The Stuff (Blu-ray) – Honestly what else can you says about this mid-80s classic that has yogurt eating people and taking them over “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” style! The movie looks wonderful all cleaned up but the hook for collectors will be the over 50 minute interview with Larry Cohen discussing actor choices for the film and others that were a part of the film talking about their experience doing the picture. This is a must buy as I give it 4 stars all the way and yes they even show the deleted commercials for “The Stuff”.
Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge (Blu-ray) – This somewhat forgotten 1989 horror film is a “Phantom of the Opera” if it was a slasher film in a mall that takes place over July 4th weekend. The film stars Ken Foree, Morgan Fairchild, Tom Fridley, and Pauly Shore (first movie appearance). If it helps I absolutely love this movie but also make fun of it constantly when watching it. I have always done it since I found this film in a video store in the early 90s. Anyway, a man named Eric breaks into the new mall and sets up his underground lair and kills anyone that gets nosey or gets too close to his girl Melody. But the two haven’t been together for the past year as a suspicious fire tears the two a part and it is believed Eric is dead. Now Eric just watches Melody from afar but things change when the man that killed Eric’s parents and tried but failed to kill Eric so they were able to move on with the planned mall. The bodies pile up but not a lot of gore in this as Eric goes bad in order to get what he wants in the same mall that “Chopping Mall” was filmed at! The Blu-ray has a bunch of little interviews, two commentaries, but the highlight is the original writers just tearing the movie a part and bitching about Hollywood, a must own as I give it 4 stars.
Vampires of Sorority Row (DVD) – This terrible attempt at a horror film is well worth seeking out for laughs as Cindy has escaped the trailer park and the vampires that try to get her there. Cindy is enrolled in college and she is one of the pledges for Alpha Beta Gamma, she must gather a hundred pledge points in order to be initiated into the sorority. But Lori a past Queen of the sorority who now is a vampire has made her return and wants to turn the new pledges into her minions by biting them in the ass! Cindy and the other pledges must decide: be a vampire or fight them off? This independent film is bad on so many fronts I do not know how I haven’t heard of it before because now I want everyone to witness the carnage as I give it 0 stars cause its crap but for the love of Rutger Hauer it was somehow entertaining crap?
Crimes of the Future (On Demand) – David Cronenberg, I love you for not giving up the fight of making something that people will have trouble ten years from now wrapping their brains around this wonderful piece of filmmaking. This filmmaker is one of a kind and he proves it again as he dives into body horror of the future where the human body is changing and of course the government wants to know why and track it. “Surgery is the new sex” and all comes back to human evolution and what is considered wrong as the film centers on two characters are performance artists who use their bodies in a unique way. But just when you think you have the film figures out it gets turned sideways… again. Try to review this without giving too much away for the mere reason I want people to see this and form their own opinion about it as I know there is a good chance this film will be in my ‘top three films of 2022’ as I give it 4 stars. Favorite quote of the film comes from Viggo as he says to Kristen Stewart, “I am not good at the old sex?” Watch it and you’ll understand…
Blood in the Water (DVD) – The British version of Jigsaw shackles a group of people who have done some bad things in their lives in the pool house so their pet shark can come out and munch on them. Dumb shark idea #6099, as I give it a ½ star just for making me watch it because of a shark eating people in a pool house.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (On Demand) – Nic Cage plays Nic Cage as he gets caught up between U.S. government agents and an arms dealer whose cartel has just kidnapped a young woman recently. Nic Cage fakes until he makes it for the money until his family gets involved and he must actually save his real family before they are all killed by the cartel. This film doesn’t work with any actor other than Nic Cage as he mocks himself but is super entertaining at the same time showing off why people are so intrigue with his ability as I give the film 3 stars.
Curse of the Queerwolf (DVD) – This 1988 no budget film is about Larry who is just a normal guy who when he hangs out with his best friend goes screwing around with random women. Then one night Larry learns the hard way things are not what it all looks like when a transvestite bites him on the ass! Now Larry is losing his mind because he is having nightmares of wearing women’s clothes and physically changing. Luckily for Larry he almost kills a gypsy with his car and she tries to help him out because there is somehow a full moon every night. And if he doesn’t take her help he could always insert a silver sex toy to end the curse? First, this was one of those films I have always wanted to check out and finally had a reason too and so glad I did because it is so ahead of its time. Second, now saying that I can easily see people’s heads exploding when watching this film and taking it out of context? It is smart, funny, and entertaining as I give it 4 stars as this film should be more celebrated.
Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse (DVD) – Another no budget shark film from Mark Polonia where he and the usual suspects are set on an oil rig that has drilled into some kind of frozen pocket undersea. Now the 50 million year old bad CGI shark is under constant watch so the company can continue their drilling no matter what. Doesn’t take long for the shark to attack the drill and start killing random people in this poor excuse for a shark movie as I give this film 0 stars.
Hard Knuckle (DVD/YouTube) – I dug deep into the post-apocalyptic bag of movies to find this Aussie T.V. flick from 1987 that stars ‘Goose’ aka Steve Bisley from “Mad Max” aka Harry who is looking for a pool game. See pool is a less violent way to settle things in the post-apocalyptic world but you can lose a pinky. All Harry wants is his bike back from a former pool buddy but he needs to hustle for money to get into the big game. The movie is okay but not as fun as the post-apocalyptic flick where Rutger Hauer and others are playing with a dog skull in some kind of weird primitive football but anyway I give this 2 stars.
My Lovely Burnt Brother and His Squashed Brain (DVD/YouTube) – Holy shit folks strap in for this Eye-talian no budget flick from the late 80s where a woman tired of people making fun of her at her job and tired of her deformed brother. Which be warned people her brother Bernie wears a KKK mask for a bad joke…? Anyway she decides to shoot her brother up with her urine and the weird thing it turns her brother into a zombie that she can control for her bidding! So why not have Bernie slaughter the people she doesn’t like? Weird and crazy shit pretty much explains this train wreck of a mess as I give it 1 ½ stars.
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