piano from Ludlow’s family collection has been returned to the town and strange things begin to happen. Apparently Ludlow wrote a list and cursed the town. A reporter Debra Hall comes through town is there to do a story on the celebration knows a little about the odd history of the town as her grandfather use to tell her stories. She investigates and cannot find any history on the town but the folks who have lived there all their lives believe it is the Ludlow demons? This haunted piano film is pretty dull at times but would be a wonderful pick for the new MST3K as I give it 2 stars.

 

Dead in the Water (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A boat full of activists trying to track down and stop a boat that was doing illegal ocean fishing breaks down. While they try to get engine working again and get moving before the major storm rolls in they believe they see something floating out on the ocean. The activists pull in a dead body that awakes and almost kills two of them. During an autopsy they believe he may have a contagion but something was living inside of him. Now that it is loose it attacks them one by one feeding on anything warm blooded. If you enjoy “The Thing” rip-offs this was bearable as I give it 2 stars.

 

Mysterious Island of Beautiful Women (DVD) – A B-flick from the late 70s about a nun and some orphans who escape from a war torn China on a plane. The plane goes down and the orphans are left to fend for themselves on an uncharted island. Twenty-five years later a small plane full of men sets down because they are lost and low on fuel. They quickly find out the island is populated by women. Wanting to keep the peace they try to speak with the women and possibly find help or fuel? They come to an agreement to help the women with the invading men from another nearby island. Not a whole lot goes on in the movie except for a few Miss Universe contestants wondering around in bikinis. I give it 1 star.

 

It Came from the Desert (DVD) – A low budget horror movie based on a video game I never heard of but didn’t stop me from trying to enjoy the mutant movie. Two brothers partying out in the desert find an abandoned military contractor building in the desert of New Mexico. They go exploring and find out there is giant ants infesting the building and now they are about to make their way above ground. The brothers after catching up with a scientist gain the knowledge that the military has been experimenting with alien DNA and ants since 1951. Now must stop them before it becomes a global catastrophe! One of those films you are surprised wasn’t made by Asylum Entertainment and showed up on SyFy Channel as I give it 2 stars.

Supergrid (On Demand) – The latest project from “Wolfcop” filmmaker himself Lowell Dean where the film is set in the not-to-distant future where ‘black lung’ has infected most of the population. The Campbell brothers are employed to ride into the ‘grid’ aka what is left of America to retrieve a mysterious package and bring it back to Canada. They must fight their way through cannibals and road gangs with no protection in order to complete their mission. Problem is once they have the package they learn what it is and do not want to hand it over once they make it back. Lots of good action scenes keep the low budget post-apocalyptic film going. For me it isn’t “Wolfcop” but it was cool seeing some of the cast and Lowell Dean doing something different as I give it 3 stars.

 

Alien Beach Party Massacre (VHS) – This ultra-low budget flick has aliens stealing a weapon called the ‘death-sphere’ which by the way looks like a volleyball. When some ugly aliens come to claim it back they send the death-sphere to Earth to hide it and crash land there. Now Lord Odem is pissed and must go to Earth to retrieve it and vaporize anyone that gets in his way. The most hilarious part of the film is half of it takes place in a supposedly haunted mansion where the beach bums all go to party with the death-sphere. The movie has its dull moments but kudos for it being a one of a kind horror/comedy as I give it 2 stars.

Hellfest (On Demand) – A slasher flick where the unknown killer uses a Halloween themed amusement park as his back drop to stalk and kill people. Six college kids head inside for booze and scares and instead deal with a person that wants them dead. The plot is simple but interesting as I like the little things about the film as it is set in reality more than your usual “out at the cabin by the lake”. In a nutshell that is the movie. “Hellfest” has a good amount of gore and the killer doesn’t seem to have a real motive other than what you see at the end of the film. The horror film is by no means one of the best of 2018 but I did enjoy it for trying to be a little different and thank you for Tony Todd! I give this well worth a watch horror film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Gross Movie Reviews #421

