Tag Archives: SOV

Gross Movie Reviews #596

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Terror Squad (VHS/YouTube) – This 1988 forgotten action gem falls into the category of “it’s so bad it is fucking wonderful”. The film opens with a rally of sorts and people saying, “Death to America”, (sounds familiar but it’s the Libyans)… Yes the folks who seem to be the bad guys of the 80s for most action flicks. Anyhow, the terrorist army and I mean four of them cross a small body of water over the Canadian border into small town Indiana. Their evil goals are takeover or destroy a small nuclear power plant in this small town. Well that plan goes south quickly and the other three wait in the car to watch so authorities can start chasing them through this small town for over 35 minutes that includes town sheriff Chuck Connors in a Brooklyn Dodgers jacket in which the car chase turns into a murderous rampage! But back to Chuck Connors for a minute as I am watching this flick and after the car chase is done and the terrorists decide to hold the local high school detention hall as hostages he is wearing this jacket while negotiating for the hostages. Now no one else in frame is wearing a jacket including our favorite “Dawn of the Dead” actor Ken Foree! So what is the point of this? Is there some kind of symbolism that I am missing? Why am I so fascinated by this even though Chuck Connors was like an actual college basketball star which made super focus that much more on him wearing this jacket? I mean for the love of Rutger Hauer he is the fucking sheriff but come on people is this in his contract somewhere? Because here is the thing I have watched a few late-80s films starring Chuck Connors and this fucking jacket appears randomly for no reason… I NEED TO KNOW! So back to the review kids: first half of the movie car chase with terrorists and having dumbest Hollywood police force since “Smokey and the Bandit” and second half of movie Libyans take hostages in a high school detention hall with Chuck Connors blurting out a few times, “We don’t need the FBI!” Yep, got it, good, because this film was entertaining as hell and had me laughing for days so it gets 3 stars folks!

Catch the Heat (DVD/YouTube) – Or by some chance you are watching the Australian version of the film it is called “Feel the Heat”.  It is 1987, an action film with an Asian federal agent undercover named Cinderella Poo kicking ass against the likes of Rod Steiger, Brian Thompson, and Professor Toru Tanaka! (I am pausing a minute for those of you that don’t understand and the others went looking immediately for this film on their phones or nearest streaming sites to start watching NOW!) Okay kids for those of you that are still reading not knowing who those people are thank you for being younger than me and giving a shit by reading the rest of this review. An uncover federal agent named Checkers heads from San Francisco to Buenos Aires to track down the big boss that is sending large shipments of drugs to the US and getting fine women’s breasts butchered… Here she gets close to the big boss man by being a dancer who is looking to move up to Hollywood. One by one she fucks bad guys’ asses up to bring down Hannibal aka Rod Steiger the boss. The fight scenes are entertaining, the dialogue is absolutely hilarious at times, and I dare you to tell me this isn’t a fun action flick as I give it 3 stars.

The Hackers (DVD) – This lesser known SOV flick is about three weirdos and a truck that drive around for odd jobs of fixing up homes, cabins, etc., out in the sticks. While not working they keep bothering a beautiful woman who just happens to be housesitting. First 15 minutes is where all the murders happen and then an hour of torturing this poor lady n’at. Yinz will absolutely hate the ending or semi-like it and feel that the movie makes some kind of sense is the best way to describe where this film goes as its worth at least one watch as I give it 2 stars.

Nightmare at 43 Hillcrest (DVD/YouTube) – Thanks to an overseas friend for pointing out this weirdo TV movie that feels like a more dramatic ‘After School Special’ about drugs and corrupt cops. A well-known police detective and his associate hit a house for a drug bust, problem is they fucked up and hit the wrong house. Instead of being empty handed and a laughing stock they plant drugs and turn this family’s life upside down. This TV movie looks more like a soap opera from the 70s more than anything but it was a well spent 70-some minutes as I give this special 2 stars.

In Search of Darkness: Part III (Shudder) – If your brain didn’t melt the first two times taking in all the beautiful horror that was out there in the universe? Well this documentary ups its game with going over 5 ½ hours! Enjoy 80s horror kids as this will last longer than that boner you keep trying to have with those generic pills that keep saying you have “low-T” at the age of 20? Any doodles yinz have fun with this because it was just as glorious as the others as I give this documentary 4 stars.

