Gross Movie Reviews #408

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Gross Movie Reviews #408

 

Madman (Blu-ray) – An amazing restoration of a cult-slasher film from the early 80s that includes: interviews, commentary, and other fun tidbits that you may have never known about the flick. A group of people are out in the woods telling stories of a legend called “Madman Mars”. The group scares each other as they near the old house that supposedly Madman Mars went nuts and killed his family. One of the younger persons of the group screams for the legend to come and get them after being warned to not. They pack up and head back to the cabin as it’s the end of the season and they will be going back to the city in the morning. But Madman Mars heard the kid and now is on the prowl to track down the group and slaughter the poor folks. Wonderful kill scenes, a good amount of blood and guts, and a disgusting looking yet cool killer (Madman) makes this slasher a must have and makes you question why there isn’t several sequels? This low budget feature follows the ‘Friday the 13th’ formula and now you know where the people behind ‘Slaughterhouse’ got the idea for their killer and poster art? A must own for horror movie collectors as I give it 3 stars.

 

Nightmare in a Damaged Brain (DVD) – A horror film that may or may not have had Tom Savini doing the effects for this gorefest of a slasher film? This has been always debated over and from what information I could track down on Savini he didn’t have anything to do with the project that is best known for a woman being decapitated by a kid. There is a guy who is a schizophrenic and has been tested on with a new drug. He believes he is cured and goes out on the town only to find himself losing his mind and begins to kill again while his doctors have lost track of him. He eventually makes his way back home but first he has several flashbacks of his murderous childhood and has several new victims. The film is on the sleazy side but also is uneven and can be dull at times. I give this odd sleazy flick 2 stars.

The Guardians (DVD) – A Russian version of ‘The Avengers’ that features a man that turns into a bear, has a machine gun and a woman on his back killing evil persons while running through Moscow! Yep, I am sold and do not need to say anymore but I will. After the Russians entered the war in 1940 scientists were doing secret genetic research. After several failed experiments over the years a scientist goes rogue and starts to use people to further his experiments. When the military tries to intervene the scientist gets caught in a chemical explosion and becomes a part of his own experiment only to disappear until now. During a high tech military exercise this monster reappears and takes control of all machines killing all involved and disappears. So the Russian military forms a team of superheroes Nick Fury style: Ler – a man who can move rocks and things and uses them as weapons or a suit. Khan – a guy who has swords and can move like the wind. Kseniya – who is able to regulate her body temperature? And my favorite because he looks like a character from the Sega game “Altered Beast” Arsus (I believe that is how it’s spelled) – is a man who turns into a thing with a bear head and when he is really pissed off turns into a giant grizzly bear! They must take down the former scientist Kuratov now evil monster mastermind who also made them into what they are. Kuratov wants to take over Moscow then the world and make more troops like him. His goal in accomplishing this is using an old Reagan satellite in space left over from the “Star Wars program”. First time around The Guardians is defeated quickly but they reset things and prepare differently to become a team and defeat this evil Kuratov before it’s too late. The movie is a brilliant comic book-style popcorn flick that fits right in with the Marvel and DC universes! I absolutely loved this exciting flick as I give it 4 stars. Come one for the love of Rutger Hauer you have a bear with a machine gun you know this is gonna make my “Best movies of 2017 list”.

 

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (DVD) – So I have jumped head first into this weird world of David Lynch and cult TV show and movie. This movie for the most part is the story about the homecoming queen Laura Palmer before her murder. Almost two hours of drug use, weird shit going on, sex, two FBI agents disappearing, and eventually violence. Don’t understand it but do give it credit for being weird and interesting as I give 2 ½ stars.

 

Space Rage (YouTube/VHS) – A young pony tail wearing Michael Pare is Grange where in a futuristic society he gets caught by authorities after a bank robbery. He is banished to a penial colony on another planet where the only escape is a supply ship that lands once in a great while. So of course once Grange arrives he begins kicking ass in prison and plans his escape. Once escaped and on the run there is an old dude trying to track Grange and the inmates down before Grange blows up the landing site and killing everyone on the incoming shuttle. Lots of cool car stunts and Pare shooting everyone on screen are the highlights of this unknown sci-fi/action gem as I give it 3 stars.

