Gross Movie Reviews #438

0

Gross Movie Reviews #438

 

Happy Hour Holocaust 2: The Second Round (DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers ‘Jim Roberts’ is back at it again with his crew. They recently finished up a sequel to their fun anthology film they released a couple years back. I have had this film sitting in my possession for almost two months. Jim wanted me to hold off because he had a little bit more editing left but I could not wait any longer as I am a huge fan of his work. And his crew that consists of his family and Jorge Delarosa are some of the coolest down to earth talented people you could ever meet. This new anthology of course expands the role of the bartender who does the wrap around story along with one of the best made movie openings I have ever witnessed. Great stuff guys! Wonderful music and effects blended together to set the mood of this independent feature. Our bartender has another three stories to tell: first was a reality show of drunken house flippers and what’s in the basement? Second is about mom and two brothers who have to take care of her. (Reviewed this short while back) Third is about a lonely dude out in the woods that seeks revenge for his dog. As usual Jim and family put together a tightly knit cast and film with some of the best special-effects you will see in an independent film on the east coast! A well-executed follow up film for the family as they never disappoint as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Jim: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004080845938

The Litch (DVD) – A hilarious film from independent filmmaker James Balsamo about a character named Vinnie who tells the story of accidentally awaken an undead demon wizard thing! James uses his talent to bring in some great cameo appearances to move the story along and keep it loose. Two of the cameos include Jeff Burr, Tom Sizemore and Elizabeth Daily. (Ms. Daily is a fave of mine just because of her work in the 80s.) Vinnie awakens the undead wizard thingy when he steals an expensive crystal from a crystal store. And according to Vinnie “that was the worst idea ever.” When he does it sets in motion events of “The Litch” possessing people in Vinnie’s life and their goal is to retrieve the crystal. If this happens “The Litch” is able to be THE RULER OF THE FOUR WORLDS! “The Litch” needs an army as he feeds on their souls. The film about a bumbling criminal and undead demon thingy is absolutely well-constructed, hilarious, and can see this having a few sequels in the future? And if anything else James did make sure you get to see lots of boobs. For that I give it 3 out of 4 stars and for more info on the film: http://www.acidbathproductions.com/

 

Quad-X: The Porn Movie Massacre (DVD) – First off if you are like me and have seen “The Porn Shoot Massacre” before you seen this film? Erase it from your mind right now damn it! This is a much better constructed and thought out horror film with shades of “Scream”. Quad-X porn company is about to have their biggest shoot ever. But a killer or killers are stalking and slashing their way through all the Quad-X’s famous pornstars. With lots of drama on the set between director, producers, and actors barely anyone notices people disappearing until local detectives get involved. But the movie must go on as they say in the industry! Instead of throwing lots of tits and ass at the screen for the viewer the filmmakers go in a different direction and give you a horror movie that doesn’t feel like a poor excuse to not call it porn? “The Porn Shoot Massacre” anyone? I really enjoyed the direction of this production, the selectively placed ads over the nudity, and of course the dildo drill to the head (it kind of resembles the Bob scene in “Gates of Hell” or “City of the Living Dead”). At first I was only going to give this flick 2 stars but as the days pass from first watching I have to give it 3 stars as I know I will be watching this film again. Thank you filmmakers understanding the difference between humor, horror, and porn…

Overdose: Death of a Punk Rocker (Blu-ray) – When looking at this movie the first thing that catches my eye is the tagline: “Punk’s not dead… But Brad is!” okay I am in. Brad Stanley is the lead singer of a band called ‘B-movie Nightmares’. His former band mate and best friend Brian is watching the news and sees this report of Brad dying of a heroin overdose. Brian at first in shock refuses to accept this fate. But thinks about it calmly and decides to go down the rabbit hole of finding out the real truth of Brad’s death because Brian refuses to believe there wasn’t something or somebody behind his death. This rabbit hole gives us hilarious stories of when ‘B-movie Nightmares’ were together, lots of dialogue on Brad wanting to join the “27 club” of famous people, music industry conspiracies, and why Brian quit the band. If you are a Kevin Smith fan you enjoy this entertaining dialogue driven film. By no means this is a horror movie but that doesn’t mean you cannot take a chance on watching a film from filmmaker D.J. Yarotsky and enjoying something pretty fucking interesting with great music. I give it 3 out of 4 stars and for more info: https://www.facebook.com/overdosefilm/

Freak in the Basement (DVD) – Another gory flick from Alex Wesley and Russia has made its way to me again where this film was a few years in the making. We meet a man named Nicholai. Nicholai visits a therapist to help him with his serious problem. Needs help, he needs someone to listen; he needs to stop killing people! But Nicholai begins to tell the story to the therapist of the monster in his basement. He comes in contact with creature after he tries to evict a tenant. The tenant is high or delusional but she wipes some weird stuff on his lips and Nicholai feels a high like no other before. Quickly becoming addicted to it and the creature possibly having telekinetic powers with him, he understands that the creature eats human flesh it secretes this snotty liquid/sweat which gets you high. This high cause Nicholai to go on a killing spree and then the movie gets real weird when the alien cyborg arrives to retrieve the creature to be a slave on another planet? Yes people I cannot make this entertaining shit up and love it when I see it on screen. Just when you think you have seen it all, you haven’t thanks to Alex Wesley and his independent filmmaking crew! I give this fun adventure into gore 3 out of 4 stars and for more info: https://www.facebook.com/groups/837731036372859/about/ and https://www.facebook.com/ShansHorrorFilms/

