Gross Movie Reviews #712

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Nightmare (Ultra HD/4K) – This film is also known to many as “Nightmares in a Damaged Brain” as this sadistic horror film had such an edge about it it kept getting pulled, recut R-rated versions, etc. during the late 80s just for it to be released in the VHS market. This newer 3-disc version is everything you could hope for as a fan and then some with this notorious 1981 horror film. Young kid George comes home early to witness something he shouldn’t have as the film announces quickly you are about to get something a little sleazy as it may look like a slasher but doesn’t play exactly like one. Many years later we see adult George receiving experimental treatment for his childhood trauma. Haunted by flashbacks George slowly loses his sanity and bolts to Florida to find his ex-wife and kids. His doctors are worried for not just their sake of their treatment but what is about to come with George’s breakdown. George finds his former family, stalks them, and kills anyone else that seems to get in the way of what he is doing there. This horror film still packs a punch and it is wonderful to see it all cleaned up and unrated as I was one of many horror fans who read about or tried to track down an uncut version many years ago. Plus bonus here kids, Savini sets the record straight on whether he worked on it or not as this was something Tom not often would talk publicly about. If you are an old horror nerd like myself you are going to want this version in your collection as I give this piece of fun sleaze 4 stars.

Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (Blu-ray) – (This review is from ten years ago when I first found this glorious gem) Let me just say this any horror film that begins with Suicidal Tendencies “I Saw Your Mommy and Your Mommy is Dead” gets 4 stars no matter what comes next. But that just isn’t enough for this fun gem of unknown goodness! Karen Black stars as Auntie Lee, Pat Morita as the local small town sheriff, Michael Berryman as the weird dude (Larry) who takes care of the nieces’ cars after deliveries, and the very beautiful Teri Weigel. Teri may have done a lot of porn but always found a way into a stray horror film which I always enjoy finding. Teri is one of the best. But after jamming out to Suicidal Tendencies we are introduced to some lunatic who tries to carjack a young lady and becomes a victim himself for Auntie Lee. Auntie Lee for years has sold her famous meat pies to the local town folk of Penance. And these days now her nieces are all grown up they go out and lure men in for the taking. Usually if there is car trouble or car cleaning needing to be done it’s up to Larry until he is caught one day with a trunk full of bones! Pat Morita decides then with the bootleg David Bowie as a private investigator to try to bring down Auntie Lee. But the real question is will the sheriff bring her in or will he become the next meat pie? Everyone is awesome in this light-hearted “Motel Hell” horror film. This movie deserves to be seen by all horror movie fans as I give this fun meaty morsel 4 stars. (More to the review as a new special edition has finally put this film in print again). Already written the review, I didn’t know what else could lure you into this lesser known classic horror munchie with the great cast other than its now cleaned up, has a great interview with Michael Berryman telling stories about everyone on set. With this special edition this horror film truly gets a second chance in finding a bigger audience? 

Cracula (DVD) – A recent release from Indy filmmaker Brad Twigg which takes no prisoners in his version of Dracula waking up in present times. A couple degenerates unknowingly find Dracula in his coffin at a storage unit in West Virginia where of course they open it looking for shit to steal. Meanwhile, Rick Sloan is a normal dude just trying to get past his parents’ death and clean up their affairs as he gets nothing in inheritance except this storage unit. Only to learn when seeing if there is anything for him to sell the unit is a crime scene! But that is only the beginning for Rick and Dracula as Old Drac has developed a taste for drug addicts as he reigns hilarious terror on the small West Virginia town. Rick on the other hand learns he is a descendant of Van Helsing as he teams up with an odd duo of vampire hunters who have arrived to put an end once and for all to Dracula’s blood thirst. Sounds simple and straight forward but Dracula isn’t just a menace he is gathering a small army of degenerates along with coming to grips he must go to “AA” meetings? Brad and company don’t skip out on handing you gore and nudity as they give viewers a disgustingly, slightly sleazy funny take on the Dracula story as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Vietnam: Kill Zone (YouTube) – Another new release from Mark Polonia that deals with 1970 Vietnam where Tim Hatch who plays Fitzpatrick, a combat photographer who is placed with a small platoon to record the ‘The Two Step Platoon’. Not the usual Mark Polonia project as fans will be surprised as Fitzpatrick tries to capture the story of this platoon as they find a random priest in the jungle. This priest is someone of importance as the platoon is now told of a new mission of getting this dude to the rescue point to be airlifted out of the action. For me it’s hard to gauge if Polonia fans will get behind this project as this isn’t aliens, sasquatch, amityville, etc., but Tim Hatch does do a great job as a combat photographer for this project. Mr. Hatch has come a long way from ‘Mummy Shark’ as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Alien Swamp Beast (Tubi) – A 2019 film from Robert Elkins that I missed so I needed to correct that as a meteor falls from the sky into a swamp near a farm. A boy from the farm heads on over and tracks the green rock down only to be confronted by a group of criminals who just robbed the bank in town. On the run these baddies waste no time killing the boy only for the green rock to bring him back to life as this large ass swamp creature! The alien swamp creature looks pretty bad ass and tracks down everyone to kill them. The creature was cool but the film itself drags and felt it lacked some heart as it comes off as a bad homage to ‘Swamp Thing’ instead of doing something else cool since you got the cool creature thing as I can only give the project 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Backrooms Bigfoot (YouTube) – I cannot blame the filmmaker for making something like this but also I am just not into the whole ‘Backrooms’ thing but that didn’t stop me from watching another Sasquatch film. Anyhow this contains info on why maybe Sasquatch is so elusive as a man goes searching for the creature only to find himself being transported to endless hallways out in the middle of the woods. As more people disappear being curious about Sasquatch, it hits social media the backrooms might not be the best idea for people? This project has two good things going for it that makes it watchable: first Phil Herman as a survivor of so-called backrooms and Sasquatch gives the movie some depth. It is an interesting character that stands out. Second, pretty much Sasquatch just bashes all the victims into a bloody pulp. Its weird but it is a thing as I give the movie 2 out of 4 stars.