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Gross Movie Reviews #421

 

Amityville: The Awakening (On Demand) – Jennifer Jason Leigh (Joan) has just moved her family to the legendary house that is famous for the murders that took place 40 years ago. Her kids do not know this at all but soon learn about it through school. Belle the oldest daughter begins to sense strange things in the home and begins to do more research. Joan on the other hand hopes that something happens so her comatose son comes back to life as this was her real reason for moving the family to this legendary house. Soon the twin brother has come back to the land of the living but lets his twin sister know that he is not alone and wants to die. This movie is not horrible and you get real weird vibe from watching it as it incorporates the real life murders and acknowledges that there have been movies made about the house. The original actually possesses Belle to start digging in the basement for “the red room”? The film is an interesting take for the series as there are numerous crappy sequels and a remake. Seriously this movie is worth taking a look at as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Thor: Ragnarok (Theater) – The third film in the Marvel series of the title character has him fighting for Asgard’s existence as his sister has come back home and father has died. In Odin’s death he has brought Loki and Thor closer together… maybe. But once the sister arrives and has disposed of the brothers she plans on conquering more realms. The planet Thor and Loki fall upon just happen to have The Hulk and a legendary warrior The Valkyrie. Once together they plan to go back to Asgard and save the people before they are destroyed. The film is of course a giant fun bag of popcorn and we all know it is a placeholder for the upcoming Avengers films. But what made the film good are two things: a) has this 80s retro feel and b) you don’t have to see the first two “Thor” films to know what exactly is going on. I give it 3 stars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death-Scort Service 2: The Naked Dead (DVD/Vimeo) – An escort named Michelle survived torture from a crazed killer a year ago and is trying to move on by being the best escort she can be. But the nightmare is not over as a new crazed killer kidnaps her and ends Michelle’s life with an electric saw to the vagina! Yes folks a saw to the babymaker, if you are going to watch a Sean Donohue flick you better come prepared especially in this film’s case… Independent sleaze, gore, and goo is Donohue’s calling card and there tons of it. A group of young escorts don’t care for the warnings or stories as they know if they don’t get naked they ain’t gonna make the money. But this new mysterious killer stays one step ahead of the new crop of working girls by killing them off in a more brutal way than the last. If you like your horror films sleazing, full of buck nakedness, and lots gooey gore this will be the feature for you gorehounds as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. If curious of where to find this fine flick go on over to: www.thesleazebox.com or www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

The Babyface Killer (YouTube) – A story of a man’s anger taking over after his woman loses their child before birth. They have been trying and finally it happens but bad luck comes along. The man slowly lets his anger build and gets upset over the littlest things until one day he sees a lovely pregnant woman out by the road. Then that is when he crosses the line, loses his mind, and goes dark… Great stuff again from Forte Films as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

 

Rage and Honor II: Hostile Takeover (DVD) – The 1993 film brings action star and legend Cynthia Rothrock back together again with Richard Norton. This time out Cynthia’s character is undercover as a banker trying to stop a crooked banker but it becomes much more when he is linked to a drug lord. If you are a Rothrock fan this flick will disappoint as it seems like they just wanted the name and not the person as most of the action in the movie centers around Norton’s character. Pretty much got wait through the whole lame ass movie for Rothrock to fight someone as I give the boring movie 1 star.

 