 

Swingers Massacre (VHS/YouTube) – The 1974 thriller is also known as “Inside Amy” for 70s film buffs. This cautionary tale of being into the “swinging” is about a lawyer who has been married for several years to a beautiful woman named Amy who is just happy with everything. But after Charlie hears a story about the lifestyle from one of his divorcee clients he is hell bent on trying this out with Amy whether she is into or not. Out of just wanting to please Charlie and his limp old wiener Amy goes along with the idea of going to a hip swingers club where they meet a few couples. One thing leads to another at a party afterward and Amy just happens to be the life of the party as males and female partners want “Inside Amy”. (Ha, ha, I couldn’t help myself as I wanted to laugh while writing this) Anyway Amy has a wonderful time and Charlie not so much. When they are calling back for the couple to come back for more parties Charlie’s reaction is “No!” and go on a killing spree of those who have and still want to bang Amy. A wonderful 70s film that I was unaware of and glad I now own a copy as I will be revisiting this again soon as I give it 3 stars.

 

Hell Spa (DVD) – A horrible but hilarious fun bad film to watch with friends is about Benson’s Health Spa which is closing due to all the new spiffy workout clubs that have sprung up. The failed business is closing its doors until a mysterious man named Mr. Ex comes by and offers her a one-time deal she cannot refuse. A few days later Benson’s Health Spa is up and running and looks better than it ever did. They even run a commercial saying “Look Beautiful and Stay Fit or Never Pay a Dime”. But things are not always what they seem as a local college paper investigates the resurgence in Benson’s Health Spa and their promotion. Plus they want to know more about the bad-looking 80s TV villain Mr. Ex and what’s his involvement since the new health spa is in every aspect of your life once you join with the new lifetime membership. But don’t worry folks this film doesn’t disappoint being the next film you need to own in your “bad movie collection” when a floppy disk saves all! Remember people film was made in 1990 and released in 1992 as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Death Wish (On Demand) – Finally the Eli Roth remake has made its way out there for all of us to witness, tear apart, or just complain it doesn’t have Chuck Bronson. In the times we live in the film has a whole entire different feel to it than the original from the early 70s. I believe that actually helps this film work as Mr. Kersey is played by Bruce Willis and is a doctor from Chicago in this film. When Kersey is called into surgery on his birthday, his wife and daughter get attacked in their home. His wife dies and daughter critically injured, Kersey is distraught with the lack of findings from the police. So just like the original Kersey takes it upon himself to track down the men that wronged his family. The movie isn’t going to make anyone’s best films of the year list but is too easy of a target for society to point too for several reasons. Instead I look at like this: This remake doesn’t bother me at all as it has a complete different feel to it just because what is happening in real life these days and I really didn’t feel anything for any of the characters. I believe Eli Roth did what he could with what was there as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dude Bro Party Massacre 3 (DVD) – Thanks to “5 Second Films” and crowd funding this movie exists as it doesn’t just make fun of the slasher genre as much as points out the some funnier aspects of the lesser known slasher flicks. Plus they wanted to break the record for most kills on film. Brock belongs to a frat who has survived two massacres of a killer named “Motherface”. But he dies when seeing a therapist to talk about what happened. So his twin less appealing brother Brett sets off to pledge for the same frat and find out what really happened to his brother and find his killer. But the frat brothers are not sure to accept Brett or not as they go off to the cabin in the woods for the weekend where they killed the whole town with a flood. Once there the Motherface is back and slicing and dicing her way through the frat brothers in hopes of killing them off completely. And it is possible that Ronald Reagan is behind everything? Hilarious, check your brain at the door horror film that yeah most likely goes a few minutes longer than it should have. But still worth the watch as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Advertisements

Just about two months away folks and tickets are available!!!

0

Grossfest 2018 we will see yinz there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dave Stein from the James Balsamo film “The Litch”

 

 

 

 

 

A little less than six months to go till… GROSSFEST!

0

Hello people, independent horror movie fans, vendors, authors, fellow geeks. Quite a few people have recently ask, “What is the goal of Grossfest?”

 

The goal of Grossfest isn’t just to have fun but to do a film festival, convention, whatever you wanna call it a little bit different. Grossfest is not here to compete with the local Steel City Con, Living Dead Festival, or even Horror Realm at The Hollywood Theater. Grossfest is an idea that yes, started off as a joke but was always an idea of something that I have always wanted to do. It’s an idea that has been rolling around in my head for many years. Hell, some of the people who got to see the Bastards of Horror film festival years ago at Horror Realm knew I always would like to do something like this. The point of this idea is to have an event once a year with help that will cater to independent filmmakers, independent actors, their films, independent authors, and celebrate them. Give them another platform to show off their work! Instead of the Indy people being only a small part of the event how about make them the biggest and best part of the event?

 

I want this event to not only be something I have always enjoyed for so many years about low budget and independent movies. But how about have an event where not only focuses on these cool talented people but introduce them to a crowd of film lovers and geeks that may not know them or only heard of them. Plus, have the filmmakers and so on meet each other filmmakers, gain new fans, etc. Also we all know conventions can be expensive believe me I have been there done that for years. The other part of the goal of Grossfest for me and the others behind it is we are not in it for the money, but to celebrate the independent genre. So that means keeping costs of tickets and vendor spaces low so we can do this every year at the same location! As I always said, “you never know when meeting these talented people and seeing their films when you might be introduced to the next Tom Savini or George Romero or KNB FX group?”