Last Man on Earth (Blu-ray) – Being a Vincent Price fan and being a fan of this film I don’t know if I ever put out a propper review of this flick? I mean honestly most horror fans over the age of 12 have seen or have said something about this film… Fan or not (which I am not) of the Will Smith film “I Am Legend” many youngsters seeked out the original. Now there will always be debate which film is the best version or interputation (mine is The Omega Man) of the original source material but that is for a whole other conversation? We are talking this 1964 film about gloom and doom that has possibly the most serious role of Vincent Price’s career? Price is Professor Robert Morgan and it is now 1968: a few years have passed since the plague started, he lost his wife and daughter, and he became the supposedly last survivor of mankind. During the day he tries to do clean up of the corpses in the street, get food, gas, and find the nest of ghouls that come out at night for him. This all stems from a possible airbourne virus that started in Europe that the professor may have immunity? (sounds interesting like now but funny how this film wasn’t brought up when the COVID shit went down) Back to the review, the ghouls, vampires, zombies, whatever you wanna call them are afraid of daylight, can speak, stakes to the chest kill them, garlic keeps them away, might be a vampire germ, and only come out at night. As you see the film plays with the lines or mythology of vampirism and zombies (especially before it was a term on the tips of tongues of every horror movie fan). The good professor believes he is doing something right until he meets a woman in Ruth who is half and half and learns he maybe the real monster? But pay attention to the dialogue about violence and society trying to survive because I think this why horror movie fans hold on to this version more than the others. For years if you are my age you grew up grainy versions of this film but with technology into DVDs the film looks never better but depending streaming, Blu-ray, etc., there is little differences in credits, beginning of the film , even the ending. Nothing crazy but stuff that the nerds will stay up at night knowing you didn’t know? No matter what the film is timeless in the fact of Vincent Price’s role but the subject matter and what it set up for a genre for decades to come so enjoy as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Haunted (DVD) – This 1995 film is about the paranormal but not just your ordinary ghost flick that at the time it was made may have flown under the radar unlike today if it would have been released. It begins in 1905 England where a boy loses his twin sister in an unfortunate accident that causes his mother to take him to the states until many years later. Now 1928, Aidan Quinn the grown up boy is back in England as a Professor and who has written a popular book proving ghosts don’t exist. After being contacted by an older woman several times he heads to a large property to debunk the latest haunting. There he meets a young and stunning woman in Kate Beckinsale who her and her two brothers have come back to Nanny to live since their parents have died in a monsoon. Shortly after the good professor believes Miss Webb is disturbed but soon finds his reality unraveling. The film goes in weird areas that include incest, who is alive, and how far is Christina willing to go to keep the professor there to stay? The film might be much more story driven than most ghost stories these days but stick with it as this is an interesting paranormal film that has quite an ending I think you may like as I give the film 3 stars.

The Banana Splits Movie (Blu-ray) – An absolute fun film about a kids television show from the late 60s and 70s that wasn’t perfect but now that I got the blu-ray it was time to revisit this fun creation. The April Fool’s joke that never went away and most likely never get a sequel was something off the wall and different than what horror fans are fed on a regular basis. Remember the show must go on but weird thing the Blu-ray doesn’t have a commentary but a cuple other extras worth oogling. If yinz are still into physical media like myself this is worth grabbing at the right price as I still give it 3 stars but also something tells me this will disappear if there is another upgrade in DVD/Blu-ray tech just some genre titles have in the past?

Phenomena (4K Ultra HD Set) – Just when I thought I seen it all Synapse has upgraded one of Argento’s weirdest flicks to the latest tech where the sound is somehow that much better and the colors are ridiculous. Now this one is a weird but understandable choice as American audiences just eat up anything Argento. This new set works on two fronts… if by some chance you never picked up the original US Blu-ray that first featured all three versions of the film well here is your chance to finally upgrade. Second front is, there is a different documentary on this new 4K version that wasn’t on the original Blu-ray set from a couple years ago. But outside of the new slipcase there isn’t much difference exception for the nerd that is in you. Yeah this weirdo Argento flick literally jumps off the screen but this new version really is about color and sound and if you got all the new tech in HDTV and 4K player stuff. Don’t get my wrong I enjoy Donald Pleasance and Jennifer Connelly but this set is literally made for the movie nerds in the US that may have not gotten that chance to get those selected huge box sets that were released overseas. I still give the flick 3 stars and 4 out of 4 to Synapse Films for putting this package together but this will be more for those who haven’t upgraded yet more than anything. But again Synapse is smart… Argento in 4K… I can hear the movie being shipped to many as we speak. For details on the new package check out www.synapse-films.com .

