Gross Movie Reviews #537

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Gross Movie Reviews #537

Dogs (DVD) – The campus of Southwestern University just happens to be a site of a secret government experiment and strange things are starting to happen around the small college town. There have been some odd animal attacks and after a couple dead bodies a couple of university professors are trying to figure out why dogs are traveling and attacking together? Your normal household pet in a split second begins to go for the jugular is if summoned to do it! With each passing day dog attacks rise as the pack of dogs are growing and the professors fear if it isn’t the government these dogs could take over the town as humans must fight dogs to the death. It is a fun “when animal attacks movie” from the 70s that I never heard of before and was happy to sit and watch it. Interesting factoid besides this not being a TV movie flick is that there was a sequel planned called ‘Cats’. The ending even sets it up but this film did lousy at the box office so the sequel was scrapped immediately but don’t let that stop you from enjoying another 70s gem as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (DVD) – A weirdo early 70s ultra-low budget flick that takes place in Jefferson Valley where everybody knows each other including the sheriff’s deputy who sits at the bar all day drinking. Over the past few weeks a few people go missing which never happens and no takes too much notice until old man Jim falls into the bar a bloody mess and dies. Blood samples from Old Jim’s body have pathologists baffled on what exactly is the cause? But a couple of weird famers are snatching people up and harvesting human blood to bring their queen back to the living as they are controlled by a man called “the Lord Druid”. If you are into wacky horror fun like a ‘Motel Hell’ then this low budget affair is right up your alley as I give this fun mess 3 stars.

Torso (DVD) – Holy crap this Eye-talian sleazefest is from 1973 and about a masked man that is stalking college women in Italy and strangling them with his red scarf. After a death or two near the college a group of women head out to a villa discussing the murders for some ‘girl time’. But the killer follows them to the villa and has a bloody good time trying to hack them to bits! I am not a giallo fan but always willing to watch one and this always had me curious. If you take out the sleaze you can see the early 80s slasher formula a decade before we were seeing it on a regular basis here in the states as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

Water Wars (DVD-R) – Well it took a while to track this post-apocalyptic “Corman Presents” flick down as it stars Michael Madsen, a couple Playboy Playmates, and directed by Cirio H. Santiago with Jim Wynorski stepping in after illness. Supposedly finished in 2011 but never released until 2014 but I couldn’t find a physical copy for sale or the film on any streaming sites but as usual give me time and the movie will find me. Once you get past the filler (stock footage from several Filipino post-apocalyptic films that I believe takes up half of the film) water is the only currency of course. An evil warlord Bane is hell bent on tracking down a water source and believes there is springs of fresh water hidden in the mountains but can never capture anyone that knows where it is until now. A gun for hire named Slade is hired by a beautiful lady who claims to know where this spring is if he rescues her sister from Bane. Slade does the job but now Bane and his evil followers are coming to ravage the village but not Slade and his new lady bump uglies like they were in a freakin ‘Witchcraft’ film. This was a poor excuse of a post-apocalyptic film that I should have left buried but you know me as I give it 0 stars.

The Embalmers (DVD) – An exciting fresh filmmaker named Rebecca Rinehart has just released her first full feature that isn’t a straight up horror movie as much as something a little different… The film revolves around the “Quint” family who own a funeral home and been operating it in their small town for over a hundred years. The Quint family might be a little odd of how they do things but they have been dealing with the dead long enough that the locals trust them with their journey to rest in peace. But there are supernatural forces that are not there for the good of man and Cy is able to read minds besides having a connection with a little girl who wears KISS makeup all the time! Through this power Cy has figured out his family must put a stop to this evil force that has bodies piling up all over town. The film is very dialogue driven, with a splash of blood, and supernatural elements that don’t bludgeon you over the head. Now I would have liked a few minutes edited out to make it a quicker pace film but saying that I believe most of the dialogue is vital for the viewer to know what is going on. Overall Rebecca did a solid job first time out and has me excited to see what else she has up next for independent movie fans as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. there was a weird thing that I noticed during one scene where Antwoine Steele is standing behind some shelves just waiting/not doing anything in the morgue and I am not totally sure why? Was it an editing error or a scene cut…? Again weird but doesn’t take away from the solid effort.