 

By some chance the event isn’t successful a really cool person, Tim Wilder (R.I.P.) said to me, “Order pizza and turn it into a party. All of our friends will be there anyway and there will be awesome movies!” And that I can never argue.

 

So if you are interested in being a vendor, contact us (grossfest@gmail.com) tables are only $50. Just a fan or wanna see what all the fuss is about tickets will be $10 at the door.  You are a filmmaker or producer that has a feature or a short film? We are taking those. Of course we already have our main lineup of films but we do have a segment where the best feature and short film sent to us will have a spot in the movie lineup but also win a “Grossfest” award! And again if successful my hope is to have another movie room to show off even more independent movies…

 

Guest list:

Todd Sheets

Brian Paulin

Thomas Berdinski

Jim Roberts

Eliza Jayne

Steve Rudzinski

Justin M. Seaman 

Zane Hershberger

 

Nick Charles

Terrence Main

 

All are welcome to the Grossfest event and if you have questions or want more details about the hotel go to www.grossfest.com or the Grossfest Facebook group page. Otherwise I will see yinz all in less than six months on July 28th, 2018 at The George Washington Hotel in Washington, Pa.

 

P.S. Thank you to the people who are taking a chance and standing behind this event and putting their time and money into it.

 

#grossfest2018 , #grossfest

 

Thank yinz,

Tim Gross

The latest announcements for Grossfest!

0

For our fourth guest announcement for Grossfest, I would like to introduce a young and upcoming author who has written two books recently “Soul of Fire” and “The Hatred Within”. A huge horror movie fan and the tattoos to prove it he consumed himself with writing these first two books and creating something readers were afraid to put down without finishing it to the end. His excitement and passion for not just the horror genre but for writing is something horror fans will be drawn too when meeting him. This is why it’s my pleasure to introduce author Terrence Main and expect more to come from this young man.

For our fifth guest announcement for Grossfest, “Is a man usually seen as the half-human/half-sasquatch movie mascot “Sascratch”? Probably he is best known for writing/directing the bodily-fluid-humor-infused Italian horror homage “The Italian Zombie Movie” a few years back. Since then, he’s been a busy indie horror film contributor, producing, composing soundtracks, editing horror features and creating miniature effects – Next up for Sascratch is a new feature “The Giant Rubber Monster Movie 2” – homage to giant monster TV shows like “Johnny Sokko’s Flying Robot”, scheduled for a 2018 release!” You can call this person the “Swiss Army Knife” of independent filmmaking and Michigan proud. His imagination is absolutely endless and his creations are brilliant as I would like to introduce Thomas Berdinski.

For our sixth guest announcement for Grossfest 2018 and his first ever convention appearance as a guest is a filmmaker that has had me excited about his films since I met him as a teenager working on an untitled film at the time. This kid showed me photos of movie shoots he had been doing that I described as something as impressive as Peter Jackson’s early work! No bullshit I told everybody about him and his movie until I had it in my hands… The film was “Welcome to Deer Creek” which in my review I called it “Dead Alive at a corn festival!” It was an absolute beautiful gorefest. He has gone on to make other films such as “Tonight You Die” and “Happy Horror Holocaust”. This filmmaker is proof of why I will watch anything in hopes of finding that next great filmmaker horror fans will know and love. His name is Jim Roberts and this announcement is something I have always dreamed about doing for the mere reason I believe Jim has the talent and passion to give horror fans something very cool every time out.

#grossfest

#grossfest2018

For more details on the event, guests, or hotel go to http://www.grossfest.com

Gross Movie Reviews #406

0

Gross Movie Reviews #406

 

Wild Card (DVD) – Jason Statham plays a security consultant named Nick Wild in Vegas. He helps protect rich people when in town playing the slots or hitting the town. Nick is known throughout Vegas and is respected but he wants out of the scene but always finds him broke and still doing jobs. Things change when he takes a job protecting a boring dude  and the guy just wants to know what is it like being a consultant and Wild’s girlfriend gets beat up by a wanna be mobster. She wants revenge and wants Wild’s help to do it. The movie is and not in ways your typical Statham action flick. A couple cool cameos but the film focuses more Nick Wild not getting out of Vegas than him just busting skulls on a regular basis. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Ambulance (VHS/YouTube) – First let me just thank Jon Cross for digging this beautiful unknown feature out of obscurity. A Larry Cohen flick about a man played by Eric Roberts who works for Stan Lee by the way who obsesses over a woman he sees at lunch everyday but hasn’t talked too. So he does today and she has an issue after trying to shake off Roberts for several blocks and paramedics pick her up to rush her to the hospital or so it seems. Roberts’s character searches all the New York hospitals and nothing. Again obsessed he tries to track down what happened to her exactly. James Earl Jones who plays a police detective gets sucked into the mystery when Eric Roberts keeps popping up at disappearances talking about a strange ambulance picking up victims with diabetes. Just another example of Cohen’s work being brilliant as I give this must-see obscure flick 3 stars.

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown (DVD) – A “USA Up All Night” staple that came from Troma in 1989 that will forever be known for having Billy Bob Thornton before he was famous and the fun Don Calfa. A woman biker gang (Cycle Sluts) arrive in a small town of Zariah looking to get laid and cause chaos! Unbeknownst to the young motorcycle ladies Don Calfa aka Ralph has been experimenting with humans and turning them into zombies. He hides or imprisons them in the old mine where he found some nuclear shit that he uses on unsuspecting humans to make them zombies. After eating a kid the zombies have broken loose and want to feast on the town. The only people that can help the small town survive are the Cycle Sluts! Bikers vs. Zombies! This simple but great Troma flick doesn’t get as much press as some of the other popular Troma titles but is a 4 star film all the way!