Better Watch Out (On Demand) – Ashley is a young woman about to move away and is going to babysit Luke one more time before she goes. Luke is a much younger teenager who has googly eyes for the beautiful Ashley. When Luke goes to finally make his move on the babysitter somebody has other ideas? A brick gets thrown through the window, a person peeking through the window, someone trying to scare the two. But it just so happens to be Luke’s best friend trying to help the ultimate plan of Luke’s of getting the girl. Nope Ashley is pissed at both Luke and Garrett. Luke snaps and ties up Ashley and wants to play a game of “Truth or Dare” and the things get even further out of hand when the ex-boyfriend shows up. Luke has the mentality “if he cannot have Ashley, no one can” and has the plan in place to pull it off… maybe? A very different and entertaining holiday flick that isn’t so much horror as a thriller but well worth watching over a plate of Christmas cookies. And for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Arsenal (DVD) – An older brother always watched out for his little brother since they were young. Now it’s time for the little brother to take care of his older brother. As the older brother has been kidnapped by a low grade town mobster who had a plan to get money out of the younger brother. Nic Cage who plays the disgusting idoit with the plan wasn’t expecting the older down on his luck brother to say no. The younger brother has four days to come up with $350,000 and is getting help from an officer of the law played by John Cusack. When it comes down to it the film is an above average direct-to-video action flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (DVD) – An animated feature that helps feature the famous game characters in a struggle for world peace and stop a lost princess from being killed before marriage. To be honest haven’t played any of the Final Fantasy games probably since they started on Nintendo?! But the concept and the films always fascinated me and never a bad idea to check this animated features out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Assassin’s Creed (DVD) – Another video game adaption to movies that does not live up to most fans’ expectations. There is a program for certain prison inmates who are sent to death. If their DNA is linked to some kind of ancestry of this clan of warriors this certain government project wants you to find this “egg”. This “egg” has a certain power if in the right hands that can rule the world. The inmate put to death but wakes up hours later in a secured facility where the public believes they are dead. Then some scientists mess with the brain trying to bring out the ancestor they are looking for? It’s weird but also too I was never a fan of the game so who knows as I give this time filler 1 ½ stars.

Killer Campout (DVD) – Its 1966 and this ugly dude is torturing a couple out in a remote area. After killing the man he gets all rapey with the woman and of course nine months later another ugly thing is born. The film moves along to 1989 where people have been disappearing out in the woods but could never be explained. Authorities are baffled but not concerned as much as some others are with the problem. So some horny ass lady thinks it would be cool to do group therapy out in the woods unknowingly ringing the dinner bell for the old ugly dude still stalking out in the woods! Has that “Madman, Don’t Go in the Woods, and The Forest” kind of feel to it. Lots of fun gruesome deaths and a small twist make this throwback slasher fantastically entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Mark of the Scorpion (DVD) – Andy J. Forrest is Bootleg Indiana Jones in 1936 treasure hunting. But Bootleg Indiana cannot even get started before he is thrown in jail because some reknob wants the known treasure hunter working for him out in the Sahara desert. The reknob French dude believes he needs Bootleg Indy for the possible Cleopatra crap he may have found? The film is no “Treasures of the Four Crowns” but the plot of Bootleg Indy spending most of the movie in prison is actually really fascinating. I give this foreign mid-80s flick 2 stars.

 

Missionary Man (DVD) – A bible carrying stranger rolls into town to mourn a friend who was murdered. Oh, it’s Dolph Lundgren and he wants justice and Tekla. A man named Reno runs the small Native American town and seems to be the root of the problem with the possible murder and controlling the local authorities. Dolph of course kicks ass in this updated “Pale Rider” action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Peacekeeper (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Major Cross and now has become the keeper of the nuclear codes. After a terrorist attack on Cross, stealing the briefcase, and Cross presumed dead, the terrorists run to a missile solo that is being shut down. Wait a minute, Cross doesn’t die that easy as he will drive a car across building roofs and become one of the terrorists in order to get the codes back. A wonderfully entertaining mid-90s action film worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Cost of the Living (YouTube) – William Long has made a no budget flick about an apocalyptic love story. A man and a woman head off into the woods after the “Sickness” was destroying humanity. As long as they have each other the couple is happy and live forever. But with no budget movies sometimes editing is your best friend. If the movie is maybe made into short film format around 12 or 15 minutes it most likely works better. The 53 minute running time with not a whole lot happening gives it that dull feeling that makes you want to check out from watching the film. Mr. Long remember sir editing the film down is your what’s best as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Trespassers (DVD) – This fantastic short film is from Zane Hershberger (for the love of Rutger Hauer you know I am fucking that name up) and is a segment of a horror anthology called “10/31”. A couple is out at the local movie theater trying to enjoy a good scary movie but have picked a dud. So still looking for something to put a little fear in their lives on the best night of the year, Halloween they go for a drive out to a farm. This farm isn’t any farm it has a horrible history of a scarecrow popping mysteriously on the land and eventually Old Man Martin murdered his family and committed suicide. But what is about this creepy scarecrow that makes the local story so interesting this couple wants to know? Pretty creepy and well thought out Halloween short film reminds me of a cool little known horror flick from the late-80s called “Scarecrows” and for that I give 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