 

Starslammer: The Escape (YouTube/VHS) – Oh folks this is a lovely Fred Olen Ray mid-80s treat that is a B-movie combo of ‘The Ice Pirates’ and ‘Reform School Girls’ on a prison ship. Actually the film was titled “Prison Ship” in some countries and also includes a John Carradine cameo. The girls/prisoners have had enough of abuse on the ship and now are about to become part of some unwanted experiments. So with help from the underground they have a plan to escape. Fred Olen Ray madness is always good for 2 ½ stars.

Vice Squad (YouTube/VHS) – The movie represents a fictional account of what Hollywood police have to put up with in 1982 as prostitution was rampant. We are quickly introduced to Wings Hauser’s character Ramrod and his awesome Ford Bronco that now makes my “list of great movie vehicles”. Ramrod tracks down Nina Blackwood from MTV as she owes Ramrod money and believes her pimp loves her. Ramrod kills her but doesn’t know she contacted her best friend Princess and told her all about Ramrod. After some coaxing by local authorities Princess brings down Ramrod. But once in custody he breaks out of a moving police car and plans on finding and paying Princess a visit. A slightly sleazy Wings Hauser and Hollywood Blvd along with prostitution as the backdrop makes a wonderful early 80s flick worth the rewatch as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Harbinger Down (DVD) – A film written and directed by Alec Gillis with very cool practical creature effects starring Lance Henriksen as a captain of crab fishing boat out in the Bering Sea. He picks up some whale researchers that include his daughter that are there to measure climate change. One night the crab guys pick up something unusual after it was spotted by the researchers. Encased in ice they debate over whose find it is? But after some melting they notice the ball of ice is old wreckage with a pilot inside. But it’s too late something has escaped onto the boat and trying to take over all humans. Trying to figure out if its alien or not they figure out it was a decade’s old experiment that the Russians may have let the ship find it and see how the creature reacts? Plain old fashion creature feature with lots of cool creations and the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen taking charge trying to bring this ever changing thing down! A very solid and entertaining sci-fi/horror flick with more than enough cool creatures that deserves 3 stars.

 

FDR: American Bad Ass (DVD) – This film is an accurate portrayal of FDR played by Barry Bostwick our wheelchair bound president who led the US against the Nazis! In the early 30s FDR is bitten by a werewolf that gives him polio. FDR loses use of his legs but doesn’t let that get in the way of him going from governor to President of the United States. The film follows him from the campaign trail to where FDR gears up and fights Nazi werewolves in order to keep them off of US soil! To just explain it does not do the film justice as also the great cast makes this hilarious flick work. The great cast consists: Ray Wise, Barry Bostwick, Robin Sydney (Full Moon fanatics know her well), Kevin Sorbo as Lincoln, Lin Shaye, and Paul Ben-Victor as Werewolf Hitler. So you need to refresh your history this is the first place to start with this masterpiece of accurate history as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Monolith (DVD) – Bill Paxton and Lindsay Frost are two detectives that accidentally get involved with a highly secretive government project that consists of an alien force/parasite that has awakened. This parasite is able to jump from human body to another trying to get to its ship to leave. The government or John Hurt is willing to risk the world as this has been his life to find answers from this force. Throw in a little bit of Louis Gossett Jr. and you have a fine sci-fi feature that was mostly overlooked in the early 90s as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Void (DVD) – An extremely vague but interesting horror film that has some of the best movie creatures since ‘The Thing’? A man is picked up along a dark road and brought into a closing hospital by a small town police officer. Things only get stranger when the man does not wanna quit babbling and the police officer is attacked by a person in a white sheet outside. Once the doctor and nurses stop the bleeding on the officer more of these people in white sheets show up. Meanwhile another nurse goes nuts, rips her face off and stabs a patient in his eye killing him and that’s when it gets even weirder??? Two guys show up bitching about a massacre, a huge disgusting creature steals the state trooper and begins feeding on him, and apparently the good doctor of the hospital is the next Pinhead!? Fun and gruesomely entertaining film! My only drawback with the film is you must pay attention to pick up on some of the happenings because I would have liked a little more explanation. But this film is easily the new horror generation’s ‘Hellraiser’? I give this amazing creature filled film 3 ½ stars and most likely be somewhere on my “Best of 2017 movie list”.