 

Garbage Pail Kids (DVD) – Finally after many years I sat down to watch this flick that I thought I would have seen in its heyday? I was 10 or 11 and collected the original Garbage Pail Kids cards. I have a dresser that holds extra shit in my basement with some these stickers still on it! But somehow I missed there even being a movie out in 1986 that starred these fun gross things. When I first stumbled upon this movie existing in the mid-90s I thought it was a joke but so did everyone else when it was released in the 80s. Thought to be a massive failure, it wasn’t as the budget was only a million bucks and most of that went to costumes and effects of the Garbage Pail Kids who built by John Carl Buechler. The creations or locked in a magical garbage can in antique store where a teenager works for a crazy weird dude who tells stories constantly. One day being bullied the garbage can falls over and oozes out and poof we have several Garbage Pail Kids! They help the young teenager get over being bullied and try to impress a girl. In return the kid must go find the supposedly other Garbage Pail Kids who were taken away for being “ugly”. Watching it now and thinking back to when these were big in the mid-80s I still would like to know whose idea it was to make this a movie because there really wasn’t a backstory to these cards to begin with. They appeared one day and became part of 80s pop culture for a short period of time. But reading into why this wasn’t a bigger budget film and its issues it had coming to the big screen I would have loved to see John Carl Buechler’s vision of this being a horror movie. Now that would have been a much better movie as I give this 1 ½ stars.

 

Zombie Fight Club (Blu-ray) – How to best put this movie is it’s like ten zombie movie concepts all jammed into one. Or a better description would be ‘The Raid’ meets ‘The Horde’ with some CGI but a ton of gore. More than anything this movie reminds me of a violent anime cartoon come to the big screen. Tough sell but another worthwhile flick for the zombie film die hard out there as I give it 2 stars.

 

Don’t Breathe (Blu-ray) – So it is Detroit and a threesome of young hoodlums wanna break into bootleg ‘Blind Fury’ Rutger Hauer’s house? Supposedly he got a huge settlement a few years back and is just sitting on it. One of the hoodlum’s father works for the security firm that protects and put in all the alarms for what’s left of Detroit. They use this to get in and get out clean of places. But this is different once inside because bootleg Rutger Hauer ain’t having any this breaking in bullshit and just happens to be keeping a teenage girl chained up in his basement! I wasn’t super impressed by the movie but at least entertained and understood this movie was literally directed to the 16 -25 age bracket… For that I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Besetment (DVD/Vimeo) – A young woman named Amanda is in a tough spot. Having a tough time finding a job, mom acts like she is still a drunken teenager, and Amanda wants to move out. Amanda gets a weird phone call from a woman for a hotel about 160 miles away. She of course goes there to take the job at the Oregon Hotel. All goes well until the mom/son combo freak out and are pissed she went out for the night around town. Now they have her tied to the bed, impregnate her; sew her mouth shut as mom has plans for Amanda and her son. The film is shot wonderful, the characters are great, enjoyed the effort put into the project but we have seen this story before and sometimes it can be only told so many times? I give the movie 2 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

Safari 3000 (DVD) – Eddie Miles is a US stunt car driver looking for a ride in the African race called “Safari 3000”. J.J. Dalton is a reporter for Playboy magazine who is covering the race but needs a race car and a driver to get her around the course for the story. Together they steal an engine and try to avoid traps set by Christopher Lee and his associate during the race to finish it and get the story. Eddie Miles is played by David Carradine in this entertaining bootleg of a bootleg of “Cannonball Run” and Roger Corman had nothing to do with this flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Screams of a Winter Night (VHS/YouTube) – A late 70s thriller about several friends go to an old cabin to tell stories to scare each other. Or the movie I am going to put on now when I have trouble sleeping because this shit was horribly boring! Avoid unless you have trouble sleeping as I give it zero stars.

 

Alien: Covenant (Theater) – Believe me I am still torn that they decided it was better to do prequels instead of sequels but I wanna see these alien creatures fuck people up. These movie creatures have always gotten my imagination rolling with where or what they could do next? But saying that, this film picks up ten years after the forgettable ‘Prometheus’ and a ship is out there with 2000 colonists that happen to get a rogue call or image from a nearby planet. They investigate their options as they are carrying 2000 colonists. Go check out this planet that was somehow overlooked by the company during scans or continue their voyage to this planet that is still over 7 years away in space travel? Of course they go to this planet and find it habitable until a couple crew members get sick and these creatures pop out of them and start attacking the crew on the ground. Then a dark figure happens to come by and help and it’s the android from the Prometheus and explains somewhat what happened… sort of? I am still mixed on the film for the mere fact it tries to explain where and how the aliens are made but also I can watch 28 different versions of “Aliens” movies and still come back for more. The film will still leave fans questioning some things but I do prefer this more than the last prequel. But for the love of Lance Henriksen gimme fucking sequels 20th Century Fox! The stories don’t have to connect just give me an “Aliens” flick every two years? I don’t hate it, I don’t love it but glad I checked it out at the theater as I give it 2 stars.

