Gross Movie Reviews #521

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Gross Movie Reviews #521

 

Exorcism at 60000 Feet (DVD) – This is the horror film version of ‘Airplane’ that stars few horror convention all-stars with music from Richard Band. Viet Kong Airways is having its last flight to Vietnam and Father Romero is onboard taking a trip after a tiring exorcism. But noises keep being heard in the cargo area of the plane as the demon spirit of Bill Moseley as hitched a ride and hell-bent on haunting the good father.  One by one the demon possesses the passengers on board and kills them in horrific ways as it tries to get closer to the priest. The film has all kinds of political incorrectness good or bad that steals its plot from that ‘Twilight Zone’ episode. The film starts off funny for the first twenty minutes but quickly the joke dies of a horrible dull death causing me to only give this film 1 ½ stars and it stars Lance Henriksen as the pilot for the love of Rutger Hauer.

 

Spree (On Demand) – Another film that reminds me that I am getting older and it is possible this film is only aimed for a certain small age bracket of audience? Kurt is an average dude who like most young people these days has his whole life on social media or in this case “Kurt’s World”. A streaming channel that barely has double digit followers and Kurt so wants to be internet famous like most young people these days. After many years of trying to have everyone accept him as an internet influencer has a chance meeting with an up and coming comedian that has a hundred thousand followers enters his Uber, oh I mean ‘Spree’ car for a ride. From here he has installed cameras throughout the vehicle recording everything and was already in the process of his plan of becoming a serial killer just for the clicks and follows. Remember kids if you are not trying to be an influencer then you are no one! One day changes it all as Kurt decides to kill his online bully and takeover his feed and the downward murder spree goes from there as it all leads back to the popular comedian he is obsessed with. This of course goes viral. For me I can totally believe this is where society is going anymore just because I have little faith in humanity for how it has been acting recently. But saying that I found the film annoying from the beginning and found the Kurt character super annoying which the filmmaker may have been going for anyway? For all I have said I still believe this film is literally made for a small audience that I am not a part so go figure as I give this unlikable film a ½ star. Wouldn’t be surprised people under the age of 21 feel this is the “Best Movie of 2020?”

 

The Pact (DVD) – Another sub-par paranormal goobly goo nonsense where a young woman named Annie moves into a family home that is haunted. Instead of leaving of course she needs to know more about her family. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I feel most paranormal films fail to ever impress me because they are usually boring and really do not come up with something interesting or maybe new to make the viewing memorable? There is a few out there I enjoy but I feel studios mass produce this type of cheap thrill more than zombie flicks as I only give this 1 star. If you need to abuse yourself more this film does have sequels… If you care Casper Van Dien shows up in the picture.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (DVD) – This 1980 sex comedy is a prime example of a film that find that niche between porn and a R-rated film that has one very short sex romp. William Warkoff owns a popular Hollywood studio wants his producers to find the next big hit to film and make him millions of dollars as his studio is falling behind in these modern times. They come across this “Happy Hooker” book that would be the perfect project for the studio. Problem is the Happy Hooker herself, Ms. Hollander wants to come to Hollywood from New York and discuss terms and be sure her story is told correctly. The studio doesn’t care for that so once there Ms. Hollander feels she gets the run around. This causes a young and talented grandson to convince Ms. Hollander the film could be made independently. They come up with a script and then come up with how they can get the funds as Hollander’s lawyer and let’s say friends are called in from New York. Of course hijinks ensue with lots of nudity that includes a butt shot from the legendary Adam West! There is a scene I was surprised we didn’t get to see his dong as it came close. Before Skinamax, Viewer’s Choice, and satellite porn channels you had these popular sex comedies that ride the edge of the ratings system as I give the film 2 ½ stars.     

 

After Doomsday (DVD) – Lilith lives in a world that has recently fell apart that she wanders looking for anything that has survived. Biggest problem is she just wanders! No mutants, no assless chaps with motorcycles, any plagues, etc. Just flashbacks of military pilots discussing before they blow up the world and a subplot of Lilith’s husband who knows about the oncoming apocalypse and is trying to get in with the 1%. Yeah I know there isn’t much budget and do not tell me it’s art, but yinz could have fleshed out this subplot with the husband much more to make this film at least watchable. Forgive me but this movie is an undesirable bag of hot garbage that doesn’t even deserve a rating because it is so bad!