 

The Shallows (DVD) – Blake Lively is a young woman who is at a crossroads in her life and just wants to visit a place her mother told her about. So she surfs and loses herself until the last surf out she finds a large dead whale and the huge ass shark that happens to be hanging out there. Injured and panicking she must act fast to survive and gets on a rock during low tide. Trapped she must survive the night and figure things out as the shark circles. The next day after a few attempts people are killed by the shark trying to save her so she either dies on the rock or figures out how to escape? The film has that fun ‘Jaws’ feel, the film is shot really well, and Blake Lively puts on a great performance. Add this flick to your list of great shark films to watch every summer as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Dead 7 (DVD) – Asylum Entertainment does it again as they do their own ‘Magnificent Seven’ but with zombies. The apocalypse has happened and zombies or in this case “copperheads” have taken over. Years have passed and now some people like the simpler way of living (Old west) and some like Apocalypta gather an army of undead to overrun the small thriving towns to take their supplies. A small town deputy goes on the search for several individuals to be crazy enough to go up the mountain and kill Apocalypta and her army of undead. Its cheesy and somewhat watchable but remember I have watched much worse as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Nightforce (DVD) – Rich kids don’t have much to do until their friend Christy is kidnapped by drug dealing terrorists from Central America. All because Christy’s father Senator Hanson has declared war on the drug dealing terrorists. So they want a ransom and want him to back down from his new policy. Linda Blair and friends gather weapons and make their way to Central America where they meet up with a war vet (Richard Lynch) and his pet monkey to take down the man and his troops who kidnapped their friend. Hilarious and over the top violence rules in this movie as Linda Blair is fucking people up in order to help her friend escape. If you pay attention closely you also get to see the great actress Kathleen Kinmont in a bar scene. I give 3 stars just because I miss this type of entertaining films where random 80s movies were just made never questioned…

 

Outlaw Force (VHS) – So Billy Ray is a stunt show cowboy who also sings. But when his wife is killed and daughter is kidnapped by some punks rolling through town he becomes an outlaw! Paul Smith and Frank Stallone are two officers of the law trying to track down Billy Ray’s daughter but when they are not getting the job done Billy Ray takes the law into his own hands. One by one he shoots, stabs, and hangs his way through the punks. And when he isn’t doing that he is singing his song “This Honkey is gonna Honkeytonk Tonight”. Another random fun B-movie from 1989 that is most likely get lost when a new movie format comes out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

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Bloodbaths and Boomsticks Double Feature!!!

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This week Kyle and Tim return to talk about Kyle watching the T.V. show Taboo.  Tim needs your votes to win an award. What we consider the greatest movie of our generation.  Convention stuff and how to survive one.  And Kyle pitches a movie where Dolph Lundgren destroys an evil corporation. Trailers, movie reviews, and a ton more bullshit.

www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com

 

This week Kyle and Tim start the bullshit early by recalling all the foreign objects that Tim has brought to E.C.W. house shows.  Kyle sees Get Out, Secretly gay Disney cartoons that all the uppity soccer moms have forgotten about. And Kyle tells the story of the time he was in 6th grade and knocked the eye out of a kid with a rock.  Also, we talk about what happens when Marvel Superheroes get old and pissed off in LOGAN. And sharks get possessed by Satan and bad CGI in SHARK EXORCIST. 

www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com

Gross Movie Reviews #329

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Gross Movie Reviews #329

 

By Tim Gross

 