 

Scared Shitless (DVD) – Jim Roberts gave me a couple movies from his early filmmaking days and this is one of them as he teamed up with another young dude in Travis Schaffer to make a movie about a killer named “The Red Reaper”. Jim Jones lost his mother and sister to this “Red Reaper” a year ago and tonight is the anniversary and just wants some help from his friends. The friends show up, some fun poker playing begins, order the pizza, and then the killing also begins. As the killer is back trying to kill Jim Jones all because a pet fish died! Between that and seeing a young Jim Roberts in braces making one of his first projects entertained me. Now it isn’t “Mummy Sleepover Massacre” but still enough fun to watch as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Mark of Insanity (DVD) – Is another project from a younger Jim Roberts and his filmmaking buddy Travis Schafer where this story takes place at a Western Shop. A young guy named Wayne is quiet and just likes to be left alone to do his work. But after being picked on constantly about his family history and anything they can think of he snaps. After Jim has been pushed past his limits is when a masked killer shows up to start killing employees off. We even get a Leatherface dance from the masked killer in the film. Not as good as ‘Scared Shitless’ but still worth the watch to see the passion in Jim and others to get the project finished and out there. I give this Indy flick 1 ½ out of 4stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Gross Movie Reviews #404

0

Gross Movie Reviews #404

 

Primal Force (DVD/YouTube) – A 1999 TV “UPN” premiere film that pits Ron Perlman versus genetically-engineered monkeys! Mr. Perlman plays a character named Brodie who had a run in with these mutations on an island outside of Mexico. Ten years ago, Brodie and some others were brought in to be guides to the rich who wanted to hunt big game, but not just any big game. Some crazy ass scientist is playing god and has someone funding him to give them bad ass animals for the hunt and the island. A few rich people get killed during the hunts and the monkeys who were experimental were supposed to die but instead became the hunters as they grew smarter and took over the island. Brodie barely escaped but is still haunted by the nightmares of the event. But Brodie must go back as he is approached to be a guide for a rescue team as a plane has crashed in the middle of this uninhabited island. From there it becomes Ron Perlman versus bad ass monkeys and it is fucking glorious stuff! Don’t walk but run to see this rather unknown gem as I give it 3 ½ stars. This film is further proof that I believe people are sucking movie ideas from my head while I sleep???

 

Deep Space (VHS/YouTube) – Horror fans this isn’t that that weird sci-fi flick that stars Charles Napier that took forever to show up on any format outside of VHS in 1989/1990… This is that Marc Singer sci-fi feature where he plays Commander Krieger and receives a distress call from some scientists. Yes folks, this is the reason I exist so I can watch it so you don’t have too! But moving on when Krieger and his cheap ass robot show up to rescue the scientists not all feel it’s an emergency? They just happen to be messing with a mutated virus which has mutated again into a cheap looking but effective alien creature that wants to fuck up humans. What is interesting about the creature is it’s made up of every disease known to man so all it has to do is touch you to kill you. That’s some fucked up cool shit for a B-movie. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blue Monkey (VHS/YouTube) – John Vernon just happens to run a hospital that just so happens to be testing a laser thingy? Well of course some old dude gets pricked by a foreign plant at his woman’s greenhouse that basically gives him a heart attack and a weird bacterial infection. The infection eventually sends the hospital into lockdown which randomly has Joe Flaherty from SCTV and his pregnant movie wife at the hospital trying to give birth. It has nothing to do with the story but come on we all love Joe! Meanwhile Steve Railsback and a doctor are trying to track down the infection that has mutated into a creature with a Nintendo gun… That is before the government just runs and burns the place to the ground because they consider it a “Class 4 Quarantine”. The 1987 film was also known as ‘The Insect’ but let’s be honest I don’t think many horror fans knew or cared about this lackluster horror film as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Hectic Knife (DVD) – Let’s be honest folks most of us are Troma fans and we know Troma pretty much has become a distributor of independent films. Hey Troma has to survive just like any other small movie company. 99% of the time the newer Troma stuff that is released is to make them money and keep them afloat and really doesn’t have anything to do with the Troma legacy? Well folks, I am to say ‘Hectic Knife’ is a different but Troma-like film that has come out of nowhere. The film is about a new knife-swinging superhero named ‘Hectic Knife’. He kills rapists, gangsters, junkies, but like the rest of us normal people he has to pay bills, needs a roommate, struggles with all the killing, and no girlfriend. But when ‘Hectic Knife’ comes into contact with a professional baddie named ‘The Piggly Doctor’ he must risk his own life to defeat this new baddie. Hilarious over-the-top violence, bad jokes, bagels, a hippie, and the vibe the film gives off while watching it is like the stuff of second generation Troma films. Let me explain: first generation is “Toxic Avenger and Class of Nuke ‘em High”, second generation is “Tromeo and Juliet and Sgt. Kabukiman”. It fits in with the 90s Troma stuff which is a good thing. The movie just has that Troma vibe that makes you wonder if Lloyd may have been on set. Troma should be more than happy adding this feature to this their library it’s one of the few flicks that understand what Troma is all about and for that I am thankful! I give this fun flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars and definitely one of the better films of 2017! Go get it now folks www.troma.com as there isn’t enough good things I can say about this independent flick.

 

Angel Heart (DVD) – Robert DeNiro is the devil and Lisa Bonet gets banged to death so bad the “Cosby Show” shunned her and her movie career. This weird voodoo/film noir flick gets 2 stars. The film keeps you interested until it ends and leaves questioning why?