Marabunta (DVD) – Killer South American ants have been awaken near a small Alaskan town that just happen to have a volcano that may or may not be active. After some research from a vacationing scientist and a school teacher they believe the volcano’s recent activity is what awakens the ants and now the ants want to take over the town one section at a time. This cheesy late 90s flick stars Mitch Pileggi as the town sheriff but the film still doesn’t hold a candle to the 70s killer ant movies as I give it 1 ½ stars.

High Ballin’ (DVD) – If there was such a thing as “truckersploitation” then we found it starring Jerry Reed of course. Duke is a respected independent trucker who is bucking the system in a lot of truckers’ minds. But a trucking company called King Carol Cargo is pressuring him to join as quite a few Indy drivers have gotten robbed and almost killed by some masked bandits. With the help of a buddy in Peter Fonda the two are trying to outlast this company until Duke decides to retire but that isn’t soon enough for the cargo company. If you are old like me and enjoy ‘BJ and the Bear TV show’ and ‘Smoky and the Bandit’ films then you’ll enjoy a shitload of Jerry Reed and CB radio talk as I give it 2 stars.

Swarm (DVD) – This 2007 killer ant film has several titles including my favorite: Ants on a Plane, Destination: Infestation, and Deadly Swarm. Anyway on a flight from Colombia these bullet ants (very bad ass ants) hitch a ride inside the chest cavity of an asshole passenger and explode out of his chest once the flight is up and over the ocean. So with limited time and nowhere to go to land an entomologist and an air marshal must figure out how to combat these mutant ants before the government shoots the plane down before reaching US soil. This Canadian TV movie wasn’t too exciting but would have been a little more watchable if someone would have kept screaming “get these F’N ants off this mother F’N plane”! But we didn’t get that so I could only give it 1 star.

Willy’s Wonderland (DVD) – Nic Cage in a ‘Banana Splits Movie’ rip-off sort of… okay I am in! Anyhow Nic Cage is only known as “the janitor” throughout the film as he doesn’t utter one word throughout but does grunt once or twice while playing pinball. The man with no name is speeding on empty roads until he hits a police zigzag that punctures all four tires of his sports car. Gets a tow into town but only has credit, no cash. So the tow truck driver introduces him to Tex the owner of Willy’s Wonderland or a version of Chuck E. Cheese or whatever you remember it to be in your city many moons ago. Willy’s is a kid party center with animatronic band but actually serial killers dressed as the band who play music and kill families a decade or two ago. After the satanic ritual and many more deaths of those who enter the place was closed down Tex and others lure people here to please the things inside. So the janitor spends one night inside cleaning the place and his car will be fixed free of charge. The animatronic beings begin to play music but the janitor ignores, they begin to stalk him he ignores, they finally confront him and if it isn’t break time Nic Cage begins to massacre these evil beings and throws them in the dumpster. Weird, gory, Nic Cage, deals with the devil, lots of fun stuff but I still like ‘The Banana Splits Movie’ just a little bit more as I give this 3 stars.

Lycanimator (DVD) – A scientist is asked to give up his secret formula but instead of giving it up uses it on himself and murdering his family. Little time passes as we are introduced to a group of college-aged friends who are heading to the old Phillips home for the weekend and they are warned not to go into the basement. After they drink themselves silly and there is no alcohol left they go into the basement to find the formula believing it is booze. Jeff is forced to drink it and begins to bleed green but of course he becomes a super sex champ to bang his hot tatted up girlfriend May before transforming into a mutated melting werewolf ripping his friends a part. Honestly this film is a hot mess that only lasts 50 minutes (without credits). Kudos for you getting a Todd Sheets cameo, along with several other voice cameos, a cool creature, and the hot actress Cayt Feinics (awesome tattoos), but in my opinion this film had so much untapped potential especially with the mutating melted werewolf creature that never came to life as I give it 1 star.    