      

Gross Movie Reviews #416

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Gross Movie Reviews #416

 

Rage and Honor (DVD) – Cynthia Rothrock teams up with Richard Norton to kick drug dealers asses in this early 90s action flick. But Rothrock’s brother played by Brian Thompson is the mastermind behind all the drugs hitting the streets and ruining present day’s youth. It all boils down to a bad ass fight on top of a roof where Brian Thompson kicks both of their asses most of the fight. Fun stuff if you are a Rothrock or Brian Thompson fan, plus there is a sequel as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Terror Birds (DVD) – Greg Evigan of “My Two Dads” fame has a grand plan when he finds some weird rare prehistoric bird on an island. His hope is to have a scientist played by Leslie Easterbrook figure out how the birds can successfully mate and the eggs survive? Six months pass and patients are thin until a man out bird watching gets accidentally eaten by the birds which set off a course of events that leads his daughter and friends to the sanctuary. Now the friends must fight their way off the land before they become the next meal. Hilarious random nonsense that I give 2 stars too.

 

Tekken: Kazuya’s Revenge (DVD) – Not exactly what was the end game of this flick but some dude with no identity is forced to be an assassin until he begins to remember a few things. I only watched it because I thought it was another video game adaption. It just might be but who cares, I’m old, it was kind of boring so let’s movie on as I give it 1 star.

 

Skinwalker Ranch (DVD) – Jon Gries is a man whose son disappears after some weird lights come by the farm. The film is a found footage film based on a true story of a place that is the new undocumented ‘Area 51’? Gries boy Hoyt disappears and several months later an independent crew of investigators comes knocking to try and figure out the mystery. Strange noises, ghost kid, giant wolf monster, and then aliens cause all the trouble. An interesting found footage film that I believe doesn’t want to totally commit to being a paranormal or alien flick but at least it was worth the watch. I give it 2 stars.

 

The Haunting of Whaley House (DVD) – Lynn Lowry is showing the ropes to a young college girl who has just landed a job as a guide to the most haunted house in America? While hanging out with friends they convince her to allow them to hang out in the house overnight since none of them really believe in ghosts? To prove it they bring a friend’s uncle who knows all about ghosts and spirits and try to communicate with the spirits in the house just to prove none of it is real. Once they do make contact they are locked inside and the Whaleys’ home and they would like their daughter back. But the young woman who has been working there does not want to go even if she does look like her. One by one the friends are destroyed by the ghosts until they have their daughter. Surprisingly this film is from Asylum Entertainment and there wasn’t any Sharknadoes, cheesy dialogue, or a giant snake. Just a pretty entertaining paranormal film which I do not say often as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Scavenger Hunt (DVD) – A fun flick from 1979 that stars everyone except Burt Reynolds. A game maker Milton Parker (Vincent Price) is a millionaire from all the games he has invented for kids and families over the years. He dies in bed with his nurse playing one of his games so all his relatives close and distant come to the estate where they will be a part of a scavenger hunt? One last game that could land someone 200 million dollars! Even Mr. Parker’s help has a shot at it if they collect enough things on the list. This is one of many staples in cinema during the late 70s that got overused but usually seem entertaining when you were a kid. I give this cinema staple 2 stars.