 

Jocks (DVD) – Completely forgetting this Donald Gibb flick exists, shame on me. Decided to wander down “Tim Gross USA Up All Night” memory lane and rewatch this hilarious stupid sex comedy that sat on the shelf for over a year before its release. Richard Roundtree is the coach of a tennis team that is a bit unorthodox but wins a lot of matches and they are in Vegas for the championships. Boobs, booze, and Donald Gibb nailing a dude in the balls with a tennis ball to win the match are the highlights of this fun late night memory. And want a fun one it is as I give it 3 stars.

 

What’s wrong with Mom? (DVD) – Leave it to independent filmmaker Jim Roberts to make a short film about his mother being sick. When he gets a call from his brother Eric to go visit mom, he is expecting her to have the flu not have a hunger for flesh. Gory, fun, and to the point is what makes Jim Roberts one of the best and one of my favorite filmmakers out there in independent film land as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Convoy (DVD) – A late 70s film that became an early HBO 80s regular run feature is about a misunderstanding between truckers and a cop who goes over the line to bring the law down on them. When the truckers refuse to obey we got a “CONVOY” through the state of Arizona that eventually has the Rubberduck getting shot to pieces near the end of the flick. Too this day not totally sure what is the plot of the film exactly but what do want for a film that is based on a country song written in 1975 when CBs were a big thing? If you are over 35 you are old and most likely remember this nonsense that stars Kris Kristofferson, Burt Young, and Ernest Borgnine! The back story of the film sounds a hell a lot more interesting and worth taking a trip on the google machine to find out more as I give it 2 ½ stars. It’s no ‘Smokey and the Bandit’.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Gross Movie Reviews #334

0

Gross Movie Reviews #334

 

By Tim Gross

 CRXL_Zombie_Movie_Poster

Thr33 Days Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – This feature was a product of a SyFy Channel reality show called “Town of the Living Dead”. I believe it was 12 half hour episodes of a film crew struggling for the past six years to make a zombie movie in Jasper, Alabama on no budget. If they finish it they get their film to premiere on SyFy Channel? Well, of course they finished it, problem is unless you were retarded like me and checked for the 1 am time it was listed you were not going to see the finished product. Good, bad, ugly idea… I was just glad SyFy threw the film on TV. But from what I have read it didn’t get good enough ratings to warrant a Saturday night time slot which kinda sucked. Personally, I hope someone takes notice of the idea not the movie? Great idea, poor execution of a movie… But anyhow without ranting on about this idea the six years in the making zombie movie suffers like most independent movies that go on way too long from no budget. It doesn’t hurt to think big when zombies are attacking a small town but if you don’t have the resources to pull it off you get this finished project. Three guys trying to survive a zombie apocalypse with impossible odds. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Happy Horror

Happy Hour Holocaust (DVD) – A fun anthology film project directed and written by Jim Roberts and has help behind and in front of the camera from two other talented people in Tim Novotny and Jorge Delarosa. These three independent filmmakers finally have come together to start making projects and I FUCKING LOVE THE IDEA! These three guys have done impressive and different stuff the past couple years that have me absolutely salivating for what they do next…? But in the meantime we get this fun Indy project that taught me three things: 1) Crazy people should always get their meds, 2) don’t trust a cute girl that’s psycho, 3) and don’t trust an empty bar on Halloween night! Also there is way too much crotch mutilation in this flick so dudes prepare to cringe at least three times. Horror fans talk of Ty West, Eli Roth, etc., I say fuck that shit! These are the filmmakers to pay attention too: Jim Roberts, Tim Novotny, and Jorge Delarosa. Remember the names because they are the future of horror! I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The House That Dripped Blood (DVD) – A great and subtle flick about a house that has a past of people dying in it for various reasons. Not the best film starring these folks: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Ingrid Pitt, and that dude from Indiana Jones but a great excuse to watch a cool British horror film from the early 70s. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Abraxas: The Guardian of the Universe (VHS) – Well if Jesse “The Body” Ventura is the guardian of the universe in 1990 I rather he pass onto another planet and let us die out because the movie should be arrested for viewer’s abuse! Leave it to me to find a horrible movie even by my standards starring Jesse Ventura. Jesse is a “Finder”, a peace officer in intergalactic terms. Well his partner has just determine he wants more power to rule the universe so he goes to earth impregnate some blonde bimbo that just happens to be Jim Belushi’s second wife so he can come back and rip a code out of the child’s brain! Five years go by after the incident and Jesse’s partner busts out of intergalactic prison to go find his non-verbal alien kid. I have more fun dealing with “Crown Royal” hangovers than watch this flick again. I give it 0 stars and thanks to Jesse for ruining the thought of him being anytime of actor.

 

Lifeform (VHS) – The movie is also known as “Invader” on DVD. The film is a pleasant surprise if you are a sci-fi/horror nerd. The mid-90s flick is about the Viking II satellite comes back to earth mysteriously after 15 years ago it being sent to Mars. Scientists get ahold of it to study it before the military is about take it away  but find it may have a stowaway. Is the alien life form there to kill or communicate? One thing is for sure we are not alone in the universe in this flick that sports some cool creature effects as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Mardi Gras for the Devil (VHS) – The early 90s film is also known as “Night Trap” on a very crappy DVD. We got a long-haired bad ass demon serial killer in Michael Ironside who is slashing his way through New Orleans. A detective in Robert Davi is trying to find a way to stop the supernatural killer as long as his boss played by John Amos doesn’t stop him. Boobs, blood, and Michael Ironside being Michael Ironside make this a must see feature as I give it 3 stars.