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Gross Movie Reviews #484

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Gross Movie Reviews #484

 

Elevator (YouTube) – All around cool filmmaker Jim Stramel is back with his latest short film that involves a woman and a man who get on an elevator together. They do not know each other but it is about to get very interesting… Both take turns having their worlds going weird and gory. Could it be sexual tension? Just two deranged individuals happen to get on the elevator? Or is it something even stranger? You be the judge as this was a cool treat to see from Mr. Stramel as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Vacation Massacre (YouTube) – Oh the digging I go looking for ‘massacre’ films as unearthed this unknown S.O.V. flick that’s claims 2001? A few kids head out into the woods with their pump action pellet guns to go hunting. While out there they come across a dead body that begins a series of events once back at their tent. They awake in the morning to it all being a dream but then it all begins to actually take place. Not bad for a couple of kids that most likely stole the parents camera for filming but seems to be a bit unfinished? Anyway if you are a fan of S.O.V. stuff it’s fun checking out this 2 star project… Yes, there is much worse out there.

 

Welcome Home, Brother Charles (DVD) – Charles is up to no good as usual because bottom-line is he needs to make his money and isn’t gonna let the ‘man’ get in the way. But after meeting up with partner at the local hotel they have noticed they are being watched by the ‘man’. The two run in different directions with Charles getting picked up by the police. For what charge not totally sure but one detective isn’t satisfied with running Charles down but beating him up while in handcuffs and then taking a straight razor to his manhood. For this Charles gets three years in the slammer. After being released Charles is a reformed man and wants to stay out of trouble. Understanding it is tough he meets up with a new woman and stops her pimp about to put a beat down on her. Things are looking up for the two until that damn white cop that damaged Charles manhood is considered a local hero on the news. This sends Charles into a rage of revenge as he tracks down the individuals that wronged him, hypnotize their wives, and then strangle the white men with his snake like dong! No shit people I was not expecting this to go down and made for an eye opening exploitation flick. Well worth the watch for super dong and the ending as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dead Teenagers (DVD) – A college student heads to the library and comes across an odd notebook that is on the floor called: “Book of Lore”. He sits to read through the book that happens to have four tales of terror inside: ‘The Boo Men’ is about a young man facing his fear. ‘Full Moon Lighting’ is a tale of a young man coming back from Europe with a secret and finds his ex-girl has one of her own. ‘Skeleton Keys’ is where a young woman heads to her dead grandma’s house to sort out some things. ‘Suckers’ happens to be about a young man who is about to be out of a theater job because it is closing. But first he must fend of vampires that have infested the theater. This was literally one of those middle of the road anthologies. None of the tales sucked out loud but none of them stood out either so take that for what it is as I give the anthology 2 stars.