Freddy’s Nightmares TV series (DVD-R) – The Nightmare on Elm St. series started off with great intentions in 1988-1989. Hell, Freddy was huge he was on the Today show, Arsenio Hall, the character that was burned by vengeful parents and comes back to kill teenagers in their dreams was a household name in the late 80s. So New Line Cinema decided let’s make a TV show. Trying to capitalize on the Freddy character with more adventures sounded great until it hit TV. First two episodes revolve around the origins of Freddy but after that many episodes came off as lame attempt of another “Tales from the Darkside” or “Tales from the Crypt”. Most horror fans like me thought we would get more about Freddy killing the Elm St. teenagers instead you a lot boring TV show. But soon it was apparent that once the TV series was launch Freddy would come in only for an intro and ending of the show and the budget of the show was cut in half quickly. If you ever have the displeasure of watching all the episodes you will notice three or four sets were used in almost every episode. The show had its issues besides not having much Freddy: the show wasn’t on what was considered a major network at the time, budget cut in half, Robert Englund was getting tired of the make-up during this span cause he was also doing part 4 and 5, and overall the show didn’t separate itself from the usual horror TV shows that flooded the market late night on weekends. But me being Tim Gross, I pushed through all 22 episodes of boring crap to find out the show still pisses me off like it did when I was 13 years old watching it. But I did come across an episode I did not remember called “Love Stinks” starring Jeffrey Combs who plays a manager of a pizza shop who uses body parts as his secret ingredient for pizza toppings! The show was briefly released on VHS in the 90s but was scarce and many episodes can be found on YouTube but there have been no plans for this series and maybe for good reason to find its way onto DVD. For me I thought this series could have been so much more if the right writers were behind it but they were not as I give the series ½ star out of 4.

 

Prom Night (Blu-ray) – Some kids are playing a weird game at an abandon building until an accident happens; a little girl falls out a window and dies. The friends swear not to tell anyone about it. A few years later they are all getting ready for the high school prom but someone has other plans for those involved. Someone in a black mask is out for blood as they are killing one by one the seniors who were involved in the tragic accident they swore to secrecy years ago. Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Neilson star in the horror film that has now become known as the beginnings of the “slasher era”. Synapse Films has now given the film a much needed upgrade as the VHS and first DVD release were never of great quality. But also included Additional scenes, great outtakes, an interesting making-of which goes into how the film came to be, and has one of the most entertaining commentaries with director Paul Lynch and screenwriter William Guy. Most commentaries can be long winded and boring at times unless its John Carpenter which I haven’t heard a bad one yet from that dude. But these days everyone thinks they should do one for their film and it doesn’t mean it’s a good thing for the fans. For “Prom Night” I felt like I learned a lot more about the film and how it came to be and have new respect for Paul Lynch as he had some great stories not only about his stars but some of the interesting people behind the scenes. Example: there is a great story about a dude who steals a van for a scene in the movie! Mr. Lynch figured enough time has passed that he could talk about the stolen van they blew up! Great stuff… I give the package 3 out of 4 stars and more details about the Blu-ray can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Bait (DVD) – Tidal waves hit Australia and put their version of Wal-Mart trapped under water and sharks attacking the trapped survivors. A former lifeguard, his ex, and Dr. Doom try to help get the survivors out before Australian Jaws eats everyone. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Dead Air (DVD) – One of my favorite underrated actors Gregory Hines is a DJ in this 90s film that has his character haunted by a female phone caller that seems to be getting in his mind and screwing with him or is she? The film is influenced by Clint Eastwood’s “Play Misty for Me” but gives the story a different twist. If you are a Gregory Hines fan the film is worth a watch as I give it 2 stars.

Found

Found (Vimeo) – An award winning independent film made for about $8000 with the story revolving around a 12 year old boy who is at that awkward age of “are you a boy, are you a teenager?” The boy is named Marty and narrates a lot of the film as Marty looks up to his older brother who likes horror movies and does not have many friends. But Marty’s brother does have a secret and it is in the closet in a bowling ball bag. Marty likes to go and inspect what’s in the bag as it changes often. Marty doesn’t have many friends either and gets bullied often in school but he is more concerned learning more about his brother because he looks up to him and his parents who don’t care for the brother. But as we get to the heart of the film, the movie goes from a story of a boy’s innocence and awkwardness to complete off the hinge brutality in the last 20 or 30 minutes that will leave your jaw hanging open! This movie is amazing and has one of the best endings since the release of the horror film “Inside”! One of the best independent films that I have seen in 2014 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.  It is available on DVD at amazon.com and if it helps it got banned twice in Australia because its original cut of the film. It also won the first ever Elvira’s Horror Hunt Film Festival. More about the film can be found at: http://www.theoctoberpeople.net/ or their Facebook page of the same name.