Faces of Death (Shudder) – This remake had me on the fence of if I wanted to see this or not? But after a few trusted people told me a few things about it since its theater release I was actually kind of excited to watch it. Well so glad I did as it was a thrill ride for me. The story focuses on a young woman Margo who has had trauma in her life as she works for a content company called ‘Kino Moderation’. An app just like a YouTube, etc., where she works behind a computer viewing all videos helps review what videos are allowed or not on the app to be watched. One regular day she finds an execution video that is somewhat disturbing but believes is fake? Then not too long after comes across another that is posted that now makes her question if it is truly fake? The other end of this is a killer that has a fetish or condition or two but likes using the original ‘Faces of Death’ for inspiration. The killer is creating content as Margo continues to let this affect her as she takes the work home to investigate further of these videos. The more she investigates and gets fired unbeknownst to her she has possibly become the next victim of the killer. I quite enjoyed the recent ‘Silent Night Deadly Night’ remake. And this knew you gotta do something different as this project knew how to incorporate some present day commentary on content and how it is consumed. This was definitely a 4 star flick for myself and so happy how the original was incorporated into the story. 

Die Die Delta Pi 2: The Burnt One (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue is back writing and directing this sequel as it deals with a couple young ladies get the idea of reopening the Delta Pi sorority because they cannot afford the rent. Their thinking is why not? They have heard about the murderous history but this would be a great way for the school to pay for the housing and plus Jesse and Riley can run the sorority. In order to restart they first have a car wash but what really gets it going of course is having a toga party and a couple cute guys there for their party. Sounds great until a new killer has arrived to haunt Jesse and Riley as the underfunded cops cannot stop the bodies piling up in this quick nostalgic slasher. Sean Donohue’s style, tight script, and just enough little nods gives this quick moving slasher sequel enough to keep independent cinema fans more than excited as I give the entertaining sequel 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!  

Gross Movie Reviews #711

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Gross Movie Reviews #711

Fearless Dragons (Blu-ray) – Severin Films brings a 1980 kung fu classic to new life with this special edition of an unlikely duo of con men who are accused of a robbery they did not commit. Now the two find themselves in a pickle and must work together to find who actually did commit the robbery to clear their names. The story has been used many times since but works on so many different levels in this film. The film might be an Abbott and Costello meet Lethal Weapon routine but the final fight between the unlikely duo and the real villain is pure magic choreography-wise and cinematography-wise! Raid: Redemption owes something to this martial arts project. The blu-ray also features a commentary, an interview with the director, but most importantly an interview with one of the leads in Phillip Ko looking back and speaking fondly of this project as I give it 3 stars.

Blood Sisters (DVD) – Alicia seems like a normal thirty-something woman enjoying a great time with her boyfriend Adam and looking to the future with him. But two old friends come knocking at her door as they bash her for changing as these girls want the old Alicia as they are vampires and as you know vampires are not supposed to change but Alicia has. Martin their master was killed during the 80s and since then the three drifted apart until now that there is a chance they could bring back their master. Alicia sees it as a bad idea of course especially after she has to tell her boyfriend the truth who seems to be cool with everything. They bring Martin back to the life of the undead again only to be disappointed in his assery they didn’t see the first time around. This independent vamp film is not terrible by any means and a fun premise but really lacked any punch to get you excited about the project as I could only give it 2 out of 4 stars.