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #581

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The Veil (DVD) – Didn’t hear much about this Jessica Alba and Thomas Jane flick which I believe is under the Blumhouse Pictures umbrella? Usually that is never good when it comes to some of these bigger budgeted horror flicks as this one involves a lone survivor of a suicide cult heads back to where it happened 25 years later with a film crew doing a documentary on it. Kind of boring and pretty much looked like a lot of the exorcism films that were flooding the genre at the time as I give it 1 star.

Dead Tone (DVD) – A 2007 horror film that was a part of the quick and forgettable “Flavor Flav’s Nite Tales” series… but let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. The story begins with a bunch of kids at a sleepover while the adults are partying decide to have fun by ‘crank calling people’. This is what was thought to be a fun event leads to a mysterious individual showing up to the home and rampaging through almost everyone with an ax! About a decade or so later the movie leads to a couple of college students heading to an “end of the semester” party and that means party games. The crank call game is called “75”, you got to keep whoever on the other line for 75 seconds and make them believe whatever you say is truly going on. Once again the murderer is back slaughtering college students to add to the body count while an old grizzled detective played by Rutger Hauer who was in on the original murders believes the cold case needs fresh eyes and answers as he investigates. Not original but a little spin on an old idea with a big body count and having Rutger Hauer makes this a pleasant surprise when looking for some horror titles you may not know about as I give the film 3 stars.

I Was A Teenage Zombie (DVD) – A low budget film that many don’t remember from 1987 aka “Atomic Thrill” but will most likely enjoy it if they see it now as it embodied what a Troma film was at the time and for some odd reason it isn’t a Troma flick. School buddies wanting weed for their spring high school dance screw up and kill their new drug supplier. So to cover it up they throw him into the river that has had a recent toxic spill. Thinking everything is good the small time drug lord is now a zombie and coming for revenge against the high schoolers. When they fail to capture or kill the zombie they come up with a better idea after one of their best friends die… Throw him into the river so they can fight a zombie with a zombie. Hilarious from beginning to end and would not be surprised that one of the companies is working on a Blu-ray release as I give it 3 stars?   

Blood Rush: DNA (DVD) – An uneventful 1998 film I believe was possibly an Aussie flick that got released in Japan? The whole point of the film is two groups of people competing in a four day event called “Adrenaline Fest” but also heard it called “Survival Fest” about halfway through the film. Anyhow these two groups of folks race over rough mountainous jungle terrain only to come face to face with a Power Rangers extra. The colorful oversized Luchador begins to quickly dispatch the competitors in this lame creature flick that I give a ½ stars too.

Beyond the Rising Moon (DVD) – Another unknown sci-fi film from the early 90s that has been rereleased under the title “Outerworld”. It’s the future of course and a woman cyborg who just happened to be the perfect creation has decided on its own to stop being a corporate spy and keep the secret info about a wrecked alien ship on another planet that several corporations would love to lay claim too. She is a product of corporate warfare and her handler has pushed the button to make her head explode in three days. Now it’s a race between the handler and the cyborg and her new companion who is just trying to make a few bucks to transport through space to find this ship. Think of a much lower budgeted and even less interesting version of “Johnny Mnemonic” but may have been released before it??? Either way I can only give this film 1 star.

Boris Karloff: The Man behind the Monster (Shudder) – A very in-depth look into the Hollywood life of an iconic figure who I believe his presence only has grown since his death many years ago and that is Boris Karloff. It just doesn’t just cover the usual suspect in “Frankenstein” but goes through his life and his thoughts of his legacy and how he reinvented himself so late into his career because he was that talented. Since I first could say this man’s name I am still finding films with him in it and respect him more and more with each passing day. This is a must watch for any type of horror movie and monster film fan and believe me if you never had an appreciation for Karloff before you will now as I give this documentary 4 stars.

The Found Footage Phenomenon (Shudder) – I am not a huge found footage film fan but this film interest me as they track down a lot of people involved with found footage films and do some great in-depth interviews. The formula, who made them, why so many suck out loud, and breaking down the technology that may have helped one or two along? Again not a fan of found footage stuff but this is a real interesting film for any independent filmmaker that is about to try bringing their project to life… Good stuff here and enjoyed this more than I thought I would as I give it 3 ½ stars.