 

Apocalypse Road (DVD) – I am never done abusing myself with bad post-apocalyptic films as I found this film about two sisters wandering the wasteland with a sniper tracking them. As they are chased by the sniper they get separated and make their own ways to the coast as if this will save them both. They were wrong and this was another big waste of my time as not a whole happens except the sniper chasing them from beginning to end and do not care if there was an actual reason as I give it 0 stars.

Castle Freak (Shudder/remake) – So hey kids Fangoria are at it again as they helped reboot another Charles Band classic in “Castle Freak”. The original starred Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton and it was directed by Stuart Gordon with a small but vicious cult following for the film. This time a twenty something woman Rebecca and her asshat boyfriend John are in a car accident that causes her to go blind. Meanwhile in Albania the mother she never knew about is keeping a creature in the basement of a castle locked up and whips herself for acknowledging it. The mother passes away and Rebecca inherits the castle and the creature she doesn’t know about. Once there her boyfriend is trying to sell everything quickly and lies to Rebecca whenever he can as he needs drugs again just to deal with the situation. But Becks becomes curious of the castle as she cannot see but constantly hears sounds behind the walls and becomes even more curious when an ancient book is found in her mother’s closet. Once their friends get there from the states to help move stuff the one friend they call the professor begins to read the book and believe Becks isn’t crazy. The book speaks of “The Old Ones” and “Cthulhu” and on top of that the professor discovers the creature in the basement is Becks twin sister from her grandfather and the disgusting rape of her mother. Just like the original it starts off slow but unlike the original I believe this has more plot to give and enjoyed where the climax of the film goes. I liked the original and I liked this film but neither was over the top wonderful as I just believe it does deserve a chance as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Yes we are crazy as we got two more episodes for your listening pleasures

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This week we return despite the corona virus to bring you some more movies to talk about.  First we have Sybil Danning in PANTHER SQUAD.  Then John breaks out another made for television flick directed by Stephen Spielberg in SOMETHING EVIL. And lastly Kyle talks about fish dudes chasing some folks around a village in Europe in Stuart Gordon’s H.P. Lovecraft adaptation DAGON.  Also we have tales of drinking with Sasquatch, why Kyle loves to see Thor slapping children, How to cure your dog of every aliment.  And as always we read your questions, and chat about what we have been watching this week.  So, download this episode or the band A.C. will play your bar-mitzvah.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week in celebration of beating the Corona virus we change it up a little and talk about our own personal memories of our local mom and pop video stores.  What were the movies you rented?  What local weirdos were lurking about?  What strange things happened in that weird “back room”?  All will be explained!  Also we cover what we have been watching and have a ton of stories from the fans about their own local video stores.  So download this episode or all your late fees will double.

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Gross Movie Reviews #353

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Gross Movie Reviews #353

 

By Tim Gross

 

Stone Cold (DVD) – A very underrated action flick from the early 90s starring none other than Brain Bosworth as Officer Hough who goes undercover for the FBI. Hough’s undercover name is John Stone and the reason the FBI was interested in the Boz is he gets the job done. But this gig might be too much as he must get tight with a murderous biker gang lead by the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and his insane cohort William Forsythe! He gets in by going to kill a traitor of the gang. Boz actually deports the guy and uses him for information but comes back to haunt him later in the film. A lot of fun B-movie action with a couple A-list actors that I believe has gotten better with age. So do yourself a favor if you are action movie fan and rewatch this flick as I give 3 stars and then after that watch the 30 for 30 special on ‘The Boz’ and it puts a lot of things in focus if you were ever a fan of ‘The Boz’?

 

Aftermath (DVD) – Edward Furlong and Monica Keena star in what I claim is a remake of the 80s TV movie “The Day After”. As people are effected by the nuclear bombs that have been dropped on US soil one day. Trying to ride it out in a basement eventually they are driven out by crazed survivors of the devastation. Sad, depressing, and a little realistic like “The Day After” but well worth the watch if you enjoy post-apocalyptic flicks? I give the depressing look at what may happen someday 3 stars.