 

It (Remake/Theater) – To be honest I wasn’t sure what to expect from this remake? The original film was a TV movie that sparked several TV projects adapted from King’s books in the early 90s. First half of the original was great and then the second half was total crap so I wasn’t totally sold on a remake. But in case you missed it Pennywise is an evil clown that roams the sewers of the small town Derry. Pennywise has been around since 1908 when some horrible egg hunt went wrong and many kids died. The town of Derry has had a very strange and twisted history as its death rate among children is more than the national average. Every 27 years he comes out to feed and take kids back to the sewers with him. But this time it’s different in 1989 almost a full year after Georgie died and his older brother wants answers. Along the way the kids are haunted by the evil clown as Pennywise wants to feed on them and their souls. The remake didn’t overthink the adaption and kept this horror flick creepy and entertaining as the kids make a pack at the end to come back if Pennywise every comes back to haunt the town of Derry. For me it was nice to see a very good horror flick from Hollywood that I wasn’t bitching about as I came out of the theater. If anything I am actually excited for ‘Chapter Two’ just to see if they can do a much better job than the 1990 version? I also believe this horror film creep out teenagers for years to come which is cool in my book as I give it 3 stars.

Moon Child (DVD) – Oh a lost gem from Todd Sheets in 1994 where he made a no budget, no problem post-apocalyptic flick. In this wasteland of a world people are dying from the plague and fighting the new government! A man named Jacob Stryker has escaped dark government scientists who were experimenting on him night and day. They of course want a new unstoppable soldier. Jacob just wants out in the world to go look for his son. The rebels want Jacob and his son on their side as they could be the answer for the plague. So there is a samurai/Stormtrooper dude with ninjas and bounty hunters trying to track down Jacob before he fully understands his hybrid powers. This movie is absolutely CRAPTASTIC! I love the mere balls Todd had just to try this type of film with not much money and just his passion to make it work. If anything this movie makes me respect Todd Sheets that much more because of the crazy car stunts that involve a Bronco II and a 1985 Plymouth Horizon. Oh and the main character turns into a werewolf also! This may not be his best work but this is the type of independent stuff I would like to strap to the face of some filmmakers to show it can be done with nothing but passion and the gore Todd Sheets is known for. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out the Facebook group for details: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1883916838523111   

New episode up Bloodbaths fans!

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This week Kyle finds an amazing Italian movie that he deems to be just as good as his beloved SPOOKIES in GRAVEYARD DISTURBANCE.  Will Tim agree?  Or will it cause a rift in time and space forcing us to shut down the show in order to save the fabric of the universe from being torn asunder.  Probably not. But the flick is that damn awesome (despite what Tim might think) Also, Tim talks about a Lance Henriksen flick called IN THE SPIDERS WEB.  So listen to this show and learn the many ways in which to destroy the grim reaper, because apparently he’s a giant pussy.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Oh this is for real horror fans!

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Hello kiddos, independent filmmakers, horror fans, VHS collectors, t-shirt people, and anybody else out there reading this! Grossfest is for real! It is a reality as we have nailed down a hotel and date.

Grossfest

Saturday, July 28,2018

The George Washington Hotel

60 S. Main St.

Washington, Pa. 15301

www.thegeorgewashington.com

Vendor info will be coming soon as will many other details.

This is a big step in just having a fun horror movie convention or otherwise GROSSFEST!

#grossfest2018

Gross Movie Reviews #409

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Gross Movie Reviews #409

 