Mr. Ice

Mr. Ice Cream Man (VHS) – Don’t get me wrong I love SOV independent flicks they can be so much fun. This isn’t one of those times as I try to stay awake through this boring story of a man who kills and stores his victims on his ice cream truck. Sounds familiar? Yeah, do yourself a favor and stick with the Clint Howard classic. I give this flick a ½ star.

 

Season of the Witch (VHS) – A very trippy early 70s film that just happens to be George Romero’s third film and was also released under the title “Hungry Wives”. The movie is a product of its times and doesn’t hold up well but is a great story of a woman named Joan that is tired of her normal routine life of being Jack’s wife, a housewife. So she turns to witchcraft! Interesting and weird and for that I give it 2 stars.

Mutant World (DVD/SyFy Channel) – A great concept film that should have been so much more but fizzled is about a meteor about to hit Pennsylvania and cause an apocalypse. Doomsday preppers in Colorado hide in their bunker for ten years only to come out to be greeted by mutants who want to eat them. The film spends more time on the Doomsday preppers arguing than fleshing out the story about humans finding a way to survive ten years after the catastrophe. I give it 2 stars.

 

Late Phases (DVD) – A blind Vietnam vet is being moved into a senior community by his son only on his first to have his neighbor attacked by a werewolf. He soon finds out there has been a lot of dogs missing and attacks once a month in the community chalked up to wildlife since the gated community was built near some dense woods. The blind vet decides he has a month to prepare and figure out who is the werewolf and kill it and the movie fleshes it out brilliantly. Great flick, Tom Noonan as a priest, and Robert Kurtzman as creature effects supervisor, count me in on this being one of the best horror flicks of 2014 as I give 4 stars.

Blood Lake

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys (DVD) – A horror film that premiered on Animal Planet of all places has found its way onto DVD for all of us ‘killer animal film’ lovers. The film is the latest project from filmmaker James Cullen Bressack who seems to be one busy dude these days. An officer from the Fish and Wildlife just happens to be spending the summer at a small town in Michigan where there are lampreys invading the fishing areas and it needs to be resolved. Christopher Lloyd stars as the mayor of the small town and wants it done in one day but doesn’t understand the lampreys are a much bigger problem than he realizes as people are being attacked and eaten in the lake, their home, out on the road. The lampreys multiply quickly and try to eat the town whole. The film also stars Shannon Doherty (who pops up in the weirdest of movies these days), Zack Ward, and Fred Stoller. And let’s not forget the lampreys face death by weedwacker!  It’s a hilarious killer animal movie that kept my interest as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found on amazon.com.

 

Hazard Jack (DVD) – An Afghan war vet is having trouble adjusting to society so he decides to set up shop in an abandon hospital to torture and kill people in to get his frustration out. He gets pissed when some college kids decide they want to play paintball in his home and they bring a pregnant woman with them. Which of course means for the integrity of the plot he cannot kill her that would be just wrong? There is lots of blood, sex, and useless plot but this film is exception to the rule of it equaling a great horror flick as it insults horror fans more than entertaining them as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #323

1

Gross Movie Reviews #323

 

By Tim Gross

 

Syndrome (YouTube/DVD) – A short independent film written and directed by a cool young filmmaker Tim Novotny and it stars filmmaker Jim Roberts as the lead character (Nate). Nate is back from the war, depressed, crippled, you get the drift. Nate’s world is over but you as the viewer must decide is he dreaming? Already dead? Or is he a ghost now watching from afar? A cool short film that can make you think as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Kids

Kids Get Dead 2: The Kids Get Deader (Vimeo/DVD) – You know me I will watch sequels… Especially when I haven’t seen the first film! But Darkstar Entertainment has just released Michael Hall’s independent slasher sequel. Casey survived the first film and suffers like most “survivor girl” syndrome. She wants answers why? Who was trying to kill her and friends? And so on… But makes this slasher different is Casey learns of author Charles Carver. An author whose books that he writes comes true just like what happen to her before so Casey goes looking for Mr. Carver for answers. Soon the masked killer is back on his killing spree again and Casey soon finds herself with more questions than answers and is unsure if Carver’s killer can be killed? I have to give it to filmmaker Michael Hall intentional or not the film has a little “In the Mouth of Madness”, a little “Wes Craven’s New Nightmare”, and a dash of a supernatural horror film that adds up to not being just your typical straight up slasher flick. I enjoyed the little twist, the gore looked cool, the usual slasher film amount of boobs make this an interesting watch for slasher fans as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about it at www.darkstarentertainment.net .