The Deep Dark (Tubi) – A French creature feature of a mine where some weird stuff happened several decades ago with no answers. The mine is still open but it takes extra money to get a select group of coal miners to take a professor down a shaft to get samples from the so-called “hellhole”! The miners requested to blow a hole in the floor of the cave to go beyond the 1000 meters for the professor to get these samples. The deeper the group goes into this cave the weirder things get as they are surrounded by complete darkness but find some clues of what happened years ago. After a cave-in and the men scrambling to find a way out, that is when the hidden creature goes hunting. The film feels a bit clunky but maybe a better version of ‘The Boogens’ for some horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Sharks vs. Mermaids (Tubi) – A guy named Derek is committed to an asylum and has come home after several months as he has this strange feeling of returning to the beach his girlfriend disappeared from. When the moon goes full Derek turns full manshark and murders people on the beach aka puts on a shark mask as he runs around like a lunatic while some mermaid sings or yells in the distance. Confused Derek is saved one night by one of these mermaids from other mermaids as there really isn’t any fighting between the two which again if that is the title of your movie “WTF” are you doing but anyway… The biggest mistake from scene one of this film is it going full seriousness not even trying to give it a few laughs as it just ends up as a large boring mess I give 1 out of 4 stars too.

Horror House on Highway Five (DVD) – A super weird 1983 independent flick that has students sent out in the field to do research on scientist Fredrick Bartholomew and his hand in the work of the V2 rocket for the Nazis. What goes along with weirdness is two brothers who lay claim to Bartholomew as they say he lives in their basement and should not be disturbed. Lets not even talk about the bizarre habits of the brothers as bodies are piling up because an individual wearing a Richard Nixon mask is killing people. The movie is either gonna be seen as brilliant or one of the most incoherent things you ever watched as I just go for meh giving it 2 out of 4 stars.

Shot By Night: The Byron C. Miller Collection (Blu-ray) – This collection is eight SOV shorts from Mr. Miller’s middle and high school days he shot with friends. The short films are introduced by a guy trying to scare kids with stories about werewolves, a mummy, zombies, creatures, slashers, etc. Never heard of the dude but it is a fun look into the innocent times of an aspiring filmmaker that should be passed to others in the future to understand this can be done and for fun as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Demon Squad: Tooth and Claw (Tubi) – Nick Moon aka bootleg Michael Madsen is a locally known paranormal investigator with a great assistant in Daisy who has stumbled across a monster, more specifically a werewolf or Dogman. The duo is known among the humans and supernatural entities and trusted. Think of a generic Dylan Dog (which I loved). Nick gives into a fake psychic to help him track down this dogman and maybe find a relationship as I give this project 2 out of 4 stars.

Creatures of the Night (Tubi) – No not the Kiss album many of yinz don’t remember but many debate on who actually played on it? This is more of a simple film where a hitman named “Goose” is paid handsomely to show up to a mansion to protect an old man for the evening until 3 am. The crazy old man, excited by the presence of Goose, convinces him to tell stories of monsters, zombies, demons, etc., or read between the lines of the newspapers. An anthology done with a little flare than usual comes off as an old school British sequel to Tales from the Crypt of sorts. Maybe not the cream of the crop anthology but something I wouldn’t sleep on as I enjoyed the wraparound as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Broken Innocence (DVD) – Another project from filmmaker Chase Dudley who crafts some interesting big budget ideas on a small budget with great cinematography and talented casts. This project isn’t my usual cup of tea about a teenage girl who has been sexually abused over the years by her father who still wants her to be ‘his little girl’. It’s a slow burn of the girl Lilly just not interested in her father touching her or watching her constantly but most importantly she may have broken as she practices manipulation and killing to get what she wants as it all leads up to her losing her shit on her father. Again not my usual viewing choice but impressed with Chase Dudley as he doesn’t stick to one genre, my only concern of his projects is the running time as this goes 110 minutes and in my opinion just like other projects I have watched could use editing down as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.

Popeye Returns (Tubi) – What is this? Number five, six Popeye films out in the past year or so but doesn’t matter as this tries to be a sequel? Anyhow, this time around apparently Popeye is actually a British government experiment that isn’t dead like in the last film that the experimental formula ‘SPN-X’ was used on the man to make him a mutant killer. Five years have passed since he went on a rampage and now he has escaped the black ops facility to go murder the shit out of a summer camp! The first time around was sort of fun, the second time around feels forced and eventful but don’t worry kids they did leave it open for another entry soon as I give this 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!