X (DVD) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2022 and me of course being late to the party because I am busy watching everything else that nobody else pays attention too. We get a great opening 90 seconds that lets the viewer they could be in for a treat? Set in the late 70s (believe the movie clapper said 1979) where a small film crew heads to an unknown old farmhouse where they are renting it for their porn shoot. The plan is to give tasteful porn for the upcoming home video market. Things seem to go great and until the old people renting the place are horny and distant relatives of Leatherface! There is a lot of buildup and a good bit of dialogue (including a great inner discussion of doing porn and how it was looked upon at that time) but stick with it as the film does payoff. Nothing that is going to blow your doors off but a fun little twist to a story that has been told many ways over the years as I give it 3 stars. Lesson: always beware of lonely old creepy people!

Suburban Sasquatch (Blu-ray) – A cult status kind of S.O.V. flick from 2004 that has a pissed off Bigfoot fucking people up in small-town (Woodstown), Pa. Plain and simple Sasquatch goes on a killing spree and a reporter trying to get the story decides he must help out a Native American warrior to bring down the mystical creature. It is the responsibility of some tribes to always keep Sasquatch in check over hundreds of years. This horrible movie is downright hilarious between dialogue, the acting, but what does it for me is the absolute bad CGI that will make you laugh for days. I understand why this film is gaining the cult status it has and this new Blu-ray has all the extras independent fans have wanted and will enjoy as I give this fun film 3 stars. The only thing I didn’t get was how in the hell this film go 100 minutes?

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #334

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Gross Movie Reviews #334

 

By Tim Gross

 CRXL_Zombie_Movie_Poster

Thr33 Days Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – This feature was a product of a SyFy Channel reality show called “Town of the Living Dead”. I believe it was 12 half hour episodes of a film crew struggling for the past six years to make a zombie movie in Jasper, Alabama on no budget. If they finish it they get their film to premiere on SyFy Channel? Well, of course they finished it, problem is unless you were retarded like me and checked for the 1 am time it was listed you were not going to see the finished product. Good, bad, ugly idea… I was just glad SyFy threw the film on TV. But from what I have read it didn’t get good enough ratings to warrant a Saturday night time slot which kinda sucked. Personally, I hope someone takes notice of the idea not the movie? Great idea, poor execution of a movie… But anyhow without ranting on about this idea the six years in the making zombie movie suffers like most independent movies that go on way too long from no budget. It doesn’t hurt to think big when zombies are attacking a small town but if you don’t have the resources to pull it off you get this finished project. Three guys trying to survive a zombie apocalypse with impossible odds. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Happy Horror

Happy Hour Holocaust (DVD) – A fun anthology film project directed and written by Jim Roberts and has help behind and in front of the camera from two other talented people in Tim Novotny and Jorge Delarosa. These three independent filmmakers finally have come together to start making projects and I FUCKING LOVE THE IDEA! These three guys have done impressive and different stuff the past couple years that have me absolutely salivating for what they do next…? But in the meantime we get this fun Indy project that taught me three things: 1) Crazy people should always get their meds, 2) don’t trust a cute girl that’s psycho, 3) and don’t trust an empty bar on Halloween night! Also there is way too much crotch mutilation in this flick so dudes prepare to cringe at least three times. Horror fans talk of Ty West, Eli Roth, etc., I say fuck that shit! These are the filmmakers to pay attention too: Jim Roberts, Tim Novotny, and Jorge Delarosa. Remember the names because they are the future of horror! I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The House That Dripped Blood (DVD) – A great and subtle flick about a house that has a past of people dying in it for various reasons. Not the best film starring these folks: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Ingrid Pitt, and that dude from Indiana Jones but a great excuse to watch a cool British horror film from the early 70s. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Abraxas: The Guardian of the Universe (VHS) – Well if Jesse “The Body” Ventura is the guardian of the universe in 1990 I rather he pass onto another planet and let us die out because the movie should be arrested for viewer’s abuse! Leave it to me to find a horrible movie even by my standards starring Jesse Ventura. Jesse is a “Finder”, a peace officer in intergalactic terms. Well his partner has just determine he wants more power to rule the universe so he goes to earth impregnate some blonde bimbo that just happens to be Jim Belushi’s second wife so he can come back and rip a code out of the child’s brain! Five years go by after the incident and Jesse’s partner busts out of intergalactic prison to go find his non-verbal alien kid. I have more fun dealing with “Crown Royal” hangovers than watch this flick again. I give it 0 stars and thanks to Jesse for ruining the thought of him being anytime of actor.