 

Escape Plan (DVD) – Stallone, Arnie, Vinnie Jones, 50 Cent, Sam Neil, that dude that played Jesus, that weird chubby dude from “Full Metal Jacket”, who isn’t in this flick? Stallone breaks out of prison for a living to show flaws in the system for the government, etc. to fix. This time Stallone is given a job for a prison that no one knows the location and it is for people the world just wants them to disappear. It’s a new high tech prison like no other and there is no escape until Stallone meets Arnold, together they can break out of the place! This is high grade action-cheese that I love… This is the kinda of stuff I was screaming for in the early 90s and my wishes have been granted with this flick, “The Expendables”, “JCVD”, etc. I give it 3 stars.

 

Fast & Furious 6 (DVD) – These car racing, drug dealing, weapons stealing, completely unrealistic movie plots are my guilty non-horror pleasure for the mere reason they are entertaining and I get to see Jason Statham fuck somebody up even its for only 30 seconds. This series proves Vin Diesel may not be the best actor but he is a smart one because he knows what makes money… I give it 3 stars.

 

Leprechaun Origins (DVD/remake) – The film that has been four or five years in the making is a giant disappointment. Four tourists visit a small Irish village for the history only to be locked in a cabin to be a sacrifice for a creature that loves gold. They escape and learn they are not the only ones that have been sacrificed for this creature. But apparently some folks stole a bunch of gold 15 years ago and the creature aka leprechaun is pissed off and these folks try to please him by giving him random tourists to kill. Let’s be realistic the “Leprechaun” series isn’t Oscar worthy material. But it was fun cheesy entertainment that had “Leprechaun Fly Girls”! This new version pretty much turns the character we all know and love into a SyFy Channel monster movie of the week. GIMME MOTHER FUCKING WARWICK DAVIS!!! I wasn’t opposed to an update or Dylan Postal aka Hornswoggle playing the leprechaun character but with all the blur effect, the make-up and creatures effects what was the point? But be warned by the lackluster movie I was waiting for and was disappointed by as I give it 1 ½ stars at the most.

dead-snow-2-red-vs-dead-poster-and-synopsis

Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead (On Demand) – We see Martin has survived the bloodbath of the first film but has forgotten he has a gold coin in the car and the Nazi zombies still want it! After Martin has driven off the road and wrecked. The Nazi zombies have a new mission and they need new soldiers to complete it. Meanwhile Martin has a zombie arm reattached to his body and is believed by police to have killed everyone on the mountain top. Martin knows he must stop Herzog and his zombie army or this will never end. Martin gets in touch with the Zombie Squad through the internet and they are hell bent on helping Martin stopping the Nazi zombie army from completing their mission! The sequel is just as awesome as the first flick and like the first film “Dead Snow 2” wastes no time making sure this will be a memorable and over the edge zombie film you will never forget. We got supernatural zombie arms, gore, zombies driving tanks, kids getting smashed and torn to pieces, Russian soldier zombies, more gore, reviving zombies all what you would expect from a sequel to one of the most memorable zombie films ever made ! I give the flick 4 stars and to me is one of the best horror movies of 2014…

 

The Chilling (VHS) – Linda Blair plays a character named Mary who helps clients through the process of having their loved ones transition to the cryo freezing process in hopes of a better tomorrow. But Mary doesn’t know the doctor and his assistant that she works for are selling the people’s organs in Mexico for big bucks. That is until during a bad storm on Halloween night lightening hits the building and the cryo tubes that turns all in them into burned C.H.U.D. imitations who are pissed off and fucking people up. With the help of a client and Grizzly Adams playing a security guard they must refreeze the weird zombie/creatures in order to escape. Great low budget/late 80s fun that I give 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.