Grotesque (VHS/YouTube) – A late 80s Linda Blair film that seems like two films smashed into one. It’s no ‘Spookies’ but what movie is? Linda Blair plays a character that goes to visit her parents along with her best friend for the weekend. The quiet weekend takes a turn for the worse when a group of punks (pay attention as Robert Z’Dar is one of them) come by and brutally start killing all in the house. Blair escapes into the snowy mountain landscape as she is chased after by the punks. But this movie takes an odd turn where a thing has been watching from afar and now is killing the punks one by one eventually helping out Blair. But she falls into a coma and this large disfigured man who was saving her is shot down by police. The last two punks get off with the lack of evidence but the Linda’s uncle has some other plans as he knew about this disfigured person that hid in the cabin for years. The film takes a couple odd twists and seems like it ends two or three times. Not the best of the Linda Blair resume but a definite interesting one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Silent Assassins (VHS/YouTube) – Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones is a detective whose girlfriend is Linda Blair who convinces him it’s time to move to quiet Colorado. But Sam’s old boss gets his attention with a case of a six year old kidnapped by a psycho drug dealer who has also kidnapped a bio-chemist! One boring thing leads to another as question what is Linda Blair’s role in this lackluster action flick? The film also stars action stars Phillip Rhee and Mako but that isn’t enough to save the film as I give it 2 stars.   

 

Attack of the Killer Donuts (DVD) – To put it simply it is the new version of ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ and there isn’t anything wrong with that folks. Michelle and Johnny work at a donut shop called “Dandy Donuts”. Pretty much Michelle and Johnny are the only two employees who are willing to put up with the public and the shitty boss. Meanwhile Johnny’s Uncle Luther is a mad scientist who has developed a breakthrough serum that turns a mouse into a man-eating rat. Luther comes to Dandy Donuts looking for Johnny and accidentally gets some of the serum into the deep fryer… Presto, changeo! We got killer donuts! The little doughy bastards now have teeth and they are pissed humans have been eating them for years. So the donuts go on an eating spree whether it’s the lonely fat lady in lingerie or C. Thomas Howell as a police officer the donuts are eating through everyone. The only people that can stop these bastards is love sick friends Michelle and Johnny and Johnny’s best friend who is banging Johnny’s mom. So okay maybe it is ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ with ‘Gingerdead Man’ added into the mix but it’s one fucking hilarious horror movie that you will not want to miss in 2017! My only problem with the whole film is the ending that never ends as of course Michelle and Johnny end up together but the bedroom scene goes on way too long like its padding out running time or something? Outside of that I absolutely love this flick and the poster fucking rocks as I give this beautiful horror film 3 ½ stars. Still on the fence if this makes my “Best of 2017 list”?

 

The Magnificent Seven (DVD/remake) – Denzell wouldn’t have been my first choice for the remake but he proved me wrong. Yeah I know this is a remake of a remake but this western just seemed less worried about what had already been done and more worried with just putting together a decent film. Good or bad it entertained me… But anyway Denzell is a man who puts together seven men to take on an overbearing son of a bitch and his army who have taken over a small mining and farming town. Yeah there is better westerns in the past but these days it is just nice to see a new western that is worth your time watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Get Out (On Demand) – Well this flick lived up to its hype and don’t trust those rich white people! The film is written, directed, and produced by Jordan Peele who takes a simple concept and turns it into a great fucked up movie. And I love all the social awkwardness placed into the scenes. But the simple horror film is about Chris, a young black man going with his white girlfriend to her parents’ house to meet them. The parents a little off and try a little too hard to make Chris comfortable but are or seem to be normal rich white folks. But for Chris something always seems a little off or not right? One night Chris takes a walk outside to smoke and run into the girlfriend’s mom who hypnotizes Chris to stop smoking. It works but things still seem weird as Chris’s brother agrees also believing his brother is going to be a sex slave or some shit too these rich white people? From there the film gets a little weirder as Chris finds himself questioning all the white folk that come for the party and the things he sees… And if there is another thing you take away from the film: “Don’t trust rich skinny girls”, they are fucked up. A very simple but effective horror film that is clearly one of the best of 2017 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Star Crystal (VHS/YouTube) – During a routine Mars expedition in 2032 astronauts bring aboard a rock on their ship that causes the ship to malfunction and kill all aboard. Two months later the ship and rock is found and the company that owns the ship wants to know what happened? But it happens again and some people escape and the rock hatches with some ugly slime monster that kills people on board of the spacecraft. As they make their long journey back to earth and try not to be eaten the creature wants to learn and become friends with the crew because it didn’t know killing was bad? Imagine if you could make a boring version of William Malone’s ‘Creature’ on even less of a shoestring budget as everything throughout the film is so generic. Sometimes boring and not sure why I was laughing at most of the film but this 1986 film suffers from “the box art is better than the film” as I give it 1 star.