 

The Dead 2: India (DVD) – The zombie saga continues as apparently the sickness has reached the slums of a major city in India and the story centers around an American engineer and his Indian girlfriend. Just finding out she is pregnant he is trying to make his way to her home to help her and her family to escape the outbreak. Not as intriguing as the first film but not as boring either but my main issue is they seem to mail in on the effects. Like or not the first film had some amazing effects work. I watched it mainly because it is a sequel but I wouldn’t make it a point to go out of your way to see it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Hell Baby (DVD) – A hilarious flick about a couple who buy a house that happens to be haunted, has Key from the Key & Peele show living in the duct work, and was a steal because it was in a bad neighborhood. Soon the couple realize that the baby that is coming a spawn from hell and they need an exorcism. Hilarity ensues as it does make fun of several recent films but possibly the best part of the film is Key’s character as he just pops up everywhere in the house in almost every scene and has most of the great lines. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Gallowwalkers (DVD) – I personally was hoping Wesley Snipes first horror movie in sometime would may be a “Blade” sequel but instead was this oddity of a bad film. Wesley Snipes’ character murders the gang that rape his woman, then they come back to life killing across the old west. And now Snipes is hunting them down again. Doesn’t make a ton of sense and kinda boring but couldn’t help myself wanting to see Wesley Snipes in another horror flick. I am disappointed and must give the film 1 star.

 

Sharks’ Treasure (DVD) – A 1975 film most likely trying to cash in on the “Jaws” fame with four dudes (one of them Yaphet Kotto) going to seek a sure thing in treasure off a small island. Once found and celebrating they are boarded by escape convicts that are looking for a boat to take them to freedom. Now the four must decide do they want to live or die trying to keep the treasure they have found. Not the most exciting shark film but you do get to see Yaphet Kotto fight a shark and that’s worth 2 stars alone.

 

Rites of Spring (DVD) – For the past years in this small community in Mississippi, young women of disappeared around the first day of spring. Now kidnappers of rich dude’s kid get involved by accident when a girl screaming bloody murder runs through the kidnapping gone bad and they all must deal with some creature that decapitates people. Apparently a farmer uses this creature for an early harvest every year and it has been a part of the family throughout generations. Great looking box art, but disappointing attempt at a scarecrow slasher type of horror film. There was nothing very memorable about the film as I give it 1 ½ stars.

call-girl-of-cthulhu

Call Girl of Cthulhu (Blu-ray/DVD) – First, great title for an independent horror film. Second, it’s been picked up by Camp Motion Pictures so you the horror fan including myself are going to be in for a treat. The story begins with a man named Carter Wilcox, who is trying to explain the events that have happened recently while he sits in front of a detective that wants answers. Mr. Wilcox is an artist but he is a lonely artist with a noisy roommate named Erika. Carter has a chance meeting with an escort named Riley who Wilcox asks to paint her. They become friendly and boom ‘The Great Old Ones’ are in town looking for a woman with a Cthulhu birthmark on her ass (Riley). Going through all the escorts in town they finally know its Riley. Once captured, she becomes the vessel for the legendary evil creature and breaks off her relationship with Wilcox. But meanwhile Wilcox just got a gig copying an old weird book. Then we got death by dildo and plastic fan, a really cool tongue cutting scene, heads exploding, zombie whores, crazy gore and goo flying everywhere, Riley turns into really weird and awful looking creature that resembles Chet from “Weird Science”, and it’s all happening at the ‘Church of Starry Wisdom’. First half of the film is a lot of tits and ass but once the film progresses into the Cthulhu mythology of how ‘The Great Old Ones’ are trying to bring Cthulhu into the world the film gets really interesting and entertaining. With the title it has it is expected to have some nude scenes but I was more impressed with not only the creature and cool make-up effects but the awesome and entertaining storyline plus the actors that played Riley, Carter, and Erika did a wonderful job. Also the Blu-ray combo pack has one of the best extras I have come across this year and it’s called: “My 5-year old niece explains Cthulhu”. It is so cute and so freaking hilarious! I have to give this entertaining independent horror/comedy 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Do yourself a favor and order a copy now at: www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Non-stop (DVD) – Liam Neeson proves this flick is no “Passenger 57” or “Executive Decision” and makes no sense why he would do this uninteresting action flick over an “A-team” sequel. Found it boring at times, skip this one folks and go watch “Run All Night” or “Taken” again as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

We got a bonus episode up for yinz!

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Unnamable

 

This week Tim and Kyle take on an H.P.Lovecraft adaptation in The Unnamable, and we see what happens when George C. Scott’s daughter turns to a life of porn in the late 70’s in Hardcore directed by the great Paul Schrader.  We also have updates, your questions, and talk about what we have been watching!

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/