 

Dragonslayer (DVD) – Its 1981 and it’s like a live action version of a Dungeons and Dragons story has come to life! And what makes this flick still cool to talk about is that after 30 years or so it still holds up as a great fantasy film. Virgins, dragons, sacrifices, I’m sold! Do yourself a favor and revisit this early 80s flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

House

House of Oddities: The Story of the Atrocity Exhibition (Vimeo/DVD) – An amazing documentary that takes you on the journey of how a local Atrocity Exhibition got started and how some very different and passionate people make it happen. Independent filmmaker Brian Cottington lends his talents in filming this small group of artists that want to entertain people whether through art, theater, dance, etc. And give the mainstream something that isn’t looked at as your typical sideshow or freakshow but true art or freedom of expression. Cottington gives you an inside look of how a small group of artists came together from many walks of life and put together a show that not only has a loyal following but grows by the minute. A show that is very different from anything you have seen before and to keep people in attendance guessing they change the show every year. I believe this is a perfect documentary filmed by Brian Cottington for the mere fact this isn’t something I am into but after watching this has my full respect for what they do. Oddities they are not, artists they are and I am grateful for that and the people who were apart of this documentary. I give this wonderful film 4 out of 4 stars and can be seeked out at www.houseofodditiesmovie.com .

drybonesposter

Dry Bones (DVD) – Anytime a cool independent filmmaker such as Gregory Lamberson contacts you about a new flick you take notice… Especially when he was the dude that gave us the beautiful slime/gorefest “Slime City Massacre”! So when I got this screener I could not wait to sit down and watch a film that stars Debbie Rochon and Kevin Van Hat Trick aka Duane Smith aka just go watch “Basket Case” if you are not a nerd like I am. But anyway Lamberson’s latest is about a boy named Andrew who has a monster living under his bed and so frighten he is unsure that he can ever sleep again. Or it can be he is holding a piece of history in his hands (Fangoria #1, Godzilla cover) and knows how much it is worth? But anyway his dad (Bart) comes barging in because he cannot hear “Charlie’s Angels” and wants to put a beating upon Andrew but soon finds himself face to face with the hideous monster living under Andrew’s bed. Many years go by and Andrew now Drew has returned to town for the first time in years because his sister wants to sell their parents’ house. With nowhere to stay and needing to make repairs to the house before its sold Drew decides to move back to his original home thinking the monster is in his past. Drew was wrong! Soon Drew has strange dreams, all who enter are dying in a horrible manner, and the neighbors believe the home is haunted. A great independent horror film with cool practical monster effects and one of the best actresses ever as a Succubus… I want a sequel and I want Debbie Rochon in even more monster make-up because she makes it look so fun and awesome! All I got to say horror fans thank god for filmmakers like Gregory Lamberson as I give his new flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

After Dusk They Come (DVD) – Some rich people get shipwrecked on an island that just happens to have the offspring of Sasquatch and the cave creatures from “The Descent”. It’s worth wasting 80 or so minutes on as I give it 2 stars.

 

Things (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre film I ever had the pleasure of watching. And that is saying a lot my friends. “Donnie Darko”… poop on you! “Fight Club”… go fuck yourself! “Eraserhead”… I’m still not sure? Just when I thought I seen all the warped mindfuck movies out there I come across Andrew Jordan’s ultra-fucking-weird no budget independent horror film that was shot on Super-8 in Canada and dubbed. Got your attention so far? Two friends go to a cabin in the middle of nowhere that just happens to be one of the fellows’ brother’s cabin. And his brother just had a weird dream about a naked woman in a basement with their monster baby and wakes up to his wife getting very sick. While the two dudes steal beer from the fridge Doug’s wife dies from a creature bursting out of her stomach that was an experiment from Dr. Lucas and now is multiplying throughout the house. Between the rambling nonsense called dialogue is a battle between these odd creatures and man in the ultimate bloodbath called, ‘survival’. And that is from what I can understand from watching this flick. I give this most bizarre flick 3 out of 4 stars for the mere fact I have never been so happy to own a movie!

 

Perished (YouTube) – A short film from SAR Films in the UK that is about a man who must decide suicide or figure out a way to outwit zombies that have him trapped inside a house. I give the flick 3 stars and really enjoyed the ending.

 

Halloween 2: H2 (DVD/remake) – Believe me if you ever talked to me about the first flick or read my review you understand why it took me so long to get over my anger to give this film a chance. And by the way I am still a little angry but I felt it enough time had pass to see what Rob Zombie did with the sequel and maybe figure out he doesn’t want a third film? The film begins in the hospital just like the original with Laurie and Annie in really bad shape. Laurie so worried about Annie goes to visit but of course Michael Myers is back to finish what he had started. Laurie wakes up in bed almost a year later living with Annie and Sheriff Brackett scarred, terrified, and dysfunctional. Meanwhile, Michael Myers has disappeared from the wrecked morgue van and hasn’t been seen. But Michael is seeing his dead mother and is told it is time to return to Haddonfield while Dr. Loomis is more of an asshole than the first film as he has written his next book all about the events of last Halloween. I enjoyed that Rob Zombie kept the characters evolving from the first film whether people liked it or not and paid homage to the original second film with the hospital scene. This movie has a grimier and gritty feel to it that the first film didn’t have and the gore keeps flowing. But also at the same time giving the drive to why Michael does what he does and why Laurie/Boo is so fucking screwed up. Am I happy there was a sequel let alone a remake, “HELL NO!” Did I get off my high horse and give this film a chance and glad I did, “YES I AM!” This sequel isn’t a horrible film and worth a watch if you are a hardcore fan of the original like me? It may have took two films for Rob Zombie to give us his full vision of Michael Myers good or bad but after watching this film and “Lords of Salem” I am grateful for Rob Zombie haunting Hollywood whether I agree or disagree with his movie choices and with that I give this film 2 stars.

 

Tony: London Serial Killer (DVD) – I haven’t seen a movie so boring since I pushed myself through the horrible feature “The Zombie Chronicles… in 3-D”. Next time I see this title come up I will just punch myself in the face and feel better that I did. I give it nothing as you should avoid it like the plague.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.