The Banana Splits Movie (On Demand) – I am ecstatic this film exists! Was it perfect, hell no but it was a fun gory mess of a horror film. So-called film critics, “GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!” Why this as many other recent horror movies just upset you just to get your clicks I will never understand and maybe that is a good thing. Go be miserable for your clicks somewhere else… Anyway who would have guessed the internet joke that appeared late last year would become a reality? Was it a test or was it something always in the works? Doesn’t matter now as the horror movie is based off of a late 60s kids TV show in present day. Harley’s birthday is today and his family has plans to take him to a live taping of his favorite TV show. While the kids pour into the studio for the live taping it is learned back stage that the robots/Banana Splits will not be needed any longer as the show has been canceled. As the show must go on the Banana Splits have their own agenda as they go on a murderous rampage and kidnap children for their more evil show. I won’t get into too much detail so some of yinz horror fans can enjoy this project but I would have liked a more detailed reason on the reason for the Splits going chaotic? Like I said, “not perfect” but the project was entertaining and gory as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ghastlies (DVD) – Another Brett Kelly project released from Camp Motion Pictures that five years ago has aliens landing on Earth during a cult ritual. Now present day four ladies head out to a remote cabin for some sorority girl ritual or of course just a weekend of partying. The nerdy girl of the group wonders about and finds a VHS tape and plays it. On the tape is a young woman warning anyone who watched it that she is most likely dead but hopes the things she trapped in the fruit cellar/storm basement are also. Once disturbed the puppet creature/aliens begin to devour the humans at the cabin. Their main goal is to eat mankind one human at a time. Always been a fan of Brett Kelly so I looked forward to checking this one out but seem to be a little of a letdown. I thought I was getting an Indy version of “Gremlins”, “Munchies”, or even “Ghoulies” but came off as more of an unfinished project or a couple ideas cobbled together and not seen entirely through. I may only give this film 1 star but still a fan of Mr. Kelly and will be always on the lookout for his next project.

 

Nemesis 5: The New Model (DVD) – You know me I cannot stay from these sequels especially when the opening that explains the movie doesn’t make a whole lick of sense? In the distant future a young girl is sent into the past to be trained by a warrior named Alex to become a savior in the future to fight the Red Army. She is mostly robotic but has more human traits than other cyborgs that helps set her a part in her goal of helping mankind. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out why they didn’t fix the past if they were able to send someone back to be trained? Yeah it is nothing like Albert Pyun underground video classics we remember but you know me if they continue the series somehow I usually end up watching it as I give it 1 star.

 

Hell House LLC (Shudder) – So people come in and decide to investigate and put together a documentary on the tragic event of October 8, 2009 called “Hell House”. It is five years later and still no one has answers to what exactly happened to this Haunted House attraction that on opening night kills 15 people including the group that help build the haunt inside. Through found footage we learn the group begins to experience weird things as they live inside this old closed down hotel and turn it into a cool haunted attraction. The head of the group Alex is hell bent on keeping the haunt going so opening night they can make their money. But as the group begins to question why they are still there Alex convinces them it will be worth it once the lines grow outside opening night. When the attraction opens, chaos begins as things and demons appear, blood flows, and people begin running for their lives. A pretty decent horror flick that paranormal fans should enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars and a better alternative to the “Grave Encounters” films.

 

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel (Shudder) – Two years have passed since the interview with a survivor or supposedly a survivor and the disappearance of the reporter Diane. Now a woman who runs a blog is interested in the mystery and wants to investigate the hotel for some tapes that may explain everything that actually happened in the hotel and explain the event in 2009? Her and her two man crew recruits the man behind the documentary and visit along with a medium that has a new show he wants to promote. Once they walk in they soon have been checked in and become part of the legend called Hell House. Some good scares again and begins to explain some interesting back story that makes both of the films an interesting watch and rewatch as I give the sequel 3 stars.

Bad Moon (DVD) – Michael Pare is Uncle Ted out in Nepal doing work. One night Ted and his assistant decide to get buck wild when a bad ass werewolf rips through their tent and tears them a part. A couple months go by as Ted is state side and contacts his sister. Unbeknownst to the sister and her kid Ted has been changing every night ripping through any hiker or group of people wandering through the remote woods. Now the authorities investigating the brutal murders of a possible animal attack Ted moves his trailer to his sister’s house but the family dog isn’t having it. As Ted slowly slips away into the wolf taking over night after night the family dog takes upon itself to attack to protect the family. Great screenplay, great cast, cool werewolf effects, and an awesome fight between the family dog and werewolf! A wonderful 1996 werewolf movie that is unknown to a lot of horror fans. This is always my first film I mention when crazy people always say, “There isn’t any good werewolf movies.” Example: THIS FILM as I give it 4 star stuff right here werewolf fans!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!