 

Clowntown (DVD) – Based on true events of course some friends going to a country music concert get sidetrack when one of them forget their phone in the diner. She gets a phone call and they are to meet in the small town ahead of them to retrieve the phone. But they get there and the town is all but a ghost town and apparently serial killer clowns live there. Plus the cops let them do their business as long as the clowns don’t kill the pretty girls so they can be raped. The horror movie suffers from trying to cash in on Rob Zombie’s film and trying way to hard making the clowns scary. I liked some the effects so I give the horror flick 2 stars.

 

Bus Driver (DVD) – Young bootleg Robert Forester meet the real Robert Forester as the bootleg version just wants to be a bus driver. But when his bus has a tire blowout and they knock on the nearest meth-lab house he must bust out his special forces training to kick some drug dealer ass. A low budget flick going the “Grindhouse” route of putting together the story of a bus driver just trying to protect his kids. Maybe a little stupid but entertaining enough for me to say bootleg version isn’t better than the real Robert Forester from ‘Alligator’. Give the film 2 stars for at least trying the concept out.

 

Death Race 2050 (DVD/remake) – Roger Corman and crew got behind this god awful abomination that has Malcolm McDowell and Yancy Butler collecting paychecks for possibly the worst film of 2017. This movie is so bad I am rethinking my stance on the Jason Statham remake and sequels that have absolutely nothing to do with the original masterpiece starring David Carradine. That is some major shit people as I have made it known I hated the idea of the Jason Statham flick. But this film is something of a shit show literally. This movie is crap so I give it crap as people who thought this would be a good idea should not be allowed to have anything to do with film ever again! Corman and crew you should have left it at ‘Deathsport’?

 

Yes, Madam (DVD) – Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock are two detectives who kick some major ass looking for this microfilm that could put a bad guy away for life. If that isn’t enough of a combo how about some of John Carpenter’s “Halloween” soundtrack used throughout the film? I give this ass kicking woman duo film 3 stars.

 

Extraterrestrial (Blu-ray) – Some college kids go to the cabin for the weekend as some weird X-files shit has been happening in a nearby town. That night after arriving at the cabin a spacecraft becomes a fireball and falls from the sky. The kids go check it out only to notice weird little footsteps leading away from the craft. They grab the double barreled shotgun for defense and shot an alien at their back door. They believe it is dead but its friends are pissed and looking for revenge as a crazy old Vietnam vet Michael Ironside cannot save them. I enjoyed the ending of this flick also as it did not pussy out like some flicks do when dealing with this genre aka happy endings. If you are a fan of films such as X-files, Almost Human, and Fire in the Sky this will fill your appetite for alien flicks as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Survival Zone (VHS/YouTube) – A South African 1983 flick that deals with the neutron bomb going off and killing most of the world. All is left is pockets of people in these survival zones. Or cannibal motorcycle gangs that are roaming the wastelands to kill farmers and eat nuns! Sounds better than it is but bootleg George Eastman is leader of the cannibal motorcycle gang that wants everything and goes to war with a farmer to have his 17 year old daughter. I give the post-apocalyptic film 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Yep, we been recording a lot so double episode drop again folks!

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This week we are talking about some made for T.V. flick from the late 70’s in WHERE HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE GONE.  And Kyle returns to his favorite region for sleazy flicks of Australia for some quasi rape revenge in FAIR GAME.  Also, we answer your questions and talk about the upcoming slate of summer movies.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

 We return to talk about a weirdo space vampire / quasi porno / B movie titty flick in EVILS OF THE NIGHT that has just been released by Vinegar Syndrome, And we review a flick that Kyle believes is better than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in Tobe Hooper’s THE FUNHOUSE.  

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/