 

Lifeform (VHS) – The movie is also known as “Invader” on DVD. The film is a pleasant surprise if you are a sci-fi/horror nerd. The mid-90s flick is about the Viking II satellite comes back to earth mysteriously after 15 years ago it being sent to Mars. Scientists get ahold of it to study it before the military is about take it away  but find it may have a stowaway. Is the alien life form there to kill or communicate? One thing is for sure we are not alone in the universe in this flick that sports some cool creature effects as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Mardi Gras for the Devil (VHS) – The early 90s film is also known as “Night Trap” on a very crappy DVD. We got a long-haired bad ass demon serial killer in Michael Ironside who is slashing his way through New Orleans. A detective in Robert Davi is trying to find a way to stop the supernatural killer as long as his boss played by John Amos doesn’t stop him. Boobs, blood, and Michael Ironside being Michael Ironside make this a must see feature as I give it 3 stars.

Mr. Ice

Mr. Ice Cream Man (VHS) – Don’t get me wrong I love SOV independent flicks they can be so much fun. This isn’t one of those times as I try to stay awake through this boring story of a man who kills and stores his victims on his ice cream truck. Sounds familiar? Yeah, do yourself a favor and stick with the Clint Howard classic. I give this flick a ½ star.

 

Season of the Witch (VHS) – A very trippy early 70s film that just happens to be George Romero’s third film and was also released under the title “Hungry Wives”. The movie is a product of its times and doesn’t hold up well but is a great story of a woman named Joan that is tired of her normal routine life of being Jack’s wife, a housewife. So she turns to witchcraft! Interesting and weird and for that I give it 2 stars.

Mutant World (DVD/SyFy Channel) – A great concept film that should have been so much more but fizzled is about a meteor about to hit Pennsylvania and cause an apocalypse. Doomsday preppers in Colorado hide in their bunker for ten years only to come out to be greeted by mutants who want to eat them. The film spends more time on the Doomsday preppers arguing than fleshing out the story about humans finding a way to survive ten years after the catastrophe. I give it 2 stars.

 

Late Phases (DVD) – A blind Vietnam vet is being moved into a senior community by his son only on his first to have his neighbor attacked by a werewolf. He soon finds out there has been a lot of dogs missing and attacks once a month in the community chalked up to wildlife since the gated community was built near some dense woods. The blind vet decides he has a month to prepare and figure out who is the werewolf and kill it and the movie fleshes it out brilliantly. Great flick, Tom Noonan as a priest, and Robert Kurtzman as creature effects supervisor, count me in on this being one of the best horror flicks of 2014 as I give 4 stars.

Blood Lake

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys (DVD) – A horror film that premiered on Animal Planet of all places has found its way onto DVD for all of us ‘killer animal film’ lovers. The film is the latest project from filmmaker James Cullen Bressack who seems to be one busy dude these days. An officer from the Fish and Wildlife just happens to be spending the summer at a small town in Michigan where there are lampreys invading the fishing areas and it needs to be resolved. Christopher Lloyd stars as the mayor of the small town and wants it done in one day but doesn’t understand the lampreys are a much bigger problem than he realizes as people are being attacked and eaten in the lake, their home, out on the road. The lampreys multiply quickly and try to eat the town whole. The film also stars Shannon Doherty (who pops up in the weirdest of movies these days), Zack Ward, and Fred Stoller. And let’s not forget the lampreys face death by weedwacker!  It’s a hilarious killer animal movie that kept my interest as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found on amazon.com.

 

Hazard Jack (DVD) – An Afghan war vet is having trouble adjusting to society so he decides to set up shop in an abandon hospital to torture and kill people in to get his frustration out. He gets pissed when some college kids decide they want to play paintball in his home and they bring a pregnant woman with them. Which of course means for the integrity of the plot he cannot kill her that would be just wrong? There is lots of blood, sex, and useless plot but this film is exception to the rule of it equaling a great horror flick as it insults horror fans more than entertaining them as I give it 1 star.

 

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You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.